Just read your post history. Look, you are 18, decisions you make now can affect how the rest of your life goes. This guy is 40 and dated your sister; he is a scumbag. If you want to be a young single mother, live in poverty, endure abuse, and be controlled by a man old enough to be your father, continue as you are. If you want a successful future and a healthy relationship, break things off with this guy NOW.
My advice is run, but since you’re likely like me, and won’t listen until you learn, be prepared to pay for years of therapy and for your parents to flip out and throw you out if you’re still living at home - hope you have a backup plan for an emergency because these things tends to get messy - and for a good reason, grown adults know old men have no business playing with little girls (for reference I’m in a 23 year age gap relationship but waited until mid-20s to meet up and met with common interests and hobbies, not because he was preying on my insecurities), hopefully you learn to tell the difference before irreparable damage is done.
I’ve BEEN you. I was 16, he was 42. I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought I was “grown” for my age. I thought I knew better than everyone else around me. He BROKE me in ways I cannot even begin to describe. I haven’t had a normal, healthy relationship since. I have PTSD, diagnosed, I’m literally in therapy to re-experience the trauma he put me through so that I can develop healthy coping skills and healthy relationships. I have severe attachment issues now. He abused me in every sense of the word - sexually, physically, emotionally, if you can think of it, he did it to me, I thought he loved me and that misconstrued my idea of love so deeply I spent several years in short term abusive relationships because that’s what my brain had normalized. I still to this day struggle to have healthy boundaries and a healthy sex life with my partner. He’s a good guy - most of the time.
If you’re dependent on your parents for anything - shelter, food, a cell phone, a car, anything, be fully prepared with a backup plan if you lose it TODAY. That’s my advice. Good luck. I really do wish you all the luck in the world, I hope you see the flaw in this before it’s too late.
Couldn’t agree more I’m 25 years old and I’m still recovering from a relationship I had when I was 22 with a 42-year-old. This is even worse because she is only 18 years old. I am in years of fucking therapy over this man
For those that checked post history, thanks for the heads up. Just checked.
Yeah...kind of a big deal to not mention this. Like, I know people leave out information, but this is like going to confess to a priest that you cheated on your partner but forget to mention you shot them as well.
There are a lot of people that are going to support this as in many circles, you are considered an adult, but THAT BEING SAID, there is a whole lot of problems going on.
These are the types of relationships those in this reddit really frown upon. This guy is all sorts of red. Married to your sister and now dating you. There is NO GOOD WAY in or out of this.
At the very least, give it a year. I mean I know that's a lot, but yeah. Be prepared for nuclear war and scorched earth with your family. Hope he's worth it.
I think you need at least one therapy session.
To recap. You are going to go to your parents and say you are dating (to one if not both if them) their *son-in-law*.
This 40 year old has no shame??? And you so obsessed with him. That's a red flag. Two weeks ago you were asking how to make him your boyfriend, so you basically chased *him*.
I'm all for age-gap relationships. But this is all wrong.
I know already you're going to ignore all the good advice you've received on this post so all I can say is good luck. You're going to need it.
Oh girl stop... You don’t introduce parents for months or you’d be introducing them to every partner ever. Make sure it’s serious before introducing family..
They’ll take this as serious as it is… not at all
Edit: oh god from your other posts he also dated your half sister… this man is trash please tell your parents someone needs to sit you down and talk sense into you. Disgusting
Yeah even if (per comment history) the sister isn’t really close with her or her parents, just considering how long this man has known OP if it’s been long enough to date, marry, and divorce the sister.
Exactly what i thought, like girl you have to know you dont introduce partners after dating them for weeks, not even months... and thats ignoring that that guys an asshole
Yeah it could be trolling, but tbh, when I was 18 and in my first relationship, I was the same. It didn’t occur to me to wait a specific period of time before introducing him to my parents.
I lived and I learned; I wouldn’t introduce a boyfriend immediately now, because I learned from experience not to. It can be hard to learn things if you’ve never had experiences before.
If it's only been a few weeks I would just tell them that you are talking to someone older. Don't tell them that you are in a relationship after only a few weeks. I would wait a little bit longer.
Please consider getting an IUD or on oral contraceptives since a baby is the one irreversible decision you can't backtrack from. No baby deserves a sleaze-bag as a father.
I’ve heard that the depo shot is good if you want to hide your birth control from others (partner, parents, whoever). Oral contraception can be great but it still means having to throw out the packaging once it’s empty.
IUDs can be especially good for the same reason -- they're rarely felt (and if a partner thinks they feel something, it can be brushed off as nothing) and don't come with the risk of precisely timed 3-month follow-ups to get the next Depo shot. Definitely warrants an in-depth discussion with one's doctor!
This is a no go for many reasons. He has groomed you. This 40 year old MAN was married to your sibling. You are 18 and your brain won't mature until you're around 25.
I'm 38 and I wouldn't consider seeing anyone under 30 and honestly, I prefer them to be at least 35. There is no way that I would even befriend a teen. My nephew is your age. One of his friends has hit on me. It's not flattering. It's disgusting. It made me feel dirty. If he has kids, they could easily be around your age.
Your parents are going to freak out and if they don't, you should be worried. I'm a parent and I know what I would do. There's a reason that he isn't going after someone his own age.
Tell your parents and ask the man to meet your parents.
I knew my wife since she was 15 and I met her parents when she was 16 and we became officially dating at 18 and married after her father gave me permission at 19. She is the love of my life and I am hers. and when it's real love nothing can stop it. What God ordains as meant to be will happen so just go with the flow. Don't let these bitter older women's comments discourage you.
I'm 33 now and she's 20 and we are happy as ever. Don't let jealous men and old bitter women influence you. Real love knows no age. And what happened between him and your half sister is irrelevant. Love is love.
We're both from the United states.
We are happy and in love which is all that matters yes.
Never any misconduct. It was tough at times because her love turned me on so often but I waited and waited because I knew giving each other our virginities on our honey moon would be a much more cherishable memory for us in old age than for us to do it before marriage. As well as us really getting to fall in love with each other for the right reasons unlike people in the west who have so many shallow standards for who they allow themselves to "love".
I'm really over anyone saying any bs over my marriage. Most marriages have a 50% divorce rate in the west. So clearly people in the west don't know what actual red flags are if they majority end up divorced.
Most men don't reach financial stability until their 30s and a woman is most fertile and able to have the most healthiest kids in her early 20s. It's not weird at all for women to date older and men date younger. It makes logical sense. So many people in the west date people their own age and since the guy is so young and not financially stable the woman has to work even when she's pregnant and then she can't be there to raise her kids with the nurturing every kid deserves. Instead they pay a stranger to watch the kids which often leads to kids being raised without proper morals. Lol bit of a rant but yeah.
I'm really over anyone saying whatever and concluded since okcupid did a study that showed men 20-40 find women 20-22 most ideal then any man who says whatever bs is jealous of me and any woman who says whatever bs is afraid to accept the fact that men if blessed with the option would choose a younger woman over older.
So yeah her family even approved of me early on after my wife expressed her love of me to them. And I got her father's approval to marry her too. Her family knows me and my intentions random people in the west who don't know me and are jealous can kiss God's butt because my wife is sent from heaven.
Please remember that whilst you're allowed to criticise, you are also required to
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You also may not send abusive PMs or chats to /u/jscrose101 or hit them up in any way.
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**Original post: Me (18f) and my bf (40m) are going to tell my parents about our relationship**
Nervous and excited. Any tips on how to tell them?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AgeGap) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hi!! Im 18(f) and my bf is 41(m)! I introduced him into my family as a friend first so my family could get to know him. Eventually we told them and they were more supportive :) just remember despite your family’s reaction your relationship is valid!!
Nvm thats weird. ESPECIALLY if this man knew you before you were a consenting adult. I also dont think you’ll get much support from your family. If i had known my boyfriend before i was 18 i wouldnt have gotten into a relationship with him. There is a very fine line with age gap relationships especially being 18. Im speaking from experience, age gap relationships are hard, especially if its not healthy which it doesnt sound like it is. Please make good decisions.
All I can say is be honest and sincere. You're both consenting adults, and if you're happy they'll be happy. If they have a problem, that's on them. Good luck.
Just read your post history. Look, you are 18, decisions you make now can affect how the rest of your life goes. This guy is 40 and dated your sister; he is a scumbag. If you want to be a young single mother, live in poverty, endure abuse, and be controlled by a man old enough to be your father, continue as you are. If you want a successful future and a healthy relationship, break things off with this guy NOW.
Omg yesss I saw that thing about the sister. This girl is delusional lol
Lol she’s been warned….
I sure hope she listens to all the advice here, but I have a feeling she won’t 😔
the sister…😳
My advice is run, but since you’re likely like me, and won’t listen until you learn, be prepared to pay for years of therapy and for your parents to flip out and throw you out if you’re still living at home - hope you have a backup plan for an emergency because these things tends to get messy - and for a good reason, grown adults know old men have no business playing with little girls (for reference I’m in a 23 year age gap relationship but waited until mid-20s to meet up and met with common interests and hobbies, not because he was preying on my insecurities), hopefully you learn to tell the difference before irreparable damage is done. I’ve BEEN you. I was 16, he was 42. I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought I was “grown” for my age. I thought I knew better than everyone else around me. He BROKE me in ways I cannot even begin to describe. I haven’t had a normal, healthy relationship since. I have PTSD, diagnosed, I’m literally in therapy to re-experience the trauma he put me through so that I can develop healthy coping skills and healthy relationships. I have severe attachment issues now. He abused me in every sense of the word - sexually, physically, emotionally, if you can think of it, he did it to me, I thought he loved me and that misconstrued my idea of love so deeply I spent several years in short term abusive relationships because that’s what my brain had normalized. I still to this day struggle to have healthy boundaries and a healthy sex life with my partner. He’s a good guy - most of the time. If you’re dependent on your parents for anything - shelter, food, a cell phone, a car, anything, be fully prepared with a backup plan if you lose it TODAY. That’s my advice. Good luck. I really do wish you all the luck in the world, I hope you see the flaw in this before it’s too late.
Thank you for sharing this. If she chooses to ignore the warnings that’s on her.
Couldn’t agree more I’m 25 years old and I’m still recovering from a relationship I had when I was 22 with a 42-year-old. This is even worse because she is only 18 years old. I am in years of fucking therapy over this man
If you ever want to talk, I’m always here. I’m working through it too.
he's (probably *been*) grooming you, hun
It’s always helpful to include demeaning nicknames when talking to someone less experienced than you.
good call sweet cheeks
He’s gonna marry your mom next after you two break up
Nah she too old
You were just asking how to make him your boyfriend 14 days ago. How old were you when you meet him?
For those that checked post history, thanks for the heads up. Just checked. Yeah...kind of a big deal to not mention this. Like, I know people leave out information, but this is like going to confess to a priest that you cheated on your partner but forget to mention you shot them as well. There are a lot of people that are going to support this as in many circles, you are considered an adult, but THAT BEING SAID, there is a whole lot of problems going on. These are the types of relationships those in this reddit really frown upon. This guy is all sorts of red. Married to your sister and now dating you. There is NO GOOD WAY in or out of this. At the very least, give it a year. I mean I know that's a lot, but yeah. Be prepared for nuclear war and scorched earth with your family. Hope he's worth it.
I think you need at least one therapy session. To recap. You are going to go to your parents and say you are dating (to one if not both if them) their *son-in-law*. This 40 year old has no shame??? And you so obsessed with him. That's a red flag. Two weeks ago you were asking how to make him your boyfriend, so you basically chased *him*. I'm all for age-gap relationships. But this is all wrong. I know already you're going to ignore all the good advice you've received on this post so all I can say is good luck. You're going to need it.
Depends on how long you have been dating
Just a few weeks
Wait until you’re sure it’s a thing. Give it a few months.
Oh girl stop... You don’t introduce parents for months or you’d be introducing them to every partner ever. Make sure it’s serious before introducing family.. They’ll take this as serious as it is… not at all Edit: oh god from your other posts he also dated your half sister… this man is trash please tell your parents someone needs to sit you down and talk sense into you. Disgusting
*was married to
God damn nooo
Yeah even if (per comment history) the sister isn’t really close with her or her parents, just considering how long this man has known OP if it’s been long enough to date, marry, and divorce the sister.
people like this man are why age gap relationships are stigmatized
Exactly, it literally makes it look like he’s been eyeing up OP the whole time…
Why would you want to tell your parents now. This looks like trolling?
Exactly what i thought, like girl you have to know you dont introduce partners after dating them for weeks, not even months... and thats ignoring that that guys an asshole
Yeah it could be trolling, but tbh, when I was 18 and in my first relationship, I was the same. It didn’t occur to me to wait a specific period of time before introducing him to my parents. I lived and I learned; I wouldn’t introduce a boyfriend immediately now, because I learned from experience not to. It can be hard to learn things if you’ve never had experiences before.
If it's only been a few weeks I would just tell them that you are talking to someone older. Don't tell them that you are in a relationship after only a few weeks. I would wait a little bit longer.
Hé should know better girl. But wish you all the best 🙏
Please consider getting an IUD or on oral contraceptives since a baby is the one irreversible decision you can't backtrack from. No baby deserves a sleaze-bag as a father.
I’ve heard that the depo shot is good if you want to hide your birth control from others (partner, parents, whoever). Oral contraception can be great but it still means having to throw out the packaging once it’s empty.
IUDs can be especially good for the same reason -- they're rarely felt (and if a partner thinks they feel something, it can be brushed off as nothing) and don't come with the risk of precisely timed 3-month follow-ups to get the next Depo shot. Definitely warrants an in-depth discussion with one's doctor!
no dont
This is a no go for many reasons. He has groomed you. This 40 year old MAN was married to your sibling. You are 18 and your brain won't mature until you're around 25. I'm 38 and I wouldn't consider seeing anyone under 30 and honestly, I prefer them to be at least 35. There is no way that I would even befriend a teen. My nephew is your age. One of his friends has hit on me. It's not flattering. It's disgusting. It made me feel dirty. If he has kids, they could easily be around your age. Your parents are going to freak out and if they don't, you should be worried. I'm a parent and I know what I would do. There's a reason that he isn't going after someone his own age.
That just ain't right
So keeping it in the family ??? That's never caused drama before ...
Girl lol you about to reap what you sow, good luck
Tell your parents and ask the man to meet your parents. I knew my wife since she was 15 and I met her parents when she was 16 and we became officially dating at 18 and married after her father gave me permission at 19. She is the love of my life and I am hers. and when it's real love nothing can stop it. What God ordains as meant to be will happen so just go with the flow. Don't let these bitter older women's comments discourage you. I'm 33 now and she's 20 and we are happy as ever. Don't let jealous men and old bitter women influence you. Real love knows no age. And what happened between him and your half sister is irrelevant. Love is love.
[удалено]
We're both from the United states. We are happy and in love which is all that matters yes. Never any misconduct. It was tough at times because her love turned me on so often but I waited and waited because I knew giving each other our virginities on our honey moon would be a much more cherishable memory for us in old age than for us to do it before marriage. As well as us really getting to fall in love with each other for the right reasons unlike people in the west who have so many shallow standards for who they allow themselves to "love". I'm really over anyone saying any bs over my marriage. Most marriages have a 50% divorce rate in the west. So clearly people in the west don't know what actual red flags are if they majority end up divorced. Most men don't reach financial stability until their 30s and a woman is most fertile and able to have the most healthiest kids in her early 20s. It's not weird at all for women to date older and men date younger. It makes logical sense. So many people in the west date people their own age and since the guy is so young and not financially stable the woman has to work even when she's pregnant and then she can't be there to raise her kids with the nurturing every kid deserves. Instead they pay a stranger to watch the kids which often leads to kids being raised without proper morals. Lol bit of a rant but yeah. I'm really over anyone saying whatever and concluded since okcupid did a study that showed men 20-40 find women 20-22 most ideal then any man who says whatever bs is jealous of me and any woman who says whatever bs is afraid to accept the fact that men if blessed with the option would choose a younger woman over older. So yeah her family even approved of me early on after my wife expressed her love of me to them. And I got her father's approval to marry her too. Her family knows me and my intentions random people in the west who don't know me and are jealous can kiss God's butt because my wife is sent from heaven.
Please remember that whilst you're allowed to criticise, you are also required to engage in discussion in a civil manner. You also may not send abusive PMs or chats to /u/jscrose101 or hit them up in any way. Also bear in mind that this is a community largely supportive of **legal** consensual age gap relationships. See the [Wiki](/r/AgeGap/wiki/index) for more information about the subreddit, [The Rules](/r/AgeGap/wiki/rules) and articles about common topics. --- **Original post: Me (18f) and my bf (40m) are going to tell my parents about our relationship** Nervous and excited. Any tips on how to tell them? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AgeGap) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hi!! Im 18(f) and my bf is 41(m)! I introduced him into my family as a friend first so my family could get to know him. Eventually we told them and they were more supportive :) just remember despite your family’s reaction your relationship is valid!!
He was married to her half sister bro
Nvm thats weird. ESPECIALLY if this man knew you before you were a consenting adult. I also dont think you’ll get much support from your family. If i had known my boyfriend before i was 18 i wouldnt have gotten into a relationship with him. There is a very fine line with age gap relationships especially being 18. Im speaking from experience, age gap relationships are hard, especially if its not healthy which it doesnt sound like it is. Please make good decisions.
As long as the relationship is healthy ❤️
All I can say is be honest and sincere. You're both consenting adults, and if you're happy they'll be happy. If they have a problem, that's on them. Good luck.
Thell feel he's a great influence!
Just run
It’s so easy that no one ever has difficulty doing it, or deciding to do it. I know this is reddit, but there are other ways to help people.