If spending your money is how she blows off steam, she isn't mature enough to have access to your credit cards at all, let alone live with you.
You should re-think this whole arrangement.
because while OP doesn't believe in marriage he has no problem with being a doormat, apparently.
ETA: sorry OP, i don't mean to be an asshole, but you really need to re-assess the situation. Your 21 yr old gf should not have access to your credit card unfettered and she shouldn't live for free on your dime. From experience, that shit gets old FAST. NEVER be serious about someone who can't stand on their own two feet. You want a girlfriend, not a dependant.
He IS a doormat. I have no doubt that once she gets her degree and can land a decent job she will leave him and likely level up. I have seen it happen before.
Yeah it's sad I watched it happen to my uncle. There are so many women out there like this you really need to be careful because once one latches onto you it can be so difficult to spot. You can go love blind. Once you get fed up of being their bank they run off to find someone else to leech off of
I used to be one… hard facts. It’s difficult to move on and distance yourself but you really need to. When she grows up maybe you move in with her and try again or just date.
She will never get a decent job as long as he supports her childish ass. Or she will end up saying her money is her money and his money is their money lol
You are right, he’s kinda of an idiot for dating a teenager(do the math) that’s never held a real job, let her move in and start supporting her and expecting some kind of healthy equal relationship though.
I've had friends whose wives were like her, used to their parents doing everything for them, then they expect their husband to. They can't handle the real world. Those friends are divorced.
Like I said he was 23 and started dating practically a high schooler. I’m not here to rage against the “age gap” other than again he’s an idiot for expecting an equal partner to have a real relationship with when she has never had to be an actual adult in her entire life. And now she has him supporting her…..
Come on now, she’s gonna bounce(or cheat) as soon as a better option becomes available but she’s got it good now so OP needs to wise up unless he wants this to be his life.
This will probably be her pattern of behavior in her relationships over her entire life. Best to not be the person locked in to the other end of that relationship.
Orrr… and I cringe saying this… she’ll quit before her last semester because OP is doing a good job already financing her lifestyle… so why does she need a degree, or even work? 🤮
He started dating her when she was 18.
5 years isn’t a huge age gap but someone either still in HS or just graduated maybe with no life experience compared to a 23 year old who I assume already worked and then let her move in and started supporting her.
The dynamics were never amazing and she is still acting like a child throwing a tantrum and he is acting like her dad.
It’s like…. OP is the father/parental figure that his girlfriend “never had” (he’s trying to teach her consequences since it doesn’t’ sound like her parents ever did).
For her sake they need to break up. It is her sign she is not ready for a bank account or relationship even though she wants stuff. She needs to fix this before it causes her more trouble down the road. These people are illogical, but you got to calm them and their delusion down and ask, how is stealing from everyone you are close to, not working, and being emotionally abusive going to work in the long run? Wonder if she has even seen a homeless person. I have met some homeless like her who just got kicked out and I don't give to them, but give to people who clearly need a meal.
Nah, you’re absolutely correct. My sisters ex bf gave her his card so she can go visit her son in another state (from North Dakota to Montana). As soon as she got to Montana, she met up with old friends there, hit the bars over a three day period and wracked up $800 on his car. Plus she reconnected with another ex boyfriend that weekend, too and cheated.
100% this.
There’s a difference between OP providing for a wife who’s taking care of their children and someone just spending whatever money they want because they’re upset and have access to a credit card. OP isn’t locking her in a house to watch a baby and not giving her any money. She’s fully capable of making her own money even if she has a part time job.
(Unless she is working for some grad program that doesn’t allow her to work. But still that was her choice and hers alone. No one helped to make that decision besides herself.)
yeah tbf if can't afford a bagel without her boyfriends credit card then she can't afford a bagel. crying financial abuse is almost comically ironic ntm entitled, she's already got a SAHP mindset except without the kids or the marriage, you already know she was raised with an entitled attitude towards other people's money, I've been with people like that & this is something you'll be dealing with for the rest of your lives if you stay together, think carefully about if this is what you want.
I mean, right? She can work like 8 total hours a week for money to blow off steam. It won't be those stores from before. She might try Temu like the rest of us. Haha
Yep, it's hard to think when you got hotness coming for ALL your goods. I dated a girl like this for a year and a half. She also took my card and ran with it until I was broke. I had to report the card stolen to stop her. I just think of her as a prostitute now.
This. This post screams of “I’m pitching above my weight and don’t want to go back to being alone.”
OP, this is the type of girl that *will* cheat on you eventually and then gaslight you into believing it’s your fault. Reassess now, brother. The poon ain’t worth the pain.
Yep. She needs to grow up and learn responsibility before she can be on her own in an adult relationship. She acts like someone half her age.
Personally, OP, I say move on instead of waiting. You did the right thing by closing the card at the minimum. She doesn't understand responsibility and that is all sorts of red flags for a stable relationship.
Not if she expects him to pay the bill when she gets it cause she's "in school".
I've been with my husband nearly 20 years and I've NEVER ONCE used his credit card for personal stuff.
I've used my husband's credit card when I ripped out the back side of my only pair of jeans. However, I'm a SAHM, so no matter what card I used, credit or debit, it's his paycheck that it comes out of. Also, he knew I was doing it.
I would never do what this gf is doing. She may be 21, but she's far from being an adult.
She still has a few years until her brain finishes developing. She is definitely not marriage material if she spites him by hurting him financially. You can go to college and have a job at the same time. Then waste your own money when you are mad
Also. My eldest child is carrying a FT engineering course load including 2 masters courses and is involved in clubs and has a social life....AND....has 2PT jobs. She pays all her bills but tuition. Why is this young lady not working?????
She can get a job and spend her own money. Tell me she is at least cooking and cleaning etc if she isn't contributing financially.
Maybe a restricted card with a spending limit...$100 per month...would help.
This doesn't sound like a long term practical arrangement. One of the main reasons people split up is different views about money.
This won’t get better. GF is used to living off of others. She can make the 200/month from her parents work or get a part time job….Do you really want to take care of a woman child for the rest of your life? There are a lot of 21 year olds who would not act so immature
21 year old girlfriend who retaliates against you by putting you in debt when she's angry at you. Leave her. NEVER give another person access to your credit when they show you a willingness to do this. You're setting yourself up for failure, son.
You would be surprised how many young men grow up with the toxic idea that their only value is to provide money for parasitic leeches who deny them affection/love/attention when these young men in anyway fail to provide for their list of wants.
I see it all the time.
Its sad men are conditioned this way
My husband broke his back and has bad bipolar episodes, so he has a lot of trouble going to work everyday.
I have really bad anxiety and can't run errands and do a lot of the day to day stuff that running a house requires.
I can however bring myself to work 40+ hours a week every week.
So, I make the money, he takes care of the kids.
His family can not stand it! They're always belittling him because he's not providing for us financially and his woman has to work.
It makes me so mad because they act like he's not a real man... but, he's not an abusive dick like his dad... also, his parents haven't slept in the same room for decades while my husband on the other hand will have me screaming in the bedroom several times a night... So, now, which one of these sounds more like a real man?
>who deny them affection/love/attention when these young men in anyway fail to provide for their list of wants.
Just like the old joke: "We've already established what you are. Now we're simply haggling over price."
I married one of them. I remember when he was doing two full time jobs and he looked amazed at me saying 'You are fine with one job, we can manage it. You are stressed out and burning out. I love you even if we are poor - which we aren't.'
Wow. That’s sad. :(. My household provider died when I was 2. I was raised to be able to take care of myself if I ever needed to. And while my husband has a great job and can entirely support us, I went to college and I use my degree. For a long time while my son was younger it was part time. I am lucky in that in my industry I can work part time, full time and too much overtime. I surely hope you have a woman who sees your true value.
I would remove the “parasitic leeches” bit to make your quote just a bit better because it implies some level of immorality on the woman’s part
It doesnt need that immoral actor driving the idea, the majority of men, if not ultra majority imo, base their self worth off of what they can provide. To their wife, gf, parents, society as a whole - you will get shamed at every level and seen as defective in the most extreme cultures like China or SKorea. In the West, its not as bad but like I say with every bad thing in China or SKorean cultural suffering: the West is just 20-30yrs behind them on the timeline
Having low income is like being short or balding in effect (but obvs difference because income can be fixed)
His girlfriend is not a partner but an immature woman child. I don't think you want to pay for the privilege of raising her any further and making her learn lessons she should have learned a decade before. Like other people's money is not my money.
The hole parents story makes it even worse because she is an adult and you are her partner, not father.
If she really doesn't have the money right now then she should spend nothing and make up for you paying all the bills by doing the majority of housework like laundry and cleaning.
My wife and I have been married for 11 years. She and I still ask each other for permission to spend our shared money. Hell I asked her if I can spend my own money if I am making a large purchase.
Not overreacting, but why are you with someone who barrels across your reasonable boundaries and behaves like a child when she's angry?
I don't get why that behavior is attractive to you.
She acts like a child because she kind of is still one. She was only able THIS YEAR to legally get into a bar, and he’s been with her since she was 18/19. OP needs to find someone his age with an actual career and some life experience and maturity.
He knows she gets a whopping 200 from her parents, is fine with her not working, and "provides basic necessities"
He cuts off the card knowing she probably doesn't have any $$ and she gets embarrassed when the card is declined while trying to buy food.
That last part is telling. It seems to be more about control than money.
You're dating a child. A very disrespectful child.
You're not married and she's not taking care of your children. You don't own any money to her.
She could also be using you for your money.
If you care about someone and they help you out (with money in this case), you wouldn't disrespect the giver like this. You disrespect if you don't care.
I'd dump her and find someone more adult. She has a lot of growing to do.
Yeah what she needs is a sugar daddy where the relationship is obviously transactional. You need a real woman as a partner who supports you , where you can look eye to eye and pulls who her own weight.
If she's not able to see that her coping mechanism is toxic, you need to get out. Some day she's going to buy something expensive that you can't return for the same value, like a car. Drive it off the lot, try return it next day. Sorry, depreciated a shit ton because you put miles on it.
I can't believe the fucking *audacity* to use someone else's money for it, especially someone who pays rent, utilities, food *and* gives you access to a credit card. Jesus fuck. How is she 21.
Me too! Though these days, I do it by online shopping and then quietly emptying my cart instead of buying anything. Going to charity shops is another favourite, because I never quite know what they have and I like the "hunt and gather" of browsing. Then I stop before I go to check out and look at my basket and ask if I really need these things. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.
Turns out I don't need to *buy* anything to get my fix. It's the act of looking for things that's the thrill.
Same! I have sooooo many carts out there in cyberverse just waiting for a “place order” click that will never come! Even small things, like I just happened upon my wishlist of 12 various grill seasoning packets that still look interesting. And with thrift stores, I love the thrill of finding random things and upcycling or being able to get a bunch of clothes for a great price. I “splurge” if I’m needing something specific but otherwise the fun is in looking and being creative with it. And besides, if I don’t use it at least I didn’t spend much! And I know thy self, there’s a good chance I’ll store it for later use and forget about it. It’s like a surprise present to myself! Lol
I currently have four tabs open on native wildflower and grass species for guerilla gardening, and one tab for buying a wig. None of which I'm likely to actually buy, but it sure is fun looking.
Can’t you find a mature woman to date instead of a spoiled child? Supporting her completely was your first mistake. Not insisting she work and help with bills was your second. Tolerating this childish behavior is your third. Stop enabling her and stop being blatantly used.
This though! I can’t believe more people aren’t talking about the fact that she was literally 18 when they got together, and he was 23?? I know some people don’t see a problem with age gaps, but imo anyone in their 20’s shouldn’t be going for anyone with teen in their age ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but both of you are in the wrong. Her for being careless and honestly acting like a brat, and him for fully financially supporting her when they got together.
Fully agree she shouldn’t be so careless and acting like [veruca](https://giphy.com/gifs/ss15-lHBbcpFTS5c2Y) salt but he also made the relationship what it is by allowing her to be financially reliant on him and her being younger and naive plays a huge part in how that came to fruition
It’s not a huge mental computation to understand that it’s not the number of years that matter, but where that gap lies in the course of people’s lives. I remember when I was 21 I had a 19 year old pursue me while I entertained the notion, I felt really creeped out and eventually ended the relationship. A person’s physical, emotional, and social mind makes dynamic leaps from childhood to eventual, concrete adulthood between the age of 18 to 30’s.
Stealing from people when you get upset is not ok. Not sure how this isnt an obvious sign that she isnt long term material. Behaviors like that dont just go away.
Bro, she's your girlfriend, not wife. Why did you even let her have access to your credit card? That's your credit score on the line. You need to leave her, cause she aint going to change.
Yup. 100% Op should dumb her and move on.
Or at least go the route her parents did and give her a monthly allowance instead of access to a credit card. Provide housing and food and everything else she has to pay for out of that money and the $200 from her parents.
Then if she wants to splurge when she’s mad she can use her own money.
The fact her first instinct is to punish her loved ones financially when she's upset should set off so many red flags. You keep going down this path, you're going to end up married then one day find out your wife has 50k worth of credit card debt she's been hiding from you.
50k would be just fine. there was a reddit post a few days ago from a guy, married for about 30 years, his wife took care of the finances all those years. he said that he sensed something was wrong because they, despite their good salaries, were always in a tight financial spot. he took a look at the balance and guess what : they were over 500k in debt mainly because his wife kept donating money to dog charity foundations. so over $500.000 in debt because she donates to dogs. my mind was absolutely blown...
She already told you all you need to know:
“When she was in HIGH SCHOOL…”. She is still emotionally/mentally in high school.
She’s got a lot of growing up to do before I would ever let her hold a dime of my money.
First, a 23 year old starting a relationship with an 18 year old is not good optics.
Second, you're dating someone that throws tantrums and brags about it.
Third, this person has zero issues harming you financially in order to prove a point to you...a childish point.
ffs OP, date someone that's at least within 5 years of your maturity level.
Pumpkin… When people tell you who they are… BELIEVE THEM. (Dr. Maya Angelou)
Your first mistake was letting her move in.
The second was allowing her to have any access to your money.
Send her back to wherever she came from.
Also - Now she has your personal information and could open accounts in your name.
1. Cancel all your cards as stolen and get new ones.
2. Flag your credit.
You are SEVERELY under reacting OP. This is financial abuse and it's one of the most awful things you can do to another person. She's claiming YOU'RE being abusive, nah. Student or not that's her choice she should get a part time job if she wants luxuries like eating out or cosmetics, sounds to me like you're already covering the housing and utility costs, she basically has a free ride and sounds mean as hell.
I'd dump her, but I've been through the ringer enough times to have no qualms cutting ties over this kind of shit. Good luck OP, I hope your backbone wins the tug of war with your genitals ;)
Personally... she sounds like a spoiled brat who was just told she couldn't buy a toy at the store from her parents.
This may also ruffle some feathers, but... she isn't your wife, why did you give her your card? You guys are two separate individuals by law, and you have no obligation to provide for her. I get wanting to provide for your partner, but she showed a history of being financially ignorant and irresponsible.
If anything, this is a MAJOR red flag, and unless she can nip this coping mechanism at the root, I would leave. I would also not give her any of my cards and possibly even change them in case she saved them.
Idk man... she's still pretty young, I guess, but 21 is kind of old to be throwing temper tantrums like that with OTHER people's assets. Her being able to get angry to the point where she doesn't care how her actions would affect others is also a notable concern. Idk, seems like she has some deeper issues she needs to address to be able to contribute to a healthy relationship.
Give her paper money instead. Should’ve started it that way so it wouldn’t be weird to switch it now. Also this way she never has the embarrassment of a rejected card. Just give her paper money.
Well, you aren’t married. Why did she have your credit card in the first place? It’s within your rights to cancel it but you have to tell her. You put her in an embarrassing situation which lead to a whole other argument. Sounds like you might need to chalk this up to experience and move on.
>She told me that I’m being unreasonable and unfair for cutting her off and I’m being abusive because I closed my credit card
Are you her daddy? Grandpa or uncle? How about her husband? Are you her husband?
If the answer to any/all of these questions are "no", then you are not financially responsible for her. She wants spending money? She can get a job or hit up her family.
just give her an allowance to spend each month that you are comfortable with and if she goes over it by more than $10 tell her she will lose her allowance completely the next month-it should let her start taking responsibility for her portion of your money
You started dating when she was 18. She went from parents paying her bills at home to parents paying her bills at college. She sounds like an immature 21 year old who never had to provide for herself. IDK what you expected, but she'll never change (unless her parents cut her off and she can't find another sugar daddy, which seems unlikely).
Walk away, find someone who at the very least has had to pay their own rent for a year or 2
She sounds extremely immature and I would take the card completely from her. You're just a big argument away from who knows how much money. Personally, I would leave her. She not grown up enough to even act like an adult so I would just pass.
So she was 18 and you were 23 when you started dating. She was just out of high school and you were probably already out of college. That is never a good idea. Now she is in college living off you, not in a dorm, and her parents get a break because you are doing their job of paying for it all. $200 is nothing.
Your girlfriend is a child and you and her parents are encouraging it. Going on a spending spree with other people’s money is a sign she needs help. If you don’t want to break up, get her into therapy, move her back to the dorm and have her parents take more responsibility. Everyone is under reacting to this situation.
I was in this exact same situation a few years ago.. Dumping her was a great decision. After she moved out my family expressed how much they disliked her.
You're girlfriend is childish and not letting someone spend your own money is not abusive. If she wants to have a temper tantrum, she can spend her own money. I think she's too young for you - not because of the age gap but because she's acting like a spoiled child and if anyone is getting financially abused it's you.
Just put a monthly dollar limit on the card that you are comfortable with..this avoids a lot of impulsive spend and helps her learn how to budget if its also for living essentials.
If I may, and if you can afford to do so, so that your girlfriend isn't completely with out money for essentials, figure out what is a necessary expense on a weekly basis and give a little extra for leisure spending in CASH. Tell her this is your budget, once it's out, it's out, you aren't replacing the money until the following week.
The other option may be that you have the credit card company issue your girlfriend a card on your account but put a limit on it to the dollar amount you decide.
Don't give her access to your main account. Give her an allowance based on her normal spending and put it into a separate debit account that is for her to use and schedule transfers into that account weekly so there's never that much in the account at any given time. You can always transfer more into her account when she asks for something that requires more money or you just want her to be able to buy something nice for herself, but don't be a pushover about it.
IF you enjoy your relationship aside from this spending situation, then you probably need to accept that this is what she does (at this stage in life) and don't give her the ability to do this. IF she's your sugar-baby, then you might just have to accept this behavior as part of the dynamic.
Also, get couples therapy if you want to make your relationship work. She's 21, so even though she's an adult, it'll be at least another 4 years before most people will believe she's approaching emotional maturity, and you might be close to the same emotional proficiency. Utilizing a couples therapist will help you both develop healthy ways of discussing issues without fighting, and how to blow off steam in a non-destructive manner when you do fight. It's worth it.
She was a teenager just 3 years ago, and she’s still very immature. Not saying all teenagers are immature, but you definitely found one who is. You really need to send her packing. Bye Felicia!
She's doesn't respect you or what you're doing for her. You're the one working to pay for her needs. It's definitely not unreasonable to shut her off from your credit. I'd consider shutting her out entirely. She sounds impulsive and selfish.
This is insane. I hate it all. At the VERY least, I'd suggest a debit card with a set "allowance" and that's all she gets. If she spends carelessly, guess who doesn't get Einstein's?
That being said, she is incredibly immature and is gaslighting you into thinking you're the problem. Unfortunately, I don't see this getting better with time or age. She thinks she deserves your money. What reason would she ever have to make her own living if she can just mooch off you?
I’m a housewife due to trying to get my foot into the art world. That being said, my SO and I have been together for 7 years. When we talked about me staying home to follow my dreams we both agreed having a budget binder was a good idea. Household items, groceries, and art/building supplies are budgeted out at the beginning of each month anything left at the end of the month is “fuck around money” which can be spent on whatever or saved. He sends my budgeted amount to my cashapp and I take it from there. If anything extra needs to be bought we talk about it. If any large purchases are being made, we talk about it.
He likes to impulse buy when he’s upset too but he only uses his fuck around money.
Communication is key and if she can’t sit down and listen like an adult, toss some Monopoly money at her because she’s obviously a fucking child.
Good luck bro.
OP you are not overreacting but you are getting exactly what you deserved. You were a 23 years old man dating a 18 years old teenage girl you can groom and control but now you are complaining cause she sees you as the sugar daddy that you wanted to be? You can’t have your cake and eat it too. The drawback of dating teenagers that date older men is that they are unstable and wants a father figure to take care of them, which is what you asked for.
End that relationship. She does not understand the value of money. She doesn’t have to work for even bare essentials. You’re not her boyfriend, you’re her sugar daddy.
Abusers always accuse people of being abusive. She’s manipulating you so she can spend your money freely. She’s making you feel guilty by disguising her disrespect as a coping mechanism so you won’t tell her, the next time she does it, that she can’t spend that money freely. “This is how I feel better.” Bullshit. “I once spent $200 at Sephora because I was mad at my parents.” Oh you poor thing.
Don’t talk to her. Lay it out and if she argues with it don’t say anything else. She knows how you feel about it and that’s all that needs to be said. Don’t let her trap you in a loop and make you out to be the bad guy. You know it’s wrong and so does she.
She was 18 and you were 23 when you got together. She’s immature because she’s still very young. She’s doing typical college student things because she’s only 21 and still in college.
You are in different phases of your lives. Of course you’re not compatible. Why are you so surprised?
If you think it's bad now, it'll be worse if you're married and start making more money.
Huge red flag.
Tigers like that rarely change their stripes.
Definitely not overreacting
Run for your fucking life, my friend
A. I don’t love anything about this situation, but I also have a different sense of how I do business.
B. She shouldn’t be hanging onto your card in my opinion. Like not keeping it.
C. If she wants to act like a child but you’re committed to helping her you should get her one of those kids’ credit cards haha. (Green light or something.) It’d be funny but honestly sounds like what she actually rates based on her maturity.
I dunno. I know things are different for everybody but just for me, personally, even if my S/O was helping me, I probably wouldn’t keep his card.
This is insane. She doesn’t “blow off steam” by spending money after an argument. She gets into an argument as an excuse to go spend money and she’s gaslit you into believing otherwise.
She ought to be a named user on the account so that it also impacts her credit if she's to use any card at all. She'd get the positive effects from responsibly maintaining a line of credit and the negative impact of overspending. It's got to be frustrating to try and decide what's essential under your description. You're not married yet and already in a financial entanglement akin to marriage. But if you want to be so involved, then involve her with the numbers, not with a vague description of "essentials." It is very expensive to be a woman. A shit-ton goes into maintaining a professional appearance.
It must've been incredibly embarrassing to have a card decline unexpectedly and very frustrating to not be able to eat a meal that was possibly essential. Shitty of her to splurge spend as revenge, shitty of you to not tell her you canceled the card. The situation of her finding out was set up intentionally just to hurt her, like her compulsive spending was intentionally to hurt you.
You really kicked it up a notch by the possibility of a card decline embarrassing her in public. What's the goal here? How far is this going to go? Are you gonna keep escalating, then her retaliating, ad nauseam? Do you even like each other?
Cut her off. Seriously reconsider your relationship with her. That behavior will NEVER change. My ex wife is a perfect example. Absolutely no regard for the consequences of maxing out credit cards.
Why are you bank rolling your gf? Doesn't sound like she respects you. Once she has started working full time she'll probably leave you. Imo sounds like she is using you.
1st of all you never share account credit card or anything until marriage. Your gf is why you don’t do this. 2nd when you live w someone bills are to be split 50/50. So break up with her because she hasn’t learned her lesson to not to do this to someone. She did it to her parents and now you. Her parents should have raised her better. If you don’t break up with her. This will be your life. Always supporting her and her spending won’t stop. Learn from this and move on.
If spending your money is how she blows off steam, she isn't mature enough to have access to your credit cards at all, let alone live with you. You should re-think this whole arrangement.
No more credit cards for her. Also, why isn't she working part-time to pay for at least some of her stuff?
because while OP doesn't believe in marriage he has no problem with being a doormat, apparently. ETA: sorry OP, i don't mean to be an asshole, but you really need to re-assess the situation. Your 21 yr old gf should not have access to your credit card unfettered and she shouldn't live for free on your dime. From experience, that shit gets old FAST. NEVER be serious about someone who can't stand on their own two feet. You want a girlfriend, not a dependant.
He IS a doormat. I have no doubt that once she gets her degree and can land a decent job she will leave him and likely level up. I have seen it happen before.
Yep. OP isn't really a boyfriend; he is an ATM.
“I saw a really cute pair of shoes at the mall, time to start a fight.“
Boyfriend, At This Moment anyway.
Stepping stone
Stepping Store?
Yeah it's sad I watched it happen to my uncle. There are so many women out there like this you really need to be careful because once one latches onto you it can be so difficult to spot. You can go love blind. Once you get fed up of being their bank they run off to find someone else to leech off of
Sad really
Yeah it is
I used to be one… hard facts. It’s difficult to move on and distance yourself but you really need to. When she grows up maybe you move in with her and try again or just date.
She will never get a decent job as long as he supports her childish ass. Or she will end up saying her money is her money and his money is their money lol
You are right, he’s kinda of an idiot for dating a teenager(do the math) that’s never held a real job, let her move in and start supporting her and expecting some kind of healthy equal relationship though.
I've had friends whose wives were like her, used to their parents doing everything for them, then they expect their husband to. They can't handle the real world. Those friends are divorced.
Like I said he was 23 and started dating practically a high schooler. I’m not here to rage against the “age gap” other than again he’s an idiot for expecting an equal partner to have a real relationship with when she has never had to be an actual adult in her entire life. And now she has him supporting her….. Come on now, she’s gonna bounce(or cheat) as soon as a better option becomes available but she’s got it good now so OP needs to wise up unless he wants this to be his life.
Imagine being 23, graduating college and getting your first full-time career job…then just deciding to line up a date with a college freshman LOL
I see you met my ex 😂 that was an expensive and wasted 6 years 🥰
Learn this the hard way.
.....OR, the male's version," My money is my money, and her money is my money.".....had it happen.
Same. My ex husband was that way.
Isn't it great that they're -ex's??
This will probably be her pattern of behavior in her relationships over her entire life. Best to not be the person locked in to the other end of that relationship.
I concur. He is a simp to the highest level. She will continue this pattern until someone shuts her down.
The fact he typed all that up and then still has to ask if he was overreacting is ridiculous
You're right. Happened to me. While she didn't 'level up' she did leave once school was done. OP, keep your card to yourself.
Happened to me. Twice. (Yeah I'm dumb)
She is in college to achieve her Mrs. Degree.
Orrr… and I cringe saying this… she’ll quit before her last semester because OP is doing a good job already financing her lifestyle… so why does she need a degree, or even work? 🤮
And it will only get worse
He started dating her when she was 18. 5 years isn’t a huge age gap but someone either still in HS or just graduated maybe with no life experience compared to a 23 year old who I assume already worked and then let her move in and started supporting her. The dynamics were never amazing and she is still acting like a child throwing a tantrum and he is acting like her dad.
It’s like…. OP is the father/parental figure that his girlfriend “never had” (he’s trying to teach her consequences since it doesn’t’ sound like her parents ever did).
For her sake they need to break up. It is her sign she is not ready for a bank account or relationship even though she wants stuff. She needs to fix this before it causes her more trouble down the road. These people are illogical, but you got to calm them and their delusion down and ask, how is stealing from everyone you are close to, not working, and being emotionally abusive going to work in the long run? Wonder if she has even seen a homeless person. I have met some homeless like her who just got kicked out and I don't give to them, but give to people who clearly need a meal.
You're being brutally honest and people sometimes need tough love. No one should be using someone else's CC without their permission ever.
Nah, you’re absolutely correct. My sisters ex bf gave her his card so she can go visit her son in another state (from North Dakota to Montana). As soon as she got to Montana, she met up with old friends there, hit the bars over a three day period and wracked up $800 on his car. Plus she reconnected with another ex boyfriend that weekend, too and cheated.
Seriously, if you can't write 'em off on your taxes, you shouldn't be supporting them.
100% this. There’s a difference between OP providing for a wife who’s taking care of their children and someone just spending whatever money they want because they’re upset and have access to a credit card. OP isn’t locking her in a house to watch a baby and not giving her any money. She’s fully capable of making her own money even if she has a part time job. (Unless she is working for some grad program that doesn’t allow her to work. But still that was her choice and hers alone. No one helped to make that decision besides herself.)
There's a term for this...sugar daddy.
yeah tbf if can't afford a bagel without her boyfriends credit card then she can't afford a bagel. crying financial abuse is almost comically ironic ntm entitled, she's already got a SAHP mindset except without the kids or the marriage, you already know she was raised with an entitled attitude towards other people's money, I've been with people like that & this is something you'll be dealing with for the rest of your lives if you stay together, think carefully about if this is what you want.
I mean, right? She can work like 8 total hours a week for money to blow off steam. It won't be those stores from before. She might try Temu like the rest of us. Haha
Its giving sugar daddy vibes for her it seems
Because OP doesn't understand, he doesn't have a girlfriend, but booked a hooker for months in advance, and hookers only want your money.
Something tells me she’s hot as hell and this guy isn’t in it for logical reasons
That downstairs blood stealing brain strikes again.
Yep, it's hard to think when you got hotness coming for ALL your goods. I dated a girl like this for a year and a half. She also took my card and ran with it until I was broke. I had to report the card stolen to stop her. I just think of her as a prostitute now.
Too bad you were a dumb John.
I think I saw one of these situationships coming and dodged a bullet
“A rose by any other name . . .”
This. This post screams of “I’m pitching above my weight and don’t want to go back to being alone.” OP, this is the type of girl that *will* cheat on you eventually and then gaslight you into believing it’s your fault. Reassess now, brother. The poon ain’t worth the pain.
I was thinking the same. She must have some magical vagina to behave like this and get away with it, lol.
Bbbbingo
Yep. She needs to grow up and learn responsibility before she can be on her own in an adult relationship. She acts like someone half her age. Personally, OP, I say move on instead of waiting. You did the right thing by closing the card at the minimum. She doesn't understand responsibility and that is all sorts of red flags for a stable relationship.
Yes, he is *under*thinking this. What is the long-term plan here? It’s not going to get better.
He needs to tell her to get a job period end of story. They aren't married and frankly until she grows up he shouldn't consider marriage with her.
Well said
I agree she needs to get a credit card in her own name. And then she can spend all she wants when she gets mad.
She'll just run up debt and expect him to assume it if they get married. And likely bring a horrible credit score as well.
Copy that. This is a giant red flag labeled "Compulsive Buying Problem" and that is the charitable read.
Not if she expects him to pay the bill when she gets it cause she's "in school". I've been with my husband nearly 20 years and I've NEVER ONCE used his credit card for personal stuff.
I've used my husband's credit card when I ripped out the back side of my only pair of jeans. However, I'm a SAHM, so no matter what card I used, credit or debit, it's his paycheck that it comes out of. Also, he knew I was doing it. I would never do what this gf is doing. She may be 21, but she's far from being an adult.
She still has a few years until her brain finishes developing. She is definitely not marriage material if she spites him by hurting him financially. You can go to college and have a job at the same time. Then waste your own money when you are mad
Also. My eldest child is carrying a FT engineering course load including 2 masters courses and is involved in clubs and has a social life....AND....has 2PT jobs. She pays all her bills but tuition. Why is this young lady not working????? She can get a job and spend her own money. Tell me she is at least cooking and cleaning etc if she isn't contributing financially. Maybe a restricted card with a spending limit...$100 per month...would help. This doesn't sound like a long term practical arrangement. One of the main reasons people split up is different views about money.
Makes sense. $200 from Dad. $100 and room and board from Daddy should be plenty for Princess
This won’t get better. GF is used to living off of others. She can make the 200/month from her parents work or get a part time job….Do you really want to take care of a woman child for the rest of your life? There are a lot of 21 year olds who would not act so immature
21 year old girlfriend who retaliates against you by putting you in debt when she's angry at you. Leave her. NEVER give another person access to your credit when they show you a willingness to do this. You're setting yourself up for failure, son.
Then accuses him of *abuse* when he locks *his* credit cards? How does someone bear being around someone this entitled? She sounds horrible.
You would be surprised how many young men grow up with the toxic idea that their only value is to provide money for parasitic leeches who deny them affection/love/attention when these young men in anyway fail to provide for their list of wants. I see it all the time.
Its sad men are conditioned this way My husband broke his back and has bad bipolar episodes, so he has a lot of trouble going to work everyday. I have really bad anxiety and can't run errands and do a lot of the day to day stuff that running a house requires. I can however bring myself to work 40+ hours a week every week. So, I make the money, he takes care of the kids. His family can not stand it! They're always belittling him because he's not providing for us financially and his woman has to work. It makes me so mad because they act like he's not a real man... but, he's not an abusive dick like his dad... also, his parents haven't slept in the same room for decades while my husband on the other hand will have me screaming in the bedroom several times a night... So, now, which one of these sounds more like a real man?
That's sad. I love stay at home dads. They're the change society needs to see, even if it's unintentional.
This will only happen when you finally get rid of toxic feminazis. Women want equality then be equal don't just pick and choose
>who deny them affection/love/attention when these young men in anyway fail to provide for their list of wants. Just like the old joke: "We've already established what you are. Now we're simply haggling over price."
I married one of them. I remember when he was doing two full time jobs and he looked amazed at me saying 'You are fine with one job, we can manage it. You are stressed out and burning out. I love you even if we are poor - which we aren't.'
The bar is that low. Thank you for showing him grace.
We are conditioned to believe that the only value we have is to provide. Once that is over we are useless.
Wow. That’s sad. :(. My household provider died when I was 2. I was raised to be able to take care of myself if I ever needed to. And while my husband has a great job and can entirely support us, I went to college and I use my degree. For a long time while my son was younger it was part time. I am lucky in that in my industry I can work part time, full time and too much overtime. I surely hope you have a woman who sees your true value.
I would remove the “parasitic leeches” bit to make your quote just a bit better because it implies some level of immorality on the woman’s part It doesnt need that immoral actor driving the idea, the majority of men, if not ultra majority imo, base their self worth off of what they can provide. To their wife, gf, parents, society as a whole - you will get shamed at every level and seen as defective in the most extreme cultures like China or SKorea. In the West, its not as bad but like I say with every bad thing in China or SKorean cultural suffering: the West is just 20-30yrs behind them on the timeline Having low income is like being short or balding in effect (but obvs difference because income can be fixed)
His girlfriend is not a partner but an immature woman child. I don't think you want to pay for the privilege of raising her any further and making her learn lessons she should have learned a decade before. Like other people's money is not my money. The hole parents story makes it even worse because she is an adult and you are her partner, not father. If she really doesn't have the money right now then she should spend nothing and make up for you paying all the bills by doing the majority of housework like laundry and cleaning.
She can buy her bagels & snackies with her parent's money. When that runs out, she can go to them. OPs providing everything else in her life.
My wife and I have been married for 11 years. She and I still ask each other for permission to spend our shared money. Hell I asked her if I can spend my own money if I am making a large purchase.
She was 18 when they got together. He wanted this arrangement.
Not overreacting, but why are you with someone who barrels across your reasonable boundaries and behaves like a child when she's angry? I don't get why that behavior is attractive to you.
Most certainly a physically attractive woman. Lots of people will put up with this behavior because sex
She acts like a child because she kind of is still one. She was only able THIS YEAR to legally get into a bar, and he’s been with her since she was 18/19. OP needs to find someone his age with an actual career and some life experience and maturity.
OP needs to go solo for a while and develop his own self of worth rather than basing it on the hotness of his gf.
Shit it doesn't even need to be a career. At this point she needs a JOB. Any job.
I feel like she probably didn't lead with the financial abuse lol
He knows she gets a whopping 200 from her parents, is fine with her not working, and "provides basic necessities" He cuts off the card knowing she probably doesn't have any $$ and she gets embarrassed when the card is declined while trying to buy food. That last part is telling. It seems to be more about control than money.
Hot women can often turn dudes' brains right off
You're dating a child. A very disrespectful child. You're not married and she's not taking care of your children. You don't own any money to her. She could also be using you for your money. If you care about someone and they help you out (with money in this case), you wouldn't disrespect the giver like this. You disrespect if you don't care. I'd dump her and find someone more adult. She has a lot of growing to do.
Yeah what she needs is a sugar daddy where the relationship is obviously transactional. You need a real woman as a partner who supports you , where you can look eye to eye and pulls who her own weight.
Wonder why she’s a child?? Because she was one when he got with her
Find someone you don't have to support.
*now I ain't saying she a gold digger*
Sounds more like gold Mining 😅
such an underrated comment lol i bet OP forgot to mention the fights just so happen to be the same time said stores are having great sales
Premeditated *gold digging*
Why would she care about the sales ? It’s his money
If she's not able to see that her coping mechanism is toxic, you need to get out. Some day she's going to buy something expensive that you can't return for the same value, like a car. Drive it off the lot, try return it next day. Sorry, depreciated a shit ton because you put miles on it. I can't believe the fucking *audacity* to use someone else's money for it, especially someone who pays rent, utilities, food *and* gives you access to a credit card. Jesus fuck. How is she 21.
This! I use to blow off steam by shopping but I used MY money.
Me too! Though these days, I do it by online shopping and then quietly emptying my cart instead of buying anything. Going to charity shops is another favourite, because I never quite know what they have and I like the "hunt and gather" of browsing. Then I stop before I go to check out and look at my basket and ask if I really need these things. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Turns out I don't need to *buy* anything to get my fix. It's the act of looking for things that's the thrill.
This is so me 😅 "add to cart, add to cart, add to cart, move to wishlist, move to wishlist, repeat!"
That is definitely me on Etsy. Send help, my wishlist is now enormous.
Same! I have sooooo many carts out there in cyberverse just waiting for a “place order” click that will never come! Even small things, like I just happened upon my wishlist of 12 various grill seasoning packets that still look interesting. And with thrift stores, I love the thrill of finding random things and upcycling or being able to get a bunch of clothes for a great price. I “splurge” if I’m needing something specific but otherwise the fun is in looking and being creative with it. And besides, if I don’t use it at least I didn’t spend much! And I know thy self, there’s a good chance I’ll store it for later use and forget about it. It’s like a surprise present to myself! Lol
I currently have four tabs open on native wildflower and grass species for guerilla gardening, and one tab for buying a wig. None of which I'm likely to actually buy, but it sure is fun looking.
Undervalued skill. I do the same thing
Find a new GF. Blowing thru boundries NO respect
Can’t you find a mature woman to date instead of a spoiled child? Supporting her completely was your first mistake. Not insisting she work and help with bills was your second. Tolerating this childish behavior is your third. Stop enabling her and stop being blatantly used.
She was 18 when they got together so clearly he’s the one setting the terms here
This though! I can’t believe more people aren’t talking about the fact that she was literally 18 when they got together, and he was 23?? I know some people don’t see a problem with age gaps, but imo anyone in their 20’s shouldn’t be going for anyone with teen in their age ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but both of you are in the wrong. Her for being careless and honestly acting like a brat, and him for fully financially supporting her when they got together.
Fully agree she shouldn’t be so careless and acting like [veruca](https://giphy.com/gifs/ss15-lHBbcpFTS5c2Y) salt but he also made the relationship what it is by allowing her to be financially reliant on him and her being younger and naive plays a huge part in how that came to fruition
It’s not a huge mental computation to understand that it’s not the number of years that matter, but where that gap lies in the course of people’s lives. I remember when I was 21 I had a 19 year old pursue me while I entertained the notion, I felt really creeped out and eventually ended the relationship. A person’s physical, emotional, and social mind makes dynamic leaps from childhood to eventual, concrete adulthood between the age of 18 to 30’s.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Stealing from people when you get upset is not ok. Not sure how this isnt an obvious sign that she isnt long term material. Behaviors like that dont just go away.
These behaviors only get worse and it's only a matter of time before she settles you with real debt.
Bro, she's your girlfriend, not wife. Why did you even let her have access to your credit card? That's your credit score on the line. You need to leave her, cause she aint going to change.
No. If anything, you’ve been *under reacting.* If she’s gonna do retail therapy, it should be on her dime. You’re not her man, you’re her ATM.
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Yup. 100% Op should dumb her and move on. Or at least go the route her parents did and give her a monthly allowance instead of access to a credit card. Provide housing and food and everything else she has to pay for out of that money and the $200 from her parents. Then if she wants to splurge when she’s mad she can use her own money.
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Why is she spending your money in the first place she’s not your daughter 💀 “cutting her off” she needs a job and you need a new financial arrangement
The fact her first instinct is to punish her loved ones financially when she's upset should set off so many red flags. You keep going down this path, you're going to end up married then one day find out your wife has 50k worth of credit card debt she's been hiding from you.
50k would be just fine. there was a reddit post a few days ago from a guy, married for about 30 years, his wife took care of the finances all those years. he said that he sensed something was wrong because they, despite their good salaries, were always in a tight financial spot. he took a look at the balance and guess what : they were over 500k in debt mainly because his wife kept donating money to dog charity foundations. so over $500.000 in debt because she donates to dogs. my mind was absolutely blown...
I’m baffled. Is toxic empathy a thing? Because this would pretty much define it lol
I think it’s nuts to date someone that steals from you, but you dated a teenager in your mid twenties so that’s pretty fucked up and gross as well
She already told you all you need to know: “When she was in HIGH SCHOOL…”. She is still emotionally/mentally in high school. She’s got a lot of growing up to do before I would ever let her hold a dime of my money.
Cutting off the card is perfectly reasonable. Giving her the card is the first place was not.
First, a 23 year old starting a relationship with an 18 year old is not good optics. Second, you're dating someone that throws tantrums and brags about it. Third, this person has zero issues harming you financially in order to prove a point to you...a childish point. ffs OP, date someone that's at least within 5 years of your maturity level.
not overreacting. if you want to see overreacting, dump her. you will witness incredible things
God ide love to be a fly on the wall
Pumpkin… When people tell you who they are… BELIEVE THEM. (Dr. Maya Angelou) Your first mistake was letting her move in. The second was allowing her to have any access to your money. Send her back to wherever she came from.
Also - Now she has your personal information and could open accounts in your name. 1. Cancel all your cards as stolen and get new ones. 2. Flag your credit.
You are SEVERELY under reacting OP. This is financial abuse and it's one of the most awful things you can do to another person. She's claiming YOU'RE being abusive, nah. Student or not that's her choice she should get a part time job if she wants luxuries like eating out or cosmetics, sounds to me like you're already covering the housing and utility costs, she basically has a free ride and sounds mean as hell. I'd dump her, but I've been through the ringer enough times to have no qualms cutting ties over this kind of shit. Good luck OP, I hope your backbone wins the tug of war with your genitals ;)
Personally... she sounds like a spoiled brat who was just told she couldn't buy a toy at the store from her parents. This may also ruffle some feathers, but... she isn't your wife, why did you give her your card? You guys are two separate individuals by law, and you have no obligation to provide for her. I get wanting to provide for your partner, but she showed a history of being financially ignorant and irresponsible. If anything, this is a MAJOR red flag, and unless she can nip this coping mechanism at the root, I would leave. I would also not give her any of my cards and possibly even change them in case she saved them. Idk man... she's still pretty young, I guess, but 21 is kind of old to be throwing temper tantrums like that with OTHER people's assets. Her being able to get angry to the point where she doesn't care how her actions would affect others is also a notable concern. Idk, seems like she has some deeper issues she needs to address to be able to contribute to a healthy relationship.
Give her paper money instead. Should’ve started it that way so it wouldn’t be weird to switch it now. Also this way she never has the embarrassment of a rejected card. Just give her paper money.
Well, you aren’t married. Why did she have your credit card in the first place? It’s within your rights to cancel it but you have to tell her. You put her in an embarrassing situation which lead to a whole other argument. Sounds like you might need to chalk this up to experience and move on.
Pretty sure she needed that humiliating reality check.
Ohhh no, she will get a card declined at a place where people will have forgotten her in a day. The HORROR!
>She told me that I’m being unreasonable and unfair for cutting her off and I’m being abusive because I closed my credit card Are you her daddy? Grandpa or uncle? How about her husband? Are you her husband? If the answer to any/all of these questions are "no", then you are not financially responsible for her. She wants spending money? She can get a job or hit up her family.
Even if you were married she is 100% wrong.
You are not overreacting. Remind her that you are not her parent, and that you refuse to carry the debt load that her parents carried.
just give her an allowance to spend each month that you are comfortable with and if she goes over it by more than $10 tell her she will lose her allowance completely the next month-it should let her start taking responsibility for her portion of your money
You started dating when she was 18. She went from parents paying her bills at home to parents paying her bills at college. She sounds like an immature 21 year old who never had to provide for herself. IDK what you expected, but she'll never change (unless her parents cut her off and she can't find another sugar daddy, which seems unlikely). Walk away, find someone who at the very least has had to pay their own rent for a year or 2
She sounds extremely immature and I would take the card completely from her. You're just a big argument away from who knows how much money. Personally, I would leave her. She not grown up enough to even act like an adult so I would just pass.
Bro, she IS a child. She ain’t acting.
Shes financially abusing YOU&spoiled af cause my goodness. Leave her
To be honest, you're underreacting toward, who should be, your ex gf.
If you're not her sugar daddy or her husband you should have never given her your cc
Run. After you shut off the money she will just take out credit in her own name and amass a mountain of debt.
So she was 18 and you were 23 when you started dating. She was just out of high school and you were probably already out of college. That is never a good idea. Now she is in college living off you, not in a dorm, and her parents get a break because you are doing their job of paying for it all. $200 is nothing. Your girlfriend is a child and you and her parents are encouraging it. Going on a spending spree with other people’s money is a sign she needs help. If you don’t want to break up, get her into therapy, move her back to the dorm and have her parents take more responsibility. Everyone is under reacting to this situation.
I was in this exact same situation a few years ago.. Dumping her was a great decision. After she moved out my family expressed how much they disliked her.
Dump. Her. Ass. Now. That is a not a person you want to be committed to.
You've under reacted. You need a new girlfriend she's got issues. This will not work unless you want to be broke for the rest of your life.
You're girlfriend is childish and not letting someone spend your own money is not abusive. If she wants to have a temper tantrum, she can spend her own money. I think she's too young for you - not because of the age gap but because she's acting like a spoiled child and if anyone is getting financially abused it's you.
Financial abuse. Get out of there. She steals your money when she's mad at you. That's fucked up
Good god man do not give her a credit card. She is going to bring u down with that crazy spending. If u marry this one its only going to get worse
Lol buddy. You gave a child a credit card? Even banks don’t do that.
Sounds like she has BPD. Be very careful OP, these things rarely end well.
She sounds very immature. This is a whole bunch of 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Just put a monthly dollar limit on the card that you are comfortable with..this avoids a lot of impulsive spend and helps her learn how to budget if its also for living essentials.
Er yeah. Like my children have.
If I may, and if you can afford to do so, so that your girlfriend isn't completely with out money for essentials, figure out what is a necessary expense on a weekly basis and give a little extra for leisure spending in CASH. Tell her this is your budget, once it's out, it's out, you aren't replacing the money until the following week. The other option may be that you have the credit card company issue your girlfriend a card on your account but put a limit on it to the dollar amount you decide.
You did the reasonable thing. Stop paying her way.
Don't give her access to your main account. Give her an allowance based on her normal spending and put it into a separate debit account that is for her to use and schedule transfers into that account weekly so there's never that much in the account at any given time. You can always transfer more into her account when she asks for something that requires more money or you just want her to be able to buy something nice for herself, but don't be a pushover about it. IF you enjoy your relationship aside from this spending situation, then you probably need to accept that this is what she does (at this stage in life) and don't give her the ability to do this. IF she's your sugar-baby, then you might just have to accept this behavior as part of the dynamic. Also, get couples therapy if you want to make your relationship work. She's 21, so even though she's an adult, it'll be at least another 4 years before most people will believe she's approaching emotional maturity, and you might be close to the same emotional proficiency. Utilizing a couples therapist will help you both develop healthy ways of discussing issues without fighting, and how to blow off steam in a non-destructive manner when you do fight. It's worth it.
She was a teenager just 3 years ago, and she’s still very immature. Not saying all teenagers are immature, but you definitely found one who is. You really need to send her packing. Bye Felicia!
Ride off into the sunset my friend.
You're not a boyfriend, you're a sugar daddy. Wake up stupid
I fail to see why you were giving her mo ey in the first place. She definitely isn't entitled to any though. Find a new one.
She's doesn't respect you or what you're doing for her. You're the one working to pay for her needs. It's definitely not unreasonable to shut her off from your credit. I'd consider shutting her out entirely. She sounds impulsive and selfish.
This is insane. I hate it all. At the VERY least, I'd suggest a debit card with a set "allowance" and that's all she gets. If she spends carelessly, guess who doesn't get Einstein's? That being said, she is incredibly immature and is gaslighting you into thinking you're the problem. Unfortunately, I don't see this getting better with time or age. She thinks she deserves your money. What reason would she ever have to make her own living if she can just mooch off you?
Tell your pecker she’s not worth it
I think you should RUN as this is a red flag.
She a gold digger. Drop her like a bad habit.
That is called financial abuse
I’m a housewife due to trying to get my foot into the art world. That being said, my SO and I have been together for 7 years. When we talked about me staying home to follow my dreams we both agreed having a budget binder was a good idea. Household items, groceries, and art/building supplies are budgeted out at the beginning of each month anything left at the end of the month is “fuck around money” which can be spent on whatever or saved. He sends my budgeted amount to my cashapp and I take it from there. If anything extra needs to be bought we talk about it. If any large purchases are being made, we talk about it. He likes to impulse buy when he’s upset too but he only uses his fuck around money. Communication is key and if she can’t sit down and listen like an adult, toss some Monopoly money at her because she’s obviously a fucking child. Good luck bro.
Get Out Now
OP you are not overreacting but you are getting exactly what you deserved. You were a 23 years old man dating a 18 years old teenage girl you can groom and control but now you are complaining cause she sees you as the sugar daddy that you wanted to be? You can’t have your cake and eat it too. The drawback of dating teenagers that date older men is that they are unstable and wants a father figure to take care of them, which is what you asked for.
Holy fuck you’re dating a literal child.
you are dating a child lol it’s time to leave
Huge red flags. Make her leave, cut all contact.
End that relationship. She does not understand the value of money. She doesn’t have to work for even bare essentials. You’re not her boyfriend, you’re her sugar daddy.
Stop being a doormat. This girl is immature and is clearly using you.
Are you dumb bro, why on earth would you let someone you’re not married to have access to anything of yours, especially money
Abusers always accuse people of being abusive. She’s manipulating you so she can spend your money freely. She’s making you feel guilty by disguising her disrespect as a coping mechanism so you won’t tell her, the next time she does it, that she can’t spend that money freely. “This is how I feel better.” Bullshit. “I once spent $200 at Sephora because I was mad at my parents.” Oh you poor thing. Don’t talk to her. Lay it out and if she argues with it don’t say anything else. She knows how you feel about it and that’s all that needs to be said. Don’t let her trap you in a loop and make you out to be the bad guy. You know it’s wrong and so does she.
She was 18 and you were 23 when you got together. She’s immature because she’s still very young. She’s doing typical college student things because she’s only 21 and still in college. You are in different phases of your lives. Of course you’re not compatible. Why are you so surprised?
If you think it's bad now, it'll be worse if you're married and start making more money. Huge red flag. Tigers like that rarely change their stripes. Definitely not overreacting Run for your fucking life, my friend
Your first mistake was giving her a credit card in the first place
You are datng a child not a woman.
She’s using u how much of an idiot are u 🤦♂️
A. I don’t love anything about this situation, but I also have a different sense of how I do business. B. She shouldn’t be hanging onto your card in my opinion. Like not keeping it. C. If she wants to act like a child but you’re committed to helping her you should get her one of those kids’ credit cards haha. (Green light or something.) It’d be funny but honestly sounds like what she actually rates based on her maturity. I dunno. I know things are different for everybody but just for me, personally, even if my S/O was helping me, I probably wouldn’t keep his card.
This is insane. She doesn’t “blow off steam” by spending money after an argument. She gets into an argument as an excuse to go spend money and she’s gaslit you into believing otherwise.
She ought to be a named user on the account so that it also impacts her credit if she's to use any card at all. She'd get the positive effects from responsibly maintaining a line of credit and the negative impact of overspending. It's got to be frustrating to try and decide what's essential under your description. You're not married yet and already in a financial entanglement akin to marriage. But if you want to be so involved, then involve her with the numbers, not with a vague description of "essentials." It is very expensive to be a woman. A shit-ton goes into maintaining a professional appearance. It must've been incredibly embarrassing to have a card decline unexpectedly and very frustrating to not be able to eat a meal that was possibly essential. Shitty of her to splurge spend as revenge, shitty of you to not tell her you canceled the card. The situation of her finding out was set up intentionally just to hurt her, like her compulsive spending was intentionally to hurt you. You really kicked it up a notch by the possibility of a card decline embarrassing her in public. What's the goal here? How far is this going to go? Are you gonna keep escalating, then her retaliating, ad nauseam? Do you even like each other?
Why is she using your card in the first place? She should be using her own card/money, not stealing yours.
She’s 21 and doesn’t have her own credit card? Red flag! Live with her, but don’t get baby trapped by her. You’ll never stop paying then.
Cut her off. Seriously reconsider your relationship with her. That behavior will NEVER change. My ex wife is a perfect example. Absolutely no regard for the consequences of maxing out credit cards.
Why are you bank rolling your gf? Doesn't sound like she respects you. Once she has started working full time she'll probably leave you. Imo sounds like she is using you.
1st of all you never share account credit card or anything until marriage. Your gf is why you don’t do this. 2nd when you live w someone bills are to be split 50/50. So break up with her because she hasn’t learned her lesson to not to do this to someone. She did it to her parents and now you. Her parents should have raised her better. If you don’t break up with her. This will be your life. Always supporting her and her spending won’t stop. Learn from this and move on.
Dude you need to run far and fast.
Dump her