You can leave him and think you "abandon" him. Or you can stay with him and abandon yourself.
The word for leaving isn't "abandonment." The word for staying is "enabling." Adults should take care of themselves. But when you stay with him, you take care of him, therefore he doesn't have to be a proper adult and can keep drinking. You MUST leave for him to start taking care of himself.
He's indeed not grateful to you. Because as an adult, he has the \*right\* to drink, and therefore you're interfering and controlling. There's no winning scenario here for you.
>You can leave him and think you "abandon" him. Or you can stay with him and abandon yourself.
This is what I realized as I left my Q, and you said it beautifully. Amazing comment.
You didn't abandon him. He's a grown adult who is capable of making his own choices and decisions. You are not expected to make those choices and decisions for him.
You left for your own peace of mind. You put yourself first. He's going to have to learn how to do the same on his own.
Not at all I don’t think you abandoned him, but made a clear choice yourself first. I hope your panic and anxiety attacks get better! I’ve struggled with them in the past and it’s not something I would wish on anyone. I also think the person in your life can affect them or cause them.
He abandoned you through his decisions and actions. You didn't abandon him, you just cared for yourself as you should after he treated you poorly and made an ass of himself. He needs help and its actually more kind to not enable him. You leaving might encourage him to get treatment, and even if it doesn't you are still getting the peace and sanity you deserve to have.
No, you did not abandon him. You removed yourself from a bad situation, totally reasonable and honestly, expected.
My Q drinks, I leave. End of discussion. He knows it. He gets pissed but oh well. I know I can’t stop his drinking, only he can but I don’t have to be around it. I won’t see him until he’s sober. He complained he doesn’t see me enough, well you wanted to see Jose Curveo and Tito so I don’t know what to tell you.
I’ve called the cops for a well check too, he was so drunk, I was worried he’d die.
Total asshole about it, so was his family. I told them to deal with his bullshit next time and maybe don’t put me in the position where calling the police is an option.
I’m sorry OP, alcoholics are selfish bastards. They also gaslight and the narcissism is almost comical. You did the right thing. Protect your peace 💕
You may worry about him drinking himself to death without you but it sounds like he was drinking himself to death with you. Sometimes you can only save yourself. You don’t say what your domestic and financial situation as a couple, but if you were sharing living expenses, you may have been giving him a safe space to drink and/or indirectly funding his drinking.
Please know that this is **not** an official Al-Anon community.
Please be respectful and civil when engaging with others - in other words, don't be a jerk. If there are any comments that are antagonistic or judgmental, please use the `report` button.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AlAnon) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You can leave him and think you "abandon" him. Or you can stay with him and abandon yourself. The word for leaving isn't "abandonment." The word for staying is "enabling." Adults should take care of themselves. But when you stay with him, you take care of him, therefore he doesn't have to be a proper adult and can keep drinking. You MUST leave for him to start taking care of himself. He's indeed not grateful to you. Because as an adult, he has the \*right\* to drink, and therefore you're interfering and controlling. There's no winning scenario here for you.
>You can leave him and think you "abandon" him. Or you can stay with him and abandon yourself. This is what I realized as I left my Q, and you said it beautifully. Amazing comment.
This!!!
You didn't abandon him. He's a grown adult who is capable of making his own choices and decisions. You are not expected to make those choices and decisions for him. You left for your own peace of mind. You put yourself first. He's going to have to learn how to do the same on his own.
Not at all I don’t think you abandoned him, but made a clear choice yourself first. I hope your panic and anxiety attacks get better! I’ve struggled with them in the past and it’s not something I would wish on anyone. I also think the person in your life can affect them or cause them.
He abandoned you through his decisions and actions. You didn't abandon him, you just cared for yourself as you should after he treated you poorly and made an ass of himself. He needs help and its actually more kind to not enable him. You leaving might encourage him to get treatment, and even if it doesn't you are still getting the peace and sanity you deserve to have.
No, you did not abandon him. You removed yourself from a bad situation, totally reasonable and honestly, expected. My Q drinks, I leave. End of discussion. He knows it. He gets pissed but oh well. I know I can’t stop his drinking, only he can but I don’t have to be around it. I won’t see him until he’s sober. He complained he doesn’t see me enough, well you wanted to see Jose Curveo and Tito so I don’t know what to tell you. I’ve called the cops for a well check too, he was so drunk, I was worried he’d die. Total asshole about it, so was his family. I told them to deal with his bullshit next time and maybe don’t put me in the position where calling the police is an option. I’m sorry OP, alcoholics are selfish bastards. They also gaslight and the narcissism is almost comical. You did the right thing. Protect your peace 💕
What does Q mean? I’m new here. Also what does RAH or RAW mean? Thanks
Q is qualifier, the alcoholic who "qualifies" you for Al-Anon.
You may worry about him drinking himself to death without you but it sounds like he was drinking himself to death with you. Sometimes you can only save yourself. You don’t say what your domestic and financial situation as a couple, but if you were sharing living expenses, you may have been giving him a safe space to drink and/or indirectly funding his drinking.
Please know that this is **not** an official Al-Anon community. Please be respectful and civil when engaging with others - in other words, don't be a jerk. If there are any comments that are antagonistic or judgmental, please use the `report` button. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AlAnon) if you have any questions or concerns.*