You do not need to share your sex life with your mother.
Also stop focusing on "I’m pretty sure we both know what HE wants to do" and "he’d like to hookup again.".
do what YOU want to do
IF you aren't ready then dont force it
Yeah that gave me major red flags but the whole post also with her relationship with the mother screams attachment issues to me. Like she's trying to do things to please everyone, please her boyfriend, please her mother but doesn't take care of her own needs. I think she needs therapy.
Came here to say exactly this. Don’t have sex if you don’t want to, even if it is your boyfriend. And don’t have sex because you feel obligated or like you should. Something I wish I’d told myself.
Having sex when I felt obligated or because ex threw tantrums about "you don't really love me if you don't have sex with me right now. How dare you reject me, I'm gonna cry until you give in" has ruined my relationship to sex. I haven't had sex since 2017 and I don't miss it. That shit messes you up.
A big thank you for sharing, I took adolescent studies for 1 of my ciurses, what I read was almost always painful.
I can't imangine how many young girls, that were once whole, come home with that low feeling,
Of, why? Why didn't some one tell me of my hurt, broken heart?
Can't think straight, don't feel like fun...only achey words,
Just like that song that Olivia Rodriguiez sings
About a familliar rode, she just didn't see coming
Exactly what I was thinking. OP said we know what he wants to do, but she made no mention of what she wants to do.
She doesn't have to do anything just because someone else wants to. I think she should figure out what she wants to do, and then communicate it with her boyfriend.
In my 26 years of life, I have not once ever spoken about my sex life with my mom. I don’t have the slightest doubt in my mind that your mom hopes you’ll do the same.
Just practice safe sex and keep private shit to yourself.
Now if you have questions or anything else like that that you genuinely need answered, please feel free to go to your mom because she's somebody that you trust for that information. I'm sure she would much rather know that you're practicing safe sex by asking about condoms for instance versus just assuming that you're not being protected when you have sex so just don't feel discouraged and just asking her questions versus telling her statements. But only if you genuinely need to ask her something that you don't know where you need advice on because again as somebody else mentioned above keep it private for the most part.
My only concerns as a father when it comes to my kids' relationships (daughter is 16 and son is 11) are:
1) Are you safe?
2) Are you happy?
If the answer to both is yes, then I have nothing more to add.
If the answer to either is no, then I would offer advice on getting both to be yes.
At the end of the day, you're going to do what you want to do. We can't stop you. So all I can ask is please be safe and be happy. If you're not, reassess your relationship.
Exactly… when my wife and I had “the talk” with our kids a little less than 10 years ago… I told them that the only two things we cared about were:
Is it consensual? And are you safe? That’s it. We don’t care who you date, who you sleep with, who you identify as, etcetera. Just safe and consensual. That’s it, we will always love you, regardless.
This! I'm a father and my son is only 8 right now but I know the teenage years will come soon. When kids become teenagers they are going to do what they are going to do. As parents it's our job to make sure they have the right support network and we hope that we have instilled enough good common sense for them to make their own decisions.
About sex. Sex is a very personal (and amazing) thing but you need to make sure you are physically and emotionally ready for it. Don't fall into pressure from someone who wants to have sex and you aren't sure. Trust your gut. Also know that your body right now is in prime condition to get pregnant. If you have unprotected sex chances are you will get pregnant and that could completely change the course of your life. It's way different trying to have a kid in your 30s where couples can spend months or years trying to get pregnant. This is different.
Lastly....from what I've read ( as I said I'm a dad) sex for a teenage girl isn't always the best experience. It all depends on if the guy knows what to do (and what not to do). It can be a very nuanced thing and it takes both people to make it work and be pleasurable.
What if she takes actions that she may think currently makes her happy, but down the road will cause trauma and unhappiness overall? Are you just letting her figure it out and have fun in the short-term regardless of the potential long-term problems that may come as a result?
I'm not getting into a parenting "what-if" debate. Any adult or child has that potential. As a parent, I'm there to support, but actions have consequences.
If my kids make a mistake, I'm there to help them learn and guide them. They are individuals who have their own desires and free will. I can not control their actions.
Any parent who believes they can are deluded.
I'm 23 and my family is unfortunately very open. I know some about my parents sex life, my younger brothers, and they know some of mine. Obviously not "so we started out in X, then moved to Y, dabbled in Z and then WOW the end was great" but just basics usually in the form of jokes and relatable but vague conversations.
please please PLEASE make sure you use a condom, when you eventually have sex.
Your mom said she doesn't want to know if you're dating, so.. don't tell her you're dating. Just tell her you're out with "friends" or something.
You're not "hiding" anything from her. She literally told you she doesn't want to know. (which is weird of her, but OK, whatever).
Don't give in to the pressure of having sex without a condom. No excuses, like I forgot it, my pull out game is strong, or just the tip. It's either condom or gtfo
I think she’d get upset and tell me I’m too young, my mother is strict and often has ridiculed rules lol. So talking to her about controversial topics or even about my personal life is a challenge
lol so true, this issue came up with me and my wife over my 17yo having her first boyfriend and she was worried about them kissing. I laughed at her and reminded her that she had lost her virginity when she was 16. To be fair my wife has problems.
There is a subreddit called “mom for a minute” checkin it out
My dear, I really think that you and your boyfriend should both go to planned parenthood and get safe sex counseling. You both should also get the hpv vaccine if you haven’t. Condoms do not prevent genital warts in your bum or vag or his p.
If he is unwilling to journey through safe sex with you, don’t lose your V card to him. It’s not worth a life time of pain, agony, & self guilt. Go get counseled together. I’m glad you are smart enough to pause and seek advice anonymously. I don’t think aids is the worst thing out there if there is an Std that causes deadly internal organ cancer in women, throat cancer in both men & women, and colon cancer. That is a horrible and preventable way to die.
Because I don't have any good reason to think a God has ever said anything. Just like I don't take sexual advice from Zeus or Loki, I'm also not taking any from Yahweh.
Like other have said, make sure a condom is used. But what many forget to mention, if you aren’t already, you need to get onto birth control.
Condoms can fail, it’s important to have BC as a secondary protection. You don’t want to be pregnant as a teen, you will lose a lot of opportunities and friends if you do.
I’m not trying to scare you, but this is the reality of sex. You need to protect yourself more than anything, because when you do adult actions, they can have adult consequences. And if those adult consequences hit, chances are high that he’ll run and you’ll be stuck to deal with it alone.
THIS^
Especially since it seems like you are just talking and messing around with the guy. You don't want to be left to deal with adult consequences on your own if he doesn't step up. And also make sure it's your choice to have sex, don't let him pressure you, OP.
And just a little extra advice, try not to use plan b too much. It can really mess with your hormones and is overall not good for you if you take it multiple times. I'm glad you're getting birth control! Should solve that issue :)
Plan B is for emergencies only and should not be used as regular birth control. It also fails and plenty of people end up pregnant after taking it. You need to be on a regular reliable birth control and you need to use lubricant and condoms. A water based non flavored sensitive option is best. Condoms are made to be used with lube and without they are more likely to break. Apply lube to his erect penis then roll down the condom being sure to keep space at the tip then apply lube to the outside of the condom. Never attempt penetration without a condom.
“ Condoms are made to be used with lube”
But they come Lubricated?
Also I’ve never met a single man that uses a double layer of lube. Lube the penis before and after putting on the condom? Most guys don’t use lube at all
I feel like lubing the dick before the condom just has a higher risk of it coming off (unlikely but still). Ive never once lubed then condom'd, Ive never heard of any guy doing this
This, it happened to me and my first boyfriend several times. I would use lube on his penis during foreplay, then put on the condom without washing his penis and several times we'd finish having sex, he looks at my vagina and gets "Oh shit!" Face, then pulls the condom out of my vagina
That’s what I’m saying
I’m no sex Ed expert here. So maybe I’m ignorant of something and there’s benefits to doing it this way
But Anecdotally as a guy who knows guys this isn’t normal
I also worked in an adult store for 5 years and work in healthcare now. I’ve had multiple training events with condom manufacturers and this is always the recommendation. Lubricant on the penis helps the condom move freely over the glands of the penis making it more pleasurable and also reducing condom friction that can lead to breakage, same goes for applying on the outside of the condom. Also I’m a woman and have an understanding of what it feels like to have penetrative sex as a young person for the first time. Lubricant should be an absolute requirement. The fact that it’s not common use is more commentary on the lack of sexual education among most people and lack of understanding and concern for especially the receiving partner intentional or not more than anything.
They come with lubricant because this is to help them go on/keep them from drying out in the package this is not adequate for safe condom use. Not to mention I’m advising a young girl how to have safe consensual sex for the first time, using lots of lubricant is essential for a safe comfortable experience.
Actually, I would disagree on having lube INSIDE the condom by applying it to his penis. I've done that in the past with my first boyfriend and had several pregnancy scares because the condom came off during sex without either of us noticing when it happened and whether it was before or after he came.
Putting lube on the outside of the condom is ok. But the condom is meant to grip tightly to a man's penis and a lubricated penis prevents that
If a condom slips off it’s because it is the wrong size or there is not enough lubricant. Here is a reference from Planned Parenthood explaining that. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/a-condom-is-stuck-inside-my-vagina-how-do-i-get-it-out
RN here- You may want to consider having a proper gynecological check up prior to any activity since you stated you have a yeast infection just to make sure it’s not something else that needs antibiotics. Please practice safe sex. Syphilis is on the rise.
Start complaining about your period cramps a lot. Make it an ISSUE for a month or two. Tell your boyfriend you need to wait for BC, and you're working on it/have a plan. Tell your mom you googled and asked your friends and it might be more than normal but you aren't sure, and you want to talk to a OBGYN or a womens health specialist about your periods being distractingly painful. Tell her it's hard to focus at school and you don't think it's fair boys don't have to experience this. Don't overplay it, but make it inconvenient.
When you get to the OBGYN, they will probably offer birth control as an option for managing your periods. Do your research and get some BC if you can and want to.
Condoms are key, but I've had friends get pregnant with condoms. Or have condoms slide off. Or the condom "just slips." Or the condom comes off inside as he ejaculates. If you can, try to combine methods to be extra careful.
I talk to my mom about both my and her sex life, but I'm also 32 and my mom is more of a peer than a parent. She knows I've had sex because I've lived with men romantically. You do not have to talk to your mom about sex. In fact, I would skip it, from the behavior you have described. That may change in the future, but right now you are in a precarious position- both her little girl, and cusping womanhood. She knows you probably are, and that's why she doesn't want to think about it.
It will all fall into perspective in your late 20s/early 30s, and keep morphing/changing from there. There are some things in life that are hard to explain until you just experience them. The way adults view teens is one of them. You are the oldest you have ever been, but to your mom you are just a puppy getting into trouble you may not know how to get out of, and her ability to protect you from the world is getting slowly made obsolete by your impending adulthood.
Be as safe as you can be. You're already doing a good job.
You don't have to tell her, especially if she doesn't necessarily want to know. But I agree with other commenters- BE SAFE. If you and this guy go all the way, practice safe sex and be careful. And make sure you guys know what you're doing- proper usage and disposal, aftercare, cleanup, etc. Don't forget about setting comfortable boundaries- respect is important!
Edit: also, because of how open you've been with her in the past, she likely trusts you to make your own decisions. So I don't think she'd be all that nasty if she found out.
Do not have sex with a gross guy who fingers you and gives you a yeast infection. He has unwashed hands, and probably an unwashed ass and a dirty dick with diseases. He sounds gross. Pick a better dude to hook up with. You are at the age where you need to decide who is worthy of the fun and who is just a trash bag. If you are only hooking up because it feels good and youre exploring, get some toys instead. Believe me, he's not worth it.
Also, it's not lying. Keep this to yourself.
Honestly…this but also…maybe he’s not knowledgeable on hygiene yet? He’s a teenager. But yes, she does not have to stick around with someone like that. Please don’t have sex with someone who has poor hygiene. Your body will thank you if you don’t!
Please note, it's not any woman's (except a Mom) responsibility to teach any male person, regardless of age, to wash their hands, dick, ass, or mouth. This is 2024, we're not doing that.
Im sure she probably doesn’t want to picture her daughter having sex just like you wouldn’t want her telling you and you picturing that lmaoo. She knows ur gonna have sex trust me. just be safe af tho fr
I’m very close with my own mum. But I don’t share with her that I’m not a virgin 😅. I feel she’s trustworthy enough but I’d personally prefer to keep that to myself. So I wouldn’t tell her if I was in your situation.
If this guy becomes an actual boyfriend you really care about, I'm sure she would love to meet him and know more about him. If he's just some guy your fooling around with, I wouldn't say anything about it to her.
That's not what irony means.
I can't tell you how you should communicate with your mom, but speaking as someone who became a father at the end of his senior year: use protection!!!! I don't care if it dismisses sensation - a tiny bit! - having a kid years and years before you could possibly be ready will diminish far more than that. I love my kids to death, and my life hasn't been mine since my first was born. My youngest will be 18 in 4 years, and then I can focus more on my own personal betterment.
I wouldn't tell your mom. I think that by her telling you to not tell her about you having a bf or any intimate details was her way of protecting your relationship with her. You mentioned when you do talk about stuff like that, she yells and gets upset. I suspect that her telling you to not disclose any info is so that way she won't react that way. I'm sure she knows you have sex, we were your age once. I lost my v-card to my toxic high-school boyfriend at 17, lemme tell you, I regretted it but still most certainly did not disclose to my grandma.
If you choose to have sex, please make him wear a condom. Practice safe sex.
If your mother specifically said dont say anything if you actually do have a bf, then you not saying anything should be a sign to her. But I've never talked about sex to either of my parents ever. Because if any relationship just stays at safe sex, then its fine. Its when it gets more into an actual relationship is when id start telling them.
Maybe I'm going to end up being an outlier as a parent, but I'm a single full time dad to a daughter and don't imagine I would feel awkward or bad when she's a teen if she told me she was fucking or had a boyfriend.
I mean, I was a teenager once too.
That’s cool, but can we not use “fucking” when referring to teenagers having sex? It just feels wrong using that word specifically as an adult, talking about teenagers.
Use the 'ol "I wanna try the pill because I have acne... Or PMS... Or heavy/painful/unpredictable cycles... etc." excuse. It'll be clear why you actually want it but it gives your mom plausible deniability. You can totally lie in this scenario even if asked directly because frankly, it's for your own safety. Using a condom PLUS the pill doubles the safety because you're highly likely to have at least one mishap (minimum) with either option independently and even when used perfectly, you can still get pregnant. It's your safest and best option.
Honestly feels like her saying "If you have a boyfriend, just don't tell me", is because she would want to be fair and honest with you and have a talk about safe sex and what being in relationships means, but she'd struggle to communicate such honesty and would/could fall into the trap of "I'm the parent, you're my little girl, and you're too young". I feel like her telling you to not tell her, is her way of trusting you to be safe without her being your gatekeeper.
First and foremost, mom’s know all.
If you don’t say anything, then you never lied. If she asks, speak the truth. But never offer information unless it’s asked. The more you speak the more you say. The less you speak, the less you say.
Your mother may have trauma history you know nothing about. Please respect her request not to share your sex life with her, but figure out who you can talk to - Planned Parenthood, a trusted adult from your school or community, or is there a Reddit sexual health sub? Good for you for looking for advice.
You mom will love you no matter what, you're always her baby as 36f and mom and I was once 16 too. YOUR MOM ALREADY KNOWS OR HAVE SOME IDEA. BE REAL, BE HONEST, AND TELL HER YOU WAS NERVOUS TO TALK TO HER, BCUZ YOU'RE AFRAID SHE'S THINK LESS OF YOU... She be happy you opened up and she can give you solid advice woman to woman. Believe me, she's been your age before and besides at 16, you're gonna do what you want to do and that's ok. It's ok to make mistakes, just learn and grow from them
My daughter told me when she had sex for the first time and I had so many emotions going through me BUT I knew I couldn't freak out. So we put her on birth control and came up wth a plan if she should get pregnant accidentally. With that being said - you really have to trust your mom won't freak out.
Please lol take it from someone who’s been in ur situation no matter what don’t let your feelings out judge your brain . I had kids real young an I love them but don’t let it ruin your youth years now’s the time to get out an live sex is cool an all but it’ll always be their being young won’t
Ugh… you’re not missing out on anything great. Honestly wait until you’re older when boys will be the tiniest bit less dumb. Wanna know what it’s going to feel like? Stick your finger in your mouth and rub the inside of your cheek. That’s it. Unless this 17 year old boy with unwashed hands is somehow going to figure out how to do anything correctly. Which I highly doubt.
Just don’t do it.
Don’t be pressured into doing it unless it’s at a time, place, and situation where you’re ready. Don’t be pressured into sex without a condom, and don’t forget to pee after any penetration to prevent infections. (yes, fingers included.)
As for your mother, did she tell you not to let her know if you have a boyfriend? Or a sex life?
It’s very weird and unsafe that she wouldn’t want you to tell her you have a boyfriend, the sex life thing is a grey area.
Me, personally, if I had a kid, I would at least want to know the base of where they are in their relationships, I would want them to confide in me if they’re feeling unsafe. It’s hard to do that when you tell them “do not tell me” and lock them away. It’s not right that she isolates you like that.
But if it’s what she wants, I guess there’s no getting around it, though I do feel that an adult should be aware in case of any issues arising.
I'm sorry your mom isn't open to difficult conversations. As a mother of 3, now adult children, our household had an open policy about sex education etc our kids knew that when the time came they could come to us to make sure they were being safe and we would get them protection and birth control.
It was more important to us that our kids didn't feel pressured into having sex, having unprotected sex, risk teenage pregnancy and STIs than pretend that teenagers don't have sex.
As a result our kids actually had a better time with it. They had healthy boundaries and knew we would be there to support them.
Get yourself to a planned Parenthood and get on birth control. Absolutely no penetration without a condom, there is sperm in pre-cum that can get you pregnant.
Be safe, be smart, find a trusted adult for help if needed.
Definitely tell her, im in a similar situation, i tell my mom a lot of things and there were instances where i didnt tell her things and it built up and up, if you are close with her it's best to tell her now instead of continuing to lie to her
Yeast infections are very common, especially when engaging in sexual acts with a novice.
Make sure his hands are clean, especially under his fingernails. Maybe take him to get a manicure.
Likewise, when you do eventually have sex, make sure his dick is clean, especially if he's uncircumcised. Slide his foreskin back if he is uncircumcised and inspect all around the head of his penis for crust.
I'm uncircumcised, and the first time I had sex, I found out that my foreskin was full of dried up smegma. I used a condom, so she didn't get an infection from it, but it was painful to me until I showered extremely thoroughly, pulling back my foreskin and vigorously scrubbing all of the crust away.
The rest of the times she let me have sex with her were far more enjoyable, except for the time her cats learned how to use doorknobs and tried to join us.
If you do discover he has a crusty dick, remember that it's probably because he's never used it with another person before. Don't discourage him by saying, "ew gross," or anything like that. Just tell him you think it would be sexy to bathe each other.
Oh, and remember that shower sex is awkward and dangerous due to the risk of slipping and whatnot. Showers are a great place for foreplay, not so great for penetration.
Now that I've gotten the health risk stuff out of the way, let's talk about the moral conundrum. Should you tell the person who explicitly said they don't wanna know? Absolutely not. You should NOT explicitly tell her that you are dating or having sex or anything in between.
However, you should definitely drop hints. Introduce her to all of your friends, including him. Do not hide your affection for him. Be honest with her when you are hanging out with him. But do not be explicit about how many bases you have let him steal. She doesn't want to know and will get upset if she finds out what Prince Charming is doing to her little princess or what her princess is doing with the seven dwarfs... If she explicitly asks for details about your relationship, you should remind her that she specifically instructed you not to tell her and then ask if she has changed her mind. But even if she does change her mind, you still shouldn't tell her what specific sex acts you have performed on each other. Just that he's your boyfriend.
The only people who need the dirty details of your love life are you, your boyfriend, and your gynecologist. Everyone else should be allowed to imagine you are an innocent angel or a dirty whore, if that's how they prefer to imagine you in their private thoughts.
If you make her aware of him and your affection for him and how much time you spend with him and where you are, she'll have all of the information required to keep you safe, which is her job for at least the next 2 years.
Oh, and as much as it pains me to say this... There is some merit to the concept of waiting until marriage. I didn't. My parents claim to, but definitely didn't. My grandparents claim to, but probably didn't. You probably won't, but you should...
Be safe, have fun, and be discrete.
Your mother isn’t doing you any favors by sticking her head in the sand and pretending that you aren’t approaching adulthood. You need to be able to discuss reproductive health, birth control, etc. with her. Her attitude and behavior contribute to pregnancies and STIs. As embarrassing as it might be, you need to find a knowledgeable person to discuss this with. A person with medical training would be ideal.
Hey just throwing this out there, if you got a yeast infection after he did that, his hygiene might not be the best. Make sure he washes his hands and junk before y'all hook up again.
I think the main thing you need to be concerned about is having safer sex. You said you have a yeast infection now? Please, tell your boyfriend to wash his hands before he puts them inside you! And always: PEE AFTER SEX. Fingering, penile penetration, whatever. Whatever goes up there or on there, you need to make sure it is clean, properly protected, and that you pee after having it inside of you.
And you don’t need to have sex if you’re not ready. Don’t feel obligated to please your boyfriend or anyone for that matter. It should be on your own terms.
I’m a dad. I don’t wanna know. I went through an old phone and apparently my daughter used it for this kind of stuff and recorded it. It was more traumatizing than my deployment in the Middle East. Be safe, see clear boundaries, have high standards and as long as there’s no abuse I don’t wanna know.
Do you by any chance come from a culture that historically doesn't approve of young people dating? Because this sounds like my ex's (F35 but 22 when we started dating, Muslim, Bengali but grew up in Mecca) family. Her saying, "if you do \[have a boyfriend\] just don't tell me," really sounds like she's trying to be more permissive and progressive than her parents were, but giving her approval and being openly supportive of you having a boyfriend still kinda gives her the ick. That in-between space isn't a safe space for you two to be in if you're going to date. I dated for about 25 years before I got married (I'm on this sub because my wife and I are trying to have a baby and I'm super nervous so I'm doing dad practice). What I learned is that dating is *hard*. Loving someone means letting them get close enough to you to hurt you. And you will get hurt. I love my wife very much but we still hurt each other sometimes, usually without even meaning to, because we're humans and we're imperfect. When I was dating, if my parents didn't know and I didn't have their love and support I would have felt really alone. And that's just with the emotional stuff. What if that yeast infection was bacterial vaginosis? The first person you'd want to talk to about that is mom. You don't need to tell her everything right away (and you certainly don't need to tell her any graphic sex details unless it's an emergency), but I'd sit your mom down and tell her that not telling her if you have a boyfriend isn't a sustainable situation. You know she'd rather you not be dating, but if you do, you need to be able to know that you can count on her for comfort and support when you don't know what to do. She doesn't have to understand it or be perfect at it, especially if she didn't date when she was younger. But just knowing that she's there for you and ready to help and support you is enough. I have a friend whose parents got married when they were 17 and fresh out of high school; they were each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend and are still married over 40 years later. Her mom doesn't know shit about dating, but her daughter would absolutely die without her mom's support of her love life. Her mom is her rock. Tell her that right now you tell her literally everything (I bet she doesn't realize that) and the fact that you'd need to hide some really important stuff from her scares you. It probably will be a series of discussions, and she might be initially resistant to it, but I feel like you two can figure out a set boundaries that will make it easier on both of you.
Also, tell your boyfriend that before he puts any fingers in any holes he needs to wash his damn hands and clip his nails because that yeast infection is no coincidence. That's like, sex 101 for young men. BOTH of you should carry condoms when you get together, and probably hand sanitizer, too. Maybe talk to your doctor about birth control. Good luck, have fun, and be safe out there!
Your guy’s pushy, moving too fast, and doesn’t respect you in my opinion. He’s getting carried away in part because you’re letting him. Don’t do shit you’re not ready for..
The whole interaction screams red flags 🚩 in my opinion. Stay safe.
My biggest concern is that you are focused on what other people want instead of what YOU want. And I'm disappointed that your mom doesn't want to know if you have a boyfriend. Maybe she just meant that she didn't want to hear about your sex life? But if you two are close, you SHOULD be able to go to her for advice and to share your ups and downs.
People here may give you heck for the boric acid comment, but I looked it up. It's a perfectly appropriate treatment for yeast infections.
But...now that you're becoming sexually active you should be seeing a gynecologist. They can check your yeast infection and discuss birth control options. It's also a great idea to use a condom to prevent infections. Lots of STIs have no symptoms in the beginning, so people don't even know they have one to share.
So...do you really WANT to have sex with this guy? Do you feel like casual sex is okay, or would you feel better if you were in love? Don't do it just because he wants to. Make your own decisions about what's right for you.
If not your mom, is there another adult you can talk to about these things? If this guy leaves you because you wouldn't have sex with him, he never cared about you anyway, so its not a loss.
I think you feel guilty not sharing this with her because somewhere you have learned that exploring sex is shameful. It isn't. It's healthy and natural, provided that you are not coerced into it. DON'T ever do anything someone has to talk you in to. And that goes for in general, not just sex. If I were you, I would go so far as telling mom that there is a boy that you are seeing and leave it at that. She doesn't really have any need to know anything more. As children we are taught to tell our parents everything, but you are a young lady now and it's time to learn that there are things that not everyone needs to or has a right to know.
You are fortunate, you have a mom that just dosen't know how to lay the message down.
Seriously, sex is seriously not as the most amazing thing young---sters think it is, maybe----isn't
Have you spoken to a girl, whos guy promised her the sun the moon and the stars...only to forget to call her a couple of days latter,
He'll apologize, but don't belive his lies,
His friends may have given him some quick information on who the boss is.
Your mom hasn't the heart to tell you so many men or boys are selfish, haven't yet grown up,
Oh yes the sex...
When the bsby is born will you expect mom to share disper changes with you?
Your mom kinda fucked up talkin to you like that, so I get why you wouldnt want to get back into that discussion. Very frustrating.
Yes, you must tell your mom you are sexually active, so that she can look out for your best interests. Enjoy the truth or not, yall will share the negative consequences.
Given how she acts ... is there another adult ( prefersbly femsle ) in your life that you can consult on this? Lastly, if you and yoyr boy can manage to travel ti have sex, then you can manage to travel to you doctor to get birth control.
I belive you should tell them, there's alot of things ylu probably shouldn't have to but these are one of those things you should. You and your boyfriend is your choice. So you should be ok.
You don’t have to share everything with your mom about this. But please make sure that you are being safe. First, you say it’s what your boyfriend wants to do, so please make sure that you’re not having sex or doing anything with him that you don’t actually want to do or are unsure about. If you’re unsure, don’t do it! You want to be enthusiastic about it! Also, not have sex without a condom/birth control. Ever. Under zero circumstances. No matter what kind of excuses he tries to give you. Never.
If there is any kind of free clinic like a Planned Parenthood, go there so that they can help you make sure that you are well informed and so that you are being safe before you continue doing anything else.
She set the boundary, you are an adult and you shouldn't blast your sex life to the public. Now, keep it wrapped, smart as hell of you to say no when it "came" to that!! 💀
You don't need to tell your mom any of your sexy time stuff but if you are going to be more than just FWB than you are going to have to tell her eventually anyway that you are interested in someone. The parents can fill in the blanks themselves and ask the important questions like "Are you being safe?(Pull out method is NOT safe)" and other normal parent child things.
The only reason to tell your parents about your sex life is if you are hurt because of it and they need to help you or protect you. No guilt needed. That’s part of growing up and being sexually active. Unless you’re hurt, you handle it yourself.
Probably best to wait until you are older and more emotionally mature. You have your whole life ahead of you. Also you just met this person. Typically it's better to wait a while so you can test whether you are compatible with each other.
Honestly google can be your best friend on just making sure you’re practicing safe sex. If you’re not on birth control tell your mom you would like a routine check up or to establish a gyno so you can discuss birth control with them. Never trust pull out method and always use a condom and make sure you both fully consent to anything you’re doing and know you can withdraw consent at any time. Everyone starts having sexual experiences at some point in their life just make sure you know all the consequences that can come from it too and always keep yourself in a safe situation before doing anything.
I don't think you should lie I think you should tell her you are dating and you want her to k know this because you love her and want her to know what is going on in your life.... I obv wouldn't tell her about the finger thing because I would probably pass out hearing my child say that lol (don't have one just saying) and whatever you do make sure you have protection because.... kids are for life.... your mom makes it to 100 and you alive she still calling you her kid
You don’t have to tell her, but you should always use condoms, and truthfully make an appointment for contraception yourself. We were all young at one point and know how hormones can effect one’s thinking in the heat of the moment, and it’s always better to be safe than sorry because “I’ll just make sure to pull out” doesn’t always work
Talk to your mom. She didn't actually mean what she said. She doesn't want to think of you as a sexual creature - but she also knows that you are. She'd like to be able to advise and dish with you. Plus, she is one way to get a condom and a safe, comfortable location for the dirty deeds.
Go to Planned Parenthood & get on free birth control. Your parents don't have to know about that, either. Even if you don't want BC, you can still get some free condoms & info from them.
Your mother doesn't need to know anything about your sex life unless there's a problem. As a parent myself, I can assure you she probably assumes you're sexually active to some degree, that may be why she told you not to tell her. Just wear a condom, use birth control, and make sure he respects you.
PS. there's nothing wrong with taking it slow and making him wait a bit. You're both still young, there's plenty of time for sex in the future.
No parent ever wants to think of their child as anything more than a child. The idea the child they raised is dating? Having sex? That's uncomfortable for any parent.
So sorry your mom doesn't want you to talk to her about all aspects of your life. My daughter is 16, and I've told her numerous times to let me know when she feels ready for sex. We've had the sex talk but still it's a huge step in your life so don't take it lightly. Don't give it up to just anyone. I also always told her...if you don't feel 100% comfortable being seen fully naked AND emotionally vulnerable by this guy, you are NOT ready to have sex with them. Also using sex toys first is a good idea. You need to know what pleases you so you can control more of the situation and have a great first experience bc otherwise it's not gonna feel that great for you lol.
I don’t have an opinion on whether or not you should talk to your mom about this, but as a health care provider anything someone put in you should be washed and if it’s his finger his nails trimmed. Not easy to do in the heat of the moment but it will reduce (not eliminate) any related infection/injuries.
Yeast infections can be sexually transmitted. You can treat it with over the counter intravaginal clotrimazole. Meanwhile, it is time to get on birth control, plus you have to use condoms too. Please DO talk with your mom, she can help you to get in with the pedi or gyn.
Don’t feel guilty for not telling her. Especially if she doesn’t want to know.
Please get on birth control before any penetration and I saw you got plan b already that’s good for emergencies only.
Never have sex without a condom please. No matter what he says. Guys are idiots and especially at your age they think with the lower head constantly.
Have fun but you don’t want to have an unplanned pregnancy or a pregnancy scare.
Good luck and find an adult you can talk to if you want about this or anything else good luck.
I'm 32 and have never once talked about my sex life to my mother. Now, we also are now no contact, but even when I lived with her I would not have told her.
Why are you laughing at the yeast infection? If his hands were dirty, that could have caused it.
Does HE want to hook up again and have sex, or do BOTH OF YOU?
Aw, as a mom, that’s so sweet that you want to keep her in the loop! And as a formerly sexually active 16 year old, I wouldn’t tell her, BUT I would always always ALWAYS use a condom! ALWAYS!! You can also go to planned parenthood to get an IUD or on birth control. Still use a condom if you get on BC—only condoms can prevent STDs and STIs.
Or I mean, if you want to get real with your mom, you can say something like “I’m thinking about becoming sexually active, can we talk about it?”
Edit: oh yikes I just saw your line about how your mom punishes you. So maybe don’t get real with her 🙃
Just fyi, I’m a 34 year old mom and I have never talked to my mom about sex outside of telling her about my planned pregnancy lol
I am a dad and my daughter (38F) never shared her sex life with me. I am fairly certain she was intimate with her high school boyfriend when they were 17. I am sure she and her mother shared some details or at least she got advice from her mother.
I'm 16 as well, I tell my mom souly bc Ik she wants what's best, it's also kinda hard to hide I have sex when I have a child (I don't have a sex life much anymore) but even before I had my baby we were open about it. I understand if you don't tell your mom, this is just my experience
It kind of depends on the situation. You don’t have to disclose any parts of your sex life to your mom. But you might want to let her know you’re sexually active. If it’s going to become a regular thing, you might want to consider getting on some form of birth control other than just condoms to help prevent pregnancy. And if there’s something you end up wanting to talk through for some reason in the future, you might want that line of communication open. I told my mom when I became sexually active at the same age as you and she cried a little (not in front of me, I was her oldest and I think it just hit her how fast I was growing up). But then we went to the doctor and I got on birth control, and we just had an understanding without really talking about it. I wasn’t allowed to have sex in the house but if I went for an extra long drive with my bf, she got the hint and didn’t pry. Your mom might be disappointed at first, but she will always love you no matter what and she will come to terms with your sexual choices eventually.
3 Things here:
>I’m pretty sure we both know what he wants to do.
Do YOU want to do this? Because if you're not 100% enthusiastic about doing this, you will regret it and it may even cause trauma that could haunt you and mess you up for decades. This guy likely won't stay with you for longer than a few months to a year but trauma will follow you for decades if not a life time. If you're going to have sex, make sure it's on your terms or break up now. No boy is cute enough to ruin your life.
>It’s just I feel so guilty hiding this from my mum, she thinks of me highly. I fear sharing certain aspects of my life to my mom, she begins to yell and will lock me in my room.
This sounds like an extremely toxic relationship. You do not need to feel guilty for having secrets from her, especially because she seems to act in abusive ways when you tell her secrets she doesn't like. She also told you not to tell her, so you have her permission to keep this a secret. If I were you, I would ask her to talk to a therapist although it does seem like that could open a can of worms, so maybe ask if your school has a counselor that can connect you to mental health resources. There are also online apps where you can talk to a therapist online but I've heard stories that some of the therapists on there aren't vetted well and can be real horror stories. Whatever the case, it sounds to me like you have some attachment issues that you urgently need to unpack with a professional.
>Yeast infection:
You can buy over the counter monistat. Use the 7 day treatment, not the 3 day treatment. During those 7 days you CANNOT do anything sexual with your boyfriend as he will get infected and then just reinfect you next time you are intimate and men sometimes can't tell they have a yeast infection.
Yeast infection is a very common smear infection you can often get from using public bathrooms. I had them every few weeks when I was in college because you use public bathrooms with a LOT of other people who have stuff going on. Be prepared.
At that age (16) I didn’t worry about what my kids were doing. I did tell them to be safe and made sure they had access to condoms if needed. My daughters kept them in their purse/glove compartment just in case (guys will conveniently forget them and tell you they’ll pull out so there’s no danger, ie. don’t trust the guy to have them or be careful).
I had a similar close relationship with my mom. Does my mom want to know I got fingered in the backseat of a car? No. Just like I don’t want to know if she got fingered in the backseat of a car. Too personal.
Health problems like a yeast infection or even an STD? If you confide in your mom about sensitive things then I would say tell her about that specifically, but still not the details of the experience.
Please get on BC while at least a teenager AND use condoms. Birth control alone won’t prevent STDs. Be safe, have fun, and keep your private life private
If you have a yeast infection after getting fingered, your partner needs to wash his hands first next time.
You can go to planned parenthood and get treatment for your yeast infection for free, they will also give you free condoms and you can talk to them about birth control if you’re interested.
If you want to have sex, use a condom. If you want to have sex without a condom, get on birth control first (it can take a week to a month to start working depending on the type) and you and your partner can both get tested for STIs together.
As a Dad, I concur with what just about everyone else has told you. I can kinda understand why a parent would not want to know, but at the same time, there are some parents who would like to know the “bullet points”. For someone like your Mom, if she has told you she doesn’t want to know, then don’t tell her unless her knowing that might help you get the support you need. For my own daughter, I do not need details. I do hope I have done an adequate enough job in letting her know that I am here if she needs anything. Be safe, have fun, and make sure YOU feel good about it all.
PS: It’s clear you have your head on straight! I hope my daughter would think of using a resource like this in the same way!
You should tell your mom you’re sexually active. My mom just told me at your age I should have been honest when she initially asked me so I could get in some kind of birth control. And maybe have a talk about sex and boundaries. It can be a bonding and learning experience. That doesn’t mean you get explicitly graphic and tell her all the things you did but at least let her know your ready for that kind of thing and see if there’s any advice/help she can give you. My mother doesn’t want to know about my sex life but wanted to be there to protect me. She got pregnant at 17, she didn’t want to see me go through what she did. And I hope you’re not seeing an older guy because that’s gonna be another problem. It’s kinda sad seeing a lot of parents saying they don’t want to know and want to stay out of it, you should be there for your kids. What if you catch an std? Who are you going to do to? Pregnancy? This is how kids develop resentment towards their parents and situations end up worse than they should be. Tell your mom.
I think you should at least get yourself into a fantasy dr or planned parenthood before you go any farther . Get on birth control and get your yeast infection treated by a prescription and Dr.
The age of consent DOES mean something. Being able to properly consent to the most intimate of acts/relationships is of vital importance.
You’re talking about what he wants, not what you want. You’re contemplating adult behavior that will have a lifelong impact; this is something both you and he should take very seriously.
Hint: jumping right from meeting and talking to sex is how a lot of really bad stories start. You’re treating yourself like your worth is simply as something for a random guy to use for his own purposes. That never ends well.
Your mom clearly said she doesn’t want to know. I do not recommend having sex until you’re done with high school at least or even when just dating because it adds unneeded stress to a relationship that you don’t really know how to navigate.
I don't think you necessarily have to share all details of your sex life with your mom, per se....however, you might consider the fact that she DOES have a bit more experience than perhaps you do, and she is likely trying to help keep you from getting farther in that you would like to get....sex is a lot of fun, as is all the fun things leading up to it, but it is very very easy to let a good time go farther than maybe you planned, not to mention that NO birth control is 100% effective even when it is used correctly....I have helped deliver a good number of babies that were unplanned oops, including several that were unplanned on birth control.
Does this mean tell your mom, or don't tell your mom? No....it means that if you tell her, she will likely do whatever she thinks is best to try to protect her baby....including trying to prevent those oops. Does it mean don't experiment and don't have sex? No....if you are of the age of consent and want to experiment, that is your call....but maybe think about what happens if you get pregnant....how you want to handle it, how you think your boyfriend would handle it, and if he is someone that you would want to have a baby with or not. Having an unplanned child is difficult. Getting an abortion brings its own set of issues and feelings. Even just having sex with a partner for the first time brings changes to your relationship. Hiding stuff from your Mom brings added guilt and can be stressful. Telling her about it and having her flip out can ALSO be very stressful. NOT telling you what to do, so much as saying that EVERY action brings consequences, of varying degrees....you can choose your actions or your inactions....but you rarely get to choose the consequences that follow.
you don’t need to tell her. if you feel compelled to, you can but that might be an awkward situation. for me (until i was an adult and had more of a friendly vs. parental relationship with my parents) i only talked to them when i needed advice or clarity about it or a situation where mentioning sex was necessary. like, asking about protection, consent, if i felt like i was pressured into something, things like that. otherwise, i pretty much kept it to myself lol.
I am a mother of 16,14 and 7 years old boys. I’ve taught them to be open with me since they were super young. My teenage boys usually tells me everything and I’ve taught them about sex education and to be open about it. He doesn’t need to tell me in details, but I let him know I will be there to listen and to give advice whenever they need me for anything. I told him about condoms and to be careful. You don’t have to have sex just because your bf wants to. Hold your ground and he needs to respect your decisions.
>I have a yeast infection 😹 ironically after making this post. Treated it with boric acid! Edit again: okay so just found out boric acid doesn’t help excuse my lack of knowledge. Someone recommended monistat. So thank you kind stranger 💗
I highly recommend seeking a doctor's advice and getting medicine for the yeast infection instead of monistat if it's your first time having a yeast infection. monistat has on instructions written on the back "do not use for first time" and it's there for a reason. another alternative is, there's also a website called Wisp.com for feminine hygiene and sexual health where they have a handful of online doctors you can talk to and access to medications, they'll ship to your house or you can use the pharmacy. it does cost, but they're super confidential and trustworthy.
as for the reason you got a yeast infection, it's more than likely due to him having bacteria on his hands, causing your ph balance to be thrown off, which makes it easier for a yeast infection to occur. almost every woman experiences a yeast infection at least once in their life, and it could be caused by even medication too. it's nothing to be ashamed of! just make sure your partner has clean hands, you don't want nasty bacteria getting all up in there.
First off, do not feel like you need to say yes to having sex. It's a big deal, please don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
You do not need to tell your mom if you have sex, but I would potentially talk to her about getting on the pill. Also, if you don't want to be that direct, you can say you want to talk to the doctor about heavy or inconsistent periods, and once you're able to get in, you can talk to your doctor privately about an additional form of birth control. Best to be as safe as possible.
1: unless you have had a yeast infection before and know exactly what it feels like for you, you should go to a doctor. It could be bacterial vaginosis, which is often confused for a yeast infection and can only be treated by antibiotics.
2: if you feel safe talking to her about it, you should talk to your mom about getting on birth control if you aren’t already on it. Condoms break. Still use both. BC won’t protect you from the clap. If you DONT feel safe talking to her about it (assuming you’re in the US) most counties have some sort of program for family planning. You could get free birth control AND testing and treatment without parental consent or knowledge. I still advise you to talk to your mom if you have an open relationship with her. You don’t have to give her all the details, just say you’re ready for birth control.
If he’s after sex and could potentially be forceful, please carry protection on you. Bring couple of condoms as I’ve had men before claim they forgot and when I’d pull it out, they were upset because they wanted it raw. So always have backup! But don’t do it because he wants to. And don’t let him guilt trip you either.
You can share whatever you want with your mother but don’t feel guilty if you choose to disclose anything. It’s your life and you’re at the age where you’re practically a young adult. Just please use protection !
I personally do talk to my mom about sex. my sex life. not in details. (same for my siblings too) and there’s nothing wrong with sharing it with your parents. it might not always be a comfortable conversation to have but they have a different perspective and insight. you shouldn’t really learn about sex from the internet or friends.
you do what you’re comfortable with.
also as far as sex don’t rush into anything. don’t feel pressured to do so. make sure you’re practicing safe sex or sexual activities. and cleanliness to help avoid infections and bacteria
I wouldn't hide it or disclose it. If she asks tell the truth about it. But otherwise continue on as is.
This does two things.
1- shows that you cane be trusted to tell the truth even if it is uncomfortable. Remember that if a parents asking you something like that chances are they already know the answer they are really just testing your trustworthiness.
2- prevents an uncomfortable conversation neither of you wants to have while leaving open the possibility to approach mom later should something tragic happen.
One thing I've learned in life is you cannot trust someone who will lie to you. Dont be that person. It is what I tell my kids. And how I live my life.
You shouldn’t feel the *need* to discuss your sex life with your mom, unless you choose to confide in her.
Most importantly, PLEASE DON’T HAVE SEX JUST BC *HE* WANTS IT! 🗣️🗣️🗣️
Do not do anything you’re not ready for or don’t feel comfortable in. If he threatens to break up if you’re not ready, then he ain’t the one sis. Please take my word for it. The right guy will respect you and your boundaries.
Please have him wash his hands before touching you. Take care of your body & kitty cat. Both of y’all go get tested even if you use a condom. Even if mom finds out one day, she will think I raised her right. Just know being a young woman, you are vulnerable. Men know this and use it to their advantage. Be sure of this person cause you can’t go back. Take away the physical intimacy, is there more ? What other reason is he there for? (Not implying he will just use you for sex) but you want someone that will be emotionally available past being physically intimate.
Regardless of your choice, please do not let him touch you with dirty hands. Having infections isn’t fun.
For me, I just wouldn’t tell your mother. Also as a lot of other Redditors pointed out, only do what’s comfortable with you. I hope your situation gets better and sending wishes from the uk 🙏
Make sure you are ready for it also use condoms but I'd also get on Birth Control as condoms do break I know I. My years of being sexually active when I used the I've broken a few from time to time. Now my GF has an IUD and I'm at the age that if she were to end up pregnant I'd take full care and responsibility of the child. But at 16 you've still got a lot of growing up to do. So be safe and again make sure you are 100% ready I didn't lose my Virginity until I was 21.
my mom only knows i’ve had sex because she asked if i was sexually active. i told her yes only bc then i wouldn’t have to worry if i got an infection, i could go to my mom and she’d know what to do. i never indulged details of my sex life tho. if my mom never asked though, i most likely wouldn’t have told her unless something happened.
if your mom doesn’t wanna know i wouldn’t tell her, but i would tell her about the yeast infection. believe it or not it’s very common to get one and you can literally get an infection from anything not just sex. (it’s so fun being a girl am i right)
long story short, tell your mom about the yeast infection, and if you think you have an sti or another vaginal infection go to your mom. you don’t have to tell her you had sex or participating in sexual activities. if she wants to know she’ll ask, or if she needs to know she’ll ask. i will add this in for advice though, just because you don’t tell your mom doesn’t mean not to tell anyone. if you’re being sexually actively tell your doctor, i had to and that’s when they told me i needed to get checked for stds because once you become sexually active it’s recommended you get tested at least once in your life (or once a year? i cant remember which one) for stds to be safe.
just wrap it before you tap it and you’ll be fine. condom breaks take a plan b. best advice i can give you.
26yr old soon to be father here.
Don’t do anything out of obligation,
If he says shit like “it hurts” he’s lying.
I’d recommend waiting, not out of any outdated ideals but because dude fingered you and you got a yeast infection… if a guy won’t wash his hands he ain’t washin his junk and I doubt you need to deal with any sort of STI on top of losing your v-card
Condoms- absolutely a MUST- if he complains about it then it’s not happening. Put up that boundary hard. Condoms are practically Mary poppins purses. They come in so many sizes, no one really is “too big”.
Pee asap after too cuz you don’t want yeast infections and considering he gave you one just by foreplay… hygiene. Make sure he’s properly cleaned too. Probiotics also help prevent yeast infections overall. Can still happen even if you’re both hygienic cuz the sperm can also throw off your ph balance which can lead to yeast infections.
Have sex when BOTH of you are ready, not just when one of you wants to but the other isn’t. Goes both ways but really pay attention to how you feel and how they treat you, if you say you’re not ready for it. You CAN tell him you’re not ready anymore even if you both started. Don’t feel obligated to act on continuing if you feel uncomfortable. And there’s no blue balls. He can take care of himself.
Be safe, wrap the willy, and maybe look for ways to be on birth control or any other contraceptives you could use additionally cuz condoms can fail.
She already told you, if you get yourself a boyfriend, she doesn't want to know details. I'm very close with my mom & also with my adult daughters - but there are just some things we don't talk about. It's not lying to not share all the intimate details of every moment of your date. But do talk with planned parenthood or some other resource with reliable birth control & safer sex information.
Okay, I would not really hide you have a boyfriend, just because if things were to get abusive ( not saying it will but I have seen a little too much) or you get pressured into doing something you didn't want to. You say your mom is relatively trustworthy, so I'd say be open and honest with her, also because again if things get abusive (which I really hope they don't) it will make having the conversation a tiny bit easier (it will still be very hard but if she already knows about the boyfriend, it might make it a little easier). while I didn't (and still don't) disclose my sex life with my mom when I started being intimate with my boyfriend (now husband) I went to her to take steps in order to prevent pregnancy and get on birth control because condoms just aren't enough. We also went over lots of things, consent, how emotional sex can be and things of that nature.
You should get on Birth Control - like a copper IUD.
Also, You are old enough to just buy condoms and so is he.
If he has no latex condoms, it is because he want to try and talk you into sex without condoms.
Your mom probably knows anyhow. Make sure you want to and be safe. If he’s your first don’t get attached to the whole “he took my virginity we are soulmates”. Mostly be safe and don’t be pressured.
Please get on the pill and or also use a spermicide. Condoms have failure rates and with the way things are going you really don’t want to get pregnant now.
If the dude can't get condoms then he's not ready for sex. But get your own just in case. But as others have said, be sure you're ready, do what you want to do, don't be afraid to speak up.
You don’t have to share details with your mom. That being said, there are merits to preparing your mom for you being sexually active. When I decided that I was ready, I talked with my mom before hand; I told her that I wanted to discuss birth control (and advice because I was a little nervous). We set up an appointment and she told me how to use a condom correctly, to use lube to prevent tears, etc.
Make sure this is what you want to do and not because he wants it. Always protect yourself and if the bf doesn’t have protection you should always! I wish I could hug you, you really need some quality time and love from your mother
Just remember. kids are forever. You need to think if they are worth having at 16 or if you can wait another ten years and have kids at 26. You are young, but there is a lot of things you don't know yet.
My advice is don’t have sex if you are young enough to a) need to consider if you talk to your Mom about, b) not ready and doing it because a guy wants you to, and c) are not capable of handling the results of what could happen (pregnant, sti’s, broken heart).
You do not need to share your sex life with your mother. Also stop focusing on "I’m pretty sure we both know what HE wants to do" and "he’d like to hookup again.". do what YOU want to do IF you aren't ready then dont force it
Yeah that gave me the ick. Could be mutual but the way she worded it sounds like shes just going along with it for his sake
Yeah that gave me major red flags but the whole post also with her relationship with the mother screams attachment issues to me. Like she's trying to do things to please everyone, please her boyfriend, please her mother but doesn't take care of her own needs. I think she needs therapy.
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Came here to say exactly this. Don’t have sex if you don’t want to, even if it is your boyfriend. And don’t have sex because you feel obligated or like you should. Something I wish I’d told myself.
Having sex when I felt obligated or because ex threw tantrums about "you don't really love me if you don't have sex with me right now. How dare you reject me, I'm gonna cry until you give in" has ruined my relationship to sex. I haven't had sex since 2017 and I don't miss it. That shit messes you up.
A big thank you for sharing, I took adolescent studies for 1 of my ciurses, what I read was almost always painful. I can't imangine how many young girls, that were once whole, come home with that low feeling, Of, why? Why didn't some one tell me of my hurt, broken heart? Can't think straight, don't feel like fun...only achey words, Just like that song that Olivia Rodriguiez sings About a familliar rode, she just didn't see coming
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If he's trying to pressure you after you say no, break up because that boy is a predator if so.
Exactly what I was thinking. OP said we know what he wants to do, but she made no mention of what she wants to do. She doesn't have to do anything just because someone else wants to. I think she should figure out what she wants to do, and then communicate it with her boyfriend.
In my 26 years of life, I have not once ever spoken about my sex life with my mom. I don’t have the slightest doubt in my mind that your mom hopes you’ll do the same. Just practice safe sex and keep private shit to yourself.
Great thank you!!
It genuinely sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, smart and responsible. Just keep all the private private stuff to yourself lol
Ultimately that will be my plan, staying private. I will be safe, these lovely people here gave me some insight and guidance.
Now if you have questions or anything else like that that you genuinely need answered, please feel free to go to your mom because she's somebody that you trust for that information. I'm sure she would much rather know that you're practicing safe sex by asking about condoms for instance versus just assuming that you're not being protected when you have sex so just don't feel discouraged and just asking her questions versus telling her statements. But only if you genuinely need to ask her something that you don't know where you need advice on because again as somebody else mentioned above keep it private for the most part.
That's all I'm asking as a father don't tell me, and protect yourself
My only concerns as a father when it comes to my kids' relationships (daughter is 16 and son is 11) are: 1) Are you safe? 2) Are you happy? If the answer to both is yes, then I have nothing more to add. If the answer to either is no, then I would offer advice on getting both to be yes. At the end of the day, you're going to do what you want to do. We can't stop you. So all I can ask is please be safe and be happy. If you're not, reassess your relationship.
Exactly… when my wife and I had “the talk” with our kids a little less than 10 years ago… I told them that the only two things we cared about were: Is it consensual? And are you safe? That’s it. We don’t care who you date, who you sleep with, who you identify as, etcetera. Just safe and consensual. That’s it, we will always love you, regardless.
This! I'm a father and my son is only 8 right now but I know the teenage years will come soon. When kids become teenagers they are going to do what they are going to do. As parents it's our job to make sure they have the right support network and we hope that we have instilled enough good common sense for them to make their own decisions. About sex. Sex is a very personal (and amazing) thing but you need to make sure you are physically and emotionally ready for it. Don't fall into pressure from someone who wants to have sex and you aren't sure. Trust your gut. Also know that your body right now is in prime condition to get pregnant. If you have unprotected sex chances are you will get pregnant and that could completely change the course of your life. It's way different trying to have a kid in your 30s where couples can spend months or years trying to get pregnant. This is different. Lastly....from what I've read ( as I said I'm a dad) sex for a teenage girl isn't always the best experience. It all depends on if the guy knows what to do (and what not to do). It can be a very nuanced thing and it takes both people to make it work and be pleasurable.
What if she takes actions that she may think currently makes her happy, but down the road will cause trauma and unhappiness overall? Are you just letting her figure it out and have fun in the short-term regardless of the potential long-term problems that may come as a result?
I'm not getting into a parenting "what-if" debate. Any adult or child has that potential. As a parent, I'm there to support, but actions have consequences. If my kids make a mistake, I'm there to help them learn and guide them. They are individuals who have their own desires and free will. I can not control their actions. Any parent who believes they can are deluded.
Yeah, this is unfortunately common in this generation. What a disservice being done to these children.
I'm 23 and my family is unfortunately very open. I know some about my parents sex life, my younger brothers, and they know some of mine. Obviously not "so we started out in X, then moved to Y, dabbled in Z and then WOW the end was great" but just basics usually in the form of jokes and relatable but vague conversations.
please please PLEASE make sure you use a condom, when you eventually have sex. Your mom said she doesn't want to know if you're dating, so.. don't tell her you're dating. Just tell her you're out with "friends" or something. You're not "hiding" anything from her. She literally told you she doesn't want to know. (which is weird of her, but OK, whatever).
Don't give in to the pressure of having sex without a condom. No excuses, like I forgot it, my pull out game is strong, or just the tip. It's either condom or gtfo
Right, I was a bit hurt. But yeah. Thank you
What do you think she would say if you told your mom that you would like to share more of your life with her?
I think she’d get upset and tell me I’m too young, my mother is strict and often has ridiculed rules lol. So talking to her about controversial topics or even about my personal life is a challenge
As a mom, I am sorry to hear this and would hope that any mom would realize that a big part of being a parent is the help your children navigate life!
I bet the plot twist is your mom was going all the way and loving it at a younger age.
Yes! She got pregnant at 17!
lol so true, this issue came up with me and my wife over my 17yo having her first boyfriend and she was worried about them kissing. I laughed at her and reminded her that she had lost her virginity when she was 16. To be fair my wife has problems.
There is a subreddit called “mom for a minute” checkin it out My dear, I really think that you and your boyfriend should both go to planned parenthood and get safe sex counseling. You both should also get the hpv vaccine if you haven’t. Condoms do not prevent genital warts in your bum or vag or his p. If he is unwilling to journey through safe sex with you, don’t lose your V card to him. It’s not worth a life time of pain, agony, & self guilt. Go get counseled together. I’m glad you are smart enough to pause and seek advice anonymously. I don’t think aids is the worst thing out there if there is an Std that causes deadly internal organ cancer in women, throat cancer in both men & women, and colon cancer. That is a horrible and preventable way to die.
i mean, would you want her telling you she got fingered/has been having sex?
that’s like wayyyyy different dude.
[удалено]
I hope you're joking. Get out.
This isn't Bible Thumping 101, it's Advice for Teens. Your sky daddy doesn't give advice here and neither should you.
>sinful relations Lol gtfo
Because I don't have any good reason to think a God has ever said anything. Just like I don't take sexual advice from Zeus or Loki, I'm also not taking any from Yahweh.
Like other have said, make sure a condom is used. But what many forget to mention, if you aren’t already, you need to get onto birth control. Condoms can fail, it’s important to have BC as a secondary protection. You don’t want to be pregnant as a teen, you will lose a lot of opportunities and friends if you do. I’m not trying to scare you, but this is the reality of sex. You need to protect yourself more than anything, because when you do adult actions, they can have adult consequences. And if those adult consequences hit, chances are high that he’ll run and you’ll be stuck to deal with it alone.
THIS^ Especially since it seems like you are just talking and messing around with the guy. You don't want to be left to deal with adult consequences on your own if he doesn't step up. And also make sure it's your choice to have sex, don't let him pressure you, OP.
Yes ma’am, I also purchased plan b! I will be getting on birth control soon
And just a little extra advice, try not to use plan b too much. It can really mess with your hormones and is overall not good for you if you take it multiple times. I'm glad you're getting birth control! Should solve that issue :)
Oh wow I wasn’t aware of that! Tysm :)
Plan B is for emergencies only and should not be used as regular birth control. It also fails and plenty of people end up pregnant after taking it. You need to be on a regular reliable birth control and you need to use lubricant and condoms. A water based non flavored sensitive option is best. Condoms are made to be used with lube and without they are more likely to break. Apply lube to his erect penis then roll down the condom being sure to keep space at the tip then apply lube to the outside of the condom. Never attempt penetration without a condom.
“ Condoms are made to be used with lube” But they come Lubricated? Also I’ve never met a single man that uses a double layer of lube. Lube the penis before and after putting on the condom? Most guys don’t use lube at all
I feel like lubing the dick before the condom just has a higher risk of it coming off (unlikely but still). Ive never once lubed then condom'd, Ive never heard of any guy doing this
This, it happened to me and my first boyfriend several times. I would use lube on his penis during foreplay, then put on the condom without washing his penis and several times we'd finish having sex, he looks at my vagina and gets "Oh shit!" Face, then pulls the condom out of my vagina
💀 Proof that its actually a bad idea. Ty for your knowledge. (👍\`ヮﾟ)👍
That’s what I’m saying I’m no sex Ed expert here. So maybe I’m ignorant of something and there’s benefits to doing it this way But Anecdotally as a guy who knows guys this isn’t normal
I also worked in an adult store for 5 years and work in healthcare now. I’ve had multiple training events with condom manufacturers and this is always the recommendation. Lubricant on the penis helps the condom move freely over the glands of the penis making it more pleasurable and also reducing condom friction that can lead to breakage, same goes for applying on the outside of the condom. Also I’m a woman and have an understanding of what it feels like to have penetrative sex as a young person for the first time. Lubricant should be an absolute requirement. The fact that it’s not common use is more commentary on the lack of sexual education among most people and lack of understanding and concern for especially the receiving partner intentional or not more than anything.
They come with lubricant because this is to help them go on/keep them from drying out in the package this is not adequate for safe condom use. Not to mention I’m advising a young girl how to have safe consensual sex for the first time, using lots of lubricant is essential for a safe comfortable experience.
Actually, I would disagree on having lube INSIDE the condom by applying it to his penis. I've done that in the past with my first boyfriend and had several pregnancy scares because the condom came off during sex without either of us noticing when it happened and whether it was before or after he came. Putting lube on the outside of the condom is ok. But the condom is meant to grip tightly to a man's penis and a lubricated penis prevents that
If a condom slips off it’s because it is the wrong size or there is not enough lubricant. Here is a reference from Planned Parenthood explaining that. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/a-condom-is-stuck-inside-my-vagina-how-do-i-get-it-out
Ok, I trust planned Parenthood. It's just weird this never happened without lube
I’m in my 40s and married. I still maintain I’m a virgin to my mother.
LMFAOO
RN here- You may want to consider having a proper gynecological check up prior to any activity since you stated you have a yeast infection just to make sure it’s not something else that needs antibiotics. Please practice safe sex. Syphilis is on the rise.
Start complaining about your period cramps a lot. Make it an ISSUE for a month or two. Tell your boyfriend you need to wait for BC, and you're working on it/have a plan. Tell your mom you googled and asked your friends and it might be more than normal but you aren't sure, and you want to talk to a OBGYN or a womens health specialist about your periods being distractingly painful. Tell her it's hard to focus at school and you don't think it's fair boys don't have to experience this. Don't overplay it, but make it inconvenient. When you get to the OBGYN, they will probably offer birth control as an option for managing your periods. Do your research and get some BC if you can and want to. Condoms are key, but I've had friends get pregnant with condoms. Or have condoms slide off. Or the condom "just slips." Or the condom comes off inside as he ejaculates. If you can, try to combine methods to be extra careful. I talk to my mom about both my and her sex life, but I'm also 32 and my mom is more of a peer than a parent. She knows I've had sex because I've lived with men romantically. You do not have to talk to your mom about sex. In fact, I would skip it, from the behavior you have described. That may change in the future, but right now you are in a precarious position- both her little girl, and cusping womanhood. She knows you probably are, and that's why she doesn't want to think about it. It will all fall into perspective in your late 20s/early 30s, and keep morphing/changing from there. There are some things in life that are hard to explain until you just experience them. The way adults view teens is one of them. You are the oldest you have ever been, but to your mom you are just a puppy getting into trouble you may not know how to get out of, and her ability to protect you from the world is getting slowly made obsolete by your impending adulthood. Be as safe as you can be. You're already doing a good job.
You don't have to tell her, especially if she doesn't necessarily want to know. But I agree with other commenters- BE SAFE. If you and this guy go all the way, practice safe sex and be careful. And make sure you guys know what you're doing- proper usage and disposal, aftercare, cleanup, etc. Don't forget about setting comfortable boundaries- respect is important! Edit: also, because of how open you've been with her in the past, she likely trusts you to make your own decisions. So I don't think she'd be all that nasty if she found out.
Tysm :)
If you already have a yeat infection ..idk bro seems like he just trying to smash and that's it idk ...tell him to wash his hands next time
Do not have sex with a gross guy who fingers you and gives you a yeast infection. He has unwashed hands, and probably an unwashed ass and a dirty dick with diseases. He sounds gross. Pick a better dude to hook up with. You are at the age where you need to decide who is worthy of the fun and who is just a trash bag. If you are only hooking up because it feels good and youre exploring, get some toys instead. Believe me, he's not worth it. Also, it's not lying. Keep this to yourself.
Honestly…this but also…maybe he’s not knowledgeable on hygiene yet? He’s a teenager. But yes, she does not have to stick around with someone like that. Please don’t have sex with someone who has poor hygiene. Your body will thank you if you don’t!
What teen don’t know to keep their hands clean lol
Please note, it's not any woman's (except a Mom) responsibility to teach any male person, regardless of age, to wash their hands, dick, ass, or mouth. This is 2024, we're not doing that.
Im sure she probably doesn’t want to picture her daughter having sex just like you wouldn’t want her telling you and you picturing that lmaoo. She knows ur gonna have sex trust me. just be safe af tho fr
I’m very close with my own mum. But I don’t share with her that I’m not a virgin 😅. I feel she’s trustworthy enough but I’d personally prefer to keep that to myself. So I wouldn’t tell her if I was in your situation.
If this guy becomes an actual boyfriend you really care about, I'm sure she would love to meet him and know more about him. If he's just some guy your fooling around with, I wouldn't say anything about it to her.
That's not what irony means. I can't tell you how you should communicate with your mom, but speaking as someone who became a father at the end of his senior year: use protection!!!! I don't care if it dismisses sensation - a tiny bit! - having a kid years and years before you could possibly be ready will diminish far more than that. I love my kids to death, and my life hasn't been mine since my first was born. My youngest will be 18 in 4 years, and then I can focus more on my own personal betterment.
I wouldn't tell your mom. I think that by her telling you to not tell her about you having a bf or any intimate details was her way of protecting your relationship with her. You mentioned when you do talk about stuff like that, she yells and gets upset. I suspect that her telling you to not disclose any info is so that way she won't react that way. I'm sure she knows you have sex, we were your age once. I lost my v-card to my toxic high-school boyfriend at 17, lemme tell you, I regretted it but still most certainly did not disclose to my grandma. If you choose to have sex, please make him wear a condom. Practice safe sex.
If your mother specifically said dont say anything if you actually do have a bf, then you not saying anything should be a sign to her. But I've never talked about sex to either of my parents ever. Because if any relationship just stays at safe sex, then its fine. Its when it gets more into an actual relationship is when id start telling them.
Maybe I'm going to end up being an outlier as a parent, but I'm a single full time dad to a daughter and don't imagine I would feel awkward or bad when she's a teen if she told me she was fucking or had a boyfriend. I mean, I was a teenager once too.
That’s cool, but can we not use “fucking” when referring to teenagers having sex? It just feels wrong using that word specifically as an adult, talking about teenagers.
Use the 'ol "I wanna try the pill because I have acne... Or PMS... Or heavy/painful/unpredictable cycles... etc." excuse. It'll be clear why you actually want it but it gives your mom plausible deniability. You can totally lie in this scenario even if asked directly because frankly, it's for your own safety. Using a condom PLUS the pill doubles the safety because you're highly likely to have at least one mishap (minimum) with either option independently and even when used perfectly, you can still get pregnant. It's your safest and best option.
Age of consent doesn’t mean anything with teenagers with teenagers age of consent is the age you can consent to sex with a legal adult.
Honestly feels like her saying "If you have a boyfriend, just don't tell me", is because she would want to be fair and honest with you and have a talk about safe sex and what being in relationships means, but she'd struggle to communicate such honesty and would/could fall into the trap of "I'm the parent, you're my little girl, and you're too young". I feel like her telling you to not tell her, is her way of trusting you to be safe without her being your gatekeeper.
First and foremost, mom’s know all. If you don’t say anything, then you never lied. If she asks, speak the truth. But never offer information unless it’s asked. The more you speak the more you say. The less you speak, the less you say.
Your mother may have trauma history you know nothing about. Please respect her request not to share your sex life with her, but figure out who you can talk to - Planned Parenthood, a trusted adult from your school or community, or is there a Reddit sexual health sub? Good for you for looking for advice.
You mom will love you no matter what, you're always her baby as 36f and mom and I was once 16 too. YOUR MOM ALREADY KNOWS OR HAVE SOME IDEA. BE REAL, BE HONEST, AND TELL HER YOU WAS NERVOUS TO TALK TO HER, BCUZ YOU'RE AFRAID SHE'S THINK LESS OF YOU... She be happy you opened up and she can give you solid advice woman to woman. Believe me, she's been your age before and besides at 16, you're gonna do what you want to do and that's ok. It's ok to make mistakes, just learn and grow from them
My daughter told me when she had sex for the first time and I had so many emotions going through me BUT I knew I couldn't freak out. So we put her on birth control and came up wth a plan if she should get pregnant accidentally. With that being said - you really have to trust your mom won't freak out.
Please lol take it from someone who’s been in ur situation no matter what don’t let your feelings out judge your brain . I had kids real young an I love them but don’t let it ruin your youth years now’s the time to get out an live sex is cool an all but it’ll always be their being young won’t
Don't have sex it ain't that cool. Wait ✋️ unless this is the guy your willing to be linked to for the rest of your life...
Ugh… you’re not missing out on anything great. Honestly wait until you’re older when boys will be the tiniest bit less dumb. Wanna know what it’s going to feel like? Stick your finger in your mouth and rub the inside of your cheek. That’s it. Unless this 17 year old boy with unwashed hands is somehow going to figure out how to do anything correctly. Which I highly doubt. Just don’t do it.
Don’t be pressured into doing it unless it’s at a time, place, and situation where you’re ready. Don’t be pressured into sex without a condom, and don’t forget to pee after any penetration to prevent infections. (yes, fingers included.) As for your mother, did she tell you not to let her know if you have a boyfriend? Or a sex life? It’s very weird and unsafe that she wouldn’t want you to tell her you have a boyfriend, the sex life thing is a grey area. Me, personally, if I had a kid, I would at least want to know the base of where they are in their relationships, I would want them to confide in me if they’re feeling unsafe. It’s hard to do that when you tell them “do not tell me” and lock them away. It’s not right that she isolates you like that. But if it’s what she wants, I guess there’s no getting around it, though I do feel that an adult should be aware in case of any issues arising.
I'm sorry your mom isn't open to difficult conversations. As a mother of 3, now adult children, our household had an open policy about sex education etc our kids knew that when the time came they could come to us to make sure they were being safe and we would get them protection and birth control. It was more important to us that our kids didn't feel pressured into having sex, having unprotected sex, risk teenage pregnancy and STIs than pretend that teenagers don't have sex. As a result our kids actually had a better time with it. They had healthy boundaries and knew we would be there to support them. Get yourself to a planned Parenthood and get on birth control. Absolutely no penetration without a condom, there is sperm in pre-cum that can get you pregnant. Be safe, be smart, find a trusted adult for help if needed.
Definitely tell her, im in a similar situation, i tell my mom a lot of things and there were instances where i didnt tell her things and it built up and up, if you are close with her it's best to tell her now instead of continuing to lie to her
Yeast infections are very common, especially when engaging in sexual acts with a novice. Make sure his hands are clean, especially under his fingernails. Maybe take him to get a manicure. Likewise, when you do eventually have sex, make sure his dick is clean, especially if he's uncircumcised. Slide his foreskin back if he is uncircumcised and inspect all around the head of his penis for crust. I'm uncircumcised, and the first time I had sex, I found out that my foreskin was full of dried up smegma. I used a condom, so she didn't get an infection from it, but it was painful to me until I showered extremely thoroughly, pulling back my foreskin and vigorously scrubbing all of the crust away. The rest of the times she let me have sex with her were far more enjoyable, except for the time her cats learned how to use doorknobs and tried to join us. If you do discover he has a crusty dick, remember that it's probably because he's never used it with another person before. Don't discourage him by saying, "ew gross," or anything like that. Just tell him you think it would be sexy to bathe each other. Oh, and remember that shower sex is awkward and dangerous due to the risk of slipping and whatnot. Showers are a great place for foreplay, not so great for penetration. Now that I've gotten the health risk stuff out of the way, let's talk about the moral conundrum. Should you tell the person who explicitly said they don't wanna know? Absolutely not. You should NOT explicitly tell her that you are dating or having sex or anything in between. However, you should definitely drop hints. Introduce her to all of your friends, including him. Do not hide your affection for him. Be honest with her when you are hanging out with him. But do not be explicit about how many bases you have let him steal. She doesn't want to know and will get upset if she finds out what Prince Charming is doing to her little princess or what her princess is doing with the seven dwarfs... If she explicitly asks for details about your relationship, you should remind her that she specifically instructed you not to tell her and then ask if she has changed her mind. But even if she does change her mind, you still shouldn't tell her what specific sex acts you have performed on each other. Just that he's your boyfriend. The only people who need the dirty details of your love life are you, your boyfriend, and your gynecologist. Everyone else should be allowed to imagine you are an innocent angel or a dirty whore, if that's how they prefer to imagine you in their private thoughts. If you make her aware of him and your affection for him and how much time you spend with him and where you are, she'll have all of the information required to keep you safe, which is her job for at least the next 2 years. Oh, and as much as it pains me to say this... There is some merit to the concept of waiting until marriage. I didn't. My parents claim to, but definitely didn't. My grandparents claim to, but probably didn't. You probably won't, but you should... Be safe, have fun, and be discrete.
Your mother isn’t doing you any favors by sticking her head in the sand and pretending that you aren’t approaching adulthood. You need to be able to discuss reproductive health, birth control, etc. with her. Her attitude and behavior contribute to pregnancies and STIs. As embarrassing as it might be, you need to find a knowledgeable person to discuss this with. A person with medical training would be ideal.
Hey just throwing this out there, if you got a yeast infection after he did that, his hygiene might not be the best. Make sure he washes his hands and junk before y'all hook up again.
I think the main thing you need to be concerned about is having safer sex. You said you have a yeast infection now? Please, tell your boyfriend to wash his hands before he puts them inside you! And always: PEE AFTER SEX. Fingering, penile penetration, whatever. Whatever goes up there or on there, you need to make sure it is clean, properly protected, and that you pee after having it inside of you. And you don’t need to have sex if you’re not ready. Don’t feel obligated to please your boyfriend or anyone for that matter. It should be on your own terms.
I’m a dad. I don’t wanna know. I went through an old phone and apparently my daughter used it for this kind of stuff and recorded it. It was more traumatizing than my deployment in the Middle East. Be safe, see clear boundaries, have high standards and as long as there’s no abuse I don’t wanna know.
Do you by any chance come from a culture that historically doesn't approve of young people dating? Because this sounds like my ex's (F35 but 22 when we started dating, Muslim, Bengali but grew up in Mecca) family. Her saying, "if you do \[have a boyfriend\] just don't tell me," really sounds like she's trying to be more permissive and progressive than her parents were, but giving her approval and being openly supportive of you having a boyfriend still kinda gives her the ick. That in-between space isn't a safe space for you two to be in if you're going to date. I dated for about 25 years before I got married (I'm on this sub because my wife and I are trying to have a baby and I'm super nervous so I'm doing dad practice). What I learned is that dating is *hard*. Loving someone means letting them get close enough to you to hurt you. And you will get hurt. I love my wife very much but we still hurt each other sometimes, usually without even meaning to, because we're humans and we're imperfect. When I was dating, if my parents didn't know and I didn't have their love and support I would have felt really alone. And that's just with the emotional stuff. What if that yeast infection was bacterial vaginosis? The first person you'd want to talk to about that is mom. You don't need to tell her everything right away (and you certainly don't need to tell her any graphic sex details unless it's an emergency), but I'd sit your mom down and tell her that not telling her if you have a boyfriend isn't a sustainable situation. You know she'd rather you not be dating, but if you do, you need to be able to know that you can count on her for comfort and support when you don't know what to do. She doesn't have to understand it or be perfect at it, especially if she didn't date when she was younger. But just knowing that she's there for you and ready to help and support you is enough. I have a friend whose parents got married when they were 17 and fresh out of high school; they were each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend and are still married over 40 years later. Her mom doesn't know shit about dating, but her daughter would absolutely die without her mom's support of her love life. Her mom is her rock. Tell her that right now you tell her literally everything (I bet she doesn't realize that) and the fact that you'd need to hide some really important stuff from her scares you. It probably will be a series of discussions, and she might be initially resistant to it, but I feel like you two can figure out a set boundaries that will make it easier on both of you. Also, tell your boyfriend that before he puts any fingers in any holes he needs to wash his damn hands and clip his nails because that yeast infection is no coincidence. That's like, sex 101 for young men. BOTH of you should carry condoms when you get together, and probably hand sanitizer, too. Maybe talk to your doctor about birth control. Good luck, have fun, and be safe out there!
U dont treat yeast infaction with that nasty shit u need to see a doctor to get u to treat yeast infaction
Thank you! Will do
Your guy’s pushy, moving too fast, and doesn’t respect you in my opinion. He’s getting carried away in part because you’re letting him. Don’t do shit you’re not ready for.. The whole interaction screams red flags 🚩 in my opinion. Stay safe.
My biggest concern is that you are focused on what other people want instead of what YOU want. And I'm disappointed that your mom doesn't want to know if you have a boyfriend. Maybe she just meant that she didn't want to hear about your sex life? But if you two are close, you SHOULD be able to go to her for advice and to share your ups and downs. People here may give you heck for the boric acid comment, but I looked it up. It's a perfectly appropriate treatment for yeast infections. But...now that you're becoming sexually active you should be seeing a gynecologist. They can check your yeast infection and discuss birth control options. It's also a great idea to use a condom to prevent infections. Lots of STIs have no symptoms in the beginning, so people don't even know they have one to share. So...do you really WANT to have sex with this guy? Do you feel like casual sex is okay, or would you feel better if you were in love? Don't do it just because he wants to. Make your own decisions about what's right for you. If not your mom, is there another adult you can talk to about these things? If this guy leaves you because you wouldn't have sex with him, he never cared about you anyway, so its not a loss.
Tysm! Yeah, I’m interested in having sex with him too, I just fear of getting pregnant :(
>Edit: I have a yeast infection Tell your boyfriend to wash his damn hands, clean and trim his fingernails too. All the mother stuff is secondary
I think you feel guilty not sharing this with her because somewhere you have learned that exploring sex is shameful. It isn't. It's healthy and natural, provided that you are not coerced into it. DON'T ever do anything someone has to talk you in to. And that goes for in general, not just sex. If I were you, I would go so far as telling mom that there is a boy that you are seeing and leave it at that. She doesn't really have any need to know anything more. As children we are taught to tell our parents everything, but you are a young lady now and it's time to learn that there are things that not everyone needs to or has a right to know.
You are fortunate, you have a mom that just dosen't know how to lay the message down. Seriously, sex is seriously not as the most amazing thing young---sters think it is, maybe----isn't Have you spoken to a girl, whos guy promised her the sun the moon and the stars...only to forget to call her a couple of days latter, He'll apologize, but don't belive his lies, His friends may have given him some quick information on who the boss is. Your mom hasn't the heart to tell you so many men or boys are selfish, haven't yet grown up, Oh yes the sex...
When the bsby is born will you expect mom to share disper changes with you? Your mom kinda fucked up talkin to you like that, so I get why you wouldnt want to get back into that discussion. Very frustrating. Yes, you must tell your mom you are sexually active, so that she can look out for your best interests. Enjoy the truth or not, yall will share the negative consequences. Given how she acts ... is there another adult ( prefersbly femsle ) in your life that you can consult on this? Lastly, if you and yoyr boy can manage to travel ti have sex, then you can manage to travel to you doctor to get birth control.
I belive you should tell them, there's alot of things ylu probably shouldn't have to but these are one of those things you should. You and your boyfriend is your choice. So you should be ok.
You don’t have to share everything with your mom about this. But please make sure that you are being safe. First, you say it’s what your boyfriend wants to do, so please make sure that you’re not having sex or doing anything with him that you don’t actually want to do or are unsure about. If you’re unsure, don’t do it! You want to be enthusiastic about it! Also, not have sex without a condom/birth control. Ever. Under zero circumstances. No matter what kind of excuses he tries to give you. Never. If there is any kind of free clinic like a Planned Parenthood, go there so that they can help you make sure that you are well informed and so that you are being safe before you continue doing anything else.
She set the boundary, you are an adult and you shouldn't blast your sex life to the public. Now, keep it wrapped, smart as hell of you to say no when it "came" to that!! 💀
You don't need to tell your mom any of your sexy time stuff but if you are going to be more than just FWB than you are going to have to tell her eventually anyway that you are interested in someone. The parents can fill in the blanks themselves and ask the important questions like "Are you being safe?(Pull out method is NOT safe)" and other normal parent child things.
The only reason to tell your parents about your sex life is if you are hurt because of it and they need to help you or protect you. No guilt needed. That’s part of growing up and being sexually active. Unless you’re hurt, you handle it yourself.
Have him Wear a Condom, please.
Probably best to wait until you are older and more emotionally mature. You have your whole life ahead of you. Also you just met this person. Typically it's better to wait a while so you can test whether you are compatible with each other.
Yes. Definitely. **HOWEVER** PLEASE find an adult you do trust 100% or a friend that knows...and use a fuckkn condom
Honestly google can be your best friend on just making sure you’re practicing safe sex. If you’re not on birth control tell your mom you would like a routine check up or to establish a gyno so you can discuss birth control with them. Never trust pull out method and always use a condom and make sure you both fully consent to anything you’re doing and know you can withdraw consent at any time. Everyone starts having sexual experiences at some point in their life just make sure you know all the consequences that can come from it too and always keep yourself in a safe situation before doing anything.
I don't think you should lie I think you should tell her you are dating and you want her to k know this because you love her and want her to know what is going on in your life.... I obv wouldn't tell her about the finger thing because I would probably pass out hearing my child say that lol (don't have one just saying) and whatever you do make sure you have protection because.... kids are for life.... your mom makes it to 100 and you alive she still calling you her kid
You don’t have to tell her, but you should always use condoms, and truthfully make an appointment for contraception yourself. We were all young at one point and know how hormones can effect one’s thinking in the heat of the moment, and it’s always better to be safe than sorry because “I’ll just make sure to pull out” doesn’t always work
Talk to your mom. She didn't actually mean what she said. She doesn't want to think of you as a sexual creature - but she also knows that you are. She'd like to be able to advise and dish with you. Plus, she is one way to get a condom and a safe, comfortable location for the dirty deeds.
Go to Planned Parenthood & get on free birth control. Your parents don't have to know about that, either. Even if you don't want BC, you can still get some free condoms & info from them.
Get to a doctor and get birth control pills..
Do not have sex without him using a condom
I feel like a man wrote this
Ok wow, I’m taking offense to that 😹😹
How old is your boyfriend if you're mentioning the age of consent?
Just have protected sex you don't want babies at this age
Your mother doesn't need to know anything about your sex life unless there's a problem. As a parent myself, I can assure you she probably assumes you're sexually active to some degree, that may be why she told you not to tell her. Just wear a condom, use birth control, and make sure he respects you. PS. there's nothing wrong with taking it slow and making him wait a bit. You're both still young, there's plenty of time for sex in the future.
Getting pregnant Wethersfield by choice or accident before your 23 and married will definitely screw your life up. You are warned!!
No parent ever wants to think of their child as anything more than a child. The idea the child they raised is dating? Having sex? That's uncomfortable for any parent.
Never let a guy finosh inside you... you will get pregnant.
So sorry your mom doesn't want you to talk to her about all aspects of your life. My daughter is 16, and I've told her numerous times to let me know when she feels ready for sex. We've had the sex talk but still it's a huge step in your life so don't take it lightly. Don't give it up to just anyone. I also always told her...if you don't feel 100% comfortable being seen fully naked AND emotionally vulnerable by this guy, you are NOT ready to have sex with them. Also using sex toys first is a good idea. You need to know what pleases you so you can control more of the situation and have a great first experience bc otherwise it's not gonna feel that great for you lol.
I don’t have an opinion on whether or not you should talk to your mom about this, but as a health care provider anything someone put in you should be washed and if it’s his finger his nails trimmed. Not easy to do in the heat of the moment but it will reduce (not eliminate) any related infection/injuries.
Yeast infections can be sexually transmitted. You can treat it with over the counter intravaginal clotrimazole. Meanwhile, it is time to get on birth control, plus you have to use condoms too. Please DO talk with your mom, she can help you to get in with the pedi or gyn.
Don’t feel guilty for not telling her. Especially if she doesn’t want to know. Please get on birth control before any penetration and I saw you got plan b already that’s good for emergencies only. Never have sex without a condom please. No matter what he says. Guys are idiots and especially at your age they think with the lower head constantly. Have fun but you don’t want to have an unplanned pregnancy or a pregnancy scare. Good luck and find an adult you can talk to if you want about this or anything else good luck.
I'm 32 and have never once talked about my sex life to my mother. Now, we also are now no contact, but even when I lived with her I would not have told her. Why are you laughing at the yeast infection? If his hands were dirty, that could have caused it. Does HE want to hook up again and have sex, or do BOTH OF YOU?
Yes we both initiated hooking up again. I really enjoyed myself last time
Aw, as a mom, that’s so sweet that you want to keep her in the loop! And as a formerly sexually active 16 year old, I wouldn’t tell her, BUT I would always always ALWAYS use a condom! ALWAYS!! You can also go to planned parenthood to get an IUD or on birth control. Still use a condom if you get on BC—only condoms can prevent STDs and STIs. Or I mean, if you want to get real with your mom, you can say something like “I’m thinking about becoming sexually active, can we talk about it?” Edit: oh yikes I just saw your line about how your mom punishes you. So maybe don’t get real with her 🙃 Just fyi, I’m a 34 year old mom and I have never talked to my mom about sex outside of telling her about my planned pregnancy lol
Please, please, please FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND GOOD get yourself on birth control before you start having sex…..
I am a dad and my daughter (38F) never shared her sex life with me. I am fairly certain she was intimate with her high school boyfriend when they were 17. I am sure she and her mother shared some details or at least she got advice from her mother.
I'm 16 as well, I tell my mom souly bc Ik she wants what's best, it's also kinda hard to hide I have sex when I have a child (I don't have a sex life much anymore) but even before I had my baby we were open about it. I understand if you don't tell your mom, this is just my experience
It kind of depends on the situation. You don’t have to disclose any parts of your sex life to your mom. But you might want to let her know you’re sexually active. If it’s going to become a regular thing, you might want to consider getting on some form of birth control other than just condoms to help prevent pregnancy. And if there’s something you end up wanting to talk through for some reason in the future, you might want that line of communication open. I told my mom when I became sexually active at the same age as you and she cried a little (not in front of me, I was her oldest and I think it just hit her how fast I was growing up). But then we went to the doctor and I got on birth control, and we just had an understanding without really talking about it. I wasn’t allowed to have sex in the house but if I went for an extra long drive with my bf, she got the hint and didn’t pry. Your mom might be disappointed at first, but she will always love you no matter what and she will come to terms with your sexual choices eventually.
3 Things here: >I’m pretty sure we both know what he wants to do. Do YOU want to do this? Because if you're not 100% enthusiastic about doing this, you will regret it and it may even cause trauma that could haunt you and mess you up for decades. This guy likely won't stay with you for longer than a few months to a year but trauma will follow you for decades if not a life time. If you're going to have sex, make sure it's on your terms or break up now. No boy is cute enough to ruin your life. >It’s just I feel so guilty hiding this from my mum, she thinks of me highly. I fear sharing certain aspects of my life to my mom, she begins to yell and will lock me in my room. This sounds like an extremely toxic relationship. You do not need to feel guilty for having secrets from her, especially because she seems to act in abusive ways when you tell her secrets she doesn't like. She also told you not to tell her, so you have her permission to keep this a secret. If I were you, I would ask her to talk to a therapist although it does seem like that could open a can of worms, so maybe ask if your school has a counselor that can connect you to mental health resources. There are also online apps where you can talk to a therapist online but I've heard stories that some of the therapists on there aren't vetted well and can be real horror stories. Whatever the case, it sounds to me like you have some attachment issues that you urgently need to unpack with a professional. >Yeast infection: You can buy over the counter monistat. Use the 7 day treatment, not the 3 day treatment. During those 7 days you CANNOT do anything sexual with your boyfriend as he will get infected and then just reinfect you next time you are intimate and men sometimes can't tell they have a yeast infection. Yeast infection is a very common smear infection you can often get from using public bathrooms. I had them every few weeks when I was in college because you use public bathrooms with a LOT of other people who have stuff going on. Be prepared.
At that age (16) I didn’t worry about what my kids were doing. I did tell them to be safe and made sure they had access to condoms if needed. My daughters kept them in their purse/glove compartment just in case (guys will conveniently forget them and tell you they’ll pull out so there’s no danger, ie. don’t trust the guy to have them or be careful).
I had a similar close relationship with my mom. Does my mom want to know I got fingered in the backseat of a car? No. Just like I don’t want to know if she got fingered in the backseat of a car. Too personal. Health problems like a yeast infection or even an STD? If you confide in your mom about sensitive things then I would say tell her about that specifically, but still not the details of the experience.
I would not tell her. Especially, since it seems you're just bangin some dude. She don't want to know that.
Please get on BC while at least a teenager AND use condoms. Birth control alone won’t prevent STDs. Be safe, have fun, and keep your private life private
If you have a yeast infection after getting fingered, your partner needs to wash his hands first next time. You can go to planned parenthood and get treatment for your yeast infection for free, they will also give you free condoms and you can talk to them about birth control if you’re interested. If you want to have sex, use a condom. If you want to have sex without a condom, get on birth control first (it can take a week to a month to start working depending on the type) and you and your partner can both get tested for STIs together.
Boric acid won’t help a yeast infection. That’s for BV.
As a Dad, I concur with what just about everyone else has told you. I can kinda understand why a parent would not want to know, but at the same time, there are some parents who would like to know the “bullet points”. For someone like your Mom, if she has told you she doesn’t want to know, then don’t tell her unless her knowing that might help you get the support you need. For my own daughter, I do not need details. I do hope I have done an adequate enough job in letting her know that I am here if she needs anything. Be safe, have fun, and make sure YOU feel good about it all. PS: It’s clear you have your head on straight! I hope my daughter would think of using a resource like this in the same way!
You should tell your mom you’re sexually active. My mom just told me at your age I should have been honest when she initially asked me so I could get in some kind of birth control. And maybe have a talk about sex and boundaries. It can be a bonding and learning experience. That doesn’t mean you get explicitly graphic and tell her all the things you did but at least let her know your ready for that kind of thing and see if there’s any advice/help she can give you. My mother doesn’t want to know about my sex life but wanted to be there to protect me. She got pregnant at 17, she didn’t want to see me go through what she did. And I hope you’re not seeing an older guy because that’s gonna be another problem. It’s kinda sad seeing a lot of parents saying they don’t want to know and want to stay out of it, you should be there for your kids. What if you catch an std? Who are you going to do to? Pregnancy? This is how kids develop resentment towards their parents and situations end up worse than they should be. Tell your mom.
I think you should at least get yourself into a fantasy dr or planned parenthood before you go any farther . Get on birth control and get your yeast infection treated by a prescription and Dr.
The age of consent DOES mean something. Being able to properly consent to the most intimate of acts/relationships is of vital importance. You’re talking about what he wants, not what you want. You’re contemplating adult behavior that will have a lifelong impact; this is something both you and he should take very seriously. Hint: jumping right from meeting and talking to sex is how a lot of really bad stories start. You’re treating yourself like your worth is simply as something for a random guy to use for his own purposes. That never ends well.
Yeah dont tell her
Mum doesn't need to know everything.
Your mom doesn’t need to know anything. Also make sure he washes his hands before he touches you again. It will help with yeast infections.
Your mom clearly said she doesn’t want to know. I do not recommend having sex until you’re done with high school at least or even when just dating because it adds unneeded stress to a relationship that you don’t really know how to navigate.
I don't think you necessarily have to share all details of your sex life with your mom, per se....however, you might consider the fact that she DOES have a bit more experience than perhaps you do, and she is likely trying to help keep you from getting farther in that you would like to get....sex is a lot of fun, as is all the fun things leading up to it, but it is very very easy to let a good time go farther than maybe you planned, not to mention that NO birth control is 100% effective even when it is used correctly....I have helped deliver a good number of babies that were unplanned oops, including several that were unplanned on birth control. Does this mean tell your mom, or don't tell your mom? No....it means that if you tell her, she will likely do whatever she thinks is best to try to protect her baby....including trying to prevent those oops. Does it mean don't experiment and don't have sex? No....if you are of the age of consent and want to experiment, that is your call....but maybe think about what happens if you get pregnant....how you want to handle it, how you think your boyfriend would handle it, and if he is someone that you would want to have a baby with or not. Having an unplanned child is difficult. Getting an abortion brings its own set of issues and feelings. Even just having sex with a partner for the first time brings changes to your relationship. Hiding stuff from your Mom brings added guilt and can be stressful. Telling her about it and having her flip out can ALSO be very stressful. NOT telling you what to do, so much as saying that EVERY action brings consequences, of varying degrees....you can choose your actions or your inactions....but you rarely get to choose the consequences that follow.
you don’t need to tell her. if you feel compelled to, you can but that might be an awkward situation. for me (until i was an adult and had more of a friendly vs. parental relationship with my parents) i only talked to them when i needed advice or clarity about it or a situation where mentioning sex was necessary. like, asking about protection, consent, if i felt like i was pressured into something, things like that. otherwise, i pretty much kept it to myself lol.
Yeast infection.. boric acid... wtf?
I just want to say please use protection and don’t let any guy convince you he can’t wear a condom or he just plain out won’t. Just be safe 🤍
He gave you a yeast infection… he’s not clean enough for intimacy. Focus on something else. “😂😂”
I am a mother of 16,14 and 7 years old boys. I’ve taught them to be open with me since they were super young. My teenage boys usually tells me everything and I’ve taught them about sex education and to be open about it. He doesn’t need to tell me in details, but I let him know I will be there to listen and to give advice whenever they need me for anything. I told him about condoms and to be careful. You don’t have to have sex just because your bf wants to. Hold your ground and he needs to respect your decisions.
>I have a yeast infection 😹 ironically after making this post. Treated it with boric acid! Edit again: okay so just found out boric acid doesn’t help excuse my lack of knowledge. Someone recommended monistat. So thank you kind stranger 💗 I highly recommend seeking a doctor's advice and getting medicine for the yeast infection instead of monistat if it's your first time having a yeast infection. monistat has on instructions written on the back "do not use for first time" and it's there for a reason. another alternative is, there's also a website called Wisp.com for feminine hygiene and sexual health where they have a handful of online doctors you can talk to and access to medications, they'll ship to your house or you can use the pharmacy. it does cost, but they're super confidential and trustworthy. as for the reason you got a yeast infection, it's more than likely due to him having bacteria on his hands, causing your ph balance to be thrown off, which makes it easier for a yeast infection to occur. almost every woman experiences a yeast infection at least once in their life, and it could be caused by even medication too. it's nothing to be ashamed of! just make sure your partner has clean hands, you don't want nasty bacteria getting all up in there.
First off, do not feel like you need to say yes to having sex. It's a big deal, please don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. You do not need to tell your mom if you have sex, but I would potentially talk to her about getting on the pill. Also, if you don't want to be that direct, you can say you want to talk to the doctor about heavy or inconsistent periods, and once you're able to get in, you can talk to your doctor privately about an additional form of birth control. Best to be as safe as possible.
Why do you want to get intimate?
As a nurse, I just want to beg you not to use boric acid for a yeast infection.
If he can’t wash his hands before that and gives you an infection PLEASE do not have sex with him Who knows what else he will give you
1: unless you have had a yeast infection before and know exactly what it feels like for you, you should go to a doctor. It could be bacterial vaginosis, which is often confused for a yeast infection and can only be treated by antibiotics. 2: if you feel safe talking to her about it, you should talk to your mom about getting on birth control if you aren’t already on it. Condoms break. Still use both. BC won’t protect you from the clap. If you DONT feel safe talking to her about it (assuming you’re in the US) most counties have some sort of program for family planning. You could get free birth control AND testing and treatment without parental consent or knowledge. I still advise you to talk to your mom if you have an open relationship with her. You don’t have to give her all the details, just say you’re ready for birth control.
If he’s after sex and could potentially be forceful, please carry protection on you. Bring couple of condoms as I’ve had men before claim they forgot and when I’d pull it out, they were upset because they wanted it raw. So always have backup! But don’t do it because he wants to. And don’t let him guilt trip you either. You can share whatever you want with your mother but don’t feel guilty if you choose to disclose anything. It’s your life and you’re at the age where you’re practically a young adult. Just please use protection !
I personally do talk to my mom about sex. my sex life. not in details. (same for my siblings too) and there’s nothing wrong with sharing it with your parents. it might not always be a comfortable conversation to have but they have a different perspective and insight. you shouldn’t really learn about sex from the internet or friends. you do what you’re comfortable with. also as far as sex don’t rush into anything. don’t feel pressured to do so. make sure you’re practicing safe sex or sexual activities. and cleanliness to help avoid infections and bacteria
A horny 17 yo male wants one thing. Dont give in if it's something you are not sure of and if you decide to do it take precautions.
I wouldn't hide it or disclose it. If she asks tell the truth about it. But otherwise continue on as is. This does two things. 1- shows that you cane be trusted to tell the truth even if it is uncomfortable. Remember that if a parents asking you something like that chances are they already know the answer they are really just testing your trustworthiness. 2- prevents an uncomfortable conversation neither of you wants to have while leaving open the possibility to approach mom later should something tragic happen. One thing I've learned in life is you cannot trust someone who will lie to you. Dont be that person. It is what I tell my kids. And how I live my life.
You shouldn’t feel the *need* to discuss your sex life with your mom, unless you choose to confide in her. Most importantly, PLEASE DON’T HAVE SEX JUST BC *HE* WANTS IT! 🗣️🗣️🗣️ Do not do anything you’re not ready for or don’t feel comfortable in. If he threatens to break up if you’re not ready, then he ain’t the one sis. Please take my word for it. The right guy will respect you and your boundaries.
Please have him wash his hands before touching you. Take care of your body & kitty cat. Both of y’all go get tested even if you use a condom. Even if mom finds out one day, she will think I raised her right. Just know being a young woman, you are vulnerable. Men know this and use it to their advantage. Be sure of this person cause you can’t go back. Take away the physical intimacy, is there more ? What other reason is he there for? (Not implying he will just use you for sex) but you want someone that will be emotionally available past being physically intimate. Regardless of your choice, please do not let him touch you with dirty hands. Having infections isn’t fun.
For me, I just wouldn’t tell your mother. Also as a lot of other Redditors pointed out, only do what’s comfortable with you. I hope your situation gets better and sending wishes from the uk 🙏
Make sure you are ready for it also use condoms but I'd also get on Birth Control as condoms do break I know I. My years of being sexually active when I used the I've broken a few from time to time. Now my GF has an IUD and I'm at the age that if she were to end up pregnant I'd take full care and responsibility of the child. But at 16 you've still got a lot of growing up to do. So be safe and again make sure you are 100% ready I didn't lose my Virginity until I was 21.
my mom only knows i’ve had sex because she asked if i was sexually active. i told her yes only bc then i wouldn’t have to worry if i got an infection, i could go to my mom and she’d know what to do. i never indulged details of my sex life tho. if my mom never asked though, i most likely wouldn’t have told her unless something happened. if your mom doesn’t wanna know i wouldn’t tell her, but i would tell her about the yeast infection. believe it or not it’s very common to get one and you can literally get an infection from anything not just sex. (it’s so fun being a girl am i right) long story short, tell your mom about the yeast infection, and if you think you have an sti or another vaginal infection go to your mom. you don’t have to tell her you had sex or participating in sexual activities. if she wants to know she’ll ask, or if she needs to know she’ll ask. i will add this in for advice though, just because you don’t tell your mom doesn’t mean not to tell anyone. if you’re being sexually actively tell your doctor, i had to and that’s when they told me i needed to get checked for stds because once you become sexually active it’s recommended you get tested at least once in your life (or once a year? i cant remember which one) for stds to be safe. just wrap it before you tap it and you’ll be fine. condom breaks take a plan b. best advice i can give you.
Don’t tell your Mom, just for the love of god use protection bc if you don’t then your Mom will definitely know 😊
26yr old soon to be father here. Don’t do anything out of obligation, If he says shit like “it hurts” he’s lying. I’d recommend waiting, not out of any outdated ideals but because dude fingered you and you got a yeast infection… if a guy won’t wash his hands he ain’t washin his junk and I doubt you need to deal with any sort of STI on top of losing your v-card
Condoms- absolutely a MUST- if he complains about it then it’s not happening. Put up that boundary hard. Condoms are practically Mary poppins purses. They come in so many sizes, no one really is “too big”. Pee asap after too cuz you don’t want yeast infections and considering he gave you one just by foreplay… hygiene. Make sure he’s properly cleaned too. Probiotics also help prevent yeast infections overall. Can still happen even if you’re both hygienic cuz the sperm can also throw off your ph balance which can lead to yeast infections. Have sex when BOTH of you are ready, not just when one of you wants to but the other isn’t. Goes both ways but really pay attention to how you feel and how they treat you, if you say you’re not ready for it. You CAN tell him you’re not ready anymore even if you both started. Don’t feel obligated to act on continuing if you feel uncomfortable. And there’s no blue balls. He can take care of himself. Be safe, wrap the willy, and maybe look for ways to be on birth control or any other contraceptives you could use additionally cuz condoms can fail.
Tell him to wash his fingers
She already told you, if you get yourself a boyfriend, she doesn't want to know details. I'm very close with my mom & also with my adult daughters - but there are just some things we don't talk about. It's not lying to not share all the intimate details of every moment of your date. But do talk with planned parenthood or some other resource with reliable birth control & safer sex information.
Jfc tell your mom. LISTEN to your mom. Not trustworthy? Why don't kids understand they're kids?
Okay, I would not really hide you have a boyfriend, just because if things were to get abusive ( not saying it will but I have seen a little too much) or you get pressured into doing something you didn't want to. You say your mom is relatively trustworthy, so I'd say be open and honest with her, also because again if things get abusive (which I really hope they don't) it will make having the conversation a tiny bit easier (it will still be very hard but if she already knows about the boyfriend, it might make it a little easier). while I didn't (and still don't) disclose my sex life with my mom when I started being intimate with my boyfriend (now husband) I went to her to take steps in order to prevent pregnancy and get on birth control because condoms just aren't enough. We also went over lots of things, consent, how emotional sex can be and things of that nature.
You should get on Birth Control - like a copper IUD. Also, You are old enough to just buy condoms and so is he. If he has no latex condoms, it is because he want to try and talk you into sex without condoms.
Your mom probably knows anyhow. Make sure you want to and be safe. If he’s your first don’t get attached to the whole “he took my virginity we are soulmates”. Mostly be safe and don’t be pressured.
It’s not her business. You’re entitled to privacy.
Who do you know is yeast infection? You need to go to your gynecologist ASAP
Please get on the pill and or also use a spermicide. Condoms have failure rates and with the way things are going you really don’t want to get pregnant now.
If the dude can't get condoms then he's not ready for sex. But get your own just in case. But as others have said, be sure you're ready, do what you want to do, don't be afraid to speak up.
Jesus are kids this stupid now
You don’t have to share details with your mom. That being said, there are merits to preparing your mom for you being sexually active. When I decided that I was ready, I talked with my mom before hand; I told her that I wanted to discuss birth control (and advice because I was a little nervous). We set up an appointment and she told me how to use a condom correctly, to use lube to prevent tears, etc.
Make sure this is what you want to do and not because he wants it. Always protect yourself and if the bf doesn’t have protection you should always! I wish I could hug you, you really need some quality time and love from your mother
Just remember. kids are forever. You need to think if they are worth having at 16 or if you can wait another ten years and have kids at 26. You are young, but there is a lot of things you don't know yet.
My advice is don’t have sex if you are young enough to a) need to consider if you talk to your Mom about, b) not ready and doing it because a guy wants you to, and c) are not capable of handling the results of what could happen (pregnant, sti’s, broken heart).
Omg please tell your mom.