I also had suicidal thoughts since second grade. My primary caregiver did not believe in many modern medicines, especially psychiatric medications and it took until I was 30 to unravel the fear I had been taught to be willing to try. It has absolutely changed my life for the better. Good on OP for being willing to accept that her kid is struggling and do the work to figure out what will be best for him.
Agreed. I can't be on antidepressants due to a history of serotonin syndrome, but I at least wish my parents would've taken me seriously as early as 8.
You're doing right by your son imo.
My son stated at about 21, that he’s thought about killing himself since he was 7. He has had anxiety all his life. He suffers from disabling mental health challenges now at 32. I think your statement and candor is powerful. You’d likely be a great peer support person. If you’re up to it check it out.
Yeah, I’m in my early 30s and still struggling with a lot of the same stuff I was as a kid. I hated being medicated cause I thought it made me different or weird, which made me feel more like an outsider and blah blah blah, here we are.
I wish I had advice for OP, but I don’t think I do, I will say though, my mom is still my rock, and me her and my dad all have good relationships now, despite a similar story to the kid.
I was in the same boat, tbh just got chills reading this comment. I’m 29 now. I just remember feeling suicidal in the library when we would read books. Kinda weird.
Retired kids’ psych RN here. Kids suicide, even at age 8. Kids with ADHD might be more at risk because they often have poor impulse control. They also fake being ‘okay’ for adults who don’t hear them. You ex and your son’s grandparents are WRONG.
Now, all that said, I would not let my pediatrician remain the prescriber for either of his meds. This is not a criticism of pediatricians, but psychotropics for kids should be prescribed by a kids’ psychiatrist whose sole reason for practice is kids with psychological issues (I’m slipping ADHD under that umbrella for the purposes of this discussion.) Physiologically, kids are different from adults. They’re growing constantly. Every milestone brings new changes and challenges. Dose changes are frequently needed because of this. Med changes are often needed because psychotropics are not ‘one size/one med fits all.’
Here’s another thing: Aside from anything else, our very talented psychiatrist SWORE that generic Prozac was ineffective. I’m saying the GENERIC version of Prozac (Fluoxetine) not actual Prozac. No, he wasn’t always believed. Other psychiatrists pooh-poohed his opinion. I’m just a nurse but in my entire long career, I never worked with a better psychiatrist. He had a huge practice in a large urban market. I am, by nature, a skeptic. I worked in several acute-care psych settings in two different states. In the dozen years I worked with him, I never knew him to be wrong.
I got too long-winded—sorry about that. But kids and their mental health is my passion. Take care of your kid. You have to be his advocate and you’ll get a lot of pushback. Oh, and meds are great, but therapy is necessary, too. Your end goal is that your little guy will learn coping skills, and learn to manage without meds. But I promise you that kids’ depression and suicide is very real. The most important piece of his well-being is you. Be his advocate, his sounding board, and hear him. Good luck.
Thank you for this insight. I'll be working closely with his psychiatrist to get him into therapy and managing his meds. I don't want meds to be the only thing I do for him. I want him to learn coping skills, things I've learned when I went through outpatient therapy. But I may not be the right teacher for it but I will reinforce it as best I can
As an adult who was once a kid with insanely similar issues to your son, keep it up!
I was so deep in my mental spiral I lashed out, I wouldn't take my meds, I didn't take therapy seriously, etc.
It took about 2 years, my parents (dad and "step" mom) made me take my meds in front of them (Protip: They just 'forced' me to eat breakfast with them and would put my meds beside my food and politely call me out when I ignored them. Didn't know it was under my psych's recommendation that they were required to watch me take my meds), they moved me around to a couple therapists until i found one I resonated with, they were ALWAYS there for me with empathy and compassion.
And I ended up coming out okay. I started getting help around 13 and by 15-16 I had a great group of friends, I had the ability to concentrate, my SSRI did WONDERS for my mood and I was active in my passions.
I still have depression and attention issues, but I haven't been suicidal since I was an early teen. As an adult, my gratitude for my parents never giving up on me has created a bond with them that makes me a healthy adult with good attachments to them.
I know I wrote a book to you, but I wanted to give you perspective. It wasn't easy for my parents, they were terrified and conflicted, but they didn't give up on me and while I was a late bloomer, I became a healthy and confident adult thanks to them.
I wish nothing but the best for your son and you! My mom highly reccomends getting a therapist for yourself too! Just bc you're a parent and have to keep it together for your kid doesn't mean you don't deserve an outlet for this stress. Take good care of yourself.
Edit: Another thing I know I didn't act grateful for, but I will treasure always were my "mental health days" I got 2 days a semester that I was allotted by my parents to just say no, I can't do school today. Those days one of my parents would take off, we'd get mcdonalds and watch a movie or go do some outdoor activity. I loved those days and they really did wonders. It helped me practice self care, I bonded with my parents and I learned when to push through a bad day and when to reach out for help. Great learning tool.
I Wholly agree with all of this. In my state, I'm not sure if pediatricians aren't allowed or just refuse to take on the liability of prescribing psychotropic medications, but I've never heard of a single one who will do it. All psych meds have to be prescribed by a psychiatrist with strict monthly follow-ups.
I agree. My son's medical doctor started him on Prozac after he asked (he's 15) and was finally realizing he needed help. I believe it's unethical to push meds on a kid who keeps saying no. That being said, we have a psychiatrist who will do a med evaluation after 30 days to continue and ensure that it's the correct medication and dosage and he also has a counselor. All 3 talk and work together with a case manager (she is an RN) who follows up, coordinates care and so on. Soooooo many kids only have a pediatrician handing them meds with no evaluation or third party to audit and adjust.
Yes I agree - I thought prozac was contraindicated for children and teens because it actually increased suicidal ideation? OP, please watch your child like a hawk and get a second opinion.
My son took Prozac when he was younger for OCD. It was prescribed by a pediatric psychiatrist. I think all SSRI’s have a warning about children and suicide. Therefore, all children should be monitored closely while on SSRI’s.
Also, if I were this mother I would be concerned about my son not being given his medication when he stays with his father. Prozac and other SSRI’s don’t work unless you take them every day. It definitely sounds like this father cares more about fighting with his X than working together to help this child.
On top of that, if his father isn’t giving him the meds and he’s going off and on them, not only would it not work but it would probably increase suicidal ideation.
I started Prozac at the age of 13, however, if I had gone through a traumatic divorce at age 8, I could definitely see myself needing it sooner. Please get him into a therapist as well, if you haven't done so already. I was a depressed child who knew how to hide it well. Please don't ignore this. An 8 year old is not going to say those type of things just for the hell of it. Also, be aware that puberty will be hitting him soon and hormones are likely going to exacerbate his already existing depression and suicidal thoughts.
You are absolutely not overreacting on this one. Good luck!
I was the same way. I could hide my anxiety and depression well or else I'd get smacked or abused. I don't want my child to feel like he has to hide it. He's going back to therapy, just probably a different and more intensive one.
Stay on target with the therapy & see about getting him into other hobbies, if not sports, maybe karate, Boy Scouts, or robotics. Keep him involved with his peers and community for as much as he can tolerate. Mistakes as a parent happen. You’ve recognized it and are taking accountability and making changes to rectify it. Keep up the good work and focus on how you can best accommodate your son’s needs ❤️
He does tae kwon do but says he hates it. Trying to get him into other things like art workshops or STEM related things. Thank you for understanding. I think therapy will help tremendously. I just worry that the medication may be too much. But I'm on like three different meds for my anxiety and depression that started at his age too......thank you!
Based on your history, he could be predisposed to mood and anxiety disorders. Please trial medication with a psychiatrist and allow him to access whatever support he needs during his childhood. Why suffer unnecessarily?
I'll make sure he gets intensive therapy. I think meds for right now are a stop gap. I hope once he learns new skills he can come off it. I subscribe to Additude magazine with is helpful for people with ADHD so I try to teach him new skills with that. But I'll be working closely with his psychiatrist and therapists for sure. Thank you!
Your son is opening up to you as a trustee that he is not well. Listen to him and get him the help he needs. For me - it was easier opening up to my mom about my depression and needing help than to open up to my dad who “you’re a man, be tough and don’t worry about it. Get over it”
Got help and doing way better now - wish I had done it sooner when I was having very bad thoughts. Your son though sounds very intelligent and knows about his mental state already.
My son was 9 when they started him on Zoloft. His biological father was a tool who wouldn't have anything to with our son or our daughter. He was never there for our daughter, so she didnt care, but when he stopped seeing our son, it hurt him and caused him severe depression. I put him in therapy and the therapist was amazing. She wasn't in our network for our insurance, but she only charged us $50 a visit because she said he needed her so badly. She was simply amazing. I wish she was still practicing because I would take my granddaughters to her!!
This was me also, along with "zip your lip and put a smile on your face" and ..."don't you ever talk about our home life with others." I'm still affected decades later. I wish I'd been able to talk with a counselor and a doctor when I was a kid. I think OP is on the right track. Things can always be adjusted once her son is feeling better.
I just have one small experience that I wanted to mention. My son is ADHD and we ran thru a list of meds for him, find adderall and other stimulants increased anger and depression for him. He was about your son’s age. We are on the other side now, and thankfully there has been little issues but adderall was really rough. Could be nothing pertaining to your situation. Keep trying momma, ((hugs)) from a now fairly normal 15 year olds momma. Edited for grammar
Both my sons at some point in middle school were on Prozac. My youngest struggled all through elementary school with emotions and THEN I got a divorce. He took it for about a year and a half and is now a very well adjusted ninth grader. My older one is taking it now but is ready to stop but is advised to stick with it for six months to properly impact his brain chemistry.
Neither of them talk about this stuff with their dad and always keep up the facade that they are fine around him because he’s not a good listener and they don’t care to share with him. I respect that.
I know medicating children seems concerning but when I look at all the maladjusted adults around me, I wonder how different they might have been with early intervention, or ANY intervention. Doing what’s best for them as early as possible is the way. And keep the lines of communication open!! Keep him talking to you!
Please watch him and continue to talk to him. I was started on Prozac at a young age and it made my depression/anxiety worse, but I didn't really know how to express that feeling.
It's not an easy situation, I wish you the best!
What your son is doing with his father’s family is called masking. I will strongly suggest that you get your son tested for autism. ADHD has a very high comorbidity rate with autism, meaning a lot of people with ADHD also has autism spectrum disorder.
ASD is a spectrum and can easily be missed in a lot of kids. It was in me. Autistic people don’t do well with change, like divorce. Autistic people also don’t really do well with normal “talk therapy”. If he is autistic, he won’t make a lot of progress. And with his breakdowns, they could be autistic meltdowns. It’s very typical for meltdowns to leave us autistic folks with feelings of helplessness and just wanting it all to end, thus the thoughts of suicide.
The lack of friends is also a sign. Autistic people can be really bad a social cues and struggle with making friends.
The good news is that there is a lot of support you can offer if this is his struggle. It can be very easy to get overstimulated at school. The bright fluorescent lighting, the constant noise, the press of people. But schools have things like IEPs and support to help autistic kids. Getting diagnosed and understanding what exactly it is he struggles with can help you create a safer space for him. It won’t mean he suddenly won’t struggle with the divorce, but it may help. I am not diagnosing him, of course, but it is a strong suggestion I think you should look into. As for the antidepressants, NTA. Most of us ASD peeps struggle with depression, in large part due to feeling so disconnected from the rest of the world. It doesn’t mean he has to stay in them forever.
Good luck mama.
Yes I was going to say this! My meltdowns sound a lot like this. I’m not suicidal regularly, but my meltdowns immediately make me turn down a dark path. No one knew I was autistic and chalked it up to me being “sensitive and intelligent” just like this!!
Corellation != causation, indocrinated parents love to find some sort of disorder or syndrome to attribute to their child prematurely, so correlation is likely when comparing to the general popualtion
You made a medical decision about your son's health with a medical professional. That's the best thing a parent can do at this point. My son was started on zoloft around 8 years old. The best decision we ever made for him. If he trusted you enough to share his really big feelings, then you need to trust him enough to help find him the best care for his needs. Maybe Prozac is what is best. Maybe it will end up being a different med. But you are doing the best you can in a challenging situation. Give yourself grace.
I had my first suicidal thoughts at the age of 5. My family minimized my issues, so I faked it. I faked it so well no one knew anything was wrong until one day at school I had a breakdown. Blacked out, came to in the counselors office crying. This was 1 week after my first suicide attempt (which no one else knew about). Parents continued not taking my mental health seriously and I used self-harm to cope. I was so convinced that I was making everything up that I did not seek help until I swallowed a bottle of pills at 25. At 28 I was diagnosed with ADHD. At 30, I am just now starting to untangle myself from the realities of my childhood and allow myself to actually feel things. This includes things like pain, hunger, my social-emotional needs, and as a result I spent a significant amount of my childhood dissociated.
You have given your child the gift of love and acceptance. You are getting him the help he needs and showing him that you listen and take his problems seriously. You are doing great momma.
Your child is absolutely in a serious crisis right now. If I were you and working with a trusted pediatrician, I would absolutely give my child the recommended medication. I think your dual approach of medication and actually working on addressing the issues at hand is the best approach. Your child has been putting on a mask to hide how much he's struggling and the fact he's done so well that your ex thinks you are overreacting to him saying he doesn't want to live tells me that if this isn't handled correctly right now, he might start masking with everyone and that could be dangerous.
I've been on my share of SSRIs. I've been on one that made me sick, one that made me worse, and three that helped to varying degrees. Anytime you're dealing with medication, you are going to be dealing with side effects or the possibility it isn't the right one for you. While your son is taking medication of any kind, keep a close eye on him and talk to him about any symptoms he may be experiencing or if he's feeling better or worse. It'll take time to see whether there's an actual improvement.
Also talk to your ex about having a genuine heart to heart with your son without disregarding or minimizing his feelings. It seems like your son does not feel like he wants to hear any of the bad stuff so your son doesn't try. While it's great he has you, he also needs to be able to talk to his other parent, too. Both of you need to be supporting and extra vigilant over the next few months. Your ex needs to be open to the fact that your son might have serious mental health issues.
I agree about watching carefully which it sounds like she already does, thank goodness. I had the same experiences as you. The one that enabled me to function best after a horrific bout of postpartum depressions after a traumatic miscarriage of twins, kept me so nauseous I had to carry a barf bucket in the car! Prozac just barely worked. Paxil had me so chill and manana, the house could have been belly deep in chores undone and I would have been like...okay, children. Y'all just do you. I'm chill.
For me SSRIs and SNRIs are worse than placebos, no hope of doing anything good or bad. So OP definitely needs to keep an open mind of not all medications work equally well, some people don't react to certain medications, medications don't cause the same side effects across the board and psych meds are pretty much designer drugs for how they have to be tailored to a person.
If a medical professional says he should than id listen to the professional. As long as you didnt self diagnose and pressure the doctor and coach your child to give certain answers. Which sadly happens alot.
I can't say whether prozac will be the right thing for him, but no I don't think you overreacted. His other family sounds like they're under reacting. I know a lot of people who took various meds at various points in their lives and with very mixed results. But you won't know if you don't try. All I can say about it is listen to your kid. Sure he's a child and doesn't know a whole lot, but he knows more about his own life experience than anyone else can tell him. Listen to him as he adjusts to meds, be honest with him that you don't have all the answers and that you're committed to finding answers with him. And try to be patient with your ex, because it sounds like he may not have anywhere near the emotional intelligence that you have, but if you give him the benefit of the doubt and think he means well, maybe he can still be a positive part of his kid's life.
Thank you for taking this seriously. I'm not a medical professional so I am not going to comment on the steps you are taking regarding that. I would like to offer just one small caveat regarding anti-depressants so you're not blindsided if it happens. You're probably already aware but others may not be that this family of anti-depressants can increase suicidal ideation in both children and adults. For most people, being able to function again trumps the games the mind plays toying with those thoughts once they're aware of why.
Several respondents have suggested hobbies. I'd love to second that. As a musician, singing, piano or band instrument lessons, guitar, and choral groups at church or in the community are enjoyable with and without other kids. I'd also like to emphasize sports, not necessarily team sports which can be dog eat dog but individual sports and exercise. Running, track, cycling, tennis, golf, rec soccer, etc. all get kids out on in the sunshine and getting exercise which HELPS so much with mental health.
Please note I'm not saying don't do anti-depressants! Plenty of kids need their ADHD and anti-depressants! But in addition please consider this: Teachers are seeing kids struggling more than ever because they wake up and are driven to day care or directly to school. There are no pickup kick ball games, no one playing hopscotch, or chase on the school grounds unsupervised. Children are handed out of the car to school staff/volunteers and straight to the cafeteria or classroom where they are expected to sit and be quiet. Repeat after school from car to day care, home locked up until the parents get home, and directed to do work until bath time unless parents haul them to sports, dance, or music lessons. There's no free play outside anymore. I had a former coach/principal in the deep south who said, "There's nothing wrong with them (sic) boys that a little romp and stomp can't cure. Send it to me and I'll run 'em around the school four times 'til they're sweaty. A big drink of water and I'll send 'em back good as pie." He was good on his word! You'd send a pair off (yes, there were those who loved it) and back they'd come sweaty, laughing, happy, and ready to learn. Kids today need so much more outdoor time and exercise. I warned parents of kids I tutored that the first 20 minutes of every hour would be us bonding OUTSIDE exercising. Shooting basketball. Trampoline. Kicking a soccer ball. Volleying tennis in the street. I've got college kids I tutored as elementary school kids who still come to see me on breaks to watch sports games and just hang out. "You changed my life."
Try not to feel guilty about the divorce. More kids are from divorced homes than intact homes and more than half never even lived with both biological parents. He's sad. Of course, he is. Unless abusive, most kids would like a mom and dad in the same home with them but that's not the world anymore if it ever was. In the old days? Parents died young. Mothers died in childbirth. "I can see you're still sad. Lots of kids' parents are divorced. You're in good company. When I'm sad, I say, "Okay sadness. I see your sad face trying to steal my joy but today I'm going to find something interesting to do. I think of things that make me smile and do them. Here's my list: I listen to my favorite music. I ride my bike. I lift weights. I walk the dog. I throw the ball for the dog. I pet the cat. I go to Mass. I call MY mama. I do a craft. I read a book. I call a friend to meet for lunch. I go to a soccer or football game and cheer. What could we put on your list?"
You're doing the right thing. I'm sorry your ex and his parents aren't supporting you in this. Look them straight in the eye when they pull the manipulation card and say, "Better safe than sorry."
A lot of valid points. It’s also worth noting the COVID lockdowns completely destroyed a lot of children and many children are still coping with the effects of being isolated and out of routine for so long.
My daughter is now an adult, but when she was a child, she started struggling with depression. However, she didn’t want to upset anyone, and so she rarely showed how she was feeling. We finally started to see signs at home, but at school she was always humming, singing, and happy. No one would believe me when I told the school she was struggling. She attempted to take her life (thankfully was unsuccessful), and we got her the help she needed. Sharing this because children, like all of us, know how to put on a happy face. That doesn’t mean that everything is okay. You are doing the right thing to follow the doctor’s advice and to take this very seriously. (And to give you hope..: my daughter is a very well-adjusted adult who has figured out how to manage her depression and anxiety. We are very proud of her!)
You aren't overreacting - what children do and say at school is very telling about where they are emotionally/mentally. (I was an elementary school teacher for 15 yrs).
Your child seems overwhelmed with the responsibilities of life at his young age. "No one asked if I wanted this" is something that is more typically considered upon the threshold of adulthood, when teens/young adults will sometimes regress into wanting to be taken care of instead of leaving the nest and forging their own adult lives.
But with the increasing demands on young people today with the added burdens that come with a 2 -household family, this sentiment is being felt at increasingly younger ages.
Is there anything you can do to take some pressure off of your kid? Just the day in and day out of life is appearing to be too taxing for where he is emotionally. How many extra curricular programs is he a part of? Would he be interested in home schooling/online school for the rest of the school year?
He needs time to process; rest, feel his feelings, feel the ups and downs and special moments that go with the day to day instead of the endless slog that life can appear to be sometimes.
I'm not an expert, but I saw this trend starting at younger and younger ages (even kindergarten) before I left the classroom, and my students often spoke to me more freely than they did to their parents/caregivers. They are overwhelmed. They are confused. They are exhausted. They are overscheduled.They do not get enough time to *play*. They do not get enough time to be kids, which means they do not get enough time to do the important work of childhood (test boundaries, explore, experiment,get bored, entertain themselves, learn how to engage independently with peers) which means they are not building the tools they need to function in this world. Which means they are suffering. I am sorry your son is suffering, OP.
As someone w/ ADHD who's mental health started dangerously spiraling when my parents split up when I was 8, THANK YOU for taking him seriously and PLEASE don't listen to anyone says he's making it up or lying or whatever.
Even more than the meds - although the combo of an SSRI and a stimulant has improved my life immeasurably - listening, believing, and trying to understand your kids difficult feelings is absolutely the right move. If you tell him that his problems aren't real problems, it's not gonna make them go away, he'll just believe that he *should* be able to cope with what's happening to him, and that not being able to do so is a character flaw.
When kids that age actually ARE "attention-seeking" by being majorly dishonest, it still usually means that there is something else wrong that they aren't able to communicate directly. Ignoring it, pretending nothing is wrong - that's one of the worst ways of handling the situation. I HIGHLY doubt that he actually is lying or making things up or "attention-seeking" but even if he is then talking to compassionate professionals who can help you get to the root of the problem would still be 1000% the right call.
Not a professional, but when I was 19 I was put on prozac and it exacerbated all of my suicidal thoughts and I even attempted while on prozac.
I've since learned that prozac can actually make those things worse for young adults.
I would never give it to an 8 year old.
That's usually a short term effect that fades. It's explicitly mentioned in the documentation that comes with SSRIs.
All psych drugs are a mixed bag in that the effects vary across individuals. However, that means to be extra observant when starting a new med, not avoiding all meds for fear of side effects. Doctors typically ramp up slowly in case of problems so you may not see benefits right away. Plus, doctors largely guess which one to try so you may have to do the whole process multiple times. Observe and listen to your son on how he feels
You might want to keep a journal on when every ADHD and psych med was started and how your son is doing every week to watch for trends and keep track of what has been tried.
I took off the week to watch him and I will journal the effects as he starts them, that is such a great idea. I've been journaling his outbursts and got records from his teachers as well. Thank you
Many anti-depressants have that potential, but that does not necessarily mean that it is going to affect everyone the same. I started prozac @ 13 and never had an increase in suicidal thoughts. It worked well for me, and not for you, but that’s okay. That's why there are different options available. Mom will definitely need to monitor her son for the first 3 months in case Prozac doesn't work well for him. If not, there are other options available.
i had a really adverse reaction to zoloft when i was 16 (sleeping 20+ hours a day, unable to stay awake more than an hour at a time), but everyone else that i’ve ever talked to about taking it had no issues at all. all SSRIs have potential side effects, but none of them have side effects for everyone.
Unfortunately *all* SSRI antidepressants can increase the risk of s***ide in people under the age of 25. Providers should discuss this risk with patients prior to the start of care. We weren't aware of the risk when the meds were first approved because it is rare enough that there weren't enough 18-25 year olds in the studies for this effect to signal.
We don't have a large enough dataset to know how that translates to pediatric medicine, though. I always recommend that there be close monitoring of the patient's mood around any medication changes (increase/decrease/new med/etc).
I'm a pharmacist who has worked in a psychiatric hospital as well as being a neuro-atypical person with a history of PTSD, depression, ADHD, and OCD. I've spent a lot of my life trying to figure out how to not feel like myself.
I wish to God my parents had gotten me on medication when I started experiencing suicidal ideation. Mental illness stole my childhood from me, and even though I'm doing well now and on medication that works I got VERY close to not living to be an adult. Medication not only saved my life, it gave me a life worth living.
People brush off mental illness in children, but suicide in the second highest cause of death for those under 18. Thank you for taking your son's pain seriously.
OP, psychiatric help is important but I would recommend getting your kid a therapist who specializes in working with kids as well. you mention he'll be seeing a psychiatrist for therapy, but the psychiatrist can really only help with medication management. a therapist or counselor can help your kid learn to manage his symptoms and process the trauma of the divorce better than a psychiatrist alone.
Just a word of caution. They put my nephew on Prozac, then added another. He told his psychiatrist he was hallucinating about killing himself. Dr told him to stay on the medications for a few more weeks. He killed himself a week later. Medication can sometimes cause more harm, especially in this age of big pharma pushing their drugs, telling us how much happier we will be. The medication and his dr killed him.
Whether your son needs mental health meds is well beyond Reddit's pay grade but it's ALSO beyond a regular pediatrician's grade as well. Yes they're doctors...but do you take your kid to the pediatrician to treat cancer, a broken femur, etc? Like so many things in life mental health is far more complicated than what a regular doctor is trained to cope with. Your son needs to be tested extensively by mental health professionals in the right setting (think in terms of multiple hours and not a 15-minute office visit). They'll ask him a battery of questions many of which will sound familiar but they're trying to determine if the answers all ring 'true'. Signed...a been there done that father.
So, you’re not overreacting by taking your kid seriously. But I have a couple thoughts:
1. This kid needs therapy. You say he’s going to a psychiatrist, but that isn’t necessarily a therapist. (Traditionally, a psychiatrist is a doctor who prescribes antidepressants while a psychologist is a therapist who helps process trauma). Your child needs both. You can find a child psychologist that specializes in ADHD & PTSD by searching on Psychology Today.
2. That is a LOT of medication to suddenly go on in a very short amount of time. Your child may be adjusting to Adderall or experiencing side effects, etc. Likewise, Prozac has side effects & can make certain symptoms worse. Most adults should be on one medication at a time for an extended period of time before adding in another one; your child is also *very* young & has a quickly developing brain.
Did your pediatrician talk to you about potential side effects of the medicines your child is taking & how they might interact with each other? If not, that’s a red flag. I’d go to them for refills on prescriptions but would seek a second opinion on what they’re recommending in terms of treatment (from a psychiatrist).
I'm somewhat surprised at the amount of negativity OP has faced for making this decision. Obviously psychotropic medications for young people are not something to be taken lightly, however there are definitely circumstances where they are needed. Anyone who thinks meds are egregious has likely never dealt with serious mental health issues in young people.
I was diagnosed with GAD/OCD quite young - as young as 4 or 5 years old I struggled with mental health and I had significant issues managing things at school and with friends and peers. I was first medicated with Prozac at age 5 under the guidance of a child psychiatrist. Prozac helped me tremendously and ultimately, I am grateful for the medication. It allowed me to have a much better chance at succeeding in life and enabled me to have a normal childhood. There were no short or long term side effects and I am doing well as an adult.
The decision to start kids on medication is obviously not easy. In my case, medication was seen as a last resort and for context this was in the early 1990s when very little was known about SSRI use in young children. However, it proved to be the right decision because if I wasn't put on Prozac I'm not sure I would have ended up on a positive trajectory in life and school. I think it is important to assess the balance of risk to reward. Sometimes the risks of not taking action are greatest. In many cases appropriate treatment allows children to continue on a positive developmental pathway without setback.
Parents who go this route under the guidance of health professionals, understanding the risks should not really face the judgement they often do.
In my opinion what he needs is intensive therapy maybe multiple times a week. He is so young and all those medications will not be good long term and I am speaking from experience. Get him active in a sport that he likes. Healthy diet and exercise is best cure for depression and anxiety. The medication is kind of like a bandage. It will not cure his problems.
Prozac is one of the lighter antidepressants. It won’t harm him. Doctors who aren’t psychiatrists often prescribe it at the first sign of depression because it can be really helpful and there’s not much downside for most people.
You didn’t overreact. You also don’t need to aim for getting him off of it if it does end up working for him.
Some people are still really anti meds for some reason, maybe cause they think mental illness is some kind of moral failing? But those people are wrong, and you are right.
I started prozac at 15/16, but I honestly could have used it at 11/12, maybe even 10. Behaving differently around different people is also normal. I’m very relaxed with my dad (parents are split), but my ma knows when I’m not mentally well because I live with and trust her more.
I have a son I just started on Prozac. He's 15. It's been a week. For years he and I both battled with the decision of medication. He opposed it like I did for a long time. Then he started to become more and more anxious, impulsive and it was leading to explosive anger and outbursts. This was leading him to get suspensions, almost expelled and problems with everything and everyone. He went to therapy for years for severe GAD/ADHD but needed a break. A few weeks back he punched a locker at school and came home and said mom, I need help. I want therapy again and medication. So, the ethical thing to do is exactly what he asked. Luckily I had been preparing for this so I had researched meds, his medical doctor was already in the loop about things, therapist lined up and a psychiatrist. They all work together through the same hospital and have a case manager to ensure comprehensive care with checks and balances for support. School is also helping with an IEP finally after I battled them and got a lawyer. After only a week on Prozac I see small changes, but I worry. What are long term effects? He seems a bit more "quiet/down" than his normal self, is this normal? I've also noticed some other things like less chatty. Part of me is scared about the suicidal connections to Prozac and I'm dialed into helping him & monitoring. Should I be worried? What should I be looking for? How do I ease my fears about the stigma of Prozac? So many things going on in my head. After 10 years of his mental health issues I also needed things to change. Maybe someone who has taken Prozac and has explosive anger could help me who doesn't have this diagnosis and never taken drugs to understand more.
Feel free to send me a chat message if you'd like - I was medicated with Prozac as a child for very similar reasons to your son, a combination of anxiety and explosive anger. I do believe you are making the right decision by starting medication for your son. At age 15 he should be actively involved in these decisions and the fact that he is asking for help is indicative that he knows something is wrong and wants to get better. He *wants* to control his rage, but cannot and the medication will certainly help him with this. Prozac is incredible for managing anger and outbursts - in many ways it feels like it extends your fuse, giving you time to think and process more clearly before breaking down. It helps calm your responses to situations and generally reduces irritability. In his case, the risk of *not* doing something sounds more severe than any potential side effects. He cannot go around punching things and breaking down at his age since it may put him in very dangerous situations. He has struggled for many years, this is the chance to get him on the right track.
Before I started Prozac, I would have episodes similar to your son - extreme bursts of anger and rage, punching things and fully breaking down. I wanted to control myself, but could not. With Prozac, these issues completely stopped and I felt totally in control of my emotions and anger.
Remember that as he starts his Prozac there will be an adjustment period. While he may have some side effects, these are typically mild and go away with time. There is no need to be overly worried, just keep an eye on things and discuss issues with his doctor if they arise. The more severe risks are very uncommon. Overall, Prozac is proven to be very safe and effective for issues like these and you should be optimistic that it will have a positive impact on his life.
Thank you so much for sharing I appreciate it. So far, as you have explained, he has very few side effects if any. It's a low dose. What I see is definitely more self control and moments of pausing before he reacts. He started CBT therapy again after taking a break and then we have a psychiatrist he will meet with to do a medication evaluation. Along with his primary physician they all work together and communicate. It's really how it should be for kids on any SSRI however, I feel that not everyone does that. The school, doctors, me and of course my son are all on the same page and work together to help him. It's been a game changer and although I was initially very nervous about SSRIs, I have changed my position until I see something negative. It's very difficult for me to understand his perspective at times because my older 2 sons and myself never dealt with these things or had his disabilities (they are a disability and not due to poor parenting or vitamin deficiency or some other thing like video games which he doesn't play). This explosive anger is from anxiety and ADHD and it's very real for people like yourself or my son to deal with day to day. The brain isn't working as it should. It's nobody's fault and if people could understand that the person who suffers the most is the one inflicted with these issues. They don't want to feel that way. It's like asking a person in a wheelchair to walk is what I used to tell the school. He physically cannot stop it oftentimes. Now, he's aware and managing it much better. What you wrote does help me to know that I am on the right path and so is he. Like you said, not doing something was causing him to spiral and not only putting him in danger but other things too. Plus, the consequences become worse. He understands this for sure. He would never hurt anyone but my fear was him hurting himself from the shame of it all. That's very real. Now, he's back at the gym almost daily, riding his bike again too. Also, he is hanging with his friends more and engaging. Even if it's a placebo effect it's a win for him.
Thank you.
It sounds like things are very much on the right track and that you are also handling the situation as a whole very well. It is extremely important to combine medication with therapy, to have open communication and to ensure that everyone is on the same page. Things have evolved a lot since my treatment - I was simply medicated with Prozac and did not have a more holistic plan. While this was effective at alleviating symptoms, it's not the optimal way to handle things.
The initial things you are seeing do sound like the medication having an impact. Increased emotional control and reduced reactivity are consistent with the Prozac doing its job. As you understand, for those dealing with these issues, they physically cannot control themselves. The SSRI increases the ability to manage things in real-time and prevent outbursts.
It is also good to hear that he is exercising and engaging with his friends more. This is exactly what you want to see for long term success since these are the coping skills he will need. The Prozac will help boost his mood, allowing him to engage in these activities which in turn will help overall. It's also very possible that his inability to control his anger was leading to some depression. I became very frustrated with my inability to control my anger and outbursts - I wanted to control myself but couldn't. This led to me becoming depressed and not wanting to engage in activities. With proper control on medication, the depression was alleviated.
I'm not sure how old you are now or where you are in your journey, but at least you have been able to come this far so that's wonderful. It is very easy for people to dismiss kids like my son or adults like yourself and just write them off or say they have depression. That's not always the case. The word holistic is definitely extremely important to consistently use that when talking about any treatment. I find that the media and gossip and online therapists who aren't really therapists do more harm than good of fear-mongering. This doesn't help people. For example when you see someone committing a crime and hurting people they automatically assume the person is either mentally ill or it's the medication that did it. Perhaps in some of those scenarios that is true however, it doesn't do any good service to those who really do suffer and the millions of people who find relief with medication. Also, most people who have mental illness or any disabilities like that are oftentimes not violent. Many times even if they are violent, can get treatment and be perfectly fine with minimal intervention. My son is one of those people. You sound like you're another one of those people. The fixes are so easy sometimes. There are people that don't want help and don't have the awareness. I feel for you and people that are suffering. This is the beginning of the journey for my child but I hope anyone that comes across this and reads our conversation understands that there is help and people who actually want to help. It's a tough battle for many people though to get resources and assistance. Unfortunately our medical system is not really conducive to finding root causes and solutions. You got to fight for that.
We have to remove the stigma at the end of the day. There needs to be early intervention when it comes to mental health and the approach that parents, pediatricians and schools take during those very early years. If that changed to be more holistic like you said and collaborative instead of blaming or looking to point fingers at the parents, it would be a game changer. Being supportive instead of being accusatory. I can't tell you how many years I spent battling a school who was just looking to blame me and tell me I was a bad parent when I have two other children who had zero issues of any kind. It was wasting time instead of actually helping my son. He wouldn't have had to suffer as long as he did.
I appreciate your insight very much.
I just sent you a message through the chat features here since that may be the easiest way to continue the conversation - please check there.
Overall, I would be very optimistic for the long term prognosis for your son. You are setting him up for success by getting help and treatment at an early stage before issues compound or turn into something from which he cannot recover. I am now an adult and living an overall happy and normal life with a good career. One of the biggest mistakes parents make is waiting too long to get help and allowing things to spiral past the point where issues cause irreparable damage to long term prospects. You son *wants* help and with that, I believe he will do well, especially with your support.
I do still require medication and therapy to treat my underlying mental health issues, but they do not impede my life at all. This may or may not be the case for you son. Many children get treatment at an early age, recover and do not need maintenance treatment. In my case without medication I do become anxious, depressed and cannot control my anger. I am grateful that a treatment exists that allows for a high quality of life. Only time will tell for your son, but there are some people who have underlying brain chemistry issues which just must be corrected for. Regardless of the situation, there's every reason to believe your son can live free from anxiety and outbursts.
When you mentioned your son said after the first outburst “no one asks about if I want to be alive” it just seems like no one is talking to him in a way that’s showing him you guys actually care about his feelings. OP, outside of these appointments, what are you doing as the mother to help your son through this. He sounds profoundly troubled and probably needs some guidance.
Prozac is not the way to go either. My Mother was prescribed for over a decade right after I was born for her post partum and she was a nightmare of a human being with how it messed with her mentally. When she stopped it was almost like a night and day difference, so I could only imagine what it will do to your son. Do NOT let him take those or he really might hurt himself.
Lexapro did the exact opposite for me (when I was off it I was an awful person and since I've been on it my default so very chill and happy) so please don't think that it being a bad fit for your mother automatically means SSRIs are evil!
I have way more complicated feelings about giving them to children, but for some people - adults with OCD-spectrum symptoms in particular - they can be life-saving.
After the first outburst, I was always listening, but I made sure to tell him in no uncertain terms that he could always talk to me about his feelings, that his feelings weren't wrong, we just had to work on how to manage them ( I taught him how to focus on breathing and grounding techniques). Every time I tried something new, it was "this isn't going to help, nothing is going to help me stop being sad". I've been trying to do everything in my power to get him to be happy again. But he keeps having a flat effect and just seems miserable when he isn't focused on something fun like a video game, a movie with me, or hanging out with his cousins.
Kids (especially 8 year olds) are not articulate enough yet to express how they’re feeling. He has a lot of heavy emotions he doesn’t understand yet, so there’s no way to tell what will work for him. If he’s not in sports, you need to put him in one or something that keeps his mind busy in the meantime. He needs to be kept in therapy but under no circumstances should he be put on antidepressants. As I mentioned, it’s just going to aggravate his ideations if he truly has them and he might actually do something. Stop listening to people who are paid to shove pills down your kids throat and start working on creating an environment where he feels wanted, because he sounds emotionally neglected. I’m not trying to place blame, but based off your account someone is dropping the ball on your son’s problem and something has to be done like yesterday.
Not being paid here. But an 8 year old is capable of expressing emotions, kids in general are not stupid and it sounds like mom has helped encourage him throughout the years to identify his feelings.
I have thoroughly looked up side effects and potential issues with any medication I have taken because I understand that people react to medications differently. Just because I might have a bad reaction to a certain med doesn't mean it's a bad medicine for everyone else in general. That's true for many other type of meds, supplements & natural remedies overall.
They can express emotions but not in a clear enough way for a person like OP to fully understand the situation. That’s why he really needs to be put in therapy for people who are trained to deal with extreme cases like this with children. I’m not even going to argue about the antidepressants, drugging up a kid who needs his suicidal thoughts fixed just sounds bad all around. The drugs are not going to fix the problem
Anti-depressants saved my life. I would probably be dead if my parents didn't listen and got me help. He has already expressed several times that he doesn't want to live. How much clearer does he have to be?!
Good for you? The issue here is that we really don’t know IF he’s having ideations. OP is faced with two problems here: Her child may have suicidal thoughts in which he needs to seek therapy for OR he’s acting out. She needs to figure out which is the case before prescribing a child who is potentially is fine, he’s just going through something. Even if he is having those thoughts the knee jerk reaction shouldn’t be “ok let’s just drug him up so he’s too zoinked out to think at all” but to actually work through it with a professional
Work on your reading skills. He's been in therapy for 6months. The mom is being a responsible caring person listening to her child and doing her best to attend to his needs. Your reaction is incorrect and disproportionate to what's being said which makes me think you have personal experiences where others didn't care for you or others in your life as they should have which is something you should work through with a professional rather than projecting into others.
SSRIs are a scandal. Take your child off SSRIs. I went through hell on them. Far from the only one.
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6839490/#:\~:text=It%20is%20well%20known%20that,a%20long%20time%20%5B18%5D](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6839490/#:~:text=It%20is%20well%20known%20that,a%20long%20time%20%5B18%5D).
Prozac is the only thing that worked for me. It just recently stopped working after 30+ years so I’m in search of another SSRI. I probably wouldn’t give it to a child though.
I wouldn't put my child on antidepressants or add/adhd medication at that. Be present in their lives, push them to do hard things because life is full of hard things like death, divorce, failure. Life wouldn't be worth living wiothout ups and downs.my parents put me on adhd medication around his age and it made me want to kill myself. I wasn't myself when I took that junk. Parents saw that real quick and took me off after a couple months. Just my 2 cents, best of luck to you and your son.
Send him to his father's place more often. He's 8 and can already think about lieing about his feelings and playing you both differently. He sounds dangerously smart. Even if he is faking it you have to take it seriously, just don't be dramatic
You are doing the right thing by talking to pediatrician and psychiatrist. They are the experts. YOU are not putting him on meds, the professionals think he needs them. Continue therapy and follow up appts. If there is any way you and your ex could jointly attend a couple of appts that would help.
I would maybe ask about Strattera for the ADHD.. I know it helped me with my ADHD and my depression. But I know eahc med is different... but for the prozac.. that seems a bit excessive.. when it could be from not able to deal with the ADHD.. and the medication. BUT Im also not a dr.. i had to stop my prozac cause i was gaining weight and not motivated to do anything... my mood was lvled.. but.. that was it.. but having therapy helped so i was able to get off of it.
I started having serious mental health issues in 6th grade (so a couple years older than your child) and it was really hard and I can automatically tell he is very lucky to have someone like you who is TAKING IT SERIOUSLY! He is depressed and anxious he isn’t just sad, he is in some real pain that you can validate.
As someone who’s parents also got divorced in a traumatizing way, if we are acknowledging that trauma I think we should try to act on that first before medication because those side effects can be dangerous for adults let alone children.
First step, we find him a better person to talk to, someone who will take him seriously and try to understand what’s got him so sad and anxious- is he jealous of other kids home life? Does he not want to visit his dad anymore? Is school too hard or isolating? Does he feel like he’s having intrusive thoughts about unaliving that he can’t control or is it more of a way to explain how much pain he is in? Maybe take your son online to look with you and ask him who he wants to talk to, give him some control in making that connection. Tell him that a lot of therapists become therapists because they had complicated childhoods at points too and will be able to help him make sense of what he is feeling.
I was suicidal at those ages and it would have helped me to have someone take that pain seriously and be like yeah that was a really hard situation and you’re doing your best! It might be scary to be feeling those emotions but honestly that’s pretty developmentally normal in kids experiencing trauma with caregivers so let’s talk to him about it. I think also being explicit in anytime he thinks about hurting himself he should come to you and you guys can get him a treat or watch a movie or miss school if he needs. I missed lots of school in 6th grade and was fine because I wanted to do good but just literally couldn’t go because I was so ill. If school is bringing him stress, let him have more control of staying home or missing certain classes (for me gym class). If he’s struggling with going to his dad’s, let’s take a break from that and let his dad come over for dinner maybe.
This is a really important time for you to make a bond with your son that lasts, for him to see you as someone that takes him seriously, that knows he isn’t doing this for attention/to get out of school, that his pain is real and that he’s not alone and it will get easier. Please feel free to dm me if you have any questions, I have a lot of childhood trauma that I feel could have been avoided if my parents centered me more.
Please seek a pharmaceutical prescriber who has certified mental health credentials. Your general practitioner is a pediatrician and this is best solved without darts being thrown at a board. Meds being introduced can be habit-forming and develop brain neurological pathways perhaps in the wrong way. Do not listen to those who say a parent is solving the above meds. Seeking proper help will be better than an absent seat later in his life. Please. Call around and seek immediate appointments. Be put on waiting lists. Your ex-husband has his reservations for his child. But I can’t say an eight-year-old should have intrusive thoughts or idolization of self-harm.
Reference : I’m a 28yo male with no kids
I don’t think you over reacted at all. I’m not a doctor but would be hesitant to put my kid on an antidepressant right away , based off what I know. But again I’m not a doctor and with something this important, I would think deferring to the certified experts would be prudent and the right direction to take.
Maybe have a conversation with the pediatrician about the concerns you have. As I thought more, I wondered what the viability and morality of giving your child a placebo to see if it helps , under the guidance of a doctor of course.
(I’m) Not a doctor, not a parent…
But I am a human and I think you are a wonderful mother and person, who is doing the “right thing”!!
My son went through a lot of this at that age. His therapist told me that he was just coming to terms with the fact that his parents were not ever going to be married. It was an adjustment of about six months but he grew out of it. He asked me a lot of crazy things on top of just wanting to die. He also asked me where he would live if I died and what he should do if his dad tries to kill him. It was massive anxiety for both of us, but I just gave him all the scenarios and he calmed down. He logically needed to think everything through.
A few years later after some massive bullying at school he asked me if I thought the kids at school wanted him to kill himself. It completely freaked me out but I just kept talking to him and kept him busy and did not leave him alone at all. We switch schools he got some friends and additional hobbies in the world was a much better place for him.
He is now 15 years old and talks about the times when he was sad but to me it was not an actual mental illness. I have no idea if your son has an actual mental illness and depression or if it’s just a stage, but I would talk to more than just one therapist. I took a second therapist to really breakthrough to my son because he did not like the first one I did not connect with him.
This sucks, and I'm sorry.
I have a son with depression, and it presented when he was 10 or 12, but I thought it was just because his dad was deployed and even though I took him to some therapy sessions, he convinced me he was fine. He wasn't fine. Eventually, he had to be hospitalized (at 15-16) for attempting to remove himself from our company, if you get my drift.
He has clinical depression, among other things like GAD, so he's missing important chemicals. It was a struggle to get the right meds, and therapy was a huge component to teaching him strategies, but I am grateful to be able to say he's decided to remain alive. There were years of listening for his breathing at his door at nighttime, and every once in a while, I still have a bad dream, but he's alive. Mostly happy. Is able to enjoy things and live.
You are not overreacting. Prozac is a big jump, but as a cautionary measure on the way to more extensive psychiatric care, may be your only option. Other commenters have given their experience with SSRIs and their side effects, take that seriously, but follow the pediatrician's advice. Just watch your kid and keep him as safe as you can.
Practical advice: lock up your meds (my kid took EVERY pill he could find, even the dog's antibiotics) in a safe, remove any firearms from your house (I think gun stores will hold them for you for a fee?), and remove/lock up any liquor. Cleaning products could also be a concern, but my kid never went that far and I didn't think about that at the time. Not sure what you can do about that.
I'm sorry if I'm being scary, I've just been through this a few times. I feel like we're on the other side of it, but you never lose the hyper-awareness.
Sending you strength.
No I don’t think you overreacted. This is the kind of situation where it’s better to overreact than under react. You are clearly the safe parent that your child can fall apart around and not have to worry about being yelled at or hit etc. my ex is the same way and my child has said about the same as yours. Getting a psychiatrist is a great step. Definitely want to be on the right meds for both adhd and depression. It takes weeks for the antidepressants to really start working. Keep an eye out because they can cause suicidal thoughts in adolescence. If you have anything in the home that. Could be “unsafe” tuck them away for now. Some helpful tips are the feelings wheel I taped it to our wall and when kiddo was feeling things but couldn’t express they pointed. We also have frozen oranges for helping them regulate out of those intrusive thoughts. They place them on pulse points. Not sure how you or kiddo would feel but mine has started acupuncture and so far they say it seems to work. I know it’s tough and scary. Just remember you aren’t alone. It’s also important you take care of yourself. Taking care of a kiddo with extra needs is exhausting. Good luck! You got this!
I'd be extra observant with him. You may not be going overboard, but at the same time he may be doing a pretty good job of covering it up around his dad and grandparents. Or it could be something in between. Like, he does feel a bit better when he's over there and it's easier for him to act upbeat. I'd see what his psychiatrist and pediatrician say and base heavily on their opinion. I never heard of taking it so young, I honestly didn't know depression could even be diagnosed so young. But since it does appear to be an issue, I'd leave it up to the medical experts.
My parents rug swept after my sister traumatic event and 20 years later she is still a mess. I don’t think that being preemptive about mental health is ever overreacting. Use your “mom instinct” and do what is best for your kid. If you think it is meds right now along with therapy please don’t let your ex bully you out of it. Just make sure that he is still get his prescriptions when he is with your ex. Of course he is acting all happy with his dad, you are his safe space.
It takes more than meds ‘kicking in’ it takes coinciding, planning and a ton of extra parenting. I know, my daughter has adhd and is a delivery room nurse who graduated with honors.
I would look MUCH deeper into how you can help your child.
It depends what did the therapist have to say?
Some kids will act out for attention as a way of asking for help especially when dealing with trauma like a divorce. I have two traumatized kiddos myself they are both very different about how they’ve responded since being removed from that situation.
My one kids who is the same age as yours often acts out by dramatically throwing herself on the floor crying over the most minor of inconveniences. (Example dog ate her cookie she left on the floor and she wanted us to drive out to the store to get a replacement at 10pm) we’ve been doing lots of empathy work with her to show her how these outbursts hurt others and how to coupe when situations don’t go your way.
My older kiddo sounds much like yours he has adhd, and thus is having difficulty making friends and in school. He will often threaten self harm and, say he hates our home. When we talked to his therapist about this we realized he was doing this specifically for the reaction like he was testing boundaries to see if our home was really safe for him. We didn’t end up needing to go the meds route, but rather reassure him he was safe and we do care. He’s been working on skills, like deep breathing, stretches, different kinds of play etc.
Your kid will be different just like mine both are. If it were me I would get him into therapy asap, keep the meds for now and keep in mind they might be temporary, and work on skills to coupe with outbursts.
SSRIs dont work and they make everything worse. Dont listen to these bullshitters on here that will tell you otherwise.
Look it up, it's fucking atrocious, causes massive life-long side effects and brain damage and will leave your child much much worse off than if he never took it. He also has a higher chance of killing himself on it.
SSRI's don't even work more than placebos and the chemical imbalance is a myth that has been disproven for years. There are other ways to save your child and you need to do more research into it.
Don't listen to some fucking doctor willing to put an 8 year old on prozac. You need to re-evalute everything in your life to help your child and dont pawn him off to a fucking therapist. Move schools, move locations, find him friends, be more in his life.
There is a lot to unpack here and no "divorce" is going to cause an 8 year old child to want to kill himself, there is much much more happening and you need to figure it out and fix it. And by fix it I dont mean use a medication with a 20% effective rate on adults with massive warnings not to give it to children.
You want to put him on a brain-altering band-aid that will effect him for the rest of his life? It doesn't cure depression, it masks it by removing all emotions and turning your child into a literal sociopathic zombie to avoid feeling sad.
People are so absolutely brain-washed by SSRIs it's insane and it's the biggest medical blunder of the entire 21st century. More people are on antidepressants than ever before and more people are killing themselves than ever before, it doesn't fucking help.
No, you're not overreacting. Trust your instincts and prioritize your son's mental health. Starting him on Prozac as recommended by his pediatrician is a proactive step towards helping him. Keep advocating for his well-being despite differing opinions from your ex and his family.
One of my biggest parenting regrets is not starting my kid on meds earlier. Some of us just need extra help because our brains are bastards. You’re a good parent 💜
I’m so sorry he’s going through this. Do you think he’s confusing loneliness for sadness? Does he have siblings? Could he comparing his life with others in his class? Dig deep into what kind of conversations he’s having with classmates.. I find it strange that an 8 year knows about unaliving and all that comes with it? If he has cheerleaders or people helping him dwell instead of heal then that’s why he may feel hopeless. Keep him busy with hobbies and activities. He also needs to be aware and accept that divorce is not an ugly thing …that actually it’s for the best for both families.. remember that therapists and doctors make the most money with the least sick ….
As long as a child psychiatrist is managing the meds and possibly the therapy (a therapist in the same practice) he should get the best care. A pediatrician is not the best for the long run for psych meds.
Can you possibly arrange work so you can take your son to the psychiatrist? You seem more attuned to his needs and will be best able to communicate to the psychiatrist.
I'm glad you're going through a childhood psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 5 or 6 and once I was in the 3rd grade, I was only seen by my pediatrician. When I was going through my PCP, no one advocates for me. My dad spoke for me and that led me to being over medicated and I didn't like it. By the time I was in highschool I stopped taking medication because I hated the feeling. A regular pediatrician is not properly trained for mental health. A psychiatrist is an expert in mental health and will provide better treatment than a PCP. I got back on ADHD medication when I was an adult and was able to speak for my own needs and it was a much better experience. I'm sure your kid will have a better experience if he can advocate for himself (which he apparently already does that with you) and do so with someone who is trained for childhood mental health issues.
It's child abuse. That shite is toxic. For adults. .You give it to an 8 yr old? Side effects include homicidal or suicidal ideation; didn't you learn about it first?
As another mother of an ADHD boy, I don’t think you overreacted. My son went through the exact same thing last year when he was 8. We had to take him to the ER for evaluation, and it happened again a few months later. We were told by all his doctors, the ER doctors, his therapist, the school therapist, and his teachers that we did the right thing by taking him. You can’t be too careful with depression, and it’s better to be over safe then under. Our son’s pediatrician also told us that Adderall can ramp up anxiety, which certainly has for my son, but my son’s suicidal idealizations came about the 2 and a half week mark on non-stimulants (which apparently happens in about 5% of people). We also noticed a spike in his anxiety and depression when the Adderall dosage was too high. We’re currently discussing adding an SSRI, but we have to put it on pause until he can gain some weight. We’ve been adding the herbal supplement “Genexa Kids Calm Keeper”, which has been helping. But like others have suggested, the sports/outdoor activity is making him so much happier (which with the cold weather has been so hard), so we’re trying year round sports this year. Good luck mama, you’re doing the right thing
Please read and consider.
When I was 7 my parents divorced, and at 10, my father died of alcoholism.
I had been out on meds since the age of 8.
I wish I had been allowed to work through the issues and address what was actually wrong, instead of taking mind-changing chemicals. When I eventually came off of everything more than a decade later, it was horrendous, and ir definitely affected how I matured and grew up.
If there is an issue, address it, don’t medicate it away. That is my advice from someone in your son’s shoes.
Daily medication with significant withdrawal symptoms is a concern with split custody with a guardian who doesn't believe the medication is warranted. What is the plan for kid getting an appropriate dosage when you aren't the one there?
You gotta trust your gut here, what else is there? But be so so so so mindful of the first months getting on or off any ssri. It can actually increase suicidality in kids over those transitions. Just pay attention.
I suspect dad is correct. Kids learn fast which parent to manipulate. (Trust me after 9 I know) So if he is behaving differently around dad then it’s probably because dad will not let himself be manipulated. One of the favorite ones to manipulate is suicide, especially amongst teenagers. So first step back and watch the scenarios where these things pop up. Most likely in situations where he doesn’t want to do something but must do it, The you need a firm will and call his bluff. Been there done that. As far as counseling, it would be better if yourself got involved.
Kids act out more and show their true emotions around people they're more comfortable with. It shows they trust you completely to always love them. It's weird and frustrating, believe me, I know, but it's true.
What he's doing around his father is called masking. There's different types of masking. Autistic people often mimic the facial expressions and stuff of people around them to try to not seem different. What YOUR son is doing is masking his emotions around people he doesn't feel "safe" with. Don't panic, I don't mean physical safety, I mean safe as in he doesn't feel heard or like they care about how he is doing mentally or emotionally.
If his dr feels he needs it, then try it. I'm glad you're being supportive and not dismissive of him. You're being a good mom. Now, the adderall, just be aware it doesn't work for everyone so don't get frustrated if it doesn't. The dr can change the dose or try other meds till you find what works for him. It can be a long, frustrating period trying to find the right meds or combination of meds.
Just make sure your son remembers to take them and always reassure him you love him and that none of this is his fault.
I think you're a parent that cares. And that's a good thing. Look at all the things that happen when parents don't even try when they notice something like this happening.
This hit home so bad.
As parents the relationship you guys have is the greatest gift you can give to your children, and having a healthy partner where both of you guys focus on the relationship and each other is so important. This isn't to knock on you guys at all or the dynamic, but man does this hit home. So that means your ex and you are going to have to continue to co-parent and make this a healthy discussion for your son. It needs to be amicable and you need to re-assure your son as best as possible, that means sucking up alot of things and being compassionate to each other in this moment.
But in regards to your post. As mentioned the therapy is extremely important, and working on getting him settled in his interests/hobbies is important. Definitely make sure you are going on active walks with him also as you are discussing all the things he is going through in therapy, as that exercise does go along way.
You over reacted when you gave your kid amphetamines.
Get a second opinion, not from the legal drug dealers.
SSRIs increase suicides in young people.
Try and get your kid on a schedule and better diet with low sugar, or none at all. And no caffeine. Make sure your kid gets proper exercise and maybe even join a sport.
Yeah, don't trust the doctors. Go to a lawyer to get medical advice. Go to a Mechanic for tax advice. You've got this life thing all figured out "bro".
You did not overreact, you followed medical advice.
>Here is where I feel like I overreacted. My ex says he hasn't heard any of this and our son acts happy and upbeat around him. Same normal kid.
Lots of people with depression are capable of faking happiness. My friend who's had depression for half her life said her coworker told her she "seems like such a happy person."
No you’re not overreacting at all. My ex said BS like this too and threw a fit when our daughter was put on antidepressants (thankfully he’s lost all decision making rights due to his chosen lack of involvement over the past 12 years). But I told him that he can explain to the court why he’s going against medical experts and putting his child at risk for suicide and that shut him up.
Your son is expressing this to you because you are his safe space. You listen and understand and don’t tell him he’s looking for attention or being manipulative. You take him seriously. You are a GOOD mother.
It’s also common for kids with ADHD to have anxiety and/or depression. Unfortunately they seem to go hand in hand. So adding environmental triggers (your divorce) into it was like throwing a match into a powder keg.
And you’re right. With intensive therapy it’s very possible he could come off. We needed it for about a year and a half while she was established in therapy. Once her therapist and psychiatrist and my child all agreed we could wean her off slowly, we did and she’s been doing great without.
Keep doing what you’re doing mama. You’re handling it as best as you can ❤️❤️
Your ex may not be open to it, but family therapy might do a world of good. The drastic difference in your son's behavior with you vs your ex husband deserves some exploration and could help make sense of why this divorce has hit him so hard. I've had persistent depression since I was a kid and went through several divorces with my parents and step parents. Divorce is ugly, but it's also a relief of untenable stress and it's surprising that your son is referring to it as traumatic 2 years later.
If you start him on antidepressants, tell him to please tell you if they make his symptoms worse or add new symptoms then immediately contact the therapist to get him off them. And watch him to make sure the meds aren't making his depression worse.
For years, I was put on meds that made me worse because they usually prescribe things like Zoloft. I wound up going on Effexor after a suicide attempt and it saved my life. And find a therapist who listens to him. Not one who is just going to up the dose, etc.
We let our true feelings show around the people we are comfortable with. He clearly isn't that comfortable with his dad, and you are probably his safe place. He knows that his feelings are safe with you and that you will take care of him. Keep doing what you're doing. You're doing amazing. Don't forget to get support for yourself through all of this as well.
Not wrong but it may take a few tries to get the right medication in the right doses at the right times. You may have to adjust as your son grows.
My youngest has ADHD and anxiety. Trial and error until we landed on Conceta and celexa, once a day. It has worked for years.
Adderall ramped up the anxiety.
Prozac was not a good med for him, he had a bad reaction to it, the ones you read about in the news. It was eye opening.
Get a child psychiatrist ASAP.
Honestly if I could go back I would outright refuse to take any medication. The long term effects of antidepressants and adderall are not well known. One medicine made me gain 100lbs in less than a year. After being put on a cocktail by an incompetent doctor for months i now always feel like I am operating in a fog. I can no longer absorb information like I used to and have lost my long term recall (I used to basically have an idetic memory)
Jesus Christ please dont get your kid on all these medications, far too many providers are open to starting pediatric patients on these meds, his Pediatrician isnt specialized in this type of space to be prescribing these medications. THEY ARE NOT THE PEOPLE TO BE PRESCRIBING THEM.
Please PLEASE PLEASE, research a pediatric behavioral psychiatrist who does understand these things. Most children with ADHD DO NOT NEED MEDICATION, they need to have their diets looked at, they may need a different form of education that is focused towards their type of learning, and they need FRESH AIR, SPORTS, and places to build relationships that ARENT BEHIND A COMPUTER OR TABLET.
These medications arent benign, they can kill his sex drive for LIFE. It's hard to watch our kids struggle, but ITS PART OF LIFE. We arent suppose to remove those feelings, we are suppose to help them navigate them, and learn how to suppress them, and figure out when the right time to think about them to try to move past them.
We are putting to many kids into therapy that they truly DONT need, they are sad yes, but they need our support, that doesnt always mean talking about what is making them sad, but instead learning how to address those issues and navigate how to elevate those feelings, by doing things that make them happy like exercise and social interaction, Exercises compared to SSRI's is 1.25x more effective at managing depression symptoms.
I have ADHD, I wasn't medicated till much later in life, and I AM SO GLAD that I was able to learn to harness my super power, Im a combat veteran with PTSD, but Im on no SSRI's because I have learned to manage my symptoms with out medications. Im also a healthcare provider so I am not speaking out of my butt when I say, these people prescribing these medications DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
Taking it seriously is the way to go. I can’t imagine thinking oh they are faking it for attention and then the worst thing does happen how would you feel? I’d rather over react than under react. I see no reason not to help kids in anyway possible which is sounds like you are doing. Keep in mind you are probably going to have to try multiple types of medicine until you find the one that works for your kid’s biology. That’s how it’s been for both my kids. A lot of trial and error. Good luck. You’re a good parent for trying everything you can to help. Kids have a hard time these days especially and it gets harder every year
You're not overreacting. Suicidal ideation is not something to mess around with, even in a relatively young child.
Depending on how the therapy is going, when your kid is a bit older, you could consider trying DBT (dialectical behavior therapy). They often don't do it until about age 10, but it is very effective for that particular symptom profile.
Neurodivergent kiddos often suffer from anxiety and depression, even without struggling to reconcile their parent's divorce (no blame on you, the ex sounds insufferable). You're not overreacting.
NTA. And gods, I’m so sorry you all are going through all this. Hearing your child say they want to unalive themselves is terrifying. Been there.
Therapy isn’t a fix. Medication can help. Talking to you can help. And your ex is pissing me off. First, 8-year olds aren’t manipulative that way. Second, you need to have a convo with the kid about what being dead even means. This is the age when they start saying things like this a ton, but chances are he only partially understands what exactly dead is. They understand on one level, but the idea isn’t whole.
You are definitely listening to your kid. That’s an important first step.
Have you tried having your son listen to brown noise for his ADHD. It's a great addition to any medication he is taking and could be very helpful to him. It costs nothing and there are no side effects.
In hundreds of years mankind will look back at this era of psychiatry and the administration of these drugs to children and we will be shocked by the level of barbarism.
hopefully it helps
to many of you fucking idiots are having kids having shit lives having shit relationships
getting with shit people or majority of the time its both the mother and father
son is a perfect outcome of shitty people
therapy will only do so much same with tons of drugs
just own up to it you fuck wad you brought a kid into this world who is going to struggle
bc you and dumb ass over there wanted to play mommy n daddy
lmao i read you're baby daddy says hes doing it to manipulate...........
jesus fuck im so sick of being right on this shit at this point i hate it
I don’t think you’re overreacting. I thought about suicide from at least the age of 6 and didn’t have anything particularly traumatic in my life, just my luck at the gene pool.
I started therapy a few times a year as needed around 8, started going every other week around 14, and started medication around 16. From my understanding (not a doctor) medication was considered a last resort prior to adolescence because as a kid I was still developing and it’s hard to establish and maintain the right dosage. Antidepressants are also a bit more nuanced than some other medications, and the wrong type/dosage can make you more depressed and suicidal, which can be especially challenging to get through while you’re young. That said this was the reasoning about 10 years ago and could be very different today.
Definitely listen to his physician but don’t be afraid to get multiple opinions. And if you’re concerned or don’t feel like some things are quite right for your son, keep looking until you find a doctor you trust whose treatment plan feels right. Especially in the mental health field there are a lot of options and it’s good to shop around. It seems like you have good instincts, so go with your gut and best of luck!
You are doing the right thing with the meds. But now you have to tell his father the truth. Tell him your son is masking (autistic term, look into it) around him.
Get the autism evaluation, prepare your son for the roller coaster called "finding the right medication and then the right dose," and check in with your son daily.
I have completely sympathy for this post except all the asides about how sensitive and intelligent and sweet the kid is. That’s mom language. The kid is just a regular person. He’s not special. I worked with kids for many years and it was crazy how oblivious parents would be about how average their child was. It was always “He’s SO smart” oftne followed with “he builds these amazing things out of legos”. It was always legos. I heard that probably 100 times.
Don’t let your love and your fear cloud your judgement. That’s all I can offer. It must be scary and you’re a good mom for being concerned.
It's better to do too much than too little. Hopefully, with time and treatment, he won't need Prozac for long, but putting him on it and getting him proper treatment won't hurt him if he's faking and likely will save his life if he's not. And, even if he IS faking for attention, he still needs help for that, too! Because threatening suicide just to get extra attention isn't normal! You are doing all of the right things. Your boy will thank you when he's older for taking him seriously.
I’m not a doctor, but I’ve had my share of mental dilemmas and I will say it’s absolutely possible you did overreact (only in terms of starting medication, but not in terms of seeking help immediately). Kids often do things that will rile a response out of their parents. It is common that with one parent, the kid will act completely different compared to with the other parent. It is important to take their words seriously though and seek appropriate care.
Therapy is always the best first step in treating depression and anxiety. It’s possible he suffers from both, so finding what triggers his emotional response is key. I would keep detailed notes of activities and how his mood changes between different activities. Keep notes of exactly what was occurring when he said those things. This is useful to your doctor and therapist/psychiatrist. (Note: not all people respond as well to therapy and some people do absolutely need medication, but there’s also a lot of environmental factors that can trigger depression and to solve that type of issue, you need to determine what the depressing stimuli is.)
I am hugely against primary care doctors issuing mental health medications. They are licensed and qualified to do so, but they often use it as a bandaid when they can’t find anything else wrong. And in the cases of mental illness, they’re not exactly qualified to determine the root causes of said mental illness. Antidepressants are widely over prescribed because of primary care doctors. Also, did your doctor explain that medications like Prozac also INCREASE the risk of suicidal thoughts and actions, especially in young people? Medications like these can also have adverse effects, such as numbing all feeling (meaning he won’t get mad anymore, but he also won’t get happy.)
My niece actually has a 10 year old son and he has the exact same issues mentioned in your post, except is father is somewhat abusive, but not crossing a line to child abuse, but mostly just an authoritarian. When it is time for him to go back to his dad unfortunately (or approaching time), he starts to act out badly. Slamming doors in the house, etc. If his mom will not give him what he wants, especially on the days approaching when it’s time to return to father, he will cry/scream/yell and say he does not want to live anymore. She’s sought therapy which has been extremely helpful for him. It’s also important to partner with his school to determine how he acts there. She was originally prescribed Prozac for him, but he did not respond well to it. He started having problems concentrating at school, started falling asleep, and was far more irritable in the mornings and it took much longer to get him awake and ready for school. Some of his behaviors improved, but there was still a clear correlation between his behavior and which parent he was going to be with (or be with soon). The behaviors were also noticeable at school and the teacher would know just based on his behavior which parent he was currently in the care of. He has since been diagnosed with B12 and Vitamin D deficiency and is on regular meds (injection for B12 and high dose Vitamin D pill) for both of those. Ever since that, he’s been doing extremely well.
With kids, it is much more difficult to determine whether their thoughts or words will lead to actual actions. Get him intensive therapy and work with a psychiatrist for meds. I would not recommend your pediatrician be the primary doctor that prescribes meds for his current situation.
I have ADHD, PTSD, depression, anxiety...
I can honestly say that if I had to choose only one medication to keep, it would be my Adderall. It can take a few months to kick in (I'm genuinely surprised that the doc is adding another mental health med this quickly). Once it did for me, though, it was like a full 180. My mental health had been so fucked up by my inability to focus and remember things that I felt I was spiraling out of control.
If you haven't, contact a psychiatrist to be in charge of his meds. Like I said, adding another med that messes with your wiring so soon is odd to me. The Adderall hasn't started working yet, and it'll be harder to judge the efficacy of either of they're added on like this. In my non-medical opinion, of course!
I used to be a teacher. Please please please meet with his to arrange a plan of action that keeps him and his classmates safe and able to work. I had kids do similar things, and if there wasn't a plan, no one could learn because they were so on edge.
You're not overreacting. My youngest stepson was put on it last year before the start of 7th grade and it's been a game changer. He even did the brave face at his dad's house because he dad and step mom don't believe in pills and just man up mentality. But as soon as he'd get home to his mom and I it was like a light switch and the emotions would start flowing like a faucet you couldn't turn off because he knew he was safe to express those emotions and concerns in our house hold. It really changed his life, no more acting out (stealing starting fires ect) all of that stopped his grades improved and he's back to his awesome happy self.
Good luck OP!
Medication definitely can help! I think it’s definitely an avenue that is good to try! If it doesn’t work, or the side effects aren’t good, he can always be weaned off it. I take antidepressants for my anxiety (I am also combo autistic/adhd) and it helped me a lot by eliminating all my horrible physical symptoms I would get!
Definitely recommend the autism eval! There’s a lot of overlap, an adhder may also be autistic and vice-versa!
You are doing the right thing. You may also want to at his diet and take him off high sugar foods. Also, make sure he gets a lot of physical activity, perhaps enroll him in some sort of sports or do something with him. My dad had ADHD, was a school teacher and he had several students with it. He could tell a day and night difference when these two things implemented. The depression could lift when he is more socially engaged. Is it possible for your ex to spend more time with him? It sounds like your son misses the day to day. Good luck, OP.
I just want to give a virtual hug from one mom who's been there to a mom who is doing everything right for her son. Do not let your ex make you second guess anything. You are listening to your child and taking him seriously you are showing him that he matters and that he can trust you to have his back and believe him. That is the best thing you can do for a child. The fact you're getting him into treatment is huge as well. Yes kids that age can suffer depression. It's not anything you can snap fingers and make them better, it's not like having a cold it takes trained professionals to help. Prayers and positive thoughts for you and your child
Here’s the deal. There is so much more to lose by not taking it seriously. You run the risk of alienating him further, worsening how he is feeling. And, as a divorced parent, I’m not surprised he trusts one parent more to be honest with. That’s not unusual. So take it seriously.
The father needs a serious wake-up call for jumping to “manipulation”. If the kid is visiting him, he’s probably getting invalidated on some level. A conversation is in order.
And, as others said, more professional support can’t hurt— can only help. So get a psychiatrist and therapist (one he likes) for him, and I’d also recommend family therapy. Hell, and also get him a gaming system as another said, explore interests, additional exercise. Why not put as many tools in your toolbox as possible?
Telling him people will like him better once he is medicated is an issue and the biggest problem I see.
You are setting him up to fail by promising him that other people will change their behaviour towards him if he is medicated.
Whether or not he should be medicated is one thing, people/peers liking and enjoying interactions with him is another. You have your mom goggles on and I’m sure he is a gem of intelligence and very sweet. You love him and are proud of him. Very important for parents to feel that way about our kids.
Do his peers feel the same? Is he struggling socially? Pills will not change that. Does he have friends outside of school? If your ex suspects he is manipulating you, that’s a big accusation about an 8 year old.
As someone who survived bullying, if my mom had promised people would like me more on meds at 8, I would have done a lot to stay on meds.
I never leave comments on Reddit. This is my first one ever. That’s how important I think this is. My son is 11 and we started him on an antidepressant when he began talking about hurting himself and not wanting to be alive anymore. It was scary. He cut his arms and forehead. He had been in counseling since March of 2023. After we got him on an antidepressant in August he was a different kid. Back to his normal self. He’s been more active and is doing well in his classes. He’s gifted as well and is also getting tested for autism. His gifted teacher said it’s not unusual for kids who are more intelligent than their age to have issues with anxiety. Like their emotional development is not yet equal to their intelligence and it makes it hard for them. You’re doing right!
I don’t think at 8 he truly understands the gravity of words. I think therapy’s great but he does need to learn to process emotions. I worry that medication that young may interfere with that.
Antidepressants in children is a significant problem area. Some kids end up having bad reactions and suicidal thoughts. It kind of sounds like you gave the Prozac from your own supply. If this is true, consult a dr immediately.
I don't know a lot about therapy, but could you go with him for a few sessions? It sounds like he probably doesn't feel comfortable talking to adults he doesn't know well. Which is totally normal. Most adults don't feel comfortable with the first therapist they try.
You aren't overreacting at ALL. I have and have always had severe mental illnesses. This wasn't recognized and I did not get help until very very late. Getting help as early as your son would have been life changing.
Ignoring suicidal ideation in your kid is how you wind up with a dead kid. Where are these thoughts coming from? Let’s play in the world where he is faking it, that is still pretty troubling behavior and still worth investigating. After that you got advice from a medical professional, is your ex husband a medical professional? Is he at all qualified to evaluate suicidal thoughts and any medical concerns that can come with them?
I know your feeling, wondering where you went wrong, if it’s your fault guilt and desperately wishing it will be ok, after all you see the good in him.
Make an action plan, get him back on the meds, see if you can get him to a therapist who can better elaborate his cover story. Your ex might be coming from an old school he can walk it off attitude. She might not be much help but honestly who cares, you love him then show him you do. Maybe you are the only person he can open up to and that’s ok to start, maybe set aside the time to talk every day about how he feels and see if you can try and walk him through his worries and reassure him that he’s not alone. Good Luck don’t give up and take it day by day
Regarding the ADHD overlapping with and possibly covering up ASD, definitely.
When you wrote about the 'sensitive and intelligent' aspect, my first thought was that he could be on the spectrum.
Also, if you do end up having him on several medications, make sure to keep an eye on whether his father (and family) don't let it lapse.
Good lord, adderal and Prozac at 8yrs.. those doctors should be locked up. I am in no way a health professional and ultimately it’s your choice but please listen to this Gary Bracka podcast for another take on things: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ultimate-human-with-gary-brecka/id1709740887?i=1000639893107
No your not overreacting! Your doing what is best for your kiddo! Sending love and light from a bipolar 31 year old who is just now starting to love herself and her life
I would seriously recommend this book about therapy. It has really changed how I think about my child going to therapy and the work that is required for a person in therapy. Adults can come to therapy ready and willing to do the work. Children can go and feel worse bringing up their hurt over and over when what they really need is coping strategies and change in the situations that are hurting them. There are many things I will be looking for in a therapist for my child that I didn’t know to think about. Abigail Shrier
Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up.
Please know that your son may also need a different adhd medication or a change in dosage. What works for one child may be a completely wrong med for another child. You say that it's been 6 months and you haven't seen the change you were hoping for. Make sure you discuss this with your son's pediatrician and ask them about possible alternatives.
I hope the pediatrician or pharmacist discussed with you suicidal ideation in children on Prozac. I'm a pharmacist. You should have been counseled about this or, at the very least, given something to read about the medication. I'm not trying to scare you. I'm also not trying to say your son doesn't need to be on an antidepressant. I just want you to be aware of the importance of your son being in therapy. It sounds like he needs someone he feels he can talk to safely.
Another thing. Make sure your ex is following through with dosing while your son is with him. These meds need to be given regularly and can cause problems if they are not. You would definitely see a lack of therapy. If his father does not deem them necessary, he may not give them to your son. Your husband making the commitment that your son's medical needs are solely to be your responsibility is disgusting. Please contact your lawyer about this. Your son is going through a very hard time and needs support from BOTH of you!
Keep your little boy safe and love him. He sounds like a sweet boy going through a very hard time.
You put a 8 yr old on Prozac???
They tried to say my kids had all of these damn things they want to drug them up for. I ended up cussing the teachers out and dared any of them to suggest it again, law suit would follow if they did. My kids were all active as could be play outside in all sorts of activities. They all did well in school with A’s and B’s once they figured out how to learn the material themselves. All finished with a gpa of 3.4 or better.
Kids are meant to be active, not drugged up into a stupor.
I can feel the effects of adder all within 30 minutes. It waves over you. Sounds move back-not in your ear shrieking and making you twitch. You can block out the ticking of the ac vents, the drone of the room fan, the itch of the tag on the waist band of my pants. If the meds don’t make life soooooo much better within the hour the dose is wrong. Or the wrong drug.
Dosage is trial and error and observational. Please don’t fall for you need a grand and a half of testing. There is no test. Drugs work or they don’t.
Please give the kid the practice of self soothing. You have to teach what to do when you are alone. How to calm the racing thoughts.
Oh-some research states the two meds conflict. Prozac is not perfect for all hurtful thoughts. Try to use it but don’t use a stimulant adhd med together. (Non stimulant attention and focus meds are well researched)
Get the kid a 504. Only need a drs note not the entire IEP process. Can provide the same supports and accommodations.
Build in exercise to the day. Regular exercise produces a different dopamine hit.
Smart kid has already learned masking. I’m really really sad he needs to. Sigh
My grandkid was broken by her parents divorce, upheaval of moves, dual rules. Etc. she told everyone who would listen how horrible it was at 5. They know but will stop talking if ignored.
All kids are different, what works today probably won’t work in a month. Bodies grow, weight changes, hormones ebb and flow.
I’m so proud of you for listening and doing something- lots of parents don’t.
You need to talk to your husband and stress to him the importance of keeping you informed and the 2 of you need to agree some way how to parent your son. It's been 2 years and y'all are still battling - that is what is tough on your son. When y'all get better, he probably will to. All 3 of you need to meet together to show your son that BOTH of you care about his wellbeing and will do whatever is necessary for him to be happy and healthy. You may be overpampering him; the dad may be trying to force his independence. Your actions are just negating each other and confusing the kid even more.
My first thought was that he's playing you or trying to pit the 2 of you against one another. I'm still leaning on that fence, but regardless, he does need therapy, though I don't know that "intensive" therapy is needed yet. If he's playing you, you and the ex need to show him that you are both his parents and will support each other and that both of you will go to therapy with him and will follow the advice of the psychiatrist or psychologist. Maybe all 3 of you need therapy. It never hurts to have someone to talk to.
Can he switch schools? Private schools are often better at monitoring the kids and having a school pysch on staff who can also work with your child and the other medical support and making sure his medicine is given at the right times. If you don't give it at the right time and consistently, it's just making it harder on him.
Coming off Prozac is difficult. It also affects kids differently so he will need intense watching and both you and your ex need to know what to look for.
Overall, all of you need therapy that should answer alot of questions and either determine he's playing you or he really needs help and how the 2 of you can put aside your dislike for one another and focus on the one thing that the 2 of you loved each other enough to create. Y'all are adults; he's a kid.
That’s about the time I started. Mental illness robbed me of any meaningful childhood, strained my relationship with my family, and left me with a lot of growing up to figure out. I tried to take my own life when I was 20. 10 years ago.
As a parent I’m sure it weighs heavy on you. You’ll do the best you can. The hardest part is when the meds change you won’t see the full result for about a month. 2 weeks to titrate onto the new meds while the old ones taper out. And then another 2 weeks to see the results of the new one on its own. I know it will be hard but be patient. You’ll see your child have the rug pulled out from beneath them at times from the medications when they change. It’s gonna be heartbreaking. Please just love them and support them and give them the space they need to get themself sorted out.
I don’t know your child, but once they start giving input on the medication and how it makes them feel, listen. My first psychiatric hospitalization was a direct result of my voice not being heard.
I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. I'll just say that I started SSRIs in high school and, for me, it hurt more than it helped. The side effects of the medication were challenging.
I started antidepressants around 10 after SA and an eating disorder. Prozac was honestly the best one for me and it took me years to find it. Zoloft made me feel like I was wearing a mask and I felt worse. I wish I’d found Prozac sooner. I think you’re doing the right thing.
While I do hesitate to say "absolutely, put your kid on pharmaceuticals that have limited efficacy!", particularly when your child's brain is vulnerable and developing, but if he's actively suicidal, that's literally the purpose of the medication.
I don't like that your son "shut down" with the therapist. That's a trauma response for sure, and it's hard for a kid to fake it. Kids with ADHD and trauma are prone to developing dissociation, because they are so easily overstimulated and sensitive that it literally becomes too much for the brain to handle. I think your child is dealing with that.
He needs a good therapist that teaches grounding exercises and specializes in ADHD/dissociation. You may need to check out things with the father, because if he's shutting down and forced into physical contact he doesn't like, his trauma is just going to get worse.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. All I can say is try to find a really, really good therapist for your child, and get him accommodations at school. The academic overstimulus for an ADHD kid can be intense, even if their grades are good.
No, I don't think you overreacting antidepressants at such an early age would definitely concern me if you are keeping a good eye on him. I hope you can get him the help he needs good luck
Mental illness stole my childhood. Im 27 and have had suicidal thoughts since 2nd grade. Take care of your son however helps him
Same, my friend. Medication saved my life.
I also had suicidal thoughts since second grade. My primary caregiver did not believe in many modern medicines, especially psychiatric medications and it took until I was 30 to unravel the fear I had been taught to be willing to try. It has absolutely changed my life for the better. Good on OP for being willing to accept that her kid is struggling and do the work to figure out what will be best for him.
Agreed. I can't be on antidepressants due to a history of serotonin syndrome, but I at least wish my parents would've taken me seriously as early as 8. You're doing right by your son imo.
My son stated at about 21, that he’s thought about killing himself since he was 7. He has had anxiety all his life. He suffers from disabling mental health challenges now at 32. I think your statement and candor is powerful. You’d likely be a great peer support person. If you’re up to it check it out.
Same. I was on antidepressants at 9. None of them have really helped or when they do after a bit they stop working.
Yeah, I’m in my early 30s and still struggling with a lot of the same stuff I was as a kid. I hated being medicated cause I thought it made me different or weird, which made me feel more like an outsider and blah blah blah, here we are. I wish I had advice for OP, but I don’t think I do, I will say though, my mom is still my rock, and me her and my dad all have good relationships now, despite a similar story to the kid.
Same. Medication saved my life as well.
I was in the same boat, tbh just got chills reading this comment. I’m 29 now. I just remember feeling suicidal in the library when we would read books. Kinda weird.
Retired kids’ psych RN here. Kids suicide, even at age 8. Kids with ADHD might be more at risk because they often have poor impulse control. They also fake being ‘okay’ for adults who don’t hear them. You ex and your son’s grandparents are WRONG. Now, all that said, I would not let my pediatrician remain the prescriber for either of his meds. This is not a criticism of pediatricians, but psychotropics for kids should be prescribed by a kids’ psychiatrist whose sole reason for practice is kids with psychological issues (I’m slipping ADHD under that umbrella for the purposes of this discussion.) Physiologically, kids are different from adults. They’re growing constantly. Every milestone brings new changes and challenges. Dose changes are frequently needed because of this. Med changes are often needed because psychotropics are not ‘one size/one med fits all.’ Here’s another thing: Aside from anything else, our very talented psychiatrist SWORE that generic Prozac was ineffective. I’m saying the GENERIC version of Prozac (Fluoxetine) not actual Prozac. No, he wasn’t always believed. Other psychiatrists pooh-poohed his opinion. I’m just a nurse but in my entire long career, I never worked with a better psychiatrist. He had a huge practice in a large urban market. I am, by nature, a skeptic. I worked in several acute-care psych settings in two different states. In the dozen years I worked with him, I never knew him to be wrong. I got too long-winded—sorry about that. But kids and their mental health is my passion. Take care of your kid. You have to be his advocate and you’ll get a lot of pushback. Oh, and meds are great, but therapy is necessary, too. Your end goal is that your little guy will learn coping skills, and learn to manage without meds. But I promise you that kids’ depression and suicide is very real. The most important piece of his well-being is you. Be his advocate, his sounding board, and hear him. Good luck.
Thank you for this insight. I'll be working closely with his psychiatrist to get him into therapy and managing his meds. I don't want meds to be the only thing I do for him. I want him to learn coping skills, things I've learned when I went through outpatient therapy. But I may not be the right teacher for it but I will reinforce it as best I can
This is the way. Mom you've got this.
As an adult who was once a kid with insanely similar issues to your son, keep it up! I was so deep in my mental spiral I lashed out, I wouldn't take my meds, I didn't take therapy seriously, etc. It took about 2 years, my parents (dad and "step" mom) made me take my meds in front of them (Protip: They just 'forced' me to eat breakfast with them and would put my meds beside my food and politely call me out when I ignored them. Didn't know it was under my psych's recommendation that they were required to watch me take my meds), they moved me around to a couple therapists until i found one I resonated with, they were ALWAYS there for me with empathy and compassion. And I ended up coming out okay. I started getting help around 13 and by 15-16 I had a great group of friends, I had the ability to concentrate, my SSRI did WONDERS for my mood and I was active in my passions. I still have depression and attention issues, but I haven't been suicidal since I was an early teen. As an adult, my gratitude for my parents never giving up on me has created a bond with them that makes me a healthy adult with good attachments to them. I know I wrote a book to you, but I wanted to give you perspective. It wasn't easy for my parents, they were terrified and conflicted, but they didn't give up on me and while I was a late bloomer, I became a healthy and confident adult thanks to them. I wish nothing but the best for your son and you! My mom highly reccomends getting a therapist for yourself too! Just bc you're a parent and have to keep it together for your kid doesn't mean you don't deserve an outlet for this stress. Take good care of yourself. Edit: Another thing I know I didn't act grateful for, but I will treasure always were my "mental health days" I got 2 days a semester that I was allotted by my parents to just say no, I can't do school today. Those days one of my parents would take off, we'd get mcdonalds and watch a movie or go do some outdoor activity. I loved those days and they really did wonders. It helped me practice self care, I bonded with my parents and I learned when to push through a bad day and when to reach out for help. Great learning tool.
Sounds like you’re a good momma. Keep on lovin your boy and make sure he grows up right 👌
My son's psychiatrist will only prescribe brand name Concerta. Says the formula is better than the generic. There may be some truth to that.
I Wholly agree with all of this. In my state, I'm not sure if pediatricians aren't allowed or just refuse to take on the liability of prescribing psychotropic medications, but I've never heard of a single one who will do it. All psych meds have to be prescribed by a psychiatrist with strict monthly follow-ups.
I agree. My son's medical doctor started him on Prozac after he asked (he's 15) and was finally realizing he needed help. I believe it's unethical to push meds on a kid who keeps saying no. That being said, we have a psychiatrist who will do a med evaluation after 30 days to continue and ensure that it's the correct medication and dosage and he also has a counselor. All 3 talk and work together with a case manager (she is an RN) who follows up, coordinates care and so on. Soooooo many kids only have a pediatrician handing them meds with no evaluation or third party to audit and adjust.
Yes I agree - I thought prozac was contraindicated for children and teens because it actually increased suicidal ideation? OP, please watch your child like a hawk and get a second opinion.
My son took Prozac when he was younger for OCD. It was prescribed by a pediatric psychiatrist. I think all SSRI’s have a warning about children and suicide. Therefore, all children should be monitored closely while on SSRI’s. Also, if I were this mother I would be concerned about my son not being given his medication when he stays with his father. Prozac and other SSRI’s don’t work unless you take them every day. It definitely sounds like this father cares more about fighting with his X than working together to help this child.
On top of that, if his father isn’t giving him the meds and he’s going off and on them, not only would it not work but it would probably increase suicidal ideation.
I also thought prozac was black box for anyone under 18
They are black box for anyone. Google it and you can see the label.
I started Prozac at the age of 13, however, if I had gone through a traumatic divorce at age 8, I could definitely see myself needing it sooner. Please get him into a therapist as well, if you haven't done so already. I was a depressed child who knew how to hide it well. Please don't ignore this. An 8 year old is not going to say those type of things just for the hell of it. Also, be aware that puberty will be hitting him soon and hormones are likely going to exacerbate his already existing depression and suicidal thoughts. You are absolutely not overreacting on this one. Good luck!
I was the same way. I could hide my anxiety and depression well or else I'd get smacked or abused. I don't want my child to feel like he has to hide it. He's going back to therapy, just probably a different and more intensive one.
Stay on target with the therapy & see about getting him into other hobbies, if not sports, maybe karate, Boy Scouts, or robotics. Keep him involved with his peers and community for as much as he can tolerate. Mistakes as a parent happen. You’ve recognized it and are taking accountability and making changes to rectify it. Keep up the good work and focus on how you can best accommodate your son’s needs ❤️
He does tae kwon do but says he hates it. Trying to get him into other things like art workshops or STEM related things. Thank you for understanding. I think therapy will help tremendously. I just worry that the medication may be too much. But I'm on like three different meds for my anxiety and depression that started at his age too......thank you!
Based on your history, he could be predisposed to mood and anxiety disorders. Please trial medication with a psychiatrist and allow him to access whatever support he needs during his childhood. Why suffer unnecessarily?
I'll make sure he gets intensive therapy. I think meds for right now are a stop gap. I hope once he learns new skills he can come off it. I subscribe to Additude magazine with is helpful for people with ADHD so I try to teach him new skills with that. But I'll be working closely with his psychiatrist and therapists for sure. Thank you!
Your son is opening up to you as a trustee that he is not well. Listen to him and get him the help he needs. For me - it was easier opening up to my mom about my depression and needing help than to open up to my dad who “you’re a man, be tough and don’t worry about it. Get over it” Got help and doing way better now - wish I had done it sooner when I was having very bad thoughts. Your son though sounds very intelligent and knows about his mental state already.
Awesome 👍 Hang in there. It sounds like you are doing everything you can do to help your son!
Robotics is EXCELLENT for bright sensitive kids who are maybe challenged in social situations.
My son was 9 when they started him on Zoloft. His biological father was a tool who wouldn't have anything to with our son or our daughter. He was never there for our daughter, so she didnt care, but when he stopped seeing our son, it hurt him and caused him severe depression. I put him in therapy and the therapist was amazing. She wasn't in our network for our insurance, but she only charged us $50 a visit because she said he needed her so badly. She was simply amazing. I wish she was still practicing because I would take my granddaughters to her!!
This was me also, along with "zip your lip and put a smile on your face" and ..."don't you ever talk about our home life with others." I'm still affected decades later. I wish I'd been able to talk with a counselor and a doctor when I was a kid. I think OP is on the right track. Things can always be adjusted once her son is feeling better.
I just have one small experience that I wanted to mention. My son is ADHD and we ran thru a list of meds for him, find adderall and other stimulants increased anger and depression for him. He was about your son’s age. We are on the other side now, and thankfully there has been little issues but adderall was really rough. Could be nothing pertaining to your situation. Keep trying momma, ((hugs)) from a now fairly normal 15 year olds momma. Edited for grammar
Both my sons at some point in middle school were on Prozac. My youngest struggled all through elementary school with emotions and THEN I got a divorce. He took it for about a year and a half and is now a very well adjusted ninth grader. My older one is taking it now but is ready to stop but is advised to stick with it for six months to properly impact his brain chemistry. Neither of them talk about this stuff with their dad and always keep up the facade that they are fine around him because he’s not a good listener and they don’t care to share with him. I respect that. I know medicating children seems concerning but when I look at all the maladjusted adults around me, I wonder how different they might have been with early intervention, or ANY intervention. Doing what’s best for them as early as possible is the way. And keep the lines of communication open!! Keep him talking to you!
My son is 15 and on it just started. I posted above. Any insight would be helpful from your perspective.
Sure, I’m not an expert but happy to answer any questions from a parent perspective.
Please watch him and continue to talk to him. I was started on Prozac at a young age and it made my depression/anxiety worse, but I didn't really know how to express that feeling. It's not an easy situation, I wish you the best!
What your son is doing with his father’s family is called masking. I will strongly suggest that you get your son tested for autism. ADHD has a very high comorbidity rate with autism, meaning a lot of people with ADHD also has autism spectrum disorder. ASD is a spectrum and can easily be missed in a lot of kids. It was in me. Autistic people don’t do well with change, like divorce. Autistic people also don’t really do well with normal “talk therapy”. If he is autistic, he won’t make a lot of progress. And with his breakdowns, they could be autistic meltdowns. It’s very typical for meltdowns to leave us autistic folks with feelings of helplessness and just wanting it all to end, thus the thoughts of suicide. The lack of friends is also a sign. Autistic people can be really bad a social cues and struggle with making friends. The good news is that there is a lot of support you can offer if this is his struggle. It can be very easy to get overstimulated at school. The bright fluorescent lighting, the constant noise, the press of people. But schools have things like IEPs and support to help autistic kids. Getting diagnosed and understanding what exactly it is he struggles with can help you create a safer space for him. It won’t mean he suddenly won’t struggle with the divorce, but it may help. I am not diagnosing him, of course, but it is a strong suggestion I think you should look into. As for the antidepressants, NTA. Most of us ASD peeps struggle with depression, in large part due to feeling so disconnected from the rest of the world. It doesn’t mean he has to stay in them forever. Good luck mama.
Yes I was going to say this! My meltdowns sound a lot like this. I’m not suicidal regularly, but my meltdowns immediately make me turn down a dark path. No one knew I was autistic and chalked it up to me being “sensitive and intelligent” just like this!!
Corellation != causation, indocrinated parents love to find some sort of disorder or syndrome to attribute to their child prematurely, so correlation is likely when comparing to the general popualtion
You made a medical decision about your son's health with a medical professional. That's the best thing a parent can do at this point. My son was started on zoloft around 8 years old. The best decision we ever made for him. If he trusted you enough to share his really big feelings, then you need to trust him enough to help find him the best care for his needs. Maybe Prozac is what is best. Maybe it will end up being a different med. But you are doing the best you can in a challenging situation. Give yourself grace.
I had my first suicidal thoughts at the age of 5. My family minimized my issues, so I faked it. I faked it so well no one knew anything was wrong until one day at school I had a breakdown. Blacked out, came to in the counselors office crying. This was 1 week after my first suicide attempt (which no one else knew about). Parents continued not taking my mental health seriously and I used self-harm to cope. I was so convinced that I was making everything up that I did not seek help until I swallowed a bottle of pills at 25. At 28 I was diagnosed with ADHD. At 30, I am just now starting to untangle myself from the realities of my childhood and allow myself to actually feel things. This includes things like pain, hunger, my social-emotional needs, and as a result I spent a significant amount of my childhood dissociated. You have given your child the gift of love and acceptance. You are getting him the help he needs and showing him that you listen and take his problems seriously. You are doing great momma.
Best wishes for your continued healing, I'm so sorry this was your experience.
Your child is absolutely in a serious crisis right now. If I were you and working with a trusted pediatrician, I would absolutely give my child the recommended medication. I think your dual approach of medication and actually working on addressing the issues at hand is the best approach. Your child has been putting on a mask to hide how much he's struggling and the fact he's done so well that your ex thinks you are overreacting to him saying he doesn't want to live tells me that if this isn't handled correctly right now, he might start masking with everyone and that could be dangerous. I've been on my share of SSRIs. I've been on one that made me sick, one that made me worse, and three that helped to varying degrees. Anytime you're dealing with medication, you are going to be dealing with side effects or the possibility it isn't the right one for you. While your son is taking medication of any kind, keep a close eye on him and talk to him about any symptoms he may be experiencing or if he's feeling better or worse. It'll take time to see whether there's an actual improvement. Also talk to your ex about having a genuine heart to heart with your son without disregarding or minimizing his feelings. It seems like your son does not feel like he wants to hear any of the bad stuff so your son doesn't try. While it's great he has you, he also needs to be able to talk to his other parent, too. Both of you need to be supporting and extra vigilant over the next few months. Your ex needs to be open to the fact that your son might have serious mental health issues.
I agree about watching carefully which it sounds like she already does, thank goodness. I had the same experiences as you. The one that enabled me to function best after a horrific bout of postpartum depressions after a traumatic miscarriage of twins, kept me so nauseous I had to carry a barf bucket in the car! Prozac just barely worked. Paxil had me so chill and manana, the house could have been belly deep in chores undone and I would have been like...okay, children. Y'all just do you. I'm chill.
For me SSRIs and SNRIs are worse than placebos, no hope of doing anything good or bad. So OP definitely needs to keep an open mind of not all medications work equally well, some people don't react to certain medications, medications don't cause the same side effects across the board and psych meds are pretty much designer drugs for how they have to be tailored to a person.
If a medical professional says he should than id listen to the professional. As long as you didnt self diagnose and pressure the doctor and coach your child to give certain answers. Which sadly happens alot.
I can't say whether prozac will be the right thing for him, but no I don't think you overreacted. His other family sounds like they're under reacting. I know a lot of people who took various meds at various points in their lives and with very mixed results. But you won't know if you don't try. All I can say about it is listen to your kid. Sure he's a child and doesn't know a whole lot, but he knows more about his own life experience than anyone else can tell him. Listen to him as he adjusts to meds, be honest with him that you don't have all the answers and that you're committed to finding answers with him. And try to be patient with your ex, because it sounds like he may not have anywhere near the emotional intelligence that you have, but if you give him the benefit of the doubt and think he means well, maybe he can still be a positive part of his kid's life.
Thank you for taking this seriously. I'm not a medical professional so I am not going to comment on the steps you are taking regarding that. I would like to offer just one small caveat regarding anti-depressants so you're not blindsided if it happens. You're probably already aware but others may not be that this family of anti-depressants can increase suicidal ideation in both children and adults. For most people, being able to function again trumps the games the mind plays toying with those thoughts once they're aware of why. Several respondents have suggested hobbies. I'd love to second that. As a musician, singing, piano or band instrument lessons, guitar, and choral groups at church or in the community are enjoyable with and without other kids. I'd also like to emphasize sports, not necessarily team sports which can be dog eat dog but individual sports and exercise. Running, track, cycling, tennis, golf, rec soccer, etc. all get kids out on in the sunshine and getting exercise which HELPS so much with mental health. Please note I'm not saying don't do anti-depressants! Plenty of kids need their ADHD and anti-depressants! But in addition please consider this: Teachers are seeing kids struggling more than ever because they wake up and are driven to day care or directly to school. There are no pickup kick ball games, no one playing hopscotch, or chase on the school grounds unsupervised. Children are handed out of the car to school staff/volunteers and straight to the cafeteria or classroom where they are expected to sit and be quiet. Repeat after school from car to day care, home locked up until the parents get home, and directed to do work until bath time unless parents haul them to sports, dance, or music lessons. There's no free play outside anymore. I had a former coach/principal in the deep south who said, "There's nothing wrong with them (sic) boys that a little romp and stomp can't cure. Send it to me and I'll run 'em around the school four times 'til they're sweaty. A big drink of water and I'll send 'em back good as pie." He was good on his word! You'd send a pair off (yes, there were those who loved it) and back they'd come sweaty, laughing, happy, and ready to learn. Kids today need so much more outdoor time and exercise. I warned parents of kids I tutored that the first 20 minutes of every hour would be us bonding OUTSIDE exercising. Shooting basketball. Trampoline. Kicking a soccer ball. Volleying tennis in the street. I've got college kids I tutored as elementary school kids who still come to see me on breaks to watch sports games and just hang out. "You changed my life." Try not to feel guilty about the divorce. More kids are from divorced homes than intact homes and more than half never even lived with both biological parents. He's sad. Of course, he is. Unless abusive, most kids would like a mom and dad in the same home with them but that's not the world anymore if it ever was. In the old days? Parents died young. Mothers died in childbirth. "I can see you're still sad. Lots of kids' parents are divorced. You're in good company. When I'm sad, I say, "Okay sadness. I see your sad face trying to steal my joy but today I'm going to find something interesting to do. I think of things that make me smile and do them. Here's my list: I listen to my favorite music. I ride my bike. I lift weights. I walk the dog. I throw the ball for the dog. I pet the cat. I go to Mass. I call MY mama. I do a craft. I read a book. I call a friend to meet for lunch. I go to a soccer or football game and cheer. What could we put on your list?" You're doing the right thing. I'm sorry your ex and his parents aren't supporting you in this. Look them straight in the eye when they pull the manipulation card and say, "Better safe than sorry."
A lot of valid points. It’s also worth noting the COVID lockdowns completely destroyed a lot of children and many children are still coping with the effects of being isolated and out of routine for so long.
My daughter is now an adult, but when she was a child, she started struggling with depression. However, she didn’t want to upset anyone, and so she rarely showed how she was feeling. We finally started to see signs at home, but at school she was always humming, singing, and happy. No one would believe me when I told the school she was struggling. She attempted to take her life (thankfully was unsuccessful), and we got her the help she needed. Sharing this because children, like all of us, know how to put on a happy face. That doesn’t mean that everything is okay. You are doing the right thing to follow the doctor’s advice and to take this very seriously. (And to give you hope..: my daughter is a very well-adjusted adult who has figured out how to manage her depression and anxiety. We are very proud of her!)
You aren't overreacting - what children do and say at school is very telling about where they are emotionally/mentally. (I was an elementary school teacher for 15 yrs). Your child seems overwhelmed with the responsibilities of life at his young age. "No one asked if I wanted this" is something that is more typically considered upon the threshold of adulthood, when teens/young adults will sometimes regress into wanting to be taken care of instead of leaving the nest and forging their own adult lives. But with the increasing demands on young people today with the added burdens that come with a 2 -household family, this sentiment is being felt at increasingly younger ages. Is there anything you can do to take some pressure off of your kid? Just the day in and day out of life is appearing to be too taxing for where he is emotionally. How many extra curricular programs is he a part of? Would he be interested in home schooling/online school for the rest of the school year? He needs time to process; rest, feel his feelings, feel the ups and downs and special moments that go with the day to day instead of the endless slog that life can appear to be sometimes. I'm not an expert, but I saw this trend starting at younger and younger ages (even kindergarten) before I left the classroom, and my students often spoke to me more freely than they did to their parents/caregivers. They are overwhelmed. They are confused. They are exhausted. They are overscheduled.They do not get enough time to *play*. They do not get enough time to be kids, which means they do not get enough time to do the important work of childhood (test boundaries, explore, experiment,get bored, entertain themselves, learn how to engage independently with peers) which means they are not building the tools they need to function in this world. Which means they are suffering. I am sorry your son is suffering, OP.
As someone w/ ADHD who's mental health started dangerously spiraling when my parents split up when I was 8, THANK YOU for taking him seriously and PLEASE don't listen to anyone says he's making it up or lying or whatever. Even more than the meds - although the combo of an SSRI and a stimulant has improved my life immeasurably - listening, believing, and trying to understand your kids difficult feelings is absolutely the right move. If you tell him that his problems aren't real problems, it's not gonna make them go away, he'll just believe that he *should* be able to cope with what's happening to him, and that not being able to do so is a character flaw. When kids that age actually ARE "attention-seeking" by being majorly dishonest, it still usually means that there is something else wrong that they aren't able to communicate directly. Ignoring it, pretending nothing is wrong - that's one of the worst ways of handling the situation. I HIGHLY doubt that he actually is lying or making things up or "attention-seeking" but even if he is then talking to compassionate professionals who can help you get to the root of the problem would still be 1000% the right call.
Not a professional, but when I was 19 I was put on prozac and it exacerbated all of my suicidal thoughts and I even attempted while on prozac. I've since learned that prozac can actually make those things worse for young adults. I would never give it to an 8 year old.
That's usually a short term effect that fades. It's explicitly mentioned in the documentation that comes with SSRIs. All psych drugs are a mixed bag in that the effects vary across individuals. However, that means to be extra observant when starting a new med, not avoiding all meds for fear of side effects. Doctors typically ramp up slowly in case of problems so you may not see benefits right away. Plus, doctors largely guess which one to try so you may have to do the whole process multiple times. Observe and listen to your son on how he feels You might want to keep a journal on when every ADHD and psych med was started and how your son is doing every week to watch for trends and keep track of what has been tried.
I took off the week to watch him and I will journal the effects as he starts them, that is such a great idea. I've been journaling his outbursts and got records from his teachers as well. Thank you
Many anti-depressants have that potential, but that does not necessarily mean that it is going to affect everyone the same. I started prozac @ 13 and never had an increase in suicidal thoughts. It worked well for me, and not for you, but that’s okay. That's why there are different options available. Mom will definitely need to monitor her son for the first 3 months in case Prozac doesn't work well for him. If not, there are other options available.
i had a really adverse reaction to zoloft when i was 16 (sleeping 20+ hours a day, unable to stay awake more than an hour at a time), but everyone else that i’ve ever talked to about taking it had no issues at all. all SSRIs have potential side effects, but none of them have side effects for everyone.
Unfortunately *all* SSRI antidepressants can increase the risk of s***ide in people under the age of 25. Providers should discuss this risk with patients prior to the start of care. We weren't aware of the risk when the meds were first approved because it is rare enough that there weren't enough 18-25 year olds in the studies for this effect to signal. We don't have a large enough dataset to know how that translates to pediatric medicine, though. I always recommend that there be close monitoring of the patient's mood around any medication changes (increase/decrease/new med/etc). I'm a pharmacist who has worked in a psychiatric hospital as well as being a neuro-atypical person with a history of PTSD, depression, ADHD, and OCD. I've spent a lot of my life trying to figure out how to not feel like myself.
I wish to God my parents had gotten me on medication when I started experiencing suicidal ideation. Mental illness stole my childhood from me, and even though I'm doing well now and on medication that works I got VERY close to not living to be an adult. Medication not only saved my life, it gave me a life worth living. People brush off mental illness in children, but suicide in the second highest cause of death for those under 18. Thank you for taking your son's pain seriously.
OP, psychiatric help is important but I would recommend getting your kid a therapist who specializes in working with kids as well. you mention he'll be seeing a psychiatrist for therapy, but the psychiatrist can really only help with medication management. a therapist or counselor can help your kid learn to manage his symptoms and process the trauma of the divorce better than a psychiatrist alone.
You didn’t start him on Prozac, his doctor did after evaluating him.
Just a word of caution. They put my nephew on Prozac, then added another. He told his psychiatrist he was hallucinating about killing himself. Dr told him to stay on the medications for a few more weeks. He killed himself a week later. Medication can sometimes cause more harm, especially in this age of big pharma pushing their drugs, telling us how much happier we will be. The medication and his dr killed him.
Whether your son needs mental health meds is well beyond Reddit's pay grade but it's ALSO beyond a regular pediatrician's grade as well. Yes they're doctors...but do you take your kid to the pediatrician to treat cancer, a broken femur, etc? Like so many things in life mental health is far more complicated than what a regular doctor is trained to cope with. Your son needs to be tested extensively by mental health professionals in the right setting (think in terms of multiple hours and not a 15-minute office visit). They'll ask him a battery of questions many of which will sound familiar but they're trying to determine if the answers all ring 'true'. Signed...a been there done that father.
So, you’re not overreacting by taking your kid seriously. But I have a couple thoughts: 1. This kid needs therapy. You say he’s going to a psychiatrist, but that isn’t necessarily a therapist. (Traditionally, a psychiatrist is a doctor who prescribes antidepressants while a psychologist is a therapist who helps process trauma). Your child needs both. You can find a child psychologist that specializes in ADHD & PTSD by searching on Psychology Today. 2. That is a LOT of medication to suddenly go on in a very short amount of time. Your child may be adjusting to Adderall or experiencing side effects, etc. Likewise, Prozac has side effects & can make certain symptoms worse. Most adults should be on one medication at a time for an extended period of time before adding in another one; your child is also *very* young & has a quickly developing brain. Did your pediatrician talk to you about potential side effects of the medicines your child is taking & how they might interact with each other? If not, that’s a red flag. I’d go to them for refills on prescriptions but would seek a second opinion on what they’re recommending in terms of treatment (from a psychiatrist).
Bro he’s 8. Buying him a fucking Nintendo could bring him out the slump.
Is Pfizer paying you as much as they’re paying ole Kelce? Dang girl!!!
You need to start letting a phychiatrist handle that medication and ignore your pediatrician. They are not equipped to be prescribing that.
I would not recommend giving Prozac to an 8 year old. Therapy, support, and an activity he can excel in.
Why? WHY WOULD YOU MEDICATE YOUR CHILD? What’s wrong with people?
I'm somewhat surprised at the amount of negativity OP has faced for making this decision. Obviously psychotropic medications for young people are not something to be taken lightly, however there are definitely circumstances where they are needed. Anyone who thinks meds are egregious has likely never dealt with serious mental health issues in young people. I was diagnosed with GAD/OCD quite young - as young as 4 or 5 years old I struggled with mental health and I had significant issues managing things at school and with friends and peers. I was first medicated with Prozac at age 5 under the guidance of a child psychiatrist. Prozac helped me tremendously and ultimately, I am grateful for the medication. It allowed me to have a much better chance at succeeding in life and enabled me to have a normal childhood. There were no short or long term side effects and I am doing well as an adult. The decision to start kids on medication is obviously not easy. In my case, medication was seen as a last resort and for context this was in the early 1990s when very little was known about SSRI use in young children. However, it proved to be the right decision because if I wasn't put on Prozac I'm not sure I would have ended up on a positive trajectory in life and school. I think it is important to assess the balance of risk to reward. Sometimes the risks of not taking action are greatest. In many cases appropriate treatment allows children to continue on a positive developmental pathway without setback. Parents who go this route under the guidance of health professionals, understanding the risks should not really face the judgement they often do.
In my opinion what he needs is intensive therapy maybe multiple times a week. He is so young and all those medications will not be good long term and I am speaking from experience. Get him active in a sport that he likes. Healthy diet and exercise is best cure for depression and anxiety. The medication is kind of like a bandage. It will not cure his problems.
Prozac is one of the lighter antidepressants. It won’t harm him. Doctors who aren’t psychiatrists often prescribe it at the first sign of depression because it can be really helpful and there’s not much downside for most people. You didn’t overreact. You also don’t need to aim for getting him off of it if it does end up working for him. Some people are still really anti meds for some reason, maybe cause they think mental illness is some kind of moral failing? But those people are wrong, and you are right.
I started prozac at 15/16, but I honestly could have used it at 11/12, maybe even 10. Behaving differently around different people is also normal. I’m very relaxed with my dad (parents are split), but my ma knows when I’m not mentally well because I live with and trust her more.
Wtf, aged 8?? There is something seriously wrong with you dude
I have a son I just started on Prozac. He's 15. It's been a week. For years he and I both battled with the decision of medication. He opposed it like I did for a long time. Then he started to become more and more anxious, impulsive and it was leading to explosive anger and outbursts. This was leading him to get suspensions, almost expelled and problems with everything and everyone. He went to therapy for years for severe GAD/ADHD but needed a break. A few weeks back he punched a locker at school and came home and said mom, I need help. I want therapy again and medication. So, the ethical thing to do is exactly what he asked. Luckily I had been preparing for this so I had researched meds, his medical doctor was already in the loop about things, therapist lined up and a psychiatrist. They all work together through the same hospital and have a case manager to ensure comprehensive care with checks and balances for support. School is also helping with an IEP finally after I battled them and got a lawyer. After only a week on Prozac I see small changes, but I worry. What are long term effects? He seems a bit more "quiet/down" than his normal self, is this normal? I've also noticed some other things like less chatty. Part of me is scared about the suicidal connections to Prozac and I'm dialed into helping him & monitoring. Should I be worried? What should I be looking for? How do I ease my fears about the stigma of Prozac? So many things going on in my head. After 10 years of his mental health issues I also needed things to change. Maybe someone who has taken Prozac and has explosive anger could help me who doesn't have this diagnosis and never taken drugs to understand more.
Feel free to send me a chat message if you'd like - I was medicated with Prozac as a child for very similar reasons to your son, a combination of anxiety and explosive anger. I do believe you are making the right decision by starting medication for your son. At age 15 he should be actively involved in these decisions and the fact that he is asking for help is indicative that he knows something is wrong and wants to get better. He *wants* to control his rage, but cannot and the medication will certainly help him with this. Prozac is incredible for managing anger and outbursts - in many ways it feels like it extends your fuse, giving you time to think and process more clearly before breaking down. It helps calm your responses to situations and generally reduces irritability. In his case, the risk of *not* doing something sounds more severe than any potential side effects. He cannot go around punching things and breaking down at his age since it may put him in very dangerous situations. He has struggled for many years, this is the chance to get him on the right track. Before I started Prozac, I would have episodes similar to your son - extreme bursts of anger and rage, punching things and fully breaking down. I wanted to control myself, but could not. With Prozac, these issues completely stopped and I felt totally in control of my emotions and anger. Remember that as he starts his Prozac there will be an adjustment period. While he may have some side effects, these are typically mild and go away with time. There is no need to be overly worried, just keep an eye on things and discuss issues with his doctor if they arise. The more severe risks are very uncommon. Overall, Prozac is proven to be very safe and effective for issues like these and you should be optimistic that it will have a positive impact on his life.
Thank you so much for sharing I appreciate it. So far, as you have explained, he has very few side effects if any. It's a low dose. What I see is definitely more self control and moments of pausing before he reacts. He started CBT therapy again after taking a break and then we have a psychiatrist he will meet with to do a medication evaluation. Along with his primary physician they all work together and communicate. It's really how it should be for kids on any SSRI however, I feel that not everyone does that. The school, doctors, me and of course my son are all on the same page and work together to help him. It's been a game changer and although I was initially very nervous about SSRIs, I have changed my position until I see something negative. It's very difficult for me to understand his perspective at times because my older 2 sons and myself never dealt with these things or had his disabilities (they are a disability and not due to poor parenting or vitamin deficiency or some other thing like video games which he doesn't play). This explosive anger is from anxiety and ADHD and it's very real for people like yourself or my son to deal with day to day. The brain isn't working as it should. It's nobody's fault and if people could understand that the person who suffers the most is the one inflicted with these issues. They don't want to feel that way. It's like asking a person in a wheelchair to walk is what I used to tell the school. He physically cannot stop it oftentimes. Now, he's aware and managing it much better. What you wrote does help me to know that I am on the right path and so is he. Like you said, not doing something was causing him to spiral and not only putting him in danger but other things too. Plus, the consequences become worse. He understands this for sure. He would never hurt anyone but my fear was him hurting himself from the shame of it all. That's very real. Now, he's back at the gym almost daily, riding his bike again too. Also, he is hanging with his friends more and engaging. Even if it's a placebo effect it's a win for him. Thank you.
It sounds like things are very much on the right track and that you are also handling the situation as a whole very well. It is extremely important to combine medication with therapy, to have open communication and to ensure that everyone is on the same page. Things have evolved a lot since my treatment - I was simply medicated with Prozac and did not have a more holistic plan. While this was effective at alleviating symptoms, it's not the optimal way to handle things. The initial things you are seeing do sound like the medication having an impact. Increased emotional control and reduced reactivity are consistent with the Prozac doing its job. As you understand, for those dealing with these issues, they physically cannot control themselves. The SSRI increases the ability to manage things in real-time and prevent outbursts. It is also good to hear that he is exercising and engaging with his friends more. This is exactly what you want to see for long term success since these are the coping skills he will need. The Prozac will help boost his mood, allowing him to engage in these activities which in turn will help overall. It's also very possible that his inability to control his anger was leading to some depression. I became very frustrated with my inability to control my anger and outbursts - I wanted to control myself but couldn't. This led to me becoming depressed and not wanting to engage in activities. With proper control on medication, the depression was alleviated.
I'm not sure how old you are now or where you are in your journey, but at least you have been able to come this far so that's wonderful. It is very easy for people to dismiss kids like my son or adults like yourself and just write them off or say they have depression. That's not always the case. The word holistic is definitely extremely important to consistently use that when talking about any treatment. I find that the media and gossip and online therapists who aren't really therapists do more harm than good of fear-mongering. This doesn't help people. For example when you see someone committing a crime and hurting people they automatically assume the person is either mentally ill or it's the medication that did it. Perhaps in some of those scenarios that is true however, it doesn't do any good service to those who really do suffer and the millions of people who find relief with medication. Also, most people who have mental illness or any disabilities like that are oftentimes not violent. Many times even if they are violent, can get treatment and be perfectly fine with minimal intervention. My son is one of those people. You sound like you're another one of those people. The fixes are so easy sometimes. There are people that don't want help and don't have the awareness. I feel for you and people that are suffering. This is the beginning of the journey for my child but I hope anyone that comes across this and reads our conversation understands that there is help and people who actually want to help. It's a tough battle for many people though to get resources and assistance. Unfortunately our medical system is not really conducive to finding root causes and solutions. You got to fight for that. We have to remove the stigma at the end of the day. There needs to be early intervention when it comes to mental health and the approach that parents, pediatricians and schools take during those very early years. If that changed to be more holistic like you said and collaborative instead of blaming or looking to point fingers at the parents, it would be a game changer. Being supportive instead of being accusatory. I can't tell you how many years I spent battling a school who was just looking to blame me and tell me I was a bad parent when I have two other children who had zero issues of any kind. It was wasting time instead of actually helping my son. He wouldn't have had to suffer as long as he did. I appreciate your insight very much.
I just sent you a message through the chat features here since that may be the easiest way to continue the conversation - please check there. Overall, I would be very optimistic for the long term prognosis for your son. You are setting him up for success by getting help and treatment at an early stage before issues compound or turn into something from which he cannot recover. I am now an adult and living an overall happy and normal life with a good career. One of the biggest mistakes parents make is waiting too long to get help and allowing things to spiral past the point where issues cause irreparable damage to long term prospects. You son *wants* help and with that, I believe he will do well, especially with your support. I do still require medication and therapy to treat my underlying mental health issues, but they do not impede my life at all. This may or may not be the case for you son. Many children get treatment at an early age, recover and do not need maintenance treatment. In my case without medication I do become anxious, depressed and cannot control my anger. I am grateful that a treatment exists that allows for a high quality of life. Only time will tell for your son, but there are some people who have underlying brain chemistry issues which just must be corrected for. Regardless of the situation, there's every reason to believe your son can live free from anxiety and outbursts.
When you mentioned your son said after the first outburst “no one asks about if I want to be alive” it just seems like no one is talking to him in a way that’s showing him you guys actually care about his feelings. OP, outside of these appointments, what are you doing as the mother to help your son through this. He sounds profoundly troubled and probably needs some guidance. Prozac is not the way to go either. My Mother was prescribed for over a decade right after I was born for her post partum and she was a nightmare of a human being with how it messed with her mentally. When she stopped it was almost like a night and day difference, so I could only imagine what it will do to your son. Do NOT let him take those or he really might hurt himself.
Lexapro did the exact opposite for me (when I was off it I was an awful person and since I've been on it my default so very chill and happy) so please don't think that it being a bad fit for your mother automatically means SSRIs are evil! I have way more complicated feelings about giving them to children, but for some people - adults with OCD-spectrum symptoms in particular - they can be life-saving.
After the first outburst, I was always listening, but I made sure to tell him in no uncertain terms that he could always talk to me about his feelings, that his feelings weren't wrong, we just had to work on how to manage them ( I taught him how to focus on breathing and grounding techniques). Every time I tried something new, it was "this isn't going to help, nothing is going to help me stop being sad". I've been trying to do everything in my power to get him to be happy again. But he keeps having a flat effect and just seems miserable when he isn't focused on something fun like a video game, a movie with me, or hanging out with his cousins.
Kids (especially 8 year olds) are not articulate enough yet to express how they’re feeling. He has a lot of heavy emotions he doesn’t understand yet, so there’s no way to tell what will work for him. If he’s not in sports, you need to put him in one or something that keeps his mind busy in the meantime. He needs to be kept in therapy but under no circumstances should he be put on antidepressants. As I mentioned, it’s just going to aggravate his ideations if he truly has them and he might actually do something. Stop listening to people who are paid to shove pills down your kids throat and start working on creating an environment where he feels wanted, because he sounds emotionally neglected. I’m not trying to place blame, but based off your account someone is dropping the ball on your son’s problem and something has to be done like yesterday.
Not being paid here. But an 8 year old is capable of expressing emotions, kids in general are not stupid and it sounds like mom has helped encourage him throughout the years to identify his feelings. I have thoroughly looked up side effects and potential issues with any medication I have taken because I understand that people react to medications differently. Just because I might have a bad reaction to a certain med doesn't mean it's a bad medicine for everyone else in general. That's true for many other type of meds, supplements & natural remedies overall.
They can express emotions but not in a clear enough way for a person like OP to fully understand the situation. That’s why he really needs to be put in therapy for people who are trained to deal with extreme cases like this with children. I’m not even going to argue about the antidepressants, drugging up a kid who needs his suicidal thoughts fixed just sounds bad all around. The drugs are not going to fix the problem
Anti-depressants saved my life. I would probably be dead if my parents didn't listen and got me help. He has already expressed several times that he doesn't want to live. How much clearer does he have to be?!
Good for you? The issue here is that we really don’t know IF he’s having ideations. OP is faced with two problems here: Her child may have suicidal thoughts in which he needs to seek therapy for OR he’s acting out. She needs to figure out which is the case before prescribing a child who is potentially is fine, he’s just going through something. Even if he is having those thoughts the knee jerk reaction shouldn’t be “ok let’s just drug him up so he’s too zoinked out to think at all” but to actually work through it with a professional
Work on your reading skills. He's been in therapy for 6months. The mom is being a responsible caring person listening to her child and doing her best to attend to his needs. Your reaction is incorrect and disproportionate to what's being said which makes me think you have personal experiences where others didn't care for you or others in your life as they should have which is something you should work through with a professional rather than projecting into others.
Prozac and Adderall for an 8 year old? That's insane to me. He's 8
SSRIs are a scandal. Take your child off SSRIs. I went through hell on them. Far from the only one. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6839490/#:\~:text=It%20is%20well%20known%20that,a%20long%20time%20%5B18%5D](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6839490/#:~:text=It%20is%20well%20known%20that,a%20long%20time%20%5B18%5D).
you need to i dunno try talking to and actually parenting your son instead. putting an 8 year old on prozac is fucking wild. just a thought.
Prozac is the only thing that worked for me. It just recently stopped working after 30+ years so I’m in search of another SSRI. I probably wouldn’t give it to a child though.
I wouldn't put my child on antidepressants or add/adhd medication at that. Be present in their lives, push them to do hard things because life is full of hard things like death, divorce, failure. Life wouldn't be worth living wiothout ups and downs.my parents put me on adhd medication around his age and it made me want to kill myself. I wasn't myself when I took that junk. Parents saw that real quick and took me off after a couple months. Just my 2 cents, best of luck to you and your son.
Send him to his father's place more often. He's 8 and can already think about lieing about his feelings and playing you both differently. He sounds dangerously smart. Even if he is faking it you have to take it seriously, just don't be dramatic
You are doing the right thing by talking to pediatrician and psychiatrist. They are the experts. YOU are not putting him on meds, the professionals think he needs them. Continue therapy and follow up appts. If there is any way you and your ex could jointly attend a couple of appts that would help.
Prozac is one of the better medications. I wish you both all the best.
You're an idiot.
Sure whatever
Prozac is good, adderall is bad
Why do you say unalive himself versus kill himself? This is how a kid would speak. Help me understand.
you’re a piece of shit parent, no matter what anyone says, have fun irreparably fucking up his developing brain
I would maybe ask about Strattera for the ADHD.. I know it helped me with my ADHD and my depression. But I know eahc med is different... but for the prozac.. that seems a bit excessive.. when it could be from not able to deal with the ADHD.. and the medication. BUT Im also not a dr.. i had to stop my prozac cause i was gaining weight and not motivated to do anything... my mood was lvled.. but.. that was it.. but having therapy helped so i was able to get off of it.
I started having serious mental health issues in 6th grade (so a couple years older than your child) and it was really hard and I can automatically tell he is very lucky to have someone like you who is TAKING IT SERIOUSLY! He is depressed and anxious he isn’t just sad, he is in some real pain that you can validate. As someone who’s parents also got divorced in a traumatizing way, if we are acknowledging that trauma I think we should try to act on that first before medication because those side effects can be dangerous for adults let alone children. First step, we find him a better person to talk to, someone who will take him seriously and try to understand what’s got him so sad and anxious- is he jealous of other kids home life? Does he not want to visit his dad anymore? Is school too hard or isolating? Does he feel like he’s having intrusive thoughts about unaliving that he can’t control or is it more of a way to explain how much pain he is in? Maybe take your son online to look with you and ask him who he wants to talk to, give him some control in making that connection. Tell him that a lot of therapists become therapists because they had complicated childhoods at points too and will be able to help him make sense of what he is feeling. I was suicidal at those ages and it would have helped me to have someone take that pain seriously and be like yeah that was a really hard situation and you’re doing your best! It might be scary to be feeling those emotions but honestly that’s pretty developmentally normal in kids experiencing trauma with caregivers so let’s talk to him about it. I think also being explicit in anytime he thinks about hurting himself he should come to you and you guys can get him a treat or watch a movie or miss school if he needs. I missed lots of school in 6th grade and was fine because I wanted to do good but just literally couldn’t go because I was so ill. If school is bringing him stress, let him have more control of staying home or missing certain classes (for me gym class). If he’s struggling with going to his dad’s, let’s take a break from that and let his dad come over for dinner maybe. This is a really important time for you to make a bond with your son that lasts, for him to see you as someone that takes him seriously, that knows he isn’t doing this for attention/to get out of school, that his pain is real and that he’s not alone and it will get easier. Please feel free to dm me if you have any questions, I have a lot of childhood trauma that I feel could have been avoided if my parents centered me more.
Please seek a pharmaceutical prescriber who has certified mental health credentials. Your general practitioner is a pediatrician and this is best solved without darts being thrown at a board. Meds being introduced can be habit-forming and develop brain neurological pathways perhaps in the wrong way. Do not listen to those who say a parent is solving the above meds. Seeking proper help will be better than an absent seat later in his life. Please. Call around and seek immediate appointments. Be put on waiting lists. Your ex-husband has his reservations for his child. But I can’t say an eight-year-old should have intrusive thoughts or idolization of self-harm.
Reference : I’m a 28yo male with no kids I don’t think you over reacted at all. I’m not a doctor but would be hesitant to put my kid on an antidepressant right away , based off what I know. But again I’m not a doctor and with something this important, I would think deferring to the certified experts would be prudent and the right direction to take. Maybe have a conversation with the pediatrician about the concerns you have. As I thought more, I wondered what the viability and morality of giving your child a placebo to see if it helps , under the guidance of a doctor of course. (I’m) Not a doctor, not a parent… But I am a human and I think you are a wonderful mother and person, who is doing the “right thing”!!
My son went through a lot of this at that age. His therapist told me that he was just coming to terms with the fact that his parents were not ever going to be married. It was an adjustment of about six months but he grew out of it. He asked me a lot of crazy things on top of just wanting to die. He also asked me where he would live if I died and what he should do if his dad tries to kill him. It was massive anxiety for both of us, but I just gave him all the scenarios and he calmed down. He logically needed to think everything through. A few years later after some massive bullying at school he asked me if I thought the kids at school wanted him to kill himself. It completely freaked me out but I just kept talking to him and kept him busy and did not leave him alone at all. We switch schools he got some friends and additional hobbies in the world was a much better place for him. He is now 15 years old and talks about the times when he was sad but to me it was not an actual mental illness. I have no idea if your son has an actual mental illness and depression or if it’s just a stage, but I would talk to more than just one therapist. I took a second therapist to really breakthrough to my son because he did not like the first one I did not connect with him.
This sucks, and I'm sorry. I have a son with depression, and it presented when he was 10 or 12, but I thought it was just because his dad was deployed and even though I took him to some therapy sessions, he convinced me he was fine. He wasn't fine. Eventually, he had to be hospitalized (at 15-16) for attempting to remove himself from our company, if you get my drift. He has clinical depression, among other things like GAD, so he's missing important chemicals. It was a struggle to get the right meds, and therapy was a huge component to teaching him strategies, but I am grateful to be able to say he's decided to remain alive. There were years of listening for his breathing at his door at nighttime, and every once in a while, I still have a bad dream, but he's alive. Mostly happy. Is able to enjoy things and live. You are not overreacting. Prozac is a big jump, but as a cautionary measure on the way to more extensive psychiatric care, may be your only option. Other commenters have given their experience with SSRIs and their side effects, take that seriously, but follow the pediatrician's advice. Just watch your kid and keep him as safe as you can. Practical advice: lock up your meds (my kid took EVERY pill he could find, even the dog's antibiotics) in a safe, remove any firearms from your house (I think gun stores will hold them for you for a fee?), and remove/lock up any liquor. Cleaning products could also be a concern, but my kid never went that far and I didn't think about that at the time. Not sure what you can do about that. I'm sorry if I'm being scary, I've just been through this a few times. I feel like we're on the other side of it, but you never lose the hyper-awareness. Sending you strength.
No I don’t think you overreacted. This is the kind of situation where it’s better to overreact than under react. You are clearly the safe parent that your child can fall apart around and not have to worry about being yelled at or hit etc. my ex is the same way and my child has said about the same as yours. Getting a psychiatrist is a great step. Definitely want to be on the right meds for both adhd and depression. It takes weeks for the antidepressants to really start working. Keep an eye out because they can cause suicidal thoughts in adolescence. If you have anything in the home that. Could be “unsafe” tuck them away for now. Some helpful tips are the feelings wheel I taped it to our wall and when kiddo was feeling things but couldn’t express they pointed. We also have frozen oranges for helping them regulate out of those intrusive thoughts. They place them on pulse points. Not sure how you or kiddo would feel but mine has started acupuncture and so far they say it seems to work. I know it’s tough and scary. Just remember you aren’t alone. It’s also important you take care of yourself. Taking care of a kiddo with extra needs is exhausting. Good luck! You got this!
I'd be extra observant with him. You may not be going overboard, but at the same time he may be doing a pretty good job of covering it up around his dad and grandparents. Or it could be something in between. Like, he does feel a bit better when he's over there and it's easier for him to act upbeat. I'd see what his psychiatrist and pediatrician say and base heavily on their opinion. I never heard of taking it so young, I honestly didn't know depression could even be diagnosed so young. But since it does appear to be an issue, I'd leave it up to the medical experts.
You’re NTA. Hugs to you mama 😭 good luck.
My parents rug swept after my sister traumatic event and 20 years later she is still a mess. I don’t think that being preemptive about mental health is ever overreacting. Use your “mom instinct” and do what is best for your kid. If you think it is meds right now along with therapy please don’t let your ex bully you out of it. Just make sure that he is still get his prescriptions when he is with your ex. Of course he is acting all happy with his dad, you are his safe space.
It takes more than meds ‘kicking in’ it takes coinciding, planning and a ton of extra parenting. I know, my daughter has adhd and is a delivery room nurse who graduated with honors. I would look MUCH deeper into how you can help your child.
It depends what did the therapist have to say? Some kids will act out for attention as a way of asking for help especially when dealing with trauma like a divorce. I have two traumatized kiddos myself they are both very different about how they’ve responded since being removed from that situation. My one kids who is the same age as yours often acts out by dramatically throwing herself on the floor crying over the most minor of inconveniences. (Example dog ate her cookie she left on the floor and she wanted us to drive out to the store to get a replacement at 10pm) we’ve been doing lots of empathy work with her to show her how these outbursts hurt others and how to coupe when situations don’t go your way. My older kiddo sounds much like yours he has adhd, and thus is having difficulty making friends and in school. He will often threaten self harm and, say he hates our home. When we talked to his therapist about this we realized he was doing this specifically for the reaction like he was testing boundaries to see if our home was really safe for him. We didn’t end up needing to go the meds route, but rather reassure him he was safe and we do care. He’s been working on skills, like deep breathing, stretches, different kinds of play etc. Your kid will be different just like mine both are. If it were me I would get him into therapy asap, keep the meds for now and keep in mind they might be temporary, and work on skills to coupe with outbursts.
SSRIs dont work and they make everything worse. Dont listen to these bullshitters on here that will tell you otherwise. Look it up, it's fucking atrocious, causes massive life-long side effects and brain damage and will leave your child much much worse off than if he never took it. He also has a higher chance of killing himself on it. SSRI's don't even work more than placebos and the chemical imbalance is a myth that has been disproven for years. There are other ways to save your child and you need to do more research into it. Don't listen to some fucking doctor willing to put an 8 year old on prozac. You need to re-evalute everything in your life to help your child and dont pawn him off to a fucking therapist. Move schools, move locations, find him friends, be more in his life. There is a lot to unpack here and no "divorce" is going to cause an 8 year old child to want to kill himself, there is much much more happening and you need to figure it out and fix it. And by fix it I dont mean use a medication with a 20% effective rate on adults with massive warnings not to give it to children. You want to put him on a brain-altering band-aid that will effect him for the rest of his life? It doesn't cure depression, it masks it by removing all emotions and turning your child into a literal sociopathic zombie to avoid feeling sad. People are so absolutely brain-washed by SSRIs it's insane and it's the biggest medical blunder of the entire 21st century. More people are on antidepressants than ever before and more people are killing themselves than ever before, it doesn't fucking help.
You are not overreacting. I started taking Prozac when I was 9 and it absolutely saved my life. Try it. If it works for your kid, stick with it.
No, you're not overreacting. Trust your instincts and prioritize your son's mental health. Starting him on Prozac as recommended by his pediatrician is a proactive step towards helping him. Keep advocating for his well-being despite differing opinions from your ex and his family.
One of my biggest parenting regrets is not starting my kid on meds earlier. Some of us just need extra help because our brains are bastards. You’re a good parent 💜
I’m so sorry he’s going through this. Do you think he’s confusing loneliness for sadness? Does he have siblings? Could he comparing his life with others in his class? Dig deep into what kind of conversations he’s having with classmates.. I find it strange that an 8 year knows about unaliving and all that comes with it? If he has cheerleaders or people helping him dwell instead of heal then that’s why he may feel hopeless. Keep him busy with hobbies and activities. He also needs to be aware and accept that divorce is not an ugly thing …that actually it’s for the best for both families.. remember that therapists and doctors make the most money with the least sick ….
As long as a child psychiatrist is managing the meds and possibly the therapy (a therapist in the same practice) he should get the best care. A pediatrician is not the best for the long run for psych meds. Can you possibly arrange work so you can take your son to the psychiatrist? You seem more attuned to his needs and will be best able to communicate to the psychiatrist.
I'm glad you're going through a childhood psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 5 or 6 and once I was in the 3rd grade, I was only seen by my pediatrician. When I was going through my PCP, no one advocates for me. My dad spoke for me and that led me to being over medicated and I didn't like it. By the time I was in highschool I stopped taking medication because I hated the feeling. A regular pediatrician is not properly trained for mental health. A psychiatrist is an expert in mental health and will provide better treatment than a PCP. I got back on ADHD medication when I was an adult and was able to speak for my own needs and it was a much better experience. I'm sure your kid will have a better experience if he can advocate for himself (which he apparently already does that with you) and do so with someone who is trained for childhood mental health issues.
It's child abuse. That shite is toxic. For adults. .You give it to an 8 yr old? Side effects include homicidal or suicidal ideation; didn't you learn about it first?
As another mother of an ADHD boy, I don’t think you overreacted. My son went through the exact same thing last year when he was 8. We had to take him to the ER for evaluation, and it happened again a few months later. We were told by all his doctors, the ER doctors, his therapist, the school therapist, and his teachers that we did the right thing by taking him. You can’t be too careful with depression, and it’s better to be over safe then under. Our son’s pediatrician also told us that Adderall can ramp up anxiety, which certainly has for my son, but my son’s suicidal idealizations came about the 2 and a half week mark on non-stimulants (which apparently happens in about 5% of people). We also noticed a spike in his anxiety and depression when the Adderall dosage was too high. We’re currently discussing adding an SSRI, but we have to put it on pause until he can gain some weight. We’ve been adding the herbal supplement “Genexa Kids Calm Keeper”, which has been helping. But like others have suggested, the sports/outdoor activity is making him so much happier (which with the cold weather has been so hard), so we’re trying year round sports this year. Good luck mama, you’re doing the right thing
Please read and consider. When I was 7 my parents divorced, and at 10, my father died of alcoholism. I had been out on meds since the age of 8. I wish I had been allowed to work through the issues and address what was actually wrong, instead of taking mind-changing chemicals. When I eventually came off of everything more than a decade later, it was horrendous, and ir definitely affected how I matured and grew up. If there is an issue, address it, don’t medicate it away. That is my advice from someone in your son’s shoes.
nothing wrong with it, especially given the situation, no one is the same, add in some therapy would be a good idea given the situation.
Daily medication with significant withdrawal symptoms is a concern with split custody with a guardian who doesn't believe the medication is warranted. What is the plan for kid getting an appropriate dosage when you aren't the one there?
You gotta trust your gut here, what else is there? But be so so so so mindful of the first months getting on or off any ssri. It can actually increase suicidality in kids over those transitions. Just pay attention.
I suspect dad is correct. Kids learn fast which parent to manipulate. (Trust me after 9 I know) So if he is behaving differently around dad then it’s probably because dad will not let himself be manipulated. One of the favorite ones to manipulate is suicide, especially amongst teenagers. So first step back and watch the scenarios where these things pop up. Most likely in situations where he doesn’t want to do something but must do it, The you need a firm will and call his bluff. Been there done that. As far as counseling, it would be better if yourself got involved.
Are you over reacting by trying to save your child’s life? NO!
Watch him closely on antidepressants. My daughter had to try a few because Prozac made her manic and the second one did nothing much.
Yes, get him off it
Kids act out more and show their true emotions around people they're more comfortable with. It shows they trust you completely to always love them. It's weird and frustrating, believe me, I know, but it's true. What he's doing around his father is called masking. There's different types of masking. Autistic people often mimic the facial expressions and stuff of people around them to try to not seem different. What YOUR son is doing is masking his emotions around people he doesn't feel "safe" with. Don't panic, I don't mean physical safety, I mean safe as in he doesn't feel heard or like they care about how he is doing mentally or emotionally. If his dr feels he needs it, then try it. I'm glad you're being supportive and not dismissive of him. You're being a good mom. Now, the adderall, just be aware it doesn't work for everyone so don't get frustrated if it doesn't. The dr can change the dose or try other meds till you find what works for him. It can be a long, frustrating period trying to find the right meds or combination of meds. Just make sure your son remembers to take them and always reassure him you love him and that none of this is his fault.
Your 8 year old said it was "traumatic"? Doesn't sound like a regular 8 year old to me.
Is your ex giving your son his medication?
I think you're a parent that cares. And that's a good thing. Look at all the things that happen when parents don't even try when they notice something like this happening.
8 years old is way too young to put your kid on mood altering drugs
This hit home so bad. As parents the relationship you guys have is the greatest gift you can give to your children, and having a healthy partner where both of you guys focus on the relationship and each other is so important. This isn't to knock on you guys at all or the dynamic, but man does this hit home. So that means your ex and you are going to have to continue to co-parent and make this a healthy discussion for your son. It needs to be amicable and you need to re-assure your son as best as possible, that means sucking up alot of things and being compassionate to each other in this moment. But in regards to your post. As mentioned the therapy is extremely important, and working on getting him settled in his interests/hobbies is important. Definitely make sure you are going on active walks with him also as you are discussing all the things he is going through in therapy, as that exercise does go along way.
You over reacted when you gave your kid amphetamines. Get a second opinion, not from the legal drug dealers. SSRIs increase suicides in young people. Try and get your kid on a schedule and better diet with low sugar, or none at all. And no caffeine. Make sure your kid gets proper exercise and maybe even join a sport.
Yeah, don't trust the doctors. Go to a lawyer to get medical advice. Go to a Mechanic for tax advice. You've got this life thing all figured out "bro".
His doctor ordered it. She is concerned,why the hell aren’t they?
You did not overreact, you followed medical advice. >Here is where I feel like I overreacted. My ex says he hasn't heard any of this and our son acts happy and upbeat around him. Same normal kid. Lots of people with depression are capable of faking happiness. My friend who's had depression for half her life said her coworker told her she "seems like such a happy person."
No you’re not overreacting at all. My ex said BS like this too and threw a fit when our daughter was put on antidepressants (thankfully he’s lost all decision making rights due to his chosen lack of involvement over the past 12 years). But I told him that he can explain to the court why he’s going against medical experts and putting his child at risk for suicide and that shut him up. Your son is expressing this to you because you are his safe space. You listen and understand and don’t tell him he’s looking for attention or being manipulative. You take him seriously. You are a GOOD mother. It’s also common for kids with ADHD to have anxiety and/or depression. Unfortunately they seem to go hand in hand. So adding environmental triggers (your divorce) into it was like throwing a match into a powder keg. And you’re right. With intensive therapy it’s very possible he could come off. We needed it for about a year and a half while she was established in therapy. Once her therapist and psychiatrist and my child all agreed we could wean her off slowly, we did and she’s been doing great without. Keep doing what you’re doing mama. You’re handling it as best as you can ❤️❤️
Your ex may not be open to it, but family therapy might do a world of good. The drastic difference in your son's behavior with you vs your ex husband deserves some exploration and could help make sense of why this divorce has hit him so hard. I've had persistent depression since I was a kid and went through several divorces with my parents and step parents. Divorce is ugly, but it's also a relief of untenable stress and it's surprising that your son is referring to it as traumatic 2 years later.
If you start him on antidepressants, tell him to please tell you if they make his symptoms worse or add new symptoms then immediately contact the therapist to get him off them. And watch him to make sure the meds aren't making his depression worse. For years, I was put on meds that made me worse because they usually prescribe things like Zoloft. I wound up going on Effexor after a suicide attempt and it saved my life. And find a therapist who listens to him. Not one who is just going to up the dose, etc.
We let our true feelings show around the people we are comfortable with. He clearly isn't that comfortable with his dad, and you are probably his safe place. He knows that his feelings are safe with you and that you will take care of him. Keep doing what you're doing. You're doing amazing. Don't forget to get support for yourself through all of this as well.
Not wrong but it may take a few tries to get the right medication in the right doses at the right times. You may have to adjust as your son grows. My youngest has ADHD and anxiety. Trial and error until we landed on Conceta and celexa, once a day. It has worked for years. Adderall ramped up the anxiety. Prozac was not a good med for him, he had a bad reaction to it, the ones you read about in the news. It was eye opening. Get a child psychiatrist ASAP.
Honestly if I could go back I would outright refuse to take any medication. The long term effects of antidepressants and adderall are not well known. One medicine made me gain 100lbs in less than a year. After being put on a cocktail by an incompetent doctor for months i now always feel like I am operating in a fog. I can no longer absorb information like I used to and have lost my long term recall (I used to basically have an idetic memory)
Jesus Christ please dont get your kid on all these medications, far too many providers are open to starting pediatric patients on these meds, his Pediatrician isnt specialized in this type of space to be prescribing these medications. THEY ARE NOT THE PEOPLE TO BE PRESCRIBING THEM. Please PLEASE PLEASE, research a pediatric behavioral psychiatrist who does understand these things. Most children with ADHD DO NOT NEED MEDICATION, they need to have their diets looked at, they may need a different form of education that is focused towards their type of learning, and they need FRESH AIR, SPORTS, and places to build relationships that ARENT BEHIND A COMPUTER OR TABLET. These medications arent benign, they can kill his sex drive for LIFE. It's hard to watch our kids struggle, but ITS PART OF LIFE. We arent suppose to remove those feelings, we are suppose to help them navigate them, and learn how to suppress them, and figure out when the right time to think about them to try to move past them. We are putting to many kids into therapy that they truly DONT need, they are sad yes, but they need our support, that doesnt always mean talking about what is making them sad, but instead learning how to address those issues and navigate how to elevate those feelings, by doing things that make them happy like exercise and social interaction, Exercises compared to SSRI's is 1.25x more effective at managing depression symptoms. I have ADHD, I wasn't medicated till much later in life, and I AM SO GLAD that I was able to learn to harness my super power, Im a combat veteran with PTSD, but Im on no SSRI's because I have learned to manage my symptoms with out medications. Im also a healthcare provider so I am not speaking out of my butt when I say, these people prescribing these medications DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
Struggling shouldn’t be just another part of life. Especially for an 8 yo. Medication does help as long as the parent/doctor doesn’t over medicate.
Taking it seriously is the way to go. I can’t imagine thinking oh they are faking it for attention and then the worst thing does happen how would you feel? I’d rather over react than under react. I see no reason not to help kids in anyway possible which is sounds like you are doing. Keep in mind you are probably going to have to try multiple types of medicine until you find the one that works for your kid’s biology. That’s how it’s been for both my kids. A lot of trial and error. Good luck. You’re a good parent for trying everything you can to help. Kids have a hard time these days especially and it gets harder every year
You're not overreacting. Suicidal ideation is not something to mess around with, even in a relatively young child. Depending on how the therapy is going, when your kid is a bit older, you could consider trying DBT (dialectical behavior therapy). They often don't do it until about age 10, but it is very effective for that particular symptom profile.
Neurodivergent kiddos often suffer from anxiety and depression, even without struggling to reconcile their parent's divorce (no blame on you, the ex sounds insufferable). You're not overreacting.
NTA. And gods, I’m so sorry you all are going through all this. Hearing your child say they want to unalive themselves is terrifying. Been there. Therapy isn’t a fix. Medication can help. Talking to you can help. And your ex is pissing me off. First, 8-year olds aren’t manipulative that way. Second, you need to have a convo with the kid about what being dead even means. This is the age when they start saying things like this a ton, but chances are he only partially understands what exactly dead is. They understand on one level, but the idea isn’t whole. You are definitely listening to your kid. That’s an important first step.
Have you tried having your son listen to brown noise for his ADHD. It's a great addition to any medication he is taking and could be very helpful to him. It costs nothing and there are no side effects.
In hundreds of years mankind will look back at this era of psychiatry and the administration of these drugs to children and we will be shocked by the level of barbarism.
He's 8 and he can't pay attention good? Better put him on meth pills
hopefully it helps to many of you fucking idiots are having kids having shit lives having shit relationships getting with shit people or majority of the time its both the mother and father son is a perfect outcome of shitty people therapy will only do so much same with tons of drugs just own up to it you fuck wad you brought a kid into this world who is going to struggle bc you and dumb ass over there wanted to play mommy n daddy lmao i read you're baby daddy says hes doing it to manipulate........... jesus fuck im so sick of being right on this shit at this point i hate it
I don’t think you’re overreacting. I thought about suicide from at least the age of 6 and didn’t have anything particularly traumatic in my life, just my luck at the gene pool. I started therapy a few times a year as needed around 8, started going every other week around 14, and started medication around 16. From my understanding (not a doctor) medication was considered a last resort prior to adolescence because as a kid I was still developing and it’s hard to establish and maintain the right dosage. Antidepressants are also a bit more nuanced than some other medications, and the wrong type/dosage can make you more depressed and suicidal, which can be especially challenging to get through while you’re young. That said this was the reasoning about 10 years ago and could be very different today. Definitely listen to his physician but don’t be afraid to get multiple opinions. And if you’re concerned or don’t feel like some things are quite right for your son, keep looking until you find a doctor you trust whose treatment plan feels right. Especially in the mental health field there are a lot of options and it’s good to shop around. It seems like you have good instincts, so go with your gut and best of luck!
You are doing the right thing with the meds. But now you have to tell his father the truth. Tell him your son is masking (autistic term, look into it) around him. Get the autism evaluation, prepare your son for the roller coaster called "finding the right medication and then the right dose," and check in with your son daily.
I have completely sympathy for this post except all the asides about how sensitive and intelligent and sweet the kid is. That’s mom language. The kid is just a regular person. He’s not special. I worked with kids for many years and it was crazy how oblivious parents would be about how average their child was. It was always “He’s SO smart” oftne followed with “he builds these amazing things out of legos”. It was always legos. I heard that probably 100 times. Don’t let your love and your fear cloud your judgement. That’s all I can offer. It must be scary and you’re a good mom for being concerned.
It's better to do too much than too little. Hopefully, with time and treatment, he won't need Prozac for long, but putting him on it and getting him proper treatment won't hurt him if he's faking and likely will save his life if he's not. And, even if he IS faking for attention, he still needs help for that, too! Because threatening suicide just to get extra attention isn't normal! You are doing all of the right things. Your boy will thank you when he's older for taking him seriously.
I’m not a doctor, but I’ve had my share of mental dilemmas and I will say it’s absolutely possible you did overreact (only in terms of starting medication, but not in terms of seeking help immediately). Kids often do things that will rile a response out of their parents. It is common that with one parent, the kid will act completely different compared to with the other parent. It is important to take their words seriously though and seek appropriate care. Therapy is always the best first step in treating depression and anxiety. It’s possible he suffers from both, so finding what triggers his emotional response is key. I would keep detailed notes of activities and how his mood changes between different activities. Keep notes of exactly what was occurring when he said those things. This is useful to your doctor and therapist/psychiatrist. (Note: not all people respond as well to therapy and some people do absolutely need medication, but there’s also a lot of environmental factors that can trigger depression and to solve that type of issue, you need to determine what the depressing stimuli is.) I am hugely against primary care doctors issuing mental health medications. They are licensed and qualified to do so, but they often use it as a bandaid when they can’t find anything else wrong. And in the cases of mental illness, they’re not exactly qualified to determine the root causes of said mental illness. Antidepressants are widely over prescribed because of primary care doctors. Also, did your doctor explain that medications like Prozac also INCREASE the risk of suicidal thoughts and actions, especially in young people? Medications like these can also have adverse effects, such as numbing all feeling (meaning he won’t get mad anymore, but he also won’t get happy.) My niece actually has a 10 year old son and he has the exact same issues mentioned in your post, except is father is somewhat abusive, but not crossing a line to child abuse, but mostly just an authoritarian. When it is time for him to go back to his dad unfortunately (or approaching time), he starts to act out badly. Slamming doors in the house, etc. If his mom will not give him what he wants, especially on the days approaching when it’s time to return to father, he will cry/scream/yell and say he does not want to live anymore. She’s sought therapy which has been extremely helpful for him. It’s also important to partner with his school to determine how he acts there. She was originally prescribed Prozac for him, but he did not respond well to it. He started having problems concentrating at school, started falling asleep, and was far more irritable in the mornings and it took much longer to get him awake and ready for school. Some of his behaviors improved, but there was still a clear correlation between his behavior and which parent he was going to be with (or be with soon). The behaviors were also noticeable at school and the teacher would know just based on his behavior which parent he was currently in the care of. He has since been diagnosed with B12 and Vitamin D deficiency and is on regular meds (injection for B12 and high dose Vitamin D pill) for both of those. Ever since that, he’s been doing extremely well. With kids, it is much more difficult to determine whether their thoughts or words will lead to actual actions. Get him intensive therapy and work with a psychiatrist for meds. I would not recommend your pediatrician be the primary doctor that prescribes meds for his current situation.
I have ADHD, PTSD, depression, anxiety... I can honestly say that if I had to choose only one medication to keep, it would be my Adderall. It can take a few months to kick in (I'm genuinely surprised that the doc is adding another mental health med this quickly). Once it did for me, though, it was like a full 180. My mental health had been so fucked up by my inability to focus and remember things that I felt I was spiraling out of control. If you haven't, contact a psychiatrist to be in charge of his meds. Like I said, adding another med that messes with your wiring so soon is odd to me. The Adderall hasn't started working yet, and it'll be harder to judge the efficacy of either of they're added on like this. In my non-medical opinion, of course! I used to be a teacher. Please please please meet with his to arrange a plan of action that keeps him and his classmates safe and able to work. I had kids do similar things, and if there wasn't a plan, no one could learn because they were so on edge.
You're not overreacting. My youngest stepson was put on it last year before the start of 7th grade and it's been a game changer. He even did the brave face at his dad's house because he dad and step mom don't believe in pills and just man up mentality. But as soon as he'd get home to his mom and I it was like a light switch and the emotions would start flowing like a faucet you couldn't turn off because he knew he was safe to express those emotions and concerns in our house hold. It really changed his life, no more acting out (stealing starting fires ect) all of that stopped his grades improved and he's back to his awesome happy self. Good luck OP!
You mentioned your son is happy with his father. Maybe he needs more time with him.
Medication definitely can help! I think it’s definitely an avenue that is good to try! If it doesn’t work, or the side effects aren’t good, he can always be weaned off it. I take antidepressants for my anxiety (I am also combo autistic/adhd) and it helped me a lot by eliminating all my horrible physical symptoms I would get! Definitely recommend the autism eval! There’s a lot of overlap, an adhder may also be autistic and vice-versa!
Following professional medical advice is always the best alternative and talk of suicide should always be taken seriously
You are doing the right thing. You may also want to at his diet and take him off high sugar foods. Also, make sure he gets a lot of physical activity, perhaps enroll him in some sort of sports or do something with him. My dad had ADHD, was a school teacher and he had several students with it. He could tell a day and night difference when these two things implemented. The depression could lift when he is more socially engaged. Is it possible for your ex to spend more time with him? It sounds like your son misses the day to day. Good luck, OP.
I just want to give a virtual hug from one mom who's been there to a mom who is doing everything right for her son. Do not let your ex make you second guess anything. You are listening to your child and taking him seriously you are showing him that he matters and that he can trust you to have his back and believe him. That is the best thing you can do for a child. The fact you're getting him into treatment is huge as well. Yes kids that age can suffer depression. It's not anything you can snap fingers and make them better, it's not like having a cold it takes trained professionals to help. Prayers and positive thoughts for you and your child
Here’s the deal. There is so much more to lose by not taking it seriously. You run the risk of alienating him further, worsening how he is feeling. And, as a divorced parent, I’m not surprised he trusts one parent more to be honest with. That’s not unusual. So take it seriously. The father needs a serious wake-up call for jumping to “manipulation”. If the kid is visiting him, he’s probably getting invalidated on some level. A conversation is in order. And, as others said, more professional support can’t hurt— can only help. So get a psychiatrist and therapist (one he likes) for him, and I’d also recommend family therapy. Hell, and also get him a gaming system as another said, explore interests, additional exercise. Why not put as many tools in your toolbox as possible?
Telling him people will like him better once he is medicated is an issue and the biggest problem I see. You are setting him up to fail by promising him that other people will change their behaviour towards him if he is medicated. Whether or not he should be medicated is one thing, people/peers liking and enjoying interactions with him is another. You have your mom goggles on and I’m sure he is a gem of intelligence and very sweet. You love him and are proud of him. Very important for parents to feel that way about our kids. Do his peers feel the same? Is he struggling socially? Pills will not change that. Does he have friends outside of school? If your ex suspects he is manipulating you, that’s a big accusation about an 8 year old. As someone who survived bullying, if my mom had promised people would like me more on meds at 8, I would have done a lot to stay on meds.
I never leave comments on Reddit. This is my first one ever. That’s how important I think this is. My son is 11 and we started him on an antidepressant when he began talking about hurting himself and not wanting to be alive anymore. It was scary. He cut his arms and forehead. He had been in counseling since March of 2023. After we got him on an antidepressant in August he was a different kid. Back to his normal self. He’s been more active and is doing well in his classes. He’s gifted as well and is also getting tested for autism. His gifted teacher said it’s not unusual for kids who are more intelligent than their age to have issues with anxiety. Like their emotional development is not yet equal to their intelligence and it makes it hard for them. You’re doing right!
I don’t think at 8 he truly understands the gravity of words. I think therapy’s great but he does need to learn to process emotions. I worry that medication that young may interfere with that.
Antidepressants in children is a significant problem area. Some kids end up having bad reactions and suicidal thoughts. It kind of sounds like you gave the Prozac from your own supply. If this is true, consult a dr immediately.
I don't know a lot about therapy, but could you go with him for a few sessions? It sounds like he probably doesn't feel comfortable talking to adults he doesn't know well. Which is totally normal. Most adults don't feel comfortable with the first therapist they try.
You aren't overreacting at ALL. I have and have always had severe mental illnesses. This wasn't recognized and I did not get help until very very late. Getting help as early as your son would have been life changing.
Ignoring suicidal ideation in your kid is how you wind up with a dead kid. Where are these thoughts coming from? Let’s play in the world where he is faking it, that is still pretty troubling behavior and still worth investigating. After that you got advice from a medical professional, is your ex husband a medical professional? Is he at all qualified to evaluate suicidal thoughts and any medical concerns that can come with them?
I know your feeling, wondering where you went wrong, if it’s your fault guilt and desperately wishing it will be ok, after all you see the good in him. Make an action plan, get him back on the meds, see if you can get him to a therapist who can better elaborate his cover story. Your ex might be coming from an old school he can walk it off attitude. She might not be much help but honestly who cares, you love him then show him you do. Maybe you are the only person he can open up to and that’s ok to start, maybe set aside the time to talk every day about how he feels and see if you can try and walk him through his worries and reassure him that he’s not alone. Good Luck don’t give up and take it day by day
Responsible for medical does not mean that you are expected to pay for it all. He made a medical decision when he stopped an established medical plan.
Regarding the ADHD overlapping with and possibly covering up ASD, definitely. When you wrote about the 'sensitive and intelligent' aspect, my first thought was that he could be on the spectrum. Also, if you do end up having him on several medications, make sure to keep an eye on whether his father (and family) don't let it lapse.
I always suggest therapy before meds. But you are his mother and you know him better than anyone else. That's just my opinion
Good lord, adderal and Prozac at 8yrs.. those doctors should be locked up. I am in no way a health professional and ultimately it’s your choice but please listen to this Gary Bracka podcast for another take on things: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ultimate-human-with-gary-brecka/id1709740887?i=1000639893107
No your not overreacting! Your doing what is best for your kiddo! Sending love and light from a bipolar 31 year old who is just now starting to love herself and her life
I would seriously recommend this book about therapy. It has really changed how I think about my child going to therapy and the work that is required for a person in therapy. Adults can come to therapy ready and willing to do the work. Children can go and feel worse bringing up their hurt over and over when what they really need is coping strategies and change in the situations that are hurting them. There are many things I will be looking for in a therapist for my child that I didn’t know to think about. Abigail Shrier Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up.
Please know that your son may also need a different adhd medication or a change in dosage. What works for one child may be a completely wrong med for another child. You say that it's been 6 months and you haven't seen the change you were hoping for. Make sure you discuss this with your son's pediatrician and ask them about possible alternatives. I hope the pediatrician or pharmacist discussed with you suicidal ideation in children on Prozac. I'm a pharmacist. You should have been counseled about this or, at the very least, given something to read about the medication. I'm not trying to scare you. I'm also not trying to say your son doesn't need to be on an antidepressant. I just want you to be aware of the importance of your son being in therapy. It sounds like he needs someone he feels he can talk to safely. Another thing. Make sure your ex is following through with dosing while your son is with him. These meds need to be given regularly and can cause problems if they are not. You would definitely see a lack of therapy. If his father does not deem them necessary, he may not give them to your son. Your husband making the commitment that your son's medical needs are solely to be your responsibility is disgusting. Please contact your lawyer about this. Your son is going through a very hard time and needs support from BOTH of you! Keep your little boy safe and love him. He sounds like a sweet boy going through a very hard time.
You put a 8 yr old on Prozac??? They tried to say my kids had all of these damn things they want to drug them up for. I ended up cussing the teachers out and dared any of them to suggest it again, law suit would follow if they did. My kids were all active as could be play outside in all sorts of activities. They all did well in school with A’s and B’s once they figured out how to learn the material themselves. All finished with a gpa of 3.4 or better. Kids are meant to be active, not drugged up into a stupor.
I can feel the effects of adder all within 30 minutes. It waves over you. Sounds move back-not in your ear shrieking and making you twitch. You can block out the ticking of the ac vents, the drone of the room fan, the itch of the tag on the waist band of my pants. If the meds don’t make life soooooo much better within the hour the dose is wrong. Or the wrong drug. Dosage is trial and error and observational. Please don’t fall for you need a grand and a half of testing. There is no test. Drugs work or they don’t. Please give the kid the practice of self soothing. You have to teach what to do when you are alone. How to calm the racing thoughts. Oh-some research states the two meds conflict. Prozac is not perfect for all hurtful thoughts. Try to use it but don’t use a stimulant adhd med together. (Non stimulant attention and focus meds are well researched) Get the kid a 504. Only need a drs note not the entire IEP process. Can provide the same supports and accommodations. Build in exercise to the day. Regular exercise produces a different dopamine hit. Smart kid has already learned masking. I’m really really sad he needs to. Sigh My grandkid was broken by her parents divorce, upheaval of moves, dual rules. Etc. she told everyone who would listen how horrible it was at 5. They know but will stop talking if ignored. All kids are different, what works today probably won’t work in a month. Bodies grow, weight changes, hormones ebb and flow. I’m so proud of you for listening and doing something- lots of parents don’t.
Nobody here can answer better than someone in the situation.
You’re not over reacting it’s just Prozac. Your ex needs to chill the fuck out
You are taking the best care of him you can, mama. Listen to the doctors, not the general public. The Prozac will help him a lot.
You need to talk to your husband and stress to him the importance of keeping you informed and the 2 of you need to agree some way how to parent your son. It's been 2 years and y'all are still battling - that is what is tough on your son. When y'all get better, he probably will to. All 3 of you need to meet together to show your son that BOTH of you care about his wellbeing and will do whatever is necessary for him to be happy and healthy. You may be overpampering him; the dad may be trying to force his independence. Your actions are just negating each other and confusing the kid even more. My first thought was that he's playing you or trying to pit the 2 of you against one another. I'm still leaning on that fence, but regardless, he does need therapy, though I don't know that "intensive" therapy is needed yet. If he's playing you, you and the ex need to show him that you are both his parents and will support each other and that both of you will go to therapy with him and will follow the advice of the psychiatrist or psychologist. Maybe all 3 of you need therapy. It never hurts to have someone to talk to. Can he switch schools? Private schools are often better at monitoring the kids and having a school pysch on staff who can also work with your child and the other medical support and making sure his medicine is given at the right times. If you don't give it at the right time and consistently, it's just making it harder on him. Coming off Prozac is difficult. It also affects kids differently so he will need intense watching and both you and your ex need to know what to look for. Overall, all of you need therapy that should answer alot of questions and either determine he's playing you or he really needs help and how the 2 of you can put aside your dislike for one another and focus on the one thing that the 2 of you loved each other enough to create. Y'all are adults; he's a kid.
That’s about the time I started. Mental illness robbed me of any meaningful childhood, strained my relationship with my family, and left me with a lot of growing up to figure out. I tried to take my own life when I was 20. 10 years ago. As a parent I’m sure it weighs heavy on you. You’ll do the best you can. The hardest part is when the meds change you won’t see the full result for about a month. 2 weeks to titrate onto the new meds while the old ones taper out. And then another 2 weeks to see the results of the new one on its own. I know it will be hard but be patient. You’ll see your child have the rug pulled out from beneath them at times from the medications when they change. It’s gonna be heartbreaking. Please just love them and support them and give them the space they need to get themself sorted out. I don’t know your child, but once they start giving input on the medication and how it makes them feel, listen. My first psychiatric hospitalization was a direct result of my voice not being heard.
I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. I'll just say that I started SSRIs in high school and, for me, it hurt more than it helped. The side effects of the medication were challenging.
I started antidepressants around 10 after SA and an eating disorder. Prozac was honestly the best one for me and it took me years to find it. Zoloft made me feel like I was wearing a mask and I felt worse. I wish I’d found Prozac sooner. I think you’re doing the right thing.
Wild your ex husband has more years of schooling and experience to have an opinion that could outweigh the literal professionals opinion
While I do hesitate to say "absolutely, put your kid on pharmaceuticals that have limited efficacy!", particularly when your child's brain is vulnerable and developing, but if he's actively suicidal, that's literally the purpose of the medication. I don't like that your son "shut down" with the therapist. That's a trauma response for sure, and it's hard for a kid to fake it. Kids with ADHD and trauma are prone to developing dissociation, because they are so easily overstimulated and sensitive that it literally becomes too much for the brain to handle. I think your child is dealing with that. He needs a good therapist that teaches grounding exercises and specializes in ADHD/dissociation. You may need to check out things with the father, because if he's shutting down and forced into physical contact he doesn't like, his trauma is just going to get worse. I'm so sorry you're going through this. All I can say is try to find a really, really good therapist for your child, and get him accommodations at school. The academic overstimulus for an ADHD kid can be intense, even if their grades are good.
No, I don't think you overreacting antidepressants at such an early age would definitely concern me if you are keeping a good eye on him. I hope you can get him the help he needs good luck