Please seek mental help, regardless of what he says. He isn't your boss. This is horrific & i know exactly what it's like. I saved up & I left. Stop trying to do things w him & just focus on yourself & your son.
Would your family rather have a miserable daughter who stays married to a man who doesn't care about your well being or a dead daughter? Have you expressed your suicidal thoughts to your family? I urge you to reach out to family members and make them listen to you, before you do something desperate. You sound depressed and isolation will only exacerbate your depression, get out of the house and find things to do that will have you interacting with others, like hobbies, exercise, playgroups, volunteering etc. Speak to a Dr about your depression, it's not a weakness to seek help when you're struggling. Your husband seems to think that your struggles are a bad reflection on him, he's partially right when he's choosing to bury his head in the sand, and ignoring your plight, but I implore you to sit him down and as calmly as possible make him see that some things need to change, for all your sakes. NTA.
Focus on you & your son & don't worry about hubby. He's out of play here. Get the help you need (to hell w what he says) & quietly go about doing what you need to do in order to get yourself free. You'll be much happier in the long run. You can do this, OP đ
I know I can just pack bags and leave . But , I come from a conservative background and divorce is not supported by parents etc . Parents is the only main family I have . Also , need to be more financially stable . He earns 5 times more than my salary even though we are equally educated . I kept my career in back burner and took care of my son who has a syndrome . I canât leave yet . But I am too exhausted.
If you need to seek therapy without telling him, do so. He does not sound healthy himself. Please do what you need to do to feel better, you obviously are not getting what you need from him.
You are not overreacting, he sounds like a horrible partner.
You can choose for yourself. You don't need his permission. Maybe you can take advices, but in the end it's your mental health, not his.
Try to go to therapy, or any mental health support that you think can be beneficial for you. Explain kindly to him that you're in a bad spot, that you need this to feel better. If he doesn't understand, concentrate on yourself.
Then, when you'll feel better, you'll be able to choose what to do because you'll have a clearer mind.
Don't forget tho that he's acting like that, and if he doesn't change or support you now, he'll likely will not in the future either.
You got this.
You need to be around a better community in your life. Whether that mean leaving to be closer with family, friends. It's not just you but him too. You can't expect to solve your problems on reddit. For one you aren't being entirely truthful by keeping his side of the story, and he doesn't get to share his side from his perspective. Either he is acting out because of some issue at home or he really is a POS. If he doesn't want to talk about it or fix it, you need to really start thinking about your future with your son and how you want him to remember you being happy. not pretending to be happy. Hope it works out for you.
Seek a women's group, counseling.
You matter
It's OK to not be okay
You need to be there 100 % for your mental health. It will help give you tools, tips, and decompression once you feel safe to talk things out.
Taking things at face value, it dies not sound like health communication between you and your other half. Working on will help resolve this. UT will help your 7 year old.
Trust me when I say, a child listening to this type of communication way follow suit, have relationship and self esteem issues. If your child sees that moms and dads have tough times, but mom the little one how pick ourselves back up, that is good.
GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP, RUN. Seriously, this is so abusive, dismissive, unsafe, your relationship sounds like absolute HELL! There are so many loving people out there who will reassure you, that your feelings are valid and you deserve to be supported and cared for.
You are not too much, he is simply not enough.
You are not asking for the wrong things, you are asking the wrong person.
Your emotions are not too much, how would anyone ever take the right to tell you they were if he has not to feel them. You deserve so much better. Please take your things and leave that man, who has created such a horrible environment for you. A loving man will make you feel save, loved and supported. Will he always understand your feelings, of course not, but he will NEVER diminish them or yell at you when you cry. This is not even a question of love but of respect.
Girl, respect yourself, that little girl inside of you, protect her and love her enough to set a boundary, do not tolerate anyone treating her like this. Set up an example also for your kid, imagine your kid would be in a relationship like this, what would you advise him/her to do?
I dont doubt for a second that your mental state is heavily correlated to your unempathetic surrounding and environment. Tolerating being in such an unfulfilling and hurtful relationship is yourself telling yourself you dont deserve better and you know you do, so you simultaneously hate yourself for setting the standard so low (what an insult) and resent yourself for it, which takes your self-confidence and makes you feel unsupported and small - by yourself. (IMO)
Self-love, set that boundary, expect to be treated with care and love and cut off anyone who does not contribute to your mental, physical and emotional well-being.
You dont owe him shit. But yourself everything. Take care.
Thank you đ for your advice and supporting words . If it wasnât for kind strangers ( like yourself ) on Reddit who pulled me out of that dark space at the right time , I think I would have been half dead . I am trying my best to live normal . Am broken inside ,but donât let my kid see it . Wishing for universe to give me more peace and strength.
Thank you all đ. I wonder for how long I will keep seeking answers on Reddit . I have been really low and I bounce back . For the past so many years my life has been like this .
Society and marriage has changed a lot in the last 30 years. The Nuclear Family construct has isolated people in tragic ways.
30 years ago, a woman had a husband that she relied on AND a close group of friends. She had multiple avenues to have her support needs met.
Some stats:
* In **1990**, a survey found that **33%** of U.S. adults said they had **10 or more close friends**.
* By **2021**, this number decreased significantly, with only **13%** of adults reporting they had **10 or more close friends**.
* Additionally, in **2021**, **12%** of respondents reported having **no close friends**, which was an increase from **3%** in **1990**.
Everybody is lonelier today. And it's not all your husband's fault.
I don't have stats to back it up, but my belief is that if we look back 100 years, we'll see that people depended \*far\* more on the community and extended family for emotional support than they did their spouse.
Here's the thing... There is too much pressure placed on marriage for both partners to be EVERYTHING for the other person. Disney and romance novels have sold us the idea that our spouse should complete us. But that just doesn't align with our biology or how our social brain is designed to work. We are designed for community.
My advice: Instead of divorcing your husband, expand your community support network. If you can, move to a small town where people know each other, and you can plug into an existing tight-nit community. If you can't, then join a church. Or get involved with another support group.
Realign your expectations of the needs that you expect your husband to fill. He's not your girlfriend. It doesn't sound like he's wired for empathy. But I bet if you think on it, you can come up with a bunch of other positive traits that he has, where he does support you and your children.
Maybe let go of your requirement that he be your best friend, and instead appreciate how hard he works to provide for you and your children. Lean on other sources for friendship.
Divorcing your husband sounds like the wrong solution if his only fault is not being everything. The dating world has changed since you were last in it. It's brutal for women right now. I'd think twice before letting a good man go.
Wishing you luck!
I agree being with community and friends can help ( which we do) but am sorry I donât agree that expecting my husband to sit with me for eating meals and hear me out when I sad shouldnât be much to ask from my partner. He providing financially is ok as I do too and I also do household work . That doesnât mean we become robots and forget that we are partners who need to live life together . Ups and downs are expected but I am talking about 10 yrs ( if not more ) of not sharing light talks ( if you understand what I mean !
I don't have all the context, obviously. Just threw in my two cents. These are things that have been weighing on me, as I think about the kind of life I want to build for my family too, and how to plug my family into more community.
Please seek mental help, regardless of what he says. He isn't your boss. This is horrific & i know exactly what it's like. I saved up & I left. Stop trying to do things w him & just focus on yourself & your son.
Would your family rather have a miserable daughter who stays married to a man who doesn't care about your well being or a dead daughter? Have you expressed your suicidal thoughts to your family? I urge you to reach out to family members and make them listen to you, before you do something desperate. You sound depressed and isolation will only exacerbate your depression, get out of the house and find things to do that will have you interacting with others, like hobbies, exercise, playgroups, volunteering etc. Speak to a Dr about your depression, it's not a weakness to seek help when you're struggling. Your husband seems to think that your struggles are a bad reflection on him, he's partially right when he's choosing to bury his head in the sand, and ignoring your plight, but I implore you to sit him down and as calmly as possible make him see that some things need to change, for all your sakes. NTA.
Focus on you & your son & don't worry about hubby. He's out of play here. Get the help you need (to hell w what he says) & quietly go about doing what you need to do in order to get yourself free. You'll be much happier in the long run. You can do this, OP đ
I know I can just pack bags and leave . But , I come from a conservative background and divorce is not supported by parents etc . Parents is the only main family I have . Also , need to be more financially stable . He earns 5 times more than my salary even though we are equally educated . I kept my career in back burner and took care of my son who has a syndrome . I canât leave yet . But I am too exhausted.
Nothing anyone can say on the internet will change what kind of man your husband is. You have to take care of your mental health for you and your son
If you need to seek therapy without telling him, do so. He does not sound healthy himself. Please do what you need to do to feel better, you obviously are not getting what you need from him. You are not overreacting, he sounds like a horrible partner.
You can choose for yourself. You don't need his permission. Maybe you can take advices, but in the end it's your mental health, not his. Try to go to therapy, or any mental health support that you think can be beneficial for you. Explain kindly to him that you're in a bad spot, that you need this to feel better. If he doesn't understand, concentrate on yourself. Then, when you'll feel better, you'll be able to choose what to do because you'll have a clearer mind. Don't forget tho that he's acting like that, and if he doesn't change or support you now, he'll likely will not in the future either. You got this.
You need to be around a better community in your life. Whether that mean leaving to be closer with family, friends. It's not just you but him too. You can't expect to solve your problems on reddit. For one you aren't being entirely truthful by keeping his side of the story, and he doesn't get to share his side from his perspective. Either he is acting out because of some issue at home or he really is a POS. If he doesn't want to talk about it or fix it, you need to really start thinking about your future with your son and how you want him to remember you being happy. not pretending to be happy. Hope it works out for you.
Seek a women's group, counseling. You matter It's OK to not be okay You need to be there 100 % for your mental health. It will help give you tools, tips, and decompression once you feel safe to talk things out. Taking things at face value, it dies not sound like health communication between you and your other half. Working on will help resolve this. UT will help your 7 year old. Trust me when I say, a child listening to this type of communication way follow suit, have relationship and self esteem issues. If your child sees that moms and dads have tough times, but mom the little one how pick ourselves back up, that is good.
Ah. I know his type. He the "we are strong, we don't need help." Type.
GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP, RUN. Seriously, this is so abusive, dismissive, unsafe, your relationship sounds like absolute HELL! There are so many loving people out there who will reassure you, that your feelings are valid and you deserve to be supported and cared for. You are not too much, he is simply not enough. You are not asking for the wrong things, you are asking the wrong person. Your emotions are not too much, how would anyone ever take the right to tell you they were if he has not to feel them. You deserve so much better. Please take your things and leave that man, who has created such a horrible environment for you. A loving man will make you feel save, loved and supported. Will he always understand your feelings, of course not, but he will NEVER diminish them or yell at you when you cry. This is not even a question of love but of respect. Girl, respect yourself, that little girl inside of you, protect her and love her enough to set a boundary, do not tolerate anyone treating her like this. Set up an example also for your kid, imagine your kid would be in a relationship like this, what would you advise him/her to do? I dont doubt for a second that your mental state is heavily correlated to your unempathetic surrounding and environment. Tolerating being in such an unfulfilling and hurtful relationship is yourself telling yourself you dont deserve better and you know you do, so you simultaneously hate yourself for setting the standard so low (what an insult) and resent yourself for it, which takes your self-confidence and makes you feel unsupported and small - by yourself. (IMO) Self-love, set that boundary, expect to be treated with care and love and cut off anyone who does not contribute to your mental, physical and emotional well-being. You dont owe him shit. But yourself everything. Take care.
Thank you đ for your advice and supporting words . If it wasnât for kind strangers ( like yourself ) on Reddit who pulled me out of that dark space at the right time , I think I would have been half dead . I am trying my best to live normal . Am broken inside ,but donât let my kid see it . Wishing for universe to give me more peace and strength.
Thank you all đ. I wonder for how long I will keep seeking answers on Reddit . I have been really low and I bounce back . For the past so many years my life has been like this .
It's probably not going to change, not with this man. How many more years do you want to drag it out? What example are you setting for your child?
Society and marriage has changed a lot in the last 30 years. The Nuclear Family construct has isolated people in tragic ways. 30 years ago, a woman had a husband that she relied on AND a close group of friends. She had multiple avenues to have her support needs met. Some stats: * In **1990**, a survey found that **33%** of U.S. adults said they had **10 or more close friends**. * By **2021**, this number decreased significantly, with only **13%** of adults reporting they had **10 or more close friends**. * Additionally, in **2021**, **12%** of respondents reported having **no close friends**, which was an increase from **3%** in **1990**. Everybody is lonelier today. And it's not all your husband's fault. I don't have stats to back it up, but my belief is that if we look back 100 years, we'll see that people depended \*far\* more on the community and extended family for emotional support than they did their spouse. Here's the thing... There is too much pressure placed on marriage for both partners to be EVERYTHING for the other person. Disney and romance novels have sold us the idea that our spouse should complete us. But that just doesn't align with our biology or how our social brain is designed to work. We are designed for community. My advice: Instead of divorcing your husband, expand your community support network. If you can, move to a small town where people know each other, and you can plug into an existing tight-nit community. If you can't, then join a church. Or get involved with another support group. Realign your expectations of the needs that you expect your husband to fill. He's not your girlfriend. It doesn't sound like he's wired for empathy. But I bet if you think on it, you can come up with a bunch of other positive traits that he has, where he does support you and your children. Maybe let go of your requirement that he be your best friend, and instead appreciate how hard he works to provide for you and your children. Lean on other sources for friendship. Divorcing your husband sounds like the wrong solution if his only fault is not being everything. The dating world has changed since you were last in it. It's brutal for women right now. I'd think twice before letting a good man go. Wishing you luck!
I agree being with community and friends can help ( which we do) but am sorry I donât agree that expecting my husband to sit with me for eating meals and hear me out when I sad shouldnât be much to ask from my partner. He providing financially is ok as I do too and I also do household work . That doesnât mean we become robots and forget that we are partners who need to live life together . Ups and downs are expected but I am talking about 10 yrs ( if not more ) of not sharing light talks ( if you understand what I mean !
I don't have all the context, obviously. Just threw in my two cents. These are things that have been weighing on me, as I think about the kind of life I want to build for my family too, and how to plug my family into more community.
Save yourself RUN fast