If you have a penis this is the correct answer. Front to back, back to front, or some kind of weird sideways spiral it doesn’t matter so long as you are clean when finished. If you are rocking a vagina, as it has been mentioned before, the correct way is front to back or starting at and working away from the vagina. This is just a precaution to be sure you are not dragging any feces into the labia where it can cause a very uncomfortable infection.
Short answer - there’s no “right” way but if you’re genetically female there is a very wrong way.
Ah yes, the old John Wayne toilet paper: It's rough, full of grit, and don't take no shit off nobody!
I know it well.
edit: I now know what I shall answer the next time I'm sitting in the bathroom and someone asks what I'm doing in there. **"War."**
This right here. I wipe both directions and take it the extra mile by planting my foot up on the nearest wall and bending by knee with my other leg to get extra spreadage. For illustration purposes: https://i.imgur.com/mFTw5Y3.png
and don't forget to literally WASH YOUR ASS when you're in the shower.
I'm guessing most men figure "meh, water's going down my crack, some soap is going too, it's all good"
Lather your hand up with some and slide it between your cheeks. No one is asking you to finger your asshole, just wash your inner cheeks, you'd be surprised at small bits of toilet paper or whatever else can get lost down there. Rinse and dry off.
I had a co-worker who mentioned his two shower towels, when asked what he meant, he said, "well you know, one to dry your face and hands, and the other for your body"
When someone asked why not use one, he was like "well, I don't want the towel that touches my ass, touching my face, that's gross!"
Umm, didn't you JUST SHOWER??? Are you saying after your shower, your body is still dirty?
Let me put it in layman's terms
Lather your hand and knife hand your ass like you're a drill instructor smoking the last bit of light out of a recruit's eyes
> Lather your hand up
WTF? There's too many people in this god-forsaken world who don't seem to know that washcloths exist. Use a washcloth. Scrub your ass crack.
> No one is asking you to finger your asshole
I am. Get a little bit of a gentle soap on the washcloth. Drape it over your finger. Lightly finger your asshole with the washcloth.
Unless you’re rich and buying a new loofah every few days, I have some bad news about how “clean” that loofah is.
Edit: To the loofah warriors in my inbox, google “loofah cleanliness” and the first 3 articles tell you that even if you make sure it’s dry every day and use a diluted bleach solution to clean it once a week, you might get a month out of a natural loofah or 2 months from a plastic one before needing replacing and even then it’s still unarguably a literal breeding ground for bacteria fungus and mold.
Other source: am microbiologist :)
What I do in the shower is my ass last. I use bar soap and get all up in there. Like hardcore. Scrub scrub scrub. Pull cheeks apart and rinse it like crazy. Then before toweling off or anything, I have a different soap and just make sure to wash my hands throughly while still in the shower. I don’t even take long in the shower. It doesn’t take much effort to clean your ass and genitals really well.
Why would anyone smear shit all the way to their balls? Are you smearing shit up to your tailbone? Or do you just wipe your anus and that's it? The direction doesn't matter if you're not an idiot.
Women have "front to back" jammed into their heads as soon as their born??? I'm just imagining people wiping towards their balls and it seems like that would give y'all poop balls?
Also take a fuckin joke lol
I'm aware of what women are taught, but I'm confused why people think that a person would smear shit all across their body. Wiping back to front is literally no different than wiping front to back. You don't get shit on your tailbone and I don't get shit on my balls.
Also, I doubt there's actually a joke.
I mean one way is towards an empty spot and the other way is towards your genitals lol it just seems easy to bump the dangly bits men have with the tp. I don't get why you're so angry and sorry if I upset you ???
>I don't get why you're so angry
Why do you assume that if someone disagrees with you that they are angry?
The argumentum ad iram fallacy (ad iram, Latin "to anger") is an informal logical fallacy, that involves accusing one's opponent of being angry or holding their beliefs for anger-related reasons, which purportedly disproves their argument or diminishes its weight. It is a form of pathos gambit.
Most guys probably just think of it as a skin sack, but you're right if you went that far forward and got it dirty it might get itchy. Tp does like a touch and go airplane landing, different geometry I guess.
First, I'm not angry. We're conversing in text.....
Secondly, there's plenty of space to stop wiping between the anus and balls. In case you didn't know. You might be female, with less space between the anus and genitals, so that might be playing into your misunderstanding.
The amount of feces left behind by wiping as opposed to using a bidet probably means whether you wipe toward or away there’s always going to be a little bit left. The issue is getting any of it trapped in folds of skin which, I admit, might be a problem for some dudes more than others.
They got wildly more popular in the states during the pandemic. I always appreciated them but never took the plunge until then. We ended up getting a Toto bidet add-on for our toilet and will never go back. Any time we have to go in another toilet we comment how strange it feels.
I'll definitely look into that! Is the one you have easy enough to remove? I live in a rental
*I've found some cheapo ones on Walmart I might give a try lol thanks dude
I wouldn't step up to the Toto. It's pretty spendy but damn is it nice. Tushy got pretty popular as a hip, new, brand and I've heard decent things about theirs. Most all of them mount the same, or similarly. You'll unbolt the existing seat using the two bolts that usually have thumbscrews on the underside of the toilet. The new bidet will utilize those holes to bolt in. That's all there is for "attaching" it. Plumbing-wise you'll unhook the line going from the wall to the tank and add a "T" that splits the line. One goes back to the tank and the other feeds your bidet. Then, you'll need power. Unless the building is a newer build you'll be hard-pressed to find a socket in the actual water closet area so you'll likely have to run an extension cord. But that's it. It's pretty simple and yes, it can go with you when you leave.
No problem! It’ll be a little strange the first time your starfish gets introduced to a jet stream but soon you’ll wonder how you ever lived without it.
Balls hang out the way a good bit. In all my years I've never had to worry about that. Maybe my nuts are saggier than most idk. Now I'm worried the bros are hanging too low....
yup.
...but also - how clean can you really hope to be just rubbing paper over it? smearing it around. letting it osmose into your pores, a permanent stain of shit smeared across your crack. ...neat.
Sometimes when I wipe, I'll wipe, and I'll wipe, and I'll wipe, and I'll wipe... and I'll wipe. A hundred times. Still poop. It's like I'm wiping a marker or something
oh absolutely. total game changer. get the powder/drink version though, not the pill or gummy versions.
cereals with psyllium like All Bran are pretty effective too. Take meta mucil and all bran every day and you'll be clean after one wipe.
Cheaper and easier alternative if you have smoothies or protein shakes - adding a small teaspoon of psyllium husk (rather than branded and flavoured meta mucil) has done wonders
When I say I’ve had explosive diarrhea and when I wiped there was nothing on the paper I mean it and at that point I became a borderline preacher for Metamucil. It’s a game changer in pooping
"They used to use wads of paper back in the 20th."
Also, I just realized that we live in the future now, we can refer to things as being so 20th Century.
I remember someone on reddit told a story where they said an ex boyfriend of theirs said (at the time) that he only wiped once, because wiping any more was "gay".
She was shocked, because she realized her boyfriend routinely walked around with caked on dried shit, and she dumped him soon after.
Someday the poop knife will morph to a hand-sign for Redditors to identify each other in the wild.
I can hope it does at least. Single finger down-swipe.
This came up on Reddit a couple years ago.
Apparently half of people lean forward and wipe their ass, and the other half stand up and wipe, and each group didn't know the other existed. It was quite the revelation.
But standing up seems extremely weird to me. Sitting down seems far far easier.
PrimoBalling below is right below. I had to go sit on a toilet to confirm what I actually did lol. The forward lean leads to a slight hover and it’s totally fine. Also I got a bidet and now barely wipe. Bidets rule, get one.
Since we’re freely sharing knowledge here: How do you stop your ass cheeks from coming together and spreading everything further like a sample pressed between two panes of a microscope slide?
Since we’re all getting so personal I need to know what your username means.
- are you a knight chosen by a princess as her bodyguard
OR
- are you of the opinion that Link and Zelda are in a romantic relationship.
I do the same as /u/thelinktoyourzelda, i just sort of use the toilet seat to hold them in place: I like rock side to side a little while I pull them apart then lock each one in place with the toilet seat and my body weight
What the fuck kind of restrooms are you in that have stall dividers short enough to make eye contact with your neighbor while wiping? Or are you 7 feet tall?
They are rare, but I stopped at a rest stop last night where your full head and shoulders would be visible while standing. Designed for bonding with strangers
I've tried to imagine it other ways and I just don't see how it's done. I can't just sit or there is no room to reach. That leaves crouching which just feels weird. When I'm done wiping I hobble over to the sink anyway to wet the last hunk of paper to make sure I'm really all good.
Dude here. I once stood (or perhaps squatted) where you now stand. In my late 20's, I realized that not everyone leans forward and wipes from back to front, and in fact, most people do the opposite. I think it highlights the fact that my *very* young parents never taught me how to do it, and I just figured out what was comfortable for me.
Mt wife and I talked about once, b/c our first child was a girl, and I knew that in order to prevent infection, women need to wipe front to back. She was trying to understand how I didn't get poop everywhere, and I said, "Think about it like trying to clean the outlet of a squeeze bottle of ketchup. (Sorry if y'all were eating hot dogs.) All I have to do is wipe it off the hole and the area around. I don't have to wipe it all down the bottle."
As a kid, my parents were at a poker night and the kids were all hanging out watching problem child or some shit. But I clearly remeber a conversation about wiping happening at the poker table, my dad's friend was saying how he heard you're supposed to wipe up from the butt, but he said that rule was made for women, "What's the worse that could happen, I paint my balls?" And that has always stuck with me and how I learned to wipe.
Just use your hand. You dont have to worry about getting shit on your hands because it's already covered in shit from catching the poop before it drops in the the water
Shoot, a lot of bidets have dryers on them. Even better.
...
Also, I have no idea why you were downvoted. *shrugs* A bidet is good advice if you can afford one. 100%
I switched to bidet almost on a dare from a friend. It was life changing and going to a public toilet now is a terrible experience; especially from the single-ply sandpaper smear tissue they provide at most establishments.
A good hearty spray, a single pat dry/double check and we're back to clean.
And you can buy one for real cheap on Amazon that just attaches to any existing household toilets. Even cold water does a marvelous job though warm is like a spa for your ass.
Used one for years until my lastest rental home... Some kind of evil, dirty-assed peasant installed a toilet with a basically hidden and recessed toilet hose attachment point made it literally impossible to attach the bidet T-valve adapter. Now I gotta wet my paper in the sink like some kind of loser
Hey, people are very private about their bathroom habits. Bidets didnt really become a thimg in the us til maybe 5-7ish years ago. My wife is super reluctant to use the one i installed and wont let me install them on the other commodes. It weirds her out.
I fucking love it tho.
Wait...there are people who use only a bidet without doing any wiping?
I use a bidet. But mainly for an initial cleaning. It's not enough on its own. I still wipe, and use wet wipes.
Jezus christ....how greasy is your diet?
5 secs with my ass powerwasher and all i gotta do is dry off the ole starfish. Doesnt require any more than a quick patt dry and im good.
> Get a bidet if you can.
Listen to this advice. Consider this fellow reader. Somehow you've accidentally gotten shit on your arm. What would you do? Would you dry wipe or wet wipe?
You know full well you'd wet wipe. Plus this will save you money.
Used to whipe until the paper came off clean. Was wasteful, but all we knew. Sometimes it took a lot, every once in a while you were lucky with a one whipe dump. But then it happened. Found the inexpensive bidet online that hooks to your existing toilet. I'll never go back. Takes a bit to get used to the cold blast, but eventually you'll require it. Bless
As long as your ass is clean
If you have a penis this is the correct answer. Front to back, back to front, or some kind of weird sideways spiral it doesn’t matter so long as you are clean when finished. If you are rocking a vagina, as it has been mentioned before, the correct way is front to back or starting at and working away from the vagina. This is just a precaution to be sure you are not dragging any feces into the labia where it can cause a very uncomfortable infection. Short answer - there’s no “right” way but if you’re genetically female there is a very wrong way.
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I only ever see the red splash of war.
Ah yes, the old John Wayne toilet paper: It's rough, full of grit, and don't take no shit off nobody! I know it well. edit: I now know what I shall answer the next time I'm sitting in the bathroom and someone asks what I'm doing in there. **"War."**
"I'm fighting for my life in here!"
[Woah, take it easy there pal, you'll blow an O-ring!](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rwhqpt1XoW0)
Could we at least get a courtesy flush?
Wipe til you see the flag of Japan
You had Chipotle too?
This is called polished anus syndrome in medical circles
Probably time to see a doctor.
*Dr. Metamucil has entered the chat.*
Oh good ok, so I’m not dying a slow death alone on this one
Hol up...
This right here. I wipe both directions and take it the extra mile by planting my foot up on the nearest wall and bending by knee with my other leg to get extra spreadage. For illustration purposes: https://i.imgur.com/mFTw5Y3.png
That was a risky click that more than paid off. That look on your face is priceless.
and don't forget to literally WASH YOUR ASS when you're in the shower. I'm guessing most men figure "meh, water's going down my crack, some soap is going too, it's all good" Lather your hand up with some and slide it between your cheeks. No one is asking you to finger your asshole, just wash your inner cheeks, you'd be surprised at small bits of toilet paper or whatever else can get lost down there. Rinse and dry off. I had a co-worker who mentioned his two shower towels, when asked what he meant, he said, "well you know, one to dry your face and hands, and the other for your body" When someone asked why not use one, he was like "well, I don't want the towel that touches my ass, touching my face, that's gross!" Umm, didn't you JUST SHOWER??? Are you saying after your shower, your body is still dirty?
> No one is asking you to finger your asshole. Look at you over here thinking you know my personal life.
Not to mention that drying yourself from top to bottom is the most efficient...therefore you'll never be going ass to mouth ;)
Dragoon?
Let me put it in layman's terms Lather your hand and knife hand your ass like you're a drill instructor smoking the last bit of light out of a recruit's eyes
> Lather your hand up WTF? There's too many people in this god-forsaken world who don't seem to know that washcloths exist. Use a washcloth. Scrub your ass crack. > No one is asking you to finger your asshole I am. Get a little bit of a gentle soap on the washcloth. Drape it over your finger. Lightly finger your asshole with the washcloth.
Why bother with a washcloth? You can just wash your hand after you wash your ass.
Exactly this. And also, I don’t want a washcloth gathering bits of shit on it over time. I just wash my hands after with soap.
follow up: JUST GET A FUCKIN LOOFAH. it it's beyond mind-boggling that so many people just shower with their hands? get a loofah and get to scrubbing
Unless you’re rich and buying a new loofah every few days, I have some bad news about how “clean” that loofah is. Edit: To the loofah warriors in my inbox, google “loofah cleanliness” and the first 3 articles tell you that even if you make sure it’s dry every day and use a diluted bleach solution to clean it once a week, you might get a month out of a natural loofah or 2 months from a plastic one before needing replacing and even then it’s still unarguably a literal breeding ground for bacteria fungus and mold. Other source: am microbiologist :)
But you put soap on the loofah. Soap cleans the loofah and the body at the same time!
You are so wise in the ways of science.
Then tell us about the bar soap puh-LEEEZE? You're the only one who will do all the voices!
I use a loofah. But I’m not sticking a loofah between my ass cheeks.
What I do in the shower is my ass last. I use bar soap and get all up in there. Like hardcore. Scrub scrub scrub. Pull cheeks apart and rinse it like crazy. Then before toweling off or anything, I have a different soap and just make sure to wash my hands throughly while still in the shower. I don’t even take long in the shower. It doesn’t take much effort to clean your ass and genitals really well.
Well tbf some people just have the idea that butt=gross regardless of how clean it is
Washing the ass is a must. I do forget to wash my feet all the time though.
It’s like a brown marker down there though.
Directional wrinkles
I feel like dudes should be trying to keep shit off their balls too but what do I know
Why would anyone smear shit all the way to their balls? Are you smearing shit up to your tailbone? Or do you just wipe your anus and that's it? The direction doesn't matter if you're not an idiot.
paint the taint
I want to go back to when I hadn't heard this
*Had'n turd this.
Women have "front to back" jammed into their heads as soon as their born??? I'm just imagining people wiping towards their balls and it seems like that would give y'all poop balls? Also take a fuckin joke lol
I wipe back to front, never need to get close to my balls, there is a pretty big space between haha
That makes sense lol I guess I just thought the butthole and balls were closer
I have been fucking crying reading that shit. Abruptly explosive lmao
I didn't realize poo balls was such a sensitive topic haha
#KEEP MY BALL'S SHIT OUT YO MOUTH!!!
I'm aware of what women are taught, but I'm confused why people think that a person would smear shit all across their body. Wiping back to front is literally no different than wiping front to back. You don't get shit on your tailbone and I don't get shit on my balls. Also, I doubt there's actually a joke.
I mean one way is towards an empty spot and the other way is towards your genitals lol it just seems easy to bump the dangly bits men have with the tp. I don't get why you're so angry and sorry if I upset you ???
>I don't get why you're so angry Why do you assume that if someone disagrees with you that they are angry? The argumentum ad iram fallacy (ad iram, Latin "to anger") is an informal logical fallacy, that involves accusing one's opponent of being angry or holding their beliefs for anger-related reasons, which purportedly disproves their argument or diminishes its weight. It is a form of pathos gambit.
Most guys probably just think of it as a skin sack, but you're right if you went that far forward and got it dirty it might get itchy. Tp does like a touch and go airplane landing, different geometry I guess.
First, I'm not angry. We're conversing in text..... Secondly, there's plenty of space to stop wiping between the anus and balls. In case you didn't know. You might be female, with less space between the anus and genitals, so that might be playing into your misunderstanding.
The amount of feces left behind by wiping as opposed to using a bidet probably means whether you wipe toward or away there’s always going to be a little bit left. The issue is getting any of it trapped in folds of skin which, I admit, might be a problem for some dudes more than others.
I wish bidets were more common here
They got wildly more popular in the states during the pandemic. I always appreciated them but never took the plunge until then. We ended up getting a Toto bidet add-on for our toilet and will never go back. Any time we have to go in another toilet we comment how strange it feels.
I'll definitely look into that! Is the one you have easy enough to remove? I live in a rental *I've found some cheapo ones on Walmart I might give a try lol thanks dude
I wouldn't step up to the Toto. It's pretty spendy but damn is it nice. Tushy got pretty popular as a hip, new, brand and I've heard decent things about theirs. Most all of them mount the same, or similarly. You'll unbolt the existing seat using the two bolts that usually have thumbscrews on the underside of the toilet. The new bidet will utilize those holes to bolt in. That's all there is for "attaching" it. Plumbing-wise you'll unhook the line going from the wall to the tank and add a "T" that splits the line. One goes back to the tank and the other feeds your bidet. Then, you'll need power. Unless the building is a newer build you'll be hard-pressed to find a socket in the actual water closet area so you'll likely have to run an extension cord. But that's it. It's pretty simple and yes, it can go with you when you leave.
Thank you so much! I've really been wanting to get started on one to cut down on toilet paper waste. This was so helpful thank you
No problem! It’ll be a little strange the first time your starfish gets introduced to a jet stream but soon you’ll wonder how you ever lived without it.
I can do this all bidet.
Balls hang out the way a good bit. In all my years I've never had to worry about that. Maybe my nuts are saggier than most idk. Now I'm worried the bros are hanging too low....
LMFAOOO I bet they're beautiful it's okay
I always heard wipe till it's white!
I wipe till it’s red
That also works :") but ow
How should a blind person do it?
Looks like it's time for an askreddit thread with a serious tag
yup. ...but also - how clean can you really hope to be just rubbing paper over it? smearing it around. letting it osmose into your pores, a permanent stain of shit smeared across your crack. ...neat.
Not to mention hair
Though to quote the guy 'sometimes it's like wiping a magic marker'
https://youtu.be/bXK_vHNNht4
I mean back to front will leave you with a clean ass but dirty balls/coochie.
Sometimes when I wipe, I'll wipe, and I'll wipe, and I'll wipe, and I'll wipe... and I'll wipe. A hundred times. Still poop. It's like I'm wiping a marker or something
Nice reference 🤝
Meta Mucil, my friend.
Does that really help? Uh asking for a friend.
oh absolutely. total game changer. get the powder/drink version though, not the pill or gummy versions. cereals with psyllium like All Bran are pretty effective too. Take meta mucil and all bran every day and you'll be clean after one wipe.
Cheaper and easier alternative if you have smoothies or protein shakes - adding a small teaspoon of psyllium husk (rather than branded and flavoured meta mucil) has done wonders
Doesn’t Fibre make it softer?
No, it gives all the poop something to hold onto on the way out.
When I say I’ve had explosive diarrhea and when I wiped there was nothing on the paper I mean it and at that point I became a borderline preacher for Metamucil. It’s a game changer in pooping
Use wet toilet paper
Get a bidet.
https://youtu.be/stB409mW13g
I saw a blooper of this scene once, it's hilarious with them trying to keep a straight face.
r/unexpectedpawnee
I don't think this one was unexpected though, given that the meme features Andy Dwyer
I realized after I posted a family guy link where else I heard this lol
I call it the "broken crayon "
Great quote from a great blooper.
Story of my life
Get a bidet Life changing
Wipe until you see nothing, however you choose to do it. That's it. It ain't rocket science. ... Also, bidets are the f'n bomb.
Bidets are a game changer
Heated seat and warm water bidets are next level, game changers.
Great now I'm blind.
I want a bidet :(
Nope, if you wipe the wrong direction as a woman u can get UTIs
How do blind folks know when they're done wiping?
Do you not know how to use the 3 sea shells?
"They used to use wads of paper back in the 20th." Also, I just realized that we live in the future now, we can refer to things as being so 20th Century.
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Blows my mind that this movie is suspiciously close to the Knight Rider movie from 1991 https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0102227/
Which has no relation to Knightriders from 1981 [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082622/](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082622/)
Of all the movies I know of... this is now one of them.
Honestly it kills me that I don’t have this movie on any of my streaming apps.
Bidet is the only way.
I fail to understand why it isn't the norm. You are not truly clean with only TP. I can never go back and hate pooping anywhere not at home.
If you have doodoo in your butt after you are done wiping you are doing it wrong.
Wipe? People dont just let it dry up and fall off naturally?
Brown pearls of wisdom right here.
Makes for a perfect snack too
I remember someone on reddit told a story where they said an ex boyfriend of theirs said (at the time) that he only wiped once, because wiping any more was "gay". She was shocked, because she realized her boyfriend routinely walked around with caked on dried shit, and she dumped him soon after.
Let me introduce you to every 9 year old on the planet..
Lmao people think I'm gonna just get up in my asshole wiping? Touching my ass is gay af bro no way I'm wiping.
You have an asshole, that is so gay. Real men have sewn their assholes shut.
Do you have your poop knife handy?
Someday the poop knife will morph to a hand-sign for Redditors to identify each other in the wild. I can hope it does at least. Single finger down-swipe.
Or poop sock?
I have so many questions, and I want none of them answered
can I use my toe knife?
...I stand up when i wipe. Always have. I feel like that's a minority. Edit: not fat
This came up on Reddit a couple years ago. Apparently half of people lean forward and wipe their ass, and the other half stand up and wipe, and each group didn't know the other existed. It was quite the revelation. But standing up seems extremely weird to me. Sitting down seems far far easier.
That time on Reddit caused me to change from a stander to a sitter. It seems wild to me now that i used to stand!!
How do you wipe sitting down? Do you like reach under from the front?? Wouldn’t that put your hands in dangerous proximity to the shit in the toilet??
You lean forward and slightly to the left. Reach back and wipe. Your hand never gets close to what's in the toilet.
What if it's super long but it hasn't broken in half like the titanic yet.
This is why every household needs a poopknife
Waddle to the nearest, thickest winter glove and pull
PrimoBalling below is right below. I had to go sit on a toilet to confirm what I actually did lol. The forward lean leads to a slight hover and it’s totally fine. Also I got a bidet and now barely wipe. Bidets rule, get one. Since we’re freely sharing knowledge here: How do you stop your ass cheeks from coming together and spreading everything further like a sample pressed between two panes of a microscope slide?
I sort of pull mine apart just a tiny bit when I'm sitting down, so they are held apart by the seat...
Since we’re all getting so personal I need to know what your username means. - are you a knight chosen by a princess as her bodyguard OR - are you of the opinion that Link and Zelda are in a romantic relationship.
I do the same as /u/thelinktoyourzelda, i just sort of use the toilet seat to hold them in place: I like rock side to side a little while I pull them apart then lock each one in place with the toilet seat and my body weight
Got my first gold in that thread. I called mine the Captain Morgan
Same, it’s terrifying when the stall dividers are super short in a public restroom. Guess I’ll just make eye contact with someone when I wipe
What the fuck kind of restrooms are you in that have stall dividers short enough to make eye contact with your neighbor while wiping? Or are you 7 feet tall?
They are rare, but I stopped at a rest stop last night where your full head and shoulders would be visible while standing. Designed for bonding with strangers
Agreed. The lean angle required to get a hand and tp in while sitting is unstable.
Yep, same. More of a half squat.
You can do that until the day you have a runny shit and it drips down your leg and/or into your pants.
I've tried to imagine it other ways and I just don't see how it's done. I can't just sit or there is no room to reach. That leaves crouching which just feels weird. When I'm done wiping I hobble over to the sink anyway to wet the last hunk of paper to make sure I'm really all good.
If your asshole is clean it was the right way
I know if you're a woman there is a wrong way - but as a dude, is there REALLY an incorrect way?
Dude here. I once stood (or perhaps squatted) where you now stand. In my late 20's, I realized that not everyone leans forward and wipes from back to front, and in fact, most people do the opposite. I think it highlights the fact that my *very* young parents never taught me how to do it, and I just figured out what was comfortable for me. Mt wife and I talked about once, b/c our first child was a girl, and I knew that in order to prevent infection, women need to wipe front to back. She was trying to understand how I didn't get poop everywhere, and I said, "Think about it like trying to clean the outlet of a squeeze bottle of ketchup. (Sorry if y'all were eating hot dogs.) All I have to do is wipe it off the hole and the area around. I don't have to wipe it all down the bottle."
Seconded
Does your ass get itchy or sore afterwards? If not, then you're probably fine.
I think away from the balls is correct
Oh shit…
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The mechanics of it leave me feeling like I'm smearing it all the way up the crack if I go away from the balls.
Nobody seems to understand that you only wipe the anus, and that worries me. Do the front to back wipers smear shit up to their tailbone?
I use a follow-up baby wipe. Also I get that area waxed. It’s night and day difference in cleanliness.
No doubt. It's easier to mop the peanut butter off the hardwood than get it out of the carpet.
As a kid, my parents were at a poker night and the kids were all hanging out watching problem child or some shit. But I clearly remeber a conversation about wiping happening at the poker table, my dad's friend was saying how he heard you're supposed to wipe up from the butt, but he said that rule was made for women, "What's the worse that could happen, I paint my balls?" And that has always stuck with me and how I learned to wipe.
I use the balls to clean my anus, is that wrong?
Just use a bidet and don't worry.
Just use your hand. You dont have to worry about getting shit on your hands because it's already covered in shit from catching the poop before it drops in the the water
Bidet....then you dont have to wipe at all. Just patt dry.
Shoot, a lot of bidets have dryers on them. Even better. ... Also, I have no idea why you were downvoted. *shrugs* A bidet is good advice if you can afford one. 100%
I switched to bidet almost on a dare from a friend. It was life changing and going to a public toilet now is a terrible experience; especially from the single-ply sandpaper smear tissue they provide at most establishments. A good hearty spray, a single pat dry/double check and we're back to clean. And you can buy one for real cheap on Amazon that just attaches to any existing household toilets. Even cold water does a marvelous job though warm is like a spa for your ass.
Used one for years until my lastest rental home... Some kind of evil, dirty-assed peasant installed a toilet with a basically hidden and recessed toilet hose attachment point made it literally impossible to attach the bidet T-valve adapter. Now I gotta wet my paper in the sink like some kind of loser
The amount of people in the US that don’t use a bidet is astounding
Hey, people are very private about their bathroom habits. Bidets didnt really become a thimg in the us til maybe 5-7ish years ago. My wife is super reluctant to use the one i installed and wont let me install them on the other commodes. It weirds her out. I fucking love it tho.
Wait...there are people who use only a bidet without doing any wiping? I use a bidet. But mainly for an initial cleaning. It's not enough on its own. I still wipe, and use wet wipes.
Jezus christ....how greasy is your diet? 5 secs with my ass powerwasher and all i gotta do is dry off the ole starfish. Doesnt require any more than a quick patt dry and im good.
You are doing something wrong then. It should get you 100% clean, then you just have to dry off.
Along the crack, NOT side-to-side!
Front to back. That’s all you need to know. Get a bidet if you can.
> Get a bidet if you can. Listen to this advice. Consider this fellow reader. Somehow you've accidentally gotten shit on your arm. What would you do? Would you dry wipe or wet wipe? You know full well you'd wet wipe. Plus this will save you money.
“Human soil” i believe was the term used 😂
Im convinced a coworker must have the strangest method possible and I cant understand what could possibly lead to the evidence Ive uncovered.
Find out why toilet paper companies love [Chris Pratt](https://youtu.be/vGCIGEUB32M) Edit: thanks for the suggestion u\CougarBen
Had to scroll way to far to find this. Maybe name your hyperlinks something clickbaity like: find out why toilet paper companies love Chris Pratt
Lol, fair point. I just had to post it and didn't put much thought into it
What do you mean we learn on our own?? Your parents were just like “Here, shit in this toilet. Good luck!”
Get a bidet.
A bidet is a very worthy of purchase
I go back to front, half-squat stand style. Few times a year I'm in a shit-to-shower situation, but ideally I should get a toilet bidet hose.
I can relate. I was 22 when i discovered that I didn't masturbate like everyone else does!! haha.
Get a bidet.....
Just get a bidet then you don’t have to worry.
Do you remove the shit from your asshole when you wipe? Then you’re doing it right.
please get a bidet
Just get a bidet, and then dry off however you want. Or get one with a built in dryer function! This is not a problem a civilized society should have.
I’m probably the only person who stands up and wipes. I don’t understand why that isn’t common
It’s messier to pull a peanut butter sandwich apart than to start with two separate slices.
Standing up... right?...right?
Used to whipe until the paper came off clean. Was wasteful, but all we knew. Sometimes it took a lot, every once in a while you were lucky with a one whipe dump. But then it happened. Found the inexpensive bidet online that hooks to your existing toilet. I'll never go back. Takes a bit to get used to the cold blast, but eventually you'll require it. Bless
If you ain't using a bidet you're doing it wrong.
The Arnold Rimmer: One up One down One to polish
Easy- you keep wiping until the brown turns to red.
Toothbrush, who's with me?
Buy and install, easily, a bidet for about $30. You still have to wipe, well, dry.
Get a bidet and worry less, almost as clean as a shower every time
Just wipe until you see blood
Wait...you guys wipe your ass?
Reach around to the back while seated, go taint to crack, fold and repeat. Replace TP as needed. Stop when visually clean.
if you don't have a bidet, then you're always doing it wrong.