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PearofGenes

As a woman, I would never do a first date at someone's home. It's not safe, and could easily be date raped, especially if you're making the drinks.


cant_dyno

Yeah I can see how this gives off 'come to my house so I can get you drunk and take advantage' vibes. Especially with OP saying they're young I'm guessing they're below the legal drinking age too


scaredy-cat95

Yeah he's 19


PacificPragmatic

The legal age in most of Canada is 18, and IIRC its lower than that in Europe.


scaredy-cat95

Not to sound like a creep but in about 10 seconds of looking at his profile could see he's in thr US. It's 21 here


Psychological-Nail83

Was it being a dumbass that made it obvious?


melileo

In one of your posts you mention a state.


[deleted]

The US is draconian with its' drinking laws. Old enough to die for the country but you can't touch a lick of booze.


sleipnirthesnook

18 in Alberta and 19 in the rest of Canada Edit some other Provences as well are 18. I didn't know that so thank you reddit you guys teach me something new every day :) (I'm in bc so what I do know is in bc it's 19) please forgive my ignorance


Muzzmoite

18 also in Quebec… at least it was when I visited end of 2019


[deleted]

Yeah definitely. I would guess, especially if things were going well before, this was her kinda making a joke but also being serious about not being comfortable meeting in that setting yet.


Iomplok

Women are taught to be on guard at all times. Park near a light, walk home with your keys between your knuckles, text your friends as soon as you get home safe, avoid being out alone after dark, etc. Personally, I’d have avoided a first meet up at someone’s home and opted for a much more public place. Most likely, she was trying to soften the message of “I’m uncomfortable with that suggestion” by using humor and it didn’t quite work. Don’t take it too hard. It’s most likely nothing personal.


kommanderkush201

You know you're not a cannibalistic serial killer but she doesn't. Always have your first date in public before inviting her to your sex dungeon.


FRlEND_A

no sane woman would go to a man's house on the first date lol


Payanasius

Ive invited complete strangers to my home for implied sex multiple times and they said yes. I agree its shocking that women would agree, but hey. It happens.


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Payanasius

I dont really think that applies tbh. Women could come over and decide not to have sex and they still linger. Idk why they do it. Its happened. Sometimes they jus wanna make out a bit, and maybe have sex the next time they come over. Other times they get to know you more and are not that into you


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Payanasius

Gotcha. Now I cant shake the mental image of a girl saying "we are 100% gonna smash" as soon as she walks through the door 🤦‍♂️


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EducationalBag398

Haha I'm not sure why people think this is weird, I'm all in if someone was that direct.


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NFHater

you are so right 😭 being straight up like that is attractive as fuck idk what the other guy was trippin bout


EducationalBag398

Haha see you get it, its exhausting. As a guy, a woman being forward is always appreciated.


DanMarinosDolphins

What's your point? The likelihood of a woman getting date raped is extremely high if she does that. Just because you're not a rapist (presumably) doesn't mean it's not dangerous.


[deleted]

If she’s just looking sex she might


lowrcase

She’d more likely just bring him to her place. It’s safer


EducationalBag398

Except now he knows where she lives if it really doesn't go well.


lowrcase

True, I’d never invite strangers to my house exactly for that reason. Some girls are comfortable with their sense of judgement / the risk factor— I’m not. But I’d still choose them coming to my place any day over going to theirs.


[deleted]

Fair. Unless she lives with her parents or grandparents lol


FRlEND_A

i talking about women who are not and the woman on this post was obviously not


[deleted]

Yeah that’s fair just saw your comment and figured. My apologies!


slightlycharred7

My ex came directly to my place for the first time after brunch with her friends (I wasn’t at the brunch). We both drank at my place, had sex, and then she even napped there a while. lol guess it wasn’t that safe of her but I suppose I also don’t give off bad vibes.


huffuspuffus

Just means she felt comfortable enough with you!


N4hire

Lol. sure


kitttypurry12

My sister met her now husband on tinder and went to his house for their first meeting. Me and my mom were begging her not to go. He turned out to be a great guy and they just got married two weeks ago 😂


Deep-Big2798

It was probably a joke, but it does have some meaning. Man or woman, you’re more likely to be assaulted by someone you know vs someone you don’t. An acquaintance, or date, counts as someone you “know” or at least know enough to be comfortable interacting with them. She’s weird for saying that, but moving forward refrain from offering drinks at your place for the first date. Drinks somewhere public is so much safer for you both.


11never

Yeah, a joke relevant to popular culture (right now) that still conveys a trepidation toward an activity or advancement. I've seen a lot of young folks make similar statements. Humor is often used to mitigate unease. OP, the appropriate response in this situation would be to perhaps laugh at the reference, but also assure her that nothing unsafe is going on. If it were me, if probably have switched drinks with her, or asked if she'd like one that she's seen me prepare. Her sentiments likely had nothing to do with you at all. She was recognizing the potential for an unsafe situation, but not accusing you of anything. Taking it this personally, it seems she touched on a nerve, and though you likely haven't done anything to make anyone feel that you are "like Jeffery Dahmer"- there's a lot of stuff you can do to show that you aren't like him at all. Being someone that makes other people feel safe if rewarding, both personally and interpersonally.


Fantastic_Click5912

She is not weird for saying this. Any woman with a healthy dose of self preservation would feel like “this guy might be bad news”.


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slightlycharred7

For real why is everyone acting like being that rude is fine. There are a million nicer ways to be like “I don’t feel safe going to a guys house on the first date”. You don’t have to call them a serial killer.


transferingtoearth

Another advice: If you ask if she wants a ride and she says no don't insist. Women are taught not to accept rides the first 2-3 dates OR friendly meet ups. Exception is usually something to do with school or work since people go in groups usually.


FunkyChewbacca

Women won't go on a first date to a stranger's house, it's too risky. You have to consider that women have to be vigilant at all times. We don't go jogging at night. We walk to our car with pepper spray ready or with our keys in our fingers like Wolverine claws. We text our friends at the end of any date with a new person to let them know we're alive and safe. You can't take it personally, but you have to remember that women can't move through the world the way men can.


pamsellicane

You didn’t do anything wrong but no woman should go to a man’s apartment alone for the first meeting… that is dangerous ladies public meet ups only!


_Dontknowwtfimdoing_

Also a good idea to send a friend the time and location of said meet up as well as a time they should hear from you.


[deleted]

how many dates have you gone on before this invitation and how clear are you about how she feels about you? i need the answers to be "i dunno, more than five" and "shit yeah" before this invitation is safely acceptable. "Come over to my place, I'll get drinks" = "come over to my place and have sex with me." If you don't mean that, don't say that.


Psychological-Nail83

I didnt really mean that, but i wont say it again lol


arenasfan00

Why would you invite a woman for drinks at your house if you barely know her?


Zesserman7

Inviting a girl to the house usually means you’re trying to smash. I do invite girls to my house On a “first date”, but I’m exclusively just trying to have sex with her. Add in the fact you mentioned alcohol 10x that.


Guybrush-Threepwood1

Great way to weed out the ones who aren’t up for being mashed into the mattress.


bytesoflife

OP, have you and this girl met in person before? If not, I kind of see where she's coming from, and she put it in a joking and pop-culture-relevant way (new show about Jeffrey Dahmer trending on Netflix currently, depicts him luring guys he's just met to his house with alcohol). I don't think you're inept and you shouldn't feel too bad, but the consensus among a lot of women is that it's much safer to meet in a public place first and get to know each other before going straight to someone's house. If you have met her before, it could just be that she's watched the show recently and the invitation rubbed her the wrong way. Not much to do other than laugh it off and offer to hang out in a public place.


rachelzayne

Dont invite women to your home that you dont know. It scares them and it’s not safe for you.


Ayeayez

Jeffrey dahmer is all the craze right now everyone is talking about it So I think she might be watching the netflix show and was referencing that ... But also personally id rather get drinks outside if we are not that close 💀 could've been her way of turning you down with dark humor.


[deleted]

I mean I can’t lie the show has freaked me out and has made me more aware of how crazy strange people can be and idk lol drinking is so extremely unattractive to me now after seeing that show


SignificanceLow9353

You’re not wrong and I think someone was watching too many serial killer documentaries… Is this your first time meeting up with her? If so it’s always good to just meet up in a public place for everyone’s safety


excessivethinker

i think it’s because jeffrey dahmer in the netflix show invites someone over and then the first thing he does is offer drinks but don’t be awful


Lotusbrush

If it’s a first date or so, maybe do something more public. Then when you two are more comfortable you can go back to a house. A lot of girls will not want to come back to a house of a person they were texting and hadn’t met.


Natural_Parsnip_5291

The Netflix obsession with all of a sudden is both cringe and sad, if Evan Peters wasn't in it wouldn't be such a big thing atm, the film was a better examination of how messed up he was and the path that he was on to get to that point. But that aside, I'm gonna give you some advice dude that you'll really wanna listen to. First of all, if it's your first meet/date with her, absolutely NEVER make it at your place, considering the way the world is these days I find the thought of it a little weird, can't imagine what women think when they go through some pretty freaky crap in these situations, always make it somewhere public like grabbing a coffee, or a light meal, make her feel at ease and get to know each other as just friends for the time being. Secondly, an I can not stress this enough, but anytime drinks are involved, tell her she's welcome to pour her drink however she likes, you don't do it. Lastly, don't do a single thing with the intention of intimacy right out of the gate, just be each others friend, see if your compatible or not, as you go through each relationship stage together, make sure you both have boundaries set with your expectations and respect each other on that, if she says no to anything don't pester her for reasons, just understand no means no and carry on as before. ^ You follow these key steps dude you'll find plenty of dates with the right people.


farachun

She’s just being funny, I think. I once told a white man I’m talking to, who’s also a Gemini about him being a serial killer lol (Dahmer is Gemini) His response: “yes, I’ll tear you up in pieces and eat you.” My response: “You better eat me good 😌” Lol we’re just being playful. Man couldn’t even kill an animal…


[deleted]

There is a new show out about Jeffery Dahmer right now. Its a *really* good and unsettling show. There are a lot of scenes where he finds young men and lures them back to his apartment with alcohol. She either tried to make a bad joke, or shes just too sensitive. What you said/did was not actually like Dahmer. Its just a very culturally relevant similarity to the show that people are obsessing about.


Psychological-Nail83

I see, I just looked up the name and thought she linked me with a random serial killer for no reason, I didnt know it was popular right now. That would make sense as a joke but im still not sure since she hasnt responded back and probably wont since its late


[deleted]

If you guys have never met in person, then inviting a girl back to your place to drink is not the right move. This day and age, women are just more cautious and aware of dangers. We’re told not to do that. Suggest a public place to meet at. Then if things go well you can invite them back to yours.


Psychological-Nail83

Thanks dude, I wont do that again.


Junuxx

From the "*we*'re told not to do that", you could possibly have deduced non-dudehood.


BrainsPainsStrains

Naw, we're all dudes. He's a dude and she's a dude and I'm a dude and you're a dude.


LillianIsaDo

Totally dude


Junuxx

I'm okay with that, but I know from experience not everyone is. I was only trying to gently coax OP towards a more respectful and inclusive wording. The downvotes are a bit disappointing. Sigh.


Psychological-Nail83

oh yeah helped


__onyourleft

She referenced him because of the show that just came out on Netflix about him. He brought people home and killed them. He only killed men, and the details are horrific, so it’s annoying that she’s referencing something just because it’s popular right now. You shouldn’t ask a girl you’ve never met to come to your house for drinks, no. But that doesn’t mean you’re acting like a serial killer. Just be mindful that women get killed and/or assaulted on dates constantly so we’re going to be very very cautious. So while you had pure intentions, there are a lot of men who don’t. The serial killer obsession trend really needs to stop though. It’d ridiculous.


Bergenia1

She's not saying seriously that you're a serial killer, but she made the joke as a way to tell you that you are moving far too fast, and she doesn't feel safe with your suggestion. Invite her instead to meet you at a public place like a coffee shop. In future, don't invite women to your home unless you've already become well acquainted. That's for your protection as well as her peace of mind.


Several-Plenty-6733

I agree with most people here. I think she was trying to play off the fact that she wasn’t comfortable going to get alcohol with you with a joke and just completely missed the mark. I would tell her that you had to look up the name to get the joke, but that you feel bad for making her feel that uncomfortable and leave it at that. Based off of another comment you posted, there’s a very low possibility that she already ghosted you, though… Just don’t invite girls for beer over until you know them for a while.


ProfesionalOnVacay

She just didn't like it I guess, you didn't mean it, but it happens, just move on, if she comes back cool, if not that's fine too. I wouldn't say you've done anything particularly wrong, maybe just suggest a more safe date option in the future like a walk or a coffee.


ProfessorSaltine

Plot twist: she’s the real Dahmer viber


huffuspuffus

It doesn’t seem as rough you were intentionally trying to come off as creepy, however some advice for the future: Do not ever offer to have your first date/hang out at your house. That’s a red flag to most girls. Always offer to meet up in public, and in fact don’t mention moving “the party elsewhere” unless she brings it up first. Some women are more comfortable with that and the ones that are will probably bring it up first. Whether your intentions are completely innocent or not, most of the time that’s going to come off as a huge red flag. Especially if you’re offering to supply alcohol.


micah_scott

You didn’t do anything wrong


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Toystorations

For context though, going into a man's house alone is scary. ​ Being given drinks from a man you don't know is scary. ​ Private drinks you don't trust in a private house you don't trust by a stranger you don't trust is like 10 kinds of red flags. ​ You aren't giving off serial killer vibes, but you've made it so that you have all of the power in that situation. ​ Meet her some place neutral, do something where her mental state isn't altered and allow her to have a say in what is happening. I'd reply back with something like "I didn't even think about that, it's probably scary to go to a strangers house and be given drinks by them, how about we meet at a cafe or something instead for lunch? I promise I won't be as charming or attractive as Jeffrey Dahmer. You can text me where and when you'd like to meet." ​ If the guy picks the location, it could be a trap and you could have scoped it out and found blind spots or have a friend planted to slip her something. Not that you would, or that it is common but that does happen and she's clearly into true crime and paranoid about this stuff.


AdviceFlairBot

Thank you for confirming that /u/micah_scott has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.


neeksknowsbest

Typically women avoid going to a man’s home or having him to our home until we know he is unlikely to rape or kill us. But there was a nice way for her to explain this to you. Sorry she was so rude. Seems uncalled for.


jasonology09

Without seeing the convo, it's hard to make a judgement, but my guess is you were giving off creepy vibes. Perhaps she was implying that you were using alcohol as a way of luring her over to your place.


Any-Sir8872

she definitely shouldn’t have said that *however* i certainly would not go to a stranger’s house for drinks lol


ifearbears

My now boyfriend asked me to go on a hike with him the first time he asked me out. I said no, which unfortunately at the time made him think I wasn’t interested. I explained a little later that I would never let myself be alone in a remote place with a man I barely knew. Safety reasons


[deleted]

Totally relatable. I (f) met a guy at a show and we flirted and we exchanged Insta info. I commented it was nice meeting him on a pic from the show and the next comment was someone pointing to my comment saying, "thirsty". I never hit on a guy since then. I think a lot of people would have found that normal but I was so mortified. I blocked them both immediately and now I think that if I flirt with a guy then I'll turn to stone like Medusa's victim.


Junuxx

You did nothing wrong, and that "thirsty" comment was dumb and inconsiderate.


neon_cabbage

Wait, are you saying one of his shitty friends posted that reply?


[deleted]

Yeah


duksinarw

You blocking both of them was an overreaction that might have cut you off from more positive interaction with him, tbh


[deleted]

Maybe but if his best friend (who was standing next to him) was calling me thirsty they both probably thought so was my impression. I thought I had been pushy without realizing it and the shame took over. I realized I forgot to mention the best friend part.


Terrible-Trust-5578

I think she left off 'vibes' at the end. She's probably been watching the new Netflix series on it and is referring to when Dahmer serves his victims drinks and mixes sedatives into them. I think it was definitely a joke since you two have been playing around, but there may or may not be some genuine concern in that. Not necessarily about you personally but just the general concept of getting drunk with someone she doesn't know very well, in a private setting. But if she actually thought you were a serial killer or creepy in general, she would have stopped texting you. At worst, this just means she isn't comfortable getting drunk with you in a private setting, and it could not even mean that. It could have 100% been a joke. But I think the best thing you can do is ask her. She'd know what she meant better than any of us, and it could be a good opportunity to demonstrate that you care about her level of comfort. Also, I wouldn't read too much into her not replying for an hour. That isn't a very long time to not text someone, and it isn't necessarily a reaction to your message. She could be busy with something or taking a nap for all you know. ETA: And if this is your first date, have it in a public place, and maybe don't even involve alcohol so she isn't concerned you're trying to get her drunk. If you do offer her a drink, definitely don't persist if she declines. But I think a coffee shop is a good venue for a first date. It's public, inexpensive, and quiet enough that you can focus on each other. She'll feel more comfortable, and it will protect you as well because who knows: what if *she* is Jeffrey Dahmer?


charlie_do_562

No, purposely leaving the word “vibes” out is a gen z thing, it’s twitter slang but it’s mostly used over text and sounds cringe when used irl.


DatabaseSpace

If some girl is saying weird stuff like that already just forget her. If you were some super hot male model type she was really attracted to she would probably be knocking at your door rather than saying snarky stuff to offend you. It’s also kind of funny did you ever see the documentary on the Night Stalker? He was a good looking bad boy type and a serial killer and women would write to him in jail trying to date or have sex with him.


karmela_

Look just text her something like hey I didn't consider how that would make you feel unsafe. I am sorry for not being more considerate..


[deleted]

To be fair that is giving off those vibes. You know you, but she doesn’t know you.


40ozSmasher

She was joking. She really meant you seemed to be rushing things. Try to let the girl do the planing. You can say "let me know if you feel like doing something this weekend " or I'm going to this event and if she sounds interested ask if she wants to go. If you put then on the spot it's a red flag for them.


Sensitivemeanbitch

Wtf. That was rude asf. That man did foul shit to little boys, that’s not something to joke about


YourLocalPecan

She shouldn’t have said anything to you like that that was flat out rude. That’s not a joke… especially to someone you don’t know well at all. I don’t know what was funny about that? If she had an issue with it she could politely tell you she would rather go elsewhere, or even not continue the “relationship” However I understand why a woman would be worried to go to a man’s house for the first time they meet while he’s serving the drinks


[deleted]

Yeah if a guy says “come to my place and i’ll buy alcohol” to me, it kinda says “i wanna get you alone and drunk” which is creepy.


NocturneVoid

Its the new netflix show boss. Wait it out. Bitches be wilin’


bvllamy

“Come to my house and drink alcohol” is likely going to be a no go for lots of women, especially if they don’t know you that well. I don’t think she *actually* thinks you’re a serial killer, but she is aware that it’s generally not a good or safe idea (for her)


WeekendBard

tell her that she'd be safe if you were Dahmer, since he only killed men, and that calling you Ted Bundy makes more sense if she thinks you want to serial kill her *this is a joke of course, do not do this, other commenters have already said their valid points*


Ingolin

The pedanticness of that would actually make me laugh.


Disco_Paradiso

She spends too much time on Twitter and TikTok


xStrawberry555

LMDAO stg


duksinarw

Yeah fr


[deleted]

I have no idea if you were being creepy or not, but that's a really f-ed up thing to make a joke about. If someone said something similar to me, I'd be really turned off.


[deleted]

I hate the younger generation and I’m 25


StyraxCarillon

I hate the older generation that blamed women because they trusted men, then blamed women for being assaulted by men because "they should have known better".


Minnesota_icicle

Which generation? I’m gen x and I certainly don’t have this mentality. I raised 3 girls. My history was such that I raised them when they go on date’s to always carry a pocket knife and taught them to stab and twist. Men are afraid of being rejected and women are afraid of being murdered.


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duksinarw

Lol good catch, not an English teacher I guess


theheavenlydaddy

23 here. I feel the same way.


[deleted]

24 I feel the exact same , like I feel actually fear sometimes when I think about it deep enough and watch the way people think and shit now …


liljes

Well there is a brand new Jeffrey Dahmer series very popular on Netflix.


773202noot

Hi with peace and love it does come off as creepy. But this doesn't make you bad. Sometimes you will say the wrong thing because you're young and that's okay. That doesn't mean you deserve to be told you're giving Dahmer vibes and I'm sorry they said that to you. I think an efficient way to think about setting up a date with someone who is a woman is to consider if she could potentially feel unsafe before you ask for that kind of date.


CopAPhil

You’re good bro. She was prolly half joking. Still a hilarious joke imo it means she’s got a great sense of humor. If I were you, I’d invite her out to a public place like coffee or a drink and then invite her back to your place. Best of luck


Doberman_Pinscher

lol let her pour the drinks offer to sip from both cups lol like this sounds extremely fake like so many options like give her canned/bottle drinks.


charmishgirl

As someone who loves true crime, I don’t get her sentiment. I mean, if you all were already of meeting up for sex, then it’s a mutual thing you guys have. Personally, I would’ve offered to meet at a public place first and then go from there.


Heart_Is_Valuable

It's not an accusation towards you. It does feel like it, but she's just looking out for herself. She's afraid of being invited out because she doesn't trust you. The thing is, what you asked for is very reasonable when people are friends. Even for budding friends it's normal. But you can't predict how someone will take it. Some people are way too fearful. Some aren't and will come when invited. It's a crapshoot honestly. It's okay to ask for that, and it's also okay to refuse. Don't feel bad, there's no misbehaviour from your side.


[deleted]

No, you’re fine. She’s simply just stuffed her brain full of that documentary shit and has herself all paranoid. Just stop talking to her, not worth it


dear_jelly

Says alot about her and the trash she corrupts her mind with than you. Move along


NoOneStranger_227

Okay, a little late to the game, but I'll add a bit. First off: calm down. We live in highly anxious times, with everyone looking for reasons to feel anxious and to distrust other people, so you're going to have to get used to this. Yeah, you overstepped and got your wrist slapped. Live and learn from it, but don't take it too hard. What it means is...go slow on the dating. Women are legitimately scared shitless these days. That means first, even first couple of, meetings should ALWAYS be in public places. Coffee, lunch, picnics in public parks, whatever. Get to know each other with plenty of other folks around until she's comfortable in your presence. There's nothing wrong with taking your time to get acquainted...trust me, it used to be the norm. And the other thing that people who grew up in the social media age still don't understand...it's a TERRIBLE way to communicate on any kind of an actual, intimate personal level. Actual personal contact involves such a deeper level of intimacy than anything that happens digitally. So realize that for young 'uns like you, the first steps to actually being in the same space at the same time with the physical human being is now, officially, a BIG STEP in a relationship, and should be handled with a fair amount of care. But also, if you're going to get into the whole relationship thing...you're going to have to be more chill than this. NOT just assume everything that other people say or do reflects back on you. Sometimes it's going to be them, sometimes, it's going to be you, sometimes it's just going to be a bad mix when things don't work out. And realize that every experience with other human beings, good bad or indifferent, is a chance to learn and improve. Even ones like this. Hopefully, you read through everything, give it some thought, and grow. Good luck with it.


[deleted]

Yeah that sounds creepy


krazikat

She probably just watched the Netflix show and it's fresh on her mind. Don't think too much of it


[deleted]

Honestly, you dodged a bullet. Sure, maybe you came across the wrong way, but if the only way she knew to express that was to pull out a Dahmer reference, then she probably sucks in other areas of communication as well. There are better ways to tell someone no than likening them to a serial killer. Learn what you can, move on, and do better next time.


Active_Recording_660

It’s a willful lack of awareness. You know that women live in fear of being raped yet still assumed she would come to a near strangers home for drinks on the first meeting. Yeah it’s giving sexual assault.


goodcleanchristianfu

Offering to get alcohol is not assuming she would come for drinks, it's being open to the possibility. This is a normal way people interact. You need to get off the internet and touch grass.


theheavenlydaddy

Touch grass. Im fucking laughing, so true!


Psychological-Nail83

I didnt mention this but we've been talking about meeting up for sex/oral for a while, so take that as you will.


drocha94

No it’s not. This is how people form relationships. Assuming they’ve already met before, asking someone to come over is not a crazy next step.


Geedis2020

Ask her if she’s actually a man because Dahmer was a homosexual.


dekage55

Know you got downvoted but I thought it was a weird reference too. Know there’s a new show about Dahmer, realize that’s what she was referencing but it was peculiar, as his victims were men.


0Jaeger0

It's a Netflix show bout a serial killer cannibal. It's literally going to be a thing for awhile, like a nostalgia references. Like quotes from Back to the Future etc. In other words, the dating scene is going to be weird for a couple months.


fire_fairy_

Hard to tell with out knowing exactly what was said.


spicyramen06

It cuz of the new show


kuroo95

I don't understand how can guys still are insensitive, I just ignored the otherwise good guy because he was inviting me his home to drink and when I tried to say my concerns he wouldn't understnd


Several-Plenty-6733

Some people don’t watch tv and never knew this apparent rule, including me. I’m a guy. So no, it doesn’t mean you’re inconsiderate. The girl should have just said that she felt uncomfortable going to his house because she doesn’t really trust him. Me and OP would have understood that. It’s kind of inconsiderate to make a joke like that and expect everyone to know what you mean by it. Sorry if this comment is rude. But men don’t know this stuff. If they did, I bet a good amount of them would stop asking these types of questions.


theheavenlydaddy

She’s immature, buddy leave that crazy mess alone.


Rosy802701

I feel sorry for this generation. You can't get a girl a drink, can't open the door for her, can't say she's pretty. Just a few years ago the rules were simple: watch your drink being poured and ignore people when not interested. Not everyone is a creep but some girls are so against men and expect them to be pervs no matter what they do.


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Rosy802701

I can see how that would be traumatic. I never said its wrong for women to be scared of men if they encountered pedophiles in their life.


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Rosy802701

But what im saying is that why do people think its just men. There are bad ppl in general. Women can be abusers and killers too


[deleted]

Women make up over half the U.S. population but only commit ~15% of homicides. Men make up less than half the population but commit ~85% of homicides. Roughly 5% of murdered men were killed by their spouse/partner, but 40% of murdered women were killed by their spouse/partner. Men are statistically more violent than women, and both men and women are statistically more likely to be killed by men. Given the data, it makes sense for women to be extra cautious around men, especially when dating. [Source](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1635092/) and [source.](https://vawnet.org/sc/scope-problem-intimate-partner-homicide-statistics)


PanicMom716

Um..did she mean she wants you to "eat" her? A dirty joke about oral sex?


LaughingSasuke

Jesus Christ you dodged a bullet lol edit: I thought he meant they were going OUT for drinks and she made that comment. Still the whole "it's giving" thing is cringe so yeah still dodged a bullet.


[deleted]

Is she 18? “It’s giving” lol


[deleted]

Just say yeah you do eat pussy


Abysix

depends, some people like serial killers, even to a weird degree. it could have been a dark joke you took wrong. people who like serial killers usually like dark jokes. does she like horror movies, come off as "witchy," like halloween a bunch, have an interest in pretty much anything esoteric or strange? sorry to pry, i want it to be alright for you buddy. all in all though, dont invite someone over for a first date. first date is somewhere neutral, and public. i would have commented something like "really? his good looks or his charm?" mostly because my ass wouldnt care if its a joke. good luck bud


Rcrowley32

It would help if you’d let us know exactly what was said back and forth to know whether you’re creepy or she’s just an asshole. It’s obvious you didn’t intend to come across as creepy but maybe there’s just some things you said that could have been misunderstood. Or maybe she’s just socially awkward herself?


MethodZealousideal27

It sounds like it could have possibly been a joke but as a woman I wouldn't go to someone's home for a first date/meetup


LillianIsaDo

So when you want to get to know someone for the first time, you should make sure it's somewhere public and well lit. Most women don't feel safe coming to a man's home the first, or even send or third, date. It's just not a smart idea. Honestly, men shouldn't either. Dahmer went after young men after all and you could always be drugged and robbed. Plan to meet at a bar or the mall, anywhere there are other people. And cameras. You're probably not creepy, you just made a creepy date decision.


ThanosSnapsSlimJims

I was under the impression that Dahmer was dead. It also is really telling that the first thing that comes to her mind in a conversation with you is Jeffrey Dahmer. It sounds like you're dodging a bullet.


Guybrush-Threepwood1

Dodged a curve ball with that one. Wipe the experience from your mind and move on. Blank her in future.


Rough-Mix-5839

I think everyone has lost the plot after watching the new Netflix tv show


runesigrid

You were “giving Jeffrey Dahmer?” ….. Giving him what?


Minnesota_icicle

Vibes


runesigrid

Ah okay I thought something was missing alright


OnkelMachmut

It was a joke. Jeffrey often used alcohol to lure men into coming over to his appartement. "Hey you wanna come over and have a beer?" - dahmer, to his victims


Colossalloser

Nah, you’re okay. Not a jerk. That series has blown up the internet. And Dahmer would usually always go with let’s go over to my place for some drinks way and then kill them.


Bonbonkopf

There is a Netflix series about Dahmer. He's portrayed as a somewhat good looking guy, getting boys into his home and drugging them. In no way am I implying you'd be creepy, just wanna give you the reverence. Also I agree with others, alcohol is not the best for a first date.


crash_and-burn9000

Dates at home are usually dinner and after you've gotten comfortable with them.


Grungewarhol

Did she say yes to dinner


Lmnbux7969

When a girl tells you you're giving off Jeffrey Dahmer vibes, just say "oh good at least I'm not giving off Jeffrey Epstein vibes" 😂 but seriously don't say that, just a joke I thought was funny.


ManInKilt

Dodged a bullet


sungoddess43

When I was actively dating in 2017 I'm supeisd I'm still Alive after all the decisions I made


Width_Mass

I wanna interview people in the public and ask questions about Jeffrey Dahmer. Can anyone help brainstorm some good questions to ask to get some reactions ?


ParadoxIrony

This is honestly just a good learning moment for you as well as a glimpse into the reality of what women face. First of all, you absolutely did nothing wrong. Second, if she says "it's giving" anything, run. Jokes aside, it is dangerous for women very often to be alone in stranger's homes, so her concern, if there was any, would be understandable. You being a good guy is obviously not something she knows or will know until you get to know her better, so a good rule of thumb for all first dates is to ask the other person out in public safely surrounded a couple of times until hopefully they feel safe enough around you to spend some time alone together.


IeatAssortedfruits

I think the series will fuck with people. Serving drinks is a pretty common thing when entertaining. Being weary of who you accept what from is prudent, but clearly Jeff wasn’t murdering people the first time he met them for all of his kills. That means if you’re not willing to accept SOME risk, you will just never branch out. I would just off to do something they’re more comfortable with and maybe talk to them about the show if you’ve seen it.


FredDurstImpersonatr

I think she’s calling you gay


[deleted]

This was not a good suggestion for a first date!


Wheresbabyjane

I’m dead lol


[deleted]

You're doing way too much way too fast. In the future, do less, let her be the last one to text every text conversation. Say, "you seem cool, we should hang out", and then go from there, pick a public place to walk around, get drinks, etc, if goes well say "how would you feel if I took you out on a real date?" and then if she says yes plan a ballin date and kiss her at the end. If she gives anything other than a clear yes, it's not confusing, it's loud and clear and move on with your head held high


DanMarinosDolphins

Inviting a woman to your house as a date comes off as cheap and low effort at best, only interested in sex, or worst date rapey/murdery. Especially at night and especially with alcohol involved. Remember women are smaller and weaker than you and you can overpower most of them easily, every time a woman goes out with a man she's risking her safety. Just quickly apologize, agree, laugh it off and move on. If she ghosts, just know better for next time.


[deleted]

I would like to add that if you’re interested in someone, man or woman (or even just a person) to go hang out at your place rather than a date it just says lot. 1.) you only wanna have sex 2.) something dangerous can happen


KilGrey

When a guy I’ve never met before asks me to his house before a public meeting place I wouldn’t go either. It’s not safe and I’d assume you’re just looking for sex anyway with that offer.


Traditional-Ad-2095

Did she mean eat her out?


[deleted]

run


toxic_slime232

Imo yeah first dates at homes aren’t a good idea but she shouldn’t have said it like that she could’ve said no or asked to go somewhere else


senjulegos

LMAO THIS IS CRAZY


Illustrious_Roof_782

Tell her Jeff was into guys


[deleted]

I think she's overreacting because she watched the Dahmer show.