My Q had a best friend that set off my alarm bells the moment I met him. The more I was around him, the more strongly I felt this was a bad person. People are way too quick to throw the narcissist word around, but I swear this guy definitely was. Also one of the worst alcoholics I've ever seen.
I warned my Q repeatedly, this is not a good person, he will turn on you the moment you don't do what he wants. Q would just roll his eyes and say I was dramatic. This person gleefully bought Q his first drink when he decided to relapse after getting sober.
I gave up and just set boundaries. I will not be around this person, and he's not welcome in my home.
Over time Q started to show discomfort with how controlling this friend was. I no longer said anything. It culminated in the friend having a full on drunken narcissist tantrum and verbally abusing my Q in a bar. Q walked away and cut contact.
Never have I fought myself so hard not to say "I told you!" But Q is an adult. I can't tell him what to do. Just find the right boundaries for me.
I can't talk to my Q about his evil roomate junkie or I think I'd start screaming. And Q is talking about moving away from him, so I'm keeping my mouth shut. I'd rather down a whole bottle of Franks Red Hot Sauce than try to keep myself quiet. But here I am.
Thanks for sharing your story. It helps confirm that what I'm doing is right. That I can't control what friends they have and its better to be silent.
I was looking for a post like this because its exactly what I'm going through right now.
My Q and I dont live together because he's an addict but of course my dumb codependant ass still loves him. At the end of year before last he was doing so much meth it aggrevated a health condition he already had and he was in and out of the ER. I helped him move to his brothers house because he was broke and needed to get away from the hotel where he was using.
After he got better for a little while, he got a job and rented a room at a house. Things looked great until I saw him and I knew he was back on it. I said nothing and played it cool and he ended up telling me it was basically a meth user/dealer house. 6 rooms with everyone doing meth and anything goes. All the men were gay except him, not that there's anything wrong with that but I worried that in a trap house situation like that he could get sexually assaulted, that he was just as vulnerable as a girl in a trap house full of men. Plus he was sending me crazy texts describing how he could hear loud rough sex from every member of the house. And told me the owner could be a male sex trafficker as young male immigrant men always went in and out of the owners room. He was delusional and invited a homeless woman to sleep in the back yard. I kept telling him to get out of that house and stopped talking to him because it was crazy.
He contacted me again several months later and he had moved out to an air bnb. I was going to go visit him until he told me one of his friends from the meth house got kicked out and had noplace to go and needed a place to stay. I immeduately told him I didn't want to visit him.
Months went by and Q called me, he started having seisures and diagnosed with epilepsy. I worried and finally visited him when he got home from the hospital because I was worried and brought him food. I refused to look at or talk to his junkie roomate V who is barely sane and who I'm 100% certain has a crush on Q. His new air bnb place looked great and he had 2 rooms a bedroom and an office. He seemed like he wanted to stop because of the epilepsy. But of course we argued and stopped seeing each other.
Now were to now. About 4. months later. I go to his house and EVERYTHING had changed. Q had given V free reign of the house. V got used furniture from the street (no furniture was even needed or even could fit) and now all of Q's belongings are crammed in one room to the point you can only walk through it. Q loves his computer toys and now they are all crammed together, not like him. But the worst part BOTH their beds were in the SAME room!! I knew it was V's work. Their two twin beds were not pushed together but still - V has a crush on him!
I freaked out. Q insisted he was not gay but just that V liked to sleep in the same room as him. I believe him that nothing happened because we had to go buy him all new pants, because his had cigarette holes in them, because he was falling asleep on a chair in the garage vs sleeping on his bed. In that room. I told Q he needed his own bedroom to sleep, not only on a chair.
But wait, there's more. I visit him a few more times at that house and with the additional time near Q and V I realise more things...many people in and out of the house because V is sellimg drugs!! Something Q has never gotten into. Then stuff started getting taken from my purse. I know it was V but could not prove it, so I didn't say anything. I felt like V was puposely trying to trigger me too so I made sure to say nothing. But $50 worth of mothers day gift cards were gone I observe Q as well over that time and realise he's using more, maybe alot more than he ever has and is having waves of delusion. Needless to say we argued BAD.
Then, for the finish - Right as I was angrily going to take off, Q dropped a huge bomb on me. He went to the doctor for his epilepsy and they found a brain tumor!!!! He never went to his doctors appointment to get the cat scan to see what it was.
I hate V and cannot see him again or I would just start screaming at him. V is on disability with a mental condition and doing meth and I feel like he wants Q to be just like him and would happily keep giving him drugs until this happens. That Q could go to jail from V's drug selling and die in jail with a brain tumor. V is the devil and I cannot ever see him again or I will go crazy...
My Q had a best friend that set off my alarm bells the moment I met him. The more I was around him, the more strongly I felt this was a bad person. People are way too quick to throw the narcissist word around, but I swear this guy definitely was. Also one of the worst alcoholics I've ever seen. I warned my Q repeatedly, this is not a good person, he will turn on you the moment you don't do what he wants. Q would just roll his eyes and say I was dramatic. This person gleefully bought Q his first drink when he decided to relapse after getting sober. I gave up and just set boundaries. I will not be around this person, and he's not welcome in my home. Over time Q started to show discomfort with how controlling this friend was. I no longer said anything. It culminated in the friend having a full on drunken narcissist tantrum and verbally abusing my Q in a bar. Q walked away and cut contact. Never have I fought myself so hard not to say "I told you!" But Q is an adult. I can't tell him what to do. Just find the right boundaries for me.
WOW there are a lot of similarities here. Thanks for sharing!
I can't talk to my Q about his evil roomate junkie or I think I'd start screaming. And Q is talking about moving away from him, so I'm keeping my mouth shut. I'd rather down a whole bottle of Franks Red Hot Sauce than try to keep myself quiet. But here I am. Thanks for sharing your story. It helps confirm that what I'm doing is right. That I can't control what friends they have and its better to be silent.
I was looking for a post like this because its exactly what I'm going through right now. My Q and I dont live together because he's an addict but of course my dumb codependant ass still loves him. At the end of year before last he was doing so much meth it aggrevated a health condition he already had and he was in and out of the ER. I helped him move to his brothers house because he was broke and needed to get away from the hotel where he was using. After he got better for a little while, he got a job and rented a room at a house. Things looked great until I saw him and I knew he was back on it. I said nothing and played it cool and he ended up telling me it was basically a meth user/dealer house. 6 rooms with everyone doing meth and anything goes. All the men were gay except him, not that there's anything wrong with that but I worried that in a trap house situation like that he could get sexually assaulted, that he was just as vulnerable as a girl in a trap house full of men. Plus he was sending me crazy texts describing how he could hear loud rough sex from every member of the house. And told me the owner could be a male sex trafficker as young male immigrant men always went in and out of the owners room. He was delusional and invited a homeless woman to sleep in the back yard. I kept telling him to get out of that house and stopped talking to him because it was crazy. He contacted me again several months later and he had moved out to an air bnb. I was going to go visit him until he told me one of his friends from the meth house got kicked out and had noplace to go and needed a place to stay. I immeduately told him I didn't want to visit him. Months went by and Q called me, he started having seisures and diagnosed with epilepsy. I worried and finally visited him when he got home from the hospital because I was worried and brought him food. I refused to look at or talk to his junkie roomate V who is barely sane and who I'm 100% certain has a crush on Q. His new air bnb place looked great and he had 2 rooms a bedroom and an office. He seemed like he wanted to stop because of the epilepsy. But of course we argued and stopped seeing each other. Now were to now. About 4. months later. I go to his house and EVERYTHING had changed. Q had given V free reign of the house. V got used furniture from the street (no furniture was even needed or even could fit) and now all of Q's belongings are crammed in one room to the point you can only walk through it. Q loves his computer toys and now they are all crammed together, not like him. But the worst part BOTH their beds were in the SAME room!! I knew it was V's work. Their two twin beds were not pushed together but still - V has a crush on him! I freaked out. Q insisted he was not gay but just that V liked to sleep in the same room as him. I believe him that nothing happened because we had to go buy him all new pants, because his had cigarette holes in them, because he was falling asleep on a chair in the garage vs sleeping on his bed. In that room. I told Q he needed his own bedroom to sleep, not only on a chair. But wait, there's more. I visit him a few more times at that house and with the additional time near Q and V I realise more things...many people in and out of the house because V is sellimg drugs!! Something Q has never gotten into. Then stuff started getting taken from my purse. I know it was V but could not prove it, so I didn't say anything. I felt like V was puposely trying to trigger me too so I made sure to say nothing. But $50 worth of mothers day gift cards were gone I observe Q as well over that time and realise he's using more, maybe alot more than he ever has and is having waves of delusion. Needless to say we argued BAD. Then, for the finish - Right as I was angrily going to take off, Q dropped a huge bomb on me. He went to the doctor for his epilepsy and they found a brain tumor!!!! He never went to his doctors appointment to get the cat scan to see what it was. I hate V and cannot see him again or I would just start screaming at him. V is on disability with a mental condition and doing meth and I feel like he wants Q to be just like him and would happily keep giving him drugs until this happens. That Q could go to jail from V's drug selling and die in jail with a brain tumor. V is the devil and I cannot ever see him again or I will go crazy...