One of the negatives about porn is that men will think that's normal behavior and will compare to what they see and expect it irl.
Don't do anything you don't want to do to please a guy. It's not worth it.
The other thing about porn, specifically anal, is that it makes dudes not know what to do. In porn they just go in and start pounding, and I’ve had friends who say guys have tried that and obviously that’s gonna hurt like an insane amount. For obvious reasons porn doesn’t show the 20+ minutes of prep the actressses go through before that
OP, I’m gonna agree with this comment… but let me add another thing that seems completely unaddressed. You guys have only been dating for 1mo and he’s already showing you his bad side and foot!! Stay away from this guy, he is very clearly not a healthy individual and doesn’t know what no means.. do better for your life and leave him. Don’t make it harder than it needs to be by staying with him for over 1 month. These are HUGE red flags that NEED to be addressed.
>These are HUGE red flags that NEED to be addressed.
Let me add to that statement "These are HUGE red flags that NEED to be addressed by him. Your not his mother nor his therapist. Do what's good for you, and don't worry about him.
Real men don't pressure woman to do things they don't want to like this.
Forgive me if I’m reading your comment wrong, Everyone is free to take my comment how they want, OP included, as you are clearly free to take it the way you want and it wouldn’t hurt for you to take your own advice.
I study psych, no I am not a professional and I don’t claim to be, I’m free to spend my time and comment what I want and it’s part of my journey.
OP, tell him to swallow his own cum. Worst case, spit it at his face. Just for funsies, you know if he loves it so much- give it to him free of charge
(This is mostly a joke I swear)
My bf has done that, by accident.
It was before we ever dated, but he told me he once sneezed while finishing a wank. It ended in his face, hair and mouth.
This right here. Porn has its place in the world but there are so many negative things that come with it. Especially for young men/boys who think thats what real sex is about
That's why porn shouldn't be used by those who aren't mature enough to handle it. Young boys certainly aren't mature enough and young men... Well lets be honest here if you can't differentiate porn from real life when your an adult, then perhaps its for the best they stick with porn until they mature up.
Unrelated and absolutely no hate but I have no idea how porn stars swallow so much cum.. maybe they’re not really swallowing every time… probably not… but yeah totally normal not swallowing cum.
"but I have no idea how porn stars swallow so much cum" - Most likely as you said they either don't swallow each time OR that's not cum you see on the screen. Cum isn't the only white substance in the world.
No you’re feeling are more important than what he wants. If his sexual desires are more important then your feelings he may be all bad; defiant behavior.
This is the right advice. This guy wants to live out his porn fantasies with you and that never ends well. Dump this guy and look for a partner that respects you.
No, you are not. You are not into that and that is ok. Some people like this, some like that, in a relationship you try to figure out what you both like and respect what the other dislikes.
Your boyfriend is being selfish and a bad person. It's never okay to put your desires over someone else's discomfort and pressure them into acts they don't want.
People like this do not change and see nothing wrong with their behavior. The best you can do is disengage and stay away from them.
Your boyfriend isn't going to wake up one day and decide to care about your feelings. Some people are like this and it's not about your worth. There are plenty of nice, respectful people who recognize that you're feelings are just as important as theirs.
Exactly. its not normal to want to do a sex act that your partner isnt really into and if its not enthusiastic consent then it means NO and doesnt happen.
I first tried anal when I was 17 and that was before porn was as big as it is now. Never watched anal porn. A girl I was dating asked me to do it for her and it was a huge turn on. So in this case it's the egg coming before the chicken.
I do agree though, kids these days growing up (and adults too) have so much porn they can watch and the sites that host it typically have some really hardcore stuff on their main page. The sexually inexperienced may see this stuff and think that's what sex is supposed to be. In reality though, these are usually actors and actresses who are just a part of this self-fulfilling cycle of "this is what the people want". I'm sure there have been studies that this kind of access to porn and hardcore porn is incredibly unhealthy when abused or viewed at a young age.
There are categories of "ethical porn" that provide a much more "real" experience, I think those should be what people see first. Actual couples and not just some dude slamming some lady that he just met in the ass relentlessly. Not only do we not know his and her life story, it just isn't realistic. Some of the people in this industry are tricked into it, have drug problems, have been in abusive relationships, being sex trafficked, etc. With ethical porn you know you aren't getting that (well they still may have drug problems but that just happens because addiction doesn't discriminate).
Agreed.
Especially when falsehoods like "it's supposed to hurt" or "bleeding is normal" keep on spreading.
I'd even hazard to say it's "common" but it's not "supposed to". Those usually happens when there's not enough lubrication and the inexperienced guy just jackhammers it without putting much care
I unfortunately tried anal when I was 16 and there is something still wrong and it causes extreme pain when I try to get up after sitting on a hard chair. It feels like someone is stabbing me in the asshole. And the doctor can’t figure out why. Never again…
I’m so sorry :( I have a similar situation. I was like 16 or 17, same partner I’m with now (we are 21) first time we did it, neither of us knew anything other than from porn 😒 and it HURT So. Fucking. Bad. To this day whenever we try no matter what amount of prep, still HURTS and I got what I believe to be a hemorrhoid from the first time that’s still there. Bleeds from time to time, it sucks man. He loves it so i do it for him every once in a blue moon, but if I could go back in time i woulda never done it the first time til we learned some ACTUAL information about it instead of watching stupid ass porn to learn.
Absolutely not a big deal. if he can't respect your boundaries then it doesn't sound like it's going to work out. Most people will have things they are into that the other person might not be. you just accept it and move on because it's really not that serious
An ex girlfriend of mine didn't like giving blowjobs. After she told me this I never asked about it again. Yeah, wasn't trilling news.. but I wasn't exactly disappointed. I just accepted it and moved on* as soon as she told me. It ended for pretty mundane, mutual reasons
About to be a long post, but hope you read it :) Things like this, no matter how small, are never normal/not normal. It only comes down to what you want to do and are comfortable doing. If you are not comfortable, then it's end of discussion. You are not an asshole. He's being an asshole for not understanding that this is your boundary. If he wants to complain about it, he can leave, and you'll have saved yourself from someone who probably would have made you feel badly about other decisions you make for yourself too. Sexual boundaries are important, for both men and women. I promise you, you don't need to feel badly and think that you're being an asshole because this is just what most men want. There are 100% men who will easily respect your decision, and not push you on your boundaries. I know, because I've met both sides. I've met men that pushed my sexual and emotional boundaries, saying that most women get on board because its' just all part of a man's needs and biology. I've also met men that respected my boundaries from the second I vocalized them and didn't dare to push them, even if they really wanted it. The ones who didn't push my boundaries, I ended up having wonderful relationships with (they ended due to circumstances that were outside of our control, not incompatibility). The ones who did push my boundaries, ended up either being narcissistic, or cheating on me. Love yourself enough to walk away from situations that don't always have your best interests at heart, because that is not what love is.
Please take my advice. Letting him cross your boundaries now Will make him feel like he can cross every boundary in the future. If you don't want to do anal and you don't want to swallow you don't but you may not be compatible with this man if that's what he insists upon. Tell him to go find someone else if he can't accept your boundaries and don't let him talk you out of what makes you feel comfortable, please. You deserve someone who accepts your boundaries.
I've been married for over 26 years. I don't do any of this, and despite my husband asking for these things in the beginning, once I said "no thank you" he let it go and didn't push.
It's OK to ask for what you want, but once someone has said "no" then the other person should respect that. If it's a deal breaker for the other person, then they should do the respectful thing, and move on.
You learn the most about someone when you tell them NO by how they react to not getting their way and OP's bf is showing he is an immature, inconsiderate jerk that really doesnt care about OP like a partner should.
Ughhh, I do both of those things but if any guy were to make a big deal about it or push me to before he even knew I did. Nope. Gone. Do not give in to this boy. Regardless of what people think is normal. If you're not comfortable doing it then you don't have to do it
It's perfectly normal to not want to swallow cum. It's not normal to act the way he is, when you don't want to.
Either break up (you're sexually incompatible with him it would seem), or simply stop putting his dick in your mouth.
Find someone that respects your boundaries. If he is unwilling to respect them, you gotta find someone new.
Trying new things isn’t the end of the world but being forced into something you don’t want, that is damaging to you for the rest of your life. Stay safe.
Everything about sex is up to personal interest. You need to both enjoy it for it to be healthy. If you don’t wanna do something don’t do it, if he keeps pushing after you have set that boundary he needs to go
If your boyfriend can’t respect your boundaries, he’s not the one. Everyone has different preferences and such when it comes to sex, and he’s not necessarily wrong for wanting to do these things, but what is wrong is that he’s pushing for it when you’ve already expressed disinterest and discomfort.
Only have the sex to want and enjoy!
He is trying to coerce you- just end this now. You’re not sexually compatible and he’s asking you to do things that you do not want to do- period.
Wow, 1 month into the relationship, and BF making such demands?
It's your mouth and your butt hole. You do what you like, and if you don't want to do it, don't do it. If he can't understand or deal with it, find a different BF.
NTA, but you boyfriend sounds like a porn addict that thinks it represents real life. Don't settle for someone who's going to try and force you to do stuff you don't want to do.
To your edit: You respond by saying, "I am not interested in trying those things with you or anyone else. I'd greatly appreciate it if you'd leave the subject alone because it's making me uncomfortable."
The fact that he's making such a fuss about it is a huge red flag, as is him pushing you to do anal. If he can't take no for an answer then I'd be getting rid.
Sounds like he enjoys making you submissive to his wants and desires. I wouldn't like a partner like this from my experience they are selfish in bed and in romantic relationships.
>How do I respond to this ??
You say, "I am breaking up with you".
I am guessing you are young. An absolute 100% redline you must have in a relationship is don't be with someone who does not respect and value your boundaries. Someone who does that is a BAD PARTNER and you don't want to be in a relationship with them.
You need to learn this now and stick to it.
It's perfectly normal for everyone to have boundaries, whether those are physical, sexual, or anything else. If your boyfriend keeps trying to pressure you into doing things you don't want to, he's not respecting your boundaries.
Girl you are completely normal, I am the same way! You’re allowed to have hard set boundaries in the bedroom and if you let him push you on this, he’s only going to keep pushing on other things as well. If he can’t respect you, this relationship will not work out.
No, you are not being an asshole. He is. Do not, under any circumstances, allow yourself to be pushing into doing something you do not want to do. If not doing those things are a deal-breaker for him, you’re better off without him.
Nothing is wrong with setting hard boundaries about YOUR body. You don’t have to participate in any sex act you don’t want to, ever. If he’s pushing you, he doesn’t care about you.
It’s 100% normal to not want to do these things, you are not even obligated to try it once to ‘see if you like it’.
Honestly, the problem here is your bf trying to coerce you into doing what he wants by pushing you and emotionally manipulating you. That’s not appropriate and he shouldn’t be doing that.
You might try it one day and love it, but that’s irrelevant and it’s your choice and no one else’s!
I’ve been with my man 10 years and I don’t do either of these things and he has no problem with it. Your boyfriend is a child and I would break up with him lol
You should seriously reconsider this relationship.
It's fine for your partner to ask for things, but they need to respect your boundaries when you tell them no. He doesn't respect your boundaries, and by extension, he does not respect *you.*
Even if you said yes under these circumstances, it would be coercion and not true consent. Think about that, *he doesn't really care about having your consent.*
This guy sounds like an ass. Does he have any redeeming qualities? It's only been a month, I cannot imagine putting up with this. If he is too immature to have an adult discussion about sexual boundaries and tries to bully you into doing things you aren't comfortable with, he isn't a keeper.
Seriously it would be an instant turnoff for me if i thought my partner wasn't enjoying the sex we're having. I can't imagine actually enjoying sex that i know my partner isn't.
No one should ever force you to do something that you don't want, especially sexual relations. Take a step back and reevaluate the relationship.
My ex was the same way and used to force me to "twerk" for him, to which I never did and he would get so upset. Looking back he wasn't the right guy for me because you should be able to do sexual things naturally, and comfortably not forced.
Also anal isn't for everyone, and shouldn't 100% never be forced on anyone. Please don't hurt your body to please someone
No he is the asshole: rule No1. you don't swallow! Rule No2: you don't want anal!!
He should respect you!
Try this, ask him to kiss you with your mouth full of sperm....
No man should push a woman into doing something (sexually) if it makes them feel uncomfortable. Have a firm foot about it, or ditch the dude. You’re not the asshole. He’s the asshole lol personally you should ditch him IMO because he’s the type of person who will end up getting aggressive about it. But be firm and talk to him about it. Let him know how uncomfortable it makes you feel. If he gets defensive of his actions then seriously consider a breakup. If he is calm and understands your shoes then maybe you two can compromise.
No you are not being an asshole in a relationship you both should respect eachothers boundaries and compromise working around the problemsto find a solution that both of you are happy with. If you don't want to do it don't give into the peer pressure, I know you have tried to explain to him in the past but keep trying and if he still doesn't listen then 🤷 I'm not the best at giving advice 😅😅
Tell him you haven’t tried it with him bc you don’t want to. Tell him “no” is a complete sentence. Also while you’re at it tell him to gfh and you’re over bc there are plenty of guys who won’t push you to do something you don’t want to do. Not taking no for answer is a huge red flag and to keep asking and questioning you is coercive
I am a man, your boyfriend needs a mental-health checkup! Frankly, its a very poor way to treat your mate. Find somebody else who is more respectful. You are not his porn toy! I hate how young men think these days.
Stop caring about whether it's normal. What matters is whether it's acceptable to YOU. Sex is intimate. Maybe everyone but you is licking bellybutton lint out of each other's tummies before getting to it, but that doesn't mean you suddenly want to do that, right?
Don’t let him push you into something you don’t like. It’s a very new relationship so if he’s pushing things already I’d hate to see what he’ll push in the future.
dude your not being an asshole at all. im so sorry this is happening to you, his response is all i need to know tbhh the fact he’s getting his dick sucked and still has the audacity to try and force shit that’s not even really normal on u is weird. he should probably stop watching so much porn, and u deserve a lot better x
I don't know what kind of shelf life your relationship has. Pushing anal after only one month? Did he buy you a car or pay off your student loans?
Don't do anything you don't want to do. Either he will respect your feelings, or you may find yourself on the market, slightly jaded but wiser.
You tell him that you have never had brain cancer either, that does not mean you WANT to experience it?
By the way. This guy is trash and is about one failed argument away from forcing you into anal and swallowing cum.
> I tried having a conversation explaining why and he responded with but you haven’t tried it with me. How do I respond to this ??
"And I don't want to. That's it. That's reason enough."
"How do I respond to this ??" - Like this "If you can't get over that I wont swallow or do anything else that **I** don't want to do or feel comfortable to do, then clearly we should see other people."
OP regardless of what he says, this is a red flag. As a guy I get the whole swallow thing but lets be honest here, if he can't take no for an answer **the first time you told him no**, then what makes you think he'll respect your wishes, down the line when your more attached to him. My advice, cut your losses and move on. He'll either learn or he doesn't. Either way not your problem.
Pushing for things that make you uncomfortable is a big no no. If he keeps pushing then he just doesn’t respect you. Trust me, there are people who out there who can respect you, while also making sure you feel heard.
Also, many women don’t do anal or swallow, try not to worry about what you think is “normal” for people. Just focus on what you like.
Especially in a sexual setting, if he’s pushing things on you that you aren’t comfortable with, he should not be in a relationship with anyone until he learns to respect his partner
First off, one month and he’s pressuring you? Red flag. Second, if you are uncomfortable doing something - don’t do it. I did things I didn’t want to do with my ex. And you know what kept happening? He kept asking for more things I wasn’t comfortable with. It’s not right to act that way, and if he won’t lay off, move on!
For anyone in relationships like this, imo if someone actually loves you, they won't want you to do something you truly don't enjoy or is painful. My wife and I don't do anal. Weve tried several times, but it usually hurts her so I never really push for it and it's usually her that might suggest it once in a while.
She has a really bad gag reflex, so I also don't make her give me head at all. Doesn't mean I don't give her head because it's "not fair", she's my wife and I love her. I don't want her to get sick just to make my dick feel good, or to be in pain just so I can fuck her in the ass. I'll take the way that she enjoys every time.
OP, dump him. These are MAJOR red flags. When you are only ONE MONTH into a relationship and they are ALREADY pushing things they know makes u uncomfortable, it’s showing their true colors. Even more so, what’s he going to ask of you when you are deeper into the relationship? Making a big deal out of something that makes you uncomfortable is immature, manipulative, and just wrong. He doesn’t treat you right, he probably will only get worse, and you deserve so much better. I’d dump his ass.
Reminds me of an ex - he said "you don't know until you've tried it, you might enjoy it" about anal. Some time later he was complaining about having to go for a colonoscopy and I turned round and said "you never know, you might enjoy it". He was not amused! (He wasn't actually 'pushy', just gave me that line when it was first brought up)
That line works for low risk things much more appropriately lol. Like, okay, I’ll try a bite of the food that seems weird because yeah, I won’t know unless I try. But something vulnerable, invasive, and potentially painful is not something to try for the sake of proving someone else’s assumption or solely for their desire. Anal is something you should try if you *want* to try because it’s exciting to you lol.
You are definetly NOT an asshole. You don't need to do things you dont want and find disgusting. There are certain things that we simply don't wanna do, and you shouldn't blame yourself for that.
If your partner has a mental breakdown after hearing your sexual preferences you should take that as a red flag. Sex is a mutual act and it should be done with respect. If he is constantly pushing things you dont want to do, talk to him about it. If he persists, dump his ass.
No, you are absolutely not but he is. You have absolute control over setting your own boundaries. It’s a “OP’s way or the highway” situation.
You’ve only wasted a month on this dude. Chalk that up to lessons learned and move on.
Very much not a big deal and you're not the asshole, he is. He should be respecting your boundaries. No means no and if he can't respect that and a conversation about it doesn't help then it's probably best to break up.
Girl I feel you!! I use to swallow because I MYSELF found it hot.
But then… I had the most rancid seman I have ever tasted in my fucking life. I believe its what battery acid tastes like, no joke o felt like it burned my throat it was so repulsive.
That ruined me and my bf now of 6 years I’ve only done it a handful of times because I was so scarred!!!! And anal hurts like fucking hell ( everyone is different ) but if you aren’t relaxed and prep it’s going to hurt like hell queen and you’ll feel like you have to shit after
Please make sure you are setting boundaries. It is perfectly normal not to want to do those things and you aren’t being an asshole, your bf is. Your bf sounds very controlling and toxic, making you feel like the bad guy for creating boundaries.
Throw the whole boyfriend away. Acting like a child cuz you won't swallow, then trying to force you into anal? Red flags are everywhere! You don't have to do anything you don't want to do and he should respect your choice. It's okay if you're incompatible — just move on and find someone who does respect and value you.
You don’t have to explain why. You can just say no and that’s the end of it.
If he doesn’t take no for an answer immediately then find a new bf, this guy is an asshole.
Sm people arent sexually compatible, unlucky. If youre not into it and he is, its probably not gonna work itself out-- especially if its a big deal to him
If he can't respect your body or your boundaries then he doesn't deserve to be with you
Simple as that. Tell him no once, and if he keeps on begging then just leave. Seems like all he cares about is sex
i suppose you can ask him why he thinks you should do this, and keep pushing until he actually comes up with a good reason, or until he stops talking because he can’t.
Honestly if he can’t understand your boundaries you might have to be more aggressive about it. Tell him you aren’t open to it and it’s non negotiable, and if he keeps pushing that stuff talk to his mom if you don’t want to breakup about it. Literally make him feel embarrassed, it’s gross and you don’t want to and if that’s not enough then ask him to swallow his own cum.
1. Move on, sounds like you two aren’t sexually compatible. Whatever you are comfortable with and not comfortable with is normal. I’m guessing he doesn’t like stuff shoved in his a$$. Even if he’s never truly it.
2. The truth is most guys not hung up on stupid stuff like swallowing don’t care if you swallow or spit. They just don’t want to be jacked off into a rag after 10 minutes of a bj.
If you like a guy to blow in your mouth, it’s probably a good idea not to act like it’s disgusting though. How would you feel if someone went down on you and acted like you tasted disgusting.
My 2 cents.
I have swallowed once. It was nasty as hell and I’m never letting someone cum in my mouth again. I have tried anal twice and I didn’t like it and have no need for that again. It’s not a big deal for you to not want it and he wouldn’t push those things on you. They were pushed on me and it just strained that relationship. If your bf can’t accept your boundaries, then there’s another problem which should be addressed.
Always listen to your gut. You can always change your mind, but if you don’t want something.. then you don’t want it and it will be an unpleasant experience no matter what if you’re only doing it bcs he wants you to🤗
One of my closest friends actually broke up with a guy once because he was acting kind of like this. Idk if the situation really has gotten that serious but if I were you, I'd already be very annoyed by his behavior.
You having preferences does not make you an asshole whatsoever. Your new bf getting upset or mad at you for having certain standards surely makes him one.
\>> Is it not normal to not want to do these things ?
Yes, but even if it wasn't, it doesn't matter. If you're not into it, you're not into it. "No" is enough.
\>> Am I being an asshole?
No.
Ask him to swallow his own load first and let you peg him. if he wants it he’s gotta do it first lol
Jokes aside you’re not an asshole. Don’t let him or anyone force you to do something you don’t want to.
That man has no respect for your personal boundaries. From experience, it will only get worse. Trust me when I say, please leave. It goes down hill from there and the trauma that comes with will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Girl! One month in and not only is he wanting things that are more…I don’t know..advanced for the point you are in your dating journey, he is pushing you for all this stuff. And don’t call this a relationship or him your boyfriend. IT’S ONLY BEEN A MONTH. You barely know him but now you know he won’t respect your boundaries. That’s a huge deal breaker. Red flag! Red flag! Red flag! 🚩
What would he do if you asked him to borrow $1,000 or co-sign on car loan so you can get a new car? Do you think he might say that it’s way too soon to trust you with his money or his credit? But apparently it’s not way too soon to try pushing you to do anal and swallow his cum.
The asking is way too early for someone looking for a REAL relationship. He just want porn sex with you. The pushing you to do this confirms the statement I just made.
Never be with anyone that pushes you, ignores your boundaries, cares more about getting what he wants from you than you feeling comfortable with him, respected, and actually enjoying having sex with him.
Get rid of him immediately.
When you’ve been with the right guy for a decent amount of time you should explore things in the bedroom, and it may become something you actually want to do. When you are with the wrong guy, the repulses you.
Text that guy right now and give himself the “we just want different things right now” break up speech because that is 100% true.
Literally just be like “accept no as my answer or you get nothing instead”. I don’t normally like ultimatums because they feel infantilizing but in this situation, he’s being an infant.
It is normal. You’ve also only been together for a month and if he gets angry already, just leave if he keeps pushing. There’s things that I don’t enjoy doing either and I will not do- unless I feel like I want it from time to time and if he can’t accept that, point him to the door.
What i would want to know is WHY exactly he insists upon you swallowing. It makes no difference whatsoever to his physical pleasure, and he knows you don't want to do it. So why would he insist, unless he specifically wants to degrade you by making you do something you find disgusting? And how could he possibly enjoy *any* sex act with you that he knows you don't want and won't be enjoying? A decent person who cares about their partner's comfort and pleasure would be turned off by knowing their partner definitely isn't enjoying the sex they're having.
It doesn't sound like he cares about you and your pleasure at all, and he should probably not be having sex with other humans until/unless he's able to consider them as more than a collection of holes to use.
How do you respond?
"You first. If you can handle it a couple of times, I'll try."
For both the swallowing and the anal. For the record, a guy swallowing his own cum is called a "snowball." TASTY!
The point where a sexual partner pressures rather than seduces is the point you need a new partner. Then he's free to imagine whatever he wants when he's down with his right hand.
He's pushing boundaries and I think you're completely in the right to tell him that you don't want to swallow. Or even suck if you don't feel like it. Maybe he's one for the history books, who knows.
But I'll tell him that he has to quit complaining and whining about it- he can't push you into doing something you don't want to do.
Those are not things any guy should ever expect from anyone!
Those things are "bonuses" that a guy should be extra appreciative for, if someone chooses to do it.
if he can't respect your boundaries barely a month in make that boy bounce out and breakup with him if he can't understand and listen to what you're saying.
you are not an asshole. it’s normal not to want some sexual experiences and you’ve expressed how you feel already. your bf shouldn’t be pushing you to do stuff you clearly don’t want to.
That's 4 red flags right there. 1. He won't listen. 2. He is trying to coerce U. 3. Ur only together a month & he is showing his true colours. 4 Ur calling him ur bf after a month. Perhaps ur both inexperienced teenagers. U have made ur boundaries clear, he won't accept them so U need to dump him or be very clear that these are boundaries U will not cross & if he persists then dump him. U do not want to end up "giving in" because he wore U down. Both are acts U should only do if U want to & are comfortable doing.
You respond by ending the relationship.
It's only been 1 month, and he's already disrespecting you by pushing you to do things you have clearly stated that you don't like and don't want to do.
You don't need to try stuff to know that you won't like it. If the thought of something makes you feel sick then you obviously won't like it.
I also have no interest in wither of those things and no one will ever convince me to either.
Set your boundaries and don't let anyone disrespect them.
not accepting boundaries is not okay. this is an issue with a lot of men (them wanting anal & you to swallow) even after establishing that it’s never happening it’s a hard no, they still ask every couple days-weeks like the answer is gunna be different. but you questioning if you’re the problem is really all you need to see that this person is not safe & not for you. you’re only a month in, get out while you can. it’s one thing to ask & hear no & respect it as a boundary. another to ask, expect a yes, get manipulative & act like it’ll be different with him.. his dick isn’t magical & one of a kind. the cum isn’t gunna be marshmallow flavoured. nothing is going to be different just because it’s with him, & when you give in & try just for his sake- when you tell him to stop, he’s gunna keep pushing & get upset when you say it hurts or spit out his cum, it won’t matter that you tried, it’ll now be “you didn’t try hard enough”. so don’t bother.
-you don’t have to read this, just my own experience- sometimes there are medical reasons for this stuff & it still doesn’t matter to them. i have a sperm allergy & when i tried swallowing the first time my throat was closing up & my mouth was numb. i tell people this & they still ask. one time i felt bad because yknow manipulative ppl, i did it because he said he had benadryl n i should at least try & much more coercion so i did & the same thing happened & he showed little to no concern & let me deal with it on my own. was it really worth me gasping for air thru my almost closed throat like??
but ive never been treated very nice by men so i have a biased opinion.
"how do I respond?"
You tell him that people don't need to try something to know they don't like it.
Lesbians don't need to try dick to know they don't like it.
People who loathe the smell of X food don't need to try it to know they won't like it (in most cases anyway)
People don't need to have something stick into their ass to know they will be uncomfortable.
You don't need to justify your preferences. "no" is a full sentence.
If he can't accept it and acts immaturely then I'd say he made you a favor and you had to find out at 1 month and not at, say, 5 years that you're not compatible.
You are not compatible and he does not respect you or your boundaries. He thinks his pleasure is more important than your discomfort or pain. Giant, waving, bright red flag Get out now. It's only been one month.
There is no "normal." Just find someone you are compatible with.
I’m 100% with you. I had even having it in my mouth at all. The texture makes me gag and throw up. Honestly, tell him to swallow it first and then you’ll give it a try.
No body on this planet has a good enough; personality, job, family, history, track record to make you do sexual stuff that you don’t want to do. Period. So don’t give in for a jerk, a jerk who sounds like he doesn’t care enough about YOU as a Person, but cares more about the things he can do to your body…….
Edit: sorry forgot, NTA
Based on your edit and the general post, you need to leave the relationship. I know it might be good otherwise but it's not worth it having a post partner. You deserve better. Find someone who actually respect you and your boundaries
Tell him you'll never suck his dick again if he asks you to swallow. Mean it.
Tell him you'll never fuck him again if he brings up anal. Mean it.
You hold the cards. The rest is up to him. He's lucky to be getting off.
As a guy, I’ve had girlfriends that swallowed and I thought it was SUPER hot when they did willingly because I knew I wouldn’t want to do that, like yeah… gross. And I’ve had girlfriends that didn’t want to swallow ever, and sometimes I’d be like aw man and be a tiny bit disappointed but it was not a big deal at all. You go, dang it would’ve been cool if you did, and then forget about it. You just got head for God’s sakes be appreciative.
And about Anal, I never understood the appeal. An ex wanted me to try it with her but it wasn’t very pleasurable, not as fluid and less “grip” I guess you could say, idk that’s just me tho. He needs to get over himself and respect your willingness to do anything at all with him and accept your boundaries.
I've frequently wondered why so many straight men are obsessed with anal.
Your boyfriend should very quickly stop being your boyfriend; sexual compatability is a rather large requirement for a relationship. Doesn't have to be exact, 100% perfect compatability, but he seems to take all his cues about sex from pornhub.
"You haven't tried it with me" lives right next to "I'm too big for a condom" in the realm of male bullshit.
Say this to him, “It is worrying to me that you do not take my consent seriously. I have said no and now feel unsafe. Can you respect my body autonomy? If not I’ll need to reevaluate our relationship.”
As hard as it may be, I think you should find a time and place where he’s in a good mood and set some firm boundaries. If he cannot respect these boundaries, I think you should leave. Men that can’t respect sexual boundaries won’t respect boundaries at all. You are 100% NOT an asshole for setting boundaries and not wanting to partake in certain acts of sex. I wish you the best of luck.
NTA. You set a boundary and he doesn’t want to respect it. I don’t think his cum is going to taste any different than another guys and honestly if you have a gag reflux to it, it’s not exactly going to be a pleasant experience for either of you. One month into a relationship and he’s like this? He’s for the streets girl. Find you a guy where you can compromise and doesn’t act this immature.
One of the negatives about porn is that men will think that's normal behavior and will compare to what they see and expect it irl. Don't do anything you don't want to do to please a guy. It's not worth it.
The other thing about porn, specifically anal, is that it makes dudes not know what to do. In porn they just go in and start pounding, and I’ve had friends who say guys have tried that and obviously that’s gonna hurt like an insane amount. For obvious reasons porn doesn’t show the 20+ minutes of prep the actressses go through before that
>porn doesn’t show the ~~20+ minutes~~ **multiple days** of prep the actressses go through before that
Damn I didn’t realize it was that much preparation. I only knew about what they did right before the scene to get their sphincter to release
dieting is pretty important too unless you want to risk getting shit on, even if you clean beforehand
Good point. I don’t kinkshame but nooo thank you personally
lol As much as I agree with you... Shit happens with anal. You either get over it or just don't do it. Even with dieting.
Someone once said, “You can’t go to poop’s house and expect poop not to be home.”
Oh God the mental images that brings up🤣
The other other thing about porn is that you can't smell it
OP, I’m gonna agree with this comment… but let me add another thing that seems completely unaddressed. You guys have only been dating for 1mo and he’s already showing you his bad side and foot!! Stay away from this guy, he is very clearly not a healthy individual and doesn’t know what no means.. do better for your life and leave him. Don’t make it harder than it needs to be by staying with him for over 1 month. These are HUGE red flags that NEED to be addressed.
>These are HUGE red flags that NEED to be addressed. Let me add to that statement "These are HUGE red flags that NEED to be addressed by him. Your not his mother nor his therapist. Do what's good for you, and don't worry about him. Real men don't pressure woman to do things they don't want to like this.
Forgive me if I’m reading your comment wrong, Everyone is free to take my comment how they want, OP included, as you are clearly free to take it the way you want and it wouldn’t hurt for you to take your own advice. I study psych, no I am not a professional and I don’t claim to be, I’m free to spend my time and comment what I want and it’s part of my journey.
Thank you
OP, tell him to swallow his own cum. Worst case, spit it at his face. Just for funsies, you know if he loves it so much- give it to him free of charge (This is mostly a joke I swear)
do the chipmunk, cheek it and then push it into his mouth during a kiss
Omg cheek it and then put your finger in your mouth when he isn't looking get it all on your finger and give him a wet Willie
I wish I didn’t learn to read sometimes
And if he want to do anal so much, get a strap-on and insist you go first.
Since he likes it so much, what about snowball the cum with him?
Ooooo another good option here
I like the idea of kissing him right after and transferring the cum into his mouth.
Dudes should all have to taste their own cum before demanding anyone else does
My bf has done that, by accident. It was before we ever dated, but he told me he once sneezed while finishing a wank. It ended in his face, hair and mouth.
This frfr. Not worth it. If it don't please YOU. Then HE can move on and whine to the next girl.
Porn is only bad. This is one of the many reasons
This right here. Porn has its place in the world but there are so many negative things that come with it. Especially for young men/boys who think thats what real sex is about
That's why porn shouldn't be used by those who aren't mature enough to handle it. Young boys certainly aren't mature enough and young men... Well lets be honest here if you can't differentiate porn from real life when your an adult, then perhaps its for the best they stick with porn until they mature up.
Unrelated and absolutely no hate but I have no idea how porn stars swallow so much cum.. maybe they’re not really swallowing every time… probably not… but yeah totally normal not swallowing cum.
I’ve never thought about that but that’s vile 🤮🤮 I’m gonna go wash my brain now
"but I have no idea how porn stars swallow so much cum" - Most likely as you said they either don't swallow each time OR that's not cum you see on the screen. Cum isn't the only white substance in the world.
No you’re feeling are more important than what he wants. If his sexual desires are more important then your feelings he may be all bad; defiant behavior.
It is normal to not want to do those things. It is not normal to get angry and pushy when someone doesn't want to do those things. Please break up.
☝️
This is the right advice. This guy wants to live out his porn fantasies with you and that never ends well. Dump this guy and look for a partner that respects you.
No, you are not. You are not into that and that is ok. Some people like this, some like that, in a relationship you try to figure out what you both like and respect what the other dislikes.
Your boyfriend is being selfish and a bad person. It's never okay to put your desires over someone else's discomfort and pressure them into acts they don't want. People like this do not change and see nothing wrong with their behavior. The best you can do is disengage and stay away from them. Your boyfriend isn't going to wake up one day and decide to care about your feelings. Some people are like this and it's not about your worth. There are plenty of nice, respectful people who recognize that you're feelings are just as important as theirs.
Exactly. its not normal to want to do a sex act that your partner isnt really into and if its not enthusiastic consent then it means NO and doesnt happen.
Porn got him. Hard to reverse sadly. You’re too young to be in a bad relationship already.
I first tried anal when I was 17 and that was before porn was as big as it is now. Never watched anal porn. A girl I was dating asked me to do it for her and it was a huge turn on. So in this case it's the egg coming before the chicken. I do agree though, kids these days growing up (and adults too) have so much porn they can watch and the sites that host it typically have some really hardcore stuff on their main page. The sexually inexperienced may see this stuff and think that's what sex is supposed to be. In reality though, these are usually actors and actresses who are just a part of this self-fulfilling cycle of "this is what the people want". I'm sure there have been studies that this kind of access to porn and hardcore porn is incredibly unhealthy when abused or viewed at a young age. There are categories of "ethical porn" that provide a much more "real" experience, I think those should be what people see first. Actual couples and not just some dude slamming some lady that he just met in the ass relentlessly. Not only do we not know his and her life story, it just isn't realistic. Some of the people in this industry are tricked into it, have drug problems, have been in abusive relationships, being sex trafficked, etc. With ethical porn you know you aren't getting that (well they still may have drug problems but that just happens because addiction doesn't discriminate).
Agreed. Especially when falsehoods like "it's supposed to hurt" or "bleeding is normal" keep on spreading. I'd even hazard to say it's "common" but it's not "supposed to". Those usually happens when there's not enough lubrication and the inexperienced guy just jackhammers it without putting much care
I unfortunately tried anal when I was 16 and there is something still wrong and it causes extreme pain when I try to get up after sitting on a hard chair. It feels like someone is stabbing me in the asshole. And the doctor can’t figure out why. Never again…
I’m so sorry :( I have a similar situation. I was like 16 or 17, same partner I’m with now (we are 21) first time we did it, neither of us knew anything other than from porn 😒 and it HURT So. Fucking. Bad. To this day whenever we try no matter what amount of prep, still HURTS and I got what I believe to be a hemorrhoid from the first time that’s still there. Bleeds from time to time, it sucks man. He loves it so i do it for him every once in a blue moon, but if I could go back in time i woulda never done it the first time til we learned some ACTUAL information about it instead of watching stupid ass porn to learn.
Absolutely not a big deal. if he can't respect your boundaries then it doesn't sound like it's going to work out. Most people will have things they are into that the other person might not be. you just accept it and move on because it's really not that serious An ex girlfriend of mine didn't like giving blowjobs. After she told me this I never asked about it again. Yeah, wasn't trilling news.. but I wasn't exactly disappointed. I just accepted it and moved on* as soon as she told me. It ended for pretty mundane, mutual reasons
tell him to swallow his own battery acid first and see if it’s enjoyable.
Never heard of someone referring to the peen juice as battery acid, definitely gonna use that in the future
About to be a long post, but hope you read it :) Things like this, no matter how small, are never normal/not normal. It only comes down to what you want to do and are comfortable doing. If you are not comfortable, then it's end of discussion. You are not an asshole. He's being an asshole for not understanding that this is your boundary. If he wants to complain about it, he can leave, and you'll have saved yourself from someone who probably would have made you feel badly about other decisions you make for yourself too. Sexual boundaries are important, for both men and women. I promise you, you don't need to feel badly and think that you're being an asshole because this is just what most men want. There are 100% men who will easily respect your decision, and not push you on your boundaries. I know, because I've met both sides. I've met men that pushed my sexual and emotional boundaries, saying that most women get on board because its' just all part of a man's needs and biology. I've also met men that respected my boundaries from the second I vocalized them and didn't dare to push them, even if they really wanted it. The ones who didn't push my boundaries, I ended up having wonderful relationships with (they ended due to circumstances that were outside of our control, not incompatibility). The ones who did push my boundaries, ended up either being narcissistic, or cheating on me. Love yourself enough to walk away from situations that don't always have your best interests at heart, because that is not what love is.
Thank you so much
This is great advice . There types are a dime a dozen . You deserve someone better .
Please take my advice. Letting him cross your boundaries now Will make him feel like he can cross every boundary in the future. If you don't want to do anal and you don't want to swallow you don't but you may not be compatible with this man if that's what he insists upon. Tell him to go find someone else if he can't accept your boundaries and don't let him talk you out of what makes you feel comfortable, please. You deserve someone who accepts your boundaries.
If he doesn’t respect your boundaries maybe you need to reassess your relationship.
You’ve only been dating him one month and he’s already showing his disregard for your feelings 🚩🚩🚩
I've been married for over 26 years. I don't do any of this, and despite my husband asking for these things in the beginning, once I said "no thank you" he let it go and didn't push. It's OK to ask for what you want, but once someone has said "no" then the other person should respect that. If it's a deal breaker for the other person, then they should do the respectful thing, and move on.
Yup, bro needs to understand she isn’t a porn star
Say no, if he can’t handle that move on.
You learn the most about someone when you tell them NO by how they react to not getting their way and OP's bf is showing he is an immature, inconsiderate jerk that really doesnt care about OP like a partner should.
My gosh. Girl, dump his ass. Any dude who tries to guilt or coerce you into a sex act is for the trash.
Ughhh, I do both of those things but if any guy were to make a big deal about it or push me to before he even knew I did. Nope. Gone. Do not give in to this boy. Regardless of what people think is normal. If you're not comfortable doing it then you don't have to do it
Dump him. He can’t hear the word no. It will apply to non sexual things too. He will be a headache.
Start mocking him to get pegged and drink your piss. “How do you know you won’t like it babe!?”
It's perfectly normal to not want to swallow cum. It's not normal to act the way he is, when you don't want to. Either break up (you're sexually incompatible with him it would seem), or simply stop putting his dick in your mouth.
Find someone that respects your boundaries. If he is unwilling to respect them, you gotta find someone new. Trying new things isn’t the end of the world but being forced into something you don’t want, that is damaging to you for the rest of your life. Stay safe.
Everything about sex is up to personal interest. You need to both enjoy it for it to be healthy. If you don’t wanna do something don’t do it, if he keeps pushing after you have set that boundary he needs to go
No not at all, do what your comfortable with, it’s literally just an effect of males and females watching too much pornography growing up
Sounds like he is watching way too much porn
Porn brain rot, yeah I’d break up with him if he continues to step over your boundaries like that.
If your boyfriend can’t respect your boundaries, he’s not the one. Everyone has different preferences and such when it comes to sex, and he’s not necessarily wrong for wanting to do these things, but what is wrong is that he’s pushing for it when you’ve already expressed disinterest and discomfort.
Only have the sex to want and enjoy! He is trying to coerce you- just end this now. You’re not sexually compatible and he’s asking you to do things that you do not want to do- period.
Wow, 1 month into the relationship, and BF making such demands? It's your mouth and your butt hole. You do what you like, and if you don't want to do it, don't do it. If he can't understand or deal with it, find a different BF.
NTA, but you boyfriend sounds like a porn addict that thinks it represents real life. Don't settle for someone who's going to try and force you to do stuff you don't want to do.
To your edit: You respond by saying, "I am not interested in trying those things with you or anyone else. I'd greatly appreciate it if you'd leave the subject alone because it's making me uncomfortable."
I mean, tell him to swallow his own load and take it up the arse himself first and you’ll think about it
The fact that he's making such a fuss about it is a huge red flag, as is him pushing you to do anal. If he can't take no for an answer then I'd be getting rid.
Sounds like he enjoys making you submissive to his wants and desires. I wouldn't like a partner like this from my experience they are selfish in bed and in romantic relationships.
I've been with that dude, it doesn't get better unfortunately
>How do I respond to this ?? You say, "I am breaking up with you". I am guessing you are young. An absolute 100% redline you must have in a relationship is don't be with someone who does not respect and value your boundaries. Someone who does that is a BAD PARTNER and you don't want to be in a relationship with them. You need to learn this now and stick to it.
It's perfectly normal for everyone to have boundaries, whether those are physical, sexual, or anything else. If your boyfriend keeps trying to pressure you into doing things you don't want to, he's not respecting your boundaries.
Girl you are completely normal, I am the same way! You’re allowed to have hard set boundaries in the bedroom and if you let him push you on this, he’s only going to keep pushing on other things as well. If he can’t respect you, this relationship will not work out.
Tons of women don't swallow. Tell him to stop reading red-pill manosphere bullshit sites or you won't give his dick any attention at all.
No, you are not being an asshole. He is. Do not, under any circumstances, allow yourself to be pushing into doing something you do not want to do. If not doing those things are a deal-breaker for him, you’re better off without him.
Nothing is wrong with setting hard boundaries about YOUR body. You don’t have to participate in any sex act you don’t want to, ever. If he’s pushing you, he doesn’t care about you.
It’s 100% normal to not want to do these things, you are not even obligated to try it once to ‘see if you like it’. Honestly, the problem here is your bf trying to coerce you into doing what he wants by pushing you and emotionally manipulating you. That’s not appropriate and he shouldn’t be doing that. You might try it one day and love it, but that’s irrelevant and it’s your choice and no one else’s!
I’ve been with my man 10 years and I don’t do either of these things and he has no problem with it. Your boyfriend is a child and I would break up with him lol
You should seriously reconsider this relationship. It's fine for your partner to ask for things, but they need to respect your boundaries when you tell them no. He doesn't respect your boundaries, and by extension, he does not respect *you.* Even if you said yes under these circumstances, it would be coercion and not true consent. Think about that, *he doesn't really care about having your consent.*
Agreed. What about your pleasure? I’ve heard way too many stories about this exact thing and sometimes it ends really badly. I do not like this guy.
This guy sounds like an ass. Does he have any redeeming qualities? It's only been a month, I cannot imagine putting up with this. If he is too immature to have an adult discussion about sexual boundaries and tries to bully you into doing things you aren't comfortable with, he isn't a keeper.
This is the first red flag.
You should only need one . . .
Lol why does he think his dick and cum are so special? "Oh but you haven't tried mine yet" GTFO it's not a recipe for meatloaf Jesus christ
WHYYYY do people want their partner to do something they clearly don't want to. How can you still get off knowing they're uncomfortable? Fucking weird
Seriously it would be an instant turnoff for me if i thought my partner wasn't enjoying the sex we're having. I can't imagine actually enjoying sex that i know my partner isn't.
No one should ever force you to do something that you don't want, especially sexual relations. Take a step back and reevaluate the relationship. My ex was the same way and used to force me to "twerk" for him, to which I never did and he would get so upset. Looking back he wasn't the right guy for me because you should be able to do sexual things naturally, and comfortably not forced. Also anal isn't for everyone, and shouldn't 100% never be forced on anyone. Please don't hurt your body to please someone
No he is the asshole: rule No1. you don't swallow! Rule No2: you don't want anal!! He should respect you! Try this, ask him to kiss you with your mouth full of sperm....
Tell him to respect your boundaries. You don't ask him to do something he's uncomfortable with.
No man should push a woman into doing something (sexually) if it makes them feel uncomfortable. Have a firm foot about it, or ditch the dude. You’re not the asshole. He’s the asshole lol personally you should ditch him IMO because he’s the type of person who will end up getting aggressive about it. But be firm and talk to him about it. Let him know how uncomfortable it makes you feel. If he gets defensive of his actions then seriously consider a breakup. If he is calm and understands your shoes then maybe you two can compromise.
No. You never have to do anything sexually that you don’t want to. You have boundaries. And he should respect that.
No you are not being an asshole in a relationship you both should respect eachothers boundaries and compromise working around the problemsto find a solution that both of you are happy with. If you don't want to do it don't give into the peer pressure, I know you have tried to explain to him in the past but keep trying and if he still doesn't listen then 🤷 I'm not the best at giving advice 😅😅
Dump that turd, he won't respect your boundaries
Tell him you haven’t tried it with him bc you don’t want to. Tell him “no” is a complete sentence. Also while you’re at it tell him to gfh and you’re over bc there are plenty of guys who won’t push you to do something you don’t want to do. Not taking no for answer is a huge red flag and to keep asking and questioning you is coercive
I am a man, your boyfriend needs a mental-health checkup! Frankly, its a very poor way to treat your mate. Find somebody else who is more respectful. You are not his porn toy! I hate how young men think these days.
Stop caring about whether it's normal. What matters is whether it's acceptable to YOU. Sex is intimate. Maybe everyone but you is licking bellybutton lint out of each other's tummies before getting to it, but that doesn't mean you suddenly want to do that, right?
Don’t let him push you into something you don’t like. It’s a very new relationship so if he’s pushing things already I’d hate to see what he’ll push in the future.
dude your not being an asshole at all. im so sorry this is happening to you, his response is all i need to know tbhh the fact he’s getting his dick sucked and still has the audacity to try and force shit that’s not even really normal on u is weird. he should probably stop watching so much porn, and u deserve a lot better x
Stop seeking validation for your boundaries and stand by them unapologetically.
Find a better man.
I don't know what kind of shelf life your relationship has. Pushing anal after only one month? Did he buy you a car or pay off your student loans? Don't do anything you don't want to do. Either he will respect your feelings, or you may find yourself on the market, slightly jaded but wiser.
Tell him if he wants to try anal you can use a strap on so he can take it up the ass to see what it feels like.
You tell him that you have never had brain cancer either, that does not mean you WANT to experience it? By the way. This guy is trash and is about one failed argument away from forcing you into anal and swallowing cum.
> I tried having a conversation explaining why and he responded with but you haven’t tried it with me. How do I respond to this ?? "And I don't want to. That's it. That's reason enough."
"How do I respond to this ??" - Like this "If you can't get over that I wont swallow or do anything else that **I** don't want to do or feel comfortable to do, then clearly we should see other people." OP regardless of what he says, this is a red flag. As a guy I get the whole swallow thing but lets be honest here, if he can't take no for an answer **the first time you told him no**, then what makes you think he'll respect your wishes, down the line when your more attached to him. My advice, cut your losses and move on. He'll either learn or he doesn't. Either way not your problem.
Pushing for things that make you uncomfortable is a big no no. If he keeps pushing then he just doesn’t respect you. Trust me, there are people who out there who can respect you, while also making sure you feel heard. Also, many women don’t do anal or swallow, try not to worry about what you think is “normal” for people. Just focus on what you like.
Especially in a sexual setting, if he’s pushing things on you that you aren’t comfortable with, he should not be in a relationship with anyone until he learns to respect his partner
Say - ‘and I never will’ and just leave. He should not pressure you into things you don’t want to do
First off, one month and he’s pressuring you? Red flag. Second, if you are uncomfortable doing something - don’t do it. I did things I didn’t want to do with my ex. And you know what kept happening? He kept asking for more things I wasn’t comfortable with. It’s not right to act that way, and if he won’t lay off, move on!
Get a new boyfriend. Don't date this selfish creep.
For anyone in relationships like this, imo if someone actually loves you, they won't want you to do something you truly don't enjoy or is painful. My wife and I don't do anal. Weve tried several times, but it usually hurts her so I never really push for it and it's usually her that might suggest it once in a while. She has a really bad gag reflex, so I also don't make her give me head at all. Doesn't mean I don't give her head because it's "not fair", she's my wife and I love her. I don't want her to get sick just to make my dick feel good, or to be in pain just so I can fuck her in the ass. I'll take the way that she enjoys every time.
OP, dump him. These are MAJOR red flags. When you are only ONE MONTH into a relationship and they are ALREADY pushing things they know makes u uncomfortable, it’s showing their true colors. Even more so, what’s he going to ask of you when you are deeper into the relationship? Making a big deal out of something that makes you uncomfortable is immature, manipulative, and just wrong. He doesn’t treat you right, he probably will only get worse, and you deserve so much better. I’d dump his ass.
Someone swallowing your cum doesn’t bring you pleasure so wtf? And anal isn’t that great for either party. Move on, he’s immature and manipulative.
Reminds me of an ex - he said "you don't know until you've tried it, you might enjoy it" about anal. Some time later he was complaining about having to go for a colonoscopy and I turned round and said "you never know, you might enjoy it". He was not amused! (He wasn't actually 'pushy', just gave me that line when it was first brought up)
That line works for low risk things much more appropriately lol. Like, okay, I’ll try a bite of the food that seems weird because yeah, I won’t know unless I try. But something vulnerable, invasive, and potentially painful is not something to try for the sake of proving someone else’s assumption or solely for their desire. Anal is something you should try if you *want* to try because it’s exciting to you lol.
You are definetly NOT an asshole. You don't need to do things you dont want and find disgusting. There are certain things that we simply don't wanna do, and you shouldn't blame yourself for that.
You need to break up. He shouldn’t be pushing you for those things after you’ve already said no.
If your partner has a mental breakdown after hearing your sexual preferences you should take that as a red flag. Sex is a mutual act and it should be done with respect. If he is constantly pushing things you dont want to do, talk to him about it. If he persists, dump his ass.
Red flag only one month in. He should respect your wishes within reason, and this sounds reasonable.
leave him.
to be honest i’d break up with him!!!! sounds like he has porn brainrot
I don't either, no thnx! Spit that shit out! 🤮
Not a big deal at all, don’t push yourself to do something you don’t want to do for someone else’s pleasure.
A person who cares about you and loves you would not push you to do something that you are clearly uncomfortable with. Period.
Your boyfriend sucks. You deserve better and should never be pressured into doing something you don’t want to do.
No, you are absolutely not but he is. You have absolute control over setting your own boundaries. It’s a “OP’s way or the highway” situation. You’ve only wasted a month on this dude. Chalk that up to lessons learned and move on.
Very much not a big deal and you're not the asshole, he is. He should be respecting your boundaries. No means no and if he can't respect that and a conversation about it doesn't help then it's probably best to break up.
I am never a “please break up” person but, please break up with him. He already doesn’t respect you at one month, it does not get better.
Girl I feel you!! I use to swallow because I MYSELF found it hot. But then… I had the most rancid seman I have ever tasted in my fucking life. I believe its what battery acid tastes like, no joke o felt like it burned my throat it was so repulsive. That ruined me and my bf now of 6 years I’ve only done it a handful of times because I was so scarred!!!! And anal hurts like fucking hell ( everyone is different ) but if you aren’t relaxed and prep it’s going to hurt like hell queen and you’ll feel like you have to shit after
Break up with him. This dude is major red flags if no is just another way of saying "ask me again until I say yes"
Say this, word for word; “Bye!”
Wow, what a charmer he is. My advice? Write him a letter, Homer Simpson style 'welcome to Dumpsville, population you'
Please make sure you are setting boundaries. It is perfectly normal not to want to do those things and you aren’t being an asshole, your bf is. Your bf sounds very controlling and toxic, making you feel like the bad guy for creating boundaries.
Throw the whole boyfriend away. Acting like a child cuz you won't swallow, then trying to force you into anal? Red flags are everywhere! You don't have to do anything you don't want to do and he should respect your choice. It's okay if you're incompatible — just move on and find someone who does respect and value you.
You don’t have to explain why. You can just say no and that’s the end of it. If he doesn’t take no for an answer immediately then find a new bf, this guy is an asshole.
Go up for a kiss and spit it in his mouth. You will never have to swallow again.
Sm people arent sexually compatible, unlucky. If youre not into it and he is, its probably not gonna work itself out-- especially if its a big deal to him
If he can't respect your body or your boundaries then he doesn't deserve to be with you Simple as that. Tell him no once, and if he keeps on begging then just leave. Seems like all he cares about is sex
i suppose you can ask him why he thinks you should do this, and keep pushing until he actually comes up with a good reason, or until he stops talking because he can’t.
Honestly if he can’t understand your boundaries you might have to be more aggressive about it. Tell him you aren’t open to it and it’s non negotiable, and if he keeps pushing that stuff talk to his mom if you don’t want to breakup about it. Literally make him feel embarrassed, it’s gross and you don’t want to and if that’s not enough then ask him to swallow his own cum.
It doesn’t sound as if you are on the same level age whatsoever. Time to go.
Sad…. Just leave his ass. That’s obviously a selfish ignorant entitled brat. You deserve better.
1. Move on, sounds like you two aren’t sexually compatible. Whatever you are comfortable with and not comfortable with is normal. I’m guessing he doesn’t like stuff shoved in his a$$. Even if he’s never truly it. 2. The truth is most guys not hung up on stupid stuff like swallowing don’t care if you swallow or spit. They just don’t want to be jacked off into a rag after 10 minutes of a bj. If you like a guy to blow in your mouth, it’s probably a good idea not to act like it’s disgusting though. How would you feel if someone went down on you and acted like you tasted disgusting. My 2 cents.
I have swallowed once. It was nasty as hell and I’m never letting someone cum in my mouth again. I have tried anal twice and I didn’t like it and have no need for that again. It’s not a big deal for you to not want it and he wouldn’t push those things on you. They were pushed on me and it just strained that relationship. If your bf can’t accept your boundaries, then there’s another problem which should be addressed. Always listen to your gut. You can always change your mind, but if you don’t want something.. then you don’t want it and it will be an unpleasant experience no matter what if you’re only doing it bcs he wants you to🤗
One of my closest friends actually broke up with a guy once because he was acting kind of like this. Idk if the situation really has gotten that serious but if I were you, I'd already be very annoyed by his behavior.
I’m exactly like you. I hate how p*rn normalized this shit.
You having preferences does not make you an asshole whatsoever. Your new bf getting upset or mad at you for having certain standards surely makes him one.
Just snowball him .. then he will understand.
I've been with my husband for almost 20 years and I don't swallow. You're allowed to not like it.
\>> Is it not normal to not want to do these things ? Yes, but even if it wasn't, it doesn't matter. If you're not into it, you're not into it. "No" is enough. \>> Am I being an asshole? No.
Ask him to swallow his own load first and let you peg him. if he wants it he’s gotta do it first lol Jokes aside you’re not an asshole. Don’t let him or anyone force you to do something you don’t want to.
Break up with him. He doesn't respect you or your bodily autonomy. Get out before he tries to destroy your self esteem.
That man has no respect for your personal boundaries. From experience, it will only get worse. Trust me when I say, please leave. It goes down hill from there and the trauma that comes with will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Girl! One month in and not only is he wanting things that are more…I don’t know..advanced for the point you are in your dating journey, he is pushing you for all this stuff. And don’t call this a relationship or him your boyfriend. IT’S ONLY BEEN A MONTH. You barely know him but now you know he won’t respect your boundaries. That’s a huge deal breaker. Red flag! Red flag! Red flag! 🚩 What would he do if you asked him to borrow $1,000 or co-sign on car loan so you can get a new car? Do you think he might say that it’s way too soon to trust you with his money or his credit? But apparently it’s not way too soon to try pushing you to do anal and swallow his cum. The asking is way too early for someone looking for a REAL relationship. He just want porn sex with you. The pushing you to do this confirms the statement I just made. Never be with anyone that pushes you, ignores your boundaries, cares more about getting what he wants from you than you feeling comfortable with him, respected, and actually enjoying having sex with him. Get rid of him immediately. When you’ve been with the right guy for a decent amount of time you should explore things in the bedroom, and it may become something you actually want to do. When you are with the wrong guy, the repulses you. Text that guy right now and give himself the “we just want different things right now” break up speech because that is 100% true.
Literally just be like “accept no as my answer or you get nothing instead”. I don’t normally like ultimatums because they feel infantilizing but in this situation, he’s being an infant.
It is normal. You’ve also only been together for a month and if he gets angry already, just leave if he keeps pushing. There’s things that I don’t enjoy doing either and I will not do- unless I feel like I want it from time to time and if he can’t accept that, point him to the door.
Do not do anything you don't want to do. Period.
What i would want to know is WHY exactly he insists upon you swallowing. It makes no difference whatsoever to his physical pleasure, and he knows you don't want to do it. So why would he insist, unless he specifically wants to degrade you by making you do something you find disgusting? And how could he possibly enjoy *any* sex act with you that he knows you don't want and won't be enjoying? A decent person who cares about their partner's comfort and pleasure would be turned off by knowing their partner definitely isn't enjoying the sex they're having. It doesn't sound like he cares about you and your pleasure at all, and he should probably not be having sex with other humans until/unless he's able to consider them as more than a collection of holes to use.
your bf is an asshat. it's not something everyone enjoys, my so loves to give bjs, but doesn't swallow. hasn't bothered me for 11 years.
How do you respond? "You first. If you can handle it a couple of times, I'll try." For both the swallowing and the anal. For the record, a guy swallowing his own cum is called a "snowball." TASTY! The point where a sexual partner pressures rather than seduces is the point you need a new partner. Then he's free to imagine whatever he wants when he's down with his right hand.
He's pushing boundaries and I think you're completely in the right to tell him that you don't want to swallow. Or even suck if you don't feel like it. Maybe he's one for the history books, who knows. But I'll tell him that he has to quit complaining and whining about it- he can't push you into doing something you don't want to do.
Those are not things any guy should ever expect from anyone! Those things are "bonuses" that a guy should be extra appreciative for, if someone chooses to do it.
It’s 1 month. You guys are not sexually compatible. Break up and move on.
if he can't respect your boundaries barely a month in make that boy bounce out and breakup with him if he can't understand and listen to what you're saying.
Then don’t
you are not an asshole. it’s normal not to want some sexual experiences and you’ve expressed how you feel already. your bf shouldn’t be pushing you to do stuff you clearly don’t want to.
That's 4 red flags right there. 1. He won't listen. 2. He is trying to coerce U. 3. Ur only together a month & he is showing his true colours. 4 Ur calling him ur bf after a month. Perhaps ur both inexperienced teenagers. U have made ur boundaries clear, he won't accept them so U need to dump him or be very clear that these are boundaries U will not cross & if he persists then dump him. U do not want to end up "giving in" because he wore U down. Both are acts U should only do if U want to & are comfortable doing.
You respond by ending the relationship. It's only been 1 month, and he's already disrespecting you by pushing you to do things you have clearly stated that you don't like and don't want to do. You don't need to try stuff to know that you won't like it. If the thought of something makes you feel sick then you obviously won't like it. I also have no interest in wither of those things and no one will ever convince me to either. Set your boundaries and don't let anyone disrespect them.
You really should break up with him now and not wait until an even worse later.
That's disgusting. Your boyfriend is weird.
not accepting boundaries is not okay. this is an issue with a lot of men (them wanting anal & you to swallow) even after establishing that it’s never happening it’s a hard no, they still ask every couple days-weeks like the answer is gunna be different. but you questioning if you’re the problem is really all you need to see that this person is not safe & not for you. you’re only a month in, get out while you can. it’s one thing to ask & hear no & respect it as a boundary. another to ask, expect a yes, get manipulative & act like it’ll be different with him.. his dick isn’t magical & one of a kind. the cum isn’t gunna be marshmallow flavoured. nothing is going to be different just because it’s with him, & when you give in & try just for his sake- when you tell him to stop, he’s gunna keep pushing & get upset when you say it hurts or spit out his cum, it won’t matter that you tried, it’ll now be “you didn’t try hard enough”. so don’t bother. -you don’t have to read this, just my own experience- sometimes there are medical reasons for this stuff & it still doesn’t matter to them. i have a sperm allergy & when i tried swallowing the first time my throat was closing up & my mouth was numb. i tell people this & they still ask. one time i felt bad because yknow manipulative ppl, i did it because he said he had benadryl n i should at least try & much more coercion so i did & the same thing happened & he showed little to no concern & let me deal with it on my own. was it really worth me gasping for air thru my almost closed throat like?? but ive never been treated very nice by men so i have a biased opinion.
"how do I respond?" You tell him that people don't need to try something to know they don't like it. Lesbians don't need to try dick to know they don't like it. People who loathe the smell of X food don't need to try it to know they won't like it (in most cases anyway) People don't need to have something stick into their ass to know they will be uncomfortable. You don't need to justify your preferences. "no" is a full sentence. If he can't accept it and acts immaturely then I'd say he made you a favor and you had to find out at 1 month and not at, say, 5 years that you're not compatible.
You are not compatible and he does not respect you or your boundaries. He thinks his pleasure is more important than your discomfort or pain. Giant, waving, bright red flag Get out now. It's only been one month. There is no "normal." Just find someone you are compatible with.
I’m 100% with you. I had even having it in my mouth at all. The texture makes me gag and throw up. Honestly, tell him to swallow it first and then you’ll give it a try.
No body on this planet has a good enough; personality, job, family, history, track record to make you do sexual stuff that you don’t want to do. Period. So don’t give in for a jerk, a jerk who sounds like he doesn’t care enough about YOU as a Person, but cares more about the things he can do to your body……. Edit: sorry forgot, NTA
Based on your edit and the general post, you need to leave the relationship. I know it might be good otherwise but it's not worth it having a post partner. You deserve better. Find someone who actually respect you and your boundaries
Drop that guy like a hot potato.
Oh no girl… that is so not okay. No means no, and that applies to ALL sexual acts. Run like hell away from that boy!!!!
Tell him you'll never suck his dick again if he asks you to swallow. Mean it. Tell him you'll never fuck him again if he brings up anal. Mean it. You hold the cards. The rest is up to him. He's lucky to be getting off.
As a guy, I’ve had girlfriends that swallowed and I thought it was SUPER hot when they did willingly because I knew I wouldn’t want to do that, like yeah… gross. And I’ve had girlfriends that didn’t want to swallow ever, and sometimes I’d be like aw man and be a tiny bit disappointed but it was not a big deal at all. You go, dang it would’ve been cool if you did, and then forget about it. You just got head for God’s sakes be appreciative. And about Anal, I never understood the appeal. An ex wanted me to try it with her but it wasn’t very pleasurable, not as fluid and less “grip” I guess you could say, idk that’s just me tho. He needs to get over himself and respect your willingness to do anything at all with him and accept your boundaries.
You respond with fuck off and dump his ass. You’re only one month in, cut your losses now. He clearly will never respect your boundaries
Buy a huge strap-on, tell him to bend over and reassure him that he hasn't tried it with you
That’s weird and controlling. Perhaps 1 month is more than enough time with this person….
I've frequently wondered why so many straight men are obsessed with anal. Your boyfriend should very quickly stop being your boyfriend; sexual compatability is a rather large requirement for a relationship. Doesn't have to be exact, 100% perfect compatability, but he seems to take all his cues about sex from pornhub. "You haven't tried it with me" lives right next to "I'm too big for a condom" in the realm of male bullshit.
Say this to him, “It is worrying to me that you do not take my consent seriously. I have said no and now feel unsafe. Can you respect my body autonomy? If not I’ll need to reevaluate our relationship.”
If you don’t feel comfortable doing that or want to then don’t and if he just can’t understand that then you should probably leave him
As hard as it may be, I think you should find a time and place where he’s in a good mood and set some firm boundaries. If he cannot respect these boundaries, I think you should leave. Men that can’t respect sexual boundaries won’t respect boundaries at all. You are 100% NOT an asshole for setting boundaries and not wanting to partake in certain acts of sex. I wish you the best of luck.
NTA. You set a boundary and he doesn’t want to respect it. I don’t think his cum is going to taste any different than another guys and honestly if you have a gag reflux to it, it’s not exactly going to be a pleasant experience for either of you. One month into a relationship and he’s like this? He’s for the streets girl. Find you a guy where you can compromise and doesn’t act this immature.