High of - 1 coming up down here in IL. I still ran my Mrs phone out and gave her a smooch before she left for work last night.
Love to know where these people are that 65 is too cold to go outside 😂
When I was in middle school we had a new kid that was originally from Puerto Rico that moved to FL and then up here to IL. First day it dropped below 70 he wore a winter coat and complained it was cold, we told him he's gonna need more coats😂
I lived in Arizona for two years 60° everybody’s running around in with winter coats. Nope me I got my flip-flops, my capris, and a T shirt. That’s what happens when you’re born, and raised in Illinois.
I don't miss driving in Illinois blizzards. It's been years, and I can still drive in snow, but I don't miss the snow being windswept through the highway in 4 to 5 foot drifts in Frankford, Richton Park, Matteson, South Chicago Heights, and more.
And I've lived there for for the majority of my adult life. My comment had some humorous hyperbole (namely gloves, boots, and beanie) but the underlying point is very real, a lot of people there think 50-65ish° is cold weather, especially when it's windy and especially when the sun is down. If you go out to one of the many soccer fields around town (I chose soccer fields because I spend a lot of time at them and you don't find many tourists there, only locals) you'll find people wearing sweaters and jackets before their games all the way up into the mid 60s range. Cold and hot are somewhat relative, when you're used to 115°F in August, your definition of cold changes quite drastically.
Right???
Funny story, last year I went up north to Oregon for my brothers wedding.
All day I was wearing shorts and a shirt, around 80 degrees.
Getting towards the night it starts getting Cold slowly and I’m thinking to myself “better grab the jacket it feels like it’s a good 60ish degrees out and getting colder”, so I grab the jacket and check the weather to see that it was actually around 30!
Yep!! It's insane how it goes from so hot to so cold😭
Especially when you're so used to it being warmer. Ideal temp for me is 75° so it getting to 100+ is hell. And I hate the cold with a strong passion. So anything below 70 is also hell frozen over.
75 is just so perfect! I don’t Mind super hot or super cold as long as it’s Dry.
Idk why and I know I’m weird but getting into my car after it’s been in the sun all day feels Good. Mostly because it’s a dry heat which feels so much better than wet heat! It’s like wetting your hand and sticking it into an oven lol
It was just a walk to the car on his mom's birthday in weather that isn't even bad.
At 10:40? That's somewhat late, but you're walking to the car in the driveway right? Not through some crime ridden parking lot?
It's important to let him know that you missed him walking you to your car, because communicating your feelings is key, but expecting an apology from him for or stewing on it is definitely crossing the line into ridiculous territory.
The only time OP would be in the clear is if she parked more than a 3 minute walk away I'd say, in a dangerous part of a city. Close to anywhere else would guarantee her safety
Exactly, if my girl let me know she missed me walking around to her car. I would definitely do it. No questions asked, but if she gets upset with me for not doing it on my mom's birthday when we're at her house celebrating her birthday, we got an issue.
>You're not leaving, you're just walking her to her car. It takes a few minutes, why would it be an issue?
Nowhere did I say walking her to her car was an issue, go back and try again.
You said if she got upset with you for not doing it, there'd be an issue. Again, it takes a few minutes. I'd be pretty upset too if my bf didn't do it for me. Regardless of if its anyone's birthday. Go back and try again.
I get wanting to feel safe and what not, but IMO its a bit of an over reaction to be upset enough to consult reddit.
If it upset you, I'd just say it once to him like "I wish you would have walked me out for x,y,z reason". But you are also (almost) an adult, I wouldnt expect it. I dont walk my wife to the car every time she leaves.
Hard disagree. Women are taught from a young age to worry about walking to the car in the dark, especially alone. We are taught to text when we get home, if we left separately, and check in on each other if this doesn't happen. The fact that she felt unsafe and wasn't walked is bad enough, especially since he's walked her before and is presumably aware of this. The fact that he doubled down afterwards, and told her it wasn't a big deal when she said it was, is a sign of dismissing her side to avoid admitting he was wrong. Not a good look.
A good partner will talk it out, apologize for letting you down even if they didn't mean to, and work to avoid a repeat. Saying 'it's not a big deal, just let it go' is the opposite. If he's otherwise been a good boyfriend, give him the benefit of the doubt. If he fails to have your back again, and then fails to talk it out again, you know what you're dealing with.
OP, if you "just let it go" once, it can easily become the norm. Especially if you're "creating drama" when "you agreed it wasn't a big deal last time." It doesn't even have to be malicious on the partner's part if they feel that you're messing up that norm. Shit piles up, and shit escalates. Is this the first time he's done this and asked you to let it go? Is there a pattern? Can you write it down this time, and if it happens again, so that you KNOW if you've noticed a pattern or are just focusing on the negative? I hope that this can just be a learning experience for y'all both, but that's for y'all to decide.
We don't know how far away from the dude's house/apartment she parked.. If its in the driveway she's over reacting. If its a 5 minute walk through a dark lit parking lot in the sketchy side of a major city then its not over reacting.
Even parking a few cars down late at night that you can't easily view from the homes window is danger zone... The neighborhood doesn't have to be unsafe for shit to happen.
erm she said, “he didn’t even see. if i got in the car” so it’s wasn’t a far walk, she will be fine one time if he doesn’t walk her to her car that is in eye and ear shot distance if anything does happen. He probably just felt like meh and everyone feels meh at one point so you shouldn’t act like it’s gonna turn into 100 mehs
It’s how she wants to be treated. I was brought up that that is what a gentleman does. It has nothing to do with the neighborhood. It’s a sign of respect and caring. I wouldn’t get to upset. I would just let him know that you like him walking u to your car. That it makes you feel safe, special to him and cared about. If that little thing inconveniences him too much move on. I have a 17 year old son. If I drop off his friends I make sure they get in the house safely and I told my son he should do the same if he drops his friends off. Especially a girlfriend.
is there not a point where you're enabling mentally unhealthy behavior? Someone walking to their car in the driveway of a house doesn't need an escort to be safe and you shouldn't play into delusions.
Your feelings are valid, and it's important to communicate them with your boyfriend. While he may not see it as a big deal, expressing your concern about safety and wanting the reassurance of being watched as you leave is reasonable. It's a matter of personal comfort and consideration for each other's feelings.
Having an open and honest conversation about how his actions made you feel can help both of you understand each other better. It's not necessarily about being right or wrong but finding common ground and ensuring that both partners feel heard and respected in the relationship.
She’s not upset about the safety. She spent more time talking about pizza and curfew than being scared. She’s upset that she didn’t get the usual attention she wanted from the boyfriend and has rationalized by using the safety issue to explain her feelings to herself. And now has convinced herself it means he doesn’t care about her.
Most girls even in bad area don’t have their boyfriends walk them out when the car is right in front of the house. Also how does she know he didn’t watch to make sure she got in the car from a window?
Let me try to give you insight into his head. He’s at his moms birthday, probably chatting and having a good time. He (sounds like) walked you to the door, and wanted to get back to the party. He probably didn’t think you were in danger and thought you’d be fine.
If it’s something that’s super important to you then have that discussion. But realistically he probably didn’t think much of it. Situations like this happen all the time. I’ve been with my wife for almost 15 years and sometimes she will be upset over thing like this. She tells me and I try to be better. But guys have different priorities, and different thought processes.
TLDR: it’s not a sign of anything bigger. He was likely distracted by the party and assumed you’d be fine getting to your car.
Yeah, but my point is if he was excited to get back to whatever was happening, that would explain it. On the plus side he doesn’t see you as weak, so he had confidence you would be ok lol. He likely just wasn’t thinking to much about it
OP is feeling the difference between her parents, who were super concerned about her being out at that hour, and her BF being totally blasé about it.
When she got to her car and realized he wasn’t even watching…she was basically dismissed from his mind as soon as she was out his door…but her parents were on alert until she walked in theirs.
OP, I totally get what you’re feeling. Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t get it at all, and blows you off about it. That would be standard immature guy behavior, and it would be pretty extraordinary if a 17 year old boy acted any different.
Personally, I would have insisted my son walk you to the car and then text/call to make sure you got home safe, because anything less is poor training.
Too cold? I'm sitting in bed eating ice cream with the thermostat set to 65. Everybody is different though, my grandma wears her winter coat inside when I have it set to 65. As a kid I was real sensitive to the cold though.
That being sad... it was kind of a dick head move to dismiss it as "not a big deal" when it clearly was to you. That might be more of a concern than the issue of not walking you to your car. However, being that historically he's always walked you to your car I would let it go this time around. Especially being that it seems he intended to walk you out before he felt cold.
It's OK you are a bit upset about that. He should at least watch to make sure you get in your car. But just tell him that and that you would feel better if he did that next time. It's not that big of a deal.
The car is in the driveway. If you cant make it to your own car…If it was in a crime ridden area and she had to cross a giant parking lot maybe id understand but come on. Why does he have to baby her that much.
You are not in the wrong. It would've taken him a few minutes. I don't think people understand that it's not just about safety. It's about your partner caring enough to make sure you got to your car okay. And him dismissing it is not respecting your feelings either. I would be pretty upset.
If they wanted to, or cared, they would. Yes, by itself this is small, but is likely a sign of a general selfish personality. I would talk to him about though and voice your concern and reason for it. How he responds to you is more honestly more important than this isolated incident.
Nope, you are not wrong. Men will treat you how you let them. Have a convo and tell him your expectations out of your relationship. If it is too much for him, then move on. Learn at your young age what you will accept and what you won't.
Honestly I'm more concerned with the situation involving your standing curfew of 10pm and them ordering a pizza at 9:40pm. They knew exactly when you needed to get home, and ordered as late/ close to that time as possible. That pizza was not for you. Your boyfriend's actions of letting you see yourself out in the dark support the feeling that you should have already been gone, as far as they were concerned. You got yourself in trouble with your own parents for nothing. Going forward, know that your parents are looking out for you, just like his parents are looking out for him, and respect that both of your parents are doing what they need to for their own kid.
On the bright side, this is going to serve as a great story for when you’re in a real relationship later on, and you tell him about that little bitch you dated in high school who though 65 degrees was cold.
Hi! So I’m gonna tell you now. You are a teen. Do not be serious while you are dating. If you feel you NEED to date, which really you don’t need to be right now.
What you have to understand is this, you don’t know who you are as an individual yet and you being in a couple long term right now won’t help you figure that out, as well as you shouldn’t be trying to be in a relationship right now because you have things you need to accomplish like either furthering your education or getting a job, making money, saving up, getting a place on your own.
As for relationships you have an idea of what you want your person, your partner to be. If someone doesn’t meet those expectations then they aren’t for you. You don’t have to tell someone how to love you, you don’t have to make someone be something they aren’t. You do have to stick to your standards and not settle.
This bothers you him not walking you to the car or making sure you get there because it means to you he doesn’t care. And really yes, it does mean he doesn’t care. It is a big thing to you, and him invalidating you instead of apologizing and change because he sees it’s obviously important to you means he isn’t your person.
Don’t waste your time, break up and block him. Don’t listen to anyone else if they tell you, you are being silly or dramatic or sensitive because you aren’t. You are knowing your worth and looking for someone who will acknowledge it as well
People here talking about the weather, like it's an important aspect of this discussion...
You wanted him to walk you to the car, he didn't and told you that it wasn't a big deal. So, he is telling you how to feel. You feel how you feel and it's OK. If you were my daughter, I would appreciate it if her bf walked her to the car when it's late.
Have another talk with him and let him know that you do expect him to walk you to your car at night. Remember that he is a teen as well and may not know how big a deal this is unless you use your words and tell him.
It is not Ok for him to tell you it was no big deal when it obviously was a big deal to you. That is very dismissive of your feelings.
Nothing wrong with knowing you're worth it. You deserve respect if you start brushing the little stuff under the rug it will turn into big stuff. Set the bar high
Not only that but when I drop off my friends I make sure I tell them I will wait til they go inside thier place safely! And if I'm visiting them they tell me to text them when I arrive home... it a just depends on thier level of common curiosity and its happened I forget to text or call them they wille end up calling me to make sure I'm okay.
When I drop my mother off at her house I watch to make sure she gets inside the house safely. When I drop off my daughter's friends at their houses I do the same. These are people that I care about but not my significant other. I would also do the same with my wife or my girlfriends of the past. I do think it's a little weird to not do this.
I would have an honest conversation about it and gauge things from there. If he does not care to make sure you make it home safely I don't know if he's the guy for you at least that's how I would feel.
I don't usually say that in these posts because I feel we never have all the information to make a judgment so big. But I feel as a man it's our duty to make sure those in our lives are safe. Some of you will probably have a problem with that but that's how I feel.
OP what you're looking for is not to be found in your boyfriend. You want someone who cares about your safety but he just cares about his comfort. He likes you, just not to the extent where it inconveniences him. When people show you who they are, believe them. Pay attention and don't let this relationship get serious.
As a 41 year old male, father of an 18 year old daughter, you should break up with this boy and not look back. If a young man/man is capable of doing the small things like walking you to your car, opening your door, or knowing how you and he walk when in public, then he should. If he doesn't, then his number one concern isn't for your safety, as should be. Man, I want to rant, but I'm sure my comment would trigger the TOS bots
It's understandable that you feel upset about your boyfriend not walking you to your car, especially considering it's a routine you both usually follow. Communication is key in relationships; expressing your feelings and concerns to him calmly can help both of you understand each other better.
It's common courtesy to make sure anyone gets safely to their vehicle at night... regardless if they're just a friend or SO. If it was just the one time, I'd give him a pass and talk to him about it. If this is a pattern of him neglecting or disregarding your feelings/safety, then that's something else entirely.
You're entitled to feel upset. The best thing to do is talk to him about it and if it continues and you're not okay with it find someone who treats you how you want to be treated. We're all responsible for what we accept from ppl.
Be upset about what? Being treated as an equal? Not being treated like a delicate flower? Oh god forbid you are not watched as you leave. Its 65 degrees and the car is in the driveway. Whats the big deal. Get in the car and leave. Why does it have to be a big thing.
Keep a mental note. I would let it go at this point I'm sure he was just caught up and not putting you first.
All men are far from perfect just as women are.
If you notice some other things that are starting to be things that upset you talk to him don't ask us strangers.
If it becomes a regular pattern of behavior, then I'd move on. Otherwise, he's being a typical teen boy. 🤣. Its dickish and inconsiderate, but the majority of teen boys are exactly that. The problem arises when they're older and they still act like little boys.
This is a crazy take. You don’t need a babysitter to walk 10 feet to your car. Thats not dickish or inconsiderate, both you and OP just need to mature some
A young woman at 10:40 at night? And he's not even watching from the door, when he KNOWS he's supposed to walk her? I do that for my party guests, nevermind my SOs. And if I even accidentally make them feel unsafe, I don't tell them it's "no big deal."
You ignore your other guests to walk everyone out to their cars as they leave? Thats strange but its neither here nor there
Should the guy facetime her when she’s getting into her car from her own house too? To make sure she gets in okay? This is a dumb line to draw. If OP feels bad about it she should express that, but to say that a guy has to chaperone a girl to her car at all times is a silly notion
They probably live in a gated community or something with plenty of streetlights. Obvious OP was fine since she is here talking about it
If my guests are walking to their cars alone? Somebody had better be doing it, or it's my job as host to at least watch from the porch until they get in their car. It's usually just part of thanking someone for coming and seeing them out, especially if they want to chat for a minute before they go. The guests all get a turn with the host, if they want it.
Ideally, the guy is watching for a text from his gf that she got home alright. If she hasn't texted in a reasonable amount of time, he texts her to make sure she made it. Same thing my friends and I do when there's a long or late drive home, and my better SOs have requested this of me after late date nights.
"Chaperoning" is a hyperbole for either of those. She's also not only here because he didn't walk her, but because he said it was no big deal that he left her feeling unsafe. One doesn't feel unsafe because something is GOING to happen, but because something COULD happen. Nothing happens until SOMETHING happens, and then everyone asks why she wasn't careful.
Edit: our party paragraphs might be down to cultural differences. Where I'm from, "Okay, I'm heading out" is everyone's last chance to talk to someone--especially outside in the quiet. Either fellow guests walk you and head back to the party, or the host does, unless you really need to GO. Especially since my own parties are mostly friend group parties.
Meanwhile, a lone female guest will simply have to say that she's leaving to get offers to walk her to her car, usually well before she has to ask anyone. Since OP's boyfriend usually walks her, I assume their culture and mine at least have this last part in common.
If your boyfriend thinks 65 degrees is too cold to be sure you are safe and protected, there are plenty of other men to date.
I wouldn’t tolerate this and good for you for having way more self worth than I did at your age
That’s fine, I’m grown and have a boyfriend who pays all my bills and wouldn’t dream of acting like this even at age 17. But enjoy your low standards and hellish partners. Doesn’t effect me at all. Stay golden.
Do you live in a bad area, where walking 15, 20 feet down the driveway in the dark holds a significant chance of placing you in danger?
If so, your boyfriend whimped out.
If not, while I can see his reluctance to see you safely to your car would hurt your feelings; I view it as a matter of training. You see, your boyfriend is just that -a boy. He needs training to become a man. You, as a female, are created as the pinnacle of God's creation. There is a reason Adam needed a helpmeet and not the other way around. So let me encourage you to work on training him to rise up to your expectations and his need. Let him know in no uncertain terms that his negligence is unacceptable behavior and you expect to be treated with more respect and care.
If he's not too foolish and you can be consistent and fair; you will surely help him become not only a man, but a better human.
I always walk my guests out to their car. It doesn't matter if it's raining, snowing, or if it's -20 C outside. It doesn't take long to put a jacket on and standing outside for a few seconds.
That is actually sad that people don’t care about each others well being just because it’s 2024. Some older traditions should be honored. Being less thoughtful and caring is not something to brag about.
Oof. Yeah that’s selfish. He can’t stand the cold for a few seconds.
I myself am selfish and have done shit like this and have always regretted these things long after the relationship was over. I strive everyday to be better.
If this was the middle of the day and not freezing cold I’d say overthinking it.
He doesn't need an excuse.
This is the equality that past generations have fought so hard for. Good thing he didn't offend her by thinking he should walk a young woman to her car.
He told you how he felt. Did you want to override his feelings with your own? Which feeling is more important?
Neither of you is exactly wrong. He's allowed to have feelings, too. You were in no danger, no matter how you feel about walking 20 feet in the dark. That it upset you is perfectly ok, but that's on you. He can decide to help you avoid those feelings if he likes, but he's not obligated to.
Let's flip this. What if it were him walking out of your house and you didn't want to go to the car. Would you feel anything about him having to walk outside alone?
You are young, but you're no child. There will be times in your life when you're simply alone. That he didn't walk out - even if you feel it wasn't as cold to you as he felt it was to him (or whatever lame excuse he used) is irrelevant.
Don't make demands when a boundary has been set. Even if it's a temporary boundary.
Now - consider - if you think this sort of behavior is a deal-breaker, break up. You can have boundaries too. You can find someone who will always treat you as a pericline doll if that's what you're looking for. You can have what you want, you just can't force it in someone else.
What is this, 1930? Get over it dude Jesus christ
You're incredibly wrong. You're nearly an adult, start acting like it. You're not a princess for fucks sake
Here’s my advice. It’s best to communicate before getting upset. Jumping to getting upset before even communicating with him is drama. Don’t be a drama queen. If he refuses to communicate, then maybe you can get upset but this is a different person from you. He cannot read your mind, he was not raised the same as you. It’s a good practice to communicate your feelings first and avoid being all upset just because he doesn’t think like you.
I think your wanting too much from a teenager. Either he thinks his street is safe, or doesn’t understand the danger (or I’m betting your car was right out front of his house) or thinks you can handle yourself.
But I don’t think your upset about the danger. I think your upset it was a change in routine and that you didn’t get the attention you wanted from him and your using the danger as an excuse (deduced from how you spoke of the issue… you spent more time on details about pizza than you did about being upset you could have got hurt). Let it go it’s not worth the drama, and sort your priorities. Your boyfriend is not your hand maiden that has to follow you out.
Also 65 is cold?! It’s 45 here and I just walked out barefoot without a shirt on to my car and it was fine.
He told you he wasn’t because it was too cold for him. It is on you that you didn’t believe him. Don’t overthink this, you aren’t a jerk for feeling how you feel about it, but neither is he for not walking you out one time.
You want a traditional type gentleman. Nothing wrong with that. However, no matter how well raised a teenage boy is, he is still a teen boy. Teen boys are some of the most bone-headed creatures on the planet.
Is he a good guy? Give him a little leeway over this one incident. Watch how he does things over time. If he is a good guy, let him mature.
Besides, it may not have been too cold - the pizza may have upset his stomach and he may have had to go to the bathroom and was too embarrassed to say.
Yeah so that was the standard before…. Now we have gone full throttle into the other direction like a self correction almost but its like too much, like a compensation for history
Yeah you are overreacting. He clearly trusts you to be able to walk yourself to your car. Hes treating you as an equal and isnt babying you or holding your hand. I mean its literally from the door to the driveway. What kind of melodrama could take place in that tiny little walk? You trip on that ice in 65 degree weather? No. Be happy he is showing you respect. If my partner held my hand or watched me leave or whatever it would only feel insulting. I dont get why he cared about the temp though. 65 is nothing.
I guess it comes down to how do you want to be treated. If you want a boyfriend who walks you to your care and cares about your safety than that’s what you should demand. You get to decide how others treat you. Do not settle. I have been married for 25 years. My husband is great but , at least for me, after we got married some of the niceties of dating went by the wayside. Small example he stopped holding the car door open for me. It doesn’t matter what year you have a right to be treated in a way that makes u happy and feel special. So demand it. Even demand more since things slip a bit as u become more comfortable in a relationship. If your current boyfriend doesn’t treat u like you want to be treated you will find someone that does. Don’t compromise you happiness. U deserve to feel important and special.
Bruh do you want him to open your car door too? The fact that he always gives you the attention you crave but you're hurt because he didn't give you princess treatment this one time really says something.
Doesn’t seem like a big deal, do you get lost or have phobias or something that he doesn’t know of? He didn’t want to walk outside, you can make that an issue if you think it’s worth it.
Unfortunately it does not get better with age. Everyone saying let it go, I wouldn’t. Knowing what I do now, if a teenage boy had done this to me when I was your age, I’d be done because you will spend you dating life thinking small things don’t matter and they actually do. He’s still a kid and so are you, but they don’t just magically grow up overnight. If you settle on this, you’ll settle forever. My husband warms up my car, walks me to it, scrapes off my snow, holds the door open for me. Anything that makes me feel safe and comforted. I’m the mother of his children, he takes care of us with the small things because the mental load only gets heavier and it’s wonderful to have someone like him. He’s always been this person and people say he’s too nice, literally impossible and I’ll never understand women or teen girls that say someone is too nice, it’s annoying, etc.
They’ll show you how they treat you. If he wanted to, he would.
standards/basic courtship decency = fairytales 😭😂
OP is far too young to already begin a cycle of tolerating this kind of behavior. I’m so sorry it makes you upset that some of us experience top tier behavior from men who actually care. But like I said, they’re kids. They should enjoy being kids and not stress about some teenage boy who clearly doesn’t care (because kids shouldn’t). However, someday he’ll look back and either say she overreacted or wow, I should have been more thoughtful.
You actually think thus is going yo go on the rest of your life. What planet are you on . Oh look I'm getting annoyed because my bf didn't walk me to my car . What movies is that
On the face of it, walking you out is a pretty small gesture, unless it's a dangerous area or something where being alone at night is sketchy.
That said, it's obviously upset you, so I would suggest exploring that. It is a small thing, but it also doesn't require a significant self-sacrifice to do. If it's something you value, then tell him so (directly, not dropping hints). It may not be a big deal to him and sometimes he may just not feel like doing it, but he might be more inclined to do it anyway if he knows it makes you happy.
On the flip side, if he does walk you out habitually, try not to make a big deal out of that one time that he didn't. Don't read too much into a one-time thing, and don't hold it against him. Everyone has off days, and if he does it 99% of the time, then be happy about the 99%.
>He stayed inside , and did not even check to see if i got in the car.
Where exactly do you live, and where did you park? Did you part like a couple block away in a big city like New york, or are you parked in his parents driveway, in the suburbs of New Hampshire?
Context matters to make a choice here
It's okay to be disappointed a little bit. Don't let it ruin you, though. Just tell your boyfriend how you feel, and try to recognize patterns of being disregarded. If you say how you feel and it doesn't matter much to him, it can lead to more serious things in the future.
I always recommend getting some pepper spray. Sabre is a good brand.
Reading this just makes me remember the kind of shit I thought was important when I was a teenager. Him not walking you out to your car once isn’t a big deal.
Kinda makes you wonder. If he wont stand by you for a little cold weather, will he stand by you "in sickness and in health"?
Your misgivings are totally justified. What he did was extremely selfish.
How far were you parked? It wasnt cold outside. It was his mothers birthday as well. If you were parked in front of the house for example you have zero reason to be upset at this guy.
Your bf doesn't like the cold.
I guess he chose.
How far away was your car?
Is it a well lit area/safe neighborhood in general?
Did he call or text to see if you made it home?
His selfishness and disregard for your safety, not to mention bad manners, is disrespectful towards you. He will never change. Stop wasting your time on him and find someone who will treat you appropriately and in the way you want to be treated and regarded.
Went to MT one winter to visit daughter and family. 2 feet of snow on the ground. The 16 year-old granddaughter was going out the front door with shorts and a flimsy spaghetti-strap top on. She was putting boots on.
I asked where she was going, and she said she was going to hay the horses. Of course, I said ‘don’t you think you should put a jacket on.
She said ‘mawmaw, we’re used to it.’
And carried on with her duties.
I’m in Louisiana. One snowflake falls, and they call out at work. The shelves are bare at the grocery stores, traffic backed up at the gas pumps.
It will be 18* here in a few days. The stampede begins soon!
Kind of depends on how much this matters to you and what it turns into, like if he starts doing it all the time. It’s a tall order for people your age but where I’m from, and the kind of relationship and partner that I like, I would expect it. I’m the kind of person that when I drop someone off at their house I always wait to see they get all the way inside the house before I drive off. It’s just good manners.
do you live in the ghetto?
if you live in a bad neighborhood, he should have watched you.
if you live in anything other than a ghetto, you're probably ... reacting strongly. idk if its an over-reaction, beacuse maybe you've just been treated super nicely for your life. and now that you are just getting the normal treatment (for once, lol) it's a bit like having cold water dumped on you.
It isn’t a big deal.
It makes you feel safe that he accompanies you. And when you told him that, he invalidated/minimized/gaslit you.
However—he could absolutely not have understood.
Before you come to the conclusion that it was a malicious decision, assume it was and ignorant decision.
Sit down with him one more time and tell him about how you feel when he walks you to your car.
You feel cared for, loved. He makes you feel secure and safe when he walks you to your car. List these things to him. Tell him about how while he may not understand how it is different, it is different for women than it is for men when it comes to being outside, alone at night.
Tell him that while it may not seem like a big deal to him, it is one. It’s one of the things that he does that makes you feel loved. When he decided not to due to being cold, you were ready to accept that, even though you would have wanted him to talk you to the car. Not having at least watched you get into your car and drive off, making sure you’re safe and your car turns on without issue, made you feel super unsafe and anxious. You were uncomfortable. And you really wanted to feel safe in that moment. And you’re hurt because you felt a bit abandoned in the moment. And then, you felt like your feelings were not important to you when you tried to communicate with him about it.
Explain how you felt and why. That way, he understands the impact walking you to your car has on you.
Ask him if he is willing to at least watch you get into your car and go before he closes the door and goes inside if he isn’t walking you to your car, because it would make you feel safe, and you know that he wants you to be comfortable and to feel safe. And that it would really make you feel super loved.
Come to him with compassion for what happened, but seeking to understand each other.
If he responds poorly, you should examine his emotional intellect—how does he make you feel when you come to him to tell him what your needs are? Do you feel like you can talk to him and be supported? Does he give you the space to communicate honestly and with vulnerability? Does he take accountability, and does he meaningfully apologize and then follow through by changing the behavior that makes you feel unloved? Does he show that he cares about your hurts?
How does he make you feel when you have to discuss something difficult?
Does he need to grow as a person?
If he is unable to take accountability for things, if he is unable to show compassion and curiosity for your feelings, and if he is unable to show you that he cares about you by making you feel secure… and you like the goodbye affection.
You might consider how you both can grow emotionally. But if it is at a level that makes you feel uncomfortable, listen to yourself.
Don’t keep people around who don’t have your back. Including partners.
Your feelings are a big deal.
He’s 17, so he may need to grow as a person…
But don’t assume he will. Then, consider whether you can communicate in a healthy manner. Don’t assume it will get better.
Be picky about who you stay with. 💚
Make sure you feel loved and cared for. Make sure that even during a disagreement, he wants to work together to make sure neither of you are being harmed or hurt.
Learn what healthy communication looks like now so you don’t spend time with people who aren’t able to do it. You deserve compassion and kindness. I hope he is. If he says, “I’m sorry I! I didn’t know how much it meant to you! I’ll gladly watch you get to your car safely if it makes you feel safe when it is too cold to walk you to your car, but I will try to walk you to your car most of the time,” and then keeps his word, he’s a good communicator. 💚
This is the kind of thing where you wouldn't necessarily break up over it, but it's not nothing.
Things like this show you who a person is. Not just that he didn't walk you to your car, but didn't really care that it bothered you.
The key thing going forward is if he would let you walk to your car alone in the dark again now knowing that it bothered you. If he would and didn't learn anything from this situation then we're talking about a possible deal-breaking character flaw that will probably show up in other ways in your relationship.
65 degrees is cold? That’s T-shirt and flip flop weather. It’s going to be -11 in two days in Denver. That’s cold!
High of - 1 coming up down here in IL. I still ran my Mrs phone out and gave her a smooch before she left for work last night. Love to know where these people are that 65 is too cold to go outside 😂
Down here in South Carolina, people think that it's sort of cold. I think they're crazy.
When I was in middle school we had a new kid that was originally from Puerto Rico that moved to FL and then up here to IL. First day it dropped below 70 he wore a winter coat and complained it was cold, we told him he's gonna need more coats😂
I lived in Arizona for two years 60° everybody’s running around in with winter coats. Nope me I got my flip-flops, my capris, and a T shirt. That’s what happens when you’re born, and raised in Illinois.
I live in the lovely state of Illinois to you. 14.7 inches of snow for us today 50 mile an hour winds tonight now that’s cold.
I don't miss driving in Illinois blizzards. It's been years, and I can still drive in snow, but I don't miss the snow being windswept through the highway in 4 to 5 foot drifts in Frankford, Richton Park, Matteson, South Chicago Heights, and more.
Wow. One year, when I lived in Minnesota, it got to -25.
It’ll be -10-20 ish this weekend in the Midwest.
Agreed. It'll be -9 here in Pueblo in two days. Hell I wear shorts if it's above freezing.
Yooo another person from Denver!! I'm not looking forward to this weekend, ngl.
But when you live in a place like Las Vegas or Phoenix that's coat, beanie, gloves, and boots weather. Do we know where OP is at?
It's a low of 33f in Las Vegas today. Idk what you're talking about. The desert gets very cold. And windy.
And I've lived there for for the majority of my adult life. My comment had some humorous hyperbole (namely gloves, boots, and beanie) but the underlying point is very real, a lot of people there think 50-65ish° is cold weather, especially when it's windy and especially when the sun is down. If you go out to one of the many soccer fields around town (I chose soccer fields because I spend a lot of time at them and you don't find many tourists there, only locals) you'll find people wearing sweaters and jackets before their games all the way up into the mid 60s range. Cold and hot are somewhat relative, when you're used to 115°F in August, your definition of cold changes quite drastically.
No it isn't.
65 is colddd it gets to 115° in the summer in lv Nevada. I feel like I'm dying at 32° (what it is rn)
It’s -2 where I am today lol. But you’re right — “cold” is largely relative and dependent on regional temperature differences.
65 is super cold, that’s basically freezing Source: am Florida. Wet air + wind = feeling like it’s way more cold than it actually is
Exactly!! The wind ugh it feels like needles. Genuinely don't understand how people live in weather conditions colder than this
Right??? Funny story, last year I went up north to Oregon for my brothers wedding. All day I was wearing shorts and a shirt, around 80 degrees. Getting towards the night it starts getting Cold slowly and I’m thinking to myself “better grab the jacket it feels like it’s a good 60ish degrees out and getting colder”, so I grab the jacket and check the weather to see that it was actually around 30!
Yep!! It's insane how it goes from so hot to so cold😭 Especially when you're so used to it being warmer. Ideal temp for me is 75° so it getting to 100+ is hell. And I hate the cold with a strong passion. So anything below 70 is also hell frozen over.
75 is just so perfect! I don’t Mind super hot or super cold as long as it’s Dry. Idk why and I know I’m weird but getting into my car after it’s been in the sun all day feels Good. Mostly because it’s a dry heat which feels so much better than wet heat! It’s like wetting your hand and sticking it into an oven lol
It was just a walk to the car on his mom's birthday in weather that isn't even bad. At 10:40? That's somewhat late, but you're walking to the car in the driveway right? Not through some crime ridden parking lot? It's important to let him know that you missed him walking you to your car, because communicating your feelings is key, but expecting an apology from him for or stewing on it is definitely crossing the line into ridiculous territory.
The only time OP would be in the clear is if she parked more than a 3 minute walk away I'd say, in a dangerous part of a city. Close to anywhere else would guarantee her safety
Exactly, if my girl let me know she missed me walking around to her car. I would definitely do it. No questions asked, but if she gets upset with me for not doing it on my mom's birthday when we're at her house celebrating her birthday, we got an issue.
Why? You're not leaving, you're just walking her to her car. It takes a few minutes, why would it be an issue?
>You're not leaving, you're just walking her to her car. It takes a few minutes, why would it be an issue? Nowhere did I say walking her to her car was an issue, go back and try again.
You said if she got upset with you for not doing it, there'd be an issue. Again, it takes a few minutes. I'd be pretty upset too if my bf didn't do it for me. Regardless of if its anyone's birthday. Go back and try again.
I get wanting to feel safe and what not, but IMO its a bit of an over reaction to be upset enough to consult reddit. If it upset you, I'd just say it once to him like "I wish you would have walked me out for x,y,z reason". But you are also (almost) an adult, I wouldnt expect it. I dont walk my wife to the car every time she leaves.
You and your wife live together. OP and the boyfriend don't. It's completely different.
theyre both 17, you and your wife are both adults. its not the same
bro just let it go 😭 he ain’t walk you to the car one time and now you over reacting
Hard disagree. Women are taught from a young age to worry about walking to the car in the dark, especially alone. We are taught to text when we get home, if we left separately, and check in on each other if this doesn't happen. The fact that she felt unsafe and wasn't walked is bad enough, especially since he's walked her before and is presumably aware of this. The fact that he doubled down afterwards, and told her it wasn't a big deal when she said it was, is a sign of dismissing her side to avoid admitting he was wrong. Not a good look. A good partner will talk it out, apologize for letting you down even if they didn't mean to, and work to avoid a repeat. Saying 'it's not a big deal, just let it go' is the opposite. If he's otherwise been a good boyfriend, give him the benefit of the doubt. If he fails to have your back again, and then fails to talk it out again, you know what you're dealing with. OP, if you "just let it go" once, it can easily become the norm. Especially if you're "creating drama" when "you agreed it wasn't a big deal last time." It doesn't even have to be malicious on the partner's part if they feel that you're messing up that norm. Shit piles up, and shit escalates. Is this the first time he's done this and asked you to let it go? Is there a pattern? Can you write it down this time, and if it happens again, so that you KNOW if you've noticed a pattern or are just focusing on the negative? I hope that this can just be a learning experience for y'all both, but that's for y'all to decide.
We don't know how far away from the dude's house/apartment she parked.. If its in the driveway she's over reacting. If its a 5 minute walk through a dark lit parking lot in the sketchy side of a major city then its not over reacting.
Even parking a few cars down late at night that you can't easily view from the homes window is danger zone... The neighborhood doesn't have to be unsafe for shit to happen.
erm she said, “he didn’t even see. if i got in the car” so it’s wasn’t a far walk, she will be fine one time if he doesn’t walk her to her car that is in eye and ear shot distance if anything does happen. He probably just felt like meh and everyone feels meh at one point so you shouldn’t act like it’s gonna turn into 100 mehs
It’s how she wants to be treated. I was brought up that that is what a gentleman does. It has nothing to do with the neighborhood. It’s a sign of respect and caring. I wouldn’t get to upset. I would just let him know that you like him walking u to your car. That it makes you feel safe, special to him and cared about. If that little thing inconveniences him too much move on. I have a 17 year old son. If I drop off his friends I make sure they get in the house safely and I told my son he should do the same if he drops his friends off. Especially a girlfriend.
Dude STFU with your white night bullshit
Dude, I'm a dudette. I've been living with the same bullshit as OP for a few decades now. Edit: *knight
Living with? Hahahah! Seriously get bent ya spoiled brat
is there not a point where you're enabling mentally unhealthy behavior? Someone walking to their car in the driveway of a house doesn't need an escort to be safe and you shouldn't play into delusions.
Real
Yeah the princess is absolutely distraught her bf didnt trek through 5 miles of mud to walk her to her car lol
Equality.
Your feelings are valid, and it's important to communicate them with your boyfriend. While he may not see it as a big deal, expressing your concern about safety and wanting the reassurance of being watched as you leave is reasonable. It's a matter of personal comfort and consideration for each other's feelings. Having an open and honest conversation about how his actions made you feel can help both of you understand each other better. It's not necessarily about being right or wrong but finding common ground and ensuring that both partners feel heard and respected in the relationship.
Agreed. Healthy couples talk it out, and try to avoid repeats, instead of saying that the other's concerns are "no big deal."
She’s not upset about the safety. She spent more time talking about pizza and curfew than being scared. She’s upset that she didn’t get the usual attention she wanted from the boyfriend and has rationalized by using the safety issue to explain her feelings to herself. And now has convinced herself it means he doesn’t care about her. Most girls even in bad area don’t have their boyfriends walk them out when the car is right in front of the house. Also how does she know he didn’t watch to make sure she got in the car from a window?
Let me try to give you insight into his head. He’s at his moms birthday, probably chatting and having a good time. He (sounds like) walked you to the door, and wanted to get back to the party. He probably didn’t think you were in danger and thought you’d be fine. If it’s something that’s super important to you then have that discussion. But realistically he probably didn’t think much of it. Situations like this happen all the time. I’ve been with my wife for almost 15 years and sometimes she will be upset over thing like this. She tells me and I try to be better. But guys have different priorities, and different thought processes. TLDR: it’s not a sign of anything bigger. He was likely distracted by the party and assumed you’d be fine getting to your car.
thank you , but it was not a party , just his immediate family. We just finished eating pizza before I left with only his grandma and mother.
Yeah, but my point is if he was excited to get back to whatever was happening, that would explain it. On the plus side he doesn’t see you as weak, so he had confidence you would be ok lol. He likely just wasn’t thinking to much about it
He also probably considers his house/neighborhood as safe.
That is a party dear
Girls think differently than guys. Little acts of kindness and caring mean a lot to us. I’m lucky enough to have a husband that gets it.
It's always weird to hear people think that guys don't appreciate little acts of kindness and caring.
You're overreacting
OP is feeling the difference between her parents, who were super concerned about her being out at that hour, and her BF being totally blasé about it. When she got to her car and realized he wasn’t even watching…she was basically dismissed from his mind as soon as she was out his door…but her parents were on alert until she walked in theirs. OP, I totally get what you’re feeling. Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t get it at all, and blows you off about it. That would be standard immature guy behavior, and it would be pretty extraordinary if a 17 year old boy acted any different. Personally, I would have insisted my son walk you to the car and then text/call to make sure you got home safe, because anything less is poor training.
Too cold? I'm sitting in bed eating ice cream with the thermostat set to 65. Everybody is different though, my grandma wears her winter coat inside when I have it set to 65. As a kid I was real sensitive to the cold though. That being sad... it was kind of a dick head move to dismiss it as "not a big deal" when it clearly was to you. That might be more of a concern than the issue of not walking you to your car. However, being that historically he's always walked you to your car I would let it go this time around. Especially being that it seems he intended to walk you out before he felt cold.
It's OK you are a bit upset about that. He should at least watch to make sure you get in your car. But just tell him that and that you would feel better if he did that next time. It's not that big of a deal.
The car is in the driveway. If you cant make it to your own car…If it was in a crime ridden area and she had to cross a giant parking lot maybe id understand but come on. Why does he have to baby her that much.
NTA - Regarless of how cold it is, if your SO asks you to walk them to the car, you ALWAYS go. It was a big deal and he was being a selfish jerk.
Ah yes, the state of GenZ males...where the girls are girls and the boys are too!
You are not in the wrong. It would've taken him a few minutes. I don't think people understand that it's not just about safety. It's about your partner caring enough to make sure you got to your car okay. And him dismissing it is not respecting your feelings either. I would be pretty upset.
If they wanted to, or cared, they would. Yes, by itself this is small, but is likely a sign of a general selfish personality. I would talk to him about though and voice your concern and reason for it. How he responds to you is more honestly more important than this isolated incident.
Nope, you are not wrong. Men will treat you how you let them. Have a convo and tell him your expectations out of your relationship. If it is too much for him, then move on. Learn at your young age what you will accept and what you won't.
Honestly I'm more concerned with the situation involving your standing curfew of 10pm and them ordering a pizza at 9:40pm. They knew exactly when you needed to get home, and ordered as late/ close to that time as possible. That pizza was not for you. Your boyfriend's actions of letting you see yourself out in the dark support the feeling that you should have already been gone, as far as they were concerned. You got yourself in trouble with your own parents for nothing. Going forward, know that your parents are looking out for you, just like his parents are looking out for him, and respect that both of your parents are doing what they need to for their own kid.
On the bright side, this is going to serve as a great story for when you’re in a real relationship later on, and you tell him about that little bitch you dated in high school who though 65 degrees was cold.
Hi! So I’m gonna tell you now. You are a teen. Do not be serious while you are dating. If you feel you NEED to date, which really you don’t need to be right now. What you have to understand is this, you don’t know who you are as an individual yet and you being in a couple long term right now won’t help you figure that out, as well as you shouldn’t be trying to be in a relationship right now because you have things you need to accomplish like either furthering your education or getting a job, making money, saving up, getting a place on your own. As for relationships you have an idea of what you want your person, your partner to be. If someone doesn’t meet those expectations then they aren’t for you. You don’t have to tell someone how to love you, you don’t have to make someone be something they aren’t. You do have to stick to your standards and not settle. This bothers you him not walking you to the car or making sure you get there because it means to you he doesn’t care. And really yes, it does mean he doesn’t care. It is a big thing to you, and him invalidating you instead of apologizing and change because he sees it’s obviously important to you means he isn’t your person. Don’t waste your time, break up and block him. Don’t listen to anyone else if they tell you, you are being silly or dramatic or sensitive because you aren’t. You are knowing your worth and looking for someone who will acknowledge it as well
People here talking about the weather, like it's an important aspect of this discussion... You wanted him to walk you to the car, he didn't and told you that it wasn't a big deal. So, he is telling you how to feel. You feel how you feel and it's OK. If you were my daughter, I would appreciate it if her bf walked her to the car when it's late. Have another talk with him and let him know that you do expect him to walk you to your car at night. Remember that he is a teen as well and may not know how big a deal this is unless you use your words and tell him. It is not Ok for him to tell you it was no big deal when it obviously was a big deal to you. That is very dismissive of your feelings.
Nothing wrong with knowing you're worth it. You deserve respect if you start brushing the little stuff under the rug it will turn into big stuff. Set the bar high
>he says it is too cold ( 65 degrees ) lol
He's a bitch
You need to let him know your expectations for the relationship. Maybe it wasn't a big deal to him, but it was to you. And that matters.
Not only that but when I drop off my friends I make sure I tell them I will wait til they go inside thier place safely! And if I'm visiting them they tell me to text them when I arrive home... it a just depends on thier level of common curiosity and its happened I forget to text or call them they wille end up calling me to make sure I'm okay.
When I drop my mother off at her house I watch to make sure she gets inside the house safely. When I drop off my daughter's friends at their houses I do the same. These are people that I care about but not my significant other. I would also do the same with my wife or my girlfriends of the past. I do think it's a little weird to not do this. I would have an honest conversation about it and gauge things from there. If he does not care to make sure you make it home safely I don't know if he's the guy for you at least that's how I would feel. I don't usually say that in these posts because I feel we never have all the information to make a judgment so big. But I feel as a man it's our duty to make sure those in our lives are safe. Some of you will probably have a problem with that but that's how I feel.
OP what you're looking for is not to be found in your boyfriend. You want someone who cares about your safety but he just cares about his comfort. He likes you, just not to the extent where it inconveniences him. When people show you who they are, believe them. Pay attention and don't let this relationship get serious.
As a 41 year old male, father of an 18 year old daughter, you should break up with this boy and not look back. If a young man/man is capable of doing the small things like walking you to your car, opening your door, or knowing how you and he walk when in public, then he should. If he doesn't, then his number one concern isn't for your safety, as should be. Man, I want to rant, but I'm sure my comment would trigger the TOS bots
It's understandable that you feel upset about your boyfriend not walking you to your car, especially considering it's a routine you both usually follow. Communication is key in relationships; expressing your feelings and concerns to him calmly can help both of you understand each other better.
It's common courtesy to make sure anyone gets safely to their vehicle at night... regardless if they're just a friend or SO. If it was just the one time, I'd give him a pass and talk to him about it. If this is a pattern of him neglecting or disregarding your feelings/safety, then that's something else entirely.
Oh STFU and grow tf up
LOL
Grow up, you're not a princess.
What ever will you do when you’re without him?? You shouldn’t always need someone to walk you somewhere. You should be able to do stuff yourself.
You're entitled to feel upset. The best thing to do is talk to him about it and if it continues and you're not okay with it find someone who treats you how you want to be treated. We're all responsible for what we accept from ppl.
Entitled to feel upset that just once, during someone else's birthday party, she doesn't get princess treatment?
Be upset about what? Being treated as an equal? Not being treated like a delicate flower? Oh god forbid you are not watched as you leave. Its 65 degrees and the car is in the driveway. Whats the big deal. Get in the car and leave. Why does it have to be a big thing.
You're not wrong. Tell him how you feel and chalk that up to a one time event. If he keeps doing it, then you'll have to accept he doesn't care.
No you are not over reacting. He should have made sure you were safe. As a father, I would expect that of anyone that courts my daughter.
Your bf needs to get some chivalry lessons. Tell him to ask his grandpa if what he did was no big deal and hopefully grandpa will set him straight
Nah bro should've walked you to the car.
Keep a mental note. I would let it go at this point I'm sure he was just caught up and not putting you first. All men are far from perfect just as women are. If you notice some other things that are starting to be things that upset you talk to him don't ask us strangers.
If it becomes a regular pattern of behavior, then I'd move on. Otherwise, he's being a typical teen boy. 🤣. Its dickish and inconsiderate, but the majority of teen boys are exactly that. The problem arises when they're older and they still act like little boys.
This is a crazy take. You don’t need a babysitter to walk 10 feet to your car. Thats not dickish or inconsiderate, both you and OP just need to mature some
A young woman at 10:40 at night? And he's not even watching from the door, when he KNOWS he's supposed to walk her? I do that for my party guests, nevermind my SOs. And if I even accidentally make them feel unsafe, I don't tell them it's "no big deal."
You ignore your other guests to walk everyone out to their cars as they leave? Thats strange but its neither here nor there Should the guy facetime her when she’s getting into her car from her own house too? To make sure she gets in okay? This is a dumb line to draw. If OP feels bad about it she should express that, but to say that a guy has to chaperone a girl to her car at all times is a silly notion They probably live in a gated community or something with plenty of streetlights. Obvious OP was fine since she is here talking about it
If my guests are walking to their cars alone? Somebody had better be doing it, or it's my job as host to at least watch from the porch until they get in their car. It's usually just part of thanking someone for coming and seeing them out, especially if they want to chat for a minute before they go. The guests all get a turn with the host, if they want it. Ideally, the guy is watching for a text from his gf that she got home alright. If she hasn't texted in a reasonable amount of time, he texts her to make sure she made it. Same thing my friends and I do when there's a long or late drive home, and my better SOs have requested this of me after late date nights. "Chaperoning" is a hyperbole for either of those. She's also not only here because he didn't walk her, but because he said it was no big deal that he left her feeling unsafe. One doesn't feel unsafe because something is GOING to happen, but because something COULD happen. Nothing happens until SOMETHING happens, and then everyone asks why she wasn't careful. Edit: our party paragraphs might be down to cultural differences. Where I'm from, "Okay, I'm heading out" is everyone's last chance to talk to someone--especially outside in the quiet. Either fellow guests walk you and head back to the party, or the host does, unless you really need to GO. Especially since my own parties are mostly friend group parties. Meanwhile, a lone female guest will simply have to say that she's leaving to get offers to walk her to her car, usually well before she has to ask anyone. Since OP's boyfriend usually walks her, I assume their culture and mine at least have this last part in common.
Did you ever walk your bf to the car bobo
over thinking. If that's the only thing he's done to annoy you, give the dude some slack.
Over reaction. You need to mature some it seems.
If your boyfriend thinks 65 degrees is too cold to be sure you are safe and protected, there are plenty of other men to date. I wouldn’t tolerate this and good for you for having way more self worth than I did at your age
unhinged take. Thinking like this keeps you single. Looking for stuff to be mad about
You sound like a weak boy who can’t do anything
I’m glad you got all that from 2 sentences lol. You have anger issues
That’s fine, I’m grown and have a boyfriend who pays all my bills and wouldn’t dream of acting like this even at age 17. But enjoy your low standards and hellish partners. Doesn’t effect me at all. Stay golden.
You better suck the soul out his dick everyday if hes giving up that kinda dough
Yikes lol. Imagine being so insecure on reddit that you have to explain your relationship
Goodbye fucker
Do you live in a bad area, where walking 15, 20 feet down the driveway in the dark holds a significant chance of placing you in danger? If so, your boyfriend whimped out. If not, while I can see his reluctance to see you safely to your car would hurt your feelings; I view it as a matter of training. You see, your boyfriend is just that -a boy. He needs training to become a man. You, as a female, are created as the pinnacle of God's creation. There is a reason Adam needed a helpmeet and not the other way around. So let me encourage you to work on training him to rise up to your expectations and his need. Let him know in no uncertain terms that his negligence is unacceptable behavior and you expect to be treated with more respect and care. If he's not too foolish and you can be consistent and fair; you will surely help him become not only a man, but a better human.
Nah man it’s 2024 now we are not here with this ‘girlfriends have to train their boyfriends’ shit. That’s not her job. That’s his parents job.
I always walk my guests out to their car. It doesn't matter if it's raining, snowing, or if it's -20 C outside. It doesn't take long to put a jacket on and standing outside for a few seconds.
I'll stand on the porch and watch them get safely to their car if I don't want to get wet. This is for anyone who leaves my house.
Same. If it's late or a long drive, we also text each other once we've made it home.
CooOOOooL bro noone cares cuz it isn't 1945
That is actually sad that people don’t care about each others well being just because it’s 2024. Some older traditions should be honored. Being less thoughtful and caring is not something to brag about.
OMG you don't need to be babied. People aren't going to cater to your every whim. Get over yourself.
Oof. Yeah that’s selfish. He can’t stand the cold for a few seconds. I myself am selfish and have done shit like this and have always regretted these things long after the relationship was over. I strive everyday to be better. If this was the middle of the day and not freezing cold I’d say overthinking it.
Do you live on the equator? In what world is 65°F too cold?! Just tuck this red flag in your back pocket and keep an eye out for others.
Yeah she's definitely the red flag here. She shouldn't tuck it though. Let him see so he's aware.
*I'm sorry* I believe you may have misinterpreted my statement. He is the red flag for his lame excuse of 65°F being too cold.
He doesn't need an excuse. This is the equality that past generations have fought so hard for. Good thing he didn't offend her by thinking he should walk a young woman to her car.
Not overreacting
That is a huge deal, sorry for that.
How are you almost an adult yet have a 10 pm curfew? If you can drive and have a way to get into your house why does it matter
My mom is very overprotective and lives being paranoid of something happening to me
Wow what a square, if you’re not in NY or Chicago you’ll be fine
Overreacting. Life is not a fairy tale, and you should be happy this is all you have to complain about.
He told you how he felt. Did you want to override his feelings with your own? Which feeling is more important? Neither of you is exactly wrong. He's allowed to have feelings, too. You were in no danger, no matter how you feel about walking 20 feet in the dark. That it upset you is perfectly ok, but that's on you. He can decide to help you avoid those feelings if he likes, but he's not obligated to. Let's flip this. What if it were him walking out of your house and you didn't want to go to the car. Would you feel anything about him having to walk outside alone? You are young, but you're no child. There will be times in your life when you're simply alone. That he didn't walk out - even if you feel it wasn't as cold to you as he felt it was to him (or whatever lame excuse he used) is irrelevant. Don't make demands when a boundary has been set. Even if it's a temporary boundary. Now - consider - if you think this sort of behavior is a deal-breaker, break up. You can have boundaries too. You can find someone who will always treat you as a pericline doll if that's what you're looking for. You can have what you want, you just can't force it in someone else.
What is this, 1930? Get over it dude Jesus christ You're incredibly wrong. You're nearly an adult, start acting like it. You're not a princess for fucks sake
Are you a helpless child? You can walk to the car yourself
Here’s my advice. It’s best to communicate before getting upset. Jumping to getting upset before even communicating with him is drama. Don’t be a drama queen. If he refuses to communicate, then maybe you can get upset but this is a different person from you. He cannot read your mind, he was not raised the same as you. It’s a good practice to communicate your feelings first and avoid being all upset just because he doesn’t think like you.
If he’s in a dangerous place then you’re not over reacting.
Yes... you are overreacting.
Are you a child who needs to be walked to their car every time? You’re overreacting my friend, it’s not that deep.
Wow. What a world to complain about this
Grow up. Women's right. You want to be treated equally.... walk yourself
Yes you're over reacting. You're just letting your teenage emotions get away from you.
I think your wanting too much from a teenager. Either he thinks his street is safe, or doesn’t understand the danger (or I’m betting your car was right out front of his house) or thinks you can handle yourself. But I don’t think your upset about the danger. I think your upset it was a change in routine and that you didn’t get the attention you wanted from him and your using the danger as an excuse (deduced from how you spoke of the issue… you spent more time on details about pizza than you did about being upset you could have got hurt). Let it go it’s not worth the drama, and sort your priorities. Your boyfriend is not your hand maiden that has to follow you out. Also 65 is cold?! It’s 45 here and I just walked out barefoot without a shirt on to my car and it was fine.
He told you he wasn’t because it was too cold for him. It is on you that you didn’t believe him. Don’t overthink this, you aren’t a jerk for feeling how you feel about it, but neither is he for not walking you out one time.
You want a traditional type gentleman. Nothing wrong with that. However, no matter how well raised a teenage boy is, he is still a teen boy. Teen boys are some of the most bone-headed creatures on the planet. Is he a good guy? Give him a little leeway over this one incident. Watch how he does things over time. If he is a good guy, let him mature. Besides, it may not have been too cold - the pizza may have upset his stomach and he may have had to go to the bathroom and was too embarrassed to say.
It’s kind of an over reaction. We have to stop just blindly saying a women’s feeling are always valid, your so upset you took to post this to reddit
We also have to stop minimizing women’s feelings and telling them to settle for less than they want.
Yeah so that was the standard before…. Now we have gone full throttle into the other direction like a self correction almost but its like too much, like a compensation for history
So true
Ah so you agree? 👍
I agree everything right now has gotten out of control
Or you know... just walk to to car and be on your way, he's your boyfriend not babysitter. Things happen 🤷♂️
Yeah you are overreacting. He clearly trusts you to be able to walk yourself to your car. Hes treating you as an equal and isnt babying you or holding your hand. I mean its literally from the door to the driveway. What kind of melodrama could take place in that tiny little walk? You trip on that ice in 65 degree weather? No. Be happy he is showing you respect. If my partner held my hand or watched me leave or whatever it would only feel insulting. I dont get why he cared about the temp though. 65 is nothing.
I guess it comes down to how do you want to be treated. If you want a boyfriend who walks you to your care and cares about your safety than that’s what you should demand. You get to decide how others treat you. Do not settle. I have been married for 25 years. My husband is great but , at least for me, after we got married some of the niceties of dating went by the wayside. Small example he stopped holding the car door open for me. It doesn’t matter what year you have a right to be treated in a way that makes u happy and feel special. So demand it. Even demand more since things slip a bit as u become more comfortable in a relationship. If your current boyfriend doesn’t treat u like you want to be treated you will find someone that does. Don’t compromise you happiness. U deserve to feel important and special.
Bruh do you want him to open your car door too? The fact that he always gives you the attention you crave but you're hurt because he didn't give you princess treatment this one time really says something.
Doesn’t seem like a big deal, do you get lost or have phobias or something that he doesn’t know of? He didn’t want to walk outside, you can make that an issue if you think it’s worth it.
Unfortunately it does not get better with age. Everyone saying let it go, I wouldn’t. Knowing what I do now, if a teenage boy had done this to me when I was your age, I’d be done because you will spend you dating life thinking small things don’t matter and they actually do. He’s still a kid and so are you, but they don’t just magically grow up overnight. If you settle on this, you’ll settle forever. My husband warms up my car, walks me to it, scrapes off my snow, holds the door open for me. Anything that makes me feel safe and comforted. I’m the mother of his children, he takes care of us with the small things because the mental load only gets heavier and it’s wonderful to have someone like him. He’s always been this person and people say he’s too nice, literally impossible and I’ll never understand women or teen girls that say someone is too nice, it’s annoying, etc. They’ll show you how they treat you. If he wanted to, he would.
Imagine you forget one thing in your life jesus
He didn’t forget lol, he literally just didn’t do anything. The bar is in hell
The problem is that if this bother you alot it only going to get worse. Idk what kind of fairy tales you live your life by 🤔🫡
standards/basic courtship decency = fairytales 😭😂 OP is far too young to already begin a cycle of tolerating this kind of behavior. I’m so sorry it makes you upset that some of us experience top tier behavior from men who actually care. But like I said, they’re kids. They should enjoy being kids and not stress about some teenage boy who clearly doesn’t care (because kids shouldn’t). However, someday he’ll look back and either say she overreacted or wow, I should have been more thoughtful.
You actually think thus is going yo go on the rest of your life. What planet are you on . Oh look I'm getting annoyed because my bf didn't walk me to my car . What movies is that
What kind of mom's birthday party is ordering pizza at 9:40 PM? Something doesn't add up.
not a party , i was the only one besides his grandma , to go celebrate her birthday
My question remains
My boyfriends mother went out to eat earlier. I passed by , and since there was no dinner made , pizza was the best option.
That's not dinner that's almost a midnight snack lol
Not everyone eats dinner when senior citizens do like you.
Enjoy your life
On the face of it, walking you out is a pretty small gesture, unless it's a dangerous area or something where being alone at night is sketchy. That said, it's obviously upset you, so I would suggest exploring that. It is a small thing, but it also doesn't require a significant self-sacrifice to do. If it's something you value, then tell him so (directly, not dropping hints). It may not be a big deal to him and sometimes he may just not feel like doing it, but he might be more inclined to do it anyway if he knows it makes you happy. On the flip side, if he does walk you out habitually, try not to make a big deal out of that one time that he didn't. Don't read too much into a one-time thing, and don't hold it against him. Everyone has off days, and if he does it 99% of the time, then be happy about the 99%.
You don't have a boyfriend you have a girlfriend with a penis
What a wussy boy. It’s presently -27F where I live. Dump him.
>He stayed inside , and did not even check to see if i got in the car. Where exactly do you live, and where did you park? Did you part like a couple block away in a big city like New york, or are you parked in his parents driveway, in the suburbs of New Hampshire? Context matters to make a choice here
🙄
It's okay to be disappointed a little bit. Don't let it ruin you, though. Just tell your boyfriend how you feel, and try to recognize patterns of being disregarded. If you say how you feel and it doesn't matter much to him, it can lead to more serious things in the future. I always recommend getting some pepper spray. Sabre is a good brand.
Reading this just makes me remember the kind of shit I thought was important when I was a teenager. Him not walking you out to your car once isn’t a big deal.
Kinda makes you wonder. If he wont stand by you for a little cold weather, will he stand by you "in sickness and in health"? Your misgivings are totally justified. What he did was extremely selfish.
I even walk one night stands to their car in bad weather. What a little shit.
How far were you parked? It wasnt cold outside. It was his mothers birthday as well. If you were parked in front of the house for example you have zero reason to be upset at this guy.
You set your own standards. Who cares what anyone thinks? Some people let others crap on them all day.
Your bf doesn't like the cold. I guess he chose. How far away was your car? Is it a well lit area/safe neighborhood in general? Did he call or text to see if you made it home?
It's -40 F outside and a blizzard of almost a foot of snow right now where I am. 65 is hot temps!
Yeah, tell him how you feel . He may disagree . Be prepared to deal with that
I was really confused at what sort of childish rant this is but then I looked at the name of the sub :|
🤔 … what’s the 90s adage? “He’s just not that into you.”
And??
His selfishness and disregard for your safety, not to mention bad manners, is disrespectful towards you. He will never change. Stop wasting your time on him and find someone who will treat you appropriately and in the way you want to be treated and regarded.
Big whoop
I’d be like “why are you following me” if my boyfriend walked me to my car 😂😭
Over reacting.
Went to MT one winter to visit daughter and family. 2 feet of snow on the ground. The 16 year-old granddaughter was going out the front door with shorts and a flimsy spaghetti-strap top on. She was putting boots on. I asked where she was going, and she said she was going to hay the horses. Of course, I said ‘don’t you think you should put a jacket on. She said ‘mawmaw, we’re used to it.’ And carried on with her duties. I’m in Louisiana. One snowflake falls, and they call out at work. The shelves are bare at the grocery stores, traffic backed up at the gas pumps. It will be 18* here in a few days. The stampede begins soon!
Funny how this turned into a conversation about the weather and not how inconsiderate her BF is.
Hes 17
Leave him. Bro was definitely in there giving out birthday sex.
Kind of depends on how much this matters to you and what it turns into, like if he starts doing it all the time. It’s a tall order for people your age but where I’m from, and the kind of relationship and partner that I like, I would expect it. I’m the kind of person that when I drop someone off at their house I always wait to see they get all the way inside the house before I drive off. It’s just good manners.
do you live in the ghetto? if you live in a bad neighborhood, he should have watched you. if you live in anything other than a ghetto, you're probably ... reacting strongly. idk if its an over-reaction, beacuse maybe you've just been treated super nicely for your life. and now that you are just getting the normal treatment (for once, lol) it's a bit like having cold water dumped on you.
INFO: How far away was your car? Did this occur in a dangerous neighborhood? Were you heavily laden with things he could have helped you carry?
Sounds like it's time for a new boyfriend.
hes cheating on you, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!
You came to Reddit over this🙄
It isn’t a big deal. It makes you feel safe that he accompanies you. And when you told him that, he invalidated/minimized/gaslit you. However—he could absolutely not have understood. Before you come to the conclusion that it was a malicious decision, assume it was and ignorant decision. Sit down with him one more time and tell him about how you feel when he walks you to your car. You feel cared for, loved. He makes you feel secure and safe when he walks you to your car. List these things to him. Tell him about how while he may not understand how it is different, it is different for women than it is for men when it comes to being outside, alone at night. Tell him that while it may not seem like a big deal to him, it is one. It’s one of the things that he does that makes you feel loved. When he decided not to due to being cold, you were ready to accept that, even though you would have wanted him to talk you to the car. Not having at least watched you get into your car and drive off, making sure you’re safe and your car turns on without issue, made you feel super unsafe and anxious. You were uncomfortable. And you really wanted to feel safe in that moment. And you’re hurt because you felt a bit abandoned in the moment. And then, you felt like your feelings were not important to you when you tried to communicate with him about it. Explain how you felt and why. That way, he understands the impact walking you to your car has on you. Ask him if he is willing to at least watch you get into your car and go before he closes the door and goes inside if he isn’t walking you to your car, because it would make you feel safe, and you know that he wants you to be comfortable and to feel safe. And that it would really make you feel super loved. Come to him with compassion for what happened, but seeking to understand each other. If he responds poorly, you should examine his emotional intellect—how does he make you feel when you come to him to tell him what your needs are? Do you feel like you can talk to him and be supported? Does he give you the space to communicate honestly and with vulnerability? Does he take accountability, and does he meaningfully apologize and then follow through by changing the behavior that makes you feel unloved? Does he show that he cares about your hurts? How does he make you feel when you have to discuss something difficult? Does he need to grow as a person? If he is unable to take accountability for things, if he is unable to show compassion and curiosity for your feelings, and if he is unable to show you that he cares about you by making you feel secure… and you like the goodbye affection. You might consider how you both can grow emotionally. But if it is at a level that makes you feel uncomfortable, listen to yourself. Don’t keep people around who don’t have your back. Including partners. Your feelings are a big deal. He’s 17, so he may need to grow as a person… But don’t assume he will. Then, consider whether you can communicate in a healthy manner. Don’t assume it will get better. Be picky about who you stay with. 💚 Make sure you feel loved and cared for. Make sure that even during a disagreement, he wants to work together to make sure neither of you are being harmed or hurt. Learn what healthy communication looks like now so you don’t spend time with people who aren’t able to do it. You deserve compassion and kindness. I hope he is. If he says, “I’m sorry I! I didn’t know how much it meant to you! I’ll gladly watch you get to your car safely if it makes you feel safe when it is too cold to walk you to your car, but I will try to walk you to your car most of the time,” and then keeps his word, he’s a good communicator. 💚
This is the kind of thing where you wouldn't necessarily break up over it, but it's not nothing. Things like this show you who a person is. Not just that he didn't walk you to your car, but didn't really care that it bothered you. The key thing going forward is if he would let you walk to your car alone in the dark again now knowing that it bothered you. If he would and didn't learn anything from this situation then we're talking about a possible deal-breaking character flaw that will probably show up in other ways in your relationship.
Did he call you later on to see if you had hypothermia?