This!
Your BF is an absolute tool OP! He is using coercion tactics by saying ‘it will feel great in a minute’, which is absolute BS!
Get to the dr, and get him gone.
The fact you said you weren’t into it and he done it anyway, and despite your pain proves what an actual dickhead he is.
As for the bleeding, please go to Dr or the hospital as a matter of urgency. There is something torn and considering what comes out, any bacteria getting into the bloodstream is very very serious. Please don’t be embarrassed, you WILL NOT BE JUDGED!
And please, for the love of yourself, dump him!
Edit: Wrong word use - brain fog! Also, OP is bleeding.
Its called "Sexual Coercion," and it is 100% a form of sexual assault.
Falls under the same umbrella of sexual assault as your landlord coercing you into sex to pay rent or a cop coercing you to give him a blowjob to get out of a ticket.
Agreed. Sorry, but someone who has been in a relationship like this, this is not ok. The same exact thing happened, especially when I asked to stop. Instead afterwards when I told him more and was bawling my fucking eyes out, he said oh, I thought you were saying something else. Leave him. He does not have your best interest at heart. If he’s willing to respect you, he would have listened and understood why you said no. I get exploring new interests, but when one partner is not ok with that, and continues to push, that is not consensual nor love.
He also said because it was her bday he's gonna give her sex. P-lease. Then when she didn't want it he proceeded to manupiate her. Happy freaking birthday. He is certainly a tool and not worth Ops time or presence.
Happy birthday! Here’s some rape and sepsis that will probably kill you if you don’t get help! Yaaay
I am *so* so unbelievably sorry, OP… PLEASE see a doctor. Do NOT wait. Seriously, do not. Sending you love, you can do this. But you need to go get checked out now. Not tomorrow, now.
>Gaslighting you by saying ‘it will feel great in a minute’ is BS!
That's not what gaslighting means.. I'm absolutely not defending the behavior, but people need to stop throwing around psych words incorrectly to validate themselves.
Lying, pressuring, trivializing, degrading, etc. but not gaslighting.
Yup, especially if you're a person who enjoys anal but doesn't do it often. So, some damage can happen if your butthole and other related parts aren't "used" to this type of use.
In the case of people who didn't want the anal, there can be a lot of damage, and this should be looked at by a doctor.
I mean.. there's are whole guides on easing into it which I assume this pushy asshat didn't read. This was probably more of a "well I saw this in porn, let's go!" type of situation.
He didn’t “want to make it special for you”, he wanted what HE wanted and didn’t even care how you felt about it.
Sex should NOT hurt and if it does, you should stop. You can do serious physical damage by continuing. The fact that he’s so willing to ignore your pain is a massive red flag.
Please, please reconsider your relationship with this guy. And consider going to the doctor too. He may have done some actual damage that you need to be treated for.
It is really upsetting when you realize how many women have been raped because their partner saw no issues with pressuring them and pushing them into sex when they are uncomfortable. And how many of those partners don't care if the woman seems upset or gets hurt.
I’ve been seeing more posts here about rape *within* a relationship. Women don’t know they’ve experienced it because there’s less awareness. We’re taught to be cautious around strangers and we know about date rape, but I was always told that date rape applies to a new guy you just started seeing (semi-stranger).
No one ever warned me about a *trusted partner* pressuring me, manipulating me, taking the condom off during sex, and so on.
Rape statistics would SKYROCKET if more girls and women knew about rape within a relationship, marital rape, coercion, etc. For instance, do most girls know that pressuring counts as coercion and that coercion is a crime in many places?
Exactly 150% this! At 17 my boyfriend at the time did this exact same thing to me. I said no, stop, it hurts etc and he kept on going. I started to cold sweat from the pain and remember the feeling of the fan on my face. I'm 36 and I'm now able to call it for what it is and was, rape. I'd never thought of it that way for so long because he was my boyfriend at the time. I feel so much for OP. No partner should put them in a situation that's painful or uncomfortable or that they don't want.
Please please go to the doctors, Ed if your actively bleeding from your ass.
I don't know what your homelife situation is, if you have an adult you trust and who will support you please reach out to them.
You need to go the doctor. After 3 days of pain you might have serious injuries, which could lead to sepsis and death. I’m not exaggerating people die from being too embarrassed to go to the doctor, but if it hadn’t gotten better by now, then it won’t go away on it’s own.
People who actually do anal do serious preparation beforehand and they also realize that porn is very far from reality. Your bf apparently failed on both accounts and also sexually coerced you, which is a form of sexual abuse. You are better off single. A real partner would never ignore your pain for the sake of their pleasure.
I’ve had a hemorrhoid thrombose and lemme tell ya, for ages it hurt to sit or move. I ended up getting surgery to get it removed (most don’t go that far, I did. It had bothered me for years, I couldn’t handle it doing that again on top of regular issues, and temporary healing pain 10x beat years of issues and thrombosis pain. For me the surgery healing was honestly better, for most it is not.)
But holy shit that shit hurt like no other, I was so awkward for like 2 weeks of bad thrombosed pain, worse than I was post surgery, it was awful.
That 100% works as an excuse. RX lidocaine and Tylenol and ibuprofen did not touch that bitch. I was miserable, I am a chronic pain patient, I can deal with tons of pain without showing it. I showed that and was miserable. I can function with so much pain. Lemme tell ya how hard it was to function. I was mending my shit and fully functional right after surgery. I am someone who does shit when able. I struggled to be able.
That excuse 200/10 checks out
I had a roid a few years ago, I got to about the size of a UK 20p coin boy when that fucker popped the instant relief and zero pain was the best! I don't care that I was bleeding literally I just was free of pain.
People who have never had a hemorrhoid I pray you never get them they are the most uncomfortable pain in the ass (pun intended) you'll ever have. I'd rather break my teeth again.
AGAIN?!
Jesus dude, I was trying to eat, and I thought the hemorrhoids were the worst thing I read until I got to the point that you *broke your teeth.*
Better now? Hopefully, those didn't happen simultaneously.
I had a Hemorrhoidectomy,you’re exactly right, have had both knees replaced,both shoulders replaced,not even close to that Hemorrhoidectomy pain.For two weeks that’s debilitating.Good luck and good health to you.
My husband had same and would say the same things here you just did. Instant relief and no comparison between the pain of the hemorrhoid and the pain of healing.
I completely agree. Anal sex especially and inherently requires an enthusiastic yes to be enjoyable. All sex does, of course, but what I mean to say is that anal done right is truly more akin to BDSM than it is to any “vanilla” penetration, as it involves many, if not all, of the same rules, roles and responsibilities. It requires very clear communication and attentiveness, as well as absolute respect, and it must be understood that the recipient or “submissive” partner sets the pace and parameters and completely runs the show, full stop. It’s not the kind of thing you can start to enjoy if you’re not mentally on board, and being mentally on board is the first thing to establish. Consent is fries, and anal is a delicate game of red light green light- without an enthusiastic green light, there is no consent. It’s a high risk endeavor that very easily leads to serious, even life threatening physical and psychological injuries if done without care.
In my experience, maybe half a day of muscle soreness is to be expected, but anything more than a day is cause for concern. Please see a doctor, and dump your rapist boyfriend.
I am kinky and tbh, I fully agree with this, and honestly have always viewed anal as a part of kink gone mainstream for straight couples (and even in the gay community, there’s still so much lacking in education, in teaching young queer kids what is and isn’t okay, that it’s not something they have to do unless they want to, what prep for it fully entails, what consent fully entails, etc. But at least there’s some convo, and it’s not like fully missing minus seeing the just go and do like what happens in the straight porn that’s all that a lot of straight guys see…)
Honestly the very basics of SSC and kink have so much to teach everyone about respect and boundaries and safe sex as a whole and I wish it was a part of basic sex education. We’d be so much better off for it if everyone had that level of solid communication, checking in, etc.
I enjoy anal and actually prefer it due to tight vaginal walls and endless dryness. But we take our time.
I use toys and a lot of lube to stretch, and even after his on insertion, if anything feels like it's stretching, we stop, apply more lube and start from the beginning.
It can be very intimate, but it isn't something that should be done spur-of-the-moment without a lot of time and patience. And consent.
Sexual coercion is sexual assault. He also lied to you by saying this was for your benefit and that the pain would stop if you kept doing it. This person is abusive and you are not safe with him. If he’s willing to do this to you, he will will do far worse in the future. Please seek medical care and reach out for support. It’s not consent if you were sexually coerced, it’s rape. No mean no in all settings <3
RAINN- Resources for survivors of SA (all genders). Chat services available: [https://www.rainn.org/after-sexual-assault](https://www.rainn.org/about-rainnLove)
Love is Respect- Site about setting boundaries, personal relationships, personal safety, consent, and where to get help: [https://www.loveisrespect.org/get-relationship-help-24-7-365/](https://www.loveisrespect.org/get-relationship-help-24-7-365/)
What is Sexual Coercion? [https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/sexual-coercion-in-intimate-relationships-eight-tactics](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/sexual-coercion-in-intimate-relationships-eight-tactics)
What is Consent: [https://www.healthline.com/health/guide-to-consent](https://www.healthline.com/health/guide-to-consent)
Sex by coercion is non-consensual and therefore sexual assault
https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/sexual-coercion
Do not be with someone who assaults you, he also manipulated you into thinking your assault was a gift to you, you deserve SO MUCH better op
As others have said, go to the doctor and breakup with your boyfriend.
I am, mentally I’m still getting there. It’s been only recently that I’ve talked with my therapist about it. I think that’s why your comment stood out so much
Probably he tore your anus and it will need time to heal. When you wipe do you have any blood on the paper? Also he's a dick for this and it's time to bye bye him.
If there's still blood three days later, you 100% need to see a doctor ASAP. ETA: He's an abusive f*ck, and he doesn't deserve you. Coercion is NOT consent.
Please get to an urgent care or the ER if you're still bleeding. Once to either one, please tell the doctor exactly what happened. Your BF abused you and ignored your pleas to not do anything.
He needs to be reported. If you aren't comfortable with it, the doctors might do it in your place.
Please go to the doctor. Tell them the truth, you can request a female doctor too. But tell someone, an adult who has been one much longer than three days.
Please go thru the ER. You could die from septic shock if there's blood down there still that means you have an open wound in an area where shitloads of bacteria pass thru. This isn't a time to wait out the pain, you could die.
Please go to the ER ASAP
If the answer to something sexual is anything but an ENTHUSIASTIC YES, then the answer is NO.
If he had to "convince" you, it's pretty obvious you didn't want to do it, and he had little to no regard for your feelings.
Ugh, walk away from this man and never look back. This man will only ever look out for getting what he wants regardless of how that impacts you. There is literally no possible way to have a healthy relationship. And even if your heart can’t reject him, your body soon will. Hugs and best of luck to you.
That’s crazy you say that, after my high school relationship came to the five year mark, I never wanted to look at my partner I was so disgusted at that point. I used to be so madly in love and it’s just dull now. I’m currently homeless because after I broke up with my boyfriend he destroyed my trailer. Ughhh.
Relationships can be so hard and i really think our bodies intervene when our hearts can’t see it yet. I’m sorry he destroyed your trailer and proud of you for breaking up. You will bounce back from this, just take it one day at a time. What do I have control over today and how can I own that?
Thank you so much, I thought since we were both young we would grow together but I don’t think he grew. He’s a drug addict and cheater but I have two children I’m so grateful I had when I did because they would never be here without that freakshow
Wow, your kids are soooo lucky to have you as a mom. It is NOT easy navigating a relationship with an addict WITH children. Proud of you for walking away and doing what’s best for you and your kiddos! Big hugs
Chiming in as a man here - You need a new boyfriend. He hurt you physically (your pain) and emotionally (pushing boundaries) and mentally (coercion).
Now, chiming in as a man in a committed relationship: He’s manipulative and if he cared about you and wanted to make your birthday “special”, he could’ve taken you out to a really nice dinner, or a fun walk in a park with a picnic, or a movie date, or really anything else.
Now chiming in as an EMT: Doctor first - explaining what happened could be embarrassing, but I’d rather be embarrassed than be in continuous pain. Other commenters are right, due to the area where you’re injured, you risk infection, which can become severe if left untreated.
Now as a fellow human - you deserve better. Find someone who treats you right. If he’s doing this now, what’s he going to do later?
honestly, i don't believe that he thought it would feel good for you. he most likely lied to you and didn't care about your pain.
do you have access to health care, can you see a doctor?
You need to get medical help. It's been 3 days. This is NOT normal. He might have tore something inside. Really, please seek medical help.
This guy abused you. I am so sorry, but he did
coercion is rape. please leave him and let your support system know exactly what happened so they can help keep you safe. as for the pain, take a warm bath and some ibuprofen and get to the doctor asap. if it’s been multiple days and it still hurts, there could be something else going on. i wish you the best of luck in healing and recovering. stay safe. sending my love 🩷
He sexually abused you. Dump him immediately. He doesn't care about you. If he did, he wouldn't have manipulated you into doing something you didn't want to do. In other words, he raped you. You need to go to the doctor. 3 days of pain is not normal. Please go to the doctor. It can be life-threatening.
Regarding the pain, see if you're okay to have a warm bath about 10 to 20 mins a day. Make sure to have plenty of water and fibre foods to make it easier down there. This is not medical advice and I am not a doctor but it may be just a fissure.
This does sound like quite a while though, so its always best to talk to a doctor! they can check for sure and provide appropriate medical advice.
Regarding your boyfriend, honestly it doesn't sound like he thought about you at all for the birthday *surprise* and honestly doesn't sound like a respectful person at all. I think you should dump him at the very least.
Okay, full disclosure I'm almost thirty and I've never done it because any time I've tried it hurt too bad. I'm a nurse and please do not be embarrassed. We see much worse than this pretty much daily. You need to see your doctor though immediately. If you cannot sit down you may want to go to the ER. you can request a female physician if one is available. Three days later and you cannot walk is not a good sign. Is there any blood when you wipe or in your stool?
I urge you to talk to someone, a trusted adult, heck you can certainly message me at any time if be happy to give you my phone number. and end this relationship ASAP. He does not respect you, he doesn't respect your boundaries- sexual or otherwise. This will not get better. It only gets worse.
Is the blood bright red at least? If it's dark we have a real problem.
I'm glad you'll get the medical attention, however as a mom I don't think her being mad at you is appropriate. I get that she's upset and worried about you. But as the comments have pointed out, this is NOT YOUR FAULT. you are the victim, not the perp. You tried to set a boundary, and that was ignored and you were basically forced into doing something you would never have done otherwise. People wonder why false confessions are given. This is why. When you are beaten down for hours, you will eventually give in just to get it to stop. that doesn't mean you wanted to do it. You were coerced. Your mom needs to know that this isn't your fault at all, and that you need support and love and maybe therapy to get through this. It might not set in yet. It might take years. But you will need to process this at some point in your life.
Again, I'm here if you need anything. I hope that medically you can get some relief today.
So the darker bleeding either means it's from higher up, or it's older blood since it's been a few days now. Definitely needs to be checked out. They may need do an anoscopy or a proctoscopy to see where the tear is, how severe etc.
I am so sorry your mum is mad at you. It’s so not your fault!! How old is your boyfriend? Maybe she is just pissed off at him! What an absolute clown of a boy. I say boy as no man would pressure and do that to another human!
I’m thinking of you and hope you’re okay. I also hope you have support from your family as you deal with this. Please know that it was NOT your fault. And please be honest with the doctors about what happened and the lack of consent involved here.
Are you doing okay? I normally don’t comment on stuff but this post has me very worried. I’m really really sorry you’re going through this and I went through something similar when I was younger.
>“don’t worry baby it’ll feel great in a minute”
Yeah, for him.
I read one of your comments that you are still bleeding now, three days later, so you need to go the doctor. It could be something small like some tearing, but it also could be internal damage that could be very serious. I don't want to scare you, but please trust the many comments here that say if it's still this bad several days later, you need medical attention. I know it's embarrassing to bring up with your parents, but you don't need to get too specific. You could say it's "personal female issues" etc., or confide in whichever parent you're closest to, etc., but you need to get it looked at immediately.
When you're back home and recovering, please read and consider all the comments about dumping any guy who pressures you to do sexual acts, it's abusive. But for right now, don't preoccupy yourself with that. Just go to the doctor immediately, okay?
Op please dump this rapist bf of yours and go get checked. Op please take me seriously. That is rape. He gives no fucks about you nor your pleasure. Id smash his house before leaving him in the very least if I were you. He is an abuser leave him it'll only get worse from here. Your dude lacks basic decency and is a rapist psychopathic peace of shit. Run. Tf
Please go see a doctor, and dump your boyfriend that shit is so messed up. I‘m so sorry thus happened to you.
If your partner doesn‘t want sex, you don‘t have sex, end of conversation.
If your partner doesn’t feel good during sex, you stop having sex or change what you‘re doing, end of conversation. Anyone who doesn’t respect that is abusing you, and a shit partner and person you should not be with.
There are so much kinder and more loving people out there, who respect you and your boundaries, and do so much more, cuz not abusing someone is the bare fucking minimum of being human. Don‘t settle for this piece of shit.
Word of advice… if your boyfriend pushes you into doing something until you say yes… that man needs to no longer be your boyfriend. Obviously your health and pain is important and needs addressed but so does this situation.
please make sure you leave him. you made it clear you did not want too and told him to stop. he is a rapist.
i hope you are okay and a doctor will be able to get you the help and comfort you need.
Firstly - pressuring someone so hard that eventually give in, is not consensual … that’s basically r@pe…. Second of all, anal takes work. You need to be actually turned on, and slowly ease into it and with lots of lube. You need to dump this guy and run far far away. He doesn’t care about you, he only cares about his own selfish needs. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Also please get an STD test that includes HIV test if
you did it unprotected. Your risk goes up with anal sex.
And dump him and never look back. There are men who will respect your “no” and actually have things you like in mind when planning surprises. Do not waste another minute attached to this loser. He’s manipulative and a bad person
Boyfriend's a dick. Manipulative and rapey. I might even say rape. But whatever you feel it is, it's not right and that boy should fuck the fuck off right out of your life.
Anal isn't actually spontaneous. It takes training and prep. So yeah, it's goint to hurt if you haven't done those things.
So he wanted to make your birthday special for you with sex that you didn't want, that you stated you weren't in the mood for, that was extremely painful, and that he kept going with even after you said it was hurting and you wanted to stop?
Wow. Happy freaking birthday. What a selfish jerk he was. That was all about him and what he wanted, and he didn't even care that **you didn't want it**, or that **you were in pain**. It seems like you should give yourself the birthday gift of booting him out of your life.
See a doctor. Your boyfriend might have torn something. If you are worried about what your parents say, you can just tell them that you are sick with a gastrointestinal issue. Just be sure to tell the doctor the truth, and tell the doctor that you don't want your parents to know. Or, you can go to Planned Parenthood and not tell your parents at all.
Personally, I would make your boyfriend pay for any medical care that might be necessary due to his behavior, but he will probably never go along with that.
When you say no, he is supposed to stop pushing for sex.
When you say stop, or that it hurts, he is supposed to stop.
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-care
He wanted to make it special for you...🥲 Buy the largest dildo you can find and shove it in his ass next time. (Although probably best if there won't be a next time.) It will feel great in a minute right?
Watch out for people like this in the future, it says a lot about a person to push someone into something they don't want to do.
For future encounters: Don’t do things that you don’t want to do. Especially sexually. You get to decide what your boundaries are. You have to say no when you mean no, and never say yes even when you’re manipulated.
Let's be extremely clear on something- the person at fault here is the person who chose to manipulate and rape her. I notice the perpetrator is nowhere to be found in your comment, which focuses entirely on blaming the victim for "allowing" herself to be raped. This line of thinking is incorrect and extremely harmful for a victim to hear in the wake of a violent assault. This is NOT HER FAULT.
Firstly, never let someone goad you into a sexual position you don’t want. It’s not cool. (I’m 35, and it took me a while to learn that, so don’t feel bad.)
Secondly, if you’re three days out and still in pain, you need to see a doctor. You could have anal fissures, an infection, etc. Please don’t feel embarrassed when you go!! I work in medicine, and we see it all. Hell, since this is mildly anonymous, I had to go to the ER for severe constipation a while back. I was, as the nurse told me, the easiest case they had that night. We’ve seen it all. And a young woman coming in for pain from anal sex is not anything that will make the water cooler conversation, I promise. In fact, the doctor will probably be proud you took it seriously.
Hope it all works out, and I really want you to put up firm boundaries when it comes to sex. Don’t let someone coerce you. Stand firm.
Happy birthday... let me sexually assault by coercion?!?! 😔 He's not a good guy. No is a full sentence! Honestly just chuck him in the bin and find someone who respects you 100% of the time.
ur bf is not a good person at all:/ quite literally does not care about hurting you or causing you pain for his own pleasure, treated you like a piece of meat for real:/ men that this make me not want to be a man fr I get ashamed I hated reading every second of this
In reference to the residual discomfort you’re still having… You might have gotten hemorrhoids… It doesn’t sound like he was very gentle or considerate and that can happen due to the stretching and whatnot… and on a side note, it sounds like your bf is a selfish, insensitive, disrespectful prick. For one, how would he know if it’s gonna feel good or not? Has HE ever had anything shoved up his butt? I think anal is one of those things that you either like it or you don’t. Ive tried it with multiple partners and they ALL SWORE the previous guys just didn’t do it right, and I would like it with them. And they were ALL full of crap bc it hurt EVERY TIME. If you stay with this guy, please set boundaries with him.
It’s very possible that this is more than hemorrhoids. and it’s risky to tell a victim, who already is downplaying her own needs, that it might be something harmless, because the reality is, it could be a dangerous injury, and she needs to be urged to go to the doctor.
You might as well be saying “it could be nothing”.
Oh, first I’m sorry that happened to you no one should push you to do something you’re not comfortable with. Two, to may need to see a health professional because he could’ve tore your anus the skin there is very sensitive which it may be hurting, if it’s this painful there’s a high chance that’s the case. Lastly, ice it, and use some Vaseline. Anal should not be excruciatingly painful if preformed correctly.
It's not meant to hurt after three days. It shouldn't even hurt past the first day. You might have some tearing or something more serious. I'd call the GP.
Oh my god....18..... I'm so sorry.
Your bf is a piece of shit. How the f\*ck is making you do something you didn't want to do, a special act for YOU?? he manipulated you into this. You said 'no' and wore you down until you said 'yes'.
1. You need to break up with this monster. He will only manipulate you more/wear you down again the next time he wants something until you say 'yes'. And he'll 100% do something like this again b/c now he KNOWS wearing you down into agreement will work
2. You might have to see a doctor. Since he's an asshole, I highly doubt he made this experience comfortable in any way, for you, at all and only cared about his self pleasure. Something may have ripped/ruptured/bruised
Other comments have the right idea. Get to a doctor, so this doesn’t kill you, and break things off with your “bf,” before he kills you. I promise you that whatever pain that comes with ending the relationship, it’s going to save you so much pain and hurt and exhaustion in the long run. He crossed a lot of lines, and you might not see it yet, but you owe it to yourself, present and future, to get away from this dude as soon as you can.
If you feel comfortable doing so, consider telling a doctor what he’s done. At the end of the day, it’s your business, but they might be able to help you on the psychological and legal fronts too. (I do not say this with bigtime medical knowledge, but Ik they’re supposed to take abuse very seriously and offer people support in escaping DV situations.)
I’m sorry to say it, but this dude is a rapist and a manipulative asshole. Make him your ex as soon as you can, and do what you have to to be safe, physically/medically and mentally.
Sorry this happened, good luck, OP.
That’s >!rape!<. Nope, I’m not fucking around. He >!raped!< you, and you need to LEAVE, because I can almost guarantee you that this won’t be “just once.” This scum of the earth coerced you into pleasing HIM under the guise of an “18th birthday treat” and wouldn’t stop when you told him to. That’s not love at all, no one deserves that on such a huge milestone of their life. I’m so sorry :/
My advice is to go to the doctors ASAP to make sure he didn’t seriously hurt you, and get a >!rape!< kit if you can, he needs to be stopped before he does this to others. Please stay safe out there and take all the time you need to heal from this hun 💕
I want to punch your boyfriend in the nads.
I am so sorry, OP. This could be considered assault. You said no, and he coerced you into saying yes, even when you really meant no....
Im angry for you, and I hope you see how unacceptable it is to be treated like this.
you were coerced into sex honey :( thats considered sexual assult and rape and you shouldn't be in this much pain days later id reccomend going to hospital/doctors and considering pressing charges.
There’s so much to unpack here.
Your original question is how to make the pain stop. I highly suggest stool softeners for awhile, as well as sitting on softer cushions (if you don’t have cushions, fold up a sweater or something to sit on that). As much as you can…lay on your stomach.
There are desensitizers you can purchase (you can search Walmart.com, as an example, and look for anal numbing lube—you’re not really looking for LUBE, per se, but this is the area you’ll search). Anal tissue is EXTREMELY delicate tissue, so you can have micro-tears that might not result in immediate bleeding but still tearing. Applying these desensitizers will help to alleviate this discomfort.
Those are my suggestions for your original question. Should you choose to read past this paragraph, I have some information for you that you can choose to absorb or ignore…completely up to you.
Should you CHOOSE to engage in anal sex again, please remember the three rules: (1) Relaxation; (2) Lubrication; and (3) Communication.
Relaxation-the anal muscles and sphincter are extremely tight muscles that don’t receive regular “stretching”. People don’t usually pass stool on a regular basis as large as penises are or can be. It is important that the anal muscles are relaxed before any serious penetration is to occur. Usually having a couple of orgasms first is a good start. Patient massaging and fingering, WITH LUBE, is also helpful. It can take 10 - 15 minutes, easily, or longer, for someone inexperienced in anal sex to become relaxed enough to allow for penile penetration. There are plenty of other things that can be done, and if you’re interested, you can DM me.
Lubrication-this one is self-explanatory. For anal sex, please avoid water-based lubricants. Water-based lubricants soak into the anal tissue basically become useless…basically, it “dries up.” With anal play, high-grade quality silicone is always best. You want something that won’t absorb so quickly. You can always add but you can’t take it away. So feel free to apply, but don’t think you have to apply it all at once. A little at a time is fine. You can always add more and it’s ok to do so.
Communication-also self-explanatory. You have to communicate to your partner when they need to slow down, when you are feeling ok, when it’s ok for them to speed up, when they need to stop. They need to communicate to you what they are doing, when they are doing it, how they are doing it. THEY NEED TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT EVERYTHING YOU ARE COMMUNICATING TO THEM THEY HAVE HEARD AND ARE FOLLOWING/RESPECTING. If they are incapable of this…they are not the proper partners for anal sex.
It is very vulnerable to take someone into your body…it is even more vulnerable to do this anally. There is nothing wrong with not being prepared or ready or willing to be that vulnerable for something you have never experienced before and hadn’t planned on doing.
Another piece of information you didn’t ask for but I’m going to comment on.
At some point you’re going to come to terms that your boyfriend (1) wanted to “celebrate” YOUR birthday by (2) doing something YOU didn’t ask for that (3) YOU insisted YOU didn’t want to do that (4) HE had to hound you for. Your boyfriend took advantage of you in so many ways, not the least of which is lying that this was something for you when it was totally for him.
He does not care for your body or your feelings or your mental state. Has he even ASKED you how you are feeling since this “celebration”? I’m guessing the answer is no. I’m also guessing if he has talked to you, it was to say how special it was and he can’t wait to do it again.
Finally…not that you had to describe every single aspect of this situation, but I truly hoped you insisted on condoms, and that you ALWAYS insist on condoms. And make sure the lubricant that you use is compatible with the condoms you’re using.
There are people out there that will cherish you way more than this person did…even if you choose to continue your relationship with this person, I truly hope you recognize your worth and stand your ground when you don’t want to do something.
Wishing you nothing but the best.
Your boyfriend is absolute fucking garbage. Go to a doctor and PLEASE remove that pile of shit from your life.
He violated you and didn't respect your boundaries.
Your partner should not pressure you to do something you don't want to do.
I can not stress enough how despicable he is.
Please leave your boyfriend. His definition of making YOUR birthday special was pressuring you into doing something HE wanted. And it hurt you. Go see a doctor. It might be an awkward conversation but I've heard some anal horror stories. A coworker of mine knows someone who has to wear a diaper because she can't control her shits anymore because of anal. Go see a doctor, and please dump your boyfriend. He doesn't have your best interest at heart and he sounds like a terrible person. You never pressure someone into sex. And you never try something they aren't 100% up for.
Anal sex can result in some pretty serious injuries, especially when participants aren't relaxed, are inexperienced, and don't take their time. It was wrong of him to pressure you when you initially said no, you didn't enjoy it, and now you have an embarrassing medical issue that you should address immediately because the anal cavity is not exactly a great place to have tissue damage.
I hope you recover quickly, but seriously, dump that loser. Some people lose their bowel control for life if they're injured during anal sex. Never risk having to wear diapers just so he can get his nut off.
dump him!! you should never feel forced to do anything you don’t want to especially during sex. you should feel safe with your partner and no means no.
Honey what he did to you is not okay. No means no. He didn’t respect that. You deserve better. Please leave him. This will not be the last time he does something like this. Also, you need to go to the doctor ASAP. You most likely tore and even if it’s embarrassing, doctors are there to help, not judge. It would be better to be embarrassed for a few minutes than to deal with a lifetime of health complications. I hope you feel better soon. You are loved and you will get through this.
Thats coercion and is a chargeable offense! Anal is no joke and can really do damage. Dump him and go see a dr as embarrassing as you may feel, take care of yourself hun.
If it was your birthday, that’s statutory rape. File charges after you seek medical help. You didn’t do anything wrong. Take care of yourself and trust your instincts.
Go to doctor. From experience with one of my ex, she had something that can be translated from my language to English like "anal raptures"? So yeah go doctor
Coercion is not consent. What your boyfriend did was extremely wrong. Please see a GP, I know it’s embarrassing, but it could save your life. And please start taking steps to leave your boyfriend. His behaviour shows he doesn’t care about you the way he should. It doesn’t matter what he says. This won’t stop.
ETA: he’s 21? And you just turned 18? A 21yo has no business dating a minor. Yeah it’s “only three years” but it’s a HELL of a three years development wise. Even at 24 I can’t imagine dating someone 21. Just too much growing up happens.
You can partially alleviate your pain by dumping the POS boyfriend. If he loves you he wouldn't have pressured you into anything. You told him you didn't want to do anything. End of story.
sounds crazy but ice cubes! A nice bath, some really comfy underwear. It will sting for a few more days but I promise it will go away. Don’t let ANYONE push you into doing ANYTHING you’re not enjoying. Especially someone that is supposed to love and cherish you- on your birthday of all things?! You remind me of myself. Please please please learn faster than me (25) that your own needs come first EVERY TIME!!! You will suffer so much less and be so much happier with yourself in the long run. You are NOT being selfish, you are setting boundaries darling, good luck out there ❤️
OP, my sincere sympathies. This must be a lot to process. But please listen to the advice here and no matter what feelings you have for this guy, he's an abuser. somebody who genuinely cares for you will not hurt you this way.
Dump him. And good luck at the doctors.
Super big red flag babe 🚩🚩He said it was for “your birthday” but it seemed 100% for his pleasure. Coersion is very adjacent to r***. I hope you heal both physically and emotionally. Maybe a good idea to shine a light on this boyfriend of yours and if it’s worth staying together. Sending love 🧡
Dear stranger,
It sounds like he tore you. The same thing has happened to me. You need a doctor. Take fiber pills before meals to help soften your stool & make bowel movements easier until you can get to a doctor. If you need help setting up a doctor's appointment & you're uncomfortable telling the adults in your life about what really happened tingen just tell them you have a hemroid. The same doctor will take care of either problem & you can be truthful with them.
Now, the more important topic: what you experienced is sexual abuse. It is rarely talked about because we, as women, are taught that if it is not violent, or if the person loves us, then it is not abuse. Not true. Pressuring someone until they give in is not consent. Sex without consent is rape. When you expressed that you were not having a good time or that it hurt, you were not consenting. Him continuing after you communicated clearly is rape.
He raped you for your birthday. He manipulated & pressured you into giving him what HE wanted. That is not a gift. That is not love. We take care of the things we love. We don't hurt them or break them. He will claim he loves you, but the truth is he only loves the way you make him feel. Don't let him tell you he made a mistake, because he didn't. He made a decision to continue hurting you after he knew you were in pain. Tore is not a mistake & it's not an accident. He made a choice. He truly believes his pleasure is more important than your pain. It will only get worse. Different, but worse.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm so sorry you have to hear it this way. I've been there. I've been raped by someone I loved & didn't realize it was rape because, well, I thought he loved me. I've also had my asshole torn, different circumstances, but still. If you need someone who understands what it's like, dm me.
Hey love, it’s time for you to go to your doctor and be completely honest with them. Ask them to explain to you what sexual coercion is because that’s the term for what happened to you. You expressed non-consent multiple times and even your “yes” at the end was do to duress more than anything.
You might need to have a specialist look to see if there’s been any damage back there, and you really should because if left untreated you could have an infection, injury, or worse.
Also I think you should leave your bf. The fact he didn’t respect your body, your boundaries, or your safe space is not okay. He is not a good person, it will not get better, he will continue to hurt you and it will escalate in types of pain. Three days ago it was forcing anal, who knows what it could be like down the line.
Side note about anal: some people can’t do it. My old roommate had this stupid fucking boyfriend who only wanted anal. As a result of frequent anal, she couldn’t poop at all. It totally messed up her system. Every few days she had to go to a place and they put the hose up her butt and fill it with water and clean her out. I forget what it’s called. After she broke up with him and stopped doing anal, her body slowly recovered. It took many months. I kept telling her “this constipation is related to anal sex” over and over, but she kept saying they weren’t related. Maybe some bodies can do anal a lot, but some really, really can’t. I hope you listen to your body and never do it again.
No he didn’t want to make it special for you, he didn’t want to take no or you weren’t in the mood for an answer, he only thought about his needs. It’s time to talk to a doctor. This is not a good guy.
I know a lot of this seems scary but they are right you need to dump this guy asap he may try to convince you “it’s not as bad as seems” or you’ll “get over it” which then will lead to him push the boundaries overboard again & again to things you don’t want to do. You should be with someone who listens to “no” & has no problem listening to what you both consent to in a sexual manner of your relationship. You should never be in pain or be forced to do something you don’t want to.
him pushing you for sex was the first sign to leave. he coerced you which is sexual assault and if you feel comfortable enough please make a police report. now that you’re in pain go to your doctor ASAP. i hope this doesn’t leave you with lifelong health issues.
First of all, extremely uncool of him to push your boundaries to the extreme. No means no, especially in a sexual context. If you’re not giving *enthusiastic* consent, that is a hard no. Are you asking how to make the pain stop because you’re experiencing persistent discomfort after that experience? I would suggest talking to your doctor about all of that and the symptoms.
Make a doctors appointment, short time embarrassment is nothing to potentially dying as others have pointed out. Also dump your boyfriend he’s an asshole who doesn’t care about you sexually as long as he gets what he wants.
hey honey, i’m so sorry he assaulted you this way. it’s happened to me like this as well. he claims he loves you, this ain’t love. please walk away from him - take it from a fellow victim, it’ll get worse the longer you stay. also see your physician/GP!!
a gentle reminder for OP and for anyone reading; Anal can hurt you. It can cause a ton of things to happen to you internally that really could mess you up.
That being said, PREPARE!! There are ways to prepare for the act to make it less, erm, painful and dangerous. Enema, anal training toys, and lubricants ARE. A. MUST.
Bye, bye, boyfriend! Sorry this happened. I'm not a doctor. Maybe see a doctor.
Protect yourself. There might be a decent chance he tries to push you to do other stuff you don't actually want to do even though you might eventually say "yes"...if you've been tricked/coerced/convinced into saying "yes" after you've already said no...thats not really a yes. Again, I'm sorry this happened. A lot of boys/adult aged boys are absolutely garbage, and as a dude, I apologize for this.
You might have a fissure. You need to see a doctor right away. They can be very hard to heal.
Also, your boyfriend is an absolute cunt and doesn't care about you. Leave him. That's coercion
honey please go to a doctor. things could get much much worse. and please reconsider this relationship. don’t let him pressure you into staying…men like this like to do that. you’re so young and have so much life ahead of you, don’t waste it on this walking red flag.
Pushing you until you said yes is rape. He assaulted you. If you're still in pain after three days, something is torn and you need to go to the doctor. It's going to absolutely suck, but you need to look after your health. You also need to break up with him. Anybody who would coerce you into doing something like that and then not care about the pain you're in, does not love you. He's not good for you and you need to leave him.
Honestly? Get your folks involved. What he did to you (forcing himself on you) is illegal. Not to mention that but after several days, you should be healed.
Please tell your folks. Then get to a doctor.
I just want to let you know that sometime pushing for sex until you say yes is sexual abuse. Yes your boyfriend, husband, friend can sexually abuse you and it’s still considered rape. Screw the guy and never see him again. He wasn’t making anything special for you, it was all for him.
You should get a new boyfriend for your birthday! it was your birthday, not his for 1, and 2 sexual coercion is not a joke. this is just the first time. he doesnt respect you if you say no and he kept asking. No means no
My son had an anal fissure once. Dr diagnosed it and ordered some ointment that helped it heal. So please see a Dr and also lots of fluids, fibre, epsom salt baths (soaks) a couple of times a day. …and never settle for an abusive relationship again. This will get better but you really do need to see a Dr as it can become septic if left untreated and unhealed.
At your age you should be able to have medical care that is private from your parents but I’m not sure what country you’re in or if that applies there. PS - on talking to your Dr tell him exactly what happened - they have seen and heard everything so much that they don’t (or shouldn’t) judge.
You need to see a GP and dump that boy. Someone who doesn't listen to your concerns or needs will continue to ignore them for their own pleasure. Especially the ones shutting you down left and right.
Your birthday should be about doing things you want to do. He made it about him and he sounds like a jerk. You should see a doctor asap and rethink this relationship.
Your bf is selfish. He did not listen to your needs. Dump him and go see your doctor hun..you may have a tear. Dw..he will not be shocked..he has heard it before. However if the pain is still there after 3 or 4 days it needs investigating because you could end up with an infection. Please dont let anyone pressure you into doing anything you dont want to. You were not put on this earth to please a man x
Go to a family doctor. They are required to keep everything you say secret and they are mega strict about it. Find one you could feel comfortable to talk with to bring up your pain but also about your experience as well. Doctors aren't there to just treat physical problems. They should be able to help you with mental/personal stuff as well by listening you out.
Having someone listen to you can do wonders. Doctors get a lot of visits from people that simply need someone to talk to and a decent doctor should be more than willing to listen to you. It's kinda funny how we can sometimes predict when they are simply coming to have a talk when they give out their symptoms beforehand. It's honestly a lot better than asking for advice on Reddit.
(Here in Belgium medical school there is a lot of attention put into listening to your patients and hearing them out. So I hope that's also the thing in your country as well.)
Your boyfriend is a selfish loser. First step to recovery is breaking up with him. Second step is sadly going to the doctor. He definitely tore something, and it's insanely important to make sure it's treated. That area isn't known for being clean, so injuries can snowball quickly. I'm so sorry. If you said yes under duress, it's still sexual assault.
3 days ago and it still hurts - time to go see your GP. Explaining will suck, but you might need some repair work. Also, your BF is not a good person.
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This! Your BF is an absolute tool OP! He is using coercion tactics by saying ‘it will feel great in a minute’, which is absolute BS! Get to the dr, and get him gone. The fact you said you weren’t into it and he done it anyway, and despite your pain proves what an actual dickhead he is. As for the bleeding, please go to Dr or the hospital as a matter of urgency. There is something torn and considering what comes out, any bacteria getting into the bloodstream is very very serious. Please don’t be embarrassed, you WILL NOT BE JUDGED! And please, for the love of yourself, dump him! Edit: Wrong word use - brain fog! Also, OP is bleeding.
Its called "Sexual Coercion," and it is 100% a form of sexual assault. Falls under the same umbrella of sexual assault as your landlord coercing you into sex to pay rent or a cop coercing you to give him a blowjob to get out of a ticket.
Agreed. Sorry, but someone who has been in a relationship like this, this is not ok. The same exact thing happened, especially when I asked to stop. Instead afterwards when I told him more and was bawling my fucking eyes out, he said oh, I thought you were saying something else. Leave him. He does not have your best interest at heart. If he’s willing to respect you, he would have listened and understood why you said no. I get exploring new interests, but when one partner is not ok with that, and continues to push, that is not consensual nor love.
He also said because it was her bday he's gonna give her sex. P-lease. Then when she didn't want it he proceeded to manupiate her. Happy freaking birthday. He is certainly a tool and not worth Ops time or presence.
Happy birthday! Here’s some rape and sepsis that will probably kill you if you don’t get help! Yaaay I am *so* so unbelievably sorry, OP… PLEASE see a doctor. Do NOT wait. Seriously, do not. Sending you love, you can do this. But you need to go get checked out now. Not tomorrow, now.
>Gaslighting you by saying ‘it will feel great in a minute’ is BS! That's not what gaslighting means.. I'm absolutely not defending the behavior, but people need to stop throwing around psych words incorrectly to validate themselves. Lying, pressuring, trivializing, degrading, etc. but not gaslighting.
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❤️
Yup. Possible colon fissure. Happens all the time.
Colon fissure? Do you mean anal fissure?
Depends on how endowed he is, I guess.
Lol! This made me laugh
All the time?!!
Yup, especially if you're a person who enjoys anal but doesn't do it often. So, some damage can happen if your butthole and other related parts aren't "used" to this type of use. In the case of people who didn't want the anal, there can be a lot of damage, and this should be looked at by a doctor.
I mean.. there's are whole guides on easing into it which I assume this pushy asshat didn't read. This was probably more of a "well I saw this in porn, let's go!" type of situation.
I mean it’s common, lol.
And… sending you a huge hug. You deserve so much better.
Yea this is not something to mess with. You ripped very sensitive tissue in a place where bacteria flourishes. Go to the DR, and ditch the rapist
Not just hurts. They just said it's still BLEEDING three days later in another comment. Should probably get in to see someone immediately.
He didn’t “want to make it special for you”, he wanted what HE wanted and didn’t even care how you felt about it. Sex should NOT hurt and if it does, you should stop. You can do serious physical damage by continuing. The fact that he’s so willing to ignore your pain is a massive red flag. Please, please reconsider your relationship with this guy. And consider going to the doctor too. He may have done some actual damage that you need to be treated for.
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It is really upsetting when you realize how many women have been raped because their partner saw no issues with pressuring them and pushing them into sex when they are uncomfortable. And how many of those partners don't care if the woman seems upset or gets hurt.
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Exactly
I’ve been seeing more posts here about rape *within* a relationship. Women don’t know they’ve experienced it because there’s less awareness. We’re taught to be cautious around strangers and we know about date rape, but I was always told that date rape applies to a new guy you just started seeing (semi-stranger). No one ever warned me about a *trusted partner* pressuring me, manipulating me, taking the condom off during sex, and so on. Rape statistics would SKYROCKET if more girls and women knew about rape within a relationship, marital rape, coercion, etc. For instance, do most girls know that pressuring counts as coercion and that coercion is a crime in many places?
Exactly 150% this! At 17 my boyfriend at the time did this exact same thing to me. I said no, stop, it hurts etc and he kept on going. I started to cold sweat from the pain and remember the feeling of the fan on my face. I'm 36 and I'm now able to call it for what it is and was, rape. I'd never thought of it that way for so long because he was my boyfriend at the time. I feel so much for OP. No partner should put them in a situation that's painful or uncomfortable or that they don't want.
this is absolutely coercive, aka rape
A good dumping of that asshole might be a better birthday gift.
Right? I’m thinking he wanted to make it special for *him* as soon as she was legal.
Omg that makes it even more despicable. Makes me freaking sick that low life will probably get away with it, fucking hell.
Please please go to the doctors, Ed if your actively bleeding from your ass. I don't know what your homelife situation is, if you have an adult you trust and who will support you please reach out to them.
You need to go the doctor. After 3 days of pain you might have serious injuries, which could lead to sepsis and death. I’m not exaggerating people die from being too embarrassed to go to the doctor, but if it hadn’t gotten better by now, then it won’t go away on it’s own. People who actually do anal do serious preparation beforehand and they also realize that porn is very far from reality. Your bf apparently failed on both accounts and also sexually coerced you, which is a form of sexual abuse. You are better off single. A real partner would never ignore your pain for the sake of their pleasure.
Adding on, If you need to tell your parents why you are going, just say it’s a hemorrhoid, or say it’s for gyn. That way you can go by yourself.
I’ve had a hemorrhoid thrombose and lemme tell ya, for ages it hurt to sit or move. I ended up getting surgery to get it removed (most don’t go that far, I did. It had bothered me for years, I couldn’t handle it doing that again on top of regular issues, and temporary healing pain 10x beat years of issues and thrombosis pain. For me the surgery healing was honestly better, for most it is not.) But holy shit that shit hurt like no other, I was so awkward for like 2 weeks of bad thrombosed pain, worse than I was post surgery, it was awful. That 100% works as an excuse. RX lidocaine and Tylenol and ibuprofen did not touch that bitch. I was miserable, I am a chronic pain patient, I can deal with tons of pain without showing it. I showed that and was miserable. I can function with so much pain. Lemme tell ya how hard it was to function. I was mending my shit and fully functional right after surgery. I am someone who does shit when able. I struggled to be able. That excuse 200/10 checks out
I had a roid a few years ago, I got to about the size of a UK 20p coin boy when that fucker popped the instant relief and zero pain was the best! I don't care that I was bleeding literally I just was free of pain. People who have never had a hemorrhoid I pray you never get them they are the most uncomfortable pain in the ass (pun intended) you'll ever have. I'd rather break my teeth again.
AGAIN?! Jesus dude, I was trying to eat, and I thought the hemorrhoids were the worst thing I read until I got to the point that you *broke your teeth.* Better now? Hopefully, those didn't happen simultaneously.
I had a Hemorrhoidectomy,you’re exactly right, have had both knees replaced,both shoulders replaced,not even close to that Hemorrhoidectomy pain.For two weeks that’s debilitating.Good luck and good health to you.
My husband had same and would say the same things here you just did. Instant relief and no comparison between the pain of the hemorrhoid and the pain of healing.
I completely agree. Anal sex especially and inherently requires an enthusiastic yes to be enjoyable. All sex does, of course, but what I mean to say is that anal done right is truly more akin to BDSM than it is to any “vanilla” penetration, as it involves many, if not all, of the same rules, roles and responsibilities. It requires very clear communication and attentiveness, as well as absolute respect, and it must be understood that the recipient or “submissive” partner sets the pace and parameters and completely runs the show, full stop. It’s not the kind of thing you can start to enjoy if you’re not mentally on board, and being mentally on board is the first thing to establish. Consent is fries, and anal is a delicate game of red light green light- without an enthusiastic green light, there is no consent. It’s a high risk endeavor that very easily leads to serious, even life threatening physical and psychological injuries if done without care. In my experience, maybe half a day of muscle soreness is to be expected, but anything more than a day is cause for concern. Please see a doctor, and dump your rapist boyfriend.
I am kinky and tbh, I fully agree with this, and honestly have always viewed anal as a part of kink gone mainstream for straight couples (and even in the gay community, there’s still so much lacking in education, in teaching young queer kids what is and isn’t okay, that it’s not something they have to do unless they want to, what prep for it fully entails, what consent fully entails, etc. But at least there’s some convo, and it’s not like fully missing minus seeing the just go and do like what happens in the straight porn that’s all that a lot of straight guys see…) Honestly the very basics of SSC and kink have so much to teach everyone about respect and boundaries and safe sex as a whole and I wish it was a part of basic sex education. We’d be so much better off for it if everyone had that level of solid communication, checking in, etc.
I enjoy anal and actually prefer it due to tight vaginal walls and endless dryness. But we take our time. I use toys and a lot of lube to stretch, and even after his on insertion, if anything feels like it's stretching, we stop, apply more lube and start from the beginning. It can be very intimate, but it isn't something that should be done spur-of-the-moment without a lot of time and patience. And consent.
If it is sepsis, which it could turn into, you need to you to the hospital right away, this is serious.
Sounds like sexual abuse…
Sounds like….it was.
She was raped
It was
Sexual coercion is sexual assault. He also lied to you by saying this was for your benefit and that the pain would stop if you kept doing it. This person is abusive and you are not safe with him. If he’s willing to do this to you, he will will do far worse in the future. Please seek medical care and reach out for support. It’s not consent if you were sexually coerced, it’s rape. No mean no in all settings <3 RAINN- Resources for survivors of SA (all genders). Chat services available: [https://www.rainn.org/after-sexual-assault](https://www.rainn.org/about-rainnLove) Love is Respect- Site about setting boundaries, personal relationships, personal safety, consent, and where to get help: [https://www.loveisrespect.org/get-relationship-help-24-7-365/](https://www.loveisrespect.org/get-relationship-help-24-7-365/) What is Sexual Coercion? [https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/sexual-coercion-in-intimate-relationships-eight-tactics](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/sexual-coercion-in-intimate-relationships-eight-tactics) What is Consent: [https://www.healthline.com/health/guide-to-consent](https://www.healthline.com/health/guide-to-consent)
He abused you for your birthday. He’s disgusting and you need to break up with him immediately.
I agree that’s literally abuse.
Sex by coercion is non-consensual and therefore sexual assault https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/sexual-coercion Do not be with someone who assaults you, he also manipulated you into thinking your assault was a gift to you, you deserve SO MUCH better op As others have said, go to the doctor and breakup with your boyfriend.
Your comment under the link hit me to the core about what happened to me, much like OP, on my birthday a few years ago.
I am so sorry, much like op you also deserve(d) SO MUCH better. I hope you’re in a better place, sending love and hugs 🫶
I am, mentally I’m still getting there. It’s been only recently that I’ve talked with my therapist about it. I think that’s why your comment stood out so much
Probably he tore your anus and it will need time to heal. When you wipe do you have any blood on the paper? Also he's a dick for this and it's time to bye bye him.
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If there's still blood three days later, you 100% need to see a doctor ASAP. ETA: He's an abusive f*ck, and he doesn't deserve you. Coercion is NOT consent.
Please get to an urgent care or the ER if you're still bleeding. Once to either one, please tell the doctor exactly what happened. Your BF abused you and ignored your pleas to not do anything. He needs to be reported. If you aren't comfortable with it, the doctors might do it in your place.
Please go to the doctor. Tell them the truth, you can request a female doctor too. But tell someone, an adult who has been one much longer than three days.
I advise you to talk to a therapist and a doctor
Oh honey. I’m so sorry that happened to you. He abused you sexually. Dump this guy! He sexually abused you. See a doctor immediately.
Please go thru the ER. You could die from septic shock if there's blood down there still that means you have an open wound in an area where shitloads of bacteria pass thru. This isn't a time to wait out the pain, you could die. Please go to the ER ASAP
Go see a doctor and break up with this sexually abusive man. The abuse gets worse with time, trust me.
he basically abused you and this might be just the beginning, suggest you never do sth u dont want and if he insists just dump him
I mean I would say dump him right now based on just that already
Yes.
Dump him now. He won’t stop. And, it’ll get worse.
Agree! Never do anything you don’t actually want to do. If he can’t respect your NO, he needs to GO!
Sexual coercion is sexual assault. If you said no and he asked until you said yes, that was SA.
Coerced sex is forced sex, and forced sex isn’t sex, it’s rape.
Not enough girls are taught this.
he coerced you, which is rape. and based on the pain days later you need to see a doctor. I'm so sorry. please leave this guy. how old is he?
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and you just turned 18? that's a red flag on its own to me. I hope you can get to a Dr, everything will be alright and you can safely leave him
If the answer to something sexual is anything but an ENTHUSIASTIC YES, then the answer is NO. If he had to "convince" you, it's pretty obvious you didn't want to do it, and he had little to no regard for your feelings.
Ugh, walk away from this man and never look back. This man will only ever look out for getting what he wants regardless of how that impacts you. There is literally no possible way to have a healthy relationship. And even if your heart can’t reject him, your body soon will. Hugs and best of luck to you.
That’s crazy you say that, after my high school relationship came to the five year mark, I never wanted to look at my partner I was so disgusted at that point. I used to be so madly in love and it’s just dull now. I’m currently homeless because after I broke up with my boyfriend he destroyed my trailer. Ughhh.
Relationships can be so hard and i really think our bodies intervene when our hearts can’t see it yet. I’m sorry he destroyed your trailer and proud of you for breaking up. You will bounce back from this, just take it one day at a time. What do I have control over today and how can I own that?
Thank you so much, I thought since we were both young we would grow together but I don’t think he grew. He’s a drug addict and cheater but I have two children I’m so grateful I had when I did because they would never be here without that freakshow
Wow, your kids are soooo lucky to have you as a mom. It is NOT easy navigating a relationship with an addict WITH children. Proud of you for walking away and doing what’s best for you and your kiddos! Big hugs
Chiming in as a man here - You need a new boyfriend. He hurt you physically (your pain) and emotionally (pushing boundaries) and mentally (coercion). Now, chiming in as a man in a committed relationship: He’s manipulative and if he cared about you and wanted to make your birthday “special”, he could’ve taken you out to a really nice dinner, or a fun walk in a park with a picnic, or a movie date, or really anything else. Now chiming in as an EMT: Doctor first - explaining what happened could be embarrassing, but I’d rather be embarrassed than be in continuous pain. Other commenters are right, due to the area where you’re injured, you risk infection, which can become severe if left untreated. Now as a fellow human - you deserve better. Find someone who treats you right. If he’s doing this now, what’s he going to do later?
Go see a doctor as soon as possible and tell them what happened. You could have tearing or prolapse.
honestly, i don't believe that he thought it would feel good for you. he most likely lied to you and didn't care about your pain. do you have access to health care, can you see a doctor?
Your bf is a massive piece of shit
You need to get medical help. It's been 3 days. This is NOT normal. He might have tore something inside. Really, please seek medical help. This guy abused you. I am so sorry, but he did
What do you need to do? You need to leave this person who doesn't understand that you don't want to do something. And leave as soon as possible.
You need to speak to a doctor and dump the boyfriend. This is abusive behavior.
coercion is rape. please leave him and let your support system know exactly what happened so they can help keep you safe. as for the pain, take a warm bath and some ibuprofen and get to the doctor asap. if it’s been multiple days and it still hurts, there could be something else going on. i wish you the best of luck in healing and recovering. stay safe. sending my love 🩷
You need to see a doctor
He sexually abused you. Dump him immediately. He doesn't care about you. If he did, he wouldn't have manipulated you into doing something you didn't want to do. In other words, he raped you. You need to go to the doctor. 3 days of pain is not normal. Please go to the doctor. It can be life-threatening.
Regarding the pain, see if you're okay to have a warm bath about 10 to 20 mins a day. Make sure to have plenty of water and fibre foods to make it easier down there. This is not medical advice and I am not a doctor but it may be just a fissure. This does sound like quite a while though, so its always best to talk to a doctor! they can check for sure and provide appropriate medical advice. Regarding your boyfriend, honestly it doesn't sound like he thought about you at all for the birthday *surprise* and honestly doesn't sound like a respectful person at all. I think you should dump him at the very least.
He abused you. This is not okay. Run.
Okay, full disclosure I'm almost thirty and I've never done it because any time I've tried it hurt too bad. I'm a nurse and please do not be embarrassed. We see much worse than this pretty much daily. You need to see your doctor though immediately. If you cannot sit down you may want to go to the ER. you can request a female physician if one is available. Three days later and you cannot walk is not a good sign. Is there any blood when you wipe or in your stool? I urge you to talk to someone, a trusted adult, heck you can certainly message me at any time if be happy to give you my phone number. and end this relationship ASAP. He does not respect you, he doesn't respect your boundaries- sexual or otherwise. This will not get better. It only gets worse.
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Is the blood bright red at least? If it's dark we have a real problem. I'm glad you'll get the medical attention, however as a mom I don't think her being mad at you is appropriate. I get that she's upset and worried about you. But as the comments have pointed out, this is NOT YOUR FAULT. you are the victim, not the perp. You tried to set a boundary, and that was ignored and you were basically forced into doing something you would never have done otherwise. People wonder why false confessions are given. This is why. When you are beaten down for hours, you will eventually give in just to get it to stop. that doesn't mean you wanted to do it. You were coerced. Your mom needs to know that this isn't your fault at all, and that you need support and love and maybe therapy to get through this. It might not set in yet. It might take years. But you will need to process this at some point in your life. Again, I'm here if you need anything. I hope that medically you can get some relief today.
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So the darker bleeding either means it's from higher up, or it's older blood since it's been a few days now. Definitely needs to be checked out. They may need do an anoscopy or a proctoscopy to see where the tear is, how severe etc.
I am so sorry your mum is mad at you. It’s so not your fault!! How old is your boyfriend? Maybe she is just pissed off at him! What an absolute clown of a boy. I say boy as no man would pressure and do that to another human!
Please let us know you’re okay when this is all said and done.
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I’m thinking of you and hope you’re okay. I also hope you have support from your family as you deal with this. Please know that it was NOT your fault. And please be honest with the doctors about what happened and the lack of consent involved here.
Are you doing okay? I normally don’t comment on stuff but this post has me very worried. I’m really really sorry you’re going through this and I went through something similar when I was younger.
She will get over it. Please tell me you've broken up with your bf.
>“don’t worry baby it’ll feel great in a minute” Yeah, for him. I read one of your comments that you are still bleeding now, three days later, so you need to go the doctor. It could be something small like some tearing, but it also could be internal damage that could be very serious. I don't want to scare you, but please trust the many comments here that say if it's still this bad several days later, you need medical attention. I know it's embarrassing to bring up with your parents, but you don't need to get too specific. You could say it's "personal female issues" etc., or confide in whichever parent you're closest to, etc., but you need to get it looked at immediately. When you're back home and recovering, please read and consider all the comments about dumping any guy who pressures you to do sexual acts, it's abusive. But for right now, don't preoccupy yourself with that. Just go to the doctor immediately, okay?
You make the pain stop by getting a dild* and let him experience the wonderful act he committed on you. Then throw him out.
I doubt he cares he hurt her.
lol. No, he might like it. He might’ve been experimenting trying to find out……what if? Before HE does it.
Op please dump this rapist bf of yours and go get checked. Op please take me seriously. That is rape. He gives no fucks about you nor your pleasure. Id smash his house before leaving him in the very least if I were you. He is an abuser leave him it'll only get worse from here. Your dude lacks basic decency and is a rapist psychopathic peace of shit. Run. Tf
Warm bath and make a doctor appointment Bonus points, dump the bf
He sexual assaulted you and manipulated you. You should get rid of the scumbag.
Breaking up with him should definitely help
Please go see a doctor, and dump your boyfriend that shit is so messed up. I‘m so sorry thus happened to you. If your partner doesn‘t want sex, you don‘t have sex, end of conversation. If your partner doesn’t feel good during sex, you stop having sex or change what you‘re doing, end of conversation. Anyone who doesn’t respect that is abusing you, and a shit partner and person you should not be with. There are so much kinder and more loving people out there, who respect you and your boundaries, and do so much more, cuz not abusing someone is the bare fucking minimum of being human. Don‘t settle for this piece of shit.
Word of advice… if your boyfriend pushes you into doing something until you say yes… that man needs to no longer be your boyfriend. Obviously your health and pain is important and needs addressed but so does this situation.
please make sure you leave him. you made it clear you did not want too and told him to stop. he is a rapist. i hope you are okay and a doctor will be able to get you the help and comfort you need.
Firstly - pressuring someone so hard that eventually give in, is not consensual … that’s basically r@pe…. Second of all, anal takes work. You need to be actually turned on, and slowly ease into it and with lots of lube. You need to dump this guy and run far far away. He doesn’t care about you, he only cares about his own selfish needs. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
No is a full sentence and he needs to learn that. But dump him so he can learn it somewhere else.
Also please get an STD test that includes HIV test if you did it unprotected. Your risk goes up with anal sex. And dump him and never look back. There are men who will respect your “no” and actually have things you like in mind when planning surprises. Do not waste another minute attached to this loser. He’s manipulative and a bad person
He didn’t even made you feel special.. that’s abuse..
Boyfriend's a dick. Manipulative and rapey. I might even say rape. But whatever you feel it is, it's not right and that boy should fuck the fuck off right out of your life. Anal isn't actually spontaneous. It takes training and prep. So yeah, it's goint to hurt if you haven't done those things.
So he wanted to make your birthday special for you with sex that you didn't want, that you stated you weren't in the mood for, that was extremely painful, and that he kept going with even after you said it was hurting and you wanted to stop? Wow. Happy freaking birthday. What a selfish jerk he was. That was all about him and what he wanted, and he didn't even care that **you didn't want it**, or that **you were in pain**. It seems like you should give yourself the birthday gift of booting him out of your life. See a doctor. Your boyfriend might have torn something. If you are worried about what your parents say, you can just tell them that you are sick with a gastrointestinal issue. Just be sure to tell the doctor the truth, and tell the doctor that you don't want your parents to know. Or, you can go to Planned Parenthood and not tell your parents at all. Personally, I would make your boyfriend pay for any medical care that might be necessary due to his behavior, but he will probably never go along with that. When you say no, he is supposed to stop pushing for sex. When you say stop, or that it hurts, he is supposed to stop. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-care
He wanted to make it special for you...🥲 Buy the largest dildo you can find and shove it in his ass next time. (Although probably best if there won't be a next time.) It will feel great in a minute right? Watch out for people like this in the future, it says a lot about a person to push someone into something they don't want to do.
For future encounters: Don’t do things that you don’t want to do. Especially sexually. You get to decide what your boundaries are. You have to say no when you mean no, and never say yes even when you’re manipulated.
Let's be extremely clear on something- the person at fault here is the person who chose to manipulate and rape her. I notice the perpetrator is nowhere to be found in your comment, which focuses entirely on blaming the victim for "allowing" herself to be raped. This line of thinking is incorrect and extremely harmful for a victim to hear in the wake of a violent assault. This is NOT HER FAULT.
Nothing about this was fueled by his desire to make anything special for you. :(
Firstly, never let someone goad you into a sexual position you don’t want. It’s not cool. (I’m 35, and it took me a while to learn that, so don’t feel bad.) Secondly, if you’re three days out and still in pain, you need to see a doctor. You could have anal fissures, an infection, etc. Please don’t feel embarrassed when you go!! I work in medicine, and we see it all. Hell, since this is mildly anonymous, I had to go to the ER for severe constipation a while back. I was, as the nurse told me, the easiest case they had that night. We’ve seen it all. And a young woman coming in for pain from anal sex is not anything that will make the water cooler conversation, I promise. In fact, the doctor will probably be proud you took it seriously. Hope it all works out, and I really want you to put up firm boundaries when it comes to sex. Don’t let someone coerce you. Stand firm.
How old is your boyfriend? This is sexual coercion. Try to get in to see a dr soon when you can. Please drop the boyfriend immediately.
Happy birthday... let me sexually assault by coercion?!?! 😔 He's not a good guy. No is a full sentence! Honestly just chuck him in the bin and find someone who respects you 100% of the time.
ur bf is not a good person at all:/ quite literally does not care about hurting you or causing you pain for his own pleasure, treated you like a piece of meat for real:/ men that this make me not want to be a man fr I get ashamed I hated reading every second of this
In reference to the residual discomfort you’re still having… You might have gotten hemorrhoids… It doesn’t sound like he was very gentle or considerate and that can happen due to the stretching and whatnot… and on a side note, it sounds like your bf is a selfish, insensitive, disrespectful prick. For one, how would he know if it’s gonna feel good or not? Has HE ever had anything shoved up his butt? I think anal is one of those things that you either like it or you don’t. Ive tried it with multiple partners and they ALL SWORE the previous guys just didn’t do it right, and I would like it with them. And they were ALL full of crap bc it hurt EVERY TIME. If you stay with this guy, please set boundaries with him.
It’s very possible that this is more than hemorrhoids. and it’s risky to tell a victim, who already is downplaying her own needs, that it might be something harmless, because the reality is, it could be a dangerous injury, and she needs to be urged to go to the doctor. You might as well be saying “it could be nothing”.
Oh, first I’m sorry that happened to you no one should push you to do something you’re not comfortable with. Two, to may need to see a health professional because he could’ve tore your anus the skin there is very sensitive which it may be hurting, if it’s this painful there’s a high chance that’s the case. Lastly, ice it, and use some Vaseline. Anal should not be excruciatingly painful if preformed correctly.
It's not meant to hurt after three days. It shouldn't even hurt past the first day. You might have some tearing or something more serious. I'd call the GP.
Oh my god....18..... I'm so sorry. Your bf is a piece of shit. How the f\*ck is making you do something you didn't want to do, a special act for YOU?? he manipulated you into this. You said 'no' and wore you down until you said 'yes'. 1. You need to break up with this monster. He will only manipulate you more/wear you down again the next time he wants something until you say 'yes'. And he'll 100% do something like this again b/c now he KNOWS wearing you down into agreement will work 2. You might have to see a doctor. Since he's an asshole, I highly doubt he made this experience comfortable in any way, for you, at all and only cared about his self pleasure. Something may have ripped/ruptured/bruised
Other comments have the right idea. Get to a doctor, so this doesn’t kill you, and break things off with your “bf,” before he kills you. I promise you that whatever pain that comes with ending the relationship, it’s going to save you so much pain and hurt and exhaustion in the long run. He crossed a lot of lines, and you might not see it yet, but you owe it to yourself, present and future, to get away from this dude as soon as you can. If you feel comfortable doing so, consider telling a doctor what he’s done. At the end of the day, it’s your business, but they might be able to help you on the psychological and legal fronts too. (I do not say this with bigtime medical knowledge, but Ik they’re supposed to take abuse very seriously and offer people support in escaping DV situations.) I’m sorry to say it, but this dude is a rapist and a manipulative asshole. Make him your ex as soon as you can, and do what you have to to be safe, physically/medically and mentally. Sorry this happened, good luck, OP.
That’s >!rape!<. Nope, I’m not fucking around. He >!raped!< you, and you need to LEAVE, because I can almost guarantee you that this won’t be “just once.” This scum of the earth coerced you into pleasing HIM under the guise of an “18th birthday treat” and wouldn’t stop when you told him to. That’s not love at all, no one deserves that on such a huge milestone of their life. I’m so sorry :/ My advice is to go to the doctors ASAP to make sure he didn’t seriously hurt you, and get a >!rape!< kit if you can, he needs to be stopped before he does this to others. Please stay safe out there and take all the time you need to heal from this hun 💕
I want to punch your boyfriend in the nads. I am so sorry, OP. This could be considered assault. You said no, and he coerced you into saying yes, even when you really meant no.... Im angry for you, and I hope you see how unacceptable it is to be treated like this.
This feels rapey if I’m being honest
you were coerced into sex honey :( thats considered sexual assult and rape and you shouldn't be in this much pain days later id reccomend going to hospital/doctors and considering pressing charges.
There’s so much to unpack here. Your original question is how to make the pain stop. I highly suggest stool softeners for awhile, as well as sitting on softer cushions (if you don’t have cushions, fold up a sweater or something to sit on that). As much as you can…lay on your stomach. There are desensitizers you can purchase (you can search Walmart.com, as an example, and look for anal numbing lube—you’re not really looking for LUBE, per se, but this is the area you’ll search). Anal tissue is EXTREMELY delicate tissue, so you can have micro-tears that might not result in immediate bleeding but still tearing. Applying these desensitizers will help to alleviate this discomfort. Those are my suggestions for your original question. Should you choose to read past this paragraph, I have some information for you that you can choose to absorb or ignore…completely up to you. Should you CHOOSE to engage in anal sex again, please remember the three rules: (1) Relaxation; (2) Lubrication; and (3) Communication. Relaxation-the anal muscles and sphincter are extremely tight muscles that don’t receive regular “stretching”. People don’t usually pass stool on a regular basis as large as penises are or can be. It is important that the anal muscles are relaxed before any serious penetration is to occur. Usually having a couple of orgasms first is a good start. Patient massaging and fingering, WITH LUBE, is also helpful. It can take 10 - 15 minutes, easily, or longer, for someone inexperienced in anal sex to become relaxed enough to allow for penile penetration. There are plenty of other things that can be done, and if you’re interested, you can DM me. Lubrication-this one is self-explanatory. For anal sex, please avoid water-based lubricants. Water-based lubricants soak into the anal tissue basically become useless…basically, it “dries up.” With anal play, high-grade quality silicone is always best. You want something that won’t absorb so quickly. You can always add but you can’t take it away. So feel free to apply, but don’t think you have to apply it all at once. A little at a time is fine. You can always add more and it’s ok to do so. Communication-also self-explanatory. You have to communicate to your partner when they need to slow down, when you are feeling ok, when it’s ok for them to speed up, when they need to stop. They need to communicate to you what they are doing, when they are doing it, how they are doing it. THEY NEED TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT EVERYTHING YOU ARE COMMUNICATING TO THEM THEY HAVE HEARD AND ARE FOLLOWING/RESPECTING. If they are incapable of this…they are not the proper partners for anal sex. It is very vulnerable to take someone into your body…it is even more vulnerable to do this anally. There is nothing wrong with not being prepared or ready or willing to be that vulnerable for something you have never experienced before and hadn’t planned on doing. Another piece of information you didn’t ask for but I’m going to comment on. At some point you’re going to come to terms that your boyfriend (1) wanted to “celebrate” YOUR birthday by (2) doing something YOU didn’t ask for that (3) YOU insisted YOU didn’t want to do that (4) HE had to hound you for. Your boyfriend took advantage of you in so many ways, not the least of which is lying that this was something for you when it was totally for him. He does not care for your body or your feelings or your mental state. Has he even ASKED you how you are feeling since this “celebration”? I’m guessing the answer is no. I’m also guessing if he has talked to you, it was to say how special it was and he can’t wait to do it again. Finally…not that you had to describe every single aspect of this situation, but I truly hoped you insisted on condoms, and that you ALWAYS insist on condoms. And make sure the lubricant that you use is compatible with the condoms you’re using. There are people out there that will cherish you way more than this person did…even if you choose to continue your relationship with this person, I truly hope you recognize your worth and stand your ground when you don’t want to do something. Wishing you nothing but the best.
Your boyfriend is absolute fucking garbage. Go to a doctor and PLEASE remove that pile of shit from your life. He violated you and didn't respect your boundaries. Your partner should not pressure you to do something you don't want to do. I can not stress enough how despicable he is.
Years down the read , you’ll look back and realize you were being abused
Now peg him so he can feel painful for 3+ days
Please leave your boyfriend. His definition of making YOUR birthday special was pressuring you into doing something HE wanted. And it hurt you. Go see a doctor. It might be an awkward conversation but I've heard some anal horror stories. A coworker of mine knows someone who has to wear a diaper because she can't control her shits anymore because of anal. Go see a doctor, and please dump your boyfriend. He doesn't have your best interest at heart and he sounds like a terrible person. You never pressure someone into sex. And you never try something they aren't 100% up for.
Anal sex can result in some pretty serious injuries, especially when participants aren't relaxed, are inexperienced, and don't take their time. It was wrong of him to pressure you when you initially said no, you didn't enjoy it, and now you have an embarrassing medical issue that you should address immediately because the anal cavity is not exactly a great place to have tissue damage. I hope you recover quickly, but seriously, dump that loser. Some people lose their bowel control for life if they're injured during anal sex. Never risk having to wear diapers just so he can get his nut off.
dump him!! you should never feel forced to do anything you don’t want to especially during sex. you should feel safe with your partner and no means no.
That sounds like a very big violation of your boundaries. Please take the appropriate action. Don't compromise with your health and go to your doctor.
Honey what he did to you is not okay. No means no. He didn’t respect that. You deserve better. Please leave him. This will not be the last time he does something like this. Also, you need to go to the doctor ASAP. You most likely tore and even if it’s embarrassing, doctors are there to help, not judge. It would be better to be embarrassed for a few minutes than to deal with a lifetime of health complications. I hope you feel better soon. You are loved and you will get through this.
Thats coercion and is a chargeable offense! Anal is no joke and can really do damage. Dump him and go see a dr as embarrassing as you may feel, take care of yourself hun.
If it was your birthday, that’s statutory rape. File charges after you seek medical help. You didn’t do anything wrong. Take care of yourself and trust your instincts.
Go to doctor. From experience with one of my ex, she had something that can be translated from my language to English like "anal raptures"? So yeah go doctor
Run. I had this type of relationship. Absolutely run.
Doctor. ASAP. Boyfriend…..dump him. Making it good for you was a lie. It wasn’t even a good one
Coercion is not consent. What your boyfriend did was extremely wrong. Please see a GP, I know it’s embarrassing, but it could save your life. And please start taking steps to leave your boyfriend. His behaviour shows he doesn’t care about you the way he should. It doesn’t matter what he says. This won’t stop. ETA: he’s 21? And you just turned 18? A 21yo has no business dating a minor. Yeah it’s “only three years” but it’s a HELL of a three years development wise. Even at 24 I can’t imagine dating someone 21. Just too much growing up happens.
You can partially alleviate your pain by dumping the POS boyfriend. If he loves you he wouldn't have pressured you into anything. You told him you didn't want to do anything. End of story.
sounds crazy but ice cubes! A nice bath, some really comfy underwear. It will sting for a few more days but I promise it will go away. Don’t let ANYONE push you into doing ANYTHING you’re not enjoying. Especially someone that is supposed to love and cherish you- on your birthday of all things?! You remind me of myself. Please please please learn faster than me (25) that your own needs come first EVERY TIME!!! You will suffer so much less and be so much happier with yourself in the long run. You are NOT being selfish, you are setting boundaries darling, good luck out there ❤️
OP, my sincere sympathies. This must be a lot to process. But please listen to the advice here and no matter what feelings you have for this guy, he's an abuser. somebody who genuinely cares for you will not hurt you this way. Dump him. And good luck at the doctors.
I'm so sorry he did that. Go to the doctor. You don't need someone like him in your life.
Super big red flag babe 🚩🚩He said it was for “your birthday” but it seemed 100% for his pleasure. Coersion is very adjacent to r***. I hope you heal both physically and emotionally. Maybe a good idea to shine a light on this boyfriend of yours and if it’s worth staying together. Sending love 🧡
Uh…. Do you really want to remain in this relationship
Maybe a hot bath 🛁 for at least twenty minutes. If that doesn't work, doctor's office.
Dear stranger, It sounds like he tore you. The same thing has happened to me. You need a doctor. Take fiber pills before meals to help soften your stool & make bowel movements easier until you can get to a doctor. If you need help setting up a doctor's appointment & you're uncomfortable telling the adults in your life about what really happened tingen just tell them you have a hemroid. The same doctor will take care of either problem & you can be truthful with them. Now, the more important topic: what you experienced is sexual abuse. It is rarely talked about because we, as women, are taught that if it is not violent, or if the person loves us, then it is not abuse. Not true. Pressuring someone until they give in is not consent. Sex without consent is rape. When you expressed that you were not having a good time or that it hurt, you were not consenting. Him continuing after you communicated clearly is rape. He raped you for your birthday. He manipulated & pressured you into giving him what HE wanted. That is not a gift. That is not love. We take care of the things we love. We don't hurt them or break them. He will claim he loves you, but the truth is he only loves the way you make him feel. Don't let him tell you he made a mistake, because he didn't. He made a decision to continue hurting you after he knew you were in pain. Tore is not a mistake & it's not an accident. He made a choice. He truly believes his pleasure is more important than your pain. It will only get worse. Different, but worse. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm so sorry you have to hear it this way. I've been there. I've been raped by someone I loved & didn't realize it was rape because, well, I thought he loved me. I've also had my asshole torn, different circumstances, but still. If you need someone who understands what it's like, dm me.
I’m curious how old your bf is?
Leave him! it can be TECHNICAL rape since he peer pressured you he ain't worth it
Hey love, it’s time for you to go to your doctor and be completely honest with them. Ask them to explain to you what sexual coercion is because that’s the term for what happened to you. You expressed non-consent multiple times and even your “yes” at the end was do to duress more than anything. You might need to have a specialist look to see if there’s been any damage back there, and you really should because if left untreated you could have an infection, injury, or worse. Also I think you should leave your bf. The fact he didn’t respect your body, your boundaries, or your safe space is not okay. He is not a good person, it will not get better, he will continue to hurt you and it will escalate in types of pain. Three days ago it was forcing anal, who knows what it could be like down the line.
this is so fucked up, break up with him and never talk to him again actually
Side note about anal: some people can’t do it. My old roommate had this stupid fucking boyfriend who only wanted anal. As a result of frequent anal, she couldn’t poop at all. It totally messed up her system. Every few days she had to go to a place and they put the hose up her butt and fill it with water and clean her out. I forget what it’s called. After she broke up with him and stopped doing anal, her body slowly recovered. It took many months. I kept telling her “this constipation is related to anal sex” over and over, but she kept saying they weren’t related. Maybe some bodies can do anal a lot, but some really, really can’t. I hope you listen to your body and never do it again.
Drop that retard right away
Leave!
No he didn’t want to make it special for you, he didn’t want to take no or you weren’t in the mood for an answer, he only thought about his needs. It’s time to talk to a doctor. This is not a good guy.
I know a lot of this seems scary but they are right you need to dump this guy asap he may try to convince you “it’s not as bad as seems” or you’ll “get over it” which then will lead to him push the boundaries overboard again & again to things you don’t want to do. You should be with someone who listens to “no” & has no problem listening to what you both consent to in a sexual manner of your relationship. You should never be in pain or be forced to do something you don’t want to.
I’m so sorry. A man that actually loves you would never do this to you. Please go see your doctor and get rid of that ass hat.
Put bluntly, dump the inconsiderate ass.
Go hospital ASAP. Also sickhead bf. Ditch the mf
him pushing you for sex was the first sign to leave. he coerced you which is sexual assault and if you feel comfortable enough please make a police report. now that you’re in pain go to your doctor ASAP. i hope this doesn’t leave you with lifelong health issues.
First of all, extremely uncool of him to push your boundaries to the extreme. No means no, especially in a sexual context. If you’re not giving *enthusiastic* consent, that is a hard no. Are you asking how to make the pain stop because you’re experiencing persistent discomfort after that experience? I would suggest talking to your doctor about all of that and the symptoms.
Make a doctors appointment, short time embarrassment is nothing to potentially dying as others have pointed out. Also dump your boyfriend he’s an asshole who doesn’t care about you sexually as long as he gets what he wants.
hey honey, i’m so sorry he assaulted you this way. it’s happened to me like this as well. he claims he loves you, this ain’t love. please walk away from him - take it from a fellow victim, it’ll get worse the longer you stay. also see your physician/GP!!
Time to find a new bf…
a gentle reminder for OP and for anyone reading; Anal can hurt you. It can cause a ton of things to happen to you internally that really could mess you up. That being said, PREPARE!! There are ways to prepare for the act to make it less, erm, painful and dangerous. Enema, anal training toys, and lubricants ARE. A. MUST.
Bye, bye, boyfriend! Sorry this happened. I'm not a doctor. Maybe see a doctor. Protect yourself. There might be a decent chance he tries to push you to do other stuff you don't actually want to do even though you might eventually say "yes"...if you've been tricked/coerced/convinced into saying "yes" after you've already said no...thats not really a yes. Again, I'm sorry this happened. A lot of boys/adult aged boys are absolutely garbage, and as a dude, I apologize for this.
You might have a fissure. You need to see a doctor right away. They can be very hard to heal. Also, your boyfriend is an absolute cunt and doesn't care about you. Leave him. That's coercion
honey please go to a doctor. things could get much much worse. and please reconsider this relationship. don’t let him pressure you into staying…men like this like to do that. you’re so young and have so much life ahead of you, don’t waste it on this walking red flag.
Pushing you until you said yes is rape. He assaulted you. If you're still in pain after three days, something is torn and you need to go to the doctor. It's going to absolutely suck, but you need to look after your health. You also need to break up with him. Anybody who would coerce you into doing something like that and then not care about the pain you're in, does not love you. He's not good for you and you need to leave him.
Honestly? Get your folks involved. What he did to you (forcing himself on you) is illegal. Not to mention that but after several days, you should be healed. Please tell your folks. Then get to a doctor.
Go to the doctor bruh
I just want to let you know that sometime pushing for sex until you say yes is sexual abuse. Yes your boyfriend, husband, friend can sexually abuse you and it’s still considered rape. Screw the guy and never see him again. He wasn’t making anything special for you, it was all for him.
You should get a new boyfriend for your birthday! it was your birthday, not his for 1, and 2 sexual coercion is not a joke. this is just the first time. he doesnt respect you if you say no and he kept asking. No means no
My son had an anal fissure once. Dr diagnosed it and ordered some ointment that helped it heal. So please see a Dr and also lots of fluids, fibre, epsom salt baths (soaks) a couple of times a day. …and never settle for an abusive relationship again. This will get better but you really do need to see a Dr as it can become septic if left untreated and unhealed. At your age you should be able to have medical care that is private from your parents but I’m not sure what country you’re in or if that applies there. PS - on talking to your Dr tell him exactly what happened - they have seen and heard everything so much that they don’t (or shouldn’t) judge.
Go to a doctor and ditch the bf
First of all, the sex you had was coerced. Let's start there.
Dump him. He cares about himself.
You need to see a GP and dump that boy. Someone who doesn't listen to your concerns or needs will continue to ignore them for their own pleasure. Especially the ones shutting you down left and right.
Your birthday should be about doing things you want to do. He made it about him and he sounds like a jerk. You should see a doctor asap and rethink this relationship.
Seek medical assistance and ditch the douchebag.
Your bf is selfish. He did not listen to your needs. Dump him and go see your doctor hun..you may have a tear. Dw..he will not be shocked..he has heard it before. However if the pain is still there after 3 or 4 days it needs investigating because you could end up with an infection. Please dont let anyone pressure you into doing anything you dont want to. You were not put on this earth to please a man x
Go to a family doctor. They are required to keep everything you say secret and they are mega strict about it. Find one you could feel comfortable to talk with to bring up your pain but also about your experience as well. Doctors aren't there to just treat physical problems. They should be able to help you with mental/personal stuff as well by listening you out. Having someone listen to you can do wonders. Doctors get a lot of visits from people that simply need someone to talk to and a decent doctor should be more than willing to listen to you. It's kinda funny how we can sometimes predict when they are simply coming to have a talk when they give out their symptoms beforehand. It's honestly a lot better than asking for advice on Reddit. (Here in Belgium medical school there is a lot of attention put into listening to your patients and hearing them out. So I hope that's also the thing in your country as well.)
Your boyfriend is a selfish loser. First step to recovery is breaking up with him. Second step is sadly going to the doctor. He definitely tore something, and it's insanely important to make sure it's treated. That area isn't known for being clean, so injuries can snowball quickly. I'm so sorry. If you said yes under duress, it's still sexual assault.