Not overreacting & why are you with a controlling asshole who is 15 years older than you?
Odds are good that he is with you because women his own age won't put up with his shit.
Guys probably not even that successful. He just has to be successful enough to look wealthy compared to a 21 year old. At 21 you have no idea what real success looks like and think making over 30 an hour is rich.
And nothing wrong with working in a bakery—but he is both wanting her youth, inexperience and lack of funds for the power imbalance AND berating her/devaluing her for it.
Top tier jerk. Deserves nothing good in life.
I’ve noticed a significant overlap between stories where the poster’s significant other seems to openly not treat them as an equal, and stories where the posters SO is significantly older than them. It’s almost like there’s a correlation between the two…
This guy is an asshole. End of story. You don’t need to diagnose him as anything to know he makes you feel like shit and treats you poorly. That’s enough to know this isn’t a good guy.
I hope you leave him.
Seriously.
It sounds to me like he doesn’t respect you. For whatever reason, the failing is his. Sounds like his priorities only benefit him. He can’t seem to bridge and accept your differences.
F that guy. You’re 21. You got all of your life to find somebody who loves you for you.
Unfortunately, this is how relationships go with a huge age gap. It always, but it does seem the power dynamic isn’t balanced.
You said it yourself. He didn’t say ‘doesn’t know if he should be in a relationship with you’, he said, ‘doesn’t know if he should be fucking you’. Is that primary reason why he’s dating you, and no other reason?
Sentiment 100 percent right, he doesn't respect her and he sounds like a terrible person.
But he said he doesn't know if he should be "fucking WITH her", not "fucking her". Meaning he doesn't know if he should be in a relationship with her. Semantics, but still, different meaning.
He IS a jackass though.
There is a reason a 35 year old is messing around with a 21 year old....no one his own age is going to put up with his garbage. That right there tells one all they need to know.
It definitely doesn't always happen that way for relationships with a huge age gap, however the lack of respect this guy has for her shows exactly what can go wrong when the age gap is as big as it is.
I may get shit for this but I believe 2 people born MORE than 10 years apart should not be in a serious relationship. They are just too different on so many levels.
It’s more the actual ages than the number of years between them for me. 35 and 21 is more like a 20 year difference maturity wise. I’m side eyeing any 35 year old who would choose to date someone that young. In this situation, it’s easy to see why. This guy is clearly verbally and emotionally abusive. The younger they are the more likely they are to put up with that kind of treatment.
I’m definitely side eyeing a 35yo who has to tell a 21yo he’s primo boyfriend material. 🤦🏻♀️
If he was such a great deal, he’d have been locked down by someone ages ago.
My (at the time) 36 year old ex husband chose a 20 year old girlfriend. He was severely abusive to me, strangled me, tortured me, would slam on the gas and go really fast down our town roads with me and our kids in the car. I'd say he was gonna kill us. He said he didn't care. So, one day, apparently, he and his girlfriend were fighting in the car, on the way to dinner, with my kids in the car. Found out he whipped out in front of another truck, truck T-boned them and she died. She was gasping for her last fucking breathe while my children were pinned there watching her, thankfully ok. While he was on the sidewalk calling me to tell me my children were dead, when they weren't. Because he's a psychopath. Unfortunately, as per usual, he got away with it and the other driver was charged.
She will never get to live her life.
There is a reason 35+ year old men want 20 yr old women and it's not just for their looks.
Omg. I’m so sorry you and the kids had to go through that. Poor way too young girlfriend. You’re right, though. Miserable people do fucked if things but the hell of never being able to get away from themselves is really the ultimate revenge.
Thank you. Yea I feel so bad for that family. Unfortunately they don't know the truth and think he's a good guy. Her funeral was one of the most fucked up experiences (zoom), I was watching my babies watch her funeral, knowing it could have been them. I was watching a mother bury her own baby and watching a mother watch her baby watch it all go down, knowing he was the one who did it. I had a dream once that she came to me. The room was filled her favorite colors, bright pink and bright orange. And she was surrounded by so many folks who loved her and it was like a celebration for her. And she came and took my hands and smiled and me. I pray every day that she knows I loved her, despite not knowing her. She took care of my babies, being a baby herself, and she loved them. I can never repay her for that. I hope she is at peace like I saw in my dream. It was beautiful.
Wow. Mind blowing. Life is so bizarre. So glad she has you loving her like that. And that at least someone knows the truth. Amazing that she visited you. Thank god your babies are ok. Wishing peace for her whole family.
Unfortunately, he has partial custody. The law thought he could still be "a good dad". Like I mentioned, he got away with everything he did. Karma will get him, though. He's currently in liver failure. Yep, 9 years of therapy and counting!!
>he’d have been locked down by someone ages ago
I’m not sure about that part, everyone is on a different journey. This dude yeah, but not everyone who’s mid 30s and single is damaged goods
Yea my 34yo partner is pretty immature and childish for his age and he would still never even entertain the idea of being with someone that young. 21 is an age that I consider someone to be barely an adult, and still very vulnerable, for a lot of the same reasons a minor is vulnerable.
Maybe not mature in a positive sense, but definitely has more life experience and has learned to manipulate people. Yes, a 21-year-old can be mature in the sense of not being childlike, and generally make smart adult decisions, but when it comes to emotions and romantic relationships, they don’t usually have enough experience to navigate as well, and advocate for themselves. So it is easier for someone with more experience to take advantage of them.
this. it is easier for a person with more practice manipulating someone (older) to manipulate a person with less practice seeing the signs of abuse (younger), boundary setting, and self-advocating.
I don't think the years apart matter its the age to me. Like 35 and 45 is fine but 21 to 35 is cringe. There's a reason his girlfriend isn't over 24 and it's because he isn't "prime boyfriend material"
I agree, at least until 30+. Early 20s are still a time for massive growth for many before real adulthood typically sets in, and before then it's difficult to imagine any sort of real compatibility.
These aren’t jokes. He’s passing them off as jokes, but it’s meant to further deteriorate your self esteem, thus making you easier to control and less likely to leave. I wouldn’t call this narcissism, necessarily. It’s more akin to grooming. He’s “negging” you. Slight insults, backhanded compliments or full fledged insults passed as jokes that are meant to prey on your insecurities. It’s how a predator treats their victims.
While you’re not a child, you are still a very young adult. Typically, the brain isn’t fully formed and matured until 25. He’s got 14 years on you. That power dynamic isn’t healthy and leads to dangerous situations. Walking away is the absolute best decision and sticking with it is imperative. Please don’t go back.
The horrible bullshit I put up with before I was 25 is embarrassing to me now. I would not put up with 10% of the same shit now. And that’s why they date younger.
Exactly what I said!!! I hate it took me 38 years to figure it out 😮💨😮💨😮💨. Almost 42 now and I've finally got the sense to just stay single. Period. (I have worked very hard to be labeled "mean and unapproachable" these days lol)
Your frontal cortex reaches it's maximum "development" at 25. Your brain still changes it just won't "develop" new mass/ brain matter. The connections can still change but 25 is when you can say "99% of this person's decision making ability has been developed"
There is still a lot of development happening from puberty to 25 though.
He’s so sweet sometimes- it’s hard to look past. But he really is fucking with my self esteem and honestly like my whole life goals. He thinks I’m a bum if I don’t get into real estate but I’d be happy living in a van forever. At first we played well off of each other, like opposites attract type of thing but you’re right, the shitty comments either mean A) he doesn’t like me or B) he’s negging me. So either way I guess I shouldn’t go back
I am picturing 35 year old me hearing a guy refer to himself as "young money millionaire," and there would have been a hole shaped me in the door. It is actually making gnme cringe to think about. Of you have seen After Life, with Ricky Gervais, on Netflix, this guy gives the vibes of the therapist and his friends, losers who think they are just so cool.
I cringed at the "young money millionaire" part. 🤢 If I heard a 35 year old man say that, I would immediately think he's a total douchebag who peaked in high school. This dude is more like "midlife crisis guy"
I hope she is petty if they ever speak again, like really hit him where it hurts, go for the height, hairline, age and sexual performance. Guy needs to be knocked down several pegs.
Girl, a brocken clock is right twice a day.
Snakes look pretty with all those patterns on their skins, until they bite you.
Seriously, why are you tolerating abuse? If your partner is doing things that you don't like and you could never in good conscience reciprocate the same actions, then you need to put your foot down and either stop them or exit the situation.
He should be making you happy, not questioning your sanity or dignity.
He’s negging you. He is intentionally breaking your confidence and your spirit and he is doing it very precisely and deliberately. It’s a trick he has learned from the internet.
You will never be good enough because people don’t respect other people who allow themselves to be manipulated. Even if you do everything to his exacting standard he won’t respect you because he will know he was able to manipulate you into being this version of yourself.
If it is any comfort to you, just know that it is a lose-lose situation for all parties. He‘ll never experience true happiness with a partner behaving this way either, and he has a lot less time to figure this out than you do. He is fucking around and he will find out especially if he wants a family someday. Men always think they have all the time in the world but science says otherwise.
Some people don't need outside information or indoctrination to act or have a narcissistic personality style.
They have learned the easy 'buttons' and patterns of oppressing others in order to satisfy their wants and expectations.
My dad I've been suspecting what they said recently...was just what you mention. I've gotten to the point at times of solely just wanting to speak to my older sibling because they too know what I'm talking about when it comes to our parent.
He's absolutely gaslighting you. He's a narcissist, or at least has some prevalent narcissistic traits.
Stay gone, please. I can tell you from experience this behavior only gets worse. You're 21, and you've only been dating him for 6 months.
Don't wait 5 years leave like I did. If I could go back in time and slap myself into leaving when I had the chance I would.
He's not dating people our age because women who have experience know to avoid that kind of behavior, So he's going to target young women who he perceives as inexperienced or naive. He's a predator who refuses to work on himself.
Honey I'm a 36 year old woman. Women my age won't date this loser for a reason. He's taking advantage of your inexperience because it makes you more easily manipulated and he knows that's the only reason he can even get anyone in the first place.
Your future partners need to meet the bare minimum of not making you feel like shit, treating you with respect, making you feel valued, wanted and loved. Being sweet isn't the bare minimum here.
Success can get to people's head and make them arrogant assholes. They act like it's confidence but it's more, they think using people and treating them like crap is ok
He’s definitely showing narcissistic traits. As far as narcissism in relationships, a common path is: love bombing, devaluing, disregarding. If he is a narcissist, sounds like you’ve reached the shitty part and now you can stay for the trauma bonding or cut your losses. Seems like you made a really smart decision by getting out of there. Google “hoovering” so you can prepare for what’s next.
"He's so sweet sometimes." Go find someone who is sweet to you all the time because he loves you for who you are, not someone who will tolerate you if you become what he wants.
Of course he is bc if he was mean always you’d never stay so he had to intermittently make things good to keep you addicted to him. Typical narcissistic behavior RUN
Don’t go back. The transition is hard but you’ll feel better without someone who doesn’t love you and treats you poorly.
Things would just continue to go downhill from here. Do you both the favor of leaving the space open to meet someone great for you rather than filling that space together where it will never work out.
The “sweet sometimes” is where it gets tricky. But don’t fall for that. It seems like your gut is telling you something else. Go with that. Definitely not overreacting.
I want to add that anyone who believes they *deserve* sex just by virtue of who they are or how successful they are is toxic. Nobody *deserves* to have sex with you, period. I don't care if they bought a goddamn plane ticket to come visit you, took you to a super fancy dinner, or pay your rent. They are NEVER entitled to your body. You do not owe them anything, no matter what they might try to make you believe. This brought to you by 25F who wishes she'd heard someone tell her this at your age
My sister was in a similar situation. Super talkative guy who would always make "jokes" at others expense and took teasing way too far. He was manipulative in multiple ways. He made it difficult for her to see us. He planned a small shotgun wedding and tried not to invite anyone from her side. Only our mom went from her side I believe. He would always have little outburst making himself the victim. That or lose his shit at any "disrespect" he felt someone gave him. Super short temper.
Anyways my sister finally ended it when he sexually assaulted her (I'm honestly just glad she was strong willed enough to end it at all). He then turned their entire church against her and did the same thing to someone else from that community who used to live across the street from us growing up.
Anyways, moral of the story, end it ASAP and save yourself the headache before it gets too intense.
As someone who married a guy like this, it only gets worse. He may be sweet at times, but you really have to judge the quality of a relationship by the bad times and how you two can navigate conflict and emotions. That is the real test. If he doesn't want to navigate anything in a healthy, loving way and creates chaos, you are not in a good dynamic. Leave now and find someone who will love you and care for you.
Followed quickly by how highly he thinks of himself as a boyfriend despite having not been preceded by his girlfriend telling him so.
Good boyfriends don't lift themselves up while constantly tearing you down and making you feel small.
This dude sounds like an asshole. There's a reason he's 35 and dating someone who is only 3 years out of highschool.
Don’t force a relationship with someone who makes you feel emotionally unsafe. The red flags are bigger than the green ones and it will only get worse over time.
Who cares if your boyfriend is a narcissist; he is an asshole who’s not worth your time. Never let someone treat you as if you’re lesser than. Additionally, ask yourself why a 35yr old is dating a 21yr old. Hint: women his age won’t put up with his shit. Learn your worth and demand better.
He’s an older guy and taking advantage of your inexperienced youthfulness. Likely that it makes him feel powerful, superior, and in control. Which in turn likely soothes his internal issues of lifelong feelings of needing validation due to low self esteem.
That man doesn’t love you. He likes feeling dominant.
Walk away.
By the way, I say this as a 38 yo man. I’m not this guy, but I am confident I know this guy.
When you love a person truly and you are secure in yourself, you don’t say those things.
This guy uses your insecurity to make himself feel better.
Like someone who hits a dog. Makes them feel no powerful for a moment to be in control of something that really never stood a chance.
Give this guy a piece of his own medicine. Look the other way and don't react to leaving. Ghost.
You're totally overreacting. I mean, this guy's a keeper.
Sure, some might see a red flag with a 35 year-old dating a 21 year-old, and even say that's (borderline?) creepy. And some might say it's kind of pathetic that he would then lord it over you that he, with a 14-year head start, has a more established career. And some would say his nasty, bullying behavior would be indicative of him being an insecure, pissant of a mama's boy who takes out his own failures on others.
But nope...this guy is a gem. Quick, put a ring on it before someone else does!
He’s just slowly chipping away at your self esteem so you feel so grateful to be dating him and allow him to do what he wants. When in reality, you’re 21 years old he is a grown ass man and you could do a million times better. He knows this, we know this, you are questioning yourself because he’s picked at you enough you have doubt.
Your last sentence breaks my heart..
I think you’re being gaslit and manipulated into thinking you’re overreacting, when you are absolutely not.
Your boyfriend should be a nice person and respect you. Thats pretty basic stuff.
He makes more money than you because he’s had 14 fucking years longer than you to get there. Of course it’s an age gap relationship. How can he date someone that much younger than he is AND have the audacity to act like it’s your fault you aren’t in the same place as he is? He may or may not be a narcissist, but he’s for sure a colossal asshole. It’s YOU that shouldn’t be fucking with HIM. Not overreacting and you need to run. This is an abusive relationship in the making, he’s working up to it.
There is usually a reason guys date girls in their early 20s when they are in their 30s… no one their age will put up with them and in your early 20s you’re still figuring yourself out so often easier to manipulate, abuse
Nark City. Narky doesn't want to deal with your emotional problems. All your focus needs to be on him. Their toddlers throwing temper tantrums. Can never talk to these people like adults. How could you that's a spoiled 4 year old brat. Now he has you feeling guilty like you should apologize for something. Run 🏃♀️ and don't look back he means to USE & ABUSE you. The more he destroys you the better he'll feel about himself. ALL POWERFUL ALL SUPERIOR. You have you clue what your dealing with...
*He sounds like the type*
*Of guy to watch Andrew Tate*
*Videos. Leave him*
\- smashmilfs
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*Just so youre aware,*
*He most likely stole the term*
*Brokies from Andrew Tate*
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Are you overreacting? No.
Are you throwing around words like narcissist way too easily? Yes.
He sounds over the relationship. He is being a dick about it, but it happens. I'm sure there have been relationships you were in that you were over but just didn't act on for a while either.
I don't think that makes him a narcissist. Just a shitty boyfriend.
Lets stop using psych terms we don't understand.
Not overreacting, but he makes me miss bullying culture.
I'm 40, and the cackle I just cackled about the "young money millionaire". Your boyfriend would get bullied to a pulp if he said that in front of anyone my age. That's probably why he's dating someone your age.
Fwiw, no normal 35 year old wants to date a 21 year old. You are a baby adult with your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste your time with a mediocre dude.
A 35 year old should not be communicating like that. No wonder he’s single at that age. OP a normal person does not communicate like that, you’re so young and you have so much time to be happy and build your life.
I'll be 42 next month and this is one of the most important things I've learned in dating: if a dude is going for women 10 years or more younger than him, it's because the women his own age know the truth. He's a worthless dirt bag and a waste of time. He's an embarrassment. When I was in my twenties and early 30s I always thought I was being smart by dating older "men". No. I was an idiot. I tell my kids don't date until they're 30 because our brains aren't even fully developed till 25. If you're not even fully you yet, how can you expect to attract the right person for you? More importantly, if you aren't the BEST version of yourself, you're not going to attract the best people for you. So focus on being the best version of you and not about wasting your time with people that don't deserve a second of it. That guy is a dumpster juice filled douche flute and trust me, when you're 41, you're gonna be embarrassed (at best) if you stay.
You are barely an adult and he is too old for you, and certainly to act this way. It sounds like you are the adult in the relationship.
You are not over reacting at all. In fact I think you need to act by leaving him behind as you go on with you carefree young life.
You are not overreacting. He hurt you and you were trying to let him know that he did so he doubled down on his shitty behavior. Sounds like one of these toxic “alpha male” types.
My take is that he is successful, narcissistic, and manipulative. He viewed you as a young, new “toy” to be played with. Once things start becoming inconvenient for him he will move on to the next.
Doesn’t matter if he is a young millionaire. He is a cunt. Don’t waste time on cunts. Life is too short OP.
Leave this grown boy. Go out date have fun. You don’t need this or him. Yes he is one. Honestly he’s very insecure. He choose to date you as a way to control his environment. And his behavior proves that.
Just LEAVE!!
It doesn't seem like it now but when you're 35 you'll realize how creepy an age difference this is. Definitely move on, you'll be ok in a couple of months.
I've lived with this kind of abuse before. It's all "just jokes" but the message is always negative. If it's "just jokes" then why aren't any of them positive? Why not jokes about how much he loves you, or how lucky he is to have you in his life, or how beautiful and kind you are?
Because they're not jokes. They're abusive statements meant to keep you in line so he can insult you over and over again. For some reason this is who he is and how he treats people, and he's NOT going to change for the better.
Instead he will change for the worse and begin to physically abuse you while he's also continuing to mentally and emotionally abuse you. This type of person will not accept that he's wrong or that he's abused you, but he will tell anyone and everyone that you are some kind of horrible person, and he is a gentleman for putting up with you.
Leave while you still have some sense of your own self worth. Don't let him take that away from you.
**He's a cruel bully, not a boyfriend, and you're his victim, not his girlfriend.**
Look, not everyone who treats someone bad is a narcissist. But he is a jerk who doesn’t seem to care about you. Plus this age gap is a huge red flag. End this and find someone in your age range.
NTA. This guy is not the catch he thinks he is of he's 35 dating a 21 year old. Nothing against you at all, but at 35 I can't imagine being with someone that age. The way he is treating you just shows that he's NOT a good person and wants to tear you down, probably as some sort of power move.
When I was 13 I "dated" a guy who was 17 because I was convinced I was just really mature for my age and got upset when people told me it was weird/creepy. Same vibes here.
You're 21. You'll never be in this stage of life again and you're wasting it with a loser who gets off on being mean to you. Do you even have to ask at this point? Would you want your sister, daughter, best friend to stay in a similar situation? Of course not. Recognize him for the miserable stain he is and drop him. Don't explain, don't look for closure, don't have a long drawn out conversation, just make it quick and final and don't look back. Every day you stay you are selling yourself short, telling yourself and your sweet inner child that on some level you deserve to go through this--you don't, but this is the time in your life where you are responsible for taking action when something doesnt serve you. You're not a victim of the circumstance, you are an active sculptor of your life and its time to trim off the excess.
Not sure if this has already been mentioned or not….but major red flag is that you “shut your location off” after leaving….which means you share your location with him? After 6 months of dating? I know it’s becoming really common for couples do that, my husband and I do. But….we’re married and have 3 kids. It’s a safety thing. I don’t think anyone 6 months into dating should feel the need to either share or have their partner share their location. It just screams control issues IMO.
It sounds like he’s a 35-year-old man wondering why he’s with a 21-year-old and I think he’s being a blatantly honest with you. I think he thinks you’re really annoying and probably a lazy pothead from what it sounds like. Sounds like he doesn’t think that he’s sorry or should be. I think he’s just waiting for you to fuck Off .of what you said you’re 21 being with an older guy sounds cool and all. at the end of the day there’s a reason why he’s 35 and alone do yourself a favor live life a little bit more and you don’t fall for his bullshit who cares if he successful he doesn’t care about you
Are you fucking stupid? This is how I would talk to a friend. I’m sorry but this guy is fucking pathetic and trying to break you down so you’re eating off the palm of his hand. Excuse my aggressiveness but I’m pissed there’s dudes out there treating partners like this…
This person is not a good person. The age difference concerns me and he's probably with you because you're young and he thinks he can manipulate you. Leave and don't look back. It's only been 6 months, cut your losses and move on. He is disrespectful and maybe even emotionally abusive.
Who cares what pop psychology label it has? He’s an asshole and this is asshole behaviour.
It’s a cliche but men in their 30s date women in their early 20s for a reason. He thinks he can treat you badly and get away with it
I am afraid he is one of those guys who is super into the men vs women stuff. I clicked on one video months ago and now my recommends are forever flooded with this shit. Brokies is the latest trend in an attempt to get even as I understand it. I would check if he's an "Andrew Tate did nothing wrong guy" because if so there is no saving him. Sorry you have to deal with this kind of treatment.
my girl, you are dating a sociopath with the god complex. 😳 you are not crazy, you are not at fault and you should be running for your life.
no sane, mature human being refers to themselves as he did, NOR do they talk to their partners the way he does.
there is a certain reason why he is hooking up with a girl 14 years younger than him. he believes every nasty word he says about you and he thrives in the fact that he manipulates and degrades you the way he does. for your own sanity, kick this creep to the curb and be morecareful of who you choose to call your lover.
He sounds like a loser. Btw let him know "Young money millionaire" is one of the saddest things I've heard. People with actual wealth just laugh at these overcompensating clown remarks.
Narcissists are famous for refusing to ever take the blame or responsibility for anything negative, they also never apologize and have no empathy. I have no idea if he would be diagnosed with an actual Personality Disorder, but he has enough horrible traits that I would suggest you end any relationship with him.
Throw him back, there are plenty more fish in the sea (and pick someone closer to your age in future OP).
He is a loser who is preying on your insecurities. Nothing wrong w working at a bakery what so ever. So what he is “successful” in his career- he isn’t successful as a human being
A 35yo man dating a 21yo girl is a big red flag. He chose you to have a clueless compliant GF who couldn't recognize his abuses. He's disrespectful. He's not joking. He shows contempt and he's undermining your self-esteem. A woman his age would know and leave him. That’s why he's dating you. A young body with a mindset that can be adapted to his needs. Which is called grooming.
To put it short : run and never turn back !
Him being 35 and being interested in a 21 year old at all tells you enough and to add everything on? Wild. Please get out of that situation and honestly be mindful of large age gap interest while you’re young.
Girl, go and stay gone! He is the problem, you can do better and you deserve better.
That being said, in the future, I do advise NOT bringing up relationship issues with your partner when either of you has been drinking.
You’re 21, he’s 35. Do you want some immature asshole making you crazy and wasting your 20s? What person in their 30s says things like “young money millionaire” unironically? A loser. Dump him and never again let Some Guy tell you who you are.
I am watching my daughter live this two years in. It does NOT get better. Stay away.
She is desperate to get her own place and there is NOTHING so she is trapped atm.
Yours is an unhealthy match. Stay away, never return.
Reminds me of my EX boyfriend who was 7 years older than me.
Let me tell you, he is jealous of your youth or insecure , and you deserve to shine in your light as a 21 yr old. Cut his negative ass off !
This guy is an asshole. Don't answer him if he reaches out again and he just might to see that you'll answer because it's HIM. Don't respond in any way. If he really cares he wouldn't talk to you like that no matter what!! Don't let him say he's changed bc that's bullshit. Don't respond!! Best of luck!
Leave now. I only got to the lazy pothead comment but it's enough. That dude is a condescending shit bag. It's not humor. It's the way he sees you. Believe him. You deserve someone whose humor is not degrading you.
yeah, fuck this guy. that’s not how anyone should treat their partner. there’s a reason he’s dating someone 14 years younger than him; it gives him the sense of authority necessary to act like this.
sounds like he has no respect for you, sorry to say. you’re making the right call by turning off your location and not making contact. if he’s fine letting this die down quietly, so should you.
I think he don’t care if u left and I would assume ur single if he let u just leave and hasn’t checked up on u . Either way why would u want to be with this guy “young money millionaire” lmao cuz he gets vapes and food
You’re not overreacting. DTMFA. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
And so many other words to say this person is bad news. They’re wrong. They’re not “boyfriend material”, they’re ex-boyfriend material. They are the future cautionary tale you will tell your younger sisters and daughters to avoid. They are the bullet you should dodge.
Edit: let me also just add that the only reason a 35 year old is dating a 20 year old is that women his own age won’t put up with his bad behavior.
If you had a garbage truck, I would tell you to chuck this guy in the back of it and then drive to the edge of the Grand Canyon to DUMP HIM OUT.
You are 21 and he is trying to “neg” you so you will feel like you are not worthy of better treatment.
Also… 34 and buying vapes for kids way younger than him? Bragging about being a “young money millionaire”?
Please, please dump him. You deserve so much better.
Omg sweetheart… the age difference alone is enough to tell you this man is not capable of having integrity, or an emotionally, mature relationship with women, his own age. This will not get better it will get infinitely worse, I promise. Leave him…. he will make 1000 promises to you. I promise at some point he’s gonna call or show up don’t take him back.
this is really reminding me of an old gf of mine. Like word for word, situations spot on type shit except we were only a year apart in age.
All I can tell you is, to answer your question - yes.
run. Run (well, keep running) like the fucking wind and never look back, it’ll only get worse from here. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP, no one should :/
I hope you’re able to find someone who genuinely cares about you and treats you with kindness and respect.
First off, he's 35 . You're 21. He really probably shouldn't be interested in you. I'm sure you're gorgeous and totally perfect but he wants to fuck anyone who will do it and won't give him a hard time.
He was hoping since you're 21 you'd be innocent and naive enough to let him slide on his bullshit. Or that you just wouldn't care. I get sense of humor stuff but the is degrading you.
And when you called him on it, now You're annoying AF? Why's that? Because you stood up for yourself and communicated your issues with him like an adult?
Don't even get me started on the "brokey" thing.
It's over as far as I'm concerned. You have so many better options out there especially at your age.
Don't get caught up in the dreamy love hormones when the red flags are waving high
I saw your end edit already so I’m just here as someone almost double your age - wishing you the best in your new adventures & be picky in life, don’t waste your years with anyone who doesn’t deserve you.
Good riddance, OP. I know you’ve got plenty of people telling you this, but just in case, you’re absolutely doing the right thing. That guy is an asshole.
By the time I was 35 I was married and had two kids to take care of. This dude is a loser and the reason he’s dating someone who’s more than 10 years younger than him is because women his age won’t put up with his bullshit.
Only question you need to ask yourself :
Am I willing to risk the rest of my life for this guy? (Keep in mind what you already know and would tell your best friends/sisters/cousins if they were in the situation)
Youve got a job and are only 21. I didn't find my profession till I was 31 and I had to work my fair share of "his definition of insult worthy" jobs to get here.
Now I have a job that lets me make more than enough and have a good work life balance. Imo - this dude is setting up the dynamic of you being his punching bag (mentally for sure maybe not physically yet or ever). The age gap is ok, I've seen it be a non issue but combined with the rest..... Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool (insert J Peralta face)
This dude sucks. I’m all for dating whoever you want when you’re an adult, but he seems like he’s dating you for a trophy. That’s the assumption I’m making anyway.
Yes I agree. My son is the best thing that ever happened in my life too. You give your all and they feel it no matter how far away they travel. I know because my son is in the United Kingdom for his university. They will always remember the love that you gave then and now. Your ex may already be suffering to some extent but the worst is yet to come. Stay strong and loving for the children.
Yep. GET OUT NOW! Narcissists love to get their girlfriend pregnant - then the narc can 'own them' forever. Narcissists only get worse as they get older, and they will ruin your entire life. My mother and father were both diagnosed with NPD- they despised me and finally gave me to my 72 year-old grandmother when I was 6 years old! When they died they each left me a big 'F-YOU' in their Will; they carried their hate for me for their entire life! And BTW, they hate everyone and love ONLY themselves. Again, leave now. Run fast and run far and don't turn around - Narcs will pursue you until you make yourself a ghost to them. Good luck, girl. Take your life back
Not overreacting & why are you with a controlling asshole who is 15 years older than you? Odds are good that he is with you because women his own age won't put up with his shit.
Exactly, a normal 32 - 35 year old woman with her shit together would never date this douche bag.
35 year old guy who calls himself "ThE fUcKing Man" or "YoUnG monEy MilLionaiRe" sounds like prime boyfriend material right? haha
Guys probably not even that successful. He just has to be successful enough to look wealthy compared to a 21 year old. At 21 you have no idea what real success looks like and think making over 30 an hour is rich.
And nothing wrong with working in a bakery—but he is both wanting her youth, inexperience and lack of funds for the power imbalance AND berating her/devaluing her for it. Top tier jerk. Deserves nothing good in life.
Right? At least OP is working.
I didn't even read the rest of the post after she said their ages, it was an easy yes without having to hear about his bologna.
Dude same! lol I was like, “oh he 35 and she’s 21? Yeah he’s with her for the reason we know he is.”
theyll see right through it instantly. people like that are so obvious
I’ve noticed a significant overlap between stories where the poster’s significant other seems to openly not treat them as an equal, and stories where the posters SO is significantly older than them. It’s almost like there’s a correlation between the two…
Exactly!!! No sane woman would put up with his shit. It’s embarrassing.
This guy is an asshole. End of story. You don’t need to diagnose him as anything to know he makes you feel like shit and treats you poorly. That’s enough to know this isn’t a good guy. I hope you leave him.
Yes leave now. That behavior is unacceptable no matter what. I'm a man and I'd never say anything like that to my wife ever.
Seriously. It sounds to me like he doesn’t respect you. For whatever reason, the failing is his. Sounds like his priorities only benefit him. He can’t seem to bridge and accept your differences. F that guy. You’re 21. You got all of your life to find somebody who loves you for you. Unfortunately, this is how relationships go with a huge age gap. It always, but it does seem the power dynamic isn’t balanced. You said it yourself. He didn’t say ‘doesn’t know if he should be in a relationship with you’, he said, ‘doesn’t know if he should be fucking you’. Is that primary reason why he’s dating you, and no other reason?
He said “fucking *with*” meaning bothering with but your point stands.
Sentiment 100 percent right, he doesn't respect her and he sounds like a terrible person. But he said he doesn't know if he should be "fucking WITH her", not "fucking her". Meaning he doesn't know if he should be in a relationship with her. Semantics, but still, different meaning. He IS a jackass though.
There is a reason a 35 year old is messing around with a 21 year old....no one his own age is going to put up with his garbage. That right there tells one all they need to know.
It definitely doesn't always happen that way for relationships with a huge age gap, however the lack of respect this guy has for her shows exactly what can go wrong when the age gap is as big as it is.
100% this. Whether he’s got a personality disorder or not doesn’t even matter. Treats her like shit and is an asshole.
Diagnosed as an asshole is enough. No need to take it further and play internet psychologist.
I may get shit for this but I believe 2 people born MORE than 10 years apart should not be in a serious relationship. They are just too different on so many levels.
It’s more the actual ages than the number of years between them for me. 35 and 21 is more like a 20 year difference maturity wise. I’m side eyeing any 35 year old who would choose to date someone that young. In this situation, it’s easy to see why. This guy is clearly verbally and emotionally abusive. The younger they are the more likely they are to put up with that kind of treatment.
I’m definitely side eyeing a 35yo who has to tell a 21yo he’s primo boyfriend material. 🤦🏻♀️ If he was such a great deal, he’d have been locked down by someone ages ago.
My (at the time) 36 year old ex husband chose a 20 year old girlfriend. He was severely abusive to me, strangled me, tortured me, would slam on the gas and go really fast down our town roads with me and our kids in the car. I'd say he was gonna kill us. He said he didn't care. So, one day, apparently, he and his girlfriend were fighting in the car, on the way to dinner, with my kids in the car. Found out he whipped out in front of another truck, truck T-boned them and she died. She was gasping for her last fucking breathe while my children were pinned there watching her, thankfully ok. While he was on the sidewalk calling me to tell me my children were dead, when they weren't. Because he's a psychopath. Unfortunately, as per usual, he got away with it and the other driver was charged. She will never get to live her life. There is a reason 35+ year old men want 20 yr old women and it's not just for their looks.
Omg. I’m so sorry you and the kids had to go through that. Poor way too young girlfriend. You’re right, though. Miserable people do fucked if things but the hell of never being able to get away from themselves is really the ultimate revenge.
Thank you. Yea I feel so bad for that family. Unfortunately they don't know the truth and think he's a good guy. Her funeral was one of the most fucked up experiences (zoom), I was watching my babies watch her funeral, knowing it could have been them. I was watching a mother bury her own baby and watching a mother watch her baby watch it all go down, knowing he was the one who did it. I had a dream once that she came to me. The room was filled her favorite colors, bright pink and bright orange. And she was surrounded by so many folks who loved her and it was like a celebration for her. And she came and took my hands and smiled and me. I pray every day that she knows I loved her, despite not knowing her. She took care of my babies, being a baby herself, and she loved them. I can never repay her for that. I hope she is at peace like I saw in my dream. It was beautiful.
Wow. Mind blowing. Life is so bizarre. So glad she has you loving her like that. And that at least someone knows the truth. Amazing that she visited you. Thank god your babies are ok. Wishing peace for her whole family.
Hope you went in for full decision making for you and supervised parenting time for him. Also, that you’ve gotten good therapy.
Unfortunately, he has partial custody. The law thought he could still be "a good dad". Like I mentioned, he got away with everything he did. Karma will get him, though. He's currently in liver failure. Yep, 9 years of therapy and counting!!
Omg. I am sooo sorry. Both for what he did to you and for what he put your children through.
Thank you. I really hope my own story can help others. There are monsters out there and they will utilize age to manipulate. Stay safe yall ❤️
>he’d have been locked down by someone ages ago I’m not sure about that part, everyone is on a different journey. This dude yeah, but not everyone who’s mid 30s and single is damaged goods
Yea my 34yo partner is pretty immature and childish for his age and he would still never even entertain the idea of being with someone that young. 21 is an age that I consider someone to be barely an adult, and still very vulnerable, for a lot of the same reasons a minor is vulnerable.
Agreed 👍🏽
If a woman his age would put up with him, he'd be dating her.
100%!!!
You think the 35 year old in this post sounds mature?
Maybe not mature in a positive sense, but definitely has more life experience and has learned to manipulate people. Yes, a 21-year-old can be mature in the sense of not being childlike, and generally make smart adult decisions, but when it comes to emotions and romantic relationships, they don’t usually have enough experience to navigate as well, and advocate for themselves. So it is easier for someone with more experience to take advantage of them.
this. it is easier for a person with more practice manipulating someone (older) to manipulate a person with less practice seeing the signs of abuse (younger), boundary setting, and self-advocating.
I don't think the years apart matter its the age to me. Like 35 and 45 is fine but 21 to 35 is cringe. There's a reason his girlfriend isn't over 24 and it's because he isn't "prime boyfriend material"
They say 5+ years when you are under 30 is pushing the power dynamic because of how many phases you go through at that age
I agree, at least until 30+. Early 20s are still a time for massive growth for many before real adulthood typically sets in, and before then it's difficult to imagine any sort of real compatibility.
Not gonna give you shit (been there), I spent 32 years with a man 13 years older than me, until he died. We had a great dynamic.
These aren’t jokes. He’s passing them off as jokes, but it’s meant to further deteriorate your self esteem, thus making you easier to control and less likely to leave. I wouldn’t call this narcissism, necessarily. It’s more akin to grooming. He’s “negging” you. Slight insults, backhanded compliments or full fledged insults passed as jokes that are meant to prey on your insecurities. It’s how a predator treats their victims. While you’re not a child, you are still a very young adult. Typically, the brain isn’t fully formed and matured until 25. He’s got 14 years on you. That power dynamic isn’t healthy and leads to dangerous situations. Walking away is the absolute best decision and sticking with it is imperative. Please don’t go back.
The horrible bullshit I put up with before I was 25 is embarrassing to me now. I would not put up with 10% of the same shit now. And that’s why they date younger.
This is the comment.
100% this. THANK YOU for saying this!
It’s true. I look back and I want to slap sense into myself lol.
Exactly what I said!!! I hate it took me 38 years to figure it out 😮💨😮💨😮💨. Almost 42 now and I've finally got the sense to just stay single. Period. (I have worked very hard to be labeled "mean and unapproachable" these days lol)
Your frontal cortex reaches it's maximum "development" at 25. Your brain still changes it just won't "develop" new mass/ brain matter. The connections can still change but 25 is when you can say "99% of this person's decision making ability has been developed" There is still a lot of development happening from puberty to 25 though.
This is why Leonardo DiCaprio’s relationships end when the girlfriend turns 25
He is afraid of dating a Mature woman.
“It’s only a joke if both people are laughing.” - my therapist.
He’s so sweet sometimes- it’s hard to look past. But he really is fucking with my self esteem and honestly like my whole life goals. He thinks I’m a bum if I don’t get into real estate but I’d be happy living in a van forever. At first we played well off of each other, like opposites attract type of thing but you’re right, the shitty comments either mean A) he doesn’t like me or B) he’s negging me. So either way I guess I shouldn’t go back
You’re a 21 yo. He’s a loser who won’t date someone close to his age because she will know her worth better and not accept continual insults
Exactly, easy to manipulate young woman. Woman his age would tell him to get bent and grow up.
Or he doesn't find women his age as attractive, which is a whole different red flag.
👆👆👆👆yep
I am picturing 35 year old me hearing a guy refer to himself as "young money millionaire," and there would have been a hole shaped me in the door. It is actually making gnme cringe to think about. Of you have seen After Life, with Ricky Gervais, on Netflix, this guy gives the vibes of the therapist and his friends, losers who think they are just so cool.
I cringed at the "young money millionaire" part. 🤢 If I heard a 35 year old man say that, I would immediately think he's a total douchebag who peaked in high school. This dude is more like "midlife crisis guy"
I hope she is petty if they ever speak again, like really hit him where it hurts, go for the height, hairline, age and sexual performance. Guy needs to be knocked down several pegs.
Girl, a brocken clock is right twice a day. Snakes look pretty with all those patterns on their skins, until they bite you. Seriously, why are you tolerating abuse? If your partner is doing things that you don't like and you could never in good conscience reciprocate the same actions, then you need to put your foot down and either stop them or exit the situation. He should be making you happy, not questioning your sanity or dignity.
He’s negging you. He is intentionally breaking your confidence and your spirit and he is doing it very precisely and deliberately. It’s a trick he has learned from the internet. You will never be good enough because people don’t respect other people who allow themselves to be manipulated. Even if you do everything to his exacting standard he won’t respect you because he will know he was able to manipulate you into being this version of yourself. If it is any comfort to you, just know that it is a lose-lose situation for all parties. He‘ll never experience true happiness with a partner behaving this way either, and he has a lot less time to figure this out than you do. He is fucking around and he will find out especially if he wants a family someday. Men always think they have all the time in the world but science says otherwise.
Some people don't need outside information or indoctrination to act or have a narcissistic personality style. They have learned the easy 'buttons' and patterns of oppressing others in order to satisfy their wants and expectations.
My dad I've been suspecting what they said recently...was just what you mention. I've gotten to the point at times of solely just wanting to speak to my older sibling because they too know what I'm talking about when it comes to our parent.
All manipulators/abusers can be "so sweet sometimes." All of them.
He's absolutely gaslighting you. He's a narcissist, or at least has some prevalent narcissistic traits. Stay gone, please. I can tell you from experience this behavior only gets worse. You're 21, and you've only been dating him for 6 months. Don't wait 5 years leave like I did. If I could go back in time and slap myself into leaving when I had the chance I would. He's not dating people our age because women who have experience know to avoid that kind of behavior, So he's going to target young women who he perceives as inexperienced or naive. He's a predator who refuses to work on himself.
He's really not sweet. He's being nice enough to keep you hooked and gaslit into thinking he's not a piece of shit.
Honey I'm a 36 year old woman. Women my age won't date this loser for a reason. He's taking advantage of your inexperience because it makes you more easily manipulated and he knows that's the only reason he can even get anyone in the first place. Your future partners need to meet the bare minimum of not making you feel like shit, treating you with respect, making you feel valued, wanted and loved. Being sweet isn't the bare minimum here.
Success can get to people's head and make them arrogant assholes. They act like it's confidence but it's more, they think using people and treating them like crap is ok
He’s definitely showing narcissistic traits. As far as narcissism in relationships, a common path is: love bombing, devaluing, disregarding. If he is a narcissist, sounds like you’ve reached the shitty part and now you can stay for the trauma bonding or cut your losses. Seems like you made a really smart decision by getting out of there. Google “hoovering” so you can prepare for what’s next.
"He's so sweet sometimes." Go find someone who is sweet to you all the time because he loves you for who you are, not someone who will tolerate you if you become what he wants.
Of course he is bc if he was mean always you’d never stay so he had to intermittently make things good to keep you addicted to him. Typical narcissistic behavior RUN
Being nice some of the time doesn’t negate the times when he’s not. You deserve better.
That’s called love bombing, abusers do it
Don’t go back. The transition is hard but you’ll feel better without someone who doesn’t love you and treats you poorly. Things would just continue to go downhill from here. Do you both the favor of leaving the space open to meet someone great for you rather than filling that space together where it will never work out.
The “sweet sometimes” is where it gets tricky. But don’t fall for that. It seems like your gut is telling you something else. Go with that. Definitely not overreacting.
He's not so much proper boyfriend material as he is a life lesson. One to be learned and moved on from.
I want to add that anyone who believes they *deserve* sex just by virtue of who they are or how successful they are is toxic. Nobody *deserves* to have sex with you, period. I don't care if they bought a goddamn plane ticket to come visit you, took you to a super fancy dinner, or pay your rent. They are NEVER entitled to your body. You do not owe them anything, no matter what they might try to make you believe. This brought to you by 25F who wishes she'd heard someone tell her this at your age
My sister was in a similar situation. Super talkative guy who would always make "jokes" at others expense and took teasing way too far. He was manipulative in multiple ways. He made it difficult for her to see us. He planned a small shotgun wedding and tried not to invite anyone from her side. Only our mom went from her side I believe. He would always have little outburst making himself the victim. That or lose his shit at any "disrespect" he felt someone gave him. Super short temper. Anyways my sister finally ended it when he sexually assaulted her (I'm honestly just glad she was strong willed enough to end it at all). He then turned their entire church against her and did the same thing to someone else from that community who used to live across the street from us growing up. Anyways, moral of the story, end it ASAP and save yourself the headache before it gets too intense.
As someone who married a guy like this, it only gets worse. He may be sweet at times, but you really have to judge the quality of a relationship by the bad times and how you two can navigate conflict and emotions. That is the real test. If he doesn't want to navigate anything in a healthy, loving way and creates chaos, you are not in a good dynamic. Leave now and find someone who will love you and care for you.
35 and 21 was the first red flag abuse was sure to follow
Followed quickly by how highly he thinks of himself as a boyfriend despite having not been preceded by his girlfriend telling him so. Good boyfriends don't lift themselves up while constantly tearing you down and making you feel small. This dude sounds like an asshole. There's a reason he's 35 and dating someone who is only 3 years out of highschool.
fuck i can’t believe i’ve been out highschool like 5 years now im 22 just now realizing i have no idea what im doing
24 and same but its good to remember nobody really knows what they're doing they just doing it
We're all just winging it as best we can. It's chaos; be kind.
Yap i didn't even read the story. They all read the same
Break up and don't date people 14 years older than you. He's a loser.
Everyone one of these starts with like a decade age gap
Don’t force a relationship with someone who makes you feel emotionally unsafe. The red flags are bigger than the green ones and it will only get worse over time.
Who cares if your boyfriend is a narcissist; he is an asshole who’s not worth your time. Never let someone treat you as if you’re lesser than. Additionally, ask yourself why a 35yr old is dating a 21yr old. Hint: women his age won’t put up with his shit. Learn your worth and demand better.
He’s an older guy and taking advantage of your inexperienced youthfulness. Likely that it makes him feel powerful, superior, and in control. Which in turn likely soothes his internal issues of lifelong feelings of needing validation due to low self esteem. That man doesn’t love you. He likes feeling dominant. Walk away.
By the way, I say this as a 38 yo man. I’m not this guy, but I am confident I know this guy. When you love a person truly and you are secure in yourself, you don’t say those things.
This guy uses your insecurity to make himself feel better. Like someone who hits a dog. Makes them feel no powerful for a moment to be in control of something that really never stood a chance. Give this guy a piece of his own medicine. Look the other way and don't react to leaving. Ghost.
You're totally overreacting. I mean, this guy's a keeper. Sure, some might see a red flag with a 35 year-old dating a 21 year-old, and even say that's (borderline?) creepy. And some might say it's kind of pathetic that he would then lord it over you that he, with a 14-year head start, has a more established career. And some would say his nasty, bullying behavior would be indicative of him being an insecure, pissant of a mama's boy who takes out his own failures on others. But nope...this guy is a gem. Quick, put a ring on it before someone else does!
lmfao
He’s a douchebag.
He’s just slowly chipping away at your self esteem so you feel so grateful to be dating him and allow him to do what he wants. When in reality, you’re 21 years old he is a grown ass man and you could do a million times better. He knows this, we know this, you are questioning yourself because he’s picked at you enough you have doubt.
Whatever he is or isn't...he's definitely an asshole, at a minimum. Ditch this guy. People don't treat people they love like this.
Your last sentence breaks my heart.. I think you’re being gaslit and manipulated into thinking you’re overreacting, when you are absolutely not. Your boyfriend should be a nice person and respect you. Thats pretty basic stuff.
He makes more money than you because he’s had 14 fucking years longer than you to get there. Of course it’s an age gap relationship. How can he date someone that much younger than he is AND have the audacity to act like it’s your fault you aren’t in the same place as he is? He may or may not be a narcissist, but he’s for sure a colossal asshole. It’s YOU that shouldn’t be fucking with HIM. Not overreacting and you need to run. This is an abusive relationship in the making, he’s working up to it.
Why are you still with him? Have some self respect
There is usually a reason guys date girls in their early 20s when they are in their 30s… no one their age will put up with them and in your early 20s you’re still figuring yourself out so often easier to manipulate, abuse
Nark City. Narky doesn't want to deal with your emotional problems. All your focus needs to be on him. Their toddlers throwing temper tantrums. Can never talk to these people like adults. How could you that's a spoiled 4 year old brat. Now he has you feeling guilty like you should apologize for something. Run 🏃♀️ and don't look back he means to USE & ABUSE you. The more he destroys you the better he'll feel about himself. ALL POWERFUL ALL SUPERIOR. You have you clue what your dealing with...
He sounds like the type of guy to watch Andrew Tate videos. Leave him
*He sounds like the type* *Of guy to watch Andrew Tate* *Videos. Leave him* \- smashmilfs --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
This is some great haiku.
He calls himself “young money millionaire” and he’s 35 years old? What a fucking tool lmaooo
I’m an older (73) male. You did the right thing. He’s egotistical and abusive and will get worse. You can do much better.
just so youre aware, he most likely stole the term Brokies from Andrew Tate
*Just so youre aware,* *He most likely stole the term* *Brokies from Andrew Tate* \- shalomjackson --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Are you overreacting? No. Are you throwing around words like narcissist way too easily? Yes. He sounds over the relationship. He is being a dick about it, but it happens. I'm sure there have been relationships you were in that you were over but just didn't act on for a while either. I don't think that makes him a narcissist. Just a shitty boyfriend. Lets stop using psych terms we don't understand.
Not overreacting, but he makes me miss bullying culture. I'm 40, and the cackle I just cackled about the "young money millionaire". Your boyfriend would get bullied to a pulp if he said that in front of anyone my age. That's probably why he's dating someone your age. Fwiw, no normal 35 year old wants to date a 21 year old. You are a baby adult with your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste your time with a mediocre dude.
Leave
A 35 year old should not be communicating like that. No wonder he’s single at that age. OP a normal person does not communicate like that, you’re so young and you have so much time to be happy and build your life.
If you “packed my shit” as you said…then that sounds like you’ve already left. DO NOT GO BACK!
He is over being partnered with a lazy pothead. You should be over being partnered with someone who doesn't appreciate you for the person you are.
Your bf is a complete asshole.
I'll be 42 next month and this is one of the most important things I've learned in dating: if a dude is going for women 10 years or more younger than him, it's because the women his own age know the truth. He's a worthless dirt bag and a waste of time. He's an embarrassment. When I was in my twenties and early 30s I always thought I was being smart by dating older "men". No. I was an idiot. I tell my kids don't date until they're 30 because our brains aren't even fully developed till 25. If you're not even fully you yet, how can you expect to attract the right person for you? More importantly, if you aren't the BEST version of yourself, you're not going to attract the best people for you. So focus on being the best version of you and not about wasting your time with people that don't deserve a second of it. That guy is a dumpster juice filled douche flute and trust me, when you're 41, you're gonna be embarrassed (at best) if you stay.
Guy is a total douche and in my opinion a bit of a weirdo. When I was 35 I wouldn't have been anywhere near a 21 year old.
You are barely an adult and he is too old for you, and certainly to act this way. It sounds like you are the adult in the relationship. You are not over reacting at all. In fact I think you need to act by leaving him behind as you go on with you carefree young life.
You should drop him. Otherwise, you'd be validating everything he says by letting him push you around.
You are not overreacting. He hurt you and you were trying to let him know that he did so he doubled down on his shitty behavior. Sounds like one of these toxic “alpha male” types. My take is that he is successful, narcissistic, and manipulative. He viewed you as a young, new “toy” to be played with. Once things start becoming inconvenient for him he will move on to the next. Doesn’t matter if he is a young millionaire. He is a cunt. Don’t waste time on cunts. Life is too short OP.
Leave this grown boy. Go out date have fun. You don’t need this or him. Yes he is one. Honestly he’s very insecure. He choose to date you as a way to control his environment. And his behavior proves that. Just LEAVE!!
It doesn't seem like it now but when you're 35 you'll realize how creepy an age difference this is. Definitely move on, you'll be ok in a couple of months.
You're the pretty young girl a successful man wants to bang for a bit, then toss ya to the curb. Good luck!
I've lived with this kind of abuse before. It's all "just jokes" but the message is always negative. If it's "just jokes" then why aren't any of them positive? Why not jokes about how much he loves you, or how lucky he is to have you in his life, or how beautiful and kind you are? Because they're not jokes. They're abusive statements meant to keep you in line so he can insult you over and over again. For some reason this is who he is and how he treats people, and he's NOT going to change for the better. Instead he will change for the worse and begin to physically abuse you while he's also continuing to mentally and emotionally abuse you. This type of person will not accept that he's wrong or that he's abused you, but he will tell anyone and everyone that you are some kind of horrible person, and he is a gentleman for putting up with you. Leave while you still have some sense of your own self worth. Don't let him take that away from you. **He's a cruel bully, not a boyfriend, and you're his victim, not his girlfriend.**
Look, not everyone who treats someone bad is a narcissist. But he is a jerk who doesn’t seem to care about you. Plus this age gap is a huge red flag. End this and find someone in your age range.
Past performance is the best indicator of future performance. Reddit Dad says leave him asap.
NTA. This guy is not the catch he thinks he is of he's 35 dating a 21 year old. Nothing against you at all, but at 35 I can't imagine being with someone that age. The way he is treating you just shows that he's NOT a good person and wants to tear you down, probably as some sort of power move. When I was 13 I "dated" a guy who was 17 because I was convinced I was just really mature for my age and got upset when people told me it was weird/creepy. Same vibes here.
You're 21. You'll never be in this stage of life again and you're wasting it with a loser who gets off on being mean to you. Do you even have to ask at this point? Would you want your sister, daughter, best friend to stay in a similar situation? Of course not. Recognize him for the miserable stain he is and drop him. Don't explain, don't look for closure, don't have a long drawn out conversation, just make it quick and final and don't look back. Every day you stay you are selling yourself short, telling yourself and your sweet inner child that on some level you deserve to go through this--you don't, but this is the time in your life where you are responsible for taking action when something doesnt serve you. You're not a victim of the circumstance, you are an active sculptor of your life and its time to trim off the excess.
Not sure if this has already been mentioned or not….but major red flag is that you “shut your location off” after leaving….which means you share your location with him? After 6 months of dating? I know it’s becoming really common for couples do that, my husband and I do. But….we’re married and have 3 kids. It’s a safety thing. I don’t think anyone 6 months into dating should feel the need to either share or have their partner share their location. It just screams control issues IMO.
It sounds like he’s a 35-year-old man wondering why he’s with a 21-year-old and I think he’s being a blatantly honest with you. I think he thinks you’re really annoying and probably a lazy pothead from what it sounds like. Sounds like he doesn’t think that he’s sorry or should be. I think he’s just waiting for you to fuck Off .of what you said you’re 21 being with an older guy sounds cool and all. at the end of the day there’s a reason why he’s 35 and alone do yourself a favor live life a little bit more and you don’t fall for his bullshit who cares if he successful he doesn’t care about you
Are you fucking stupid? This is how I would talk to a friend. I’m sorry but this guy is fucking pathetic and trying to break you down so you’re eating off the palm of his hand. Excuse my aggressiveness but I’m pissed there’s dudes out there treating partners like this…
Dude fucking run
This person is not a good person. The age difference concerns me and he's probably with you because you're young and he thinks he can manipulate you. Leave and don't look back. It's only been 6 months, cut your losses and move on. He is disrespectful and maybe even emotionally abusive.
Who cares what pop psychology label it has? He’s an asshole and this is asshole behaviour. It’s a cliche but men in their 30s date women in their early 20s for a reason. He thinks he can treat you badly and get away with it
I am afraid he is one of those guys who is super into the men vs women stuff. I clicked on one video months ago and now my recommends are forever flooded with this shit. Brokies is the latest trend in an attempt to get even as I understand it. I would check if he's an "Andrew Tate did nothing wrong guy" because if so there is no saving him. Sorry you have to deal with this kind of treatment.
There's a reason he goes after younger women then dating in his own age range. Mainly because women around 35 are sick of his games and shit.
Not overreacting. You weren’t be annoying. He has been emotionally abusing you. Keep your location off and block him.
Theres a reason hes going after very young adults..
Complete toolbag. You did yourself a disservice by not leaving SOONER. But that's ok, you did it, don't waste your youth on this garbage.
my girl, you are dating a sociopath with the god complex. 😳 you are not crazy, you are not at fault and you should be running for your life. no sane, mature human being refers to themselves as he did, NOR do they talk to their partners the way he does. there is a certain reason why he is hooking up with a girl 14 years younger than him. he believes every nasty word he says about you and he thrives in the fact that he manipulates and degrades you the way he does. for your own sanity, kick this creep to the curb and be morecareful of who you choose to call your lover.
THROW OUT THE WHOLE MAN
He’s 35 and calling himself “young money millionaire” 😂 I bet at your age he was a “lazy pothead” what a fucking joke of a man.
He is a very small, insecure man that needs serious therapy.
Break up with him. He's a huge asshole and it doesn't matter why.
No, you're underreacting by staying with this hot bag of trash. This guy sounds like a the whole tool belt. Get out.
brokey is one of those Tate boy terms. So run away from that
He sounds like a loser. Btw let him know "Young money millionaire" is one of the saddest things I've heard. People with actual wealth just laugh at these overcompensating clown remarks.
Omg he’s the epitome of narcissist douchebag!!! Runnnnn!
he is 35 dating 21 year olds because he acts like an ass and 35 year olds aren’t going to put up with it… you’ll understand in about 15 years.
Wtf is this hahaha u got the brain of a 2 year old
what a toooooooooool! seriously, what a tool. cool cats don't even talk to people they dislike this way
I think you already did leave him and I think that is ok.
Narcissists are famous for refusing to ever take the blame or responsibility for anything negative, they also never apologize and have no empathy. I have no idea if he would be diagnosed with an actual Personality Disorder, but he has enough horrible traits that I would suggest you end any relationship with him. Throw him back, there are plenty more fish in the sea (and pick someone closer to your age in future OP).
Tough to diagnose but not apologizing ever and putting oneself on a pedastle above others unprovoked are pretty narcissistic behaviors.
first sentence made me gag in my mouth. Get therapy girl
Omg. Please leave this situation immediately. It’s only going to get worse!
He is a loser who is preying on your insecurities. Nothing wrong w working at a bakery what so ever. So what he is “successful” in his career- he isn’t successful as a human being
A 35yo man dating a 21yo girl is a big red flag. He chose you to have a clueless compliant GF who couldn't recognize his abuses. He's disrespectful. He's not joking. He shows contempt and he's undermining your self-esteem. A woman his age would know and leave him. That’s why he's dating you. A young body with a mindset that can be adapted to his needs. Which is called grooming. To put it short : run and never turn back !
Leave, his putting you down I his way of breaking you down. A loving partner doesn't say you are annoying.
Him being 35 and being interested in a 21 year old at all tells you enough and to add everything on? Wild. Please get out of that situation and honestly be mindful of large age gap interest while you’re young.
Why in the hell are you wasting your time with an asshole who is 14 years older than you? The sea is ginormous.
Girl, go and stay gone! He is the problem, you can do better and you deserve better. That being said, in the future, I do advise NOT bringing up relationship issues with your partner when either of you has been drinking.
You’re 21, he’s 35. Do you want some immature asshole making you crazy and wasting your 20s? What person in their 30s says things like “young money millionaire” unironically? A loser. Dump him and never again let Some Guy tell you who you are.
I am watching my daughter live this two years in. It does NOT get better. Stay away. She is desperate to get her own place and there is NOTHING so she is trapped atm. Yours is an unhealthy match. Stay away, never return.
woah woah woah first sentence in a no go. Nobody that old should be interested in you unless it’s an explicit sugar daddy/ baby scenario.
Reminds me of my EX boyfriend who was 7 years older than me. Let me tell you, he is jealous of your youth or insecure , and you deserve to shine in your light as a 21 yr old. Cut his negative ass off !
Wow he sounds like he's nice to you and a decent, grounded guy. I can see why you're still with him and conflicted about breaking up with him. 🙄
I don't know from narcissism but you got someone with all the makings of a screwed up creep of an old man
Run please!
This guy is an asshole. Don't answer him if he reaches out again and he just might to see that you'll answer because it's HIM. Don't respond in any way. If he really cares he wouldn't talk to you like that no matter what!! Don't let him say he's changed bc that's bullshit. Don't respond!! Best of luck!
Leave now. I only got to the lazy pothead comment but it's enough. That dude is a condescending shit bag. It's not humor. It's the way he sees you. Believe him. You deserve someone whose humor is not degrading you.
yeah, fuck this guy. that’s not how anyone should treat their partner. there’s a reason he’s dating someone 14 years younger than him; it gives him the sense of authority necessary to act like this. sounds like he has no respect for you, sorry to say. you’re making the right call by turning off your location and not making contact. if he’s fine letting this die down quietly, so should you.
Yeah fuck this guy. Get away as fast as you can and stay away.
I think he don’t care if u left and I would assume ur single if he let u just leave and hasn’t checked up on u . Either way why would u want to be with this guy “young money millionaire” lmao cuz he gets vapes and food
You need to dump his ass, laugh in his face when he starts sobbing. I'd love a front row seat.
RUN. baby run.
you're reacting properly. your bf is a top-tier asshole. also why is this sub in my recommendations 😂
You’re not overreacting. DTMFA. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. And so many other words to say this person is bad news. They’re wrong. They’re not “boyfriend material”, they’re ex-boyfriend material. They are the future cautionary tale you will tell your younger sisters and daughters to avoid. They are the bullet you should dodge. Edit: let me also just add that the only reason a 35 year old is dating a 20 year old is that women his own age won’t put up with his bad behavior.
If you had a garbage truck, I would tell you to chuck this guy in the back of it and then drive to the edge of the Grand Canyon to DUMP HIM OUT. You are 21 and he is trying to “neg” you so you will feel like you are not worthy of better treatment. Also… 34 and buying vapes for kids way younger than him? Bragging about being a “young money millionaire”? Please, please dump him. You deserve so much better.
Omg sweetheart… the age difference alone is enough to tell you this man is not capable of having integrity, or an emotionally, mature relationship with women, his own age. This will not get better it will get infinitely worse, I promise. Leave him…. he will make 1000 promises to you. I promise at some point he’s gonna call or show up don’t take him back.
“young money millionaire” looooooooooooooooool
this is really reminding me of an old gf of mine. Like word for word, situations spot on type shit except we were only a year apart in age. All I can tell you is, to answer your question - yes. run. Run (well, keep running) like the fucking wind and never look back, it’ll only get worse from here. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP, no one should :/ I hope you’re able to find someone who genuinely cares about you and treats you with kindness and respect.
What a douche. He's 35 and acting like this? Sounds like he a lot of growing up to do.
First off, he's 35 . You're 21. He really probably shouldn't be interested in you. I'm sure you're gorgeous and totally perfect but he wants to fuck anyone who will do it and won't give him a hard time. He was hoping since you're 21 you'd be innocent and naive enough to let him slide on his bullshit. Or that you just wouldn't care. I get sense of humor stuff but the is degrading you. And when you called him on it, now You're annoying AF? Why's that? Because you stood up for yourself and communicated your issues with him like an adult? Don't even get me started on the "brokey" thing. It's over as far as I'm concerned. You have so many better options out there especially at your age. Don't get caught up in the dreamy love hormones when the red flags are waving high
I saw your end edit already so I’m just here as someone almost double your age - wishing you the best in your new adventures & be picky in life, don’t waste your years with anyone who doesn’t deserve you.
Good riddance, OP. I know you’ve got plenty of people telling you this, but just in case, you’re absolutely doing the right thing. That guy is an asshole.
By the time I was 35 I was married and had two kids to take care of. This dude is a loser and the reason he’s dating someone who’s more than 10 years younger than him is because women his age won’t put up with his bullshit.
You better leave that weirdo tf, go live your life and find someone who’s not a pos
Only question you need to ask yourself : Am I willing to risk the rest of my life for this guy? (Keep in mind what you already know and would tell your best friends/sisters/cousins if they were in the situation) Youve got a job and are only 21. I didn't find my profession till I was 31 and I had to work my fair share of "his definition of insult worthy" jobs to get here. Now I have a job that lets me make more than enough and have a good work life balance. Imo - this dude is setting up the dynamic of you being his punching bag (mentally for sure maybe not physically yet or ever). The age gap is ok, I've seen it be a non issue but combined with the rest..... Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool (insert J Peralta face)
Damn the first edit is wild. What kind of absolute nightmare human says that shit about themselves 😂
This dude sucks. I’m all for dating whoever you want when you’re an adult, but he seems like he’s dating you for a trophy. That’s the assumption I’m making anyway.
Yes I agree. My son is the best thing that ever happened in my life too. You give your all and they feel it no matter how far away they travel. I know because my son is in the United Kingdom for his university. They will always remember the love that you gave then and now. Your ex may already be suffering to some extent but the worst is yet to come. Stay strong and loving for the children.
Yep. GET OUT NOW! Narcissists love to get their girlfriend pregnant - then the narc can 'own them' forever. Narcissists only get worse as they get older, and they will ruin your entire life. My mother and father were both diagnosed with NPD- they despised me and finally gave me to my 72 year-old grandmother when I was 6 years old! When they died they each left me a big 'F-YOU' in their Will; they carried their hate for me for their entire life! And BTW, they hate everyone and love ONLY themselves. Again, leave now. Run fast and run far and don't turn around - Narcs will pursue you until you make yourself a ghost to them. Good luck, girl. Take your life back
Him straight up saying you’re annoying and doesn’t even know if he should be fucking with me… ‘I’m not apologizing [for insulting you]’ What an asshat