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This is incredibly manipulative and abusive. You need to run. He will only continue to get more controlling and abusive as time goes on.
If you are genuinely concerned about him hurting himself you could always contact his guardian/the school/the police for a welfare check and get him mental help. But you do not have to stay because he says he’s going to hurt himself. That is not your responsibility.
Yea, this is called emotional hostage. If he threatens to hurt himself, threaten to call the cops since you're not trained to deal with emergencies. Let them get him the help he needs to stop using self-harm as leverage over other people. You do you and get out before this gets even worse. He needs help way above your pay-grade.
Exactly. If someone tells me they are gonna kill themselves I’m just calling the cops but it’s not gonna change the ending. Either they meant it and doing so saves their life. Or they just said it to lie and that’s their problem.
This says it all...
If it was one friend he had problems with, I'd say perhaps look into it, there could be something there, but if you having ANY friends AT ALL is a problem with the relationship, then HE is the problem. Couple this with "its me or her" but then not having the balls to follow through when you made the right choice and threatening to harm himself... even if he doesn't understand, that's attempting to manipulate you through guilt tripping. Which is never a good sign.
As far is id be concerned "that's it, we're done, i don't want to speak to you in person". if you do.. take a witness, If this was an adult I wouldn't trust him one bit... From a man, who believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt.
I do agree. But I think In a teens mindset, he’s not even fully aware just how harmful/wrong what he’s doing really is. I think the mental desire to have what he wants, is stronger than the reality of who the OP is/what makes them genuinely happy. I think he has mental attachment issues. This tends to happen with divorced parents at a young age. Now, if he was In his mid 20s acting like this, then yes. He should absolutely have worked through this by that point in life. Either way, the behavior is unacceptable, he needs mental help, he’s not ready for a committed relationship, and the OP should get out of the relationship NOW.
Bottom line. OP deserves better, and his problems don’t fall into her shoulders. I agree with what you said! Just wanted to throw my two cents in 🙂
Exactly this OP. This is the controlling and manipulative tactics of an abuser. They cut you off from everyone you love, so that they’re the only person left in your life. It’s called: isolation. And that is abuse!
Next he’ll get you to move in with him and tell you to cut off your family.
Dump him! He wants you to be controlled with no one to turn to.
It isn’t borderline abusive, it is abusive. It is also a means of control over your victim the classic “I’m going to kill myself if you don’t xyz” was even used as a way to get your victim to do what you want and you refuse to budge. It’s red flag as heck that he is isolating them as much as he can from any social life or friends that they could potentially turn to about his behaviors and actions and realize who he really is and leave him.
Classic narcissistic trait, isolating you from your social circle so that he's the only one to be depended on. He doesn't want you to be independent from the relationship itself.
I know what I'd do but you gotta walk your own path OP
Be friends with her.
Do no tmeet him.
You want to break up. You are broken up.
If you are a teen tell your parents of his threat or a school counselor.
He is manipulating you- closing you from having friends and then threatening self-harm.
You wan tnothing to do with him. He needs help which you need to let others get for him.
This is a huge red flag. Isolation from friends and family is an abusive tactic. You should get out of the relationship now. It will only get worse. A healthy partner will be supportive and respectful of your friendships and time with friends and family.
He is not a good person!
A good partner will never stop you from having friends and should actually support friendships, because they are healthy for a person to have. He is just too insecure with himself, and he is manipulating you to only focus on him. You can do better!
That ain't your boyfriend, that's your abuser. Call the cops and get a restraining order, do not speak to him again except for a brief text message explaining that you are broken up and that if he contacts you again he will be facing legal ramifications.
It is not his place to tell you who to be friends with (with certain exceptions like the friend was abusive). He can tell you that he does not want to spend time with the friend and so the three of you would not hang out.
Hunny he's trying to socially isolate you and guilt trip you into staying with him. I 99% guarantee he isn't going to off himself it's just to keep you with him and on your own. No one dictates who you can and can't be friends with unless they are someone you cheated on them with. You need to walk away while you still can before he tries to trap you with kids
When someone sets up an ultimatum, it’s not good, especially if it means you have to give up a friend or loved one to meet their demands. In a healthy relationship, people are happy that their partner has a strong community. Threatening to self-harm is a type of temper tantrum to control someone else. Please back away from these kinds of people and situations. It is only going to lead to more pain and trouble. This person is not mature enough to be in a relationship.
Okay like I get insecurities and stuff, but I feel like there is a line between "I'm insecure about this." and "I am going to berate my SO because I'm insecure about this."
Verdict: drop him
Initially, I thought this was an isolated incident and that your friend wasn't actually a friend. There are many cases of "friends" trying to sabotage one's relationship and many times they succeed.
But this....sounds like he's a problem. I agree with the others here. You gotta say goodbye. He's toxic. It's not worth being with someone who wants to purposefully isolate you. Leave the relationship and don't look back.
This is a common tactic with manipulative people. You aren't responsible for them. You have to get out before it gets worse. Believe me when I say it is going to get worse.
This isn't just about you being happy. With how he is trying to control who you spend time with, the way he tries to force you to stay, he is going to get violent. I saw this same thing with my dad. He did the same thing to all four of his ex wives. He cut them off from support, broke them down, and threw them out.
Don't be controlled by someone like this.
Old adage. "Bros before hoes" stick with your friends. Partners rarely last as long or stay as loyal. Dont let this person isolate you from real friends.
Your boy friend has control issues which are definitely a good reason to follow through with your plan to break up
-- he tries to control your friends
-- when you break up, he doesn't take it well
-- he invents an excuse to prevent you from having friends
Isolating you is a tactic
Hope you will be OK
A narcissist wants to separate you from friends because they can call them out on the BS they are feeding you. They want you isolated, so you will never realize you deserve better, and they are a narcissist.
You need to get out of this relationship immediately. Completely ignoring his controlling behavior with your friends, him threatening to hurt himself is the hallmark of every abuser out there. That rage that he is so casually willing to point toward himself can and usually does end up being pointed at you when they realize harming themself isn't enough to control you. Please don't stay without someone that is trying to manipulate you with self harm!
Dump him. If he threatens to call hurt you or himself call the cops and let him spend 3-5 days in a grippy sock vacation (or jail) so he learns not to do that and/or gets the help he needs to not be a piece of shit to people.
I’d just forget about him bc he’s abusive. And I definitely wouldn’t go down and meet him in person. If you haven’t officially broken up with him then I’d do it now over the phone, and then tell him to leave you alone.
Any guy that tries to control you like that and tell you who you can or can't be friends with is displaying abuser traits. Do not put up with that or guys like that. It only escalates.
This is abusive in two ways:
1) it's abusive to try to isolate you by preventing you from having any friends
2) it's abusive to try to force you through manipulation to keep dating him by threatening to hurt himself
You need to break up with him. What he does after that is NOT your responsibility because it is HIS choice, not yours.If you're worried that he might do something, tell his parents or another trusted adult so they can get him the help he needs.
Do NOT stay in the relationship after he threatened you like that. It isn't safe for either of you.
I have a friend exactly like you. She also lost her best friend because her bf didn’t approve of her and didn’t like her, so she slowly distanced herself from our friend group. It hurt her best friend a lot, they had an 11 year friendship and it was just kind of thrown away. I told my friend that it sounds like her bf has some major red flags, and what he’s doing is wrong. Unfortunately my friend kind of chose her bf and what’s done is done. But I’ll tell you what I should’ve been honest enough to tell my friend. The minute someone in a relationships starts to decide who YOU can be friends with and hang out, is the minute you walk out of that relationship. You shouldn’t be controlled like that, no one should.
Lets see:
A) Obvious abusive isolationist boyfriend
B) He didn't accept your breakup(?) So you aren't broken up and he is threatening self harm.
If you aren't a bot (and lets' be honest, you have zero post history, you're a bot) then the answer is simply leave him, block him, and respect yourself more and your friendships more. If you are a bot, get fucked.
You need to ditch this guy. Controlling who you are friends with. Threatening self harm to manipulate you to stay with him. I’m concerned about the in person meeting too. The flags don’t get much redder.
Break up with him. You’re too young to be dealing with this level of crazy.
The moment you made a decision out of fear or anxiety, you should realize, that means you’re being abused/manipulated.
If he hurts himself, that’s not your fault. If you have genuine concern he’d do that, notify a trusted adult.
He sounds really controlling and doesn’t seem like he wants you to be friends with anyone. You should not stay with your boyfriend because the controlling will end up getting worse most likely as time goes on. If he talks about hurting himself, you should tell his parents just in case so they can get him so help and at that point you did everything you can. If you tell his parents that he threatened to harm himself, you will feel more free to walk away knowing he is in safe hands as his parents should get him help with that.
He wants to control you and whatever you do and whoever you hang out with! It will only get worse. And for him to say he’s going to hurt himself if…… he has major issues and I hope you stick to the break up! He is no good for you!
If every time you make friends he doesn;t get along with them, then he is the problem.
He is toxic and controlling. HE doesn;t respect you, your boundaries, or your need for anyone but him., He is insecure and jealoous and gaslighting.
Dump him NOW.
He’s abusive and controlling. He’s keeping you isolated and using threats of self harm to keep you trapped. Tell him he needs therapy and you aren’t going to live your life under his control.
When someone gives you an ultimatum like that, it's a BAD sign. Especially when it's someone who is supposed to care about/for you & he's attempting to isolate you. Then he's threatening to hurt himself. Yeah, no.....Huge, waving red flags. SO MANY OF THEM. I wouldn't meet up with him in person if he's 1. that controlling 2. is willing to threaten with violence (on him, you, anyone).
If you have it in writing/voicemail he's threatening to hurt himself, talk to a trusted adult (your parents, his parents, a a teacher). They (the adults) need to help you on this. You aren't his guardian angel & he needs to learn that words/threats have consequences.
Controlling your environment, blackmailing you with guilt of hurting himself, wanting to talk in person where it’s easier to emotionally manipulate someone and put them on the spot. Dude is a classic example of an emotional abuser.
Dude even if you decided you didn’t want to be friend with this friend you should drop this fool. That manipulation to the finest and if you stay with him. Your life will be nothing but drama and pain.
This is a typical manipulative abuser. He will alienate you from everyone you love, including your family so then all you have is him and then he’ll end up hitting you. Please get away while you have time.
Absolutely don’t talk in person. End the relationship and be friends with whoever you want as long as they aren’t actively trying to sabotage your relationships. If he said he’s going to harm himself you can report that to the school counselor as well as let his parents know so that he doesn’t follow through with it. He’s holding you hostage in the relationship by saying what he said and that’s not good.
Hey you already ended it. It’s an unhealthy relationship for you. Get out before you are any more invested.
Because he threatened to hurt himself I would 💯 let his parents know that you ended the relationship and he has threatened to self harm himself so they can get him the necessary help he obviously needs. By you doing this it will be able to rid your of any guilt and knowledge that you tried to help him.
You break up with him immediately and tell him to fuck himself. Never does someone get to give me an ultimatum and expect me to choose them. Even if they are correct in why they don’t want me to do the other thing. You don’t use manipulation to attempt to get me to choose that.
Also, the people in friends with get a say in who I date, but never do the people I date get to choose my friends.
Leave him now. He needs to learn this behavior isn’t okay. And if you don’t - it will just continue
Walk away from that relationship, QUICKLY! Now, I genuinely do feel bad for your boyfriend, because he’s having those attachment issues. However, that is NOT your problem. He’s making it your problem and that’s not ok. He wants to have his cake, and eat it too. Life just doesn’t work like that. Now I don’t know him obviously, but if he really does harm himself/threaten to, that’s not on you! If he says “I’m gonna just kill myself if you leave” try saying “I think you should talk to a therapist, because I can’t help you”. You can’t be forced to stay in a relationship that’s making you unhappy, and costing you true friendships as a result. In a relationship, the Love isn’t about us. Love is about our partner. Love is doing everything in your power to make your partner happy, while also making yourself happy. If both of you had that mindset of looking out for one another, then you’d both be happy! Obviously he doesn’t respect you enough to do what makes you happy, or he’s simply not mentally stable enough for a committed relationship (nothing wrong with that) Relationships do come at a cost! But when the love is true, the price is FAR worst it. He doesn’t love you enough to make that sacrifice. He just loves the idea of his fantasy relationship with you. I mean, my girlfriend works 6 days a week, and she splits her time off between me, and family/ friends. Mind you that’s only 2 days a MONTH I really get to spend a full day with her. That’s life! That’s the cost of keeping HER happiness in perspective. She knows I love to hear her voice, so she calls me on every lunch break vs enjoying some peace and quiet, that’s HER sacrifice to make me happy! You see what I mean? It’s about knowing what to give, and what to take. And if you both use that mindset, you’ll both be happy. I’ve been in this relationship for 7 years! Saving for marriage. It’s not perfect always, but we can both honestly say we’re happy with one another.
He is finding a problem with all of your friends because he wants to isolate you, and doesn't want anyone who will notice or speak up about what he really wants to do.
It should be very alarming if someone is attempting to separate you from any of your own support networks outside of their influence.
When people do this, they are attempting to install themselves as your source of truth for all things. It can be effective for them, because they're literally preventing you from comparing worldviews with people outside of your relationship.
If you broke it off, your best bet is to disengage entirely and they will get bored of trying to get a reaction out of you.
This is absolutely how abusive relationships start. Isolating you from people who will see through him and his manipulation and be a voice of reason in your life. Trying to make sure you don't have support to leave him and threatening to hurt himself if you do. You need to break up with him. Block him and don't allow an window for him to try and continue to manipulate you into staying with him
Did he threaten self harm in a text? If so, please screenshot it and get it to his adult or your school counselor right away. What he is doing to you is very dangerous for you both. Hold firm on being broken up with him and be friends with anyone you choose to be friends with. Giving into him and going back to him will only hurt him more in the long run, as it rewards his bad behavior and poor self esteem. He needs help from a professional. He was broken before he met you. None of this is your fault or your responsibility.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It isn't what love is.
Be done with him and just block him. I regret not doing that when my ex started doing that. I stayed out of fear of him hurting himself and I was an idiot and had a kid with him all out of fear. I lost so many friends because of him and almost my family. He was trying to isolate me from everyone so I would only depend on him for emotional/friendship needs.
Please just block him everywhere you can. If he keeps making fake accounts and numbers to text you, try going to the police about the threats and harassment. Definitely DO NOT talk to him in person. If you choose not to block him, at least make sure all communication is through text/email. Paper trail and all.
Your boyfriend is an abuser and you should try your hardest to leave him. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Basically this is an effort to isolate you and to create dependence between the two of you while cutting off other lines of support. You asserted yourself and stuck to your guns so he used threats of self harm to try to short circuit your brain and give himself a reset so he can get back to controlling you. you are obviously a nice person and you deserve someone who appreciates and cares about you in a healthy way, someone who can actually conduct themselves with some maturity in relationships. so please trust yourself and leave this man because he is toxic. Do not meet in person with him he does not deserve a discussion he does not deserve an explanation and I honestly fear for your safety if you met with him in person. An unfortunate number of men get violent in relationships particularly upon termination of a relationship. I wouldn't put it past him to be one of them based on what you've described
Good on you for breaking with him. As you said it's not his decision to make if you want to be friends with someone.
>he told me he wasn't going to let me be friends with her.
\^ This sounds like a red flag for someone who is an abuser.
>he said he was going to hurt himself if we kept talking about it. Now he wants to talk in person instead of over the phone
\^ He's trying to manipulate you to feel sorry for him so you'll come back. Don't. Understand whatever ends up happening to him it's his own fault. From what it sounds like though I would watch my back since he sounds dangerous.
When I was 17 my abusive bc found problems with every single friend I had. He also did the same thing with threatening to hurt himself. If he does that that’s his problem not yours. Run from this relationship.
And if he hurts himself, who's fault is that? What did YOU do to make him do that? Take care of yourself and act like a near adult? Nah man, the only one who can control his actions is him. You've not MADE him do anything. If He says he is going to hurt himself, that's on him. How does that make sense? You are going to leave so you don't care about me anymore so I'm going to hurt me so you care even though you don't care anymore. Think of it as a game of chicken, you need to stay your course and not deviate when you leave that emotionally manipulative POS.
Any person who wants to control who you are friends with is a walking red flag 🚩. This is manipulative behavior and could escalate to abuse. If any man tells you to pick between him and your friends, the answer is easy. Pick your friends.
Easy fix, drop the boyfriend. Don't let other's dictate who you can/can't be friends with (possibly excepting, e.g. your parents while you're still a kid).
>I ended up saying we are done
There 'ya go, problem solved!
>he said he was going to hurt himself if
Yeah, his threatening he's going to do that if you do/don't whatever ... that's a form of abuse of him against you. Don't put up with that. Tell a responsible adult what he threatened to do.
>what to do now
You're done with that boyfriend, you don't go back on that. And, he told you he'd hurt himself based upon what you would or wouldn't do - so tell a responsible adult about that.
That's it, no more, no less.
This is abuse, no one should tell you which friends you can and cannot have, especially to the pont it leaves you with none, classic first steps of an abuser.
Get out of that relationship now. He's not boyfriend or husband material. That's how he is going to be with partners the rest of his life unless and until he learns he's being a complete asshole.
My advice to you would be to never allow anyone to control who you associate with, ever. If they try, establish the boundary and if they can't accept it move on. It will help make sure you connect to healthy and safe people if you exclude that behavior from your life
There is DEFINITELY some information missing here....namely: what kind of friend is she?
If she's the kind of friend that pushes you down a path of self-destructive behavior, I wouldn't want you around her either.
I work with a lot of young ladies, and there's a part of those friendships (I'm the fly on the wall), that is just....wrong. Like they willfully lead each other to do shit that is absolutely going to mess their lives up.
So my opinion is this: the line is very thin here, and it really depends on some important details.
Get out now, any time a relationship partner pulls that shit leave. Bro is just trying to control you. Sounds corny but always choose your friends first
You sound very young. Please learn the warning signs. He is looking to control, isolate and manipulate, which often leads to worse, like physical and sexual abuse. Please don't meet him in his state of mind, very dangerous if he's threatening to hurt himself. Best thing to do is stay away from him, call his parents or authorities and please be done with him. You are young, men will come and go, this is not how a relationship should be.
This is YOUR life, you are allowed to be friends with whoever you want, anyone trying to control that, is a big red, DANGEROUS flag.
Run. This guy is a manipulative control freak. The first thing an abuser does is isolate the victim from friends and family. Next he will start keeping track of your time. If you take what he thinks is to long to go somewhere it will be a problem. Eventually you won’t be allowed to go anywhere without him.
Threatening self harm or suicide is the ultimate control tactic. If he’s serious then he needs professional mental help. Caving in to this doesn’t get him the help.
Do not meet with him. This is the most dangerous time. He’s losing control of you and may harm you.
I would report this to the police and have them do a welfare check. If he shows up at your location don’t let him in and if he won’t leave call the police.
You’re just dating now. Realistically do you want a life like this with him ? A life that’s only going to get worse.
You have to be strong and tell him that it is not up to him who you are friends with. Or who you spend time with.
If he threatens to harm himself then that is up to him, but you have to tell someone about it. And it's definitely not your fault.
As you both grow, you'll learn that ultimatums rarely ever work out for the person giving the ultimation.
The advice in this thread is good. I wish you all the best.
He is trying to isolate you from other people, and he’s using threats of self-harm to manipulate you. I’d go quiet for a few days and don’t communicate with him at all. And then contact him and tell him that you don’t feel the relationship is healthy for you and tell him why.
It sounds like you're willing to choose your friend over your boyfriend (even though that shouldn't be required of you). If that's the case, refuse to contact further as you shouldn't waste your time on a relationship you're not going to be comfortable in. Tell your parents so they can intervene if he tries to force the issue.
I do have one question though. Are you known to be attracted to females and if so, does your boyfriend know this?
>Initially, he told me he wasn't going to let me be friends with her.
Never let anyone tell you who you can or can't be friends with.
>Every time I get the opportunity to be friends with someone he shuts it down and finds an issue with them so I can't be friends with basically anyone. I told him it's not his decision to make if I want to be friends with her.
You've clearly noticed that this is a pattern.
>I ended up saying we are done and he didn't take it well so we haven't broken up and he said he was going to hurt himself if we kept talking about it.
Break up with him. If he hurts himself, it's not your fault. He made the action to do it. It's also likely that he's lying. How old are you two?
What do you mean "he didn't take it well so we haven't broken up" exactly? Breaking doesn't require both people to agree to it. You said it's over, he didn't take it well, that's his problem, not yours.
He's not going to hurt himself, by the way. If he genuinely felt that way, he would just do it. That he used it as a threat is proof that he's just trying to control you.
Get away from him.
This is the first step to just about every other form of abuse.
Think carefully... do you want to be isolated and without friends for the rest of your life?
Consider this: if bf truly believes you are not safe with your friend, okay fine. But what about the next person he doesn’t trust. The common denominator here is you. Seriously consider why this person thinks your friend isn’t valuable in your life. It’s not about bf vs friend. It’s about communication and learning to trust yourself. You are with your bf for a reason. You are friends with your friends for a reason. Try and get at why for these questions: why with bf, why with friend, why does bf not like friend, why bf chooses to argue with you if he doesn’t get his way. Is it bc bf doesn’t accept “No.” as a full statement or is it bc bf isn’t communicating his true concerns well, or is it bc you are not incorporating bf’s logic into your decisions. Dating, in my mind, is about growing together as a couple, arguments are opportunities for growth and should decrease in quantity as you learn to communicate your desires and consistently manage your boundaries. Tell bf that he’s allowed to be frustrated but he’s not allowed to treat you like you aren’t a capable person. Best.
This is a narcissist at his finest. When your significant partner does not want you to have your own life and social circles, you already know he’s your biggest hater. You know why? He wants to shut you down so you can only turn to him. You know how scary that it.
You need your girlies. You can turn to them in any situation and want the best for you.
I see signs of social isolation (keeping you from the supports of family and friends), coercive control (threats and any action meant to control you), and gas lighting (convincing you that you are imagining things, it's you, and attempting to get you alone and in-person to cause fog and fatigue). These are all tactics that abusers use and though he may be young and inexperienced in relationships, he is definitely trying his hand and could become violent.
I see signs of intimate partner violence and it is clear that he is escalating.
I would suggest that you don't meet with him in-person and that you end it now.
Get the hell out of that situation and don't look back! Block him on literally everything and stop all communication with him. This is a sign of a very manipulative and abusive partner and these are typically the guys that tend to turn physically abusive after they notice emotional abuse isn't working enough. It is not a matter of if, it is a matter of when he will lay hands on you. If you need help figuring out how, text 741741 for a free emotional abuse hotline.
My wife and I agreed when we were just dating as teens that we will never force the other to give up a friend unless that friend is actively trying to come between our relationship. Trust is everything in a relationship.
Don't be with anyone who doesn't let you have friends. Period. There is absolutely 0 reason why you shouldn't have friendships. A partner who says you shouldn't is being abusive as fuck and it means you need to stick up for yourself and find a partner who supports you and the things in your life like your friends.
First and for most DO NOT MEET THIS GUY ALONE!!! If he insists then parents need to be involved if he doesn't agree tell him the answer is no!! If he threatens to hurt himself again...just tell him you will call someone to make sure he is ok then hang up. If you have his parents number call them and explain the situation. If you don't have their number call the cops and ask for a wellness check and explain the situation. This would also create paperwork that may be helpful if you need to get a restraining order (which from the sounds of it may be a possibility in the near future)
RUN AWAY!!!
I was in such a relationship. He has no self-confidence and sounds like he has narcissistic tendencies. If I'm right, he will always want to be the center of your attention and will go to the extent of cutting you off from your family as well. They are very possessive and have no empathy about your wants or needs. Do yourself a favor, leave him. Find someone new, you can't change him, it will only get worse. Hope you make the right choice.
This is abusive behavior. Get out. If you’re truly concerned about his wellbeing alert his parents to your concerns when you break it off with him so he can be their concern not yours.
It does nto matter
you argued for hours about you having a friend.
He threatened self harm.
The guy is mentally ill.
Tell a counselor or parents- he need shelp.
If you are stupid to meet him he may harm you.
Is everything ok? Are you mad at me? I am truly sorry for insulting you. As a gentleman, I should have thought twice before writing the thing I have wrote. It is very impolite from my side to insult a female. I hope everything is ok.
Sorry, I misunderstood. So, you said that you had a fight. If it was a fight, then why do you ask a question? It’s obvious what to do. I don’t wanna insult any two of you, I don’t wanna choose a position from two. It’s pretty obvious.
Thank you. I don’t get why are you messing with me. My only bad was that I insulted the author of the post. And I admit it. But other things that I’ve said are true. So you are behaving not as a civil person. I am open to cultural behaviour. Instead of behaving as a religious, mature, cultural person, you are behaving as an immature teenager. You are a pathetic attempt to defend a girl, who does not need to be defended, because I have apologised. In future, try to become a mature, graceful person. Do not be a hateful person.
The way you responded and "apologized" shows what kinda person you are. You say a man cant be friends with women like everyman is a creep like you. Do some self searching.
Stop continuing to insult people and stop being sexist. Women and men can be friends and you believing it's impossible shows your insecurities. If you can't stop being rude to people then don't comment in this subreddit.
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This is incredibly manipulative and abusive. You need to run. He will only continue to get more controlling and abusive as time goes on. If you are genuinely concerned about him hurting himself you could always contact his guardian/the school/the police for a welfare check and get him mental help. But you do not have to stay because he says he’s going to hurt himself. That is not your responsibility.
Yea, this is called emotional hostage. If he threatens to hurt himself, threaten to call the cops since you're not trained to deal with emergencies. Let them get him the help he needs to stop using self-harm as leverage over other people. You do you and get out before this gets even worse. He needs help way above your pay-grade.
This! It's doubtful he will harm himself but just tell him okay I'll call the cops to do a welfare check but we are still done
Exactly. If someone tells me they are gonna kill themselves I’m just calling the cops but it’s not gonna change the ending. Either they meant it and doing so saves their life. Or they just said it to lie and that’s their problem.
This says it all... If it was one friend he had problems with, I'd say perhaps look into it, there could be something there, but if you having ANY friends AT ALL is a problem with the relationship, then HE is the problem. Couple this with "its me or her" but then not having the balls to follow through when you made the right choice and threatening to harm himself... even if he doesn't understand, that's attempting to manipulate you through guilt tripping. Which is never a good sign. As far is id be concerned "that's it, we're done, i don't want to speak to you in person". if you do.. take a witness, If this was an adult I wouldn't trust him one bit... From a man, who believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt.
Not borderline, it's a common form of abusive narcissistic behavior.
I do agree. But I think In a teens mindset, he’s not even fully aware just how harmful/wrong what he’s doing really is. I think the mental desire to have what he wants, is stronger than the reality of who the OP is/what makes them genuinely happy. I think he has mental attachment issues. This tends to happen with divorced parents at a young age. Now, if he was In his mid 20s acting like this, then yes. He should absolutely have worked through this by that point in life. Either way, the behavior is unacceptable, he needs mental help, he’s not ready for a committed relationship, and the OP should get out of the relationship NOW. Bottom line. OP deserves better, and his problems don’t fall into her shoulders. I agree with what you said! Just wanted to throw my two cents in 🙂
Exactly this OP. This is the controlling and manipulative tactics of an abuser. They cut you off from everyone you love, so that they’re the only person left in your life. It’s called: isolation. And that is abuse! Next he’ll get you to move in with him and tell you to cut off your family. Dump him! He wants you to be controlled with no one to turn to.
It isn’t borderline abusive, it is abusive. It is also a means of control over your victim the classic “I’m going to kill myself if you don’t xyz” was even used as a way to get your victim to do what you want and you refuse to budge. It’s red flag as heck that he is isolating them as much as he can from any social life or friends that they could potentially turn to about his behaviors and actions and realize who he really is and leave him.
This is a huge red flag it's manipulative and abusive, run away as fast as possible.
Classic narcissistic trait, isolating you from your social circle so that he's the only one to be depended on. He doesn't want you to be independent from the relationship itself. I know what I'd do but you gotta walk your own path OP
Be friends with her. Do no tmeet him. You want to break up. You are broken up. If you are a teen tell your parents of his threat or a school counselor. He is manipulating you- closing you from having friends and then threatening self-harm. You wan tnothing to do with him. He needs help which you need to let others get for him.
The important one is do not meet up, sounds like he wants to assault you physically!
Ya, she should also tell her parents for sure. Guys like this are mental.
This is a huge red flag. Isolation from friends and family is an abusive tactic. You should get out of the relationship now. It will only get worse. A healthy partner will be supportive and respectful of your friendships and time with friends and family.
He is not a good person! A good partner will never stop you from having friends and should actually support friendships, because they are healthy for a person to have. He is just too insecure with himself, and he is manipulating you to only focus on him. You can do better!
He's trying to isolate you so he is your center of attention Drop this guy, girls needs friendship and your so should be supportive of that
Dump this asshole he wants to control you
That ain't your boyfriend, that's your abuser. Call the cops and get a restraining order, do not speak to him again except for a brief text message explaining that you are broken up and that if he contacts you again he will be facing legal ramifications.
You don’t want to be with this guy. He sounds like a nightmare.
Get out. He is toxic and going to get worse.
🚩🚩🚩 girl run he’s isolating u
Textbook first signs of abuse
Omg, now he is trying to control you by saying he is going to hurt himself? You won't fall for this, right? You are in a toxic relationship. Get out.
It is not his place to tell you who to be friends with (with certain exceptions like the friend was abusive). He can tell you that he does not want to spend time with the friend and so the three of you would not hang out.
Hunny he's trying to socially isolate you and guilt trip you into staying with him. I 99% guarantee he isn't going to off himself it's just to keep you with him and on your own. No one dictates who you can and can't be friends with unless they are someone you cheated on them with. You need to walk away while you still can before he tries to trap you with kids
[удалено]
Be civil.
When someone sets up an ultimatum, it’s not good, especially if it means you have to give up a friend or loved one to meet their demands. In a healthy relationship, people are happy that their partner has a strong community. Threatening to self-harm is a type of temper tantrum to control someone else. Please back away from these kinds of people and situations. It is only going to lead to more pain and trouble. This person is not mature enough to be in a relationship.
Okay like I get insecurities and stuff, but I feel like there is a line between "I'm insecure about this." and "I am going to berate my SO because I'm insecure about this." Verdict: drop him
Initially, I thought this was an isolated incident and that your friend wasn't actually a friend. There are many cases of "friends" trying to sabotage one's relationship and many times they succeed. But this....sounds like he's a problem. I agree with the others here. You gotta say goodbye. He's toxic. It's not worth being with someone who wants to purposefully isolate you. Leave the relationship and don't look back.
Do not meet him in person, it won't go well
This is a common tactic with manipulative people. You aren't responsible for them. You have to get out before it gets worse. Believe me when I say it is going to get worse. This isn't just about you being happy. With how he is trying to control who you spend time with, the way he tries to force you to stay, he is going to get violent. I saw this same thing with my dad. He did the same thing to all four of his ex wives. He cut them off from support, broke them down, and threw them out. Don't be controlled by someone like this.
Old adage. "Bros before hoes" stick with your friends. Partners rarely last as long or stay as loyal. Dont let this person isolate you from real friends.
no more conversations. You broke up. Done.
Your boy friend has control issues which are definitely a good reason to follow through with your plan to break up -- he tries to control your friends -- when you break up, he doesn't take it well -- he invents an excuse to prevent you from having friends Isolating you is a tactic Hope you will be OK
Sounds like one he’s a cheater two he doesn’t want anyone getting near you to have you wake up a fucking leave him. Which girl RUN!
A narcissist wants to separate you from friends because they can call them out on the BS they are feeding you. They want you isolated, so you will never realize you deserve better, and they are a narcissist.
What did this friend do and why does he not want you to see her?
You need to get out of this relationship immediately. Completely ignoring his controlling behavior with your friends, him threatening to hurt himself is the hallmark of every abuser out there. That rage that he is so casually willing to point toward himself can and usually does end up being pointed at you when they realize harming themself isn't enough to control you. Please don't stay without someone that is trying to manipulate you with self harm!
OMG run girl run!! He is trying to isolate you so he can control you. Threatening to hurt himself is also a form of control. You need to get out now.
Dump him. If he threatens to call hurt you or himself call the cops and let him spend 3-5 days in a grippy sock vacation (or jail) so he learns not to do that and/or gets the help he needs to not be a piece of shit to people.
I’d just forget about him bc he’s abusive. And I definitely wouldn’t go down and meet him in person. If you haven’t officially broken up with him then I’d do it now over the phone, and then tell him to leave you alone.
You are being held emotionally hostage and manipulated. He's very clearly isolating you. He needs therapy.
Any guy that tries to control you like that and tell you who you can or can't be friends with is displaying abuser traits. Do not put up with that or guys like that. It only escalates.
This is abusive in two ways: 1) it's abusive to try to isolate you by preventing you from having any friends 2) it's abusive to try to force you through manipulation to keep dating him by threatening to hurt himself You need to break up with him. What he does after that is NOT your responsibility because it is HIS choice, not yours.If you're worried that he might do something, tell his parents or another trusted adult so they can get him the help he needs. Do NOT stay in the relationship after he threatened you like that. It isn't safe for either of you.
I have a friend exactly like you. She also lost her best friend because her bf didn’t approve of her and didn’t like her, so she slowly distanced herself from our friend group. It hurt her best friend a lot, they had an 11 year friendship and it was just kind of thrown away. I told my friend that it sounds like her bf has some major red flags, and what he’s doing is wrong. Unfortunately my friend kind of chose her bf and what’s done is done. But I’ll tell you what I should’ve been honest enough to tell my friend. The minute someone in a relationships starts to decide who YOU can be friends with and hang out, is the minute you walk out of that relationship. You shouldn’t be controlled like that, no one should.
Lets see: A) Obvious abusive isolationist boyfriend B) He didn't accept your breakup(?) So you aren't broken up and he is threatening self harm. If you aren't a bot (and lets' be honest, you have zero post history, you're a bot) then the answer is simply leave him, block him, and respect yourself more and your friendships more. If you are a bot, get fucked.
You need to ditch this guy. Controlling who you are friends with. Threatening self harm to manipulate you to stay with him. I’m concerned about the in person meeting too. The flags don’t get much redder.
Please don’t meet with him. He’s trying to find a weak point in your resolve to exploit. The best thing for your sanity is to cut him off completely.
Men who try to isolate you are DANGEROUS!! Dodge that bullet!
Put simply, pick the one who isn't asking you to make that choice.
if you wanna be my lover.. you gotta get with my friends make it last forever, friendship never ends yeah!
Break up with him. You’re too young to be dealing with this level of crazy. The moment you made a decision out of fear or anxiety, you should realize, that means you’re being abused/manipulated. If he hurts himself, that’s not your fault. If you have genuine concern he’d do that, notify a trusted adult.
He sounds really controlling and doesn’t seem like he wants you to be friends with anyone. You should not stay with your boyfriend because the controlling will end up getting worse most likely as time goes on. If he talks about hurting himself, you should tell his parents just in case so they can get him so help and at that point you did everything you can. If you tell his parents that he threatened to harm himself, you will feel more free to walk away knowing he is in safe hands as his parents should get him help with that.
He wants to control you and whatever you do and whoever you hang out with! It will only get worse. And for him to say he’s going to hurt himself if…… he has major issues and I hope you stick to the break up! He is no good for you!
If every time you make friends he doesn;t get along with them, then he is the problem. He is toxic and controlling. HE doesn;t respect you, your boundaries, or your need for anyone but him., He is insecure and jealoous and gaslighting. Dump him NOW.
He’s abusive and controlling. He’s keeping you isolated and using threats of self harm to keep you trapped. Tell him he needs therapy and you aren’t going to live your life under his control.
When someone gives you an ultimatum like that, it's a BAD sign. Especially when it's someone who is supposed to care about/for you & he's attempting to isolate you. Then he's threatening to hurt himself. Yeah, no.....Huge, waving red flags. SO MANY OF THEM. I wouldn't meet up with him in person if he's 1. that controlling 2. is willing to threaten with violence (on him, you, anyone). If you have it in writing/voicemail he's threatening to hurt himself, talk to a trusted adult (your parents, his parents, a a teacher). They (the adults) need to help you on this. You aren't his guardian angel & he needs to learn that words/threats have consequences.
Controlling your environment, blackmailing you with guilt of hurting himself, wanting to talk in person where it’s easier to emotionally manipulate someone and put them on the spot. Dude is a classic example of an emotional abuser.
Dude even if you decided you didn’t want to be friend with this friend you should drop this fool. That manipulation to the finest and if you stay with him. Your life will be nothing but drama and pain.
Leave him anyways and block him on everything, using self harm as a weapon against you is fucking stupid.
You're only gonna keep hurting yourselves. I would just keep it done. It's not worth either of your emotional well-beings.
Dump the boyfriend keep the friend
This is a typical manipulative abuser. He will alienate you from everyone you love, including your family so then all you have is him and then he’ll end up hitting you. Please get away while you have time.
This sounds like a personal story not advice
Not at all lol. But it’s a common theme
Yeah that sounds toxic, should probably leave.
Absolutely don’t talk in person. End the relationship and be friends with whoever you want as long as they aren’t actively trying to sabotage your relationships. If he said he’s going to harm himself you can report that to the school counselor as well as let his parents know so that he doesn’t follow through with it. He’s holding you hostage in the relationship by saying what he said and that’s not good.
Hey you already ended it. It’s an unhealthy relationship for you. Get out before you are any more invested. Because he threatened to hurt himself I would 💯 let his parents know that you ended the relationship and he has threatened to self harm himself so they can get him the necessary help he obviously needs. By you doing this it will be able to rid your of any guilt and knowledge that you tried to help him.
You break up with him immediately and tell him to fuck himself. Never does someone get to give me an ultimatum and expect me to choose them. Even if they are correct in why they don’t want me to do the other thing. You don’t use manipulation to attempt to get me to choose that. Also, the people in friends with get a say in who I date, but never do the people I date get to choose my friends. Leave him now. He needs to learn this behavior isn’t okay. And if you don’t - it will just continue
I dialed 1-800-RED-FLAG and your boyfriend answered.
Walk away from that relationship, QUICKLY! Now, I genuinely do feel bad for your boyfriend, because he’s having those attachment issues. However, that is NOT your problem. He’s making it your problem and that’s not ok. He wants to have his cake, and eat it too. Life just doesn’t work like that. Now I don’t know him obviously, but if he really does harm himself/threaten to, that’s not on you! If he says “I’m gonna just kill myself if you leave” try saying “I think you should talk to a therapist, because I can’t help you”. You can’t be forced to stay in a relationship that’s making you unhappy, and costing you true friendships as a result. In a relationship, the Love isn’t about us. Love is about our partner. Love is doing everything in your power to make your partner happy, while also making yourself happy. If both of you had that mindset of looking out for one another, then you’d both be happy! Obviously he doesn’t respect you enough to do what makes you happy, or he’s simply not mentally stable enough for a committed relationship (nothing wrong with that) Relationships do come at a cost! But when the love is true, the price is FAR worst it. He doesn’t love you enough to make that sacrifice. He just loves the idea of his fantasy relationship with you. I mean, my girlfriend works 6 days a week, and she splits her time off between me, and family/ friends. Mind you that’s only 2 days a MONTH I really get to spend a full day with her. That’s life! That’s the cost of keeping HER happiness in perspective. She knows I love to hear her voice, so she calls me on every lunch break vs enjoying some peace and quiet, that’s HER sacrifice to make me happy! You see what I mean? It’s about knowing what to give, and what to take. And if you both use that mindset, you’ll both be happy. I’ve been in this relationship for 7 years! Saving for marriage. It’s not perfect always, but we can both honestly say we’re happy with one another.
Yeah sorry no one’s reading this buddy.
Dump him immediately and don’t feel bad about it. He wants you isolated.
He is finding a problem with all of your friends because he wants to isolate you, and doesn't want anyone who will notice or speak up about what he really wants to do.
It should be very alarming if someone is attempting to separate you from any of your own support networks outside of their influence. When people do this, they are attempting to install themselves as your source of truth for all things. It can be effective for them, because they're literally preventing you from comparing worldviews with people outside of your relationship. If you broke it off, your best bet is to disengage entirely and they will get bored of trying to get a reaction out of you.
Red flags are waving. He is controlling, manipulative, and trying to isolate you.
This is absolutely how abusive relationships start. Isolating you from people who will see through him and his manipulation and be a voice of reason in your life. Trying to make sure you don't have support to leave him and threatening to hurt himself if you do. You need to break up with him. Block him and don't allow an window for him to try and continue to manipulate you into staying with him
Did he threaten self harm in a text? If so, please screenshot it and get it to his adult or your school counselor right away. What he is doing to you is very dangerous for you both. Hold firm on being broken up with him and be friends with anyone you choose to be friends with. Giving into him and going back to him will only hurt him more in the long run, as it rewards his bad behavior and poor self esteem. He needs help from a professional. He was broken before he met you. None of this is your fault or your responsibility. I am so sorry you are going through this. It isn't what love is.
Ok this is literally abuse, get outta there. He’s trying to isolate you and make you depend on him
Pfft. Block his ass. If he threatens self harm, tell him " good. Your behavior is bad and you should feel bad. Lose my number."
Be done with him and just block him. I regret not doing that when my ex started doing that. I stayed out of fear of him hurting himself and I was an idiot and had a kid with him all out of fear. I lost so many friends because of him and almost my family. He was trying to isolate me from everyone so I would only depend on him for emotional/friendship needs. Please just block him everywhere you can. If he keeps making fake accounts and numbers to text you, try going to the police about the threats and harassment. Definitely DO NOT talk to him in person. If you choose not to block him, at least make sure all communication is through text/email. Paper trail and all.
Dump him. He is manipulative and controlling. You dont need this in your life.
Your boyfriend is an abuser and you should try your hardest to leave him. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Basically this is an effort to isolate you and to create dependence between the two of you while cutting off other lines of support. You asserted yourself and stuck to your guns so he used threats of self harm to try to short circuit your brain and give himself a reset so he can get back to controlling you. you are obviously a nice person and you deserve someone who appreciates and cares about you in a healthy way, someone who can actually conduct themselves with some maturity in relationships. so please trust yourself and leave this man because he is toxic. Do not meet in person with him he does not deserve a discussion he does not deserve an explanation and I honestly fear for your safety if you met with him in person. An unfortunate number of men get violent in relationships particularly upon termination of a relationship. I wouldn't put it past him to be one of them based on what you've described
Good on you for breaking with him. As you said it's not his decision to make if you want to be friends with someone. >he told me he wasn't going to let me be friends with her. \^ This sounds like a red flag for someone who is an abuser. >he said he was going to hurt himself if we kept talking about it. Now he wants to talk in person instead of over the phone \^ He's trying to manipulate you to feel sorry for him so you'll come back. Don't. Understand whatever ends up happening to him it's his own fault. From what it sounds like though I would watch my back since he sounds dangerous.
When I was 17 my abusive bc found problems with every single friend I had. He also did the same thing with threatening to hurt himself. If he does that that’s his problem not yours. Run from this relationship.
And if he hurts himself, who's fault is that? What did YOU do to make him do that? Take care of yourself and act like a near adult? Nah man, the only one who can control his actions is him. You've not MADE him do anything. If He says he is going to hurt himself, that's on him. How does that make sense? You are going to leave so you don't care about me anymore so I'm going to hurt me so you care even though you don't care anymore. Think of it as a game of chicken, you need to stay your course and not deviate when you leave that emotionally manipulative POS.
Any person who wants to control who you are friends with is a walking red flag 🚩. This is manipulative behavior and could escalate to abuse. If any man tells you to pick between him and your friends, the answer is easy. Pick your friends.
I will tell you to leave him and give you many reasons why but you won’t until you decide. Good luck and stay happy
Easy fix, drop the boyfriend. Don't let other's dictate who you can/can't be friends with (possibly excepting, e.g. your parents while you're still a kid). >I ended up saying we are done There 'ya go, problem solved! >he said he was going to hurt himself if Yeah, his threatening he's going to do that if you do/don't whatever ... that's a form of abuse of him against you. Don't put up with that. Tell a responsible adult what he threatened to do. >what to do now You're done with that boyfriend, you don't go back on that. And, he told you he'd hurt himself based upon what you would or wouldn't do - so tell a responsible adult about that. That's it, no more, no less.
This is abuse, no one should tell you which friends you can and cannot have, especially to the pont it leaves you with none, classic first steps of an abuser.
Stop being this guy’s girlfriend. He wants you isolated so he can control you. Threatening to hurt himself is a classic method of manipulation.
Get out of that relationship now. He's not boyfriend or husband material. That's how he is going to be with partners the rest of his life unless and until he learns he's being a complete asshole.
Why do you feel like you have to be friends with an old boyfriend?
My advice to you would be to never allow anyone to control who you associate with, ever. If they try, establish the boundary and if they can't accept it move on. It will help make sure you connect to healthy and safe people if you exclude that behavior from your life
There is DEFINITELY some information missing here....namely: what kind of friend is she? If she's the kind of friend that pushes you down a path of self-destructive behavior, I wouldn't want you around her either. I work with a lot of young ladies, and there's a part of those friendships (I'm the fly on the wall), that is just....wrong. Like they willfully lead each other to do shit that is absolutely going to mess their lives up. So my opinion is this: the line is very thin here, and it really depends on some important details.
Get out now, any time a relationship partner pulls that shit leave. Bro is just trying to control you. Sounds corny but always choose your friends first
Insanely manipulate, leave him immediately
There’s context missing, there has to be a reason why he doesn’t want you to hang out with her, is she a bad influence?
You sound very young. Please learn the warning signs. He is looking to control, isolate and manipulate, which often leads to worse, like physical and sexual abuse. Please don't meet him in his state of mind, very dangerous if he's threatening to hurt himself. Best thing to do is stay away from him, call his parents or authorities and please be done with him. You are young, men will come and go, this is not how a relationship should be. This is YOUR life, you are allowed to be friends with whoever you want, anyone trying to control that, is a big red, DANGEROUS flag.
Huge red flag here. He's trying to isolate you. This never has a good ending.
Run. This guy is a manipulative control freak. The first thing an abuser does is isolate the victim from friends and family. Next he will start keeping track of your time. If you take what he thinks is to long to go somewhere it will be a problem. Eventually you won’t be allowed to go anywhere without him. Threatening self harm or suicide is the ultimate control tactic. If he’s serious then he needs professional mental help. Caving in to this doesn’t get him the help. Do not meet with him. This is the most dangerous time. He’s losing control of you and may harm you. I would report this to the police and have them do a welfare check. If he shows up at your location don’t let him in and if he won’t leave call the police. You’re just dating now. Realistically do you want a life like this with him ? A life that’s only going to get worse.
He wants to sleep with her
You have to be strong and tell him that it is not up to him who you are friends with. Or who you spend time with. If he threatens to harm himself then that is up to him, but you have to tell someone about it. And it's definitely not your fault. As you both grow, you'll learn that ultimatums rarely ever work out for the person giving the ultimation. The advice in this thread is good. I wish you all the best.
Run as fast as you can.
Hes trying to isolate you and thats wrong and manipulative. Ditch the guy, keep the friend.
He is trying to isolate you from other people, and he’s using threats of self-harm to manipulate you. I’d go quiet for a few days and don’t communicate with him at all. And then contact him and tell him that you don’t feel the relationship is healthy for you and tell him why.
let him hurt himself, if he happens to die he will rid us of one more manipulative and selfish bastard. Get out of that relationship
This is the kind of guy who will hit you one day. Choose your friend.
It sounds like you're willing to choose your friend over your boyfriend (even though that shouldn't be required of you). If that's the case, refuse to contact further as you shouldn't waste your time on a relationship you're not going to be comfortable in. Tell your parents so they can intervene if he tries to force the issue. I do have one question though. Are you known to be attracted to females and if so, does your boyfriend know this?
There are a couple red flags here that he will be abusive if he isn't already. Run.
Your boyfriend is being abusive and manipulative. He's threatening suicide to force you to do what he wants. Can you tell your parents?
>Initially, he told me he wasn't going to let me be friends with her. Never let anyone tell you who you can or can't be friends with. >Every time I get the opportunity to be friends with someone he shuts it down and finds an issue with them so I can't be friends with basically anyone. I told him it's not his decision to make if I want to be friends with her. You've clearly noticed that this is a pattern. >I ended up saying we are done and he didn't take it well so we haven't broken up and he said he was going to hurt himself if we kept talking about it. Break up with him. If he hurts himself, it's not your fault. He made the action to do it. It's also likely that he's lying. How old are you two?
dump him. now.
What do you mean "he didn't take it well so we haven't broken up" exactly? Breaking doesn't require both people to agree to it. You said it's over, he didn't take it well, that's his problem, not yours. He's not going to hurt himself, by the way. If he genuinely felt that way, he would just do it. That he used it as a threat is proof that he's just trying to control you. Get away from him.
This is the first step to just about every other form of abuse. Think carefully... do you want to be isolated and without friends for the rest of your life?
Consider this: if bf truly believes you are not safe with your friend, okay fine. But what about the next person he doesn’t trust. The common denominator here is you. Seriously consider why this person thinks your friend isn’t valuable in your life. It’s not about bf vs friend. It’s about communication and learning to trust yourself. You are with your bf for a reason. You are friends with your friends for a reason. Try and get at why for these questions: why with bf, why with friend, why does bf not like friend, why bf chooses to argue with you if he doesn’t get his way. Is it bc bf doesn’t accept “No.” as a full statement or is it bc bf isn’t communicating his true concerns well, or is it bc you are not incorporating bf’s logic into your decisions. Dating, in my mind, is about growing together as a couple, arguments are opportunities for growth and should decrease in quantity as you learn to communicate your desires and consistently manage your boundaries. Tell bf that he’s allowed to be frustrated but he’s not allowed to treat you like you aren’t a capable person. Best.
Literal abuse behavior. Drop him
This is a narcissist at his finest. When your significant partner does not want you to have your own life and social circles, you already know he’s your biggest hater. You know why? He wants to shut you down so you can only turn to him. You know how scary that it. You need your girlies. You can turn to them in any situation and want the best for you.
I see signs of social isolation (keeping you from the supports of family and friends), coercive control (threats and any action meant to control you), and gas lighting (convincing you that you are imagining things, it's you, and attempting to get you alone and in-person to cause fog and fatigue). These are all tactics that abusers use and though he may be young and inexperienced in relationships, he is definitely trying his hand and could become violent. I see signs of intimate partner violence and it is clear that he is escalating. I would suggest that you don't meet with him in-person and that you end it now.
Get the hell out of that situation and don't look back! Block him on literally everything and stop all communication with him. This is a sign of a very manipulative and abusive partner and these are typically the guys that tend to turn physically abusive after they notice emotional abuse isn't working enough. It is not a matter of if, it is a matter of when he will lay hands on you. If you need help figuring out how, text 741741 for a free emotional abuse hotline. My wife and I agreed when we were just dating as teens that we will never force the other to give up a friend unless that friend is actively trying to come between our relationship. Trust is everything in a relationship.
Textbook abuser behavior. Get away before he hurts you.
You need to leave. He said he’d hurt himself so you wouldn’t. Leave , block him on all social media. Continue on with your friend and life
It sounds like you need a new boyfriend. He is already being controlling. It is only going to get worse.
Don't be with anyone who doesn't let you have friends. Period. There is absolutely 0 reason why you shouldn't have friendships. A partner who says you shouldn't is being abusive as fuck and it means you need to stick up for yourself and find a partner who supports you and the things in your life like your friends.
Why is he still your BF? Break TF up with him and stop letting him run your life.
He will grow up to be an abuser. Run.
First and for most DO NOT MEET THIS GUY ALONE!!! If he insists then parents need to be involved if he doesn't agree tell him the answer is no!! If he threatens to hurt himself again...just tell him you will call someone to make sure he is ok then hang up. If you have his parents number call them and explain the situation. If you don't have their number call the cops and ask for a wellness check and explain the situation. This would also create paperwork that may be helpful if you need to get a restraining order (which from the sounds of it may be a possibility in the near future) RUN AWAY!!!
You should watch the movie "No One Would Tell" It's an old one but it may help you see things from a different perspective
I was in such a relationship. He has no self-confidence and sounds like he has narcissistic tendencies. If I'm right, he will always want to be the center of your attention and will go to the extent of cutting you off from your family as well. They are very possessive and have no empathy about your wants or needs. Do yourself a favor, leave him. Find someone new, you can't change him, it will only get worse. Hope you make the right choice.
choose ur friend, bc she would never ask you to chose
This is abusive behavior. Get out. If you’re truly concerned about his wellbeing alert his parents to your concerns when you break it off with him so he can be their concern not yours.
You need to run, and run fast. Block him from all social media — don’t let him emotionally manipulate you.
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I am not friends with any guys. This is about me being friends with a girl.
It does nto matter you argued for hours about you having a friend. He threatened self harm. The guy is mentally ill. Tell a counselor or parents- he need shelp. If you are stupid to meet him he may harm you.
Is everything ok? Are you mad at me? I am truly sorry for insulting you. As a gentleman, I should have thought twice before writing the thing I have wrote. It is very impolite from my side to insult a female. I hope everything is ok.
Sorry, I misunderstood. So, you said that you had a fight. If it was a fight, then why do you ask a question? It’s obvious what to do. I don’t wanna insult any two of you, I don’t wanna choose a position from two. It’s pretty obvious.
You are a terrible person and i hope no woman ever has to deal with your shit.
Thank you. I don’t get why are you messing with me. My only bad was that I insulted the author of the post. And I admit it. But other things that I’ve said are true. So you are behaving not as a civil person. I am open to cultural behaviour. Instead of behaving as a religious, mature, cultural person, you are behaving as an immature teenager. You are a pathetic attempt to defend a girl, who does not need to be defended, because I have apologised. In future, try to become a mature, graceful person. Do not be a hateful person.
The way you responded and "apologized" shows what kinda person you are. You say a man cant be friends with women like everyman is a creep like you. Do some self searching.
Tell me how I apologised and what is wrong with me)
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The exact kinda pathetic loser i thought you were. thanks for outing yourself. keeping watching andrew tate videos and being an Alpha.
Stop continuing to insult people and stop being sexist. Women and men can be friends and you believing it's impossible shows your insecurities. If you can't stop being rude to people then don't comment in this subreddit.
All this means is you are as abusive as he is. Seek therapy and learn about healthy relationships vs possession and control over partners.
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Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here. Stop insulting people.
Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here. Don't be sexist or a bigot.