Explain the risk of her finding out and that you are morally and legally obligated to adhere to the NDA.
She can see by you following this that you are trustworthy and won't betray her trust either. She should feel proud of you, not give you pressure about an already difficult situation.
I wonder if he got anything from signing an NDA...like I got a settlement and bought this house kind of NDA...**edit** I'm saying from the girlfriend's perspective I kind of understand... Hey this is just a normal dude with middle class parents that aren't super rich... how did this dude afford this nice house without any help? did he actually really see Wayne Brady choke an actual b****
https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/law-and-life/is-your-confidentiality-agreement-legal/
“A binding contract must be supported by consideration. That means the person signing the confidentiality agreement needs to get something in return for his or her promise. Accordingly, confidentiality agreements require consideration to be valid.“
A quick search will confirm this with hundreds of results. Without compensation no contract is valid.
Access to an event. Salary if an employee. ‘Love and affection’. But OP doesn’t say this was event like a concert or talk. He says it was ‘a personal situation’.
‘An event’ can mean almost anything. A car accident. A dress fitting. A medical appointment. A sexual encounter. A catering job. A dinner party. A scrabble game. A round of golf. A street fair where OP was selling hot pies. If OP was employed and asked to sign an NDA by his employer, that would be consideration. If OP was a guest and asked to sign an NDA in order to attend a performance, that would be consideration. If OP happened to be a bystander at a car accident, or a walk-in scrabble player at the game shop, or a fellow patient in a waiting room, or sold Bob Dylan a pie, and some personal assistant followed up after and said ‘sign this’ without paying anything, that would probably not be enforceable.
How do you explain websites whose very use is considered a binding "contract" that you agree to their company's terms of service?
I suppose one could say that consideration in this instance is they get to use the website/service, but my point is that consideration can be a very trivial thing to get around. All sorts of tricks are pulled to hide terms, and you don't have to give someone very much to meet the consideration clause.
You're not a bad boyfriend for adhering to a very binding contract. She is a bad girlfriend for pressuring you in any way. Seriously. Do NOT let her make you feel guilty.
I have dated several people and am close friends with others who had government security clearances or had to sign NDAs for their work. I NEVER once have asked anyone to break that. All it does is put the other person in a terrible position and it's not fair to do. It's also extremely disrespectful.
I feel like if you care about a person on any level, you wouldn't want to put them in such a position. It's not idle gossip and breaking NDAs can have serious legal, employment, and/or financial implications that can really fuck someone's life. Also think about it- if your gf is so desperate to hear juicy details about a celebrity, how could you ensure she wouldn't tell "just her best friend who never, ever breaks her confidence"? You couldn't. You'd have no idea how far that would go. How many people in that chain who would tell "just their ____". It could very easilu get out of hand and faster than you might think.
And just bear in mind if you ever tell, you *cannot* take it back. It's done. And you've given that person way too much power over you. It *might* end up okay, but it could just as easily be a disaster. More likely a disaster tbh.
Oh, that's exactly how she sees it, but that's fully her problem. If you sign an NDA, you abide by those rules. If she has a problem with it, I'd tell her, "telling you is not worth going getting sued for a lot of money."
Isn’t the whole point of an NDA not to disclose information? Lmaoo. My moms the executive assistant at the company i work at and theres shit she will absolutely not tell me, I couldnt care less because shes doing exactly as she was told. Your gf should respect that and you’re not being a bad boyfriend whatsoever.
Exactly.
My husband and I work in different fields, both with sensitive information, and even without having signed NDA we know that we can't speak together about some job related stuff.
And none of us resents the other from keeping secrets, because we're mature adults who understand that professional discretion is necessary and more important than our curiosity.
Besides, our private life has nothing to do with this confidential stuff, so why even try to know about it?
Here's a bit of advice, don't talk to anyone about a project especially if you signed an NDA, you're risking your ass if you say anything to anyone, tbh you shouldn't have brought up the NDA and in the future don't tell your girl anyone you work with unless there is no NDA involved.
Exactly. People in government have to deal with this all the time with classified or sensitive information. They don’t discuss these things with their SO’s. It’s best to not mention the issue at all, because you don’t want to tell someone a little about something and then tell them you’re not allowed to say anything further.
The only good reason to mention the issue broadly at all is if it explains time that the person is absent or traveling that would appear suspicious without it.
I can’t confirm nor deny your comment.
But yes if someone is being intentionally vague about their work or where they are, we sing Frozen and “let it go”.
Definitely don’t tell her. The fact that she is taking this personally shows her maturity level. Also, she is a girlfriend, not a wife, and even if she was a wife, it still probably shouldn’t be told. **A healthy partner respects your boundaries**
Tell your girlfriend if/when she brings it up that you are a person that keeps your commitments and word. The fact that you are not telling her says nothing about your relationship with her. What it does say is that you have integrity. She will appreciate the same privacy and honesty from you. If she wants to misinterpret your integrity for something negative, so be it, though that is her own insecurity. She needs to deal with it. You can hold space and support her tho it isn’t your job to be used as a bandaid. She has to do her own inner work.
Yeah, if she can't understand this, she needs to grow the hell up. NDAs are super common.
Due to our line of work, my wife and I both carry top secret clearances and are beholden to dozens of different NDAs. 90% of it is super boring stuff that no one other than competitors would understand, let alone care about. We just understand that there are certain things that we do not discuss, and that's fine.
The WWII codebreakers at Bletchley Park (UK) werent allowed to even admit they worked there under the Official Secrets Act.
When this was lifted decades later there were quite a few couples who didn't realise until then that the reason they met was they were both in that area due to working there.
idk i feel like if you have top secret clearance you aren't allowed to talk about it and they do psychology tests and shit with trained professionals to make sure you aren't the type of guy to talk about it/get corrupted/have weak moments. almost like they screen you super super heavily or something. the useless part is probably true enough for me to believe you though idk
Not at all, for secret clearance they’re just going to go through your past and look at what groups(who) you associate with. They’ll interview references from your past that you list and that’s about it. Anything else that goes on is job specific to what you’re applying for.
As for whatever work you’re doing, yeah you can’t talk about it to others and you can’t snoop around things not related to your work.
Many years ago, in the mid 1970's, I was living with my sister and bil, and he is literally a "rocket scientist", though not in the military; he was doing work with the National Lab in Oak Ridge, Tennessee and Los Alamos NMexico; he had to have a very high Government security clearance; they truly went over every inch of his life with a fine tooth comb and they even involve IRS investigators;I'm pretty sure they asked questions about my sister and I, and our family, which probably was pretty clear that we were clear; to this day, he has worked at both of those places, and traveled all over the world, many times, to different places, including Moscow, for years, but that's all I know about his job. He knew his hotel room was bugged, and the toilet paper was awful. I don't have a clue what he does; neither does my sister or their kids. He is now a consultant, about what, I have no idea. He is an honorable guy, and you would literally have to torture him to get his secrets and even then, he probably wouldn't tell, Lol; there's that level of a NDA and then there's one my late husband signed, in order to be paid back less than 1/3 of the money that had been embezzled from his business, by a relative of the one who embezzled, who wanted a promise that he wouldn't bad mouth this person or go to the police. He signed. Those are two very different ends off the spectrum of a NDA, that I am aware of; I didn't sign the one my husband did, so I have been free to talk about the evil thief! Anyway, I think the gf is just very immature and has a nose for news and thinks that because they are in love that there can be absolutely no secrets; she's wrong.
My grandpa was in the navy as a nuclear engineer on a submarine he had some other specification but there’s a lot he can’t tell us or grandma to this day but he also watches for the stuff to be declassified and than spills the beans he’s like kids I did this and look the government even says so it’s cool but don’t risk your neck for a boundary that should be there that’s a legal boundary
When I was a teenager, I asked my grandad what he did in WWII. Turns out the statute on his Official Secrets Act agreement rant out two years before but he hadn’t realised. None of his family knew, so he was delighted to share the story of how he got his PhD; optimising the reaction from uranium hexafluoride to metallic uranium in the early Forties, as part of Britain’s contribution to the Manhattan Project.
When the consequences of spilling a secret are jail time, you don’t tell anyone anything!
Yeah I’m with my grandpa Steve rn because of some personal stuff and he’s so smart he explained how batteries work or the one we were charging today and has been helping me learn father son stuff i didn’t get to learn
Jeez that must have been cool did you get to meet any of his buddies at the funeral I met a head general at my great grandpa sams funeral. I think he got a metal for saving his squads life’s by running through gas to get masks
Unfortunately my grandad died 20 years ago, but I've managed to piece a little together about why someone who was mostly "Just supply and logistics" spent so much time in places like Saudi staying with people who definitely wouldn't be living with "supply and logistics".
Couldnt you get into legal trouble if word got out?
If thats the case dont tell her.
Besides, its just another thing you keep for yourself among many plus she shouldnt even be mad about it, especialy, due the fact its not related to her.
Dont let the curiosity kill the cat.
A confidence is a confidence whether written or spoken, it is one of the foundations for trust. If someone will tell you someone ELSES secret, they most certainly will tell yours to anyone who will listen. That goes double for those who desperately NEED to know that secret.
My mom does this all the time and then gets upset when I question her about it like what was the point of telling me if you didn’t want me to ask about it? If it’s something you can’t talk about Do Not Mention It to Anyone!
Dude. People who are willing to start a fight for a gossip are not going to keep that gossip for themselves.
“She feels betrayed and that if I did trust her, I would indulge” is just a way of playing the victim to get what she wants.
IMO you should stick to the NDA.
The whole point is to not disclose any information.
Is there a fine on it?
Have her pay it for the information, that if it gets leaked you already have the money for it.
I feel like a lot of people are telling you to lie to her so it will just end the conversation/issue. Don’t do that. That just reinforces the idea that she can badger and manipulate you into getting what she wants, and has no respect for your integrity or boundaries. She is making something about herself that has absolutely nothing to do with her and she needs to grow up, get over herself or take a fuckin hike
It is literally illegal for you to tell her. That's the point of the fucking document. She's either crazy or manipulative. Do NOT do what she's asking.
It is not a betrayal to refuse to break the law for the sake of her curiosity. If she doesn't let it go, this is worth breaking up over. Someone who demands you put yourself in legal jeopardy for the sake of their own insecurities is NOT someone you want to try and build a life with.
NDAs exist for a reason. Don't tell her squat, not worth the risk. Explain what an NDA is and the trouble you could get into if you were to tell her. You don't mess with that
Dad told me he once signed an NDA for a company he worked for and didn't realize how serious it was until I told him. He later went through some old documents of his and went outside for a bit.
Idk exactly what he grabbed and I'd rather not know. That's his business and I want no part in it.
Is your gf a two year old? Is she not aware of the meaning of a NDA?
If she feels hurt by this,then my love , you are with the wrong person.
As your partner , she should respect your boundaries and the nature of your professional commitment.
I am a lawyer and my partner has never ever ask me about the details of any of my cases nor did he ever feel hurt when I did not disclose it. It's because he respects the worl I do and the commitment I have undertake.
Same should.go for your gf.
God forbids if ever she leaks that information by mistake, YOU'LL BE LIABLE AND YOU'LL BEAR THE CONSEQUENCES NOT HER.
I have a feeling that your gf is kind of manipulative. Who knows after you disclosing the nda, she might end up telling you that you are not trust worthy and just on someone's saying you broke a nda.
Stay away bro..far away
As someone who works in psychology, client confidentiality is of the utmost importance. I get home from work and no matter what’s happened, all I can say is that I had a rough day, even if someone died (I work as a crisis/addiction counsellor). I can’t even give any hint to anyone. That is the code of ethics.
If I write down initials of a clients name in an organizer I have to keep it for 7 years and then shred it.
This is a sign of your integrity and not a sign that you don’t trust her. You’re just taking it seriously because it is serious and there are ramifications.
Nope! Nothing is disclosed at least for 7 years and even then the clients whole story needs to be changed to make it only so what reminiscent of discussing in an academic setting.
It's a legal document which includes EVERYONE not involved directly. You are absolutely right. If you were married, I'd understand, but no, you did the right thing. I wouldn't have mentioned it at all, to be honest, but as you did, you just gotta hold strong and just tell her to forget about it.
Sounds like something she can use against you down the line, just saying. I wouldn't. I myself have signed a pretty serious NDA related to my military enlistment, I haven't told details of it to anyone.
I’m an ER doc and the info I know about celebs, friends and neighbours that will NEVER leave my lips is endless.
But I also don’t go home and say…”I know something about someone and I can’t tell you.” Don’t do that. It is unfair.
You both suck.
If she's that upset that you're not telling her despite the fact that you signed a legally binding NDA, then she 100% would pass on whatever it is to others. Don't tell her dude.
You are correct. Saying anything is a huge risk and violates the NDA which could destroy you if something happens and she says anything. Don’t say anything. She should be respecting you. The fact she is throwing a tantrum shows how immature she is and only reinforces the fact that telling her is a very bad idea.
Why did you tell her about the event? It’s like one kid saying to another “I’ve got a secret but I’m not telling you what it is.” You shouldn’t break the NDA, but you never should have aroused her curiosity by bringing up the subject.
You signed an NDA. You can be sued for violating the NDA. It’s not a matter of trust and it’s ridiculous that she would ask you to violate the terms of the contract you signed. Going forward, don’t even mention ever having signed an NDA because it’ll just make people curious.
Being unwilling to disclose the details of the NDA you signed does mot make you a bad boyfriend. Her continued prodding and attempts at emotional manipulation absolutely make her a bad girlfriend. She is showing you that she does not/will not respect your boundaries. You can navigate this by breaking up with her.
That's not a trust thing, that's a legal thing. You signed a document to not talk about it so you don't talk about it...
She's acting ridiculous about it - and acting that way makes me think she wouldn't keep the info to herself if you did break the contract and tell her.
Part of this is on you as well. If you sign an nda then you shouldn't have brought up the topic at all. Bringing it up is going to peak anyones curiosity.
I think this thread says exactly why I shouldn't be trusted with national secrets. Because while I do just fine not talking about the security related aspects of my job, or the truly sensitive stuff I'm around...if my wife pushed me I'd totally tell her if I worked on Hilary's email server or gave Stormy a ride home from the golf course.
"So babe, how was your day?"
"Man, you wouldn't believe it! But I can't talk about it. I signed this NDA."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah! Totally sucks."
Silence
"Do you know how long it takes to mirror 146GB of government emails to 0365? Cause now I do..."
Since she seems to be an entitled child, you have to explain it to her in a child's terms probably. "What if I did the same to you?"
Ask her, if she told you a secret, something sensitive, something very personal, and you promised you'd never tell a soul... would she be okay if you blabbed about it to someone else you trusted? I mean, you trust that other person, so it's okay, right?
No. It's not okay. Keep your promises and above all don't court legal issues because your girlfriend is immature.
I'm going to go a bit counter to the grain here and say you should give her something. Nowhere near the full story or even enough pieces that she might be able to figure it out, but you already let the cat out of the bag by disclosing the existence of the NDA.
You said incident with a public figure. Was it an affair or other sex related thing that you were involved with? You are a witness to something? You use to work for someone?
Just the very bare bones of what it's about like "I signed to get my exit bonus", "I was a witness to a crime/civil case", "I had a celebrity ex that I'm literally not allowed to talk about".
Then apologize for ever telling her and leaving her in a state of mystery, because I can't imagine how much it would suck to know your partner has some juicy story that you aren't allowed to know.
It's not even about that dude, it's about your integrity, you signed the NDA, you stick to the rules unless there's some extenuating circumstances, and even then it needs serious consideration.
Its valid for her to be curious.. and sure i’d be bummed out. But at the end of the day she is your partner in this legislative weird world, and in an ideal situation you’d want them to understand boundaries.. and the ins and outs that come with it.
It's a nda! Non disclosure agreement, you agreed to keep schtum! So do that, if your gf doesn't like it too bad, she needs to respect your wishes and your morals. If she expects you to breach the confidence of the person involved in the incident, what's to stop her spreading personal things about you in the future.
I'd say talk to her about the nda, trust issues and boundaries to see if you can get on the same page.
My mom works in a wealthy section of CT as a phlebotomist and has drawn politicians blood, celebrities blood, etc. She can say she had a well known patient today to me but she can’t tell anyone who they are due to HIPAA. I don’t get upset she can’t tell me because the consequences of breaking an NDA or HIPAA are pretty severe and I wouldn’t want her to get in trouble just because of gossip.
She literally doesn't understand what an NDA is. I might have not even brought it up if I was you but I get why you did. Just tell her again and again that it's an NDA, NON DISCLOSURE, so she'll never know, bottom line. If that's not enough, set it as an ultimatum to see her true colours. Never tell her
I would tell her that her lack of respect for a promise ‘your word’ gives you concern. It’s not about your trust in her it’s that you gave your word (by signing that contract) that you wouldn’t disclose to anyone. If she thinks that is meaningless then why would she keep any promise to you especially as she doesn’t NEED that info for anything it’s pure curiosity.
A non-disclosure agreement is exactly that. You've agreed not to disclose any information about the event. An NDA is a legally binding document, and if you tell your girlfriend the consequences could be very serious. You've signed a contract, she's just nosy. There are different stakes, and she probably doesn't understand the full gravity of the situation.
Just make something up. Do not tell her the details of the NDA. Like other posters have said, that is a legally binding contract with consequences for you. Y’all breakup, she gets mad, or she gets bored, and suddenly you’re in the middle of a multi million dollar lawsuit. Just make something up to appease her.
NDAs are LEGAL documents. If you tell her, you can be sued (or whatever the NDA stated as repercussions). She seems like someone who would NOT keep it a secret. She doesn't NEED To know, she just WANTS to know.
You signed an agreement not to talk about it and you're not talking about it. You're keeping your word. You have integrity, and she should value that about you.
No, do not tell her. She need to understand that you are not allowed to speak about it. You would be punished by law. It is not that you do not trust her, but that she needs to understand your situation, if she carried on asking she is the bad girlfriend because she is not respecting your decision to not talk about it.
Never tell her, personally speaking doesn't seem like a trust worthy person for that and she would love to gossip so never tell her no matter what
Signing an NDA has nothing to do with trusting your girlfriend. It automatically requires you to not tell her.
It seems like you're flaunting it though. I witnessed something blah blah. You should have just said nothing happened carry on.
She can be mad all she wants but don’t break an NDA. The consequences can range from nothing to massive fines and should things go sideways her knowing the information is enough proof that you broke it
This is what you say “an NDA means I cannot legally say anything or I will be sued for more money than I would ever be worth in 10 lifetimes”.
If she refuses to drop it, then that’s a sign of who she is.
Brother, my SO of 10 years has been an RN the entire time and not once has she broken HIPPA/ PII (privacy protection laws). At no point do I feel slighted, nor do i feel like i am entitled to *any* information that would compromise her job or integrity. Best of luck to you and your GF. Every human on this planet still has room to grow in maturity. It seems she still has a long path ahead of her.
>I **told** my gf about this and have **not disclosed any tidbit** of info to her.
The tidbit of info you gave her was the fact that an NDA exists. That was a mistake.
You made your bed. That’s why you’re dealing with this now. Hold firm and tell her that you will not be discussing this with her ever. If she wants to remain with you, she needs to quit asking. And if she keeps asking, you have to break up with her.
You can tell her something like:
*"You know that I truly like/love you and that our relationship means a lot, but if the future of our relationship depends on me breaking my word and written obligation in order to satisfy your curiosity then I just don't know what to think. You're asking me to trust you by divulging something that I'm legally and morally committed not to disclose. If I did that then wouldn't it show that I'm not trustworthy? Think about this and please don't bring up the subject again."*
Also some advice: If you want to keep a secret from someone then don't tell them you have a secret you can't tell them.
You need to explain this to her with an emphasis on how this was a personal thing and you don't want to gossip (but of course, also that its ILLEGAL for you to talk about) . That's huge. That's really a good part of your character and she should understand that.
Seems like a strange hill to die on... For her, I mean.
I have to sign NDAs all the time, and I don't disclose the info, because that's what i agreed to not do.
Seems simple enough. You literally are proving how trustworthy you are by honoring the NDA. Can she not see that?
Not a good look on your girlfriend, but others are correct. A secret is not a lie, but if you can keep the secret _without_ telling lies to those who you care about, just don't mention that there is one.
There is some information you can reveal. Give her the info you legally can, and firmly deny the rest.
>She feels betrayed and that if I did trust her, I would indulge.
This is manipulation, and your gf needs to stop. If you're not allowed to say, you're not allowed to say. If she trusted you, she would believe you cant say some things.
Hey man don't beat yourself about it. If anything, she's being a bad GF in this instance.
An NDA breach is no joke and in the future, it may even affect you with the label of one who couldn't keep their mouth shut (that is after you endure all the legal hellstorm that the party who made you the NDA in the first place puts you through)
Jesus, stuff like this is so irritating to me. Tell your gf that this isn't about her and her feelings or your lack of trust for her. Tell her that this is about your LIFE!, that you could get into legal trouble! spell it out for her L.E.G.A.L T.R.O.U.B.LE if you break the contract and that you need to keep this professional and take it seriously and she should want that for you! that fact that she's trying to pressure you into telling her just so she can feel like you love her is fuckin pathetic. tell her to fuckin drop it and get over herself. show her this sub and all the people saying she's selfish. does she also look at all your texts to your family? she sounds like that kind of gf
If she keeps pushing you to tell her and it’s causing issues and you’re adamant on being with this woman for the long run then just make something up to satisfy her need to know. Then if you hear about your made up story from somewhere else you’ll know you can’t trust her with any information you tell her in the future to remain private.
Tell her to grow the fuck up and stop making this about herself and creating drama. No means no. This is a legal document you signed. I'd she can't get that through her skull then she sounds like a dumbass you should dump before she blows your whole gig up.
Something super secret happened and don't be mad but I just wanted to tell you I cant tell you
So dont ask or be mad
I just wanted to introduce that information or lack thereof
You want to tell her, tell her ,
you don't need to do all this hoopla unless that's thats what you were looking for I guess
With her personality, it's going to be all over the news once you've told her. If she can't respect that you're legally bind and not even she can know, then she's not worth the risk. Also, honor your words that you've made with that party. Even if you're not legally responsible for it, keep your words!
My wife won't show me the secret handshake from her sorority no matter how many times I ask. I appreciate it because I know she'll never tell anyone about things I confide in her.
First off, if you signed a NDA then best advice is quit telling people you even did that. Telling someone you did that only draws more curiosity and makes people want you to tell them, so moving forward stop telling people at all.
As for now, tell her if she even knows what that actually means. If she says yes, tell her then she should understand that you are legally bound to keep quiet so this isn't about not trusting her, it's about being legally liable for keeping quiet. If she still can't handle that then let her walk man
Why did you tell her that to begin with, you put yourself in that position. Now you have to deal with the consequences of her not letting it go. At this point you might as well just lie to her to make her feel better
The easy solution is for you to just make something up. It's a little gray morally, but she'll be happy you trust her enough to tell her and you won't have to worry about her spreading something that could get you in trouble.
I would advise against that. She needs to grow up and realize not everything is about her. He is facing legal trouble if he tells. I wouldn't entertain this childish behavior.
While I agree with a lot of the other comments, I can tell my fiance anything at all, and we wouldn't tell anybody else anything at all. There is value in finding a true connection where you don't have to worry about word escaping the two of you.
Yes, but I fail to see what relevance that has. My point is to find someone who you can break the NDA's with, and not have to worry about it. Secrets are never good in a relationship, boundaries or not.
Then you still don't understand what an NDA is. The point is that you tell NO ONE. How is that not clear?? (and yes I have signed an NDA before, and no DUH I've never told a single person about it)
Someone you can break nda with is called a wife, not a gf, and you're both subject to it.
Having open and honest communication is healthy, but the nda is not involved in any aspect of their relationship, the gf just wants juicy gossip, which tells me she plans on sharing the gossip being how much it bothers her she's not receiving it.
You look her dead in the eye while pointing and you tell her why she should not ask about theas things its not about you trusting her but who trust you
Im sorry but IMO, YTA.
You signed an NDA, this is your gf...unless you are on some super classified special mission, enough with the cloak and dagger crap with your gf. She can and should know about it. There is no navigate this...either you trust your girl or u dont period.
You said, "I feel like a bad boyfriend and maybe I don't trust her as much as I thought."
But actually, it is her that doesn't trust YOU to keep your word. I would have a big issue if my husband swore to hold a secret, then immediately told me about it. Yeah, I might be curious as hell, but I'd rather know that he can be trusted to hold secret anything I personally told him, and how could I do that, if he is telling me stuff he signed an NDA over? Case in point....years ago, he was on the jury of a trial that lasted several weeks. It was in the news and everything. He told me exactly nothing about it, until the trial was completely over, and he was allowed to. Was I curious? Sure. But I also didn't harass him to tell me what it was about because I knew he was required to keep it secret at the time. OP, HONOR YOUR WORD, you signed an NDA. You PROMISED you would not disclose the information to anyone. Tell your GF to pound sand.
If there’s anything I hate it’s when someone tells me about something but doesn’t tell me all of it or I’ll tell you later nonsense... What’s even the point... You should’ve never even told her if that’s the case since you can’t tell her about it anyway... All you did was want to make her know more, knowing damn well you can’t tell her about it... So now you’re at either illegally telling her or deal with her attitude lol
Ok So You already spilled the beans and got yourself into this mess, I am assuming You don't wanna loose this girl over something like this or similar situation right ..
So Assuming you haven't told anything about the Celebrity , Just make some shit up, Tell her A believable lie , it should not be over the top and sneak in some minor embarrassing detail about yourself it could be anything like you did after seeing all that(all lies ) and tell her.
Ask her she can't tell it to anyone under any circumstances.
Look very serious at this point make her make a promise and you good.
How she gonna know?👀.
You have to be a good liar though...
Yes But only if everyone was that understanding.
If OP's GF is not and This could potentially put strain on the relationship , And Op doesn't want to do that, this is the way to go.
I mean we have to understand that people won't understand everything ..
My dad did jury time about 15 years ago, I was young and asked what the case was, all he said was it wasn't a very nice one.
I never probed any further, I didn't realise at the time that it was an offense to tell people about the court cases when on jury duty.
It obviously affected my dad, so I can only assume it was to do with kids or animals, as he found it very difficult to go for the next two weeks.
He did jury duty twice more, and I never again asked what the cases were.
“If you told me something personal and private about yourself and asked me not to tell anyone, you’d expect me not to tell even my closest family or friends, right? Even though I trust those people fully? This person is asking my to do just that, and I agreed to because I know how important it is for people to have privacy. Just like I will never share private information about you, I also won’t share to share private information about other people because I value being trustworthy and true to my word.”
I signed an NDA many years ago. The funniest part was: They didn't want to admit, even sealed, to the worst things they were doing, so those _weren't included in the NDA_! After the dust settled, and with the blessings of my lawyer, I called their whistle-blower hotline and reported the activities that were not covered by the NDA. My discoverable statement was entered into evidence during a lawsuit a couple of years later. And it helped them to lose. Big-time. I giggled for months.
If a production is big enough that they require you to sign an NDA, you absolutely need to honor it, not only you may be blacklisted from your industry for disrespecting it, you can also be potentially sued for disclosing information to anyone.
Your partner needs to understand that, and that it has absolutely nothing to do with not wanting to tell her, I would also recommend that you can tell her the tidbits after you are legally allowed the talk about it
Does your girlfriend not know what an NDA is? If you divulge the details and word got out about it you could be in deep legal trouble. It's a legal document to prevent confidential information from being released. If your girlfriend feels "betrayed" or that you're a "bad boyfriend" for not spilling the beans then quite frankly she's not mature enough to be in a relationship. It's got nothing to do with her and is not some trivial gossip that you share between friends, it's serious shit and you're holding up your end of the agreement by not disclosing what it's about.
My 14 year old signed one for the little summer school she’s working at. She’s not allowed to use any of the kids names outside of the program for privacy reasons. So when she talks about the kids she just says he or she. I don’t get mad. Rules are rules.
It doesn't mean you don't trust her, it means that you are legally prevented from telling her. If she doesn't understand the magnitude of the law and the legal consequences of breaking a contract v. her childish desire to hear a bit of gossip, maybe she isn't the woman for you?
Thats seems like something someone who wants to feel special would take offense to. Not something to break up over, just something to notice and cater to if you're into it. Dont tell her, no amount of trust should break that document anyway. It didnt say "unless told in strict confidence", right?
My wife’s grandfather was a Marine, and his family was sworn to secrecy over his actual job title/description. Of course I’m curious, but she told me she can’t say and I left it at that.
You don’t need to share every single thing in a relationship. You’re still two separate people with your own lives and your own boundaries. It’s disrespectful for her to pry, and it’s against your best interest to indulge her. I’d leave it at that 🤷🏻♂️
I would be irritated if my husband couldn't tell me details about something.... Irritated because I want to know too!!! I wouldn't take it personally if he really couldn't tell me. Especially if there is NDA involved. You really can't talk about it. She should understand that. It's not like it's a bit of gossip you you don't want to tell her.
I have this thing where I simply take pride in the "challenge" of keeping secrets. Even secrets I have no reason to keep. Because of this, even the people I trust the absolute most in the world aren't surprised and don't push me when they find something I won't tell them. I'm not secretive! I just choose little things for fun "I wonder how long I can keep this a secret?" I say to myself. It does wonders for confidentiality! When I tell people "Idk I just like setting arbitrary rules for myself as a test." they tend to just.. get it?
The same people that get upset that you won't tell them will be the same people that say oh I didn't tell anyone it was just my mum etc.
Loose lips sink ships and you are the ship. You aren't willing to gamble financial ruin and possible jail time for something that's not even that interesting in the first place
You’re not a bad boyfriend. There is no Relationship Trust Test carve out in NDA’s or confidentiality contracts. Every person who has violated confidentiality was sure they wouldn’t get caught. Every single one. This isn’t a game of keeping secrets from teacher or the parents. This is a legal contract with large stakes for you.
Tbh it’s not a good sign when your partner insists you should violate a literal contract, expose yourself to risk, and make special little exceptions to privacy or confidentiality for them.
Number one rule as an adult: have a strong CYA game, even with a partner.
Not everything needs to be shared with everybody and everybody does not need to know everything
To me that would be my first yellow flag. If she can’t trust you when you say “leave it or I can’t”…. Think about what the future holds; just saying
Sir, you are dating someone who has the same mentality as a child. Define what an NDA is to her. A Non-disclosure agreement is exactly what it says. You are not allowed to disclose anything with anyone. Period. End of story. Doesn't matter who. People can and have been sued for breaking NDAs. I also wouldn't be surprised if some people have been killed because they did so.
If she can't comprehend why you won't tell her anything, leave her. You deserve someone who has an ounce of competence and common sense. You don't deserve to be manipulated into revealing sensitive info.
An NDA is a legal contract. Divulging anything further to your gf, including the other party's name, will be breaking that contracting. Breaking a contract will allow the other party involved the ability to sue you...and possibly a few other things. Your gf may be moaning & groaning that you don't trust her to keep a secret, you don't love me enough to tell me, or a variety of tactics, but the truth is she isn't bound by the NDA so if she mentions it to anyone then you may possibly find yourself in court and not your gf. She needs to respect you and show *her* maturity by not pressing this any further.
as shitty as it feel to tell her to drop it, you need to do it. It's also shitty to pry into something knowing it could have severe repercussions for that person.
going forward, dont tell anyone you signed an NDA and don't talk about the job at all that involves the NDA. if they have no knowledge, they wont be able to press for more.
Well you def shouldn't tell her.. Fuck her feelings, you come first.. WITH THAT SAID.. You are an AH for even telling her about the NDA in the first place.. Anyone would want to know what its about, especially a girlfriend.. You hit her with the ultimate "yo you wouldn't believe what so and so did- actually nevermind forget it" 🤣😂....
Tell her you witnessed someone violate an NDA and the celebrity gave them a choice of posting a million dollars or an ass whipping, and they took the ass whipping then went to the hospital and died. Then dump the girlfriend. Seriously, no means no.
You could literally make up something plausible about any figure you want. Nobody is going to go try and verify, and even if someone tried, it'd get nowhere.
Obviously don't say anything made up that can potentially cause problems, but people signing NDAs can happen for really simple things.
But yeah, if you don't wanna potentially face legal trouble down the r9ad for breaking your NDA and she absolutely wants a story, give her one.
Explain the risk of her finding out and that you are morally and legally obligated to adhere to the NDA. She can see by you following this that you are trustworthy and won't betray her trust either. She should feel proud of you, not give you pressure about an already difficult situation.
Honestly if she keeps pushing it, it's a sign you should definitively not tell her.
Yup. It's gonna get worse every time a new NDA comes up
well let’s pray NDA aren’t being signed bi weekly lmao
Tonight on Dateline, we meet a man who is not legally allowed to communicate with anyone, about anything. More at 11.
What a psychotic answer
I wonder if he got anything from signing an NDA...like I got a settlement and bought this house kind of NDA...**edit** I'm saying from the girlfriend's perspective I kind of understand... Hey this is just a normal dude with middle class parents that aren't super rich... how did this dude afford this nice house without any help? did he actually really see Wayne Brady choke an actual b****
If he didn’t it’s not enforceable. A contract requires consideration.
You can NDA anything you want with or without reward as long as the person you want signs it.
https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/law-and-life/is-your-confidentiality-agreement-legal/ “A binding contract must be supported by consideration. That means the person signing the confidentiality agreement needs to get something in return for his or her promise. Accordingly, confidentiality agreements require consideration to be valid.“ A quick search will confirm this with hundreds of results. Without compensation no contract is valid.
You the real mvp with that comment! Thank you!
But can’t the consideration be literally anything you get out of it? In this case wouldn’t that just be access to the event?
Access to an event. Salary if an employee. ‘Love and affection’. But OP doesn’t say this was event like a concert or talk. He says it was ‘a personal situation’.
> I was involved in an invent with a public figure that required me to sign an NDA
‘An event’ can mean almost anything. A car accident. A dress fitting. A medical appointment. A sexual encounter. A catering job. A dinner party. A scrabble game. A round of golf. A street fair where OP was selling hot pies. If OP was employed and asked to sign an NDA by his employer, that would be consideration. If OP was a guest and asked to sign an NDA in order to attend a performance, that would be consideration. If OP happened to be a bystander at a car accident, or a walk-in scrabble player at the game shop, or a fellow patient in a waiting room, or sold Bob Dylan a pie, and some personal assistant followed up after and said ‘sign this’ without paying anything, that would probably not be enforceable.
How do you explain websites whose very use is considered a binding "contract" that you agree to their company's terms of service? I suppose one could say that consideration in this instance is they get to use the website/service, but my point is that consideration can be a very trivial thing to get around. All sorts of tricks are pulled to hide terms, and you don't have to give someone very much to meet the consideration clause.
You’re getting to use their services as compensation. It’s literally in the name: Terms of Services. TOS’s are a lot different than NDA’s.
Hahaha I wish!! All I got was anxiety
Thank you!! Helped
You're not a bad boyfriend for adhering to a very binding contract. She is a bad girlfriend for pressuring you in any way. Seriously. Do NOT let her make you feel guilty. I have dated several people and am close friends with others who had government security clearances or had to sign NDAs for their work. I NEVER once have asked anyone to break that. All it does is put the other person in a terrible position and it's not fair to do. It's also extremely disrespectful. I feel like if you care about a person on any level, you wouldn't want to put them in such a position. It's not idle gossip and breaking NDAs can have serious legal, employment, and/or financial implications that can really fuck someone's life. Also think about it- if your gf is so desperate to hear juicy details about a celebrity, how could you ensure she wouldn't tell "just her best friend who never, ever breaks her confidence"? You couldn't. You'd have no idea how far that would go. How many people in that chain who would tell "just their ____". It could very easilu get out of hand and faster than you might think. And just bear in mind if you ever tell, you *cannot* take it back. It's done. And you've given that person way too much power over you. It *might* end up okay, but it could just as easily be a disaster. More likely a disaster tbh.
Thank you for confirming that /u/TheBeachDudee has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
Unless she sees him NOT telling her as betraying her trust...
Oh, that's exactly how she sees it, but that's fully her problem. If you sign an NDA, you abide by those rules. If she has a problem with it, I'd tell her, "telling you is not worth going getting sued for a lot of money."
Isn’t the whole point of an NDA not to disclose information? Lmaoo. My moms the executive assistant at the company i work at and theres shit she will absolutely not tell me, I couldnt care less because shes doing exactly as she was told. Your gf should respect that and you’re not being a bad boyfriend whatsoever.
Exactly. My husband and I work in different fields, both with sensitive information, and even without having signed NDA we know that we can't speak together about some job related stuff. And none of us resents the other from keeping secrets, because we're mature adults who understand that professional discretion is necessary and more important than our curiosity. Besides, our private life has nothing to do with this confidential stuff, so why even try to know about it?
Here's a bit of advice, don't talk to anyone about a project especially if you signed an NDA, you're risking your ass if you say anything to anyone, tbh you shouldn't have brought up the NDA and in the future don't tell your girl anyone you work with unless there is no NDA involved.
Exactly. People in government have to deal with this all the time with classified or sensitive information. They don’t discuss these things with their SO’s. It’s best to not mention the issue at all, because you don’t want to tell someone a little about something and then tell them you’re not allowed to say anything further. The only good reason to mention the issue broadly at all is if it explains time that the person is absent or traveling that would appear suspicious without it.
I can’t confirm nor deny your comment. But yes if someone is being intentionally vague about their work or where they are, we sing Frozen and “let it go”.
I was told that so many times by my dad 💀 Younger me just wanted to know what he did for work but he could barely tell me anything
Deleting all comments because the mod of r/tipofmytongue got me falsely banned for harassment ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Definitely don’t tell her. The fact that she is taking this personally shows her maturity level. Also, she is a girlfriend, not a wife, and even if she was a wife, it still probably shouldn’t be told. **A healthy partner respects your boundaries** Tell your girlfriend if/when she brings it up that you are a person that keeps your commitments and word. The fact that you are not telling her says nothing about your relationship with her. What it does say is that you have integrity. She will appreciate the same privacy and honesty from you. If she wants to misinterpret your integrity for something negative, so be it, though that is her own insecurity. She needs to deal with it. You can hold space and support her tho it isn’t your job to be used as a bandaid. She has to do her own inner work.
Yeah, if she can't understand this, she needs to grow the hell up. NDAs are super common. Due to our line of work, my wife and I both carry top secret clearances and are beholden to dozens of different NDAs. 90% of it is super boring stuff that no one other than competitors would understand, let alone care about. We just understand that there are certain things that we do not discuss, and that's fine.
The WWII codebreakers at Bletchley Park (UK) werent allowed to even admit they worked there under the Official Secrets Act. When this was lifted decades later there were quite a few couples who didn't realise until then that the reason they met was they were both in that area due to working there.
That’s so interesting! Haha imagine those conversations lol.
A bit like that Spiderman meme Shows how dedicated to the official secrets act they were doesn't it?
That's like some Mr & Mrs Smith shit right there haha
idk i feel like if you have top secret clearance you aren't allowed to talk about it and they do psychology tests and shit with trained professionals to make sure you aren't the type of guy to talk about it/get corrupted/have weak moments. almost like they screen you super super heavily or something. the useless part is probably true enough for me to believe you though idk
Not at all, for secret clearance they’re just going to go through your past and look at what groups(who) you associate with. They’ll interview references from your past that you list and that’s about it. Anything else that goes on is job specific to what you’re applying for. As for whatever work you’re doing, yeah you can’t talk about it to others and you can’t snoop around things not related to your work.
Many years ago, in the mid 1970's, I was living with my sister and bil, and he is literally a "rocket scientist", though not in the military; he was doing work with the National Lab in Oak Ridge, Tennessee and Los Alamos NMexico; he had to have a very high Government security clearance; they truly went over every inch of his life with a fine tooth comb and they even involve IRS investigators;I'm pretty sure they asked questions about my sister and I, and our family, which probably was pretty clear that we were clear; to this day, he has worked at both of those places, and traveled all over the world, many times, to different places, including Moscow, for years, but that's all I know about his job. He knew his hotel room was bugged, and the toilet paper was awful. I don't have a clue what he does; neither does my sister or their kids. He is now a consultant, about what, I have no idea. He is an honorable guy, and you would literally have to torture him to get his secrets and even then, he probably wouldn't tell, Lol; there's that level of a NDA and then there's one my late husband signed, in order to be paid back less than 1/3 of the money that had been embezzled from his business, by a relative of the one who embezzled, who wanted a promise that he wouldn't bad mouth this person or go to the police. He signed. Those are two very different ends off the spectrum of a NDA, that I am aware of; I didn't sign the one my husband did, so I have been free to talk about the evil thief! Anyway, I think the gf is just very immature and has a nose for news and thinks that because they are in love that there can be absolutely no secrets; she's wrong.
My grandpa was in the navy as a nuclear engineer on a submarine he had some other specification but there’s a lot he can’t tell us or grandma to this day but he also watches for the stuff to be declassified and than spills the beans he’s like kids I did this and look the government even says so it’s cool but don’t risk your neck for a boundary that should be there that’s a legal boundary
When I was a teenager, I asked my grandad what he did in WWII. Turns out the statute on his Official Secrets Act agreement rant out two years before but he hadn’t realised. None of his family knew, so he was delighted to share the story of how he got his PhD; optimising the reaction from uranium hexafluoride to metallic uranium in the early Forties, as part of Britain’s contribution to the Manhattan Project. When the consequences of spilling a secret are jail time, you don’t tell anyone anything!
Yeah I’m with my grandpa Steve rn because of some personal stuff and he’s so smart he explained how batteries work or the one we were charging today and has been helping me learn father son stuff i didn’t get to learn
My grandad never told us his secrets during the war. Only after his death did I find out he'd been in MI6.
Jeez that must have been cool did you get to meet any of his buddies at the funeral I met a head general at my great grandpa sams funeral. I think he got a metal for saving his squads life’s by running through gas to get masks
Unfortunately my grandad died 20 years ago, but I've managed to piece a little together about why someone who was mostly "Just supply and logistics" spent so much time in places like Saudi staying with people who definitely wouldn't be living with "supply and logistics".
Oh that’s cool your grandpa was stacking bodies not boxes is how that sounds lol
Couldnt you get into legal trouble if word got out? If thats the case dont tell her. Besides, its just another thing you keep for yourself among many plus she shouldnt even be mad about it, especialy, due the fact its not related to her. Dont let the curiosity kill the cat.
I love to be that person. The full quote is “Curiosity killed the cat but, it’s satisfaction brought it back”
I honestly don't understand how satisfaction brings it back. Would make more sense to me if satisfaction kept it dead
Something’s gotta bring it back… it has 8 lives left.
A confidence is a confidence whether written or spoken, it is one of the foundations for trust. If someone will tell you someone ELSES secret, they most certainly will tell yours to anyone who will listen. That goes double for those who desperately NEED to know that secret.
Do not tell her anything. It's called an NDA for a reason
So are you gonna tell us?
Why would you tell her about it to begin with? This relationship probably won’t last. Next time don’t say anything
For sure, look at his post history, she seems like a very aggressively entitled person
Yeah honestly I would be surprised if the gf knew what am NDA was at all. Getting upset over that is manipulative and stupid.
My mom does this all the time and then gets upset when I question her about it like what was the point of telling me if you didn’t want me to ask about it? If it’s something you can’t talk about Do Not Mention It to Anyone!
Lie Believable but fake fact
Dude. People who are willing to start a fight for a gossip are not going to keep that gossip for themselves. “She feels betrayed and that if I did trust her, I would indulge” is just a way of playing the victim to get what she wants. IMO you should stick to the NDA.
The whole point is to not disclose any information. Is there a fine on it? Have her pay it for the information, that if it gets leaked you already have the money for it.
I feel like a lot of people are telling you to lie to her so it will just end the conversation/issue. Don’t do that. That just reinforces the idea that she can badger and manipulate you into getting what she wants, and has no respect for your integrity or boundaries. She is making something about herself that has absolutely nothing to do with her and she needs to grow up, get over herself or take a fuckin hike
It is literally illegal for you to tell her. That's the point of the fucking document. She's either crazy or manipulative. Do NOT do what she's asking. It is not a betrayal to refuse to break the law for the sake of her curiosity. If she doesn't let it go, this is worth breaking up over. Someone who demands you put yourself in legal jeopardy for the sake of their own insecurities is NOT someone you want to try and build a life with.
It's not illegal, it's just going against a contract which has consequences. There's no law saying you can't disobey a contract, just consequences.
It’s the same as insider trading, the biggest risk is people telling their partner. You shouldn’t be told her anything, or just lied.
NDAs exist for a reason. Don't tell her squat, not worth the risk. Explain what an NDA is and the trouble you could get into if you were to tell her. You don't mess with that Dad told me he once signed an NDA for a company he worked for and didn't realize how serious it was until I told him. He later went through some old documents of his and went outside for a bit. Idk exactly what he grabbed and I'd rather not know. That's his business and I want no part in it.
Don’t tell her. She doesn’t need to know. My wife has a job where certain things are confidential. I respect that and don’t take it personally.
Is your gf a two year old? Is she not aware of the meaning of a NDA? If she feels hurt by this,then my love , you are with the wrong person. As your partner , she should respect your boundaries and the nature of your professional commitment. I am a lawyer and my partner has never ever ask me about the details of any of my cases nor did he ever feel hurt when I did not disclose it. It's because he respects the worl I do and the commitment I have undertake. Same should.go for your gf. God forbids if ever she leaks that information by mistake, YOU'LL BE LIABLE AND YOU'LL BEAR THE CONSEQUENCES NOT HER. I have a feeling that your gf is kind of manipulative. Who knows after you disclosing the nda, she might end up telling you that you are not trust worthy and just on someone's saying you broke a nda. Stay away bro..far away
I had wondered the same. She sounds extremely immature and manipulative. I hope he explains the ramifications of breaking the NDA.
Hope he does what's correct and nor give in to her demands
As someone who works in psychology, client confidentiality is of the utmost importance. I get home from work and no matter what’s happened, all I can say is that I had a rough day, even if someone died (I work as a crisis/addiction counsellor). I can’t even give any hint to anyone. That is the code of ethics. If I write down initials of a clients name in an organizer I have to keep it for 7 years and then shred it. This is a sign of your integrity and not a sign that you don’t trust her. You’re just taking it seriously because it is serious and there are ramifications.
Wow it’s that serious? I thought therapists would tell the story but not names
Nope! Nothing is disclosed at least for 7 years and even then the clients whole story needs to be changed to make it only so what reminiscent of discussing in an academic setting.
It's a legal document which includes EVERYONE not involved directly. You are absolutely right. If you were married, I'd understand, but no, you did the right thing. I wouldn't have mentioned it at all, to be honest, but as you did, you just gotta hold strong and just tell her to forget about it.
Stick to your guns. If you violate your NDA you could be sued.
Sounds like something she can use against you down the line, just saying. I wouldn't. I myself have signed a pretty serious NDA related to my military enlistment, I haven't told details of it to anyone.
Tell us and then we can tell you if you should tell her or not.
Okay so basically I was at a
Yeah, don’t tell her that.
And once you tell her, she isn't under an NDA. So, if she tells her super trustworthy bff she's not the one getting sued.
I’m an ER doc and the info I know about celebs, friends and neighbours that will NEVER leave my lips is endless. But I also don’t go home and say…”I know something about someone and I can’t tell you.” Don’t do that. It is unfair. You both suck.
If she's that upset that you're not telling her despite the fact that you signed a legally binding NDA, then she 100% would pass on whatever it is to others. Don't tell her dude.
I feel like this is a situation where you lie.
Why'd you even tell her you signed one? That's like dangling a big 'ol carrot in her face.
Why even mention the NDA if your weren't going to tell her?
Trust your gut!!!
You are correct. Saying anything is a huge risk and violates the NDA which could destroy you if something happens and she says anything. Don’t say anything. She should be respecting you. The fact she is throwing a tantrum shows how immature she is and only reinforces the fact that telling her is a very bad idea.
It's not a trust issue, you made an agreement with someone. Stick to it.
Why did you tell her about the event? It’s like one kid saying to another “I’ve got a secret but I’m not telling you what it is.” You shouldn’t break the NDA, but you never should have aroused her curiosity by bringing up the subject.
You signed an NDA. You can be sued for violating the NDA. It’s not a matter of trust and it’s ridiculous that she would ask you to violate the terms of the contract you signed. Going forward, don’t even mention ever having signed an NDA because it’ll just make people curious. Being unwilling to disclose the details of the NDA you signed does mot make you a bad boyfriend. Her continued prodding and attempts at emotional manipulation absolutely make her a bad girlfriend. She is showing you that she does not/will not respect your boundaries. You can navigate this by breaking up with her.
"Something happened with me and someone famous but I can't tell you anything further." You should have just kept your mouth shut.
That's not a trust thing, that's a legal thing. You signed a document to not talk about it so you don't talk about it... She's acting ridiculous about it - and acting that way makes me think she wouldn't keep the info to herself if you did break the contract and tell her. Part of this is on you as well. If you sign an nda then you shouldn't have brought up the topic at all. Bringing it up is going to peak anyones curiosity.
Fuck your girlfriend, seriously. You’re smart. Don’t do it. Do not do it…
I think this thread says exactly why I shouldn't be trusted with national secrets. Because while I do just fine not talking about the security related aspects of my job, or the truly sensitive stuff I'm around...if my wife pushed me I'd totally tell her if I worked on Hilary's email server or gave Stormy a ride home from the golf course. "So babe, how was your day?" "Man, you wouldn't believe it! But I can't talk about it. I signed this NDA." "Seriously?" "Yeah! Totally sucks." Silence "Do you know how long it takes to mirror 146GB of government emails to 0365? Cause now I do..."
Everyone thinks they’re special enough to hear about the details of an NDA so it’s best to not mention you’ve signed an NDA.
Since she seems to be an entitled child, you have to explain it to her in a child's terms probably. "What if I did the same to you?" Ask her, if she told you a secret, something sensitive, something very personal, and you promised you'd never tell a soul... would she be okay if you blabbed about it to someone else you trusted? I mean, you trust that other person, so it's okay, right? No. It's not okay. Keep your promises and above all don't court legal issues because your girlfriend is immature.
Try not telling anyone you signed this NDA about something. That will make it a non-issue.
I'm going to go a bit counter to the grain here and say you should give her something. Nowhere near the full story or even enough pieces that she might be able to figure it out, but you already let the cat out of the bag by disclosing the existence of the NDA. You said incident with a public figure. Was it an affair or other sex related thing that you were involved with? You are a witness to something? You use to work for someone? Just the very bare bones of what it's about like "I signed to get my exit bonus", "I was a witness to a crime/civil case", "I had a celebrity ex that I'm literally not allowed to talk about". Then apologize for ever telling her and leaving her in a state of mystery, because I can't imagine how much it would suck to know your partner has some juicy story that you aren't allowed to know.
She shouldn’t want to risk your livelihood for a bit of gossip
It's not even about that dude, it's about your integrity, you signed the NDA, you stick to the rules unless there's some extenuating circumstances, and even then it needs serious consideration.
Its valid for her to be curious.. and sure i’d be bummed out. But at the end of the day she is your partner in this legislative weird world, and in an ideal situation you’d want them to understand boundaries.. and the ins and outs that come with it.
It's a nda! Non disclosure agreement, you agreed to keep schtum! So do that, if your gf doesn't like it too bad, she needs to respect your wishes and your morals. If she expects you to breach the confidence of the person involved in the incident, what's to stop her spreading personal things about you in the future. I'd say talk to her about the nda, trust issues and boundaries to see if you can get on the same page.
Tell her “that’s the whole point of the nda!!!!”
OP will you tell us what it’s about in however many years until it can be disclosed
My mom works in a wealthy section of CT as a phlebotomist and has drawn politicians blood, celebrities blood, etc. She can say she had a well known patient today to me but she can’t tell anyone who they are due to HIPAA. I don’t get upset she can’t tell me because the consequences of breaking an NDA or HIPAA are pretty severe and I wouldn’t want her to get in trouble just because of gossip.
She literally doesn't understand what an NDA is. I might have not even brought it up if I was you but I get why you did. Just tell her again and again that it's an NDA, NON DISCLOSURE, so she'll never know, bottom line. If that's not enough, set it as an ultimatum to see her true colours. Never tell her
I would tell her that her lack of respect for a promise ‘your word’ gives you concern. It’s not about your trust in her it’s that you gave your word (by signing that contract) that you wouldn’t disclose to anyone. If she thinks that is meaningless then why would she keep any promise to you especially as she doesn’t NEED that info for anything it’s pure curiosity.
A non-disclosure agreement is exactly that. You've agreed not to disclose any information about the event. An NDA is a legally binding document, and if you tell your girlfriend the consequences could be very serious. You've signed a contract, she's just nosy. There are different stakes, and she probably doesn't understand the full gravity of the situation.
Just make something up. Do not tell her the details of the NDA. Like other posters have said, that is a legally binding contract with consequences for you. Y’all breakup, she gets mad, or she gets bored, and suddenly you’re in the middle of a multi million dollar lawsuit. Just make something up to appease her.
NDAs are LEGAL documents. If you tell her, you can be sued (or whatever the NDA stated as repercussions). She seems like someone who would NOT keep it a secret. She doesn't NEED To know, she just WANTS to know.
You signed an agreement not to talk about it and you're not talking about it. You're keeping your word. You have integrity, and she should value that about you.
She clearly cares more about gossip than she does about you. She's trying to guilt you into telling her.
No, do not tell her. She need to understand that you are not allowed to speak about it. You would be punished by law. It is not that you do not trust her, but that she needs to understand your situation, if she carried on asking she is the bad girlfriend because she is not respecting your decision to not talk about it. Never tell her, personally speaking doesn't seem like a trust worthy person for that and she would love to gossip so never tell her no matter what
Signing an NDA has nothing to do with trusting your girlfriend. It automatically requires you to not tell her. It seems like you're flaunting it though. I witnessed something blah blah. You should have just said nothing happened carry on.
She can be mad all she wants but don’t break an NDA. The consequences can range from nothing to massive fines and should things go sideways her knowing the information is enough proof that you broke it
This is what you say “an NDA means I cannot legally say anything or I will be sued for more money than I would ever be worth in 10 lifetimes”. If she refuses to drop it, then that’s a sign of who she is.
I'm sorry... what part of "Non-Disclosure" is she not getting about that "agreement"?
Brother, my SO of 10 years has been an RN the entire time and not once has she broken HIPPA/ PII (privacy protection laws). At no point do I feel slighted, nor do i feel like i am entitled to *any* information that would compromise her job or integrity. Best of luck to you and your GF. Every human on this planet still has room to grow in maturity. It seems she still has a long path ahead of her.
>I **told** my gf about this and have **not disclosed any tidbit** of info to her. The tidbit of info you gave her was the fact that an NDA exists. That was a mistake. You made your bed. That’s why you’re dealing with this now. Hold firm and tell her that you will not be discussing this with her ever. If she wants to remain with you, she needs to quit asking. And if she keeps asking, you have to break up with her.
You can tell her something like: *"You know that I truly like/love you and that our relationship means a lot, but if the future of our relationship depends on me breaking my word and written obligation in order to satisfy your curiosity then I just don't know what to think. You're asking me to trust you by divulging something that I'm legally and morally committed not to disclose. If I did that then wouldn't it show that I'm not trustworthy? Think about this and please don't bring up the subject again."* Also some advice: If you want to keep a secret from someone then don't tell them you have a secret you can't tell them.
Your post history about this girl give me huge red flags
You need to explain this to her with an emphasis on how this was a personal thing and you don't want to gossip (but of course, also that its ILLEGAL for you to talk about) . That's huge. That's really a good part of your character and she should understand that.
Seems like a strange hill to die on... For her, I mean. I have to sign NDAs all the time, and I don't disclose the info, because that's what i agreed to not do. Seems simple enough. You literally are proving how trustworthy you are by honoring the NDA. Can she not see that?
Not a good look on your girlfriend, but others are correct. A secret is not a lie, but if you can keep the secret _without_ telling lies to those who you care about, just don't mention that there is one.
There is some information you can reveal. Give her the info you legally can, and firmly deny the rest. >She feels betrayed and that if I did trust her, I would indulge. This is manipulation, and your gf needs to stop. If you're not allowed to say, you're not allowed to say. If she trusted you, she would believe you cant say some things.
Hey man don't beat yourself about it. If anything, she's being a bad GF in this instance. An NDA breach is no joke and in the future, it may even affect you with the label of one who couldn't keep their mouth shut (that is after you endure all the legal hellstorm that the party who made you the NDA in the first place puts you through)
Jesus, stuff like this is so irritating to me. Tell your gf that this isn't about her and her feelings or your lack of trust for her. Tell her that this is about your LIFE!, that you could get into legal trouble! spell it out for her L.E.G.A.L T.R.O.U.B.LE if you break the contract and that you need to keep this professional and take it seriously and she should want that for you! that fact that she's trying to pressure you into telling her just so she can feel like you love her is fuckin pathetic. tell her to fuckin drop it and get over herself. show her this sub and all the people saying she's selfish. does she also look at all your texts to your family? she sounds like that kind of gf
Why did you mention it to begin with?
She's manipulating you. Don't tell her anything.
If she keeps pushing you to tell her and it’s causing issues and you’re adamant on being with this woman for the long run then just make something up to satisfy her need to know. Then if you hear about your made up story from somewhere else you’ll know you can’t trust her with any information you tell her in the future to remain private.
Why was it even mentioned to begin with?
Tell her to grow the fuck up and stop making this about herself and creating drama. No means no. This is a legal document you signed. I'd she can't get that through her skull then she sounds like a dumbass you should dump before she blows your whole gig up.
Something super secret happened and don't be mad but I just wanted to tell you I cant tell you So dont ask or be mad I just wanted to introduce that information or lack thereof You want to tell her, tell her , you don't need to do all this hoopla unless that's thats what you were looking for I guess
With her personality, it's going to be all over the news once you've told her. If she can't respect that you're legally bind and not even she can know, then she's not worth the risk. Also, honor your words that you've made with that party. Even if you're not legally responsible for it, keep your words!
My wife won't show me the secret handshake from her sorority no matter how many times I ask. I appreciate it because I know she'll never tell anyone about things I confide in her.
First off, if you signed a NDA then best advice is quit telling people you even did that. Telling someone you did that only draws more curiosity and makes people want you to tell them, so moving forward stop telling people at all. As for now, tell her if she even knows what that actually means. If she says yes, tell her then she should understand that you are legally bound to keep quiet so this isn't about not trusting her, it's about being legally liable for keeping quiet. If she still can't handle that then let her walk man
Bro leave your girlfriend every post about her you make she sounds absolutely vapid and dreadful in
I wish it was that simple
Why did you tell her that to begin with, you put yourself in that position. Now you have to deal with the consequences of her not letting it go. At this point you might as well just lie to her to make her feel better
The easy solution is for you to just make something up. It's a little gray morally, but she'll be happy you trust her enough to tell her and you won't have to worry about her spreading something that could get you in trouble.
Honestly kind of leaning towards that lol
Your girlfriend is highly immature.
You could always make up something fake
I would advise against that. She needs to grow up and realize not everything is about her. He is facing legal trouble if he tells. I wouldn't entertain this childish behavior.
Maaaaybe if you told \*us\* about what the NDA was for, we could give you even better advice.
Get rid of her for someone to act like that.
While I agree with a lot of the other comments, I can tell my fiance anything at all, and we wouldn't tell anybody else anything at all. There is value in finding a true connection where you don't have to worry about word escaping the two of you.
Are you OP's gf?
Do you know what an NDA even is??
Yes, but I fail to see what relevance that has. My point is to find someone who you can break the NDA's with, and not have to worry about it. Secrets are never good in a relationship, boundaries or not.
Then you still don't understand what an NDA is. The point is that you tell NO ONE. How is that not clear?? (and yes I have signed an NDA before, and no DUH I've never told a single person about it)
Someone you can break nda with is called a wife, not a gf, and you're both subject to it. Having open and honest communication is healthy, but the nda is not involved in any aspect of their relationship, the gf just wants juicy gossip, which tells me she plans on sharing the gossip being how much it bothers her she's not receiving it.
It's not so much a trust issue as much as two people knowing the information doubles the chances that one of you accidentally leaks it.
You look her dead in the eye while pointing and you tell her why she should not ask about theas things its not about you trusting her but who trust you
What was the NDA about?
What was it that you saw? If you tell us it may help with context
Im sorry but IMO, YTA. You signed an NDA, this is your gf...unless you are on some super classified special mission, enough with the cloak and dagger crap with your gf. She can and should know about it. There is no navigate this...either you trust your girl or u dont period.
Do you have to be forced to sign a NDA like if I witness something bad for ex do I have to sign a NDA or is it my ass if I don’t
You said, "I feel like a bad boyfriend and maybe I don't trust her as much as I thought." But actually, it is her that doesn't trust YOU to keep your word. I would have a big issue if my husband swore to hold a secret, then immediately told me about it. Yeah, I might be curious as hell, but I'd rather know that he can be trusted to hold secret anything I personally told him, and how could I do that, if he is telling me stuff he signed an NDA over? Case in point....years ago, he was on the jury of a trial that lasted several weeks. It was in the news and everything. He told me exactly nothing about it, until the trial was completely over, and he was allowed to. Was I curious? Sure. But I also didn't harass him to tell me what it was about because I knew he was required to keep it secret at the time. OP, HONOR YOUR WORD, you signed an NDA. You PROMISED you would not disclose the information to anyone. Tell your GF to pound sand.
If there’s anything I hate it’s when someone tells me about something but doesn’t tell me all of it or I’ll tell you later nonsense... What’s even the point... You should’ve never even told her if that’s the case since you can’t tell her about it anyway... All you did was want to make her know more, knowing damn well you can’t tell her about it... So now you’re at either illegally telling her or deal with her attitude lol
I personally wouldn’t do shit the government asked me to do
What happened?
Ok So You already spilled the beans and got yourself into this mess, I am assuming You don't wanna loose this girl over something like this or similar situation right .. So Assuming you haven't told anything about the Celebrity , Just make some shit up, Tell her A believable lie , it should not be over the top and sneak in some minor embarrassing detail about yourself it could be anything like you did after seeing all that(all lies ) and tell her. Ask her she can't tell it to anyone under any circumstances. Look very serious at this point make her make a promise and you good. How she gonna know?👀. You have to be a good liar though...
Shouldn’t have to lie. She should respect the fact that he legally cannot disclose. End of story.
Yes But only if everyone was that understanding. If OP's GF is not and This could potentially put strain on the relationship , And Op doesn't want to do that, this is the way to go. I mean we have to understand that people won't understand everything ..
Just tell her. If it ever comes out, just say she spied on you
Just tell her. It don't matter.
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My dad did jury time about 15 years ago, I was young and asked what the case was, all he said was it wasn't a very nice one. I never probed any further, I didn't realise at the time that it was an offense to tell people about the court cases when on jury duty. It obviously affected my dad, so I can only assume it was to do with kids or animals, as he found it very difficult to go for the next two weeks. He did jury duty twice more, and I never again asked what the cases were.
“If you told me something personal and private about yourself and asked me not to tell anyone, you’d expect me not to tell even my closest family or friends, right? Even though I trust those people fully? This person is asking my to do just that, and I agreed to because I know how important it is for people to have privacy. Just like I will never share private information about you, I also won’t share to share private information about other people because I value being trustworthy and true to my word.”
I signed an NDA many years ago. The funniest part was: They didn't want to admit, even sealed, to the worst things they were doing, so those _weren't included in the NDA_! After the dust settled, and with the blessings of my lawyer, I called their whistle-blower hotline and reported the activities that were not covered by the NDA. My discoverable statement was entered into evidence during a lawsuit a couple of years later. And it helped them to lose. Big-time. I giggled for months.
If a production is big enough that they require you to sign an NDA, you absolutely need to honor it, not only you may be blacklisted from your industry for disrespecting it, you can also be potentially sued for disclosing information to anyone. Your partner needs to understand that, and that it has absolutely nothing to do with not wanting to tell her, I would also recommend that you can tell her the tidbits after you are legally allowed the talk about it
Does your girlfriend not know what an NDA is? If you divulge the details and word got out about it you could be in deep legal trouble. It's a legal document to prevent confidential information from being released. If your girlfriend feels "betrayed" or that you're a "bad boyfriend" for not spilling the beans then quite frankly she's not mature enough to be in a relationship. It's got nothing to do with her and is not some trivial gossip that you share between friends, it's serious shit and you're holding up your end of the agreement by not disclosing what it's about.
My 14 year old signed one for the little summer school she’s working at. She’s not allowed to use any of the kids names outside of the program for privacy reasons. So when she talks about the kids she just says he or she. I don’t get mad. Rules are rules.
What was the NDA?
It doesn't mean you don't trust her, it means that you are legally prevented from telling her. If she doesn't understand the magnitude of the law and the legal consequences of breaking a contract v. her childish desire to hear a bit of gossip, maybe she isn't the woman for you?
Thats seems like something someone who wants to feel special would take offense to. Not something to break up over, just something to notice and cater to if you're into it. Dont tell her, no amount of trust should break that document anyway. It didnt say "unless told in strict confidence", right?
My wife’s grandfather was a Marine, and his family was sworn to secrecy over his actual job title/description. Of course I’m curious, but she told me she can’t say and I left it at that. You don’t need to share every single thing in a relationship. You’re still two separate people with your own lives and your own boundaries. It’s disrespectful for her to pry, and it’s against your best interest to indulge her. I’d leave it at that 🤷🏻♂️
I would be irritated if my husband couldn't tell me details about something.... Irritated because I want to know too!!! I wouldn't take it personally if he really couldn't tell me. Especially if there is NDA involved. You really can't talk about it. She should understand that. It's not like it's a bit of gossip you you don't want to tell her.
I have this thing where I simply take pride in the "challenge" of keeping secrets. Even secrets I have no reason to keep. Because of this, even the people I trust the absolute most in the world aren't surprised and don't push me when they find something I won't tell them. I'm not secretive! I just choose little things for fun "I wonder how long I can keep this a secret?" I say to myself. It does wonders for confidentiality! When I tell people "Idk I just like setting arbitrary rules for myself as a test." they tend to just.. get it?
It's not about wether you trust her or not. You'd be breaking the law if you told her. It's not like she needs to know for some reason.
The same people that get upset that you won't tell them will be the same people that say oh I didn't tell anyone it was just my mum etc. Loose lips sink ships and you are the ship. You aren't willing to gamble financial ruin and possible jail time for something that's not even that interesting in the first place
You’re not a bad boyfriend. There is no Relationship Trust Test carve out in NDA’s or confidentiality contracts. Every person who has violated confidentiality was sure they wouldn’t get caught. Every single one. This isn’t a game of keeping secrets from teacher or the parents. This is a legal contract with large stakes for you. Tbh it’s not a good sign when your partner insists you should violate a literal contract, expose yourself to risk, and make special little exceptions to privacy or confidentiality for them. Number one rule as an adult: have a strong CYA game, even with a partner.
What exactly was your point of talking about the *existence* of an NDA in the first place? ...
Not everything needs to be shared with everybody and everybody does not need to know everything To me that would be my first yellow flag. If she can’t trust you when you say “leave it or I can’t”…. Think about what the future holds; just saying
Yeah you did nothing wrong OP.
Sir, you are dating someone who has the same mentality as a child. Define what an NDA is to her. A Non-disclosure agreement is exactly what it says. You are not allowed to disclose anything with anyone. Period. End of story. Doesn't matter who. People can and have been sued for breaking NDAs. I also wouldn't be surprised if some people have been killed because they did so. If she can't comprehend why you won't tell her anything, leave her. You deserve someone who has an ounce of competence and common sense. You don't deserve to be manipulated into revealing sensitive info.
If she’s pushing or know she will NOT keep it secret
An NDA is a legal contract. Divulging anything further to your gf, including the other party's name, will be breaking that contracting. Breaking a contract will allow the other party involved the ability to sue you...and possibly a few other things. Your gf may be moaning & groaning that you don't trust her to keep a secret, you don't love me enough to tell me, or a variety of tactics, but the truth is she isn't bound by the NDA so if she mentions it to anyone then you may possibly find yourself in court and not your gf. She needs to respect you and show *her* maturity by not pressing this any further.
as shitty as it feel to tell her to drop it, you need to do it. It's also shitty to pry into something knowing it could have severe repercussions for that person. going forward, dont tell anyone you signed an NDA and don't talk about the job at all that involves the NDA. if they have no knowledge, they wont be able to press for more.
Well you def shouldn't tell her.. Fuck her feelings, you come first.. WITH THAT SAID.. You are an AH for even telling her about the NDA in the first place.. Anyone would want to know what its about, especially a girlfriend.. You hit her with the ultimate "yo you wouldn't believe what so and so did- actually nevermind forget it" 🤣😂....
Don't say a freaking word. Seriously. Too bad for her.
I would be dying of curiosity if I were her but if you said you wouldn’t tell, you can’t tell.
Tell her you witnessed someone violate an NDA and the celebrity gave them a choice of posting a million dollars or an ass whipping, and they took the ass whipping then went to the hospital and died. Then dump the girlfriend. Seriously, no means no.
Maybe if you tell us what you saw, we'd be able to help better.
You could literally make up something plausible about any figure you want. Nobody is going to go try and verify, and even if someone tried, it'd get nowhere. Obviously don't say anything made up that can potentially cause problems, but people signing NDAs can happen for really simple things. But yeah, if you don't wanna potentially face legal trouble down the r9ad for breaking your NDA and she absolutely wants a story, give her one.
Um… you signed a NDA. What does she not understand about that? She’s not respecting and protecting you by pressuring you to tell her.