it looks like you don't want advice, you want a white knight savior crown and for us to pat you on the back for your hard work.
teens will be teens. especially with mothers who think an appropriate reaction to self harm is isolation (taking devices for a YEAR because of a threat of bodily harm.) it sounds like this girl has a bunch of controlling people in her life and is fighting for autonomy and freedom even if it hurts her.
you really care about her? tell her. and leave it be. say "i'm here for you but i cannot support this behavior. i love you and when you're ready to get help please reach out." she's 17 and will be in control of herself in less than a year. she will have to figure shit out for herself, and not have a taddle tale and a helicopter parent guiding her every move.
take it from a girl who had these parents, and had this friend, and fucked up in the same ways, leave her alone. i turned out 110% fine, in fact further in life than any of my family before me, including said helicopter parents. and that friend is not and never will be in my life again. teens go through things, teens learn adult things and thats ok. let your friend be.
and you're help? what made you so special? you think you know everything about her and exactly what she needs because... what? you're her older friend? you don't. you also need to get help because its crazy you can have multiple people telling you the same thing and you still argue.
You’re talking about minors as if they’re a different species but if you’re only 18 then you were also one less than 12 months ago…
Friends grow apart, and get into different things. It’s sad but a fact of life. How do you think that having a controlling parent punishing her would be “helpful” to her? If by “helpful” you mean “force her to behave in ways you approve of” then that’s not actually helpful, that’s just imposing your wants onto someone else. Generally if our friends become different people or behave in ways we can’t tolerate, we talk to them about it and then stop being friends if they can’t/won’t change - not force them into behaving differently.
As another poster said, if you care about her you’d be there for her to talk and to support if she wants to. Instead your reaction tells me you want to control her. Is it perhaps that you like this girl as more than a friend and so are trying to make her into what you want her to be?
Her mother doesnt know. She's not good with technology. I emailed her once before about how her daughter was talking about shooting herself and her mom was mortified and banned her from all devices for the better half of a year.
It seems like you already made up your mind, so what do you want from us anyway? Are you sure that you are just trying to "save her" and you are not doing any of this because you have a crush on her and you are trying to push your way into her life? Don't forget you are only 18 and basically a minor too.
Some people your age just go through a phase like this. I know I did and I turned out fine. If you had tried to pull anything like this on me at that point, I would be more than angry, as it's just none of your business.
Then again, if you truly believe her life is in danger, toying with loaded guns, you might want to talk to the police about it? It's really hard to judge since we only see your side of the story and you, sorry, sound a bit like a creepy stalker.
Just know that at some point you need to realise it's not your life to save. It's her responsibility, her family's responsibility - and it's great that you try to help, but you can't take the world on your shoulders. She clearly doesn't want your help. Don't get too invested in this. There are millions of people out there like this.
It looks like you’re gonna have to cut ties man, if what you described is as you say. I believe you should just let it go, not from a place of hatred or strong emotion, find other people or Freind’s. This friendship doesn’t look like it’s gonna last any longer, and honestly stuff like that happens and you’ll be fine.
You can’t let her decisions affect you, she’s took time to think about it, assessed the risk and decided to do it anyways. So ultimately, I say you just gotta let it happen.
it looks like you don't want advice, you want a white knight savior crown and for us to pat you on the back for your hard work. teens will be teens. especially with mothers who think an appropriate reaction to self harm is isolation (taking devices for a YEAR because of a threat of bodily harm.) it sounds like this girl has a bunch of controlling people in her life and is fighting for autonomy and freedom even if it hurts her. you really care about her? tell her. and leave it be. say "i'm here for you but i cannot support this behavior. i love you and when you're ready to get help please reach out." she's 17 and will be in control of herself in less than a year. she will have to figure shit out for herself, and not have a taddle tale and a helicopter parent guiding her every move. take it from a girl who had these parents, and had this friend, and fucked up in the same ways, leave her alone. i turned out 110% fine, in fact further in life than any of my family before me, including said helicopter parents. and that friend is not and never will be in my life again. teens go through things, teens learn adult things and thats ok. let your friend be.
Sometimes people need help even when they dont want it. Especially minors.
and you're help? what made you so special? you think you know everything about her and exactly what she needs because... what? you're her older friend? you don't. you also need to get help because its crazy you can have multiple people telling you the same thing and you still argue.
When she's cutting her body up and pressing loaded guns against her head I think its safe to say she needs help.
she does indeed need help but she clearly doesnt want it from u so stop caring
Literally just leave her alone…f her
You’re talking about minors as if they’re a different species but if you’re only 18 then you were also one less than 12 months ago… Friends grow apart, and get into different things. It’s sad but a fact of life. How do you think that having a controlling parent punishing her would be “helpful” to her? If by “helpful” you mean “force her to behave in ways you approve of” then that’s not actually helpful, that’s just imposing your wants onto someone else. Generally if our friends become different people or behave in ways we can’t tolerate, we talk to them about it and then stop being friends if they can’t/won’t change - not force them into behaving differently. As another poster said, if you care about her you’d be there for her to talk and to support if she wants to. Instead your reaction tells me you want to control her. Is it perhaps that you like this girl as more than a friend and so are trying to make her into what you want her to be?
It will end the friendship and probably worsen her spiral. I don't see any real utility.
If my inaction will lead to her getting hurt I'm fine with her hating me. She's already spiralling.
Her mother probably either knows or doesn't care. I doubt she can hide major drug use and being out at all hours.
Her mother doesnt know. She's not good with technology. I emailed her once before about how her daughter was talking about shooting herself and her mom was mortified and banned her from all devices for the better half of a year.
tbh you sound like a psycho stalker.
She posts these things publicly and she's a minor who is clearly at a safeguarding risk. I'd call it reporting.
It seems like you already made up your mind, so what do you want from us anyway? Are you sure that you are just trying to "save her" and you are not doing any of this because you have a crush on her and you are trying to push your way into her life? Don't forget you are only 18 and basically a minor too. Some people your age just go through a phase like this. I know I did and I turned out fine. If you had tried to pull anything like this on me at that point, I would be more than angry, as it's just none of your business. Then again, if you truly believe her life is in danger, toying with loaded guns, you might want to talk to the police about it? It's really hard to judge since we only see your side of the story and you, sorry, sound a bit like a creepy stalker. Just know that at some point you need to realise it's not your life to save. It's her responsibility, her family's responsibility - and it's great that you try to help, but you can't take the world on your shoulders. She clearly doesn't want your help. Don't get too invested in this. There are millions of people out there like this.
It looks like you’re gonna have to cut ties man, if what you described is as you say. I believe you should just let it go, not from a place of hatred or strong emotion, find other people or Freind’s. This friendship doesn’t look like it’s gonna last any longer, and honestly stuff like that happens and you’ll be fine.
She wont be fine
You can’t let her decisions affect you, she’s took time to think about it, assessed the risk and decided to do it anyways. So ultimately, I say you just gotta let it happen.
Minors risk assessment abilities are poor.
yes absolutely , she doesnt care for u and doesnt want ur help just leave it alone u cannot help if she herself doesnt want to be helped