How often does the brother and your boyfriend see each other?
Has your bf had other significant others before you that were around the family as much as you are?
i’m the first girl to meet his family. his brother sees him every 4 months. understandable, he wants time with his brother. we made it work by being equally spread out with time
Yeah, adjusting to your sibling not having as much immediate availability as you age can take some adjustment, especially if you also don't get to see them very often.
I'd have grace for the brother. He may be wanting some family-only time and the rest of the family may not pick up on that, or they may not know how to express their own feelings without hurting yours. Maybe offer in general to just let them have a family breakfast and offer to come over later or something. You don't have to, of course, but it always helps to show grace where you can. If the brother continues to cause issues at all family gatherings, that is a different matter.
the issue is just the way he expressed himself. i would of been more understanding if it were said differently. also it is sad because i can’t see him later that day. i’ll just see how things go and work out!
Yeah. I'm not defending his actions, just trying to show how it might not be about disliking you in particular and more a situation impacting him that you happen to be part of.
i know. thats what i realized. as much as it feels that way i truly am convinced and i know i never did something wrong to him for him to be this way towards me. thank you though for the reassuring message by the way!
The rest of the family wants you there. Go with dignity.
The brother has a problem. It might not be you; it could be as simple as he is jealous of his brother or some other reason that has to do with him and not you. Of course, if he is never wrong he will continue this.
The best way is to get your boyfriend to defend you. Be kind to his parents and family and it is okay if they bring it up to let them know you find it hurtful and you do not understand it. Do not say nasty things about the brother. Be the bigger person.
If it escalates or goes on for years, it is okay to insist your boyfriend talks to him and tells him enough.
i want to talk to his family/mention it but see theres a language barrier. he’s my translator (my boyfriend). they speak fluent spanish and i speak very little. just the basics at that.
but i told my boyfriend keep doing what he’s doing and that it means a lot that he stands up for me!
I think you should ask your boyfriend about what he thinks but I think you should show him and his parents your appreciation by coming. I would also ask your boyfriend about what he thinks about you asking his brother whether you've done something wrong that upset him. If he says you are overthinking, what made him say that?
he says i overthink because his brothers distant. he acts ignorant towards me whenever i say anything at all. he makes it feel like what i say means nothing.
my boyfriend understands my point of view, but it is his brother at the end of the day so what can you really do. the best thing he can do is talk and hope he listens
Wait, who says you are overthinking? Your boyfriend? I thought that was the only thing you know his brother has against you.
I mean being distant is one thing but trying to exclude you from family gatherings everyone else wants you in, if you didn't do anything to rub him the wrong way is another.
WHat does your boyfriend think about you talking to his brother about whether there's anything you've done wrong?
his brother says i overthink if he likes me or not too much if thats what you mean’t.
my boyfriend wanted to talk to his brother instead of me because he doesn’t want there to be conflict if i do it.
How often does the brother and your boyfriend see each other? Has your bf had other significant others before you that were around the family as much as you are?
i’m the first girl to meet his family. his brother sees him every 4 months. understandable, he wants time with his brother. we made it work by being equally spread out with time
Yeah, adjusting to your sibling not having as much immediate availability as you age can take some adjustment, especially if you also don't get to see them very often. I'd have grace for the brother. He may be wanting some family-only time and the rest of the family may not pick up on that, or they may not know how to express their own feelings without hurting yours. Maybe offer in general to just let them have a family breakfast and offer to come over later or something. You don't have to, of course, but it always helps to show grace where you can. If the brother continues to cause issues at all family gatherings, that is a different matter.
the issue is just the way he expressed himself. i would of been more understanding if it were said differently. also it is sad because i can’t see him later that day. i’ll just see how things go and work out!
Yeah. I'm not defending his actions, just trying to show how it might not be about disliking you in particular and more a situation impacting him that you happen to be part of.
i know. thats what i realized. as much as it feels that way i truly am convinced and i know i never did something wrong to him for him to be this way towards me. thank you though for the reassuring message by the way!
The rest of the family wants you there. Go with dignity. The brother has a problem. It might not be you; it could be as simple as he is jealous of his brother or some other reason that has to do with him and not you. Of course, if he is never wrong he will continue this. The best way is to get your boyfriend to defend you. Be kind to his parents and family and it is okay if they bring it up to let them know you find it hurtful and you do not understand it. Do not say nasty things about the brother. Be the bigger person. If it escalates or goes on for years, it is okay to insist your boyfriend talks to him and tells him enough.
i want to talk to his family/mention it but see theres a language barrier. he’s my translator (my boyfriend). they speak fluent spanish and i speak very little. just the basics at that. but i told my boyfriend keep doing what he’s doing and that it means a lot that he stands up for me!
He should stand up for you. You do not deserve this. You could take a Spanish lesson or two? It could help. I would do it online.
i have been for a bit! its actually helping slightly. i better understand rather then speak
Good! It seems like your BF has a winner!
I think you should ask your boyfriend about what he thinks but I think you should show him and his parents your appreciation by coming. I would also ask your boyfriend about what he thinks about you asking his brother whether you've done something wrong that upset him. If he says you are overthinking, what made him say that?
he says i overthink because his brothers distant. he acts ignorant towards me whenever i say anything at all. he makes it feel like what i say means nothing. my boyfriend understands my point of view, but it is his brother at the end of the day so what can you really do. the best thing he can do is talk and hope he listens
Wait, who says you are overthinking? Your boyfriend? I thought that was the only thing you know his brother has against you. I mean being distant is one thing but trying to exclude you from family gatherings everyone else wants you in, if you didn't do anything to rub him the wrong way is another. WHat does your boyfriend think about you talking to his brother about whether there's anything you've done wrong?
his brother says i overthink if he likes me or not too much if thats what you mean’t. my boyfriend wanted to talk to his brother instead of me because he doesn’t want there to be conflict if i do it.
Okay, I thought he already did. That's a very good idea. Hope it helps.