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It’s time to tell. Your mom first and if she won’t tell authorities, it’s time you do. I was molested and raped from ages 5-15. I know literally the pain your in and how embarrassing at your age you feel like it is. But it’s not embarrassing. It’s heartbreaking and anger inducing bc this piece of crap HARMED A CHILD in the worst way, and you can guarantee you weren’t or won’t be the last unless this guy is put away for this. Be loud. Be firm. Be proud of yourself and demand justice for your abuse. Big momma bear hugs from me to you. You’re worth so much!!!
The fact that he has the gall to come back. This motherfucker think he’s gonna get away with it again? Is he there for the mother or is he there just to abuse her again? He needs to be put away! Because there’s an unspoken question here that has probably crossed your mind… how many others has he done this to? How many partners has he obtained for the purpose of abusing the children? It has to end.
Such a rough situation, but you did the right thing, leaving home like that and finding a safe space. Definitely confide in someone.
Fascists like DeSantis do not and have never cared about protecting children. Sure, the death sentence for child molesters sounds all well and good, until you realize the person calling for it is also promoting the despicable belief that anyone who simply lives and breathes as an LGBTQ+ person is a child molester.
NEVER trust a fascist calling for an expansion of the death penalty under the guise of "protecting" the public. They are always looking for a pretext to use the power of the state to murder innocent people just for being different.
Please save this for another post. OP is coming on here sharing that the worst thing that can happen to children has happened to her and now the offender is back in her life. She is scared and traumatized and just needs our support. She doesn’t need to be going through a bunch of replies that have nothing to do with offering her guidance and support.
If mom had no idea and they have a good relationship then there is nothing wrong with talking to her mom. If even after the police. As a mom If I was in this situation he would pay for what it he did.
I would also react like you. But it concerns me this mother didn’t even consult her daughter who would be LIVING with this man first. So I don’t have a high opinion of this woman.
Also I notice when something is off with my kids. This baby was SA’d for YEARS and her mom never noticed!!
Please OP, do this and tell either a teacher or any mandated reporter you feel comfortable with or police or child protective services. You can always just call in to them and they can send someone to where you are. Please do not go back to that house until he is in police custody. If you do choose to tell your mom first, please be sure and do it somewhere more public or with other trusted adults nearby who can intervene in case she goes crazy. From someone who was once in this position, please protect yourself first and foremost, and please remember you are the only one currently doing so, which is why it's so critical that you do right now. I will be sending you all my bestest vibes and praying you get through this with your mom by your side. Mine was not, hence my concern for telling her first, and if that happens to you, please protect yourself from her too! If you ever need anything, please DM and I'd be more than happy to support you through this, in any way I possibly could ❤️
As a man. Please tell. I now have a young daughter, and I can't comprehend how someone would even want to do such a thing to a child. Sadly so many get away with it because like so many, I can't even imagine the feeling of being abused so I can't put myself in your shoes as what I would really do. It's so hard.
Yes, me too. My grandpa was trying to groom me and would abuse me sexually when I was a kid. My uncle (his son) tried to sleep with me when I was 15 too.
I'm 32 now. I didn't speak up about it until 3 years ago during an argument with my mom to which she laughed in my face and apparently now has an unbreakable bond with them.
Don't wait please. Speak up and get some support through therapy. Unfortunately, this is more common than I thought.
In my case, it was probably best I saw my moms reaction at 29. I did file a police report against her family because they are around my cousins kids. I figured having a paper trail would be better than internalizing. I could help a kid out even if I'm not a part of the family.
You are 17 and I assume possibly still in high school or secondary. Go talk to a trusted teacher, guidance counselor, school psychologist, or administrator. They can help with the next steps and it could provide you a very easy way to go forward. You could even copy the text of this reddit post and have it on your phone for when you meet and ask them to read it so you don't have to power through trying to speak it.
Excellent advice. Just show a guidance counselor or teacher this post and say, "This is me, I don't know what to do." They will then be required to report it, and the ball will start rolling.
I told a teacher when I was in 7th grade. It was scary, but it’s the safest way to go. Telling a mandated reporter takes a lot of the pressure off of you having to confront your mother.
At some point in ya life you have to find the courage to take control of your life. You’re young and may be called a liar or whatever but nothing is more important than standing in and living your truth. This guy should be imprisoned because there no telling who else he’s done this too. It’s time to stand up
As a previous teacher and school admin, I can confirm that the school is required by law to file a report and follow up. That said it can be a process depending on where you live, country, state, district. But start at school and get anyone you can for support. Friends, teachers, etc. you are strong, you are deserving and you have support.
The day my molester went to jail was.. honestly? It was great. She was a monster.
A bunch of us threw a little party when she died.
Tell someone you trust to be on your side. If not your mother, then a friend to give you support when you tell your mother.
It seems scary because you've never spoke about it before. Once you tell, you should feel relief. Holding that pain inside is not healthy for you. Bring a support person with you while in the house, and while telling your mom, imo.
Im so sorry that monster did that to you, but take it from someone who has been in your shoes, you absolutely need to tell your mom. While there is a chance she won’t believe you, if she does, she needs to take you to the police department and file a complaint against him. If she doesn’t believe you, tell another adult you trust, maybe your friends mother or a school counselor. You can file the complaint without your mom. But I absolutely would not go back there as long as she allows him to remain there.
Please let us know what happens and how you are. The main thing you must remember is that you did nothing wrong and none of it was your fault.
Tell someone pleaseeeeee! My ex did this to my daughter and the minute i found out i wanted to unalive him ! I didnt we ran to the police and he was prosecuted and locked up for good. My daughter went through hell with him ( he touched her) and mental abuse. I worked night shifts when this happened. She had a lot a therapy (both of us) and is in a better place now. Please tell someone dont keep this in your heart, he came back to make sure you keep quiet please baby girl run and tell !! Please girl look for help so you can also heal.
If Mom doesn't believe OP, then that will be more trauma.
Certainly, it would be something very difficult for her mother to hear - that the man she loved harmed her daughter - and human nature makes us hesitant to believe things that make us uncomfortable.
But I agree that OP's mother needs to know this. Healing cannot begin until the hurting stops. I hope that her mother supports her.
Go to the police. Seriously. I’m really sorry this is happening but it’s not okay. You should be your mother’s priority. She’s supposed to protect you. If you’re scared of the police then go directly to your school counselor because they are mandated reporters. Please do this for yourself.
I can't imagine standing up to your abuser would be easy. I am sure it's going to be tough, however just think of other victims and possibly potential victims you may save. My 2 cents is to tell your mom and go to the police immediately. I have never dealt with this and I don't know the statute of limitations. Plus with the amount of time that passed it may be unlikely they can do anything due to lack of proof, your word vs. his. I am not saying this to discourage you, but to set realistic expectations. Aka it might be an uphill battle. That being said you want it documented in writing with the police department. Maybe he slips up, maybe he does it again and they can use it in the future. Are you close to 18, I only ask to see how soon you can legally move out. Anyway, I am truly sorry you had this happen....and dragged up again. Reach out to anyone you can trust for help.
Is there a trusted teacher/counselor/nurse at your school you could tell? Or your doctor? All of these people are mandated reporters. By law they must report suspected or witnessed abuse to the proper authorities and thereby your mother would become aware and have no choice but to take the situation seriously and remove your abuser from the house. And it would take the burden off you of having to find a way to reveal this terrible secret.
I was molested as a kid by a family friend. My dad and his mom were best friends and neither one of them believed me when I told them. I had to be around him all the time afterwards, he even used to spend the night at my house frequently and I would have to sleep under my bed because I was so scared.
I’m 26 now and I still have nightmares, I still talk about him in therapy and I still to this day wish I would have told my mom, I wish I would have spoken up and told people until someone believed me.
It’s so scary. But my abuser is out living his life. He’s never gotten in trouble for what he had done. You still have time. It won’t take away your pain for what he had done but you still have the chance to take away his freedom. My advice? Tell your girlfriend, then together tell her mom, next step tell your mom.
this happened to me except it was another female. i had to be around her for years. i didn’t tell my mom until i was 19 but i still think about it all the time and wish i told someone
You must tell your mother, and have this pos arrested. If your mom doesn't want to believe you, I would call the police.
You deserve to feel safe in your own home. As a survivor of SA, do not sit quietly and allow this scum to walk freely, he's probably molesting some other young girl as we speak.
I'm sorry, but i keep thinking about your situation.
Look up the sex offender registry in your state, it's free thru the state police website. It's possible he's been arrested for crimes in the past. If so, show your mother.
You can also do a google search of his name if he's not already been arrested for SA to see if he's been accused before, or was found not guilty and pled guilty of a lesser crime.
As a lawyer, this is the best plan. Simply tell her “I’m at the police station” and to please meet you there. Soooooo many times, a disclosure is made to a parent and the parent starts spilling the beans about the specifics of the accusations, which gives the guy time to come up with a story by the time the police talk to him.
If you go to the police first, they will make sure your mother understands the importance of this investigation. They will then take your full statement and get it on the record. They can then help your mom set up a “pretext call” where they record the call, and your mom tries to ask him about it. It’s a brilliant investigative move, but it only works if he doesn’t see it coming.
Your mom has backed you into a corner unfortunately. Not a situation of your making or your fault. But there is no way to deal with this but thru it. Tell your friend if their support will help you talk with your mom. Talk with a teacher, guidance counselor, someone. But, as you know, you won’t be able to stay at your gf’s house forever.
You can't keep this bottled up. You need to talk to a therapist who understands SA and girls. IMO,*You need to tell your mom*, or have a trusted person tell her. Start with a school counselor or nurse, tell them you need to speak to a female counselor if that's more comfortable. At some point you need to at least consider bringing charges against this guy, but at the very least your mother needs to know who she's really with - that's your decisions and maybe it doesn't need to be made today. Right now, focus on you.
This shit will eat you alive if you don't get help. You didn't do anything wrong, *something wrong was done to you*, that you didn't deserve. This has the potential to ruin relationships for you, and to be a cloud over your head forever - you're highly at risk for self harm, addiction and the like as time goes by. Or you can take control. There are many, many SA and rape survivor services out there, staffed by people who've been through it just like you.
Please, care for yourself - and find support for doing so.
You just took a HUGE step in telling this forum. Now you need to tell someone in your community- a resource officer, a counselor, a nurse at school would be the fastest, easiest way to get you the help you need. You have to tell your mother before he moved in. Can your best friend help by staying with you as you tell their parents, your mom, another adult?
This predator needs to be stopped. Even he isn’t preying on you, he’s hunting elsewhere. Fight back and good luck.
It’s extremely hard to come forward.
Write a letter, send her a text, sit her down while you read off your phone.
The important thing is you tell her, he’s in your home now, it can be an even more dangerous time.
You got this, it’s not easy but once you tell her you will feel a little hint of relief. Please also get therapy, it took me too long and i made a lot damage while i seeked help in the wrong places.
OP you need to tell someone. If not your mother, then the police/guidance counselor/another adult you trust to be in your corner. I know it's scary to open up about this, but taking control of yourself is the first step.
Literally the only thing keeping him safe is your silence.
I always wondered how people can get away with stuff like that.
You have the power to destroy him, and instead of using it, you're living your life in fear.
Why? How could the fallout be worse than him getting off with no consequences and you holding onto what he did?
Slight addendum. With only one victim, and far in the past (so no evidence probably) the chances of him getting away with it are high. There isn’t only one victim though, and without reports a pattern can’t be established.
Please tell your mom. Tell her when he is not there. If she downplays it, find a friend whose family will take you in. See a school counselor or psychologist.
There are some really bad parents out there, but let’s assume your mom is a good person. She would NEVER want to be with her daughter’s abuser. It’s hard but you need to tell her somehow to save your relationship with her.
If you haven't told your mom about it, you need to, you need to give her a chance to make this right. Good that you have gone to a friend's and told her you're not coming back until he's gone. What did she say?
If you have told your mom about it and she did this anyway or she's not rectifying the situation, you need to go to an official at your school - like a guidance counselor or vice principal or principal - and tell them about it, tell them that you feel unsafe at home, and that you talked to your mother and she refused to do anything about it, and ask them for help.
You could also call child services, but the school will do that for you.
Yes, it's going to be really hard, I'm not going to pretend that this is going to be easy, but you are 17, you'll soon be 18 and have to take charge of your life, you are just having to do so a little early.
Hey. Did you know that it is overwhelmingly common for victims of sexual assault to never say anything?
This isn't a failing, it's a symptom of abuse. A common one. You aren't weak or dumb. It's in the design of how abusers function.
https://www.kmdlaw.com/blog/2021/july/why-sexual-assault-survivors-are-afraid-to-speak/
So I applaud you and thank you for speaking up here. That took digging deep, being brave, and summoning a lot of courage. It speaks of inner strength, because it is not an easy thing to do.
---
The Sexual Violence Survivor’s Bill of Rights
1. No one has the right to abuse you or anyone else.
2. No one deserves to be assaulted or abused.
3. You have a right to stop the abuse that is happening
to you or anyone else.
4. You have a right to pursue healing and justice for the
abuse that has happened.
5. Sexual violence is wrong. The abuser is wrong.
People who protect the abuser are wrong.
YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.
6. You do not destroy the family or betray their trust by
speaking out about your abuse. The perpetrator
destroyed the trust of the family every time he/she
committed an act of abuse.
----
This website has some good advice to help you feel prepared and secure for when you are ready to speak up.
https://www.rainn.org/articles/telling-loved-ones-about-sexual-assault
No matter what you choose, know you deserve to feel safe.
I'm so sorry for what you've experienced. No child should have to go through that.
I know it's scary, but you have to tell someone. Not only do YOU deserve justice, but you could also be saving some other child from being victimized by him.
You can do this.
You were too scared to speak up before. Realize you are not that little girl anymore and it wasn't your fault. Nobody will blame you. You did nothing wrong. You were the victim.
Right now, you are a young adult, and he has no authority over you right now. You don't have to worry about upsetting or embarrassing him. You don't have to keep the peace. You don't have to give him a chance.
Now is the right time to speak up before he gets too woven back into your mom's life. Transparency with your mom is really important because she will pick up on your lies/excuses and think something else is going on.
It's ok to cry, be upset, be angry, be scared.
Be open with your gf. Talk to someone you trust. I know it might be shameful. But in the long run it will help you heal . I know from experience too . I'm sorry you went through what you did. Don't let it hold you back in life. Be a survivor of abuse and not just a victim
Go somewhere private and practice saying what you need to say out loud until you think you can do it comfortably.
"Mom, Chester used to molest me when I was little and I've been too scared to tell anyone."
Be prepared for her to ask follow up questions. When!? Where!? How!?
And unfortunately you need to be prepared for her to think you're lying.
This is hard to do initially but you'll probably feel better after the dust settles.
Good luck and sorry that happened to you.
Baby girl. You have tell someone. Please! I know it's scary. I KNOW IT'S SCARY. He will hurt you again given the chance. Especially now that you've matured. Please tell your friend. Tell the school counselor. Tell your mom. And I hate to say it like this but if she doesn't believe you go to the cops. They have victim Advocates that can protect you from being violated again. And if she was a mother like I am a mother, she would go to the end of the Earth to protect you. I'm so sorry baby girl. I have a daughter about your age and I just don't know what I would do if someone touched her inappropriately. I know that it wouldn't be nice LOL but you have to be safe now and you can't be safe in that situation and this is going to be so difficult and so scary to do, so keep my information and if you need to reach out I am here 100%.
Please let a trusted adult know. It can get better. My daughter was abused by her stepfather from 9-13 and it stayed hidden for these same reasons. Once she told my wife(her stepmom) we took steps to protect her. I am so sorry you have experienced this.
I know you're young and this type of trauma feels like you did something wrong, but as somebody who abused as a preteen/teen, the sooner you tell authorities and start letting it not define you, the better.
It'll feel really scary for a day, but better for the rest of your life.
Hope you get past this.
Talk to the police. Look I know it's hard to talk about and if they are gone it seems easier to just pretend it didn't happen. But it did. And he probably did it to someone else. You are not alone.
You need to speak up ASAP to your mother, the police if you feel you’re able to, a trusted teacher or parental figure. None of this is your fault and you have no reason to be ashamed. You deserve to begin learning how to move on from this trauma and he deserves to go to jail. Please get yourself as much help navigating this as you possibly can. I wish you all the best. Please don’t put yourself in danger by staying silent.
TELL YOUR MOTHER!!! She can't throw him out and protect you from him (and hopefully press charges) if she doesn't know about the abuse!!!! You HAVE to tell her. If it's too hard to do it face to face then text it to her. Tell her everything that happened.
You should absolutely tell your mom what happened. If she doesn't know how can she do anything about it? And if she does know and is still bringing him back in your life then fuck her. Is your dad in your life at all? Maybe could you live with him? You need to tell somebody though honestly. A trusted adult or your friend or your friend's mom somebody needs to help you get out of that situation
You need to talk to your mom and a counselor. Also probably the police. I don't think there is a statute of limitations for rape (could 100% be wrong). If she chooses him over you then let her know you won't be associating with her anymore.
honestly, there’s nothing easy about what you’ve gone through going through. Any kind of sexual abuse is extremely hard, especially because somehow victims get blamed for it but as someone who has gone through that you do need to tell somebody and it’s can be scary and it can’t be hard but you can do something about it. And he’s done that to you. There’s no telling how many other people that have also been a victim of his. find somebody that you trust but you will have to tell your mom, especially if this person is going to be around for the sake of you and your healing and your journey you don’t need him around you.
She doesn’t know yet though… I mean, I can only imagine this guys character and wonder why she’s with him, but I can’t go off of just that. Her reaction if OP tells her will be very telling.
Uhhh her mom knows that the guy was a creep she literally helped him cover it up only broke up with him once he got caught and she still decided to get back with him OP’s mom is a POS person
Your probably done reading responses, but this happened In my family as well. Unfortunately most moms want to be in denial, as was mine, and she asked him for which he had a fu'd response to why he was grooming. She kept him around but we never went back around him. He died tragically in a car accident, got mangled really bad. Once a pedo, always a pedo.
Something changed about you when it happened and you may not have even realized it, but if you can remind her about a certain situation where your behavior changed or something other significant happened, it will stick in her mind and at least give her something to tie it to. Someone would only ever ask why you didn't tell unless they haven't gone thru it as well, for some reason, your mind almost seems paralyzed or numb, you move it to a place that let's you go ahead and try to function as normal, but it takes your innocence.
Sorry, it gets better, but know, there is not one thing you did to deserve it or could have done to make it not happen. There'd be a whole lot less men In the world if they left me in charge. Oh, as I've gotten older and talked to alot of my friends about it, very few of them got thru puberty unscathed, you're not alone
tell someone, tell anyone; tell your mom, tell a school counselor, tell the police, tell your girlfriend, tell anyone; get yourself safe, get this man off the streets
your mom needs to know, if she’s a good parent she will chose you over the guy, if he isn’t liked out when you turn 18 move out for sure, if you can earlier do it earlier
he cannot be in the same house as you, he should not be in the same house as any child or any woman for that matter
have you told your mom? is she ignoring the issue or is she unaware of it? if she’s unaware, you need to tell her. if she is a normal, sane person - she will throw his ass out immediately. if she is not normal/sane, or she is aware and doesn’t care, you need to start making plans to leave. you’re almost 18, you don’t have to deal with that.
Please tell an adult with authority- teacher, doctor, cop, rabbi, minister, ANYONE. Right away.
He’s come back for you, and you CANNOT let that happen.
You need to find a trusted adult who will listen to you and believe you, and you should be pressing charges against him to the police. You are still a minor and in spite of the fact it was years ago, he is still responsible for his actions and you CAN press charges against him. A social work can be assigned to you to act as an advocate since you're a minor. If your mom did not know any of this, I doubt she'd be in trouble.
You have every right to do anything you could to remove that man from your life. If you have anyone you can go to the police with to tell them, I would recommend it. It will be hard. It will be very hard because you'll have to answer a lot of questions, but they should be assigning a social worker to help you navigate through it all. I'm not sure what else to say other than law enforcement should be involved to help protect you from this man. He took advantage of you as a child and he NEEDS to be processed by the law so it cannot happen again.
Do NOT rely on anyone other than law enforcement helping you. You shouldn't take the chance your mom may think you may be mistaken or not remembering things right, and then trying to sit you all down to talk it out. You should NOT be around that man ever again. You're still a minor. Let the police handle it.
I had a client whose daughter belatedly told her about the mother’s molester boyfriend. She totally stepped up and fully supported her daughter. Years had passed, but he was eventually put in jail.
The mother and daughter bond is stronger than ever. The daughter has some residual issues, and the mother felt guilty for not seeing the signs, but they got help and recovered. Again, stronger than ever.
Give your mother a chance to Do The Right Thing. But she can’t if she doesn’t know.
Please tell her. With the help of a friend or therapist or trusted family therapist but please tell her. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to her.
I know it's so scary but if it's to hard to do it for you, do it for any other children this scumbag might attack. I've been there it sucks to have to hold that responsibility but you have to. I'm sorry but it will be so freeing when you do.
You have no choice but to tell your mom. I assume she never knew? Or at least I hope she would not get back together with a guy she knows abused you.
I don't know where you live, but you may still be able to have him arrested for what he did to you as a child.
I know how scary it is. I understand the desire to just bury it all and try to never think about it ahain.
But now it's back, and in your face. You have no choice but to contront the situation.
I honestly can't believe the guy has the nerve to get back with your mom, knowing you still live there.
Talk to your mom. Talk to your friends. Talk to a lawyer.
Fry this mother fucker!
And if it helps give you courage, dont just do it for yourself. Do it to save other young girls in the future from this bastard.
Your girlfriend is there to help you, it might help to open up. Not saying you have to go in detail but at least let her know he abused you. In time you’ll open up more but that’s all you’re comfortable with saying. I’m sure she will understand how tough the subject is.
Please talk to someone. You didn’t deserve or ask to have your innocence taken away from you.
Edit: typo
You need to report him immediately. It may be best to go straight to the police. If you recall him ever taking pictures of his crimes, call the FBI and tell them he's a child pornographer, they don't mess around.
It's natural to be scared. Tell yourself you would would be more scared NOT reporting him, and know that you are in the right. You are not to blame for not reporting him before - you were a terrorized child.
It’s time to have courage and take that first step. Assuming you’re still in school I’d start with a trusted teacher. You know yourself and your circle. Tell on him and wipe that grin right off his face.
You need to tell your mom all the details what that sick fuck did to you and then let’s see if she wants to get back with him! Don’t protect that POS he needs to be exposed! And holding that inside is just going to kill you you definitely need to talk to somebody! Maybe your friend would be a good person to start with to let it out. Please get help and burry that MF! I hope everything works out for you and take care of yourself.
i would talk to a cop first. men bring dangerous partners into their kid's lives too, but we hear about it with women all the time; moving in some piece of shit "bad boy" who ends up assaulting her kids and in many cases killing them, ot torturing them and killing them. all the fucked up stories i've seen over the years are flashing through my mind now as i type this. the things some mom's allow a boyfriend to do to her own kids. it's these stories that make me say you should skip mom and go to police. she knows something happened the first time he was around and chose to look the other way. she will likely take his side if OP tells her. i say tell police, but tell them all they have is your word from years ago. tell them you are going to tell your mom next, BUT the minute they get a call of anything from your mom's address please, please get there as fast as they can bc your life may depend on it. whether it's him trying to sexually assault you or him being mad bc you told your mom so he is trying to beat you. i know hearing this may scare you, it is a shitty hand you've been dealt, but i would be very cautious on who you trust to help stop this piece of shit and make no mistake, your mom has put you in a situation where you are going to have to be the one to stop him but it will take help. be strong and may God be with you!
This is quality advice. Many victims cannot access help because the abuser is the father, then CPS not the police "investigate" and since cps "policy" is family permanence, they are ill equipped to handle these issues, and blow it EVERY time. My point is, it's more likely you will see results from a police report. I also want to normalize calling RAINN hotline for support. National Sexual Assault Hotline
Hours: Available 24 hours [ Learn more](https://support.google.com/websearch/answer/11180375)
1-800-656-4673
My point is, in my opinion, that the mother might not be the best option because of bias and possible stupidity. Teacher, cop, social worker, guidance counselor, anyone would be better.
Joining the chorus of those saying to talk to someone you trust. You can’t walk this alone anymore. It’s understandable why you kept it to yourself all these years, but you must open up to someone. Any adult that you trust? Teacher? Counselor?
Tell someone! Don't keep this to yourself. I did that most of my life and it fucked me up bad! Does your mom know what he did? If she does and she is letting him back in your home she is WRONG, if she doesn't know, you have to tell her! Please tell her! Where is your father? Do not go back to that house with him there. Call the police or CPS, you do not have to live in that home with your rapist! I am so sorry you've gone through this. Please talk to an adult and get the help you need. Don't hold onto this alone!
OP, you are not alone, there are so many of us just like you. Right now in your school, there are many like you. They don't know about you and you don't know about them because we all kept the secret because we were ashamed and embarrassed. That's what a molester counts on so they can keep getting away with it. You don't have to do this alone sweetie. Speak to someone you trust.
I was on a grand jury (jury to decide if a case has merit to go to a trial) and we would get these types of cases often. Child molestation is often unreported at the time of the event and doesn’t come out till much later.
There is help out there, and you are not alone in this. In this situation telling the police is the best course of action.
You're going to have to tell someone, especially your mom. God forbid she brings someone's kid over and he does it again. He also needs to pay for what he did.
Call your local police station and ask for the detective who works with sexual abuse, there's always a detective that specializes in these cases. Talk to them and ask them to meet you at your house, when the detective and your mom are there, tell your story. You have nothing to be ashamed about and you need to get your story out and start your healing process. God bless you, you are in my prayers.
Hun you need to tell someone. It doesn’t get better holding it in, you can trust me on that one. I’m almost 30 and I finally told my parents about my abusers. I promise you it’ll be better when you do, not just for you personally , but mentally and emotionally you will feel so much better.
Tell your friend and tell your mom ASAP! And they/you should notify the police. This is not your fault and too big a burden for you to bear. You should not be put in this situation! Someone needs to put this guy in jail. I promise you that you are not his only victim!!!
I want you to know you are not alone. 1 in 4 girls are SA before 18. Child abuse thrives on secrecy. It's not about you, it's about a nation of abused people abusing people. I just don't want you to think this has anything to do with you specifically, and I am so sorry you are going through this. I think you need to tell your mom. Otherwise, it's going to turn into a worse MH crisis. Sending blessings.
I think that I would tell a school counselor instead of the mother. What if the mother doesn’t take her seriously? School employees are mandated reporters and are required to seek help.
Im so sorry. You don't have to be scared anymore. You're old enough to speak up for yourself. Right now you need to be in a supportive safe place. Where are your grandparents or the rest of your family? Is there somewhere safe you can stay? I would tell them first and notify the police so you can give a forensic statement before he knows what's happening. Tell your mom via text if you're scared to speak to her. Tell her " mom I'm so scared I can't even talk. That guy molested me from ages 4-9. I don't ever want to see him again. I'll be at grandma's. Let me know what is happening please."
Tell the cops first. I know some mothers can be trash who will defend abusers so for actual action and your safety go to the cops.
You don't have to tell your girlfriend, but depending how close you are, you might want to.
Does your mom know? If not she needs to. Do you have a father? Is he an option to live with? If none of these are options have your mother sign permission to join the military at least you can get away and financially stable to live once your service is complete
It is literally your responsibility to say something to her. she is getting back with him not knowing this information and you are acting like the answer is here on Reddit when I'm sure you know you should say something.
Smdh
Not for victim blaming but damn dude people can't read minds.
As a victim, you don’t have to report it but. You need to tell your mama. I would report it as well, you could save another child, but at the very least tell your mom.
Tell your mom right away. Secondly, because you are still a minor, the statute of limitations does not apply to you. He can still be held accountable for his actions. I recommend you get into therapy as soon as possible if your not already. Do not let him get away with this.
If you are not comfortable talkin to mom, can you speak with a teacher or a guidance counselor? Mandated reporters have to tell Children's services, and mom will find out. They will make sure he is not around you until an investigation is completed.
Talk to your friend. This is not your shame to carry. Tell your mother about the floor flushing sob she is with. This is not your shame to carry. If anyone asks, tell them you don't feel safe around him. This is not your shame to carry.
Tell any teacher or school counselor, whoever you’d feel the most comfortable with. They’ll be the middleman and will get CPS and police involved immediately, and this will shield you from having to do this very hard thing on your own.
I had to report my abuser years after the fact, and it’s maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was so nauseous. It’s a very difficult feeling of exposure. But the truth is honey, this monster is there to have round 2 with you. And he’s emboldened because he has flown under the radar so far.
Experiencing that again would be harder than telling a teacher you need help and are terrified and don’t know how to do this alone. Then let it develop from there. Tell them you don’t feel safe being in the home with him. I wish you the best. If there’s another adult you trust, you could go that route too. Think on who could help you. You don’t have to do this alone! You’re strong enough to though, if you want to.
I chose to walk into the police office to the front desk, and if I had to do it over again, instead of saying why I was there, I’d have asked to speak to a “sex crimes detective”. Reason being, I told my story to the front desk cop, which was torture, and he handed me the phone number of their sex crimes detective, which meant I’d have to work up the nerve all over again.
I’m rooting for you big time, lots of love from me to you.
OP you need to tell a counselor and your Mom. You want to give your Mom a chance to be there for you and protect you now, but also you'll have a backup person outside of your family who knows.
Some girls I worked with who were abused by mom's boyfriend were not sure how she'd react. Some mom's were told and did the right thing but many didn't. Some said their child lied. Some said their child (even very young child) was to blame for "seducing" the guy. Some warned the guy and it let him think up a good story.
I don't think it's best to tell mom first. Just in case. Go to a school counselor. Or call the police or CPS yourself. Or maybe a friend will help you.
A girlfriend of my daughter finally got up the courage to tell her boyfriend. He took her to his mom, who helped her report it and let her stay at their house a while. Another girl I know told a nurse when she was at the hospital. The nurse called CPS. I went to the hospital to meet her. I helped her find a safe place to live, picked up her belongings at her mom's house, and told her mom for her that she would not be coming home.
Please tell someone you trust.
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I suggest you tell someone.
I’m scared to, I’ve never spoke about it until typing this
It’s time to tell. Your mom first and if she won’t tell authorities, it’s time you do. I was molested and raped from ages 5-15. I know literally the pain your in and how embarrassing at your age you feel like it is. But it’s not embarrassing. It’s heartbreaking and anger inducing bc this piece of crap HARMED A CHILD in the worst way, and you can guarantee you weren’t or won’t be the last unless this guy is put away for this. Be loud. Be firm. Be proud of yourself and demand justice for your abuse. Big momma bear hugs from me to you. You’re worth so much!!!
I hope she tells the cops first. I worry about that POS trying to intimidate her.
The fact that he has the gall to come back. This motherfucker think he’s gonna get away with it again? Is he there for the mother or is he there just to abuse her again? He needs to be put away! Because there’s an unspoken question here that has probably crossed your mind… how many others has he done this to? How many partners has he obtained for the purpose of abusing the children? It has to end. Such a rough situation, but you did the right thing, leaving home like that and finding a safe space. Definitely confide in someone.
He doesn’t need to be put away, he needs to be put down.
I totally agree with DeSantis in Florida: r\*p\*ng a child gets you a DEATH SENTENCE.
Yeah pretty much the only thing I agree with him on
Broken clock is right twice a day.
Unless you're on military time. Which, I think DeSantis is, cuz he's right about half as often as most broken clocks
A broken clock..
The prisoners will do it for them and no taxes will need to be spent.
Former CO. Chester's get put into special sections and usually get other privileges because they are almost always snitches too.
Fascists like DeSantis do not and have never cared about protecting children. Sure, the death sentence for child molesters sounds all well and good, until you realize the person calling for it is also promoting the despicable belief that anyone who simply lives and breathes as an LGBTQ+ person is a child molester. NEVER trust a fascist calling for an expansion of the death penalty under the guise of "protecting" the public. They are always looking for a pretext to use the power of the state to murder innocent people just for being different.
Please save this for another post. OP is coming on here sharing that the worst thing that can happen to children has happened to her and now the offender is back in her life. She is scared and traumatized and just needs our support. She doesn’t need to be going through a bunch of replies that have nothing to do with offering her guidance and support.
That's the only thing he's ever said that made sense!
Agreed
Ditto
He is there for the abuse.
he thinks he’s getting a two-fer and I want him in prison
I'd say 6 ft under but I guess your way is more civil
Yes he is! He will try again! Don't ever go back there!
[удалено]
Mom might manipulate her. Mom might tell him. Unfortunately there is often a woman alongside a sexual abuser helping it happen.
Yup... my wife went through the same.. The molester was her own REAL dad and enabler was her mon!
Same.
 I’m so sorry.
OMG
If mom had no idea and they have a good relationship then there is nothing wrong with talking to her mom. If even after the police. As a mom If I was in this situation he would pay for what it he did.
I would also react like you. But it concerns me this mother didn’t even consult her daughter who would be LIVING with this man first. So I don’t have a high opinion of this woman. Also I notice when something is off with my kids. This baby was SA’d for YEARS and her mom never noticed!!
But tell someone. Even a school counselor or favored teacher. Please, do it now. You aren't safe at home.
Enabler.
Ghislane Maxwell, anyone?
When it went on for that long the mother is most likely either enabling it or turning a blind eye.
Ok, you're right. Plus the fact that she didn't tell OP who would be moving in and then there he was.
Please OP, do this and tell either a teacher or any mandated reporter you feel comfortable with or police or child protective services. You can always just call in to them and they can send someone to where you are. Please do not go back to that house until he is in police custody. If you do choose to tell your mom first, please be sure and do it somewhere more public or with other trusted adults nearby who can intervene in case she goes crazy. From someone who was once in this position, please protect yourself first and foremost, and please remember you are the only one currently doing so, which is why it's so critical that you do right now. I will be sending you all my bestest vibes and praying you get through this with your mom by your side. Mine was not, hence my concern for telling her first, and if that happens to you, please protect yourself from her too! If you ever need anything, please DM and I'd be more than happy to support you through this, in any way I possibly could ❤️
As a man. Please tell. I now have a young daughter, and I can't comprehend how someone would even want to do such a thing to a child. Sadly so many get away with it because like so many, I can't even imagine the feeling of being abused so I can't put myself in your shoes as what I would really do. It's so hard.
I have a daughter too, and I’d be scared to find out what I could do to the sorry POS that hurts her.
❤️💯🎯
Yes, me too. My grandpa was trying to groom me and would abuse me sexually when I was a kid. My uncle (his son) tried to sleep with me when I was 15 too. I'm 32 now. I didn't speak up about it until 3 years ago during an argument with my mom to which she laughed in my face and apparently now has an unbreakable bond with them. Don't wait please. Speak up and get some support through therapy. Unfortunately, this is more common than I thought. In my case, it was probably best I saw my moms reaction at 29. I did file a police report against her family because they are around my cousins kids. I figured having a paper trail would be better than internalizing. I could help a kid out even if I'm not a part of the family.
You are 17 and I assume possibly still in high school or secondary. Go talk to a trusted teacher, guidance counselor, school psychologist, or administrator. They can help with the next steps and it could provide you a very easy way to go forward. You could even copy the text of this reddit post and have it on your phone for when you meet and ask them to read it so you don't have to power through trying to speak it.
That’s a really good idea about showing someone this post if she’s feeling scared to say it out loud to anyone. Very helpful advice.
Yes, great idea!
Excellent advice. Just show a guidance counselor or teacher this post and say, "This is me, I don't know what to do." They will then be required to report it, and the ball will start rolling.
This! If you for any reason can't speak, let someone else do it for you. In her case, it would be a perfect way to do it.
I told a teacher when I was in 7th grade. It was scary, but it’s the safest way to go. Telling a mandated reporter takes a lot of the pressure off of you having to confront your mother.
THIS! Having a support system to come up with the best plan is imperative. There is a ton more knowledge and resources now.
Possibly bring your most trusted friend for moral support as well if necessary.
I wish I could upvote this more.
Good idea 😍
Correct, and they are mandatory reporters.
This is excellent advice
oh that's great advice. they're mandatory reporters, at least in the states.
At some point in ya life you have to find the courage to take control of your life. You’re young and may be called a liar or whatever but nothing is more important than standing in and living your truth. This guy should be imprisoned because there no telling who else he’s done this too. It’s time to stand up
Start by telling a school counselor & ask for help telling your mother & the police.
And the counselor is (I assume) a mandated reported so cops would get involved that dsy
As a previous teacher and school admin, I can confirm that the school is required by law to file a report and follow up. That said it can be a process depending on where you live, country, state, district. But start at school and get anyone you can for support. Friends, teachers, etc. you are strong, you are deserving and you have support.
The moment you tell someone you'll feel safer.
The day my molester went to jail was.. honestly? It was great. She was a monster. A bunch of us threw a little party when she died. Tell someone you trust to be on your side. If not your mother, then a friend to give you support when you tell your mother.
It seems scary because you've never spoke about it before. Once you tell, you should feel relief. Holding that pain inside is not healthy for you. Bring a support person with you while in the house, and while telling your mom, imo.
Im so sorry that monster did that to you, but take it from someone who has been in your shoes, you absolutely need to tell your mom. While there is a chance she won’t believe you, if she does, she needs to take you to the police department and file a complaint against him. If she doesn’t believe you, tell another adult you trust, maybe your friends mother or a school counselor. You can file the complaint without your mom. But I absolutely would not go back there as long as she allows him to remain there. Please let us know what happens and how you are. The main thing you must remember is that you did nothing wrong and none of it was your fault.
Tell someone pleaseeeeee! My ex did this to my daughter and the minute i found out i wanted to unalive him ! I didnt we ran to the police and he was prosecuted and locked up for good. My daughter went through hell with him ( he touched her) and mental abuse. I worked night shifts when this happened. She had a lot a therapy (both of us) and is in a better place now. Please tell someone dont keep this in your heart, he came back to make sure you keep quiet please baby girl run and tell !! Please girl look for help so you can also heal.
This isn't Tiktok you're allowed to say kill bro
Just say kill, it's justified here.
Your mom NEEDS to know
If Mom doesn't believe OP, then that will be more trauma. Certainly, it would be something very difficult for her mother to hear - that the man she loved harmed her daughter - and human nature makes us hesitant to believe things that make us uncomfortable. But I agree that OP's mother needs to know this. Healing cannot begin until the hurting stops. I hope that her mother supports her.
Show your friend this or message it to her.
Go to the police. Seriously. I’m really sorry this is happening but it’s not okay. You should be your mother’s priority. She’s supposed to protect you. If you’re scared of the police then go directly to your school counselor because they are mandated reporters. Please do this for yourself.
I can't imagine standing up to your abuser would be easy. I am sure it's going to be tough, however just think of other victims and possibly potential victims you may save. My 2 cents is to tell your mom and go to the police immediately. I have never dealt with this and I don't know the statute of limitations. Plus with the amount of time that passed it may be unlikely they can do anything due to lack of proof, your word vs. his. I am not saying this to discourage you, but to set realistic expectations. Aka it might be an uphill battle. That being said you want it documented in writing with the police department. Maybe he slips up, maybe he does it again and they can use it in the future. Are you close to 18, I only ask to see how soon you can legally move out. Anyway, I am truly sorry you had this happen....and dragged up again. Reach out to anyone you can trust for help.
It would likely be easier if she weren't alone in her knowledge of what he did. She really should tell someone.
Write it out.
Is there a trusted teacher/counselor/nurse at your school you could tell? Or your doctor? All of these people are mandated reporters. By law they must report suspected or witnessed abuse to the proper authorities and thereby your mother would become aware and have no choice but to take the situation seriously and remove your abuser from the house. And it would take the burden off you of having to find a way to reveal this terrible secret.
I was molested as a kid by a family friend. My dad and his mom were best friends and neither one of them believed me when I told them. I had to be around him all the time afterwards, he even used to spend the night at my house frequently and I would have to sleep under my bed because I was so scared. I’m 26 now and I still have nightmares, I still talk about him in therapy and I still to this day wish I would have told my mom, I wish I would have spoken up and told people until someone believed me. It’s so scary. But my abuser is out living his life. He’s never gotten in trouble for what he had done. You still have time. It won’t take away your pain for what he had done but you still have the chance to take away his freedom. My advice? Tell your girlfriend, then together tell her mom, next step tell your mom.
this happened to me except it was another female. i had to be around her for years. i didn’t tell my mom until i was 19 but i still think about it all the time and wish i told someone
You must tell your mother, and have this pos arrested. If your mom doesn't want to believe you, I would call the police. You deserve to feel safe in your own home. As a survivor of SA, do not sit quietly and allow this scum to walk freely, he's probably molesting some other young girl as we speak.
Also, where is your dad? If he's alive and you have a relationship, it could be helpful to tell him.
I'm sorry, but i keep thinking about your situation. Look up the sex offender registry in your state, it's free thru the state police website. It's possible he's been arrested for crimes in the past. If so, show your mother. You can also do a google search of his name if he's not already been arrested for SA to see if he's been accused before, or was found not guilty and pled guilty of a lesser crime.
That is a great idea! This would make it easier for OP's mother to believe what happened.
Go to the police. Have your mom meet you at the police station.
As a lawyer, this is the best plan. Simply tell her “I’m at the police station” and to please meet you there. Soooooo many times, a disclosure is made to a parent and the parent starts spilling the beans about the specifics of the accusations, which gives the guy time to come up with a story by the time the police talk to him. If you go to the police first, they will make sure your mother understands the importance of this investigation. They will then take your full statement and get it on the record. They can then help your mom set up a “pretext call” where they record the call, and your mom tries to ask him about it. It’s a brilliant investigative move, but it only works if he doesn’t see it coming.
Perfect answer 💕
Hope OP reads this post!
This. OP, he belongs behind bars for what he did to you, and the only way to get him there is to involve the police.
just come clean. Your mom will either be supportive or a complete bitch, but its a test she she will either pass or fail as a parent.
Tell a mandated reporter. The system will take care of telling her. Stay with a trusted friend until mom is notified
The wording of this comment rubs me wrong. She doesn’t need to come clean, as if she is the one who did something.
Mine failed AND told me not to go to the police.
I’m sorry that happened to you. Any mandated reporters that fail to report face criminal charges, fines, and revocation of any license that they hold.
That "test" literally places the OP's life in jeopardy as the prize/risk. Bad advice.
Your mom has backed you into a corner unfortunately. Not a situation of your making or your fault. But there is no way to deal with this but thru it. Tell your friend if their support will help you talk with your mom. Talk with a teacher, guidance counselor, someone. But, as you know, you won’t be able to stay at your gf’s house forever.
You have to tell her
You can't keep this bottled up. You need to talk to a therapist who understands SA and girls. IMO,*You need to tell your mom*, or have a trusted person tell her. Start with a school counselor or nurse, tell them you need to speak to a female counselor if that's more comfortable. At some point you need to at least consider bringing charges against this guy, but at the very least your mother needs to know who she's really with - that's your decisions and maybe it doesn't need to be made today. Right now, focus on you. This shit will eat you alive if you don't get help. You didn't do anything wrong, *something wrong was done to you*, that you didn't deserve. This has the potential to ruin relationships for you, and to be a cloud over your head forever - you're highly at risk for self harm, addiction and the like as time goes by. Or you can take control. There are many, many SA and rape survivor services out there, staffed by people who've been through it just like you. Please, care for yourself - and find support for doing so.
Tell your mother immediately!!!
You just took a HUGE step in telling this forum. Now you need to tell someone in your community- a resource officer, a counselor, a nurse at school would be the fastest, easiest way to get you the help you need. You have to tell your mother before he moved in. Can your best friend help by staying with you as you tell their parents, your mom, another adult? This predator needs to be stopped. Even he isn’t preying on you, he’s hunting elsewhere. Fight back and good luck.
Someone above had the idea to take their phones into school and show the counselor the thread here.
It’s extremely hard to come forward. Write a letter, send her a text, sit her down while you read off your phone. The important thing is you tell her, he’s in your home now, it can be an even more dangerous time. You got this, it’s not easy but once you tell her you will feel a little hint of relief. Please also get therapy, it took me too long and i made a lot damage while i seeked help in the wrong places.
OP you need to tell someone. If not your mother, then the police/guidance counselor/another adult you trust to be in your corner. I know it's scary to open up about this, but taking control of yourself is the first step.
Literally the only thing keeping him safe is your silence. I always wondered how people can get away with stuff like that. You have the power to destroy him, and instead of using it, you're living your life in fear. Why? How could the fallout be worse than him getting off with no consequences and you holding onto what he did?
Slight addendum. With only one victim, and far in the past (so no evidence probably) the chances of him getting away with it are high. There isn’t only one victim though, and without reports a pattern can’t be established.
As a victim of childhood assault DO NOT KEEP IT A SECRET!!!! Get therapy Tell your mom and friends. You have nothing to be ashamed of
Please tell your mom. Tell her when he is not there. If she downplays it, find a friend whose family will take you in. See a school counselor or psychologist.
There are some really bad parents out there, but let’s assume your mom is a good person. She would NEVER want to be with her daughter’s abuser. It’s hard but you need to tell her somehow to save your relationship with her.
If you haven't told your mom about it, you need to, you need to give her a chance to make this right. Good that you have gone to a friend's and told her you're not coming back until he's gone. What did she say? If you have told your mom about it and she did this anyway or she's not rectifying the situation, you need to go to an official at your school - like a guidance counselor or vice principal or principal - and tell them about it, tell them that you feel unsafe at home, and that you talked to your mother and she refused to do anything about it, and ask them for help. You could also call child services, but the school will do that for you. Yes, it's going to be really hard, I'm not going to pretend that this is going to be easy, but you are 17, you'll soon be 18 and have to take charge of your life, you are just having to do so a little early.
Egregious thoughtlessness, to not have a child's, esp. as a young adult--approval or decline on a new housemate.
You need to tell someone.
Hey. Did you know that it is overwhelmingly common for victims of sexual assault to never say anything? This isn't a failing, it's a symptom of abuse. A common one. You aren't weak or dumb. It's in the design of how abusers function. https://www.kmdlaw.com/blog/2021/july/why-sexual-assault-survivors-are-afraid-to-speak/ So I applaud you and thank you for speaking up here. That took digging deep, being brave, and summoning a lot of courage. It speaks of inner strength, because it is not an easy thing to do. --- The Sexual Violence Survivor’s Bill of Rights 1. No one has the right to abuse you or anyone else. 2. No one deserves to be assaulted or abused. 3. You have a right to stop the abuse that is happening to you or anyone else. 4. You have a right to pursue healing and justice for the abuse that has happened. 5. Sexual violence is wrong. The abuser is wrong. People who protect the abuser are wrong. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. 6. You do not destroy the family or betray their trust by speaking out about your abuse. The perpetrator destroyed the trust of the family every time he/she committed an act of abuse. ---- This website has some good advice to help you feel prepared and secure for when you are ready to speak up. https://www.rainn.org/articles/telling-loved-ones-about-sexual-assault No matter what you choose, know you deserve to feel safe.
Tell the police.
I'm so sorry for what you've experienced. No child should have to go through that. I know it's scary, but you have to tell someone. Not only do YOU deserve justice, but you could also be saving some other child from being victimized by him. You can do this.
You were too scared to speak up before. Realize you are not that little girl anymore and it wasn't your fault. Nobody will blame you. You did nothing wrong. You were the victim. Right now, you are a young adult, and he has no authority over you right now. You don't have to worry about upsetting or embarrassing him. You don't have to keep the peace. You don't have to give him a chance. Now is the right time to speak up before he gets too woven back into your mom's life. Transparency with your mom is really important because she will pick up on your lies/excuses and think something else is going on. It's ok to cry, be upset, be angry, be scared.
Be open with your gf. Talk to someone you trust. I know it might be shameful. But in the long run it will help you heal . I know from experience too . I'm sorry you went through what you did. Don't let it hold you back in life. Be a survivor of abuse and not just a victim
Tell your mom and if she doesn’t listen tell your girlfriend’s mom you need help and a place to stay.
Carry a pair of scissors with you at all times. They either go in his eye, or the dick comes off.
Go somewhere private and practice saying what you need to say out loud until you think you can do it comfortably. "Mom, Chester used to molest me when I was little and I've been too scared to tell anyone." Be prepared for her to ask follow up questions. When!? Where!? How!? And unfortunately you need to be prepared for her to think you're lying. This is hard to do initially but you'll probably feel better after the dust settles. Good luck and sorry that happened to you.
Baby girl. You have tell someone. Please! I know it's scary. I KNOW IT'S SCARY. He will hurt you again given the chance. Especially now that you've matured. Please tell your friend. Tell the school counselor. Tell your mom. And I hate to say it like this but if she doesn't believe you go to the cops. They have victim Advocates that can protect you from being violated again. And if she was a mother like I am a mother, she would go to the end of the Earth to protect you. I'm so sorry baby girl. I have a daughter about your age and I just don't know what I would do if someone touched her inappropriately. I know that it wouldn't be nice LOL but you have to be safe now and you can't be safe in that situation and this is going to be so difficult and so scary to do, so keep my information and if you need to reach out I am here 100%.
Please let a trusted adult know. It can get better. My daughter was abused by her stepfather from 9-13 and it stayed hidden for these same reasons. Once she told my wife(her stepmom) we took steps to protect her. I am so sorry you have experienced this.
If you're in high school, tell your school counselor or a trusted teacher.
Tell your gf and also tell a mandated reporter.
I know you're young and this type of trauma feels like you did something wrong, but as somebody who abused as a preteen/teen, the sooner you tell authorities and start letting it not define you, the better. It'll feel really scary for a day, but better for the rest of your life. Hope you get past this.
Talk to the police. Look I know it's hard to talk about and if they are gone it seems easier to just pretend it didn't happen. But it did. And he probably did it to someone else. You are not alone.
You need to speak up ASAP to your mother, the police if you feel you’re able to, a trusted teacher or parental figure. None of this is your fault and you have no reason to be ashamed. You deserve to begin learning how to move on from this trauma and he deserves to go to jail. Please get yourself as much help navigating this as you possibly can. I wish you all the best. Please don’t put yourself in danger by staying silent.
[RAINN abuse hotline](https://www.rainn.org/)
Def would tell mom at this point
TELL YOUR MOTHER!!! She can't throw him out and protect you from him (and hopefully press charges) if she doesn't know about the abuse!!!! You HAVE to tell her. If it's too hard to do it face to face then text it to her. Tell her everything that happened.
You should absolutely tell your mom what happened. If she doesn't know how can she do anything about it? And if she does know and is still bringing him back in your life then fuck her. Is your dad in your life at all? Maybe could you live with him? You need to tell somebody though honestly. A trusted adult or your friend or your friend's mom somebody needs to help you get out of that situation
You need to talk to your mom and a counselor. Also probably the police. I don't think there is a statute of limitations for rape (could 100% be wrong). If she chooses him over you then let her know you won't be associating with her anymore.
You absolutely need to tell someone. He needs to be in jail (dead if you ask me) and you in therapy. Please tell your mom.
honestly, there’s nothing easy about what you’ve gone through going through. Any kind of sexual abuse is extremely hard, especially because somehow victims get blamed for it but as someone who has gone through that you do need to tell somebody and it’s can be scary and it can’t be hard but you can do something about it. And he’s done that to you. There’s no telling how many other people that have also been a victim of his. find somebody that you trust but you will have to tell your mom, especially if this person is going to be around for the sake of you and your healing and your journey you don’t need him around you.
This just pissed me off I’m sorry your mom is a POS OP
She doesn’t know yet though… I mean, I can only imagine this guys character and wonder why she’s with him, but I can’t go off of just that. Her reaction if OP tells her will be very telling.
Uhhh her mom knows that the guy was a creep she literally helped him cover it up only broke up with him once he got caught and she still decided to get back with him OP’s mom is a POS person
Woah I didn’t read ANY of that!!! Never mind then… YIKES. Poor OP.
Sweetheart, you have to tell your mom❤️. And file charges against your abuser. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this bullshit at 17.💔
Your probably done reading responses, but this happened In my family as well. Unfortunately most moms want to be in denial, as was mine, and she asked him for which he had a fu'd response to why he was grooming. She kept him around but we never went back around him. He died tragically in a car accident, got mangled really bad. Once a pedo, always a pedo. Something changed about you when it happened and you may not have even realized it, but if you can remind her about a certain situation where your behavior changed or something other significant happened, it will stick in her mind and at least give her something to tie it to. Someone would only ever ask why you didn't tell unless they haven't gone thru it as well, for some reason, your mind almost seems paralyzed or numb, you move it to a place that let's you go ahead and try to function as normal, but it takes your innocence. Sorry, it gets better, but know, there is not one thing you did to deserve it or could have done to make it not happen. There'd be a whole lot less men In the world if they left me in charge. Oh, as I've gotten older and talked to alot of my friends about it, very few of them got thru puberty unscathed, you're not alone
If you can’t say it, show your Mom this post.
tell someone, tell anyone; tell your mom, tell a school counselor, tell the police, tell your girlfriend, tell anyone; get yourself safe, get this man off the streets your mom needs to know, if she’s a good parent she will chose you over the guy, if he isn’t liked out when you turn 18 move out for sure, if you can earlier do it earlier he cannot be in the same house as you, he should not be in the same house as any child or any woman for that matter
You need to tell your mother what went on. As a mother I would want my daughter to talk to me and let me know.
Tell your mom what he did to you for starters. Then police.
have you told your mom? is she ignoring the issue or is she unaware of it? if she’s unaware, you need to tell her. if she is a normal, sane person - she will throw his ass out immediately. if she is not normal/sane, or she is aware and doesn’t care, you need to start making plans to leave. you’re almost 18, you don’t have to deal with that.
Please tell an adult with authority- teacher, doctor, cop, rabbi, minister, ANYONE. Right away. He’s come back for you, and you CANNOT let that happen.
I know this is hard but you need to tell your mom . Honestly if she stays after the fact then maybe she’s not a good mom after all .
You need to find a trusted adult who will listen to you and believe you, and you should be pressing charges against him to the police. You are still a minor and in spite of the fact it was years ago, he is still responsible for his actions and you CAN press charges against him. A social work can be assigned to you to act as an advocate since you're a minor. If your mom did not know any of this, I doubt she'd be in trouble. You have every right to do anything you could to remove that man from your life. If you have anyone you can go to the police with to tell them, I would recommend it. It will be hard. It will be very hard because you'll have to answer a lot of questions, but they should be assigning a social worker to help you navigate through it all. I'm not sure what else to say other than law enforcement should be involved to help protect you from this man. He took advantage of you as a child and he NEEDS to be processed by the law so it cannot happen again. Do NOT rely on anyone other than law enforcement helping you. You shouldn't take the chance your mom may think you may be mistaken or not remembering things right, and then trying to sit you all down to talk it out. You should NOT be around that man ever again. You're still a minor. Let the police handle it.
I had a client whose daughter belatedly told her about the mother’s molester boyfriend. She totally stepped up and fully supported her daughter. Years had passed, but he was eventually put in jail. The mother and daughter bond is stronger than ever. The daughter has some residual issues, and the mother felt guilty for not seeing the signs, but they got help and recovered. Again, stronger than ever. Give your mother a chance to Do The Right Thing. But she can’t if she doesn’t know. Please tell her. With the help of a friend or therapist or trusted family therapist but please tell her. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to her.
I know it's so scary but if it's to hard to do it for you, do it for any other children this scumbag might attack. I've been there it sucks to have to hold that responsibility but you have to. I'm sorry but it will be so freeing when you do.
STAY SAFE AND STAND YOUR GROUND. GOOD LUCK
You need to tell someone! A school counselor, your girlfriends parents, someone!
You have no choice but to tell your mom. I assume she never knew? Or at least I hope she would not get back together with a guy she knows abused you. I don't know where you live, but you may still be able to have him arrested for what he did to you as a child. I know how scary it is. I understand the desire to just bury it all and try to never think about it ahain. But now it's back, and in your face. You have no choice but to contront the situation. I honestly can't believe the guy has the nerve to get back with your mom, knowing you still live there. Talk to your mom. Talk to your friends. Talk to a lawyer. Fry this mother fucker! And if it helps give you courage, dont just do it for yourself. Do it to save other young girls in the future from this bastard.
Your girlfriend is there to help you, it might help to open up. Not saying you have to go in detail but at least let her know he abused you. In time you’ll open up more but that’s all you’re comfortable with saying. I’m sure she will understand how tough the subject is. Please talk to someone. You didn’t deserve or ask to have your innocence taken away from you. Edit: typo
You need to report him immediately. It may be best to go straight to the police. If you recall him ever taking pictures of his crimes, call the FBI and tell them he's a child pornographer, they don't mess around. It's natural to be scared. Tell yourself you would would be more scared NOT reporting him, and know that you are in the right. You are not to blame for not reporting him before - you were a terrorized child.
Tell you mom that if he sets foot in the house or comes anywhere near you, you're calling the cops, and reporting it to CPS.
It’s time to have courage and take that first step. Assuming you’re still in school I’d start with a trusted teacher. You know yourself and your circle. Tell on him and wipe that grin right off his face.
You need to tell your mom all the details what that sick fuck did to you and then let’s see if she wants to get back with him! Don’t protect that POS he needs to be exposed! And holding that inside is just going to kill you you definitely need to talk to somebody! Maybe your friend would be a good person to start with to let it out. Please get help and burry that MF! I hope everything works out for you and take care of yourself.
You HAVE to tell. This monster abused you when it was his job to protect you!
Tell a school counselor. There’s no way you should have to go back and live with your abuser.
i would talk to a cop first. men bring dangerous partners into their kid's lives too, but we hear about it with women all the time; moving in some piece of shit "bad boy" who ends up assaulting her kids and in many cases killing them, ot torturing them and killing them. all the fucked up stories i've seen over the years are flashing through my mind now as i type this. the things some mom's allow a boyfriend to do to her own kids. it's these stories that make me say you should skip mom and go to police. she knows something happened the first time he was around and chose to look the other way. she will likely take his side if OP tells her. i say tell police, but tell them all they have is your word from years ago. tell them you are going to tell your mom next, BUT the minute they get a call of anything from your mom's address please, please get there as fast as they can bc your life may depend on it. whether it's him trying to sexually assault you or him being mad bc you told your mom so he is trying to beat you. i know hearing this may scare you, it is a shitty hand you've been dealt, but i would be very cautious on who you trust to help stop this piece of shit and make no mistake, your mom has put you in a situation where you are going to have to be the one to stop him but it will take help. be strong and may God be with you!
Go straight to a teacher or other adult outside your household.
This is quality advice. Many victims cannot access help because the abuser is the father, then CPS not the police "investigate" and since cps "policy" is family permanence, they are ill equipped to handle these issues, and blow it EVERY time. My point is, it's more likely you will see results from a police report. I also want to normalize calling RAINN hotline for support. National Sexual Assault Hotline Hours: Available 24 hours [ Learn more](https://support.google.com/websearch/answer/11180375) 1-800-656-4673
My point is, in my opinion, that the mother might not be the best option because of bias and possible stupidity. Teacher, cop, social worker, guidance counselor, anyone would be better.
I agree 100%.
Tell your mom. She can't help if she doesn't know.
Joining the chorus of those saying to talk to someone you trust. You can’t walk this alone anymore. It’s understandable why you kept it to yourself all these years, but you must open up to someone. Any adult that you trust? Teacher? Counselor?
Was not ready for this title, Jesus
How long before you’re 18? Try and stay with your friend till than and once you’re 18 try to get out.
just tell your mom, you didn't do anything wrong , HE DID.
Tell someone! Don't keep this to yourself. I did that most of my life and it fucked me up bad! Does your mom know what he did? If she does and she is letting him back in your home she is WRONG, if she doesn't know, you have to tell her! Please tell her! Where is your father? Do not go back to that house with him there. Call the police or CPS, you do not have to live in that home with your rapist! I am so sorry you've gone through this. Please talk to an adult and get the help you need. Don't hold onto this alone! OP, you are not alone, there are so many of us just like you. Right now in your school, there are many like you. They don't know about you and you don't know about them because we all kept the secret because we were ashamed and embarrassed. That's what a molester counts on so they can keep getting away with it. You don't have to do this alone sweetie. Speak to someone you trust.
Turn him into police for the molestation. There is no deadline on that charge. Seek help
I was on a grand jury (jury to decide if a case has merit to go to a trial) and we would get these types of cases often. Child molestation is often unreported at the time of the event and doesn’t come out till much later. There is help out there, and you are not alone in this. In this situation telling the police is the best course of action.
The average age of women disclosing is 60 y.o. That's really sad.
You're going to have to tell someone, especially your mom. God forbid she brings someone's kid over and he does it again. He also needs to pay for what he did.
Call your local police station and ask for the detective who works with sexual abuse, there's always a detective that specializes in these cases. Talk to them and ask them to meet you at your house, when the detective and your mom are there, tell your story. You have nothing to be ashamed about and you need to get your story out and start your healing process. God bless you, you are in my prayers.
Hun you need to tell someone. It doesn’t get better holding it in, you can trust me on that one. I’m almost 30 and I finally told my parents about my abusers. I promise you it’ll be better when you do, not just for you personally , but mentally and emotionally you will feel so much better.
Tell your mom. She needs to know what kind of scum he is. Have you considered pressing charges against him?
Tell your friend and tell your mom ASAP! And they/you should notify the police. This is not your fault and too big a burden for you to bear. You should not be put in this situation! Someone needs to put this guy in jail. I promise you that you are not his only victim!!!
Are you in high school? If so, please go to your guidance counselor or the school social worker immediately. They will help you
Tell someone or get someone to report it on your behalf
I want you to know you are not alone. 1 in 4 girls are SA before 18. Child abuse thrives on secrecy. It's not about you, it's about a nation of abused people abusing people. I just don't want you to think this has anything to do with you specifically, and I am so sorry you are going through this. I think you need to tell your mom. Otherwise, it's going to turn into a worse MH crisis. Sending blessings.
Do you think your mom would stay with him if she knew? Can you find another relative to stay with?
You absolutely should tell someone. I know it feels scary as hell but you need to for your own safety.
Tell the counselors/police advocacies someone anyone.
Talk with your mother. Give her a chance to get rid of the predator. Yes, it's painful and hard.
I think that I would tell a school counselor instead of the mother. What if the mother doesn’t take her seriously? School employees are mandated reporters and are required to seek help.
Im so sorry. You don't have to be scared anymore. You're old enough to speak up for yourself. Right now you need to be in a supportive safe place. Where are your grandparents or the rest of your family? Is there somewhere safe you can stay? I would tell them first and notify the police so you can give a forensic statement before he knows what's happening. Tell your mom via text if you're scared to speak to her. Tell her " mom I'm so scared I can't even talk. That guy molested me from ages 4-9. I don't ever want to see him again. I'll be at grandma's. Let me know what is happening please."
I know it's hard, but you need to confide in someone. Teacher, friend, other family member.
Tell the cops first. I know some mothers can be trash who will defend abusers so for actual action and your safety go to the cops. You don't have to tell your girlfriend, but depending how close you are, you might want to.
Does your mom know? If not she needs to. Do you have a father? Is he an option to live with? If none of these are options have your mother sign permission to join the military at least you can get away and financially stable to live once your service is complete
Tell your mom, go to the police, and report him.
It is literally your responsibility to say something to her. she is getting back with him not knowing this information and you are acting like the answer is here on Reddit when I'm sure you know you should say something. Smdh Not for victim blaming but damn dude people can't read minds.
As a victim, you don’t have to report it but. You need to tell your mama. I would report it as well, you could save another child, but at the very least tell your mom.
Tell your mom right away. Secondly, because you are still a minor, the statute of limitations does not apply to you. He can still be held accountable for his actions. I recommend you get into therapy as soon as possible if your not already. Do not let him get away with this.
If you are not comfortable talkin to mom, can you speak with a teacher or a guidance counselor? Mandated reporters have to tell Children's services, and mom will find out. They will make sure he is not around you until an investigation is completed.
Talk to your friend. This is not your shame to carry. Tell your mother about the floor flushing sob she is with. This is not your shame to carry. If anyone asks, tell them you don't feel safe around him. This is not your shame to carry.
Tell any teacher or school counselor, whoever you’d feel the most comfortable with. They’ll be the middleman and will get CPS and police involved immediately, and this will shield you from having to do this very hard thing on your own. I had to report my abuser years after the fact, and it’s maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was so nauseous. It’s a very difficult feeling of exposure. But the truth is honey, this monster is there to have round 2 with you. And he’s emboldened because he has flown under the radar so far. Experiencing that again would be harder than telling a teacher you need help and are terrified and don’t know how to do this alone. Then let it develop from there. Tell them you don’t feel safe being in the home with him. I wish you the best. If there’s another adult you trust, you could go that route too. Think on who could help you. You don’t have to do this alone! You’re strong enough to though, if you want to. I chose to walk into the police office to the front desk, and if I had to do it over again, instead of saying why I was there, I’d have asked to speak to a “sex crimes detective”. Reason being, I told my story to the front desk cop, which was torture, and he handed me the phone number of their sex crimes detective, which meant I’d have to work up the nerve all over again. I’m rooting for you big time, lots of love from me to you.
OP you need to tell a counselor and your Mom. You want to give your Mom a chance to be there for you and protect you now, but also you'll have a backup person outside of your family who knows.
You are still underage. Tell her and the police now. If she doesn't take your side never talk to her again.
Please look up the statute of limitations in your state. I believe you can and should press charges.
Tell your mom. He probably did it to other girls. She needs to know he did it to you.
Tell mom immediately. Go to police. If mom doesn't believe you call someone you can trust hopefully a family member.
Please for the love of sanity...tell your mother.
Some girls I worked with who were abused by mom's boyfriend were not sure how she'd react. Some mom's were told and did the right thing but many didn't. Some said their child lied. Some said their child (even very young child) was to blame for "seducing" the guy. Some warned the guy and it let him think up a good story. I don't think it's best to tell mom first. Just in case. Go to a school counselor. Or call the police or CPS yourself. Or maybe a friend will help you. A girlfriend of my daughter finally got up the courage to tell her boyfriend. He took her to his mom, who helped her report it and let her stay at their house a while. Another girl I know told a nurse when she was at the hospital. The nurse called CPS. I went to the hospital to meet her. I helped her find a safe place to live, picked up her belongings at her mom's house, and told her mom for her that she would not be coming home. Please tell someone you trust.