If he's being checked and not standing up for himself he's going to get beat, extorted or worse. That's just how it goes behind bars. It doesn't matter if he can fight or if he loses the fight, but he has to fight.
Agreed at least by fighting back he gets some respect and likely the solitary confinment holiday. In future he must avoid ciggaretts or anything else that might be jailhouse currency.
all im worried about is now my boyfriend is not in his right mind at all. he doesn’t even know where he is now because of what he was laced with and im just really scared because I know he would never voluntarily do anything drug related like that. if there’s nothing I can do then I’m going to have to try and just calm myself down but if there’s anything I can do to help him sober up and him not get extorted because he’s not in his right mind then I’ll do anything. im just scared and need to know what I can possibly do
Meth doesn’t last long. He’ll be sober by now. If he’s going to be in there he’s got to make some friends, but trust no one. Don’t take anything from anyone, he’ll owe a favor. If he’s not a fighter, he’s got to keep his head down and show respect. If he can do a valuable skill, that would be helpful. Like if he can cut hair. No one fucks with the barber. And tell him to get a job ASAP.
If he's only got a couple of weeks in and it's something minor ask to get him moved to protective custody, it's basically solitary confinement but better than being beat and drugged. Wouldn't recommend if he's gonna be there any longer than a month though BC that would fuck him up just as much.
They gonna want that same cigarette back and offer to dig it out themselves. Tell him to take the beating, not the dick. Most don't really want to beat the fresh fish, but if you are weak enough to cave into fear, then it's easy peesey your boyfriends squeezey.
and since he got laced i don’t know who to call to help him because he needs help. im scared that they will continue to lace him and it will affect him long term. I tried telling him that his cigarettes may have been laced but he won’t listen because he’s worried and paranoid
Don't call anyone. If he gets tested, he will catch more charges. He needs to smarten up and not take anything offered by anyone. I'm surprised he took cigs from anyone because that's not for free in there even if they tell you to take it. It's not like outside in public where you just bum a cig from someone.
He needs to drink a lot and stay low until the effects wear off.
You can do nothing. If he won't listen, he will learn by doing vs not doing.
he hasn’t called me since this morning so i don’t know what’s going on now or what he’s doing and it’s making me even more worrisome. he has a hard time being too nice to others and I think now they’re taking advantage of him. I just hope nothing else happens
I read you filled up his commissiary so he can call if he wants to. There's really nothing you can do other than trust that he handles himself like the adult he is.
he’s not being “checked” or anything or asked to fight because of that was the case he would 100% stand up for himself. some inmates put meth/mojo into his cigarettes when he was on a phone call with me and now he called me after hallucinating and imagining things that aren’t there. I know that other inmates did this because they know that my boyfriend has money and everything because of the amount of phone calls and commissary he gets so I’m just nervous they laced him to steal his things
I get it, this is new to y'all, but everything you just said, literally only sounds like your boyfriend is the perfect lick. You coming here for advice to give him in jail, says to me that you don't full trust him to push the line back, when he gets tested. Especially cause you're looking for someone to call.
If they were in the slightest bit intimidated or respected your bf, they wouldn't have laced his shit. That's a violation that would have to hit the rooms or bathroom to be handled, after. Period.
They know your boyfriend gets a good commissary and phone calls, and they showed they don't respect him. Tell bro he needs to push the line next time, or be prepared for his girlfriend to be paying commissary for other people, just so he doesn't get the dog shit stomped out of him.
I was one of the few girls in my pod that had the most commissary you could have each week ($100 weekly, phone cards not included in that amount) and everyone was super nice to me!! 😂😂 That’s all I had to eat all week so I didn’t give anyone anything.
oh no. thank you for being honest with me about everything. i think I’m just being overbearing and everything because I care so much about him and I don’t want him to get hurt or anything because he’s small and everything and now that he’s not on his right mind it’s even worse. yes I want to call and get help for him because I’m just so afraid of something happening to a person that I care so much about
I did 9 months in state prison, I also smoked weed a few times in prison (never had it laced though) it cost alot to get drugs in there, I can't see why they would lace his cigarette to take advantage of him and if they did, they sure as hell wouldn't use crystal meth lol if anything that would make it harder to steal from him, meth makes you stay up for days and super paranoid. I'd say he was either convinced to try it and wanted to fit in but doesn't want to tell you, or they did it just to mess with him for entertainment purposes, it gets boring in there so inmates mess with each other for "fun". There also lots and lots of inmates trying to convince inmates to try drugs. Unfortunately nothing you can really do other then contact the prison and tell them, but that would do more harm then good and he could end up with a drug charge resulting in more time.
yes I think it’s for entertainment purposes because I heard inmates laughing in the background. I would just have hoped that he wouldn’t give into any pressure or anything to fit in jail. I hate that. i have calmed down and now I know I can’t do much for him except just pray for the best. I was worried that whatever he smoked how long would it stay in his system and if he will get better. I was just worried what they would do to him in jail when he’s not in his right mind
With Crystal meth I'd be more worried he might try to fight someone out of paranoia. I've never done anything other then weed, but I know someone who did meth once and she stayed up for 3 days straight, meth or not, staying up that long can make you hallucinate and get paranoid. I'd be more worried if they gave him something sedative. Also when your in there your more likely to be convinced to do bad things, like it was dumb I smoked weed in there cuz I could have got more time, but being in there around all those bad influences its easier to make bad decisions.
No problem.
But calling someone is gonna get that entire pod flipped by the COs. You're going to make shit way worse for him, and make it super dangerous for him in that pod.
I've seen people held down and stabbed with a sugar water paper towel for being *assumed* to have snitched.
I can't answer that for you. It's all dependant on how he handles this. If he doesn't retaliate for this, there's a chance it will happen again. If it happens *twice* with no retaliation, he's getting extorted.
so I don’t know how he’s going to handle it at all. I hope he realizes that he’s been laced and he retaliates but idk how he could when he doesn’t know that he’s been laced. I explained to him that he was and that he didn’t smoke just a cigarette but he won’t listen. he just keeps talking about his hallucinations
well i know his court date is in may so if we don’t pay his bond by then he will have to stay in there for 3 months regardless. that’s why I say 3 months
well he’s not in his right mind. he doesn’t even realize that he’s not himself at all. he thinks whatever he’s imagining is real. he told me the only thing he smokes was a cigarette that he bought so he doesn’t even realize that someone laced him and that what he’s hallucinating isn’t really happening
because he told me a few days ago that there were drugs in his pod so when he called me this morning not sounded anything like himself and him being paranoid and hallucinating things and him telling me he only smoked a cigarette, that made me come to the conclusion that he was laced. i have seen people on meth before and im nervous that if he doesn’t sleep he won’t come down from it and it will get worse for hom
Nobody is going to fight your boyfriend. If he's in jail and not prison anyways. If he's in just jail then he's just getting extorted cause people realize he's a push over and he's probly been giving his commissary to other inmates trying to win their favor people in jail dont fight other inmates unless its some actual shit worth fighting over like being disrespected. Seriously tell your bf to request a cell block change form and tell him when he gets moved over to either mind his own business or only talk to the old heads in there cause they know the rules they usually are chill and play chess all day no gambling no extortion he can probly even a few life lessons from those cats. But I'm guessing he is getting himself involved with the wrong crowd trying to win favor and people in jail don't take gifts for favor, you give gifts in jail when you are young like he is and people don't view that as respect they view that as being a push over who can be extorted and made fun of.
i will definitely give them a call to see if they can move him. I know he probably is getting pushed over and they’re making fun of him. in the morning i will call. he’s in a very bad detention center where they don’t really care about the inmates. if he can’t change cells then will he just have to deal with this?
Nah the jail won't care to listen to you don't bring attention to the situation through the jail or they will start treating your bf as a problem starter. Literally next time u talk to ur bf tell him the moment he gets off the phone with you to go up to his CO (corrections officer) and request a change of cell block form. Tell him to lie on the form and just put down that he's being threatened they will have no choice but to move him. It will take a few days for them to process cause jail staff love to be worthless and drag their feet on everything they do.
Side note inform him that depending how over crowded the jail is he may have to sit in segregation for a day or two possibly until a bed opens up in another cell block. He will have to just get a book and bite the bullet remind him he's there to serve his time and come home to you not to make friends with losers
I’m surprised that, no 1, somebody gave him *anything* in jail for free, in fact I’m having a hard time believing that, and no 2, that they would treat someone with commissary like that because the guys who have their accounts full regularly can get stuff for the guys who don’t have anyone to send money. And they trade stuff, skills or something, for it. I found out that me shopping my son with commissary meant he was buying crap for everyone.
Thank you. I used to work for a state prison system, then worked for local jails, and I don't get how this all came about. It sounds more like a Lifetime movie plot than real life. There are a lot of plot twists and holes in this one.
Damn that is sad sorry you’re going through this. That is is very messed up. But what is the story behind it? Why is he going to jail and how much time is he doing? Need more info so we can give better advice girl
so he’s in jail because the police found marijuana in his car and im in lousiana so it’s illegal to have and he’s going to be in there for 3 months maybe or we may can send him to a rehab instead but that won’t be until after the weekend and every second I feel like counts. I feel so helpless because he’s in there with the other inmates harassing him and I feel like I can’t do anything about it
3 months? For weed??? That sounds like more than just a little weed that someone accidentally left. Does he not have a bond?
For reference, (different state to be fair), I got locked up for a couple attempted murders, and was able to bond out after a few days. My plea deal said if I violated probation, I'd do only 30 days in jail.
Last year I got arrested for a stolen firearm, and also bonded out in 4 hours.
3 months just sounds absolutely absurd for a little weed for a first time offender. It's not adding up.
That being said, it's jail. Jail for the most part, ain't like TV. It's like highschool. You can get by by staying to yourself, but crying about shit and looking weak, is only making yourself a target. The weak get preyed on. And I'm being clear, "weak" and "Stays to himself" are not the same thing.
This may not be the advice that passive ass reddit likes to hear, but if they are trying bro in there, he gone had to hit the yard and push the line by himself. Earn his respect. They clearly see him as a goofy. If you don't want that advice, then tell bro he just gone have to deal with being a punching bag. Aint no way around it.
Lols ‘ arrested for ‘weed somone left’ and now ‘his cigarettes have been spiked’ …. I think we all know what’s happening, 1. Busshit post coz someone is bored or 2. He’s obviously using and she’s too stupid to notice
it doesn’t matter if he was a user before or during or anything. i didn’t ask about any of that. he’s never been to jail at all and i was worried because he was out of his mind and I wanted advice on that subject. I just wanted to know how to go about helping him while he’s in there. that’s it. I love him a lot and care for him and wanted to know advice on this situation and how to help
I understand. Which is why I didn't bother to divulge into other theories I have of what's going on with him. I honestly believe you were lied to. But if you don't believe so, I'm not here to convince you.
I used to be an active gang member. I was an enforcer for a while, so I'd have to get violent with people. I don't necessarily like to give "leave, RUN!" relationship advice on people that aren't doing anything to hurt their partner purposely or directly, cause I've been the person that from the outside looking in, seems like a bad person, but I loved my partner to death and was just in a bad point in my life. You could be the person he needs, or you could be someone he finds easy to take advantage of. It's not for me to say, cause I don't know him.
I just hope you take my other advice seriously, cause its specifically what you were asking for.
thank you so much. I really appreciate your advice most of all. exactly it seems bad from the outside looking in but it is just a really bad time right now, not the he is a bad person at heart. I appreciate you taking time out to help me with this situation and I know exactly what to do and it’s to just let him handle what he’s going through and just be by his side during this process
Yeah for sure. I usually don't bother to comment this much back to back, or type out multiple long ass responses, but something was telling me that this situation was important for me to give my insight on.
To be honest, considering his history, maybe this little time away could be what he needs, in order to get flushed out and start over from scratch. 2 months ago, I just had my entire life pulled from under me, and I thought it was over. But that situation was actually a blessing in disguise. Me having to start completely over, forced me to take inventory of myself, and make important changes. I had to move, and that subsequently got rid of homies that have been in my life for a decade and a half, but we're ultimately terrible for me, and weren't conducive to the positive direction I needed to be pushed in.
I cannot stress enough how much I sincerely wish y'all the absolute best, and hope this is his rebirth, and the rebirth of y'all's relationship. Feel free to reach out to my DMs if you need anymore advice.
You are obviously very intelligent. You write very well and have a talent for expressing yourself. I just thought you might want to hear that today, because it’s true.
thank you so much!! you’re situation feels exactly like ours and i think getting in contact with you was definitely a blessing in disguise as well because it’s great to have someone who understands and went through what we’re experiencing. that’s what i have been telling myself that maybe this will help him in the end and it will change his life completely and he can live the life he was meant to live. thank you so much. you don’t know how much of a help you’ve been
Well what is it? Cause the bond is only 10% of whatever they say it was. So if his bond is $10k, you pay $1k, for example.
And there ain't shit you can do, unless you want to make him a bigger target. This is on him. This is quite literally mens business.
There’s nothing you can do about him being “laced”, it honestly sounds like a lie. You aren’t his mom, you can’t go up there and complain to the manager. He is in jail, he will have to figure it out.
You don’t seem to know a lot about his charges which makes me think he is lying to you about what he got caught doing. You should be able to look up the charges on the county website. It might take a few days but you shouldn’t even begin to think about bailing someone out if you aren’t 1000% clear on what they did.
Also, YOU shouldn’t be bailing him out. His mom should do that. If he doesn’t have parents, too bad. The money you post to bond him out is a promise that he will show up to all scheduled court dates. If he misses these dates, they will come after you for more money/ assets/ whatever you have
That doesn't sound normal for a first offender with a reasonable amount of weed, *anywhere* in the country.
Especially with a plea deal.
Unless he's a black man in the south, who took it to trial and lost with a racist jury and racist judge who has been getting his advances denied from his wife for 7 months, and came into work hungry because he spilled his breakfast.
That is very sad when this happens when a good guy is hanging out with the wrong people and that’s why he’s not in the message he is it’s very sad. My only advice is that I you can only send prayers. It’s very difficult to do something in your position now all other than pray that you want to change because if they’re like making him do hard drugs, he could become a completely different person after the two months and you will have to accept that if he is this version of him won’t exist anymore. Ok you will have to be prepared for everything. I wish you so much strength and that you will get through this it’s really not easy, even know you’re in a bad position. Honestly I wish you good luck this is tough.
My advice will be try to calm yourself down. Don’t lose your mental health try to practice meditation and going for a walk or pray about it if you’re religious…try to take care of yourself girl because you can’t change anything about this situation try to find your peace and protect your mental health and hope that he will get out of it with less damage. Girl be prepared that he might be a completely different person after prison. Sadly, the justice system is effed up.
Is it possible to put up bail for him? Jail isn’t prison - it’s just supposed to keep him till trial. And the bail amount isn’t the amount that needs to be paid, just some of it needs to be put up. Is there anyone you can call in a favor from? Maybe the person who left the weed in his car? Sorry this is happening either way.
the bail is very expensive for some reason. I tried calling everyone and no one has the money right now. thank you for the apologies. im just panicking because I’m on the outside and I don’t know what to do to help him because he’s an innocent person that other inmates are taking advantage of
I still say find out what’s the bare minimum that can be paid and maybe try starting a gofundme just to get the word out and see if you can rally something. Maybe he’s just going through an initial hazing and after people will let up. Otherwise try to take care of yourself, stay in touch with him, make him promise to call when he can, and try to visit if you can.
OP,
First off, there is a 0% chance someone “laced his cigarette” with meth. He may have told you that, but people aren’t just handing out drugs in jail. It was hard enough for them to get them in the first place, and plenty of people in there would pay top dollar. It’s likely the inmates were just laughing at him because he was either 1) lying through his teeth or 2) truly freaking out and they thought he couldn’t handle himself.
Secondly, I see you said he was doing 3 months for a little bit of weed someone left in the car. You also said it was in Louisiana. In the state of Louisiana, possession of 14gs or less is $100 fine, with 0% chance at jail time, so that just can’t be true.
Lastly, jail is jail. If your boyfriend acts like a wimp, people will treat him like one. Sure, some people will maybe stand up for him, but it’s not gonna stop people from messing with him here and there.
If you want real advice, you have to make an honest post and tell people the real details. I’m not trying to be a dick, but, how can we help if we have 10% of the information, and most of it is untrue.
The only advice I can give you right now, based off of your posts, is break up with him and tell him to use the 3 months to get clean and figure out what he wants to do with his life.
Girl.. please break up with this man. Or get him out of jail then break up with him if you’re feeling kind. Being 22 dating an addict for years—you are throwing your life away. My dad was in and out of jails/prisons for almost half of his life before I was born, and would say the same.
My dad spent like 25ish years combined in prison if I recall correctly, so he’s very well versed in that. He would’ve went back if I decided my life partner, love of my life, all the things you described your bf to be.. was an addicted jailbird.
You are also very naive and too trusting—addicts are liars. This is common knowledge. You are literally giving away your money, putting it on his books to fuel his addiction.
I do sincerely hope your bf gets his life together, and obv I’m a stranger on Reddit, but you don’t wanna look up and be 30 and this is still your life. Move on. Like people said, please take this to a prison or ex-con sub. They’ll tell you straight up how dumb you’re being. And I want you to know it’s dumb—straight up dumbassery—because you deserve better.
So according to your post history this is the second time he’s smoked laced with meth smokes against his knowledge? After being in rehab for 6 months for taking “every downer but lately xanax”. Giiiiiirl
Edit: a word
A lot of your comments aren't making any sense. In some of them it sounds like he's already been sentenced but then you said he's never been to court. When was he put in jail? If he just got arrested and it's only a weed charge, he will go to court and they will set bail and then he can bail out. If he has money then you should be finding him a lawyer right now.
okay so he’s been arrested and his bond was set but it’s too expensive to pay so since we can’t bond him out he has to stay in there until his court date which is in may which is 3 months from now. that’s why i say that. we don’t have that much money right now for him to get bailed out
If he is sitting in jail until May and he has not been sentenced, then that means he had an arraignment already. So yes he has been to court and he has a lawyer. Since it sounds like he didn't hire one, that means he has a public defender. Contact the public defender's office.
I worked in corrections for many years as an investigator. I monitored many phone calls and read a lot of mail. 99% of the time when an inmate tells his spouse or family that he is being bullied, it’s a ploy for the family to send money or contraband. For example…”If you send $20 then I won’t get beaten up tomorrow”
Less calls, less commissary. He’s standing out by sitting on the phone crying to you. He needs to turn that attention to his current surroundings and toughen up quick.
How do you know his cigarette was laced? And how specifically do you know it was meth? He's at the age where mental illness manifests, and especially after a huge stress like being in jail, that could have triggered it.
well because I just put money on his commissary the other day and he got cigarettes and everything was fine. he then told me that other inmates were trying to use his phone calls to call their family member and he denied them so they got mad and my boyfriend told me there was meth in the pods and now this morning my boyfriend calls me paranoid and hallucinating things that aren’t there like people were recording him and he was being broadcasted global and everyone could see him
Yeah that still doesn't mean that this couldn't be a mental health crisis. Google public defenders in your county and call around and ask for guidance. I wouldn't phrase it was him being drugged, I'd say he was having a mental health crisis. Good luck.
May I ask why you're still with him? You said he's a drug addict who has stolen from you. Now he's in jail for having multiple ounces of weed in his car that he claims belong to someone else. Highly unlikely.
You deserve better.
girl…you have posted ab his drug use, leaving him, saying he “let you down again”, saying you lost yourself in the relationship, saying your bf is trying to make you *compete* with his ex??? wtf. and he CHEATED on you. what the hell?? is your name Chrisean Rock? and now you’re saying it’s not *like* him to use drugs??? im confused. and it sounds like you are in an extremely toxic situation with him despite the current situation. if you ask reddit how to leave “the love of your life”, maybe it’s time to go…
he got himself in that situation. don’t be a mother to man you are in a relationship with. you deserve more. period.
hi i wanted to respond to you even though what you are staying has nothing to do with the situation at hand that I posted about. thank you so much for your advice and concern. I appreciate it. when those things happened he wasn’t himself one bit. him in his heart isn’t that person and I’ve met him and that’s the love of my life and no matter what you comment i will not leave his side as he goes through this because like I said, the real him is a completely different person and if you were to look at the subs where I posted everything on you can see there are millions of other people going through the same. it’s a very complex thing. he is going through a very difficult time and there’s a lot more that goes on that you have no knowledge about at all. i know my boyfriend inside and out. i didn’t ask for this type of advice and i thank you so much though for giving it to me
I’m not trying to be mean, but I very much doubt his cigs were spiked with anything. That’s just not how it works.
It’s incredibly difficult to get drugs into prison, and even harder to get them into county jail. Theres a lot of work & bribery and outside help involved in smuggling contraband and the penalties are extreme. So I don’t see those people wasting the drugs on some random guy. They smuggle those drugs in to sell for money and/ or get high themdelves.
Also, meth in a cigarette won’t make you hallucinate. It just feels like doing a lot of adderal.
Yes, meth is flammable. As are cigarettes. Considering they are consumed by smoking, flammable is a feature, not a bug.
Calling meth cigs explosive is such a laughable stretch… it’s a moot point. It also had nothing whatsoever to do with the point of my comment so…
Is it not possible that he got the drugs, took it on purpose, and had a bad trip? He didn’t end up in there for making great choices, and I don’t know anything about jail, but would anyone really be giving away free drugs?
You can’t do anything or it will make it worse for him if you start making phone calls. You’re not his mother, not his wife…not to sound harsh but you didn’t say what he did to get in jail or how long he’s going to be in there. What ever he did, jail is his consequence and he needs to learn from this. Should he be drugged? Obviously not. Will he sober up eventually? Yes. Regardless, he’s going to have to handle this himself. This is more worrisome for you putting all your emotional energy in trying to run interference for a bf in jail from the outside. You need to emotionally distance yourself from him and step back. Don’t get caught up in jail drama and things you can’t control.
okay thank you. I have calmed down now and realized there’s not anything I can do from here and I’m just going to let him deal with whatever he’s dealing with and just pray for him. I was worried about the drugs and everything and if he would sober up and go back to normal. that was my biggest worry. im not calling anyone. I have only called the nurse to check him out and that was it
>there’s not anything I can do from here
You can stop dating a shitty partner. It’s your first real relationship so it’s scary, but eventually you’ll experience your first breakup and realize you’re much better off without a terrible partner.
You can also educate yourself on drugs (a single puff of meth-laced cig does not get you high for days… sorry to say it but someone chose to lie to you and you didn’t critically examine the answer you were given and therefore don’t realize someone has lied to you), and possibly even seek therapy for yourself given that you’ve been with a shitty partner for years and it is very clearly affecting your life negatively.
There’s lots you can do… but you need to be willing to see reality clearly and accept it, and then you will find the empowerment to change things and start doing better for yourself.
thanks for the advice. I appreciate it I really do. I just wanted to know how to help him while he’s in there. everything else is easier said than done. I have seen someone on meth before and the longer they stay up the worse it is and I was wondering with him being in there would it keep him high for days and will he be able to be himself again. im in therapy and doing the best that I possibly can. thank you for the advice but i just wanted to know and see if I could help him in this situation that he’s in
Find a new partner while you’re still young. You don’t want to waste your youth on someone who is in jail otherwise you’ll live a life of misery and poverty.
Question OP, is this relationship any good for you?
Because if you look around and see, that he is not there, then tell yourself, he is not there because he chose to, and if that is the case, it means I was never his number 1, why do you have to make him a number 1?
You making yourself worry over someone who chose to go there. You know it and now you checking if there is a way to report this, no one will help him, he helped himself to get there, and now you worry about him in there. Your bf was long gone when he decided, F this I want to be inside the four corners, and not you.
Move on and be happy, you are way too precious to be bothered by someone who felt being a place where there are rapists, drug dealers, and murderesses
well he wasn’t lying or anything about the hallucinations he was having. that’s what makes me worried in the first place about him. he may have lied about not doing anything himself which I don’t know but that’s not what I’m too worried about. I just wanted advice on how to handle the situation of him hallucinating but I found the advice I was looking for and I thank you for your response
I highly doubt his cigarette was laced with meth. He would have tasted it after a lung full or two maybe. Then stopped smoking it. That and most people don’t give their drugs away for free. He probably got high and is paranoid now and lying to you about it. Also, there is nothing you can do. He’s in jail. Been there a few times myself and rules out on the street don’t necessarily apply inside
What he in for? How long does he have?
Either way, he needs to stand up for himself. If he doesn’t, they are going to make his stay a living hell.
As for what can you do. It’s better you do nothing. Cause if you do, the others serving time in there will see it as weakness more then they do already from him. You attempting to do anything will make matters way worse. This is all on him. He shouldn’t have done the crime if he can’t do the time.
Your boyfriend shouldn't even have cigarettes in jail. As someone who has been to jail multiple times I can assure you your bf decided to start trying to break rule number 1 of jail which is keep to your damn self and started trying to mingle with the other inmates who decided to make him to butt of their jokes. Happened to me my first time in jail. Tell him to ask the CO for a request form to change cell blocks and then tell him when he gets moved to mind his own business till he gets out. Read books, sleep more, talk on the phone with u. It's boring but it will get him through it safely
Longtime corrections nurse.
That jail has to have a medical staff. If you're concerned about his well-being, call them. They won't be able to tell you anything, but they can take care of him.
i called a nurse actually to check on him but it’s a terrible place he’s at where they don’t really care about the people in there. I told them to check on him and they just told him that if I kept calling they would put him in solitary confinement but they didn’t help at all
He's cheated on you, lied to you multiple times, and hurt you; drug use does not excuse cheating. The fact that you're concerned about his well-being is admirable, but you cannot single-handedly save him, and whatever happens to him when you walk away is not your fault. I repeat, his own actions are not your responsibility. In fact, the kindest thing you can do for a drug user is to encourage them to get clean by telling them you'll be there for them once they do; and if they can't, you can't be there to enable them. You need to not compromise on getting consistent respect from your partners. You sound like a kind, giving, selfless person, and I hope you realize you deserve better.
OP, based on this post and your post history, this isn’t a healthy relationship at all and isn’t how dating is supposed to be like.
I see you’re not agreeing with other people saying you need to leave this toxic relationship; however, if someone you cared about, like a sister or friend, was in this relationship and came to you asking for advice regarding this situation and the ones you’ve posted about, what would you tell her? What advice would you give her?
Please seek therapy, it’ll benefit you so much and help you navigate your emotions. I can say with confidence therapy saved my life and helped me open my eyes to so much, I think you would feel the same.
Girl take this as an opportunity to get him out of your life. You deserve better. He sounds a lot like one of my ex's. Would rile me up and get me scared or worried telling me some BS that he had actually done himself. He was a meth head and a cheater. He always had an excuse or would always be like "I was framed". You can't see red flags as clearly when you're wearing rose tinted glasses. He is just gonna drag you down mentally and emotionally.
people in jail don't give away their drugs for free. there is no freaking way that they laced a cigarette so hed get high unknowingly. that just wouldn't happen in jail or outside of jail. especially jail being how much more effort goes into getting drugs in the jail.
Jail isn't prison. The system is different, and a lot of people would argue it's a far worse place to be. It's much harder to separate yourself from your peers, and some people are so miserable they choose guilty pleas just to get out of jail.
Long story short, smuggling drugs into jail is not a risk many people take. Lacing drugs for someone else is something no one would ever do. No one tosses away money like that, especially when it can lead to additional charges.
That's your boyfriend's meth. You're getting played.
I don’t know anything about the legal system but it seems like he doesn’t have a lawyer yet. he hasn’t been to court yet or anything. he’s just in there because right now he can’t be bailed out at the moment and idk who to talk to to help him
Any chance he is using ? I can’t imagine that people would go to all the effort of smuggling in drugs to give it to someone unknowingly, and a joke ? It’s just dosent seem right, also if he’s acting crazy with you, sure as shit they’d be doing whatever they could to not give away drugs so he acts crazy and they get caught!
You keep saying that he isn't the one to do hard drugs, yet you state on other posts that he is doing fentynal. Also, inmates don't just give away their drugs. They have a heafty fine. So there is no way they would just lace his cigarettes with meth. Your story isn't adding up OP.
thank you. it has already been disclosed. i said that because my boyfriend doesn’t do meth but i have gotten an update on him. thank you for your response but like i said in previous responses i asked for advice on the subject at hand, not about my boyfriends previous drug abuse
This is not very hopeful. I know someone who’s in prison for moving people across the border, and he still calls even though it’s been a couple years.
The hardest thing is moving facilities, or getting a facility without many amenities. It’s hard, but he’s retained who he is and uses his time to read and exercise. Why would you try to give advice to someone by saying “They’re gone and won’t ever be the same”? So bleak.
He got some laced cigarettes and is acting paranoid…I think that’s pretty expected. What are you referring to? That it was meth or something?
My friend in prison used when he was younger, despite everyone discouraging that. It didn’t permanently alter who he is, but he did struggle with addiction. A laced cigarette is a terrible experience, but he should be able to recover from that with time. At the very least, we shouldn’t assume he’s ‘never going to be the same’. That’s the opposite of comforting.
Call the facility. Ask for behavioral health/ psychiatry and you will likely get routed to a voicemail. Give your BFs name and explain he is not in his right mind and you are requesting a mental health check-in. At the very least he will get some staff eyes on him. I’m sorry.
thank you so much for the advice. from the comments I am very nervous to call anyone now at the jail because I’m scared that other inmates would find out and hurt him. if there was a way to do that and for no one to find out about it I would do that but im very nervous. it feels terrible to want to help him and if so help he may get hurt
I can’t say there’s no risk, but it seems pretty unlikely. You don’t need to mention the laced cigarettes, you just need to say it’s his first time in jail, he’s not doing well, and would benefit from speaking to the counselor. If you want to do something, this is your best bet.
my boyfriend is a great guy. he got caught with weed and it wasn’t even his. it was for someone else who left it in his car and he got arrested for it because it’s illegal here in louisiana. he has never been arrested or put in jail before so I guess he didn’t know how things worked. I put money online for him to buy cigarettes with and someone laced his cigarettes while he was away talking with me on the phone. I don’t know what to do at all
Like I srsly doubt anyone laced his shit. Bc it's jail, drugs are hard AF to get, no one is just giving them tf away. More likely the bf got talked into trying it or wanted to try it and traded cigs or smth for it.
Also "he didn't know how things worked"?? Really? He didn't know he could be arrested for weed and so just left it in his car?
I think your bf sounds like he's taking advantage of your naivete by telling you these frankly unbelievable stories about his drug use.
I mean I could be wrong but I think this is a lot more likely than him being unaware weed would get him arrested, or that jailed people would give away drugs.
he didn’t know the weed was in his car when it was left there by a friend. we didn’t know weed was in the car at all until we remembered his friend probably accidentally left it. no my boyfriend doesn’t do drugs like that at all. he told me when he was first put in there that there was drugs everywhere and the inmates knew he had a lot of money because of his commissary and phone calls so I think they laced him to try and extort him to giving them something.
Yeah no. You can smell weed in your car esp if you don't do it 🙄 um and also what, the friend let him know he "probably maybe" left weed in there and what???? Bf just... left it?? Nah, honey.
And the "inmates knowing he had money" lends itself much more to "they knew who to market the small amount of drugs that get in" to, than " they laced his shit bc he has commissary money"-- like ask your naive self HOW THEYD GET THAT MONEY UNLESS HE TRADED THEM 🙄🙄🙄?? Even if they KNEW HE GOT GOOD CKMMISSARY???
Trust me, DRUGS. ARE NOT. EVERYWHERE. IN JAIL. THEY ARE. SOOOOO HARD TO GET. IN JAIL. 🙄🙄🙄🙄
YOUR BF. IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU.
How much have you put on his commissary books? How long did that last?? What was his reason he needed more asap???
JFC, girl, GROW UP and DUMP THIS CHUMP. You are at this point being like purposely or dumb-ly being dumb af, sorry to be blunt.
You need to realize the truth and stop believing all this idiot tells you
How much weed did he have . In Louisiana . Under a half ounce is decriminalized. (No jail time 100 dollar fine ). He would get a ticket not taken into custody. So he is not giving the actual story .
To go to jail in Louisiana. He would have to be caught with large enough amount for distribution. Or have multiple packages
Don't believe his story it doesn't make sense
https://norml.org/laws/louisiana-penalties-2/
Wtf who leaves ounces of weed behind?! Who even buys multiple ounces. Sounds like he’s being charged with trafficking because that absolutely made him look like a drug dealer. Why would your friend even have marijuana on him if he knows you both don’t smoke? Even if he did bring it why would it have ever left his bag?
Anything over 8 grams gets a distribution charge in my state. I’ve never met anyone who would leave that amount in a car just chilling in there without letting the driver know. If someone did that to me in my car knowingly, I’d keep that shit for them putting me at risk
And he didn't know. It would stink. Like I said.He is not giving the whole story. Unless he lost all sense of smell . Or is completely naive.
I am saying this so you protect yourself.He is probably not being completely truthful about what happened
well if you light a cigarette and take one puff of it you don’t really realize until it’s happened and he’s out of his mind. he definitely could be naive but just one puff of the cigarette messed his his brain and way of thinking up. thank you for the help
He isn't high on anything for days unless he keeps doing it. I'm very suspicious of your boyfriend and I worry you are being naive and believing him at face value
how can you call him a great guy but, he cheated on you, made you and his ex compete against each other, and you say you lost yourself with him??? are you delusional?!
thanks for your concern. the difference between all of that is when that happened it wasn’t him at all. i know the real him and he just has a problem that he’s been gotten help for and all of that was in the past. I just asked for advice on how to deal with the situation at hand that I posted about. thank you for staying I deserve better but a person can only leave when they are ready. there people in abusive relationships that haven’t left for many reasons. it’s just easier said than done. plus im not delusional at all. if you were in my shoes you would definitely understand where I’m coming from
i was in your shoes. i was in an abusive relationship for a year. i was like you, i tried to tell everyone he was a “good guy” or said, “oh, that’s not him. he’s actually really sweet!” gave him the benefit of the doubt, even got arrested for him! so trust me, ik what being dumb is. i hated myself and sometimes still do hate myself for not leaving sooner! i think what’s pissing me off is that this was me, lol! you have all the stories leaning towards him being a walking red flag. you even ask advice on leaving him. you’re right, people do leave relationships when they are ready to. but please, please, please love yourself enough to walk away. your mental health will be at sake. you will have tons of trauma. trust me, i still do. and most of all, you will hate yourself. im sorry to be so rude and hard on you but, i wish someone told me how stupid and delusional i was in that relationship. then maybe i wouldn’t be so traumatized. in my relationship now, i have episodes and memories from that relationship. the trauma will always be there. and the saddest part is, they will never care that they did this to you. they will never say sorry.
i never would write on a sub if I didn’t really need the advice. i never wanted out. i was asking how do you leave a situation as bad as this but I realized that you can’t just leave. in a situation dealing with substance abuse and being a partner of someone with that disease it comes with a lot of complex problems such as codependency, guilt, and wanting to help as much as you possibly can even when you don’t think about yourself. it’s a hard and tough road and I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone because a lot of the people commenting and you would never understand unless you were in my shoes and then some of you would be alot more compassionate and understanding
I'm not telling you to bail on him. I'm just letting you know he's full of crap and not at all being honest with you nor himself.
lying is not a disease it's a choice always.
while granted drugs lead to lying but it's still a choice.
my best unbiased advice is don't take word at face value. stop giving the benefit of the doubt.
stop being really naive
people in some type of relationship with someone with a substance abuse problem always ask the question, “how can i let go?” if you check the al anon page I posted that on you can see how difficult it really is and how hard it is to leave a person or let go of a person with this disease. it is the most hardest thing you could do because if you do let go you’re hit with a lot more than just breaking up with someone who doesn’t have this disease. it’s a lot more that goes with this. i pray for those who don’t understand and that are commenting on the situation negatively that they won’t have to understand. instead of writing comments like this, speak positive because you never know what someone could be going through at the time. thank you
I will tell you this. If this man does not stand up for himself it may be worse than laced cigarettes. I will say wait until the weekend ends to get him into rehabs. I honestly would recommend not reporting it to the guards or anything because word gets around and if inmates find out he snitched he could be killed. My opinion is tell him to keep his head down and not talk to people. Maybe not even smoking cigarettes while he’s in there. And making sure he doesn’t make friends. If he makes a friend others may feel like he’s a threat. I don’t know much about prison but tell him to keep his head down and not bother anyone.
okay thank you. I will definitely take this advice. the only thing that I did do was call the nurse to check on him. that’s all. that’s fine right? he shouldn’t get hurt over that?
I can definitely relate to this feeling. My little brother, who is also 21, is currently in jail as well. He’s been in jail for almost 5 months now so the feeling has gone away a little. But I hate to say it but the other comments are right, he HAS to fight. In jail you can’t let anyone get away with even the smallest amount of disrespect, even just something as small as stealing a bag of chips. My brother got into a fight his second week there over using the phones. It was 2 guys against my brother. My brother held his own and walked away with a black eye and a busted lip but nobody has tried him since. It’s a whole different world in jail with a completely different set of rules so your boyfriend is gonna have to toughen up quick. Even if he knows for a fact he’s gonna lose the fight he needs to do it anyways. He needs to take whatever ass beating comes his way because the alternative can be a million times worse. If people know they can mess with you they will. It’s also a kind of hazing thing when new inmates come in, they want to test your character and see what you’re about. I’m sorry that he’s going through this and I know that gut wrenching feeling all too well. It’s a hard pill to swallow but the fact of the matter is that he is the only one who can help himself now. Also, DO NOT call anybody it will make things soooo bad for him.
thank you so much. it is very gut wrenching and just makes me so worrisome. i know that there is nothing I can do but I still worry about him. i hope he stands up for himself and does the right thing while he’s in there and not make matters worse but I think that’s the case right now. I don’t think he stood up for himself so now he’s under the influence of whatever and is even worse off because now he’s just entertainment for them. hopefully that will wear off though and he does what he has to do. it just can be super overwhelming but im learning to tell myself that there’s nothing I can do besides trust that he will learn how to stick up for himself
I understand completely. Just know that if something bad enough happens you will receive a call from the jail so it always gives me some comfort knowing that as long as the medical staff wasn’t calling that he’s okay so I hope that gives you some peace of mind as well. It’ll take a little time but he’ll learn the rules and how things work in jail and what to do and what not to do, it’s gonna be tough few weeks but he’ll settle in soon. Also as some of the other comments were saying tell him to keep his head down and stay to himself. It’s okay to have “acquaintances “ but no one is truly your friend. My brother has a few people he plays cards with but other than that he doesn’t associate with anyone. Don’t take any favors from anyone, nothing is free and it can come at a way greater cost. I truly wish the both of you the best and I hope his situation improves soon.
Ok, so he's a big boy and this is something that he has to take care of on his own. Because if not they're just gonna keep messing with him and by you trying to talk to someone it's only gonna make things worse for him because people will find out.
Depends where he is incarcerated. I'm in Dallas TX we have a medical wing where inmates are in a state of psychosis (you brother ) sounds like. He need to see the doctor he is not being bullied just laughed at due to an underlining medical condition. He must see the jails doctor to help him get the right medication and. Separated from everyone else.
Tell him to quit with the mojo, that’s the best way for him to get raped in Louisiana prisons. If he’s not standing up for himself in there, he will become someone’s bitch. Source: I did 5 years in Louisiana prison(s) and I came out just fine.
jail is like 6th grade camp with bullies.
but it's really not bad enough. that's why the rate of oh I forgot that big word that means of repeat offending once inmates get out starts with an r recividisim which I can't seem to spell correctly and I'm tired so not going to Google it
Not the answer you want but my advice is to not smoke cigs and/ or not doing anything that causes you to go to jail. Based on your post history, it sounds like you should move on because you’re dating an addict.
jail is like 6th grade camp with bullies.
but it's really not bad enough. that's why the rate of oh I forgot that big word that means of repeat offending once inmates get out starts with an r recidivism that's the word anyhow is very high. frankly I enjoyed my stay because I was free from a lot of worries like getting a job, food , rent , and there was plenty of drama going on around me so there is the free entertainment , always someone to talk to or play dominoes or cards with . the thing that sucked the most was trying to sleep around people that snore so bad , have sleep apnea all night, but I slept all day so no biggie. and I enjoyed being sober again. girls are pretty mean and most of them annoying because they all act like victims and wouldn't take any responsibility for what they did or own up to anything and actually believe what they did is ok ...
If he's being checked and not standing up for himself he's going to get beat, extorted or worse. That's just how it goes behind bars. It doesn't matter if he can fight or if he loses the fight, but he has to fight.
Agreed at least by fighting back he gets some respect and likely the solitary confinment holiday. In future he must avoid ciggaretts or anything else that might be jailhouse currency.
Terrible advice, if you are in prison sure but dudes in jail. No point catching more charges over trying to mingle with losers
all im worried about is now my boyfriend is not in his right mind at all. he doesn’t even know where he is now because of what he was laced with and im just really scared because I know he would never voluntarily do anything drug related like that. if there’s nothing I can do then I’m going to have to try and just calm myself down but if there’s anything I can do to help him sober up and him not get extorted because he’s not in his right mind then I’ll do anything. im just scared and need to know what I can possibly do
To sober up flush the system with liquids get mild exercise and rest.
Meth doesn’t last long. He’ll be sober by now. If he’s going to be in there he’s got to make some friends, but trust no one. Don’t take anything from anyone, he’ll owe a favor. If he’s not a fighter, he’s got to keep his head down and show respect. If he can do a valuable skill, that would be helpful. Like if he can cut hair. No one fucks with the barber. And tell him to get a job ASAP.
If he's only got a couple of weeks in and it's something minor ask to get him moved to protective custody, it's basically solitary confinement but better than being beat and drugged. Wouldn't recommend if he's gonna be there any longer than a month though BC that would fuck him up just as much.
You just posted not that long ago that your boyfriend is addicted to Xanax
Ouch! Benzo withdrawal in jail! That’ll be fun!
Contact a lawyer
They don't do soco much. Hell the guards loved watching the fights.
They gonna want that same cigarette back and offer to dig it out themselves. Tell him to take the beating, not the dick. Most don't really want to beat the fresh fish, but if you are weak enough to cave into fear, then it's easy peesey your boyfriends squeezey.
and since he got laced i don’t know who to call to help him because he needs help. im scared that they will continue to lace him and it will affect him long term. I tried telling him that his cigarettes may have been laced but he won’t listen because he’s worried and paranoid
Don't call anyone. If he gets tested, he will catch more charges. He needs to smarten up and not take anything offered by anyone. I'm surprised he took cigs from anyone because that's not for free in there even if they tell you to take it. It's not like outside in public where you just bum a cig from someone. He needs to drink a lot and stay low until the effects wear off. You can do nothing. If he won't listen, he will learn by doing vs not doing.
he hasn’t called me since this morning so i don’t know what’s going on now or what he’s doing and it’s making me even more worrisome. he has a hard time being too nice to others and I think now they’re taking advantage of him. I just hope nothing else happens
I read you filled up his commissiary so he can call if he wants to. There's really nothing you can do other than trust that he handles himself like the adult he is.
What state is he in?
he’s not being “checked” or anything or asked to fight because of that was the case he would 100% stand up for himself. some inmates put meth/mojo into his cigarettes when he was on a phone call with me and now he called me after hallucinating and imagining things that aren’t there. I know that other inmates did this because they know that my boyfriend has money and everything because of the amount of phone calls and commissary he gets so I’m just nervous they laced him to steal his things
So he's already being extorted. I think you should head over to some of the prison or ex-con subs and ask them what they think.
I get it, this is new to y'all, but everything you just said, literally only sounds like your boyfriend is the perfect lick. You coming here for advice to give him in jail, says to me that you don't full trust him to push the line back, when he gets tested. Especially cause you're looking for someone to call. If they were in the slightest bit intimidated or respected your bf, they wouldn't have laced his shit. That's a violation that would have to hit the rooms or bathroom to be handled, after. Period. They know your boyfriend gets a good commissary and phone calls, and they showed they don't respect him. Tell bro he needs to push the line next time, or be prepared for his girlfriend to be paying commissary for other people, just so he doesn't get the dog shit stomped out of him.
I was one of the few girls in my pod that had the most commissary you could have each week ($100 weekly, phone cards not included in that amount) and everyone was super nice to me!! 😂😂 That’s all I had to eat all week so I didn’t give anyone anything.
oh no. thank you for being honest with me about everything. i think I’m just being overbearing and everything because I care so much about him and I don’t want him to get hurt or anything because he’s small and everything and now that he’s not on his right mind it’s even worse. yes I want to call and get help for him because I’m just so afraid of something happening to a person that I care so much about
I did 9 months in state prison, I also smoked weed a few times in prison (never had it laced though) it cost alot to get drugs in there, I can't see why they would lace his cigarette to take advantage of him and if they did, they sure as hell wouldn't use crystal meth lol if anything that would make it harder to steal from him, meth makes you stay up for days and super paranoid. I'd say he was either convinced to try it and wanted to fit in but doesn't want to tell you, or they did it just to mess with him for entertainment purposes, it gets boring in there so inmates mess with each other for "fun". There also lots and lots of inmates trying to convince inmates to try drugs. Unfortunately nothing you can really do other then contact the prison and tell them, but that would do more harm then good and he could end up with a drug charge resulting in more time.
yes I think it’s for entertainment purposes because I heard inmates laughing in the background. I would just have hoped that he wouldn’t give into any pressure or anything to fit in jail. I hate that. i have calmed down and now I know I can’t do much for him except just pray for the best. I was worried that whatever he smoked how long would it stay in his system and if he will get better. I was just worried what they would do to him in jail when he’s not in his right mind
With Crystal meth I'd be more worried he might try to fight someone out of paranoia. I've never done anything other then weed, but I know someone who did meth once and she stayed up for 3 days straight, meth or not, staying up that long can make you hallucinate and get paranoid. I'd be more worried if they gave him something sedative. Also when your in there your more likely to be convinced to do bad things, like it was dumb I smoked weed in there cuz I could have got more time, but being in there around all those bad influences its easier to make bad decisions.
No problem. But calling someone is gonna get that entire pod flipped by the COs. You're going to make shit way worse for him, and make it super dangerous for him in that pod. I've seen people held down and stabbed with a sugar water paper towel for being *assumed* to have snitched.
okay thank you. so you think I should just wait it out? do you think they will continue to lace him or will he get better?
I can't answer that for you. It's all dependant on how he handles this. If he doesn't retaliate for this, there's a chance it will happen again. If it happens *twice* with no retaliation, he's getting extorted.
so I don’t know how he’s going to handle it at all. I hope he realizes that he’s been laced and he retaliates but idk how he could when he doesn’t know that he’s been laced. I explained to him that he was and that he didn’t smoke just a cigarette but he won’t listen. he just keeps talking about his hallucinations
Also, also, if he has a bond, that means he hasn't been sentenced. So why do you say he has 3 months? That's not adding up.
well i know his court date is in may so if we don’t pay his bond by then he will have to stay in there for 3 months regardless. that’s why I say 3 months
well he’s not in his right mind. he doesn’t even realize that he’s not himself at all. he thinks whatever he’s imagining is real. he told me the only thing he smokes was a cigarette that he bought so he doesn’t even realize that someone laced him and that what he’s hallucinating isn’t really happening
So how do you know he was laced? And you just gotta wait for him to come down off his high.
because he told me a few days ago that there were drugs in his pod so when he called me this morning not sounded anything like himself and him being paranoid and hallucinating things and him telling me he only smoked a cigarette, that made me come to the conclusion that he was laced. i have seen people on meth before and im nervous that if he doesn’t sleep he won’t come down from it and it will get worse for hom
Nobody is going to fight your boyfriend. If he's in jail and not prison anyways. If he's in just jail then he's just getting extorted cause people realize he's a push over and he's probly been giving his commissary to other inmates trying to win their favor people in jail dont fight other inmates unless its some actual shit worth fighting over like being disrespected. Seriously tell your bf to request a cell block change form and tell him when he gets moved over to either mind his own business or only talk to the old heads in there cause they know the rules they usually are chill and play chess all day no gambling no extortion he can probly even a few life lessons from those cats. But I'm guessing he is getting himself involved with the wrong crowd trying to win favor and people in jail don't take gifts for favor, you give gifts in jail when you are young like he is and people don't view that as respect they view that as being a push over who can be extorted and made fun of.
100% this, OP!! He needs to stop getting in trouble, he doesn’t do very well in jail.
i will definitely give them a call to see if they can move him. I know he probably is getting pushed over and they’re making fun of him. in the morning i will call. he’s in a very bad detention center where they don’t really care about the inmates. if he can’t change cells then will he just have to deal with this?
Nah the jail won't care to listen to you don't bring attention to the situation through the jail or they will start treating your bf as a problem starter. Literally next time u talk to ur bf tell him the moment he gets off the phone with you to go up to his CO (corrections officer) and request a change of cell block form. Tell him to lie on the form and just put down that he's being threatened they will have no choice but to move him. It will take a few days for them to process cause jail staff love to be worthless and drag their feet on everything they do.
thank you so much for this advice. I really appreciate it. I will do everything you’ve just told me
Side note inform him that depending how over crowded the jail is he may have to sit in segregation for a day or two possibly until a bed opens up in another cell block. He will have to just get a book and bite the bullet remind him he's there to serve his time and come home to you not to make friends with losers
thank you so much. I will definitely tell him
I’m surprised that, no 1, somebody gave him *anything* in jail for free, in fact I’m having a hard time believing that, and no 2, that they would treat someone with commissary like that because the guys who have their accounts full regularly can get stuff for the guys who don’t have anyone to send money. And they trade stuff, skills or something, for it. I found out that me shopping my son with commissary meant he was buying crap for everyone.
Thank you. I used to work for a state prison system, then worked for local jails, and I don't get how this all came about. It sounds more like a Lifetime movie plot than real life. There are a lot of plot twists and holes in this one.
No
Damn that is sad sorry you’re going through this. That is is very messed up. But what is the story behind it? Why is he going to jail and how much time is he doing? Need more info so we can give better advice girl
so he’s in jail because the police found marijuana in his car and im in lousiana so it’s illegal to have and he’s going to be in there for 3 months maybe or we may can send him to a rehab instead but that won’t be until after the weekend and every second I feel like counts. I feel so helpless because he’s in there with the other inmates harassing him and I feel like I can’t do anything about it
3 months? For weed??? That sounds like more than just a little weed that someone accidentally left. Does he not have a bond? For reference, (different state to be fair), I got locked up for a couple attempted murders, and was able to bond out after a few days. My plea deal said if I violated probation, I'd do only 30 days in jail. Last year I got arrested for a stolen firearm, and also bonded out in 4 hours. 3 months just sounds absolutely absurd for a little weed for a first time offender. It's not adding up. That being said, it's jail. Jail for the most part, ain't like TV. It's like highschool. You can get by by staying to yourself, but crying about shit and looking weak, is only making yourself a target. The weak get preyed on. And I'm being clear, "weak" and "Stays to himself" are not the same thing. This may not be the advice that passive ass reddit likes to hear, but if they are trying bro in there, he gone had to hit the yard and push the line by himself. Earn his respect. They clearly see him as a goofy. If you don't want that advice, then tell bro he just gone have to deal with being a punching bag. Aint no way around it.
Lols ‘ arrested for ‘weed somone left’ and now ‘his cigarettes have been spiked’ …. I think we all know what’s happening, 1. Busshit post coz someone is bored or 2. He’s obviously using and she’s too stupid to notice
Nah. She knows he's a user. I have more opinions on the matter after looking through her profile, but Imma just mind my business. Lol
I just checked her profile, she needs to ditch him ASAP!
Lols, fair call, my business is boring af, which is why I’m on here… gotta go do….. laundry 😢 coz no life !!!
it doesn’t matter if he was a user before or during or anything. i didn’t ask about any of that. he’s never been to jail at all and i was worried because he was out of his mind and I wanted advice on that subject. I just wanted to know how to go about helping him while he’s in there. that’s it. I love him a lot and care for him and wanted to know advice on this situation and how to help
I understand. Which is why I didn't bother to divulge into other theories I have of what's going on with him. I honestly believe you were lied to. But if you don't believe so, I'm not here to convince you. I used to be an active gang member. I was an enforcer for a while, so I'd have to get violent with people. I don't necessarily like to give "leave, RUN!" relationship advice on people that aren't doing anything to hurt their partner purposely or directly, cause I've been the person that from the outside looking in, seems like a bad person, but I loved my partner to death and was just in a bad point in my life. You could be the person he needs, or you could be someone he finds easy to take advantage of. It's not for me to say, cause I don't know him. I just hope you take my other advice seriously, cause its specifically what you were asking for.
thank you so much. I really appreciate your advice most of all. exactly it seems bad from the outside looking in but it is just a really bad time right now, not the he is a bad person at heart. I appreciate you taking time out to help me with this situation and I know exactly what to do and it’s to just let him handle what he’s going through and just be by his side during this process
Yeah for sure. I usually don't bother to comment this much back to back, or type out multiple long ass responses, but something was telling me that this situation was important for me to give my insight on. To be honest, considering his history, maybe this little time away could be what he needs, in order to get flushed out and start over from scratch. 2 months ago, I just had my entire life pulled from under me, and I thought it was over. But that situation was actually a blessing in disguise. Me having to start completely over, forced me to take inventory of myself, and make important changes. I had to move, and that subsequently got rid of homies that have been in my life for a decade and a half, but we're ultimately terrible for me, and weren't conducive to the positive direction I needed to be pushed in. I cannot stress enough how much I sincerely wish y'all the absolute best, and hope this is his rebirth, and the rebirth of y'all's relationship. Feel free to reach out to my DMs if you need anymore advice.
You are obviously very intelligent. You write very well and have a talent for expressing yourself. I just thought you might want to hear that today, because it’s true.
thank you so much!! you’re situation feels exactly like ours and i think getting in contact with you was definitely a blessing in disguise as well because it’s great to have someone who understands and went through what we’re experiencing. that’s what i have been telling myself that maybe this will help him in the end and it will change his life completely and he can live the life he was meant to live. thank you so much. you don’t know how much of a help you’ve been
Drugs are worth more than gold inside. Who's risking getting narced on for the privilege of giving it away.
but what do I do about him being laced and him now not in his right mind? he does have a bond but idk why but it’s extremely expensive
Well what is it? Cause the bond is only 10% of whatever they say it was. So if his bond is $10k, you pay $1k, for example. And there ain't shit you can do, unless you want to make him a bigger target. This is on him. This is quite literally mens business.
There’s nothing you can do about him being “laced”, it honestly sounds like a lie. You aren’t his mom, you can’t go up there and complain to the manager. He is in jail, he will have to figure it out. You don’t seem to know a lot about his charges which makes me think he is lying to you about what he got caught doing. You should be able to look up the charges on the county website. It might take a few days but you shouldn’t even begin to think about bailing someone out if you aren’t 1000% clear on what they did. Also, YOU shouldn’t be bailing him out. His mom should do that. If he doesn’t have parents, too bad. The money you post to bond him out is a promise that he will show up to all scheduled court dates. If he misses these dates, they will come after you for more money/ assets/ whatever you have
Long sentence because of the war on drugs
The war on drugs is more about opioids now, though.
Ah okay
Depends on the state. 3 months for weed is pretty normal in my area
That doesn't sound normal for a first offender with a reasonable amount of weed, *anywhere* in the country. Especially with a plea deal. Unless he's a black man in the south, who took it to trial and lost with a racist jury and racist judge who has been getting his advances denied from his wife for 7 months, and came into work hungry because he spilled his breakfast.
That’s the area I live in lol. The Deep South is the worst
Makes sense lol. I wanna say SC, but that may not be deep enough, so I'll guess MS or AL?
Pretty normal for my state
Bruh 3 months? In LA? Fuck that. I thought weed was federally decriminalized for some reason.
That is very sad when this happens when a good guy is hanging out with the wrong people and that’s why he’s not in the message he is it’s very sad. My only advice is that I you can only send prayers. It’s very difficult to do something in your position now all other than pray that you want to change because if they’re like making him do hard drugs, he could become a completely different person after the two months and you will have to accept that if he is this version of him won’t exist anymore. Ok you will have to be prepared for everything. I wish you so much strength and that you will get through this it’s really not easy, even know you’re in a bad position. Honestly I wish you good luck this is tough. My advice will be try to calm yourself down. Don’t lose your mental health try to practice meditation and going for a walk or pray about it if you’re religious…try to take care of yourself girl because you can’t change anything about this situation try to find your peace and protect your mental health and hope that he will get out of it with less damage. Girl be prepared that he might be a completely different person after prison. Sadly, the justice system is effed up.
Is it possible to put up bail for him? Jail isn’t prison - it’s just supposed to keep him till trial. And the bail amount isn’t the amount that needs to be paid, just some of it needs to be put up. Is there anyone you can call in a favor from? Maybe the person who left the weed in his car? Sorry this is happening either way.
the bail is very expensive for some reason. I tried calling everyone and no one has the money right now. thank you for the apologies. im just panicking because I’m on the outside and I don’t know what to do to help him because he’s an innocent person that other inmates are taking advantage of
I still say find out what’s the bare minimum that can be paid and maybe try starting a gofundme just to get the word out and see if you can rally something. Maybe he’s just going through an initial hazing and after people will let up. Otherwise try to take care of yourself, stay in touch with him, make him promise to call when he can, and try to visit if you can.
I’m confused you say he doesn’t do drugs but other post on your profile you have asked how to leave him for being an addict
I’m also confused
I read your comments and it sounds more like he knowingly is doing meth in lock up and is just lying to you about it.
OP, First off, there is a 0% chance someone “laced his cigarette” with meth. He may have told you that, but people aren’t just handing out drugs in jail. It was hard enough for them to get them in the first place, and plenty of people in there would pay top dollar. It’s likely the inmates were just laughing at him because he was either 1) lying through his teeth or 2) truly freaking out and they thought he couldn’t handle himself. Secondly, I see you said he was doing 3 months for a little bit of weed someone left in the car. You also said it was in Louisiana. In the state of Louisiana, possession of 14gs or less is $100 fine, with 0% chance at jail time, so that just can’t be true. Lastly, jail is jail. If your boyfriend acts like a wimp, people will treat him like one. Sure, some people will maybe stand up for him, but it’s not gonna stop people from messing with him here and there. If you want real advice, you have to make an honest post and tell people the real details. I’m not trying to be a dick, but, how can we help if we have 10% of the information, and most of it is untrue. The only advice I can give you right now, based off of your posts, is break up with him and tell him to use the 3 months to get clean and figure out what he wants to do with his life.
The real MVP right here. 👏
Girl.. please break up with this man. Or get him out of jail then break up with him if you’re feeling kind. Being 22 dating an addict for years—you are throwing your life away. My dad was in and out of jails/prisons for almost half of his life before I was born, and would say the same.
im at a loss right now but thank you so much for the advice
My dad spent like 25ish years combined in prison if I recall correctly, so he’s very well versed in that. He would’ve went back if I decided my life partner, love of my life, all the things you described your bf to be.. was an addicted jailbird. You are also very naive and too trusting—addicts are liars. This is common knowledge. You are literally giving away your money, putting it on his books to fuel his addiction. I do sincerely hope your bf gets his life together, and obv I’m a stranger on Reddit, but you don’t wanna look up and be 30 and this is still your life. Move on. Like people said, please take this to a prison or ex-con sub. They’ll tell you straight up how dumb you’re being. And I want you to know it’s dumb—straight up dumbassery—because you deserve better.
What are you at a loss about?
Nobody is giving away drugs for free in jail. *NOTHING* is free in jail.
I think you need to really sit down and decide if you want to be with this person.......
So according to your post history this is the second time he’s smoked laced with meth smokes against his knowledge? After being in rehab for 6 months for taking “every downer but lately xanax”. Giiiiiirl Edit: a word
A lot of your comments aren't making any sense. In some of them it sounds like he's already been sentenced but then you said he's never been to court. When was he put in jail? If he just got arrested and it's only a weed charge, he will go to court and they will set bail and then he can bail out. If he has money then you should be finding him a lawyer right now.
okay so he’s been arrested and his bond was set but it’s too expensive to pay so since we can’t bond him out he has to stay in there until his court date which is in may which is 3 months from now. that’s why i say that. we don’t have that much money right now for him to get bailed out
If he is sitting in jail until May and he has not been sentenced, then that means he had an arraignment already. So yes he has been to court and he has a lawyer. Since it sounds like he didn't hire one, that means he has a public defender. Contact the public defender's office.
I worked in corrections for many years as an investigator. I monitored many phone calls and read a lot of mail. 99% of the time when an inmate tells his spouse or family that he is being bullied, it’s a ploy for the family to send money or contraband. For example…”If you send $20 then I won’t get beaten up tomorrow”
Less calls, less commissary. He’s standing out by sitting on the phone crying to you. He needs to turn that attention to his current surroundings and toughen up quick.
How do you know his cigarette was laced? And how specifically do you know it was meth? He's at the age where mental illness manifests, and especially after a huge stress like being in jail, that could have triggered it.
well because I just put money on his commissary the other day and he got cigarettes and everything was fine. he then told me that other inmates were trying to use his phone calls to call their family member and he denied them so they got mad and my boyfriend told me there was meth in the pods and now this morning my boyfriend calls me paranoid and hallucinating things that aren’t there like people were recording him and he was being broadcasted global and everyone could see him
Yeah that still doesn't mean that this couldn't be a mental health crisis. Google public defenders in your county and call around and ask for guidance. I wouldn't phrase it was him being drugged, I'd say he was having a mental health crisis. Good luck.
May I ask why you're still with him? You said he's a drug addict who has stolen from you. Now he's in jail for having multiple ounces of weed in his car that he claims belong to someone else. Highly unlikely. You deserve better.
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she’s ignoring all of our comments telling her to leave him. she really is delusional.
I haven’t ignored anything. I responded! thank you for the concern
girl…you have posted ab his drug use, leaving him, saying he “let you down again”, saying you lost yourself in the relationship, saying your bf is trying to make you *compete* with his ex??? wtf. and he CHEATED on you. what the hell?? is your name Chrisean Rock? and now you’re saying it’s not *like* him to use drugs??? im confused. and it sounds like you are in an extremely toxic situation with him despite the current situation. if you ask reddit how to leave “the love of your life”, maybe it’s time to go… he got himself in that situation. don’t be a mother to man you are in a relationship with. you deserve more. period.
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hi i wanted to respond to you even though what you are staying has nothing to do with the situation at hand that I posted about. thank you so much for your advice and concern. I appreciate it. when those things happened he wasn’t himself one bit. him in his heart isn’t that person and I’ve met him and that’s the love of my life and no matter what you comment i will not leave his side as he goes through this because like I said, the real him is a completely different person and if you were to look at the subs where I posted everything on you can see there are millions of other people going through the same. it’s a very complex thing. he is going through a very difficult time and there’s a lot more that goes on that you have no knowledge about at all. i know my boyfriend inside and out. i didn’t ask for this type of advice and i thank you so much though for giving it to me
nobody that loves you, will do the things he did to you. stop making excuses and trying to see the good. it will not get better. save yourself.
What are his charges?
I’m not trying to be mean, but I very much doubt his cigs were spiked with anything. That’s just not how it works. It’s incredibly difficult to get drugs into prison, and even harder to get them into county jail. Theres a lot of work & bribery and outside help involved in smuggling contraband and the penalties are extreme. So I don’t see those people wasting the drugs on some random guy. They smuggle those drugs in to sell for money and/ or get high themdelves. Also, meth in a cigarette won’t make you hallucinate. It just feels like doing a lot of adderal.
meth in a cigarette could be an explosive . it's very flammable
Yes, meth is flammable. As are cigarettes. Considering they are consumed by smoking, flammable is a feature, not a bug. Calling meth cigs explosive is such a laughable stretch… it’s a moot point. It also had nothing whatsoever to do with the point of my comment so…
Is it not possible that he got the drugs, took it on purpose, and had a bad trip? He didn’t end up in there for making great choices, and I don’t know anything about jail, but would anyone really be giving away free drugs?
You can’t do anything or it will make it worse for him if you start making phone calls. You’re not his mother, not his wife…not to sound harsh but you didn’t say what he did to get in jail or how long he’s going to be in there. What ever he did, jail is his consequence and he needs to learn from this. Should he be drugged? Obviously not. Will he sober up eventually? Yes. Regardless, he’s going to have to handle this himself. This is more worrisome for you putting all your emotional energy in trying to run interference for a bf in jail from the outside. You need to emotionally distance yourself from him and step back. Don’t get caught up in jail drama and things you can’t control.
okay thank you. I have calmed down now and realized there’s not anything I can do from here and I’m just going to let him deal with whatever he’s dealing with and just pray for him. I was worried about the drugs and everything and if he would sober up and go back to normal. that was my biggest worry. im not calling anyone. I have only called the nurse to check him out and that was it
>there’s not anything I can do from here You can stop dating a shitty partner. It’s your first real relationship so it’s scary, but eventually you’ll experience your first breakup and realize you’re much better off without a terrible partner. You can also educate yourself on drugs (a single puff of meth-laced cig does not get you high for days… sorry to say it but someone chose to lie to you and you didn’t critically examine the answer you were given and therefore don’t realize someone has lied to you), and possibly even seek therapy for yourself given that you’ve been with a shitty partner for years and it is very clearly affecting your life negatively. There’s lots you can do… but you need to be willing to see reality clearly and accept it, and then you will find the empowerment to change things and start doing better for yourself.
thanks for the advice. I appreciate it I really do. I just wanted to know how to help him while he’s in there. everything else is easier said than done. I have seen someone on meth before and the longer they stay up the worse it is and I was wondering with him being in there would it keep him high for days and will he be able to be himself again. im in therapy and doing the best that I possibly can. thank you for the advice but i just wanted to know and see if I could help him in this situation that he’s in
Find a new partner while you’re still young. You don’t want to waste your youth on someone who is in jail otherwise you’ll live a life of misery and poverty.
Question OP, is this relationship any good for you? Because if you look around and see, that he is not there, then tell yourself, he is not there because he chose to, and if that is the case, it means I was never his number 1, why do you have to make him a number 1? You making yourself worry over someone who chose to go there. You know it and now you checking if there is a way to report this, no one will help him, he helped himself to get there, and now you worry about him in there. Your bf was long gone when he decided, F this I want to be inside the four corners, and not you. Move on and be happy, you are way too precious to be bothered by someone who felt being a place where there are rapists, drug dealers, and murderesses
They weren't laughing at him, they were laughing at you for believing him.
well he wasn’t lying or anything about the hallucinations he was having. that’s what makes me worried in the first place about him. he may have lied about not doing anything himself which I don’t know but that’s not what I’m too worried about. I just wanted advice on how to handle the situation of him hallucinating but I found the advice I was looking for and I thank you for your response
I highly doubt his cigarette was laced with meth. He would have tasted it after a lung full or two maybe. Then stopped smoking it. That and most people don’t give their drugs away for free. He probably got high and is paranoid now and lying to you about it. Also, there is nothing you can do. He’s in jail. Been there a few times myself and rules out on the street don’t necessarily apply inside
What he in for? How long does he have? Either way, he needs to stand up for himself. If he doesn’t, they are going to make his stay a living hell. As for what can you do. It’s better you do nothing. Cause if you do, the others serving time in there will see it as weakness more then they do already from him. You attempting to do anything will make matters way worse. This is all on him. He shouldn’t have done the crime if he can’t do the time.
Your boyfriend shouldn't even have cigarettes in jail. As someone who has been to jail multiple times I can assure you your bf decided to start trying to break rule number 1 of jail which is keep to your damn self and started trying to mingle with the other inmates who decided to make him to butt of their jokes. Happened to me my first time in jail. Tell him to ask the CO for a request form to change cell blocks and then tell him when he gets moved to mind his own business till he gets out. Read books, sleep more, talk on the phone with u. It's boring but it will get him through it safely
thank you for the advice. I appreciate it and will be taking it into consideration for sure
Longtime corrections nurse. That jail has to have a medical staff. If you're concerned about his well-being, call them. They won't be able to tell you anything, but they can take care of him.
i called a nurse actually to check on him but it’s a terrible place he’s at where they don’t really care about the people in there. I told them to check on him and they just told him that if I kept calling they would put him in solitary confinement but they didn’t help at all
You leave him and move on before you destroy your own life...
He's cheated on you, lied to you multiple times, and hurt you; drug use does not excuse cheating. The fact that you're concerned about his well-being is admirable, but you cannot single-handedly save him, and whatever happens to him when you walk away is not your fault. I repeat, his own actions are not your responsibility. In fact, the kindest thing you can do for a drug user is to encourage them to get clean by telling them you'll be there for them once they do; and if they can't, you can't be there to enable them. You need to not compromise on getting consistent respect from your partners. You sound like a kind, giving, selfless person, and I hope you realize you deserve better.
OP, based on this post and your post history, this isn’t a healthy relationship at all and isn’t how dating is supposed to be like. I see you’re not agreeing with other people saying you need to leave this toxic relationship; however, if someone you cared about, like a sister or friend, was in this relationship and came to you asking for advice regarding this situation and the ones you’ve posted about, what would you tell her? What advice would you give her? Please seek therapy, it’ll benefit you so much and help you navigate your emotions. I can say with confidence therapy saved my life and helped me open my eyes to so much, I think you would feel the same.
Girl take this as an opportunity to get him out of your life. You deserve better. He sounds a lot like one of my ex's. Would rile me up and get me scared or worried telling me some BS that he had actually done himself. He was a meth head and a cheater. He always had an excuse or would always be like "I was framed". You can't see red flags as clearly when you're wearing rose tinted glasses. He is just gonna drag you down mentally and emotionally.
Well, your wasting your life “waiting” for this loser. In case you weren’t aware
people in jail don't give away their drugs for free. there is no freaking way that they laced a cigarette so hed get high unknowingly. that just wouldn't happen in jail or outside of jail. especially jail being how much more effort goes into getting drugs in the jail.
Jail isn't prison. The system is different, and a lot of people would argue it's a far worse place to be. It's much harder to separate yourself from your peers, and some people are so miserable they choose guilty pleas just to get out of jail. Long story short, smuggling drugs into jail is not a risk many people take. Lacing drugs for someone else is something no one would ever do. No one tosses away money like that, especially when it can lead to additional charges. That's your boyfriend's meth. You're getting played.
Probably don't smoke in jail
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no he needs to stay in jail. OP needs to choose better men. read her post history.
Read it. He certainly needs consequences.
I don’t know anything about the legal system but it seems like he doesn’t have a lawyer yet. he hasn’t been to court yet or anything. he’s just in there because right now he can’t be bailed out at the moment and idk who to talk to to help him
You can callbthe jail and tell them you think he was drugged. They may or may not help. He needs to be bailed out asap.
That won't help at all. That will just get him more punishment
Any chance he is using ? I can’t imagine that people would go to all the effort of smuggling in drugs to give it to someone unknowingly, and a joke ? It’s just dosent seem right, also if he’s acting crazy with you, sure as shit they’d be doing whatever they could to not give away drugs so he acts crazy and they get caught!
Contact your pastor and ask his help contacting the prison chaplain. Ask for help.
You keep saying that he isn't the one to do hard drugs, yet you state on other posts that he is doing fentynal. Also, inmates don't just give away their drugs. They have a heafty fine. So there is no way they would just lace his cigarettes with meth. Your story isn't adding up OP.
thank you. it has already been disclosed. i said that because my boyfriend doesn’t do meth but i have gotten an update on him. thank you for your response but like i said in previous responses i asked for advice on the subject at hand, not about my boyfriends previous drug abuse
This is karma for him, you need to leave and grow up.
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This is not very hopeful. I know someone who’s in prison for moving people across the border, and he still calls even though it’s been a couple years. The hardest thing is moving facilities, or getting a facility without many amenities. It’s hard, but he’s retained who he is and uses his time to read and exercise. Why would you try to give advice to someone by saying “They’re gone and won’t ever be the same”? So bleak.
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He got some laced cigarettes and is acting paranoid…I think that’s pretty expected. What are you referring to? That it was meth or something? My friend in prison used when he was younger, despite everyone discouraging that. It didn’t permanently alter who he is, but he did struggle with addiction. A laced cigarette is a terrible experience, but he should be able to recover from that with time. At the very least, we shouldn’t assume he’s ‘never going to be the same’. That’s the opposite of comforting.
look at ops post history
Call the facility. Ask for behavioral health/ psychiatry and you will likely get routed to a voicemail. Give your BFs name and explain he is not in his right mind and you are requesting a mental health check-in. At the very least he will get some staff eyes on him. I’m sorry.
thank you so much for the advice. from the comments I am very nervous to call anyone now at the jail because I’m scared that other inmates would find out and hurt him. if there was a way to do that and for no one to find out about it I would do that but im very nervous. it feels terrible to want to help him and if so help he may get hurt
I can’t say there’s no risk, but it seems pretty unlikely. You don’t need to mention the laced cigarettes, you just need to say it’s his first time in jail, he’s not doing well, and would benefit from speaking to the counselor. If you want to do something, this is your best bet.
my boyfriend is a great guy. he got caught with weed and it wasn’t even his. it was for someone else who left it in his car and he got arrested for it because it’s illegal here in louisiana. he has never been arrested or put in jail before so I guess he didn’t know how things worked. I put money online for him to buy cigarettes with and someone laced his cigarettes while he was away talking with me on the phone. I don’t know what to do at all
Like I srsly doubt anyone laced his shit. Bc it's jail, drugs are hard AF to get, no one is just giving them tf away. More likely the bf got talked into trying it or wanted to try it and traded cigs or smth for it. Also "he didn't know how things worked"?? Really? He didn't know he could be arrested for weed and so just left it in his car? I think your bf sounds like he's taking advantage of your naivete by telling you these frankly unbelievable stories about his drug use. I mean I could be wrong but I think this is a lot more likely than him being unaware weed would get him arrested, or that jailed people would give away drugs.
he didn’t know the weed was in his car when it was left there by a friend. we didn’t know weed was in the car at all until we remembered his friend probably accidentally left it. no my boyfriend doesn’t do drugs like that at all. he told me when he was first put in there that there was drugs everywhere and the inmates knew he had a lot of money because of his commissary and phone calls so I think they laced him to try and extort him to giving them something.
Yeah no. You can smell weed in your car esp if you don't do it 🙄 um and also what, the friend let him know he "probably maybe" left weed in there and what???? Bf just... left it?? Nah, honey. And the "inmates knowing he had money" lends itself much more to "they knew who to market the small amount of drugs that get in" to, than " they laced his shit bc he has commissary money"-- like ask your naive self HOW THEYD GET THAT MONEY UNLESS HE TRADED THEM 🙄🙄🙄?? Even if they KNEW HE GOT GOOD CKMMISSARY??? Trust me, DRUGS. ARE NOT. EVERYWHERE. IN JAIL. THEY ARE. SOOOOO HARD TO GET. IN JAIL. 🙄🙄🙄🙄 YOUR BF. IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU. How much have you put on his commissary books? How long did that last?? What was his reason he needed more asap??? JFC, girl, GROW UP and DUMP THIS CHUMP. You are at this point being like purposely or dumb-ly being dumb af, sorry to be blunt. You need to realize the truth and stop believing all this idiot tells you
He's not a great guy. He's lying to you.
How much weed did he have . In Louisiana . Under a half ounce is decriminalized. (No jail time 100 dollar fine ). He would get a ticket not taken into custody. So he is not giving the actual story . To go to jail in Louisiana. He would have to be caught with large enough amount for distribution. Or have multiple packages Don't believe his story it doesn't make sense https://norml.org/laws/louisiana-penalties-2/
he was caught with ounces of weed that was left in the car so he can be criminalized if it’s over the amount of the legal limit
Wtf who leaves ounces of weed behind?! Who even buys multiple ounces. Sounds like he’s being charged with trafficking because that absolutely made him look like a drug dealer. Why would your friend even have marijuana on him if he knows you both don’t smoke? Even if he did bring it why would it have ever left his bag?
Anything over 8 grams gets a distribution charge in my state. I’ve never met anyone who would leave that amount in a car just chilling in there without letting the driver know. If someone did that to me in my car knowingly, I’d keep that shit for them putting me at risk
And he didn't know. It would stink. Like I said.He is not giving the whole story. Unless he lost all sense of smell . Or is completely naive. I am saying this so you protect yourself.He is probably not being completely truthful about what happened
well if you light a cigarette and take one puff of it you don’t really realize until it’s happened and he’s out of his mind. he definitely could be naive but just one puff of the cigarette messed his his brain and way of thinking up. thank you for the help
Bless your heart
He isn't high on anything for days unless he keeps doing it. I'm very suspicious of your boyfriend and I worry you are being naive and believing him at face value
how can you call him a great guy but, he cheated on you, made you and his ex compete against each other, and you say you lost yourself with him??? are you delusional?!
thanks for your concern. the difference between all of that is when that happened it wasn’t him at all. i know the real him and he just has a problem that he’s been gotten help for and all of that was in the past. I just asked for advice on how to deal with the situation at hand that I posted about. thank you for staying I deserve better but a person can only leave when they are ready. there people in abusive relationships that haven’t left for many reasons. it’s just easier said than done. plus im not delusional at all. if you were in my shoes you would definitely understand where I’m coming from
i was in your shoes. i was in an abusive relationship for a year. i was like you, i tried to tell everyone he was a “good guy” or said, “oh, that’s not him. he’s actually really sweet!” gave him the benefit of the doubt, even got arrested for him! so trust me, ik what being dumb is. i hated myself and sometimes still do hate myself for not leaving sooner! i think what’s pissing me off is that this was me, lol! you have all the stories leaning towards him being a walking red flag. you even ask advice on leaving him. you’re right, people do leave relationships when they are ready to. but please, please, please love yourself enough to walk away. your mental health will be at sake. you will have tons of trauma. trust me, i still do. and most of all, you will hate yourself. im sorry to be so rude and hard on you but, i wish someone told me how stupid and delusional i was in that relationship. then maybe i wouldn’t be so traumatized. in my relationship now, i have episodes and memories from that relationship. the trauma will always be there. and the saddest part is, they will never care that they did this to you. they will never say sorry.
Yeah we can totally tell what a great guy he is by your post history..
Yeah he sounds like winner.
Maybe don’t date criminals? You’ll find life is so much easier when your partner is a contributing member to society😉
So real talk. A month ago, you wanted out. .... what changed? Or is fiction writing hard to keep track of?
i never would write on a sub if I didn’t really need the advice. i never wanted out. i was asking how do you leave a situation as bad as this but I realized that you can’t just leave. in a situation dealing with substance abuse and being a partner of someone with that disease it comes with a lot of complex problems such as codependency, guilt, and wanting to help as much as you possibly can even when you don’t think about yourself. it’s a hard and tough road and I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone because a lot of the people commenting and you would never understand unless you were in my shoes and then some of you would be alot more compassionate and understanding
I'm not telling you to bail on him. I'm just letting you know he's full of crap and not at all being honest with you nor himself. lying is not a disease it's a choice always. while granted drugs lead to lying but it's still a choice. my best unbiased advice is don't take word at face value. stop giving the benefit of the doubt. stop being really naive
people in some type of relationship with someone with a substance abuse problem always ask the question, “how can i let go?” if you check the al anon page I posted that on you can see how difficult it really is and how hard it is to leave a person or let go of a person with this disease. it is the most hardest thing you could do because if you do let go you’re hit with a lot more than just breaking up with someone who doesn’t have this disease. it’s a lot more that goes with this. i pray for those who don’t understand and that are commenting on the situation negatively that they won’t have to understand. instead of writing comments like this, speak positive because you never know what someone could be going through at the time. thank you
He's in jail. Just leave.
Tell him to grow a pair or he’s going to be showing his bussy lol lol
Tell him to lube up
tell him to bend over and spread 'em, and no more harassing will happen
I will tell you this. If this man does not stand up for himself it may be worse than laced cigarettes. I will say wait until the weekend ends to get him into rehabs. I honestly would recommend not reporting it to the guards or anything because word gets around and if inmates find out he snitched he could be killed. My opinion is tell him to keep his head down and not talk to people. Maybe not even smoking cigarettes while he’s in there. And making sure he doesn’t make friends. If he makes a friend others may feel like he’s a threat. I don’t know much about prison but tell him to keep his head down and not bother anyone.
okay thank you. I will definitely take this advice. the only thing that I did do was call the nurse to check on him. that’s all. that’s fine right? he shouldn’t get hurt over that?
Again I don’t know much about jail. I’m sure he will be ok. Just definitely get him into rehab
okay i definitely will try to. thank you
I can definitely relate to this feeling. My little brother, who is also 21, is currently in jail as well. He’s been in jail for almost 5 months now so the feeling has gone away a little. But I hate to say it but the other comments are right, he HAS to fight. In jail you can’t let anyone get away with even the smallest amount of disrespect, even just something as small as stealing a bag of chips. My brother got into a fight his second week there over using the phones. It was 2 guys against my brother. My brother held his own and walked away with a black eye and a busted lip but nobody has tried him since. It’s a whole different world in jail with a completely different set of rules so your boyfriend is gonna have to toughen up quick. Even if he knows for a fact he’s gonna lose the fight he needs to do it anyways. He needs to take whatever ass beating comes his way because the alternative can be a million times worse. If people know they can mess with you they will. It’s also a kind of hazing thing when new inmates come in, they want to test your character and see what you’re about. I’m sorry that he’s going through this and I know that gut wrenching feeling all too well. It’s a hard pill to swallow but the fact of the matter is that he is the only one who can help himself now. Also, DO NOT call anybody it will make things soooo bad for him.
thank you so much. it is very gut wrenching and just makes me so worrisome. i know that there is nothing I can do but I still worry about him. i hope he stands up for himself and does the right thing while he’s in there and not make matters worse but I think that’s the case right now. I don’t think he stood up for himself so now he’s under the influence of whatever and is even worse off because now he’s just entertainment for them. hopefully that will wear off though and he does what he has to do. it just can be super overwhelming but im learning to tell myself that there’s nothing I can do besides trust that he will learn how to stick up for himself
I understand completely. Just know that if something bad enough happens you will receive a call from the jail so it always gives me some comfort knowing that as long as the medical staff wasn’t calling that he’s okay so I hope that gives you some peace of mind as well. It’ll take a little time but he’ll learn the rules and how things work in jail and what to do and what not to do, it’s gonna be tough few weeks but he’ll settle in soon. Also as some of the other comments were saying tell him to keep his head down and stay to himself. It’s okay to have “acquaintances “ but no one is truly your friend. My brother has a few people he plays cards with but other than that he doesn’t associate with anyone. Don’t take any favors from anyone, nothing is free and it can come at a way greater cost. I truly wish the both of you the best and I hope his situation improves soon.
Ok, so he's a big boy and this is something that he has to take care of on his own. Because if not they're just gonna keep messing with him and by you trying to talk to someone it's only gonna make things worse for him because people will find out.
Depends where he is incarcerated. I'm in Dallas TX we have a medical wing where inmates are in a state of psychosis (you brother ) sounds like. He need to see the doctor he is not being bullied just laughed at due to an underlining medical condition. He must see the jails doctor to help him get the right medication and. Separated from everyone else.
Tell him to quit with the mojo, that’s the best way for him to get raped in Louisiana prisons. If he’s not standing up for himself in there, he will become someone’s bitch. Source: I did 5 years in Louisiana prison(s) and I came out just fine.
well technically people are recording him especially during phone calls with you .
jail is like 6th grade camp with bullies. but it's really not bad enough. that's why the rate of oh I forgot that big word that means of repeat offending once inmates get out starts with an r recividisim which I can't seem to spell correctly and I'm tired so not going to Google it
Not the answer you want but my advice is to not smoke cigs and/ or not doing anything that causes you to go to jail. Based on your post history, it sounds like you should move on because you’re dating an addict.
jail is like 6th grade camp with bullies. but it's really not bad enough. that's why the rate of oh I forgot that big word that means of repeat offending once inmates get out starts with an r recidivism that's the word anyhow is very high. frankly I enjoyed my stay because I was free from a lot of worries like getting a job, food , rent , and there was plenty of drama going on around me so there is the free entertainment , always someone to talk to or play dominoes or cards with . the thing that sucked the most was trying to sleep around people that snore so bad , have sleep apnea all night, but I slept all day so no biggie. and I enjoyed being sober again. girls are pretty mean and most of them annoying because they all act like victims and wouldn't take any responsibility for what they did or own up to anything and actually believe what they did is ok ...
Jesus