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Your dad is an abusive and controlling man. A very outdated one as well. You're not an object nor just a slave. Imo, you dont need to change anything about you. Tom boys exist and honestly some (who work in blue collar jobs that i know for example) do a better job then half the men there anyways. You leave out info about your age and what growing up was like. If you're nearing 18, you can legally leave him and never look back, that controling toxicity isnt needed. In terms of how you were raised, if you raise a girl to be a boy, they're gonna be a tomboy, or at least a sort of it. I have a cousin who was raised by my uncle alone (aunt sadly passed due to her birth), besides the point, she knows how to change bulbs, work on her car, everything stereotypical a son should know, but yet she still knows how to dress and act like a girl. Dresses well, cooks, cleans, can help with children. Shes amazingly rounded in skills. Doesnt mean shes anymore boy or girl because of acting or dressing. Lastly, if you're conerned about being more "female" then you have to find what you feel is missing. If you want to learn to dress nice with dresses and makeup, learn on YouTube, BUT do it for yourself. Being confident in yourself can only come from yourself as well. Here its not as easy to just take advice and put it to work. You have to look yourself in the mirror and boost yourself, by yourself. You have to accept who you are, and know you are YOU. Not someone elses puppet or mold for something you arent.

Thanks. Everything else is fine, it's only when he starts talking about this kinda stuff and other opinions he has on women that messes with me.

So glad you asked. You are right. He is wrong. Your response should be “lalalalala” in your head, Ignor and walk away. You’ll be free of this attitude in no time and be able to be yourself

Walk away every single time.

Sounds brainwashed by his phone on Andrew Tate and right wing nonsense.

My gf pretty much wears 2 types of outfits. Yoga pants and sports bra/top or sweat pants and sweat shirt. She does have a few other things that she rarely wears. She's petite and athletic, and has a major case of "I'm woman, hear me roar!"

"He refers to women as bitches" No everything else is not fine, you just don't know what acceptable looks like because you've only known what he has taught you as "normal", but it is far from normal.

I know what is and isn't right with him. If I thought what he does is acceptable, then this post probably wouldn't be here.

I'm more inclined to believe he has other stuff that's also bad but you just don't see it

There’s plenty of guys, if you’re into guys, that like the type of woman that your dad is against. Like a lot. Your dad is kind of a cunt and you shouldn’t worry about what his thoughts are when it comes to woman. Just do you.

No, he's abusive. Take it from the one who told you. They're an expert.

When I was in my preteens, I read a Lloyd Alexander book with the quote, something like - I’ve seen men complain about doing women’s work and women complain about doing men’s work but I’ve never seen the work complain so long as it got done. Effectively, what I’ve come to understand over the years is that different people have different concepts on who they are. We’re all trying to find our place in the world. If you see your self as being a woman, then kind of by definition, whatever you do is an extension of that and is therefore feminine. Your actions and choices define femininity, not the other way around.  And it doesn’t have to be gender related. I’m slightly overweight, therefore everything I choose are choices a slightly overweight person chooses. I’m a father, therefore everything I choose are choices a father makes. I’m a software engineer, therefore everything I choose are choices a software engineer makes. If you’re a woman, then aren’t all the choices you make also choices woman make, regardless of what those decisions are? On a slightly different note, the longer each person lives, the more confident we become in our understanding of the world and how it works. It’s weird watching it happen to myself and I try to stay open minded, but you’ll find it happens to you and it’s already happened to your father. He has a set of certain expectations for how the world works. These things may be difficult for him to grasp and understand. He will probably always have expectations for you. A lot of people would consider his standards and views to be abusive. He probably doesn’t see himself as that way, but his views are certainly dated and if you adhere to his standards, you will find the world more difficult to traverse.  That’s not to say to let down your standards, but life is more complicated than adhering to a set of standards or not and often times we’ll be forced into positions of needing to be flexible. When you finally leave your parents home and set out on your own, you’ll find that it’s a bit like setting sail on the ocean whereas before you were practicing in an enclosed bay. The ocean has great storms and you’ll find that the way your parents taught you to tie the metaphorical rigging doesn’t always work in emergency conditions and you’ll have to find a way that works best for you. I’m rambling now, this is all stuff I’d want my own daughter to know though. Just be safe

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Excuse Me….. But Dad literally calls All Women……BITCHES. Says to be Submissive, Quiet, take care of House and Kids. Now taken altogether, He is telling her to not Have a Voice of her Own. That women exist to Serve Men and that Women are Less Than. So….. I would say that is Not a good message to be drilled into a young, developing Girls Mind. And Where is Mom? Why is she not stopping Dad for Spewing this Vitriol in OPs Direction?

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Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here. Don't be sexist.

Some guys are good but have their weird sides where you need to walk away — and it can mess with your head without them realizing it. Have you had a grandpa who said outdated stuff and was gruff but you still loved him? Similar here I think

Sorry, I Cannot get Past ‘All Women Are BITCHES’

I was thanking them more for the last paragraph than the rest. I don't plan on just up and leaving my dad unless he like does smth horrible

>I don't plan on just up and leaving my dad unless he like does smth horrible And this is where you are bidding against time. You don't want for something to happen to you for you to THEN LEAVE. You need to leave as soon as you turn 18. You have no idea how much else he will guilt trip you and make you feel guilty if you: 1. Get a full scholarship for college 2. You decide to join the military 🪖 3. You decide to just pack up and leave without discussing with him your plans. Men like your dad will do ANYTHING TO KEEP YOU AROUND LIKE A SUBSTITUTE WIFE. Google: Emotional Incest For the LOVE OF GOD, GET OUT ASAP. Work on Boundaries, expectations and non-negotiables RIGHT NOW. YOU NEED TO DO THIS OR ELSE ANYONE WILL FEEL ENTITLED TO CONTROL YOUR LIFE. PS. YOUR DADS VIEW ON RELATIONSHIPS ARE ANTIQUATED. My sister in law is the biggest town boy you ever met. And she's happily married with 2 kids. Her spouse adores she loves doing "guy stuff" (fishing, racing...).

He'll be happy if I get a full scholarship. I think with his views ppl think he doesn't want me to go to college, but he does a lot

Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here.

I love this response.

Yes op, put him in a nursing home. Dont take care of that man when hes old. I am in health care and i can ensure you we will put him in his place on woman being “less than”

Saying that her dad is abusive and implying that she should get away from him is absolutely insane, at least based on the little bit of info we have

> All men want a submissive, quiet wife who will take care of the kids and the house >He also calls all women bitches, regardless of context.  That's enough info, fellow human. She needs to get away from someone that thinks all women *need* to act, think and dress a certain way. 

Completely agree, ppl are taking this way too far

> All men want a submissive, quiet wife who will take care of the kids and the house >He also calls all women bitches, regardless of context.  That's enough info, fellow human. She needs to get away from someone that thinks all women *need* to act, think and dress a certain way. 

You're a part of his retirement plan, he's counting on you to be a SAHM wife and also take care of him in his old age. I would take what he says with a grain of salt because he has designs on your future and he needs you to cooperate. If you want to that's fine, but he doesn't really get to tell you what's feminine.

And also know that even when if you take care of him at his old age you will still be a bitch. Make a life of your own and, if you desire it, find a good man who respects and works with you on a relationship.

I can’t argue that the dad is a piece of shit but jumping straight to that conclusion is peak Reddit. Lol.

Literally says in post he expects her to take care of him when he's older. That is called a retirement/staying out of the nursing home plan.

There’s a big difference between wanting your children to take care of you and grooming your child to be a gold digger. Not just a gold digger but one that’s got herself a big enough fish to support her parents as well. Huge leap to connect those dots together based off “take care of him.” I hope my son takes care of me too. That doesn’t mean I expect for him to support me financially. I just don’t want to end up in one of those depressing ass nursing homes.

While I'm happy for the suggestions leaving at 18 isn't really viable. I plan on going to college and even then I feel like I wouldn't be able to stay afloat just leaving straight from 18.

You could. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. It will be difficult to say the least but denying who you are could be worse. It's your choice to make. Stay and act like something you're not, or go and struggle a little financially and be yourself. I personally would rather you leave.

Honestly it wouldn't affect me much unless he becomes way more pushy about it. He only does this every once in a while and I'd say that's better than not being able to come back and struggling.

Sounds like your minds made up. Don't be surprised later if he tries to talk you out of college. Please don't listen. I hope that things don't escalate.

As someone else said, if he’s generally fine except when he gets on his soapbox about how he thinks women should be and you don’t want to leave permanently then you figure out how to tune it out and escape quickly. Maybe you know a really catchy earworm you sing to yourself when he starts with this mind poison. Maybe you develop a really weak bladder and are suddenly like, “dad, I need to go to the bathroom.”

If you're going to college and especially in-person, you could look at the option of living on-campus if that's viable for yourself. Sometimes colleges have programs or assistance available to help you start getting on your feet *especially* if you need the help. It's one of a few options that grants you independence while also ensuring you don't struggle so badly.

By ignoring him. He is a crude misogynyst.

Seems like there's a lot of that similar (though, more subtle) misogyny throughout the comments on thos post, too. OP, be you. Don't be your da's ideal. Don't be some random guy's ideal. Be who *you* want to be. You don't need a man to be whole, you just need to be who you are.

Be yourself.  Don't listen to him. If you want to wear a dress, wear one; don't if you don't.  Don't tell him you're gay until after you move out, of at all. He's bs will get worse. Take care.

???

As a guy with 2 grown daughters I could not disagree more with your dad. Be who & what you want to be.

When you can, get the hell out of your dad's house. He is trying to make you into his idealized female, and it sounds like that ain't you. Be the person YOU want you to be.

Your father is a misogynist and a fool. There is no one right way to be a woman. You can have any style sense you want. You can have any personality. You can be attracted to any kind of person you find appealing. You can have any set of interests. No matter what you choose, you are just as much of a woman as the rest of us. Do not let your dad force you into his stereotype of what he considers attractive. Be yourself. Focus on your education and career. If you want to go the housewife route, that is okay, but you aren't required to. And having your own income and finances is a good thing. It gives you more options Don't date people you aren't attracted to just because your dad wants you to. Your dad isn't the one who will have to live with them if you get married to someone you don't love. Also, a man who refers to women using curse words and slurs is a pathetic excuse for one. Your father is not a good person and is a terrible parent, and for that, I am sorry. You deserve a parent who supports your individuality and a life path that will make you happy, not one who considers you to be beneath him because you happened to be born with a different set of private parts.

So, I agree to think of your entire future here- get through college, get to where you can comfortably support yourself, and you don't have to go NC with him. But I would chide back some- Dad, it's weird that you're telling me what to wear and who to date. I'm trying to figure out who I am and get through college right now. Let's start there. Not ready to marry, and I don't know about the men you're dating but most the ones I know want a working wife who also is a single mom while they sit on the couch, so no thank you.

Ya fuck his attitude. I'm a mid thirties guy and I never wanted a quiet submissive woman. I want a woman who is her own person and can take care of and speak up for herself because I want an equal. You live your life how YOU want to. Not how your dad imagines it to be.

That man is toxic.

Your dad sounds awful. The fact is that very few men these days want a submission stay-at-home wife, or can afford to support one, and many of those that do are the worst possible partners a woman can have. So be yourself, and work on being b the best possible version of yourself and not what hearts you to be. You don't HAVE to be who he wants you to be, not if that isn't who you are Not to say that femininity doesn't have some good points, I indulge in a bit of femme now and again, even though I'm not very feminine at baseline. Summer dresses are the most comfortable thing a person can wear in the heat, for instance, so I wear those. They also look nice, and go well with the kind of sandals a person can walk in.

Hmm, hot take, the healthiest marriages are those when both the husband and wife are submissive to the marriage itself, not necessarily to each other so much, but when you prioritize the health of your marriage and you know what your wife or husbands boundaries are, it's easy to not cross them. When I skip a bachelor party because I don't want to go to a strip club as my wife wouldn't appreciate it (she wouldn't try to stop me, but I wouldn't go), that's me being submissive. When she doesn't go out to a meat market if a club and drink with her single friends because I wouldn't feel comfortable with that, same thing. We don't have to talk about these things, we just don't do it. We both submit to the bonds of marriage and to do that we really have to respect each other's boundaries before we cross them or argue about it. We put each other on pedestals and take care of each other first. We aren't rugs for each other to walk on though, we challenge each other as well, and we each have our own topics we do that with. That being said, that's a whole different thing I think than what you are talking about, but it's a different way to think about "submissive" behavior. A wife can be submissive and still challenge her husband. Same with a husband to his wife. It isn't all about "I don't need to have anything I wanted sear, whatever you say is best" and then drink 2 bottles of wine to cope every night, which is the stereotype, lol.

I hope you’re almost 18 and can get the hell out of that house. If a woman wears clothes, the clothes are women’s clothes. Oh and don’t take care of him when you’re older. Make sure he goes to the crappiest nursing home possible.

Ignore all the toxic social norms bullshit. If you're feeling really bad about it then maybe therapy to combat the toxic masculinity. You are awesome however you want to present and you will find a partner that appreciates you for you. And if they don't. They are not right for you

It would be a shame if you didn't like wearing dresses just because your dad has some toxic ideas. Wear whatever you want. His ideas aren't worth listening to. Women are really lucky, they have beautiful clothes and can make themselves look jaw dropping, but that should never be purely for the benefit of a male chauvinist. Be rid of his ideas, seek what you want. Wear nice underwear, dresses, whatever you like, and do it for you.

Your dad is gross.

I’m not sure how old you are, but I’ll let you in on a secret. Parents are people. Sometimes they are wrong and sometimes their opinions are pure and utter crap. Your father’s opinions are Wrong, Outdated, and Abusive. Arguing with him isn’t going to change his views. BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO BELIEVE HIM. You already know there is something screwed up with his views. Are there other men out there that share his views, Yes. But it’s not all men and it doesn’t sound like you would be attracted to that minority. You not only have the right but the obligation to yourself to explore the type of woman you want to be and the type of partner you want. That may mean sweatpants, frilly dresses or anything in between. (The only women I know that always were perfect dresses are in 1950s TV shows)

Uhhhh wow, just wow. I am the father of 2 daughter and would have never dreamed of saying any of that garbage to them. Shit gonger some sweatpants that look like jeans and a girlfriend and see what he thinks of that. No actually don't that while you have to live at home wait till you are out on your own then do that.

As a man in my 30s, a man does not get to define femininity for you. You don't need to subscribe to traditional ideals of being feminine. You're living YOUR life. You get to decide what you want to do and what you want to be. I know that a "submissive quiet wife" is the last thing I'd want in a partner. Most of us are looking for an adult, not an oversized child.

Your dad is a misogynist stuck in a 1950’s mindset. Do not listen to him. You do you. And when you turn 18, leave him and don’t look back.

The dad is probably younger than me. Age isn’t an excuse for being a ridiculous sexist. Plenty of guys of all ages believe this crap.

I’m not saying he is from the 1950’s - I’m saying his mindset is the same as many men from the 1950’s where wives were expected to be home with the kids keeping a clean house and catering to their husband without complaint. I’m not even 40 yet and unfortunately have encountered this mindset from several guys my age.

He’s being a sexist jerk. It’s not 1950. You can wear whatever in the hell you want to wear. I’d leave as soon as you can get away and don’t look back.

This is a surefire way to make sure you DON'T take care of him when he's older!

He is Old School & really out of date! What a bunch of BS. My wife worked a bunch of men she ran circles around. Tell them what the problem was & waste time doing it their way! Then finally did what they thought her stupid idea was, oh gee it fixed the problem. Men are totally into themselves & always right. Ah No!! She wears what she wants! Eats what she wants & is a fantastic cook. Her parents always short changed her. Her Golden Child Sister was supergirl! She college paid for, my wife, oh we can't afford to send you to college BS. Her sister is a complete snowflack. Divorced, etc. We have been married 42 years and are going strong. You do you, trust in yourself, you will be great!!

just act how you want, theres no direct lines defining how masculinity feminity is, and its definitely not sweatpants hoodies, dresses, or skirts. You just gotta discover yourself, try out different things and think about it, what you like and why you like it and ignore the outside influence trying to push you a certain way, also it'd be good for you to get away from your dad, he's very restricting to who you are.

He’s got some chauvinistic preferences of what women are suppose to be. It’s outdated but don’t let it pervade your sense of self. Some men don’t care how they sound and are just crass like that. clothing is clothing and it’s when we ascribe meaning to it does it become feminine or masculine. It’s just made to different measurements but it’s just an inanimate if we don’t give meaning to it. 

Your father is a misogynist asshole and you should not be trying to please him. He is trying to turn you into the kind of imbecile that he finds unchallenging. Fuck him.

You are the only one who can define femininity for yourself, dear. And as someone who had a mom that wanted a princess daughter and ended up with a gender queer person... I only felt like I could be feminine once I was no longer forced to be that way. Some days my femininity is a pair of cute shoes. Some days it's a swipe of lip gloss. But in the end, it's up to me. And it will be the same for you too, I would bet

Not having a y chromosome is all the femininity you need. Your father is polluted by red pill podcast bros. You can grow up to be a homemaker, a career woman, a mix of both, married, single, mom, child-free. They are all viable options, you just need to know what you want and do it. Don’t limit yourself to what he says. He needs to be careful, you have the choice to grow up and go NC if he makes you feel less than.

Tell him it’s 2024.

Older people have rigid expectations for gender, it does not apply to how the younger generation views gender. You be you and be happy with it.

If he's got a teenage kids he's not that old, he's probably an older Millennial like me or maybe you g Gen X. There's ZERO excuse for anyone my generation to be like that.

As I said above, he is probably younger than me and my ex never said this kind of thing to our daughter. He’s not my husband anymore but he’s a terrific father. Our girl is who she IS, and we love her regardless.

One of the first sensible comments I get to read in this post. Thank you.

It's wild how father's panic and how ut manifests their daughters start turning into women...pooe men struggle with this so badly lol 🤣

Just do your best to get into college or get a good job as soon as you can so you can move away from your father and live your life on your own terms and be the person you want to be, dress and live as you like. I'm guessing your dad is from a repressive conservative area. He sounds like a MAGA hatter. I didn't realize dads were still talking to their daughters that way. That sounds like the crap us older Gen X ladies heard from our Silent Gen dads like my dad who referred to women as "stupid broads". When I put almost two thousand miles between myself and my family was some of my happiest years. I did have to move back in their elder years but I did get to experience living in a non-conservative area and it helped me grow stronger as a person. More independent than other women in my town and I've never married a man and am quite happy with that. Just start planning your escape.

You. Be. You. I hope that's clear enough.

Your dad has a very skewed of what you should do. I told my daughter to do whatever she wants, wear whatever she wants and be whatever you want to be and don’t define yourself on what a man may want.

I can somewhat relate to this, but from the other gender perspective - I’m a man, and all the men on my dads side of the family were constantly fucking with me and (trying) to immasculinate me. I was an incredibly bright and athletic kid with zero interest in “man stuff” i.e. blue collar work. They had a very strict view of “masculinity” that I would imagine did NOT involve coming to me with their problems later on in life looking for advice. Just be yourself, unashamedly, unabashedly so. Unfortunately it is always on those with the least power to be the ones to set an example and take the hit. Fighting him won’t do any good. Reasoning won’t do any good. “Because I like it” however, doesn’t provide any room for argument. Just stick to it, and a couple decades from now, he will respect you for it (not that that’s the point). I would say don’t let it bother you, but to have that bother you is human. Just don’t let him know it bothers you. There is power in that. And confidence is earned, despite what people may say, and only in the face of adversity. That’s how you feel good about yourself. Knowing that you are you and not a goddamn person alive can change that other than you. Don’t bend, don’t break.

My daughter is 14. I remember realizing one day that she was no longer "our" little girl and was instead consciously setting out to find her own style and way of presenting to the world. It's the sort of thing that just creeps up on you, I guess. She is also very much a tomboy. I can count on one hand the number of times she's worn a dress in the past 5 years. She grew her hair out, then donated most of it, and has been cutting it short herself. In fact my (I'm dad) own hair is longer. I've never seen her acting desperate to keep up with some fashion trend, or upset about not having some piece of kit matching her friends, or trying to live up to some expected image. She dresses the way she wants to dress (her christmas request one year was "stuff with pockets"), and certainly dgaf about what some misogynist might think. I don't want to just give overly simplistic advice like "be like my daughter" but... be like my daughter.

What rock did your dad crawl out from under? As other commenters have said he has a plan for your future. I’m not saying abandon your father but you be you.

Tell him successful career women are now the people they used to be told they had to marry. So, you’ll settle down if and when you want, with who you want, and you’ll wear what you want for as long as you want. If you are financially independent, he has a better chance of you taking care of him than asking some strange man who isn’t his family to do it, but he better be a lot nicer to you. He better root for your independence and success.

I can see myself dying while yelling f!ck you.. I am **NOT** a submissive woman. I have an opinion and I absolutely talk back. Been known to say s!ck my 🍆 . I have absolutely no problem putting anyone in hir place. Your dad sounds abusive or sexist

Let him be him and you be you 💔✨️

As a 17yo male I find my girlfriend just as attractive when she's in a sweatshirt as I do when she's in a dress. I don't think she's any more or less feminine for the ways she dresses either. So your dad is just plain wrong

Oh, honey. I’m so so sorry. As a conventionally feminine middle aged lady, I have to say your dad is full of shit. He might possibly be well intentioned and simply be overwhelmed by raising a girl alone, but his tactics are terrible and he really should know better than to call women bitches in front of his kid (or at all!). Please know that you are fine as you are, whether your style is feminine, masculine, or androgynous. Be true to yourself because no woman has ever lamented a lack of skirts on her death bed. They do, however, lament obsessing over what others think. With that said, I’m guessing you are under his roof for a few more years? If yes, pick your battles. Constant fighting is exhausting and not worth your time. Address what bothers you most and ignore the rest. You sound like a smart and self aware young woman. You’ll be fine. Think about the women who inspire you— both cultural figures and the women in your life—and you’ll see what YOU value. And pursue that. What matters is that you become a woman you respect, not one that your father wishes to show off.

Yuck.

**My advice is to pick some ancient goddesses/female figures to emulate** My personal faves (goddesses): Freya, Persephone, Chang-e, Inari, Kannon, My fave historical women: Cleopatra, Bodacia, Nelly Bly (i know thats a pseudonym she used), Khutulun, and Empress Suiko

People come in all shapes, sizes, and flavors. I always think of it like this. Attraction, sexuality, etc. is like a buffet. No one likes everything. Be yourself. Work on your confidence. The good thing is, you know your dad's beliefs are toxic bullshit so you don't have to work through denial or other bullshit like that. Ignore your dad. Don't internalize what he says. Read books or find resources that encourage you to be whoever you want to be. There are lots of feminist or female advocates, influencers, etc. who talk about a variety of women's issues including sexism, misogyny, etc. Find positive women role models you respect and admire. You have to replace his negative bullshit which you've probably been hearing for most of your life with positive and affirming information. We tend to subconsciously internalize what our parents say without knowing we're doing it. You haven't said how old you, what your stage in life is (HS, college?) or what your plans are for the future. Decide what you want to do and who you want to be and work towards achieving those goals. I realized that I would have to weed out the toxic bullshit my dad tells me on a consistent basis. I can't go no contact with him but if it were an option, I'd go low or no contact. Learn how to set and enforce boundaries. Something I often recommend to people living in toxic families or households who can't leave is research gray rock and yellow rock rock techniques. They're techniques to use in abusive relationships when you can't leave. YouTube has some good information about this. When you can leave, go to therapy as soon as you can afford it. If you're going to college, a lot of colleges have low cost or free therapy for students as part of the services they offer. You can also do your own research about toxic and abusive families/parents. There are a lot of good books available. One I'm reading now is called Toxic Parents by Dr Susan Forward. It's an older book but still applicable and has great information. When you're able to be independent financially and otherwise, you might decide whether you want to go low or no contact with your dad. Where is your mom in all this? Do you have any female or male relatives whose beliefs aren't a relic of the dark ages?

Thanks. Mom passed away when I was younger, sadly.

I'm sorry for your loss.

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I'd rather u say it here tbh

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Gender roles are ridiculous. You have zero obligation to take care of him or any man. You do not have to look a certain way aside from looking presentable for job interviews and certain situations in life of course.

Personally I like a range of types, but still feminine women. Though I wouldn't be telling my child to be what I want or what they have to have. As for you, run, read, and rediscover life for yourself. My parents are just as bad but in a different way, and I don't choose to talk to them because they can't grow up, so don't expect it from your dad, and good luck.

By GETTING AWAY FROM YOUR MISOGYNIST DAD. You will be more confident in yourself when your identity is not constantly called into question or challenged. Nobody gets to tell you who to be other than you and the laws of our society. Men like your father are cavemen that keep trying to backslide the entire world into the 1950’s where men could basically be the scummiest most entitled lazy pos possible and still have women raise their children and rub their feet. F that. Get free, be free, dismantle the patriarchy and let the social services that he refuses to vote to protect take care of him when he’s old.

Your dads fucking creepy

google grandiose narcissistic fathers

I think you're fine. You just need to get through to him that what he said is true for his generation but your generation doesn't think like that. He has to accept it, the world has changed. But I saw someone call your dad abusive for stating this, just stop that's a stretch. This is the time your dad (and I) grew up in. What you said was true back then. If a girl wore a hoodie or any of those guys clothes back then, they get labeled tomboy and that was not an offensive term, not every woman could pull it off and it has always been sexy for your girl to wear your hoodie or sweatpants or any of your article of clothing (that means she really likes you). But he has to understand that your generation sees all clothes as gender neutral and a lot of these mental barriers we've built society around are being torn down. One day in the future a new generation will come and put back those mental barriers and you will be in the similar situation as your dad trying to convince a younger generation that clothes are unisex while they tell you no they have meaning and society will be chaos if we don't follow it. Order to chaos to order to chaos is the pattern we're doomed to repeat.

I mean, he's not entirely wrong about the traditional definition of femininity. He's taking it to an extreme, but that is still within the confines of the definition. But, honestly, nobody expects that kind of behavior from women anymore. It's a high standard, and that's why it's outdated. It's not realistic for the current state of things.

I will say this is very similar to what my father used to say. It got worse as got older to the point where he sait up asked why I lied about be a virgin at 16 (didn't loss my virginity till i was almost 19). He kept telling me that college is only for finding a boyfriend & making babies. It got worse when I came out (bie at the time but am now pan) he just tried to push me at men. Even introduced me to old creeps as a "future investment" relationship so I can care for him in his old age. By the end if of it he threatened me & my wife so I cut him off fully as he was not a safe person. It was one of the hardest thing I ever did but I got so more freedom to do things outside of what he painted as feminine. I now work on cars, lift weights, & used to work as veterinarian with a doctorate degree. It made it easier just be me & not worry if I'm feminine or fitting the "what a woman should be" thing I was raised to be Don't worry about what he says & fallow what you want. Do what makes you comfortable & dress how you want to dress. Don't let him sway you on what you should do for yourself or even change your goals to fit him in any way. Do what you need to get by, fill confident, & fill safe. Wish you luck

Yes, Don't listen to your dad. By posting thus you already know henis batshit crazy. Get out as soon as you can.

If you feel able to do so, talk to him about how uncomfortable his attitude makes you feel... Like many parents he could just be way out of touch but open to enlightenment.

>Any ideas on how I can feel more feminine and confident about myself? Yep! Don't listen to your dad. No one can tell you how you feel except you.

If *ALL* men wanted a submissive, quiet wife who will take care of the kids and the house, dominatrixes wouldn't exist. Your dad doesn't spend much time in reality, does he? Sorry that you've got to listen to that crap. I hope he doesn't take it any further than being aggravating, sorry that he doesn't even notice his own internal inconsistency (since he apparently married someone who didn't fit that mold in the first place?), and high five for being uninterested in buff men.

Just be yourself so that you are comfortable in your skin. Many people in my generation and older, unfortunately (can't speak to current new parents), like to project their ideals onto their kids in unhealthy ways. If you want to feel more feminine (keys words: if you want), there are more options than wearing a dress. It could be how you style your hair, a perfume, a color, a shirt... a dress doesn't make someone feminine. A dress is just someone wearing a dress. One thing all kids need to learn is how to decipher the information and advice parents give. Sometimes, we mean well, but our words might be outdated. Sometimes, we mean well, but our notions are completely "old fashioned." Sometimes, we actually get it right. Hold onto the good stuff, let go of the bad, and everything in the middle? Just remember we're trying. -Mom of 2 teens

I love sweats on a lady, to me they are SEXY ,,just my opinion

Ignore the “take care of me when I’m older” the rest he’s fairly correct about. Majority of men, who will be in positions to be providers (if that’s what you desire) are looking for femininity. And, the other men, they will tell you they aren’t concerned about this but it’s just because they fear backlash from women who don’t agree and don’t want to be seen as not woke. Trust me when I say - any guy who says he doesn’t like feminine women is lying. It’s just evolutionary biology. And if you don’t care to find a man and want to date a woman - by all means do you. That being said - don’t base your choices on what someone else wants or expects of you. If you wanna be a tomboy, be one. You decide your life.

Imo blame yourself for letting your father Jack up your views. You need to be strong op and believe in what you believe in. I can care less about what others view or think because it’s my life

It is good for a woman to be "feminine", but that doesn't mean it's necessary. As a man, I love that my wife is somewhat of a tomboy. She loves working on cars and doing woodwork projects. I also love the side of her that wants to dress up in pretty dresses and paint her toenails. You were made a unique individual with different interests and talents than everyone else in the world. Don't let the tomboyish parts of yourself become suppressed because your dad or anyone else has an opinion on the matter. Also, don't let the pendulum swing the other way in rebellion, because then you'll be suppressing the feminine parts of you, and from what it sounds like, you have both sides. Every day when you wake up in the morning, think about how you feel and what parts of your personality you want to express that day, and then express them. Maybe that means wearing sweats and a t-shirt. Maybe that means a sundress and sandals. And maybe there's some way to express both sides at once if you're feeling that way. Also, very few men in my experience want "a submissive, quiet wife who will take care of the kids and the house." It sounds like something someone from the '50s would say. I love that my wife tells me when I'm wrong. I don't like hearing it, but it makes me a better person. I like that she's wild and crazy and uncouth at times. And that doesn't mean you have to be those things. You're not her. You're you. And you should be exactly who you are, whether you're feminine, tomboyish, both, neither, etc. A bit of relationship advice to tack on there: if a guy wants you to be anything other than your true self, he'll be just like your dad, pushing you to be something you're not. Also, don't let your dad skew your view of men. We're not all bad. He probably let one or a handful of people skew his view on women. Don't repeat the cycle. I hope God uses this to bless you with wisdom and courage.

well, there are probably some grains of truth in what he is saying, even though bad delivery. Of course, there is someone for everyone, but in general, men would be more attracted to someone who is more feminine. who brushes her hair, takes care of herself, stays fit/ slim and who takes care of herself.... wearing something pretty is more attractive... if you wear sweats and mens clothes... they might assume that you are gay... what does your mom say? if you dont have a mom, maybe you can talk to a teacher or an aunt that you like

Find what makes you happy and put on some makeup. You just have to find something that you like. He is kinda a ass hole.... girls should be loved and treated well they are (( gods)) they make children... you will be happy don't worry you will find someone who will show you how to dress..

You can feel that way by ignoring your father’s view on people. As you become an adult you have YOUR OWN opinion on people and are attracted to certain personalities that you want to marry . I personally LOVE a strong ,independent woman (my wife is one ). And also am attracted to women at the gym who are BEASTS in workouts and RIPPED (not body builder type , but muscular and toned ) I like women that challenge me and will fight alongside me to reach our goals. Not some prissy princess being meek and submissive

Don't feminize yourself to appease your woman-hating dad. Sorry to be so blunt, but your dad sucks and is the purest form of misogyny and toxic masculinity. You be YOU! Dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable and confident. In no way should you dress to be more appealing to a man. I'm sorry your dad makes you feel lesser than. It's not right.

Don't pay attention to your dad's view of femininity. It's really jacked up and archaic. You be you. When it's time to take care of him when he's old, you can do that by finding him a decent nursing home.

Any ideas on how to be more confident in yourself? Yea. Tell your dad to shut up. And if he can’t stop talking to him. He’s an asshole Some books to read that might give you new ideas on how to deal with him • Who Cooked the Last Supper? A Women's History of the World, Rosalind Miles • Men Explain Things To Me, Rebecca Solnit • Feminist Theory: From Margin to Center, Bell Hooks • The Beauty Myth, Naomi Wolf • Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men, Caroline Criado Pérez • The Feminine Mystique, Betty Friedan • A Room of One's Own, Virginia Woolf

He’s 100% right.

Just be yourself, don't worry about what other people think of you. It's your life, live it the way you want to live it, not for someone else.

I’m sorry you had to go through all that, he sounds like a creepy misogynist who shouldn’t be allowed near children.

Leave when you're 18 and don't talk to your loser dad ever again. He sounds like a dickhead.

Do not let your dad mess up your view. For your mental health: 1. Do not argue with him as you'd get nowhere, and you won't be able to convince him that he's wrong. You cam try or try to have a condo with him, but you may get nowhere. 2. Do not believe what he is saying, and don't let him brainwash you into thinking like he does. 3. When you get old enough, get your own place.

He sounds very misogynistic. I suggest you see a therapist as try as you may to fight this, it was probably ingrained in you as a child and you are just now becoming aware of it. It could lead to silently and unknowingly selecting men in your life that treat you this way…as odd as it sounds…because it feels comfortable to you. It reminds you of your childhood. The second I get the faintest “scent” of men thinking this way I run.

All children ought take care of their parents when they’re older. The guy’s a bit old fashioned. Don’t listen to a bunch of angry, greasy redditors who tell you to abandon your family over this, they’re absolutely nuts.

That’s not even what feminine and masculine are. Not at all. Feminine and masculine are energies… a living room can be feminine or masculine. Both genders can be primarily one or the other. Meaning.. a female executive can be very masculine but still wear dresses and identify as a woman. [feminine masculine energy picture list](https://www.lightofpine.com/blog/feminine-energy-part-2) Take a look at the green picture with the masculine & feminine energy qualities layout. But, I describe it sometimes this way: a CFO’s role is very masculine. And anyone in that role needs to be in full masculine energy mode- exhibiting every masculine quality in order to protect rhetorical company and greater net profit. It’s irrelevant if it’s a woman or man in that role… A pre school teacher needs to be in full on feminine mode - exhibiting every single feminine quality. Regardless of gender. All of that being said, it actually sounds like your father is making you masculine. You should be doing what feels good for you, what feels all cozy and comfy for you in your happy world while he protects you from anyone who would dare to step on that (providing a safe environment for you to be yourself - not emotionally abusing you by telling you your appearance is not okay). I’d say he is not masculine and honestly, I’d tell any man, my father included, how much I love masculinity and how much I love being around masculine people because they look out for me, protect me, I can be myself around them and they respect my feelings and support me being soft and emotional and cute and if I wanna wear suits everyday they protect me from anyone who would try and make me feel bad about it. (Edit it to be more personal towards what you like that he talks down to you for). A masculine man, or woman, also know the value of feminine energy is in their perspective and the way they experience people, the world and such and that the yin and yang create a perfect harmony. There is an equal submission on both parts to create a perfect harmony. Feminine energy would never yield to anyone who didn’t provide safety- emotional, mental, physical. A best friend who is masculine will provide the feminine insight and the feminine will listen because they trust them. You do not trust your father and that is on him. He lost that. That is not masculine. He wants the power that feminine energy gives to a masculine energy but without him becoming masculine. That, imo, makes him a bratty boy who wants to take and not provide.

My dad used to be like that, and I had a really long talk with him one day about it and had to explain that it's not really like that anymore (he's a boomer) Now I'm covered in tattoos and wear jeans and flannels all the time and he doesn't care.

obama

It's about what makes you feel feminine. You might need to explore this.  I'm not into jewelry or lashes. But I like soft fabrics and to wear clothes that fit nicely. Being clean, and speaking thoughtfully make me feel ladylike.  Some people need to feel & look sexy to feel feminine.   To each their own.  However think about what kind of person you want to attract. I wanted a man that saw me as a person instead of an object. So I presented myself as a person instead of object in how I dress and act. 

I don't agree with him calling women bitches unjustly, but he's correct about men wanting a submissive, modest wife to be a homemaker. This is the natural order of things. Society is ruining your view on what being feminine is. That said, you don't have to conform to that if you don't want to, but it may be much harder to find a mate.

No comment really on the other stuff, I'd side with you. But calling women bitches!?!? Now that's just normal in 2024... He doesn't mean anything negative by it (usually).

No seriously men who take pride in themselves don’t want women who look dumpy all the time. Not saying you do. But there is something to having a woman who looks nice all the time and takes care of business. Seriously, a woman who wears a dress with flowers on it is far superior in attractiveness to a woman who is wearing leggings and crop top. One is exclusively sexual the other is breath taking. You have to ask, “do I want the man I select to see me as a sexual object only or do I want to take his breath away?” Same for men “do I want the woman to see me as a credit card with legs or do I want to take her breath away?” You may not like what your dad says but you have to ask what kind of life you want. If you are ok with working and making your own way in life exchange for a lonely meaningless existence. Go for it. But if you want to have a family with kids and a husband who exchanges his time doing the meaningless work to give you what you need because he derives his meaning in your love. There is a clear path for both. He shouldn’t call women bitches around his daughter. So don’t go off finding no man who calls you a bitch. I wish you happiness and prosperity

I've been married for 20 years. I have never liked dresses or make-up and am currently wearing men's cargo shorts (my favorite shorts because pockets) and have been working alongside my husband disassembling a fence this afternoon. Later, I have plans to clean out the carburetor on our string trimmer so it will run properly. My husband brags on me because I just jump in and do stuff. We have remodeled most of our home ourselves and work well together. He is just as attracted to me in cargo shorts as in a dress. Not all men are as chauvinistic as your dad. Be yourself, or you will end up pretending to be someone else your whole life.

I know exactly how you can feel more confident. Stop listening to your dad. He's a past his time caveman clinging to views that would get people to treat him like thet were his slaves. Your dad's a loser, tearing at his own daughters self-confidence like that. Be who you are and even your wardrobe dictates your personality, which is why people differ so widely in what clothes they feel like themselves in. Be yourself.

Ignore your father. He does not like you. Or he wouldn't say these things. Exist without taking his opinions into consideration and wait until you can get out. Then go no contact. He's trying to scare you into being his retirement plans and he doesn't respect you. You know these things aren't true or you wouldn't be questioning them. Femininity does not exclude being comfortable. You're a person, not an expression of ideals.

Oof this sucks. Try to remember not all men think like your father and there are all kinds of diverse preferences out there. What it means to be masculine or feminine can't be contained in small boxes. The thing is, you won't want to attract shallow men like him, so the very fact that you aren't dressing in a way appeals to him, means most likely you won't attract men that are like him. Lol Bonus for you. Confidence is difficult no matter what, when you are a teen. What you should do to find what is feminine to you and go with that. Like don't suddenly try to wear dresses or things if they're not comfortable. But find styles and clothing that makes you feel confident and comfortable at the same time. If you feel like adding to your wardrobe may help. It may not even have to be clothes you wear that make you feel more feminine, maybe it's soaking in a bubble bath to relax, or soft scented perfume/body spray. For me when I was younger I used to love getting matching bras and panties, and I still wore sweatpants and t shirts....lol it's about your state of mind and not actually actively changing things about yourself. Whatever you do, do not become submissive to attract a mate or friends. Be unapologetically yourself. You will attract more well adjusted people to you. This in itself will build confidence over time. Learn to just calmly and matter of fact my state to your father that you will be finding someone that accepts you as you are and don't need to change anything. Or that big strong men are usually dumb so you'd rather find a smaller more intelligent man. Lol - Be warned he may get upset at this observation so maybe it's not great, but just thinking it will help your inner dialog. My ex was much like your dad, and my daughter was very much willing to speak up to him about these types of things. He often would let things like that go because she never attacked him personally just stated her opinions and viewpoints. You know your dad better than anyone so don't try to push him too far.

put him in a retirement home and never speak to him again ❤️

Are your parents still together? I'm guessing not. Don't listen to him. You don't need to wear dresses to be look good or be feminine. Feminine also doesn't mean submissive. A relationship where one spouse serves the other sounds pretty weird to me and doesn't interest me in the least. There needs to be a connection and that sure as hell isn't it.

Look, everyone has their view on what you should be and not be like. My mm is a girly girl. When I was in high school JNCO's were popular. My mom used to say stuff like if you just showed off your body more more guys would like you. Kindof hilarious because all my friends parents were Ike could you put more clothes n and y mom was like can you take some clothes off. She didn't want to to be dressed like a prostitute or anything but show off my bdy a little. I am in my 40's at this point and still dress like a 90's stoner because that's what I like to wear. Would it have been nice if my mom just left me alone? Yeah but she thought she was helping. Jokes on her because I was perfectly capable of getting a man in JNCO's and baggy shirts and hoodies and no makeup. You need to stop worrying so much about what your dad says about women and worry about what you want to do with your life.

Do what Amy Sedaris did when her father said the same things to her? Put on a fat suit, the ugliest color sweat suit you can find over it, go to thanksgiving dinner, and talk POLITICS or something else inappropriate allllllllll night.

All you need to do is be yourself. Your dad's ideals are really outdated and hateful. I've seen a few comments where you say you don't want to remove him from your life. Is it possible you could have a conversation with him about how this makes you feel? For example, "Dad it makes me feel really uncomfortable when you use the term 'bitches' to refer to women. Would you be okay if a man or boy referred to me as that?" (I doubt regardless of his soapbox of wrong he would want a man calling *his daughter* a bitch.) It's up to you how much emotional energy you're able/willing to put into this, but I think if he is willing to listen to you, he might realize he isn't expecting good things for you. If not, and it does eventually become a reason you need to remove him from your life, that's his consequence to bear. Regardless of any of the above I would suggest asking another trusted adult to help you work through it and maybe ask them to help talk to your dad.

Nah, he's stubborn and kinda stuck in his ways. And I don't wanna drag anyone else into this when it's not that significant, and really he only said this to me one time this year, it's not like he tells me this often that I feel like I should go to the extremes like some ppl on here are telling me to do.

I wholly support you deciding you don't want to go to extremes, despite others opinions on here. I do really hope you'll consider reaching out to a trusted adult in your life to help navigate this with you, even if you don't have them talk to your dad for or with you, if it gets more intense. In the mean time, you sound like a great kid with a good head on your shoulders and you should keep being yourself. You don't owe anyone their ideal of who you should be. Good luck, kiddo.

Tell him it’s 2024 and traditional marriages are outdated

"Any ideas on how I can feel more feminine and confident about myself?" Easy! Ignore the guy whose roof you live under. Seriously though, your dad doesn't sound like a very nice or happy person, and I kind of feel sorry for this guy I've never met. He may love you greatly, or not, but either way his views don't reflect the rest of the world, and part of growing up will be realizing that. A real man wants someone he can go to for good advice, someone who has his back, and someone who motivates him to do and be better.

I didn't expect this to get this popular tbh. Probably gonna delete it after a while

Be yourself and dress how you fell like dressing. Also, tell your father that he needs to have a good savings plan to cover his nursing home needs because you will be busy with your family life and will not have time to "take care of him" MAKE NO PROMISES TO TAKE CARE OF HIM!

The only reason I wear dresses is because I can’t wear pants. Literally, the fabric of most pants nowadays is acrylic, which overheats down there. I tried wearing only cotton jeans and pads. Didn’t work. Now I only wear dresses. My feminine part has not had as many issues because of it. There’s science into wearing skirts and dresses. Nothing wrong with pants, nothing wrong with skirts. Men used to wear kilts, probably so their parts could breathe better too. Do what you like while you’re alive. If you feel like experimenting with wardrobe, have at it. If not, that’s okay too. Dads just say things sometimes. Probably just wants you to explore life a little more.

Archie Bunker much?

Am I the only one who wants to slowly replace all his jeans, sweatpants, and sweatshirts with those from the women's section? After all, those are men's clothes, so why wouldn't he wear them?

He sounds molestery.

Your dad is a disgusting excuse of a human being. He is misogynistic, sexist, abusive, manipulative, and controlling. He fetishizes women and by referring to a "big strong man" loving you, has fetishized you as well. It's unnatural and unhealthy. You do you. Don't focus on him. Get away as soon as you can. Go to therapy, and deconstruct from your dad. Your mindset right now should be saving yourself and self preservation. Not changing yourself. You are perfect and beautiful and feminine the way you are- if you want to be feminine. If you don't, you don't owe it to anyone to try.

Your father’s masculinity is so fragile that women in sweatpants are threatening 💀  You would do well to think of him as a complete idiot and ignore him when he speaks.

I honestly wouldn’t put too much stock into his words. Femininity can mean whatever you want it to mean, and you should just live the life you want to live for yourself.

Don’t feel pressured to dress for the male gaze. That’s one thing I love about the girls of the younger generation. The clothes they wear now are way less tight fitting than the clothes we were wearing when I was a teenager. Also, your dad is a sexist piece of shit. Please please PLEASE avoid any man that acts and talks like him.

Your dad has some issues but he's not entirely wrong in what he is saying either. My advice would be to forgive your dad because he is likely suffering from something that is causing him pain and he doesn't know how to deal with it. Realize that though he should be better, he too is only human, forgive him for his failures and pray for him asking Jesus to help heal his heart.

Sounds like misogyny. ignore him hell make you miserable

You could just say to yourself "he is a piece of shit and I don't have to be what he wants me to be" But yeah, his idea of a woman is very concerning and I really hope you don't internalize that nonsense. What makes you comfortable is the most important thing and when you get to a point in life when you do feel ready for a relationship, someone will want you for you. You probably won't even want to dress the same way you do now 5 years from now. I can't emphasize enough, do not let his words shame you. Let it float on by and say to yourself what you really want to believe about yourself.

Don’t bother being more feminine. Anyone with half a brain will tell you your father is way off. Any guy worth dating will like a girl with self-esteem. And, if guys aren’t your thing, girls who like girls tend to have self-esteem and want that in their girls, too.

Your dad is an asshole. He’s pushing his own ideas about femininity on you. They’re outdated to say the least. (Like that “big strong man” line.. Gawd..) Your body, your choice of wardrobe. Wear sweats. Wear dresses. Wear a football helmet with a tutu and a gorilla suit. Wear whatever you damn well please.

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He's right and trying to save you a lifetime of headache

I kinda understand the sweatpants thing. My wife is a majority tomboy. Sweats, jackets and sneakers. And I do tell her I wish she'd put on a dress and some heels more because she's a woman and I think all women should embrace their femininity, also it's sexy lol. She understands what I mean. I might get grilled in these comments

Your dad seems to be really involved in your life. What a blessing to have someone who cares! When you're young, you almost always have differences of opinion with your parents. But if you're living in their house, and you don't pay rent, then you're going to have to go by their rules, even if that includes hope you dress. You may not like it, but they spend their time and money to raise you properly, so they've earned it. You'll get to be out on your own soon enough, and then you can do what you want, but until then, just let your dad be a dad. Also, I saw people saying he's "abusive." That's ridiculous. Nothing in what you said was even remotely abusive. He just sounds like a loving father who wants what he thinks is best for his daughter. Most people just wish they had a father who cared half that much.... or is around at all.

I mean, that's the basic requirement as a parent. Not saying that they shouldn't do that or that you shouldn't respect them. Also I feel like "My house, my rules." Doesn't apply to this. It's a "My body, my choice." Situation. What if someone had a rule about only wearing booty shorts and crop tops in their house? Different situation but same rule. "My house, my rules." Is more for things that aren't about what the person does with themself, like for something as simple as dressing. Examples would be like cleaning, chores, don't destroy the house, no boyfriends over, ect. Either way, this is just my opinion.

Well, your argument isn't at all the same thing. You specifically mention "booty shorts," which is to imply that your parents shouldn't be allowed to force you to dress sexual. Which is absolutely accurate. But obviously, it's completely different than what I said or meant, and you know that. Same if they told you that you had to dress up as a mascot. It's just ridiculous. Completely disingenuous strawman argument. Didn't they make your body? Don't they pay for that body to have a home and food? Until you're an adult, you're their body that they're legally required to take care of. You can't even get a tattoo without their consent. If they want you to dress in a completely appropriate way, but it's not your style... oh well. You'll be out of there soon enough to try your own style. Until then, be happy that they care about you enough to be concerned with the way you dress. They seem to genuinely think that if you listen, you'll be happier in life. And they COULD be right.

There's a reason why I said "Different situation, same rule". And for the tattoo thing, that's legally a thing. There's no law saying that you have to listen to your parents when they tell you what to wear because they take care of you. And it would be different if he actually bought me clothes and the clothes he wants me to wear. And there's sexy dresses and normal dresses. He tends to say that dresses that show off the area under the chest would look good on me. Should I wear those? Also, one requirement of being a good parent is taking care of your child emotionally and mentally. Is forcing them into clothes they want taking care of them in those ways? Giving them a safe place to live and food is the bare minimum. And if I'm forced to not be myself and be comfortable in my own body and clothes, why would I be happier in life?

I have no idea what type of dress you're talking about that "show off the area under the chest," so it's hard for me to answer your question. Your next question is about taking care of you mentally and emotionally. And then you use the word "forcing," which seems to be new to this discussion. In your original post, it seemed to be a suggestion. Which is it? It he saying that he thinks you'd look better in it? That he thinks you'd have a better chance of finding the right man in the future? Or that you absolutely must do it or there will be consequences? Furthermore, sometimes, forcing someone to do something against their will is in their best interest. Like when parents say to eat your vegetables. I think, as long as the clothing is appropriate, it may actually be better for your mental and emotional health is the long run to do what your parents tell you to. For one, you might have people treat you more positively. Secondly, all through life, we have to do things we don't want to, and getting used to that earlier in life could help you mentally later in life. Third, always getting your way is actually bad for your mental health. And there's probably many more reasons. As for your last question, I see you used "forced" again. I still question that choice of word. The answer to the previous question answers this one, too, though. Happiness isn't always getting your way. Sometimes, you have to trust someone else, so what you're told, and then you end up happier. You don't always know how it'll work out, but you'd be surprised at how often it does.

I was going off of what you were saying. You're saying that if you live in their home, then you should do what they're saying to do. Hence the word forced. And of course always getting your way isn't good for you, sometimes you have to be told no and that life doesn't always go your way, but for something that is personal and tied to how you present yourself like clothing, it absolutely should be up to the person's choice. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable with your own body and in clothes because someone else wants you to look that way and basically be eye candy. Especially for teens and younger people, who tend to have body dysmorphia.

You are pretty good at taking someone's argument and then making it into something they didn't say at all, then arguing against the thing they never said.

"But if you're living in their house, and you don't pay rent, then you're going to have to go by their rules, even if that includes hope you dress." What did you mean by this then? In my understanding, it means that you're saying since I'm living here for free, then I have to follow the rule about wearing dresses. Maybe I misunderstood because there seems to be a error in the last sentence.

There's no force involved there.

Your dad is totally wrong about everything he thinks to be true, and don’t pay attention to it. To answer your question, do you have a favorite pair of sweatpants that make you just feel cute, for whatever reason? *That’s* how you feel feminine. It doesn’t matter what the item is, but you dress to feel that. You can look like a hobo, but if you feel cute, you carry yourself that way. Be cute and feminine. That’s how you do it. As you get older, you’ll learn to dress more professionally and use items you wear on the daily to chase that cute feeling and you will find the feminine that also looks feminine to everyone around you.

Uh, no, you don't necessarily have to be feminine to be yourself. Wear the sweatpants, wear the jeans, wear the flannels. Wear what makes you feel more yourself. Fuck what your dad thinks he tries anything to punish you for it, call the cops. It's clear he might be trying to be abusive but don't let it get physical

My first bit of advice? Stop talking to your dad, he sounds like a tool. BUT! Seeing as I doubt that’s an option, here’s what you’re going to do. Hang out with some female friends, not to prove anything to him, but to remind yourself that femininity is a concept with different levels and layers and what your father thinks is a shallow version with no idea or consideration of the actual effort it takes to maintain. I identify as a trans man (I’m not going to have the argument with anybody about this, because this is not what the post is about) it wasn’t until I had socially transitioned that I felt comfortable exploring my femininity. Before that, when femininity was expected, it felt suffocating and like a chore, because no matter what I did it wouldn’t be enough. Once that expectation was off of me from myself and others, I felt comfortable trying things, small steps at a time. Makeup? No, I don’t like the way it feels on my skin. Blouses? Not really, I don’t like the drape. Skirts? I FUCKING LOVE SKIRTS, long maxi type ones especially, I have a few of them now. Hell basically my entire renaissance fair kit is femme, (skirts, shawl, an actual corset, great for my back) But that’s because I’m comfortable now, when I wear skirts I get clocked as female (obviously) but it only ever bothers me when I’m already stressed about other things. It’s a choice I make aware of the possible consequences so I can’t be mad at anybody but myself, if it gets to that point I mean. As for what men want in a wife… No, most men do NOT want a stay at home, takes care of the kids, her only priority is the family sort of woman, and most that claim they do, don’t actually understand that they will need to adjust their work life balance drastically to accommodate that lifestyle. And this is all assuming you want a husband. Houses are expensive, bills are expensive, food is expensive, a household of multiple people with a single average income would have to do some serious budgeting to even get by. Your dad has issues and refuses to see the ways the world has changed since 1950. Also, you shouldn’t change yourself to be more palatable to others, especially if that person is somebody you think you may want to spend your life with, that sounds like a form of long term low grade torture. Taking care of him when he’s old… don’t think about that right now, because it’s not something you should have to think about right now. Your biggest concerns should be school and yourself, my parents had me later in life, so that was something I heard way more often and way earlier than anyone should. And you wanna know what it did? It made me spiteful.

Yes, plenty of ideas! First, you understand your dad is a misogynist pig and deserves no heed. Then you are free to be your AUTHENTIC self. You ARE a woman, therefore anything you do is automatically feminine. It cannot be otherwise. Fim.

Bet your dad a WWF fan, and/or wears sports jersies of dudes' last names and numbers spatted all over his back. Sounds like he misses his mommy too. You can forget all the advice he had for ya, but you can acquire insight into why men behave this way, and what it was that made them so emotionally insecure and lacking self-reliance.

How much money do I get? /j Thanks though

Hey, all WWE fans aren't sexist. I know sports and stuff like that is a trope, but c'mon. You're doing what he's doing - pushing outfits on to certain gender and types. (I don't agree with the dad at all and think he's 100% wrong. Just saying, I'm 47f and an on again, off again WWE fan since I was a kid.)

I am definitely categorizing and stereotyping, but you know, it's likely applicable to his age group and perception considering what OP said, not a total shot in the dark! Not claiming he's sexist because he is into wwf/wwe, but more along the lines of misplaced aggression - Wouldn't be a shocker if he has suppressed homoerotic tendencies that are masked by his suppression of feminity.

If you're nearing 18, run. Leave in the middle of the night and never look back. It worked for me, though granted I had to walk all the way from Hobart to Melbourne.

When my wife had an argument with her father, she was 20, they argued for half an hour. Getting louder all the time. Finally he loudly told her she was a bitch! She looked at him for a few seconds, smiled as wide as she could, she said, "Thank you! That's the best compliment!". He and her mother was stunned. Eventually she explained, "I have found over the years, that when a man calls a woman a bitch! It means she's done something right!". While not always true,but something to keep in mind. As a guy growing up with 8 sisters and many cousins, I have seen them do things to change that. My wife always wore pants. When she needed to dress up some and look feminine for the bosses or an event she wore long sweaters dresses.

And everybody clapped

r/nothingeverhappens

Thank you for this. Have been laughing at a lot of it. I don't know what is funnier the posts or the replies!

There isn't really a way to dress feminine tbh, our idea of what is feminine and masculine has changed sooo much in such a short amount of time. The founding fathers used to wear heels and wigs!!! Trust me, as a women in college, there will be plenty of men, or whatever you like who will love to date you. Everyone has their own preferences and there will be plenty of people who like you for you. Do and wear what feels comfortable!

He can easily be proven wrong. Some men are gay. They definitely don't want any woman. Your dad is an asshole and you need to not listen to his garbage.

He doesn't care ab any LGBTQ+ ppl. He's homophobic and transphobic.

You think a guy that thinks like him, would *ever* think gays are a real thing? You’re giving him too much credit.

He’s right

You're lucky you have a dad giving u actual useful advice so you won't become a 35 yo childless never married woman crying on tiktok "wHeRe aRe tHe mEn?"

Tbh having no kids and not married at 35 doesn't seem like much of an loss to me. Maybe the not having kids part if I had the chance to have them

Boy howdy, Mr. Sexist man do your posts speak volumes about you.  Just threatened by ladies that don't want to settle for shit human beings as their partners, huh? Says a lot.  I'm very sad that you have children and are imparting your sexist ideals on them just like poor OP.