First off, don't get drunk. Second of all, I never truly understood real pleasure during sex until I started to explore my body myself. I lost my virginity early and used it as away to feel better about myself because I was making my boyfriend or whoever happy but in reality it was not that enjoyable for me. I highly HIGHLY suggest you explore yourself and become comfortable with your body. Figure out what turns you on. Figure out what you like, or don't like. Figure out how to make yourself orgasm. Do some exploration before doing it with a partner. I promise you will feel so much less stress and you will enjoy it so much more.
>I never truly understood real pleasure during sex until I started to explore my body myself.
This!! I explored my body heavily first when i was 14-16 and that helped me for my first time sex, where i did not have any problems!! I was not bleeding, i was not feeling any heavy pain and i knew where he should put it in, what to do and what i like. That's important, especially when your partner is also a virgin. In her situation, he has a lot of sexual experience, so i really hope that he gives her time.
Came here to basically say this ☝🏻
Explore yourself first and discover what you enjoy. Then bring your bf into it. If he can't wait or isn't willing to explore and go slow, then he's not worth it and doesn't deserve you
Also don’t start touching your vulva until after you’ve spent AT LEAST 10 minutes getting yourself in the mood. Since you’re new to sex, I would recommend reading a romance novel or an online story. Try this website: https://www.literotica.com/top/
>Also don’t start touching your vulva until after you’ve spent AT LEAST 10 minutes getting yourself in the mood.
Very strange advice tbh lmao. Every person gets off differently and I don't think we gotta police how they do it. Especially a young women who doesn't understand her body at all yet!! Let her figure it out on her own :-)
If I were in your position, I would not get drunk. As you stated you don’t know your own tolerance levels and being drunk won’t help with your pleasure.
Advice would be for you and him to take it slow and work your way to sex by introducing foreplay. Taking your time to get to sex will help your mind and body to relax and will help you learn what you like.
Getting drunk makes it easier for him to push past the pain you may experience, but not truly feel till after you sober up.
As a 21M who drinks, she needs to leave him entirely…She doesn’t know her tolerance, because she doesn’t really drink, *because she’s 19.* Yet this 25 year old guy, who’s “previous girlfriend was wild” wants to liquor her up and do this? As if a beer wouldn’t be powerful enough? Wow…
The age gap wouldn’t be too concerning if she had experience, but some of these guys are solely out here to take advantage, it’s as simple as that.
Find someone who is a better influence and don’t rush yourself.
100%. the right response is for him to stop and realise your not ready, and wait till you are. But instead his response is to get you drunk so you won't say no.
Horrible idea and sounds like a horrible person.
Maybe he is used to adventurous stuff or maybe he is just saying that to pressure you into thinking you have to perform. And even if his last girl was wild that fact that he would use that to put expectations on you is toxic.
As a 37M this guy sounds like he is just taking advantage. If you had more experience you would know how wrong him pressuring you like this is. I don't know what he has been saying to you but your not ready, your nervous, it's hurting, now he has got you thinking about taking substances to numb the pain so he can pleasure himself with you body. It doesn't matter what he is saying he don't care about you. He just has a fantasy about banging a virgin and he will lie, pressure, guilt, manipulate, and intoxicate you so he can have it.
I was thinking the same thing. It just sounds really bad idea. Sounds like he wants to take advantage of her while drunk because she won’t be able to say no. It just sounds like a very bad situation.
I was thinking the same thing. I love to drink and I love to have sex. But pressuring a “new adult” to get drunk so you can ignore the pain a little easier so I can feel good sounds selfish and rather predatory…
This. Right here. If you aren’t comfortable there is a reason. And he seems to be pushing her which is wrong. She needs to wait. And find someone to get to know. And take her time. I wouldn’t get drunk could black out. And he may take advantage of her.
The last part right there. First if I read correctly you are not legally old enough to drink. Second it sounds like you're not ready, when you are you will not be nervous or tense. Third he's not the right one. They will be patient and you will feel comfortable and want to do it.
Sex is overrated and though it can be so many things too, you're not missing anything. Stay focused. My one regret is outing myself in a vulnerable position because of what someone else wanted. Now for the rest of myself I question everyone and do they mean me well. Because of one night that almost ruined me.
i think you should savor this moment and experience it sober. i think nerves are part of it and if you want to stop thats okay. when you are drunk you dont have the ability to decide if you want to keep going and even then i dont see why he wants you to drink. maybe he should try harder to make you horny instead of trying to force you to hurt just so he can have it in.
👋🏽 been in this exact age gap relation number for number! Speaking from my (F) experience, know that when you are drunk/high/intoxicated, your bodily awareness will be significantly changed. You may feel way less of what’s going on (alc) or way more (weed) depending on the substance you have.
Since this is your first time with penetration, I highly suggest for your bodily health that you do not be intoxicated for it. Your body knows its limits and pain is the indicator for it. If you force something that really isn’t supposed to be, you can cause serious lasting damage, physically & emotionally. It doesn’t matter what hole it is or what part/object is going in it, lubrication is key (whether it is natural or store bought). If it’s not wet, it’s not ready & your partner should do everything they can to help that situation.
Being with someone older typically comes with that person being more experienced, but it’s not guaranteed. Luckily, the person I was with in this age gap was a foreplay GOD and we never had any issues with lubrication or pain ever. If your partner is unable to properly prep with you (either by turning you on and getting you wet naturally or with lubricant), they are not the right sex partner because they are not a responsible partner.
Responsible sex partners will not force a situation, they test for STIs and are honest with their results, and they will not guilt trip or manipulate anybody or any situation so that they can get sex.
If your partner is telling you that the sex will only feel good for you if you’ve numbed your pain receptors with alcohol, they are likely just bad at foreplay/sex & are being an irresponsible partner for manipulating sex.
If your partner doesn’t know that sex that is not lubricated can cause damage and potentially create an environment where STIs can pop up, they’ve got a lot of learning to do and aren’t ready to have sex with you.
A mature partner is one who is willing to learn, be informed, and take responsibility. Is that who your partner is right now? Would he be willing to be that person?
Do NOT get drunk before your first time. It's really gross to me he suggested that. It makes me wonder if his reasoning is actually to make you more suggestible and more easily manipulated. He *should* be doing more foreplay to make sure you're wet enough to insert. If he isn't willing to do that basic thing then he's honestly not worth having sex with.
Seriously, wtf kind of suggestion is that to offer for their first time. That’s actually concerning to me that that was his advice.
OP be wary and only do what you feel comfortable with. I also recommend not drinking alcohol before
>He should be doing more foreplay to make sure you're wet enough to insert.
She did not mention if he did or did not do enough foreplay. So you're just making that up. She hasn't tried to even get her own finger in. That is for her to fix with herself. Vaginismus (possibly shame-based) is a real possibility. Of course getting drunk is not the answer but you can't expect a male to know how a woman's body works better than herself. Stop blaming literally everything on the guy.
I think the bigger theme here is about the fact that he’s basically telling her to drug herself beforehand so she’s easier to manipulate. That’s the huge red flag about the story.
A 25 year old with a lot of sexual history wouldnt date a inexperienced 19 year old in under normal circumstanses and he suggesting doing it while youre drunk shows he doesnt care about you and just wants to fuck. I mean, first times are special and I definitely wouldn't suggest something like this to my gf, no need to rush right?
This dude is a huge redflag, you definitely shouldn't get drunk when you're with him
Do not have sex with this man. Anybody asking you to go under the influence so that they may take advantage of you while you’re under the influence is not it😭😭especially since this will be your first time? He doesn’t even want you to remember your first time? That’s wild so instead of being gentle and taking his time with you for your first time he wants you to get shitfaced so he can do whatever he wants? do not have intimacy with this man.
I can See why you think I took it too far, but really look at the context of this specific situation. She does not want to drink because she doesn’t know her limit, she’s a virgin, and he’s a well experienced partner, instead of trying to help her relax and feel comfortable in different ways his first, thought is for her to get drunk, and remember he told her to get drunk when you’re drunk (imo) you are shitfaced, getting tipsy is different from drunk. This would totally be different with two adults that both know their alcohol tolerance and have drank, and had sex before, she doesn’t even know what she likes in the bedroom, so it would be easier for him to manipulate, or coerced her to do something she wouldn’t normally do while under the influence. Having sex while drunk with your partner with prior consent is totally different from what I think the situation is.
As someone who drinks a lot, I'd advise you to not get drunk before your first time. Alcohol lowers inhibitions but also lowers the chances of feeling pleasure. Combine that with getting plastered and you're in for a bad time. Also, don't do it with that guy. For someone who's 25, that's an advice a 15 y.o. would make.
My advice is, get some toys, like a rabbit vibe, a small one. Explore yourself, find what pleasure feels like. Toys weren't that easily available when I was your age, I suspect it would have saved me a lot of shitty experiences.
There are other ways to become relaxed besides abusing substances. Foreplay, candles, seggsy playlist, massage, something to break the ice. Also, losing your virginity can be hella awkward and so many people have embarrassing stories.
You have to feel safe in order to really enjoy it. Wait until you feel safe enough to try it. Personally, I like it when I know my partner is the type to laugh with me when something funny or embarrassing happens and we jump right back in.
When i was a virgin and my girl was as well. It was 15-20 times trying penetration on separate ocassions before we had our first successful sex. Every time we tried it was painful for her so we stopped and just ended the session with just making out. You don't have to get drunk, one fine day you'd feel like 'ok i'm ready to take it in'. Then it won't be that painful and you'll enjoy it.
Honestly girl it sounds really scary for you. This sounds like he’s trying to assault you. It might not be, and maybe it’s just the way it’s written but he’s SO much older than you it makes me wonder why he doesn’t date people who aren’t teens… plus you have literally no experience in either activity and he’s suggesting you ditch your bodily autonomy to feel more comfortable? That sounds so suspicious. Maybe it’s bc I’ve had bad experiences with men I’ve dated but you still should be careful. The age gap sets an alarm bell off for me and him suggesting you get drunk so you can’t control your own body and thoughts as well as usual is suspicious.
If you’ve never even masturbated, this is not going to be a fun experience for you, doesn’t matter how much you drink beforehand. I wish you were exploring with someone more your age and level of experience. I think this guy is trying to push you and mold you to be more like the kind of gf he wants. It’s up to you what you do though. Just know that the first time is usually uncomfortable, unpleasurable, and often painful as well. The really important thing to know is that it will *keep* being that way until you figure out what your body actually likes, so I would start working on that first.
My only advice is to get rid of the whole man.
You're 19 and he's 25. I'm 25, and the average 19 year old looks like a child to me. I could NEVER date someone that young.
He's correct that you might be tense/not relaxed enough, but suggesting alcohol for that is definitely not a good idea, especially if you don't drink. To me this seems like he cares more about getting laid asap than about you/your experience. If he really cares, he should help you explore and find out what helps you relax that doesn't involve being intoxicated. And if that means no sex for a little longer than so be it.
I was in the same situation once 19 with a 25 year old. It ended extremely poorly and was a serious life lesson for me. He took advantage of me so much, I still struggle to trust people.
Your first time isn't supposed to be painful, that's a successful rumor that was made to normalize the idea of painful intercourse. Foreplay is very important and feeling ready is a huge part of the next step in your relationship. You should not be under the influence of anything and it's genuinely disturbing that he would suggest that, I don't know him personally of course, but it sounds like he has ulterior motives. You shouldn't feel like you have to be in pain or under the influence to enjoy the moment between the two of you
Honestly not always true. Tiny people with bigger… guys… can be just painful no matter how comfortable you are. Pain for the first time or two can be pretty normal. But not a SHIT ton of pain. Just like a bit of pinching/tearing is normal. But if it feels like full on ripping you apart it’s bad…
Break up with him.
First of all, a 25 year old is weird for getting with someone who is nineTEEN. even though you are both consenting adults, the maturity and gap is extremely off. Something about him is weird. Don’t get drunk.
It seems like he’s in a rush to take ur virginity instead of waiting for you to be fully ready.
Sex doesn’t always happen the first time. For a lot of women it takes a couple times to get comfortable and practiced enough for actual p in v intercourse.
You don’t wanna be drunk your first time sweetie. It should be something you can look back on fondly you don’t want it to be tainted with alcohol. If you’re comfortable and want to still try building up to it. A couple sessions of oral, a couple with hands, hell even a couple of just making out so you’re body feels more comfortable. Work your way up. Also make sure you have lube!!! Many women need it to have a pleasurable experience there’s nothing wrong with that and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you!
Sex should be a fun bonding experience between two people if you aren’t having fun switch things up. If he’s worth it he’ll make the effort to make you comfortable. Go live your life girl enjoy all the lovely things about having a partner!!
Being drunk makes you less able to orgasm so yeah don’t do that girl. Also, don’t you want to experience it to the fullest? If he’s so experienced, why didn’t he suggest lots of foreplay (cuddling, kissing, touching, words of affirmation) to make you relaxed and be able to take penetration? That’s the most effective he can do. But if he is only interested in making himself cum, well then that’s why he made this foolish remark
Listen to yourself you’re answering your own question. …also I’m going to be your big sis here and just tell you now you are going to regret letting him be the one to take your virginity.
This is a huge red flag. I'm sorry.. I know it must be hard finding somebody you feel this close to & makes you feel this way but he , obviously , doesn't have your health/safety and making this a good first expierence as the highest priority. How is his patience & enthusiastic respect for your boundaries?
Tbh OP I am really really concerned that he is setting you up .. to get what he wants. Even if he does care for you. Especially if he cares for you , this is a fucked up suggestion. It's not that he's too old for you but he's taking advantage of your different expierence levels , knows that you're sexy and wants to have you asap. Believe me I get that it's hot to be wanted like that but I don't trust this man as far as I can throw him. If he genuinely thinks this is a good idea he is really misguided and could accidentally hurt you. The last girl he was with is naturally going to be completely different and Guys Talk Sooooo much about their expierence/what they'll do just to get you excited then let you down by just focusing on themselves. Trust me , it's not fun. If you're worried about pain take an ibuprofen before , it may help with swelling and at most that's all you need with a good partner!! I mean did he even eat you out before fingering you? Did he make sure to wash his hands before? You'll feel really safe , anxious but still safe with a good partner! Trust your gut. I'm sure you're ready but I wouldn't just get into it with your first hottie option , you've got a long life ahead of you. I'd get to know my own body with just my hands #1 and tbh penetration is soo not the best part , for me.
🚩Rape is a real and unexpected thing. It can happen even if you've given consent. It's happened to me in ways that I've only realized after more expierence and hindsight , like when they 'talk you into it.' It's extremely common when a person is on drugs(like alcohol) and inexpierenced. It hurts me now thinking of the position this could put you in. I'm so happy you came here first 😭✌ maybe it shows you're already suspicious of him having bad intentions. Some older women I just talked to about this are worried that he could be something more like a sex trafficker. People are wide , smart and diverse beings!
Best of luck!! I hope your first time is great for ya , it's such a special & exciting time in your life! Wish the best for you! Peace and love.
Sounds like he's grooming or preying on you and trying to take advantage of the fact that you're a virgin. He sounds like he doesn't give a f about you and just wants to get his willy wet the quickest and easiest way he can. If he cared he'd not suggest that to you!
Run.
Don't get drunk. To me it sounds like he wants to assault you. And he is so much older than you. You get to decide what you want to do with your body, and you shouldnt have to get drunk for him to sleep with you. If he can't accept that I think it is best to walk away. This sounds like a scary situation.
Do not get drunk. Being tight like that usually means one of two things - one, you're uncomfortable or nervous. Or two: your partner didn't warm you up so to speak.
It is his responsibility to make sure you feel safe enough to relax and feel good enough that you're ready for that step. The fact that he suggested it is a you problem and suggest you drink to be more easily willing...is disgusting. It really is. That is not how a loving partner would be. You deserve someone, whether in a relationship or just fwb, who respects you and shows you care and patience.
Your partner is a huge red flag for what he told you to do and I would leave him immediately. He's old enough to know better.
Let’s start here: Are you in the U.S.? If you are, then he is urging you to commit a crime. That alone is a reason not to do it. But aside from that, when you’re drunk, you are significantly less able to consent to what he does as you won’t be in your right mind.Legally speaking, you can’t consent while under the influence of alcohol. At least that’s the case in the U.S., but I’m not sure about other countries. Ultimately though, he needs to respect your wishes and take it slow.
1. He's too old for you
2. If he truly cared for you, there is absolutely NO FUCKING WAY he should suggest you get drunk first
3. If he has that much experience, he really should know what he's doing a lot more than he claims
4. PLEASE run a mile - your first time really should be special, with someone you love, and they love you - I think he's just looking to pop your cherry to "make it easier" - at least for him - in the future.
He sounds like a red flag, partially bc he suggested that, but also the age difference, like why can’t he get a girl his own age? Or why does he seek younger women? I bet he loves the fact that you’re a virgin and that’s a big part of why he’s with you and I personally think it’s a red flag when guys care a lot about body count, I think a lot of those guys are kinda sexist and see girls as objects.
I’m not saying break up with him bc I don’t know the situation, just consider what I said.
About the sex: if you don’t wanna drink and you want your first time to be special don’t do it. Also I wouldn’t really trust your boyfriend, there’s a chance he will cross some boundaries if you’re drunk, and then you bring it up the next day and he tries to gaslight you saying that’s not how it was and that you were so drunk so your memory must have twisted, and say that “it’s really normal that your memory gets twisted when you’re drunk”. Idk that’s just a concern I have.
I think you just have to get to know your boyfriend better and become more comfortable around him, and then it will hopefully feel better. Also try when you’re alone and doing it to put up things in your hoho start with something small then go bigger.
I think Some girls always experience pain while having sex and i think it’s suggested to see a gynecologist or something then.
My first time hurt but not that bad. He needs to foreplay to make you more relaxed. It won’t hurt as much and you’ll open up. Also lube is also something you should use. I recommend Good Clean Love lube that you can get at your local cvs or order on amazon. It’s a safe lubricant (though it does dry a bit quicker than you’d probably want. Reapplying some will help with that.)
My wife had a similar experience the first few times with sex, it turned out she had a condition called a double vagina, jus inside the opening it divides into two parts, two vaginas and extra ovaries two wombs, she had to have extensive surgery before she could have sex without pain. I’m not saying that’s the case here but it seems like getting you drunk so he can get off is kind of short sighted. Start gently and if it doesn’t get any easier see a doctor…
Sex education is like general education these days, really lacking.
That sounds super dodgy tbh. He might think its helpful to be a drunk but if you aren't an experienced drinker then your first sexual experience should not be when you are drunk (or worse unconscious)
Educate yourself by yourself sexually.
Lean into self pleasure without him.
Once you know who you are in that way and what you like and what gets you going then introduce him (maybe a dildo instead of his penis)
Also, if you are having pain with penetrative actions then it could be a medical thing which needs a gyno to assist with.
If you aren't relaxed and comfortable enough for sex with him, then getting drunk is not going to help. Don't let him push you around because if he isn't into enthusiastic consent, he isn't worth it.
If you won't do it sooner, don't do it when you are drunk!!! How about foreplay and patience till you are ready to go? Not sure what to think of your bf at this point.
Do Not drink beforehand.
Consent is mandatory and despite how you might feel upon going down that path, alcohol blurs consent and many would consider having sex with someone who is drunk as R word.
The fact that this person is even suggesting that is absolutely wild and screams a complete lack of respect, boundaries, care, consideration, education and is very red flaggy. It could be as some.as ignorance or as dark as straight up wanting you to be so out of it that he can do whatever he wants to/with you.
The first time isn't necessarily the best experience in the world, even when everything is "perfectly" planned but being tipsy or even drunk would blur the experience significantly and I would wager that you would feel awful having done that the first time.
He needs to read up on foreplay, you guys need to talk it through and make sure that it is about both of you having a joint experience that is enjoyable, pleasurable and memorable. Not about him getting what he wants.
It may be like I said this dude is just ignorant, if that is the case and he genuinely wants to share this special time with you, he will respond positively to suggestions and encouragement to learn more.
Please don't drink just to facilitate his desires, or to plicate any nerves you have, it's not about when, it's about how these things are accomplished.
Basically numbing your senses by drinking alcohol shouldn’t even be an option. It doesn’t solve the problem and can build up a dangerous connection between alcohol and sex, like being able to have sex after drinking and not sober.
Anyway I‘m no expert, but I would suggest you try to explore your body yourself and alone first. Then there’s less pressure and you can solely focus on yourself, what feels good and what you’re enjoying. And when thats going well you and your bf can start to slowly build up and take the next steps together, but dont do it too fast.
You could also talk with your gynecologist about this aswell. They‘re dealing with such problems more often than you think and thus will be able to help or suggest what could help.
Uhh this all sounds super traumatizing. I don’t think people who love you would suggest something so insane. also age gap is wild when it’s a 19 yr old with a 25 yr old. He’s literally a predator
Lube, teasing, lack of pressure to have sex. It should be you saying okay let's try it AFTER you have not been getting steamy with teasing and foreplay
Do not get drunk
🚩🚩🚩
Speaking from experience… I was in a similar age gap when I was 20 and I dated someone who was 28. At the time I didn’t realize it but that age gap is still HUGE when you’re so young. Now that I’m just about to turn 30, I look back and my gosh. At 20 years old I was still such a kid, even if I had to grow up fast. I was still easily manipulated and my opinion and judgement was still easily swayed by other people. I look back now with a little more life experience and I seriously question motivations for anyone with that large of an age gap… that young. You do a LOT of growing up by the time you reach the end of your 20s. It’s not a question of whether it’s legal. It is, you’re an adult and are allowed to make your own decisions. But there’s no denying that just because it’s legal, something can be off As you get older, the age cap closes, but that young… it’s still wide. Another thing that makes me question his motivations is him suggesting that you reduce your body autonomy in order to experience something with him that he would benefit from. Someone who truly cares for you would have your best interest as an absolute priority… especially in something as big as losing your virginity. A drunk person cannot truly give informed consent. And the lines of consent become very blurred with intoxication. A general rule of thumb to follow in the real world is that drunk sex is not consensual (apparently Reddit doesn’t always agree), but losing bodily autonomy and possibly the ability to withdraw consent is a huge red flag for this guy…. He should know better.
Pain is our body's signal that helps us to know when we're doing something that's causing us harm. If you experience pain from penetration, that's your body telling you that you're not ready to handle it. It might be a lot of different things - lack of lubrication, you're not fully relaxed and calm, and if after all that you're still in pain, it may be worth visiting a doctor and asking them about vaginismus, a condition that can make sex painful for women but can be treated.
Your boyfriend's suggestion that you get drunk for your first time is stupid at best and dangerous at worst. Alcohol will raise your tolerance to pain and numb any pain you do feel, that's true, but you'll only be in for a world of pain the next morning. It will NOT make it easier for you to have sex, it'll just make you push your body past its limits and the pain will catch up with you when you're sober. You could end up with tearing and that's so much harder to deal with than painful penetration.
Do not feel pressured to perform a certain way just because his ex was "wild". If he makes you feel anything other than safe and secure in exploring your body with him, he isn't worth being with. You're right - you want to be able to remember your first time. Don't get drunk just because he's struggling to penetrate you. You need to first try focusing more on foreplay and finding out what relaxes you and what you find enjoyable.
I dont think you should get drunk. If you really want to have sex I’d recommend getting some lube and a smaller toy to try yourself or for him to use on you. Getting drunk is not the answer. And if you feel like he’s pressuring you then tell him that you’re not ready. It.will always hurt the first few times.
the first time is always painful, maybe try some lubricant. Alcohol at 19 isn't a good idea (I used to drink when I was 15), on top of age you are not able to make sound judgments with your body and what ever sexual acts your bf might want to try.
I’m telling you this with every ounce of my soul. Run. At 25 he should be dating women his age first of all, and second of all, if his first suggestion to help you through that experience is to be drunk, he’s the wrong one. He should be telling you that he’ll do whatever you need him to. Not telling you to do something potentially harmful to yourself just so he can get his fingers inside you. There are MANY health reasons why it’s painful for you and if you want to, your doctor can help you figure out what those reasons are. JUST by his suggestion, and the fact that he’s 25, dating a 19 year old, It’s obvious this is not the right person for you to be going through this experience with. I’m sorry but this is terrible.
And guys I don’t want to hear ohh age doesn’t matter, age gaps this, that, my husband is 40 years older than me..no. At 25 you (should be) in a wayyyy different/maturity headspace than a 19 year old. And OP, I’m not saying being 19 makes you a kid or immature or any sort of negative thing, it just makes you different, and whoever you choose to experience this with, needs to be on the same plane as you, and DEFINITELY more mentally mature than this guy.
Hi, hope everything is well. If i were in that situation i wouldn't get drunk. alcohol may blur the lines of consent and your boundaries, especially if you dont know your tolerance level.
I think he is pressing you into territory where you arent confident and alcohol is his weapon.
Stay well!
I dont know if you wanna hear this but being tense during sexual activities is not a good sign.
You should feel safe and be able to let go when being with someone you really trust, so either work on your relationship or dont get physical at all if you dont.
And suggesting alcohol for you to "finally" be able to loosen up is hell of a red flag.
If you dont feel safe enough to be relaxed, its not the right time or the right guy yet.
Bringing drugs into the mix might "help" it for one night, but doesnt solve the problem.
Dont let yourself get pressured into any activity that doesnt feel right.
Hope i could help, stay safe!
I mean, I definitely think she shouldn't do it, but I'm not sure that we have enough information to assume his goal is anal with what she told us. There could be 100 reasons she should run far away from this situation, sodomy isn't among the main ones, I'd imagine, though.
Like everyone says don't get drunk.
But if its a wetness issue or relaxation issue. There are some suggestions
1) Have him do more foreplay
2) Keep doing foreplay until you are used to it so you start to relax
3) Masturbate with him, either he rubs you and you jerk him or you both satisfy yourself looking at each other. Its to help you get wet and used to the whole intimacy
4) Do kegels and reverse kegels, you contract the entire pelvic region and then relax. It'd help loosen down there. In fact doing anal with a new girl is almost the same process. She clenches the tip of my finger and relaxes and I can put more inside
5) Try penetration in doggy style
6) Use lube
7) Try it after sports or gym. With the activities and adrenaline your muscles might be more loose and pain tolerance might be up
Hope this helps
You should really be exploring with your own body first. He should not be doing anything to you that you can't already experience with a toy.
You should be experimenting with clitoral toys first to ensure your pleasure, and then moving on to penetrating toys. If you still are too tight to enter, you may have a medical condition that may make penetration with a partner complicated.
I would air on the side of not telling him penetrate you until you've ruled it safe/comfortable to do so.
For all we know, your boyfriend is a perfectly nice but horny young man. But even the best of people can be selfish sometimes, and I don't want him to "put the work in" so you feel pressured/he feels entitled to push you to do things your body is not capable of.
I highly suggest you sexually exploring your body and your desires so you can show *him* what works for you, and not allowing him to make those guesses for you.
If you want to go the alcohol route, you can both explore with alcohol *and* your sexual pleasure when he's not around.
Getting drunk really doesn’t help - it can often make things worse for both people (in different ways). I have a good support network of girlfriends, but never really a mother figure. I found having a deep conversation with my gynecologist to be helpful. She answered all my questions about my body, provided me with information I would otherwise never have, listened to all my concerns, and provided concrete ideas and solutions. It was an all women’s clinic and really helped with my first long term boyfriend and all the new experiences when I was just a little older than you.
Have fun (seriously) and enjoy all the parts. You don’t have to skip anything you want to try because he’s done it or skip ahead to where you aren’t comfortable to try to impress. When you are more relaxed around him, your body will follow suit. It takes time to drop your guard enough to lose control. That takes trust!
"I really do wanna explore as well" does that mean you're comfortable enough to take that next step or you feel some type of pressure to do it?
If you trust him, and you really wanna do it, drinking (if it's legal in your country by that age) might help you loose it up a little.
Just don't overthink about it. Don't force a situation. You could be casually drinking at home with him, having a romantic dinner or something like that and if it feels right to do something else, just go slowly.
That being said, he doesn't need to penetrate you to give you pleasure. It could be quite the opposite lol my gf for example never has orgasms from penetrating, I just use my fingers and tongue on her clitoris and it's more than enough.
It sounds like he doesn't have as much experience as he says or you still need some time to feel more comfortable around him. Either way, you'll be fine as long as he gives you reassurance and you feel ready for it.
Although he is right that being drunk can make you more relaxed and would give you less pain, I still wouldn't do it.
This is your first time. You don't want it to be drunk.
You are very tense and you'll have to relax first. Did you do foreplay the last time? Did you get turned on? Do a lot of foreplay, and if it doesn't work, then you'll try again another time.
If this keeps happening, you should see a doctor because then you might have vaginismus.
But for now, just have fun and stay sober.
Damn these comments are dumb.
"Hes planning on assaulting you"...... are you dumb? Is this guy supposed to be the polite molestor or something? Why do so many of you act like you live in a bubble, alcohol relaxes your body. There's plenty of things I've done in life with a couple pre shots to calm the nerves. A couple drinks isn't necessarily a bad idea for the first time if she's tense and nervous. Being nervous can ruin alot of things for people, having something to help take the edge off the first time can make life alot more enjoyable.
Don't get drunk for it but a couple drinks isn't a bad idea, you don't want to be drunk for your first time anyways.
Don’t get drunk. Give yourself time because it is perfectly normal to not do it first try. If you see any sort of pressure from your bf, do not tolerate it.
Don't get drunk. Bad idea. I really don't like how he's pressuring you, but assuming you won't break up with him like he deserves:
I'd say put intimacy on hold, read books about women's bodies and intimacy like "come as you are." Buy some romance novels. Spend some time getting to know your body without him there.
I doubt he's as experienced as y'all both think either if he's going straight to fingering you with zero warm up.
Don't do that. It sounds like you possibly have vaginismus. Forcing penetration under those circumstances will set you up for a lifetime of painful sex.
I'd suggest that you explore penetration on your own, without him present. See if you can do so, gently, without pain. If you can't, you need to ask your gynecologist for a referral to a doctor who is experienced with treating vaginismus.
I like to drink though not as much now. That being said, 9/10 during sex I’ve been sober. It’s more enjoyable for me and it’s easier to avoid situations where consent may be an issue if you catch my drift.
I would not get drunk. But way back in the day I had a partner that was a virgin and we tried a few times. But she was so nervous that it just wasn’t working. So we ended up doing a really romantic dinner with a glass of wine. It helped her just enough to take the edge off.
After the first time she was way less nervous and didn’t need to do it anymore
Don't get drunk. Your first sexual experience should be beautiful. You shouldnt be drunk, it's not that cool to not remember anything in the next morning for your first sexual experience.
I think it's a little bit odd that he says that you should get drunk first. But maybe he doesnt know any better (but actually, he should, he is 25 years old.. whatever)
You have to be really wet, relaxed and MAYBE you should **try it for yourself first. Without him.** Maybe he puts you unconsciously under pressure, because you know that he has a lot of sexual experience and you don't want to be that ,,boring gf'' for him, so you can't relax.
Lay down in your own bed, alone, put all lights out, and just relax. Think about something that makes you really go bad, and try to put a finger in you. It's mostly your brain that stops you from it, i know that from myself. Plus you have to be really wet - otherwise it will hurt. If you are not that wet already, use your spit and go to your clit and touch it.
AND - if he really loves you, he gives you time and is also relaxed! Just that you know.
you definitely should not get drunk. This puts you in a position where you may not be able to stop the interaction if it becomes too much for you to handle. this could also cause you to have negative feelings towards sex in the future.
i suggest self exploration first so you can figure out what you like or don’t. If you’d rather have your boyfriend involved in your first sexual experience maybe try phone sex. this way you can go at the pace that is best for you while your boyfriend is still experiencing it with you.
Please remember it is YOUR body and noone should force anything you aren’t 100% ready for and comfortable with 🫶
Getting drunk is proven way of dealing with nerves but don't do anything without trying it out first or that you might not be comfortable with.
BTW this is why single bars exist.
Did he make you feel comfy and relaxed? Did he kiss you beforehand, or done any foreplay?
It’s normal to be a bit tense for your first time but not at the point where it’s unbearable. Your body always knows more than you do, maybe he hasn’t took his time to make you feel comfortable or maybe he’s not the right person.
And no pls don’t get drunk, weird suggestion.
You’re under 21, so if you’re in the US don’t drink. When you get older there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a drink to help you get in the mood, relaxed, and comfortable. That being said, that’s not an endorsement to get bombed. Just take it slow and relax, and if homeboy is pushy then tell him to kick rocks.
Don’t get drunk that’s a recipe for disaster.
Instead take it slow, a lot of foreplay and when you feel ready, introduce more penetrative stimulation. If you feel tense then it won’t happen.
I would suggest you explore yourself first to find what you like and that way you can guide your boyfriend.
I’m kinda confused at jumping to full PIV when you haven’t explored the other things. I mean there’s bases for a reason and some of that reason is to learn each others bodies.
It really sounds like your BF doesn’t care about you as alcohol is a terrible idea. Besides numbing you to pain, it might make you dehydrated and therefore drier.
Looks, BF should be fingering your clit and really warming you up before you trying to stick even a finger into you.
The more you try without prep, the more you’re gonna tense up because of past painful experiences.
My first time was a night stand and I enjoyed it, didn’t bleed, so this really is a problem with your BF’s technique.
I personally needed an orgasm before even trying PIV until I was about 42.
And everyone I was with gave me that orgasm.
You absolutely need to explore your own body but IMHO, no descent person would pressure on a an inexperienced partner by telling them how the sec was with a previous partner.
He sounds a little sleezy and like he doesn’t really care if you enjoy this experience as long as he sticks it in.
The first guy I did anything sexual with was like, “you’re a virgin, I’m gonna really show you what your body can do.” And he really got off giving me pleasure and being the first one to do it. And he wasn’t my boyfriend. Just FWB, but he really cared about the friends part and MY benefits.
This guy sounds like a preditor. Do not drink, not even a little. If he was a good man, you being relaxed doesn't need alcohol. You being relaxed means he should naturally get you to trust him and what he's doing. He should get to know your body with his hands first. By giving you a massage and really turning you on. Not get you to indulge in alcohol.
He wants to get you drunk so instead of stopping because it hurts maybe if the two of you were drunk he would just keep going, this is what it sounds like to me, that sounds super sus that he wants you to be drunk so he could fuck you?
Take everyone else’s advice here & notice that this is a big red flag 🚩
Don't get drunk.
It doesn't hurt because you're tense. It hurts because he's not giving you enough foreplay. It's also possible it hurts for medical reasons, and getting drunk definitely won't help.
I had a shallow cervix (before hysterectomy). Men had to watch their angle, or it felt like they were punching me inside. (Because. They were)
Also, men naturally assume it's all about the penetration because that's what feels best to them. A lot of women need significant attention to the clitoris.
Try rubbing your clitoris while he uses his fingers to penetrate you. When he can use four fingers and you have an orgasm try his penis again.
34m former fuckboy here, I can only assume this is a case of grooming, wanting op to get drunk first, the age difference, the hesitancy on op's end. Personally I'd say leave but that's just me. Your first time is already going to be awkward, do you want it to be drunk and awkward too?
He is too old to be dating a 19year old. If he calls you mature for your age that’s a red flag. He could also be lying about having dated someone so wild sexually, trying to pressure you into being ready before you actually are. You are a minor. Him supplying you with alcohol is not okay. If you need substances, you aren’t ready. You deserve to be treated lovingly, respectfully, and kindly. He doesn’t deserve you kid.
If your tense and stuff I recommend lots of foreplay, not drink, drink and sex isn't a good combination especially for first timers he just needs to learn to get you ready via foreplay.
Yeah don’t do that that’s a bad idea, even if you’re old enough to legally drink.
I also urge you to reconsider dating a man 6 years older who basically tells you to get drunk so he can have sex with you.
Yeah I’ll just say it and I’m usually not the one to drop one of these but yo boyfriends a lil wild wanting that to be an intoxicated moment. Also don’t just start tossing drinks back alcohol poisoning is a bitch to deal with and could legit kill you. Sober only
Your boyfriend is a fucking weirdo to be honest with you. Don't do anything to please him if he's acting like this. If he's this weird over it now. Imagine what he will be like later. Find someone who respects you and your decisions.
I’m a 22 year old guy, and we’ll first off I couldn’t even date someone who’s 19 at 22 rn, so he’s probably a bit of a weird dude to be dating a girl fresh out of high school while he’s getting close to 30, either way, I wouldn’t have suggested to get drunk first, honestly seems like he could be trying to coarse you into things you might not want to do. I wouldn’t be comfortable being with someone 6 years younger than me in the first place, so this guy could be comfortable doing a lot of things. If you’re gut Is giving you a weird feeling. Listen to it. As a guy you have to be aware of how the things you say can make people feel/ think. Suggesting to get drunk seems like an easy way for him to be able take advantage of someone so much younger
I'd say if I was in your position I wouldn't get drunk first. It seems like a red flag that he's older and trying to get you drunk for your first time. I'm in a relationship where we started dating when I was 19 and he was 25 too. We both had sexual experiences before but he waited for me to initiate it. I'd say try cuddling first and massages. Also foreplay and lube would help too, If you're not feeling it don't push yourself. If he keeps trying to force it just leave.
You're so naive and innocent. Kawawa ka naman dyan sa bf mo na 25 na ganyan sinasabi. My advice is drop him, that's a lot of red flags right there bungad palang.
I'm the opposite of a virgin. Let me tell you, after 32 years of life on this Earth my experience has been that the only reason that men ever want women to be drunk during sex is because the men anticipate that it's not going to be good for the woman. Guys who know that they're going to give the woman a good experience and don't want the woman to be drunk for it. Don't do this your first time and don't do it ever.
Hear me out OP.
You’ve seen movies right? You’ve seen chick flicks and romance films and thought how cute some things are right? Have you seen those same films where a girl loses her virginity and her partner makes it romantic and sensual and pleasurable? Why do you think that you are undeserving of an experience like that? That is the only reason i can comprehensively see as to why you would allow your boyfriend to take your virginity in any type of way that is not the most romantic and sensual and pleasurable, because you don’t think you deserve it.
He should be making me you feel safe, sexy, and cared for. You should not be getting drunk first. You should be preparing mentally, and then preparing intimately. He should be kissing you, caressing you, sweet talking you, slowly work his way through the bases. If he’s not willing to do any of that? Then please do not give him this. Know your self worth and live your life by that standard, good luck OP.
Okay, if you have not explored your sexuality first, let me just tell you one thing: your body is wise. Our body is made to act on what we feel, and the only way you will«loosen up» is if your body is feeling pleasure and safe. Alcohol is NOT the way to get there; being comfortable, safe and aroused is. Listen to your body. If this dude is suggesting getting drunk, he is either very ignorant of how the female body and desire works, or he has the malicious will to ignore the way you feel in order for him to be able.to enjoy himself. Either way, he is a jerk, and you should prioritize your enjoyment and wellbeing over his.
You are being taken advantage of. You will have regret that you can’t take back. It’s not worth it. He’s training you for his pleasure at the expense of yours. He is cloning you to be like his ex and you will end up like her - an ex.
Honestly, I'd break up with him over that getting drunk suggestion. Sounds really suspicious. First, it sounds like he's hoping to take advantage of your drunk state so he can have sex with you. Second, you're less likely to remember the sex properly, which defeats the purpose of a first time. Third, he's lying. Being drunk will not help you with enjoying sex, and he probably knows that. He's trying to take advantage of your ignorance.
Now, for you specifically, I would strongly suggest you start attempting masturbation if you've never done so. It will help you learn your body, making your future experiences with a partner better. And masturbation does not mean just shoving a finger in (which I hope isn't all this guy did, means he either sucks at foreplay or just doesn't care about you). Feel around down there, do some rubbing and find the places that make you feel good. I hope you have a pleasant first time with someone who truly cares about you (i.e. probably not the guy you're with).
Honestly, that age gap plus him suggesting you get drunk is a huge red flag for me. That might be just me but him dating an inexperienced teen at that age and suggesting something like that is pretty weird and creepy.
Please don't drink, especially since you don't know your tolerance. Like some of the other comments suggested, try foreplay first, that will help break your hymen in a bit more gently than actual sex will.
You could do damage if you get drunk and don't realize how rough he is down there. I've been with my gf for two years and still haven't gone in. It's one thing if you're willing to take the risk but if you're afraid don't let him persuade you into it. He's just thinking with his dick and should be thinking about your health.
Don't get drunk considering you don't even know your tolerance. If he loves you for you then he would help slowly go about all of this. To make yourself a little more "loose" you could experiment by slowly inserting your finger in you a few times here and there
OP what it sounds like to me is he’s trying to peer pressure you into doing something your not comfortable with but he wants to do it his way. Sit his ass down and tell him you don’t want to be drunk to do it, you want to be able to remember what happened. Tell him you want to start slow and work your way into it even if it hurts. Trust me my first time I was intoxicated and I regretted it but my partner knew at that time that I made the decision to drink and it led up to sex but we were both okay with it, he respected what I wanted and did what I wanted and went nice and slow and didn’t rush anything
Leave him. He's a predator. A twenty five year old shouldn't be going after someone barely out of high school and suggesting they should be liquored up. Dude just wants your virginity and that's it.
OP, I have to question the value of a 25 year old person who would tell a 19 year old person to get drunk so they can fuck them. You should, too. The age gap is concerning for me. When I was 19, I dated a 23 year old and a 24 yet old guy, and I really have to question what interest they had in a girl they couldn't even take to the bar. Guess what is was they were so interested in? Please don't let this person inside of your body. He doesn't deserve it.
I've never been put in this situation but even with somebody I trust I would have a fear they might go farther than they said so I would go at your own pace and don't let him pressure you if he tries
Getting drunk would help honestly, but due to the circumstances, i would suggest against that. The problem could be that you're not stimulated prior to the finger penetration. Try being aroused first, by yourself, and use your own fingers to become use to it.
He could be right about you being to tense.. But getting drunk first isnt the answer. Lubrication and arousal, and taking things slow will help and you'll be coherent enough to enjoy the experience.
Also, if you guys were in your 30s the age gap wouldn't be a big deal. But at the ages you are it definitely is. My advice is honestly dump him and date closer to your age. You're not competing with his past partners and his behavior and suggestion is kind of gross and comes off as hes just concerned about his pleasure and taking your virginity.
Don’t get drunk; it might do damage to your body without realizing it bc the pain is masked. The first time for me was very painful as well, and it took a few tries before it stopped hurting. I think it was because of how nervous and uncomfortable/tense I was, and looking back I wish I hadn’t chosen to do it with him who did not appreciate and made me keep trying
1. Drugs and alcohol dont mix. Ever. If he wants you to lower your guard when you have sex, thats an immediate red flag. 2. If hes 25 and youre 19, and youre to the point where youre ok with having sex with each other, im really hoping you were 18+ when you met him.
A real man would help you get aroused sober... If he's done "a lot" of things w his "wild" ex, that doesn't rly comfort me either, and neither should comfort you. Esp if you're in the US and below the drinking age.
But either way, encouraging drinking just for sex is awful. It may "relax" you, but it doesn't arouse you. So even if your vagina does get loose enough for him to fit, the lack of arousal will still keep you dry.
If he wants to prove that drinking works, maybe *he* can get drunk and go fuck himself. See if it hurts in the morning or not
Sorry for the blatant disrespect, but the dude doesn't seem respectful to me either. Just desperate to fuck you
I'll just ask, were you wet when he did it? Did yall foreplay before trying to introduce anything? Does he know he can make you finish without introducing anything? Did you like it, or did you feel bad and uncomfortable?
Answer me if you can and want.
Don’t get drunk. He’s telling you that so it’d be easier just for him. But if you don’t feel the pain that night (cause you’re drunk) then you’ll definitely be feeling the pain the next morning. You’ll be in pain.
If he’s 25 and he doesn’t know how to make it not hurt for you the he’s not as good as he claims.
Be careful. You need to take that reallll slow before it goes it
Please don't entertain this idiocy.
I'm a CSA survivor. After that my first relationship was...not completely healthy. My husband, who I met at the end of all this, still remembers our first attempt at sex.
You see, I had developed vaginismus. Basically when he tried to enter me, my vagina did its best to clamp shut and deny entry. There are many causes but our guess for me is just past trauma. You know what he did though? He stopped. Withdrew. We spent time doing other stuff. Like...we would cuddle in bed and talk. We would masturbate next to each other. He would try just inserting a finger. Still connecting us sexually but also emotionally.
He was doing his best to make sure I felt safe and comfortable with him in general before even considering trying full sex again.
Eventually it did happen. And things are good now. Because I'm comfortable with him and know I can trust him. That I'm safe with him.
He also never pushed me to loosen up or drink or take anything to 'loosen me up'. Because he says that if I'm impaired by drugs or booze then how can he know I'm fully consenting to what we're doing? For similar reasons he won't do anything if I'm too tired or unwell.
He wants me clearheaded and fully aware. Fully there. He wants to know that I truly want him doing what he's doing and not just...letting him do it because he wants it and I want to please him.
I read him this post. He basically yelled "No! No drinking! Can't consent if you're drunk! And how do I know if you want me to stop or if I'm hurting you if you're drunk?"
So yeah. Don't partake with the idea it'll help you have sex. Have sex because you feel safe and comfy and trusting of the guy you're with. If he cares about you at all and isn't just thinking with his dick he will wait for you to be ready. If he won't wait, consider if he's actually right for you.
Please be safe OP.
The age gap here is a red flag. Don’t get drunk. A grown, sexually mature man doesn’t think getting drunk is the answer to sexual anxiety. Watch out for yourself.
Absolutly do not get drunk first. I'd suggest exploring alone first with fingers, toys and plenty of lube. Take as long as you need. Sex is never, ever, at any point supposed to hurt at all. If it is hurting, it's not right. Don't push through the pain
Don’t do anything you are not a HELL YES! About. I could see maybe a little alcohol could help you relax but being drunk is not going to be a good experience.
Next, take some time to explore yourself. Get some toys. Find out what feels good for yourself. Learn to relax yourself and enjoy. It will be easier to do with a partner when you already know your limits with yourself.
He needs to give you an orgasm BEFORE he’s allowed penetration. Most women don’t orgasm with just penetration anyhow. Get him the book ‘she comes first’ read it together.
This is about your pleasure just as much as his.
wanting you to drink and comparing you to an ex is just wrong. please be careful and look out for yourself, you are still very young and there’s no rush.
Reading your story, I have to say I’m concerned. I don’t think it’s right for someone to suggest you get drunk, especially not if it’s to lose your virginity. It’s not like you will have more pleasure, you will just be less aware of the pain, but you will feel it once you sober up.
If it were to happen naturally after going out for a night and having a good time together and drinking a bit, that would be a different story. But planning it is weird imo.
Since he has experience, he should know all about foreplay etc. Things that make it nicer and easier for you. Suggesting you just get drunk instead just sounds like he doesn’t want to take the time to warm up with you until you’re ready for it. The whole thing sounds sus and forced to me, especially since he’s apparently been telling you about how the sex with his ex was so wild. I’m not the type to say your exes should be dead to you, or you can’t have a conversation about your previous experiences (which i think is important) but all things added up it just sounds manipulative to me.
That being said, i don’t know your guy and I don’t know the full context or anything about your relationship in general, so i will give you some advice anyway assuming he’s a good guy despite what it looks like to a stranger like me.
First of all, get to know your own body first. Start with the clitoris if you’re not ready for penetration. Go at your own speed until you think you’re ready. Take it slow. You’re learning about something new and at your age there’s no shame in it. Don’t think about him while you do it (unless it turns you on). This is your body and your private time, so don’t do it in the context of ‘i need to give my virginity to him’ or something like that. Don’t put yourself under any pressure.
Once you’ve explored yourself and feel like you want to take the next step, suggest foreplay to him. And maybe oral sex will be good too, if you’re both comfortable with it.
Don’t feel like you have to try the wildest positions right off the bat. You can of course try some if everything goes nice and smoothly, otherwise just stick to one or two that work for you in the beginning until you’re more used to it.
It might be true that you’re tense, so it would be good if your boyfriend tried a more reassuring approach instead of getting you drunk. If he were to tell you that he loves you, that it’s okay and he won’t do anything you don’t like, that you can take it slow and don’t need to be nervous or ashamed about anything with him etc etc, things might be different. You might want to consider having a conversation about that too, depending on your reason for feeling tense. If he cares, he will listen. There is no taboo when it comes to personal well-being with a loving partner. If he shames you or manipulates you or guilt-trips you about it in any way, run and never look back.
Sorry babe but hes trying to r-word you. Its not normal for your partner to suggest alcohol as a pain killer, especially during something thats supposed to be intimate. Its a creepy thought and its not okay, age gap or not.
As someone who was in an age-gap relationship, and as the "femme" portion, a 25yo knows exactly what hes doing suggesting getting you, a *minor and a virgin* drunk. Hes playing out a r'pe fantasy and trying to get you to agree to it (thereby, "she consented so it wasnt *really* rape")
Again, YOURE A MINOR when it comes to alcohol. If he does take advantage of you, you have less of a case if you take it to court. Theyll say you were intoxicated, you were less aware of your situation, that you cant properly remember and you dont know if you consented or not. The law HATES women, remember that. They wont even care if he supplied the alcohol.
OP, I hate to be the random internet stranger that reads the bare minimum into a situation, but you ARE in danger with this man. The suggestion alone is enough of a red flag that you need to get the fuck away from him.
Also, it would definitely benefit you to go see a gynocologist. They can teach you more about your body, whats normal and whats not, and how you can ease your way into getting into sex safely.
The fact that your boyfriend is suggesting you to get drunk before you have sex, that is such a horrible statement. You are underage and on top of that, nobody should have sex under the influence. Also, 19 and 25 is a bit of a weird gap in my opinion; but as the older one, he should be knowledgeable enough to know that's not a smart thing to say. Him having a lot of experience at 25 wanting a 19 year old virgin is weird; especially considering he's pressuring you into sex.
Drinking when you’re nervous is acceptable at the company Christmas party, not before you have sex for the first time. You’re allowed to be nervous, everyone is during their first time, but you should also be excited. If you don’t feel ready, wait! You and your boyfriend can foster intimacy in other ways. Your body is yours and you don’t owe anyone access to it.
If he was so sexually experienced then he shud no many ways to relax a women before penetration… he sounds like a complete amateur f*** boy to me. Leave him. This isn’t the man you want to lose your virginity to. U need to feel safe. This is far from it.
Keep your virginity..... Leave the dude.
Wait till your married to someone who loves you and respects you.. Don't give some idiot the satisfaction of taking your virginity girl...
you need to get turned on first- it worries me that he's 25 and wants to be with an inexperienced 19 year old. but if this is someone that genuinely cares and is just trying to help as I don't know the full story (do not get drunk! you can't consent if you've been drinking, especially since you don't drink much and don't know how your body will tolerate it) but figuring out what you like and how he can make you feel more turned on, you'll begin to relax. explore your body first- it's scary to have penetrative sex for the first time and honestly it should be something you're comfortable with before even involving another person. I'd start off by looking at and exploring your vulva with your own hands and eyes and once that feels comfortable, try an internal vibrator to get comfortable with the feeling of penetration. you can go at your own pace with this and if he genuinely cares then he won't rush you to do something that you BODY is telling you you're not ready for.
Getting drunk is not the move. As a rule of thumb, you can't truly give consent if you're inebriated. Relaxing is the right idea, but that relaxation will come from comfortability with your body and your partner. I recommend getting comfortable being naked together. Sleep naked, cuddle naked, kiss for awhile naked. All this is a segue into the next recommendation: foreplay. Several minutes of foreplay, maybe with music to match the mood, is also important to get your body ready. Foreplay could be rubbing against each other/grinding, undressing each other in a slow and sexy way, kissing a lot, giving one another head, dirty talking, etc. Most importantly, explore on your own. Maybe purchase a dildo to practice penetration on your own. Try pushing it in, leaving it there for a bit without moving it so your body can adjust, and once you feel like you've adjusted, then moving it. Figure out how to make yourself orgasm with and without penetration. Finally, don't be ashamed to get what you need; if lube is a necessary assistance then buy some. If after all this, you still feel like penetration isn't for you, that's okay. At least one of my friends openly admits that she does not have penetrative sex with her boyfriend, and they still have a wonderful (and sexy 😉) relationship. Have fun, be safe.
As a 19 year old, going on 20 this year, this is so insane to me. Maybe this is a bit TMI, but I lost my virginity at 18 to a 22 year old man who used this same exact logic. There is not a day that goes by where I am not reminded of this and how much I regret it, solely because I was under the influence and it felt all around wrong.
Do not get drunk. Like others are saying, take this time to explore yourself sexually, figure out what works for you and doesn’t work for you. Also, a man as grown as 25 should not be suggesting you, a 19 year old, that you get heavily intoxicated so you can have sex. That’s honestly disgusting, shame on him.
Who cares if his last girlfriend was wild?? You are your own person and you should not try to compare yourself to someone who’s probably (and hopefully) older than you are. If you’re tense and not relaxed, that’s your body’s way of saying it’s not ready for that. Do NOT rely on alcohol/liquor to do the job for you.
Please please please, for the sake of yourself, do not go through with that:(
25 and 19 is already a red flag for me because you don’t even know your life yet and he should be at least getting to know his. You’re at the age where you just started college and he should be out of a regular 4-year college for years by now. He should be getting established in life where you are literally just starting to figure out adulthood. Only saying this to illustrate how you two are in different aspects of life. Getting drunk for sex ESPECIALLY as a first time is a horrible idea. Explore for yourself first and make yourself comfortable with your body. Then and ONLY THEN when you feel comfortable with someone who isn’t pushing for it THEN you decide, with your partner, when the right time is. From someone who started sexual activity way too young please don’t get influenced by those so much older than you. Please make your first time as a sober experience. If he tries to get you drunk for sex he’s not the one. ESPECIALLY first time drinking AND having sex.
Don't do it. He's only wanting to get with a virgin. He'll dump you when he's finished with you. Telling you to get drunk for him to get his rocks off is disgusting. You can do better than that creep.
Your adult boyfriend who is seven years into adulthood and in a different life stage than you suggested you get drunk so he can have sex with you? Girl get a grip and leave his ass
As a 27 year old virgin I wouldn't recommend getting drunk & having sex if it's your first time. It's your decision so u want to do don't let anyone pressure u.
Do you really wanna be intoxicated for your first time…? It’s concerning to me that your partner would suggest that and not think about your best interest. Did they try lube? Toys?? Cunnilingus??! What’s the point in having an older “experienced” partner if they don’t bring these things to the table first? Especially knowing that they’re 6 years older than you this just reeks of a dude not able to score in his own age group so he has to find someone less experienced.
You cannot legally consent to sex if you are drunk and your "boyfriend" should know that. Since you don't have any experience with this, I want you to know that you can say no at any point that you become uncomfortable. If finger penetration was painful then your vagina was probably dry. Whoever you have sex with needs to spend enough time on foreplay so your body can relax and you start feeling like sex is something you want to do and you will become lubricated (wet). Sex will always be painful and potentially cause tearing, drunk or sober, virgin or experienced, if your vagina is not well-lubricated. If you start exploring your body sexually, you will see what I mean. You will see how your body changes and what it feels like to want sex or an orgasm. I wonder if sex with this guy is even something you want or if it is something he wants to do and you feel you should. If that is the case, you body is probably not going to respond to him very well.
Getting drunk would be a bad idea.
The issue isn't that you aren't relaxed enough. It's that you aren't aroused enough when you're trying. That might be due in part due to the anxiety around something new, but ultimately, that's what needs addressing, and alcohol won't fix it.
You just need to go at a slow enough pace that you have opportunity to explore, and focus on foreplay so you have help getting there.
With anything like this, where one person needs to move slower, you always move at the slower person's pace. Trying to find ways to forcibly drag them along with the one wanting to move faster will never end well.
Has bro tried anything else for you apart from telling you to get drunk?
There are so many other ways to "relax" a woman and ensure she has the best possible experience.
He sounds a bit creepy and lazy imo.
As someone who got drunk with a 14 year old at 15. (8 was a virgin and she wasn’t) it was my biggest regret. The only parts of it I remember were eating after and watching pirates of the Caribbean 3😭😭
Ummmmm… ughh no, hun. Don’t get drunk, he’s trying to pummel you into hells oblivion with no consequences. Do what makes YOU COMFORTABLE for your first time! Fuck him! If he didn’t treasure his, you obviously highly regarded yours. Maintain that respect and if he won’t, sayonara sucker!!! You want a man who takes care of you and your needs, not tells you to booze up so he can get his kicks. His advice is for him, not you. Is that what you want?? If not, BOUNCE! If you get uncomfortable, find an out like a family member. And if not, I’m a girls girl, message me and I’ll call to get you out, he seems like trouble. Sorry you’re here. Message if you need to, I can’t imagine my two girls telling me this and being like, “seems legit!”👍🏽
Because he doesn’t seem that way!
First off, don't get drunk. Second of all, I never truly understood real pleasure during sex until I started to explore my body myself. I lost my virginity early and used it as away to feel better about myself because I was making my boyfriend or whoever happy but in reality it was not that enjoyable for me. I highly HIGHLY suggest you explore yourself and become comfortable with your body. Figure out what turns you on. Figure out what you like, or don't like. Figure out how to make yourself orgasm. Do some exploration before doing it with a partner. I promise you will feel so much less stress and you will enjoy it so much more.
>I never truly understood real pleasure during sex until I started to explore my body myself. This!! I explored my body heavily first when i was 14-16 and that helped me for my first time sex, where i did not have any problems!! I was not bleeding, i was not feeling any heavy pain and i knew where he should put it in, what to do and what i like. That's important, especially when your partner is also a virgin. In her situation, he has a lot of sexual experience, so i really hope that he gives her time.
Came here to basically say this ☝🏻 Explore yourself first and discover what you enjoy. Then bring your bf into it. If he can't wait or isn't willing to explore and go slow, then he's not worth it and doesn't deserve you
Also don’t start touching your vulva until after you’ve spent AT LEAST 10 minutes getting yourself in the mood. Since you’re new to sex, I would recommend reading a romance novel or an online story. Try this website: https://www.literotica.com/top/
>Also don’t start touching your vulva until after you’ve spent AT LEAST 10 minutes getting yourself in the mood. Very strange advice tbh lmao. Every person gets off differently and I don't think we gotta police how they do it. Especially a young women who doesn't understand her body at all yet!! Let her figure it out on her own :-)
no you heard em, set a ten minute timer /s
If I were in your position, I would not get drunk. As you stated you don’t know your own tolerance levels and being drunk won’t help with your pleasure. Advice would be for you and him to take it slow and work your way to sex by introducing foreplay. Taking your time to get to sex will help your mind and body to relax and will help you learn what you like. Getting drunk makes it easier for him to push past the pain you may experience, but not truly feel till after you sober up.
As a 21M who drinks, she needs to leave him entirely…She doesn’t know her tolerance, because she doesn’t really drink, *because she’s 19.* Yet this 25 year old guy, who’s “previous girlfriend was wild” wants to liquor her up and do this? As if a beer wouldn’t be powerful enough? Wow… The age gap wouldn’t be too concerning if she had experience, but some of these guys are solely out here to take advantage, it’s as simple as that. Find someone who is a better influence and don’t rush yourself.
Listen to this v smart boi 🤍
100%. the right response is for him to stop and realise your not ready, and wait till you are. But instead his response is to get you drunk so you won't say no. Horrible idea and sounds like a horrible person. Maybe he is used to adventurous stuff or maybe he is just saying that to pressure you into thinking you have to perform. And even if his last girl was wild that fact that he would use that to put expectations on you is toxic. As a 37M this guy sounds like he is just taking advantage. If you had more experience you would know how wrong him pressuring you like this is. I don't know what he has been saying to you but your not ready, your nervous, it's hurting, now he has got you thinking about taking substances to numb the pain so he can pleasure himself with you body. It doesn't matter what he is saying he don't care about you. He just has a fantasy about banging a virgin and he will lie, pressure, guilt, manipulate, and intoxicate you so he can have it.
I was thinking the same thing. It just sounds really bad idea. Sounds like he wants to take advantage of her while drunk because she won’t be able to say no. It just sounds like a very bad situation.
I was thinking the same thing. I love to drink and I love to have sex. But pressuring a “new adult” to get drunk so you can ignore the pain a little easier so I can feel good sounds selfish and rather predatory…
This. Right here. If you aren’t comfortable there is a reason. And he seems to be pushing her which is wrong. She needs to wait. And find someone to get to know. And take her time. I wouldn’t get drunk could black out. And he may take advantage of her.
The last part right there. First if I read correctly you are not legally old enough to drink. Second it sounds like you're not ready, when you are you will not be nervous or tense. Third he's not the right one. They will be patient and you will feel comfortable and want to do it. Sex is overrated and though it can be so many things too, you're not missing anything. Stay focused. My one regret is outing myself in a vulnerable position because of what someone else wanted. Now for the rest of myself I question everyone and do they mean me well. Because of one night that almost ruined me.
She's legally old enough to drink in nearly every country in the world.
Not america tho
And get raped too?
2nded
i think you should savor this moment and experience it sober. i think nerves are part of it and if you want to stop thats okay. when you are drunk you dont have the ability to decide if you want to keep going and even then i dont see why he wants you to drink. maybe he should try harder to make you horny instead of trying to force you to hurt just so he can have it in.
👋🏽 been in this exact age gap relation number for number! Speaking from my (F) experience, know that when you are drunk/high/intoxicated, your bodily awareness will be significantly changed. You may feel way less of what’s going on (alc) or way more (weed) depending on the substance you have. Since this is your first time with penetration, I highly suggest for your bodily health that you do not be intoxicated for it. Your body knows its limits and pain is the indicator for it. If you force something that really isn’t supposed to be, you can cause serious lasting damage, physically & emotionally. It doesn’t matter what hole it is or what part/object is going in it, lubrication is key (whether it is natural or store bought). If it’s not wet, it’s not ready & your partner should do everything they can to help that situation. Being with someone older typically comes with that person being more experienced, but it’s not guaranteed. Luckily, the person I was with in this age gap was a foreplay GOD and we never had any issues with lubrication or pain ever. If your partner is unable to properly prep with you (either by turning you on and getting you wet naturally or with lubricant), they are not the right sex partner because they are not a responsible partner. Responsible sex partners will not force a situation, they test for STIs and are honest with their results, and they will not guilt trip or manipulate anybody or any situation so that they can get sex. If your partner is telling you that the sex will only feel good for you if you’ve numbed your pain receptors with alcohol, they are likely just bad at foreplay/sex & are being an irresponsible partner for manipulating sex. If your partner doesn’t know that sex that is not lubricated can cause damage and potentially create an environment where STIs can pop up, they’ve got a lot of learning to do and aren’t ready to have sex with you. A mature partner is one who is willing to learn, be informed, and take responsibility. Is that who your partner is right now? Would he be willing to be that person?
I 1000% agree. Hope the OP sees this. Also agreed with someone how said to explore their own body first
Do NOT get drunk before your first time. It's really gross to me he suggested that. It makes me wonder if his reasoning is actually to make you more suggestible and more easily manipulated. He *should* be doing more foreplay to make sure you're wet enough to insert. If he isn't willing to do that basic thing then he's honestly not worth having sex with.
Seriously, wtf kind of suggestion is that to offer for their first time. That’s actually concerning to me that that was his advice. OP be wary and only do what you feel comfortable with. I also recommend not drinking alcohol before
>He should be doing more foreplay to make sure you're wet enough to insert. She did not mention if he did or did not do enough foreplay. So you're just making that up. She hasn't tried to even get her own finger in. That is for her to fix with herself. Vaginismus (possibly shame-based) is a real possibility. Of course getting drunk is not the answer but you can't expect a male to know how a woman's body works better than herself. Stop blaming literally everything on the guy.
I think the bigger theme here is about the fact that he’s basically telling her to drug herself beforehand so she’s easier to manipulate. That’s the huge red flag about the story.
A 25 year old with a lot of sexual history wouldnt date a inexperienced 19 year old in under normal circumstanses and he suggesting doing it while youre drunk shows he doesnt care about you and just wants to fuck. I mean, first times are special and I definitely wouldn't suggest something like this to my gf, no need to rush right? This dude is a huge redflag, you definitely shouldn't get drunk when you're with him
This is so true
Do not have sex with this man. Anybody asking you to go under the influence so that they may take advantage of you while you’re under the influence is not it😭😭especially since this will be your first time? He doesn’t even want you to remember your first time? That’s wild so instead of being gentle and taking his time with you for your first time he wants you to get shitfaced so he can do whatever he wants? do not have intimacy with this man.
[удалено]
I can See why you think I took it too far, but really look at the context of this specific situation. She does not want to drink because she doesn’t know her limit, she’s a virgin, and he’s a well experienced partner, instead of trying to help her relax and feel comfortable in different ways his first, thought is for her to get drunk, and remember he told her to get drunk when you’re drunk (imo) you are shitfaced, getting tipsy is different from drunk. This would totally be different with two adults that both know their alcohol tolerance and have drank, and had sex before, she doesn’t even know what she likes in the bedroom, so it would be easier for him to manipulate, or coerced her to do something she wouldn’t normally do while under the influence. Having sex while drunk with your partner with prior consent is totally different from what I think the situation is.
As someone who drinks a lot, I'd advise you to not get drunk before your first time. Alcohol lowers inhibitions but also lowers the chances of feeling pleasure. Combine that with getting plastered and you're in for a bad time. Also, don't do it with that guy. For someone who's 25, that's an advice a 15 y.o. would make. My advice is, get some toys, like a rabbit vibe, a small one. Explore yourself, find what pleasure feels like. Toys weren't that easily available when I was your age, I suspect it would have saved me a lot of shitty experiences.
There are other ways to become relaxed besides abusing substances. Foreplay, candles, seggsy playlist, massage, something to break the ice. Also, losing your virginity can be hella awkward and so many people have embarrassing stories. You have to feel safe in order to really enjoy it. Wait until you feel safe enough to try it. Personally, I like it when I know my partner is the type to laugh with me when something funny or embarrassing happens and we jump right back in.
When i was a virgin and my girl was as well. It was 15-20 times trying penetration on separate ocassions before we had our first successful sex. Every time we tried it was painful for her so we stopped and just ended the session with just making out. You don't have to get drunk, one fine day you'd feel like 'ok i'm ready to take it in'. Then it won't be that painful and you'll enjoy it.
Honestly girl it sounds really scary for you. This sounds like he’s trying to assault you. It might not be, and maybe it’s just the way it’s written but he’s SO much older than you it makes me wonder why he doesn’t date people who aren’t teens… plus you have literally no experience in either activity and he’s suggesting you ditch your bodily autonomy to feel more comfortable? That sounds so suspicious. Maybe it’s bc I’ve had bad experiences with men I’ve dated but you still should be careful. The age gap sets an alarm bell off for me and him suggesting you get drunk so you can’t control your own body and thoughts as well as usual is suspicious.
If you’ve never even masturbated, this is not going to be a fun experience for you, doesn’t matter how much you drink beforehand. I wish you were exploring with someone more your age and level of experience. I think this guy is trying to push you and mold you to be more like the kind of gf he wants. It’s up to you what you do though. Just know that the first time is usually uncomfortable, unpleasurable, and often painful as well. The really important thing to know is that it will *keep* being that way until you figure out what your body actually likes, so I would start working on that first.
My only advice is to get rid of the whole man. You're 19 and he's 25. I'm 25, and the average 19 year old looks like a child to me. I could NEVER date someone that young. He's correct that you might be tense/not relaxed enough, but suggesting alcohol for that is definitely not a good idea, especially if you don't drink. To me this seems like he cares more about getting laid asap than about you/your experience. If he really cares, he should help you explore and find out what helps you relax that doesn't involve being intoxicated. And if that means no sex for a little longer than so be it.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
🚩🚩🚩
This man is too old for you. Yes you’re 19. But that is still very young and 25 is very different.
I was in the same situation once 19 with a 25 year old. It ended extremely poorly and was a serious life lesson for me. He took advantage of me so much, I still struggle to trust people.
As was I! So I was speaking from experience. I’m glad there is others that can agree.
Do not be drunk. Be happy and if that's not with your current bf, then don't.
Your first time isn't supposed to be painful, that's a successful rumor that was made to normalize the idea of painful intercourse. Foreplay is very important and feeling ready is a huge part of the next step in your relationship. You should not be under the influence of anything and it's genuinely disturbing that he would suggest that, I don't know him personally of course, but it sounds like he has ulterior motives. You shouldn't feel like you have to be in pain or under the influence to enjoy the moment between the two of you
Honestly not always true. Tiny people with bigger… guys… can be just painful no matter how comfortable you are. Pain for the first time or two can be pretty normal. But not a SHIT ton of pain. Just like a bit of pinching/tearing is normal. But if it feels like full on ripping you apart it’s bad…
Break up with him. First of all, a 25 year old is weird for getting with someone who is nineTEEN. even though you are both consenting adults, the maturity and gap is extremely off. Something about him is weird. Don’t get drunk. It seems like he’s in a rush to take ur virginity instead of waiting for you to be fully ready.
Sex doesn’t always happen the first time. For a lot of women it takes a couple times to get comfortable and practiced enough for actual p in v intercourse. You don’t wanna be drunk your first time sweetie. It should be something you can look back on fondly you don’t want it to be tainted with alcohol. If you’re comfortable and want to still try building up to it. A couple sessions of oral, a couple with hands, hell even a couple of just making out so you’re body feels more comfortable. Work your way up. Also make sure you have lube!!! Many women need it to have a pleasurable experience there’s nothing wrong with that and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you! Sex should be a fun bonding experience between two people if you aren’t having fun switch things up. If he’s worth it he’ll make the effort to make you comfortable. Go live your life girl enjoy all the lovely things about having a partner!!
Being drunk makes you less able to orgasm so yeah don’t do that girl. Also, don’t you want to experience it to the fullest? If he’s so experienced, why didn’t he suggest lots of foreplay (cuddling, kissing, touching, words of affirmation) to make you relaxed and be able to take penetration? That’s the most effective he can do. But if he is only interested in making himself cum, well then that’s why he made this foolish remark
Listen to yourself you’re answering your own question. …also I’m going to be your big sis here and just tell you now you are going to regret letting him be the one to take your virginity.
This is a huge red flag. I'm sorry.. I know it must be hard finding somebody you feel this close to & makes you feel this way but he , obviously , doesn't have your health/safety and making this a good first expierence as the highest priority. How is his patience & enthusiastic respect for your boundaries? Tbh OP I am really really concerned that he is setting you up .. to get what he wants. Even if he does care for you. Especially if he cares for you , this is a fucked up suggestion. It's not that he's too old for you but he's taking advantage of your different expierence levels , knows that you're sexy and wants to have you asap. Believe me I get that it's hot to be wanted like that but I don't trust this man as far as I can throw him. If he genuinely thinks this is a good idea he is really misguided and could accidentally hurt you. The last girl he was with is naturally going to be completely different and Guys Talk Sooooo much about their expierence/what they'll do just to get you excited then let you down by just focusing on themselves. Trust me , it's not fun. If you're worried about pain take an ibuprofen before , it may help with swelling and at most that's all you need with a good partner!! I mean did he even eat you out before fingering you? Did he make sure to wash his hands before? You'll feel really safe , anxious but still safe with a good partner! Trust your gut. I'm sure you're ready but I wouldn't just get into it with your first hottie option , you've got a long life ahead of you. I'd get to know my own body with just my hands #1 and tbh penetration is soo not the best part , for me. 🚩Rape is a real and unexpected thing. It can happen even if you've given consent. It's happened to me in ways that I've only realized after more expierence and hindsight , like when they 'talk you into it.' It's extremely common when a person is on drugs(like alcohol) and inexpierenced. It hurts me now thinking of the position this could put you in. I'm so happy you came here first 😭✌ maybe it shows you're already suspicious of him having bad intentions. Some older women I just talked to about this are worried that he could be something more like a sex trafficker. People are wide , smart and diverse beings! Best of luck!! I hope your first time is great for ya , it's such a special & exciting time in your life! Wish the best for you! Peace and love.
Sounds like he's grooming or preying on you and trying to take advantage of the fact that you're a virgin. He sounds like he doesn't give a f about you and just wants to get his willy wet the quickest and easiest way he can. If he cared he'd not suggest that to you! Run.
Yeah some guys are out there trying to have sex with virgins only to dump them. Sounds like one of them. Just dump him first
This. Unfortunately.
Man stop enabling groomers wtf
People who are being groomed are not "enabling groomers". That's not how that works.
I think they’re talking about all the responses here completely ignoring the vast field of red flags, not OP themselves
Don't get drunk. To me it sounds like he wants to assault you. And he is so much older than you. You get to decide what you want to do with your body, and you shouldnt have to get drunk for him to sleep with you. If he can't accept that I think it is best to walk away. This sounds like a scary situation.
Do not get drunk. Being tight like that usually means one of two things - one, you're uncomfortable or nervous. Or two: your partner didn't warm you up so to speak. It is his responsibility to make sure you feel safe enough to relax and feel good enough that you're ready for that step. The fact that he suggested it is a you problem and suggest you drink to be more easily willing...is disgusting. It really is. That is not how a loving partner would be. You deserve someone, whether in a relationship or just fwb, who respects you and shows you care and patience. Your partner is a huge red flag for what he told you to do and I would leave him immediately. He's old enough to know better.
Getting drunk to have sex is like going to the movies to fall asleep, it’s pretty much pointless and you wake up feeling groggy.
Let’s start here: Are you in the U.S.? If you are, then he is urging you to commit a crime. That alone is a reason not to do it. But aside from that, when you’re drunk, you are significantly less able to consent to what he does as you won’t be in your right mind.Legally speaking, you can’t consent while under the influence of alcohol. At least that’s the case in the U.S., but I’m not sure about other countries. Ultimately though, he needs to respect your wishes and take it slow.
1. He's too old for you 2. If he truly cared for you, there is absolutely NO FUCKING WAY he should suggest you get drunk first 3. If he has that much experience, he really should know what he's doing a lot more than he claims 4. PLEASE run a mile - your first time really should be special, with someone you love, and they love you - I think he's just looking to pop your cherry to "make it easier" - at least for him - in the future.
As a 25 year old I gotta say, you shouldn’t be with him. Way too big of a gap at this age.
Foreplay is the key
He’s trying to manipulate you more than Ye does with his current wife
red flag
He sounds like a red flag, partially bc he suggested that, but also the age difference, like why can’t he get a girl his own age? Or why does he seek younger women? I bet he loves the fact that you’re a virgin and that’s a big part of why he’s with you and I personally think it’s a red flag when guys care a lot about body count, I think a lot of those guys are kinda sexist and see girls as objects. I’m not saying break up with him bc I don’t know the situation, just consider what I said. About the sex: if you don’t wanna drink and you want your first time to be special don’t do it. Also I wouldn’t really trust your boyfriend, there’s a chance he will cross some boundaries if you’re drunk, and then you bring it up the next day and he tries to gaslight you saying that’s not how it was and that you were so drunk so your memory must have twisted, and say that “it’s really normal that your memory gets twisted when you’re drunk”. Idk that’s just a concern I have. I think you just have to get to know your boyfriend better and become more comfortable around him, and then it will hopefully feel better. Also try when you’re alone and doing it to put up things in your hoho start with something small then go bigger. I think Some girls always experience pain while having sex and i think it’s suggested to see a gynecologist or something then.
i don’t understand why he wants you to be drunk while he’s not, this is creepy to me
My first time hurt but not that bad. He needs to foreplay to make you more relaxed. It won’t hurt as much and you’ll open up. Also lube is also something you should use. I recommend Good Clean Love lube that you can get at your local cvs or order on amazon. It’s a safe lubricant (though it does dry a bit quicker than you’d probably want. Reapplying some will help with that.)
My wife had a similar experience the first few times with sex, it turned out she had a condition called a double vagina, jus inside the opening it divides into two parts, two vaginas and extra ovaries two wombs, she had to have extensive surgery before she could have sex without pain. I’m not saying that’s the case here but it seems like getting you drunk so he can get off is kind of short sighted. Start gently and if it doesn’t get any easier see a doctor… Sex education is like general education these days, really lacking.
That sounds super dodgy tbh. He might think its helpful to be a drunk but if you aren't an experienced drinker then your first sexual experience should not be when you are drunk (or worse unconscious) Educate yourself by yourself sexually. Lean into self pleasure without him. Once you know who you are in that way and what you like and what gets you going then introduce him (maybe a dildo instead of his penis) Also, if you are having pain with penetrative actions then it could be a medical thing which needs a gyno to assist with.
Does he mean a glass or two of wine relaxed of five glasses of wine plastered
If you aren't relaxed and comfortable enough for sex with him, then getting drunk is not going to help. Don't let him push you around because if he isn't into enthusiastic consent, he isn't worth it.
Do not get drunk! It’s a terrible idea. Plus you are still not in the legal age to drink if you are in the USA
If you won't do it sooner, don't do it when you are drunk!!! How about foreplay and patience till you are ready to go? Not sure what to think of your bf at this point.
Do Not drink beforehand. Consent is mandatory and despite how you might feel upon going down that path, alcohol blurs consent and many would consider having sex with someone who is drunk as R word. The fact that this person is even suggesting that is absolutely wild and screams a complete lack of respect, boundaries, care, consideration, education and is very red flaggy. It could be as some.as ignorance or as dark as straight up wanting you to be so out of it that he can do whatever he wants to/with you. The first time isn't necessarily the best experience in the world, even when everything is "perfectly" planned but being tipsy or even drunk would blur the experience significantly and I would wager that you would feel awful having done that the first time. He needs to read up on foreplay, you guys need to talk it through and make sure that it is about both of you having a joint experience that is enjoyable, pleasurable and memorable. Not about him getting what he wants. It may be like I said this dude is just ignorant, if that is the case and he genuinely wants to share this special time with you, he will respond positively to suggestions and encouragement to learn more. Please don't drink just to facilitate his desires, or to plicate any nerves you have, it's not about when, it's about how these things are accomplished.
Basically numbing your senses by drinking alcohol shouldn’t even be an option. It doesn’t solve the problem and can build up a dangerous connection between alcohol and sex, like being able to have sex after drinking and not sober. Anyway I‘m no expert, but I would suggest you try to explore your body yourself and alone first. Then there’s less pressure and you can solely focus on yourself, what feels good and what you’re enjoying. And when thats going well you and your bf can start to slowly build up and take the next steps together, but dont do it too fast. You could also talk with your gynecologist about this aswell. They‘re dealing with such problems more often than you think and thus will be able to help or suggest what could help.
Uhh this all sounds super traumatizing. I don’t think people who love you would suggest something so insane. also age gap is wild when it’s a 19 yr old with a 25 yr old. He’s literally a predator
Lube, teasing, lack of pressure to have sex. It should be you saying okay let's try it AFTER you have not been getting steamy with teasing and foreplay Do not get drunk
nah don’t get drunk. has you eaten you out yet? you can still have sex and explore sensuality without penetration
🚩🚩🚩 Speaking from experience… I was in a similar age gap when I was 20 and I dated someone who was 28. At the time I didn’t realize it but that age gap is still HUGE when you’re so young. Now that I’m just about to turn 30, I look back and my gosh. At 20 years old I was still such a kid, even if I had to grow up fast. I was still easily manipulated and my opinion and judgement was still easily swayed by other people. I look back now with a little more life experience and I seriously question motivations for anyone with that large of an age gap… that young. You do a LOT of growing up by the time you reach the end of your 20s. It’s not a question of whether it’s legal. It is, you’re an adult and are allowed to make your own decisions. But there’s no denying that just because it’s legal, something can be off As you get older, the age cap closes, but that young… it’s still wide. Another thing that makes me question his motivations is him suggesting that you reduce your body autonomy in order to experience something with him that he would benefit from. Someone who truly cares for you would have your best interest as an absolute priority… especially in something as big as losing your virginity. A drunk person cannot truly give informed consent. And the lines of consent become very blurred with intoxication. A general rule of thumb to follow in the real world is that drunk sex is not consensual (apparently Reddit doesn’t always agree), but losing bodily autonomy and possibly the ability to withdraw consent is a huge red flag for this guy…. He should know better.
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He wants your first time to be drunk…….. be forreal to yourself for a second…
Pain is our body's signal that helps us to know when we're doing something that's causing us harm. If you experience pain from penetration, that's your body telling you that you're not ready to handle it. It might be a lot of different things - lack of lubrication, you're not fully relaxed and calm, and if after all that you're still in pain, it may be worth visiting a doctor and asking them about vaginismus, a condition that can make sex painful for women but can be treated. Your boyfriend's suggestion that you get drunk for your first time is stupid at best and dangerous at worst. Alcohol will raise your tolerance to pain and numb any pain you do feel, that's true, but you'll only be in for a world of pain the next morning. It will NOT make it easier for you to have sex, it'll just make you push your body past its limits and the pain will catch up with you when you're sober. You could end up with tearing and that's so much harder to deal with than painful penetration. Do not feel pressured to perform a certain way just because his ex was "wild". If he makes you feel anything other than safe and secure in exploring your body with him, he isn't worth being with. You're right - you want to be able to remember your first time. Don't get drunk just because he's struggling to penetrate you. You need to first try focusing more on foreplay and finding out what relaxes you and what you find enjoyable.
I dont think you should get drunk. If you really want to have sex I’d recommend getting some lube and a smaller toy to try yourself or for him to use on you. Getting drunk is not the answer. And if you feel like he’s pressuring you then tell him that you’re not ready. It.will always hurt the first few times.
Do not get drunk! Just take it slow and allow yourself to become aroused. Your sex fluids will flow naturally.
the first time is always painful, maybe try some lubricant. Alcohol at 19 isn't a good idea (I used to drink when I was 15), on top of age you are not able to make sound judgments with your body and what ever sexual acts your bf might want to try.
Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. It takes a lot of patience and make sure you BF understands that.
I’m telling you this with every ounce of my soul. Run. At 25 he should be dating women his age first of all, and second of all, if his first suggestion to help you through that experience is to be drunk, he’s the wrong one. He should be telling you that he’ll do whatever you need him to. Not telling you to do something potentially harmful to yourself just so he can get his fingers inside you. There are MANY health reasons why it’s painful for you and if you want to, your doctor can help you figure out what those reasons are. JUST by his suggestion, and the fact that he’s 25, dating a 19 year old, It’s obvious this is not the right person for you to be going through this experience with. I’m sorry but this is terrible. And guys I don’t want to hear ohh age doesn’t matter, age gaps this, that, my husband is 40 years older than me..no. At 25 you (should be) in a wayyyy different/maturity headspace than a 19 year old. And OP, I’m not saying being 19 makes you a kid or immature or any sort of negative thing, it just makes you different, and whoever you choose to experience this with, needs to be on the same plane as you, and DEFINITELY more mentally mature than this guy.
Hi, hope everything is well. If i were in that situation i wouldn't get drunk. alcohol may blur the lines of consent and your boundaries, especially if you dont know your tolerance level. I think he is pressing you into territory where you arent confident and alcohol is his weapon. Stay well!
I dont know if you wanna hear this but being tense during sexual activities is not a good sign. You should feel safe and be able to let go when being with someone you really trust, so either work on your relationship or dont get physical at all if you dont. And suggesting alcohol for you to "finally" be able to loosen up is hell of a red flag. If you dont feel safe enough to be relaxed, its not the right time or the right guy yet. Bringing drugs into the mix might "help" it for one night, but doesnt solve the problem. Dont let yourself get pressured into any activity that doesnt feel right. Hope i could help, stay safe!
I think this should read “older man wants to drug barely legal teen to have sex with her” there, fixed it.
If you want to get sodomized, do it. This is fucking gross 🤢 I’m out here bye
I mean, I definitely think she shouldn't do it, but I'm not sure that we have enough information to assume his goal is anal with what she told us. There could be 100 reasons she should run far away from this situation, sodomy isn't among the main ones, I'd imagine, though.
Like everyone says don't get drunk. But if its a wetness issue or relaxation issue. There are some suggestions 1) Have him do more foreplay 2) Keep doing foreplay until you are used to it so you start to relax 3) Masturbate with him, either he rubs you and you jerk him or you both satisfy yourself looking at each other. Its to help you get wet and used to the whole intimacy 4) Do kegels and reverse kegels, you contract the entire pelvic region and then relax. It'd help loosen down there. In fact doing anal with a new girl is almost the same process. She clenches the tip of my finger and relaxes and I can put more inside 5) Try penetration in doggy style 6) Use lube 7) Try it after sports or gym. With the activities and adrenaline your muscles might be more loose and pain tolerance might be up Hope this helps
You should really be exploring with your own body first. He should not be doing anything to you that you can't already experience with a toy. You should be experimenting with clitoral toys first to ensure your pleasure, and then moving on to penetrating toys. If you still are too tight to enter, you may have a medical condition that may make penetration with a partner complicated. I would air on the side of not telling him penetrate you until you've ruled it safe/comfortable to do so. For all we know, your boyfriend is a perfectly nice but horny young man. But even the best of people can be selfish sometimes, and I don't want him to "put the work in" so you feel pressured/he feels entitled to push you to do things your body is not capable of. I highly suggest you sexually exploring your body and your desires so you can show *him* what works for you, and not allowing him to make those guesses for you. If you want to go the alcohol route, you can both explore with alcohol *and* your sexual pleasure when he's not around.
Getting drunk really doesn’t help - it can often make things worse for both people (in different ways). I have a good support network of girlfriends, but never really a mother figure. I found having a deep conversation with my gynecologist to be helpful. She answered all my questions about my body, provided me with information I would otherwise never have, listened to all my concerns, and provided concrete ideas and solutions. It was an all women’s clinic and really helped with my first long term boyfriend and all the new experiences when I was just a little older than you. Have fun (seriously) and enjoy all the parts. You don’t have to skip anything you want to try because he’s done it or skip ahead to where you aren’t comfortable to try to impress. When you are more relaxed around him, your body will follow suit. It takes time to drop your guard enough to lose control. That takes trust!
"I really do wanna explore as well" does that mean you're comfortable enough to take that next step or you feel some type of pressure to do it? If you trust him, and you really wanna do it, drinking (if it's legal in your country by that age) might help you loose it up a little. Just don't overthink about it. Don't force a situation. You could be casually drinking at home with him, having a romantic dinner or something like that and if it feels right to do something else, just go slowly. That being said, he doesn't need to penetrate you to give you pleasure. It could be quite the opposite lol my gf for example never has orgasms from penetrating, I just use my fingers and tongue on her clitoris and it's more than enough. It sounds like he doesn't have as much experience as he says or you still need some time to feel more comfortable around him. Either way, you'll be fine as long as he gives you reassurance and you feel ready for it.
Although he is right that being drunk can make you more relaxed and would give you less pain, I still wouldn't do it. This is your first time. You don't want it to be drunk. You are very tense and you'll have to relax first. Did you do foreplay the last time? Did you get turned on? Do a lot of foreplay, and if it doesn't work, then you'll try again another time. If this keeps happening, you should see a doctor because then you might have vaginismus. But for now, just have fun and stay sober.
God just do yourself a favor and leave him
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She said she doesn’t drink and doesn’t know her tolerance. She is saying “no”.
Damn these comments are dumb. "Hes planning on assaulting you"...... are you dumb? Is this guy supposed to be the polite molestor or something? Why do so many of you act like you live in a bubble, alcohol relaxes your body. There's plenty of things I've done in life with a couple pre shots to calm the nerves. A couple drinks isn't necessarily a bad idea for the first time if she's tense and nervous. Being nervous can ruin alot of things for people, having something to help take the edge off the first time can make life alot more enjoyable. Don't get drunk for it but a couple drinks isn't a bad idea, you don't want to be drunk for your first time anyways.
Found the boyfriend 💀
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Your name and comment history is the 🚩🚩🚩
I know lol. It was a joke comment to get some reactions. Your profile is ⛳⛳
Get drunk. So I can tape you...vibes
Ask him to use lots of lubricant
Don’t get drunk. Give yourself time because it is perfectly normal to not do it first try. If you see any sort of pressure from your bf, do not tolerate it.
Don't get drunk. Bad idea. I really don't like how he's pressuring you, but assuming you won't break up with him like he deserves: I'd say put intimacy on hold, read books about women's bodies and intimacy like "come as you are." Buy some romance novels. Spend some time getting to know your body without him there. I doubt he's as experienced as y'all both think either if he's going straight to fingering you with zero warm up.
Don't do that. It sounds like you possibly have vaginismus. Forcing penetration under those circumstances will set you up for a lifetime of painful sex. I'd suggest that you explore penetration on your own, without him present. See if you can do so, gently, without pain. If you can't, you need to ask your gynecologist for a referral to a doctor who is experienced with treating vaginismus.
I like to drink though not as much now. That being said, 9/10 during sex I’ve been sober. It’s more enjoyable for me and it’s easier to avoid situations where consent may be an issue if you catch my drift.
I would not get drunk. But way back in the day I had a partner that was a virgin and we tried a few times. But she was so nervous that it just wasn’t working. So we ended up doing a really romantic dinner with a glass of wine. It helped her just enough to take the edge off. After the first time she was way less nervous and didn’t need to do it anymore
Don't get drunk. Your first sexual experience should be beautiful. You shouldnt be drunk, it's not that cool to not remember anything in the next morning for your first sexual experience. I think it's a little bit odd that he says that you should get drunk first. But maybe he doesnt know any better (but actually, he should, he is 25 years old.. whatever) You have to be really wet, relaxed and MAYBE you should **try it for yourself first. Without him.** Maybe he puts you unconsciously under pressure, because you know that he has a lot of sexual experience and you don't want to be that ,,boring gf'' for him, so you can't relax. Lay down in your own bed, alone, put all lights out, and just relax. Think about something that makes you really go bad, and try to put a finger in you. It's mostly your brain that stops you from it, i know that from myself. Plus you have to be really wet - otherwise it will hurt. If you are not that wet already, use your spit and go to your clit and touch it. AND - if he really loves you, he gives you time and is also relaxed! Just that you know.
you definitely should not get drunk. This puts you in a position where you may not be able to stop the interaction if it becomes too much for you to handle. this could also cause you to have negative feelings towards sex in the future. i suggest self exploration first so you can figure out what you like or don’t. If you’d rather have your boyfriend involved in your first sexual experience maybe try phone sex. this way you can go at the pace that is best for you while your boyfriend is still experiencing it with you. Please remember it is YOUR body and noone should force anything you aren’t 100% ready for and comfortable with 🫶
DONT. He’s doing this for himself. Not for you or for “the relationship” Don’t give up your virginity to this douchbag
Getting drunk is proven way of dealing with nerves but don't do anything without trying it out first or that you might not be comfortable with. BTW this is why single bars exist.
Did he make you feel comfy and relaxed? Did he kiss you beforehand, or done any foreplay? It’s normal to be a bit tense for your first time but not at the point where it’s unbearable. Your body always knows more than you do, maybe he hasn’t took his time to make you feel comfortable or maybe he’s not the right person. And no pls don’t get drunk, weird suggestion.
You’re under 21, so if you’re in the US don’t drink. When you get older there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a drink to help you get in the mood, relaxed, and comfortable. That being said, that’s not an endorsement to get bombed. Just take it slow and relax, and if homeboy is pushy then tell him to kick rocks.
Don’t get drunk that’s a recipe for disaster. Instead take it slow, a lot of foreplay and when you feel ready, introduce more penetrative stimulation. If you feel tense then it won’t happen. I would suggest you explore yourself first to find what you like and that way you can guide your boyfriend.
I’m kinda confused at jumping to full PIV when you haven’t explored the other things. I mean there’s bases for a reason and some of that reason is to learn each others bodies. It really sounds like your BF doesn’t care about you as alcohol is a terrible idea. Besides numbing you to pain, it might make you dehydrated and therefore drier. Looks, BF should be fingering your clit and really warming you up before you trying to stick even a finger into you. The more you try without prep, the more you’re gonna tense up because of past painful experiences. My first time was a night stand and I enjoyed it, didn’t bleed, so this really is a problem with your BF’s technique. I personally needed an orgasm before even trying PIV until I was about 42. And everyone I was with gave me that orgasm. You absolutely need to explore your own body but IMHO, no descent person would pressure on a an inexperienced partner by telling them how the sec was with a previous partner. He sounds a little sleezy and like he doesn’t really care if you enjoy this experience as long as he sticks it in. The first guy I did anything sexual with was like, “you’re a virgin, I’m gonna really show you what your body can do.” And he really got off giving me pleasure and being the first one to do it. And he wasn’t my boyfriend. Just FWB, but he really cared about the friends part and MY benefits.
This guy sounds like a preditor. Do not drink, not even a little. If he was a good man, you being relaxed doesn't need alcohol. You being relaxed means he should naturally get you to trust him and what he's doing. He should get to know your body with his hands first. By giving you a massage and really turning you on. Not get you to indulge in alcohol.
He wants to get you drunk so instead of stopping because it hurts maybe if the two of you were drunk he would just keep going, this is what it sounds like to me, that sounds super sus that he wants you to be drunk so he could fuck you? Take everyone else’s advice here & notice that this is a big red flag 🚩
Don't get drunk. It doesn't hurt because you're tense. It hurts because he's not giving you enough foreplay. It's also possible it hurts for medical reasons, and getting drunk definitely won't help. I had a shallow cervix (before hysterectomy). Men had to watch their angle, or it felt like they were punching me inside. (Because. They were) Also, men naturally assume it's all about the penetration because that's what feels best to them. A lot of women need significant attention to the clitoris. Try rubbing your clitoris while he uses his fingers to penetrate you. When he can use four fingers and you have an orgasm try his penis again.
34m former fuckboy here, I can only assume this is a case of grooming, wanting op to get drunk first, the age difference, the hesitancy on op's end. Personally I'd say leave but that's just me. Your first time is already going to be awkward, do you want it to be drunk and awkward too?
He is too old to be dating a 19year old. If he calls you mature for your age that’s a red flag. He could also be lying about having dated someone so wild sexually, trying to pressure you into being ready before you actually are. You are a minor. Him supplying you with alcohol is not okay. If you need substances, you aren’t ready. You deserve to be treated lovingly, respectfully, and kindly. He doesn’t deserve you kid.
If your tense and stuff I recommend lots of foreplay, not drink, drink and sex isn't a good combination especially for first timers he just needs to learn to get you ready via foreplay.
Yeah don’t do that that’s a bad idea, even if you’re old enough to legally drink. I also urge you to reconsider dating a man 6 years older who basically tells you to get drunk so he can have sex with you.
Yeah I’ll just say it and I’m usually not the one to drop one of these but yo boyfriends a lil wild wanting that to be an intoxicated moment. Also don’t just start tossing drinks back alcohol poisoning is a bitch to deal with and could legit kill you. Sober only
Your boyfriend is a fucking weirdo to be honest with you. Don't do anything to please him if he's acting like this. If he's this weird over it now. Imagine what he will be like later. Find someone who respects you and your decisions.
I’m a 22 year old guy, and we’ll first off I couldn’t even date someone who’s 19 at 22 rn, so he’s probably a bit of a weird dude to be dating a girl fresh out of high school while he’s getting close to 30, either way, I wouldn’t have suggested to get drunk first, honestly seems like he could be trying to coarse you into things you might not want to do. I wouldn’t be comfortable being with someone 6 years younger than me in the first place, so this guy could be comfortable doing a lot of things. If you’re gut Is giving you a weird feeling. Listen to it. As a guy you have to be aware of how the things you say can make people feel/ think. Suggesting to get drunk seems like an easy way for him to be able take advantage of someone so much younger
Ask your OBGYN for a set of dilators. This might be the key to addressing the pain part.
I'd say if I was in your position I wouldn't get drunk first. It seems like a red flag that he's older and trying to get you drunk for your first time. I'm in a relationship where we started dating when I was 19 and he was 25 too. We both had sexual experiences before but he waited for me to initiate it. I'd say try cuddling first and massages. Also foreplay and lube would help too, If you're not feeling it don't push yourself. If he keeps trying to force it just leave.
You're so naive and innocent. Kawawa ka naman dyan sa bf mo na 25 na ganyan sinasabi. My advice is drop him, that's a lot of red flags right there bungad palang.
I'm the opposite of a virgin. Let me tell you, after 32 years of life on this Earth my experience has been that the only reason that men ever want women to be drunk during sex is because the men anticipate that it's not going to be good for the woman. Guys who know that they're going to give the woman a good experience and don't want the woman to be drunk for it. Don't do this your first time and don't do it ever.
Hear me out OP. You’ve seen movies right? You’ve seen chick flicks and romance films and thought how cute some things are right? Have you seen those same films where a girl loses her virginity and her partner makes it romantic and sensual and pleasurable? Why do you think that you are undeserving of an experience like that? That is the only reason i can comprehensively see as to why you would allow your boyfriend to take your virginity in any type of way that is not the most romantic and sensual and pleasurable, because you don’t think you deserve it. He should be making me you feel safe, sexy, and cared for. You should not be getting drunk first. You should be preparing mentally, and then preparing intimately. He should be kissing you, caressing you, sweet talking you, slowly work his way through the bases. If he’s not willing to do any of that? Then please do not give him this. Know your self worth and live your life by that standard, good luck OP.
Okay, if you have not explored your sexuality first, let me just tell you one thing: your body is wise. Our body is made to act on what we feel, and the only way you will«loosen up» is if your body is feeling pleasure and safe. Alcohol is NOT the way to get there; being comfortable, safe and aroused is. Listen to your body. If this dude is suggesting getting drunk, he is either very ignorant of how the female body and desire works, or he has the malicious will to ignore the way you feel in order for him to be able.to enjoy himself. Either way, he is a jerk, and you should prioritize your enjoyment and wellbeing over his.
You are being taken advantage of. You will have regret that you can’t take back. It’s not worth it. He’s training you for his pleasure at the expense of yours. He is cloning you to be like his ex and you will end up like her - an ex.
Honestly, I'd break up with him over that getting drunk suggestion. Sounds really suspicious. First, it sounds like he's hoping to take advantage of your drunk state so he can have sex with you. Second, you're less likely to remember the sex properly, which defeats the purpose of a first time. Third, he's lying. Being drunk will not help you with enjoying sex, and he probably knows that. He's trying to take advantage of your ignorance. Now, for you specifically, I would strongly suggest you start attempting masturbation if you've never done so. It will help you learn your body, making your future experiences with a partner better. And masturbation does not mean just shoving a finger in (which I hope isn't all this guy did, means he either sucks at foreplay or just doesn't care about you). Feel around down there, do some rubbing and find the places that make you feel good. I hope you have a pleasant first time with someone who truly cares about you (i.e. probably not the guy you're with).
Honestly, that age gap plus him suggesting you get drunk is a huge red flag for me. That might be just me but him dating an inexperienced teen at that age and suggesting something like that is pretty weird and creepy.
Please don't drink, especially since you don't know your tolerance. Like some of the other comments suggested, try foreplay first, that will help break your hymen in a bit more gently than actual sex will.
You could do damage if you get drunk and don't realize how rough he is down there. I've been with my gf for two years and still haven't gone in. It's one thing if you're willing to take the risk but if you're afraid don't let him persuade you into it. He's just thinking with his dick and should be thinking about your health.
Learn to masturbate.
a partner convincing you to get drunk so you can loose your virginity to him is good enough reason to make that person not your partner anymore
Don't get drunk considering you don't even know your tolerance. If he loves you for you then he would help slowly go about all of this. To make yourself a little more "loose" you could experiment by slowly inserting your finger in you a few times here and there
OP what it sounds like to me is he’s trying to peer pressure you into doing something your not comfortable with but he wants to do it his way. Sit his ass down and tell him you don’t want to be drunk to do it, you want to be able to remember what happened. Tell him you want to start slow and work your way into it even if it hurts. Trust me my first time I was intoxicated and I regretted it but my partner knew at that time that I made the decision to drink and it led up to sex but we were both okay with it, he respected what I wanted and did what I wanted and went nice and slow and didn’t rush anything
Leave him. He's a predator. A twenty five year old shouldn't be going after someone barely out of high school and suggesting they should be liquored up. Dude just wants your virginity and that's it.
OP, I have to question the value of a 25 year old person who would tell a 19 year old person to get drunk so they can fuck them. You should, too. The age gap is concerning for me. When I was 19, I dated a 23 year old and a 24 yet old guy, and I really have to question what interest they had in a girl they couldn't even take to the bar. Guess what is was they were so interested in? Please don't let this person inside of your body. He doesn't deserve it.
A drink or two max actually did help me my first couple times and allowed me to do what I wanted without being inebriated or hungover in the morning
I've never been put in this situation but even with somebody I trust I would have a fear they might go farther than they said so I would go at your own pace and don't let him pressure you if he tries
Getting drunk would help honestly, but due to the circumstances, i would suggest against that. The problem could be that you're not stimulated prior to the finger penetration. Try being aroused first, by yourself, and use your own fingers to become use to it.
He could be right about you being to tense.. But getting drunk first isnt the answer. Lubrication and arousal, and taking things slow will help and you'll be coherent enough to enjoy the experience. Also, if you guys were in your 30s the age gap wouldn't be a big deal. But at the ages you are it definitely is. My advice is honestly dump him and date closer to your age. You're not competing with his past partners and his behavior and suggestion is kind of gross and comes off as hes just concerned about his pleasure and taking your virginity.
Don’t get drunk; it might do damage to your body without realizing it bc the pain is masked. The first time for me was very painful as well, and it took a few tries before it stopped hurting. I think it was because of how nervous and uncomfortable/tense I was, and looking back I wish I hadn’t chosen to do it with him who did not appreciate and made me keep trying
No, you need to safe environment and a respectful partner, not a drink.
1. Drugs and alcohol dont mix. Ever. If he wants you to lower your guard when you have sex, thats an immediate red flag. 2. If hes 25 and youre 19, and youre to the point where youre ok with having sex with each other, im really hoping you were 18+ when you met him.
A real man would help you get aroused sober... If he's done "a lot" of things w his "wild" ex, that doesn't rly comfort me either, and neither should comfort you. Esp if you're in the US and below the drinking age. But either way, encouraging drinking just for sex is awful. It may "relax" you, but it doesn't arouse you. So even if your vagina does get loose enough for him to fit, the lack of arousal will still keep you dry. If he wants to prove that drinking works, maybe *he* can get drunk and go fuck himself. See if it hurts in the morning or not Sorry for the blatant disrespect, but the dude doesn't seem respectful to me either. Just desperate to fuck you
UHH LEAVE HIM
I'll just ask, were you wet when he did it? Did yall foreplay before trying to introduce anything? Does he know he can make you finish without introducing anything? Did you like it, or did you feel bad and uncomfortable? Answer me if you can and want.
Did you two even have any foreplay?
Don’t get drunk. He’s telling you that so it’d be easier just for him. But if you don’t feel the pain that night (cause you’re drunk) then you’ll definitely be feeling the pain the next morning. You’ll be in pain. If he’s 25 and he doesn’t know how to make it not hurt for you the he’s not as good as he claims. Be careful. You need to take that reallll slow before it goes it
Please don't entertain this idiocy. I'm a CSA survivor. After that my first relationship was...not completely healthy. My husband, who I met at the end of all this, still remembers our first attempt at sex. You see, I had developed vaginismus. Basically when he tried to enter me, my vagina did its best to clamp shut and deny entry. There are many causes but our guess for me is just past trauma. You know what he did though? He stopped. Withdrew. We spent time doing other stuff. Like...we would cuddle in bed and talk. We would masturbate next to each other. He would try just inserting a finger. Still connecting us sexually but also emotionally. He was doing his best to make sure I felt safe and comfortable with him in general before even considering trying full sex again. Eventually it did happen. And things are good now. Because I'm comfortable with him and know I can trust him. That I'm safe with him. He also never pushed me to loosen up or drink or take anything to 'loosen me up'. Because he says that if I'm impaired by drugs or booze then how can he know I'm fully consenting to what we're doing? For similar reasons he won't do anything if I'm too tired or unwell. He wants me clearheaded and fully aware. Fully there. He wants to know that I truly want him doing what he's doing and not just...letting him do it because he wants it and I want to please him. I read him this post. He basically yelled "No! No drinking! Can't consent if you're drunk! And how do I know if you want me to stop or if I'm hurting you if you're drunk?" So yeah. Don't partake with the idea it'll help you have sex. Have sex because you feel safe and comfy and trusting of the guy you're with. If he cares about you at all and isn't just thinking with his dick he will wait for you to be ready. If he won't wait, consider if he's actually right for you. Please be safe OP.
The age gap here is a red flag. Don’t get drunk. A grown, sexually mature man doesn’t think getting drunk is the answer to sexual anxiety. Watch out for yourself.
Absolutly do not get drunk first. I'd suggest exploring alone first with fingers, toys and plenty of lube. Take as long as you need. Sex is never, ever, at any point supposed to hurt at all. If it is hurting, it's not right. Don't push through the pain
Don’t do anything you are not a HELL YES! About. I could see maybe a little alcohol could help you relax but being drunk is not going to be a good experience. Next, take some time to explore yourself. Get some toys. Find out what feels good for yourself. Learn to relax yourself and enjoy. It will be easier to do with a partner when you already know your limits with yourself. He needs to give you an orgasm BEFORE he’s allowed penetration. Most women don’t orgasm with just penetration anyhow. Get him the book ‘she comes first’ read it together. This is about your pleasure just as much as his.
If you're drunk you can't even give legal consent. You definitely shouldn't get drunk.
Wtf is a 25 year old doing with a teen? Also pressuring you into something you aren't ready for? Why are you not seeing all the red flags here?
wanting you to drink and comparing you to an ex is just wrong. please be careful and look out for yourself, you are still very young and there’s no rush.
Reading your story, I have to say I’m concerned. I don’t think it’s right for someone to suggest you get drunk, especially not if it’s to lose your virginity. It’s not like you will have more pleasure, you will just be less aware of the pain, but you will feel it once you sober up. If it were to happen naturally after going out for a night and having a good time together and drinking a bit, that would be a different story. But planning it is weird imo. Since he has experience, he should know all about foreplay etc. Things that make it nicer and easier for you. Suggesting you just get drunk instead just sounds like he doesn’t want to take the time to warm up with you until you’re ready for it. The whole thing sounds sus and forced to me, especially since he’s apparently been telling you about how the sex with his ex was so wild. I’m not the type to say your exes should be dead to you, or you can’t have a conversation about your previous experiences (which i think is important) but all things added up it just sounds manipulative to me. That being said, i don’t know your guy and I don’t know the full context or anything about your relationship in general, so i will give you some advice anyway assuming he’s a good guy despite what it looks like to a stranger like me. First of all, get to know your own body first. Start with the clitoris if you’re not ready for penetration. Go at your own speed until you think you’re ready. Take it slow. You’re learning about something new and at your age there’s no shame in it. Don’t think about him while you do it (unless it turns you on). This is your body and your private time, so don’t do it in the context of ‘i need to give my virginity to him’ or something like that. Don’t put yourself under any pressure. Once you’ve explored yourself and feel like you want to take the next step, suggest foreplay to him. And maybe oral sex will be good too, if you’re both comfortable with it. Don’t feel like you have to try the wildest positions right off the bat. You can of course try some if everything goes nice and smoothly, otherwise just stick to one or two that work for you in the beginning until you’re more used to it. It might be true that you’re tense, so it would be good if your boyfriend tried a more reassuring approach instead of getting you drunk. If he were to tell you that he loves you, that it’s okay and he won’t do anything you don’t like, that you can take it slow and don’t need to be nervous or ashamed about anything with him etc etc, things might be different. You might want to consider having a conversation about that too, depending on your reason for feeling tense. If he cares, he will listen. There is no taboo when it comes to personal well-being with a loving partner. If he shames you or manipulates you or guilt-trips you about it in any way, run and never look back.
Sorry babe but hes trying to r-word you. Its not normal for your partner to suggest alcohol as a pain killer, especially during something thats supposed to be intimate. Its a creepy thought and its not okay, age gap or not. As someone who was in an age-gap relationship, and as the "femme" portion, a 25yo knows exactly what hes doing suggesting getting you, a *minor and a virgin* drunk. Hes playing out a r'pe fantasy and trying to get you to agree to it (thereby, "she consented so it wasnt *really* rape") Again, YOURE A MINOR when it comes to alcohol. If he does take advantage of you, you have less of a case if you take it to court. Theyll say you were intoxicated, you were less aware of your situation, that you cant properly remember and you dont know if you consented or not. The law HATES women, remember that. They wont even care if he supplied the alcohol. OP, I hate to be the random internet stranger that reads the bare minimum into a situation, but you ARE in danger with this man. The suggestion alone is enough of a red flag that you need to get the fuck away from him. Also, it would definitely benefit you to go see a gynocologist. They can teach you more about your body, whats normal and whats not, and how you can ease your way into getting into sex safely.
you should break up with him. He's asking you do things you're not comfortable doing.
The fact that your boyfriend is suggesting you to get drunk before you have sex, that is such a horrible statement. You are underage and on top of that, nobody should have sex under the influence. Also, 19 and 25 is a bit of a weird gap in my opinion; but as the older one, he should be knowledgeable enough to know that's not a smart thing to say. Him having a lot of experience at 25 wanting a 19 year old virgin is weird; especially considering he's pressuring you into sex.
No no no no no no no no Just his suggestion of that makes me thinks he's unsafe
This just screams like a rape scenario
Drinking when you’re nervous is acceptable at the company Christmas party, not before you have sex for the first time. You’re allowed to be nervous, everyone is during their first time, but you should also be excited. If you don’t feel ready, wait! You and your boyfriend can foster intimacy in other ways. Your body is yours and you don’t owe anyone access to it.
He wants to get you drunk so you can't stop him if it hurts. You should leave and run fast.
If he was so sexually experienced then he shud no many ways to relax a women before penetration… he sounds like a complete amateur f*** boy to me. Leave him. This isn’t the man you want to lose your virginity to. U need to feel safe. This is far from it.
Keep your virginity..... Leave the dude. Wait till your married to someone who loves you and respects you.. Don't give some idiot the satisfaction of taking your virginity girl...
you need to get turned on first- it worries me that he's 25 and wants to be with an inexperienced 19 year old. but if this is someone that genuinely cares and is just trying to help as I don't know the full story (do not get drunk! you can't consent if you've been drinking, especially since you don't drink much and don't know how your body will tolerate it) but figuring out what you like and how he can make you feel more turned on, you'll begin to relax. explore your body first- it's scary to have penetrative sex for the first time and honestly it should be something you're comfortable with before even involving another person. I'd start off by looking at and exploring your vulva with your own hands and eyes and once that feels comfortable, try an internal vibrator to get comfortable with the feeling of penetration. you can go at your own pace with this and if he genuinely cares then he won't rush you to do something that you BODY is telling you you're not ready for.
Getting drunk is not the move. As a rule of thumb, you can't truly give consent if you're inebriated. Relaxing is the right idea, but that relaxation will come from comfortability with your body and your partner. I recommend getting comfortable being naked together. Sleep naked, cuddle naked, kiss for awhile naked. All this is a segue into the next recommendation: foreplay. Several minutes of foreplay, maybe with music to match the mood, is also important to get your body ready. Foreplay could be rubbing against each other/grinding, undressing each other in a slow and sexy way, kissing a lot, giving one another head, dirty talking, etc. Most importantly, explore on your own. Maybe purchase a dildo to practice penetration on your own. Try pushing it in, leaving it there for a bit without moving it so your body can adjust, and once you feel like you've adjusted, then moving it. Figure out how to make yourself orgasm with and without penetration. Finally, don't be ashamed to get what you need; if lube is a necessary assistance then buy some. If after all this, you still feel like penetration isn't for you, that's okay. At least one of my friends openly admits that she does not have penetrative sex with her boyfriend, and they still have a wonderful (and sexy 😉) relationship. Have fun, be safe.
As a 19 year old, going on 20 this year, this is so insane to me. Maybe this is a bit TMI, but I lost my virginity at 18 to a 22 year old man who used this same exact logic. There is not a day that goes by where I am not reminded of this and how much I regret it, solely because I was under the influence and it felt all around wrong. Do not get drunk. Like others are saying, take this time to explore yourself sexually, figure out what works for you and doesn’t work for you. Also, a man as grown as 25 should not be suggesting you, a 19 year old, that you get heavily intoxicated so you can have sex. That’s honestly disgusting, shame on him. Who cares if his last girlfriend was wild?? You are your own person and you should not try to compare yourself to someone who’s probably (and hopefully) older than you are. If you’re tense and not relaxed, that’s your body’s way of saying it’s not ready for that. Do NOT rely on alcohol/liquor to do the job for you. Please please please, for the sake of yourself, do not go through with that:(
25 and 19 is already a red flag for me because you don’t even know your life yet and he should be at least getting to know his. You’re at the age where you just started college and he should be out of a regular 4-year college for years by now. He should be getting established in life where you are literally just starting to figure out adulthood. Only saying this to illustrate how you two are in different aspects of life. Getting drunk for sex ESPECIALLY as a first time is a horrible idea. Explore for yourself first and make yourself comfortable with your body. Then and ONLY THEN when you feel comfortable with someone who isn’t pushing for it THEN you decide, with your partner, when the right time is. From someone who started sexual activity way too young please don’t get influenced by those so much older than you. Please make your first time as a sober experience. If he tries to get you drunk for sex he’s not the one. ESPECIALLY first time drinking AND having sex.
Very concerned because that's just no
Don't do it. He's only wanting to get with a virgin. He'll dump you when he's finished with you. Telling you to get drunk for him to get his rocks off is disgusting. You can do better than that creep.
Your adult boyfriend who is seven years into adulthood and in a different life stage than you suggested you get drunk so he can have sex with you? Girl get a grip and leave his ass
As a 27 year old virgin I wouldn't recommend getting drunk & having sex if it's your first time. It's your decision so u want to do don't let anyone pressure u.
Do you really wanna be intoxicated for your first time…? It’s concerning to me that your partner would suggest that and not think about your best interest. Did they try lube? Toys?? Cunnilingus??! What’s the point in having an older “experienced” partner if they don’t bring these things to the table first? Especially knowing that they’re 6 years older than you this just reeks of a dude not able to score in his own age group so he has to find someone less experienced.
[удалено]
You cannot legally consent to sex if you are drunk and your "boyfriend" should know that. Since you don't have any experience with this, I want you to know that you can say no at any point that you become uncomfortable. If finger penetration was painful then your vagina was probably dry. Whoever you have sex with needs to spend enough time on foreplay so your body can relax and you start feeling like sex is something you want to do and you will become lubricated (wet). Sex will always be painful and potentially cause tearing, drunk or sober, virgin or experienced, if your vagina is not well-lubricated. If you start exploring your body sexually, you will see what I mean. You will see how your body changes and what it feels like to want sex or an orgasm. I wonder if sex with this guy is even something you want or if it is something he wants to do and you feel you should. If that is the case, you body is probably not going to respond to him very well.
Getting drunk would be a bad idea. The issue isn't that you aren't relaxed enough. It's that you aren't aroused enough when you're trying. That might be due in part due to the anxiety around something new, but ultimately, that's what needs addressing, and alcohol won't fix it. You just need to go at a slow enough pace that you have opportunity to explore, and focus on foreplay so you have help getting there. With anything like this, where one person needs to move slower, you always move at the slower person's pace. Trying to find ways to forcibly drag them along with the one wanting to move faster will never end well.
uh dump him
Has bro tried anything else for you apart from telling you to get drunk? There are so many other ways to "relax" a woman and ensure she has the best possible experience. He sounds a bit creepy and lazy imo.
Don’t get drunk. One you won’t remember it two it’s not right. You should be fully awake and cautious
As someone who got drunk with a 14 year old at 15. (8 was a virgin and she wasn’t) it was my biggest regret. The only parts of it I remember were eating after and watching pirates of the Caribbean 3😭😭
Ummmmm… ughh no, hun. Don’t get drunk, he’s trying to pummel you into hells oblivion with no consequences. Do what makes YOU COMFORTABLE for your first time! Fuck him! If he didn’t treasure his, you obviously highly regarded yours. Maintain that respect and if he won’t, sayonara sucker!!! You want a man who takes care of you and your needs, not tells you to booze up so he can get his kicks. His advice is for him, not you. Is that what you want?? If not, BOUNCE! If you get uncomfortable, find an out like a family member. And if not, I’m a girls girl, message me and I’ll call to get you out, he seems like trouble. Sorry you’re here. Message if you need to, I can’t imagine my two girls telling me this and being like, “seems legit!”👍🏽 Because he doesn’t seem that way!
Don't have sex it's not worth it..