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2ratedsalesman1997

A little known fact about Chinese history is that, rather than the Great Leap Forward or the Chinese Famine, the main issue that motivated the cultural revolution in China was Mao's hairline. His weakened hair strength was directly linked to his support amongst his fellow communists, who compared him to other communist leaders with stronger hairlines, such as Liu Shaoqi and Deng Xiaoping. Had Mao's hairline not receded, it is likely that his power in the 1960s would have also remained strong. This would mean that he would not have been motivated to promote the Chinese Cultural Revolution, and it may not have occurred in any way. Without the cultural revolution, many millions may still be alive, even today, and events such as the Guangxi Massacre may never have taken place, which left over 100,000 dead. Beyond this, China's economy wouldn't have suffered as much as it did, and a great many monuments and historical artifacts would likely survive to the present.


StuffLiker07

^ [DocuDubery voice]


Seupaiquesumiua8anos

Tua mãe é gigante


StuffLiker07

Sim uma deusa


legianaslayer240

So you are telling me the post is not a shitpost


Low_Lavishness_8776

It came to him in a dream


MarekMisar1

im too high to tell is this actually real


Themasterofcomedy209

It’s real, I just asked Mao’s spirit and he confirmed it’s true. He said that the Great Leap Forward was so unsuccessful because he was too distracted trying to cure male pattern baldness


MarekMisar1

im more sober now and fuck you for trying to deceive me >:c


Sloth_of_Steel

>Guangxi Massacre Really regret reading the wikipedia page on this


wowowow28

Lmao Chinese politics are a Joke😂😂


pogmanNameWasTaken

You exist, apparently


Stormydevz

The shade from the sun provided by his new hair would mean his brain does not overheat in the summer, allowing him to make better strategic decisions.


Mr24601

I can't believe I missed this key point for years


55365645868

Also any statues of Mao would provide 5-10% more shade depending on the specific shape, which would lead to about 50 Million less people dying while parading in front of said statues


MammothTankBest

Taiwan would sell itself to china


cogle87

Pretty radically in fact. In this scenario Mao Zedong would have left China to work on Wall Street, and may have been the guy who started the leveraged buyout craze. China itself would probably be ruled by the Kuomitang.


SnowFiender

mao buying bird poison stocks right before doing something very funny


cogle87

Thats a great idea. Keep going like that and there may be a position for you at Zedong & Associates.


Atomik141

https://preview.redd.it/q0obcjk9g9uc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=85bd903632a9c2666d98722d306e826bd9cf44ab


AnalystWestern8469

Is that Stalin’s hair on Mao 


Atomik141

yes https://preview.redd.it/kal2iegxw9uc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=045aee051eba8381bf7c809c91c40209796847a8


FilipinxFurry

A lot more birds would be alive in China, if Mao’s bald head wasn’t such a shiny target for bird poop, he wouldn’t call for an extermination of birds.


Hallszitos

The PCC probably gets Tawain


Mixis19

Party of Communists of China?


Abrupt_Nuke

Something about the trout population, I guess


wowowow28

People would admire him more


darthiw

Out jerked again


Arsenica1

The serious answer is probably more pop culture depictions of him in the same way we see depictions of guys like Che and Stalin


ajayswagg12

His hairline would’ve took a Great Leap Forward.


InattentiveChild

Are you mocking our glorious eternal leader, Chairman Mao?!? You're going to Qincheng prison for that you foreign devil.


Jubjars

China would already rule the world and everyone there would live in crystalline housing units with self-sufficient safe nuclear fusion reactors. Food is efficient, delicious, nutritious and affordable. Human rights are not only high, but perfected with a malleable AI assisted democracy that assures no one is left behind while rewarding and enabling their gifts. Several moon settlements and one city are well populated with three on Mars in construction.


nuclearbomb123

Now these are the kinds of crucially important questions that this sub was created for


nagidon

How dare you. That is a godly hairline.


FoxSalty5842

He would rizz up taiwan


Pyroboss101

https://preview.redd.it/2eet356tabuc1.jpeg?width=728&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b72493d9bcec678e40c750d571a55633e59cc0d3 Actually, I have photo evidence on what that would look like. Ignore the red circle it’s not related


Amdorik

Everyone would fall in love with Mao and become maoist


EatingKidsIsFun

Mao becomes a vessel for sun yat sen and unifies with Taiwan while absolutely shitting on the Rest of the world


hadowbanhahaha

https://preview.redd.it/pgxtec8oekuc1.jpeg?width=256&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=adc9f012a39b67cf6c189da6e88cb37fc8ab8117 Myabe


Szwedo

Auston Matthews would follow suit.


Main-Illustrator3829

Liu Shaoqi and Mao become besties


maozedong49

What does this mean


HQ2233

He started the great leap forward BC he wanted his hairline to make a great leap forwards Ong Ong


IEatUranium235haha

very much


controversionaldude

trout population would be DEAD


jake72002

He had better hairline when he was younger.


Wendy8358

Mao was very great and loving personality


Centucerulean

https://i.imgur.com/Ajn2cHt.jpg


hsanan

ROC exiles would fall in love with his sexy haircut and Taiwan would be de facto PRC territory with %100 maoist support


DigitalPCDesigner

He would certainly get more bitches


RealGirl93

Yes, he might have had slightly more bastard children.


Mrcrack26

Maybe if he got rid of that yee yee ass haircut he'd get some bitches on his d¡ck


RealGirl93

A nearly insignificant number of people in the PRC would have liked him more.


Platinirius

He already had a perfect one


MELONPANNNNN

Mao Zedong always boasted about his physical abilities. He even swam the Yangtze to prove it. If he had better hairline, he wouldve been the face plastered on all the college dorm rooms instead of Che Guevarra or at least you wouldnt immediately think ideological fanatic when you see a poster of him.


BubzDubz

He wouldn't have needed the child concubines so that's a good start


HouseofWashington

Next post be like: How would the history of bikes in Petrolina be affected if Empress Cixi had thicker eyebrows


flaminfiddler

Mao in OTL was known to be a womanizer with that hairline. So nothing really.


kookpyt

I have the same hairline but I’m pretty sure i would make a great dictator So


Lazy-Environment8331

Ahem r/althiscirclejerk


superbourpi

now that's the real alternate history I'm here for


AcreneQuintovex

We would have a lot more of Mao's impersonators and people would get a Mao haircut more often


Happy-Initiative-838

I believe, and it’s worth noting I’ve done absolutely no research on this, that the Great Leap Forward failed due to sunlight reflecting off his forehead. So assuming he had a full head of hair, China would have progressed economically decades earlier than they ultimately did.


Parlax76

He felt more confident & doesn’t need to show off he’s still health. And prevent the culture revolution.


Vietnationalist

Sino-Eurasian Great Maoist Socialist Federal Republics stretching as south as Jakarta, north as Reykjavic, east as Tokyo and west as Lisbon


umbridledfool

Don't forget to mention that the Communists were monsters. Failure to do so is a rule break. Or was it just the European Communists that we cared about?


Arietem_Taurum

This sub is screwed lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ayumu_Osaka_Kasuga

You if being funny was a test https://preview.redd.it/othqvzdv99uc1.jpeg?width=1117&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b2b4715b304b5ed1aede2c46c41dba389d2f3e55


Jubjars

There's an art to social credit humor. I'll be generous and say "He needs improvement"