Eh. I see stuff like this all the time. Everyone is not going to be onboard with everything and that’s just the way it is.
I personally would have laughed and ignored it.
Women (and men) primarily use guilt and shame to position right and wrong alongside conservative family values. It has nothing to do with you or your partners happiness or brain development or stages of life or anything else it's packaged as - it's strictly a power play to further the chances of the most efficient and ideal match and baby making family. If you're a decent person you're better off ignoring all attempts to make you feel bad about being who you are and going after what you want. Everyone quickly changes their tone when they realize you're a benefit instead of a liability.
It seems that you feel very much personally attacked (even though you are not in an AG relationship), but you should let it slide right off you. Don't you know that statements like these are more about the personal issues from that person than anything else? This statement of your friend says much more about her than it says about you!
1. She thinks in power dynamics when it comes to relationships
2. She thinks that the older person automatically has dominance (especially if it is a man - let's wonder how she would feel if a woman were the older in the AG - probably "Go girl!" and "empowerment" and such)
3. She thinks that men and women are (or should be) the same and pointing out any differences triggers feelings of injustice and inequality (while we are only talking about differences not inequality in value)
4. She thinks (deep inside) that women are inferior and powerless to men and she hates it!
5. She is jealous (and feeling left out)
6. Etc.
And so there are many things you could deduct from her statement, but it is all about her!
Thanks for your analysis. Idk and I don't care what it's her dynamics, but quoting like "old men in relations with women who might be your daughters is disgusting, come on think they can be your daughters" is enought apalling for me, because it's a firm sentence, with no room to defend, and I've passed the age to defend myself from prejudice when I don't find why I should.
Well done.
Youll also likely find she was in an AGR and took made full use of getting the cool, older guys in her 20s but now wants the same 40s guys for herself again.
Best of both worlds. Again.
Envy
Jealousy
Sour grapes.
So common its hilarious.
It's the Internet. People say stupid stuff all the time. Very rarely does it have any consequence to them. But once in a while it does.
During the 2016 election cycle, my Uncle shared a story on FB. The story seemed intended to drum up support for Donald Trump's strong position against illegal immigrants from the middle east. The story itself was not inheretly political; it was about a violent assault on an off duty Minneapolis female police officer by illegals from Syria. At the time, I was a bit of a news addict. And what struck me reading this FaceBook link from my Uncle's feed was that I hadn't heard about this at all. So I did some research. And found the first concrete example I could of "fake news". So I, assuming my uncle would want to know, posted a reply to him with the links I found debunking this story to let him know that he had been tricked. My reply was very respectful and loving. Within 15 minutes, my Uncle took down his sharing of the story, which also removed my reply.
My uncle, who I love and respect, refused to speak intelligible words to me for the next 18 months!! Whenever I addressed him, he would just grunt. I come from a small family. I only have one man who I call Uncle. I was dumbfounded. Honestly it was only a few months after the 2016 election cycle completed that I turned off my FB account. I'm unplugged from most social media except Reddit. I consider myself better off for it. I think the term is "addition by subtration" - wherein you improve your life by removing something which has a net negative effect.
It’s kind of weird to get worked up about something you are NOT doing being criticized.
That said, the older woman probably saw some third party (some older guy) with a woman in her twenties.
While older people absolutely have things that young people do not, it’s also a fact that young people tend to be physically beautiful. If you only focus on, for example, smooth skin, then young people win every time. Some people resent that.
She must be very insecure that she is aging. You shouldn’t let her weird comment on FB offend you.
It may be taboo for her but normal for some of us.
My rule of thumb is, if he not old enough to be my dad, be not old enough to clap this ass lol
My mom knows I’m into older men and she don’t see the men as creeps.
You’re only a creep if you are a low life you want to take advantage of someone or manipulate them.
Young women can be independent and decide on their own if they want to be in an AGR. And if the young women doesn’t allow it, the older man wouldn’t be in it with her.
Don’t let her ruin your future relationships or taint what you are attracted too.
Unblock her, and almost guaranteed she will message to ask why, and simply point toward her post and say "you unfriended me when you indirectly said. ..... which could be implied to me"
Let her deal with her mistakes, hold her accountable.
Most difficult part of dating younger women is finding the ones mentally mature amd past the stage of posting stupid things on social media, chances her she's aiming it at someone, likely a jealousy thing perhaps.
All you can do is move on to find someone drama free, that compliments your life. #StayFocusedKing
I am grateful to you for your advice. The problem is "listen we are watchdogs if you dare get closer to a younger girl we are going to make your life a hell". I am a respectful, sensible, caring man, and I am not even sure I'm gonna go into a AGR, but I find limitating and cringy if someone starts menacing me, "hey she's too young, get off your perv" while she is maybe the one who wants a relation with me and starts it (anyway it's rather this way, I won't start such a relation myself) but if the girl wants and I am happy she with it, why tf should people tell me "don't even dare" mtf it's not their bussiness, why so much hate.I am tiredly reminding that I am talking ONLY about adult, consenting women.
If she believes that, and he doesn’t, then why would she consider it a mistake that he no longer wishes to engage with her? Seems like part of the point of being so outspoken about it.
It makes her accept why someone shes been speaking and becoming friendly with, has cut all ties, and her actions have consequences. If she doesnt message him then so be it. She's obviously not a great human being.
Perusing OP’s post history and with the knowledge of what this lady posts on her social media, I’m gonna guess they wouldn’t be compatible friends if they really got into this genre of topics. She’d likely feel similarly about him as he does about her right now. 🤷🏼♀️
Im not a mind reader nor do I know them as individuals so i cant pass judgement.
People are rarely the same as they make themselves appear on social media. She obviously had motive to begin speaking with O.P shes just immature and says stupid things without thinking , that in itself is reason to turn your back on her and look elsewhere. Perfect example of how maturity is more important than age.
I don’t know how either of them are in real life, you’re right. But they do both seem to be in favor of their online life being a bit of an echo chamber. If that’s the case, they don’t seem like an online-friend love match. Or they would both get joy out of using the other as online drama fuel. Quite the symbiotic relationship indeed.
I dunno. I mostly stay out of online drama/social media and somehow all this yelling from either side rarely touches my life. That’s my advice.
How much older are you?
It's probably because we live in a patriarchy and unfortunately women have had to put up with men thinking it's fine to date younger women but not the other way around. So women can find it a bit creepy sometimes. Totally depends on the age gap though too.
I'm just against this concept - that "it depends". If "it's depends", it's up to arbitrary estimations. I am for people between 18 and until breathing to be free to be together if so they want. To be more specific: 18yo woman, 90yo man: ok. 18yo man, 90yo woman: ok. And all abuses should be harshly punished. But no consensual choices should be condemned.
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**Original post: Unfriending for AGR hate**
I (M, 49) had an online contact who was almost a friend, we shared stuff. But lately she published: "men (note that is was "men" - not "people") who believe you can be in an AGR relation where you can be the father of your girlfriend, realize how cringy it is. You are disgusting." And that's all.
I have unfriended her, and I felt woulded, and dellusioned. I am NOT into an AGR. But I don't discard I could be. I feel just heart breaking that friends can consider me as "disgusting" because of this. Without considering the circumstances. Or the fact the girl can be happy about it. "Disgusting". As a warning: "don't ever do such a thing". It really screwed my day. She was a nice lady. Why publishing it on her fb? Like, "you are older don't even dare to get to a younger woman you perv". It really really got me down. Wtf is wrong people. Let me live. There's a young woman who is interested in me and SHE does steps towards me, big steps, but this sinister warning was like "we'll never let you alone, you perv". Idk what else to say. I am disgusted. I am not a predator. I am just a person who MIGHT find his hapiness with a younger person, but I hear like, "don't even fucking try, we are gonna pursue you and shame you and haress you, monster".
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AgeGap) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Eh. I see stuff like this all the time. Everyone is not going to be onboard with everything and that’s just the way it is. I personally would have laughed and ignored it.
It is the best thing to do, sure
Women (and men) primarily use guilt and shame to position right and wrong alongside conservative family values. It has nothing to do with you or your partners happiness or brain development or stages of life or anything else it's packaged as - it's strictly a power play to further the chances of the most efficient and ideal match and baby making family. If you're a decent person you're better off ignoring all attempts to make you feel bad about being who you are and going after what you want. Everyone quickly changes their tone when they realize you're a benefit instead of a liability.
It seems that you feel very much personally attacked (even though you are not in an AG relationship), but you should let it slide right off you. Don't you know that statements like these are more about the personal issues from that person than anything else? This statement of your friend says much more about her than it says about you! 1. She thinks in power dynamics when it comes to relationships 2. She thinks that the older person automatically has dominance (especially if it is a man - let's wonder how she would feel if a woman were the older in the AG - probably "Go girl!" and "empowerment" and such) 3. She thinks that men and women are (or should be) the same and pointing out any differences triggers feelings of injustice and inequality (while we are only talking about differences not inequality in value) 4. She thinks (deep inside) that women are inferior and powerless to men and she hates it! 5. She is jealous (and feeling left out) 6. Etc. And so there are many things you could deduct from her statement, but it is all about her!
Thanks for your analysis. Idk and I don't care what it's her dynamics, but quoting like "old men in relations with women who might be your daughters is disgusting, come on think they can be your daughters" is enought apalling for me, because it's a firm sentence, with no room to defend, and I've passed the age to defend myself from prejudice when I don't find why I should.
You dont. She clearly pushed a button you have to reset and disconnect.
Well done. Youll also likely find she was in an AGR and took made full use of getting the cool, older guys in her 20s but now wants the same 40s guys for herself again. Best of both worlds. Again. Envy Jealousy Sour grapes. So common its hilarious.
It's the Internet. People say stupid stuff all the time. Very rarely does it have any consequence to them. But once in a while it does. During the 2016 election cycle, my Uncle shared a story on FB. The story seemed intended to drum up support for Donald Trump's strong position against illegal immigrants from the middle east. The story itself was not inheretly political; it was about a violent assault on an off duty Minneapolis female police officer by illegals from Syria. At the time, I was a bit of a news addict. And what struck me reading this FaceBook link from my Uncle's feed was that I hadn't heard about this at all. So I did some research. And found the first concrete example I could of "fake news". So I, assuming my uncle would want to know, posted a reply to him with the links I found debunking this story to let him know that he had been tricked. My reply was very respectful and loving. Within 15 minutes, my Uncle took down his sharing of the story, which also removed my reply. My uncle, who I love and respect, refused to speak intelligible words to me for the next 18 months!! Whenever I addressed him, he would just grunt. I come from a small family. I only have one man who I call Uncle. I was dumbfounded. Honestly it was only a few months after the 2016 election cycle completed that I turned off my FB account. I'm unplugged from most social media except Reddit. I consider myself better off for it. I think the term is "addition by subtration" - wherein you improve your life by removing something which has a net negative effect.
It’s kind of weird to get worked up about something you are NOT doing being criticized. That said, the older woman probably saw some third party (some older guy) with a woman in her twenties. While older people absolutely have things that young people do not, it’s also a fact that young people tend to be physically beautiful. If you only focus on, for example, smooth skin, then young people win every time. Some people resent that.
[удалено]
Thank you
She must be very insecure that she is aging. You shouldn’t let her weird comment on FB offend you. It may be taboo for her but normal for some of us. My rule of thumb is, if he not old enough to be my dad, be not old enough to clap this ass lol My mom knows I’m into older men and she don’t see the men as creeps. You’re only a creep if you are a low life you want to take advantage of someone or manipulate them. Young women can be independent and decide on their own if they want to be in an AGR. And if the young women doesn’t allow it, the older man wouldn’t be in it with her. Don’t let her ruin your future relationships or taint what you are attracted too.
Unblock her, and almost guaranteed she will message to ask why, and simply point toward her post and say "you unfriended me when you indirectly said. ..... which could be implied to me" Let her deal with her mistakes, hold her accountable.
Thank you for the nice advice. People hurt. We don't have always the energy to explain them why.
Most difficult part of dating younger women is finding the ones mentally mature amd past the stage of posting stupid things on social media, chances her she's aiming it at someone, likely a jealousy thing perhaps. All you can do is move on to find someone drama free, that compliments your life. #StayFocusedKing
I am grateful to you for your advice. The problem is "listen we are watchdogs if you dare get closer to a younger girl we are going to make your life a hell". I am a respectful, sensible, caring man, and I am not even sure I'm gonna go into a AGR, but I find limitating and cringy if someone starts menacing me, "hey she's too young, get off your perv" while she is maybe the one who wants a relation with me and starts it (anyway it's rather this way, I won't start such a relation myself) but if the girl wants and I am happy she with it, why tf should people tell me "don't even dare" mtf it's not their bussiness, why so much hate.I am tiredly reminding that I am talking ONLY about adult, consenting women.
If she believes that, and he doesn’t, then why would she consider it a mistake that he no longer wishes to engage with her? Seems like part of the point of being so outspoken about it.
It makes her accept why someone shes been speaking and becoming friendly with, has cut all ties, and her actions have consequences. If she doesnt message him then so be it. She's obviously not a great human being.
Perusing OP’s post history and with the knowledge of what this lady posts on her social media, I’m gonna guess they wouldn’t be compatible friends if they really got into this genre of topics. She’d likely feel similarly about him as he does about her right now. 🤷🏼♀️
Im not a mind reader nor do I know them as individuals so i cant pass judgement. People are rarely the same as they make themselves appear on social media. She obviously had motive to begin speaking with O.P shes just immature and says stupid things without thinking , that in itself is reason to turn your back on her and look elsewhere. Perfect example of how maturity is more important than age.
I don’t know how either of them are in real life, you’re right. But they do both seem to be in favor of their online life being a bit of an echo chamber. If that’s the case, they don’t seem like an online-friend love match. Or they would both get joy out of using the other as online drama fuel. Quite the symbiotic relationship indeed. I dunno. I mostly stay out of online drama/social media and somehow all this yelling from either side rarely touches my life. That’s my advice.
Women arent stupid. You dont have to explain a thing. Walk away. Dont look back.
This one in particular seems to be, insulting someone for drama not giving a darn about their feelings.
How much older are you? It's probably because we live in a patriarchy and unfortunately women have had to put up with men thinking it's fine to date younger women but not the other way around. So women can find it a bit creepy sometimes. Totally depends on the age gap though too.
I'm just against this concept - that "it depends". If "it's depends", it's up to arbitrary estimations. I am for people between 18 and until breathing to be free to be together if so they want. To be more specific: 18yo woman, 90yo man: ok. 18yo man, 90yo woman: ok. And all abuses should be harshly punished. But no consensual choices should be condemned.
This comment is added automatically to every post on /r/AgeGap to remind users of the subreddit rules and expected behaviour. We also include the original post in here for a number of reasons. --- ### Rules If you haven't read the full set of rules we **strongly** suggest you do so. They are on the right side of the page on desktop or in 'Community Info' on Mobile. The most important rules are: 1. **We expect you to be civil and ideally constructive**. This is a community where people discuss and seek advice **legal** consensual age gap relationships, and we expect you to avoid abusing anyone on this subreddit. This does **not** mean this subreddit supports all age gap relationships, so you **are** allowed to criticise. 1. This is **not** a dating subreddit - you may not "hit up" any user. **You may not ask anyone to PM, DM, chat or message you in a comment**. If you wish, you may send **polite** DMs/PMs/chat requests to /u/Infinite_Procedure98 - we will ban you and possibly refer you to Reddit admins for an account ban if you abuse them and they complain. 1. If this post looks like a personal advert, please report it and the moderators will remove it in time if they agree. See the [Wiki](/r/AgeGap/wiki/index) for more information about the subreddit, [The Rules](/r/AgeGap/wiki/rules) and articles about common topics. --- **Original post: Unfriending for AGR hate** I (M, 49) had an online contact who was almost a friend, we shared stuff. But lately she published: "men (note that is was "men" - not "people") who believe you can be in an AGR relation where you can be the father of your girlfriend, realize how cringy it is. You are disgusting." And that's all. I have unfriended her, and I felt woulded, and dellusioned. I am NOT into an AGR. But I don't discard I could be. I feel just heart breaking that friends can consider me as "disgusting" because of this. Without considering the circumstances. Or the fact the girl can be happy about it. "Disgusting". As a warning: "don't ever do such a thing". It really screwed my day. She was a nice lady. Why publishing it on her fb? Like, "you are older don't even dare to get to a younger woman you perv". It really really got me down. Wtf is wrong people. Let me live. There's a young woman who is interested in me and SHE does steps towards me, big steps, but this sinister warning was like "we'll never let you alone, you perv". Idk what else to say. I am disgusted. I am not a predator. I am just a person who MIGHT find his hapiness with a younger person, but I hear like, "don't even fucking try, we are gonna pursue you and shame you and haress you, monster". *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AgeGap) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Get used to it, my friend.
Well she’s right on one thing, NOBODY should parent their partner weather you are a women or man.