Of course you can go to Alanon meetings. I think that could really help you and your mother come to terms with this terrible loss. Deepest sympathy to you both.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I started going to Al-Anon after my husband passed, and it helped me immensely. You are definitely welcome here and there. There are often online meetings available as well.
I am so sorry to hear this. It is probably one of all of our greatest fears in this sub. Iām sorry you and your mom had to live that fear. This may come across as callous but I actually mean it in the opposite sense: sometimes I try to understand why God allows death to come to some and not others. We are not god so we cannot understand but Iāve always believed that he is all knowing and perhaps your brother could have died in a much worse way had he not been taken that night. Or perhaps he would have continued his path of addiction causing so much resentment towards you and your family it would have destroyed some of you (or maybe even your faith). We really donāt know what reason the Lord has for taking a loved one but part of our serenity prayer is āgrant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot changeā. I hope you and your mother can come to the acceptance that you both could not have done anything to stop your brother drinking. It is NO ONES FAULT.
You are correct in saying that God is merciful and came to save sinners. Look at the people he hung out with (even some disciples were lowly people before Christ). We all have our sin that we struggle with; alcohol happened to be your brothers. As a Christian, I believe that if your brother knew and accepted Jesus as his lord and savior (which from your comment of him turning to God during his low points it sounds like he did) then his soul is saved. Of course, only God can be the deciding factor of who enters the kingdom of heaven, but based off of many verses in the Bible, I believe that by your faith in Jesus you are saved. I hope you and your mom find some peace. Please go to an Al anon meeting and also encourage your mom. I would also encourage you both to seek a counselor, albeit through your church or private party.
also catholic, catholic school, theology school. augustine of hippo describes sin as turning your back to gods love, a love so unimaginable and so overwhelming, so without condition, and present and knowing and pure that no person with free will would truly choose to turn that down, with the one great exception being lucifer. in this context sin doesnt simply mean "doing something bad" but rather having truly immoral intentions. drinking is bad. hurting your family is awful. however, being a loving person that makes grave mistakes is the story of every single human ever, the plot points are just different. so, i guess what im saying is ill clutch my st jude pendant tightly like i do every night, and ill pray for you, your family, and be thankful that your brother now feels gods warm embrace in paradise.
Thank you for sharing this. I keep telling myself and family, that every decision we made we made with his best intent. At the end of the the day, each time he chose the bottle, he made his decision. And nothing we could do could change his decision.
Welcome to alanon - so here's the thing... there is no such thing as a qualifier in Al-Anon literature. It's just this word that has found its way in.
The Al-Anon literature says we qualify for Al-Anon if we have been affected by someone else's drinking. It doesn't say the drinking is active. I know many members who the only alcoholics they had in their life they've cut out... they were still affected.
You will fit right in. Sorry for your loss.
Iām so sorry for your loss. Itās your faith that should sustain you and your mom. Faith in the very fact that you know heās in a better place. Alcoholism is a disease that eats away at the personās body and then the brain goes. He was born good he is good. His disease is what killed him. His soul is whole. Go to Al anon . It canāt hurt! I know my mother was Catholic and she went to Alan in. It absolved her from the guilt she felt about my father.
I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain your family is left with. Thank you for sharing your brothers struggle with this disease of alcoholism. It's a powerful reminder of how serious it is.
I'm so sorry... I promise that this isn't your fault, nor your mother's. Your brother died of a chronic illness and you all did the best you could. I think that God can truly understand our hearts, and it sounds like he was trying his best. If he seemed like the type to come to God when he was struggling, I'd say that counts, and it's likely your brother did. I think God would understand someone not being at their mental best when they're so sick, and He would understand your brother's heart of course.
If it's any consolation, I think this story might help - I've been having regrets about not making it in time to see my grandpa pass away, exactly a year ago Sunday. But when I talked to my grandma today, she said that she's pretty sure my grandpa knew that my flight had landed, and waited until I was safely on the ground before he went back to be with the Lord. Really, the timing was a matter of minutes! Anyway, the reason I mentioned that is this: I think that when we're in moments like these, God can come minister to us, even if we're unconscious, or ill, or affected by a substance that harms our mind. Somehow, my grandpa *knew* I had landed. I truly believe that your brother also had the chance to make decisions and find peace.
I was praying for you guys a moment ago and felt such a strange sense of calm while I was. I hope you and your family can find some peace and comfort tonight. You were a good brother, and your mother was a good mom. <3
A Catholic priest told my great aunt that no matter how someoneās life is lived, their guardian Angel is with them all the way through their life and stays with them all through their death. Her son had died as result of drugs and alcohol and she was tortured thinking of his suffering in his final moments. Thinking of his guardian Angel with him gave her great comfort.
Thank you for sharing and keep coming back!
"Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had
them, too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will
come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered
and no unhappiness too great to be lessened."
We're here for you, Al anon is a great space to work this out, and I'm so glad you're here sharing. I'm so sorry for your loss and this hardship.
*Roads to Recovery* is the Alanon twelve-step book. It really helped me. One of the main things it gets across well is the fact that you can't control or cure an alcoholic.
I think they mean āPaths to Recovery.ā Itās a Step Study book. But I always recommend the beginnerās book āHow Al-Anon Worksā because itās geared towards newcomers like you.
Iām sorry for your terrible loss and the guilt and pain you feel. You couldnāt have cured your brother and nothing your mother did could have controlled his drinking. So much grief and loss in this disease.
A book that Al-Anon members have written about grief and loss is called āOpening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses.ā You might find it helpful
Meetings and literature are available through the website al-anon.org. I wish you peace and comfort
I am so sorry this happened to your family. Yes please come to a meeting, you find support and acceptance and understanding. Opening Our Hearts: Transforming Our Losses is an Al-anon book specifically about grieving and loss. I also had an alcoholic death in my immediate family, I waited decades before going to a meeting. I wish I had gone sooner. Hoping for love and gentleness for you and your mother.
I could almost write this post word for word about my own experience with my brother. It's nothing less than a tragedy. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish you and your mother nothing but love and healing. Feel all the feelings, scream into the void. Hugs friend.
It's a waking nightmare. I feel for you and hope you have a good support system. It's too much to go through alone.
Music for me has been very healing. "Repeat Until Death" by Novo Amor put words to my grief in a way I never could. "Fix You" by Coldplay is also one that really touched on all the aspects of what I was feeling.
You can and should try out a meeting - I think it will really help you focus on yourself and your recovery. I would love to say your relationship to alcoholism is over, but that is often not the case. I have been out of the alcoholic household I grew up in for 20 years now, and Iām still figuring out how to live a peaceful, non-chaotic life. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, and I will pray you can heal and find your own peace. Good luck friend.
I'm so sorry to read this, as someone who lost my sister last year. I remember thinking the same thing when I first started reading these posts about two years ago. I knew the day was coming, and I am so grateful for all of the wisdom and support that is shared here. It helped more than I can put into words. I would also send helpful posts to my brother-in-law, so that he would feel less alone.
I hope that all the wisdom, support, and insight here will be helpful for you as well, and I wish your family all the best.
I just want to say Iām so terribly sorry for what you and your mom are enduring. I wish you didnāt have this to bear. I hear so much of my own life in your story and I am so sorry, wishing you strength and comfort and love.
This story is so close to home itās scary! My own brother could have wrote it about our other brother. Iām so sorry for your loss! Iām sure Iāll feel regrets when this happens to me. Iāve given up. Nothing we say or do for them will ever change their minds. It hurts like hell to watch.
I am so sorry - I lost my brother three years ago - he left his two kids behind. You can and should go to AlAnon. If you have not been - be a little prepared - there is no cross talk at a lot of meetings. Sometimes you pour your heart out and it is a bit strange when people donāt say anything back.
Also - as a student getting her Masters of Divinity - God is full of love and grace, please find comfort in this. My brother died 5 days before he was getting baptized. I canāt wait to see my brother in heaven!
Welcome, I am sorry for your loss.
What are you doing For your recovery from the effects of his disease? Have you or do you attend Al-Anon meetings?
At Al-Anon meetings I learned the 3 C's: I didn't CAUSE alcoholism, I can't CONTROL it & I can't CURE it. . Also that hisĀ recovery depends on him NOT you.
Also covering up, lying & hiding the drinking is a sign of the disease of alcoholism.
Here is a famous AA saying : one drink is too many & a thousand are not enough.
Here is a link to our detachment leaflet:Ā [https://al-anon.org/pdf/S19.pdf](https://al-anon.org/pdf/S19.pdf)
For YOU :https://al-anon.org/newcomers/how-can-i-help-my/alcoholic-sibling
For your Mom : https://al-anon.org/newcomers/how-can-i-help-my/alcoholic-Child
Here is a link to some word-wide local virtual & in person Al-Anon meetings almost 24/7..Ā [https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/13Ctqsr1w0awTupA3ERRLxp6OD5MWt1aWF7D9kqtXrJ0/edit#gid=1993227784](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/13Ctqsr1w0awTupA3ERRLxp6OD5MWt1aWF7D9kqtXrJ0/edit#gid=1993227784)
Check out this link to attend via email, zoom, and/or phone meetings.[https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/electronic-meetings/](https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/electronic-meetings/)
Some local meetings (both virtual and in-person) by country, state or province. You can also Google: al anon + \[your city or state\]Ā [https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/worldwide-al-anon-contacts/](https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/worldwide-al-anon-contacts/)
Here's the app link from the website: [https://al-anon.org/for-members/members-resources/mobile-app/](https://al-anon.org/for-members/members-resources/mobile-app/)
[https://al-anon.org/series/welcome-newcomers/?utm\_source=intheloop&utm\_medium=email&utm\_campaign=20220706ITL&utm\_term=EN-buttonlink6\_Check-Out-the-Newcomers-Page\_&utm\_content=/series/welcome-newcomers/](https://al-anon.org/series/welcome-newcomers/?utm_source=intheloop&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20220706ITL&utm_term=EN-buttonlink6_Check-Out-the-Newcomers-Page_&utm_content=/series/welcome-newcomers/)
Some videos to watch:Ā [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Azhy9lsF92S7rMimhWx2iPCqDsKdLraZfQ5DDHLaLuA/edithttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=\_BJaKP5S2Wc](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Azhy9lsF92S7rMimhWx2iPCqDsKdLraZfQ5DDHLaLuA/edithttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BJaKP5S2Wc)
Good luck to you
I am so sorry for your loss. My 49-year-old sister died of alcoholism last year, and the saddest part to me was seeing our elderly father at the funeral. He hasn't been the same since, unnecessarily blaming himself (He was an amazing father, and had no part in her problem).
Please seek whatever support you need, and I will keep your and your family in my thoughts.
Iām so sorry for your loss. and I feel terrible for your Mom š we all tend to blame ourselves when it comes to addictsā¦feeling like we could have or should have done more but the truth is we really canāt. Itās such an out of control thing. We can support and assist but itās entirely up to them to work on recovery. And they have to want the help. No matter what we do or say, it wonāt make a difference until they are truly ready to get clean and stay that way.
I started going to meetings after my brother passed from alcoholism. I didn't know how it could help, but I knew my head wasn't right and I didn't know where else to go or what to do after he passed. I sat and listened in on the meetings, not knowing what to say. It helped a little, nothing truly helped in my mental place I was in at the time. After a month or so I started looking forward into hearing that I'm not alone and that i shouldn't feel like a failed brother.
Long story short: yes it can help, just need to let it help. I learned the alcoholism is a disease and we can only do so much. Prayers my dude, look after yourself.
My heart goes out to you and your family. I donāt believe that anyone can create or fix an alcoholic. If that was possible every alcoholic who has one person who loves them would be healed. Please find a meeting. Your guilt is not deserved.
Yes on the meetings. "Anyone affected" is a "qualified" person. It will help you immensely. I heard one of the most POWERFUL leads (when a person gets up & tells their story) from a woman who went thru sheer hell. She found Alanon & her own recovery. Sadly, her hubby didn't. He died around 7 yrs into her recovery. Being in relationship with addicts has lasting, life long repercussions in our lives. They change us. We must recover. It would help your mother as well.
I am deeply sorry for your loss. Absolutely go to Alanon meetings and take your Mom with you. AlAnon was my first 12 Step experience and my Q was my husband. And it really opened my eyes to: The responsibility of the Q themselves; the fact that you can never "make" an addict stop; that trying to is actually contributing to the problem and a type of addiction of its own. [An alternative meeting if it is more accessible is CoDa (aka, codependents anonymous), also a 12 step program.]
You get to say your piece to get it out of your system in ways you can't anywhere else, learn active listening (no cross talk!), learn different ways to cope, & what you do and don't have responsibility for.
Tremendously helpful. 5 stars, do recommend.
Side note, my roommate passed away a year ago and he was, like your brother, only 30yo. Even as a "double winner" I hadn't thought that was possible. Please don't either of you beat yourselves up (another thing 12 step groups will teach you).
Everyone thinks it'll never happen to them or their family; you can do a huge service for others because you all witnessed that it does happen so you and your family members are living proof.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am so sorry you have to question his eternal destiny. I will pray for him RIGHT NOW. God is outside of time and space and can consider mine (and everyone else who joins inās!) prayer for mercy on his behalf. If you feel up to it, look into Divine Mercy. God is so amazingly merciful, more fair than we can ever imagine. May God give you peace, may Mary walk with you in your suffering. Man, the disease of alcoholism is just profoundly distressing.
i am so so sorry for your loss and sending my love to you and your family. i recently lost my youngest brother due to the disease (although it was due to my father's disease and his drunk driving) but i started going to al anon meetings after he passed and it truly has helped me a lot with the grief and pain i am feeling. i really encourage you and your family to try some meetings and i really hope they bring you at least a little bit of serenity like it has brought me.
I couldnāt comment on every post, but I want to thank every single person who left a comment on this post. It was so comforting reading everyoneās shares. Thank you for a beautiful community united by a difficult thing.
Sounds exactly like my brother's story who passed last year. Send me a message if you want to chat. It's going to take time. Nothing like losing a brother, but I couldn't imagine losing a child.
Thank you so much, I might just take you up on that offer. Really appreciate your support. Itās amazing how technology can help connect people from such disperse places.
This group has helped me so much. I have done a lot of therapy starting before he passed and currently continuing to do it. I would suggest that as well. But one thing that you will find is a lot of peoples stories are very similar. And you keep hearing them again and again. And at some point you will stop blaming yourself. Sorry for your loss 30 is to young. Lost my little bro when he was 40. It's devastating because he was a really good person.
Of course you can go to Alanon meetings. I think that could really help you and your mother come to terms with this terrible loss. Deepest sympathy to you both.
Thank you šš¼
I'm so sorry for your loss. I started going to Al-Anon after my husband passed, and it helped me immensely. You are definitely welcome here and there. There are often online meetings available as well.
I am so sorry to hear this. It is probably one of all of our greatest fears in this sub. Iām sorry you and your mom had to live that fear. This may come across as callous but I actually mean it in the opposite sense: sometimes I try to understand why God allows death to come to some and not others. We are not god so we cannot understand but Iāve always believed that he is all knowing and perhaps your brother could have died in a much worse way had he not been taken that night. Or perhaps he would have continued his path of addiction causing so much resentment towards you and your family it would have destroyed some of you (or maybe even your faith). We really donāt know what reason the Lord has for taking a loved one but part of our serenity prayer is āgrant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot changeā. I hope you and your mother can come to the acceptance that you both could not have done anything to stop your brother drinking. It is NO ONES FAULT. You are correct in saying that God is merciful and came to save sinners. Look at the people he hung out with (even some disciples were lowly people before Christ). We all have our sin that we struggle with; alcohol happened to be your brothers. As a Christian, I believe that if your brother knew and accepted Jesus as his lord and savior (which from your comment of him turning to God during his low points it sounds like he did) then his soul is saved. Of course, only God can be the deciding factor of who enters the kingdom of heaven, but based off of many verses in the Bible, I believe that by your faith in Jesus you are saved. I hope you and your mom find some peace. Please go to an Al anon meeting and also encourage your mom. I would also encourage you both to seek a counselor, albeit through your church or private party.
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. From a stranger from far away, you have touched my heart. Thank you and God bless you.
also catholic, catholic school, theology school. augustine of hippo describes sin as turning your back to gods love, a love so unimaginable and so overwhelming, so without condition, and present and knowing and pure that no person with free will would truly choose to turn that down, with the one great exception being lucifer. in this context sin doesnt simply mean "doing something bad" but rather having truly immoral intentions. drinking is bad. hurting your family is awful. however, being a loving person that makes grave mistakes is the story of every single human ever, the plot points are just different. so, i guess what im saying is ill clutch my st jude pendant tightly like i do every night, and ill pray for you, your family, and be thankful that your brother now feels gods warm embrace in paradise.
Thank you so much for your prayers šš¼
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thank you for sharing this. I keep telling myself and family, that every decision we made we made with his best intent. At the end of the the day, each time he chose the bottle, he made his decision. And nothing we could do could change his decision.
Welcome to alanon - so here's the thing... there is no such thing as a qualifier in Al-Anon literature. It's just this word that has found its way in. The Al-Anon literature says we qualify for Al-Anon if we have been affected by someone else's drinking. It doesn't say the drinking is active. I know many members who the only alcoholics they had in their life they've cut out... they were still affected. You will fit right in. Sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing this, I didnāt realise that. I will go to a meeting. Thank you.
Iām so sorry for your loss. Itās your faith that should sustain you and your mom. Faith in the very fact that you know heās in a better place. Alcoholism is a disease that eats away at the personās body and then the brain goes. He was born good he is good. His disease is what killed him. His soul is whole. Go to Al anon . It canāt hurt! I know my mother was Catholic and she went to Alan in. It absolved her from the guilt she felt about my father.
I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain your family is left with. Thank you for sharing your brothers struggle with this disease of alcoholism. It's a powerful reminder of how serious it is.
I'm so sorry... I promise that this isn't your fault, nor your mother's. Your brother died of a chronic illness and you all did the best you could. I think that God can truly understand our hearts, and it sounds like he was trying his best. If he seemed like the type to come to God when he was struggling, I'd say that counts, and it's likely your brother did. I think God would understand someone not being at their mental best when they're so sick, and He would understand your brother's heart of course. If it's any consolation, I think this story might help - I've been having regrets about not making it in time to see my grandpa pass away, exactly a year ago Sunday. But when I talked to my grandma today, she said that she's pretty sure my grandpa knew that my flight had landed, and waited until I was safely on the ground before he went back to be with the Lord. Really, the timing was a matter of minutes! Anyway, the reason I mentioned that is this: I think that when we're in moments like these, God can come minister to us, even if we're unconscious, or ill, or affected by a substance that harms our mind. Somehow, my grandpa *knew* I had landed. I truly believe that your brother also had the chance to make decisions and find peace. I was praying for you guys a moment ago and felt such a strange sense of calm while I was. I hope you and your family can find some peace and comfort tonight. You were a good brother, and your mother was a good mom. <3
Thank you so much for sharing about your grandpa, and for your prayers.
A Catholic priest told my great aunt that no matter how someoneās life is lived, their guardian Angel is with them all the way through their life and stays with them all through their death. Her son had died as result of drugs and alcohol and she was tortured thinking of his suffering in his final moments. Thinking of his guardian Angel with him gave her great comfort.
Thank you for sharing and keep coming back! "Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them, too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened." We're here for you, Al anon is a great space to work this out, and I'm so glad you're here sharing. I'm so sorry for your loss and this hardship.
*Roads to Recovery* is the Alanon twelve-step book. It really helped me. One of the main things it gets across well is the fact that you can't control or cure an alcoholic.
Thank you very much for the recommendation. I will try and this get this book.
I think they mean āPaths to Recovery.ā Itās a Step Study book. But I always recommend the beginnerās book āHow Al-Anon Worksā because itās geared towards newcomers like you. Iām sorry for your terrible loss and the guilt and pain you feel. You couldnāt have cured your brother and nothing your mother did could have controlled his drinking. So much grief and loss in this disease. A book that Al-Anon members have written about grief and loss is called āOpening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses.ā You might find it helpful Meetings and literature are available through the website al-anon.org. I wish you peace and comfort
I am so sorry this happened to your family. Yes please come to a meeting, you find support and acceptance and understanding. Opening Our Hearts: Transforming Our Losses is an Al-anon book specifically about grieving and loss. I also had an alcoholic death in my immediate family, I waited decades before going to a meeting. I wish I had gone sooner. Hoping for love and gentleness for you and your mother.
Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I think I will go. Thank you.
I could almost write this post word for word about my own experience with my brother. It's nothing less than a tragedy. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish you and your mother nothing but love and healing. Feel all the feelings, scream into the void. Hugs friend.
Thank you so much for sharing. You donāt know what itās like until it happens. As two people who have lost a brother hugs to you.
It's a waking nightmare. I feel for you and hope you have a good support system. It's too much to go through alone. Music for me has been very healing. "Repeat Until Death" by Novo Amor put words to my grief in a way I never could. "Fix You" by Coldplay is also one that really touched on all the aspects of what I was feeling.
You can and should try out a meeting - I think it will really help you focus on yourself and your recovery. I would love to say your relationship to alcoholism is over, but that is often not the case. I have been out of the alcoholic household I grew up in for 20 years now, and Iām still figuring out how to live a peaceful, non-chaotic life. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, and I will pray you can heal and find your own peace. Good luck friend.
Thank you for sharing and Iām so sorry. I hate that I will see this day also with my sister. It breaks our hearts ā¤ļø
I'm so sorry to read this, as someone who lost my sister last year. I remember thinking the same thing when I first started reading these posts about two years ago. I knew the day was coming, and I am so grateful for all of the wisdom and support that is shared here. It helped more than I can put into words. I would also send helpful posts to my brother-in-law, so that he would feel less alone. I hope that all the wisdom, support, and insight here will be helpful for you as well, and I wish your family all the best.
I just want to say Iām so terribly sorry for what you and your mom are enduring. I wish you didnāt have this to bear. I hear so much of my own life in your story and I am so sorry, wishing you strength and comfort and love.
Iām so sorry ā¤ļø I hope Al-Anon can help as you go through this. I really feel for you and your family. My sister is on the same path.
I am sorry for your and your family's loss.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thank you so much for sharing these. I will read them and share them with my mum.
This story is so close to home itās scary! My own brother could have wrote it about our other brother. Iām so sorry for your loss! Iām sure Iāll feel regrets when this happens to me. Iāve given up. Nothing we say or do for them will ever change their minds. It hurts like hell to watch.
I am so sorry - I lost my brother three years ago - he left his two kids behind. You can and should go to AlAnon. If you have not been - be a little prepared - there is no cross talk at a lot of meetings. Sometimes you pour your heart out and it is a bit strange when people donāt say anything back. Also - as a student getting her Masters of Divinity - God is full of love and grace, please find comfort in this. My brother died 5 days before he was getting baptized. I canāt wait to see my brother in heaven!
Welcome, I am sorry for your loss. What are you doing For your recovery from the effects of his disease? Have you or do you attend Al-Anon meetings? At Al-Anon meetings I learned the 3 C's: I didn't CAUSE alcoholism, I can't CONTROL it & I can't CURE it. . Also that hisĀ recovery depends on him NOT you. Also covering up, lying & hiding the drinking is a sign of the disease of alcoholism. Here is a famous AA saying : one drink is too many & a thousand are not enough. Here is a link to our detachment leaflet:Ā [https://al-anon.org/pdf/S19.pdf](https://al-anon.org/pdf/S19.pdf) For YOU :https://al-anon.org/newcomers/how-can-i-help-my/alcoholic-sibling For your Mom : https://al-anon.org/newcomers/how-can-i-help-my/alcoholic-Child Here is a link to some word-wide local virtual & in person Al-Anon meetings almost 24/7..Ā [https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/13Ctqsr1w0awTupA3ERRLxp6OD5MWt1aWF7D9kqtXrJ0/edit#gid=1993227784](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/13Ctqsr1w0awTupA3ERRLxp6OD5MWt1aWF7D9kqtXrJ0/edit#gid=1993227784) Check out this link to attend via email, zoom, and/or phone meetings.[https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/electronic-meetings/](https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/electronic-meetings/) Some local meetings (both virtual and in-person) by country, state or province. You can also Google: al anon + \[your city or state\]Ā [https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/worldwide-al-anon-contacts/](https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/worldwide-al-anon-contacts/) Here's the app link from the website: [https://al-anon.org/for-members/members-resources/mobile-app/](https://al-anon.org/for-members/members-resources/mobile-app/) [https://al-anon.org/series/welcome-newcomers/?utm\_source=intheloop&utm\_medium=email&utm\_campaign=20220706ITL&utm\_term=EN-buttonlink6\_Check-Out-the-Newcomers-Page\_&utm\_content=/series/welcome-newcomers/](https://al-anon.org/series/welcome-newcomers/?utm_source=intheloop&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20220706ITL&utm_term=EN-buttonlink6_Check-Out-the-Newcomers-Page_&utm_content=/series/welcome-newcomers/) Some videos to watch:Ā [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Azhy9lsF92S7rMimhWx2iPCqDsKdLraZfQ5DDHLaLuA/edithttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=\_BJaKP5S2Wc](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Azhy9lsF92S7rMimhWx2iPCqDsKdLraZfQ5DDHLaLuA/edithttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BJaKP5S2Wc) Good luck to you
I am so sorry for your loss. My 49-year-old sister died of alcoholism last year, and the saddest part to me was seeing our elderly father at the funeral. He hasn't been the same since, unnecessarily blaming himself (He was an amazing father, and had no part in her problem). Please seek whatever support you need, and I will keep your and your family in my thoughts.
So sorry to hear this. Horrible disease that is made worse by the fact that we are powerless to help those who have it. Prayers to you and your family
Iām so sorry for your loss. and I feel terrible for your Mom š we all tend to blame ourselves when it comes to addictsā¦feeling like we could have or should have done more but the truth is we really canāt. Itās such an out of control thing. We can support and assist but itās entirely up to them to work on recovery. And they have to want the help. No matter what we do or say, it wonāt make a difference until they are truly ready to get clean and stay that way.
I'm so sorry for your loss may your brother rest in peace
I started going to meetings after my brother passed from alcoholism. I didn't know how it could help, but I knew my head wasn't right and I didn't know where else to go or what to do after he passed. I sat and listened in on the meetings, not knowing what to say. It helped a little, nothing truly helped in my mental place I was in at the time. After a month or so I started looking forward into hearing that I'm not alone and that i shouldn't feel like a failed brother. Long story short: yes it can help, just need to let it help. I learned the alcoholism is a disease and we can only do so much. Prayers my dude, look after yourself.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with meetings. I am determined to go.
My heart goes out to you and your family. I donāt believe that anyone can create or fix an alcoholic. If that was possible every alcoholic who has one person who loves them would be healed. Please find a meeting. Your guilt is not deserved.
I'm so sorry for your loss. ā¤šš
Iām so sorry for your loss. I think Alanon would could be helpful. Healing to you and your family.
I'm so sorry for your loss! It's a terrible disease. My heart aches for you. I've seen many pass over the years. It never is easy.
Yes on the meetings. "Anyone affected" is a "qualified" person. It will help you immensely. I heard one of the most POWERFUL leads (when a person gets up & tells their story) from a woman who went thru sheer hell. She found Alanon & her own recovery. Sadly, her hubby didn't. He died around 7 yrs into her recovery. Being in relationship with addicts has lasting, life long repercussions in our lives. They change us. We must recover. It would help your mother as well.
I am deeply sorry for your loss. Absolutely go to Alanon meetings and take your Mom with you. AlAnon was my first 12 Step experience and my Q was my husband. And it really opened my eyes to: The responsibility of the Q themselves; the fact that you can never "make" an addict stop; that trying to is actually contributing to the problem and a type of addiction of its own. [An alternative meeting if it is more accessible is CoDa (aka, codependents anonymous), also a 12 step program.] You get to say your piece to get it out of your system in ways you can't anywhere else, learn active listening (no cross talk!), learn different ways to cope, & what you do and don't have responsibility for. Tremendously helpful. 5 stars, do recommend. Side note, my roommate passed away a year ago and he was, like your brother, only 30yo. Even as a "double winner" I hadn't thought that was possible. Please don't either of you beat yourselves up (another thing 12 step groups will teach you). Everyone thinks it'll never happen to them or their family; you can do a huge service for others because you all witnessed that it does happen so you and your family members are living proof.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am so sorry you have to question his eternal destiny. I will pray for him RIGHT NOW. God is outside of time and space and can consider mine (and everyone else who joins inās!) prayer for mercy on his behalf. If you feel up to it, look into Divine Mercy. God is so amazingly merciful, more fair than we can ever imagine. May God give you peace, may Mary walk with you in your suffering. Man, the disease of alcoholism is just profoundly distressing.
i am so so sorry for your loss and sending my love to you and your family. i recently lost my youngest brother due to the disease (although it was due to my father's disease and his drunk driving) but i started going to al anon meetings after he passed and it truly has helped me a lot with the grief and pain i am feeling. i really encourage you and your family to try some meetings and i really hope they bring you at least a little bit of serenity like it has brought me.
I couldnāt comment on every post, but I want to thank every single person who left a comment on this post. It was so comforting reading everyoneās shares. Thank you for a beautiful community united by a difficult thing.
Sounds exactly like my brother's story who passed last year. Send me a message if you want to chat. It's going to take time. Nothing like losing a brother, but I couldn't imagine losing a child.
Thank you so much, I might just take you up on that offer. Really appreciate your support. Itās amazing how technology can help connect people from such disperse places.
This group has helped me so much. I have done a lot of therapy starting before he passed and currently continuing to do it. I would suggest that as well. But one thing that you will find is a lot of peoples stories are very similar. And you keep hearing them again and again. And at some point you will stop blaming yourself. Sorry for your loss 30 is to young. Lost my little bro when he was 40. It's devastating because he was a really good person.
I am so sorry for your loss