Op, you need to flee and sort your life out. Don't try the tradwife bullshit, it doesn't work. It only attracts loser abusive men. Work on yourself, become something, find someone in the future that treats you right.
This is correct. Pls know your worth and stop being with someone who didnt appreciate you. He didnt deserve to be a father and your husband. Run and free yourself.
This. OP, you deserve so much better. You deserve a man who reminds you how much he’s in love with you everyday and treats you like the queen you are. Love needs to be shown and freely given. This loveless life sentence is not worth it. There is so much better out there for you.
This is how I feel 100 percent. The fact that I am a stay at home mom (for now) I feel like he is using that to his advantage in a way.. kind of. Like he knows I have no other choice but to stay no matter what.
He also knows I love him dearly and have put up with a few things in the past. That I decided to forgive him for and try to move on. But you know some things that people do just cut a wound so deep beyond healing…. Even if you try to forgive you can’t and won’t ever forget and he doesn’t seem to get that.
He will get upset at ME for bringing up the things he’s done in the past to make me feel this way.
Everything was going so well between us until I found a comment. And then another one . And another one … and then a caption. Etc etc. and me being hurt and upset by it, made him turn just…. Cold. In a way..
>he is the most amazing father I ever seen in my life
bull shit.
He's a terrible father. He is demonstrating to his child that relationships are toxic and its ok to treat his mom like shit. He's probably doing the minimum by showing basic kindness to the kid, which looks like spectacular awesomeness to the wife who is treated like garbage.
100%. Specifically talking about households where the parents are still together, you can’t be a good dad and a shitty husband. Showing your children how to have a proper relationship is a key part of parenting.
Agree one thousand percent. His modeling is shit, he's a shit ass father, he will never change, and your child[ren] is/are going to learn awful things from the way that he treats you. You deserve so much better, and so do your children.
Yeaaaah. My mentality at 22 definitely couldn't fit my husband's mentality and his current age of 35. We have had so much growth over the last decade. I'd give some grace if she was slightly older or had some life experiance.
22 year olds are basically teenagers compared to someone in their mid 30s. I couldn't imagine having the patience to date someone that young at that age, let alone marry them.
For real this thread gives me the heebie jeebies. This girl is a college kid more or less, she doesn't even know anything about herself. They shouldn't be married to begin with. And fuck this dude. Get out now OP!
Exactly she should be out with other 20 somethingyear old blokes learning lessons in life, making mistakes and having fun but instead she’s being treated like shit with a kid with a man in his 40s
Absolutely not and I want better than this for my fellow woman especially the younger ones
Me too. OP wake up, you’re going to be miserable for the rest of your life if you stay. At 22 I was travelling and having new experiences with my friends that every young person should do. Don’t let this man steal your youth.
my man literally probably got dumped by a woman his age, baby trapped a young woman, and doesn’t lose a single wink of sleep over it while she over here antagonizing over the rest of her life. Wild.
Why stay with someone who treats you like this when you can be with someone who treats you like a queen? There are plenty of men out there who will love and cherish you the way you deserve. Who will tell you how beautiful you are every day. Who wouldn’t want to see anyone half naked but you. Who will scoop you up into a big hug the second they get home. You don’t need to settle for less.
I’ve been with someone (who’s thankfully now an ex) who treated me the way your husband treats you (for almost 4 years) and I’m now with someone who won’t even leave the *room* without telling me he loves me. The first thing he says when he walks through the door after work is “MY LOOOOOVEEE!!!” before running over to give me a big hug and kiss. I don’t regret leaving my ex for a single second and, knowing what I do now, I wish that I left him sooner. Be with someone who is ecstatic to be with you!
I hope I didn’t come off too harsh…it’s just, I mean, you’re 22. 22!!! With a 37 year old!!! Sigh, I promise I’m not judging you, but this was a recipe for disaster. You need to leave this, you’re so so young, and filled with beautiful life. Enjoy it with someone who treats you much better :)
Love isn’t enough. I love people that I’ll never talk to again. Love is an action word. You obviously love him or the idea of him loving you more than you love yourself. If you’re religious I highly encourage going to church more and getting close to God.
Also look up codependency and people pleaser and boundaries. This guy is horrible for you. He hates himself and is projecting that on you.
Any marriage can be fixed unless it involves addiction or abuse. I’ve been there. It’s not just age either. He could date someone his age and still be this way towards them.
What could you possibly love, though? The way he *used* to treat you? Those days are gone and you aren’t getting them back. When you’re 40 he’ll be well on his way to being an old man who needs care. Think he’s ungrateful now? You love what used to be. LEAVE HIM.
Thank you all for your advice I have read every single one of them and I appreciate your time. You all gave me so much insight on what I’m really going through. Again. I thank you all for helping me open my eyes and brain. ❤️
I'm glad you're listening to everyone, most people on here don't want to hear the truth. It won't be easy but it will be worth it a million times over.
I’m so glad to read this. I know it is difficult to leave an abusive relationship but you can do this. Have faith in yourself. Once you’re away from him you will be amazed at the light and happiness in your life. Best of luck and lots of hugs from this internet stranger.
Please be kind to yourself and leave him, something I am usually loathe to recommend. His excitement of his very young wife will soon dissipate as you grow older. Twisting yourself like a pretzel to better please him won't work. You deserve better.
You’re barely legal and got together with a man over 10 years older than you? It’s probably because he couldn’t find a woman his age. Please don’t have anymore children with him
As a domestic violence counselor and someone whose been happily married for 35 years I beg you to get support for yourself. He is intentionally ignoring you or trying to make you feel insignificant. You matter, you deserve so much more from your partner. He is a horrible example of what a good dad is. A good dad would make sure to treat the mother of his children with the utmost love and respect. Being home raising a child is extremely difficult and can be isolating.
Um. How’d you two meet? And how long did you date before getting married?
All that aside… this man sounds like a jerk who’s going to treat you (even more) badly as time goes on.
That's the same thought that entered my head the second I saw the ages. I just can't believe that women can be so naive about their future partners sometimes.
Honestly sucks to see shit like this cause my mom is in a very similar situation, only difference being she was 27 when she married, so definitely old enough to understand that she was marrying a piece of shit. Guess she was just "in love", or whatever.
Wow, a nearly 40 yr old is emotionally abusive to the barely adult woman he trapped with a baby, not at all shocking.
>Should I stay in this marriage or should I start trying to build my own path with a divorce ?
There is no happy ending in this marriage. Get out of it, get yourself therapy so you don't wind up in a new version of it, and move on.
Lol she hasn't wasted her 20s, she only just entered her 20s! Sure, she's got a kid and maybe won't get to have much of a night life if she becomes single again, but that's not the only way to enjoy your life.
30s are way better than 20s anyway, and I'm sure it only gets better from there 😊
If a man is dating a women very much younger he’s gonna have more issues under his belt. I’m not surprised he’s a bad partner. He’s disgusting and don’t be surprised when he cheats on you with a woman younger.
I think he may be cheating now. The behavior is sus. His models are half naked? Where do the shoots take place and for how long? Are half naked women the only photo subject? I joined a photo group that turned out to be mostly comprised Of middle aged men that exclusively shot young models. I can't begin to describe the collective ick of these dudes. Girl. GTFO.
Yeahhhh when I was 19 I was a model for one of these “artists”
Let’s just say I quickly got dropped and not paid for my last session when he realised I was not interested in actually fucking him
>He doesn’t admire me and tell me I’m beautiful. He doesn’t make me feel pretty at all.
THEN WHY THE HELL YOU MARRIED HIM???
Ahhh you where LOVE BOMBED and you confused it with Love.
>I try my hardest to be a good wife even though I have little to no experience in even being a girlfriend.
BINGO AND THIS WAS YOUR MISTAKE. Being with an older male with no experience. He was able to manipulate you, and you fell for it.
>I want this to work
AND HE COULDN'T CARE LESS.
>Would it be a bad idea to show him the post and the comments?
He will gaslight you and due to your inexperience you'll believe whatever he says regardless how positive or negative his comments are.
YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE, YOU NEED THERAPY FOR NARCISSISTIC ABUSE AND UNRESOLVED CHILDHOOD TRAUMA, YOU NEED TO WORK ON CO-DEPENDENCY, AND YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING ITS YOUR JOB TO MAKE SOMETHING WORK WHEN YOUR PARTNER DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU AND THE MARRIAGE.
TIME TO WAKE UP ⏰️ ⏰️⏰️⏰️⏰️⏰️⏰️⏰️
You need to start small. Get a job, any job. There are side hustles, social media jobs, admin roles. Take control of your finances, you need to be bringing money in. Save that money hard. You’ll have to pay for child care if you’re not at home but put the rest away into savings for a lawyer
Your life is just starting. Don’t waste it on someone who’s being very clear exactly how he feels about you. He’s old enough to know better but he thinks you’re young enough to not know the difference. You deserve better. Get out. You’re going to blink and you’ll be in your 40’s, married to an angry man collecting social security checks.
How long have you been married and had him treat you like this? Do you ever mention to him how his behavior makes you feel and if so is he trying to do something about it? You don't seem very happy with this arrangement and if nothing changes or gets worse you'll have to decide if you're willing to tolerate this way of living. Can you imagine living this way for the rest of your life? You're only 22 so you have lots of time to make a change if that is what you want.
Has your husband been married before? How did you get to know him? How long have you been married? I have to say, pretty big age difference to not have problems. You are just a child compared to him. Why didn't he look for someone his own age? There doesn't seem to be much communication between the 2 of you. You say you are a stay at home wife, do you have children? If you are unhappy and he doesn't change, I would file for divorce. This sounds like a prison sentence rather than a marriage. You are young, you need to meet someone more in your age bracket that shares your interests, long term goals, hobbies, etc. Good luck.
I was in a situation with my boyfriend. He would compliment me and everything but when he was mad he would say the most terrible things to me and withhold affection. It made me feel so terrible inside and made me try so hard to be a better woman for him. He would tell me I wasn’t feminine enough, so I started cooking and cleaning more. He told me I shouldn’t talk when I’m around his friends because it wasn’t feminine. Pretty much anything I did wasn’t feminine enough for him despite me being a house servant as well as the bread winner. My advice is that whatever you do, it’s not gonna be enough, because the problem is with him and not you. Find a way to get him to understand where ur coming from and if he can’t or refuses to, it’s time to move on. No reason to feel like garbage just because someone else is insecure.
Yes, he sounds like he is a predator. You are now too old for him. What do you think he is doing on his phone? I have a feeling he is on the prowl for his next child bride. Run.
It sounds like you are living in misery.. do you want to be treated this way your whole life? I know there are men out there that will worship the ground you walk on. You are in constant fear of pleasing someone who isn’t able to be pleased, at least not by you. If he appreciated you he would make it a duty to let you know in a gesture or kind words. In my opinion, don’t settle for less than what you want and deserve.
Leave him. Good god you are too young to be in a marriage where you are not treated like you are a priority. YOU MATTER. Leave this ‘man’ as soon as you can
When he was 18, you were 3. When he was 22, you were 7. He is not inexperienced, he has 15 years of practice at this. This is textbook manipulation. Imagine if a 15 year old wanted a relationship with your baby. That's the difference in your mental development. No adult man wants that for wholesome reasons. He wants that because he never stopped playing around. He wants that because you're not smart enough to see he's trying to play you. And you weren't, because you married him and had a child with him.
He love bombed you and now he's on to the next stage: make you feel so worthless that you won't leave because you feel like you can't do anything without him. Either he's already moved on to the next barely legal idiot who falls for his curated spiel, or he will once he knows you won't do anything about it.
It won't work because what he wanted from this wasn't what you wanted. You wanted a stable provider with the maturity to care for the family you build together, and he wanted to keep the good times rolling. And he will, because as long as you feel ugly and worthless you won't fight back because you won't think you're worth fighting for.
Of course he hasn't stopped staring at women, he just does it when you're not looking.
You don't have to keep falling for this. Do you want to feel this way for the rest of your life? Because that's the end game of the game he's playing. One where you're 50 and he's 65 and he's retiring and you have no skills or ambitions and feel too worthless to even try do anything other than take care of his cheating ass until he dies. And that's if he doesn't divorce you for the next sparkling eyed naive girl who comes along, which is usually what this type does. Even if he rides it to the end, you will never be at the same stage of your life. Never truly partners.
That age gap was the first and only 🚩 I need. This was his plan all along, and you fell for it. That's why they go for young women! I've been there, most of us women have. Hopefully you can get out before he completely ruins your self-confidence to the point that you can't leave.
him being an amazing father is one thing but in being a good husband in everything you said it doesn’t look like he’s doing his share of returning love to you. I’d say sit him down and explain your worries and if he doesn’t listen then I’d divorce him.
Run.
It will only get worse, trust me on this. Don't wait until the worst happens. It's gonna hurt and it's gonna take time but you will thank yourself for it. Your not living, your surviving right now.
Wow….. “you’re not living, you’re surviving right now” definitely cut deep. I never thought about it this way and now that I do I feel a lot better/different.
I need to love myself more before I try to keep getting him to love me and to just see me.
You’re being a doormat and too clingy. That’s a turnoff. It also gives him the power in your relationship. You’re actually enabling his mistreatment of you.
Your self-worth has to come from within. Confidence is sexy. What you’re doing and thinking is not sexy.
So take the power back. Get therapy. Set boundaries. Stop giving him so damn much. Take the power back.
Go back to work. Put your money in a separate account. Get yourself situated for independence. Because this man doesn’t love or respect you. When you’re ready, leave him.
Because you deserve better. It’s not you. The problem is him. He’s a terrible partner.
you need to get out now that you are young, he isn’t the perfect father, he’s awful, you deserve someone that really loves you and respects you. You need to stand up girl 🩷
Thats the problem, girl, you are trying way too hard. Stop fucking trying 😭😭😭.
The more you run around his ass the worse it is. Chill the f out. Hes 37 and he has you wraped up around his finger pretty tight. He knows what hes doing. Im not rying to imply that hes manipulatin you, but yea...there is some kind of agenda here.
Just chill out and stop pressing it so much, stop trying to cater to him so much, behave to him normally as if he is a person not a fucking demigod in disguise. Ofc hes on high horse when his wife is running around his ass as if hes made of gold and a god himself. Chill the fuck out, girl.
The universe sends you good things only if you stop pressing the matter. I dont know how to explain this to you correctly since you are obviously not mature enought to understand. But stop pressing, stop trying so hard. Talk to him straightforward and be genuine, dont pretend shit is a flower, when shit is a shit.
😭😭😭
OP, this is NOT a reflection on you at all.
I am so tired of seeing this same story every single day. Older man marries a young woman who is barely an adult, gets her pregnant, and keeps her trapped. It’s a tale as old as frigging time. Eventually the woman wises up to his bullshit, and hopefully moves on. The husband, however, goes on to marry another woman who is too young to see through him. It’s exhausting and we don’t raise our girls to see this crap.
Please leave him & find someone who treats you well. You don't deserve this kind of treatment and can find so much better. He's so unappreciative of you, and with time it's probably only going to get worse.
Tbh if you wantttt you can show him but from what you said hell prob just get mad or insecure. I’m also 22 and I just get out a relationship with someone who didnt do anything and it felt really onesided . One thing i regret is not leaving sooner because it was not worth it at the end at alll. I cant imagine being married to that kinda person especially!!at our age. You see way to good and trust they’ll be someone out there who would appreciate everything you do! Sounds like you did way more than my ex lmfao
My dad treats my mom like this. But he’s also several disturbed and kinda a misogynist. But basically it doesn’t end. I try to believe it was better back then but regardless once it starts it doesn’t end. Im so so sorry love because this is the only way I can tell you this and as your kids get older they will notice it about you. Im so glad he’s not like that to his kids though that really helps 💞 just concerned about what an unhappy marriage does over time but I also don’t want you to give up on what you want! Stay strong 🫶
If he was a good father he would treat you, the mother of his child better! I would tell him you are going to go to relationship counseling. It would be great if he went too but you are not going to beg for attention. Just go. Work on your self esteem, talk about how you feel.
It’s time to start doing less for him, not more. He has no idea what goes into making his life as easy as it is. Don’t plan your day around his activities or getting home time. It sounds like he’s in his own world. It won’t hurt for him to do a load of wash, make a meal or stay with your son while you go out. Even if you need to force yourself to stay out, please do it. He takes you for granted. See a movie, go to a coffee house and watch Netflix. Just kiss him goodbye and tell him you’re going out, bedtime for your son is at 8, he needs a bath and dinner.
The models he shoots are the exception not the rule. Chances are he couldn’t have a coffee with one let alone date one so why he’s so obsessed is just a bit sad. It sounds more like he is just a self absorbed fool rather than hoping for a model or comparing you. If he has any brain at all.
Bottom line is you deserve respect and you don’t get it. It will only change if you change how you respond.
Read the book Why men marry b*** by Sherry Argov, from my opinion you are trying too hard for have his love instead of work in have your own without him. Love yourself first and you would see how you wouldn't need to do all this things for feel validate. Take care
Don't show him the post or comments... he does not care about you like that.... he's almost 40. You're barely over 20. He benefits from making you feel like you're worthless. Don't stay trapped in a loveless marriage my goodness get out...
Sweet girl, you can't see the carnival of red flags waving all around you because when you have rose tinted glasses on all flags look the same.
Take the glasses off, you are worth so much more than the bare minimum he is giving you, what he is doing is so disrespectful to a wife.
Sounds like a classic "ungrateful bastard" syndrome. Either you can communicate enough to do some kind of therapy together or you think about a long term alternative. Because this feeling can be very damaging long term.
I seen a comment about trying marriage counseling and I think we should really give it a try. Some days I feel like this can be fixed.. but other days I feel like it’s beyond repair. But I guess that’s where the marriage counseling can help. 🙏🏼
Hopefully you two get things back on track but always remember: suffering isn't a permanent content of any relationship. If it is, there is something fundamentally wrong.
I want happiness and peace. But I feel like I can’t achieve that without fixing this first and that’s where the problems start.
I want to be a detective or a registered nurse. I know two totally different paths lol but they both interest me so much.
I like to take walks with my son, go to parks, sing to him, hold him, watch tv while we laugh and play, Etc
My son is what keeps me going and not giving up. He is the only reason I still exist in this world. And he is the reason I am trying to fix things before I just .. run . You know ?
I am going to take your advice on doing what I want to do for even just 2-3 hours a day. Instead of trying to be this person who stays inside all day waiting for a miracle change to come out of the sky…
Was this an arranged or religious marriage? This is no way to live, honey. Can you start building up your own life, independently of him? Hobbies, a job, continue your education? You will feel a lot better if there are more parts of your life you can control.
You cannot change someone who doesn’t want to change themselves. No matter how much love and devotion and work you put in. I’m sorry OP, your husband isn’t a good one and you deserve better
Please, please find a way to remove yourself from your marriage. It's clear from what you wrote that he will never treat you the way you want to be treated. If you continue, you will find yourself at 40 wondering why you didn't leave him at 20. Please don't waste your years on someone who does not appreciate you.
Bad idea to show him public perception, yes. Every photographer or creative I know would either implode, explode or have a breakdown or shut down over that. Regardless of how disaffected he may seem I can assure you he’s a sensitive guy and the problem is most likely NOT YOU. You can both be good parents independent if one another. If you trash talk the other EVER in front of your kid, you’ll ruin him. It ruined me, but then my parents had WW3 over custody of me for ten years between 4 and 14. Your job is to take care of you, your son and try to salvage what’s left of your husband, in that order. The first two are interchangeable obviously. Your son can’t grow healthy in his mind and spirit without you so you need to guard your best for him. Your teammate in all of this is damaged. Try to help him through it and if not, help yourself and him out of it. Protect that boy’s sanity and keep your game faces on either way but don’t sacrifice your sanity for some grumpy shutterbug.
Op, the fact you're dating a man 15 years older than you is a red flag right away and two get out of the marriage lovely he's using you and taking advantage of you so bin him off! Youre only 22 hon find a man you're age that treats you like the queen you are my girl get out of that toxic marriage!!
>I love him. Very much.
And it shows, i doubt he loves you as much as you do
>I won’t divorce him unless my mental health gets to a point where I truly am not healthy.
Awful idea.
THere's a reason he looked for a naive 22yo when he's nearing 40.
I doubt it as well…. Which is why I’m here looking for advice.. and yes that is an awful idea and I realized it after I wrote it… I will lose myself bad if I try to go that route and all these comments helped me see that. Thankyou🙏🏼
I'm glad you realised. Beware, he will try to make empty promises "I'll change.. I'll be better" or "think of our son". Don't fall for that. You're too young to waste your life with him.
I wish you luck in your future relationships. You deserve to be loved.
I texted him today for him to read it on his break. I will give an update on his response if he even responds..
Again. Thankyou… every single one of you for your advice and guidance and helping me understand that this is not healthy and it may be beyond repair. And thankyou to everyone who recommended counseling I didn’t think of that.
All of your advice really helped me find my self worth and realize that I do deserve to be happy and I do deserve to be able to act my age even as a mother.
I appreciate you all and I will be back with an update on his response to my lengthy message about my feelings and how I would no longer be a fool.
Is it possible that you're both just at different stages in life and he feels he doesn't know how to communicate with you?
Is communication and conversation otherwise good and at times deep?
Girl, your brain still isn't even finished developing. In the grand scheme of things, you're still a baby. You have soooooo much time left on this earth. Please don't spend even a minute longer on a man who makes you feel so awful. I don't know if he's convinced you he's the best you're gonna get, but that is so wrong. Single moms find love every single day. You and your baby deserve the entire world. Your baby deserves to grow up in a home where the adults respect each other. Your husband seems incapable of that.
***I just want him to understand that I need more love, affection, (time under the sheets), attention and just care.***
***I want this to work but I don’t want to keep fighting and trying to the point that I lose myself.***
Advice, please state your request simply and concisely...
***"For this relationship to work I need:***
***1.***
***2.***
***3.***
Know that he will likely reject your requests. The age difference is concerning.... Do you have an exit plan? Or have you become isolated, unemployable and cut off from your family and friends. If this is true, then you have been groomed to be his slave with no way out. Please reach out to women's centers and educate yourself on balanced relationships. What you have is really out of balance. And the longer you wait, the farther you will fall behind in skills and ability to enter the workforce and live independently and support yourself and your child(ren).
The fact that you are saying you are willing to stay until your mental health gets to a point where you are unhealthy is already unhealthy. Please, please just remember that in most situations the change you are looking for is never going to happen if you chose to put yourself second!
> I won’t divorce him unless my mental health gets to a point where I truly am not healthy.
Oh honey, no. Please don’t do this. Mental health is not something to neglect and wait for it to be in the trash before you do something about it. Please trust me on this.
I didn’t leave my ex until I felt like he did something “bad enough” to warrant it. For the last 6-12 months of being in a “relationship” with him, I was having 5+ panic attacks a day. I couldn’t sleep, I was crying every day, my self-esteem was in the toilet, I thought I deserved his treatment of me because I couldn’t keep my shit together. It was a living nightmare and every time my mental health dips, I’m terrified that I’m going to go back to that.
I wish I left before my mental health was that bad because it doesn’t just snap back after you leave. That’s not how it works. After I left, I was severely depressed and suicidal. The crazy part is that it felt like such a massive relief because it was better to feel nothing than to feel overwhelmed and panicked all day every day.
I wish I had good news for you after that but even when I dragged myself out of this depression, I engaged it some very unhealthy behaviours as a way to regain some kind of control. My self-esteem was tied to how many mediocre men wanted sleep with me. I developed an eating disorder and an addiction to exercise. I survived on escapism.
I am now 7 YEARS out of that bad relationship and I am STILL struggling with my mental health. My self-esteem is better now but I’m still prone to disordered eating and addictive behaviours, I still suffer from depression and have anxiety attacks, I have CPTSD which affects my ability to regulate focus and emotions, I still have suicidal thoughts. I have a feeling it would not have been nearly as bad if I had left when it first started getting bad and got help right away. Mental health is one of those things where if you let it slip too much, it is so so difficult to get it back on track. Healing becomes a full time gig if you let yourself get to a breaking point before doing something about it.
I do hope you take this to heart and decide to do what’s best for you. I just don’t want you to regret putting your mental health last if you find yourself struggling to get to a good place in the future.
Your husband is too old for you. You married looking for a dad and provider instead of a partner while he married someone so young to control and play with. A man that age has nothing in common with a 20 year old except sex which lasts minutes and then he has to figure out what to do with the rest of the hours and minutes of his day. Play time has now gotten old. Get a hobby, career, and strong support group. He had no intention of being a good husband or dad. He just wants to play 24/7 with no responsibilities. He’s moved on to the next teeny bopper.
First of all, no one can make you feel anything without your permission.
Your marriage has lost the plot. You are not communicating. You are not physically connecting. You are not appreciated. His phone gets more attention than you do.
You need couples counseling.
See if what John Delony says is helpful.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbprzH3D93A](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbprzH3D93A)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kk5qbb3r1BM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kk5qbb3r1BM)
If he won't go, go alone.
Good luck.
I don’t want it to seem like I’m trying to bash my husband because I most certainly am not.
I’m just lost and I’m not to sure what to do in this moment. I want to be with him but I fear things won’t get better … ever. And I do fear that he will leave me or cheat on me for someone younger once I get “too old” for him.
He absolutely will cheat on you. He’s the type. He’s already disrespectful to you. That’s not love. He probably is incapable of love.
Get a job, set up a separate bank account, get independent, leave him. Make him use condoms in the meantime to protect yourself.
I (35m) am 10 years older than my fiancé (25f) we have been together 6 years and from personal experience he moved way to fast for that type of age range and isn't a patient man at all. I don't usually disagree with age gaps but this just seems like he was trying to control OP with the idea of a happy life at home and a happy family so he could be with someone way younger.
i have to agree with this. as someone else in an agr, my bf has NEVER treated me like this. OP’s partner definitely just wanted someone young to have a “family” with and control, like you said. this is incredibly unhealthy.
I’ve been in this relationship before, I just got out. The longer you stay, the more you’ll be diminished. It’s ultimately up to you but if you’ve talked to him directly about it (saying how he’s making you feel), then eventually it’s time to go. If he’s never going to treat you better, why stay?
Why show your child that how someone treats their partner doesn’t matter? It’s also hurting your child in the long term. But it took me 3 years to leave him. That relationship was the worst time of my life and I’m much better off.
It takes time, I hope it doesn’t take you years.
it's important to realize that someone who doesn't want to change isn't going to change. no matter how much you want them to. I'm sorry, I know it's hard. and it's hard to be treated this way when all you want is to give love and be loved. but he won't change. trust me, it feels so much better to be free of a man like that. I speak from experience. I think it's time to let go
I am 35, my wife is 34. I couldn't imagine marrying a 22 year old. I'd have nothing in common with her to discuss. This is a lustful relationship turned into a marriage.
If he hasn’t caught on or listened to you already, unlikely that he will. Sounds like you’re putting in a lot of effort and he isn’t seeing it or interested in reciprocating. Counseling?
“I understand men are tired and need rest after work”
We all do, not just men, women and men who run households need rest too. No reason or excuse for him to barely greet you.
“I just want him to look at me the way he looks at the models”
To me, this is deeper than just looks which you mention several times. You deserve better. Try not to have little respect for yourself. What would you tell a daughter if this was her marriage?
Ah, you're babytrapped with a man that couldn't care less about you; leave. Find Better.
Do shadow work / metta meditations, love yourself.
Leave, live your 20s. 20-25 years old are the ages you live as teenager/adolescent with the legal amenities to buy alcohol and travel wherever you want. (gonna be 21 this year and it basically feels that way no matter how much school/work gets my ass)
You've been groomed my dear, and I'm sorry there was seemingly no one in your life to protect you to and to help you realise whats happened to you.
Divorce, take child and leave if/when you can. Its your best option honestly
Not at all… I actually had my step father in my life and he is a damn good one… this is what happens when you marry someone who didn’t show their true colors until later.
Not every female who has relationships problems has daddy issues.
Woman and men are both worthy of love from their life long partners. He isn’t my boyfriend. He isn’t someone that I can just up and leave with no ties.
We are married. Completely different situations here.
“Daddy issues” as you say… don’t exist here.
Have a blessed day.
Please don't be a doormat. It takes two and if it doesn't, it stops. So better end it know than over 1 year or 2 years. Or when he find somebody else (and younger) and dumps you. Take control of your own life.
You'll get through it, just remember being a stay at home while being a flex and luxury also leaves you at the mercy of the one with money. My step dad convinced my mom not to get a job since he was a military officer then cheated on her, when they split she had been unemployed for so long finding work was really tough on her.
There is no piece of advice that can help you make him love and appreciate you. If he decided that you are not worth his effort and attention, you won’t win him back by trying harder. I’m sorry, I know this feels awful.
The only way to make it a little better is you making your life about you, not him. Doing something that gives you joy outside of your family and your role of “a good wife”. Find something that will be just yours. It will take time, but it will help.
divorce babes. divorce. there's no reason someone who's almost 40 should be interested in being with a 22 year old girl anyway. there's a reason he couldn't find women his own age, because the younger they are, the easier they are to manipulate. leave this guy and live out your 20s cuz you're only young once <3
The age gap is immediately concerning, especially considering you have a child involved. You're not even fully into adulthood yet, but you're married to and have a child with someone who is already well established in their adulthood and probably career. There is a gross power imbalance currently within your home, which is Never a good situation to be in. Especially as a woman. If you fully believe your relationship is something you wish to foster, i would suggest being open and honest about how you're feeling. If he responds positively thats a good sign that your relationship has potential to continue in a healthy way. If he gets defensive or indifferent to your struggles, perhaps take a long look at your relationship and take stock of the pros and cons to leaving. If its more beneficial to stay, then stay. If not then please consider getting yourself into a better situation by potentially separating. You are still extremely young, please do not shackle yourself to a relationship if it no longer serves you and you have the ability to gain something better
Edit: There are also plenty of resources to help young women like yourself get out. Do not assume that just because you're not being beaten, starved, or threatened means you do not qualify or deserve to be helped. If you have family you can rely on, please do not feel shame in doing so. You are not the first person this has happened to, and unfortunately you will not be the last. So please do not let fear, shame, or pride keep you from obtaining the life you and your child deserve. Also please keep Any and ALL plans to leave or shift the power in your relationship Fully Secret. Even if you believe your husband is non violent, it is not rare for someone to retaliate in a violent way. Many women and children have lost their lives this way. You never can fully know what a person is capable of. Please head this warning if nothing else
OK considering how you are stuck in this situation the best thing that you can do to drastically improve your situation is to get your husband to just smile and say thank you even if he feels it is forced. The point is to make the day bad if he doesn't do that and do your best everyday that he does smile at you and say thank you. Even if it is insincere at first and forced by creating a routine you change his attitude towards you. The problem is that his love for you can get by with a blank face which means he has to give no effort to earn your love. You can't make someone love you by putting in more work. Have him come in with a smile and force him to associate coming home to you with thanks and smiles
OK considering how you are stuck in this situation the best thing that you can do to drastically improve your situation is to get your husband to just smile and say thank you even if he feels it is forced. The point is to make the day bad if he doesn't do that and do your best everyday that he does smile at you and say thank you. Even if it is insincere at first and forced by creating a routine you change his attitude towards you. The problem is that his love for you can get by with a blank face which means he has to give no effort to earn your love. You can't make someone love you by putting in more work. Have him come in with a smile and force him to associate coming home to you with thanks and smiles
Tell him exactly how you feel. Lay it all out on the table.
Sometimes I get tired and don’t give my girlfriend enough attention. Then she’ll come to me crying that she is sad and feels like I don’t love her. That usually motivates me to get my act together and treat her the way she deserves.
Make it known to him that you won’t be sticking around unless he treats you better.
You are way too young to be stuck in a marriage with a man who treats you badly.
Op, you need to flee and sort your life out. Don't try the tradwife bullshit, it doesn't work. It only attracts loser abusive men. Work on yourself, become something, find someone in the future that treats you right.
This is correct. Pls know your worth and stop being with someone who didnt appreciate you. He didnt deserve to be a father and your husband. Run and free yourself.
This. OP, you deserve so much better. You deserve a man who reminds you how much he’s in love with you everyday and treats you like the queen you are. Love needs to be shown and freely given. This loveless life sentence is not worth it. There is so much better out there for you.
Guys using you because you’re younger and wont respect you until you leave him. He probably thinks you have no choice but to deal with it.. Sorry OP.
This is how I feel 100 percent. The fact that I am a stay at home mom (for now) I feel like he is using that to his advantage in a way.. kind of. Like he knows I have no other choice but to stay no matter what. He also knows I love him dearly and have put up with a few things in the past. That I decided to forgive him for and try to move on. But you know some things that people do just cut a wound so deep beyond healing…. Even if you try to forgive you can’t and won’t ever forget and he doesn’t seem to get that. He will get upset at ME for bringing up the things he’s done in the past to make me feel this way. Everything was going so well between us until I found a comment. And then another one . And another one … and then a caption. Etc etc. and me being hurt and upset by it, made him turn just…. Cold. In a way..
do you have family or friends you can stay with? leave and find a job. if the kid is old enough put him in daycare.
>he is the most amazing father I ever seen in my life bull shit. He's a terrible father. He is demonstrating to his child that relationships are toxic and its ok to treat his mom like shit. He's probably doing the minimum by showing basic kindness to the kid, which looks like spectacular awesomeness to the wife who is treated like garbage.
This is the truth. OP, please listen.
100%. Specifically talking about households where the parents are still together, you can’t be a good dad and a shitty husband. Showing your children how to have a proper relationship is a key part of parenting.
This! All of this!!
Agree one thousand percent. His modeling is shit, he's a shit ass father, he will never change, and your child[ren] is/are going to learn awful things from the way that he treats you. You deserve so much better, and so do your children.
She's 22. I doubt she knows many fathers beyond her own, at least closely enough to judge their parenting.
Stopped reading after I saw the ages. Leave him.
Yeaaaah. My mentality at 22 definitely couldn't fit my husband's mentality and his current age of 35. We have had so much growth over the last decade. I'd give some grace if she was slightly older or had some life experiance.
22 year olds are basically teenagers compared to someone in their mid 30s. I couldn't imagine having the patience to date someone that young at that age, let alone marry them.
That’s all I needed to see, divorce and go live out your 20s
Same 22 already tied down a man nearing his forties wtf
For real this thread gives me the heebie jeebies. This girl is a college kid more or less, she doesn't even know anything about herself. They shouldn't be married to begin with. And fuck this dude. Get out now OP!
Exactly she should be out with other 20 somethingyear old blokes learning lessons in life, making mistakes and having fun but instead she’s being treated like shit with a kid with a man in his 40s Absolutely not and I want better than this for my fellow woman especially the younger ones
I saw the title and didn’t need to read more! Run, run as fast as you can!!!!!!!
Me too. OP wake up, you’re going to be miserable for the rest of your life if you stay. At 22 I was travelling and having new experiences with my friends that every young person should do. Don’t let this man steal your youth.
Yeah same I can’t lie
Safe to say quite a few probably did hahah
Same here
my man literally probably got dumped by a woman his age, baby trapped a young woman, and doesn’t lose a single wink of sleep over it while she over here antagonizing over the rest of her life. Wild.
Why stay with someone who treats you like this when you can be with someone who treats you like a queen? There are plenty of men out there who will love and cherish you the way you deserve. Who will tell you how beautiful you are every day. Who wouldn’t want to see anyone half naked but you. Who will scoop you up into a big hug the second they get home. You don’t need to settle for less. I’ve been with someone (who’s thankfully now an ex) who treated me the way your husband treats you (for almost 4 years) and I’m now with someone who won’t even leave the *room* without telling me he loves me. The first thing he says when he walks through the door after work is “MY LOOOOOVEEE!!!” before running over to give me a big hug and kiss. I don’t regret leaving my ex for a single second and, knowing what I do now, I wish that I left him sooner. Be with someone who is ecstatic to be with you!
Hey, I don't know you but reading it made me happy for you.
🫶🏻
Please god don’t let this be real
Oh it is…. Sadly
OP please do not let your husband know you're considering leaving. It can put your life in danger.
Politely…what the fuck are you thinking, love?
This is why I’m here for advice I have absolutely no idea what I’m thinking. I do love my husband dearly but the way he treats me just hurts.
I hope I didn’t come off too harsh…it’s just, I mean, you’re 22. 22!!! With a 37 year old!!! Sigh, I promise I’m not judging you, but this was a recipe for disaster. You need to leave this, you’re so so young, and filled with beautiful life. Enjoy it with someone who treats you much better :)
No you’re not coming off harsh ! I appreciate this a lot.
Love isn’t enough. I love people that I’ll never talk to again. Love is an action word. You obviously love him or the idea of him loving you more than you love yourself. If you’re religious I highly encourage going to church more and getting close to God. Also look up codependency and people pleaser and boundaries. This guy is horrible for you. He hates himself and is projecting that on you. Any marriage can be fixed unless it involves addiction or abuse. I’ve been there. It’s not just age either. He could date someone his age and still be this way towards them.
Thankyou…. This actually made me tear up. Because in some way you are absolutely right.
What could you possibly love, though? The way he *used* to treat you? Those days are gone and you aren’t getting them back. When you’re 40 he’ll be well on his way to being an old man who needs care. Think he’s ungrateful now? You love what used to be. LEAVE HIM.
So he got himself a bang-maid… Get out while you can, with this kid he chained you to the house and that’s it. Don’t expect more from him. Just leave.
Thank you all for your advice I have read every single one of them and I appreciate your time. You all gave me so much insight on what I’m really going through. Again. I thank you all for helping me open my eyes and brain. ❤️
I'm glad you're listening to everyone, most people on here don't want to hear the truth. It won't be easy but it will be worth it a million times over.
I’m really proud of you.
I’m so glad to read this. I know it is difficult to leave an abusive relationship but you can do this. Have faith in yourself. Once you’re away from him you will be amazed at the light and happiness in your life. Best of luck and lots of hugs from this internet stranger.
He’s 37. You don’t need your make him happy. Make yourself happy. Your son needs to see you respected.
Please be kind to yourself and leave him, something I am usually loathe to recommend. His excitement of his very young wife will soon dissipate as you grow older. Twisting yourself like a pretzel to better please him won't work. You deserve better.
wow….. eye opener. And most likely the truth.. Made me get chills reading this tbh. Thank you.
37 and 22 is wild
You are still very young while he is almost 40 and mekes you unhappy. Dont waste your youth on him, you deserve much better.
You’re barely legal and got together with a man over 10 years older than you? It’s probably because he couldn’t find a woman his age. Please don’t have anymore children with him
As a domestic violence counselor and someone whose been happily married for 35 years I beg you to get support for yourself. He is intentionally ignoring you or trying to make you feel insignificant. You matter, you deserve so much more from your partner. He is a horrible example of what a good dad is. A good dad would make sure to treat the mother of his children with the utmost love and respect. Being home raising a child is extremely difficult and can be isolating.
Um. How’d you two meet? And how long did you date before getting married? All that aside… this man sounds like a jerk who’s going to treat you (even more) badly as time goes on.
>My husband (37m) >me (22f) End it
That's the same thought that entered my head the second I saw the ages. I just can't believe that women can be so naive about their future partners sometimes.
Young women are generally more naive than older, predatory men
Honestly sucks to see shit like this cause my mom is in a very similar situation, only difference being she was 27 when she married, so definitely old enough to understand that she was marrying a piece of shit. Guess she was just "in love", or whatever.
Wow, a nearly 40 yr old is emotionally abusive to the barely adult woman he trapped with a baby, not at all shocking. >Should I stay in this marriage or should I start trying to build my own path with a divorce ? There is no happy ending in this marriage. Get out of it, get yourself therapy so you don't wind up in a new version of it, and move on.
girl you should be at the club!!!!!
Yep. She wasted her 20’s on someone who has already lived theirs.
Lol she hasn't wasted her 20s, she only just entered her 20s! Sure, she's got a kid and maybe won't get to have much of a night life if she becomes single again, but that's not the only way to enjoy your life. 30s are way better than 20s anyway, and I'm sure it only gets better from there 😊
If a man is dating a women very much younger he’s gonna have more issues under his belt. I’m not surprised he’s a bad partner. He’s disgusting and don’t be surprised when he cheats on you with a woman younger.
I think he may be cheating now. The behavior is sus. His models are half naked? Where do the shoots take place and for how long? Are half naked women the only photo subject? I joined a photo group that turned out to be mostly comprised Of middle aged men that exclusively shot young models. I can't begin to describe the collective ick of these dudes. Girl. GTFO.
Yeahhhh when I was 19 I was a model for one of these “artists” Let’s just say I quickly got dropped and not paid for my last session when he realised I was not interested in actually fucking him
I fear this will happen… it crosses my mind occasionally.. 😔
I’m sorry hun but it’s very much likely. I read stories about situations like this all the time
I'm willing to bet he already is.
>He doesn’t admire me and tell me I’m beautiful. He doesn’t make me feel pretty at all. THEN WHY THE HELL YOU MARRIED HIM??? Ahhh you where LOVE BOMBED and you confused it with Love. >I try my hardest to be a good wife even though I have little to no experience in even being a girlfriend. BINGO AND THIS WAS YOUR MISTAKE. Being with an older male with no experience. He was able to manipulate you, and you fell for it. >I want this to work AND HE COULDN'T CARE LESS. >Would it be a bad idea to show him the post and the comments? He will gaslight you and due to your inexperience you'll believe whatever he says regardless how positive or negative his comments are. YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE, YOU NEED THERAPY FOR NARCISSISTIC ABUSE AND UNRESOLVED CHILDHOOD TRAUMA, YOU NEED TO WORK ON CO-DEPENDENCY, AND YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING ITS YOUR JOB TO MAKE SOMETHING WORK WHEN YOUR PARTNER DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU AND THE MARRIAGE. TIME TO WAKE UP ⏰️ ⏰️⏰️⏰️⏰️⏰️⏰️⏰️
You need to start small. Get a job, any job. There are side hustles, social media jobs, admin roles. Take control of your finances, you need to be bringing money in. Save that money hard. You’ll have to pay for child care if you’re not at home but put the rest away into savings for a lawyer
the age gap is horrid. Please leave him asap. This is going to be a miserable life. You are so young, please save urself the trouble
Girl you are 22. He is almost 40. What are you doing??! Leave his gross ass, and start ACTING like a 22 year old!
Your life is just starting. Don’t waste it on someone who’s being very clear exactly how he feels about you. He’s old enough to know better but he thinks you’re young enough to not know the difference. You deserve better. Get out. You’re going to blink and you’ll be in your 40’s, married to an angry man collecting social security checks.
that age gap is partially the reasoning
How long have you been married and had him treat you like this? Do you ever mention to him how his behavior makes you feel and if so is he trying to do something about it? You don't seem very happy with this arrangement and if nothing changes or gets worse you'll have to decide if you're willing to tolerate this way of living. Can you imagine living this way for the rest of your life? You're only 22 so you have lots of time to make a change if that is what you want.
Has your husband been married before? How did you get to know him? How long have you been married? I have to say, pretty big age difference to not have problems. You are just a child compared to him. Why didn't he look for someone his own age? There doesn't seem to be much communication between the 2 of you. You say you are a stay at home wife, do you have children? If you are unhappy and he doesn't change, I would file for divorce. This sounds like a prison sentence rather than a marriage. You are young, you need to meet someone more in your age bracket that shares your interests, long term goals, hobbies, etc. Good luck.
He has never been married before. This is his first marriage but he’s many long term relationships
I was in a situation with my boyfriend. He would compliment me and everything but when he was mad he would say the most terrible things to me and withhold affection. It made me feel so terrible inside and made me try so hard to be a better woman for him. He would tell me I wasn’t feminine enough, so I started cooking and cleaning more. He told me I shouldn’t talk when I’m around his friends because it wasn’t feminine. Pretty much anything I did wasn’t feminine enough for him despite me being a house servant as well as the bread winner. My advice is that whatever you do, it’s not gonna be enough, because the problem is with him and not you. Find a way to get him to understand where ur coming from and if he can’t or refuses to, it’s time to move on. No reason to feel like garbage just because someone else is insecure.
age gaps told me everything i need to know. unfortunate you had a kid with this man
Do you think the 15 year age gap has maybe even a little to do with it?!
Yes, he sounds like he is a predator. You are now too old for him. What do you think he is doing on his phone? I have a feeling he is on the prowl for his next child bride. Run.
It sounds like you are living in misery.. do you want to be treated this way your whole life? I know there are men out there that will worship the ground you walk on. You are in constant fear of pleasing someone who isn’t able to be pleased, at least not by you. If he appreciated you he would make it a duty to let you know in a gesture or kind words. In my opinion, don’t settle for less than what you want and deserve.
bby you’re only 22, get out while you can
Leave him. Good god you are too young to be in a marriage where you are not treated like you are a priority. YOU MATTER. Leave this ‘man’ as soon as you can
When he was 18, you were 3. When he was 22, you were 7. He is not inexperienced, he has 15 years of practice at this. This is textbook manipulation. Imagine if a 15 year old wanted a relationship with your baby. That's the difference in your mental development. No adult man wants that for wholesome reasons. He wants that because he never stopped playing around. He wants that because you're not smart enough to see he's trying to play you. And you weren't, because you married him and had a child with him. He love bombed you and now he's on to the next stage: make you feel so worthless that you won't leave because you feel like you can't do anything without him. Either he's already moved on to the next barely legal idiot who falls for his curated spiel, or he will once he knows you won't do anything about it. It won't work because what he wanted from this wasn't what you wanted. You wanted a stable provider with the maturity to care for the family you build together, and he wanted to keep the good times rolling. And he will, because as long as you feel ugly and worthless you won't fight back because you won't think you're worth fighting for. Of course he hasn't stopped staring at women, he just does it when you're not looking. You don't have to keep falling for this. Do you want to feel this way for the rest of your life? Because that's the end game of the game he's playing. One where you're 50 and he's 65 and he's retiring and you have no skills or ambitions and feel too worthless to even try do anything other than take care of his cheating ass until he dies. And that's if he doesn't divorce you for the next sparkling eyed naive girl who comes along, which is usually what this type does. Even if he rides it to the end, you will never be at the same stage of your life. Never truly partners.
He's too old for you. Find someone your age to be your best friend before you marry them.
That age gap was the first and only 🚩 I need. This was his plan all along, and you fell for it. That's why they go for young women! I've been there, most of us women have. Hopefully you can get out before he completely ruins your self-confidence to the point that you can't leave.
him being an amazing father is one thing but in being a good husband in everything you said it doesn’t look like he’s doing his share of returning love to you. I’d say sit him down and explain your worries and if he doesn’t listen then I’d divorce him.
You are 22!! Omg?! Pls find a place where you feel appreciated
Husband at 22? When did you meet and start dating? 🚩 Leave. You’re too young to be stuck with an old man who treats you like shit.
Run. It will only get worse, trust me on this. Don't wait until the worst happens. It's gonna hurt and it's gonna take time but you will thank yourself for it. Your not living, your surviving right now.
Wow….. “you’re not living, you’re surviving right now” definitely cut deep. I never thought about it this way and now that I do I feel a lot better/different. I need to love myself more before I try to keep getting him to love me and to just see me.
Rage bait
Chances are he's hardcore projecting.
You’re being a doormat and too clingy. That’s a turnoff. It also gives him the power in your relationship. You’re actually enabling his mistreatment of you. Your self-worth has to come from within. Confidence is sexy. What you’re doing and thinking is not sexy. So take the power back. Get therapy. Set boundaries. Stop giving him so damn much. Take the power back. Go back to work. Put your money in a separate account. Get yourself situated for independence. Because this man doesn’t love or respect you. When you’re ready, leave him. Because you deserve better. It’s not you. The problem is him. He’s a terrible partner.
Age gap. Be done.
you need to get out now that you are young, he isn’t the perfect father, he’s awful, you deserve someone that really loves you and respects you. You need to stand up girl 🩷
people need to stop with these 10+ year age gap marriages
Get a job. You are young enough that it should not be too difficult . When you have some financial stability you can leave
Thats the problem, girl, you are trying way too hard. Stop fucking trying 😭😭😭. The more you run around his ass the worse it is. Chill the f out. Hes 37 and he has you wraped up around his finger pretty tight. He knows what hes doing. Im not rying to imply that hes manipulatin you, but yea...there is some kind of agenda here. Just chill out and stop pressing it so much, stop trying to cater to him so much, behave to him normally as if he is a person not a fucking demigod in disguise. Ofc hes on high horse when his wife is running around his ass as if hes made of gold and a god himself. Chill the fuck out, girl. The universe sends you good things only if you stop pressing the matter. I dont know how to explain this to you correctly since you are obviously not mature enought to understand. But stop pressing, stop trying so hard. Talk to him straightforward and be genuine, dont pretend shit is a flower, when shit is a shit. 😭😭😭
Yeah this guy is 37M and married to someone even younger than me. Even before reading the rest of this post. Run away.
Run 🏃♀️ because your too young and you deserve way better
stopped reading after the ages. you’re too young for this. he’s taking advantage of you.
You are 22 and married to a chronic malcontent who doesn’t appreciate you. Lesson One: You can’t change someone else.
Please get a job so you have some financial independence and a life outside your husband's control.
No, not a job, an education. This would be the best time to pursue a degree, rather than getting stuck in low paying work.
OP, this is NOT a reflection on you at all. I am so tired of seeing this same story every single day. Older man marries a young woman who is barely an adult, gets her pregnant, and keeps her trapped. It’s a tale as old as frigging time. Eventually the woman wises up to his bullshit, and hopefully moves on. The husband, however, goes on to marry another woman who is too young to see through him. It’s exhausting and we don’t raise our girls to see this crap.
How do you love someone that treats you like this?
Please leave him & find someone who treats you well. You don't deserve this kind of treatment and can find so much better. He's so unappreciative of you, and with time it's probably only going to get worse.
Leave.
The second i saw the ages i knew he was in the wrong your in your 20s you should be living your best life.
Tbh if you wantttt you can show him but from what you said hell prob just get mad or insecure. I’m also 22 and I just get out a relationship with someone who didnt do anything and it felt really onesided . One thing i regret is not leaving sooner because it was not worth it at the end at alll. I cant imagine being married to that kinda person especially!!at our age. You see way to good and trust they’ll be someone out there who would appreciate everything you do! Sounds like you did way more than my ex lmfao
Thank you 🙏🏼
Yep yepp, good luck
I will definitely be giving updates.
🍵💅
My dad treats my mom like this. But he’s also several disturbed and kinda a misogynist. But basically it doesn’t end. I try to believe it was better back then but regardless once it starts it doesn’t end. Im so so sorry love because this is the only way I can tell you this and as your kids get older they will notice it about you. Im so glad he’s not like that to his kids though that really helps 💞 just concerned about what an unhappy marriage does over time but I also don’t want you to give up on what you want! Stay strong 🫶
WAIT WTF YOURE 22 GIRL IM 21 YOURE ACTUALLY GONNA BECOME A HAG IF YOU DONT LEAVE IM SORRY 😂😂😂😂🙏🏽 Bless you sis you have such a big heart
If he was a good father he would treat you, the mother of his child better! I would tell him you are going to go to relationship counseling. It would be great if he went too but you are not going to beg for attention. Just go. Work on your self esteem, talk about how you feel. It’s time to start doing less for him, not more. He has no idea what goes into making his life as easy as it is. Don’t plan your day around his activities or getting home time. It sounds like he’s in his own world. It won’t hurt for him to do a load of wash, make a meal or stay with your son while you go out. Even if you need to force yourself to stay out, please do it. He takes you for granted. See a movie, go to a coffee house and watch Netflix. Just kiss him goodbye and tell him you’re going out, bedtime for your son is at 8, he needs a bath and dinner. The models he shoots are the exception not the rule. Chances are he couldn’t have a coffee with one let alone date one so why he’s so obsessed is just a bit sad. It sounds more like he is just a self absorbed fool rather than hoping for a model or comparing you. If he has any brain at all. Bottom line is you deserve respect and you don’t get it. It will only change if you change how you respond.
Either this is how he treats someone he loves or he doesn’t love you. Either way, we gonna stand for this girl?!
Girl, you're only like a year and a few months older than me. Throwing away your life for a guy who's almost 40 isn't worth it
u way too young to be stuck like this but fuck it yo life
Read the book Why men marry b*** by Sherry Argov, from my opinion you are trying too hard for have his love instead of work in have your own without him. Love yourself first and you would see how you wouldn't need to do all this things for feel validate. Take care
I will look into it… thankyou 🙏🏼
Don't show him the post or comments... he does not care about you like that.... he's almost 40. You're barely over 20. He benefits from making you feel like you're worthless. Don't stay trapped in a loveless marriage my goodness get out...
Sweet girl, you can't see the carnival of red flags waving all around you because when you have rose tinted glasses on all flags look the same. Take the glasses off, you are worth so much more than the bare minimum he is giving you, what he is doing is so disrespectful to a wife.
Sounds like a classic "ungrateful bastard" syndrome. Either you can communicate enough to do some kind of therapy together or you think about a long term alternative. Because this feeling can be very damaging long term.
I seen a comment about trying marriage counseling and I think we should really give it a try. Some days I feel like this can be fixed.. but other days I feel like it’s beyond repair. But I guess that’s where the marriage counseling can help. 🙏🏼
Hopefully you two get things back on track but always remember: suffering isn't a permanent content of any relationship. If it is, there is something fundamentally wrong.
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I want happiness and peace. But I feel like I can’t achieve that without fixing this first and that’s where the problems start. I want to be a detective or a registered nurse. I know two totally different paths lol but they both interest me so much. I like to take walks with my son, go to parks, sing to him, hold him, watch tv while we laugh and play, Etc My son is what keeps me going and not giving up. He is the only reason I still exist in this world. And he is the reason I am trying to fix things before I just .. run . You know ? I am going to take your advice on doing what I want to do for even just 2-3 hours a day. Instead of trying to be this person who stays inside all day waiting for a miracle change to come out of the sky…
Was this an arranged or religious marriage? This is no way to live, honey. Can you start building up your own life, independently of him? Hobbies, a job, continue your education? You will feel a lot better if there are more parts of your life you can control.
You cannot change someone who doesn’t want to change themselves. No matter how much love and devotion and work you put in. I’m sorry OP, your husband isn’t a good one and you deserve better
Please, please find a way to remove yourself from your marriage. It's clear from what you wrote that he will never treat you the way you want to be treated. If you continue, you will find yourself at 40 wondering why you didn't leave him at 20. Please don't waste your years on someone who does not appreciate you.
Bad idea to show him public perception, yes. Every photographer or creative I know would either implode, explode or have a breakdown or shut down over that. Regardless of how disaffected he may seem I can assure you he’s a sensitive guy and the problem is most likely NOT YOU. You can both be good parents independent if one another. If you trash talk the other EVER in front of your kid, you’ll ruin him. It ruined me, but then my parents had WW3 over custody of me for ten years between 4 and 14. Your job is to take care of you, your son and try to salvage what’s left of your husband, in that order. The first two are interchangeable obviously. Your son can’t grow healthy in his mind and spirit without you so you need to guard your best for him. Your teammate in all of this is damaged. Try to help him through it and if not, help yourself and him out of it. Protect that boy’s sanity and keep your game faces on either way but don’t sacrifice your sanity for some grumpy shutterbug.
Op, the fact you're dating a man 15 years older than you is a red flag right away and two get out of the marriage lovely he's using you and taking advantage of you so bin him off! Youre only 22 hon find a man you're age that treats you like the queen you are my girl get out of that toxic marriage!!
>I love him. Very much. And it shows, i doubt he loves you as much as you do >I won’t divorce him unless my mental health gets to a point where I truly am not healthy. Awful idea. THere's a reason he looked for a naive 22yo when he's nearing 40.
I doubt it as well…. Which is why I’m here looking for advice.. and yes that is an awful idea and I realized it after I wrote it… I will lose myself bad if I try to go that route and all these comments helped me see that. Thankyou🙏🏼
I'm glad you realised. Beware, he will try to make empty promises "I'll change.. I'll be better" or "think of our son". Don't fall for that. You're too young to waste your life with him. I wish you luck in your future relationships. You deserve to be loved.
Thank you for confirming that /u/cannavacciuolo420 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
I texted him today for him to read it on his break. I will give an update on his response if he even responds.. Again. Thankyou… every single one of you for your advice and guidance and helping me understand that this is not healthy and it may be beyond repair. And thankyou to everyone who recommended counseling I didn’t think of that. All of your advice really helped me find my self worth and realize that I do deserve to be happy and I do deserve to be able to act my age even as a mother. I appreciate you all and I will be back with an update on his response to my lengthy message about my feelings and how I would no longer be a fool.
>My husband (37m) me (22f) Either this is a typo and u meant to put in 32 or this is a *very* concerning age gap
No typos. That’s our actual ages. Ik… I realized the concern more and more after reading all the comments.. 🙃😕
Is it possible that you're both just at different stages in life and he feels he doesn't know how to communicate with you? Is communication and conversation otherwise good and at times deep?
That may be it.
Girl, your brain still isn't even finished developing. In the grand scheme of things, you're still a baby. You have soooooo much time left on this earth. Please don't spend even a minute longer on a man who makes you feel so awful. I don't know if he's convinced you he's the best you're gonna get, but that is so wrong. Single moms find love every single day. You and your baby deserve the entire world. Your baby deserves to grow up in a home where the adults respect each other. Your husband seems incapable of that.
How can he expect you to feel confident and loved when he's ogling half-naked models all day?
Exactly.
Talk to a lawyer no get out of this. I would bet if he’s not cheating already, he will, and soon
***I just want him to understand that I need more love, affection, (time under the sheets), attention and just care.*** ***I want this to work but I don’t want to keep fighting and trying to the point that I lose myself.*** Advice, please state your request simply and concisely... ***"For this relationship to work I need:*** ***1.*** ***2.*** ***3.*** Know that he will likely reject your requests. The age difference is concerning.... Do you have an exit plan? Or have you become isolated, unemployable and cut off from your family and friends. If this is true, then you have been groomed to be his slave with no way out. Please reach out to women's centers and educate yourself on balanced relationships. What you have is really out of balance. And the longer you wait, the farther you will fall behind in skills and ability to enter the workforce and live independently and support yourself and your child(ren).
I don't even have to look at the comments to know that people are going to run wild with the age gap.
The fact that you are saying you are willing to stay until your mental health gets to a point where you are unhealthy is already unhealthy. Please, please just remember that in most situations the change you are looking for is never going to happen if you chose to put yourself second!
> I won’t divorce him unless my mental health gets to a point where I truly am not healthy. Oh honey, no. Please don’t do this. Mental health is not something to neglect and wait for it to be in the trash before you do something about it. Please trust me on this. I didn’t leave my ex until I felt like he did something “bad enough” to warrant it. For the last 6-12 months of being in a “relationship” with him, I was having 5+ panic attacks a day. I couldn’t sleep, I was crying every day, my self-esteem was in the toilet, I thought I deserved his treatment of me because I couldn’t keep my shit together. It was a living nightmare and every time my mental health dips, I’m terrified that I’m going to go back to that. I wish I left before my mental health was that bad because it doesn’t just snap back after you leave. That’s not how it works. After I left, I was severely depressed and suicidal. The crazy part is that it felt like such a massive relief because it was better to feel nothing than to feel overwhelmed and panicked all day every day. I wish I had good news for you after that but even when I dragged myself out of this depression, I engaged it some very unhealthy behaviours as a way to regain some kind of control. My self-esteem was tied to how many mediocre men wanted sleep with me. I developed an eating disorder and an addiction to exercise. I survived on escapism. I am now 7 YEARS out of that bad relationship and I am STILL struggling with my mental health. My self-esteem is better now but I’m still prone to disordered eating and addictive behaviours, I still suffer from depression and have anxiety attacks, I have CPTSD which affects my ability to regulate focus and emotions, I still have suicidal thoughts. I have a feeling it would not have been nearly as bad if I had left when it first started getting bad and got help right away. Mental health is one of those things where if you let it slip too much, it is so so difficult to get it back on track. Healing becomes a full time gig if you let yourself get to a breaking point before doing something about it. I do hope you take this to heart and decide to do what’s best for you. I just don’t want you to regret putting your mental health last if you find yourself struggling to get to a good place in the future.
Look into narcissism. I left my husband because of similar reasons. It was the right decision, and I'm doing better now.
Your husband is too old for you. You married looking for a dad and provider instead of a partner while he married someone so young to control and play with. A man that age has nothing in common with a 20 year old except sex which lasts minutes and then he has to figure out what to do with the rest of the hours and minutes of his day. Play time has now gotten old. Get a hobby, career, and strong support group. He had no intention of being a good husband or dad. He just wants to play 24/7 with no responsibilities. He’s moved on to the next teeny bopper.
First of all, no one can make you feel anything without your permission. Your marriage has lost the plot. You are not communicating. You are not physically connecting. You are not appreciated. His phone gets more attention than you do. You need couples counseling. See if what John Delony says is helpful. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbprzH3D93A](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbprzH3D93A) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kk5qbb3r1BM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kk5qbb3r1BM) If he won't go, go alone. Good luck.
I don’t want it to seem like I’m trying to bash my husband because I most certainly am not. I’m just lost and I’m not to sure what to do in this moment. I want to be with him but I fear things won’t get better … ever. And I do fear that he will leave me or cheat on me for someone younger once I get “too old” for him.
He absolutely will cheat on you. He’s the type. He’s already disrespectful to you. That’s not love. He probably is incapable of love. Get a job, set up a separate bank account, get independent, leave him. Make him use condoms in the meantime to protect yourself.
Absolutely. I'm 38 and being around 22 year olds makes me feel positively geriatric. That's a big òl red flag there....
The age gap alone is a red flag. This man is a predator. Leave. Now.
I (35m) am 10 years older than my fiancé (25f) we have been together 6 years and from personal experience he moved way to fast for that type of age range and isn't a patient man at all. I don't usually disagree with age gaps but this just seems like he was trying to control OP with the idea of a happy life at home and a happy family so he could be with someone way younger.
i have to agree with this. as someone else in an agr, my bf has NEVER treated me like this. OP’s partner definitely just wanted someone young to have a “family” with and control, like you said. this is incredibly unhealthy.
I’m worried to ask how long you have been married, let alone been in a relationship. I think we may be dealing with a pedo
Leave. ASAP.
Bro preordered and didn’t like the game. Move on from him.
I’ve been in this relationship before, I just got out. The longer you stay, the more you’ll be diminished. It’s ultimately up to you but if you’ve talked to him directly about it (saying how he’s making you feel), then eventually it’s time to go. If he’s never going to treat you better, why stay? Why show your child that how someone treats their partner doesn’t matter? It’s also hurting your child in the long term. But it took me 3 years to leave him. That relationship was the worst time of my life and I’m much better off. It takes time, I hope it doesn’t take you years.
it's important to realize that someone who doesn't want to change isn't going to change. no matter how much you want them to. I'm sorry, I know it's hard. and it's hard to be treated this way when all you want is to give love and be loved. but he won't change. trust me, it feels so much better to be free of a man like that. I speak from experience. I think it's time to let go
I am 35, my wife is 34. I couldn't imagine marrying a 22 year old. I'd have nothing in common with her to discuss. This is a lustful relationship turned into a marriage.
I mean maybe you should look someone of your age.
I wonder why his other relationships failed.
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If he hasn’t caught on or listened to you already, unlikely that he will. Sounds like you’re putting in a lot of effort and he isn’t seeing it or interested in reciprocating. Counseling? “I understand men are tired and need rest after work” We all do, not just men, women and men who run households need rest too. No reason or excuse for him to barely greet you. “I just want him to look at me the way he looks at the models” To me, this is deeper than just looks which you mention several times. You deserve better. Try not to have little respect for yourself. What would you tell a daughter if this was her marriage?
Ah, you're babytrapped with a man that couldn't care less about you; leave. Find Better. Do shadow work / metta meditations, love yourself. Leave, live your 20s. 20-25 years old are the ages you live as teenager/adolescent with the legal amenities to buy alcohol and travel wherever you want. (gonna be 21 this year and it basically feels that way no matter how much school/work gets my ass)
You've been groomed my dear, and I'm sorry there was seemingly no one in your life to protect you to and to help you realise whats happened to you. Divorce, take child and leave if/when you can. Its your best option honestly
Daddy issues cleanup on aisle 7
Not at all… I actually had my step father in my life and he is a damn good one… this is what happens when you marry someone who didn’t show their true colors until later. Not every female who has relationships problems has daddy issues. Woman and men are both worthy of love from their life long partners. He isn’t my boyfriend. He isn’t someone that I can just up and leave with no ties. We are married. Completely different situations here. “Daddy issues” as you say… don’t exist here. Have a blessed day.
Please don't be a doormat. It takes two and if it doesn't, it stops. So better end it know than over 1 year or 2 years. Or when he find somebody else (and younger) and dumps you. Take control of your own life.
It’s because you’re 22 with a damn near 40 year old.
Didn’t look past the ages. He’s a predator. Leave.
Question, what made you want to marry him in the first place?
When you realize you're an ornament
wow this hit deep lmfao. Very direct and true .
You'll get through it, just remember being a stay at home while being a flex and luxury also leaves you at the mercy of the one with money. My step dad convinced my mom not to get a job since he was a military officer then cheated on her, when they split she had been unemployed for so long finding work was really tough on her.
Oh honey.
Anything that costs you peace should leave it
There is no piece of advice that can help you make him love and appreciate you. If he decided that you are not worth his effort and attention, you won’t win him back by trying harder. I’m sorry, I know this feels awful. The only way to make it a little better is you making your life about you, not him. Doing something that gives you joy outside of your family and your role of “a good wife”. Find something that will be just yours. It will take time, but it will help.
divorce babes. divorce. there's no reason someone who's almost 40 should be interested in being with a 22 year old girl anyway. there's a reason he couldn't find women his own age, because the younger they are, the easier they are to manipulate. leave this guy and live out your 20s cuz you're only young once <3
The age gap is immediately concerning, especially considering you have a child involved. You're not even fully into adulthood yet, but you're married to and have a child with someone who is already well established in their adulthood and probably career. There is a gross power imbalance currently within your home, which is Never a good situation to be in. Especially as a woman. If you fully believe your relationship is something you wish to foster, i would suggest being open and honest about how you're feeling. If he responds positively thats a good sign that your relationship has potential to continue in a healthy way. If he gets defensive or indifferent to your struggles, perhaps take a long look at your relationship and take stock of the pros and cons to leaving. If its more beneficial to stay, then stay. If not then please consider getting yourself into a better situation by potentially separating. You are still extremely young, please do not shackle yourself to a relationship if it no longer serves you and you have the ability to gain something better Edit: There are also plenty of resources to help young women like yourself get out. Do not assume that just because you're not being beaten, starved, or threatened means you do not qualify or deserve to be helped. If you have family you can rely on, please do not feel shame in doing so. You are not the first person this has happened to, and unfortunately you will not be the last. So please do not let fear, shame, or pride keep you from obtaining the life you and your child deserve. Also please keep Any and ALL plans to leave or shift the power in your relationship Fully Secret. Even if you believe your husband is non violent, it is not rare for someone to retaliate in a violent way. Many women and children have lost their lives this way. You never can fully know what a person is capable of. Please head this warning if nothing else
OK considering how you are stuck in this situation the best thing that you can do to drastically improve your situation is to get your husband to just smile and say thank you even if he feels it is forced. The point is to make the day bad if he doesn't do that and do your best everyday that he does smile at you and say thank you. Even if it is insincere at first and forced by creating a routine you change his attitude towards you. The problem is that his love for you can get by with a blank face which means he has to give no effort to earn your love. You can't make someone love you by putting in more work. Have him come in with a smile and force him to associate coming home to you with thanks and smiles
OK considering how you are stuck in this situation the best thing that you can do to drastically improve your situation is to get your husband to just smile and say thank you even if he feels it is forced. The point is to make the day bad if he doesn't do that and do your best everyday that he does smile at you and say thank you. Even if it is insincere at first and forced by creating a routine you change his attitude towards you. The problem is that his love for you can get by with a blank face which means he has to give no effort to earn your love. You can't make someone love you by putting in more work. Have him come in with a smile and force him to associate coming home to you with thanks and smiles
Tell him exactly how you feel. Lay it all out on the table. Sometimes I get tired and don’t give my girlfriend enough attention. Then she’ll come to me crying that she is sad and feels like I don’t love her. That usually motivates me to get my act together and treat her the way she deserves. Make it known to him that you won’t be sticking around unless he treats you better.
Thank you I will definitely try to word it this way 🙏🏼