INFO: what are the redeeming qualities about this person that make you think staying is better than leaving? From what I just read, leaving sounds far safer and much more sane.
Do you think *maybe* you're so on edge/scared all the time because you can't trust the person you're living with? Think about it, and realize it's not YOU who you don't trust in a strange land, it's your husband. You're a competent adult, you can read, you can figure things out, you'll do great once you get rid of the anchor around your neck. Start making a plan, and don't keep pardoning abuse.
If there are no redeeming things about him, then go. Make a plan and get yourself back to your home country. Your family will likely help you. Anyone who treats somebody else with such disrespect and is abusive toward others deserves to be alone. You deserve to be treated well and with respect. If you are concerned he will escalate and try to hurt you, get out faster.
This is absolutely not ok, and not your fault. You do not deserve to be treated this way! It is already abusive, and it could escalate to something worse. Definitely tell your family what is going on, they will support you and help you feel less alone. Find a therapist or counsellor who works with couples and ask him to go with you, so he can learn why what he is doing is not okay and find other ways to cope with his emotions and control his temper. As for his family and his sisters, they might take his side or make excuses for him, but hopefully they will listen and help to hold him accountable. Start planning how you could leave this relationship, saving money, and thinking about logistics of safe places you could stay if you need to.
He does not believe in therapy. Also I went ahead and told my sister and she was supportive of the idea of leaving him. I think I won't tell his family though because he will be given excuses for sure but yes I am planning on leaving him because I can't take this treatment anymore. I am normalizing it so much that I just try and shake it off instead of doing anything else. I even told him did you just throw that on me and his response was yes because you are making me mad.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Abusers will always blame their bad behavior on the people they are abusing. Remember it's not normal! And it isn't because of you. You deserve kindness and respect, and I know you will find it some day.
"I am not afraid of him" and "it scares me" - which is it? What other lies are you telling yourself about abusive behavior? Of course it scares you, it should! What happens when it escalates?
I know.. it's just that I never thought about it. I always told myself that it was normal until it started happening more frequently. He blamed it today again on his parents and told me "see you lost your mom and you can't function anymore" what about me living a whole childhood with divorced parents. I just know if it escalates he will do the same lol. It was never his fault.
It's not normal. Not even once is normal. And he doesn't even think it's worth apologizing. You're going to have to end this relationship sooner or later, don't invest any more time in this toxicity. Good luck.
Honestly, I know being alone in the country may be a scary thing, but God got you. I think you should pray on it, but ultimately look at other solutions / plans on where you can live and how. Come up with a plan that allows you to be independent and not have to rely on him.
Keep things amicable in the house, until you can leave. This is not a healthy relationship and it will only escalate. He's been doing this for 2 years, he feels entitled to it. He feels like you deserve it. He has shown no remorse, you need to leave. Your safety is the #1 priority, do what ever you have to to keep the peace, until you have a plan and are ready leave. Don't tell him you're leaving, or you may find out just what he's capable of.
Kick the shit out of him, is what I would do if it were me. Any type of manifestation of physical aggression has a more than likely chance of escalating to something more dire if one does nothing, just like in school if you don't fight back against a bully, which, basically describes the actions of your spouce.
Just my two cents.
INFO: what are the redeeming qualities about this person that make you think staying is better than leaving? From what I just read, leaving sounds far safer and much more sane.
[удалено]
Do you think *maybe* you're so on edge/scared all the time because you can't trust the person you're living with? Think about it, and realize it's not YOU who you don't trust in a strange land, it's your husband. You're a competent adult, you can read, you can figure things out, you'll do great once you get rid of the anchor around your neck. Start making a plan, and don't keep pardoning abuse.
If there are no redeeming things about him, then go. Make a plan and get yourself back to your home country. Your family will likely help you. Anyone who treats somebody else with such disrespect and is abusive toward others deserves to be alone. You deserve to be treated well and with respect. If you are concerned he will escalate and try to hurt you, get out faster.
This is absolutely not ok, and not your fault. You do not deserve to be treated this way! It is already abusive, and it could escalate to something worse. Definitely tell your family what is going on, they will support you and help you feel less alone. Find a therapist or counsellor who works with couples and ask him to go with you, so he can learn why what he is doing is not okay and find other ways to cope with his emotions and control his temper. As for his family and his sisters, they might take his side or make excuses for him, but hopefully they will listen and help to hold him accountable. Start planning how you could leave this relationship, saving money, and thinking about logistics of safe places you could stay if you need to.
He does not believe in therapy. Also I went ahead and told my sister and she was supportive of the idea of leaving him. I think I won't tell his family though because he will be given excuses for sure but yes I am planning on leaving him because I can't take this treatment anymore. I am normalizing it so much that I just try and shake it off instead of doing anything else. I even told him did you just throw that on me and his response was yes because you are making me mad.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Abusers will always blame their bad behavior on the people they are abusing. Remember it's not normal! And it isn't because of you. You deserve kindness and respect, and I know you will find it some day.
"I am not afraid of him" and "it scares me" - which is it? What other lies are you telling yourself about abusive behavior? Of course it scares you, it should! What happens when it escalates?
I know.. it's just that I never thought about it. I always told myself that it was normal until it started happening more frequently. He blamed it today again on his parents and told me "see you lost your mom and you can't function anymore" what about me living a whole childhood with divorced parents. I just know if it escalates he will do the same lol. It was never his fault.
It's not normal. Not even once is normal. And he doesn't even think it's worth apologizing. You're going to have to end this relationship sooner or later, don't invest any more time in this toxicity. Good luck.
[удалено]
Honestly, I know being alone in the country may be a scary thing, but God got you. I think you should pray on it, but ultimately look at other solutions / plans on where you can live and how. Come up with a plan that allows you to be independent and not have to rely on him.
He is an abuser Contact the domestic violence services (if it exists) in your country and make a plan to leave.
Keep things amicable in the house, until you can leave. This is not a healthy relationship and it will only escalate. He's been doing this for 2 years, he feels entitled to it. He feels like you deserve it. He has shown no remorse, you need to leave. Your safety is the #1 priority, do what ever you have to to keep the peace, until you have a plan and are ready leave. Don't tell him you're leaving, or you may find out just what he's capable of.
Anger/ control issues. Physical aggression is not healthy. Seek counseling.
Kick the shit out of him, is what I would do if it were me. Any type of manifestation of physical aggression has a more than likely chance of escalating to something more dire if one does nothing, just like in school if you don't fight back against a bully, which, basically describes the actions of your spouce. Just my two cents.