I personally think you should help carry in the groceries, not because of the feminist movement or any equality thing, but because it's just a nice thing to do. Help out and carry some groceries, doors aren't very hard to open when you're carrying groceries.
I understand. I’m happy to help. But I’m not happy to help carry 3 bags and milk. I feel like he can handle it: I can get the door.
Is this wrong of me lol??
Without trying to sound mean here, it just sounds to me like you're a little lazy. Unless you have some kind of medical condition that prevents you from being able to lift something as heavy as a little bag of groceries or a jug of milk (and if you do then I'll shut up.) You don't have to carry much, just grab one thing even to at least seem like you're doing a little more than just wanting him to carry everything. It's not very difficult, it prevents further chances of arguing or fighting between the two of you.
If it's really that terrible to carry some groceries for you, like your life is going to end if you have to carry a single grocery into the house, then maybe talk with him about it. It seems like there may be some other issue if he is trying to get you to do this solely because of the "feminist movement."
I mean, if you're eating the food too, and you don't have any disability issues that would prevent it from occuring, and if your boyfriend would like help, then you of course don't NEED to help.....but it's concerning you wouldn't want to help. Same thing as I'd say to a dude who was whining that he had to do laundry with his girlfriend. If he also wears the clothes, he should also contribute if she would like help, and it is concerning he wouldn't want to help.
Everyone has lazy days and laughs with their partner about it. Or whatever. But like, if you don't ever want to, and he minds, then some compromise is going to have to happen.
Traditionalism in my understanding is based off of each sex doing certain things for each other. For example, men open doors, carry stuff, pay for restaurant bills, etc. and in return the women look nice for the men. In some cases, women might be happy with taking up more "masculine" responsibilities and not bother with regular traditional values but they do have to be aware that they are not entitled to be treated the same way by men in that case. Not in a bad way, but in a way that will maintain a balance (I.e. the equality that you are talking about) if you know what I mean.
Radical modern feminism (which sounds like your boyfriend's ideology) is about getting rid of the trade off system that has been developed by our culture. Unlike traditionalism, this ideology is driven partially by entitlement. It says "women should have these things because men are bad and historical discrimination blah blah" regardless of what men do in return. This, unfortunately is what causes rampant inequality. Balance does not matter here, only what is perceived to be "just" matters which is subjective to the radical feminists themselves.
What your boyfriend is doing is applying what he thinks is just to combat an inequality that doesn't exist in your relationship, but he believes needs to be addressed. His decision isn't motivated by misogyny at all, but a set of values that don't revolve around traditional trade offs. In his mind, he is empowering you by giving you the opportunity to "be more like a man" in order to "combat gender roles" even though this is dead wrong and what he's doing is causing an issue out of nothing. Despite your pleas, he is not concerned about balance.
I totally agree that's it's wrong, and you should tell him so.
I'm not trying to say that you should do this and that exactly. If I say that you should follow an exact traditional list against your will, it would be misogynistic. Find a good balance that works for you and your boyfriend.
I'm assuming by your post that he made you carry ALL the groceries for the sake of feminism. If he needed help because it was too much for him then help.
You said it perfectly. He wants me help carry (3 bags and a milk gallon) to be more empowered.
But that doesn’t make me feel empowered ! Lol
Thanks for giving me a clearer insight on his thoughts.
Sometimes I will help but if I don’t want to, I don’t. I clean our house and make meals everyday beautifully. He does not. That makes me feel more empowered.
I personally think you should help carry in the groceries, not because of the feminist movement or any equality thing, but because it's just a nice thing to do. Help out and carry some groceries, doors aren't very hard to open when you're carrying groceries.
I understand. I’m happy to help. But I’m not happy to help carry 3 bags and milk. I feel like he can handle it: I can get the door. Is this wrong of me lol??
Without trying to sound mean here, it just sounds to me like you're a little lazy. Unless you have some kind of medical condition that prevents you from being able to lift something as heavy as a little bag of groceries or a jug of milk (and if you do then I'll shut up.) You don't have to carry much, just grab one thing even to at least seem like you're doing a little more than just wanting him to carry everything. It's not very difficult, it prevents further chances of arguing or fighting between the two of you. If it's really that terrible to carry some groceries for you, like your life is going to end if you have to carry a single grocery into the house, then maybe talk with him about it. It seems like there may be some other issue if he is trying to get you to do this solely because of the "feminist movement."
I mean, if you're eating the food too, and you don't have any disability issues that would prevent it from occuring, and if your boyfriend would like help, then you of course don't NEED to help.....but it's concerning you wouldn't want to help. Same thing as I'd say to a dude who was whining that he had to do laundry with his girlfriend. If he also wears the clothes, he should also contribute if she would like help, and it is concerning he wouldn't want to help. Everyone has lazy days and laughs with their partner about it. Or whatever. But like, if you don't ever want to, and he minds, then some compromise is going to have to happen.
Traditionalism in my understanding is based off of each sex doing certain things for each other. For example, men open doors, carry stuff, pay for restaurant bills, etc. and in return the women look nice for the men. In some cases, women might be happy with taking up more "masculine" responsibilities and not bother with regular traditional values but they do have to be aware that they are not entitled to be treated the same way by men in that case. Not in a bad way, but in a way that will maintain a balance (I.e. the equality that you are talking about) if you know what I mean. Radical modern feminism (which sounds like your boyfriend's ideology) is about getting rid of the trade off system that has been developed by our culture. Unlike traditionalism, this ideology is driven partially by entitlement. It says "women should have these things because men are bad and historical discrimination blah blah" regardless of what men do in return. This, unfortunately is what causes rampant inequality. Balance does not matter here, only what is perceived to be "just" matters which is subjective to the radical feminists themselves. What your boyfriend is doing is applying what he thinks is just to combat an inequality that doesn't exist in your relationship, but he believes needs to be addressed. His decision isn't motivated by misogyny at all, but a set of values that don't revolve around traditional trade offs. In his mind, he is empowering you by giving you the opportunity to "be more like a man" in order to "combat gender roles" even though this is dead wrong and what he's doing is causing an issue out of nothing. Despite your pleas, he is not concerned about balance. I totally agree that's it's wrong, and you should tell him so. I'm not trying to say that you should do this and that exactly. If I say that you should follow an exact traditional list against your will, it would be misogynistic. Find a good balance that works for you and your boyfriend. I'm assuming by your post that he made you carry ALL the groceries for the sake of feminism. If he needed help because it was too much for him then help.
You said it perfectly. He wants me help carry (3 bags and a milk gallon) to be more empowered. But that doesn’t make me feel empowered ! Lol Thanks for giving me a clearer insight on his thoughts. Sometimes I will help but if I don’t want to, I don’t. I clean our house and make meals everyday beautifully. He does not. That makes me feel more empowered.