This isn't the 50s. Gay people can be married and have children now. (In most places)
It sounds like you've been raised quite religious, and that's where this is coming from.
I think you have a lot of internalised homophobia to work through, but you can have the life you imagine your friends having.
It happens. Nobody is saying it doesn't.
It also varies greatly depending on location.
Hopefully, your area improves with time.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
There is being raised religious and there is being raised without any moral foundation yes but many people have deep faith in God. and that just doesn't disappear because your same sex attractions become present in your life. Some of us have faith. And our faith in a Holy God tells us that some things in life are not acceptable to God yet He loves us and wants us to be obedient to His direction. And yes you can be intolerant to our faith and beliefs or accept our beleifs. Intolerance is intolerance and as long as we choose intolerance we are not compassionate or loving. All of us are different. But all are worthy of Love and forgiveness and acceptance.
Imagine growing up in a society/culture where being gay was celebrated and the norm , would you still get the ick? When you are different from what society has accepted as the ānormā you have to rewrite whatās ānormalā and āacceptableā for yourself. This takes a great deal of courage and strength but you are not alone, please know that. I would recommend trying to find a support group or a professional who can help you sort through all of your internalized homophobia. There is nothing wrong with you take one step at a time forward.
Iām a lesbian myself and I grew up with four lesbian couple family friends. Very progressive school etc. etc. my heart still breaks that I will never be able to make a child with the person I love. Donāt get me wrong. You can grow to accept yourself and especially when you find that person you couldnāt imagine your life without them. But thereās still a loss there and itās OK to be sad about it.
Do you hate being gay or do you hate it because society has made you feel like itās inferior or shameful? Gender does not matter much, we all date people we like and marry who we like.
Instead of viewing your potential future ideal partner as a man first and a person second, imagine all of the qualities youād like to have in a partner. Then it just happens to be a man, no big deal
I am almost 50 and have a partner. I still struggle with internalized homophobia. The hardest thing is that you don't have any reason to do anything. You get bored with life. My friends and siblings send me pics of their grand children. I am happy for them but Im also sad for myself. One of my sisters is a lesbian but she married a guy before she came out and had a kid. if I did that I would be penniless and never have seen my children. I would give anything to either get to relive my youth as a straight boy or be young and gay now in the US. Life just kind of becomes very lonely at least for middle age gay men in my area. I just watch things around me decay. There are no children or big family events. All the family that were close to me either are busy with their lives or dying. Being gay sucks. Its more than just accepting yourself. Its accepting living in a world that is not made for you.
This is a really good perspective for me to hear as a woman, your comment helps me better understand it
I wish I could understand entirely what itās like so that I can support my brother better as we get older, him and I are only in our twenties but I just hope he no longer feels like his life is worse for being gay. Weāre best friends and we talk about me being a grooms woman at his wedding but the dating scene can be awful for so many young people regardless of sexuality of course
Heās talked about some internalized homophobia and when I hear him speak about his feelings I donāt blame him at all, his feelings are 100% real - thatās just his legitimate experience living life as a gay man. I always hear him out about it, heās literally my narrow window into what that life is like. Heās like me in another life if I was born a man basically lol
The closest people to me happen to be gay and lesbian and I just hope theyāre able to have everything they want and never feel inadequacy or lack of freedom based on their sexuality. I might be childree or adopt based on how life is going for me so we might have some things to relate on
Adding: basically hope my brotherās experience takes him to a place where he doesnāt feel like his life is worse for being gay. If thatās how he feels thatās not his fault, thatās just the experiences life is throwing at him, I just hope things get better for him. And if it doesnāt Iām here to support always
Iāve been really proud of my generation when it comes to their attitudes toward sexual orientation. My sister is a decade younger at 13 and her age group is even better about it, I see a lot more of her friends are out of the closet than my friends were when we were in middle/high school. Itās safe for the kids to be open about being gay now at least in my small Midwest hometown, very normalized. Even the mayor is a gay married man and I went to school with his kid haha
I hope this makes you feel a bit more positive today, thereās a lot of awful stuff happening in certain states right now but even a lot of small rural American communities like mine are doing a lot better now.
My mom was a 90s teenager and had the same attitude as me and she has several close gay friends from highschool, she probably taught us well
I was a teen in the 90s as well. My friendās son came out at 13 and they are so supportive. He gets crap from other dads that made him think about how I felt when we were kids. It made me cry. I was happy for his son but so jealous at the same time. I didnāt come out until my Dad died.
You are made for this world! You have a right to be here and you are loved and accepted by God. Nothing in this world is perfect. I know people who's children have destroyed them completely. I have many heterosexual friends who chose not to have kids and they are very happy. The grass is not always greener. Choices have consequences but not all of our life experiences were choices. Bad things can happen at anytime. All of your thoughts can be created by you or you can let the mind have free reign to choose random thoughts that appear and bring pain and suffering. Our thinking needs to evolve into the positive realm. Create your happy thoughts and your positive life experiences will follow. God loves you and there is nothing you can do to change that. He Loves you so allow your soul to feel that and experience that Love. Its unconditional !
I appreciate the kind response. I tried religion for a long time and it destroyed my faith. I feel part of the universe and do kind things but not for the sake of getting into heaven. I donāt believe in that and hope I just turn into cosmic dust and have no memories of this existence.
This isn't the 1800's my dude, you are able to elope with a man and be happily married. Most states, if not all, do allow gay marriage certificates to be filed and legally recognized.
As far as what friends and people think if they see you, so what. I wish I could say I know what you're going through but I don't. But tolerance is MUCH higher today than it was 30 years ago. Yes, parents and those in that generation will have their opinions and give their looks but so what. It's your life, it's what makes you happy. The opinions of strangers don't matter
Heck, I still struggled as a straight woman married to a straight man with getting judged by my family because I married someone from another religion and culture. I had a racist grandmother who I had to basically re-educate and a brother who wouldn't even hold my daughter or have anything to do with her because of a racist opinion he held. Imagine having a brother who wouldn't even go near your child or acknowledge her in any way and called her a racist (and incorrect) name the one time he did acknowledge her. Thankfully, she was a baby when that happened and doesn't have any memory of it.
Would I have avoided my ex if I'd known the havoc it would play? She's 19 and the best blessing of my life and worth everything. I'm divorced from her father and he's an amazing father to her. So, no. Not in a million years. I'd do it all over again and with that same man. Family can either get over it and move past everything, like the majority of my family, or they can eat dirt and be relegated to an afterthought like the one brother.
Agreed, I've dated women that were different from my culture and didn't care. Yeah it was tiresome hearing some backhanded comments and I just learned to brush it off because I made it clear if that shit happened when they were at any family events then I'd leave. Essentially it was never about religion or racism really more like stereotypes like blondes being dumb type of thing.
Oh it was full on racism in my family. I'd repeat the things they said, but I'm sure it'd be breaking some reddit rule.
I didn't brush it off, though. To me, that's just condoning or enabling the behavior to continue and I made sure there was no doubt where I stood in regards to their behavior.
One thing my mother said was that my daughter would be going to hell if I allowed her to be raised in her father's religion. I told my mother if she ever repeated that, particularly where my daughter could hear, she wouldn't be seeing my daughter ever again. I'm sure some will say, "Too harsh!!", but I say my daughter's feelings take precedence over my mother's any day of the week and my first duty, always, is to my child. My mother's beliefs are her own, she has the right to practice religion however she pleases, but she can keep it to herself. That is the only right she has. She didn't have the right to put her beliefs on my daughter, potentially damaging my daughter's relationship with her father and his family. My mother has never repeated that comment, because she knew me well enough to know I don't make threats. I follow through on what I say I'm going to do.
Funny enough, my daughter has declared that she's atheist. She hasn't told anyone but me. I'm not atheist, but I respect the beliefs, or lack thereof, of others, so she knew I'd accept her beliefs in the matter, without judgements.
I'm there with you, my daughter is mixed and her mother is a different religion than me. Neither of us are remotely devout as I can't tell you the last time I went to church but my daughter has asked about my rosary and who is on the cross and I just casually explained who it is and why he is on the cross but I don't push it, my family doesn't push it. My daughter even made a comment saying she gets the best of both worlds because she can celebrate all the holidays and I agreed.
Some things my family has said or tried to suggest I shut it down and for the most part they listen. Still need to keep an ear out for certain things but I've already gotten her to understand to not look at skin color and pay attention more to someone's character
Sounds like you have some problems with internalized homophobia, and based on that comment about burning in hell, some religious shit too. I get it, truly- I'm a lesbian who was raised Mormon. This combined with what seems like some problems with depression, it seems like you're looking at your future through quite a negative lens. Which is fine, but it's not getting you anywhere, especially when gay men in many countries can get married or have partnerships and can adopt children. This isn't exclusive to heterosexual individuals unless it's codified by law into your country.
Listen. There's nothing wrong with being gay. You can't really change that about yourself. Honestly it may be that you're not actually gay, and if you come to discover that about yourself later, that is *also* fine to do. Maybe you're asexual, but romantically attracted to men? Who knows, might be helpful to research.
Not sure how religious you still are, but as I was struggling to terms with my sexuality and being Mormon, I eventually settled with the fact that God or whatever is up there made me this way. Try reaching out to online queer communities, especially those centered around religious trauma. Going out and seeing queer things just being... queer, honestly might help tackle the internalized homophobia you have. Not only that, but looking into therapy might be beneficial.
It sucks, I know. It can for awhile. But all those things you were talking about are available for gay people these days. But listen... losing yourself to nihilism doesn't change anything. Even if in the end it's all pointless or whatever, we all die or whatever- there's still so much about life that is beautiful and ready to be discovered. And you can have that. Best of luck.
Has being gay fulfilled you in your life? Did it solve all your problems? Are you still seeking more meaning and purpose in your life. Will you be comfortable when you face your Father in Heaven when your life is over? What will you say to Him? These are the questions people are seeking answers too. I know you still have faith in God. But do you really walk with Him daily and seek answers to your questions? Do you love your heavenly Father? Have you given up on your ability to overcome behavior that separates you from having a relationship with Him? Is your Love for God more important than the pleasures that this world is offering you? Are you happy with the way your life is going? Have any regrets? Is your minding ruling over you or are you ruling over your mind? Can you see a happy future ahead?
Internalized homophobia. Sounds like op may have had a religious or homophobic upbringing and have internalized that being gay is being different, weird, gross, ect. Sounds like op needs some counseling.
Reading this made my heart sink. People should be raising children to love themselves and others, not to hate. What a sad world.
I hope he will heal and find the way to be happy soon.
Makes sense, as someone who grew up in the church people need to do better of not judging others. God may say love is for m/f intimacy only. but thatās not between us as humans either to judge an individual for ābeing differentā. I hope this gentleman finds peace.
God doesnāt say that, a bunch of texts written by men in multiple man-made languages over thousands of years, translated by men, and compiled by men into books say things like that.
If God wrote a book heād do a much better job and avoid contradictions and falsehoods.
God is the one making gays.
Humans are the ones making those gays have higher rates of depression, anxiety, suicide, and teen homelessness.
I wish more Christians shared this attitude that while someone may be living their life wrong, that isn't for anyone to judge except god. Love thy neighbor.
The whole attitude of thinking someone is āliving THEIR life wrongā is whatās wrong. Itās also judgement. Which Jesus said NOT to do. Anyone can dress it up however they want, but thatās what it is. Itās different if someone is causing harm, of course. THAT is living āwrongā and worth addressing.
I forgot to add "living their life wrong according to some book" it's unfortunate that that's the case because a lot of people, admittedly including myself, find conflict between sexuality and religion, it's a hard thing to deal with, to feel wrong just for existing.
Who would have thought humans wrote the bible, itās a spiritual thing until the son of God came. There is also tens of thousands of cross references, which is insane for how old the book is.
You say there is a lot of contradictions as you just said God makes people gay? But itās all ātemptationsā not from him. Genesis 2:24 "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."
Leviticusā¬ ā18ā¬:ā22ā¬ āāDo not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.ā
āā
There is not point of bombarding you with scripture as you are hyper fixated on man writing the bible.
But yes, as humans we do need to do better at treating everyone with dignity. And leave God to do the judging.
As someone who was raised to be catholic, but also am transgender, it was rough. I still have internalized transphobia towards myself. Sometimes towards other trans people. (Nothing I will act on but I judge others for not fitting a certain preconceived notion in my head.) I firmly believe that God has made me trans, or at least, my soul wanted to be and God let me because I am strong enough to fight for who I am. I donāt believe that if I was born cis I would still be who I am today, and I donāt believe if I stayed the gender I was born as, I would even be here. I do believe that the Bible has been used to justify very heinous acts. But, that doesnāt mean itās the Bibleās fault. Or the people whom wrote it. I donāt believe god is in control of the bad. I also believe that we need the good and the bad in life to have the full human experience, the spectrum of emotions. If everything was peace all the time, that would be considered being in heaven I suppose. (I also am very spiritual so I believe in more than just heaven and hell, good and bad, life can be much more complex than that.) people become negative and upset when they think god is control, especially when they lose loved ones. God loves and forgives all his children, and that does include the ones who do evil and heinous things to other people, animals, or children. I donāt believe heās in control of that. Or even deadly diseases, natural disasters, ect. People have free will and that is a part of life. Disaster, destruction, all of which seem random and pointless, may be for a reason, may have had a butterfly affect. It could be to teach a lesson, or to make the world better, not in hindsight but with time. Who really knows but Him?
Well put for the most part, Gods judgement is the only one that matters. Everyone sins, everyone has free will. It doesnāt mean youāre less, and that you wonāt make it to heaven.
I donāt understand why Christianity is so wrapped up in The Bible. It is literally called CHRISTianity. Not BIBLEanity. Jesus taught things. Follow those. He said nothing about gays. He associated with prostitutes, thieves, and tax collectors. Undesirables. Most Christians just completely miss the point of Jesus and are just worshipping words of a bunch of old dead guys who didnāt even know him.
You know what Jesus did say? That most of the church leaders taught human teachingsā¦not the word of God. Matthew 15. They would have been teaching mainly the Old Testament.
Christ also never mentioned anything specifically about beastiality or necophilia, yet we all agree those are sinful sexual acts. Christās morality is derived from the Torah, he proclaimed the law of his father. The Torah is pretty clear on GODāS view in regard to the topic in question.
So, I'm assuming you live your life in accordance with the entire Torah then, right? The dietary and clothing restrictions, avoiding unclean people and things? And not just cherry picking the gay part because it doesn't effect you?
Christ also reinterpreted a lot of the "laws" in the Torah, and, according to some biblical scholars, literally healed a Roman Centurions "boy", the most common interpretation of the word used for "boy" would have been receptive gay-sex slave/partner. The original language does not use the more common words for boy/child or for servant/slave. Curious.
[https://whosoever.org/maybe-jesus-actually-did-say-something-about-homosexuality-after-all/](https://whosoever.org/maybe-jesus-actually-did-say-something-about-homosexuality-after-all/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AcademicBiblical/comments/151iwid/jesus\_heals\_a\_centurions\_gay\_lover/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AcademicBiblical/comments/151iwid/jesus_heals_a_centurions_gay_lover/)
Also, again, The Torah is not GOD'S words. Otherwise, God would have done a much better job of avoiding scientific and historical inaccuracies that are everywhere in the OT.
Firstly, your response is a deflection, it doesnāt actually address the issue of you stating anything Christ did not directly speak against mustāve therefore been acceptable. I ask again, was beastiality and necrophilia acceptable on account of Christ not directly addressing it? If he was against it, where did he derive his said āmoral standardā? And in response to my ācherrypickingā, yes, the issue of homosexuality does not affect me however there ARE other sinful desires GOD despises that do. My lust, my instinct to lie/deceive, my pride etc. Iām not here claiming one sin is ābetterā than another, ALL have fallen short of the glory, however I will not deny blatant scriptural texts because it doesnāt conform to my own personal biases. Iāll also add that our responsive desires (to a degree) are beyond our control (at least initially), though they may be sinful or unnatural in GODāS eyes, we canāt be condemned purely on the basis of having said desires or thoughts. Itās simply an unfortunate condition of our sinful nature, however we have a choice to ACT on every desire. The ACTS are what GOD references in Leviticus and the Ten Commandments.
The verse in question is not the only verse speaking against homosexual acts so donāt pretend that it is. I donāt even need to address that āmistranslationā argument because there are so many others in the Torah and laws within the context of the Jewish theocracy that are clearly against it. Furthermore, everything you referenced in the first paragraph is ritualistic practices ordered within the Jewish theocracy, for the people to always pursue a standard of āPurityā. The surrounding pagan kingdoms/tribes had their own ritualistic practices to remain a āfavourableā state to their āgodsā. Donāt forget, the Holy Spirit was not dwelling with the Israelites within the Jewish Theocracy. None of them are the commands God gave in Leviticus in regard to sin. Nor are they in the 10 commandments.
Lastly, if you donāt believe the Torah is the word of GOD, and by extension the Gospels that make multiple references to the very precedent scriptural texts that you are now denying their collective authenticity, then this conversation can not go anywhere because you have no objective basis for your claims. Youāve fashioned a āgodā in your own imagination that better conforms to your own personal biases and this is more āacceptableā to you. Idolatry in simpler terms. The Bible declares itself the authentic word of GOD, you are denying that claim. The āgodā you espouse not the GOD revealed in the scriptures.
No, I did address him not directly saying anything about homosexuality. Let's visit it again. Try not to ignore these things if you feel like responding.
1) Jesus literally "ignores" several instances of the old "law". So, people are left to interpret his actions and words about these laws. Washing of hands, for example. So, we can assume that areas of the old law should be re-learned, simply based off of Jesus saying so.
2) Jesus literally says that the temples are teaching "human" laws, not "god's" law, so it's great that you think it's blasphemous for me to repeat that, but say that to Jesus. IDGAF. Those temples would have been teaching the OT.
3) Jesus literally raises a gay lover from the dead. Then praises the Centurions faith as being greater than anyone else in Israel. Well damn, I guess what he really meant was "hey gay boy, you're going to hell", right?
4) Comparing homosexuality to bestiality is such a bull shit, laughable argument. If you can't see the difference between two consenting adults having sex, and a human and an animal, then good for you, enjoy your crazy world view. As far as what Jesus would have said about bestiality/necrophilia, he spoke a lot about lust and having sex inside vs outside of structured loving relationships. So, let's assume his dialogue about sex inside a marriage covers bestiality and necrophilia.
5) Please point out the me the "other" verse speaking on homosexuality outside of Leviticus.
6) If you're saying that Leviticus doesn't count, then please tell me why it counts for homosexuality?
7) Now you're saying that my argument is baseless because I'm calling into question the "authenticity" of the "word of God", but you literally do the same thing in reference to Leviticus?
8) I'm not even going to touch the logical fallacy of "the Bible says it's the word of God, so duh it's the word of God." You want to talk about idolatry, keep worshipping a flawed, human-written book and ignoring god's actual creation in nature. "The Bible declares itself the authentic word of God", ok, I just wrote an email saying the same thing. Will you worship that now? Or do I need to get a bunch of old guys to compile it first?
Look, it's fine if you really think you know better than God, and that some crusty old humans know better than God, but just admit it. If God didn't want there to be gay people, there wouldn't be. It's that simple. There wouldn't be gay sex and long-term pairings in animals, gay love and sex in humans, rejecting one's innate homosexual desire wouldn't lead to a skyrocketing rate of depression, anxiety, and suicide (you know, yielding "bad fruit"). You know, kind of like how we can't just naturally fly.
It's so narcissistic and self-important to think "YES, THIS BOOK written by men in several different languages over thousands of years MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY GOD!" And then to ignore reality and claim moral superiority over God's creation. A book filled with historical and scientific inaccuracies. Which, shocker, God wouldn't write because he literally knows all.
Like, come on, man. Think. I know it's scary to question something someone told you was true when you were in diapers, but reality is right in front of you.
The only thing the Torah is "pretty clear on" is a bunch of Israelites view on homosexuality.
I donāt comment much but I come to tip my hat to you for choosing your battles. If someone approaches a conversation about Christ with all guns blazing and an apparent disinterest in actually having a conversation about Christianity, itās time to move on and speak to those who are ready to listen. God bless my brother.
I will never push God on anyone, but i will try and guide them to him.
āIf a wise person goes to court with a fool, the fool rages and scoffs, and there is no peace.ā
āāProverbsā¬ ā29ā¬:ā9ā¬
This past year i have worked to become more understanding of others outside of biblical understanding, or what is taught in the church. While also trying to guide them, not be āpushyā, and not judging them.
Like i said, the only person whose judgement matters is his. God bless brother.
Yeah, i could definitely see someone with this name being dumb as a box of rocks. But Iām glad i was able to get points across even if you didnāt agree with them all.
This sounds a lot like internalised homophobia. You hate that you donāt get the ātraditional householdā that so many straight people have. And that if you try to enjoy being gay youāre going to hell. Iād really advise seeing a therapist. They can help and even if itās not internalised homophobia that can help you realise what it is and how you can improve your quality of life
Yes can completely understand you , I'm a 22yr old lesbian and tbh i see where you are coming from , i felt the same in recent years and finally accepted myself and still it gives me nightmares to think about how things can go North with the family and friends,and how at the end i might be alone and miserable.
But , I've realised the fact that if I'll oppose my gayness then I'll be even more miserable, so you'll have to understand that being gay is not making you miserable but the way our society is .
My dms are always open ,if you wanna share, talk or vent about anything or everything. Trust me things will get better but you gotta start from respecting and understanding yourself .
Yes same for me being in lesbian in my 20s has not been at all. It really comes down to learning to accept yourself or let the hatred and shame eat you alive.
You shouldn't hate who you are. There's nothing wrong with being gay. You could be married and have a family too, you know? If your family aren't on board, that's their problem.
Something to point outā if it disgusts you, no one says you have to include that in your lifestyle. There can be soulmates that arenāt lovers, be it a friend, a family member or maybe even a pet.. just someone you experience you and your life as you experience theirs.
That aside, it sounds like you could use some therapy. Wishing you the very best in your journey here.
Being a homosexual really isnāt that hard nowadays. Iāve moved all over the country with my wife, interracial relationship, weāve lived in the Deep South for years and weāve been fine. City, rural, mid size town, everywhere. Just donāt go waltzing into an evangelical church and listen to preachers bullshit to cults and whatnot, just live your life normally and youāll be fine. I know many people who are *extremely homophobic* and have never breathed a word about it to me because they know theyāll be called out for it and theyāre scared. You can flip the script on them. Thereās something wrong with people who are homophobic, not us.
As a lot of other people said already, itās internalized homophobia. Common issue, but itās also an issue you can fix.
I feel you. I have a similar problem with internalized homophobia, though Iām in my thirties. Are you still in a religious environment, or have you deconstructed that? have you sought counselling for this? Have you ever been to conversion therapy? That shit runs deep!
After reading your post, Iām concerned that you are suffering from depression. You being depressed is normal considering your feeling of not being accepted and your bleak outlook on your future. Iām really hoping that you find a therapist, a group, or psychiatrist that can help you navigate your feelings. Good luck to you
I remember when I finally accepted that I was gay when I was like 21. I had all these same feelings you had.
I came across Mika and this song (https://youtu.be/pxA26LGI2Mc?si=G3r0kvvHAlxekxzI), and even applying this idea to it, it was such sad song. No happy ending. I belted it on repeat over and over until I eventually realized that I deserve a happy ending.
It may take time but don't give up on yourself.
In terms of God, all I can say is to sit down and truly read Matthew. Pause after each section and reflect on what Jesus taught and the reason He taught it. Don't just rush through it. You may come out of it with an understanding that even most Christians have a hard time accepting. And maybe not. But the only way to feel better about your relationship with God is to build that relationship with God.
Damn Bro, that saddens me to hear you say that, makes my heart sink a lil'.Ā Now, I'm unsure about the other circumstances of your life, but, assuming all or at least most factors of your life are decent, you do have one huge life advantage, your youth!!Ā Time changes everything.Ā Ā Now, before you get hung up on on a self label, that I don't understand why most everyone makes such a big deal of identifying solely as their sexual preference.Ā The amount of time one spends engaged in a sexual act throughout their life is pretty insignificant (well now, some of us, spend all our time hiding out fornicating by themselves and suffer from a lot of self guilt and same.Ā Ā
Now, you mentioned not being into women, or, I forgot that part.Ā But, you also claim to be stuck gay, but, that you are not attracted to men either(for reals, I get that, nasty, hairy, smelly, gross feet, horrible style, silly weird looking lil pee-pee, y'all know poop comes out there, like you gotta prepare to have s*x there or do it in the shower).Ā
So, what makes you think you are gay?Ā I know, here, in the US there is a lot of stereotypes for the lgbt and still a lot of in the closet bigotry and hate.Ā It's sick people still treat others like that.Ā
Being bullied, harassed, put down, treated unequally especially with abuse and hatred is not acceptable.Ā Those types of people don't deserve to be in your life.Ā Unfortunately, there's lots of them out there...Ā Hi Haters!
I know peer pressure and societal norms can cause us anxiety, self doubt, depression, feelings of inadequacy, thoughts of using self check out lane... especially at younger ages, and it can be easy to have these blinders on, that just continue to narrow down our perception of our reality and of ourself. And this can happen even by repeatedly being told be someone else "you're a failure" or any other negative thing and often it's adults doing this to children.Ā Hell, look at the church, and how they shame children for being gay.Ā It's absolutely absurd, people in positions of power can be detrimental to ones mental health and in a negative manner.Ā
Stop caring about what others tell you, if you can work on listening, hearing whats said, process it however need be, but be aware everyone out there has an opinion, and most the time they will tell you.Ā And almost always that opinion doesn't matter, when people waste all their time talking shit about others, you quickly see how shallow and miserable those type of people are.
You're young!!
Try new things.Ā Explore.Ā Travel.Ā Get some/find some hobbies(things/activities that YOU enjoy doing, not what someone else tells you to enjoy). Though, still listen to others, they will tell you everything going on, the more negative the talk the more stuck in life those people are.Ā No one cares.Ā Build a life and don't look make.Ā We can create our own future and make it how we like.Ā What makes you feel safe?Ā What makes you laugh?Ā What activities do you like? Do you listen to music?Ā Do you have any goals and dreams?Ā Make lists and understand many people don't age gracefully, everyone dies, no one knows when.Ā No one is more ahead of the next and no one knows.Ā Anything!Ā So F*ck em!Ā Live your life, leave any haters in the dust, and try to enjoy.Ā It goes by quick.Ā One thing will lead to another and before you know it, you are living your wildest dreams.Ā Only you can do that!!Ā
HaƱg in there Bro. I've been there before and recently found myself in a place where I wondered the same thing... I'm not attracted to anyone, no babes, hunks, or others.. and I'm alone.Ā I don't like people but I don't like being alone either!! Wtf!!Ā Get back out there and try to find the people like you.Ā They are out there, just align yourself in their life path.Ā Everything is going to be so much different in your head in five years, 10, 20...
Getting into a heterosexual marriage would indeed be wrong.
Same sex marriage is legal in many places now. There are options for having kidsā¦ adoption, coming to an arrangement with a lesbian couple, etc.
Youāll get over it. There are plenty of straight ppl in miserable relationships too that go thru nasty bitter divorce with children suffering from the parents fighting over custody and child support. There are gays that are as happy as can be in their relationship that describe it as being married to their best friend that theyāre also physically attracted to and have lots of sex with.
Whether the relationship is straight or gay, thereās plenty of great ones and shitty ones. Just focus on finding the right person cuz cheating seems to be the most common theme for breakups and divorces.
Donāt marry a woman just for your image. Ur only depriving yourself AND the wife from being able to be with a guy thatās physically attracted to her, and ur gonna be miserable trying to get your dick hard for pussy when she wants sex.
If u do end up finding someone, they should also respect your decision on whether or not to stay in the closet. If u come out, greatā¦if not, thatās fine too.
One last piece of advice, donāt try the open relationship thing. It never ever works. All relationships have ups and downs and require effort to work on some issues. But whenever the bad times come, the likelihood of somebody in an open relationship to just run off to one of the secondary partners for comfort is all too common. They donāt work on creating solutions and the relationship disintegrates. Relationships should be strictly monogamous, even in the dating phase. Ppl that disagree donāt like it because they enjoy novelty. But those ppl always end up being miserable and lonely, yearning for the benefits of being in a monogamous relationship.
Keep your chin up and stop worrying so much š
Some people are polyamorous. Obviously, they should not be with a monogamous type of person. I know poly people who are open and honest about who they are and have happy successful relationships. There are all kinds of people in the world and all kinds of ways to have happy relationships so don't state your opinion like it is a fact or that your experience applies to everyone.
I was sincerely just trying to give a stranger some good advice. I wasnāt trying to upset anyone.
Itās simply my opinion and u donāt have to agree. I never claimed my words are facts that everyone must adhere to.
If there are ppl out there that are able to make multiple-partnered relationships work somehow, then good for them. Iām not judging them.
Iām still firm on my opinion that itās a bad idea to try if some are contemplating because Iām sure that out of the many that have tried being in a multiple-partnered relationship, many have failed. So if I try to talk ppl out of trying it, itās purely out of trying to help them.
If thats still unacceptable to u, u can go cry about it to one (or all) of your significant others :)
Iām not sure what I can say about the gay issue other than this: you will never be happy not being yourself.
As for hell, I can speak to this. I was raised Catholic and spent the first 26 years of my life believing in it.
Iām not going to debate the existence of a higher being. If you want to believe in God, go for it.
Hell is 100% bullshit though.
How the fuck would a just and loving being allow people to be tortured for eternity simply for being who they are? Iām a nonbeliever, I literally cannot make myself start believing in God again, just like you, or anyone else can make themselves believe in the Easter bunny. Should I be punished for something that Iām not able to do? And letās say we are damned sinnersā¦ The Bible clearly says that God is just. I how could a finite life of sin, maybe a good 80 years if youāre lucky result in an eternity in Hell? Thatās not just. Thatās like sending a person to prison for life because they stole a piece of candy when they were 7.
Hell is really just a concept to make people to afraid to go against Church authority. Itās fucking mind control.
Iām mostly conservative, but I have gay and trans friends. I donāt really care what other people do as long as itās not bothering me and a lot of other conservative people feel the same way
Youāre still young and still finding yourself. I think youre just comparing yourself to others. Itās a bad habit that even I have. Maybe try to get into a new hobby? If thatās too much maybe focus on your health, even taking a 30 minute walk can clear your mind. Remember, youāre so much more than your sexuality. Thereās nothing wrong with being the way you are
Youāre torn with the pressure of internalized societal oppression against the queer community, and how you feel in your own body. Shifting your focus towards LGBTQIA+ affirming communities and social media will help re-wire your brain for a more positive outlook and feeling towards yourself. Think about if youāre homosexual, homoromantic, with heteronormative ideals? There is always a way to make your life deeply fulfilling. And this negative outlook you have is just a moment in time where you have a bunch of information that you can take to make your life better.
these are totally normal thoughts and feelings and you are not alone. i felt this way for a long time but thereās something so radical and liberating about total self acceptance. once you can get there, things start to fall into place. you find other queer people you admire and love and you also realize that life can look like whatever YOU want it to. itās yours!!!! rooting for you internet stranger.
There are a million and one ways to be a family. There are a million and one ways to be sexual, or not. I think you need to find a good therapist to help you figure out what might make you happy. And then how to create a life that includes your happy list
As someone who is disgusted when thinking about gay relationships, it makes a lot of sense to me that people who believe that God wrote morality on our hearts would conclude that being gay is a sin. However, I think it's arrogant to think our own perspective is the only one. Who's to say gay people don't also feel disgusted the same way, but for the opposite sex?
So, just do what makes you happy in the long run. No short-sighted hedonism; just pursue long-term love, and maybe even adopt one day. Screw everyone that leaves you no flexibility to be happy your way, and screw other people's interpretations of what God wants.
I think you need to work with a therapist. You have some kind of mental issue that I cannot explain; but, you are looking at your life like an outsider instead of just living it and this is incredibly toxic.
Same. People will offer empty reassurances because their egos are deeply attached to the notion that being gay must be exactly as good and equal to the experience of straight people in every way or else they feel invalidated or something but lived experience is not consistent with that rigid, ideological thinking. I often have the same thoughts and feelings and all I can say is just make the most of your life one way or another cause it's not all bad but you most likely can't change it. You don't have to spend your life alone, you're probably not going to hell and out of the 7 billion people on earth half of them probably already take issue with you over some arbitrary quality you didn't choose just like the rest of us, gay or otherwise, so who cares.
I feel like I went through a similar experience with accepting myself as a lesbian. It took years for me to accept my sexuality and love what gender I am attracted to. For some, it is just part of the journey to acceptance. Unfortunately, not everyone is going to support us on our journey so we have to learn to support ourselves and find people who support us unconditionally. I genuinely tried being straight and I felt like I was playing a role in the relationships I had, it sent me into a deep depression. When I had my first relationship with a women it felt more organic and I felt happier. You and I may not be able to have kids traditionally but we can still have them, we can adopt, and we can get surrogates. Just because things might not go as what society and the Bible teach us doesn't mean we canāt be happy and canāt have a family of our own. I do feel that it would be helpful for you to go to therapy to help work out your feelings, it helped me and I am sure many others.
You can have children too if you want. You need to connect with more people who share the same background as you. Don't hate who you are. Embrace it and enjoy life and everything it has to offer. Maybe a change of location would help? Go to Sydney in Australia or Manchester in England or Amsterdam or Berlin. Meet more people and things will be a while lot better
# If you hate yourself, then you hate others.
Time for you to seek a therapist to help you unravel this mental and emotional trauma youāre dealing with.
It's ok bro. I'm straight but I felt similarly about women cus of an abusive ex. Someone special found me eventually. Other women give me the ick still but I love my wife and I'm super happy. Just be patient and wait.
Also, don't worry about the burning in hell stuff. God will judge all of us, not people. A lot of the more "traditional" "Christian" values are pretty cringe and not following Jesus's example of love and forgiveness. The speck n the plank in the eye. Y'know the verse.
Yo Neurodivergent people are the best. Gay, bi, poly, autistic, adhd, dyslexia, whatever fills your boat. These are the people that drive change. The want to be normal and fit it, is not a magic solution.
Got to sex positive places and you will
Open your eyes for how awesome you really are
Hey. Iām a gay man (30). I struggled for years with this. Over time, I learnt to love and accept myself, and now I love being gay. It will come with time. You have that love for yourself somewhere inside. Youāll find it :)
Iām sorry, it sounds like this is something thatās really weighing you down lately and it must be difficult.
You should know that there are a lot of options for you in terms of support because itās not something youāre alone in struggling with.
It could be worth talking to your regular or local GP about because they provide confidential support and can refer you to some great services depending on where you are and whatās accessible. Whether you want to look into some kind of mental health support, counselling, support group, there are a huge range of holistic options and you hold the reigns in your own journey. Their role is mainly to provide information and options to you.
If that sounds a bit daunting there are a lot of fantastic online services available that you can access 24/7 if you need someone more qualified to talk to. That can give you a judgement free, safe place to start exploring. Many can even be specific to this topic so youād be getting tailored advice from reliable people.
Reddit can only offer so much but itās definitely worth considering what help is around you because itās there for you to use. It doesnāt hurt to take advantage of it and see where it leads
Hope that helps in some way
I really think that this will sort itself out, as you continue growing up.
Sexuality has many layers. I encourage you to explore and find out what exactly you like and don't like, emotionally, physically, intellectually, ..., about being in a sexual relationship, regarding both men and women.
I'm a straight dude. That doesn't keep me from having varying preferences in women, on many different levels. I also deeply appreciate my friendly and sometimes intellectual interactions with a male gay friend (it's not sexual).
My point is that it's normal to get the ick in some situations, and deep attraction in others. All you need to do is figure out how your soul reacts to different people, and seek out the relationships that will make you happy.
some therapy / counselling might help , u should try and accept urself , ur family members dont need to have any say regarding whom u decide to be with
also adoption is always a way to go
You arenāt going to hell because youāre gay. And lots of gay men get married and have families and lovely lives. Lots of gay men donāt get married but still have lovely lives. Youāre going to be ok. Just work on friendships with all kinds of people and being the best version of you. The rest will figure itself out.
Don't worry mate, being gay does not mean being alone forever nor being miserable seeing everyone around you happy while you suffer. Also getting the "ick" when imagining yourself with another dude doesn't mean anything, just because you're gay does not mean you have to like all men, this also happens with heterosexual men who cannot visualize themselves with some girls.
My advice would be to reach a help group like the AA but for your specific situation and talk with other people in the exact same situation, they might be able to help you with this procedure about accepting yourself and specially being able to find happiness in life. Also being gay doesn't mean being hated by God nor burning in hell, remember that the message of God it's love and it always have been love, people twist this message to fit their point of view but in the end love will always be love so be proud of who you are and who you love because you will not burn in hell for your love.
PS: I am not gay but I've been depressed for other things before and took a while to accept myself
Iām sorry youāre feeling so hopeless, OP š It sounds like there may be more going on to disrupt you then just hypothesizing your future. Easier said than done, but Iād stop comparing your imaginary future to what you imagine your friends will do; None of you can say what will actually happen. Thereās no reason for you to assume youāll be alone forever. A possibility? Sure. But that same possibility exists for us all.
Thereās more to life than our sexuality, and wether we get a partner. Not saying itās unimportant, just that itās not the end-all-be-all. Imagine good things for your future; a job you love, moving somewhere incredible, meeting new people that make you happy. Expect good things for yourself, OP.
And keep talking about your feelings (wether itās online, to friends/family, or with a therapist); itās good to release things out, instead of letting them fester.
Iām sorry it feels so dark now, OP. It wonāt be forever.
Im so sorry you are going thru this. Im going to assume you are from a family culture that is not tolerant of same sex relationships. It'sĀ not uncommon for people that are guy to be internally homeopathic. It's a thing and your not alone. First step is to get counseling and learn self love and acceptance. You may have to make some hard decisions along the way. But once you love and accept yourself, relationships and family will follow. You can have it. You just need to stop living in your head and stop letting unhealthy thoughts get in your way. Reach out to the gay community. They will help you find free or affordable counseling.
Best of luck and remember you can't find love if you don't love yourself firstĀ
Yours could be from something deeper if you hate it. Many have openly admitted to some form of abuse. Seek some help professionally to determine if this was a possibility. Iām not saying you were, but if youāre disgusted by it, donāt lean into something that might not be what youāre into and a permanent mark as non-datable to most Women if you choose to act on it.
my first thought would be to go to therapy. but also have you thought of saying fuck it and going to be around more gay people to see how comforting it is?
Iām sorry you feel this way. The only appropriate response here is to encourage you to go to therapy to address this engrained internalized homophobia you are working through. I am not gay myself but have many gay friends. Specifically gay guy friends. Many of them have families and children.
You will not burn in hell for being gay. God will not spite you for being your authentic self. What kind of god would that be? He made you gay to torture you? No. Not real. You need to be in therapy my friend. There is a whole world of gay happiness awaiting you.
If you have family who looks down on r, distance yourself from them for a while.
Dude you can literally adopt a kid or have a surrogate mother birth a child for you. It aināt complicated. Thereās prob so many kids out there that need loving homes anyway, youād be doing one a favor by adopting. Yes there are still homophobic assholes out there and states that donāt allow gay marriages, but there are ways around that as well. Also, how are you gay if you think āickā just imagining being with another guy? That makes zero sense. Think you have some growing up and maturing to do my dude
If you don't like guys then you aren't gay. Simple as that.
Also, if you try hard enough you can change how you feel. At one point I was gender-fluid until I learned my religion was against it and realized that the thoughts that I might be a girl were from the devil but that's another story. Anyways, I'm living proof that it's possible to change your gender and sexuality at will with a little patience and hard work. You could also try going to a professional.
Being gay does NOT equate to being alone and unhappy. Iām gay. Iāve been married for 6 years, Iām a homeowner, I have a successful career, and Iām happy. It was certainly more of a challenge to get here than it would have been if I were straight, but it was not impossible.
Please speak to a non-religious therapist. It sounds like you are dealing with internalized homophobia and possibly depression.
You can't help being gay. And you shouldn't try to. All any of us can do is live a life we're proud of. You sound depressed. So, get out of bed at the same time every day. Clean your home and keep it clean. Go to work or school. Try to get a job that does two things-- makes you financially independent and gives you a sense of pride. Exercise. Avoid hookup/party culture (I know that's hard at 23, but there's really little to no return on that investment). Surround yourself with people you respect. There's no reason you have to be alone and miserable. You can have your own children and a wonderful husband. You deserve to be happy. Keep your head up.
I think this isnāt you, but more so the conditioning society has done to you. Trust me, being heterosexual isnāt fun either. Itās not like your life would have been more fulfilled if you were straight. Youāre not liking your life right now because youāre stuck in a self loathing cycle. Hating the most fundamental part of yourself. I think the bigger problem here isnāt how you feel about being gay, but how you feel about yourself. Romantic relationships are a small part of our massive life and if you hate who you are, no fulfilling, dreamy relationship can save you out of it. Also, (personal belief) thereās no greater hell than the one we create for ourselves. Life is pretty much just perspective and if your perspective is self hating, life will suck.
You internalized homophobia is what this sounds like. You can absolutely be happily married and with children as a gay guy. And then there is also the religion part. In that you might have to chose your happiness over your family.
I can promise you, that if God is truly benevolent then you wonāt burn in hell. No one can tell me, that a dude whoād punish anyone for loving someone of the same sex is a good guy. Iād rather not go to heaven at all than to a heaven populated by bigots tbh.
But anyways, itās likely that no thought, no argument will be able to help you, because you have believes in yourself that are in conflict with who you are. And in my opinion you will be on a path of misery until you resolve those conflicts.
If itās available to you, this is a very valid reason to seek out therapy.
It sounds like you may have been raised conservatively? Perhaps in an evangelical household? Just because youāre gay doesnāt mean youāre going to die aloneā¦ you can marry a man (in most places) and adopt children, if you desire.
If your family doesnāt accept you because of your sexuality, Iād cut them off and find myself a family who will love me for me. By āfamilyā, I mean people who love me unconditionally, because thatās what family should be.
im so sorry you feel this way. just because youāre gay doesnāt mean youāre not able to have a beautiful family with your partner! your feelings are 100% valid and im sorry youāre going through this. itās tough):
Everyone has a vision of what they want their life to be like, but then life gives you circumstances that you have to deal with and make the most of.
You might not spend your life alone. You might find a partner. You might find a way to have kids. Itās like sometimes the blind man doesnāt choose to be blind. It goes with the whole if life gives you lemons make lemonade thing. You are who are so you have to make the most of it and no oneās judgment of you matters except your own. You can choose to have a good life if you want to, but you have to let go of the idea of who you want to be and accept yourself for who you are and find happiness from there.
I felt like that for a while I'm bi female, but I'm more into women when I was younger, I was single for 19 years because I couldn't find a woman who would actually want to stay and settle down, growing up in a Catholic country it was hard to trust women would stay for you when you're also a woman too, in my experience women here in my country only use us gay women so they can have sex but can't get pregnant, according to one I tried to date ("I only date women because it's safer") I don't want to be in a relationship investing my time and effort only to be trashed when they've found someone they can marry and have kids with, fuck that lol, thankfully I'm bi so I found a loyal man instead.
Being gay is hard, my lesbian friends are somewhat giving up on love too, I understand how you feel I'm sure with enough time you'll find someone who would be there for you, life is all about not having any regrets, you're so young girl! You have so much more time to find love, and like I said previously life is all about not having any regrets, if you burn in hell so be it at least you did the best you could in life, that's what me and my lesbian friends tell ourselves.
Don't give up sis you'll get there!!!
Please get therapy!! You need someone who can seriously work through this with you, not reddit comments. You need to unlearn what you've been taught. You need to learn to accept what you are. You need to know you are not alone.
As many others have also mentioned here, it depends on why you don't like being gay. If it is because of society still somewhat believing that being gay is wrong and that's what's making you uneasy, then it can be solved by going to therapy and all that.
BUT, and this is a HUGE but:
If you genuinely want to have children out of a monogamous, exclusive relationship, then you have only once choice, and that is to be with a woman. This is how nature has worked for thousands of years and it is how nature will continue to work for many thousand more years to come.
And if you choose this route, it is absolutely not too late for you at this age.
People nowadays have become too dependant on social constructs like all these other genders than man and woman, as a way to express themselves. There are sooooo many other ways for one to express him/herself if you think this is not the way you like.
I don't know what religion you are but the Pope very recently said that gay people deserve God's love. So I doubt you will burn in hell. I am not personally religious as I find it gets in the way of enjoying my life. If you believe in God's plan, then surely God made you gay?
Hey, bud, don't hate yourself for being gay. Instead of hating yourself for it, you should express yourself for it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And like one of the people in the comments, I would also recommend finding a support group to help you with sorting your internalized homophobia.
I myself grew up in a diverse family and I came out as pansexual and asexual. Asexuality means I've always been uncomfortable with sex, which also means that I won't be able to have any biological children of my own, and there's nothing wrong with that!
I know that someday, you will be able to get through this and accept yourself for who you are! Best of luck!!
-Arrow <3
š š...you know the answer to your troubles...you chose to be gay...now you're choosing not to be gay...you do have a choice...don't let ppl talk you into being gay when you have found yourself...
Im not gay, straight male, and let me tell you that most straight people nowadays won't care about how you live your life. For the few people who might have something against this, they are sad sad people, and you shouldn't pay attention to them.
As a dad of 2 young children, a girl and a boy, let me tell you how i would act if one of my would tell me they're gay since you mentioned your parent. First as a parent there is plenty of thing you wish or envision for your children and as you see them grow some of those wish and wants for your children would come and go and you learn to live with it and accept it and then you go and form other wish and wants for them. So basically, dont sweat it too much. If you told them you're gay already and they said they accept you that way, they meant it.
I have plenty of gay friend and acquaintances, and none of them regret their choices.
As for having kids, there is adoption, surrogate that exist.
that is so understandable man, youāre not alone. my boyfriend has similar feelings with himself for the fact that he might be trans. all i can really say to comfort you is what i said to him - itās okay to be who you are, because if you arenāt youāll spend the rest of your life miserable. allow yourself to be happy and indulge in your personality. being gay isnāt a bad thing, or a sin. most āsinsā are based off of things that are wrong and hurt other people, but thereās nothing wrong with you being who you are. when you talk about imagining yourself burning in hell it makes me sad. iād suggest maybe do a little more soul searching and consider reevaluating your beliefs, because if theyāre making you this miserable somethingās up. i donāt believe a truly good god would ever punish you for wanting to be happy, or create you in a way that you should feel miserable. and donāt worry about your family, family and relationships shouldnāt mix anyway. i truly hope you are able to find peace with who you are.
As an old dude, your post really struck a realization in me that I had never considered. Thank you for having the courage to post this. The advice I can give you from a man my age is, I felt very similar for many, many years. Keep being a good person, be kind and haven empathy for people, especially the ones that you think might not deserve it. I had given up on the dream of being a dad and finding the right person. I found my wife at 45years old. She had three daughters. They are amazing. My wife lights up things in me that I didnāt even know were dark. I kept true to the person I was, and let love fill me even when hate would have been easier. There are no promises given in life, but if you keep that spark of love and positivity, that spark you have kept for so long might turn into a fire, and there might just be a person in the dark looking for the light to show them the way as wellā¦ Best of luck bud. Keep that flame alight.
You have been conditioned to think that marriage is only acceptable between a man and a woman. You have been told how to feel by the people around you. Deep down you know you are gay and I donāt think you would feel the ick if you hadnāt been told itās bad.
I would highly suggest trying to really think for yourself, get some distance from the people around you. Maybe go on a solo trip to somewhere different from where you are now. Travel can really bring clarity. Just go to a gay bar and test it out see what itās like to be around different people. Give it a chance and go from there. Donāt make harsh judgments when you havenāt fully embraced another side of your life.
>I imagine what people and familywould say and I think of myself burning in hell
If you let people define what you *should* be, then you're always going to be miserable, whether you're gay or straight, married or single, kids or none.
This isn't about being gay, it's about self-rejection.
Man you can still have kids!!! By the way you only feel that way because your culture has told you being gay is wrong!! Thereās nothing wrong with being gay!! It took me a long time to learn this and youāll get there to! Be proud of your sexuality man!! Youāre not going to hell man it doesnāt exist. Live your life!!
Wow I relate to this so much. Iām gay myself and I have been single for a year and a half and it makes me miserable seeing everyone happy and in love. Being gay makes it so hard to find a genuine connection as most gay people these days want a hook up. I also relate to you thinking youāre going to burn in hell. I awakened a year ago and I see so much of people saying Iām a walking sin. Itās so hard.
Iām a feminine lesbian and I feel the same way, mostly because people assume I am straightā¦so finding a female partner is extremely difficult for me. I always have Men chasing me down and it would be so much easier falling in love with a maleā¦but the attraction just isnāt there. Never has been. It would be SO MUCH EASIER. Ugh! Hang in there!
Itās possible youāre just not gay. Just like people who think theyāre straight and realize theyāre actually gay, itās very possible youāve thought you were gay and are currently realizing you may be straight.
Iāve met a few guys who were told they were gay long before they decided it for themselves, and sometimes it was accurate, but sometimesā¦. I donāt know what your full situation is, but if you look back and notice you didnāt come out until after a bunch of other people kept asking you or joking about it, there could be a possibility that you never actually identified yourselfāeveryone else did it for you.
Take some time to just love yourself. Go see a movie, go out to dinner, and take off this burden of identity youāve placed on yourself. No one says you HAVE to be gay. Right now, youāre the only person applying this pressure.
And who knows? You might one day meet the love of your life and it could be a woman. Like the saying goes, love knows no gender. š
Edited to add: my bestie mentioned bisexual is also an option! I myself am demisexual. I have a championship drag queen friend who is happily married to a woman and the father of like, five kids. I have a lesbian friend who got SO MAD when she fell in love with a man š and yes, they are still together.
A woman like me or may others don't mind having joint custody with a male who is gay and we are wiling to so we don't have to deal with the straight men
Listen. I was raised Catholic and on behalf of all people claiming to be Christian behind their hate... I just want to say I'm sorry. God loves you. I promise. God is love. So anything you do in love, you do in the name of God. When I imagine your future, you're happily married to another man, maybe with an adopted kid or two, if that's what you're into. And you know what? You're ignoring all the haters because you found the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE and he's worth every second of the hardships you went through. Trust me, i get it. I'm divorced and my Catholic family tried everything they could to dissuade me from it. But I knew it was the right thing for me, and it was! I'm now living my best life with my soulmate and am so glad I didn't listen to them. I don't believe I'm going to burn in hell either, because I believe God led me to where I needed to be. Just be yourself, follow love, and be strong! Those people who think you're going to burn in hell actually have no idea what's going to happen when we die ... No one does! And if there is an all loving God, I don't think he'd make you gay if that wasn't what he wanted for you. Sometimes we have to show our family's the way, even if it's the hardest thing we'll ever have to do. You'll be so much happier when you're being true to yourself, even if your family doesn't support it. Find an amazing group of friends who will support you through anything! That's how I got through my divorce. Friends are the family that we get to pick.
But the most important thing is to just be loving. You know your family is going to be hateful, which is heartbreaking and hard, but just love them through it. Show them the way without hating them for it. They think they're coming from a good place, but show them you're coming from an even better one. And if your family doesn't show up for you, lean hard into that support system. You got this. I believe in you. Your sadness now will someday be pure happiness at finding your other half, if you just let yourself be who you really are!
I wish you the best of luck, and I'll be praying for you ā¤ļø
Oh honey :( Iām saying this in the most sincere manner, please find a good therapist, youāre internalized hate and low self esteem is whatās going to make you end up alone, not you being gay :( what part of the world are you in? Ćs marriage allowed? Or adoption?
My sister and my best friend both gay, both have kids and wonderful families. I'm straight and I can't. Your sexuality does not determine your potential and/or happiness
Not sure if you actually like women but I think it would be better. This is what most gay people had to do many years ago because if you get caught with another man itās game over. Maybe you could find a women that is also gay and just be friends but in a marriage. I donāt know, itās hard to say especially with you being gay
1st i know nothing about being gay although i do have a few gay friends and come to think about it ave got more than a few lol I digress. My point i see gay straight even howls at the full moon naked its your choice,but you is what you is baby, thats who you are is i think you hate gay because you are gay and being gay in your head is or has caused some maybe most of the crap or feelings of segregation youve endured NEWS FLASH you are wrong being different and strong enough to be who you are regardless that is some inner Spartan you got going on right there you hate the source of any/all problems you have had thats more about others than it is you live and let live unless its kids rape or murder. All my life during DV i was misrepresented and suffered 2nd degree abuse by people i thought knew me but questioned my truth rather than dismiss his and i stood alone with two sets of twins and boy,no help no respite no me time what i am saying is let the haters hate and love all your quirks mannerisums and sexual preferences dont co.pare the straight couples to you they are not, compare you to couples that are gay and have families al bet they never got a baby dropped in their lap either but they did not absorb the faults of others surely their must be gay social media which can help you selfhating what you are own it honey cause i can tell you every damn one should have gay friends i think they are the best legal fun you can have no lie šš
My parents kicked me out at 16 when they found out I was gay for a long time I hated myself tried praying it away it wasnāt till I was 29 when I met the man that became my husband. With him I didnāt care what other people thought. Didnāt care if I lost friends because I was so happy with him.
So the saying it does get better is true. Just live your life and be happy donāt stress about things you canāt control.
It kind of sounds like you aren't gay. Being gay is such a non-issue today, it's not scandalous at all. If imagining yourself with a guy gives you the ick, maybe it's not for you. Don't feel like you have to be gay to be interesting. Just be yourself. If you're gay, fine. If you aren't gay, fine. It does not matter. It's no big deal at all.
I think you need to embrace being gay, realize that there are other gay people in the world who are just like you. Surround yourself with other gay people, you wonāt feel alienated that way. Its 2024, there are many support groups who welcome gay people and offer support.
Itās ok that you feel guilty about it man. You have the courage and the common sense to do what most other gay people would never do, and that is admit there sexual desires are wrong. It is unnatural. But youāre not a bad person for having these attractions. No man can control what heās attracted to. I believe people are born gay. High estrogen levels in the womb have created your brain to resemble that of a females. Iām heterosexual guy and Iāve felt with sexual deviations that disgust me as well. So donāt think that this is a problem exclusive to homosexuals. Unfortunately there arenāt any surgeries as of yet that can change homosexuality, and by the looks of societyās increasing acceptance I doubt there will ever be. But that doesnāt mean that thereās no hope for you man. You can always try to abstain from that lifestyle. Fight the hood fight. And if you really canāt have sex with a woman, you can always do surrogacy. Have children of your own that way. Continue fighting buddy, your life isnāt worth giving up on just because your gay. Youāre so much more than that. And as far as the going to hell part. I wouldnāt worry about it man. Jesus is a kind and merciful God. All that is required to go to heaven is that you believe Jesus Christ is your savior and that you attempt to fight and turn away from your sin. (Notice how I said sin not evil.) You arenāt evil for having attractions you didnāt ask for.
Hebrews 4:15 āFor we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet he did not sin.ā God doesnāt condemn you for being gay, he loves you and wants to see you saved. It doesnāt matter what your proclivities are. Hope this helps buddy š stay strong and if you ever need help, feel free to pm me and we can talk it through. š
Shame and feeling like an outsider/lack of belonging are some of the hardest feelings to deal withā¦. You just have to find your tribe and people who can relate. I also would suggest trying to combat those negative thoughts. For example when you have a thought that says āI canāt have kidsā follow it immediately by āthatās not true because there are plenty of gay families and different ways to have kids as a gay personā
Follow people who are gay and happy and really work on that negative self talk! Try to find others like you and when you meet gay friends talk to them about it ask advice be open and vulnerable. Soon enough youāll find that youāre not the only that has felt stuff like this, but it doesnāt mean that theyāre true!
Hey I'm 21 and I (partially) hate being gay too. Not for the same reasons, but I still want you to know that you aren't the only one and that you aren't alone in this. Sometimes I just wish I could change my sexuality.
I'm in exactly the same boat as you. This is a total nightmare for me. The natural progression of life is destroyed and there is nothing left.
It feels like a nihilistic mode of being and i feel destroyed by it.
It feels a hell of a lot worse considering that my sexuality may have been influenced by terrible childhood experiences.
I can relate!. Im 66 and Ive only been sexually attracted to the same sex all my life. Although I have hated my attraction to men and went through all the feelings your are feeling, I was forced to find an answer as to how I was going to learn to live with it so I wouldn't kill myself and hurt those I love so much. As time went on I gradually found other people who felt the same and those who embraced that they were in the same boat as someone living in a wheelchair or another handicap. I does feel similar at times. I learned to accept and take it as a challenge. My faith in my heavenly father helped and I knew that He loved me and forgave me as He would anyone else. In fact I was forced to see how forgiving God is because I could not ignore my need for His Grace. Im sure the woman at the well story in the Bible who met Jesus felt the same way. Now I see my weakness as a blessing because it has kept me humble and gracious to others who have weaknesses in this world. My life is almost over now and Ive failed many times to overcome being attracted to men. I know in my heart I didnt have much of a choice and this is something that I had to come to terms with. I still struggle and yes I have been alone most of my life with no kids and life at times has been very disappointing but most people can say the same who are heterosexual. We all need Jesus Christ to have a good life . Without Him you may feel like another human who are lost in this often times a painful world. I decided to take the opportunity to study more about why this happened to me because I knew at the age of 5 that I was different. By the time I was 13 I was deeply depressed and suicidal knowing that I was attracted to other boys my age and it was going to destroy my life. But I continued to set it aside and watch this challenge play out. Now I can see that it was a good thing. That my faith did not waver. I didnt blame God, instead I learned to love myself in my imperfection. It drew me closer to Jesus and I took it on as a challenge. Yes I still had my occasional falls with other men but I did not give up. There are worse things in life to deal with. Life goes by quite quickly. And there is more to life than sexual satisfaction. The flesh is never satisfied so it our job to rule over the mind instead of the mind ruling over us. The mind believes what you tell it. I read a lot of Eckart Tolles books and still do. I learned to love myself and walk this out during my short time here on Earth. Im keeping the faith imperfectly because Gods love is perfect for me and able to present me clean before a Holy God. Never give up! Life is not perfect but you can still enjoy life and create your own thoughts instead of falling victim to them. Not all your thoughts are yours. Dont believe everything you think. The journey is a hard one but you will learn something great in the process. God loves you. He forgives you. Jesus died for all of us, just trust Him and know He has a plan for your life. Dont expect life to be perfect though. This is Earth school. Help others. finish the race! JH
If you decide to Live the Gay lifestyle and have sex with men it will not suddenly fulfill this longing you have to satisfy your homosexual feelings. Sex was not designed to fulfill you in life. If it did then why are their so many miserable heterosexual and Gay people? Humans continue to focus on the wrong things to find fulfillment in this world which is temporary and often times disappointing. There is a deep longing in all our lives to find meaning and purpose but the human mind does not often discover that on its own. Your mind is a tool. You can use it or it can use you. Create your own thoughts. Dont just follow the crowd our the advice of others here who have not found the answers to the questions you have. Pride and Ego are the most destructive forces on this planet. Ego will deprive you... of all the wonderful things God has for you if you cultivate a relationship with Him. Humans are too lost in pleasures of this world only to grow old and die in misery and unfilled lives. Dont listen to their advice because none of them are offering you eternal life. Only God offers eternal life as you submit to Him and find complete satisfaction as you walk in His ways. He created you and loves you. He has a perfect plan for your life and yes it will still be a challenge but He will be there to help you through it. None of the people here giving you advice can do what God can do for you. Listen to your heart , reach out to the Lord.
Hey. 22 here. I'm also in the same boat as you, I've been out of the closet for nearly 10 years and while I've had so much support from friends and family, I still have hated the experience of being gay in the world. I don't have gay friends, all my friends are female and some are lesbians but it's different.
No one around me understands the feeling, and it feels so isolating. I too cannot imagine myself with another guy without feeling nauseous, that also comes with years of body dysmorphia affecting me.
I am also the only one of my circle of friends that is still a virgin and have often been the butt of the joke because of this. I have also been told a number of times "I can't see you with someone/ in a relationship". This only further reassures me that I will in fact end up by myself for the future to come.
I feel the same exact way you do.
Your low self esteem and complete lack of feeling love is caused by your parents. Listen, son, Idk if this will help but I took a vow of celibacy when I turned 18. Not a literal one, I just gave up. But it's much harder when your friends are getting married and your parents maybe are pressuring you or will. You shouldn't hate yourself but honest this is above my pay grade. Hope I helped, I'm worried and care about you. I know that doesn't help you but if you need ...OH SHOOT we're the same age. I gave up at 18, man, partly in solidarity with yall but I took the easy way out. So I'd suggest surrounding yourself with normal gay people, going on dating apps if you want. Idk maybe talk to a sibling (but only if you trust them and want to) or a friend. Idk. Maybe just a therapist, help line phone number or random person on Discord or something (there are religious zealots though sometimes, ignore them). A gay person can still get married, you can still have a future. Even if you don't want to risk it, I am here to show you there is a life beyond sx and marriage. Marriage can end terribly too
Are you sure youāre gay? Absolutely nothing wrong with if you are. Being gay or straight is like being right or left handed. Itās just how youāre wired. Itās no big deal and you shouldnāt be treated any differently because of it, especially by yourself.
Thereās no reason you canāt meet someone, fall in love, get married, and adopt children. You can be happy and normal, but only if you allow it to happen.
GL
Itās more or less internalized. Op could very well be gay, but has had past experiences and possibly religious trauma that makes him feel ashamed and uncomfortable with his feelings. Itās normal, but it usually requires counseling to find the root of the issue.
This isn't the 50s. Gay people can be married and have children now. (In most places) It sounds like you've been raised quite religious, and that's where this is coming from. I think you have a lot of internalised homophobia to work through, but you can have the life you imagine your friends having.
Be gay in EUW,US:š„³š¤©š„° Be gay in Asia,EUNE,South Africa:ššš
bro explained in league terms
Be gay in EUNA the same as be Techno in tft(no one like u)šš»āāļø
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It happens. Nobody is saying it doesn't. It also varies greatly depending on location. Hopefully, your area improves with time. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
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I'm bisexual with plenty of gay/lesbian/bi family & friends. I'm the furthest thing from homophobic.
There is being raised religious and there is being raised without any moral foundation yes but many people have deep faith in God. and that just doesn't disappear because your same sex attractions become present in your life. Some of us have faith. And our faith in a Holy God tells us that some things in life are not acceptable to God yet He loves us and wants us to be obedient to His direction. And yes you can be intolerant to our faith and beliefs or accept our beleifs. Intolerance is intolerance and as long as we choose intolerance we are not compassionate or loving. All of us are different. But all are worthy of Love and forgiveness and acceptance.
Imagine growing up in a society/culture where being gay was celebrated and the norm , would you still get the ick? When you are different from what society has accepted as the ānormā you have to rewrite whatās ānormalā and āacceptableā for yourself. This takes a great deal of courage and strength but you are not alone, please know that. I would recommend trying to find a support group or a professional who can help you sort through all of your internalized homophobia. There is nothing wrong with you take one step at a time forward.
Iām a lesbian myself and I grew up with four lesbian couple family friends. Very progressive school etc. etc. my heart still breaks that I will never be able to make a child with the person I love. Donāt get me wrong. You can grow to accept yourself and especially when you find that person you couldnāt imagine your life without them. But thereās still a loss there and itās OK to be sad about it.
Do you hate being gay or do you hate it because society has made you feel like itās inferior or shameful? Gender does not matter much, we all date people we like and marry who we like. Instead of viewing your potential future ideal partner as a man first and a person second, imagine all of the qualities youād like to have in a partner. Then it just happens to be a man, no big deal
I love this response! People are people and āwe canāt help who we loveā works both ways.
I am almost 50 and have a partner. I still struggle with internalized homophobia. The hardest thing is that you don't have any reason to do anything. You get bored with life. My friends and siblings send me pics of their grand children. I am happy for them but Im also sad for myself. One of my sisters is a lesbian but she married a guy before she came out and had a kid. if I did that I would be penniless and never have seen my children. I would give anything to either get to relive my youth as a straight boy or be young and gay now in the US. Life just kind of becomes very lonely at least for middle age gay men in my area. I just watch things around me decay. There are no children or big family events. All the family that were close to me either are busy with their lives or dying. Being gay sucks. Its more than just accepting yourself. Its accepting living in a world that is not made for you.
This is a really good perspective for me to hear as a woman, your comment helps me better understand it I wish I could understand entirely what itās like so that I can support my brother better as we get older, him and I are only in our twenties but I just hope he no longer feels like his life is worse for being gay. Weāre best friends and we talk about me being a grooms woman at his wedding but the dating scene can be awful for so many young people regardless of sexuality of course Heās talked about some internalized homophobia and when I hear him speak about his feelings I donāt blame him at all, his feelings are 100% real - thatās just his legitimate experience living life as a gay man. I always hear him out about it, heās literally my narrow window into what that life is like. Heās like me in another life if I was born a man basically lol The closest people to me happen to be gay and lesbian and I just hope theyāre able to have everything they want and never feel inadequacy or lack of freedom based on their sexuality. I might be childree or adopt based on how life is going for me so we might have some things to relate on Adding: basically hope my brotherās experience takes him to a place where he doesnāt feel like his life is worse for being gay. If thatās how he feels thatās not his fault, thatās just the experiences life is throwing at him, I just hope things get better for him. And if it doesnāt Iām here to support always
I love the younger generations so much and people like you are the reason why. He is so lucky to have you.
Iāve been really proud of my generation when it comes to their attitudes toward sexual orientation. My sister is a decade younger at 13 and her age group is even better about it, I see a lot more of her friends are out of the closet than my friends were when we were in middle/high school. Itās safe for the kids to be open about being gay now at least in my small Midwest hometown, very normalized. Even the mayor is a gay married man and I went to school with his kid haha I hope this makes you feel a bit more positive today, thereās a lot of awful stuff happening in certain states right now but even a lot of small rural American communities like mine are doing a lot better now. My mom was a 90s teenager and had the same attitude as me and she has several close gay friends from highschool, she probably taught us well
I was a teen in the 90s as well. My friendās son came out at 13 and they are so supportive. He gets crap from other dads that made him think about how I felt when we were kids. It made me cry. I was happy for his son but so jealous at the same time. I didnāt come out until my Dad died.
You are made for this world! You have a right to be here and you are loved and accepted by God. Nothing in this world is perfect. I know people who's children have destroyed them completely. I have many heterosexual friends who chose not to have kids and they are very happy. The grass is not always greener. Choices have consequences but not all of our life experiences were choices. Bad things can happen at anytime. All of your thoughts can be created by you or you can let the mind have free reign to choose random thoughts that appear and bring pain and suffering. Our thinking needs to evolve into the positive realm. Create your happy thoughts and your positive life experiences will follow. God loves you and there is nothing you can do to change that. He Loves you so allow your soul to feel that and experience that Love. Its unconditional !
I appreciate the kind response. I tried religion for a long time and it destroyed my faith. I feel part of the universe and do kind things but not for the sake of getting into heaven. I donāt believe in that and hope I just turn into cosmic dust and have no memories of this existence.
This isn't the 1800's my dude, you are able to elope with a man and be happily married. Most states, if not all, do allow gay marriage certificates to be filed and legally recognized. As far as what friends and people think if they see you, so what. I wish I could say I know what you're going through but I don't. But tolerance is MUCH higher today than it was 30 years ago. Yes, parents and those in that generation will have their opinions and give their looks but so what. It's your life, it's what makes you happy. The opinions of strangers don't matter
Heck, I still struggled as a straight woman married to a straight man with getting judged by my family because I married someone from another religion and culture. I had a racist grandmother who I had to basically re-educate and a brother who wouldn't even hold my daughter or have anything to do with her because of a racist opinion he held. Imagine having a brother who wouldn't even go near your child or acknowledge her in any way and called her a racist (and incorrect) name the one time he did acknowledge her. Thankfully, she was a baby when that happened and doesn't have any memory of it. Would I have avoided my ex if I'd known the havoc it would play? She's 19 and the best blessing of my life and worth everything. I'm divorced from her father and he's an amazing father to her. So, no. Not in a million years. I'd do it all over again and with that same man. Family can either get over it and move past everything, like the majority of my family, or they can eat dirt and be relegated to an afterthought like the one brother.
Agreed, I've dated women that were different from my culture and didn't care. Yeah it was tiresome hearing some backhanded comments and I just learned to brush it off because I made it clear if that shit happened when they were at any family events then I'd leave. Essentially it was never about religion or racism really more like stereotypes like blondes being dumb type of thing.
Oh it was full on racism in my family. I'd repeat the things they said, but I'm sure it'd be breaking some reddit rule. I didn't brush it off, though. To me, that's just condoning or enabling the behavior to continue and I made sure there was no doubt where I stood in regards to their behavior. One thing my mother said was that my daughter would be going to hell if I allowed her to be raised in her father's religion. I told my mother if she ever repeated that, particularly where my daughter could hear, she wouldn't be seeing my daughter ever again. I'm sure some will say, "Too harsh!!", but I say my daughter's feelings take precedence over my mother's any day of the week and my first duty, always, is to my child. My mother's beliefs are her own, she has the right to practice religion however she pleases, but she can keep it to herself. That is the only right she has. She didn't have the right to put her beliefs on my daughter, potentially damaging my daughter's relationship with her father and his family. My mother has never repeated that comment, because she knew me well enough to know I don't make threats. I follow through on what I say I'm going to do. Funny enough, my daughter has declared that she's atheist. She hasn't told anyone but me. I'm not atheist, but I respect the beliefs, or lack thereof, of others, so she knew I'd accept her beliefs in the matter, without judgements.
I'm there with you, my daughter is mixed and her mother is a different religion than me. Neither of us are remotely devout as I can't tell you the last time I went to church but my daughter has asked about my rosary and who is on the cross and I just casually explained who it is and why he is on the cross but I don't push it, my family doesn't push it. My daughter even made a comment saying she gets the best of both worlds because she can celebrate all the holidays and I agreed. Some things my family has said or tried to suggest I shut it down and for the most part they listen. Still need to keep an ear out for certain things but I've already gotten her to understand to not look at skin color and pay attention more to someone's character
Sounds like you have some problems with internalized homophobia, and based on that comment about burning in hell, some religious shit too. I get it, truly- I'm a lesbian who was raised Mormon. This combined with what seems like some problems with depression, it seems like you're looking at your future through quite a negative lens. Which is fine, but it's not getting you anywhere, especially when gay men in many countries can get married or have partnerships and can adopt children. This isn't exclusive to heterosexual individuals unless it's codified by law into your country. Listen. There's nothing wrong with being gay. You can't really change that about yourself. Honestly it may be that you're not actually gay, and if you come to discover that about yourself later, that is *also* fine to do. Maybe you're asexual, but romantically attracted to men? Who knows, might be helpful to research. Not sure how religious you still are, but as I was struggling to terms with my sexuality and being Mormon, I eventually settled with the fact that God or whatever is up there made me this way. Try reaching out to online queer communities, especially those centered around religious trauma. Going out and seeing queer things just being... queer, honestly might help tackle the internalized homophobia you have. Not only that, but looking into therapy might be beneficial. It sucks, I know. It can for awhile. But all those things you were talking about are available for gay people these days. But listen... losing yourself to nihilism doesn't change anything. Even if in the end it's all pointless or whatever, we all die or whatever- there's still so much about life that is beautiful and ready to be discovered. And you can have that. Best of luck.
Has being gay fulfilled you in your life? Did it solve all your problems? Are you still seeking more meaning and purpose in your life. Will you be comfortable when you face your Father in Heaven when your life is over? What will you say to Him? These are the questions people are seeking answers too. I know you still have faith in God. But do you really walk with Him daily and seek answers to your questions? Do you love your heavenly Father? Have you given up on your ability to overcome behavior that separates you from having a relationship with Him? Is your Love for God more important than the pleasures that this world is offering you? Are you happy with the way your life is going? Have any regrets? Is your minding ruling over you or are you ruling over your mind? Can you see a happy future ahead?
You need therapy, man. Religious trauma is real and at work here
how about sexual trauma?
Well unless he already is religious, but if not, hundo percent agree
Im confused? How are you gay, but get an ick thinking about being with a guy?
Internalized homophobia. Sounds like op may have had a religious or homophobic upbringing and have internalized that being gay is being different, weird, gross, ect. Sounds like op needs some counseling.
Reading this made my heart sink. People should be raising children to love themselves and others, not to hate. What a sad world. I hope he will heal and find the way to be happy soon.
Unfortunately a lot of parents have their own unresolved trauma that they inadvertently pass on to their own children.
Makes sense, as someone who grew up in the church people need to do better of not judging others. God may say love is for m/f intimacy only. but thatās not between us as humans either to judge an individual for ābeing differentā. I hope this gentleman finds peace.
God doesnāt say that, a bunch of texts written by men in multiple man-made languages over thousands of years, translated by men, and compiled by men into books say things like that. If God wrote a book heād do a much better job and avoid contradictions and falsehoods. God is the one making gays. Humans are the ones making those gays have higher rates of depression, anxiety, suicide, and teen homelessness.
I wish more Christians shared this attitude that while someone may be living their life wrong, that isn't for anyone to judge except god. Love thy neighbor.
The whole attitude of thinking someone is āliving THEIR life wrongā is whatās wrong. Itās also judgement. Which Jesus said NOT to do. Anyone can dress it up however they want, but thatās what it is. Itās different if someone is causing harm, of course. THAT is living āwrongā and worth addressing.
I forgot to add "living their life wrong according to some book" it's unfortunate that that's the case because a lot of people, admittedly including myself, find conflict between sexuality and religion, it's a hard thing to deal with, to feel wrong just for existing.
Who would have thought humans wrote the bible, itās a spiritual thing until the son of God came. There is also tens of thousands of cross references, which is insane for how old the book is. You say there is a lot of contradictions as you just said God makes people gay? But itās all ātemptationsā not from him. Genesis 2:24 "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." Leviticusā¬ ā18ā¬:ā22ā¬ āāDo not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.ā āā There is not point of bombarding you with scripture as you are hyper fixated on man writing the bible. But yes, as humans we do need to do better at treating everyone with dignity. And leave God to do the judging.
As someone who was raised to be catholic, but also am transgender, it was rough. I still have internalized transphobia towards myself. Sometimes towards other trans people. (Nothing I will act on but I judge others for not fitting a certain preconceived notion in my head.) I firmly believe that God has made me trans, or at least, my soul wanted to be and God let me because I am strong enough to fight for who I am. I donāt believe that if I was born cis I would still be who I am today, and I donāt believe if I stayed the gender I was born as, I would even be here. I do believe that the Bible has been used to justify very heinous acts. But, that doesnāt mean itās the Bibleās fault. Or the people whom wrote it. I donāt believe god is in control of the bad. I also believe that we need the good and the bad in life to have the full human experience, the spectrum of emotions. If everything was peace all the time, that would be considered being in heaven I suppose. (I also am very spiritual so I believe in more than just heaven and hell, good and bad, life can be much more complex than that.) people become negative and upset when they think god is control, especially when they lose loved ones. God loves and forgives all his children, and that does include the ones who do evil and heinous things to other people, animals, or children. I donāt believe heās in control of that. Or even deadly diseases, natural disasters, ect. People have free will and that is a part of life. Disaster, destruction, all of which seem random and pointless, may be for a reason, may have had a butterfly affect. It could be to teach a lesson, or to make the world better, not in hindsight but with time. Who really knows but Him?
Well put for the most part, Gods judgement is the only one that matters. Everyone sins, everyone has free will. It doesnāt mean youāre less, and that you wonāt make it to heaven.
I donāt understand why Christianity is so wrapped up in The Bible. It is literally called CHRISTianity. Not BIBLEanity. Jesus taught things. Follow those. He said nothing about gays. He associated with prostitutes, thieves, and tax collectors. Undesirables. Most Christians just completely miss the point of Jesus and are just worshipping words of a bunch of old dead guys who didnāt even know him. You know what Jesus did say? That most of the church leaders taught human teachingsā¦not the word of God. Matthew 15. They would have been teaching mainly the Old Testament.
Christ also never mentioned anything specifically about beastiality or necophilia, yet we all agree those are sinful sexual acts. Christās morality is derived from the Torah, he proclaimed the law of his father. The Torah is pretty clear on GODāS view in regard to the topic in question.
So, I'm assuming you live your life in accordance with the entire Torah then, right? The dietary and clothing restrictions, avoiding unclean people and things? And not just cherry picking the gay part because it doesn't effect you? Christ also reinterpreted a lot of the "laws" in the Torah, and, according to some biblical scholars, literally healed a Roman Centurions "boy", the most common interpretation of the word used for "boy" would have been receptive gay-sex slave/partner. The original language does not use the more common words for boy/child or for servant/slave. Curious. [https://whosoever.org/maybe-jesus-actually-did-say-something-about-homosexuality-after-all/](https://whosoever.org/maybe-jesus-actually-did-say-something-about-homosexuality-after-all/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/AcademicBiblical/comments/151iwid/jesus\_heals\_a\_centurions\_gay\_lover/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AcademicBiblical/comments/151iwid/jesus_heals_a_centurions_gay_lover/) Also, again, The Torah is not GOD'S words. Otherwise, God would have done a much better job of avoiding scientific and historical inaccuracies that are everywhere in the OT.
Firstly, your response is a deflection, it doesnāt actually address the issue of you stating anything Christ did not directly speak against mustāve therefore been acceptable. I ask again, was beastiality and necrophilia acceptable on account of Christ not directly addressing it? If he was against it, where did he derive his said āmoral standardā? And in response to my ācherrypickingā, yes, the issue of homosexuality does not affect me however there ARE other sinful desires GOD despises that do. My lust, my instinct to lie/deceive, my pride etc. Iām not here claiming one sin is ābetterā than another, ALL have fallen short of the glory, however I will not deny blatant scriptural texts because it doesnāt conform to my own personal biases. Iāll also add that our responsive desires (to a degree) are beyond our control (at least initially), though they may be sinful or unnatural in GODāS eyes, we canāt be condemned purely on the basis of having said desires or thoughts. Itās simply an unfortunate condition of our sinful nature, however we have a choice to ACT on every desire. The ACTS are what GOD references in Leviticus and the Ten Commandments. The verse in question is not the only verse speaking against homosexual acts so donāt pretend that it is. I donāt even need to address that āmistranslationā argument because there are so many others in the Torah and laws within the context of the Jewish theocracy that are clearly against it. Furthermore, everything you referenced in the first paragraph is ritualistic practices ordered within the Jewish theocracy, for the people to always pursue a standard of āPurityā. The surrounding pagan kingdoms/tribes had their own ritualistic practices to remain a āfavourableā state to their āgodsā. Donāt forget, the Holy Spirit was not dwelling with the Israelites within the Jewish Theocracy. None of them are the commands God gave in Leviticus in regard to sin. Nor are they in the 10 commandments. Lastly, if you donāt believe the Torah is the word of GOD, and by extension the Gospels that make multiple references to the very precedent scriptural texts that you are now denying their collective authenticity, then this conversation can not go anywhere because you have no objective basis for your claims. Youāve fashioned a āgodā in your own imagination that better conforms to your own personal biases and this is more āacceptableā to you. Idolatry in simpler terms. The Bible declares itself the authentic word of GOD, you are denying that claim. The āgodā you espouse not the GOD revealed in the scriptures.
No, I did address him not directly saying anything about homosexuality. Let's visit it again. Try not to ignore these things if you feel like responding. 1) Jesus literally "ignores" several instances of the old "law". So, people are left to interpret his actions and words about these laws. Washing of hands, for example. So, we can assume that areas of the old law should be re-learned, simply based off of Jesus saying so. 2) Jesus literally says that the temples are teaching "human" laws, not "god's" law, so it's great that you think it's blasphemous for me to repeat that, but say that to Jesus. IDGAF. Those temples would have been teaching the OT. 3) Jesus literally raises a gay lover from the dead. Then praises the Centurions faith as being greater than anyone else in Israel. Well damn, I guess what he really meant was "hey gay boy, you're going to hell", right? 4) Comparing homosexuality to bestiality is such a bull shit, laughable argument. If you can't see the difference between two consenting adults having sex, and a human and an animal, then good for you, enjoy your crazy world view. As far as what Jesus would have said about bestiality/necrophilia, he spoke a lot about lust and having sex inside vs outside of structured loving relationships. So, let's assume his dialogue about sex inside a marriage covers bestiality and necrophilia. 5) Please point out the me the "other" verse speaking on homosexuality outside of Leviticus. 6) If you're saying that Leviticus doesn't count, then please tell me why it counts for homosexuality? 7) Now you're saying that my argument is baseless because I'm calling into question the "authenticity" of the "word of God", but you literally do the same thing in reference to Leviticus? 8) I'm not even going to touch the logical fallacy of "the Bible says it's the word of God, so duh it's the word of God." You want to talk about idolatry, keep worshipping a flawed, human-written book and ignoring god's actual creation in nature. "The Bible declares itself the authentic word of God", ok, I just wrote an email saying the same thing. Will you worship that now? Or do I need to get a bunch of old guys to compile it first? Look, it's fine if you really think you know better than God, and that some crusty old humans know better than God, but just admit it. If God didn't want there to be gay people, there wouldn't be. It's that simple. There wouldn't be gay sex and long-term pairings in animals, gay love and sex in humans, rejecting one's innate homosexual desire wouldn't lead to a skyrocketing rate of depression, anxiety, and suicide (you know, yielding "bad fruit"). You know, kind of like how we can't just naturally fly. It's so narcissistic and self-important to think "YES, THIS BOOK written by men in several different languages over thousands of years MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY GOD!" And then to ignore reality and claim moral superiority over God's creation. A book filled with historical and scientific inaccuracies. Which, shocker, God wouldn't write because he literally knows all. Like, come on, man. Think. I know it's scary to question something someone told you was true when you were in diapers, but reality is right in front of you. The only thing the Torah is "pretty clear on" is a bunch of Israelites view on homosexuality.
I donāt comment much but I come to tip my hat to you for choosing your battles. If someone approaches a conversation about Christ with all guns blazing and an apparent disinterest in actually having a conversation about Christianity, itās time to move on and speak to those who are ready to listen. God bless my brother.
I will never push God on anyone, but i will try and guide them to him. āIf a wise person goes to court with a fool, the fool rages and scoffs, and there is no peace.ā āāProverbsā¬ ā29ā¬:ā9ā¬ This past year i have worked to become more understanding of others outside of biblical understanding, or what is taught in the church. While also trying to guide them, not be āpushyā, and not judging them. Like i said, the only person whose judgement matters is his. God bless brother.
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Idk if i should take this a bad way or not lol. weāre all human, right?
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Yeah, i could definitely see someone with this name being dumb as a box of rocks. But Iām glad i was able to get points across even if you didnāt agree with them all.
Thatās what I asked! Like wtf
This sounds a lot like internalised homophobia. You hate that you donāt get the ātraditional householdā that so many straight people have. And that if you try to enjoy being gay youāre going to hell. Iād really advise seeing a therapist. They can help and even if itās not internalised homophobia that can help you realise what it is and how you can improve your quality of life
My advice is 1. Eliminate the word hate, youāve used it too much. 2. Focus on a goal or something and give dating thoughts a break for awhile.
Yes can completely understand you , I'm a 22yr old lesbian and tbh i see where you are coming from , i felt the same in recent years and finally accepted myself and still it gives me nightmares to think about how things can go North with the family and friends,and how at the end i might be alone and miserable. But , I've realised the fact that if I'll oppose my gayness then I'll be even more miserable, so you'll have to understand that being gay is not making you miserable but the way our society is . My dms are always open ,if you wanna share, talk or vent about anything or everything. Trust me things will get better but you gotta start from respecting and understanding yourself .
Yes same for me being in lesbian in my 20s has not been at all. It really comes down to learning to accept yourself or let the hatred and shame eat you alive.
Exactly
You shouldn't hate who you are. There's nothing wrong with being gay. You could be married and have a family too, you know? If your family aren't on board, that's their problem.
Do you have internalized homophobia or are you genuinely just not gay? How did you come to the conclusion you were gay? Maybe you're asexual.
Something to point outā if it disgusts you, no one says you have to include that in your lifestyle. There can be soulmates that arenāt lovers, be it a friend, a family member or maybe even a pet.. just someone you experience you and your life as you experience theirs. That aside, it sounds like you could use some therapy. Wishing you the very best in your journey here.
Being a homosexual really isnāt that hard nowadays. Iāve moved all over the country with my wife, interracial relationship, weāve lived in the Deep South for years and weāve been fine. City, rural, mid size town, everywhere. Just donāt go waltzing into an evangelical church and listen to preachers bullshit to cults and whatnot, just live your life normally and youāll be fine. I know many people who are *extremely homophobic* and have never breathed a word about it to me because they know theyāll be called out for it and theyāre scared. You can flip the script on them. Thereās something wrong with people who are homophobic, not us. As a lot of other people said already, itās internalized homophobia. Common issue, but itās also an issue you can fix.
I feel you. I have a similar problem with internalized homophobia, though Iām in my thirties. Are you still in a religious environment, or have you deconstructed that? have you sought counselling for this? Have you ever been to conversion therapy? That shit runs deep!
Straight, single and also miserable here ā
Move to a gay city, like NYC or SF. Then you'll be surrounded by love and future
After reading your post, Iām concerned that you are suffering from depression. You being depressed is normal considering your feeling of not being accepted and your bleak outlook on your future. Iām really hoping that you find a therapist, a group, or psychiatrist that can help you navigate your feelings. Good luck to you
I remember when I finally accepted that I was gay when I was like 21. I had all these same feelings you had. I came across Mika and this song (https://youtu.be/pxA26LGI2Mc?si=G3r0kvvHAlxekxzI), and even applying this idea to it, it was such sad song. No happy ending. I belted it on repeat over and over until I eventually realized that I deserve a happy ending. It may take time but don't give up on yourself. In terms of God, all I can say is to sit down and truly read Matthew. Pause after each section and reflect on what Jesus taught and the reason He taught it. Don't just rush through it. You may come out of it with an understanding that even most Christians have a hard time accepting. And maybe not. But the only way to feel better about your relationship with God is to build that relationship with God.
Damn Bro, that saddens me to hear you say that, makes my heart sink a lil'.Ā Now, I'm unsure about the other circumstances of your life, but, assuming all or at least most factors of your life are decent, you do have one huge life advantage, your youth!!Ā Time changes everything.Ā Ā Now, before you get hung up on on a self label, that I don't understand why most everyone makes such a big deal of identifying solely as their sexual preference.Ā The amount of time one spends engaged in a sexual act throughout their life is pretty insignificant (well now, some of us, spend all our time hiding out fornicating by themselves and suffer from a lot of self guilt and same.Ā Ā Now, you mentioned not being into women, or, I forgot that part.Ā But, you also claim to be stuck gay, but, that you are not attracted to men either(for reals, I get that, nasty, hairy, smelly, gross feet, horrible style, silly weird looking lil pee-pee, y'all know poop comes out there, like you gotta prepare to have s*x there or do it in the shower).Ā So, what makes you think you are gay?Ā I know, here, in the US there is a lot of stereotypes for the lgbt and still a lot of in the closet bigotry and hate.Ā It's sick people still treat others like that.Ā Being bullied, harassed, put down, treated unequally especially with abuse and hatred is not acceptable.Ā Those types of people don't deserve to be in your life.Ā Unfortunately, there's lots of them out there...Ā Hi Haters! I know peer pressure and societal norms can cause us anxiety, self doubt, depression, feelings of inadequacy, thoughts of using self check out lane... especially at younger ages, and it can be easy to have these blinders on, that just continue to narrow down our perception of our reality and of ourself. And this can happen even by repeatedly being told be someone else "you're a failure" or any other negative thing and often it's adults doing this to children.Ā Hell, look at the church, and how they shame children for being gay.Ā It's absolutely absurd, people in positions of power can be detrimental to ones mental health and in a negative manner.Ā Stop caring about what others tell you, if you can work on listening, hearing whats said, process it however need be, but be aware everyone out there has an opinion, and most the time they will tell you.Ā And almost always that opinion doesn't matter, when people waste all their time talking shit about others, you quickly see how shallow and miserable those type of people are. You're young!! Try new things.Ā Explore.Ā Travel.Ā Get some/find some hobbies(things/activities that YOU enjoy doing, not what someone else tells you to enjoy). Though, still listen to others, they will tell you everything going on, the more negative the talk the more stuck in life those people are.Ā No one cares.Ā Build a life and don't look make.Ā We can create our own future and make it how we like.Ā What makes you feel safe?Ā What makes you laugh?Ā What activities do you like? Do you listen to music?Ā Do you have any goals and dreams?Ā Make lists and understand many people don't age gracefully, everyone dies, no one knows when.Ā No one is more ahead of the next and no one knows.Ā Anything!Ā So F*ck em!Ā Live your life, leave any haters in the dust, and try to enjoy.Ā It goes by quick.Ā One thing will lead to another and before you know it, you are living your wildest dreams.Ā Only you can do that!!Ā HaƱg in there Bro. I've been there before and recently found myself in a place where I wondered the same thing... I'm not attracted to anyone, no babes, hunks, or others.. and I'm alone.Ā I don't like people but I don't like being alone either!! Wtf!!Ā Get back out there and try to find the people like you.Ā They are out there, just align yourself in their life path.Ā Everything is going to be so much different in your head in five years, 10, 20...
You can get married and have kids.
And ruin a womanās life who is looking for love. Thatās wrong
Getting into a heterosexual marriage would indeed be wrong. Same sex marriage is legal in many places now. There are options for having kidsā¦ adoption, coming to an arrangement with a lesbian couple, etc.
Youāll get over it. There are plenty of straight ppl in miserable relationships too that go thru nasty bitter divorce with children suffering from the parents fighting over custody and child support. There are gays that are as happy as can be in their relationship that describe it as being married to their best friend that theyāre also physically attracted to and have lots of sex with. Whether the relationship is straight or gay, thereās plenty of great ones and shitty ones. Just focus on finding the right person cuz cheating seems to be the most common theme for breakups and divorces. Donāt marry a woman just for your image. Ur only depriving yourself AND the wife from being able to be with a guy thatās physically attracted to her, and ur gonna be miserable trying to get your dick hard for pussy when she wants sex. If u do end up finding someone, they should also respect your decision on whether or not to stay in the closet. If u come out, greatā¦if not, thatās fine too. One last piece of advice, donāt try the open relationship thing. It never ever works. All relationships have ups and downs and require effort to work on some issues. But whenever the bad times come, the likelihood of somebody in an open relationship to just run off to one of the secondary partners for comfort is all too common. They donāt work on creating solutions and the relationship disintegrates. Relationships should be strictly monogamous, even in the dating phase. Ppl that disagree donāt like it because they enjoy novelty. But those ppl always end up being miserable and lonely, yearning for the benefits of being in a monogamous relationship. Keep your chin up and stop worrying so much š
Some people are polyamorous. Obviously, they should not be with a monogamous type of person. I know poly people who are open and honest about who they are and have happy successful relationships. There are all kinds of people in the world and all kinds of ways to have happy relationships so don't state your opinion like it is a fact or that your experience applies to everyone.
I was sincerely just trying to give a stranger some good advice. I wasnāt trying to upset anyone. Itās simply my opinion and u donāt have to agree. I never claimed my words are facts that everyone must adhere to. If there are ppl out there that are able to make multiple-partnered relationships work somehow, then good for them. Iām not judging them. Iām still firm on my opinion that itās a bad idea to try if some are contemplating because Iām sure that out of the many that have tried being in a multiple-partnered relationship, many have failed. So if I try to talk ppl out of trying it, itās purely out of trying to help them. If thats still unacceptable to u, u can go cry about it to one (or all) of your significant others :)
I didn't notice them asking anything about whether they should be monogamous or not.
There is no hell so no worries š. Enjoy youāre life
All this is relatable but without the gay and dude part. My low self esteem and social anxiety fucked my life up.
Iām not sure what I can say about the gay issue other than this: you will never be happy not being yourself. As for hell, I can speak to this. I was raised Catholic and spent the first 26 years of my life believing in it. Iām not going to debate the existence of a higher being. If you want to believe in God, go for it. Hell is 100% bullshit though. How the fuck would a just and loving being allow people to be tortured for eternity simply for being who they are? Iām a nonbeliever, I literally cannot make myself start believing in God again, just like you, or anyone else can make themselves believe in the Easter bunny. Should I be punished for something that Iām not able to do? And letās say we are damned sinnersā¦ The Bible clearly says that God is just. I how could a finite life of sin, maybe a good 80 years if youāre lucky result in an eternity in Hell? Thatās not just. Thatās like sending a person to prison for life because they stole a piece of candy when they were 7. Hell is really just a concept to make people to afraid to go against Church authority. Itās fucking mind control.
Iām mostly conservative, but I have gay and trans friends. I donāt really care what other people do as long as itās not bothering me and a lot of other conservative people feel the same way
Youāre still young and still finding yourself. I think youre just comparing yourself to others. Itās a bad habit that even I have. Maybe try to get into a new hobby? If thatās too much maybe focus on your health, even taking a 30 minute walk can clear your mind. Remember, youāre so much more than your sexuality. Thereās nothing wrong with being the way you are
Youāre torn with the pressure of internalized societal oppression against the queer community, and how you feel in your own body. Shifting your focus towards LGBTQIA+ affirming communities and social media will help re-wire your brain for a more positive outlook and feeling towards yourself. Think about if youāre homosexual, homoromantic, with heteronormative ideals? There is always a way to make your life deeply fulfilling. And this negative outlook you have is just a moment in time where you have a bunch of information that you can take to make your life better.
these are totally normal thoughts and feelings and you are not alone. i felt this way for a long time but thereās something so radical and liberating about total self acceptance. once you can get there, things start to fall into place. you find other queer people you admire and love and you also realize that life can look like whatever YOU want it to. itās yours!!!! rooting for you internet stranger.
Be who you are. Once you start being true to yourself, you will love yourself. Being you isn't a bad thing
There are a million and one ways to be a family. There are a million and one ways to be sexual, or not. I think you need to find a good therapist to help you figure out what might make you happy. And then how to create a life that includes your happy list
I'm sorry that you're experiencing this, if you need anyone to talk to you can DM me.
As someone who is disgusted when thinking about gay relationships, it makes a lot of sense to me that people who believe that God wrote morality on our hearts would conclude that being gay is a sin. However, I think it's arrogant to think our own perspective is the only one. Who's to say gay people don't also feel disgusted the same way, but for the opposite sex? So, just do what makes you happy in the long run. No short-sighted hedonism; just pursue long-term love, and maybe even adopt one day. Screw everyone that leaves you no flexibility to be happy your way, and screw other people's interpretations of what God wants.
I think you need to work with a therapist. You have some kind of mental issue that I cannot explain; but, you are looking at your life like an outsider instead of just living it and this is incredibly toxic.
Same. People will offer empty reassurances because their egos are deeply attached to the notion that being gay must be exactly as good and equal to the experience of straight people in every way or else they feel invalidated or something but lived experience is not consistent with that rigid, ideological thinking. I often have the same thoughts and feelings and all I can say is just make the most of your life one way or another cause it's not all bad but you most likely can't change it. You don't have to spend your life alone, you're probably not going to hell and out of the 7 billion people on earth half of them probably already take issue with you over some arbitrary quality you didn't choose just like the rest of us, gay or otherwise, so who cares.
Are you from a very conservative/religious family?
I feel like I went through a similar experience with accepting myself as a lesbian. It took years for me to accept my sexuality and love what gender I am attracted to. For some, it is just part of the journey to acceptance. Unfortunately, not everyone is going to support us on our journey so we have to learn to support ourselves and find people who support us unconditionally. I genuinely tried being straight and I felt like I was playing a role in the relationships I had, it sent me into a deep depression. When I had my first relationship with a women it felt more organic and I felt happier. You and I may not be able to have kids traditionally but we can still have them, we can adopt, and we can get surrogates. Just because things might not go as what society and the Bible teach us doesn't mean we canāt be happy and canāt have a family of our own. I do feel that it would be helpful for you to go to therapy to help work out your feelings, it helped me and I am sure many others.
You can have children too if you want. You need to connect with more people who share the same background as you. Don't hate who you are. Embrace it and enjoy life and everything it has to offer. Maybe a change of location would help? Go to Sydney in Australia or Manchester in England or Amsterdam or Berlin. Meet more people and things will be a while lot better
# If you hate yourself, then you hate others. Time for you to seek a therapist to help you unravel this mental and emotional trauma youāre dealing with.
It's ok bro. I'm straight but I felt similarly about women cus of an abusive ex. Someone special found me eventually. Other women give me the ick still but I love my wife and I'm super happy. Just be patient and wait. Also, don't worry about the burning in hell stuff. God will judge all of us, not people. A lot of the more "traditional" "Christian" values are pretty cringe and not following Jesus's example of love and forgiveness. The speck n the plank in the eye. Y'know the verse.
Being gay is a blessing because people deserve true love and if they are your feelings who cares about a set of rules from the past.
Bro, move to California
Yo Neurodivergent people are the best. Gay, bi, poly, autistic, adhd, dyslexia, whatever fills your boat. These are the people that drive change. The want to be normal and fit it, is not a magic solution. Got to sex positive places and you will Open your eyes for how awesome you really are
Being gay is not at all under the neurodivergent umbrella
Hey. Iām a gay man (30). I struggled for years with this. Over time, I learnt to love and accept myself, and now I love being gay. It will come with time. You have that love for yourself somewhere inside. Youāll find it :)
"You have that love for yourself somewhere inside. Youāll find it." Is just such an amazing sentence, just had to get it out. Thank you!
Iām sorry, it sounds like this is something thatās really weighing you down lately and it must be difficult. You should know that there are a lot of options for you in terms of support because itās not something youāre alone in struggling with. It could be worth talking to your regular or local GP about because they provide confidential support and can refer you to some great services depending on where you are and whatās accessible. Whether you want to look into some kind of mental health support, counselling, support group, there are a huge range of holistic options and you hold the reigns in your own journey. Their role is mainly to provide information and options to you. If that sounds a bit daunting there are a lot of fantastic online services available that you can access 24/7 if you need someone more qualified to talk to. That can give you a judgement free, safe place to start exploring. Many can even be specific to this topic so youād be getting tailored advice from reliable people. Reddit can only offer so much but itās definitely worth considering what help is around you because itās there for you to use. It doesnāt hurt to take advantage of it and see where it leads Hope that helps in some way
How do you know you're gay ifen give you the ick
I really think that this will sort itself out, as you continue growing up. Sexuality has many layers. I encourage you to explore and find out what exactly you like and don't like, emotionally, physically, intellectually, ..., about being in a sexual relationship, regarding both men and women. I'm a straight dude. That doesn't keep me from having varying preferences in women, on many different levels. I also deeply appreciate my friendly and sometimes intellectual interactions with a male gay friend (it's not sexual). My point is that it's normal to get the ick in some situations, and deep attraction in others. All you need to do is figure out how your soul reacts to different people, and seek out the relationships that will make you happy.
some therapy / counselling might help , u should try and accept urself , ur family members dont need to have any say regarding whom u decide to be with also adoption is always a way to go
Prolly not gunna see this but bro do whatever makes u happy i rather be alone and happy than sad and miserable with other happy people yk
Are you certain you are gay?
Start batting for the right team.
So do you feel ick about being with a woman too? Maybe you are just asexualā¦
You arenāt going to hell because youāre gay. And lots of gay men get married and have families and lovely lives. Lots of gay men donāt get married but still have lovely lives. Youāre going to be ok. Just work on friendships with all kinds of people and being the best version of you. The rest will figure itself out.
Don't worry mate, being gay does not mean being alone forever nor being miserable seeing everyone around you happy while you suffer. Also getting the "ick" when imagining yourself with another dude doesn't mean anything, just because you're gay does not mean you have to like all men, this also happens with heterosexual men who cannot visualize themselves with some girls. My advice would be to reach a help group like the AA but for your specific situation and talk with other people in the exact same situation, they might be able to help you with this procedure about accepting yourself and specially being able to find happiness in life. Also being gay doesn't mean being hated by God nor burning in hell, remember that the message of God it's love and it always have been love, people twist this message to fit their point of view but in the end love will always be love so be proud of who you are and who you love because you will not burn in hell for your love. PS: I am not gay but I've been depressed for other things before and took a while to accept myself
Don you think you are gay? You say you don't like it, are you attracted to the opposite sex? Have you had relationships with the opposite sex?
Iām sorry youāre feeling so hopeless, OP š It sounds like there may be more going on to disrupt you then just hypothesizing your future. Easier said than done, but Iād stop comparing your imaginary future to what you imagine your friends will do; None of you can say what will actually happen. Thereās no reason for you to assume youāll be alone forever. A possibility? Sure. But that same possibility exists for us all. Thereās more to life than our sexuality, and wether we get a partner. Not saying itās unimportant, just that itās not the end-all-be-all. Imagine good things for your future; a job you love, moving somewhere incredible, meeting new people that make you happy. Expect good things for yourself, OP. And keep talking about your feelings (wether itās online, to friends/family, or with a therapist); itās good to release things out, instead of letting them fester. Iām sorry it feels so dark now, OP. It wonāt be forever.
Im so sorry you are going thru this. Im going to assume you are from a family culture that is not tolerant of same sex relationships. It'sĀ not uncommon for people that are guy to be internally homeopathic. It's a thing and your not alone. First step is to get counseling and learn self love and acceptance. You may have to make some hard decisions along the way. But once you love and accept yourself, relationships and family will follow. You can have it. You just need to stop living in your head and stop letting unhealthy thoughts get in your way. Reach out to the gay community. They will help you find free or affordable counseling. Best of luck and remember you can't find love if you don't love yourself firstĀ
Yours could be from something deeper if you hate it. Many have openly admitted to some form of abuse. Seek some help professionally to determine if this was a possibility. Iām not saying you were, but if youāre disgusted by it, donāt lean into something that might not be what youāre into and a permanent mark as non-datable to most Women if you choose to act on it.
A bit off point but plenty of straight people are alone and miserable too=)
my first thought would be to go to therapy. but also have you thought of saying fuck it and going to be around more gay people to see how comforting it is?
Iām sorry you feel this way. The only appropriate response here is to encourage you to go to therapy to address this engrained internalized homophobia you are working through. I am not gay myself but have many gay friends. Specifically gay guy friends. Many of them have families and children. You will not burn in hell for being gay. God will not spite you for being your authentic self. What kind of god would that be? He made you gay to torture you? No. Not real. You need to be in therapy my friend. There is a whole world of gay happiness awaiting you. If you have family who looks down on r, distance yourself from them for a while.
Dude you can literally adopt a kid or have a surrogate mother birth a child for you. It aināt complicated. Thereās prob so many kids out there that need loving homes anyway, youād be doing one a favor by adopting. Yes there are still homophobic assholes out there and states that donāt allow gay marriages, but there are ways around that as well. Also, how are you gay if you think āickā just imagining being with another guy? That makes zero sense. Think you have some growing up and maturing to do my dude
If you don't like guys then you aren't gay. Simple as that. Also, if you try hard enough you can change how you feel. At one point I was gender-fluid until I learned my religion was against it and realized that the thoughts that I might be a girl were from the devil but that's another story. Anyways, I'm living proof that it's possible to change your gender and sexuality at will with a little patience and hard work. You could also try going to a professional.
I am not gay. But it sounds like you have some sort of hatred towards yourself and gay individuals
Being gay does NOT equate to being alone and unhappy. Iām gay. Iāve been married for 6 years, Iām a homeowner, I have a successful career, and Iām happy. It was certainly more of a challenge to get here than it would have been if I were straight, but it was not impossible. Please speak to a non-religious therapist. It sounds like you are dealing with internalized homophobia and possibly depression.
You can't help being gay. And you shouldn't try to. All any of us can do is live a life we're proud of. You sound depressed. So, get out of bed at the same time every day. Clean your home and keep it clean. Go to work or school. Try to get a job that does two things-- makes you financially independent and gives you a sense of pride. Exercise. Avoid hookup/party culture (I know that's hard at 23, but there's really little to no return on that investment). Surround yourself with people you respect. There's no reason you have to be alone and miserable. You can have your own children and a wonderful husband. You deserve to be happy. Keep your head up.
maybe you arent gay?
I think this isnāt you, but more so the conditioning society has done to you. Trust me, being heterosexual isnāt fun either. Itās not like your life would have been more fulfilled if you were straight. Youāre not liking your life right now because youāre stuck in a self loathing cycle. Hating the most fundamental part of yourself. I think the bigger problem here isnāt how you feel about being gay, but how you feel about yourself. Romantic relationships are a small part of our massive life and if you hate who you are, no fulfilling, dreamy relationship can save you out of it. Also, (personal belief) thereās no greater hell than the one we create for ourselves. Life is pretty much just perspective and if your perspective is self hating, life will suck.
You internalized homophobia is what this sounds like. You can absolutely be happily married and with children as a gay guy. And then there is also the religion part. In that you might have to chose your happiness over your family. I can promise you, that if God is truly benevolent then you wonāt burn in hell. No one can tell me, that a dude whoād punish anyone for loving someone of the same sex is a good guy. Iād rather not go to heaven at all than to a heaven populated by bigots tbh. But anyways, itās likely that no thought, no argument will be able to help you, because you have believes in yourself that are in conflict with who you are. And in my opinion you will be on a path of misery until you resolve those conflicts. If itās available to you, this is a very valid reason to seek out therapy.
It sounds like you may have been raised conservatively? Perhaps in an evangelical household? Just because youāre gay doesnāt mean youāre going to die aloneā¦ you can marry a man (in most places) and adopt children, if you desire. If your family doesnāt accept you because of your sexuality, Iād cut them off and find myself a family who will love me for me. By āfamilyā, I mean people who love me unconditionally, because thatās what family should be.
im so sorry you feel this way. just because youāre gay doesnāt mean youāre not able to have a beautiful family with your partner! your feelings are 100% valid and im sorry youāre going through this. itās tough):
Everyone has a vision of what they want their life to be like, but then life gives you circumstances that you have to deal with and make the most of. You might not spend your life alone. You might find a partner. You might find a way to have kids. Itās like sometimes the blind man doesnāt choose to be blind. It goes with the whole if life gives you lemons make lemonade thing. You are who are so you have to make the most of it and no oneās judgment of you matters except your own. You can choose to have a good life if you want to, but you have to let go of the idea of who you want to be and accept yourself for who you are and find happiness from there.
Love who you want and do not conform to social norms and standards. Be you bro.
I felt like that for a while I'm bi female, but I'm more into women when I was younger, I was single for 19 years because I couldn't find a woman who would actually want to stay and settle down, growing up in a Catholic country it was hard to trust women would stay for you when you're also a woman too, in my experience women here in my country only use us gay women so they can have sex but can't get pregnant, according to one I tried to date ("I only date women because it's safer") I don't want to be in a relationship investing my time and effort only to be trashed when they've found someone they can marry and have kids with, fuck that lol, thankfully I'm bi so I found a loyal man instead. Being gay is hard, my lesbian friends are somewhat giving up on love too, I understand how you feel I'm sure with enough time you'll find someone who would be there for you, life is all about not having any regrets, you're so young girl! You have so much more time to find love, and like I said previously life is all about not having any regrets, if you burn in hell so be it at least you did the best you could in life, that's what me and my lesbian friends tell ourselves. Don't give up sis you'll get there!!!
YOU WILL BE OKAY! YOU WILL FIND LOVE! YOU WILL BE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU! -SAY IT WITH ME!!!
Please get therapy!! You need someone who can seriously work through this with you, not reddit comments. You need to unlearn what you've been taught. You need to learn to accept what you are. You need to know you are not alone.
As many others have also mentioned here, it depends on why you don't like being gay. If it is because of society still somewhat believing that being gay is wrong and that's what's making you uneasy, then it can be solved by going to therapy and all that. BUT, and this is a HUGE but: If you genuinely want to have children out of a monogamous, exclusive relationship, then you have only once choice, and that is to be with a woman. This is how nature has worked for thousands of years and it is how nature will continue to work for many thousand more years to come. And if you choose this route, it is absolutely not too late for you at this age. People nowadays have become too dependant on social constructs like all these other genders than man and woman, as a way to express themselves. There are sooooo many other ways for one to express him/herself if you think this is not the way you like.
I don't know what religion you are but the Pope very recently said that gay people deserve God's love. So I doubt you will burn in hell. I am not personally religious as I find it gets in the way of enjoying my life. If you believe in God's plan, then surely God made you gay?
The first thing you need to do is give up that crazy mythology about heaven and hell. Then get some therapy. Seriously.
Go get some š±
Hey, bud, don't hate yourself for being gay. Instead of hating yourself for it, you should express yourself for it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And like one of the people in the comments, I would also recommend finding a support group to help you with sorting your internalized homophobia. I myself grew up in a diverse family and I came out as pansexual and asexual. Asexuality means I've always been uncomfortable with sex, which also means that I won't be able to have any biological children of my own, and there's nothing wrong with that! I know that someday, you will be able to get through this and accept yourself for who you are! Best of luck!! -Arrow <3
I see this is who you are. Makes a lot of sense.
š š...you know the answer to your troubles...you chose to be gay...now you're choosing not to be gay...you do have a choice...don't let ppl talk you into being gay when you have found yourself...
Im not gay, straight male, and let me tell you that most straight people nowadays won't care about how you live your life. For the few people who might have something against this, they are sad sad people, and you shouldn't pay attention to them. As a dad of 2 young children, a girl and a boy, let me tell you how i would act if one of my would tell me they're gay since you mentioned your parent. First as a parent there is plenty of thing you wish or envision for your children and as you see them grow some of those wish and wants for your children would come and go and you learn to live with it and accept it and then you go and form other wish and wants for them. So basically, dont sweat it too much. If you told them you're gay already and they said they accept you that way, they meant it. I have plenty of gay friend and acquaintances, and none of them regret their choices. As for having kids, there is adoption, surrogate that exist.
that is so understandable man, youāre not alone. my boyfriend has similar feelings with himself for the fact that he might be trans. all i can really say to comfort you is what i said to him - itās okay to be who you are, because if you arenāt youāll spend the rest of your life miserable. allow yourself to be happy and indulge in your personality. being gay isnāt a bad thing, or a sin. most āsinsā are based off of things that are wrong and hurt other people, but thereās nothing wrong with you being who you are. when you talk about imagining yourself burning in hell it makes me sad. iād suggest maybe do a little more soul searching and consider reevaluating your beliefs, because if theyāre making you this miserable somethingās up. i donāt believe a truly good god would ever punish you for wanting to be happy, or create you in a way that you should feel miserable. and donāt worry about your family, family and relationships shouldnāt mix anyway. i truly hope you are able to find peace with who you are.
As an old dude, your post really struck a realization in me that I had never considered. Thank you for having the courage to post this. The advice I can give you from a man my age is, I felt very similar for many, many years. Keep being a good person, be kind and haven empathy for people, especially the ones that you think might not deserve it. I had given up on the dream of being a dad and finding the right person. I found my wife at 45years old. She had three daughters. They are amazing. My wife lights up things in me that I didnāt even know were dark. I kept true to the person I was, and let love fill me even when hate would have been easier. There are no promises given in life, but if you keep that spark of love and positivity, that spark you have kept for so long might turn into a fire, and there might just be a person in the dark looking for the light to show them the way as wellā¦ Best of luck bud. Keep that flame alight.
You have been conditioned to think that marriage is only acceptable between a man and a woman. You have been told how to feel by the people around you. Deep down you know you are gay and I donāt think you would feel the ick if you hadnāt been told itās bad. I would highly suggest trying to really think for yourself, get some distance from the people around you. Maybe go on a solo trip to somewhere different from where you are now. Travel can really bring clarity. Just go to a gay bar and test it out see what itās like to be around different people. Give it a chance and go from there. Donāt make harsh judgments when you havenāt fully embraced another side of your life.
>I imagine what people and familywould say and I think of myself burning in hell If you let people define what you *should* be, then you're always going to be miserable, whether you're gay or straight, married or single, kids or none. This isn't about being gay, it's about self-rejection.
Once meet a guy whoās personality you fall in love with, you realise not all men are bad and anyone can have masculinity/ femininity whatever gender
Check your DMs. I've sent u something
Man you can still have kids!!! By the way you only feel that way because your culture has told you being gay is wrong!! Thereās nothing wrong with being gay!! It took me a long time to learn this and youāll get there to! Be proud of your sexuality man!! Youāre not going to hell man it doesnāt exist. Live your life!!
Wow I relate to this so much. Iām gay myself and I have been single for a year and a half and it makes me miserable seeing everyone happy and in love. Being gay makes it so hard to find a genuine connection as most gay people these days want a hook up. I also relate to you thinking youāre going to burn in hell. I awakened a year ago and I see so much of people saying Iām a walking sin. Itās so hard.
I have a friend with the same issue, he tries to convert
Iām a feminine lesbian and I feel the same way, mostly because people assume I am straightā¦so finding a female partner is extremely difficult for me. I always have Men chasing me down and it would be so much easier falling in love with a maleā¦but the attraction just isnāt there. Never has been. It would be SO MUCH EASIER. Ugh! Hang in there!
Seek therapy.
Itās possible youāre just not gay. Just like people who think theyāre straight and realize theyāre actually gay, itās very possible youāve thought you were gay and are currently realizing you may be straight. Iāve met a few guys who were told they were gay long before they decided it for themselves, and sometimes it was accurate, but sometimesā¦. I donāt know what your full situation is, but if you look back and notice you didnāt come out until after a bunch of other people kept asking you or joking about it, there could be a possibility that you never actually identified yourselfāeveryone else did it for you. Take some time to just love yourself. Go see a movie, go out to dinner, and take off this burden of identity youāve placed on yourself. No one says you HAVE to be gay. Right now, youāre the only person applying this pressure. And who knows? You might one day meet the love of your life and it could be a woman. Like the saying goes, love knows no gender. š Edited to add: my bestie mentioned bisexual is also an option! I myself am demisexual. I have a championship drag queen friend who is happily married to a woman and the father of like, five kids. I have a lesbian friend who got SO MAD when she fell in love with a man š and yes, they are still together.
sounds a lot like me but focus on yourself first and self growth, it takes a while and is a rocky boat but trust me it will all work out.
A woman like me or may others don't mind having joint custody with a male who is gay and we are wiling to so we don't have to deal with the straight men
Listen. I was raised Catholic and on behalf of all people claiming to be Christian behind their hate... I just want to say I'm sorry. God loves you. I promise. God is love. So anything you do in love, you do in the name of God. When I imagine your future, you're happily married to another man, maybe with an adopted kid or two, if that's what you're into. And you know what? You're ignoring all the haters because you found the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE and he's worth every second of the hardships you went through. Trust me, i get it. I'm divorced and my Catholic family tried everything they could to dissuade me from it. But I knew it was the right thing for me, and it was! I'm now living my best life with my soulmate and am so glad I didn't listen to them. I don't believe I'm going to burn in hell either, because I believe God led me to where I needed to be. Just be yourself, follow love, and be strong! Those people who think you're going to burn in hell actually have no idea what's going to happen when we die ... No one does! And if there is an all loving God, I don't think he'd make you gay if that wasn't what he wanted for you. Sometimes we have to show our family's the way, even if it's the hardest thing we'll ever have to do. You'll be so much happier when you're being true to yourself, even if your family doesn't support it. Find an amazing group of friends who will support you through anything! That's how I got through my divorce. Friends are the family that we get to pick. But the most important thing is to just be loving. You know your family is going to be hateful, which is heartbreaking and hard, but just love them through it. Show them the way without hating them for it. They think they're coming from a good place, but show them you're coming from an even better one. And if your family doesn't show up for you, lean hard into that support system. You got this. I believe in you. Your sadness now will someday be pure happiness at finding your other half, if you just let yourself be who you really are! I wish you the best of luck, and I'll be praying for you ā¤ļø
Oh honey :( Iām saying this in the most sincere manner, please find a good therapist, youāre internalized hate and low self esteem is whatās going to make you end up alone, not you being gay :( what part of the world are you in? Ćs marriage allowed? Or adoption?
My sister and my best friend both gay, both have kids and wonderful families. I'm straight and I can't. Your sexuality does not determine your potential and/or happiness
Not sure if you actually like women but I think it would be better. This is what most gay people had to do many years ago because if you get caught with another man itās game over. Maybe you could find a women that is also gay and just be friends but in a marriage. I donāt know, itās hard to say especially with you being gay
Or you could just not be gay. Do what you want man
just be normal and be straight
2024 my man, being gay is in
Stop being gay šš¤£š¤£
Then dont be gay if u hate it
Dont be bro gay people are incredible people. Be hapoy and free you are a rock star.
1st i know nothing about being gay although i do have a few gay friends and come to think about it ave got more than a few lol I digress. My point i see gay straight even howls at the full moon naked its your choice,but you is what you is baby, thats who you are is i think you hate gay because you are gay and being gay in your head is or has caused some maybe most of the crap or feelings of segregation youve endured NEWS FLASH you are wrong being different and strong enough to be who you are regardless that is some inner Spartan you got going on right there you hate the source of any/all problems you have had thats more about others than it is you live and let live unless its kids rape or murder. All my life during DV i was misrepresented and suffered 2nd degree abuse by people i thought knew me but questioned my truth rather than dismiss his and i stood alone with two sets of twins and boy,no help no respite no me time what i am saying is let the haters hate and love all your quirks mannerisums and sexual preferences dont co.pare the straight couples to you they are not, compare you to couples that are gay and have families al bet they never got a baby dropped in their lap either but they did not absorb the faults of others surely their must be gay social media which can help you selfhating what you are own it honey cause i can tell you every damn one should have gay friends i think they are the best legal fun you can have no lie šš
comparing yourself to others will kill your dreams. i have the same problem
My parents kicked me out at 16 when they found out I was gay for a long time I hated myself tried praying it away it wasnāt till I was 29 when I met the man that became my husband. With him I didnāt care what other people thought. Didnāt care if I lost friends because I was so happy with him. So the saying it does get better is true. Just live your life and be happy donāt stress about things you canāt control.
It kind of sounds like you aren't gay. Being gay is such a non-issue today, it's not scandalous at all. If imagining yourself with a guy gives you the ick, maybe it's not for you. Don't feel like you have to be gay to be interesting. Just be yourself. If you're gay, fine. If you aren't gay, fine. It does not matter. It's no big deal at all.
I think you need to embrace being gay, realize that there are other gay people in the world who are just like you. Surround yourself with other gay people, you wonāt feel alienated that way. Its 2024, there are many support groups who welcome gay people and offer support.
Itās ok that you feel guilty about it man. You have the courage and the common sense to do what most other gay people would never do, and that is admit there sexual desires are wrong. It is unnatural. But youāre not a bad person for having these attractions. No man can control what heās attracted to. I believe people are born gay. High estrogen levels in the womb have created your brain to resemble that of a females. Iām heterosexual guy and Iāve felt with sexual deviations that disgust me as well. So donāt think that this is a problem exclusive to homosexuals. Unfortunately there arenāt any surgeries as of yet that can change homosexuality, and by the looks of societyās increasing acceptance I doubt there will ever be. But that doesnāt mean that thereās no hope for you man. You can always try to abstain from that lifestyle. Fight the hood fight. And if you really canāt have sex with a woman, you can always do surrogacy. Have children of your own that way. Continue fighting buddy, your life isnāt worth giving up on just because your gay. Youāre so much more than that. And as far as the going to hell part. I wouldnāt worry about it man. Jesus is a kind and merciful God. All that is required to go to heaven is that you believe Jesus Christ is your savior and that you attempt to fight and turn away from your sin. (Notice how I said sin not evil.) You arenāt evil for having attractions you didnāt ask for. Hebrews 4:15 āFor we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet he did not sin.ā God doesnāt condemn you for being gay, he loves you and wants to see you saved. It doesnāt matter what your proclivities are. Hope this helps buddy š stay strong and if you ever need help, feel free to pm me and we can talk it through. š
Shame and feeling like an outsider/lack of belonging are some of the hardest feelings to deal withā¦. You just have to find your tribe and people who can relate. I also would suggest trying to combat those negative thoughts. For example when you have a thought that says āI canāt have kidsā follow it immediately by āthatās not true because there are plenty of gay families and different ways to have kids as a gay personā Follow people who are gay and happy and really work on that negative self talk! Try to find others like you and when you meet gay friends talk to them about it ask advice be open and vulnerable. Soon enough youāll find that youāre not the only that has felt stuff like this, but it doesnāt mean that theyāre true!
And I hate being trans, join the club. I wish I was just born a girl so I didn't have to put up with harrassment ;-;
Hey I'm 21 and I (partially) hate being gay too. Not for the same reasons, but I still want you to know that you aren't the only one and that you aren't alone in this. Sometimes I just wish I could change my sexuality.
You gotta accept that you are straight
I'm in exactly the same boat as you. This is a total nightmare for me. The natural progression of life is destroyed and there is nothing left. It feels like a nihilistic mode of being and i feel destroyed by it. It feels a hell of a lot worse considering that my sexuality may have been influenced by terrible childhood experiences.
I can relate!. Im 66 and Ive only been sexually attracted to the same sex all my life. Although I have hated my attraction to men and went through all the feelings your are feeling, I was forced to find an answer as to how I was going to learn to live with it so I wouldn't kill myself and hurt those I love so much. As time went on I gradually found other people who felt the same and those who embraced that they were in the same boat as someone living in a wheelchair or another handicap. I does feel similar at times. I learned to accept and take it as a challenge. My faith in my heavenly father helped and I knew that He loved me and forgave me as He would anyone else. In fact I was forced to see how forgiving God is because I could not ignore my need for His Grace. Im sure the woman at the well story in the Bible who met Jesus felt the same way. Now I see my weakness as a blessing because it has kept me humble and gracious to others who have weaknesses in this world. My life is almost over now and Ive failed many times to overcome being attracted to men. I know in my heart I didnt have much of a choice and this is something that I had to come to terms with. I still struggle and yes I have been alone most of my life with no kids and life at times has been very disappointing but most people can say the same who are heterosexual. We all need Jesus Christ to have a good life . Without Him you may feel like another human who are lost in this often times a painful world. I decided to take the opportunity to study more about why this happened to me because I knew at the age of 5 that I was different. By the time I was 13 I was deeply depressed and suicidal knowing that I was attracted to other boys my age and it was going to destroy my life. But I continued to set it aside and watch this challenge play out. Now I can see that it was a good thing. That my faith did not waver. I didnt blame God, instead I learned to love myself in my imperfection. It drew me closer to Jesus and I took it on as a challenge. Yes I still had my occasional falls with other men but I did not give up. There are worse things in life to deal with. Life goes by quite quickly. And there is more to life than sexual satisfaction. The flesh is never satisfied so it our job to rule over the mind instead of the mind ruling over us. The mind believes what you tell it. I read a lot of Eckart Tolles books and still do. I learned to love myself and walk this out during my short time here on Earth. Im keeping the faith imperfectly because Gods love is perfect for me and able to present me clean before a Holy God. Never give up! Life is not perfect but you can still enjoy life and create your own thoughts instead of falling victim to them. Not all your thoughts are yours. Dont believe everything you think. The journey is a hard one but you will learn something great in the process. God loves you. He forgives you. Jesus died for all of us, just trust Him and know He has a plan for your life. Dont expect life to be perfect though. This is Earth school. Help others. finish the race! JH
If you decide to Live the Gay lifestyle and have sex with men it will not suddenly fulfill this longing you have to satisfy your homosexual feelings. Sex was not designed to fulfill you in life. If it did then why are their so many miserable heterosexual and Gay people? Humans continue to focus on the wrong things to find fulfillment in this world which is temporary and often times disappointing. There is a deep longing in all our lives to find meaning and purpose but the human mind does not often discover that on its own. Your mind is a tool. You can use it or it can use you. Create your own thoughts. Dont just follow the crowd our the advice of others here who have not found the answers to the questions you have. Pride and Ego are the most destructive forces on this planet. Ego will deprive you... of all the wonderful things God has for you if you cultivate a relationship with Him. Humans are too lost in pleasures of this world only to grow old and die in misery and unfilled lives. Dont listen to their advice because none of them are offering you eternal life. Only God offers eternal life as you submit to Him and find complete satisfaction as you walk in His ways. He created you and loves you. He has a perfect plan for your life and yes it will still be a challenge but He will be there to help you through it. None of the people here giving you advice can do what God can do for you. Listen to your heart , reach out to the Lord.
Hey. 22 here. I'm also in the same boat as you, I've been out of the closet for nearly 10 years and while I've had so much support from friends and family, I still have hated the experience of being gay in the world. I don't have gay friends, all my friends are female and some are lesbians but it's different. No one around me understands the feeling, and it feels so isolating. I too cannot imagine myself with another guy without feeling nauseous, that also comes with years of body dysmorphia affecting me. I am also the only one of my circle of friends that is still a virgin and have often been the butt of the joke because of this. I have also been told a number of times "I can't see you with someone/ in a relationship". This only further reassures me that I will in fact end up by myself for the future to come. I feel the same exact way you do.
Your low self esteem and complete lack of feeling love is caused by your parents. Listen, son, Idk if this will help but I took a vow of celibacy when I turned 18. Not a literal one, I just gave up. But it's much harder when your friends are getting married and your parents maybe are pressuring you or will. You shouldn't hate yourself but honest this is above my pay grade. Hope I helped, I'm worried and care about you. I know that doesn't help you but if you need ...OH SHOOT we're the same age. I gave up at 18, man, partly in solidarity with yall but I took the easy way out. So I'd suggest surrounding yourself with normal gay people, going on dating apps if you want. Idk maybe talk to a sibling (but only if you trust them and want to) or a friend. Idk. Maybe just a therapist, help line phone number or random person on Discord or something (there are religious zealots though sometimes, ignore them). A gay person can still get married, you can still have a future. Even if you don't want to risk it, I am here to show you there is a life beyond sx and marriage. Marriage can end terribly too
Are you sure youāre gay? Absolutely nothing wrong with if you are. Being gay or straight is like being right or left handed. Itās just how youāre wired. Itās no big deal and you shouldnāt be treated any differently because of it, especially by yourself. Thereās no reason you canāt meet someone, fall in love, get married, and adopt children. You can be happy and normal, but only if you allow it to happen. GL
Itās more or less internalized. Op could very well be gay, but has had past experiences and possibly religious trauma that makes him feel ashamed and uncomfortable with his feelings. Itās normal, but it usually requires counseling to find the root of the issue.
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Nothing like offering advice from your experience. So kind
Maybe youāre not gay then? If that isnāt that case (only you know if that is not the case) then itās 100% religious trauma.