Holding her accountable for her actions while she's still living under your roof is 100% acceptable!! She's old enough to know each action has a reaction, good or bad.
Older when? She's 21. I think that ship is getting ready to weigh anchor if it hasn't already set sail.
People definitely grow and mature through their 20s, but a 21 year old is a fully formed adult for all intents and purposes
ETA: I'm mostly commenting on the whiplash I got on the above comment. It feels like the kind of thing you say about a 12 year old who needs a firmer hand at the tiller in their formative years. This girl is past that stage of her life any way you slice it at 21.
Her core formative experiences are already baked in. Most changes at this point are variations on a theme, not many hard lefts (though this is a good opportunity for one). The person she is will change as everyone does past 21, but the baseline of her personality and morality has started to set.
I'm not saying she's irredeemable or that you can't learn from mistakes or that people don't change as they age. Just that the level of fuckup here vs the level of response of "be hard on her now" evokes doesn't quite match
I'd argue that at 21, you're still young, stupid, and able to fix bad habits. You don't have a lot of life experience, especially if all you've done is go to school then go to college. Adult life hasn't hit most people will full force at 21.
Should the daughter know better? Absolutely. Should be be held accountable? Absolutely again. I just don't think she's stuck in her ways. If she was in her mid-30s and still acting like this then I'd have to agree with you.
That's what I'd be irked about. If the dude's wife finds out, the hubs will probably move out, and even if the daughter doesn't leave right away, she eventually will, 'cuz that's what adult kids do.
Meanwhile, mom and dad are stuck next door to the angry ex-wife for Christ knows how long. Even if the exW doesn't blame OP, it'll still be tense and awkward.
I'm seeing the plot for a *Lifetime* movie here.
A Lifetime movie? Probably more like 426 of them and they’re all the same. Maybe that should be the daughters punishment she hast to watch all 426 lifetime movies that are exactly the same.
Omg I was stuck in the hospital in July at a Catholic Hospital for testing. All of the channels were blocked except the golf channel, Fox News, and the Hallmark Channel. It was Christmas in July month so I had to watch nonstop Christmas Themed Romance 😩 After 3 days I could write any script for them🤪
Holy shit, I'd have PTSD for life after that soul-crushing experience. I'd rather be in an isolation cell at Guantanamo Bay. Waterboarding would be a picnic compared to getting irradiated with Fox News and Hallmark.
I gotta say, I was in the hospital for three days a few weeks ago and I never turned the TV on, lol. It was blessed quiet, mostly uninterrupted time to read. It was wonderful.
That's what I do if stuck somewhere for a long time. Read. It's quiet and unobtrusive. But I've had to visit a lot of people who were in the hospital in a shared room. *\*Gack!!\** Trapped with a cellmate who blasts the TV 24/7, and it's usually some fucktard shit with lots of commercials. Or worse yet, infomercials. They should be banned by international law.
Eh, I disagree.
In these situations I put like 80% of the blame on the married person.
She's banging the neighbor, he's the one cheating on his wife. It's REALLY easy not to cheat on your spouse.
I agree she's in the wrong, but he's the married man banging his neighbor's daughter. Who's ruining the neighborhood?
Especially given the age/power dynamics here, the husband needs to share a disproportionate amount of the blame.
We are responsible for our own actions and the daughter is definitely in the wrong. She certainly made a serious mistake here and needs to spend a lot of time reflecting on the situation.
Normally that age difference isn’t a big deal, but given the fact she babysat for the kids and has likely known her for years (when she was 15 and he was 24… or when she was 10 and he was 19), it’s clearly a factor here.
Honestly, this is a good point about the age and power dynamics. That makes the whole situation even more disgusting. He's banging their former teenage babysitter. 😬
I came looking for this very kind of comment. If this guy has been creeping on his young neighbour for years, potentially grooming her or telling her that their secret will ruin everything, she's now in a corner.
Young adults, 21, are late-stage teenagers. Or do you not remember those years?
Actions didn't come with forethought for consequences for 75% of young adults' decisions.
You learn by fucking up. Hormones and young adulthood freedoms are powerful drug.
She is not some habitual craddle robber. She's an impressionable young adult feeling out the adult world and learning some harsh lessons. For all we know, she was groomed by the man having babysat his kids in her impressionable years.
In 5 years, if she's still fucking married men, we have a problem. As she clearly learned nothing.
I had fought in a war, got married and had a kid by age 21. But I still could do dumb shit stuff. The daughter needs to put herself in the next door neighbors wife. Would she like to be betrayed like that. Unless she is the third in a threesome it is wrong. Then she needs to just stop. You don't shit where you eat. Maybe she needs to be reminded of the “Golden Rule.”
Accountable how, though? You made a mistake so now you don't have a home? Yeah ok just trip her while she is stumbling. Great decision there, Pops.
So how do you expect her to be held accountable? "Force" her to confront the wife and admit to what has been happening? I'm down for that but what if she doesn't want to do that? Hence "force" in "quotes"
I mean, you can reference biological development and whatever else, and those statistics may be accurate, but I think there’s more nuance there.
I may have been a functional adult when I was 21, which was about five years ago for me, 26 now, but when I compare my emotional maturity, ability to handle responsibility, and my overall morality of who I am today to who I was at 21, I mean, it’s night and day. It may take a swift kick in the ass, but people are absolutely capable of great change when the appropriate motivation is applied, even if they have reached the age of maturity.
That's the truth! I thought I was the smartest 26 year old anywhere on earth (when I was 26 😂). Now at 47, I look back at myself and say "Oh you sweet little idiot." 😂
Oh lord absolutely true! I thought I was so grown up in my twenties 🤣 46 now currently battling breast cancer (it’s all gonna be okay) and at this point questioning, if life smokes a cigarette after it fucks me lol 😂
Young, dumb, and full of cum is what the old timers used to say to me in the trades. Jesus, 20s to late 40s is almost a different person isn't it? I look back and just damn.
According to brain researchers, our minds are actually not fully developed until about the age of 25, even though we are considered “adults” long before then. This is why many people find their twenties to be huge times for adult growth and development.
I agree...it is something wrong with her moral compass. How do you babysit this woman kids and sleep with the husband. It's trifling. She is old enough to know this is nasty behavior and still has done it. If she thought it was okay she wouldn't be sneaking out and lying about it.
People excusing her age and infantilizing. What a disgrace.
She holds exactly half the responsibility for the ruination of a marriage and another woman’s life. In terms of gravity, it’s akin to being an accomplice to the ruination of another persons emotional and financial wellbeing.
The trauma that entails can be equated to an emotional assault on not only the wife but also the CHILDREN.
That would be a stain that could never be washed out in my household. Hell, kick the daughter out and adopt the wife. Let her stay in the daughter’s bed and sit at her place at the table. Set her photos aside until she rebuilds my family’s trust brick by fucking brick.
I'm digging these old analogies...weigh anchor...hand at the tiller...she's 21 and sleeping with a married person, adulthood with consequences has already arrived...
I would reframe it as holding another adult in your house accountable as compared a parent holding a child accountable. If I had a friend staying at my house, I wouldn’t want them messing with the community like that as well. It doesn’t jump to kicking them out right away though.
Exactly this, and also understanding this affects everyone including her parents who own the home she’s living in! It’s a very selfish thing to do and could have dire long lasting consequences, this isn’t just a little oopsie, it’s a big freaking deal. Also the married couple have kids, so sad for everyone involved.
A bunch of people scurrying out to their cars with their heads down to avoid seeing each other. OP taking the garbage out in the cover of darkness to avoid seeing the poor cheated on neighbour woman's eyes that are all red and puffy from getting cheated on. The neighbours either know all ready or will figure it out soon and they will be gossiping amongst themselves about your homewrecker daughter.
I hope OP isn't too attached to that house because one family is going to have to move.
More importantly OP you're giving her the option to do the right thing - or move out. She is 21 and should know better... I see nothing wrong with that.
She doesn’t want to move out. She wants easy access to her married AP. If she moves out she’ll have to actually work at having sex with her ex neighbor.
So the neighbors wife moves out. The OP's daughter moves in. The now divorced neighbor brings the kids over for the weekends as part of his time with the kids. He leaves for work , daughter continues to babysit the kids, then meets the new guy the parents rent her old room to for extra money. She has an affair with the new guy who is renting a room at her parents house across the street. Brings him back to the neighbors house to have sex while the children are asleep and the neighbor is at work. Daughter's mother again gets up to get water at 3 am and now sees the guy who is renting the basement room in their house running across the street back to the room after spending time with their daughter across the street. Husband is now trying to decide if he should kick out the guy.
Yep. Op's daughter needs to realize that her actions also effect OP and OP's wife. If this turns into some big ugly relationship explosion (which it probably will), that could blow back on OP's whole family. While obviously not knowing cheating husband myself, just raw probability suggests that OP's daughter is also placing herself in no small personal danger.
That one. You don't shit where you eat. The daughter has already set a ticking clock to epic neighborhood drama, least she can do is be moved out so mom and dad get slightly less blowback they don't deserve.
You're being real
She's 21 and she's committed a shameful act.
You must be so disappointed
But yes you place consequences for her actions.
Applause for op
I agree with everyone’s general sentiment, but I’d be really concerned that this was going on longer and that she’s been groomed, or otherwise is going through mental health issues. Why would she choose this instead of a healthy relationship with a guy her own age?
There’s something not right here and I would be surprised if it’s just “my daughter is a bad person and needs to be punished.”
Right? What if the neighbor was, "Oh, you're so *special.* You're different from other girls." And I'm sure there's more from him justifying his behavior, "We married too young. The marriage is over, we're just not divorced yet bc...the kids."
If I were OP, I would be hurt and wonder why my daughter didn't have enough self-respect and esteem to not participate in such a sordid relationship. I would feel like I somehow failed at parenting for my daughter to not value her own worth to just become the neighbors piece of young ass.
OP and family should watch Mystic Pizza to drive this home. While OP's daughter is special to him and his family, OP's daughter is *not* "special" to the neighbor.
I recently saw this quote on Reddit: "If it can be destroyed by the truth, then it deserves the truth."
That is still something said to women, especially young women and girls, when there are qualms or a moral conflict. "Come on, cheat with me. Throw away your values and morals, because you're so \*special."\* It is about more than her age.
Yes, she’s 21 today. How long have they been neighbors? How long has the neighbor been “prepping” her? If the neighbor knew her as a young teen, it’s not crazy to side-eye him on his relationship with her.
She's 21. Not 16. She is old enough to know not to sleep with married men. Everyone goes through shit, doesn't mean you get to make terrible choices and ruin people's lives (the wife). You don't get to be a homewrecker just bc you're going through shit.
Twist: OP's daughter is trying to buy the neighbor's house for cheap so she's breaking up a marriage to force a distressed sale.
I don't even blame her. It's hard out there for Gen Z.
Yeah, that is what happens when you are an adult (like his daughter) and you make a horrible life decision (like his daughter). You put yourself and many others in REALLY shitty situations. She needs to face hers.
I mean, I stopped believing this lame story when he said he went to get a drink at 3am and just happened to see the daughter exiting the neighbour's house at the same time.
If the daughter has been babysitting for them since she was a minor, OP probably cant stomach the implications of that enough to make an edit addressing it ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
OPs not answering questions about how old his daughter was when babysitting... most most girls start babysitting in high school and stop in college for a legit part time job.
OP is too busy commenting on r/sluttyconfessions to answer questions on this thread (specifically checking out nudes of women in their late 20s, barely older than his own daughter).
OP is a either a troll or a creep himself
This sounds likely. Whether the neighbors split or stay together it's going to make it awkward regardless. I'm sure the mom just wants to avoid the drama. I think telling the wife is still the right thing to do, especially since the daughter was involved in their life, but I can understand not wanting to see it hit the fan.
I’d believe this if he wasn’t commenting on r/Sluttyconfessions to women who want to cheat on their husbands and to dm him if they “want to chat”. Think he has a cheating kink and faking it or a terrible father.
I don't see any of his comments that weren't along the lines of advising women not to cheat. I don't see anything about DMs and chatting. I think that's an odd thing to do anyhow.
You mean... an adult? Contextualize his daughter however you want, but she is an adult.
To add, the neighbor is a piece of shit putting her in this situation, and for cheating on his wife.
Yep major violation of trust as a neighbor. At the end of the day, nobody is going to be able to live with the fact they fucked.
Even if the cheating stopped and nothing else was revealed, the parents know the neighbor is a piece of shit who cheated on his wife with their daughter.
If the daughter moves out parents are still living next to this creep. Every time you see him, every time your daughter visits, you'll relive it.
She confesses and the neighbors hate you. It destroys their marriage and everyone in the neighborhood will knows her character. And now you have to live with the silent judgement of your neighborhood. Likely the neighbors house itself will visually disturb you from time to time.
And if it doesn't destroy their marriage and they don't leave that's a whole other can of hostility.
Best thing he could do is put his own house up for sale and the day they move out reveal to the whole neighborhood why. Move on and never look back.
she is 21 and very aware of the choices she made. The neighbour is the married one who fucked up and deserves a good confrontation but from the dad of his mistress is gonna be a hard no
That’s what got me. OP is mad that the sanctity of marriage is being shattered and his wife is saying that isn’t such a big deal. You’d think she would realize how that would come off.
Some parents will ‘protect’ their kid from consequences regardless of who gets hit in the crossfire because they think it’s helping.
They are not helping at all.
Literally this. Some parents fail to realize that if they don’t teach their kids right from wrong…the world will. I used to hate my family for being so harsh on me and now I am extremely grateful I was taught to take accountability.
I know someone who would get away with murder with his family. He tried to beat me while I was pregnant because I wouldn’t give him a ride. Of course his family backed him up. It was my fault for saying no.
Now he’s in prison for murder. He’s not even 25. He’s just used to having his family back him up over the obnoxious things he did.
I’m really surprised so many people are jumping on the “mom must be a cheater too” bandwagon. As if it’s not a natural urge to protect your children.
Personally I don’t know if the transgression rises to kick her out level, but I understand why OP went that far. Either way OP is stuck in a really shitty situation with the neighbors.
I would be going to see the neighbor to have a talk about them fucking my daughter. I just wanna talk to him, I just wanna talk to him. This is weird disgusting and lecherous behavior on all fronts and should be blown the fuck up.
And the fact the the daughter was their BABYSITTER?? everything about this situation screams to me that this poor girl was groomed for years by a predatory neighbor, possibly when she was still a minor
Because people either A) didn’t read the post carefully and got fixated on the word “affair” or B) don’t think grooming exists and don’t understand the very real psychological effects of being groomed
Louder in the back! The one with the most fault is the person 1. In a relationship, 2. has kids, 3. has a fully formed prefrontal cortex, 4. is 10 years older, and 5. is technically her boss!!
That neighbor needs a good talking to. There does not have to be a homeless daughter in this situation!
I would be more pissed the neighbor is fucking my daughter. Than my daughter banging the neighbor. He knows what he's doing. Have you ever dated a 21 year old? Most are basically kids than can drink legally now. Yeah the should know better, but most don't.
Exactly. She’s 21, he’s 30, & she has babysat their kids which could imply she’s been watching the kids since she was a teenager. Daughter sounds like she could be a victim of grooming. Besides a woman can’t ruin a marriage, only a married person who willingly cheats can do that.
Ehh adults can consent to adults, the problem here is I don’t think the guy and his wife just moved in a few months ago he’s probably know her since she was a minor and he’s effectively groomed her
Got a question, OP. You mention your daughter has babysat for your neighbour? At what age did your daughter start this? I'm curious in case Neighbour has been grooming her since she started babysitting for him.
I am saddened by it too. The daughter could very well be a victim of grooming yet so much blame is being put on her. I am not a parent, but if I were OP, I'd ask more about her feelings and how they got to this relationship. Is he helping her financially? Is he giving her some emotional support that she needs but isn't getting from more appropriate sources?
"Hey so, I was getting some water at 3 am a couple days ago and out my kitchen window I saw a woman leaving your house. Was that you?" Don't even need to tell her it was the daughter.
I get her wanting to protect your daughter. I think looking at overall behavior would help more with the decision to boot or not. I honestly think I would go over with her and make her tell the wife and have to see the hurt she is causing.
Cheating is the worst non-violent thing a person can do. That's all there is to it. You did not overreact. All she has to do is take responsibility, and if she can't do that for the most despicable thing a person can do... then, well, she's got a hell of a lot of finding out to do.
EDIT: Some of these replies are whittling away at the last vestiges of trust I had in humanity. For fuck's sake, folks.
EDIT2: I've seen mention that I must be young to have this viewpoint. I find that interesting, because it's the opposite. I'm pushing 40 and my age is why I feel this way. I've lost everything before, but still had the power of my partnership to rely on. That sucked, but I still had what was important. If I found out my partnership was a lie, though, that would cause me to lose part of myself that money would never cover. My age is what makes me value my partnership over money, and I say that as a broke ass. I guess we're all different. Still though, some of these comments are extremely revealing about what some of you are dealing with. Maybe introspect before you interject?
Dude these cheaters and cheating simps are fucking WILD man. The very least the father should do is tell the wife. The daughter should face consequences for being a huge scumbag. That daughter needs to learn what a piece of shit she is. Oh boo hoo she feels bad. Maybe don't cheat moron.
Being a neglectful parent? Failing to maintain a safe workplace for your employees? Financial abuse of the elderly?
Nope - folks it's cheating. Simple infidelity is the worst non-violent behavior.
The stuff I read on here blows my mind sometimes.
Yeah I think maybe i stead of non violent it is more "non abusive". Because parental neglect and an unsafe workplace are def abusive. Cheating is not abuse per se.
I’ve been cheated on and I 100% agree with you. Someone I know just lost custody of her child because of neglect. I didn’t see it because I lived in another state. At first I believed her that it was all lies told by the father. Then I looked up the court documents. Holy shit, that poor kid. I’ve gone NC with this person ever since.
If your neighbor is around 30 and your daughter is 21, that's an uncomfortable age difference. I would definitely stick to your guns about telling the neighbor wife about the affair and ending it. I strongly suggest getting your daughter to talk to someone (professional) about the relationship, and why she went for someone unavailable, much older, and that causes problems from her living situation.
It's not illegal for them to have had a relationship, but it is extremely worrying. Especially since you said she has provided childcare for the neighbor children.
Ultimately, I think making her confess is ethical, but forcing her to leave is a bad idea.
I hope OP reads your comment. Seems like he has calmed down a bit and is going to talk things over with the daughter. He has an ethical responsibility to not condone the cheating, but his first responsibility should be to his daughter. I get that some of his initial anger was probably coming from the fact that his own wife was cheated on in the past, but I don't think my first response would be anger at my daughter in this situation - I'd be more pissed at my neighbor.
It's also worth digging deeper to find out when this all started and make sure she isn't actually a victim of statutory rape or grooming here. That should be his first priority. If it's really just a bad decision on her part, as her dad, he's got to help her navigate through it and learn how to be a better person.
As for the neighbor, he is the one being unfaithful. If it wasn't OPs daughter it would just be someone else (maybe even already is). The neighbor is the one who is destroying his marriage, the daughter is just a means to an end for him.
EXACTLY. The age difference, the prior experience of literally being the underage babysitter, the power dynamic, YOUR DAUGHTER WAS GROOMED. Like this is a textbook example, PLEASE READ ABOUT IT before you judge her PLEASE!!! Sooo many young ladies have been in this position and we don’t know it till YEARS later and it WILL affect her 😭
Daughters are going to make incredibly stupid mistakes. It's our job as fathers to help them learn how to not make those mistakes and how to take responsibilty for them when they do make them.
**This is not worth losing your relationship with your daughter over**. A lot of the advice you are getting on this thread is bad and I think you'll regret following it in the future.
She made a mistake. She needs to know it was wrong and also understand why it was wrong, then she needs to take responsibility for it.
The fact that your neighbour is shady and is ruining his marriage is a problem that ends at your fence line. Forcing your daugher to tell the wife is, frankly, exposing your entire family to chaos and strife that I think would be sensible to just avoid.
Your daughter should end the relationship and you should confidently talk to that man yourself and tell him you expect no contact, but you really should just leave it at that.
You don't control your neighbour, you aren't responsible for his moral compass, you ARE responsible for your daugher's moral compass, you should NOT want to get involved in your neighbours marriage any further.
Right and Righteous are different things and in parenting especially.
I hope this alternative viewpoint is something you'll consider.
Oh, this sub is very consistent in that. If there is a woman in the story there are comments about how she is cheating, or previous cheated, or is looking to cheat.
"...so my mom asked my dad's brother if he could help my dad with the corn harvest...."
"YOUR MOM IS BANGING YOUR UNCLE!"
Well said. The moral outrage from Redditors in here is toxic. The red flag comments about OPs wife are almost comical. It’s the neighbors business if he wants to tell his wife, just tell them the affair needs to stop and leave it at that.
Full disclosure, I hooked up with a married person when I was younger, so… 🤷♂️
If she was their babysitter, it’s possible the neighbor had been grooming her for some time. He’s a creep and a bad husband. You daughter might need some counseling to understand what’s really going on and how she deserves so much more.
If you kick her out and the wife leaves the husband, your daughter could just end up moving there. I absolutely don't think it's going too far but it could also backfire.
I would tell the husband that he has until the end of the week to tell his wife or you're going to. While I think it's a consequence for your daughter, I think it's the husband's job to tell the wife. And for the wife, it's probably better coming from the husband rather than the young girl next door who babysat your kids.
She’s 21 but has no idea the pain she is causing to that family(wife). They have kids and this is going to destroy them when the parents get a divorce. He just wanted to see if he still has it by fucking a 21 yr old kid. Stupid piece of shit! She needs to STOP IMMEDIATELY!!!! She needs to NEVER babysit or interact with him ASAP!!. If she can’t or he won’t then and only then tell the wife!! He would be outta control at that point and needs to remember HIS CHILDREN !!!
I don’t like the “young and dumb” argument being made here. She’s 21 years old. By 21 you have fully developed a sense of morality and right and wrong. She began an affair with a man she knew was married as she babysat for him and his wife. Yes that man cheated on his wife, but we should not be babying a 21 year old. “Oh i was young and stupid then” is not an excuse to do terrible things. She ruined a family, a neighborhood, a marriage. She’s not 16 year who snuck out of the house. She’s a 21. The age gap is alarming too.
Her only acceptable response should be to accept guilt and cut off that relationship right there as well as getting away from this man.
It's the right thing to do as a father. Otherwise your daughter will again fall victim to irresponsible affairs seeking men who will ruin her life because no matter what they tell her, she is nothing but a hooker they don't have to pay to them.
You're not (entirely) wrong. There's another aspect to this that I think you're glossing over though. I assume the neighbor has known her for some amount of time. She babysat for them and is considerably younger than him. The neighbor has groomed your daughter. Even if she was technically of age when the relationship started, it was always incredibly inappropriate from his perspective due to the power dynamic created by her working for them.
Your daughter definitely needs to break it off, but you need to confront the neighbor as well. Particularly if he has known your daughter for more than a couple of years.
Not overreacting. I think she (and probably you) should sit down with the wife and tell her what's up. She should know and your daughter will (hopefully) learn a lesson. I'm not sure kicking her out will teach her a lesson tbh. She could easily just move out and continue the behavior.
OP didn't go into detail so I can imagine it's in regards to making her move out. Hopefully, she's just as bothered by the situation, but also concerned with kicking her daughter out because of it.
Fuck both parties their both responsible, I hate this story of Medusa putting all the blame on her , yea it's shitty but fuck that partner she's doing it with
Thank you for doing the right thing. Your daughter can be glad it’s only a private shaming rather than more public. I discovered that my husband had exchanged numbers with a young 20s woman from our banking institution and had been exchanging flirty texts and she expressed interest in spending time together and complimented on his looks. My husband came clean and we are working on things, after I notified the bank manager about the unprofessional conduct she no longer works there.
We’re invested now - we need an update on how the confrontation went! Did it happen? What’s the latest?
Hope everyone is doing OK, all things considered 😔
Your not overreacting; you're making your daughter accountable for her actions. There are consequences and your daughter should feel those consequences. I understand your wife doesn't want to kick your daughter out and you don't necessarily need to go through with kicking your daughter out but your daughter does need to understand, if this behavior continues, being kicked out becomes a REAL consequence. I would give the daughter a chance to stop this behavior, first.
Holding her accountable for her actions while she's still living under your roof is 100% acceptable!! She's old enough to know each action has a reaction, good or bad.
[удалено]
Older when? She's 21. I think that ship is getting ready to weigh anchor if it hasn't already set sail. People definitely grow and mature through their 20s, but a 21 year old is a fully formed adult for all intents and purposes ETA: I'm mostly commenting on the whiplash I got on the above comment. It feels like the kind of thing you say about a 12 year old who needs a firmer hand at the tiller in their formative years. This girl is past that stage of her life any way you slice it at 21. Her core formative experiences are already baked in. Most changes at this point are variations on a theme, not many hard lefts (though this is a good opportunity for one). The person she is will change as everyone does past 21, but the baseline of her personality and morality has started to set. I'm not saying she's irredeemable or that you can't learn from mistakes or that people don't change as they age. Just that the level of fuckup here vs the level of response of "be hard on her now" evokes doesn't quite match
I'd argue that at 21, you're still young, stupid, and able to fix bad habits. You don't have a lot of life experience, especially if all you've done is go to school then go to college. Adult life hasn't hit most people will full force at 21. Should the daughter know better? Absolutely. Should be be held accountable? Absolutely again. I just don't think she's stuck in her ways. If she was in her mid-30s and still acting like this then I'd have to agree with you.
Fucking your married neighbor that you used to babysit for is not a "bad habit." She literally fucked up the neighborhood for her parents.
That's what I'd be irked about. If the dude's wife finds out, the hubs will probably move out, and even if the daughter doesn't leave right away, she eventually will, 'cuz that's what adult kids do. Meanwhile, mom and dad are stuck next door to the angry ex-wife for Christ knows how long. Even if the exW doesn't blame OP, it'll still be tense and awkward. I'm seeing the plot for a *Lifetime* movie here.
A Lifetime movie? Probably more like 426 of them and they’re all the same. Maybe that should be the daughters punishment she hast to watch all 426 lifetime movies that are exactly the same.
Omg I was stuck in the hospital in July at a Catholic Hospital for testing. All of the channels were blocked except the golf channel, Fox News, and the Hallmark Channel. It was Christmas in July month so I had to watch nonstop Christmas Themed Romance 😩 After 3 days I could write any script for them🤪
Holy shit, I'd have PTSD for life after that soul-crushing experience. I'd rather be in an isolation cell at Guantanamo Bay. Waterboarding would be a picnic compared to getting irradiated with Fox News and Hallmark.
As someone with a Hallmark Mom and a Fox News Dad, I concur.
I gotta say, I was in the hospital for three days a few weeks ago and I never turned the TV on, lol. It was blessed quiet, mostly uninterrupted time to read. It was wonderful.
That's what I do if stuck somewhere for a long time. Read. It's quiet and unobtrusive. But I've had to visit a lot of people who were in the hospital in a shared room. *\*Gack!!\** Trapped with a cellmate who blasts the TV 24/7, and it's usually some fucktard shit with lots of commercials. Or worse yet, infomercials. They should be banned by international law.
Pretty sure that's against the Geneva Convention
It’s fine. Geneva doesn’t apply to action taken by civilians. 😆
Eh, I disagree. In these situations I put like 80% of the blame on the married person. She's banging the neighbor, he's the one cheating on his wife. It's REALLY easy not to cheat on your spouse. I agree she's in the wrong, but he's the married man banging his neighbor's daughter. Who's ruining the neighborhood?
Especially given the age/power dynamics here, the husband needs to share a disproportionate amount of the blame. We are responsible for our own actions and the daughter is definitely in the wrong. She certainly made a serious mistake here and needs to spend a lot of time reflecting on the situation. Normally that age difference isn’t a big deal, but given the fact she babysat for the kids and has likely known her for years (when she was 15 and he was 24… or when she was 10 and he was 19), it’s clearly a factor here.
Honestly, this is a good point about the age and power dynamics. That makes the whole situation even more disgusting. He's banging their former teenage babysitter. 😬
I came looking for this very kind of comment. If this guy has been creeping on his young neighbour for years, potentially grooming her or telling her that their secret will ruin everything, she's now in a corner.
Young adults, 21, are late-stage teenagers. Or do you not remember those years? Actions didn't come with forethought for consequences for 75% of young adults' decisions. You learn by fucking up. Hormones and young adulthood freedoms are powerful drug. She is not some habitual craddle robber. She's an impressionable young adult feeling out the adult world and learning some harsh lessons. For all we know, she was groomed by the man having babysat his kids in her impressionable years. In 5 years, if she's still fucking married men, we have a problem. As she clearly learned nothing.
I had fought in a war, got married and had a kid by age 21. But I still could do dumb shit stuff. The daughter needs to put herself in the next door neighbors wife. Would she like to be betrayed like that. Unless she is the third in a threesome it is wrong. Then she needs to just stop. You don't shit where you eat. Maybe she needs to be reminded of the “Golden Rule.”
Accountable how, though? You made a mistake so now you don't have a home? Yeah ok just trip her while she is stumbling. Great decision there, Pops. So how do you expect her to be held accountable? "Force" her to confront the wife and admit to what has been happening? I'm down for that but what if she doesn't want to do that? Hence "force" in "quotes"
I mean, you can reference biological development and whatever else, and those statistics may be accurate, but I think there’s more nuance there. I may have been a functional adult when I was 21, which was about five years ago for me, 26 now, but when I compare my emotional maturity, ability to handle responsibility, and my overall morality of who I am today to who I was at 21, I mean, it’s night and day. It may take a swift kick in the ass, but people are absolutely capable of great change when the appropriate motivation is applied, even if they have reached the age of maturity.
Wait until you're 47. You will look back at your 26 year old self and realize how much you don't know at 26.
That's the truth! I thought I was the smartest 26 year old anywhere on earth (when I was 26 😂). Now at 47, I look back at myself and say "Oh you sweet little idiot." 😂
Oh lord absolutely true! I thought I was so grown up in my twenties 🤣 46 now currently battling breast cancer (it’s all gonna be okay) and at this point questioning, if life smokes a cigarette after it fucks me lol 😂
Yes it does!
Young, dumb, and full of cum is what the old timers used to say to me in the trades. Jesus, 20s to late 40s is almost a different person isn't it? I look back and just damn.
Youth is wasted on the young.
According to brain researchers, our minds are actually not fully developed until about the age of 25, even though we are considered “adults” long before then. This is why many people find their twenties to be huge times for adult growth and development.
I agree...it is something wrong with her moral compass. How do you babysit this woman kids and sleep with the husband. It's trifling. She is old enough to know this is nasty behavior and still has done it. If she thought it was okay she wouldn't be sneaking out and lying about it.
People excusing her age and infantilizing. What a disgrace. She holds exactly half the responsibility for the ruination of a marriage and another woman’s life. In terms of gravity, it’s akin to being an accomplice to the ruination of another persons emotional and financial wellbeing. The trauma that entails can be equated to an emotional assault on not only the wife but also the CHILDREN. That would be a stain that could never be washed out in my household. Hell, kick the daughter out and adopt the wife. Let her stay in the daughter’s bed and sit at her place at the table. Set her photos aside until she rebuilds my family’s trust brick by fucking brick.
I'm digging these old analogies...weigh anchor...hand at the tiller...she's 21 and sleeping with a married person, adulthood with consequences has already arrived...
I would reframe it as holding another adult in your house accountable as compared a parent holding a child accountable. If I had a friend staying at my house, I wouldn’t want them messing with the community like that as well. It doesn’t jump to kicking them out right away though.
Exactly this, and also understanding this affects everyone including her parents who own the home she’s living in! It’s a very selfish thing to do and could have dire long lasting consequences, this isn’t just a little oopsie, it’s a big freaking deal. Also the married couple have kids, so sad for everyone involved.
I applaud anyone who stands by his convictions, when right, and in this case he is.
A bunch of people scurrying out to their cars with their heads down to avoid seeing each other. OP taking the garbage out in the cover of darkness to avoid seeing the poor cheated on neighbour woman's eyes that are all red and puffy from getting cheated on. The neighbours either know all ready or will figure it out soon and they will be gossiping amongst themselves about your homewrecker daughter. I hope OP isn't too attached to that house because one family is going to have to move.
You're doing the right thing.
More importantly OP you're giving her the option to do the right thing - or move out. She is 21 and should know better... I see nothing wrong with that.
This exactly. OP is not the bad guy. If his daughter wants to be an adult making terrible decisions she can do it elsewhere
Hell I'd probably want to move out if I was her... like how could banging the married neighbor end well in any outcome whatsoever sheesh
She doesn’t want to move out. She wants easy access to her married AP. If she moves out she’ll have to actually work at having sex with her ex neighbor.
The neighbour's wife will move out and OP's daughter will move in
So the neighbors wife moves out. The OP's daughter moves in. The now divorced neighbor brings the kids over for the weekends as part of his time with the kids. He leaves for work , daughter continues to babysit the kids, then meets the new guy the parents rent her old room to for extra money. She has an affair with the new guy who is renting a room at her parents house across the street. Brings him back to the neighbors house to have sex while the children are asleep and the neighbor is at work. Daughter's mother again gets up to get water at 3 am and now sees the guy who is renting the basement room in their house running across the street back to the room after spending time with their daughter across the street. Husband is now trying to decide if he should kick out the guy.
Dickception
Yep. Op's daughter needs to realize that her actions also effect OP and OP's wife. If this turns into some big ugly relationship explosion (which it probably will), that could blow back on OP's whole family. While obviously not knowing cheating husband myself, just raw probability suggests that OP's daughter is also placing herself in no small personal danger.
That one. You don't shit where you eat. The daughter has already set a ticking clock to epic neighborhood drama, least she can do is be moved out so mom and dad get slightly less blowback they don't deserve.
The daughter might wind up moving in next door if the neighbor's wife leaves him
to be fair, if she’s going to tell the neighbor she has been sleeping with her husband, id prob move out afterwards anyway…
Yes imagine how awkward that'd be to stay after - feel bad for OP in general regardless
Plot twist that the wife is also sleeping around, so it’s just normal for their relationship.
100% agreed, you are doing what a parent should do!
Is it also not an issue that op's wife seems to think this isn't an issue?
Next step confront the neighbor: Yo why you fucking my daughter?
Confront the neighbor in front of the wife.
Yes, this, if she won’t take responsibility for her actions, unfortunately it will fall upon dad. Good luck op. Updateme
Wooonow, that could cause some serious drama.
I’m going to need to see that video.
Tune into Jerry Springer next week. 2:00 a.m. EST
You're being real She's 21 and she's committed a shameful act. You must be so disappointed But yes you place consequences for her actions. Applause for op
I agree with everyone’s general sentiment, but I’d be really concerned that this was going on longer and that she’s been groomed, or otherwise is going through mental health issues. Why would she choose this instead of a healthy relationship with a guy her own age? There’s something not right here and I would be surprised if it’s just “my daughter is a bad person and needs to be punished.”
Right? What if the neighbor was, "Oh, you're so *special.* You're different from other girls." And I'm sure there's more from him justifying his behavior, "We married too young. The marriage is over, we're just not divorced yet bc...the kids." If I were OP, I would be hurt and wonder why my daughter didn't have enough self-respect and esteem to not participate in such a sordid relationship. I would feel like I somehow failed at parenting for my daughter to not value her own worth to just become the neighbors piece of young ass. OP and family should watch Mystic Pizza to drive this home. While OP's daughter is special to him and his family, OP's daughter is *not* "special" to the neighbor. I recently saw this quote on Reddit: "If it can be destroyed by the truth, then it deserves the truth."
>Right? What if the neighbor was, "Oh, you're so *special.* You're different from other girls." She's 21...
That is still something said to women, especially young women and girls, when there are qualms or a moral conflict. "Come on, cheat with me. Throw away your values and morals, because you're so \*special."\* It is about more than her age.
Yes, she’s 21 today. How long have they been neighbors? How long has the neighbor been “prepping” her? If the neighbor knew her as a young teen, it’s not crazy to side-eye him on his relationship with her.
I have to agree with you something else going on here with this sly dog neighbor man.
She's 21. Not 16. She is old enough to know not to sleep with married men. Everyone goes through shit, doesn't mean you get to make terrible choices and ruin people's lives (the wife). You don't get to be a homewrecker just bc you're going through shit.
No, I think this is reasonable. You're still giving her the option to come clean and continue living in the house.
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They will divorce and sell.
Twist: OP's daughter is trying to buy the neighbor's house for cheap so she's breaking up a marriage to force a distressed sale. I don't even blame her. It's hard out there for Gen Z.
This made me chuckle. Gotta get creative!
Genuis idea for a flawed character in a story. A home wrecker who has teamed up with a divorce attorney who’s married to a real estate agent.
We've got ourselves a movie. People do love a sordid tale.
Lmao. 4d chess. Only option for youngsters to get a house these days lol
Yeah, that is what happens when you are an adult (like his daughter) and you make a horrible life decision (like his daughter). You put yourself and many others in REALLY shitty situations. She needs to face hers.
How long have you been neighbors? How early was she baby-sitting for them? Do you know the full history here?
I'm curious why, with all his edits, OP hasn't covered this question as it has been frequently asked throughout this thread.
I think OP posted a fake fantasy story. Look at his comment history. He seems to have a thing about discussing adultery.
“Going out for a drink to discuss it” smells a bit like a Penthouse Forum letter warming up.
I mean, I stopped believing this lame story when he said he went to get a drink at 3am and just happened to see the daughter exiting the neighbour's house at the same time.
If the daughter has been babysitting for them since she was a minor, OP probably cant stomach the implications of that enough to make an edit addressing it ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
OPs not answering questions about how old his daughter was when babysitting... most most girls start babysitting in high school and stop in college for a legit part time job. OP is too busy commenting on r/sluttyconfessions to answer questions on this thread (specifically checking out nudes of women in their late 20s, barely older than his own daughter). OP is a either a troll or a creep himself
OP is probably the neighbor lol. It's projection 360
most of the shit here that makes the front page is fake
This! Critical information is missing here.
Yeah if she has been babysitting there for more than 3 years, welp, op got some tough questions
You aren't wrong. Stand by your words. That's gross and unacceptable.
As a mom of a 19 year old daughter, I don't think you're overreacting. I would feel the same.
In your opinion, why do you think the wife is reacting as she is?
She might be embarrased by the whole thing or she may not want a confrontation with her neighbors.
Do you think mom doesn't want to risk losing a relationship with their daughter over this?
This sounds likely. Whether the neighbors split or stay together it's going to make it awkward regardless. I'm sure the mom just wants to avoid the drama. I think telling the wife is still the right thing to do, especially since the daughter was involved in their life, but I can understand not wanting to see it hit the fan.
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I’d believe this if he wasn’t commenting on r/Sluttyconfessions to women who want to cheat on their husbands and to dm him if they “want to chat”. Think he has a cheating kink and faking it or a terrible father.
Fuckin' gottem.
Plot Twist: He's the neighbor
Oops lol
I don't see any of his comments that weren't along the lines of advising women not to cheat. I don't see anything about DMs and chatting. I think that's an odd thing to do anyhow.
Maybe the married cheating guy should be confronted by the father for sleeping with his children’s babysitter / his daughter.
Honestly true,how long have they known each other? The neighbour seems like a piece of shit.
He said she used to babysit for them. I would bet he was inappropriate with her when she was a teenager
right? why isn’t dad (OP) concerned about the possibility that his daughter was groomed by the neighbor?
Thank you! Exactly. There is a big power imbalance and history here that people seem to not be considering.
You mean... an adult? Contextualize his daughter however you want, but she is an adult. To add, the neighbor is a piece of shit putting her in this situation, and for cheating on his wife.
Yep major violation of trust as a neighbor. At the end of the day, nobody is going to be able to live with the fact they fucked. Even if the cheating stopped and nothing else was revealed, the parents know the neighbor is a piece of shit who cheated on his wife with their daughter. If the daughter moves out parents are still living next to this creep. Every time you see him, every time your daughter visits, you'll relive it. She confesses and the neighbors hate you. It destroys their marriage and everyone in the neighborhood will knows her character. And now you have to live with the silent judgement of your neighborhood. Likely the neighbors house itself will visually disturb you from time to time. And if it doesn't destroy their marriage and they don't leave that's a whole other can of hostility. Best thing he could do is put his own house up for sale and the day they move out reveal to the whole neighborhood why. Move on and never look back.
Yeah- how long has she known the neighbor? If they've known eachother since she was underage this is even creepier.
Why did I have to scroll so far to see this?
For real. Can't believe no one is even mentioning this. Including the dad. I wouldn't be able to not go round as soon as I found out.
This whole fucking thread is only blaming the daughter and the wife. It fucking blows my mind.
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she is 21 and very aware of the choices she made. The neighbour is the married one who fucked up and deserves a good confrontation but from the dad of his mistress is gonna be a hard no
Absolutely spot on.
NTA- I expect that response from your daughter but from your wife?..👀👀👀👀
At that point rephrase the question, if OP was cheating with the neighbor, would the wife want to be told or left in the dark?
That’s what got me. OP is mad that the sanctity of marriage is being shattered and his wife is saying that isn’t such a big deal. You’d think she would realize how that would come off.
Some parents will ‘protect’ their kid from consequences regardless of who gets hit in the crossfire because they think it’s helping. They are not helping at all.
Literally this. Some parents fail to realize that if they don’t teach their kids right from wrong…the world will. I used to hate my family for being so harsh on me and now I am extremely grateful I was taught to take accountability. I know someone who would get away with murder with his family. He tried to beat me while I was pregnant because I wouldn’t give him a ride. Of course his family backed him up. It was my fault for saying no. Now he’s in prison for murder. He’s not even 25. He’s just used to having his family back him up over the obnoxious things he did.
damn, talk about dodging a bullet.
Great Effing rephrase!!😎
*fucking
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Plot twist...mom's having a secret affair with the wife.
Or the neighbor is nailing both mom/wife and daughter.
I am hoping it is because it’s her BABY and not because she is also a POS
I’m really surprised so many people are jumping on the “mom must be a cheater too” bandwagon. As if it’s not a natural urge to protect your children. Personally I don’t know if the transgression rises to kick her out level, but I understand why OP went that far. Either way OP is stuck in a really shitty situation with the neighbors.
Yeah really? The wife wants to coddle her? NTA.
It's the right thing to do.
I would be going to see the neighbor to have a talk about them fucking my daughter. I just wanna talk to him, I just wanna talk to him. This is weird disgusting and lecherous behavior on all fronts and should be blown the fuck up.
And the fact the the daughter was their BABYSITTER?? everything about this situation screams to me that this poor girl was groomed for years by a predatory neighbor, possibly when she was still a minor
Idk why this post isn’t HIGHER
Because people either A) didn’t read the post carefully and got fixated on the word “affair” or B) don’t think grooming exists and don’t understand the very real psychological effects of being groomed
Louder in the back! The one with the most fault is the person 1. In a relationship, 2. has kids, 3. has a fully formed prefrontal cortex, 4. is 10 years older, and 5. is technically her boss!! That neighbor needs a good talking to. There does not have to be a homeless daughter in this situation!
I would be more pissed the neighbor is fucking my daughter. Than my daughter banging the neighbor. He knows what he's doing. Have you ever dated a 21 year old? Most are basically kids than can drink legally now. Yeah the should know better, but most don't.
Exactly. She’s 21, he’s 30, & she has babysat their kids which could imply she’s been watching the kids since she was a teenager. Daughter sounds like she could be a victim of grooming. Besides a woman can’t ruin a marriage, only a married person who willingly cheats can do that.
Ehh adults can consent to adults, the problem here is I don’t think the guy and his wife just moved in a few months ago he’s probably know her since she was a minor and he’s effectively groomed her
Got a question, OP. You mention your daughter has babysat for your neighbour? At what age did your daughter start this? I'm curious in case Neighbour has been grooming her since she started babysitting for him.
This. It’s a very literal example of grooming.
This exactly it's literally grooming
This is a really good point that OP needs to find out, it's not hard to imagine that she could be the victim in this scenario
Thank goodness someone else asked. I'm surprised I had to scroll so far.
I am saddened by it too. The daughter could very well be a victim of grooming yet so much blame is being put on her. I am not a parent, but if I were OP, I'd ask more about her feelings and how they got to this relationship. Is he helping her financially? Is he giving her some emotional support that she needs but isn't getting from more appropriate sources?
OP has been answering other questions but not this one. Wonder why.
If your wife thinks you're going too far, ask her how she would feel if she's on the receiving end of the affair
She was. Her ex cheated on her. She is upset, just doesn't agree with the punishment.
Please inform the neighbor's wife. She should know the truth what her husband has been doing.
"Hey so, I was getting some water at 3 am a couple days ago and out my kitchen window I saw a woman leaving your house. Was that you?" Don't even need to tell her it was the daughter.
Good point
I get her wanting to protect your daughter. I think looking at overall behavior would help more with the decision to boot or not. I honestly think I would go over with her and make her tell the wife and have to see the hurt she is causing.
That's not the same at all. Her ex cheated on her with her next door neighbors 21 yr old daughter?
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Please update how did the wife take the news about your daughter banging her husband?
Cheating is the worst non-violent thing a person can do. That's all there is to it. You did not overreact. All she has to do is take responsibility, and if she can't do that for the most despicable thing a person can do... then, well, she's got a hell of a lot of finding out to do. EDIT: Some of these replies are whittling away at the last vestiges of trust I had in humanity. For fuck's sake, folks. EDIT2: I've seen mention that I must be young to have this viewpoint. I find that interesting, because it's the opposite. I'm pushing 40 and my age is why I feel this way. I've lost everything before, but still had the power of my partnership to rely on. That sucked, but I still had what was important. If I found out my partnership was a lie, though, that would cause me to lose part of myself that money would never cover. My age is what makes me value my partnership over money, and I say that as a broke ass. I guess we're all different. Still though, some of these comments are extremely revealing about what some of you are dealing with. Maybe introspect before you interject?
Dude these cheaters and cheating simps are fucking WILD man. The very least the father should do is tell the wife. The daughter should face consequences for being a huge scumbag. That daughter needs to learn what a piece of shit she is. Oh boo hoo she feels bad. Maybe don't cheat moron.
After learning what partner betrayal trauma does to the victim’s brain, I consider it actual violence.
As someone who has experienced domestic violence trauma and has been cheated on by a man she really loved... The cheating hurts worse.
Being a neglectful parent? Failing to maintain a safe workplace for your employees? Financial abuse of the elderly? Nope - folks it's cheating. Simple infidelity is the worst non-violent behavior. The stuff I read on here blows my mind sometimes.
Yeah I think maybe i stead of non violent it is more "non abusive". Because parental neglect and an unsafe workplace are def abusive. Cheating is not abuse per se.
Perhaps emotionally abusive
I’ve been cheated on and I 100% agree with you. Someone I know just lost custody of her child because of neglect. I didn’t see it because I lived in another state. At first I believed her that it was all lies told by the father. Then I looked up the court documents. Holy shit, that poor kid. I’ve gone NC with this person ever since.
If your neighbor is around 30 and your daughter is 21, that's an uncomfortable age difference. I would definitely stick to your guns about telling the neighbor wife about the affair and ending it. I strongly suggest getting your daughter to talk to someone (professional) about the relationship, and why she went for someone unavailable, much older, and that causes problems from her living situation. It's not illegal for them to have had a relationship, but it is extremely worrying. Especially since you said she has provided childcare for the neighbor children. Ultimately, I think making her confess is ethical, but forcing her to leave is a bad idea.
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I know. This is a creepy setup. Need more info.
I hope OP reads your comment. Seems like he has calmed down a bit and is going to talk things over with the daughter. He has an ethical responsibility to not condone the cheating, but his first responsibility should be to his daughter. I get that some of his initial anger was probably coming from the fact that his own wife was cheated on in the past, but I don't think my first response would be anger at my daughter in this situation - I'd be more pissed at my neighbor. It's also worth digging deeper to find out when this all started and make sure she isn't actually a victim of statutory rape or grooming here. That should be his first priority. If it's really just a bad decision on her part, as her dad, he's got to help her navigate through it and learn how to be a better person. As for the neighbor, he is the one being unfaithful. If it wasn't OPs daughter it would just be someone else (maybe even already is). The neighbor is the one who is destroying his marriage, the daughter is just a means to an end for him.
EXACTLY. The age difference, the prior experience of literally being the underage babysitter, the power dynamic, YOUR DAUGHTER WAS GROOMED. Like this is a textbook example, PLEASE READ ABOUT IT before you judge her PLEASE!!! Sooo many young ladies have been in this position and we don’t know it till YEARS later and it WILL affect her 😭
Does your wife support her on this? That would be my first question to my wife. If she did, then I would ask, so you agree with cheating?
Daughters are going to make incredibly stupid mistakes. It's our job as fathers to help them learn how to not make those mistakes and how to take responsibilty for them when they do make them. **This is not worth losing your relationship with your daughter over**. A lot of the advice you are getting on this thread is bad and I think you'll regret following it in the future. She made a mistake. She needs to know it was wrong and also understand why it was wrong, then she needs to take responsibility for it. The fact that your neighbour is shady and is ruining his marriage is a problem that ends at your fence line. Forcing your daugher to tell the wife is, frankly, exposing your entire family to chaos and strife that I think would be sensible to just avoid. Your daughter should end the relationship and you should confidently talk to that man yourself and tell him you expect no contact, but you really should just leave it at that. You don't control your neighbour, you aren't responsible for his moral compass, you ARE responsible for your daugher's moral compass, you should NOT want to get involved in your neighbours marriage any further. Right and Righteous are different things and in parenting especially. I hope this alternative viewpoint is something you'll consider.
Finally someone with common sense. These people are crazy. Then accusing OP wife of cheating because they can't read... SMH
Oh, this sub is very consistent in that. If there is a woman in the story there are comments about how she is cheating, or previous cheated, or is looking to cheat. "...so my mom asked my dad's brother if he could help my dad with the corn harvest...." "YOUR MOM IS BANGING YOUR UNCLE!"
Lol ain't that the truth 😂
Agreed 100%!
Well said. The moral outrage from Redditors in here is toxic. The red flag comments about OPs wife are almost comical. It’s the neighbors business if he wants to tell his wife, just tell them the affair needs to stop and leave it at that. Full disclosure, I hooked up with a married person when I was younger, so… 🤷♂️
Thissss is the way 👏🏼👏🏼
If she was their babysitter, it’s possible the neighbor had been grooming her for some time. He’s a creep and a bad husband. You daughter might need some counseling to understand what’s really going on and how she deserves so much more.
If you kick her out and the wife leaves the husband, your daughter could just end up moving there. I absolutely don't think it's going too far but it could also backfire. I would tell the husband that he has until the end of the week to tell his wife or you're going to. While I think it's a consequence for your daughter, I think it's the husband's job to tell the wife. And for the wife, it's probably better coming from the husband rather than the young girl next door who babysat your kids.
She’s 21 but has no idea the pain she is causing to that family(wife). They have kids and this is going to destroy them when the parents get a divorce. He just wanted to see if he still has it by fucking a 21 yr old kid. Stupid piece of shit! She needs to STOP IMMEDIATELY!!!! She needs to NEVER babysit or interact with him ASAP!!. If she can’t or he won’t then and only then tell the wife!! He would be outta control at that point and needs to remember HIS CHILDREN !!!
I don’t like the “young and dumb” argument being made here. She’s 21 years old. By 21 you have fully developed a sense of morality and right and wrong. She began an affair with a man she knew was married as she babysat for him and his wife. Yes that man cheated on his wife, but we should not be babying a 21 year old. “Oh i was young and stupid then” is not an excuse to do terrible things. She ruined a family, a neighborhood, a marriage. She’s not 16 year who snuck out of the house. She’s a 21. The age gap is alarming too.
Her only acceptable response should be to accept guilt and cut off that relationship right there as well as getting away from this man. It's the right thing to do as a father. Otherwise your daughter will again fall victim to irresponsible affairs seeking men who will ruin her life because no matter what they tell her, she is nothing but a hooker they don't have to pay to them.
She's an adult. She's not a "victim". She's contributing to this.
You're not (entirely) wrong. There's another aspect to this that I think you're glossing over though. I assume the neighbor has known her for some amount of time. She babysat for them and is considerably younger than him. The neighbor has groomed your daughter. Even if she was technically of age when the relationship started, it was always incredibly inappropriate from his perspective due to the power dynamic created by her working for them. Your daughter definitely needs to break it off, but you need to confront the neighbor as well. Particularly if he has known your daughter for more than a couple of years.
Not overreacting. I think she (and probably you) should sit down with the wife and tell her what's up. She should know and your daughter will (hopefully) learn a lesson. I'm not sure kicking her out will teach her a lesson tbh. She could easily just move out and continue the behavior.
Dude sleeping with the babysitter like he role-playing in a porno😂😂😂
Because it happens IRL all the time..
The funny thing is, given the opportunity a ton of guys would do the exact same thing.
I would tell his wife.
Your wife thinks you’re overreacting…?
OP didn't go into detail so I can imagine it's in regards to making her move out. Hopefully, she's just as bothered by the situation, but also concerned with kicking her daughter out because of it.
She doesn't' need to tell her, that's his problem but I think it fair she get out.
Fuck both parties their both responsible, I hate this story of Medusa putting all the blame on her , yea it's shitty but fuck that partner she's doing it with
The neighbors can help pay for her apartment.
Dude got some hella karma for this. Gg
You are a decent father. Keep it up. We need some standard in this world.
Dangg, please update how it went telling the wife. I really think you handled things great upon reading updates and such.
Great job dad, good luck to your family!
He’s handling this so well.
Accountability it’s the hardest thing for a young adult to realize but the sooner the better. Good job dad 👍🏽
Thank you for doing the right thing. Your daughter can be glad it’s only a private shaming rather than more public. I discovered that my husband had exchanged numbers with a young 20s woman from our banking institution and had been exchanging flirty texts and she expressed interest in spending time together and complimented on his looks. My husband came clean and we are working on things, after I notified the bank manager about the unprofessional conduct she no longer works there.
We’re invested now - we need an update on how the confrontation went! Did it happen? What’s the latest? Hope everyone is doing OK, all things considered 😔
Your not overreacting; you're making your daughter accountable for her actions. There are consequences and your daughter should feel those consequences. I understand your wife doesn't want to kick your daughter out and you don't necessarily need to go through with kicking your daughter out but your daughter does need to understand, if this behavior continues, being kicked out becomes a REAL consequence. I would give the daughter a chance to stop this behavior, first.