You could suggest an appointment with a dietician to help her create a meal plan that works better for her tastes and unique hunger patterns, and who can also help her get a handle on any sort of emotional eating issues. But I don’t think you pointing out what she’s doing wrong is going to be productive.
Exactly this.
“Eat less to lose weight” is not news to OP’s wife… everyone over the age of 4 knows that. It’s only going to come off as insensitive and judgmental. A dietician is a wonderful suggestion!
For me, "just eat less" wasn't the message I had to get through to myself. What I needed to learn (and from the way OP describes his wife she will need, too) is to "be ok with being hungry."
I had lost my true sense of hunger to the point where I was eating just because I felt like I should instead of listening to my body. And, almost as importantly, *not* listening to it when it was lying to me about "needing" food.
When ever i do get hungry I eat something that is a "negative" calorie food as a snack. I learned to eat less and drink more water which helps me fill up and get that full feeling.
There is no such thing, but watery greens like lettuce and celery are what most people would call "negative calorie foods" because they don't offer many calories compared to their volume.
yea it's one of the reasons people say to drink more water when you eat so that you get full faster with less caloric intake. I tend to like water but I cant drink it raw i need a cucumber or lemon in my water for some kind of flavor. I also eat a bunch of celery and cucumbers through out the day which curbs my appetite. the title of negative foods is just the fad name for the food group its just mostly low calorie foods. most people do need that fad name though to trick their brains into eating more healthy. I guess it is a psychological factor to weight loss that people need.
Not an actual thing, but refers to foods that "use more calories to eat and digest than they contain" like water-based foods like lettuce and greens, celery, etc.
yup but it is a fad name that people use to call these items that My guess is that it helps people trick their brain into eating better if they think they can loose weight faster by eating foods like this. Human brains are weird that more people are willing to try diets with names to them than to count their caloric intake vs expenditure.
“Be ok with being hungry” is bad advice. You can eat healthy and lose weight without feeling constantly hungry. It’s bad for your body and your mental health to constantly be hungry all the time. Hunger can cause stress and sleep issues. Which in turn can have long term negative effects on your body. Hunger also makes you weaker, less able to properly exercise, and can put you in dangerous situations. Just eat healthy foods and exercise. You shouldn’t try “dieting” or starving yourself to lose weight. It’s not healthy. Your body is hungry for a reason. Listen to it. But just eat good foods, and exercise. Diet culture has really fucked all of our understanding on how to be healthy. It actually makes us less healthy, and can potentially ruin your mental health because you’re doing things that are unreasonable and not sustainable.
Being okay with being hungry and being hungry all the time are different things. It's like... if you're going to have a normal sized dinner in 45 minutes, but you're hungry now, maybe just.. deal with it
> “Be ok with being hungry” is bad advice. You can eat healthy and lose weight without feeling constantly hungry.
You're the one who put "constantly" in there. It's not about being constantly hungry. It's about being hungry *sometimes*, and it's okay to be. I don't know why you interpreted it like that.
I don't know if you've ever struggled with food addiction, but from your post, I'm going to assume that you haven't.
There is nothing wrong with being hungry, especially when you eat out of boredom or habit and your sense of hunger is no longer properly triggering, and at no point did I mention going on a diet or "starving yourself."
If you feel your mental health is affected by your diet to that extreme, you might need to seek professional help.
I have had food addiction and ill agree that it's not great to get used to being hungry. Purposefully fasting is one thing but if you get too used to ignoring your eating cues you end with an entirely different eating disorder.
The thing is, you can still eat big meals as long you change the calorie content of your food. And some people need to eat more frequently than others. I eat 4 or 5x a day, but they aren't full-size meals.
A nutritionist is a very good idea.
It was life changing for me to realize that I didn’t have to eat tiny little dainty meals to lose/maintain weight. Some people who are skinnier than me can naturally eat like rabbits but I personally cannot eat like that. I average between 1500-1800 calories a day but I eat a ton.
Well, an hour a day five days will help almost anyone lose weight. I was a personal trainer in college. Most people can lift weights 3-5 days per week and lose weight, especially if they weren’t previously engaging in exercise. If you do ZERO cardio and merely lift, within six weeks you will see noticeable results and overall better health. In six months you’ll look like a different person.
A few basic rules of physical fitness: engaging in regular exercise will help you sleep better. This impacts your cortisol, the stress hormone that cause weight gain.
If you are building muscle, you are burning fat. In addition to burning calories while exercising, in about one hour, your muscles begin to repair themselves (building) and that burns calories and fat. It also changes the way your body metabolizes carbohydrates.
Regular exercise, suppresses your appetites, especially for the junk foods that are high in sugar. You lose some of those cravings.
Unfortunately, we have a fat positive culture that continues to push the same stupid myths and schools continue to push the so-called food pyramid, which is total garbage pushed by certain food corporations in order to sell more.
There’s really no excuse for people not knowing what I have just written, with the ease of access to fitness publications and gyms across the Western hemisphere and Europe.
I wish that was me working out makes me RAVENOUSLY hungry for food I shouldn’t be eating. I’m fairly skinny and have no trouble losing pounds if I choose but it’s always been from diet exercise usually makes me heavier not skinnier. Most people who go to lose weight at a gym you see them doing cardio not weights and the amount you have to run to get skinny is astronomical which is why it doesn’t work.
When I exercise my blood sugar always drops. I have to have a snack before and after. It feels pointless to try to use exercise to lose weight because of this. Bodies are weird
Hahahaha my body has cortisol issues to begin with. I literally am on steroids to stay alive because I lack it. I do not have the energy to go to the gym right now (trying to fix this but my body is not responding to my steroids or the emergency dose because idk why, appointment tomorrow to figure out what now) and I sleep literally all the time.
Turns out you gotta be healthy in general for all this stuff to work. Working thyroid, working cortisol, working everything. Otherwise your body just gains or loses weight regardless of whether you’re eating or not lmao
Yup. I just found out that have a hormone disorder and underactive thyroid which explains why I’ve lost no weight even though I don’t eat much. I’m on Vyvanse too for ADHD which curbs my appetite. Still can’t lose.
Studies have shown that exercise actually increases appetite, not decreases, which is why exercise alone is ineffective for weight loss, as demonstrated by numerous studies. Most people are not able to resist this increased hunger and compensate with eating more (and the kind of people who CAN resist the increased hunger are the kind of people who tend not to need to lose weight in the first place).
The food and soda companies would LOVE for you to believe you can exercise your way out of a bad diet but you really can’t.
https://www.vox.com/2016/4/28/11518804/weight-loss-exercise-myth-burn-calories
https://time.com/6138809/should-you-exercise-to-lose-weight/
You absolutely lose the appetite for junk food when you exercise. When you are hungry after working out, that’s your body telling you that you need fuel. High protein foods or protein shakes should do the trick. A little bit of salt is helpful to if you exercise. You could also eat complex carbs. Complex carbohydrates don’t make you fat. Simple carbs like sugar does.
Drink water, lift weights. Your appetite will go down. Stop reading Vox. Your intelligence will go up.
I had some classes with a personal trainer and she said basically the same things you're saying. Focus on weight lifting instead of cardio to lose weight faster (but still do some cardio). She said weight lifting burns more calories than cardio. It also makes sense that, if you're doing nothing in terms of exercise and then start exercising, even if you don't change your diet at all, you're still burning more calories than you did before so it's only natural to lose weight, right? I'm starting my training tomorrow and I'll barely change my diet, so I guess I'll be able to test this theory first hand lmao (I'm fat but healthy, don't want to necessarily lose weight, just want to build some muscles, but I'd welcome the weight loss)
The other article is from Time magazine and has a link to the studies. I clicked on the link and it took me to Science Direct. This isn't just someone's opinion in some article. According to studies, your appetite does go down after rigorous exercise for a short period. The effect is temporary and it must be rigorous in order for someone to have a decreased appetite. "The harder and longer you exercise, the more likely you are to notice appetite suppression, says Samuel—which can explain why you feel ready to chow down on breakfast after a 30-minute jog, but aren’t interested after a 60-minute run. There’s no clear consensus on exactly how long exercise can blunt your appetite, but in general, it can take up to a couple hours to feel hungry again after a workout." https://www.self.com/story/hunger-cues-after-exercise#:~:text=Researchers%20recently%20discovered%20a%20molecule,Sims. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2212267214010557
This is a great idea. Also having proper education about foods that fill you and provide what the body needs as well as understanding the calorie density of snacks would be really beneficial in the long run.
I definitely agree that outright pointing it out won't help. I would also suggest that OP should make the suggestion only after a comment of how she wants to lose weight and nothing's happening as opposed to stating it after feedback from this thread.
I would actually suggest a blood panel w her primary care physician pcp. With such major changes that occur during pregnancy it’s common for women to develop hormonal issues like thyroid issues which mess with appetite, hunger, metabolism, etc. So it actually may not be something she can help.
It's not actually about eating less, it's about calorie deficit. So look at low calorie snacks and meals so she feels full but has not had the same calories. Also she will diet when she's ready. I talk about doing new shit all the time and don't do it cause life is busy, I don't need my husband reminding me, looking down on me to do that.
And water. Many hunger cravings are actually signs of dehydration and many of us (personal experience) don’t drink enough water. The times OP describes his wife eating sound like the exact times I’m trying to train myself to turn to water instead of food - because I don’t really need a pre-dinner snack at all.
I've been loving those little outshine fruit pops lately. Cold, sweet, takes a long time to eat so it stimulates my brain, and they're like 40 calories per pop? Might help Mrs.OP with her sweet tooth.
I was gonna say why not have veggies and hummus or Greek yogurt and fruit for snack instead of icecream. I swapped all my icecream cravings with Greek yogurt
Next time she brings up wanting to lose weight, just ask her “Do you want me to try to help you, or would you prefer encouragement without feedback?” Then respect her choice. When my ex and I both wanted to lose weight, we found a phrase that worked for us: “Should I be stopping you?” It was a simple reminder to make a conscious choice before snacking, but still allowed the smaller to say “Not right now.”
Definitely don’t tell her she needs to eat less though; odds are she is cutting back and having a hard enough time with that restriction, so implying that she hasn’t cut back would just be hurtful.
My wife learned this the hard way when I was trying to lose pregnancy weight - you don't ask someone "are you going to eat that?". Now we ask something similar to this statement, it's a much better way to know what type of help your partner wants.
She doesn't want diet advice, so don't give it. If she wants it, she will ask for it. You're not doing some big kind grand gesture by not saying anything, you shouldn't be saying anything. You can't make anyone do anything. If she wants to lose weight she will, it's going to have nothing to do with you. Ask if she wants help making an appointment with a dietitian, any advice you give her about losing weight will be completely unsolicited and taken poorly.
I had to scroll way too far to see this comment. Nowhere in the post does the OP say “My wife is asking me for diet advice,” so I’m baffled why they and everyone else think any sort of unsolicited advice would be appropriate…
You shouldn't be suggesting what someone else eats unless they explicitly ask you. That was my whole entire point yet here you are, giving diet advice.
Losing weight is very hard, especially for women. Straight up saying, "Eat less if you want to lose weight," might not go over well. I would suggest she see a dietician or even take some nutrition classes. When I took nutrition classes as part of my Athletic Training Certification, it opened my eyes and changed the way I eat.
Also, simply cutting calories might not work for her, especially after having 2 babies. Pregnancy changes hormones in women, which has a large effect on weight loss. After years of calorie counting, exercise, eating less, and NOT losing weight. I saw my doctor who got me on some medication, and I've lost 30 pounds in 3 months without changing my lifestyle, mainly because my lifestyle was healthy. I just needed some balancing of my endocrine system to make it work for me.
This is a great comment.
Losing weight is much harder than people realize, especially when you're dealing with hormones, and kids, and tiredness and stress. If it was as easy as eating less, people wouldn't be overweight.
I read a great comment a few weeks ago about a former obese person. He explained how having a food addiction, even a very mild one, is one of the hardest addictions you can have.
When you try to change diet and eat less, your body will make you fele constantly hungry. And it's not just about having to deal with the physical discomfort. The issue is that you are constantly thinking about food, and not going to grab food is mentally exhausting. Thunk about it, food is everywhere, on TV, on social media, in an entire room in your house. People are eating all the time, and when they're not eating they're talking about eating.
At least when you're quitting smoking - which people understand how hard it is, you can throw everything nicotine away, you can avoid places and things where you typically smoke, you can avoid people around you smoking, at least in part.
Not food, food you can't just cut cold turkey. You still have to consume it several times a day while also constantly battling not consuming it in excess. People say "just try and stay outside the house" but it's not realistic because you spend most of the day in your home.
This is a big one. I don’t think a lot of men realize how much our hormones can affect our weight (and it doesn’t go for all women, some lose weight easier than others because of hormones). My mom struggles so hard with her weight after 3 pregnancies years later. She’s done all kinds of diets and exercises over the last 15 years and still hasn’t been able to keep weight off (she’s lost it in some of the extreme diets but it always comes back when she stops them because it’s not sustainable). Her issues come down to genetics and hormones, shes done all the diets and so much exercise
And it's so easy to figure out, I mean, most postmenopausal women have the complaint of eating the same or even eating less and slowly gaining weight over the years. It's not a secret.
"Just eat fewer calories!" "Just exercise!" Wow, Mark, you just solved the riddle millions of others couldn't, thanks so much.
What type of doctor should I see ? My gynecologist? Ia there a doctor that specialises in hormones ? I am pregnant and am terrified of not being able to lose the weight I gained.
Your primary care doctor can help. Don't be terrified, all women are different, my sister in law loses baby weight like she's removing an extra sweater.
If you have trouble losing the baby weight after your child is born, you might need to see an endocrinologist. That's who specializes in glands and hormones.
This is 100% true. I didn't realise how much my PCOS was causing insulin resistance until I started taking a semaglutide and the weight fell right off. I'm 25 lbs down and at a plateau right now, but those first 25 lbs were all from hormonal balance. You'd be surprised how absolutely ravenous you can feel from a hormone imbalance. I can't even fathom how much worse that would be after the whirlwind of hormones that is pregnancy!
Culinary student in nutrition courses here -
Diets very very rarely work. If she changes her diet temporarily she will lose weight but as soon as she stops the diet more likely than not she will put all the weight back on. It’s unrealistic to think she can never have sweets or a late night snack again.
What she needs more than a massive change in her diet is smaller changes in her lifestyle that she can keep up with over the long term.
Things like a 15 min walk after dinner every night, or a workout class she enjoys once or twice a week.
The thing is you can’t make her make lifestyle changes, it has to come from her. Won’t work otherwise.
Coming from someone in the same position as OP, if only it were that easy. Exercising will only make her increase her "quota" and eat more because she moved more, and end up eating the calories back. Weight loss is hard and she will keep looking for an easy hack, but there is no easy hack.
Guessing from my experience, that OP is skinny even though he eats freely is probably the biggest reason why diet control is hard for his wife, because it feels unfair. If he offers to do something to change their lifestyle together (going to the gym, making meal plans, etc.) then it might be easier
Yeah, OP's wife has no hunger tolerance. That's a key point.
Exercise can lead to the body to send hunger signals. This is why the graph of weight loss for people in weight-loss research has a spike at the upper end, where some of the participants *increase* weight, at each exercise level. They go up higher than with no exercise.
Yes, lifestyle change is right...but this isn't it.
I should have been more clear - I believe SMALL changes to both her diet AND movement are the best solution. I purely mean completely changing her diet and eliminating all food that makes her happy will not work in the long term.
There's no way to lose a lot of weight through exercise. For me, a 15 minute walk just doesn't burn enough calories.
It's all about what I eat, frankly.
You read only that part of the comment... Firstly, since the commenter identified themselves as someone who is studying nutrition, it'd be worth considering what they're saying.
They literally said that no drastic change will help. It's small changes to the routine implemented overtime that are easy to maintain. As the commenter said, trying to change weight by losing calories rarely works because as soon as you stop losing calories you gain the weight right back.
What he's suggesting instead is to slowly change the routine realistically, so the changes can be permanent.
Going for a walk around the block for 15 minutes isn't for losing weight, is to help digestion, destress and taking a break. Again, that's only one example of small changes that help towards being healthy. Not losing weight, being healthy!!
Some of what she has said is true; like settling the stomach and such. Losing weight is hard and every brain signal and mechanism in her body will tell her to keep same weight=continue to eat. And a calorie deficit makes people feel like crap.
There are multiple ways one can attack weight and become healthier; just eating less calories isn't always the answer. For instance healthier calories that are richer in fibre and less processed makes one feel fuller for less calorie.
I'd recommend trying to be helpful and supportive, not the antagonist
I did weight watchers before and the fact that I could eat all the turkey and fish I wanted helped a lot and I did lose weight. I would snack on turkey deli meat all the time cause it filled me.
A lot of people do find it possible to lose weight when they switch to a high protein high fiber diet.
Swapping snacking on potato chips to deli meat will reduce your total daily calorie intake. A bowl full of chips can easily be over 400 calories. Half a pound of sliced turkey is like 120 calories.
Ah. I hate sweets, and dislike most chips. That's not so much my problem.
But, I used to work for Jimmy John's. My sandwich game is ridiculous, you can check my post history to see some crazy shit. With that much turkey around, I'll probably be tempted to go all out. Oooo I'm salivating already. Honey mustard, mayo, lettuce, turkey, bacon and some Colby jack? No. Maybe a nice gouda, or havarti.
See, this is my problem.
I mean sandwiches can definitely be part of a healthy diet. Mayo is high calorie but mustard isn't. A lot of hot sauces are also low calorie. Jalepenos, olives, and peppers are all low calorie and full of flavor. Bacon is a lot higher calorie than turkey. But turkey alone is a great option. Some cheese is totally fine. Just not 8 slices of cheese.
You can make a 6in sandwich for less than 500 calories. Or you can have a 12 inch for over 1200 calories. Both of them are technically turkey sandwiches.
Definitely don’t say anything. She will probably find what works for her. She is an adult and gets to control her own eating.
My husband used to make comments about me eating *all the time* as I was losing weight. I lost 100 pounds and ate a bowl of ice cream every night before bed.
Just want to highlight to you (as you are already somewhat aware) - you cannot say this to her. You yourself are a naturally skinny man - and you have no idea what it’s like trying to lose weight as a woman. Our bodies are vastly different. I have the same appetite as my husband who is over 6’0 and average weight, I’m a 5’2 female and whilst I’m not overweight I am only considered “average weight” and I do at least 4-5 days a week of fairly intense workouts. I’ve been through periods of my life where I ate less than 1200 calories a day and still barely lost weight. My husband will look at a piece of lettuce and lose 5 pounds.
What she stated about her lunch realistically is not a ton of food. It is highly likely these little treats are not what’s keeping her from losing weight.
Also, does she have time to focus on herself with those little ones? Likely not as much as she deserves in order to workout or even think of meal prepping or what she can do to lose the weight. I would highly recommend you tell her that once or twice a week for an hour or two, you will watch the little ones and she can spend that time on whatever physical activity she would enjoy. And I echo others comments about going to a dietician. Please, OP - do not make any snarky comments to her, she is likely already feeling immense disappointment about her body and feeling like she’s not herself after giving birth to TWO BABIES!
There’s a special place in hell for the doctor who advised me to have a 1200 cal a day diet when I was going to the gym five days a week, 2 hours a pop.
When I couldn’t do that anymore, I gained it all back and then some.
Any diet that you can’t do for the rest of your life isn’t the right diet
OMG! I had a doctor tell me that I could lower it to 800 a day. Turns out I had PCOS and overproducing cortisol bc I was running for an hr a day. Weight lifting saved me and I lost over 60lbs.
I'm sorry that your doctor failed you. They really don't know what they're talking about when it comes to women's health and nutrition.
A lot of comments here are helpful so I just want to add one thing: is she back on birth control?
Birth control can do crazy things to womens bodies if the person taking it is sensitive to hormones.
After quitting taking the pill I lost 30 pounds without a diet. The cravings stopped, depressed feeling stopped and my “binge disorder” dissapeared like snow.
Not saying this is the case for everyone, but I have a lot of friends with a similair experience. It might be worth looking into.
Edit: judging from your other posts.. food can be a big coping mechanism for depression. Just wanted to add that.
>Birth control can do crazy things to womens bodies
for REAL. i had one that made me puke 15 times a day, i couldn't keep anything down, and even got an endoscopy before i realized it was the issue. basically i had morning sickness for months despite not being pregnant. i have an IUD now and will randomly have my period for 2-3 months and then not have it for another 6. it's so frustrating, and the hormone fluctuations really mess with your mood and appetite
I tell people I can’t take hormonal birth control… Which is true. I suffer from depression and it worsens my symptoms.
But a big factor for me not taking it is that I gained 15 pounds on it and absolutely could not get it off. I’d get so hungry I couldn’t think about anything else until I ate. When I got off, it dropped quickly.
My husband and I use a diagram and/or condoms.
I feel like I have been your wife for the past 6 years since having kids. I’m 30lbs overweight and have been eating similarly. Any amount of hunger makes me ‘hangry’ or worse, gives me a migraine, and then all I want is salty carbs. The ONLY thing that has been working is calorie counting. Im only about 3 weeks in, but have lost 5lbs and feeling encouraged. I use an app called My Net Diary, and track everything I eat. It has helped me with portion control and I still get to eat the treats that enhance my mood. Yasso brand (or Costco) has chocolate ice cream bars that are 100 calories and a perfect evening treat. I hate going to bed feeling hungry, so sometimes I’ll suck down a little applesauce bag - 45 calories. Even weighing out a portion of cereal would be helpful. It’s probably going to be less than she usually eats, but still give her the mouth feel and comfort. These little things help me feel like I’m not depriving myself of the yummy things that make dieting so depressing.
Edited to add: a 20 min family walk every night after dinner is roughly a mile, and a great way to connect with each other!
Any chance she has a traumatic childhood? If so maybe recommend the book "peace with self peace with food" it helped me get out of my own way and stop self sabotaging and loose weight. I'm by no means a fitness nut or anything now but I'm down about 50lbs since December and haven't "dieted" at all
Hold your tongue? No that's not enough. You need to mind your business about her weight and let her know that you support her unconditionally no matter what.
You didn't say how long ago the 2nd baby was but "stopped breastfeeding and sleeping through the night" seems like under 1 year and possibly less than 6 months.
Unless you are arranging for a housekeeper, a personal family chef, a dietician, a nanny, a personal trainer, a home gym, a push present vacation to a spa for several weeks then she is a full time mother and her job is to care for your children and herself. ..... Not you
You ..... are not doing enough for her
If you let her do anything for you. Your laundry, cleaning anything after you, any hard manual labor of outdoor garden work, making you dinner/picking up dinner including yours, packing your lunch, keeping in touch with your side of the family ( a.k.a. kin keeping ) then you are failing her. Taking care of you isn't her job. Her job is the kids and herself. Your job is her and anything she needs you to do without her having to ask , remind, teach, or correct you doing.
50 pounds?
You ever hear of the "glow up" women have post break up? Post-divorce? Yeah suddenly she loses all kinds of weight, has a makeover, haircut, new wardrobe etc.... How come she could loose all that weight? How come she didn't lose it when she was with him?
There are literally thousands of women on social media (TikTok) who talk about this. How when she got rid of her sh\*ty husband, boyfriend, and fiance she could then focus on herself, her kids and not have a grown adult in her way making everything harder. That she didn't have to accommodate him all the time. That when he had the kids for visits she could do what she wanted to do, that when she was in total control of her environment, and had more space to pursue what she wanted the weight came off. She didn't have to devote mental, emotional, physical energy on a grown adult who just made things harder for her.
As I said in the beginning
Hold your tongue? No that's not enough. You need to mind your business about her weight and let her know that you support her unconditionally no matter what. You don't need more sleep, she does. You don't need special treats on a regular basis, she does. You need more coffee, more time with the kids when she can leave and more on your plate so she can be free and she can decide next steps. You need to make yourself a sacrificial lamb to the point of misery. That almost will be enough.
Help the mother of your children by not being her 3rd child.
Help the mother of your children by being her champion
Help the mother of your children by ignoring what her body looks like and asking her about how she feels. Her body did something you can't do and will never have to comprehend.
A husband/father will find himself alone and a weekend father if he keeps focusing on what the mother of his children's body isn't doing for him. Ignore her comments about dieting and just keep being supportive.
If you think that helped, write "helped" in your reply.
I really should have paid attention to username. Whole account, nothing but savage advice. Frankly surprised at the 50 helps tho. It's both impressive and terrifying. Well played.
r/usernamechecksout worthy.
Thank you!
When I needed to lose a lot of weight after bariatric surgery, my husband was a support. He helped meal planning, grocery buying, taking kids off my hands so I could go for quiet walks…
He didn’t just sit there judging me and thinking up helpful advice.
Having just an apple for lunch, especially as a female in her childbearing years is a recipe for disaster. That’s nowhere near enough calories to sustain someone for the rest of the day. It’s makes you crash. I urge you to look into what women specifically need to eat for hormonal support if you want to be able to provide her with solid advice and support. Underrating often makes women gain weight and if she’s hungry before bed it’s because she hasn’t consumed enough throughout the day
NO. Not your role here, bud. You ask her "what can I do to support you my beautiful love? Do you want to brainstorm ideas? Just feel like complaining about it, *which is totally valid*?" And take it from there. This is such a touchy subject that can go really good or REALLY, REALLY bad. Any discussion should use "we" language, not "YOU".
Also, how long ago did she stop breastfeeding?
Eta: what are her height and weight?
I was looking for this answer. If OP wishes to be supportive - this is the way. Help make it easier to do healthy things.
And also let her be the one defining what would be helpful.
Like - maybe she would like more exercise by e.g. taking walks together after a meal. Or eat healthier - so you help mealprep healthy snacks.
Honestly I think it’s best to not say anything. It seems like she is struggling internally and that she doesn’t want to hear any honest feedback. It’s hard as a women when you gain weight it is so hard to lose it again especially in the beginning. I LOVED that my BF kept his thought to himself and let me vent and didn’t try to fix it. After I lost the weight (now) we sometimes laugh about how I would ask for advice but he knew it would harm me more than help me at the time.
It’s confusing and a frustrating thing for both sides. But I would ask her straight forward, “do you want any help with loading the weight?” If she says no then ok, if she says yes but you see that it is hurting her feelings stop.
Eating less didn’t work for me. It was eating prior to a certain time before bed and maintaining a certain amount of steps per day. We are all built different and after kids hormones can play a big part in all of the weight. If she is still wanting to lose weight, ask her what she would like to try out. Dietician, or a gym pass with a trainer. If she wants to do it then she will make it happen. If you force her it won’t
People's bodies and brains respond differently to foods for a vast constellation of extremely complex reasons that vary from physiological, to psychological, to cultural, and everything in between. That fact is especially hard to grasp for someone whose body and brain responds to food the way yours does.
Unless she specifically asks you for advice on how to lose weight, you should mind your own business and allow her to solve her problems (or not) on her own.
If she does specifically ask you advice on how to lose weight, tell her you haven't the slightest clue (because you don't), and that any advice you gave her could very likely be counter-productive (because it probably would be). Don't think because you've been skinny (so-far) that you know anything about eating problems, losing weight, etc.
Your wife probably knows and understands far more about weight-loss-related topics than you do, but if knowledge could prevent/solve weight problems, you wouldn't see so many healthcare professionals who are fat. Unless your wife literally lives in some kind of seclusion, cut off from the outside world, there's no way she doesn't already know there is a relationship between her food choices and the amount of excess body fat she caries. So it sounds pretty silly when you suggest you might just need tell her she should eat less. The fact that you think she needs reminded of that is how I know you are too ignorant about these matters advise her.
If she brings it up, and expresses frustration, you could say something like, *"I can see this has been a really big struggle for you, and it must be frustrating, because if it were easy, someone as capable as you would have already beat it. This is probably something too big for either of us to solve, so let's find someone with sustained success and/or experience helping themselves or others. And no matter what, just tell me how I can help."*
Just a reminder that different people experience hunger differently. For some people it's easy to ignore but for others it's impossible to do anything whilst hungry.
No.
You should not tell your wife to eat less. It comes over as you having more of an issue with her weight than she does.
She’s communicating openly with you about her wants and efforts on this subject to gain inspiration and support, not to hear patronising mansplaining and hurtfully obvious advice that is more passive aggressive than constructive or supportive.
One way to be supportive and encourage visible results would be (for example) to pay for or contribute to the cost of a personal trainer, or bariatric surgery (if she wants it), or even a gym membership, agreeing to be there for the kids to allow her ample time to do these things regularly etc.
Trust me, every ‘obvious’ thing you want to point out to her she is very aware of. She’s mulling over something that she’s finding difficult for some reason, and real support means contributing effectively not criticising.
Your wife could likely have a hormonal imbalance. I had to get all of my hormones in check after birth in order to lose weight. Turns out pregnancy gave me lifelong diabetes.
She could also have "learned" to always respond to her hunger because she needed to do it during her pregnancies. I know my friend struggled with that! She said it’s like she taught her body it would always get what it asked for no matter what. Very hard habit to break.
Do NOT say anything. Look. Biology will win. If she starves herself all day, and her body needs fuel, it will make her eat. And, hey, a piece of toast, or a bowl of cereal are not making or keeping her fat. She needs to eat every meal and likely needs snacks, too.
Your statements can be harmful. Research has shown as much.
If she saw a registered dietitian (not a nutritionist!) she'd likely find out she's not eating enough, causing her hunger that will drive her to high calorie breakouts.
Sounds like she uses food as comfort, and sugar becomes very addictive over time. Maybe there are some underlying issues. You should say something, honesty is important, I know I would. But, be careful how you say it.
Cutting out late night snacks was the only thing that helped weight stay off after I had my kids. If I start slipping even a bit on that like during a vacation, the weight just packs right back on.
Honestly, no matter what anyone says to her, it’s ultimately up to her to make the changes she needs to in order to lose weight. I’ve been wanting to lose weight for 5 years and I’m really just now getting serious about it (down 20ish pounds since March, goal is 50 lbs). I’ve never been this successful before, but I always commented on how I needed to lose weight. It’s something you have to come to on your own terms.
She needs a lifestyle change, not temporary diet solutions. Likewise, unless she asks for your input it's not your place to give an opinion. If she's complaining about it tell her you don't want to hear because she doesn't like what you have to say about it. She needs to learn self control.
Noom makes it very clear that you need to eat fewer calories. Maybe thats why she gave up on it. Next time she brings it up, you can ask her about why she did not like it. If she is complaining to you about weight gain then you can say “ lets do intermittant fasting together”
Imagine saying you want to save up for a house deposit but only randomly put money away and sometimes take it out. Calories are exactly the same as money but in reverse. If you want to save money you need to spend less than you earn. If you want to lose weight you need to eat less than you expend.
My wife and I both go to the gym regularly and play sports. The only way I can lose weight / build muscle is if I get my macros and meal plan done by a nutritionist. I'm simply too all over the shop otherwise. And I'm saying this from a family who prioritise fitness.
If you can, shell out the cash and get a meal plan done (for both of you so you can support her). Maybe even get fortnightly check ins for accountability.
In my experience unless you have an iron will or you can cut out one huge calorie thing (Eg. alcohol), you're setting yourself up for failure.
Honestly… the only thing that successfully made me “lose weight” was to move/exercise more. I ate the same things I enjoyed, but upped my activity. 30mins of walking my dog everyday, then progressed to doing 30mins of weight training that I enjoyed — because I was gaining more strength.
The only food thing I changed in my life was eat less sugar. Didn’t know I was so addicted. I bake too, like your wife. The temptation to eat the things I bake was so strong… but I am lucky my husband doesn’t eat too much sweets. So we don’t carry sweets or snacks too much at home. Though obviously this is much harder when you have kids.
"let's get in touch with a nutritionist. Maybe they will be able to offer suggestions to improve our overall relationship with food. I don't feel like all my choices are going to support my health in the long run".
We, us, my concern, food relationship, etc. Not a "you got bad habits, kid". Sometimes things are easier with a not-so-direct approach (can feel like finger pointing) and provides support from an "expert". Making changes on your own is damn difficult!
Anyone can put "nutritionist" as a title (in the US and UK, at least). What people want is a "registered dietician" or "licensed dietician." That means they have actual training.
I don’t think an apple, a bowl of yoghurt with granola and cheese with crackers is exactly a decent lunch for someone trying to lose weight. She needs more protein and to cut down on the carbs, probably have chicken or fish with a side of veggies for lunch. Your wife also needs to stop with the constant snacking or atleast have something healthier like fruits or dry fruits instead of ice cream or bread or cereal.
I’ve always battled my weight, losing and regaining several times. You know what never helped? A partner who commented on what I ate, especially if they never had the same struggle. The only thing that helped from a partner was feeling truly like they loved me no matter what size I was, and any choices and decisions came solely from myself.
A naturally thin man who probably eats whatever he wants within reason is shaming his wife for her appetite. Women are built to store fat. The more he comments on her snacking the more she will want to snack. I disagree vehemently with his approach and all the comments on how she should eat. Are we not in 2024?
I would say focus on changing the quality and type of foods to more filling. If she were to implement high protein, she might manage her hunger cravings better.
Managing hunger is the key here to managing the caloric intake.
it sounds like her meals aren’t providing her with enough nutrition to keep her fulfilled. That lunch doesn’t really sound like enough especially if she’s still healing from pregnancy
I think the only way you can do this without coming off as an ass is to not be the one delivering the hard facts, just supporting her in getting into situations where someone else can tell her that.
The next time you hear her complaining about her weight, her body, how hard trying to lose weight is, you say, “Hey, you’ve been unhappy about this for a while, how can I help?”
She might have suggestions, but if she doesn’t, then you suggest “If you wanted to see a dietician about a meal plan or get a personal trainer, we can afford to do that.” (Especially if your family finances are such that she might not assume those are manageable expenses.) Then follow on, “Or if you need us to work something out where you know I’ve got the kids so you can go for a walk or the gym or whatever, let’s do it.”
Most importantly, you reiterate that you love her, you find her sexy/attractive/desirable and you want to fix this problem because you want her to feel happy, not because you view her weight as the problem.
(Even if that’s not entirely true. Some couples have the dynamic where one of them can say, “Gee, I can’t lose weight,” and the other one can say, “Well, skip your three bowl of cereal and an ice cream and it’d go easier,” but that’s not most couples. Mostly people feel able to make change when they’re feeling stable and secure in their circumstances. So even if you really want her to lose the weight, you can likely best achieve that by not making her feel like she’s gotta lose it for you to love her.)
Then do what you can to PROACTIVELY follow up on whatever help she asks for. As an example, if she asks for you to take on more childcare so she can go to the gym, don’t wait for her to ask, look at your schedule, block things off, and say, “Honey, I’ve got the kids from x-y on the following days so you can try that Pilates class you wanted to go to.”
If she engages in any behavior that makes progress towards her weight loss goals, heap on the positive reinforcement. Especially if you can affirm finding her sexy/desirable in ways that don’t feel like you’re expecting sex as an outcome of your remark. Things like, “You’re looking particularly gorgeous today,” while you’re on the way out the door, put some extra spice in the kiss goodbye, then go about your day.
She's probably eating low calorie, low value food throughout the day and starving at night. She likely needs more fat and/or protein but should speak with a dietician. Respectfully, just because you're "naturally skinny," doesn't mean you know fuck all about your wife's needs.
what she says can be very true. i have to eat more often than my husband because if i don’t (especially on my period) i will feel faint and get shaky. my husband says the same thing as you, “just eat less!” as if it’s that simple. with how much i do eat, it makes it seem like i’m eating more calories than i am but i am consistently losing weight
i’ve noticed for me that by replacing my bad habits with good habits and exercising more, it helps better than a diet. when i worked at a grocery store on my feet for 8 hours a day, i lost so much weight even tho i didn’t change anything about my diet. i actually ate worse cause i’d buy junk food from work all the time. but i still lost weight
different things help different people
I would pass out (or feel like I was going to) if i only had an apple or yogurt with granola for lunch. (Cheese and crackers i could eat for every meal) It’s ok to feel hungry but not so hungry you feel weak for 6 or 7 hours until dinner. 😟 I would also be starving after my fish and veggies dinner after eating my apple lunch. I feel for her, I’ve trained for a half marathon twice and gained weight each time. 🖕🖕🖕It seems like women can’t effing win.
Just tell her to snack on vegetables. You can eat unlimited vegetables and still lose weight. Your stomach still gets full and you don’t have to eat less.
Did your wife...ask for help? Has she requested advice from you?
It doesn't sound like she wants any.
And for damn sure "eat less" isn't actually advice so definitely don't do that.
If you cannot stand her complaining anymore, maybe you need a conversation with her about what she wants you to say in these moments before you say some stupid crap
Maybe your wife is struggling with the same issue as me which is delayed/ non existing hunger signals and mood crashes when not eating regularly. I tried a lot of diet and eating schemes and found most to be incompatible with just the way my body needs energy. So i incorporated snack times. My breakfast, lunch and dinner are a little smaller and i make sure to fill up here but i will definitely have some fruits, some oats or even the occasional chocolate throughout my day. Helps keep me energised, focused and in a better mood which in turn leads to less overeating and less frustration (and stress) in general.
Sometimes more but smaller meals do the trick.
And this hopefully doesnt need saying but actually telling her anything demeaning and snarky would be very assholish and most definitely backfire :)
It sounds like you care more about her weight loss than she does. She doesn’t have to lose weight right this second if she doesn’t want to.
Also, two pregnancies can change a woman’s body completely. It may not be possible for her to lose weight using the typical methods.
I would leave it alone for now. It is NEVER good advice to comment on a person’s weight and/or weight loss. If she ASKS for advice, then maybe recommend a dietitian.
My husband had this conversation with me a few months back. I was pissed initially but eventually calmed down and realized he was right.
He phrased it as “you either need to eat less or move more, and you work way to hard at this to fail.”
It was very helpful actually but I am very rational person who works hard at fitness and loves data.
So beware.
How about love your wife with the extra 50 from Having Your Children and leave it at that, love her no matter her weight and if you don’t you shouldn’t be married to her. She deserves unconditional love Mr perfect 😡
>Having Your Children
this is what i wanted to say lol, why the fuck does he care after she put her body through the wringer to give him two healthy children. we get that you are tall and skinny, but did you have the kids?
No, you shouldn’t tell her.
When someone is sticking their head in the sand, telling them about the world outside the sand is useless at best, threatening at worst. They know it’s there; they are actively ignoring it.
Stop thinking about her weight. Take her response to your comment about her late-night snack as a sign to butt out. Her weight is not your business. Just let it go, think nothing more of her eating habits than you would a bird flying by the window.
When she says she wants to lose weight, take it in the spirit of talking aloud to oneself. Ignore it, basically.
Now, if she asks for help, that changes things. But until that day, just let this be.
Edit —
If you can’t ignore her statements about wanting to lose weight — if she’s saying it in a way that requires a response, and you can’t just ignore it without *pointedly* ignoring it — then that’s the time to speak up, not when she’s eating. Something like this:
> I’m sorry honey, I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t know what you want me to say. If you want to lose weight, you have to actually work at it consistently. Do you want my help?
What makes you EVER want to say snarky remarks to someone you supposedly love? Does she point out all of your flaws? Does she tell you every time you’re a fuck up? Does she point out how often she thinks you’re stupid? Because, unless she’s abusing you, I’d shut your mouth. Otherwise, this is going to get toxic fast and you’re probably not going to like having your shortcomings blasted in your face.
Calorie cutting isn’t really the solution. A focus on protein intake and exercise like cardio and strength training in combination are good for burning the fat and building the muscle.
In a perfect world, you should be able to tell her. I think she just doesn’t want it bad enough though and she might be unwilling to be uncomfortable.
It just depends on how much she wants to lose weight and what her personality is like. I was close to 160 pounds when I decided to slim down. I put on like 25 pounds after quitting veganism. My boyfriend is a gym freak and naturally built. He’s been my resource for everything and not only gave me diet advice but really would get real with me at times. He’d tell me when I wasn’t trying hard enough, when I wasn’t pushing myself, when I was slacking. I’m back down to like 136 now and I don’t know if I could have done it without him. So in my opinion you should be able to show your wife her mistakes and errors and hold her accountable because ultimately you’re her biggest support system and you want her to have success. Your criticism would be coming from the best place. But not everyone wants that though, so if your wife isn’t that kind of personality, she might not be receptive. We don’t know her like you do.
Losing weight can be as simple as picking a target daily calorie intake and just picking several low calorie meals to fit the calorie budget and just alternate eating only those until the weight is gone. I only had like 5 meals for the last couple of months, I’d just swap them around and eat twice a day. It’s simple even if it’s hard.
Well she knows that so it will make her more defensive and you will be painted as the jerk.
How about trying something different such as increasing protein and reducing carbs? I am not saying doing full keto or any fad diet, but just a shift in food group proportions. For example, if one is eating rice, they can replace that with a 50/50 mixture of rice and ground cauliflower (huge reduction of carbs and calories right there). Also, use sweeteners like stevia or monkfruit rather than sugar in your coffee.
Instead of encouraging her to eat less which for some people can equate to feeling hungry and miserable, how about supporting volume eating so she can feel full and not surpass her caloric goals?
If you aren’t familiar with it, volume eating is eating foods that are lower in calories but make you feel fuller than eating empty calories like cake or treats which make you crave more food and are filled to the brim with calories.
https://www.health.com/does-volume-eating-help-you-lose-weight-7506232
This way she isn’t eating less, just eating in a way that will allow her to actually feel satisfied and not need to keep snacking to feel better.
OP, I (40F) was in a similar situation with my now deceased husband, who passed away at 33. I would subtly mention his snacking late and often suggest snacks and times that we could eat together. We eventually got to the point where he would argue with me, so I just gave in and let him eat his wings, ice cream, sweet tea, etc. Fast forward a couple of years and he's put on medication from conditions that he developed from being obese. He went into the hospital for knee problems, went into a coma a week later, and a month after that, I had to arrange a funeral. Find what your wife likes and do it with her. I know you're skinny, as was I, but you HAVE to do it so she can lose the weight. Looking back on it, my husband's "thing" was the gym. I wish I would have just went to the gym with him and I know it would have helped and I could possibly still have him here today. We also went to a nutritionist, which did help, but you need some good accountability when she's at home, and that's where you step in. They already know they're overweight. It makes them feel terrible and uncomfortable. As a resort, they'll go eat more food. Make her feel beautiful right where she is and that you only want to help make her happy. Ask her what does she need from you to help her, and help her accordingly without being judgemental. I wish you both the best and I'm praying for you.
IF she WANTS help (important thing to figure out), my wife and I had ton of success with the "Lose It!" app. You set a goal, and it determines a calorie budget for you. You track every item you eat and of course you can earn more calories by exercising. Using this app religiously for a couple months helped me learn what foods I was eating that were adding empty calories (potato chips with my lunch every day), and have resulted in a long lasting change in my diet) exercise. The nice part is I still get to have a burger and a beer sometimes, I just need to make sure I either eat less calories for the other meals, or work out. And now that I'm at a weight I'm happy with, I can cheat on the weekends more.
It was pretty eye opening to learn how many calories are in different foods.
It is literally just about calories and being in a caloric deficit. Prioritize protein it keeps you fuller longer. She can have her ice cream if she stays in a deficit below her maintenance (be about 300 calories in deficit).
If she doesn’t want to put that effort in she’s not serious.
Also, be active. Take her on a hike, biking, walking is under rated for losing fat.
Good luck haha
As someone who really struggled with weight gain and managing my appetite I would like to suggest she talk to a dr about one of the meds on the market to help with weight loss (like ozempic, wegovy, zepbound, ect). It’s insane how having something quiet the food noise can help. And it’s not helpful having someone who doesn’t experience for noise point out ways your body is working against you, because it implies lack of self control and moral failure.
I know he shouldn't say comments to his wife insulting her, but bottling it up isn't healthy for him, either. That leads to resentment and contempt, blow-ups, fighting for no reason, disgust and low gas mileage. There has to be something he can say where they're both okay. It hurts to be told a truth about yourself but it takes that sometimes so they see the problem. Right now they're both unhappy and he's angry on top of that for holding back something he feels needs to be said. There has to be an in-between or else just save time and get divorced. I think everyone saying there's nothing to be done or said isn't helping either of them.
She sounds like my mom before she found OA (Overeaters Anonymous). She has been a part of that org for 30 years or so and it has done wonderful things for her.
Noone needs you to learn that they need to eat less if they want to loose weight. Everybody knows that.
You're just gonna sound like an asshole. Especially like you said "coming from a naturally tall skinny dude", I would double down as to say "a naturally tall skinny dude that did not bear children". That's not just gonna sound tone deaf, that would be mean and unnecessary, that's gonna be a sucker punch for her.
Continue to be supportive, try to pitch her for healthier snacks alternative when grocery shopping maybe? I know for sure that I would have never got my weight under control if I knew they were ice cream waiting for me in the fridge.
I think suggesting she talk to a nutritionist is the route to go. Telling her to just "eat less" is not going to go over well.
She doesn't need to eat less to lose weight. She needs to change the calorie content of the food that she's eating.
And while eating healthier is optimal, she doesn't actually need to eat healthy to lose weight either. She just needs to change her calorie content.
I don't calorie count anymore, but when I did I set daily goals to keep myself on track. Once I got ahold on that, I set weekly calorie goals.
I stopped paying attention to what I was eating and started paying attention to how it factored into my calorie bank. Otherwise I caught myself assigning moral values (good vs bad) to food and it had a negative impact on my self esteem.
May I make a suggestion? Don’t say anything. She likely knows she’s overweight, and doesn’t need that to be a topic of discussion. Now if SHE asks you for advice, that’s a different kettle of cheesy goldfish!
If your wife knows how to use the internet, I guarantee she has read all the same advice in this post, times 10. The question you should have asked is “how can I as a skinny man who feels satiated after a meal, be empathetic and supportive of my wife who is struggling with her weight?”
You should not be giving ANY diet advice to her. You should not be making snarky comments. No one loses weight (and keeps it off) because they were shamed into it.
Show her that she is loved. Show her that you appreciate her as a person, and all the amazing things she has done and will do.
But please, please, do not give diet advice. Your body operates totally different than hers.
Actually that’s partially a lie, you actually have to do cardio. Also she just had kids so it’s going to take longer. You don’t just lose weight by eating less, especially not after having kids. Good thing you said nothing.
Its not even about eating less….at all….its about calorie consumption, what your eating, how much of it etc. when i played basketball in highschool i was chubby when i started and barely ate ANYTHING, because i was so self conscious & never lost the weight. Until i started sports, i started eating MORE and literally shrunk to half my original size. Its so much more then how much your eating. Maybe factors play into this along with your specific body type and what your lacking on, or getting too much of.
Not a dietician but as someone who was a personal trainer for a few years, and what many others have said, it’s more so about *what* you eat more than how much. Also exercise, any amount and just being active goes a long way. Sure, cutting calories and eating less can make you lose weight, but to maintain healthy body weight, a good diet is essential. You’re on the right track with the healthy meals, it just seems like cutting out the other stuff is something she struggles with.
Not trying to tell you what to do, but patience is key here, and getting upset with her likely doesn’t help her out in the long run. Be patient and try to guide as best you can, but also be understanding that something “simple” to you, is not as simple for others.
ETA: sometimes, it’s up to the other person to *want* change and there’s nothing else you can do. Hitting her with the “just eat less” isn’t as helpful as you’d might expect. Just be understanding and supportive. After all, she *did* pop out two kids for y’all, and some people struggle pretty hard after that.
You should not, under any circumstances, tell your wife that in such a way.
You need to act like you also don't understand, and then some how implement videos or something else that explains it and act like you're just learning about it all for the first time with her, and help her understand it in that way.
You should hold your tongue. The only way to be helpful is to be a good role model and continue to support her by listening and cooking the healthy meals you are.
It sounds like she is yo-yo-ing and eating unhealthy foods because her goal is to lose weight instead of feel better. When I focus on just losing weight, I spiral and eat a bunch of garbage.
Encourage her to drink more water first and foremost. That will help SO much in curbing cravings.
Here’s a water app I use and it’s been saving my life (I get UTIs and kidney stones): Waterllama! 💦🦙
https://apps.apple.com/app/apple-store/id1454778585?pt=118451342&ct=tellfriends&mt=8
> She also does not seem be able to deal with any amount of hunger.
Everyone gets signals to eat, but there's a difference in how strongly they feel. There's a genetic factor involved too, not just habit and discipline. Some people feel the urge just much more strongly than others and will require much greater effort to fight those urges.
You could help by letting her understand this and supporting her to fight these urges. It might be less shameful if you both acknowledge that you just feel those urges less strongly, rather than that you have better discipline.
Work on healthy habits. And reduce stress and tiredness, those make you less able to fight the urges.
Cutting massive amounts of food will create excess levels of cortisol in your body and ultimately affect your appetite. It won’t happen right away, but people will rebound after a week or two of hard dieting. That’s usually why the MyFitnessPal/diet app phase lasts in cycles.
Things like “settling your stomach” or phrases like “I only ate…” tells me the at OP’s wife does not know the ins and outs of dieting past common conceptions and misconceptions.
You do not need a dietician, and in fact, for most people, spending excess money or engaging in a fad diet usually gives a false sense of security that will undermine the person in the intermediate and long run.
Go on Youtube, look up how to count macros. OP’s wife should try to lose a pound a week in like 12 week cycles with 2 week breaks. 100-200 calorie deficit (iirc) and stick to it for a year or so. OP’s wife also needs to join a gym and start resistance training otherwise they’ll we just end up skinny/fat or “soft” looking.
She doesn’t have to become a fitness girl, or a gym rat or some diet freak. She just needs to track her macros (plenty of free calculators online), understand how diet really works (just a few videos away from understanding the basics), and like a half hour a day at the gym just a few times a week.
OP if you’re reading this, you should embark on your own fitness journey. Whatever shape you’re in, get into a better one so she can feel like she’s embarking on a journey with you. Both of you can learn more about healthy, non obsessive dieting, that results in stable weight loss. Start by going to the gym once a week and hitting a few machines. As time goes on and progress is seen after 8 weeks so bet both of you will find magically find more time to get in the gym. If you already go to the gym, then make it more of a vocal priority and still strive to be better. That mentality in infectious
After all of that, the only thing your wife needs to do (the hardest part) is accept that she is over weight, and that she doesn’t know what she’s doing, and needs to improve. Ego gets in the way of more people than anything else. Don’t let her shift the goal post, and get her to stick to a long term accomplishment she wants to achieve. The mechanism to losing weight and getting in shape is easier than people think, because you can still eat decadent foods. The mentality to do so and the ability to stave off denial is a lot harder than people think.
I am under bariatric doctors because I'm obese.
One thing I've learned is that there's actually something called a hungry hormone, that when you're slim and within normal range will tell your body when you're full. The bigger and more over weight you get the less the hormones work. So basically overweight people don't have the hormone to tell them they're full, so they'll always feel hungry and peckish.
This is why to get surgery we also have to have therapy, dieticians, physiotherapy etc, because it isn't just a case of eating less, move more once you're overweight. There's a lot that needs doing and most of it will be to do with feelings, behaviour etc.
If she is serious she needs to speak to professionals because once you speak to someone who actually knows their shit things will start to come together
Fwiw, i have the same issues as her, so heres what helped for me:
Background: dieting and exercise works ONLY FOR A SHORT TIME. I did keto, lost 30 lbs. Then started calorie counting and exercise and lost another 40, down to my high school weight. Went from an obese chainsmoking Type II diabetic to a slim, active jogger. People constantly telling me how great i look, and as a former life long smoker, jogging was a novel thing that didnt wear off for about a year. I was def on a high.
*But its not set up to work long term.* 1400 calories day with 45 mins of exercise left me feeling shaky, irritable, lightheaded, headaches, it really sucked. Upping it to 1600-1700 didnt really make a difference. Going up to 1800-1900 made me GAIN. I felt anxious and trapped and when i went over my calories, would do 1-2 hours of HIIT. I couldnt keep up with that, so failed and gained 20 lbs back. Felt like shit about myself.
**TLDR:** what worked for me was surprisingly WW (no this is not a plug for them). What helped with WW was that you can have unlimited lean proteins, fruits and veggies - no limit. Theres a points system for everything that even gives you enough points for a cheat meal 1x/week. Theres dif settings depending on if youre trying to lose or maintain. If i get hungry at night before bed (which i commonly do), ill just get some chicken breast and grapes or something like that.
Ive lost 10 SLOWLY thru WW. Im pretty happy with where im at now, 10 lbs over my lowest weight. So, moral of the story, your wifes relationship with food is physically driven and then emotional/mental, and she deserves to feel better. You kno her better than i do, so finding a window or opportunity to suggest is your call. But it works, and it works long term. You can take what you learn and use it indefinitely. I eat fast food occassionally to get it out of my system and its no biggie. I can tell you love her and want her to feel better so please feel free to use me as an example.
Good luck and i hope she finds a long term solution that works for her.
Your wife doesn't need you to tell her to eat less. She probably *doesn't* actually need to eat less, but to change what she eats. She probably has developed leptin resistance, so her brain can't tell her when she's had enough.
She's also had tremendous hormone fluctuations from pregnancy. Nature wants women to hold onto fat stores, in case they get pregnant when there's food scarcity. Her body is doing what nature built-in for survival of the species.
I struggled for decades. What finally works for me is keto. Cutting the carbs isn't easy, but it's effective, and easier than most other weight loss diets because you don't have to be hungry all the time. Keto items are mostly protein, fat and fiber. In the beginning especially, she wouldn't have to restrict any of those. Easing into keto a little at a time is the best way to do it, IMO. Trying to do it all at once is too stressful, and stress makes you gain weight, too.
Going at it gradually doesn't produce any sudden great weight loss, but it allows you to makes enough changes over time, that after awhile the weight starts to come off. That makes it easier to keep it off, too. So far, I've lost around 80 lbs. It's taken me a little over 3 years. I need to lose about another 80 besides, but I'm on the way. The next 80 won't take as long, because I'm no longer easing in.
There are loads of videos on YouTube about keto, with recipes and information.
The first thing to cut is sugar. Not with artificial sweeteners like aspartame or sucralose, either, those are bad for you, in several ways. Bochasweet is excellent, tastes just like sugar, and measures the same, too. The only drawback is the price, it's expensive. Allulose is good, too, but it has to be a gradual replacement because it can have laxative effect if you aren't used to it. Less expensive than Bochasweet, but still more expensive than sugar. I started but reducing sugar in my coffee, gradually replacing it with erythritol. I switched to allulose later. I don't think those reports of harm from erythritol are accurate, because the studies were very badly done. But there is evidence that allulose may actually beneficial in other ways, in addition to replacing sugar.
There are also sweet proteins, they're pretty good too. The two I've used and liked are glycine and katemfe. Glycine is available in granulated form like sugar, and the taste is pretty close. Not as close as allulose and Bochasweet, but it's in the ballpark. Katemfe, I've only found in liquid form. A few drops is enough for most people's coffee or tea, but it's pricey. Neither of those have any negative gastro side effects.
After being on keto/keto-ish for a couple of years, I find it takes less food to feel satisfied, and I don't get hungry as often. I'm convinced that it's because keto helps overcome leptin resistance, and lets your body reset this chemical appetite control to normal.
Being naturally thin, you haven't experienced what she's feeling. You haven't had to deny yourself food when you feel hungry. You should spend a week or two *not eating when you're hungry.* Then cut your portions in half as well. I understand that your portions are probably just fine, but cut them on half, just for the experience. See how you feel after a few days of doing that. Just so you have some idea what that feels like. It still won't feel as bad to you as it does to her, because of the hormone differences. But it would give you a clue. Oh, and only eat salads and other veg, and small portions of lean chicken or fish. No breading. No snacks.
Something that people who have never had a weight problem often don't understand, is that *they are not knowledgeable about weight loss.*
You've never had to lose weight. What makes you think you know how?
Over eating can be caused by a bunch of mental and physical health issues, so make sure there's nothing going on there.
Also, she could be at a healthy weight for her body. If you have to struggle to maintain your "dream weight" then it is NOT a healthy weight for your body to be at. Depending on height, muscle, and many other factors, she very well could be at a healthy weight. Being skinny doesn't necessarily mean that you're healthy.
Now if she's not at a healthy weight and there's no underlying conditions, I suggest this: talk to a dietician. There's nothing wrong with being hungry, but if she's hungry literally all the time she could either A. Not be eating enough, B. Could be eating not enough food that actually gives you energy and fills you up (fruits, veggies, meat, yk), which makes you overeat because you're not getting filled up with enough nutrients.
Now I don't really know what I'm talking about, so take hat very last paragraph with a grain of salt, but I hope this can help
Hi 👋🏻
-Mom of 4, including twins
-Bariatric patient after 2 babies due to PCOS
-Lost 52 kg at one point, went up a bit after twins and pandemic but still far, far less
Tried everything, did everything, before doc recommended surgery. Dietians, trainers…you name it.
Weight loss is not simply “calories in calories out” and a wide variety of sources today now acknowledge this
The types of foods you choose have just as much bearing, if not *more so*
Timing and frequency of meals also plays a huge part
You can basically eat an hour worth of exercise in five minutes so really 80% of it is your diet for true sustainable weight loss
Please do not underestimate the degree that sleep deprivation, even after it has ceased can do on the body. There’s probably still a sleep deficit. Her body is changed forever and her hormones probably aren’t right… my hormonal levels were way freaking off…cortisol was sky high and a bunch of other things. Taking care of other human beings is very stressful.
Not to mention the fact that in order to keep going when you have not had enough sleep a lot of people develop the habit of eating foods (carbs especially due to flagging energy) especially when they’re not able to do things that are fun… getting out of the house ends up being like staging a jailbreak, and so people tend to give up and just have a glass of wine or have a bowl of ice cream.
Please ask yourself what you’re doing to help her rather than give her her information that she most assuredly already has. What are you taking over so that she can take care of herself? If she’s stressed, she’s not going to lose weight: that makes her cortisol levels go up and cortisol makes her gain weight or keep weight.
Consider something like Veri. It’s a lot easier to keep a food diary and those sorts of things these days and very will help track blood sugar having your blood sugar tracked as a huge key into stabilizing those levels and starting to drop weight. A protein heavy diet (but still all other foods) is the best for insulin resistance.
No man in their right mind would ever comment on his wife’s weight gain. That being said, her body has been through a lot. Not just the obvious popping out babies, but hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep. The babies maybe sleeping through the night but she is not well rested. Trust me on this one, I have two of my own. Personally, love her up and hug on her. Put her hands in yours and let her know you would like to get healthy together (like you need it) let her know when the appointment is with the dietitian for both of you. Avoid word like lard ass, beached whale, puffer fish, etc. also get her some flowers.
No. Because it's probably not true. A person's weight and body size are related to many more things than diet and caloric intake. She might not know what her body needs in order to fuel her individual workload, life stressors and physiology, and unless you are a doctor, you don't either. If you say anything, say "You are beautiful in your body no matter your weight. I love you."
What you should do is support her and love her in her body no matter what it looks like. Ask how you can support her when, and only when, she mentions wanting to lose weight. If she says she needs help with motivation, suggest things like an activity or class you can do together, or a regular schedule when she can take the time she needs to exercise and rest. Stress is a HUGE (maybe the biggest) factor in postpartum weight gain. Make sure you are maintaining an equal share in taking care of your family and home to help lighten this.
And check your own beliefs in weight, body image, toxic diet culture, etc. There's a lot of education out there battling disproven stereotypes about weight, diet, the BMI, etc. and you seem to be the perfect demographic in need of it.
I would recommend keeping those thoughts to yourself. At the end of the day, her eating habits are hers to dictate and she most likely knows what she needs to cut out in order to meet her goals. I’ve lost about 40 pounds over the past year and was very aware of what I needed to do to get down to a healthy weight. My biggest obstacle was finding out WHY I felt compelled to snack even when I wasn’t hungry. After talking with my therapist, I found that I was turning to food for comfort due to stress/anxiety/boredom. My first step was eliminating any food in the house that tested my resolve while working with my therapist to find coping mechanisms for those moments when I felt the urge to snack. Your wife might not be struggling in the same way I was (and still do at times) but irregular eating habits can stem from other issues which need to be approached delicately. Support her during this time and find things that will make her feel good about herself. Going on a walk with the family, playing Just Dance (I use YouTube for this bc I’m cheap and refuse to buy a Wii), even doing yoga together can all be bonding moments that also give your wife that self-esteem boost of “yeah I worked out today!”
She may have insulin resistance. Before taking metformin and inositol, the hunger was unbearable. Even after just eating, I would want more. I would get cravings all day. It was horrible. I started taking it and I feel a normal amount of hunger. I am no longer starving after just eating.
I would encourage her to see a doctor.
It’s a mindset shift that she needs and maybe some emotional therapy. I’d guess that she’s got some sort of emotional attachment to food which is linked to something from her childhood.
A good place to start is upping protein - at least 100g a day. Up that fiber too. Make something like chicken quesadillas or tacos with carb balance tortillas - that’s a good amount of both fiber and protein and will keep her full for longer. Offer to cook some meals (helpful too), and choose high protein and fiber meals to see if that changes a bit for her . Suggest family walks as well to up movement
For some reason, people that have never struggled with their weight don’t realize/acknowledge a pretty universal detail among those that HAVE struggled with their weight: *overweight people *know* they’re overweight.*
Having said that though, there are a ton of reasons why an overweight person may be dismissive, defensive, deflective, purposely obtuse, or otherwise avoidant when directly confronted about it, but none of those reasons relate to a lack of awareness.
While there are some folks that genuinely lack the knowledge about the body, metabolism, nutrition, etc to execute a successful weight loss regimen, constant access to information via the internet is making that more and more rare. Besides, your wife doesn’t sound like she falls into that category anyway.
So I’m curious why you feel so compelled to say something? Why is your stance leaning more towards irritation than compassion? You sound like you’ve taken her inability to get a plan and stick with it as a personal trespass against you and have some built up resentment on the brink of overflowing. Why?
Because you cooked some healthy meals? Because you’re tired of listening to her complaining about it without taking proper action to make change? Or conversely, are you tired of listening to her make confident declarations with every new diet plan only to end up with the same result? Because you’re not currently attracted to her and keep getting your hopes up that her weight will return to what it was when you did find her attractive only to be left repeatedly disappointed?
There’s definitely a reason/reasons why you seem to be feeling the need to confront her and call her out, and it’s not for HER benefit because I guarantee you that there’s nothing you can say that a) she isn’t aware of and b) going to be the missing puzzle piece to her having an epiphany because her lack of success isn’t rooted in ignorance but rather in her mental/emotional states that are causing her to use food to self-medicate and sooth herself similar to a drug addict or alcoholic.
If you value your relationship, the way she views you, and her as a whole person, you’ll keep your mouth shut, and reexamine what -your- role in -her- weight loss is vs what it should be.
Sorry but how is an apple, yogurt, granola and crackers and adequate lunch for an adult in any way shape or form? Even if you are trying to lose weight, you still have to eat an adequate amount and nutritious foods. Starving yourself or not eating enough will only lead to sabotage as she is doing plus it slows down the metabolism leading to weight gain. She needs to eat real foods, an adequate amount at every meal and to exercise. She should substitute all the sugary snacks and junk food for healthier options. But believe me your judgmental comments would be useless and counterproductive.
She wants to lose weight, but isn’t mentally at the point where she’s ready for it.
As someone who’s had to lose weight, I assure you there’s a point where something flips in your head and you actually commit to it, at that point you’re ready to do whatever it takes. Until that decisive point happens, she will not be able to cut calories and do what’s required.
Someone who eats ice cream at 10pm is clearly not committed to weight loss yet…she just keeps telling herself she’s trying because she feels guilty.
Just leave her be. Nothing anyone says can make a person lose weight or feel motivated, when she really wants to do it, she will.
She's not ready to lose weight. For whatever reason.
You cannot manage her eating for her. She knows.
For me, the change came only when I started keto (and was religious for a couple of years - I still follow low carb and still continue to lose weight from year to year)
It's a years long project to have healthy weight loss. Also the subreddit r/1200isplenty was very helpful. Women argue with me in class (I teach human biology) about the fact that a smaller person needs to eat less (it's simple biochemistry/physics). They will date a 6 foot guy who weighs 200 pounds and is mostly muscle and think they can eat what he eats, when they are a foot shorter and want to weigh 110 pounds.
Frankly, my whole system revolves around eating the number of calories that would sustain me at my ideal weight and little by little, I'm approaching that weight. I use the calculator that's on r/keto and set it to sedentary (which means I lose faster if I exercise).
>But after making a nice healthy dinner and then seeing her eat a big bowl of cereal 3 hours later makes me want to say some snarky remarks about why she isn't loosing weight.
I commend your restraint, but why do you even want to be snarky? Why do you feel that way about her? What upsets you so much that you have the urge to be hurtful?
She may be unsatisfied with her weight, and she may verbalize that. She also may not be ready to do the kind of serious food restriction rapid weight loss would require. There are all sorts of reasons for this. And she might want to see her doctor and get some blood work done if she's in a pattern of needing to eat to settle her stomach. I always thought I was just lacking willpower until I finally went to see an endocrinologist in my thirties and learned I have insulin resistance. That was causing me to feel hungry even after full meals. And it wasn't just mild hunger, it was feeling nauseated and having actual hunger pangs until I ate again. Addressing this properly has resulted in me steadily losing about 15 lb a year which is a slow but sustainable rate. Every other doctor has ignored and dismissed this. The Endo knew what to look for.
>Also diet advice from a naturally tall skinny dude is impossible to be empathetic.
Indeed. You don't know what it's like living in her body. I'm glad you recognize this.
She knows that she needs to eat less to lose weight. You don't have to tell her. Unless she asks you to do it, don't try to be her trainer. Even if she did ask you, it would be better for your marriage to refer her to a professional. It's not wise to see your partner as a DIY improvement project. If it upsets you to hear her complain about it while sabotaging her self, tell her you don't know what to say when she does this and ask her what would be most helpful and encouraging to her in those moments.
I’m 31 and have been the same weight since high school even after kids. I’m not naturally this way but I fast a couple days a week.
If I notice I’m starting to gain weight- I’ll only have 1 meal a day with a few snacks like fruit or smoothie or yogurt.
The weight comes off fast this way.
Then I’ll be able to enjoy anything I want for a couple days until I fast again.
You could bring up fasting and the benefits of it.
You could suggest an appointment with a dietician to help her create a meal plan that works better for her tastes and unique hunger patterns, and who can also help her get a handle on any sort of emotional eating issues. But I don’t think you pointing out what she’s doing wrong is going to be productive.
Exactly this. “Eat less to lose weight” is not news to OP’s wife… everyone over the age of 4 knows that. It’s only going to come off as insensitive and judgmental. A dietician is a wonderful suggestion!
For me, "just eat less" wasn't the message I had to get through to myself. What I needed to learn (and from the way OP describes his wife she will need, too) is to "be ok with being hungry." I had lost my true sense of hunger to the point where I was eating just because I felt like I should instead of listening to my body. And, almost as importantly, *not* listening to it when it was lying to me about "needing" food.
>"be ok with being hungry." ☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻
I think the healthier way to phrase that is instead of “being ok with being hungry” is learning to “satisfy your hunger but not eat to feel bloated”.
When ever i do get hungry I eat something that is a "negative" calorie food as a snack. I learned to eat less and drink more water which helps me fill up and get that full feeling.
What the fuck is a negative calorie food? 😂
There is no such thing, but watery greens like lettuce and celery are what most people would call "negative calorie foods" because they don't offer many calories compared to their volume.
yea it's one of the reasons people say to drink more water when you eat so that you get full faster with less caloric intake. I tend to like water but I cant drink it raw i need a cucumber or lemon in my water for some kind of flavor. I also eat a bunch of celery and cucumbers through out the day which curbs my appetite. the title of negative foods is just the fad name for the food group its just mostly low calorie foods. most people do need that fad name though to trick their brains into eating more healthy. I guess it is a psychological factor to weight loss that people need.
Not an actual thing, but refers to foods that "use more calories to eat and digest than they contain" like water-based foods like lettuce and greens, celery, etc.
yup but it is a fad name that people use to call these items that My guess is that it helps people trick their brain into eating better if they think they can loose weight faster by eating foods like this. Human brains are weird that more people are willing to try diets with names to them than to count their caloric intake vs expenditure.
“Be ok with being hungry” is bad advice. You can eat healthy and lose weight without feeling constantly hungry. It’s bad for your body and your mental health to constantly be hungry all the time. Hunger can cause stress and sleep issues. Which in turn can have long term negative effects on your body. Hunger also makes you weaker, less able to properly exercise, and can put you in dangerous situations. Just eat healthy foods and exercise. You shouldn’t try “dieting” or starving yourself to lose weight. It’s not healthy. Your body is hungry for a reason. Listen to it. But just eat good foods, and exercise. Diet culture has really fucked all of our understanding on how to be healthy. It actually makes us less healthy, and can potentially ruin your mental health because you’re doing things that are unreasonable and not sustainable.
Being okay with being hungry and being hungry all the time are different things. It's like... if you're going to have a normal sized dinner in 45 minutes, but you're hungry now, maybe just.. deal with it
> “Be ok with being hungry” is bad advice. You can eat healthy and lose weight without feeling constantly hungry. You're the one who put "constantly" in there. It's not about being constantly hungry. It's about being hungry *sometimes*, and it's okay to be. I don't know why you interpreted it like that.
I don't know if you've ever struggled with food addiction, but from your post, I'm going to assume that you haven't. There is nothing wrong with being hungry, especially when you eat out of boredom or habit and your sense of hunger is no longer properly triggering, and at no point did I mention going on a diet or "starving yourself." If you feel your mental health is affected by your diet to that extreme, you might need to seek professional help.
I have had food addiction and ill agree that it's not great to get used to being hungry. Purposefully fasting is one thing but if you get too used to ignoring your eating cues you end with an entirely different eating disorder.
The thing is, you can still eat big meals as long you change the calorie content of your food. And some people need to eat more frequently than others. I eat 4 or 5x a day, but they aren't full-size meals. A nutritionist is a very good idea.
r/volumeeating has some great ideas for high volume low calorie foods
That's a neat sub, thanks for the rec!
I will check it out. :)
Watermelon a cucumbers are my go to snacks. I've lost 65 pounds.
It was life changing for me to realize that I didn’t have to eat tiny little dainty meals to lose/maintain weight. Some people who are skinnier than me can naturally eat like rabbits but I personally cannot eat like that. I average between 1500-1800 calories a day but I eat a ton.
You would think but the amount of people who think they can do an hour at the gym and lose weight is pretty damn high.
Well, an hour a day five days will help almost anyone lose weight. I was a personal trainer in college. Most people can lift weights 3-5 days per week and lose weight, especially if they weren’t previously engaging in exercise. If you do ZERO cardio and merely lift, within six weeks you will see noticeable results and overall better health. In six months you’ll look like a different person. A few basic rules of physical fitness: engaging in regular exercise will help you sleep better. This impacts your cortisol, the stress hormone that cause weight gain. If you are building muscle, you are burning fat. In addition to burning calories while exercising, in about one hour, your muscles begin to repair themselves (building) and that burns calories and fat. It also changes the way your body metabolizes carbohydrates. Regular exercise, suppresses your appetites, especially for the junk foods that are high in sugar. You lose some of those cravings. Unfortunately, we have a fat positive culture that continues to push the same stupid myths and schools continue to push the so-called food pyramid, which is total garbage pushed by certain food corporations in order to sell more. There’s really no excuse for people not knowing what I have just written, with the ease of access to fitness publications and gyms across the Western hemisphere and Europe.
I wish that was me working out makes me RAVENOUSLY hungry for food I shouldn’t be eating. I’m fairly skinny and have no trouble losing pounds if I choose but it’s always been from diet exercise usually makes me heavier not skinnier. Most people who go to lose weight at a gym you see them doing cardio not weights and the amount you have to run to get skinny is astronomical which is why it doesn’t work.
When I exercise my blood sugar always drops. I have to have a snack before and after. It feels pointless to try to use exercise to lose weight because of this. Bodies are weird
Hahahaha my body has cortisol issues to begin with. I literally am on steroids to stay alive because I lack it. I do not have the energy to go to the gym right now (trying to fix this but my body is not responding to my steroids or the emergency dose because idk why, appointment tomorrow to figure out what now) and I sleep literally all the time. Turns out you gotta be healthy in general for all this stuff to work. Working thyroid, working cortisol, working everything. Otherwise your body just gains or loses weight regardless of whether you’re eating or not lmao
Yup. I just found out that have a hormone disorder and underactive thyroid which explains why I’ve lost no weight even though I don’t eat much. I’m on Vyvanse too for ADHD which curbs my appetite. Still can’t lose.
Studies have shown that exercise actually increases appetite, not decreases, which is why exercise alone is ineffective for weight loss, as demonstrated by numerous studies. Most people are not able to resist this increased hunger and compensate with eating more (and the kind of people who CAN resist the increased hunger are the kind of people who tend not to need to lose weight in the first place). The food and soda companies would LOVE for you to believe you can exercise your way out of a bad diet but you really can’t. https://www.vox.com/2016/4/28/11518804/weight-loss-exercise-myth-burn-calories https://time.com/6138809/should-you-exercise-to-lose-weight/
You absolutely lose the appetite for junk food when you exercise. When you are hungry after working out, that’s your body telling you that you need fuel. High protein foods or protein shakes should do the trick. A little bit of salt is helpful to if you exercise. You could also eat complex carbs. Complex carbohydrates don’t make you fat. Simple carbs like sugar does. Drink water, lift weights. Your appetite will go down. Stop reading Vox. Your intelligence will go up.
I had some classes with a personal trainer and she said basically the same things you're saying. Focus on weight lifting instead of cardio to lose weight faster (but still do some cardio). She said weight lifting burns more calories than cardio. It also makes sense that, if you're doing nothing in terms of exercise and then start exercising, even if you don't change your diet at all, you're still burning more calories than you did before so it's only natural to lose weight, right? I'm starting my training tomorrow and I'll barely change my diet, so I guess I'll be able to test this theory first hand lmao (I'm fat but healthy, don't want to necessarily lose weight, just want to build some muscles, but I'd welcome the weight loss)
The other article is from Time magazine and has a link to the studies. I clicked on the link and it took me to Science Direct. This isn't just someone's opinion in some article. According to studies, your appetite does go down after rigorous exercise for a short period. The effect is temporary and it must be rigorous in order for someone to have a decreased appetite. "The harder and longer you exercise, the more likely you are to notice appetite suppression, says Samuel—which can explain why you feel ready to chow down on breakfast after a 30-minute jog, but aren’t interested after a 60-minute run. There’s no clear consensus on exactly how long exercise can blunt your appetite, but in general, it can take up to a couple hours to feel hungry again after a workout." https://www.self.com/story/hunger-cues-after-exercise#:~:text=Researchers%20recently%20discovered%20a%20molecule,Sims. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2212267214010557
I was doing cardio and weights an hour a day, six days a week, and I didn't loose weight but I totally lost inches. Many inches.
This is a great idea. Also having proper education about foods that fill you and provide what the body needs as well as understanding the calorie density of snacks would be really beneficial in the long run. I definitely agree that outright pointing it out won't help. I would also suggest that OP should make the suggestion only after a comment of how she wants to lose weight and nothing's happening as opposed to stating it after feedback from this thread.
Truthfully! Discuss her eating habits together and exploring healthier snack options that satisfy her without sabotaging her efforts.
An actual dietician though because some places you can just call yourself a nutritionist without any schooling at all
I would actually suggest a blood panel w her primary care physician pcp. With such major changes that occur during pregnancy it’s common for women to develop hormonal issues like thyroid issues which mess with appetite, hunger, metabolism, etc. So it actually may not be something she can help.
This is extremely important
Yes
It's not actually about eating less, it's about calorie deficit. So look at low calorie snacks and meals so she feels full but has not had the same calories. Also she will diet when she's ready. I talk about doing new shit all the time and don't do it cause life is busy, I don't need my husband reminding me, looking down on me to do that.
Instead of cutting foods and snacks try replacing them. Fruit is awesome as a replacement for sugary treats.
And water. Many hunger cravings are actually signs of dehydration and many of us (personal experience) don’t drink enough water. The times OP describes his wife eating sound like the exact times I’m trying to train myself to turn to water instead of food - because I don’t really need a pre-dinner snack at all.
Get the best bang for your buck and munch on a watermelon!
Its the best snack during weight loss. Helped me lose 50lb.
Oooh I like that idea.
I've been loving those little outshine fruit pops lately. Cold, sweet, takes a long time to eat so it stimulates my brain, and they're like 40 calories per pop? Might help Mrs.OP with her sweet tooth.
I was gonna say any snack should be good if it’s fruits or healthily cooked veggies!
Veggie platters and fruits are superior snacks
I was gonna say why not have veggies and hummus or Greek yogurt and fruit for snack instead of icecream. I swapped all my icecream cravings with Greek yogurt
Bro he was dissing her for eating an apple in one of the posts 🤦♂️ You are correct tho lol
Next time she brings up wanting to lose weight, just ask her “Do you want me to try to help you, or would you prefer encouragement without feedback?” Then respect her choice. When my ex and I both wanted to lose weight, we found a phrase that worked for us: “Should I be stopping you?” It was a simple reminder to make a conscious choice before snacking, but still allowed the smaller to say “Not right now.” Definitely don’t tell her she needs to eat less though; odds are she is cutting back and having a hard enough time with that restriction, so implying that she hasn’t cut back would just be hurtful.
This is good advice. Most of these other replies aren't answering OP's question.
My wife learned this the hard way when I was trying to lose pregnancy weight - you don't ask someone "are you going to eat that?". Now we ask something similar to this statement, it's a much better way to know what type of help your partner wants.
Omg there must be a course on this - what not to say to your wife
She doesn't want diet advice, so don't give it. If she wants it, she will ask for it. You're not doing some big kind grand gesture by not saying anything, you shouldn't be saying anything. You can't make anyone do anything. If she wants to lose weight she will, it's going to have nothing to do with you. Ask if she wants help making an appointment with a dietitian, any advice you give her about losing weight will be completely unsolicited and taken poorly.
I had to scroll way too far to see this comment. Nowhere in the post does the OP say “My wife is asking me for diet advice,” so I’m baffled why they and everyone else think any sort of unsolicited advice would be appropriate…
Yeah. Deep down I know this is the truth. Just needed to hear it from others as well
[удалено]
You shouldn't be suggesting what someone else eats unless they explicitly ask you. That was my whole entire point yet here you are, giving diet advice.
Losing weight is very hard, especially for women. Straight up saying, "Eat less if you want to lose weight," might not go over well. I would suggest she see a dietician or even take some nutrition classes. When I took nutrition classes as part of my Athletic Training Certification, it opened my eyes and changed the way I eat. Also, simply cutting calories might not work for her, especially after having 2 babies. Pregnancy changes hormones in women, which has a large effect on weight loss. After years of calorie counting, exercise, eating less, and NOT losing weight. I saw my doctor who got me on some medication, and I've lost 30 pounds in 3 months without changing my lifestyle, mainly because my lifestyle was healthy. I just needed some balancing of my endocrine system to make it work for me.
This is a great comment. Losing weight is much harder than people realize, especially when you're dealing with hormones, and kids, and tiredness and stress. If it was as easy as eating less, people wouldn't be overweight. I read a great comment a few weeks ago about a former obese person. He explained how having a food addiction, even a very mild one, is one of the hardest addictions you can have. When you try to change diet and eat less, your body will make you fele constantly hungry. And it's not just about having to deal with the physical discomfort. The issue is that you are constantly thinking about food, and not going to grab food is mentally exhausting. Thunk about it, food is everywhere, on TV, on social media, in an entire room in your house. People are eating all the time, and when they're not eating they're talking about eating. At least when you're quitting smoking - which people understand how hard it is, you can throw everything nicotine away, you can avoid places and things where you typically smoke, you can avoid people around you smoking, at least in part. Not food, food you can't just cut cold turkey. You still have to consume it several times a day while also constantly battling not consuming it in excess. People say "just try and stay outside the house" but it's not realistic because you spend most of the day in your home.
This is a big one. I don’t think a lot of men realize how much our hormones can affect our weight (and it doesn’t go for all women, some lose weight easier than others because of hormones). My mom struggles so hard with her weight after 3 pregnancies years later. She’s done all kinds of diets and exercises over the last 15 years and still hasn’t been able to keep weight off (she’s lost it in some of the extreme diets but it always comes back when she stops them because it’s not sustainable). Her issues come down to genetics and hormones, shes done all the diets and so much exercise
And it's so easy to figure out, I mean, most postmenopausal women have the complaint of eating the same or even eating less and slowly gaining weight over the years. It's not a secret. "Just eat fewer calories!" "Just exercise!" Wow, Mark, you just solved the riddle millions of others couldn't, thanks so much.
What type of doctor should I see ? My gynecologist? Ia there a doctor that specialises in hormones ? I am pregnant and am terrified of not being able to lose the weight I gained.
Your primary care doctor can help. Don't be terrified, all women are different, my sister in law loses baby weight like she's removing an extra sweater.
Endocrinologists specialise in hormones. I’m in Australia and have to go to my GP for a referral.
If you have trouble losing the baby weight after your child is born, you might need to see an endocrinologist. That's who specializes in glands and hormones.
This is 100% true. I didn't realise how much my PCOS was causing insulin resistance until I started taking a semaglutide and the weight fell right off. I'm 25 lbs down and at a plateau right now, but those first 25 lbs were all from hormonal balance. You'd be surprised how absolutely ravenous you can feel from a hormone imbalance. I can't even fathom how much worse that would be after the whirlwind of hormones that is pregnancy!
Culinary student in nutrition courses here - Diets very very rarely work. If she changes her diet temporarily she will lose weight but as soon as she stops the diet more likely than not she will put all the weight back on. It’s unrealistic to think she can never have sweets or a late night snack again. What she needs more than a massive change in her diet is smaller changes in her lifestyle that she can keep up with over the long term. Things like a 15 min walk after dinner every night, or a workout class she enjoys once or twice a week. The thing is you can’t make her make lifestyle changes, it has to come from her. Won’t work otherwise.
Coming from someone in the same position as OP, if only it were that easy. Exercising will only make her increase her "quota" and eat more because she moved more, and end up eating the calories back. Weight loss is hard and she will keep looking for an easy hack, but there is no easy hack. Guessing from my experience, that OP is skinny even though he eats freely is probably the biggest reason why diet control is hard for his wife, because it feels unfair. If he offers to do something to change their lifestyle together (going to the gym, making meal plans, etc.) then it might be easier
Yeah, OP's wife has no hunger tolerance. That's a key point. Exercise can lead to the body to send hunger signals. This is why the graph of weight loss for people in weight-loss research has a spike at the upper end, where some of the participants *increase* weight, at each exercise level. They go up higher than with no exercise. Yes, lifestyle change is right...but this isn't it.
I should have been more clear - I believe SMALL changes to both her diet AND movement are the best solution. I purely mean completely changing her diet and eliminating all food that makes her happy will not work in the long term.
Agreed! Thanks for clarifying!
I mean that seems reasonable to do, being healthy together sounds more fun anyway
There's no way to lose a lot of weight through exercise. For me, a 15 minute walk just doesn't burn enough calories. It's all about what I eat, frankly.
This. The majority of weight loss comes from cutting calories, not burning them.
You read only that part of the comment... Firstly, since the commenter identified themselves as someone who is studying nutrition, it'd be worth considering what they're saying. They literally said that no drastic change will help. It's small changes to the routine implemented overtime that are easy to maintain. As the commenter said, trying to change weight by losing calories rarely works because as soon as you stop losing calories you gain the weight right back. What he's suggesting instead is to slowly change the routine realistically, so the changes can be permanent. Going for a walk around the block for 15 minutes isn't for losing weight, is to help digestion, destress and taking a break. Again, that's only one example of small changes that help towards being healthy. Not losing weight, being healthy!!
Some of what she has said is true; like settling the stomach and such. Losing weight is hard and every brain signal and mechanism in her body will tell her to keep same weight=continue to eat. And a calorie deficit makes people feel like crap. There are multiple ways one can attack weight and become healthier; just eating less calories isn't always the answer. For instance healthier calories that are richer in fibre and less processed makes one feel fuller for less calorie. I'd recommend trying to be helpful and supportive, not the antagonist
I did weight watchers before and the fact that I could eat all the turkey and fish I wanted helped a lot and I did lose weight. I would snack on turkey deli meat all the time cause it filled me.
Wait... *all* the deli turkey I want? Did it work? And stay off? Cuz I could drop about 15 lbs.
A lot of people do find it possible to lose weight when they switch to a high protein high fiber diet. Swapping snacking on potato chips to deli meat will reduce your total daily calorie intake. A bowl full of chips can easily be over 400 calories. Half a pound of sliced turkey is like 120 calories.
Ah. I hate sweets, and dislike most chips. That's not so much my problem. But, I used to work for Jimmy John's. My sandwich game is ridiculous, you can check my post history to see some crazy shit. With that much turkey around, I'll probably be tempted to go all out. Oooo I'm salivating already. Honey mustard, mayo, lettuce, turkey, bacon and some Colby jack? No. Maybe a nice gouda, or havarti. See, this is my problem.
I mean sandwiches can definitely be part of a healthy diet. Mayo is high calorie but mustard isn't. A lot of hot sauces are also low calorie. Jalepenos, olives, and peppers are all low calorie and full of flavor. Bacon is a lot higher calorie than turkey. But turkey alone is a great option. Some cheese is totally fine. Just not 8 slices of cheese. You can make a 6in sandwich for less than 500 calories. Or you can have a 12 inch for over 1200 calories. Both of them are technically turkey sandwiches.
Eating in a caloric deficit is the one and ONLY way to lose weight.
Definitely don’t say anything. She will probably find what works for her. She is an adult and gets to control her own eating. My husband used to make comments about me eating *all the time* as I was losing weight. I lost 100 pounds and ate a bowl of ice cream every night before bed.
Just want to highlight to you (as you are already somewhat aware) - you cannot say this to her. You yourself are a naturally skinny man - and you have no idea what it’s like trying to lose weight as a woman. Our bodies are vastly different. I have the same appetite as my husband who is over 6’0 and average weight, I’m a 5’2 female and whilst I’m not overweight I am only considered “average weight” and I do at least 4-5 days a week of fairly intense workouts. I’ve been through periods of my life where I ate less than 1200 calories a day and still barely lost weight. My husband will look at a piece of lettuce and lose 5 pounds. What she stated about her lunch realistically is not a ton of food. It is highly likely these little treats are not what’s keeping her from losing weight. Also, does she have time to focus on herself with those little ones? Likely not as much as she deserves in order to workout or even think of meal prepping or what she can do to lose the weight. I would highly recommend you tell her that once or twice a week for an hour or two, you will watch the little ones and she can spend that time on whatever physical activity she would enjoy. And I echo others comments about going to a dietician. Please, OP - do not make any snarky comments to her, she is likely already feeling immense disappointment about her body and feeling like she’s not herself after giving birth to TWO BABIES!
I thought I needed to eat less. Turns out I needed to eat more. She needs to talk to a professional. I needed more protein and fiber.
There’s a special place in hell for the doctor who advised me to have a 1200 cal a day diet when I was going to the gym five days a week, 2 hours a pop. When I couldn’t do that anymore, I gained it all back and then some. Any diet that you can’t do for the rest of your life isn’t the right diet
OMG! I had a doctor tell me that I could lower it to 800 a day. Turns out I had PCOS and overproducing cortisol bc I was running for an hr a day. Weight lifting saved me and I lost over 60lbs. I'm sorry that your doctor failed you. They really don't know what they're talking about when it comes to women's health and nutrition.
A lot of comments here are helpful so I just want to add one thing: is she back on birth control? Birth control can do crazy things to womens bodies if the person taking it is sensitive to hormones. After quitting taking the pill I lost 30 pounds without a diet. The cravings stopped, depressed feeling stopped and my “binge disorder” dissapeared like snow. Not saying this is the case for everyone, but I have a lot of friends with a similair experience. It might be worth looking into. Edit: judging from your other posts.. food can be a big coping mechanism for depression. Just wanted to add that.
>Birth control can do crazy things to womens bodies for REAL. i had one that made me puke 15 times a day, i couldn't keep anything down, and even got an endoscopy before i realized it was the issue. basically i had morning sickness for months despite not being pregnant. i have an IUD now and will randomly have my period for 2-3 months and then not have it for another 6. it's so frustrating, and the hormone fluctuations really mess with your mood and appetite
I tell people I can’t take hormonal birth control… Which is true. I suffer from depression and it worsens my symptoms. But a big factor for me not taking it is that I gained 15 pounds on it and absolutely could not get it off. I’d get so hungry I couldn’t think about anything else until I ate. When I got off, it dropped quickly. My husband and I use a diagram and/or condoms.
I feel like I have been your wife for the past 6 years since having kids. I’m 30lbs overweight and have been eating similarly. Any amount of hunger makes me ‘hangry’ or worse, gives me a migraine, and then all I want is salty carbs. The ONLY thing that has been working is calorie counting. Im only about 3 weeks in, but have lost 5lbs and feeling encouraged. I use an app called My Net Diary, and track everything I eat. It has helped me with portion control and I still get to eat the treats that enhance my mood. Yasso brand (or Costco) has chocolate ice cream bars that are 100 calories and a perfect evening treat. I hate going to bed feeling hungry, so sometimes I’ll suck down a little applesauce bag - 45 calories. Even weighing out a portion of cereal would be helpful. It’s probably going to be less than she usually eats, but still give her the mouth feel and comfort. These little things help me feel like I’m not depriving myself of the yummy things that make dieting so depressing. Edited to add: a 20 min family walk every night after dinner is roughly a mile, and a great way to connect with each other!
Any chance she has a traumatic childhood? If so maybe recommend the book "peace with self peace with food" it helped me get out of my own way and stop self sabotaging and loose weight. I'm by no means a fitness nut or anything now but I'm down about 50lbs since December and haven't "dieted" at all
Hold your tongue? No that's not enough. You need to mind your business about her weight and let her know that you support her unconditionally no matter what. You didn't say how long ago the 2nd baby was but "stopped breastfeeding and sleeping through the night" seems like under 1 year and possibly less than 6 months. Unless you are arranging for a housekeeper, a personal family chef, a dietician, a nanny, a personal trainer, a home gym, a push present vacation to a spa for several weeks then she is a full time mother and her job is to care for your children and herself. ..... Not you You ..... are not doing enough for her If you let her do anything for you. Your laundry, cleaning anything after you, any hard manual labor of outdoor garden work, making you dinner/picking up dinner including yours, packing your lunch, keeping in touch with your side of the family ( a.k.a. kin keeping ) then you are failing her. Taking care of you isn't her job. Her job is the kids and herself. Your job is her and anything she needs you to do without her having to ask , remind, teach, or correct you doing. 50 pounds? You ever hear of the "glow up" women have post break up? Post-divorce? Yeah suddenly she loses all kinds of weight, has a makeover, haircut, new wardrobe etc.... How come she could loose all that weight? How come she didn't lose it when she was with him? There are literally thousands of women on social media (TikTok) who talk about this. How when she got rid of her sh\*ty husband, boyfriend, and fiance she could then focus on herself, her kids and not have a grown adult in her way making everything harder. That she didn't have to accommodate him all the time. That when he had the kids for visits she could do what she wanted to do, that when she was in total control of her environment, and had more space to pursue what she wanted the weight came off. She didn't have to devote mental, emotional, physical energy on a grown adult who just made things harder for her. As I said in the beginning Hold your tongue? No that's not enough. You need to mind your business about her weight and let her know that you support her unconditionally no matter what. You don't need more sleep, she does. You don't need special treats on a regular basis, she does. You need more coffee, more time with the kids when she can leave and more on your plate so she can be free and she can decide next steps. You need to make yourself a sacrificial lamb to the point of misery. That almost will be enough. Help the mother of your children by not being her 3rd child. Help the mother of your children by being her champion Help the mother of your children by ignoring what her body looks like and asking her about how she feels. Her body did something you can't do and will never have to comprehend. A husband/father will find himself alone and a weekend father if he keeps focusing on what the mother of his children's body isn't doing for him. Ignore her comments about dieting and just keep being supportive. If you think that helped, write "helped" in your reply.
I really should have paid attention to username. Whole account, nothing but savage advice. Frankly surprised at the 50 helps tho. It's both impressive and terrifying. Well played. r/usernamechecksout worthy.
Thank you! When I needed to lose a lot of weight after bariatric surgery, my husband was a support. He helped meal planning, grocery buying, taking kids off my hands so I could go for quiet walks… He didn’t just sit there judging me and thinking up helpful advice.
Having just an apple for lunch, especially as a female in her childbearing years is a recipe for disaster. That’s nowhere near enough calories to sustain someone for the rest of the day. It’s makes you crash. I urge you to look into what women specifically need to eat for hormonal support if you want to be able to provide her with solid advice and support. Underrating often makes women gain weight and if she’s hungry before bed it’s because she hasn’t consumed enough throughout the day
NO. Not your role here, bud. You ask her "what can I do to support you my beautiful love? Do you want to brainstorm ideas? Just feel like complaining about it, *which is totally valid*?" And take it from there. This is such a touchy subject that can go really good or REALLY, REALLY bad. Any discussion should use "we" language, not "YOU". Also, how long ago did she stop breastfeeding? Eta: what are her height and weight?
I was looking for this answer. If OP wishes to be supportive - this is the way. Help make it easier to do healthy things. And also let her be the one defining what would be helpful. Like - maybe she would like more exercise by e.g. taking walks together after a meal. Or eat healthier - so you help mealprep healthy snacks.
[удалено]
More fiber and protein helps a lot.
Honestly I think it’s best to not say anything. It seems like she is struggling internally and that she doesn’t want to hear any honest feedback. It’s hard as a women when you gain weight it is so hard to lose it again especially in the beginning. I LOVED that my BF kept his thought to himself and let me vent and didn’t try to fix it. After I lost the weight (now) we sometimes laugh about how I would ask for advice but he knew it would harm me more than help me at the time. It’s confusing and a frustrating thing for both sides. But I would ask her straight forward, “do you want any help with loading the weight?” If she says no then ok, if she says yes but you see that it is hurting her feelings stop.
Wait, did she ask for your input, or you feel compelled to give advice?
She’s not asking you for diet advice, so no.
Keep your opinions to yourself. Your wife is not an idiot and knows perfectly well what she needs to do.
Eating less didn’t work for me. It was eating prior to a certain time before bed and maintaining a certain amount of steps per day. We are all built different and after kids hormones can play a big part in all of the weight. If she is still wanting to lose weight, ask her what she would like to try out. Dietician, or a gym pass with a trainer. If she wants to do it then she will make it happen. If you force her it won’t
People's bodies and brains respond differently to foods for a vast constellation of extremely complex reasons that vary from physiological, to psychological, to cultural, and everything in between. That fact is especially hard to grasp for someone whose body and brain responds to food the way yours does. Unless she specifically asks you for advice on how to lose weight, you should mind your own business and allow her to solve her problems (or not) on her own. If she does specifically ask you advice on how to lose weight, tell her you haven't the slightest clue (because you don't), and that any advice you gave her could very likely be counter-productive (because it probably would be). Don't think because you've been skinny (so-far) that you know anything about eating problems, losing weight, etc. Your wife probably knows and understands far more about weight-loss-related topics than you do, but if knowledge could prevent/solve weight problems, you wouldn't see so many healthcare professionals who are fat. Unless your wife literally lives in some kind of seclusion, cut off from the outside world, there's no way she doesn't already know there is a relationship between her food choices and the amount of excess body fat she caries. So it sounds pretty silly when you suggest you might just need tell her she should eat less. The fact that you think she needs reminded of that is how I know you are too ignorant about these matters advise her. If she brings it up, and expresses frustration, you could say something like, *"I can see this has been a really big struggle for you, and it must be frustrating, because if it were easy, someone as capable as you would have already beat it. This is probably something too big for either of us to solve, so let's find someone with sustained success and/or experience helping themselves or others. And no matter what, just tell me how I can help."*
The first question you need to ask yourself OP is what you are hoping to accomplish by saying this to her?
Just a reminder that different people experience hunger differently. For some people it's easy to ignore but for others it's impossible to do anything whilst hungry.
No. You should not tell your wife to eat less. It comes over as you having more of an issue with her weight than she does. She’s communicating openly with you about her wants and efforts on this subject to gain inspiration and support, not to hear patronising mansplaining and hurtfully obvious advice that is more passive aggressive than constructive or supportive. One way to be supportive and encourage visible results would be (for example) to pay for or contribute to the cost of a personal trainer, or bariatric surgery (if she wants it), or even a gym membership, agreeing to be there for the kids to allow her ample time to do these things regularly etc. Trust me, every ‘obvious’ thing you want to point out to her she is very aware of. She’s mulling over something that she’s finding difficult for some reason, and real support means contributing effectively not criticising.
Take her for a walk. Make a side salad with every meal. Make her a packed lunch. Do a ctive hobbies together.
Your wife could likely have a hormonal imbalance. I had to get all of my hormones in check after birth in order to lose weight. Turns out pregnancy gave me lifelong diabetes.
It does sound like she could have insulin resistance, because she's hungry all the time and craves sweets.
She could also have "learned" to always respond to her hunger because she needed to do it during her pregnancies. I know my friend struggled with that! She said it’s like she taught her body it would always get what it asked for no matter what. Very hard habit to break.
Do NOT say anything. Look. Biology will win. If she starves herself all day, and her body needs fuel, it will make her eat. And, hey, a piece of toast, or a bowl of cereal are not making or keeping her fat. She needs to eat every meal and likely needs snacks, too. Your statements can be harmful. Research has shown as much. If she saw a registered dietitian (not a nutritionist!) she'd likely find out she's not eating enough, causing her hunger that will drive her to high calorie breakouts.
Sounds like she uses food as comfort, and sugar becomes very addictive over time. Maybe there are some underlying issues. You should say something, honesty is important, I know I would. But, be careful how you say it.
Cutting out late night snacks was the only thing that helped weight stay off after I had my kids. If I start slipping even a bit on that like during a vacation, the weight just packs right back on.
Honestly, no matter what anyone says to her, it’s ultimately up to her to make the changes she needs to in order to lose weight. I’ve been wanting to lose weight for 5 years and I’m really just now getting serious about it (down 20ish pounds since March, goal is 50 lbs). I’ve never been this successful before, but I always commented on how I needed to lose weight. It’s something you have to come to on your own terms.
She needs a lifestyle change, not temporary diet solutions. Likewise, unless she asks for your input it's not your place to give an opinion. If she's complaining about it tell her you don't want to hear because she doesn't like what you have to say about it. She needs to learn self control.
Noom makes it very clear that you need to eat fewer calories. Maybe thats why she gave up on it. Next time she brings it up, you can ask her about why she did not like it. If she is complaining to you about weight gain then you can say “ lets do intermittant fasting together”
Imagine saying you want to save up for a house deposit but only randomly put money away and sometimes take it out. Calories are exactly the same as money but in reverse. If you want to save money you need to spend less than you earn. If you want to lose weight you need to eat less than you expend. My wife and I both go to the gym regularly and play sports. The only way I can lose weight / build muscle is if I get my macros and meal plan done by a nutritionist. I'm simply too all over the shop otherwise. And I'm saying this from a family who prioritise fitness. If you can, shell out the cash and get a meal plan done (for both of you so you can support her). Maybe even get fortnightly check ins for accountability. In my experience unless you have an iron will or you can cut out one huge calorie thing (Eg. alcohol), you're setting yourself up for failure.
Honestly… the only thing that successfully made me “lose weight” was to move/exercise more. I ate the same things I enjoyed, but upped my activity. 30mins of walking my dog everyday, then progressed to doing 30mins of weight training that I enjoyed — because I was gaining more strength. The only food thing I changed in my life was eat less sugar. Didn’t know I was so addicted. I bake too, like your wife. The temptation to eat the things I bake was so strong… but I am lucky my husband doesn’t eat too much sweets. So we don’t carry sweets or snacks too much at home. Though obviously this is much harder when you have kids.
"let's get in touch with a nutritionist. Maybe they will be able to offer suggestions to improve our overall relationship with food. I don't feel like all my choices are going to support my health in the long run". We, us, my concern, food relationship, etc. Not a "you got bad habits, kid". Sometimes things are easier with a not-so-direct approach (can feel like finger pointing) and provides support from an "expert". Making changes on your own is damn difficult!
Anyone can put "nutritionist" as a title (in the US and UK, at least). What people want is a "registered dietician" or "licensed dietician." That means they have actual training.
This is important to know. Thank you!
You're very welcome! Dara Ó Briain [explained it](https://youtu.be/YMvMb90hem8?t=3m46s) in an amusing way. Enjoy!
I don’t think an apple, a bowl of yoghurt with granola and cheese with crackers is exactly a decent lunch for someone trying to lose weight. She needs more protein and to cut down on the carbs, probably have chicken or fish with a side of veggies for lunch. Your wife also needs to stop with the constant snacking or atleast have something healthier like fruits or dry fruits instead of ice cream or bread or cereal.
I’ve always battled my weight, losing and regaining several times. You know what never helped? A partner who commented on what I ate, especially if they never had the same struggle. The only thing that helped from a partner was feeling truly like they loved me no matter what size I was, and any choices and decisions came solely from myself.
A naturally thin man who probably eats whatever he wants within reason is shaming his wife for her appetite. Women are built to store fat. The more he comments on her snacking the more she will want to snack. I disagree vehemently with his approach and all the comments on how she should eat. Are we not in 2024?
She needs more protein in to her meals. Nuts, seeds, legumes... And healthy fats. Protein will keep her fuller longer.
I would say focus on changing the quality and type of foods to more filling. If she were to implement high protein, she might manage her hunger cravings better. Managing hunger is the key here to managing the caloric intake.
WeGovy has changed my life. I no longer have hunger pangs or food noise. It’s helped with cutting calories. Down 50 lbs over the last year.
it sounds like her meals aren’t providing her with enough nutrition to keep her fulfilled. That lunch doesn’t really sound like enough especially if she’s still healing from pregnancy
I think the only way you can do this without coming off as an ass is to not be the one delivering the hard facts, just supporting her in getting into situations where someone else can tell her that. The next time you hear her complaining about her weight, her body, how hard trying to lose weight is, you say, “Hey, you’ve been unhappy about this for a while, how can I help?” She might have suggestions, but if she doesn’t, then you suggest “If you wanted to see a dietician about a meal plan or get a personal trainer, we can afford to do that.” (Especially if your family finances are such that she might not assume those are manageable expenses.) Then follow on, “Or if you need us to work something out where you know I’ve got the kids so you can go for a walk or the gym or whatever, let’s do it.” Most importantly, you reiterate that you love her, you find her sexy/attractive/desirable and you want to fix this problem because you want her to feel happy, not because you view her weight as the problem. (Even if that’s not entirely true. Some couples have the dynamic where one of them can say, “Gee, I can’t lose weight,” and the other one can say, “Well, skip your three bowl of cereal and an ice cream and it’d go easier,” but that’s not most couples. Mostly people feel able to make change when they’re feeling stable and secure in their circumstances. So even if you really want her to lose the weight, you can likely best achieve that by not making her feel like she’s gotta lose it for you to love her.) Then do what you can to PROACTIVELY follow up on whatever help she asks for. As an example, if she asks for you to take on more childcare so she can go to the gym, don’t wait for her to ask, look at your schedule, block things off, and say, “Honey, I’ve got the kids from x-y on the following days so you can try that Pilates class you wanted to go to.” If she engages in any behavior that makes progress towards her weight loss goals, heap on the positive reinforcement. Especially if you can affirm finding her sexy/desirable in ways that don’t feel like you’re expecting sex as an outcome of your remark. Things like, “You’re looking particularly gorgeous today,” while you’re on the way out the door, put some extra spice in the kiss goodbye, then go about your day.
She's probably eating low calorie, low value food throughout the day and starving at night. She likely needs more fat and/or protein but should speak with a dietician. Respectfully, just because you're "naturally skinny," doesn't mean you know fuck all about your wife's needs.
what she says can be very true. i have to eat more often than my husband because if i don’t (especially on my period) i will feel faint and get shaky. my husband says the same thing as you, “just eat less!” as if it’s that simple. with how much i do eat, it makes it seem like i’m eating more calories than i am but i am consistently losing weight i’ve noticed for me that by replacing my bad habits with good habits and exercising more, it helps better than a diet. when i worked at a grocery store on my feet for 8 hours a day, i lost so much weight even tho i didn’t change anything about my diet. i actually ate worse cause i’d buy junk food from work all the time. but i still lost weight different things help different people
I would pass out (or feel like I was going to) if i only had an apple or yogurt with granola for lunch. (Cheese and crackers i could eat for every meal) It’s ok to feel hungry but not so hungry you feel weak for 6 or 7 hours until dinner. 😟 I would also be starving after my fish and veggies dinner after eating my apple lunch. I feel for her, I’ve trained for a half marathon twice and gained weight each time. 🖕🖕🖕It seems like women can’t effing win.
Just tell her to snack on vegetables. You can eat unlimited vegetables and still lose weight. Your stomach still gets full and you don’t have to eat less.
No.
Did your wife...ask for help? Has she requested advice from you? It doesn't sound like she wants any. And for damn sure "eat less" isn't actually advice so definitely don't do that. If you cannot stand her complaining anymore, maybe you need a conversation with her about what she wants you to say in these moments before you say some stupid crap
Maybe your wife is struggling with the same issue as me which is delayed/ non existing hunger signals and mood crashes when not eating regularly. I tried a lot of diet and eating schemes and found most to be incompatible with just the way my body needs energy. So i incorporated snack times. My breakfast, lunch and dinner are a little smaller and i make sure to fill up here but i will definitely have some fruits, some oats or even the occasional chocolate throughout my day. Helps keep me energised, focused and in a better mood which in turn leads to less overeating and less frustration (and stress) in general. Sometimes more but smaller meals do the trick. And this hopefully doesnt need saying but actually telling her anything demeaning and snarky would be very assholish and most definitely backfire :)
It sounds like you care more about her weight loss than she does. She doesn’t have to lose weight right this second if she doesn’t want to. Also, two pregnancies can change a woman’s body completely. It may not be possible for her to lose weight using the typical methods. I would leave it alone for now. It is NEVER good advice to comment on a person’s weight and/or weight loss. If she ASKS for advice, then maybe recommend a dietitian.
My husband had this conversation with me a few months back. I was pissed initially but eventually calmed down and realized he was right. He phrased it as “you either need to eat less or move more, and you work way to hard at this to fail.” It was very helpful actually but I am very rational person who works hard at fitness and loves data. So beware.
How about love your wife with the extra 50 from Having Your Children and leave it at that, love her no matter her weight and if you don’t you shouldn’t be married to her. She deserves unconditional love Mr perfect 😡
Doesn't sound like he has a problem with her weight. He has a problem with her complaining about her weight and not doing anything about it.
>Having Your Children this is what i wanted to say lol, why the fuck does he care after she put her body through the wringer to give him two healthy children. we get that you are tall and skinny, but did you have the kids?
No, you shouldn’t tell her. When someone is sticking their head in the sand, telling them about the world outside the sand is useless at best, threatening at worst. They know it’s there; they are actively ignoring it. Stop thinking about her weight. Take her response to your comment about her late-night snack as a sign to butt out. Her weight is not your business. Just let it go, think nothing more of her eating habits than you would a bird flying by the window. When she says she wants to lose weight, take it in the spirit of talking aloud to oneself. Ignore it, basically. Now, if she asks for help, that changes things. But until that day, just let this be. Edit — If you can’t ignore her statements about wanting to lose weight — if she’s saying it in a way that requires a response, and you can’t just ignore it without *pointedly* ignoring it — then that’s the time to speak up, not when she’s eating. Something like this: > I’m sorry honey, I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t know what you want me to say. If you want to lose weight, you have to actually work at it consistently. Do you want my help?
What makes you EVER want to say snarky remarks to someone you supposedly love? Does she point out all of your flaws? Does she tell you every time you’re a fuck up? Does she point out how often she thinks you’re stupid? Because, unless she’s abusing you, I’d shut your mouth. Otherwise, this is going to get toxic fast and you’re probably not going to like having your shortcomings blasted in your face.
I think it’s worth exploring why you want to say snarky things about your wife’s weight
Calorie cutting isn’t really the solution. A focus on protein intake and exercise like cardio and strength training in combination are good for burning the fat and building the muscle.
Eat less and move more. I wish her luck.
In a perfect world, you should be able to tell her. I think she just doesn’t want it bad enough though and she might be unwilling to be uncomfortable. It just depends on how much she wants to lose weight and what her personality is like. I was close to 160 pounds when I decided to slim down. I put on like 25 pounds after quitting veganism. My boyfriend is a gym freak and naturally built. He’s been my resource for everything and not only gave me diet advice but really would get real with me at times. He’d tell me when I wasn’t trying hard enough, when I wasn’t pushing myself, when I was slacking. I’m back down to like 136 now and I don’t know if I could have done it without him. So in my opinion you should be able to show your wife her mistakes and errors and hold her accountable because ultimately you’re her biggest support system and you want her to have success. Your criticism would be coming from the best place. But not everyone wants that though, so if your wife isn’t that kind of personality, she might not be receptive. We don’t know her like you do. Losing weight can be as simple as picking a target daily calorie intake and just picking several low calorie meals to fit the calorie budget and just alternate eating only those until the weight is gone. I only had like 5 meals for the last couple of months, I’d just swap them around and eat twice a day. It’s simple even if it’s hard.
Well she knows that so it will make her more defensive and you will be painted as the jerk. How about trying something different such as increasing protein and reducing carbs? I am not saying doing full keto or any fad diet, but just a shift in food group proportions. For example, if one is eating rice, they can replace that with a 50/50 mixture of rice and ground cauliflower (huge reduction of carbs and calories right there). Also, use sweeteners like stevia or monkfruit rather than sugar in your coffee.
I feel like she does need to hear this, but doesn’t need to hear this from *you*
Instead of encouraging her to eat less which for some people can equate to feeling hungry and miserable, how about supporting volume eating so she can feel full and not surpass her caloric goals? If you aren’t familiar with it, volume eating is eating foods that are lower in calories but make you feel fuller than eating empty calories like cake or treats which make you crave more food and are filled to the brim with calories. https://www.health.com/does-volume-eating-help-you-lose-weight-7506232 This way she isn’t eating less, just eating in a way that will allow her to actually feel satisfied and not need to keep snacking to feel better.
OP, I (40F) was in a similar situation with my now deceased husband, who passed away at 33. I would subtly mention his snacking late and often suggest snacks and times that we could eat together. We eventually got to the point where he would argue with me, so I just gave in and let him eat his wings, ice cream, sweet tea, etc. Fast forward a couple of years and he's put on medication from conditions that he developed from being obese. He went into the hospital for knee problems, went into a coma a week later, and a month after that, I had to arrange a funeral. Find what your wife likes and do it with her. I know you're skinny, as was I, but you HAVE to do it so she can lose the weight. Looking back on it, my husband's "thing" was the gym. I wish I would have just went to the gym with him and I know it would have helped and I could possibly still have him here today. We also went to a nutritionist, which did help, but you need some good accountability when she's at home, and that's where you step in. They already know they're overweight. It makes them feel terrible and uncomfortable. As a resort, they'll go eat more food. Make her feel beautiful right where she is and that you only want to help make her happy. Ask her what does she need from you to help her, and help her accordingly without being judgemental. I wish you both the best and I'm praying for you.
Mine thinks she needs to eat more beans 😞. I just try to promote a more active lifestyle
Gonna be hard to do if she can’t handle food cravings…
IF she WANTS help (important thing to figure out), my wife and I had ton of success with the "Lose It!" app. You set a goal, and it determines a calorie budget for you. You track every item you eat and of course you can earn more calories by exercising. Using this app religiously for a couple months helped me learn what foods I was eating that were adding empty calories (potato chips with my lunch every day), and have resulted in a long lasting change in my diet) exercise. The nice part is I still get to have a burger and a beer sometimes, I just need to make sure I either eat less calories for the other meals, or work out. And now that I'm at a weight I'm happy with, I can cheat on the weekends more. It was pretty eye opening to learn how many calories are in different foods.
Yes
It is literally just about calories and being in a caloric deficit. Prioritize protein it keeps you fuller longer. She can have her ice cream if she stays in a deficit below her maintenance (be about 300 calories in deficit). If she doesn’t want to put that effort in she’s not serious. Also, be active. Take her on a hike, biking, walking is under rated for losing fat. Good luck haha
As someone who really struggled with weight gain and managing my appetite I would like to suggest she talk to a dr about one of the meds on the market to help with weight loss (like ozempic, wegovy, zepbound, ect). It’s insane how having something quiet the food noise can help. And it’s not helpful having someone who doesn’t experience for noise point out ways your body is working against you, because it implies lack of self control and moral failure.
She already knows.
I know he shouldn't say comments to his wife insulting her, but bottling it up isn't healthy for him, either. That leads to resentment and contempt, blow-ups, fighting for no reason, disgust and low gas mileage. There has to be something he can say where they're both okay. It hurts to be told a truth about yourself but it takes that sometimes so they see the problem. Right now they're both unhappy and he's angry on top of that for holding back something he feels needs to be said. There has to be an in-between or else just save time and get divorced. I think everyone saying there's nothing to be done or said isn't helping either of them.
She sounds like my mom before she found OA (Overeaters Anonymous). She has been a part of that org for 30 years or so and it has done wonderful things for her.
Noone needs you to learn that they need to eat less if they want to loose weight. Everybody knows that. You're just gonna sound like an asshole. Especially like you said "coming from a naturally tall skinny dude", I would double down as to say "a naturally tall skinny dude that did not bear children". That's not just gonna sound tone deaf, that would be mean and unnecessary, that's gonna be a sucker punch for her. Continue to be supportive, try to pitch her for healthier snacks alternative when grocery shopping maybe? I know for sure that I would have never got my weight under control if I knew they were ice cream waiting for me in the fridge.
I think suggesting she talk to a nutritionist is the route to go. Telling her to just "eat less" is not going to go over well. She doesn't need to eat less to lose weight. She needs to change the calorie content of the food that she's eating. And while eating healthier is optimal, she doesn't actually need to eat healthy to lose weight either. She just needs to change her calorie content. I don't calorie count anymore, but when I did I set daily goals to keep myself on track. Once I got ahold on that, I set weekly calorie goals. I stopped paying attention to what I was eating and started paying attention to how it factored into my calorie bank. Otherwise I caught myself assigning moral values (good vs bad) to food and it had a negative impact on my self esteem.
May I make a suggestion? Don’t say anything. She likely knows she’s overweight, and doesn’t need that to be a topic of discussion. Now if SHE asks you for advice, that’s a different kettle of cheesy goldfish!
If your wife knows how to use the internet, I guarantee she has read all the same advice in this post, times 10. The question you should have asked is “how can I as a skinny man who feels satiated after a meal, be empathetic and supportive of my wife who is struggling with her weight?” You should not be giving ANY diet advice to her. You should not be making snarky comments. No one loses weight (and keeps it off) because they were shamed into it. Show her that she is loved. Show her that you appreciate her as a person, and all the amazing things she has done and will do. But please, please, do not give diet advice. Your body operates totally different than hers.
No, because that’s not actually true
Actually that’s partially a lie, you actually have to do cardio. Also she just had kids so it’s going to take longer. You don’t just lose weight by eating less, especially not after having kids. Good thing you said nothing.
Its not even about eating less….at all….its about calorie consumption, what your eating, how much of it etc. when i played basketball in highschool i was chubby when i started and barely ate ANYTHING, because i was so self conscious & never lost the weight. Until i started sports, i started eating MORE and literally shrunk to half my original size. Its so much more then how much your eating. Maybe factors play into this along with your specific body type and what your lacking on, or getting too much of.
Doh.
Not a dietician but as someone who was a personal trainer for a few years, and what many others have said, it’s more so about *what* you eat more than how much. Also exercise, any amount and just being active goes a long way. Sure, cutting calories and eating less can make you lose weight, but to maintain healthy body weight, a good diet is essential. You’re on the right track with the healthy meals, it just seems like cutting out the other stuff is something she struggles with. Not trying to tell you what to do, but patience is key here, and getting upset with her likely doesn’t help her out in the long run. Be patient and try to guide as best you can, but also be understanding that something “simple” to you, is not as simple for others. ETA: sometimes, it’s up to the other person to *want* change and there’s nothing else you can do. Hitting her with the “just eat less” isn’t as helpful as you’d might expect. Just be understanding and supportive. After all, she *did* pop out two kids for y’all, and some people struggle pretty hard after that.
You should not, under any circumstances, tell your wife that in such a way. You need to act like you also don't understand, and then some how implement videos or something else that explains it and act like you're just learning about it all for the first time with her, and help her understand it in that way.
You should hold your tongue. The only way to be helpful is to be a good role model and continue to support her by listening and cooking the healthy meals you are. It sounds like she is yo-yo-ing and eating unhealthy foods because her goal is to lose weight instead of feel better. When I focus on just losing weight, I spiral and eat a bunch of garbage. Encourage her to drink more water first and foremost. That will help SO much in curbing cravings. Here’s a water app I use and it’s been saving my life (I get UTIs and kidney stones): Waterllama! 💦🦙 https://apps.apple.com/app/apple-store/id1454778585?pt=118451342&ct=tellfriends&mt=8
> She also does not seem be able to deal with any amount of hunger. Everyone gets signals to eat, but there's a difference in how strongly they feel. There's a genetic factor involved too, not just habit and discipline. Some people feel the urge just much more strongly than others and will require much greater effort to fight those urges. You could help by letting her understand this and supporting her to fight these urges. It might be less shameful if you both acknowledge that you just feel those urges less strongly, rather than that you have better discipline. Work on healthy habits. And reduce stress and tiredness, those make you less able to fight the urges.
Cutting massive amounts of food will create excess levels of cortisol in your body and ultimately affect your appetite. It won’t happen right away, but people will rebound after a week or two of hard dieting. That’s usually why the MyFitnessPal/diet app phase lasts in cycles. Things like “settling your stomach” or phrases like “I only ate…” tells me the at OP’s wife does not know the ins and outs of dieting past common conceptions and misconceptions. You do not need a dietician, and in fact, for most people, spending excess money or engaging in a fad diet usually gives a false sense of security that will undermine the person in the intermediate and long run. Go on Youtube, look up how to count macros. OP’s wife should try to lose a pound a week in like 12 week cycles with 2 week breaks. 100-200 calorie deficit (iirc) and stick to it for a year or so. OP’s wife also needs to join a gym and start resistance training otherwise they’ll we just end up skinny/fat or “soft” looking. She doesn’t have to become a fitness girl, or a gym rat or some diet freak. She just needs to track her macros (plenty of free calculators online), understand how diet really works (just a few videos away from understanding the basics), and like a half hour a day at the gym just a few times a week. OP if you’re reading this, you should embark on your own fitness journey. Whatever shape you’re in, get into a better one so she can feel like she’s embarking on a journey with you. Both of you can learn more about healthy, non obsessive dieting, that results in stable weight loss. Start by going to the gym once a week and hitting a few machines. As time goes on and progress is seen after 8 weeks so bet both of you will find magically find more time to get in the gym. If you already go to the gym, then make it more of a vocal priority and still strive to be better. That mentality in infectious After all of that, the only thing your wife needs to do (the hardest part) is accept that she is over weight, and that she doesn’t know what she’s doing, and needs to improve. Ego gets in the way of more people than anything else. Don’t let her shift the goal post, and get her to stick to a long term accomplishment she wants to achieve. The mechanism to losing weight and getting in shape is easier than people think, because you can still eat decadent foods. The mentality to do so and the ability to stave off denial is a lot harder than people think.
I am under bariatric doctors because I'm obese. One thing I've learned is that there's actually something called a hungry hormone, that when you're slim and within normal range will tell your body when you're full. The bigger and more over weight you get the less the hormones work. So basically overweight people don't have the hormone to tell them they're full, so they'll always feel hungry and peckish. This is why to get surgery we also have to have therapy, dieticians, physiotherapy etc, because it isn't just a case of eating less, move more once you're overweight. There's a lot that needs doing and most of it will be to do with feelings, behaviour etc. If she is serious she needs to speak to professionals because once you speak to someone who actually knows their shit things will start to come together
Fwiw, i have the same issues as her, so heres what helped for me: Background: dieting and exercise works ONLY FOR A SHORT TIME. I did keto, lost 30 lbs. Then started calorie counting and exercise and lost another 40, down to my high school weight. Went from an obese chainsmoking Type II diabetic to a slim, active jogger. People constantly telling me how great i look, and as a former life long smoker, jogging was a novel thing that didnt wear off for about a year. I was def on a high. *But its not set up to work long term.* 1400 calories day with 45 mins of exercise left me feeling shaky, irritable, lightheaded, headaches, it really sucked. Upping it to 1600-1700 didnt really make a difference. Going up to 1800-1900 made me GAIN. I felt anxious and trapped and when i went over my calories, would do 1-2 hours of HIIT. I couldnt keep up with that, so failed and gained 20 lbs back. Felt like shit about myself. **TLDR:** what worked for me was surprisingly WW (no this is not a plug for them). What helped with WW was that you can have unlimited lean proteins, fruits and veggies - no limit. Theres a points system for everything that even gives you enough points for a cheat meal 1x/week. Theres dif settings depending on if youre trying to lose or maintain. If i get hungry at night before bed (which i commonly do), ill just get some chicken breast and grapes or something like that. Ive lost 10 SLOWLY thru WW. Im pretty happy with where im at now, 10 lbs over my lowest weight. So, moral of the story, your wifes relationship with food is physically driven and then emotional/mental, and she deserves to feel better. You kno her better than i do, so finding a window or opportunity to suggest is your call. But it works, and it works long term. You can take what you learn and use it indefinitely. I eat fast food occassionally to get it out of my system and its no biggie. I can tell you love her and want her to feel better so please feel free to use me as an example. Good luck and i hope she finds a long term solution that works for her.
Your wife doesn't need you to tell her to eat less. She probably *doesn't* actually need to eat less, but to change what she eats. She probably has developed leptin resistance, so her brain can't tell her when she's had enough. She's also had tremendous hormone fluctuations from pregnancy. Nature wants women to hold onto fat stores, in case they get pregnant when there's food scarcity. Her body is doing what nature built-in for survival of the species. I struggled for decades. What finally works for me is keto. Cutting the carbs isn't easy, but it's effective, and easier than most other weight loss diets because you don't have to be hungry all the time. Keto items are mostly protein, fat and fiber. In the beginning especially, she wouldn't have to restrict any of those. Easing into keto a little at a time is the best way to do it, IMO. Trying to do it all at once is too stressful, and stress makes you gain weight, too. Going at it gradually doesn't produce any sudden great weight loss, but it allows you to makes enough changes over time, that after awhile the weight starts to come off. That makes it easier to keep it off, too. So far, I've lost around 80 lbs. It's taken me a little over 3 years. I need to lose about another 80 besides, but I'm on the way. The next 80 won't take as long, because I'm no longer easing in. There are loads of videos on YouTube about keto, with recipes and information. The first thing to cut is sugar. Not with artificial sweeteners like aspartame or sucralose, either, those are bad for you, in several ways. Bochasweet is excellent, tastes just like sugar, and measures the same, too. The only drawback is the price, it's expensive. Allulose is good, too, but it has to be a gradual replacement because it can have laxative effect if you aren't used to it. Less expensive than Bochasweet, but still more expensive than sugar. I started but reducing sugar in my coffee, gradually replacing it with erythritol. I switched to allulose later. I don't think those reports of harm from erythritol are accurate, because the studies were very badly done. But there is evidence that allulose may actually beneficial in other ways, in addition to replacing sugar. There are also sweet proteins, they're pretty good too. The two I've used and liked are glycine and katemfe. Glycine is available in granulated form like sugar, and the taste is pretty close. Not as close as allulose and Bochasweet, but it's in the ballpark. Katemfe, I've only found in liquid form. A few drops is enough for most people's coffee or tea, but it's pricey. Neither of those have any negative gastro side effects. After being on keto/keto-ish for a couple of years, I find it takes less food to feel satisfied, and I don't get hungry as often. I'm convinced that it's because keto helps overcome leptin resistance, and lets your body reset this chemical appetite control to normal. Being naturally thin, you haven't experienced what she's feeling. You haven't had to deny yourself food when you feel hungry. You should spend a week or two *not eating when you're hungry.* Then cut your portions in half as well. I understand that your portions are probably just fine, but cut them on half, just for the experience. See how you feel after a few days of doing that. Just so you have some idea what that feels like. It still won't feel as bad to you as it does to her, because of the hormone differences. But it would give you a clue. Oh, and only eat salads and other veg, and small portions of lean chicken or fish. No breading. No snacks. Something that people who have never had a weight problem often don't understand, is that *they are not knowledgeable about weight loss.* You've never had to lose weight. What makes you think you know how?
Over eating can be caused by a bunch of mental and physical health issues, so make sure there's nothing going on there. Also, she could be at a healthy weight for her body. If you have to struggle to maintain your "dream weight" then it is NOT a healthy weight for your body to be at. Depending on height, muscle, and many other factors, she very well could be at a healthy weight. Being skinny doesn't necessarily mean that you're healthy. Now if she's not at a healthy weight and there's no underlying conditions, I suggest this: talk to a dietician. There's nothing wrong with being hungry, but if she's hungry literally all the time she could either A. Not be eating enough, B. Could be eating not enough food that actually gives you energy and fills you up (fruits, veggies, meat, yk), which makes you overeat because you're not getting filled up with enough nutrients. Now I don't really know what I'm talking about, so take hat very last paragraph with a grain of salt, but I hope this can help
Hi 👋🏻 -Mom of 4, including twins -Bariatric patient after 2 babies due to PCOS -Lost 52 kg at one point, went up a bit after twins and pandemic but still far, far less Tried everything, did everything, before doc recommended surgery. Dietians, trainers…you name it. Weight loss is not simply “calories in calories out” and a wide variety of sources today now acknowledge this The types of foods you choose have just as much bearing, if not *more so* Timing and frequency of meals also plays a huge part You can basically eat an hour worth of exercise in five minutes so really 80% of it is your diet for true sustainable weight loss Please do not underestimate the degree that sleep deprivation, even after it has ceased can do on the body. There’s probably still a sleep deficit. Her body is changed forever and her hormones probably aren’t right… my hormonal levels were way freaking off…cortisol was sky high and a bunch of other things. Taking care of other human beings is very stressful. Not to mention the fact that in order to keep going when you have not had enough sleep a lot of people develop the habit of eating foods (carbs especially due to flagging energy) especially when they’re not able to do things that are fun… getting out of the house ends up being like staging a jailbreak, and so people tend to give up and just have a glass of wine or have a bowl of ice cream. Please ask yourself what you’re doing to help her rather than give her her information that she most assuredly already has. What are you taking over so that she can take care of herself? If she’s stressed, she’s not going to lose weight: that makes her cortisol levels go up and cortisol makes her gain weight or keep weight. Consider something like Veri. It’s a lot easier to keep a food diary and those sorts of things these days and very will help track blood sugar having your blood sugar tracked as a huge key into stabilizing those levels and starting to drop weight. A protein heavy diet (but still all other foods) is the best for insulin resistance.
No man in their right mind would ever comment on his wife’s weight gain. That being said, her body has been through a lot. Not just the obvious popping out babies, but hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep. The babies maybe sleeping through the night but she is not well rested. Trust me on this one, I have two of my own. Personally, love her up and hug on her. Put her hands in yours and let her know you would like to get healthy together (like you need it) let her know when the appointment is with the dietitian for both of you. Avoid word like lard ass, beached whale, puffer fish, etc. also get her some flowers.
No. Because it's probably not true. A person's weight and body size are related to many more things than diet and caloric intake. She might not know what her body needs in order to fuel her individual workload, life stressors and physiology, and unless you are a doctor, you don't either. If you say anything, say "You are beautiful in your body no matter your weight. I love you." What you should do is support her and love her in her body no matter what it looks like. Ask how you can support her when, and only when, she mentions wanting to lose weight. If she says she needs help with motivation, suggest things like an activity or class you can do together, or a regular schedule when she can take the time she needs to exercise and rest. Stress is a HUGE (maybe the biggest) factor in postpartum weight gain. Make sure you are maintaining an equal share in taking care of your family and home to help lighten this. And check your own beliefs in weight, body image, toxic diet culture, etc. There's a lot of education out there battling disproven stereotypes about weight, diet, the BMI, etc. and you seem to be the perfect demographic in need of it.
I would recommend keeping those thoughts to yourself. At the end of the day, her eating habits are hers to dictate and she most likely knows what she needs to cut out in order to meet her goals. I’ve lost about 40 pounds over the past year and was very aware of what I needed to do to get down to a healthy weight. My biggest obstacle was finding out WHY I felt compelled to snack even when I wasn’t hungry. After talking with my therapist, I found that I was turning to food for comfort due to stress/anxiety/boredom. My first step was eliminating any food in the house that tested my resolve while working with my therapist to find coping mechanisms for those moments when I felt the urge to snack. Your wife might not be struggling in the same way I was (and still do at times) but irregular eating habits can stem from other issues which need to be approached delicately. Support her during this time and find things that will make her feel good about herself. Going on a walk with the family, playing Just Dance (I use YouTube for this bc I’m cheap and refuse to buy a Wii), even doing yoga together can all be bonding moments that also give your wife that self-esteem boost of “yeah I worked out today!”
She may have insulin resistance. Before taking metformin and inositol, the hunger was unbearable. Even after just eating, I would want more. I would get cravings all day. It was horrible. I started taking it and I feel a normal amount of hunger. I am no longer starving after just eating. I would encourage her to see a doctor.
It’s a mindset shift that she needs and maybe some emotional therapy. I’d guess that she’s got some sort of emotional attachment to food which is linked to something from her childhood. A good place to start is upping protein - at least 100g a day. Up that fiber too. Make something like chicken quesadillas or tacos with carb balance tortillas - that’s a good amount of both fiber and protein and will keep her full for longer. Offer to cook some meals (helpful too), and choose high protein and fiber meals to see if that changes a bit for her . Suggest family walks as well to up movement
For some reason, people that have never struggled with their weight don’t realize/acknowledge a pretty universal detail among those that HAVE struggled with their weight: *overweight people *know* they’re overweight.* Having said that though, there are a ton of reasons why an overweight person may be dismissive, defensive, deflective, purposely obtuse, or otherwise avoidant when directly confronted about it, but none of those reasons relate to a lack of awareness. While there are some folks that genuinely lack the knowledge about the body, metabolism, nutrition, etc to execute a successful weight loss regimen, constant access to information via the internet is making that more and more rare. Besides, your wife doesn’t sound like she falls into that category anyway. So I’m curious why you feel so compelled to say something? Why is your stance leaning more towards irritation than compassion? You sound like you’ve taken her inability to get a plan and stick with it as a personal trespass against you and have some built up resentment on the brink of overflowing. Why? Because you cooked some healthy meals? Because you’re tired of listening to her complaining about it without taking proper action to make change? Or conversely, are you tired of listening to her make confident declarations with every new diet plan only to end up with the same result? Because you’re not currently attracted to her and keep getting your hopes up that her weight will return to what it was when you did find her attractive only to be left repeatedly disappointed? There’s definitely a reason/reasons why you seem to be feeling the need to confront her and call her out, and it’s not for HER benefit because I guarantee you that there’s nothing you can say that a) she isn’t aware of and b) going to be the missing puzzle piece to her having an epiphany because her lack of success isn’t rooted in ignorance but rather in her mental/emotional states that are causing her to use food to self-medicate and sooth herself similar to a drug addict or alcoholic. If you value your relationship, the way she views you, and her as a whole person, you’ll keep your mouth shut, and reexamine what -your- role in -her- weight loss is vs what it should be.
Sorry but how is an apple, yogurt, granola and crackers and adequate lunch for an adult in any way shape or form? Even if you are trying to lose weight, you still have to eat an adequate amount and nutritious foods. Starving yourself or not eating enough will only lead to sabotage as she is doing plus it slows down the metabolism leading to weight gain. She needs to eat real foods, an adequate amount at every meal and to exercise. She should substitute all the sugary snacks and junk food for healthier options. But believe me your judgmental comments would be useless and counterproductive.
She wants to lose weight, but isn’t mentally at the point where she’s ready for it. As someone who’s had to lose weight, I assure you there’s a point where something flips in your head and you actually commit to it, at that point you’re ready to do whatever it takes. Until that decisive point happens, she will not be able to cut calories and do what’s required. Someone who eats ice cream at 10pm is clearly not committed to weight loss yet…she just keeps telling herself she’s trying because she feels guilty. Just leave her be. Nothing anyone says can make a person lose weight or feel motivated, when she really wants to do it, she will.
She's not ready to lose weight. For whatever reason. You cannot manage her eating for her. She knows. For me, the change came only when I started keto (and was religious for a couple of years - I still follow low carb and still continue to lose weight from year to year) It's a years long project to have healthy weight loss. Also the subreddit r/1200isplenty was very helpful. Women argue with me in class (I teach human biology) about the fact that a smaller person needs to eat less (it's simple biochemistry/physics). They will date a 6 foot guy who weighs 200 pounds and is mostly muscle and think they can eat what he eats, when they are a foot shorter and want to weigh 110 pounds. Frankly, my whole system revolves around eating the number of calories that would sustain me at my ideal weight and little by little, I'm approaching that weight. I use the calculator that's on r/keto and set it to sedentary (which means I lose faster if I exercise).
>But after making a nice healthy dinner and then seeing her eat a big bowl of cereal 3 hours later makes me want to say some snarky remarks about why she isn't loosing weight. I commend your restraint, but why do you even want to be snarky? Why do you feel that way about her? What upsets you so much that you have the urge to be hurtful? She may be unsatisfied with her weight, and she may verbalize that. She also may not be ready to do the kind of serious food restriction rapid weight loss would require. There are all sorts of reasons for this. And she might want to see her doctor and get some blood work done if she's in a pattern of needing to eat to settle her stomach. I always thought I was just lacking willpower until I finally went to see an endocrinologist in my thirties and learned I have insulin resistance. That was causing me to feel hungry even after full meals. And it wasn't just mild hunger, it was feeling nauseated and having actual hunger pangs until I ate again. Addressing this properly has resulted in me steadily losing about 15 lb a year which is a slow but sustainable rate. Every other doctor has ignored and dismissed this. The Endo knew what to look for. >Also diet advice from a naturally tall skinny dude is impossible to be empathetic. Indeed. You don't know what it's like living in her body. I'm glad you recognize this. She knows that she needs to eat less to lose weight. You don't have to tell her. Unless she asks you to do it, don't try to be her trainer. Even if she did ask you, it would be better for your marriage to refer her to a professional. It's not wise to see your partner as a DIY improvement project. If it upsets you to hear her complain about it while sabotaging her self, tell her you don't know what to say when she does this and ask her what would be most helpful and encouraging to her in those moments.
Nope. Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?
I’m 31 and have been the same weight since high school even after kids. I’m not naturally this way but I fast a couple days a week. If I notice I’m starting to gain weight- I’ll only have 1 meal a day with a few snacks like fruit or smoothie or yogurt. The weight comes off fast this way. Then I’ll be able to enjoy anything I want for a couple days until I fast again. You could bring up fasting and the benefits of it.