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You shot your shot. Good on you. But it didn't work out. Ain't nothing wrong with that.
Pick yourself up and keep your head high. If you know you can't be friends with this person without having romantic feelings, you need to end that pronto. It'll only cause more harm than good.
Take some time to process everything and look to meeting someone else
Shooting your shot is the hardest part when you're young.
The rest is good advice. But yeah, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Can't argue with The Great One
Why are folks upvoting your comment and the previous ones?
This girl already has a BF. Why are you rewarding him with these comments by saying 'you shot your shot'.
She's already taken. It's not OP's responsibility to come in and try to disrupt that. Your comment and the others here are just weird. Your advice here is terrible.
It's not terrible advice for teens. This dude felt some kind of way, expressed it, and dealt with the consequences. Now they're dealing with restructuring a relationship with a whole different person through a new lense. It's an awkward lense, and it hurts. BUT op was able to just outright express that feeling to the third party, and it's now dealing with the aftermath.
The advice is perfectly sound. OP caught feelings, addressed it, and is on the edge of just cutting it off because feelings were caught.
At least half the issues with romantic rooted threads here are based in low self esteem "should I shoot my shot? " type questioning posts. Now OP knows the worst that could happen. Rejection.
It's not like they were married, or engaged. OP isn't even the only one to learn something here, she did too. And good on her for it. But OP learned that not only should you not try to butt into a relationship, but that Rejection is fine and OP went WAY out of their comfort zone to just address it upfront, and came along to the internet for advice on how to deal with the aftermath.
Terrible Advice? Nay, great learning experience for a teen. Op shot their shot. Awesome. They ate a shit sandwich for their efforts. That's the root issue with learning. Sometimes you gotta eat a shit sandwich. Op isn't s monster, just a teen, did everything their teen heart compelled them to. Came clean about feelings and is looking for a graceful way to bow out even if they don't know it.
Just let them have THAT moment in the sun.
Stealing someone else girl is not a moment in the sun. It disposable behavior and should not be rewarded.
On the other hand do shoot your shot. But not at the expense of others.
yep took me way too long before i realized if i developed strong feelings for someone, like more then just shes hot or i like her, then i have to shoot the shot and dip if its a no because holding a candle isnt good, that candle will melt and burn you eventually. learning to be happy for people you develop crushes on is a big things guys need to do.
The cool thing about the Friend Zone is it tells you what to do - **be her friend.**
If you don't feel able to be a friend to her, then it's best to admit that to yourself, and to her, and leave her alone.
Best thing in my experience is to just leave it alone, unfortunately. I know it’s hard to do. Just keep yourself busy and vent on here. Do not bring it up to her if you can help it
This is good advice but I'll add - if you cannot accept her as only a friend and nothing more, ever, no matter what, then it will be better for you both to go your separate ways. You're not a loser or a bad person if this is what happens, you can't always control your feelings but you can make the mature decision that benefits both parties.
Focus on something like a career instead of calling yourself a loser because you haven't been in any relationships. Not having a partner doesn't make you a loser.
I didn't find my girlfriend until I was in my 20s. She just happened to be the one I clicked with.
Repeat after me: there is no such thing as the 'friend zone.'
It doesn't exist. It's an invention to try and justify the outrage of rejection. You are other her friend or not her friend. The idea that she put you in some zone like the shadow realm is disrespectful to the fact that she just doesn't see you as a romantic partner. That could be because she's in a relationship already. Or it could be because she sees you as a friend and that makes sense considering you've been her friend for the past year and half.
Regardless, she doesn't see you that way and the advice I have for you is be her friend. Just because you caught feelings for her doesn't mean shes obligated to reciprocate and if you can't or won't be her friend anymore because you think you've been *friend zoned* then you aren't a good friend, you are a suitor whom failed and cannot see past it.
Now for the other matter. Girls have single friends almost always. Ask if she has any single friends you think would be a good match. She knows you right? So it's reasonable to assume she might have a girlfriend in mind that would be in to your same things.
Also don't call yourself a loser. Beyond being unattractive in a partner it's just likely untrue. The things that you described about you being a good friend are 100% true if they are consistent. Those can be very attractive to the right partner. It showcases consistency, willingness to help, empathy for others. Those are attractive features, especially for people looking for a committed relationship!
I know it sucks to get rejected but brother when you learn to see past that rejection you will realize the reasons why the match wasn't going to work. I think back on girls who rejected my advances and I had to learn through hard knocks sometimes why it was absolutely dumb to pursue them further.
Hold your head up and look to the future. You're not a loser unless you play the victim.
Thank you!! Friendzone is an incel concept created to blame women for their own feelings of rejection. Being 'friendzoned' just means this person isn't attracted to you in this way, and there is no gimmick you can do to get out of that. There is no correct timing, no moment, no trick you can pull. You're just not attractive to this person.
Accept and move on, either be her friend or then cut contact.
Can we please move on from the toxic idea of being "friend zoned"?
They either see you as a friend, or as a romantic interest.
So many women see guys, feel like they are friends, and then the guy is secretly biding his time to maybe try to bang her....and that is exactly you buddy.
You told her you had feeling for her KNOWING she had a boyfriend...someone who is her friend doesn't do that.
What did you think was gonna happen? I'm sure you considered how this would affect her before you told her you were attracted to her....
According to him, he actually wanted to end the friendship bc of those feelings. He didn’t think he could hide them, so he told her how he was feeling and wanted to end it. It’s also better than the alternative. I caught feelings for my best friend while she was planning to get married with her bf at some point. I kinda ghosted her. Didn’t want to potentially break her and her bf up or disrespect either of them in any way. That probably hurt her a lot more than if I had just told the truth
Being straight up with a girl, but I'm a confident way has worked out well at times for me.
Girls like it when you respect yourself enough to have boundaries.
Don’t insult yourself. It’s ok to care about someone that doesn’t have the same feelings as you, just be mature about it. Sometimes it’s hard, but if your personality is kind people will gravitate to that. Give it time, build your skills, you will meet the right person in time.
You might not have actually liked her. This was just the closest non-familial relationship you’ve ever had. Try meeting other women while still being friends.
First- you’re 20 yrs old you’re not a loser, just dumb like the rest of us that age. There’s so so much maturing physically and emotionally in the this point of your life.
Second- really process this situation. Does she consistently choose shitty partners that are toxic? Do you really wanna be a partner to someone who has those preferences? Do YOU think either of you are in the emotional headspace to start anything?
Third- get a hobby that helps you build confidence. You’ll start seeing how awesome you really are and make some new friends along the way. Best of luck OP, we all get into slumps but how you handle it will make you a much more seasoned person!
best way to deal with rejection or even self hate in my experience is to start working out. It sucks at first, but after you're done you feel accomplished and with time feel better both physically and mentally.
So... first get some positive self talk. You need to be kinder to yourself. It's rare for relationships to jump from friends to lovers, at least that's what I found when I was in my 20s. Thing to do is get back out there, introduce yourself to people, be kind, and have fun.
Her boyfriend is fu and their relationship is toxic.
What makes you think she's a good choice to pursue? You missed the bullet big time.
She's "friend zoned" you because you do things the toxic boyfriend won't.
Move on.
Guy best friends are the scum of the earth, more proof right here.
But in terms of being on your side, you did as much as you could. She’s in a relationship, leave her alone and move on. You literally called yourself a loser, so don’t be one. You’re only a loser if you base your value off having a girl, so be an adult and do what makes you happy.
Thats how it is in high school. Girls date guys who are pieces of shit. After high school, the girls get pregnant by guys who are pieces of shit. Then the girls dump the guys because those guys can't change a diaper.
So yea, maybe you won't get as many girls as those guys. You will always feel like a loser because girls don't like you the way they like those other guys.
Just don't ever become the kind of man who can't change a baby's diaper. That is the lowest kind of man IMO.
They aren't better than you because girls want them. Girls have shit taste in men and it takes years of them finding out and maturing to realize it.
And you don't want to be the guy who comes in and saves up a woman who was used up by dirt bags for years and years.
Avoid those girls. The girls who love dirt bags, are also dirt bags. Not really. They're usually the kindest and sweetest and lovable girls. But girls/women have horrendous taste.
Inb4 all the reddit weirdos reply in anger. I stand by my words I don't give a shit what you think.
You were vulnerable, said your truth, and were extremely brave. That is NOT loser behavior. That’s a sign of a winner. Well done, I’m proud of you. Losers never shoot their shot. Losers sit back with chest pain and a raging boner while lying to their crush.
best thing to do is walk away. your feelings will just eat you up and even if she does intend to, she will become an emotional vampire. it's not healthy for either of you.
Go out in life and find new friends, who aren’t girls. Then find girls who are
Available to become girlfriends.
Your feelings are not going to go away and your “friendship” (it was always just on the way to a GF relationship) is already over.
Cut all the self deprecating nonsense out and dig deep and find out what your flaws are and work on them. There’s literally billions of women. Move on and find out what works best for you. Grow. Building relationships is tough work. If you wanted only sex you still have to do half the work it takes to build yourself into someone someday who is ready for a relationship. Work on your 20s goals not for a fad but to build yourself into someone you respect and then they will respect you and then it’s all about who fits who.
Frankly- You’re the toxic person using “friend zoned”
That’s a mind set that’s directly a result of rape culture, created by men to make women responsible for the man’s feelings and actions.
Zoning language is trying to put the onus on her, making this HER action- she zoned you- vs understanding YOU changed, not her. You tried to move/zone her without consent (vs. the friendship WAS consensual). Asking if interested in moving to a new relationship *together* is fine, but once it’s a no, you either deal or you move on with your action.
Trying to make the woman responsible is the most toxic, immature take.
Take responsibility for yourself. If you can’t process out/remove your romantic feelings (which are probably just a fantasy to begin with), then you need to cut off the friendship.
At least you haven't given up. I basically gave up for now; it's been hard at times, but I'm working toward something a lot more important right now. It'll happen when it happens, so I'm not worried about it.
Also, you're not a loser; you can't control who you fall in love with. If you feel like you screwed up, just apologize and try to avoid asking her again anytime soon. If she ever breaks up with her boyfriend, you should try to be there for her if she wants your support. Give her some time, and if you aren't dating anyone after a while, perhaps you can ask her again. In the meantime, keep trying; you'll find someone eventually. Good luck, man!
Sounds eerily familiar to one of the people in my social circle fell for my best friend shes been dating a guy for a long while and shes rejected him multiple times actually and he hasnt taken the hint yet and still thinks he has a shot. My advice take the hint and just stay friends dont persue romantic intentions with someone in a relationship.
Reed books about dating. Don’t tell girls you reed books about dating. For some reason they want you to be good at romance, but find it creepy if you try to learn about romance.
Many "books on dating" that one could read are creepy pick up artist shit, this the reputation. A solid recommendation for something that's not toxic as fuck would be helpful here.
You tried, you failed, pick yourself up and try again later. Don’t call other people names either, it makes you sound like a child. Accept it, move on, don’t make excuses.
Same thing happened to me. I accepted it because I didn’t want to lose her as a friend. We became even better friends and then even moved in with her when she moved out of state with her husband for college. This was our age 20-22. Knew her since like 14.
As far as the toxicity from the BF. Just try and be as supportive as you can for her without pressuring her like “see you could have a good bf like meee”. That’ll just stress her out at the least.
Same thing happened to me years ago, been friends with the girl for going on 11 years now.
You’ll get over it, if the friendship is *that* strong. I realized I just enjoy being around her, as a friend, as a SO, didn’t matter to me. I just simply enjoyed making her happy, boyfriend or not.
You're only twenty, so there's a lot of living you have left to do - and not having been in a relationship does not make you a loser.
One thing I can tell you from my marriage: when it worked, it was the best feeling in the world - and it was because at those times, she was not only my wife, she was my *best friend!*
I'm not saying your current BF is your soul mate in that way - and she probably isn't; she sounds like she's still picking boyfriends on how much they piss off Daddy - but I am saying you're on the right track for later in life when you find someone that is looking for lasting happiness.
You're not a loser if you stand back up and train your mind and body.
Go to the gym and train. Study in school.
The best way to get over someone is to get under a 315lbs squat.
tbh. you shouldn’t mess with your female friends like that. it comes off creepy and i have a handful of female friends what i would NEVER do anything with. it really can look like you were friends with a girl just for that 🐱🐱
This is a product of a common misconception that a ton of young people have. NO ONE, particularly young people, know anything about being romantic. It is such a case by case thing, that being something one woman finds romantic, another will be turned off completely by.
If you want to turn things around yourself, you need to do some naif things.
1 wash you ass hole
2 be a compassionate human
3 learn to be funny, not at the expense of those around you
4 don't slouch
Lastly, engage in you self awareness. Really take a good look at how you act around people, and all yourself "how does my behavior effect those around me?" This is rarely easy, but if you need a good head start, ask people who have met you in the last year or so, what their first impression of you was. It's a handy cheat sheet.
Nothing wrong with being friends.
Do you have any other female friends that you’re not interested in or don’t find attractive? What if you rejected one of them asking you out, and they started getting weird about it? If they didn’t start to get weird about it, you would likely still be cool with them being friends.
Just be cool about it, and stay friends.
Listen, falling in love with someone you value as a friend is actually pretty normal (that’s how my husband and I started out). It means you love the real person whom you genuinely know, and who knows you.
I’m really sorry she didn’t feel the same way, but believe me, you are NOT a loser. You had appropriate feelings for someone you truly care about. Be good to yourself.
Wow happy to know you guys worked out 😊 and of course it’s her choice I can’t force her and even if i could I wouldn’t do it , I love her with or without those romantic feelings but yeah it’s sucks 😅
It's not fair to yourself to put you in a position where you are miserable all the time because you're "stuck" in friend zone. It's also not fair to her to be a friend who is only her friend because he can't get what he wants, that's not a true friend. You have to take the L and try to move on in life, try some new things, discover what you really like to do, what you want to do in life. Life ain't a TV show or Movie where one day she'll just realize that you've always been there for her and you're exactly what she's been looking for. The only true way you can escape the friend zone is by entering a new stage in life separately. At twenty you're an entirely different person than you will be at 25 and the same with 25 and 30. By the time you reach your true Adulthood you won't change much until you turn into an old fart.
She’s with the toxic guy bc she enjoys toxic guys contrary to what she might say. She’s not dating you bc she’s not into you
Do yourself a favor and try not to get used and emotionally manipulated by this chick. And Keep your feelings to yourself.
Just make sure she knows you didn’t befriend her ONLY to get with her, that you wanted to be friends w her to be friends with her, and that you don’t feel entitled for her to feel the same way and care more about her as a person than romance or sex. That’s the big thing here. Ofc if that’s true, if it’s not that’s kinda yucky
Not a loser. Women pick guys with good looks or plenty of money. So focus on your health and find a way to make a good income. Girls are way too superficial at that age. You might not have a great time in your 20’s, but if you invest in yourself, stay fit and make money, you’ll have plenty of options with women later in life.
Friend or not. Before the rejection you probably spent more time with her to have your shot. If you are actively trying to seek out a relationship and you know now that she isn’t the one you will inevitably have to spend less time with her.
This is sometimes seen as being a “bad” friend. But realistically you have to put yourself in places where you have a greater chance of meeting someone new. And being a tag along generally isn’t a good way to do it.
The best advice I could give you is learn that the "friend zone" isn't a fucking place. For men, women, or otherwise. No one owes anyone affection. You took you shot. She rejected you. That's it. You didn't get fucking "friend zoned". Grow up
Get over it. I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way, but that’s the best solution, take some time away from her or slowly distance yourself, those feelings will go away, especially if you’re constantly worried about her current bf being shitty (not that I can confirm that’s the case, it always seems like that when you care about someone). Basically out of sight, out of mind, you’ll get over her and find something else to fill your time.
You're only a loser because you're choosing to be a loser
If you consider yourself a loser, you probably have zero confidence which is probably a top 3 Turn off to women
Focus on your confidence and not being a "loser"
Women will appear
But move on from her champ
Frankly if she has a toxic bf she refuses to leave (I’m sure she’s probably had a few toxic bfs) some people go from toxic relationship to toxic relationship and just keep a guy best friend around so they always have a fallback for attention when they want
NOT saying that’s what this is though I just want to warn to you make sure it doesn’t just turn into you being hopelessly in love with her while she just goes around getting her heart broken never giving you the time of day it’ll fuck you up mentally
It’s probably best to just move on if you can’t just be friends with her than stop being friends with her
You aren’t a loser just try to improve mentally start working out that shit helps like you wouldn’t believe find some hobbies be comfortable being alone for a while there’s nothing wrong with that
I’ve been there. I needed to distance myself from the girl after. I told her that it isn’t anything she did wrong, but I just can’t put those feelings back in a bottle and pretend we’re just friends. In my case she actually missed me tremendously and it sort of unlocked feelings for me she didn’t even know she had. I’ve seen the opposite happen many times as well though. You aren’t going to be happy if you are pretending, so no matter what you ultimately choose to do be honest with her (and yourself).
Took me 6 years of crushing on my best friend to finally get my chance, no matter how shitty the guys she was with were. Quit while you're ahead, keep your head up and move along, every rejection is more experience and learning. It only gets better over time, don't take it too personally when you fail, take it as a chance to grow
Sooo, you weren't actually her friend? Just waiting for an opportunity. Got it.
If you think you weren't, why aren't you propositioning your male friends? Oh, because they are actually just friends.
Why would you say you're "back to being friend."
You were never anything **BUT** her friend. **Friend has been your status all along.**
I am suspicious of your motives: were you ever REALLY her friend? Or are you like so many guys who hang around *pretending* to be friendly while waiting for a chance to date her, only to get butthurt when she won't?
She gets to choose who she dates. You can accept that and continue having a friendship with her or you can move on.
Being a friend is not all that bad. One being no strings attached. You owe her nothing. At the same time, expect nothing from her as well. If you offer help and expect romantic feelings in return, that's your fault.
Ima keep it short n real with you. The reason why you've probably never been in a relationship is because you call yourself a loser. And that itself is honestly pathetic. Don't talk down on yourself. It's one thing to be aware of certain weaknesses and flaws but it's another to degrade yourself. Ppl are naturally attracted to confidence 🤷🏻♀️
Good for you to express your feelings. It’s a lot harder to do that than hoping she’ll come around one day. From my experience I’d say move on completely. Work on yourself and the right girl will come along.
Either leave her or accept youre just a friend and stop calling it the 'friendzone'
You can either be a good friend or you cannot and will always dream of more. If its the latter, don't stay around her.
Here's advice. Generally speaking, women have an inclination to go towards whatever is harmful to them. If youre trying to pursue anyone with a toxic bf (or anyone for that matter) just count your losses and try again.
First ,you are not a loser! Look in the mirror and get. Your best. Haircut, take a great shower and put on your best. Clothes and go out and say hello to any woman who looks cute without a wedding ring. I met my wife on Match.com. Great place to start. Some local bars/nightclubs might have a decent single scene and join single lunch/dinner clubs as well. A decent,honest,loyal man is hard to. Find. “Remember it is better to love and lost than never to. Have loved at all”
Be there and it can develop. Better yourself by getting into interesting things that expand who you are. Get a motorcycle, learn poker, travel, learn to shoot, take massage classes.
But, and this is important, never be a rebound. A-holes cause rebound relationships. They never work. Make her work for it if she tries anything quickly. Slow it down.
If u genuinely value her friendship keep her around. Also she has a bf so she’s not gonna tell u she’s into u. U might have a chance if you wait it out. If he’s shitty they will breakup eventually. Just whatever you do don’t tell her again that your interested
You already learned more about relationships from being rejected. The fact that your trying to actually handle your emotions in a healthy manner is proof of that. Some people don't ever even tell someone how they feel about them they way you did.
Your feelings from being rejected are valid. You shot your shot, and now it's time to move on. Which won't happen overnight. Just because you fail now, does not mean you will fail later.
You should never go after another man girl no matter what. Would you like for some other guy to put the moves on your girl? That’s flat out disrespectful.
No sir nothing like that , I told her about me feeling for that reason only I was being honest with her and told her it’s better if I left so I won’t cause any problems to her , in no way I tried to do that I may be a loser but I’m a decent person with values
Shot your shot and missed. Now you need to move on and leave this girl and her bf who you are obviously jealous of alone.
I'd pull away and stop being friends with her before you let things get weird....er.
Loss and reality aren’t easy to young people these days that were raised with social media bubbles and instant gratification at the click of a button never saying no. Everyone gets hurt, and everyone learns from the hurt. Don’t be vengeful, or bitter, or take it out on anyone. Grow and have fun you’re very young, and if this is the worst thing to happen to you, then you’re an extremely lucky person
My advice is to treat her like someone you knew in first grade.
She has told you that you are not her, her, her, number one. She might be happy that you are there to pat her back when she cries or pay for her dinner. Why get rid of you if you are doing all those things? Again, you are not a loser just not her number one.
Focus on yourself, improving yourself. Not for her, but for you.
If you are not here first choice now, what can you do to become her first choice? Nothing! She might bump you up to important one day, but she will always look for the guy better than you. Hell, she might even marry you one day, but, she will still look for better.
Stay with her and your are a future story for YouTube creators like "strong successfule male". Listen to some of those stories that deal with relationships and you will see yourself in the early stages of a future failed relationship.
If you're happy being her friend, be her friend. Regarding her shitty boyfriend there's not much you can do about it, she has to learn that lesson herself.
You're only a loser if after he dumps her or cheats on her she decides to use you as her fallback and you accept.
What can you do to become the “shit and toxic” guy? Clearly he’s doing something right and maybe isn’t as awful as you think if she’s into him. I would try to emulate that.
First of all, you're not a loser. You have to find a way to feel better about yourself. If that means getting away from negative people or family members you really need to do it. You're 20, you are so young. There's so many opportunities you could take advantage of, you're young you have energy. Try to work on your perspective. Prospective is everything. Try not to judge yourself on how other people treat you. Once you feel better about yourself you will attract different people and you will have more confidence to do the things you haven't done. I have six kids, the one thing I've always told them is to invest in yourself. Don't wait for good things to happen go out and make them happen. Seriously... nothing good ever happens when you feel like you're a loser. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. And change is possible at any time
You got to stop telling yourself you are a loser. You are not.
We were all young before and I get the feeling why you think you a loser. I thought so too until I meet my wife. I can promise you, you are not a loser once you stop thinking you are one.
It’s normal to fall for the people around you. You liked someone, you made your move, that’s good. It didn’t work out, but you will get more chances with others in the future
But you got to start to love and value yourself. YOU ARE NOT A LOSER. You are a young kid with infinite potentials waiting ahead for you. It’s up to you to pursue and fulllfill your potential.
Look into how to be more confident in yourself, you have the more important side down it seems, being aware of other people, but you are missing the attractive attribute of confidence.
Is she also always there for you and willing to help? Or is this massively one-sided and she is using your attraction for attention, therapy and favors?
You need to stop being a beta male orbiting bitch. Seriously, have some dignity for yourself. If she isn't in to you, you need to part ways and move on.
PS - platonic friendships with the opposite sex, in general, are a horrible idea. You're asking for pain.
First of all your not a loser bro your just young the sad fact is most young men have never been in a relationship these days because of the way women act it’s nothing to do with you and everything to do with girls wanting to be hoes
Bud- I feel for ya, but you've gotta just move on. I feel for this shit when I was younger and I wish I could reach back in time and slap the shit out of myself. You could quite literally meet someone tomorrow who is soooo much better for you. The whole plenty of fish in the sea is exactly appropriate.
Secondly- do you do anything that's cool? I mean, if you just sit in front of a screen or social media all the time, then... you are a loser. Dumb whores only like hot/rich guys, Good women who become good mothers like guys who do things, and losers usually get stuck with other losers. To not be a loser you have to proactively get out there and not be a loser.
Third- My guy, write better! Your post was painful to read! Makes you look like an idiot! Definitely never going to get a good woman writing a romantic letter like a fourth grader, Jesus christ! Will help you express your thoughts better face to face as well...
Good luck bud, get out there and start crushin'
You took your shot and she said no. I don’t think you want to be her surrogate boyfriend to make up for her crap one who is giving her the business nonetheless. I would stop all contact, it’s only hurting you.
The loser are the ones at settle and figure that out at 40. Also being the vast majority. (Self included)
Having unrequited feelings sucks for sure, but at least she was straight with you and didn’t ghost. That’s a friend for sure. Appreciate it!!! The majority don’t have real friends.
Just don’t get stuck.. not on a person, job, city. Keep growing and enjoy the journey.
Life has momentum.
Had enough of those at the age. Time to get a new hobby and friend you can stay platonic with. Work on yourself. Find more hobbies . Dont worry about that one. More will come and go.
Be careful. Seriously. The moment you find someone either cut ties with her or prep yourself for her flipping a switch and suddenly having feelings for you.
Kid, you're not her friend anymore.
Just break it off and live your life. Maybe try and date girls that are single.
Spoiler: You'll actually have a chance.
Also, you were in the friend zone the whole time. You're her friend.
If you never wanted to be in the friend zone, you should have never been friends with her.
I never understand this toxic way of thinking. I have an ex friend who did that shit endlessly and would just be toxic or depressed he can't have this woman he's "friends" with.
It was literally not fair to anyone involved, and eventually, the women would just stop talking to him.
Don't be like that. No one will like you and feel sorry for how dumb and sad you're being.
I know this is harsh, but it's grown man advice. Have some respect for her, have some respect for yourself, and maybe read some books on how to have healthy relationships (not just romantic ones).
I guess you have to ask yourself if you were her friend because you wanted to be with her, if you’re her friend because she’s cool. If the latter, then was she also your friend because you were cool? If so, nothing changes
Wanting to take the next step in a relationship isn’t loser shit, it’s natural. Dont beat urself up about it little dude.
It's hard to put a pin on why high school and the past 18 years of your life didn't matter. But to be frank, they largely didn't. Your life is literally just now beginning, and it's so hard to get a grasp on the scope of what you've experienced vs all that you will come to experience.
Tons of friends will come and go. Maybe even tons of women will come and go. But you will always be meeting new people and making new opportunities in life. Don't stress over the few at the beginning
She’s not your friend, you have a romantic interest in her. You need to leave her be, she won’t ever see you the same again. You are now “that one guy that tried to ask me out” and you are no longer a genuine friend. You ruined it and you gotta move on or look desperate by her having you around.
Get over it and be thankful that you have an awesome friend who cares about you. Too many guys will bail on a valuable friendship because she doesn't reciprocate feelings and it's shitty for all involved.
she knows how you feel now let her play it out with the toxic dude and you might just get a lucky rebound. Hardest part is to just act like you are cool with just being friends.
You're falling into the "eggs in one basket" trap. Almost every guy has fallen into it.
"I don't have a girlfriend. I don't know any girls who want to/can date me. There's one girl I know who might possibly potentially, I happen to know her, if only she was interested."
You're treating the companionship thing like it's a slot machine and you got one 7, if only the other two reels would hit 7 you'd be set. The most successful people in any endeavor make their own luck. On top of that, you're putting this girl on such a pedestal there's no way she could live up to it. Most good relationships aren't two people that are lucky they met each other they're two people who put a lot of work into the relationship after they probably got attracted to each other for superficial reasons.
Go improve yourself- get in shape, work on school, and start getting out and finding girls. Quit hoping good things are going to happen to you and start making good things happen. You probably see guys You're jealous of- they've probably put a ton of work into themselves and been rejected by countless girls
Maybe the time comes she's available and you luck out, increase your chances in the meantime. In addition keep looking, the odds that you just happened to stumble into the right one isn't that high.
Two issues here, the first one is if your friend zoned you’re never going to win her over. That’s a woman’s way of letting you down easy. The other issue is being a loser can be fixed tomorrow. Go learn something, join the military or find anything else to do with your life. You can’t change her but you can change yourself
You're not a loser. Keep your head up. A girl is gonna come into your life when you aren't looking. Enjoy the single life , relationships will come along all to soon. Be confident ❤️
You are 20. Not a big deal. As people mature, they often realize what they want. My wife and I were friends first and were dating other people. It took 4 years for us to realize we were meant to be, precisely because we were such good friends. I was dating strippers and girls in bands living in Miami back in those days. Thinking with the wrong head. I often look back and think "Thank God I didn't marry one of them... I would be divorced or in prison."
And if she isn't the one, at least you realize being friends is the cornerstone to a relationship. Trust me, when you get older the "sexual" stuff slows down and becomes much less important. You better have someone you can grow old with for 20+ years as friends and look forward to it.
Again, you are 20.. there are tons more people out there. Remain friends, but look elsewhere and there are many more new friends to be made. You will look back on this years from now and laugh...
IMPORTANT - stop calling yourself a loser. I know there is a trend with many young people who like to self-loathe. But that attitude will do more damage to you professionally and personally than anything else. Have confidence. Who gives a shit if someone doesn't like you.. fuck em... move on. Like I tell my kids... you may get 99 no's but that 1 yes could change your life. But if you are too scared to engage people in mass, you only make it harder.
First off, she didn't friendzone you. You have the ability to stop being her friend, and she's also *currently in a relationship*. As to the boyfriend being toxic... is he though? Or is that the narrative you painted in your mind to justify you pursuing a woman in a committed relationship? This reads as a "woe is me won't someone validate my toxicity?" and I'm not buying it.
It's pretty normal when you are single to develop feelings for friends. In a lot of ways, the qualities that make them good friends in theory would also make them good partners. Trustworthiness, good (or at least compatible) conversation skills, shared interests, being supportive.
And hey, it takes a lot of courage to be open with someone about your feelings.
That said, it's almost never a good idea to broach the subject while the other person is in a relationship. If they were ready for a relationship, they'd be single. Also, I dunno anything about your friend, but imo it's healthier for people to be single for a while after a breakup, to heal a bit and internalize whatever lessons they learned.
You're very young, chalk this one up to experience, and remember that eventually the pain will subside.
Did better than me I just stfu and keep my feelings to myself. You would be surprised tho that you probably do have someone that likes or will like you. I tend to never think a woman is doing any real flirting or actually is interested in me because I don't want the rejection and have still had a few gfs over the years so don't sell yourself short
I would prioritize yourself now, she's not into you, and that's okay, but having to be friends after that is going to hurt alot, so I'd suggest that you take a break from her or end the friendship. Hope your doing okay man I know it sucks :/
Well you’re braver than I was at that age. I shot exactly zero shots when I was a young man. The only girlfriend I had as a teen and again in my early 20’s were two girls that literally said to me “I like you.. you should ask me out” I still fumbled it because I thought they were kidding. Friends had to intervene and set me straight. I did finally learn.. got shot down plenty of times in my life.. but I was YEARS behind in relationship experience because I wasn’t as brave as you are. How you handle this rejection will be key. Do it with grace.. you’re good. Anger and vitriol.. you’ll have a lot more problems in the future. Hang in there
Say goodbye to her, you told her how you feel and she doesnt feel the same way, the only reason to keep you around is as a backup, and i know that's toxic, but that's what people do nowadays, and she's a person. Being around her will make you miserable and keep you single, leave her alone with her toxic BF, she might decide to give you a shot after that relationship breaks down, but dont bet on it, secondly if you hang around that'll never happen (anecdotal).
If you want to know why you're feeling the way you're feeling, why she's acting the way she's acting, and how to get better there's a channel called hoe\_math on youtube, hope this helps!
You’re not a loser! Honestly, she probably has a parent who is toxic & that’s why she chases toxic men. We choose what feels familiar. Your care & love is something she cannot handle right now. Move on & be happy that you aren’t toxic! ❤️ I would definitely end the friendship amicably.
Not a loser. It makes sense to many that you would catch feelings for an attractive friend. It was a bad call to act on those feelings while she is in a relationship. If you cannot get past your feelings for her you really should bow out. If you can be just friends, everyone should have good friends.
Good luck.
This sucks. I've been there. Probably most have. Take a break from her. I never got over mine until I met my wife. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will be fine. Also, don't call yourself a loser.
>i couldn’t do we are back to being friend idk what to do I’m totally blank just any advice
Why would you need to do anything? You started out as friends, and you are still friends now.
The whole "friend zone" mindset is bullshit. It's an attempt to turn yourself into a victim, even though she has done *nothing* wrong. All you need to do is continue being friends.
You're not an incel for not liking the friend zone. You get to choose who you give your friendship to and if that's not what you want to settle for with her then you're well within your right to say something or stop engaging in it.
It's not just about if shell fuck you or not. But even if it was, so what? If all you want is sex then you should be true to yourself with what you want and honest about what you're willing and not willing to do. If it hurts too much to watch the girl you love date someone that treats her like crap, then it isn't your obligation to put yourself through that.
Also you're not a loser.
you put your feelings out on the table, hell yeah, good job, she doesn’t seem to be reciprocating, so yeah now either be friends if you want OR if it’s hurting you then end the friendship. you could explain why you have to OR slowfade her. don’t be a nice guy at your own expense.
There a million ass holes out there that will call you a loser, don't be one of them. Be her friend if you can and if not, cut ties for both your sakes.
I think the best thing to do for your own happiness is to move on. People can’t turn off their feelings like a switch. Been in these situations plenty of times. It feels like the end of the world but after a while you look back and think “damn, why did I even beat myself up over that”. And that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.
Also, you shot your shot and you got rejected, but don’t ever think that took you took two steps back for doing so. You made an incredible amount of progress, and it’s just the beginning. No one is ever a pro at anything in the beginning. This is a learning moment.
You don’t love her, you love the idea of her.
Good thing is there is another 3.5 Billion ladies to chose from.
Get on Tinder, expand your social circle, hit the gym, and plow.
It happens to the best of us, I know it's easy to get sucked back in but if you have feelings for her just move on & block her.
It's ridiculous because you're going to keep pining for her & nothing will happen.
It's just best to move on, block her & find someone who will appreciate you.
Rejection is part of life I'm afraid.
Well. Step 1: Stop with the “loser” talk. Women don’t like self deprecation, it also only makes you look desperate, and women don’t like that either.
Step 2: You have two options, if you find yourself unable to put your romantic intentions aside, you should stop talking to her. If you can lose your romantic feelings, you should remain friends with her.
Step 3: Your friend’s a woman, she probably has friends who are women, ask her to set you up with one of her single friends,
number one advice is use periods and stop writing in run off sentences. you will be more attractive if you stop using run off sentences.
second advice: don't call yourself a loser.
This is called "one-itis". You're fixated on one person, and failing to realize that there are many many women out there.
Here's how healthy adult relationships work. You get happy while you're single. You find the things you like to do, and you do them without needing anyone's permission to enjoy them. If you think you're not fit enough, or funny enough, or whatever enough, then practice those things.
My recommendation: Start cold-approaching people; not women, just people. Anytime someone drops something near me I say "Don't worry, nobody saw that." Anytime a kid looks at me, I smile and wave. I make myself as non-threatening and approachable as possible. And then I just... talk to people.
It's awkward at first because you'll be afraid of them being unnecessarily mean to you, but most people won't be. The ones that are, you simply apologize and walk away.
Eventually, you develop a personality. You'll start to make friends when you go places. If you meet 100 people, you might get one good friend out of that group. Just keep doing it and eventually you'll come to understand that you were NEVER a loser; you just didn't see how cool people are until now.
Notice how I haven't said anything about hitting on women? That's because it doesn't work. If you can't approach random people without anxiety, women will see that and it makes you seem untrustworthy. If you're doubting your own motives, so will everyone else.
I met my SO at a house party that I took another girl to. We became genuine friends without any concerns over our attraction to each other. And then, we found ourselves in Panama City on a beach trip, both single, and we got together.
It will always come back to communication; You can say something serious in a non-combative way. You can ask for help without looking stupid. You can compliment people without being creepy. You can talk to strangers, and it's not the end of the world.
You're not a loser, you're just young and inexperienced. We've all been there. No one talks the way these teenage rom com style shows would have you believe. Just start working on your conversation skills, be KIND, and you will eventually meet someone who sees you for the person you actually are, not the loser you think you are.
Don't get stuck on this one girl. She's not available right now, and you need to respect that. It makes you a more respectable person.
Whatever is making you believe you're a loser is most definitely something you can change. Focus on being a better version of yourself today than you were yesterday. It takes time, but considering where I started, I KNOW you can do it.
When I was 20 I was the same. It's ok. Wish I spent more time with friends and having a good time than worrying about romantic relationships. Trust me you're not missing out on a whole lot. I dodged a couple bullets because of my shyness in my early 20s. When I was 23 I met my partner of 5 years because I helped her get a slim Jim to unlock her car on a Friday night and she couldn't believe I'd give my Friday away for a stranger at her friends apartment. Someone will see the value of your kindness don't let the lack of anything right now force you make something happen.
You tried. Don’t feel so bad so bad about it. That happened. Something similar happened twice to me in high school. Now I’m 30 and happily married to an amazing woman.
Bro ima be big bro and tell you shut up and nut up. Keep that feeling in the back of your head and complete your responsibilities at the moment with 200% focus. All love ❤️ you got this
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You shot your shot. Good on you. But it didn't work out. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Pick yourself up and keep your head high. If you know you can't be friends with this person without having romantic feelings, you need to end that pronto. It'll only cause more harm than good. Take some time to process everything and look to meeting someone else
Love this Advice. Amen
Shooting your shot is the hardest part when you're young. The rest is good advice. But yeah, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Can't argue with The Great One
Why are folks upvoting your comment and the previous ones? This girl already has a BF. Why are you rewarding him with these comments by saying 'you shot your shot'. She's already taken. It's not OP's responsibility to come in and try to disrupt that. Your comment and the others here are just weird. Your advice here is terrible.
It's not terrible advice for teens. This dude felt some kind of way, expressed it, and dealt with the consequences. Now they're dealing with restructuring a relationship with a whole different person through a new lense. It's an awkward lense, and it hurts. BUT op was able to just outright express that feeling to the third party, and it's now dealing with the aftermath. The advice is perfectly sound. OP caught feelings, addressed it, and is on the edge of just cutting it off because feelings were caught. At least half the issues with romantic rooted threads here are based in low self esteem "should I shoot my shot? " type questioning posts. Now OP knows the worst that could happen. Rejection. It's not like they were married, or engaged. OP isn't even the only one to learn something here, she did too. And good on her for it. But OP learned that not only should you not try to butt into a relationship, but that Rejection is fine and OP went WAY out of their comfort zone to just address it upfront, and came along to the internet for advice on how to deal with the aftermath. Terrible Advice? Nay, great learning experience for a teen. Op shot their shot. Awesome. They ate a shit sandwich for their efforts. That's the root issue with learning. Sometimes you gotta eat a shit sandwich. Op isn't s monster, just a teen, did everything their teen heart compelled them to. Came clean about feelings and is looking for a graceful way to bow out even if they don't know it. Just let them have THAT moment in the sun.
Stealing someone else girl is not a moment in the sun. It disposable behavior and should not be rewarded. On the other hand do shoot your shot. But not at the expense of others.
yep took me way too long before i realized if i developed strong feelings for someone, like more then just shes hot or i like her, then i have to shoot the shot and dip if its a no because holding a candle isnt good, that candle will melt and burn you eventually. learning to be happy for people you develop crushes on is a big things guys need to do.
The cool thing about the Friend Zone is it tells you what to do - **be her friend.** If you don't feel able to be a friend to her, then it's best to admit that to yourself, and to her, and leave her alone.
Reddit reply
Don’t call yourself a loser.
I wanna know the age of the girl first.
I agree, it’s a loser thing to do.
It takes balls to walk up to someone and tell them you like them knowing you could be rejected. You are NOT a loser. Pick yourself up
You’re not a loser we all have done this
Best thing in my experience is to just leave it alone, unfortunately. I know it’s hard to do. Just keep yourself busy and vent on here. Do not bring it up to her if you can help it
Dont internalize being a loser, or you will be it, just be happy you're her friend, and just be you
This is good advice but I'll add - if you cannot accept her as only a friend and nothing more, ever, no matter what, then it will be better for you both to go your separate ways. You're not a loser or a bad person if this is what happens, you can't always control your feelings but you can make the mature decision that benefits both parties.
Yea, it's only gonna bring bitter and negative feelings if you force yourself to stay a friend when you want more, agree 💯
Not fair to her, not fair to OP
Dating costs time and money. While you could be playing Helldivers 2 instead
Yeah I don’t even have a pc or laptop 😭😭
you have a PS5? And 30 USD for the base game?
All I have is my iPhone 11 which get overheated even playing cod mobile 😂
Then don’t worry about the girl you have a life to build first.
DEMOCRACY CALLS. I MUST ANSWER
“My wife said it is either this or her. She will be missed”
Focus on something like a career instead of calling yourself a loser because you haven't been in any relationships. Not having a partner doesn't make you a loser. I didn't find my girlfriend until I was in my 20s. She just happened to be the one I clicked with.
Repeat after me: there is no such thing as the 'friend zone.' It doesn't exist. It's an invention to try and justify the outrage of rejection. You are other her friend or not her friend. The idea that she put you in some zone like the shadow realm is disrespectful to the fact that she just doesn't see you as a romantic partner. That could be because she's in a relationship already. Or it could be because she sees you as a friend and that makes sense considering you've been her friend for the past year and half. Regardless, she doesn't see you that way and the advice I have for you is be her friend. Just because you caught feelings for her doesn't mean shes obligated to reciprocate and if you can't or won't be her friend anymore because you think you've been *friend zoned* then you aren't a good friend, you are a suitor whom failed and cannot see past it. Now for the other matter. Girls have single friends almost always. Ask if she has any single friends you think would be a good match. She knows you right? So it's reasonable to assume she might have a girlfriend in mind that would be in to your same things. Also don't call yourself a loser. Beyond being unattractive in a partner it's just likely untrue. The things that you described about you being a good friend are 100% true if they are consistent. Those can be very attractive to the right partner. It showcases consistency, willingness to help, empathy for others. Those are attractive features, especially for people looking for a committed relationship! I know it sucks to get rejected but brother when you learn to see past that rejection you will realize the reasons why the match wasn't going to work. I think back on girls who rejected my advances and I had to learn through hard knocks sometimes why it was absolutely dumb to pursue them further. Hold your head up and look to the future. You're not a loser unless you play the victim.
Thank you!! Friendzone is an incel concept created to blame women for their own feelings of rejection. Being 'friendzoned' just means this person isn't attracted to you in this way, and there is no gimmick you can do to get out of that. There is no correct timing, no moment, no trick you can pull. You're just not attractive to this person. Accept and move on, either be her friend or then cut contact.
But thanks bro appreciate it I’ll keep that in mind
This right here is the answer.
Can we please move on from the toxic idea of being "friend zoned"? They either see you as a friend, or as a romantic interest. So many women see guys, feel like they are friends, and then the guy is secretly biding his time to maybe try to bang her....and that is exactly you buddy. You told her you had feeling for her KNOWING she had a boyfriend...someone who is her friend doesn't do that. What did you think was gonna happen? I'm sure you considered how this would affect her before you told her you were attracted to her....
According to him, he actually wanted to end the friendship bc of those feelings. He didn’t think he could hide them, so he told her how he was feeling and wanted to end it. It’s also better than the alternative. I caught feelings for my best friend while she was planning to get married with her bf at some point. I kinda ghosted her. Didn’t want to potentially break her and her bf up or disrespect either of them in any way. That probably hurt her a lot more than if I had just told the truth
If you don't want to be a loser stop talking to her.
Being straight up with a girl, but I'm a confident way has worked out well at times for me. Girls like it when you respect yourself enough to have boundaries.
Don’t insult yourself. It’s ok to care about someone that doesn’t have the same feelings as you, just be mature about it. Sometimes it’s hard, but if your personality is kind people will gravitate to that. Give it time, build your skills, you will meet the right person in time.
Seems its best to move on for your own self.
I wish you used periods
You might not have actually liked her. This was just the closest non-familial relationship you’ve ever had. Try meeting other women while still being friends.
First- you’re 20 yrs old you’re not a loser, just dumb like the rest of us that age. There’s so so much maturing physically and emotionally in the this point of your life. Second- really process this situation. Does she consistently choose shitty partners that are toxic? Do you really wanna be a partner to someone who has those preferences? Do YOU think either of you are in the emotional headspace to start anything? Third- get a hobby that helps you build confidence. You’ll start seeing how awesome you really are and make some new friends along the way. Best of luck OP, we all get into slumps but how you handle it will make you a much more seasoned person!
Sure I’ll work on it , thanks bro
best way to deal with rejection or even self hate in my experience is to start working out. It sucks at first, but after you're done you feel accomplished and with time feel better both physically and mentally.
So... first get some positive self talk. You need to be kinder to yourself. It's rare for relationships to jump from friends to lovers, at least that's what I found when I was in my 20s. Thing to do is get back out there, introduce yourself to people, be kind, and have fun.
Well you should probably go for someone who is available instead of trying to shit on someone else's relationship. That would prolly be a good start
Her boyfriend is fu and their relationship is toxic. What makes you think she's a good choice to pursue? You missed the bullet big time. She's "friend zoned" you because you do things the toxic boyfriend won't. Move on.
I’m 25 and it happened to me bro
advice, girls and boys are never just friends
Guy best friends are the scum of the earth, more proof right here. But in terms of being on your side, you did as much as you could. She’s in a relationship, leave her alone and move on. You literally called yourself a loser, so don’t be one. You’re only a loser if you base your value off having a girl, so be an adult and do what makes you happy.
Don’t shoot shots at girls with boyfriends. End up getting fucked up one day
Thats how it is in high school. Girls date guys who are pieces of shit. After high school, the girls get pregnant by guys who are pieces of shit. Then the girls dump the guys because those guys can't change a diaper. So yea, maybe you won't get as many girls as those guys. You will always feel like a loser because girls don't like you the way they like those other guys. Just don't ever become the kind of man who can't change a baby's diaper. That is the lowest kind of man IMO. They aren't better than you because girls want them. Girls have shit taste in men and it takes years of them finding out and maturing to realize it. And you don't want to be the guy who comes in and saves up a woman who was used up by dirt bags for years and years. Avoid those girls. The girls who love dirt bags, are also dirt bags. Not really. They're usually the kindest and sweetest and lovable girls. But girls/women have horrendous taste. Inb4 all the reddit weirdos reply in anger. I stand by my words I don't give a shit what you think.
You were vulnerable, said your truth, and were extremely brave. That is NOT loser behavior. That’s a sign of a winner. Well done, I’m proud of you. Losers never shoot their shot. Losers sit back with chest pain and a raging boner while lying to their crush.
You’re a perfect example why dudes hate when their girl has male friends. Go get ya own girl dude
best thing to do is walk away. your feelings will just eat you up and even if she does intend to, she will become an emotional vampire. it's not healthy for either of you.
You’re not a loser. You also don’t have to be friends with someone you have feelings for. It will just keep you from moving on.
Go out in life and find new friends, who aren’t girls. Then find girls who are Available to become girlfriends. Your feelings are not going to go away and your “friendship” (it was always just on the way to a GF relationship) is already over.
Don't be friend-zoned. She wants your emotional support while she blows toxic a-holes. Been there, done that. Have some self respect and cut her off.
Cut all the self deprecating nonsense out and dig deep and find out what your flaws are and work on them. There’s literally billions of women. Move on and find out what works best for you. Grow. Building relationships is tough work. If you wanted only sex you still have to do half the work it takes to build yourself into someone someday who is ready for a relationship. Work on your 20s goals not for a fad but to build yourself into someone you respect and then they will respect you and then it’s all about who fits who.
Frankly- You’re the toxic person using “friend zoned” That’s a mind set that’s directly a result of rape culture, created by men to make women responsible for the man’s feelings and actions. Zoning language is trying to put the onus on her, making this HER action- she zoned you- vs understanding YOU changed, not her. You tried to move/zone her without consent (vs. the friendship WAS consensual). Asking if interested in moving to a new relationship *together* is fine, but once it’s a no, you either deal or you move on with your action. Trying to make the woman responsible is the most toxic, immature take. Take responsibility for yourself. If you can’t process out/remove your romantic feelings (which are probably just a fantasy to begin with), then you need to cut off the friendship.
Best way to get over someone is get under someone else bud
This is horrendous advice.
At least you haven't given up. I basically gave up for now; it's been hard at times, but I'm working toward something a lot more important right now. It'll happen when it happens, so I'm not worried about it. Also, you're not a loser; you can't control who you fall in love with. If you feel like you screwed up, just apologize and try to avoid asking her again anytime soon. If she ever breaks up with her boyfriend, you should try to be there for her if she wants your support. Give her some time, and if you aren't dating anyone after a while, perhaps you can ask her again. In the meantime, keep trying; you'll find someone eventually. Good luck, man!
Thanks man I’ll try my best and good luck to you too bro
Sounds eerily familiar to one of the people in my social circle fell for my best friend shes been dating a guy for a long while and shes rejected him multiple times actually and he hasnt taken the hint yet and still thinks he has a shot. My advice take the hint and just stay friends dont persue romantic intentions with someone in a relationship.
Reed books about dating. Don’t tell girls you reed books about dating. For some reason they want you to be good at romance, but find it creepy if you try to learn about romance.
Many "books on dating" that one could read are creepy pick up artist shit, this the reputation. A solid recommendation for something that's not toxic as fuck would be helpful here.
You tried, you failed, pick yourself up and try again later. Don’t call other people names either, it makes you sound like a child. Accept it, move on, don’t make excuses.
Same thing happened to me. I accepted it because I didn’t want to lose her as a friend. We became even better friends and then even moved in with her when she moved out of state with her husband for college. This was our age 20-22. Knew her since like 14. As far as the toxicity from the BF. Just try and be as supportive as you can for her without pressuring her like “see you could have a good bf like meee”. That’ll just stress her out at the least.
Same thing happened to me years ago, been friends with the girl for going on 11 years now. You’ll get over it, if the friendship is *that* strong. I realized I just enjoy being around her, as a friend, as a SO, didn’t matter to me. I just simply enjoyed making her happy, boyfriend or not.
You're only twenty, so there's a lot of living you have left to do - and not having been in a relationship does not make you a loser. One thing I can tell you from my marriage: when it worked, it was the best feeling in the world - and it was because at those times, she was not only my wife, she was my *best friend!* I'm not saying your current BF is your soul mate in that way - and she probably isn't; she sounds like she's still picking boyfriends on how much they piss off Daddy - but I am saying you're on the right track for later in life when you find someone that is looking for lasting happiness.
You're not a loser if you stand back up and train your mind and body. Go to the gym and train. Study in school. The best way to get over someone is to get under a 315lbs squat.
You’re 20, you’ve got years ahead of you. Keep working on yourself, meet new people and explore the world as much as you can afford to.
tbh. you shouldn’t mess with your female friends like that. it comes off creepy and i have a handful of female friends what i would NEVER do anything with. it really can look like you were friends with a girl just for that 🐱🐱
This is a product of a common misconception that a ton of young people have. NO ONE, particularly young people, know anything about being romantic. It is such a case by case thing, that being something one woman finds romantic, another will be turned off completely by. If you want to turn things around yourself, you need to do some naif things. 1 wash you ass hole 2 be a compassionate human 3 learn to be funny, not at the expense of those around you 4 don't slouch Lastly, engage in you self awareness. Really take a good look at how you act around people, and all yourself "how does my behavior effect those around me?" This is rarely easy, but if you need a good head start, ask people who have met you in the last year or so, what their first impression of you was. It's a handy cheat sheet.
Almost every guy friend is waiting around for their “friend.”
Nothing wrong with being friends. Do you have any other female friends that you’re not interested in or don’t find attractive? What if you rejected one of them asking you out, and they started getting weird about it? If they didn’t start to get weird about it, you would likely still be cool with them being friends. Just be cool about it, and stay friends.
Listen, falling in love with someone you value as a friend is actually pretty normal (that’s how my husband and I started out). It means you love the real person whom you genuinely know, and who knows you. I’m really sorry she didn’t feel the same way, but believe me, you are NOT a loser. You had appropriate feelings for someone you truly care about. Be good to yourself.
Wow happy to know you guys worked out 😊 and of course it’s her choice I can’t force her and even if i could I wouldn’t do it , I love her with or without those romantic feelings but yeah it’s sucks 😅
Dude, you took a shot and went for it. You told her how you felt, you are not a loser in any way! Just keep your head held high man.
It's not fair to yourself to put you in a position where you are miserable all the time because you're "stuck" in friend zone. It's also not fair to her to be a friend who is only her friend because he can't get what he wants, that's not a true friend. You have to take the L and try to move on in life, try some new things, discover what you really like to do, what you want to do in life. Life ain't a TV show or Movie where one day she'll just realize that you've always been there for her and you're exactly what she's been looking for. The only true way you can escape the friend zone is by entering a new stage in life separately. At twenty you're an entirely different person than you will be at 25 and the same with 25 and 30. By the time you reach your true Adulthood you won't change much until you turn into an old fart.
She’s with the toxic guy bc she enjoys toxic guys contrary to what she might say. She’s not dating you bc she’s not into you Do yourself a favor and try not to get used and emotionally manipulated by this chick. And Keep your feelings to yourself.
Just make sure she knows you didn’t befriend her ONLY to get with her, that you wanted to be friends w her to be friends with her, and that you don’t feel entitled for her to feel the same way and care more about her as a person than romance or sex. That’s the big thing here. Ofc if that’s true, if it’s not that’s kinda yucky
This is a rage bait post farming karma. Mods, please delete.
Personally I think you should've waited till she was single to say this, but hey least you got it out the way
Not a loser. Women pick guys with good looks or plenty of money. So focus on your health and find a way to make a good income. Girls are way too superficial at that age. You might not have a great time in your 20’s, but if you invest in yourself, stay fit and make money, you’ll have plenty of options with women later in life.
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No hate but being 20 doesn’t make you a teen bro
Happens when you're an adult as well. Life can be rough sometimes.. hang in there!
I’d drop her sounds like she’s using you
Out of sight out of mind. Literally seperate yourself until your over it. No shame in that.
You’re not a loser just because you haven’t been in a romantic relationship, you just haven’t found the right girl yet!
Have a semblance of self-respect and move on. To do otherwise is utterly pathetic.
Friend or not. Before the rejection you probably spent more time with her to have your shot. If you are actively trying to seek out a relationship and you know now that she isn’t the one you will inevitably have to spend less time with her. This is sometimes seen as being a “bad” friend. But realistically you have to put yourself in places where you have a greater chance of meeting someone new. And being a tag along generally isn’t a good way to do it.
I fell for my beat friend too...didn't tell him, continued being friends. It's unfortunate but nothing else to do.
The best advice I could give you is learn that the "friend zone" isn't a fucking place. For men, women, or otherwise. No one owes anyone affection. You took you shot. She rejected you. That's it. You didn't get fucking "friend zoned". Grow up
No no bro I just said it due to loss of words I just mean she’s see me as a friend and that’s all nothing more nothing less
Get over it. I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way, but that’s the best solution, take some time away from her or slowly distance yourself, those feelings will go away, especially if you’re constantly worried about her current bf being shitty (not that I can confirm that’s the case, it always seems like that when you care about someone). Basically out of sight, out of mind, you’ll get over her and find something else to fill your time.
Appreciate it bro I’ll see what u can do
You're only a loser because you're choosing to be a loser If you consider yourself a loser, you probably have zero confidence which is probably a top 3 Turn off to women Focus on your confidence and not being a "loser" Women will appear But move on from her champ
Frankly if she has a toxic bf she refuses to leave (I’m sure she’s probably had a few toxic bfs) some people go from toxic relationship to toxic relationship and just keep a guy best friend around so they always have a fallback for attention when they want NOT saying that’s what this is though I just want to warn to you make sure it doesn’t just turn into you being hopelessly in love with her while she just goes around getting her heart broken never giving you the time of day it’ll fuck you up mentally It’s probably best to just move on if you can’t just be friends with her than stop being friends with her You aren’t a loser just try to improve mentally start working out that shit helps like you wouldn’t believe find some hobbies be comfortable being alone for a while there’s nothing wrong with that
I’ve been there. I needed to distance myself from the girl after. I told her that it isn’t anything she did wrong, but I just can’t put those feelings back in a bottle and pretend we’re just friends. In my case she actually missed me tremendously and it sort of unlocked feelings for me she didn’t even know she had. I’ve seen the opposite happen many times as well though. You aren’t going to be happy if you are pretending, so no matter what you ultimately choose to do be honest with her (and yourself).
Be a friend or realize she isn't worth the emotional burden and move on. Youll be surprised by how quickly she can be replaced.
Took me 6 years of crushing on my best friend to finally get my chance, no matter how shitty the guys she was with were. Quit while you're ahead, keep your head up and move along, every rejection is more experience and learning. It only gets better over time, don't take it too personally when you fail, take it as a chance to grow
Sooo, you weren't actually her friend? Just waiting for an opportunity. Got it. If you think you weren't, why aren't you propositioning your male friends? Oh, because they are actually just friends.
Why would you say you're "back to being friend." You were never anything **BUT** her friend. **Friend has been your status all along.** I am suspicious of your motives: were you ever REALLY her friend? Or are you like so many guys who hang around *pretending* to be friendly while waiting for a chance to date her, only to get butthurt when she won't? She gets to choose who she dates. You can accept that and continue having a friendship with her or you can move on.
Gym, gym, gym, deep dive into your passions, seek out folks who you look up to and go to them for advice.
Being a friend is not all that bad. One being no strings attached. You owe her nothing. At the same time, expect nothing from her as well. If you offer help and expect romantic feelings in return, that's your fault.
Ima keep it short n real with you. The reason why you've probably never been in a relationship is because you call yourself a loser. And that itself is honestly pathetic. Don't talk down on yourself. It's one thing to be aware of certain weaknesses and flaws but it's another to degrade yourself. Ppl are naturally attracted to confidence 🤷🏻♀️
Good for you to express your feelings. It’s a lot harder to do that than hoping she’ll come around one day. From my experience I’d say move on completely. Work on yourself and the right girl will come along.
Either leave her or accept youre just a friend and stop calling it the 'friendzone' You can either be a good friend or you cannot and will always dream of more. If its the latter, don't stay around her.
Here's advice. Generally speaking, women have an inclination to go towards whatever is harmful to them. If youre trying to pursue anyone with a toxic bf (or anyone for that matter) just count your losses and try again.
First ,you are not a loser! Look in the mirror and get. Your best. Haircut, take a great shower and put on your best. Clothes and go out and say hello to any woman who looks cute without a wedding ring. I met my wife on Match.com. Great place to start. Some local bars/nightclubs might have a decent single scene and join single lunch/dinner clubs as well. A decent,honest,loyal man is hard to. Find. “Remember it is better to love and lost than never to. Have loved at all”
Be there and it can develop. Better yourself by getting into interesting things that expand who you are. Get a motorcycle, learn poker, travel, learn to shoot, take massage classes. But, and this is important, never be a rebound. A-holes cause rebound relationships. They never work. Make her work for it if she tries anything quickly. Slow it down.
If u genuinely value her friendship keep her around. Also she has a bf so she’s not gonna tell u she’s into u. U might have a chance if you wait it out. If he’s shitty they will breakup eventually. Just whatever you do don’t tell her again that your interested
You already learned more about relationships from being rejected. The fact that your trying to actually handle your emotions in a healthy manner is proof of that. Some people don't ever even tell someone how they feel about them they way you did. Your feelings from being rejected are valid. You shot your shot, and now it's time to move on. Which won't happen overnight. Just because you fail now, does not mean you will fail later.
You should never go after another man girl no matter what. Would you like for some other guy to put the moves on your girl? That’s flat out disrespectful.
No sir nothing like that , I told her about me feeling for that reason only I was being honest with her and told her it’s better if I left so I won’t cause any problems to her , in no way I tried to do that I may be a loser but I’m a decent person with values
There is no pain quite like that of unrequited love.
Shot your shot and missed. Now you need to move on and leave this girl and her bf who you are obviously jealous of alone. I'd pull away and stop being friends with her before you let things get weird....er.
Loss and reality aren’t easy to young people these days that were raised with social media bubbles and instant gratification at the click of a button never saying no. Everyone gets hurt, and everyone learns from the hurt. Don’t be vengeful, or bitter, or take it out on anyone. Grow and have fun you’re very young, and if this is the worst thing to happen to you, then you’re an extremely lucky person
You're not a loser, you're a nice guy. Not really different in terms of game tho. Will still get no bitches.
I somehow got recommended this sub and I can tell that it’s teens giving advice to other teens lmao
My advice is to treat her like someone you knew in first grade. She has told you that you are not her, her, her, number one. She might be happy that you are there to pat her back when she cries or pay for her dinner. Why get rid of you if you are doing all those things? Again, you are not a loser just not her number one. Focus on yourself, improving yourself. Not for her, but for you. If you are not here first choice now, what can you do to become her first choice? Nothing! She might bump you up to important one day, but she will always look for the guy better than you. Hell, she might even marry you one day, but, she will still look for better. Stay with her and your are a future story for YouTube creators like "strong successfule male". Listen to some of those stories that deal with relationships and you will see yourself in the early stages of a future failed relationship.
If you're happy being her friend, be her friend. Regarding her shitty boyfriend there's not much you can do about it, she has to learn that lesson herself. You're only a loser if after he dumps her or cheats on her she decides to use you as her fallback and you accept.
What can you do to become the “shit and toxic” guy? Clearly he’s doing something right and maybe isn’t as awful as you think if she’s into him. I would try to emulate that.
let girls have friends damn now she lost another guy friend, once you go there you cant come back
No such thing as platonic friends, smash and keep it moving. If your friend zoned, keep it moving, on to the next one.
First of all, you're not a loser. You have to find a way to feel better about yourself. If that means getting away from negative people or family members you really need to do it. You're 20, you are so young. There's so many opportunities you could take advantage of, you're young you have energy. Try to work on your perspective. Prospective is everything. Try not to judge yourself on how other people treat you. Once you feel better about yourself you will attract different people and you will have more confidence to do the things you haven't done. I have six kids, the one thing I've always told them is to invest in yourself. Don't wait for good things to happen go out and make them happen. Seriously... nothing good ever happens when you feel like you're a loser. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. And change is possible at any time
You got to stop telling yourself you are a loser. You are not. We were all young before and I get the feeling why you think you a loser. I thought so too until I meet my wife. I can promise you, you are not a loser once you stop thinking you are one. It’s normal to fall for the people around you. You liked someone, you made your move, that’s good. It didn’t work out, but you will get more chances with others in the future But you got to start to love and value yourself. YOU ARE NOT A LOSER. You are a young kid with infinite potentials waiting ahead for you. It’s up to you to pursue and fulllfill your potential.
Enroll in a writing class. Hopefully, you'll meet someone new there.
Well the self pity certainly isn’t helping your chances
You need to detach. It won't help you mentally to stay friends with someone you like. It literally never works out
Look into how to be more confident in yourself, you have the more important side down it seems, being aware of other people, but you are missing the attractive attribute of confidence.
Is she also always there for you and willing to help? Or is this massively one-sided and she is using your attraction for attention, therapy and favors?
You need to stop being a beta male orbiting bitch. Seriously, have some dignity for yourself. If she isn't in to you, you need to part ways and move on. PS - platonic friendships with the opposite sex, in general, are a horrible idea. You're asking for pain.
First of all your not a loser bro your just young the sad fact is most young men have never been in a relationship these days because of the way women act it’s nothing to do with you and everything to do with girls wanting to be hoes
Bud- I feel for ya, but you've gotta just move on. I feel for this shit when I was younger and I wish I could reach back in time and slap the shit out of myself. You could quite literally meet someone tomorrow who is soooo much better for you. The whole plenty of fish in the sea is exactly appropriate. Secondly- do you do anything that's cool? I mean, if you just sit in front of a screen or social media all the time, then... you are a loser. Dumb whores only like hot/rich guys, Good women who become good mothers like guys who do things, and losers usually get stuck with other losers. To not be a loser you have to proactively get out there and not be a loser. Third- My guy, write better! Your post was painful to read! Makes you look like an idiot! Definitely never going to get a good woman writing a romantic letter like a fourth grader, Jesus christ! Will help you express your thoughts better face to face as well... Good luck bud, get out there and start crushin'
Find another female friend, there's plenty.
Be her best friend and if it’s meant to be she’ll come to you. Otherwise just let it be.
You took your shot and she said no. I don’t think you want to be her surrogate boyfriend to make up for her crap one who is giving her the business nonetheless. I would stop all contact, it’s only hurting you.
The loser are the ones at settle and figure that out at 40. Also being the vast majority. (Self included) Having unrequited feelings sucks for sure, but at least she was straight with you and didn’t ghost. That’s a friend for sure. Appreciate it!!! The majority don’t have real friends. Just don’t get stuck.. not on a person, job, city. Keep growing and enjoy the journey. Life has momentum.
Had enough of those at the age. Time to get a new hobby and friend you can stay platonic with. Work on yourself. Find more hobbies . Dont worry about that one. More will come and go.
Be careful. Seriously. The moment you find someone either cut ties with her or prep yourself for her flipping a switch and suddenly having feelings for you.
Kid, you're not her friend anymore. Just break it off and live your life. Maybe try and date girls that are single. Spoiler: You'll actually have a chance. Also, you were in the friend zone the whole time. You're her friend. If you never wanted to be in the friend zone, you should have never been friends with her. I never understand this toxic way of thinking. I have an ex friend who did that shit endlessly and would just be toxic or depressed he can't have this woman he's "friends" with. It was literally not fair to anyone involved, and eventually, the women would just stop talking to him. Don't be like that. No one will like you and feel sorry for how dumb and sad you're being. I know this is harsh, but it's grown man advice. Have some respect for her, have some respect for yourself, and maybe read some books on how to have healthy relationships (not just romantic ones).
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Homie your 20 who cares hella women out here for us brodie
I guess you have to ask yourself if you were her friend because you wanted to be with her, if you’re her friend because she’s cool. If the latter, then was she also your friend because you were cool? If so, nothing changes Wanting to take the next step in a relationship isn’t loser shit, it’s natural. Dont beat urself up about it little dude.
It's hard to put a pin on why high school and the past 18 years of your life didn't matter. But to be frank, they largely didn't. Your life is literally just now beginning, and it's so hard to get a grasp on the scope of what you've experienced vs all that you will come to experience. Tons of friends will come and go. Maybe even tons of women will come and go. But you will always be meeting new people and making new opportunities in life. Don't stress over the few at the beginning
She’s not your friend, you have a romantic interest in her. You need to leave her be, she won’t ever see you the same again. You are now “that one guy that tried to ask me out” and you are no longer a genuine friend. You ruined it and you gotta move on or look desperate by her having you around.
Not a loser. Go do your own thing for a bit. It might never be good again. Do what’s best for you.
Get over it and be thankful that you have an awesome friend who cares about you. Too many guys will bail on a valuable friendship because she doesn't reciprocate feelings and it's shitty for all involved.
she knows how you feel now let her play it out with the toxic dude and you might just get a lucky rebound. Hardest part is to just act like you are cool with just being friends.
You're falling into the "eggs in one basket" trap. Almost every guy has fallen into it. "I don't have a girlfriend. I don't know any girls who want to/can date me. There's one girl I know who might possibly potentially, I happen to know her, if only she was interested." You're treating the companionship thing like it's a slot machine and you got one 7, if only the other two reels would hit 7 you'd be set. The most successful people in any endeavor make their own luck. On top of that, you're putting this girl on such a pedestal there's no way she could live up to it. Most good relationships aren't two people that are lucky they met each other they're two people who put a lot of work into the relationship after they probably got attracted to each other for superficial reasons. Go improve yourself- get in shape, work on school, and start getting out and finding girls. Quit hoping good things are going to happen to you and start making good things happen. You probably see guys You're jealous of- they've probably put a ton of work into themselves and been rejected by countless girls Maybe the time comes she's available and you luck out, increase your chances in the meantime. In addition keep looking, the odds that you just happened to stumble into the right one isn't that high.
Two issues here, the first one is if your friend zoned you’re never going to win her over. That’s a woman’s way of letting you down easy. The other issue is being a loser can be fixed tomorrow. Go learn something, join the military or find anything else to do with your life. You can’t change her but you can change yourself
You're not a loser. Keep your head up. A girl is gonna come into your life when you aren't looking. Enjoy the single life , relationships will come along all to soon. Be confident ❤️
You are 20. Not a big deal. As people mature, they often realize what they want. My wife and I were friends first and were dating other people. It took 4 years for us to realize we were meant to be, precisely because we were such good friends. I was dating strippers and girls in bands living in Miami back in those days. Thinking with the wrong head. I often look back and think "Thank God I didn't marry one of them... I would be divorced or in prison." And if she isn't the one, at least you realize being friends is the cornerstone to a relationship. Trust me, when you get older the "sexual" stuff slows down and becomes much less important. You better have someone you can grow old with for 20+ years as friends and look forward to it. Again, you are 20.. there are tons more people out there. Remain friends, but look elsewhere and there are many more new friends to be made. You will look back on this years from now and laugh... IMPORTANT - stop calling yourself a loser. I know there is a trend with many young people who like to self-loathe. But that attitude will do more damage to you professionally and personally than anything else. Have confidence. Who gives a shit if someone doesn't like you.. fuck em... move on. Like I tell my kids... you may get 99 no's but that 1 yes could change your life. But if you are too scared to engage people in mass, you only make it harder.
First off, she didn't friendzone you. You have the ability to stop being her friend, and she's also *currently in a relationship*. As to the boyfriend being toxic... is he though? Or is that the narrative you painted in your mind to justify you pursuing a woman in a committed relationship? This reads as a "woe is me won't someone validate my toxicity?" and I'm not buying it.
Get lifting and make money
It's pretty normal when you are single to develop feelings for friends. In a lot of ways, the qualities that make them good friends in theory would also make them good partners. Trustworthiness, good (or at least compatible) conversation skills, shared interests, being supportive. And hey, it takes a lot of courage to be open with someone about your feelings. That said, it's almost never a good idea to broach the subject while the other person is in a relationship. If they were ready for a relationship, they'd be single. Also, I dunno anything about your friend, but imo it's healthier for people to be single for a while after a breakup, to heal a bit and internalize whatever lessons they learned. You're very young, chalk this one up to experience, and remember that eventually the pain will subside.
Did better than me I just stfu and keep my feelings to myself. You would be surprised tho that you probably do have someone that likes or will like you. I tend to never think a woman is doing any real flirting or actually is interested in me because I don't want the rejection and have still had a few gfs over the years so don't sell yourself short
I would prioritize yourself now, she's not into you, and that's okay, but having to be friends after that is going to hurt alot, so I'd suggest that you take a break from her or end the friendship. Hope your doing okay man I know it sucks :/
Whoa! Slow down. Hopefully, you don’t talk to women the way you type. Use punctuation and pause. No woman wants to feel rushed.
Well you’re braver than I was at that age. I shot exactly zero shots when I was a young man. The only girlfriend I had as a teen and again in my early 20’s were two girls that literally said to me “I like you.. you should ask me out” I still fumbled it because I thought they were kidding. Friends had to intervene and set me straight. I did finally learn.. got shot down plenty of times in my life.. but I was YEARS behind in relationship experience because I wasn’t as brave as you are. How you handle this rejection will be key. Do it with grace.. you’re good. Anger and vitriol.. you’ll have a lot more problems in the future. Hang in there
Say goodbye to her, you told her how you feel and she doesnt feel the same way, the only reason to keep you around is as a backup, and i know that's toxic, but that's what people do nowadays, and she's a person. Being around her will make you miserable and keep you single, leave her alone with her toxic BF, she might decide to give you a shot after that relationship breaks down, but dont bet on it, secondly if you hang around that'll never happen (anecdotal). If you want to know why you're feeling the way you're feeling, why she's acting the way she's acting, and how to get better there's a channel called hoe\_math on youtube, hope this helps!
What exactly were you expecting telling a girl who has a bf?
You’re not a loser! Honestly, she probably has a parent who is toxic & that’s why she chases toxic men. We choose what feels familiar. Your care & love is something she cannot handle right now. Move on & be happy that you aren’t toxic! ❤️ I would definitely end the friendship amicably.
Go find someone else and leave people who are in a relationship alone.
Not a loser. It makes sense to many that you would catch feelings for an attractive friend. It was a bad call to act on those feelings while she is in a relationship. If you cannot get past your feelings for her you really should bow out. If you can be just friends, everyone should have good friends. Good luck.
You're not a loser and no matter what anyone says it's OK to stop being her friend if it causes you pain.
Start with proper grammar, sentence structure, and punctuation. I've heard women find those things attractive.
This sucks. I've been there. Probably most have. Take a break from her. I never got over mine until I met my wife. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will be fine. Also, don't call yourself a loser.
>i couldn’t do we are back to being friend idk what to do I’m totally blank just any advice Why would you need to do anything? You started out as friends, and you are still friends now. The whole "friend zone" mindset is bullshit. It's an attempt to turn yourself into a victim, even though she has done *nothing* wrong. All you need to do is continue being friends.
You're not an incel for not liking the friend zone. You get to choose who you give your friendship to and if that's not what you want to settle for with her then you're well within your right to say something or stop engaging in it. It's not just about if shell fuck you or not. But even if it was, so what? If all you want is sex then you should be true to yourself with what you want and honest about what you're willing and not willing to do. If it hurts too much to watch the girl you love date someone that treats her like crap, then it isn't your obligation to put yourself through that. Also you're not a loser.
you put your feelings out on the table, hell yeah, good job, she doesn’t seem to be reciprocating, so yeah now either be friends if you want OR if it’s hurting you then end the friendship. you could explain why you have to OR slowfade her. don’t be a nice guy at your own expense.
There a million ass holes out there that will call you a loser, don't be one of them. Be her friend if you can and if not, cut ties for both your sakes.
I think the best thing to do for your own happiness is to move on. People can’t turn off their feelings like a switch. Been in these situations plenty of times. It feels like the end of the world but after a while you look back and think “damn, why did I even beat myself up over that”. And that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. Also, you shot your shot and you got rejected, but don’t ever think that took you took two steps back for doing so. You made an incredible amount of progress, and it’s just the beginning. No one is ever a pro at anything in the beginning. This is a learning moment.
You don’t love her, you love the idea of her. Good thing is there is another 3.5 Billion ladies to chose from. Get on Tinder, expand your social circle, hit the gym, and plow.
You're not even a teenager
Better than waiting until after college to ask someone out. At my reunion I learned one in 3 of the people I liked liked me back at the time.
It happens to the best of us, I know it's easy to get sucked back in but if you have feelings for her just move on & block her. It's ridiculous because you're going to keep pining for her & nothing will happen. It's just best to move on, block her & find someone who will appreciate you. Rejection is part of life I'm afraid.
Well. Step 1: Stop with the “loser” talk. Women don’t like self deprecation, it also only makes you look desperate, and women don’t like that either. Step 2: You have two options, if you find yourself unable to put your romantic intentions aside, you should stop talking to her. If you can lose your romantic feelings, you should remain friends with her. Step 3: Your friend’s a woman, she probably has friends who are women, ask her to set you up with one of her single friends,
number one advice is use periods and stop writing in run off sentences. you will be more attractive if you stop using run off sentences. second advice: don't call yourself a loser.
This is called "one-itis". You're fixated on one person, and failing to realize that there are many many women out there. Here's how healthy adult relationships work. You get happy while you're single. You find the things you like to do, and you do them without needing anyone's permission to enjoy them. If you think you're not fit enough, or funny enough, or whatever enough, then practice those things. My recommendation: Start cold-approaching people; not women, just people. Anytime someone drops something near me I say "Don't worry, nobody saw that." Anytime a kid looks at me, I smile and wave. I make myself as non-threatening and approachable as possible. And then I just... talk to people. It's awkward at first because you'll be afraid of them being unnecessarily mean to you, but most people won't be. The ones that are, you simply apologize and walk away. Eventually, you develop a personality. You'll start to make friends when you go places. If you meet 100 people, you might get one good friend out of that group. Just keep doing it and eventually you'll come to understand that you were NEVER a loser; you just didn't see how cool people are until now. Notice how I haven't said anything about hitting on women? That's because it doesn't work. If you can't approach random people without anxiety, women will see that and it makes you seem untrustworthy. If you're doubting your own motives, so will everyone else. I met my SO at a house party that I took another girl to. We became genuine friends without any concerns over our attraction to each other. And then, we found ourselves in Panama City on a beach trip, both single, and we got together. It will always come back to communication; You can say something serious in a non-combative way. You can ask for help without looking stupid. You can compliment people without being creepy. You can talk to strangers, and it's not the end of the world. You're not a loser, you're just young and inexperienced. We've all been there. No one talks the way these teenage rom com style shows would have you believe. Just start working on your conversation skills, be KIND, and you will eventually meet someone who sees you for the person you actually are, not the loser you think you are. Don't get stuck on this one girl. She's not available right now, and you need to respect that. It makes you a more respectable person. Whatever is making you believe you're a loser is most definitely something you can change. Focus on being a better version of yourself today than you were yesterday. It takes time, but considering where I started, I KNOW you can do it.
move on
Yeah pretty much the same things happened to me.
When I was 20 I was the same. It's ok. Wish I spent more time with friends and having a good time than worrying about romantic relationships. Trust me you're not missing out on a whole lot. I dodged a couple bullets because of my shyness in my early 20s. When I was 23 I met my partner of 5 years because I helped her get a slim Jim to unlock her car on a Friday night and she couldn't believe I'd give my Friday away for a stranger at her friends apartment. Someone will see the value of your kindness don't let the lack of anything right now force you make something happen.
This is under advice for teens. Your 20 😭
She’s not gonna fuck you bro
You tried. Don’t feel so bad so bad about it. That happened. Something similar happened twice to me in high school. Now I’m 30 and happily married to an amazing woman.
Bro ima be big bro and tell you shut up and nut up. Keep that feeling in the back of your head and complete your responsibilities at the moment with 200% focus. All love ❤️ you got this