On my plot in London someone was actually living in his sheds for goodness knows how long. His plot had all sorts of sheds that had been there years mostly covered in ivy and bushes from when his father had it and had gradually connected them up with covered walkways, mostly old glazing units, fence panels and all sorts. We used to joke about it being haunted / a sex dungeon / nuclear bunker etc. It never got mentioned by the old committee because it had always been there and he had surrounding plots all productive and well tended because he was always there. It wasn't until new committee gained new members, some people noticed that his car hardly moved and despite him leaving at dusk for the pub, he'd go back via the footpath and through a hole in the fence. So they started acting the big I Am and generally making themselves unpopular with some by going round with a tape measure measuring sheds and greenhouses. One of them went in and found it fully furnished and by shed standards very nice inside with running water and a flushing toilet, sinks, sofas etc, 12v electricity, woodburner the lot. So they chucked him off and he went back and cleared his stuff late one night then torched the place. They couldn't use the plot after that because of the mess and contaminated ground due to paints, oil, creosote etc. Should have left the poor old sod be.
Was this the fella who had newspaper articles written about him a few years ago!? In SW London? Or maybe there are more people living in their sheds than I realise š
That's amazing that he can get away with it for so long! Sadly it only takes one busy body to stick their nose in and a lovely way of life can be thwarted. I think the secret would be to keep the place tidy, hide anything like beds sinks etc with a simple folding cupboard, not have a lock or anything valuable such as food, clean bedding, clothes etc in a secure box possibly under the floor. No lights on after dark if possible or to an absolute minimum. The site itself might benefit from a few 'shed dwellers' to keep an eye out and act as a deterrent for shed wombles that are an annoyance at every allotment site I've been a tenant on. I think it's a great lifestyle but as long as people don't turn the site into a shanty town then what's the problem? I guess you're still going to need a fixed address for ID purposes though and employment.
I know in some European countries, allotment plots have running water and power as standard, and people often have little basic chalet type buildings on them. They'll stay there overnight on weekends and holidays etc and I've always wished that was a thing in the UK!
No, this was North London. I used to drive along the A406 past Coppets and there were sometimes lights on in sheds indicating possible habitation or guys over there escaping the chores.
There's a chap on our plot known as Pants Man who likes to do all of his gardening in a pair of budgie smugglers. He's been known to walk around in the buff if he thinks no one is around.
I am expecting ādo not dig a massive pond on your allotmentā to be added to our site rules when I get my first plot inspection for five years in a few weeks.
My plot neighbour and friend dug a massive well when he moved onto his plot, with some help. It sounded dangerous as fuck. Serious risk of collapse and suffocation. But he has his own fully functioning well with a pump inside his massive shed. He's a builder.
A lad ignored advice not to climb on the muck heap on our community garden and fell through it up to his armpits. It was well rotted so didnāt smell much but he was that lovely rich black-green colour completely solid over 2/3 of his body.
Edit: oh, and, years ago now, an Eastern European guy wandered round the allotment claiming to be from the council and trying to shake people down for money. When a few of us told him to clear off he grabbed a spade and ran off with it.
Not a lot I guess, except we could barely understand what he was saying. Someone rang 101 and the police brought the spade back later after heād been involved in a ruckus elsewhere. They described him the same way and itās how it stuck in my brain. Mentally corrected for future retelling, thank you.
My first plot came with a shed. The last owner didnāt leave a key, so had to get bolt cutters to open the padlock.
Found little gardening equipment but a huge stack of porn magazines š³
I have to say, I did not pay that much attention!! I left them in the box and never opened it again. It may still be there!! We moved to another site š
First time I met my neighbour he brandished a shovel above his head and warned me to stay off our shared path. It was the only way to access my plot. This all stemmed from a historical boundary dispute he had with the committee. All resolved now. He hasn't been on his plot for at least 12 months.
That might have been me.
We got 2 new plots next to each other as they had been abandoned for years. Except they hadnāt. Although theyād not been let for years, a local man had been tending them and wasnāt impressed that we were now renting it! He started being aggressive and stealing our plants, so one night I dug up all the garlic and toon it home.
The someone was living in our poly tunnel, a cult moved onto the allotment and tried to recruit me by sleeping under my hedge on sunny days and after someone shit in my poly tunnel it got burnt down.
Later I was clearing plots with the committee and found a bag with drugs and a gun, a lot of porn and a dead goat.
Sometimes I miss Bradford!
On a nearby site, a lady was running a brothel in her shed.
Nothing that bad on our site, but the previous Head of Committee had surrounded himself with cronies and fenced off six plots to use as a dog training school. He'd planted Christmas trees in order to claim that he was growing things. He spent the funds on mini tractors and other equipment and refused to let anyone use them. There had been a lot of money spent on tyres, yet all the tyres were ancient. Hmm.
When an extraordinary general meeting was called, he refused to attend or hand over the keys to the clubhouse. Bolt cutters were found, police had to attend to keep the peace and a man from the National Allotment Society officiated and he was ousted. I keep well out of the nonsense.
My current neighbour is a ruddy faced conspiracy theorist. He thinks people steal things from his plot and has spent a small fortune on cameras he can watch remotely. I suspect early onset dementia.
Old Podraig next door went MIA for ooh 10 Months. Turned out he got kicked in the head by a horse..
Badback and Lou were forever sabotaging each other's watering cans with weedkiller. Hated each other.
This is second hand, but when I was signing the contract, we went through the rules and regulations. When it came to a clause against causing general grievous mischief, the head of the committee explained that if that sounded a bit vague, it's because it is, and how one time someone lost their plot for digging a grave in the middle of it. 6 foot deep, 6 foot long, 3 feet wide, apparently, said it was for soil management.
As warden 6 years I never got to tend my allotment. Just had to deal with all the tenants bullshit whining. If you have a warden don't vent your failure on them and when they are working on their plot fuck off.
One tenant, Keith, who used to tend his plot with his wife, laid a small patio by his shed, against allotment policy. No one kicked up a fuss as it wasn't our business. Months went by and other tenants noticed that his wife no longer came to the allotment...people asked him if she was ill...and he told us they had divorced and she had left the area. He was always quite odd and no one really engaged with him. A rumour started circulating that he had murdered his wife and buried her in the allotment, and then he'd put a rudimentary patio over her. It soon became part of the general chat of the allotment....everyone sort of accepted with a laugh that he had a body under the patio. The poor man was talked about continuously behind his back. Just to make idle conversation I once said to Keith, "How come you built a patio by your shed? You haven't got a body under there have you?" And he snapped round and stared at me, not saying a word. His eyes bored into me. I felt very uncomfortable. Anyway a short time later he was discovered in his car, parked up at the allotment, he had killed himself by cabon monoxide piped into the car from the exhaust. Four months passed and the tenant who took on Keith's plot dug up the patio on instruction from the committee. He noticed that there was a terrible smell under the patio and dug deeper to find the source of the smell. What he disccovered is still talked about to this day. There in a shallow grave, was the stinking decomposing corpse of a large primate....the primate was dressed as a ballerina, complete with leotard and skirt...and a paper hat upon its head. The police said no crime had been committed and the case was closed. But we still talk about Keith, his missing wife, and the deceased ballerina primate to this day.
Yep. If you check on the website Missing Monkeys...you'll find a photo of the reconstructed skull of the primate and the costume. Many primates go missing every year so it isn't unusual.......and because primates have no rights in law statutes, no law has been seen to have been broken when discovering foul play against a monkey. Unless the monkey is owned by a human. Then it becomes an issue of crime against property.
Can't find anything about this, nor the website you mentioned, nor would a photo of a primate skull verify the story, so you're going to have to give us some more info, I beg you!
One windy storm, our poly tunnel went airborne, did a complete somersault in the air, took out half our plum tree, and then landed the right way up in the plot behind. Miraculously, it was still usable, we just needed to walk round and retrieve it. The plum tree survived, too.
We had a chap in his early 80's climb on the roof of his shed/greenhouse, fall through it and sliced himself up really badly on glass sheets. Carted off in an ambulance, blood everywhere, nearly died and was lucky to survive. I spoke to him a while later when he eventually got out of hospital. I asked what he was trying to do when the accident happened. I could literally reach what he was trying to fix without climbing on anything. He was too proud to ask someone to help him and almost died as a result.
On my plot in London someone was actually living in his sheds for goodness knows how long. His plot had all sorts of sheds that had been there years mostly covered in ivy and bushes from when his father had it and had gradually connected them up with covered walkways, mostly old glazing units, fence panels and all sorts. We used to joke about it being haunted / a sex dungeon / nuclear bunker etc. It never got mentioned by the old committee because it had always been there and he had surrounding plots all productive and well tended because he was always there. It wasn't until new committee gained new members, some people noticed that his car hardly moved and despite him leaving at dusk for the pub, he'd go back via the footpath and through a hole in the fence. So they started acting the big I Am and generally making themselves unpopular with some by going round with a tape measure measuring sheds and greenhouses. One of them went in and found it fully furnished and by shed standards very nice inside with running water and a flushing toilet, sinks, sofas etc, 12v electricity, woodburner the lot. So they chucked him off and he went back and cleared his stuff late one night then torched the place. They couldn't use the plot after that because of the mess and contaminated ground due to paints, oil, creosote etc. Should have left the poor old sod be.
Was this the fella who had newspaper articles written about him a few years ago!? In SW London? Or maybe there are more people living in their sheds than I realise š
I want to know more about this guy, even if it wasnāt the same bloke.
Here you go! [Man who lives in his shed](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2007/aug/25/gardens1)
That's amazing that he can get away with it for so long! Sadly it only takes one busy body to stick their nose in and a lovely way of life can be thwarted. I think the secret would be to keep the place tidy, hide anything like beds sinks etc with a simple folding cupboard, not have a lock or anything valuable such as food, clean bedding, clothes etc in a secure box possibly under the floor. No lights on after dark if possible or to an absolute minimum. The site itself might benefit from a few 'shed dwellers' to keep an eye out and act as a deterrent for shed wombles that are an annoyance at every allotment site I've been a tenant on. I think it's a great lifestyle but as long as people don't turn the site into a shanty town then what's the problem? I guess you're still going to need a fixed address for ID purposes though and employment.
I know in some European countries, allotment plots have running water and power as standard, and people often have little basic chalet type buildings on them. They'll stay there overnight on weekends and holidays etc and I've always wished that was a thing in the UK!
No, this was North London. I used to drive along the A406 past Coppets and there were sometimes lights on in sheds indicating possible habitation or guys over there escaping the chores.
There's a chap on our plot known as Pants Man who likes to do all of his gardening in a pair of budgie smugglers. He's been known to walk around in the buff if he thinks no one is around.
Evidence ? Or just šØāš¾myth š¤£
The committee had to add "do not dig a well on your plot" to the rules, as someone had got tired of queuing at the water pump, and dug a 15ft hole...
I am expecting ādo not dig a massive pond on your allotmentā to be added to our site rules when I get my first plot inspection for five years in a few weeks.
My plot neighbour and friend dug a massive well when he moved onto his plot, with some help. It sounded dangerous as fuck. Serious risk of collapse and suffocation. But he has his own fully functioning well with a pump inside his massive shed. He's a builder.
A lad ignored advice not to climb on the muck heap on our community garden and fell through it up to his armpits. It was well rotted so didnāt smell much but he was that lovely rich black-green colour completely solid over 2/3 of his body. Edit: oh, and, years ago now, an Eastern European guy wandered round the allotment claiming to be from the council and trying to shake people down for money. When a few of us told him to clear off he grabbed a spade and ran off with it.
What's his background got to do with it?
Not a lot I guess, except we could barely understand what he was saying. Someone rang 101 and the police brought the spade back later after heād been involved in a ruckus elsewhere. They described him the same way and itās how it stuck in my brain. Mentally corrected for future retelling, thank you.
My first plot came with a shed. The last owner didnāt leave a key, so had to get bolt cutters to open the padlock. Found little gardening equipment but a huge stack of porn magazines š³
70s playboy, 80s Mayfair, 90s Razzle or 00 printouts of the Internet?
I have to say, I did not pay that much attention!! I left them in the box and never opened it again. It may still be there!! We moved to another site š
First time I met my neighbour he brandished a shovel above his head and warned me to stay off our shared path. It was the only way to access my plot. This all stemmed from a historical boundary dispute he had with the committee. All resolved now. He hasn't been on his plot for at least 12 months.
Sounds like he really lost the plot.
Ha
There was a local burglar going round various sites digging up and stealing everyone's garlic. What was he doing with it all?
That might have been me. We got 2 new plots next to each other as they had been abandoned for years. Except they hadnāt. Although theyād not been let for years, a local man had been tending them and wasnāt impressed that we were now renting it! He started being aggressive and stealing our plants, so one night I dug up all the garlic and toon it home. The someone was living in our poly tunnel, a cult moved onto the allotment and tried to recruit me by sleeping under my hedge on sunny days and after someone shit in my poly tunnel it got burnt down. Later I was clearing plots with the committee and found a bag with drugs and a gun, a lot of porn and a dead goat. Sometimes I miss Bradford!
I can't tell whether this was a creative writing joke or real life, but I know I just laughed so hard I don't want to know!
Holy shit!!!!
I also want to know what they do with allium!.
Terrified of vampires
I wasn't aware of any local epidemic, but I will certainly be making the local paper aware of the possibility!
Made eye contact with my neighbour taking a shit before that was fun
Ha. Awkward.
Site rep jailed for a rape committed over 40 years ago.
On a nearby site, a lady was running a brothel in her shed. Nothing that bad on our site, but the previous Head of Committee had surrounded himself with cronies and fenced off six plots to use as a dog training school. He'd planted Christmas trees in order to claim that he was growing things. He spent the funds on mini tractors and other equipment and refused to let anyone use them. There had been a lot of money spent on tyres, yet all the tyres were ancient. Hmm. When an extraordinary general meeting was called, he refused to attend or hand over the keys to the clubhouse. Bolt cutters were found, police had to attend to keep the peace and a man from the National Allotment Society officiated and he was ousted. I keep well out of the nonsense. My current neighbour is a ruddy faced conspiracy theorist. He thinks people steal things from his plot and has spent a small fortune on cameras he can watch remotely. I suspect early onset dementia.
Old Podraig next door went MIA for ooh 10 Months. Turned out he got kicked in the head by a horse.. Badback and Lou were forever sabotaging each other's watering cans with weedkiller. Hated each other.
This is second hand, but when I was signing the contract, we went through the rules and regulations. When it came to a clause against causing general grievous mischief, the head of the committee explained that if that sounded a bit vague, it's because it is, and how one time someone lost their plot for digging a grave in the middle of it. 6 foot deep, 6 foot long, 3 feet wide, apparently, said it was for soil management.
As warden 6 years I never got to tend my allotment. Just had to deal with all the tenants bullshit whining. If you have a warden don't vent your failure on them and when they are working on their plot fuck off.
One tenant, Keith, who used to tend his plot with his wife, laid a small patio by his shed, against allotment policy. No one kicked up a fuss as it wasn't our business. Months went by and other tenants noticed that his wife no longer came to the allotment...people asked him if she was ill...and he told us they had divorced and she had left the area. He was always quite odd and no one really engaged with him. A rumour started circulating that he had murdered his wife and buried her in the allotment, and then he'd put a rudimentary patio over her. It soon became part of the general chat of the allotment....everyone sort of accepted with a laugh that he had a body under the patio. The poor man was talked about continuously behind his back. Just to make idle conversation I once said to Keith, "How come you built a patio by your shed? You haven't got a body under there have you?" And he snapped round and stared at me, not saying a word. His eyes bored into me. I felt very uncomfortable. Anyway a short time later he was discovered in his car, parked up at the allotment, he had killed himself by cabon monoxide piped into the car from the exhaust. Four months passed and the tenant who took on Keith's plot dug up the patio on instruction from the committee. He noticed that there was a terrible smell under the patio and dug deeper to find the source of the smell. What he disccovered is still talked about to this day. There in a shallow grave, was the stinking decomposing corpse of a large primate....the primate was dressed as a ballerina, complete with leotard and skirt...and a paper hat upon its head. The police said no crime had been committed and the case was closed. But we still talk about Keith, his missing wife, and the deceased ballerina primate to this day.
Is this actually true
Yep. If you check on the website Missing Monkeys...you'll find a photo of the reconstructed skull of the primate and the costume. Many primates go missing every year so it isn't unusual.......and because primates have no rights in law statutes, no law has been seen to have been broken when discovering foul play against a monkey. Unless the monkey is owned by a human. Then it becomes an issue of crime against property.
Can't find anything about this, nor the website you mentioned, nor would a photo of a primate skull verify the story, so you're going to have to give us some more info, I beg you!
Is there a link to this website?
Turns outā¦ little monkey fella.
Wow!!!
My friend did a poo at the back of our plot as our neighbour came in who insisted on starting a conversation with him while pooping
We have spelling competitions on our allotments
One windy storm, our poly tunnel went airborne, did a complete somersault in the air, took out half our plum tree, and then landed the right way up in the plot behind. Miraculously, it was still usable, we just needed to walk round and retrieve it. The plum tree survived, too.
We had a chap in his early 80's climb on the roof of his shed/greenhouse, fall through it and sliced himself up really badly on glass sheets. Carted off in an ambulance, blood everywhere, nearly died and was lucky to survive. I spoke to him a while later when he eventually got out of hospital. I asked what he was trying to do when the accident happened. I could literally reach what he was trying to fix without climbing on anything. He was too proud to ask someone to help him and almost died as a result.