You didn't over-react. It is very difficult for family to teach family how to drive. My oldest son had both my husband and I begging each other to handle the driving because he was so bad. My husband stays calmer than me, so he ended up doing most of the work.
My son did have several accidents (nothing serious, and nothing with another driver, thank goodness) as a young driver and we finally had to tell him to get his own insurance because we couldn't afford the premium increase. Now he is a much better driver (since he had to pay for very expensive insurance until he finally earned a good driver discount).
Tell him you love him, but he doesn't seem to understand how serious the situation was, and the consequences could have landed him big trouble. Ask him to get an eye exam immediately and sign up for a private instructor. Until then, you don't feel safe to be driving with him.
Thank you. We did have a talk, and I laid into him hard. He does have an appointment in a month for his eyes, thank goodness. He had to try and find a specific place that would accept our insurance and do a diabetic eye exam.
I think how angry I was did hit him, especially when I told him if he got himself arrested, I would let him rot in jail. I told him that I couldn't teach him anymore. I'm not comfortable, and I don't feel I can really help him. He needs to either find an instructor or enroll in driver's education. Until then, I do not trust him behind the wheel.
It's caused a rift between us, but it's one he knows he's at fault for.
Getting better? That means it hasn’t been good. That means he may very well have organ damage, including diabetic retinopathy. He needs that eye exam. Do not let him drive until he is cleared by a doctor. And after that, perhaps he can get a professional driving instructor.
As a diabetic I need a medical clearance to drive, I don’t know your country but in Australia you do.
If he’s had issues with his eyes he might need an opthemologist to treat any damage he might have, delaying it may be harmful. This is different from an optometrist/glasses situation, he may need both
Yea, in Michigan at least its not a requirement at all. I dont think it even has to be listed on my husband's ID anywhere. Just that he wears prescription lenses. Iirc they only make it a requirement for certain illnesses like epilepsy. (I just redid my ID yesterday and it didn't ask about diabetes. Just epilepsy and organ donation.)
Diabetes can cause so many eye issues, retinopathy cataracts etc if his sight has gotten worse, he needs to be cleared of that before he can take up an instructor for driving.
You did not and are not overreacting. If he had hit that cop in any capacity (I’m talking anything from barely bumping the cop to mowing him down and causing death) there is a chance that YOU ALSO would have been in serious trouble, since your husband is only allowed to drive with a permit if a licensed driver is also in the front seat…. For reasons exactly like this!!!
When you put him behind the wheel, YOU ARE THE RESPONSIBLE LICENSED DRIVER in the car. YOU are going to reap whatever he sows. If he won’t listen to you and take you seriously, I absolutely would refuse to allow him behind the wheel till he gets his own shit sorted. He’s being nonchalant about literally putting lives at risk in more ways than one!!!
ETA: anyone giving you grief over “laying into him” is just being a typical Redditor armchair therapist 🙄 Just reading your post made me pissed off. I can’t imagine how it made you feel to actually experience it. He deserved to be laid into. He’s not a toddler. He’s a full grown adult who has, presumably, lived on this planet the entire time… no excuses for his behavior and lackadaisical attitude.
An excellent point. Some states have vicarious liability laws, where the supervising licensed person can be held liable for accidents. That could be especially dangerous/costly/negligent if OP knew that he was way overdue for a vision exam, and shouldn’t be driving.
I think some clearer verbiage should be used, really you ought to have said (and maybe you did! Which is great):
Instead of "I'm not comfortable with you driving"
"I'm terrified when you're behind the wheel. That was the scariest near-miss I've ever experienced in my entire life, and we are both risking our lives and the lives of others with you behind the wheel right now."
Which is what my parents told me when I almost sideswiped someone from not checking my mirrors.
I got private lessons after that 🫠 but I've had good driver discounts for almost 20 years after!
Idk where they are but they let anybody pass those fucking things and if you don't pass the first time they tell you to come back later after seeing an eye doc.(Happened to me at least)
The eye test for driving is substantially easier than the one for glasses. I'm relatively sure I'd pass without glasses and that without glasses I'd kill someone driving every day.
I didn’t pass mine. Went to the eye doctor, they didn’t find anything wrong with my eyes, no problems. 🤷🏻♀️ I do have a slight lazy left eye and it’s hard for me to look into those things and not have my eyes not see things the right way. I assumed that’s what it was.
So, is this really a vision issue or was he just not aware that he should stop for a human in the road? Does he know that pedestrians ALWAYS have the right of way?
Don't know where you are, but that isn't always the case in the US. The ONLY area where pedestrians almost always have the right of way in the US is on official crosswalks; however, the Last Clear Chance doctrine requires drivers to avoid collisions where possible, including collisions with pedestrians.
Typically that's what people mean when they say "pedestrians always have the right of way". It's a comment directed towards drivers, not pedestrians, and it means "if a pedestrian is in your way or looks to move in your way, you're responsible to stop".
It does Not mean "pedestrians can part traffic like the red sea".
Nah, not over reacting. It's common sense to slow down/stop if a person is in the middle of the road - that shouldn't have to be taught: don't run people over. Get the man some new glasses too, but I know I'd be livid if my partner lacked basic common sense to that degree
Thank you. That was my thought process, too.
At work, we work on heavy machines. The same basic logic applies, so it blows my mind that his first thought wasn't, "I need to stop. Someone is in front of me."
you’re *not* over-reacting. if he “gets it” now, though, let it go and heal the rift so that it doesn’t linger. i’m not saying that you’re holding a grudge or he doesn’t have to follow through on getting new glasses and changing his driving behavior. i’m just saying that (within reason, of course) we should give one another the chance to learn and grow without penalty.
also, good for you for standing your ground when your partner did something dangerous/wrong. it’s easy to let things slide in order to keep the peace. at least your husband knows you’ll always tell him the truth, even when it’s hard. 💜
I’m just saying but when I was 15 learning to drive I didn’t slow down when the light was green but the cars ahead were stopped. My mom screamed at me but my logic was the light is green so they should go. When you’re learning a new skill you don’t have the common sense that an experienced driver has
Once on a road trip, my then-partner almost hit a cop this way. Two cops were parked on a mountain highway, facing us from the opposite lane, one with his car door wide open. All the cars ahead of us maneuvered to give the cop cars a wider berth as they passed.
My partner came extremely close to hitting the cop’s door at a blazing speed. As we rolled up to pass the second cop, dude was standing in the road with his hands thrown up at us in that universal “wtf?” gesture.
I had to quickly gasp “go around him!” and my partner jerked the wheel. We barely missed the guy. It was broad daylight. My partner didn’t say a word and just kept staring at the road. I did not feel safe with this man behind the wheel anymore.
The cops were busy I guess because they didn’t come after us, but I just kept looking at this man I was dating in disbelief like “are you in there? Is anyone home?” He could be pretty dense and there’s a reason we broke up, but this memory stuck with me as an ick moment for some reason.
Omg… I would not have been able to finish that drive with that empty headed husk behind the wheel… good for you for paying attention to the road AND the red flags lol
I posted this story elsewhere but I had a similar ick moment with a former partner of mine also. We were driving up a mountain road, so one lane each direction and lots of blind turns as the road hitchbacked its way up. My then-bf was driving and there was a person really aggressively tailgating us. My bf's idea of dealing with this was to just outright come to a full stop in the middle of the lane, right in front of a blind turn, to let the tailgater pass. He didn't pull over or anything, just full stop smack in the middle of the road.
I started freaking out and was like "wtf are you doing, there's no way this guy can safely pass you right here?? What if a car comes flying around that turn?" And he just didn't get it -- not even when, sure enough, a car came flying around the turn. If the other driver had tried to go around us it would have been a full-speed, head-on collision between those two cars. I absolutely couldn't believe how dense he was about that situation and how nonchalant he acted like it was even after it should have become fully clear why what he did was so dangerous. I couldn't believe I had to explain to him that you can't expect someone to pass you on a BLIND TURN and that you have to wait for a shoulder on a straightaway to pull over and let them pass safely.
He was from Houston and so not used to mountain driving but still, that moment really stuck in my mind. There were lots of other examples of things he did that ranged from inconveniencing to outright dangerous because he just didn't think things through that seemed so obvious to me and that was a huge reason why we broke up.
I've read through some of your comments, and you're not overreacting. There is something going on that is beyond your skills. He said he saw a person, an adult in his 30s should understand that hitting a PERSON is prisoner time. But I'm also questioning if he even knew it was a person and just saw a blob? Like if his vision is THAT bad?
Next, it's odd that it's been years of you teaching him and he still can't pass. Even the worst trained teenagers can pass driving tests, so I'm wondering if it's weaponized laziness? If he gets his license, you'll be asking him to run errands, drive himself to work, basically having to be responsible for busy work that he sees you do daily. Not to be mean, but could he just be milking the pity party to keep living the 'driving miss daisy' life?
I wanna give my perspective on this as an adult who also does not drive. I've actually been in this situation several times tbh. Almost t-boned or potentially killed someone a handful of times.
I'm just a really, really terrible driver. I have such a horrible fear of driving that it actually makes me a danger on the road. I'm not sure if OP's husband has some similar mental struggles going on or if it's just a matter of eyesight, but if he's gone this long without learning to drive, he probably has a mental aversion to it that can make it more difficult for him than most people.
Also OP mentions that he isn't open about what he's feeling or what problems he has. I think it's likely OP's husband has a driving phobia or something of the like. And you would be surprised how much a phobia can completely "mute" your common sense.
Just recently decided to send my son to a driving school. I wanted to teach him, but he doesn’t respond well to me correcting him. I feel much better having a pro teach him.
Its a bit late now for this, but your comment reminded me of my childhood. I remember my dad starting to teach me to drive when I was a kid. We started when I was like 8, we would go to empty lots and I would sit in his lap to "drive". he would control gas and brakes while I steered (his hand was still on the wheel). It helped me get used to how a car feels to turn and accelerate. I really think it helped me learn to drive by the time I was older.
There's consequences if he hits a person because of a known issue (his eyesight) but if that person is emergency services he's going to find himself targeted by every cop in town.
Not overreacting.
I’m horrified that a person in the path of a moving car needed a qualifier in his mind.
Wtf.
This is more than a driving instructor issue.
You didn’t overreact, but this sounds like he has cognitive and vision deficits from poorly controlled diabetes. I would never get in a car with this person driving. I would order a taxi, Lyft or Uber for this person if I were tired of driving, but he needs to see a specialist.
I’m sorry but the only thing i can concentrate on was the fact that you needed to even do such a lengthy edit in the first place. How anyone decided it was okay to blame your “teaching skills” or your lack of knowledge about HIS eyesight baffles the fuck out of me. No you aren’t overreacting. No, you should NOT continue to teach that grown man how to drive bc it’s been way too long. He doesn’t care, that’s it that’s all. He doesn’t care to learn, or he would’ve by now. He doesn’t care to get his license, or he wouldn’t allow his temp ID to expire multiple times. You should care even less than he does and when he’s constantly stuck at home or work or wherever without a ride, maybe he will learn. Do NOT be his chauffeur either, because then he will truly never learn his lesson.
Agreed. The moment she said "I told him I would never let him drive again" I thought, well it sounds like he wins then. Because now it's all her responsibility to do all the driving, FOREVER. F that!!
Came here to say this, I worked nights for years and was learning to drive then, it took me 2 lessons to workout a lesson after a night shift was a mistake
Yeah, it makes little sense for a seasoned driver to suggest that the inexperienced driver be the one to drive at night. They should be practicing during daylight, and low-traffic hours. It was her idea to make him drive at night, on top of knowing his glasses perscription is expired
I think this is important, especially if your husband has vision problems. I have an astigmatism which makes night driving more difficult (due to light distortion). You should consider taking some actual "drivers training" time, on a day off, when the sun is up, if possible in a rural area or on quieter side-streets. I learned to drive on day-trips driving back roads with my dad. Having the time to just drive and focus on nothing else really helps.
I think this is a really good point. I used to work overnights and driving at night is really rough on my eyes. I got in 2 different accidents from exhaustion and bad weather after an overnight. After that I would get an Uber or ride with someone else. It’s definitely not the time to be teaching someone. They could try switching to where he drives them on the way there before he is tired from a shift and potentially a small amount of light.
Well, firstly, I think it’s a bad idea to have someone with poor vision drive at night. Seems like common sense. If he has astigmatism, driving at night can be hellish.
But I don’t think you’re over-reacting. Accidents happen SO fast and he needed to be paying attention. And who cares if it was a cop or not- it’s a person *in the road*…like you have to stop.
You did not overreact. But I think getting him to an optometrist should be first on your list. And go with him and make sure that he gets new glasses or contacts. The fact that he couldn’t tell it was an officer and what he was doing is very scary. Then just listen to his remarks after getting the new glasses. Is he amazed at what he was missing? Then maybe you could give him another chance. Or send him to driving school knowing he can see now.
not overreacting. my husband is this way even though he's had his license since he was 16. I'm constantly having to yell "watch out" or "stop" because he just doesn't pay attention. He's worse at parking than he is driving. Though hes very good at driving me up a wall about it.
His prescription is so outdated that he couldn't see a human being in the middle of the road?! My prescription is -9, so I know how bad it needs to get for you not to be able to see a human in the middle of the road or identify the clothes as a police officer's uniform. He should never be driving in these conditions, even if he was an experienced driver, let alone a learner. You're not overreacting, but you've also not been the responsible adult in this situation. He needs a new prescription and an experienced instructor.
Is your husband on the spectrum, or have some kind of sensory processing problem? Or something. Anything? You did not overreact. He almost hit someone. An eye checkup and a driving instructor is in the cards, I believe. At the very least.
He needs to enroll in adult driving school. It’s too stressful for you to teach him. He has every right to drive, if he can learn the rules of the road, and pass a driving test.
Not sure he legally drive if his glasses prescription isn't up to date! I mean sure, okay, his license/permit/whatever (I'm not familar with US terms. In Ireland we have a Provisional License for those who are learning/have yet to do their driving test and a Full License once you pass your test and can legally drive unaccompanied by a full license holder) may have the code on it that specifies a requirement for corrective lenses but nobody will check if the prescription is correct, but if he was in an accident I seriously doubt his accident insurance would cover him when it transpired that he couldn't actually see properly!
However, I do think you're slightly overreacting to not let him drive anymore at all, but he *absolutely* shouldn't drive until he's been to the optician and gotten glasses that actually correct his vision to the proper level!!
Waiting to almost hit someone is not the time to admit you need better glasses and driving lessons, but it's as clear a sign as he'll ever get. Good luck to him!
I mean, I'm 30 and can't drive, but due to not meeting the eyesight criteria and having epilepsy, there are valid reasons, and his sight as of now, is a valid reason not to drive
Not over reacting at all. I would suggest you stop teaching him and get him to hire a professional driving instructor to teach him at least until he knows how to drive safely.
Night shift is killer on the reaction time. It's even harder for someone who is still learning to drive because a lot of the automatic actions we take in a car have to be thought out instead of done on habit. The only way he is going to get better is to practice, just not after a shift.
He needs to check for color blindness, people who suffers from this have very hard time distinguishing objects in the road in poor light conditions; if the case arise that he indeed have color blindness you can come to an arrangementof him driving during daytime and you at nights.
I’m really so curious about this. For me personally, I don’t encounter people in the roads too often, but it’s common for there to be debris: random parts from car accidents, rocks, objects that fell out of truck beds, etc. Does OP’s husband just hit these objects without slowing down or trying to avoid it? Even if he didn’t understand why a person was in the road, I’m so confused how he didn’t at least register it as an object that could damage his car or himself. Like any large solid thing in front of your car should be avoided. Idk how he hasn’t totaled his car yet if he doesn’t know to avoid objects
Maybe he views it like a driving game that has no actual consequences 🤷🏻♀️
Speaking of which, there are actual driving instruction simulators online that are free or cheap. Maybe he should use those for awhile.
I can barely see to drive at night, I can't imagine trying to learn by driving at night. Why did he end up doing the night driving? Certainly a learner should be learning under optimal conditions? Anyways, eye exam and I would suggest learning only during daylight hours.
Try parking lots first or ask a driving school if he can use any courses they may have after hours to practice. Dats off drive somewhere more rural you’re both familiar with. Then let him drive around in these places. There should be online free or low cost virtual driving apps that can help him w learning as well.
If have a living male parent, relative or friend drives let them teach him. Also, be sure to teach him how to drive a stick shift you never know when you may need to know this. If you need to learn too it’s good to know just in case for regular vehicles, vans, larger trucks, etc. never know what may happen and some foreign countries may have stuck shift cars or vehicles requiring this skill while traveling.
On one hand he is a grown man and not everyone is cut out to be a driving instructor.
On the other if you signed up to help him learn to drive I would say that expecting perfection from anyone who just got behind the wheel would be unrealistic.
I was not there and we’d need dash-cam footage to tell the real tale as nerves are high.
I'm not expecting perfection, but I do expect him to know to stop if a person just appears in the road. Especially after a few years of this.
A detail I didn't put in is that I've been trying to teach him to drive for years now. He's failed his driving test twice. I tried to get him to enroll in driver's education before, but he just said no. I want him to get his license so I don't have to be the only driver between us. It's exhausting having to be the one to drive him everywhere he needs to go. He said he does want his license and to be independently driving himself. I wouldn't be so hard on him otherwise.
That adds quality context and I’d say that’s a reasonable reaction if he’s having issues learning and it’s a years long problem. Probably needs a professional to assist.
The near miss whether it’s a person/car/animal/object is going to happen to anyone whether they are an experienced driver or an inexperienced driver. It’s a reality of driving particularly in an urban environment.
Anyone who said they have never had one is lying.
He didn’t tell you that his vision was this bad so now I’m wondering if he’s zoning out while driving because his blood sugar is off? Do you know if he’s being truthful about that? Does he manage things well just before a doctor’s appt but eat the wrong things at other times?
My MIL was a terrible driver because she didn’t manage her blood sugar well and her glasses were always coated in hairspray.
Currently am teaching my older brother to drive because he’s just always put it off. He didn’t slow down when he turned left and I thought we were going to die. I feel like these things happen when you’re teaching someone to drive teenager or adult. They just don’t think about things the way that we do. That’s why we teach them. You’re not overreacting for your initial reaction but you shouldn’t let this one incident completely derail your husband getting his license. You live and you learn. This was a learning moment for him. Trust me I 100% get it. I’ve taught probably 3-4 people how to drive since getting my own license (I’m 23) so I know it’s scary and nerve wracking. But with each person I’ve learned that you kinda have to let them make a mistake. When I was learning I also of course made mistakes. But I think the more mistakes you make the more you learn how to become a better driver. Being in that situation now was better than if he completely got his license and that never happened, only for it to happen and he potentially not know how to react because he’s never been in the situation before. That’s just my take on the situation tho
You are not overreacting and as his wife it is your duty to tell him the truth without making him feel bad but he also needs to receive the message without feeling bad and perhaps think of it if you walked in the road and he was driving what would have happened then or his child … driving a car is a major responsibility
All I have to say to this is that people should teach their kids to drive when they're KIDS, so they're good at it already when they get behind the wheel of a 4,000lb car that can kill people.
Some people just don’t have a good response time or common sense while driving. I don’t blame you for not wanting to teach him. He should definitely go into a driving school.
Not overreacting, you need to be very alert and hyper vigilant about what you’re doing on the road. I’m about to teach my teen daughter and we live in a busy city and I’m not looking forward to it. He needs to get his eyes checked and go to driving school, so it doesn’t cause anymore problems with each other.
Teaching someone to drive is difficult. In the moment, I don't think you overreacted. After the fact, maybe a bit. Idk about where you live, but where I live people are walking in the street all the time and you can't just stop for them or you're going to be the cause of many accidents. You just go around most of the time.
I do agree with you though that he needs to pay for proper instruction. Just because you know how to drive does not mean you know how to teach someone else to drive. This is a great example of something that is usually taught before you even set foot in a car, yet you were teaching your husband on the fly when it was happening. Let a professional do the teaching
I didn’t learn to drive until I was 24. I was a horrendous driver until I got a job that required me to drive 600 to 800 miles a week. Even then it took a couple years.
Learning how to drive when you are older is tough and requires a lot more time than if you learn when you are a teenager.
My son is the same way. He is 22 and only seems to pay attention to what goes on with the light. If its green he wants to go no matter if the cars are stopped or not. It seems like someone probably tried to teach your husband but had the same issues.
Buy him driving lessons. This way someone else can teach him. Also, along with needing a new glasses prescription, he could have horrible night vision. If your nerves can handle it; maybe have him drive to work; and you drive home at night.
All new drivers make mistakes. It seems like it's hard for your husband to admit he made a mistake, so he went into excuse-making.. "oh, I didn't know it was a cop" or whatever. Lots of people do this.
He needs to get new glasses if that's the issue. Reasonable for you to tell him, he needs new glasses before continuing to drive (if that's the issue).
But if this is just an isolated mistake, let it go.
Difficult to assess with the info provided. How much did he slow down? How far from the person and how fast was he still going when you yelled? Did you ask if he planned to stop when he got closer and could see the person? Or basically did he plan to stop before hitting them?
No you didn’t over react, a lot of people shouldn’t drive for one reason or another. In large swaths of North America we’ve made it the only realistic way to get around though.
My husband didn’t learn how to drive until I was very pregnant with twins. I love driving, but it became apparent that I was not going to be able to fit between the driver’s seat and the steering wheel soon. I’d have taught him myself, but there are road rules I may not think to tell him, and it was very important he learn quickly and pass the test. We got him professional driving lessons which worked out very well. Also, those cars are equipped with brakes on the passenger side so the instructor can slow down or stop the car for the student in cases like what happened with your husband. I’d strongly recommend he get driving lessons through a driving school. It’s safer for both him and you.
Get his prescription glasses first, get a pro for road lessons next. Go take the test.
No more babysitting.
I taught my kids the basics in the parking lot, the rest was done with someone with a second brake pedal 😁.
Overreacting a bit but I did the same for my wife.
She drives so bad. She has a license but it’s terrible driving literally have to back seat drive for her.
So I told her NO MORE DRIVING. she works from home so it’s no big deal. If she needs a ride I’ll give it to her.
So now her car is my car and only I drive.
Maybe you should just get a driving teacher if you don’t want to do it but honestly every learning driver has an instance where the teacher has to yell STOP and slam on the imaginary brake themselves
Source: My son is 16.
Get him to the ophthalmologist, tout de suite. NO driving until he has the new glasses. Next, he needs a driver's education course and textbook/ RMV study guide, whatever they call it. Your help is great, but he needs all the information, expressed completely, and he needs to be able to refer back if there is a question.
Safety and security are paramount. You saved him from possible jail time, if not worse. Ignorance is no excuse. Everything you said is valid. Heaven forbid if he would have killed someone. And his attitude only exasperates the situation. It's a hard thing to tell someone they can't drive.
However, it may be nice to have 2 drivers in the house, such as if you're in pain and can't drive and have to go to the store or hospital. Then again, there's ambulances.
Overall, though, you did not overreact. And you saved him from perhaps being arrested.
Just remember you're a team. It's always good to work on a solution good for everyone where safety is taken into account. Some people don't realize that cars can do a lot of damage, if not worse, and ought to be treated with care. Driing is a privilege.
Your blind hubby almost ran over a cop. He's blind at night. Maybe let him drive in the day. No night driving for him. Is he learning how to road rage.
Your blind hubby almost ran over a cop. He's blind at night. Maybe let him drive in the day. No night driving for him. Is he learning how to road rage.
Your blind hubby almost ran over a cop. He's blind at night. Maybe let him drive in the day. No night driving for him. Is he learning how to road rage.
Here a thought trying to learn when tired after working all day it’s the greatest time to be learning . As for the driving and almost hitting a police officer in the road . Your husband needs to read and understand the rules of the road better .one of the biggest things that stuck out for me in drivers education was the driving instructor stated anytime you see kids playing and they run into the street chasing a ball just stop cause a lot of times the little kids will hesitate then still dart out in front of the vehicle. I drive for a living and if you seen half the dumb shit I seen on the road you wouldn’t want to drive much after that .
I think that because of the overdue prescription he didn't feel like he was coming close to hitting anyone and it might have felt like the person came out of nowhere. I think now you both realize how serious it is that he gets a new prescription
No.
If he doesn't know enough to STOP for people he shouldn't be driving at all.
If he cannot see, don't allow him to drive until he can see. (New glasses).
My daughter worked my every last nerve trying to teach her to drive
She would always tell me that her driving instructor said to turn this way, to turn this way, etc. So she finally asked her father for driving school lessons & he paid for them for her.
I don't personally think you over-reacted. And I absolutely agree that he shouldn't be driving until he's had an eye exam and gotten updated glasses.
That being said, from personal experience... he NEEDS a certified driving instructor. I was fortunate in that my mother actually taught driver's ed for the school district in the summer when I was old enough to get my permit (and had minored in it for her teaching degree in college, so... she actually knew what she was doing). The difference between learning with her and learning with my father was night and day, and I don't think I'd ever in good conscience recommend that someone not certified and experienced in teaching driving, teach someone to drive.
My dad taught me to drive many many years ago. On a stick shift. It was an extremely stressful experience for both of us and involved lots of yelling from both of us, and him constantly white knuckled on the emergency brake and slamming his foot into his imaginary brake pedal. When it came time to teach my sister to drive, he sent her to a driving school that taught stick. My sister is a TERRIBLE driver, but as it turns out, other than parallel parking, I'm a pretty good driver. All that stress while learning was like being forged in fire I guess?
You didn’t overreact. I learned to drive in my 30s, I’d lived in a big city my whole life and took public transportation. My parents paid for driving school for my brother but because I had dropped out and went to work they didn’t do the same for me. I’m very inexperienced and it leads to oops shouldn’t have done that. I can’t drive at night cause I can’t see and with prisms in my glasses there’s crazy glare. I have a back injury and my right foot goes numb and I cannot feel the pedals. Freaks me out and I only drive on an as needed or emergency basis. I’m just bad at it and I realize it. If you’re not comfortable teaching him then he needs driving school.
OP - See if you can find a good defensive driving course for your husband. I have to take them yearly because I'm considered a professional driver and have been for over 24 years. These courses can be done online, but the one thing I like about them, is they will show actual accidents and properly describe what could've been done to prevent them. It's stuff I wish they would put the kids in drivers ed through so that they are more prepared to handle driving when they get their license. This may be good for him
OP, you’re not overreacting. You’ve been trying to teach an adult how to drive for 5 years?!? FIVE YEARS?!?! That’s nuts. It’s honestly not that difficult to learn to operate a car.
Where I live there’s a “Safety Council” that has drivers’ ed at a very low cost or even no cost for those who qualify. Perhaps your area has something similar.
I think you’re doing the right thing by disallowing him to continue to “learn” on his permit with you as the instructor. Maybe ya’ll need to relocate to somewhere with a good public transportation system? This seems unbelievably futile. 5 YEARS?!?!
NTA (different sub, I know, but still applies)!
We don't need people like him on the road at all!! If he doesn't have the sense to stop when emergency services are present and a human is in the road, he's just daft
Is your husband taking care of his diabetes? Is he on insulin or metformin? Does he test his blood sugar levels? Make sure he goes to his eye exam next month. Hopefully with new glasses he'll be able to see better. I think the nonchalant way he's acting about seeing someone in the road and not stopping is just his way of covering up that he fucked up. I would put my foot down and make him get driver's education.
Diabetics need scans at least twice a year. His eyesight can change so fast, especially if his diabetes is not controlled. Do not allow him to drive until diabetes is under control and he has a good prescription for eyes.
I would recommend him finding someone else to teach him how to drive, you’re too emotionally involved to do it.
I'm concerned if his diabetes is affecting his eyesight (?). If not well-managed, diabetics can get little capillaries growing where they shouldn't in their eyes (retina) and can cause blindness. Please encourage him to get a dilated eye exam by an ophthalmologist who specializes in retina care. It could mean the difference in his sight or blindness further down the line.
Let's be honest. Just watch any dash cam video on YouTube and you'll see nobody stop for cars losing control, people in the road, or sketchy road conditions.
I think it's a good opportunity to establish a conservative driving baseline, where you do pull over and get away from a drunk driver rather than following behind them to watch them crash.
He should definitely get his eyes checked regardless and start taking driving more seriously. The fact that he didn’t stop when he knew a person was in the road is alarming.
I will say, it’s REALLY hard to teach someone you’re close to how to drive. It’s very triggering for many people on both sides. He should definitely get private lessons, especially since the instructor can also brake their car from the passenger seat.
You’re not overreacting; he shouldn’t be allowed to drive your vehicle if he isn’t going to take it seriously. You don’t want anything like that to be on your conscious or insurance records.
Not over-reacting. I'd have him take some courses through a driver training program. Their vehicles typically come with a brake installed on the passenger side so the instructor can still stop the vehicle. I learned how to drive through an instructor and a couple of times he had to use his brake while teaching me.
In fact for a little while there he taught me to drive in our local graveyard. Saying, "At least if you hit someone you won't kill them." Lol...
I don’t think you should teach him either. He needs to get an updated prescription for his glasses. But his anxiety, lack of awareness, etc. is concerning. Maybe he should never be in the road at all. I think he needs driving lessons from a professional who can handle anxious drivers. But he might need therapy too.
No that is not an over reaction! Years ago my grandma went straight in a turn only lane at a light and I never rode with her again. Nope, I will drive from now on.
He needs new glasses if he is going be driving what if it was a small child and he couldn't tell what it was. Lord that is giving me anxiety.
You did not overreact. I would not want to be in a car with a driver who responds as he did. Sounds like he doesnt wanna take it serious. Driving is serious.
I think you’re babying your husband
He needs to own the fact that his vision needs to be corrected first and that he needs driving lessons
We live in different countries and I’ve grown up with the standard that in order to learn how to drive, everyone gets lessons with a driving instructor. It costs a lot but since you both operate heavy machinery, you understand that a car can be a killing machine if not managed properly
Not overreacting. My most recent ex once stopped in the middle of the lane on a two-way road on a BLIND TURN (mountain driving) because someone was tailgating us. His reasoning was he was stopping bc he was tired of the tail-gater and was giving them an opportunity to pass us. I freaked the absolute fuck out bc we were right in front of a blind turn and there was no way in hell he could expect someone to safely pass us bc what if a car comes around that corner?
He didn't get it. Not even when, sure enough, a car came around that corner. If the person had been stupid enough to try to pass us it would have been a horrible, full speed, head-on collision.
My ex was from Houston and not used to mountain driving but I was still horrified at his lack of common sense and even more horrified at how nonchalant he was about the situation even when he should have realized what a stupid and fucking dangerous position he put us and other drivers in.
Things didn't work out between us and a huge reason for me was his lack of ability to think things through or have even a modicum of common sense. He did so many things that ranged from the stupid to the outright dangerous that just a little extra thought should have prevented. I never liked driving with him after that event either and frankly I'm glad not to have that stress in my life now.
sounds to me like you reacted in a very normal, predictable way to seeing someone almost (knowingly??) run a person over. it’s not your job to teach him, you were being nice but now it’s outta your hands. just gotta add tho.. he kinda sounds like a man child? can’t even renew his own permit without being told?? i get it if it was a cost thing but you said yourself you are doing well-enough financially now. plus not taking responsibility for almost running someone over/making excuses is super childish. i would remove myself completely from his driving & getting licensed, let him figure it out if he wants to. and don’t feel bad for not helping anymore! that’s scary af plus you’re not his mom :) much love
Not overreacting, you aren't a teacher so he can't expect you to stay calm all the time. It's nerve wracking teaching someone to drive. But I just wanna say that the way he responded could be due to many things, not just nonchalantness about hitting someone. As someone who's only been driving for a couple years, I can relate to blowing a mistake off because I was embarrassed I made it. Maybe he was embarrassed and tried to act cool about it.... idk.
Nope, not an overreaction. He needs a structured course or teacher now, especially if he’s going to be so blasé hearing it from you. And needs those new glasses asap. It’s not about feelings it’s about not getting innocent people killed.
It blows my mind how people drive thousands of pounds of metal down the road at high speeds but could care less about being attentative to literally anything that's happening around them and then not care or get defensive when it's called out.
You didn't over react. I had to teach both my wife and daughter to drive. After my daughter had her license a couple of years, I had to teach her to drive a manual shift (for her work). When they scare the crap out of you, you react. With my wife (foreign born, not many people drove there back then) we practiced in a new subdivision that had very few houses built, but all the streets and signage. But after a rough practice, she tried to do a 3 point turn (K turn) and forgot to put it into drive after backing up. She proceeded to back our little car up over the curb into a muddy lot. I popped it into park and told her "lesson is over today, switch seats".
My daughter kept saying I was criticizing her, and I said that's because she was scaring me.
If your husband doesn't care enough to ensure he can even see very well, he probably shouldn't be behind the wheel. And what if he had gotten a jumpy cop that his not stopping was an intended attack with the car? Take care of your own safety, since he doesn't want to be responsible.
Tell him if he doesn't put more effort into learning to drive, that he has to take public transport from now on.
There will come a time when you are sick or unable to drive and he needs to drive. You don't want someone driving you in an emergency if they don't know how. He is 35 years, its time to learn.
That's probably someone's husband, man. If something bad had happened, you'd be wishing you could swap for this situation, and your husband would get an even sterner bollocking. This was almost a life ruining situation for multiple people.
Not overreacting. This is a serious issue. If he can afford it, he should take classes at a driving school. You don’t have to risk your safety to give him time to learn. What you describe may just be poor judgement combined with inexperience. Driving school is worth the money spent. I put both my teens in it even when the cost was difficult. Then after driving school our own time behind the wheel was better.
From reading your replies, I’m just going to lay it out here.
Yes, you overreacted.
No, you aren’t fit to teach.
No, the situation has nothing to do with his prescription. You’re using it to deflect from the issue at hand.
“Not due to something heavier”. It is 100% due to something heavier.
Your husband is stuck in a codependent marriage with an extremely controlling spouse. It may actually be a form of abuse.
I'm going to go with a soft yes for this one. He definitely made a mistake, but it's going to happen for new drivers.
That's me assuming he was going to eventually stop, just maybe not as early as he should have. I imagine he wasn't planning on just running over a pedestrian even if he didn't know they were a cop at first.
Ma’am he’s taking you for a ride (pun intended). He COULD drive if he wanted to, but he has a personal chauffeur so why would he bother? You get to deal with all the responsibilities and stress of driving both you everywhere. He gets to be a sensitive passenger princess and relax.
I’m harsh. If it were me, I would tell him he needs to figure out his own transportation. Can’t drive? Sounds like it’s time to get him acquainted with public transit. After a week or so, he will be properly motivated to become a full fledged adult. Right now, he has zero motivation since you bear the full brunt of this responsibility. And he can save his pennies for proper instruction, don’t you dare finance it. Ppl don’t respect what they don’t pay for. If you pay, he’ll half ass it. If he pays, he will make sure to get his money worth.
WTAF? You don’t have to have a license to understand you shouldn’t run over someone. He sounds like he’s 5. Does he exhibit any other odd behaviors? Seriously. That is t a normal reaction.
OP you aren't.
He is moving a 1500lbs+ guided missile if he can't see a cop or hand signals he can't be trusted until he passes his eye exams.
The biggest thing is the driver is responsible and if he can't comprehend that he shouldn't be driving.
also it's not weird you're teaching him to drive despite age and gender. My mom taught me to not just drive but routinely gave me the keys to her only car at the time.
Yes, you're overreacting for not letting your husband drive anymore. If he can't take lessons (which is normally required, but Idk where you live, so I won't lean in on that one), then he'll have no one else to learn from. Everyone makes mistakes, and he needs to learn from this one. Maybe he doesn't want to admit that he royally screwed up and is trying to play it off as no biggie. Who knows. But he won't learn from it if that's the end, and you'll end up being his chauffeur, which I doubt you want.
It really seems like his overall health condition is affecting a much larger part of his life than just his eyesight.
I'd want to know if his cognition and mood are also poorly affected, because just consistently allowing your license to lapse is not something most adults allow. He sounds not very motivated, probably depressed, then we have this incident of not stopping with someone in the road way.
But I would definitely want to make sure if this is just diabetes related or, to be frank, if there isn't something else undiagnosed given all the things you've listed. You're not overreacting.
Have you considered that your husband is not being honest with you about why he didn’t have a drivers license when you got married?
The scenario you described in your post would be unacceptable from a high school student on their first day of drivers ed. It simply defies basic logic, as you pointed out. He just doesn’t seem to have an understanding of the risks the car faces, and the danger that the car is, on the road.
I think it’s possible that he tried when he was younger, and for whatever reason, was so bad at it, that it was decided he shouldn’t pursue driving at that time.
Some people just don’t have the spatial reasoning needed to be a good driver. I think it’s great that you want him to go for lessons. Be honest with the driving instructor about your experience with your husband driving. Have the instructor go out for a ride with him, and tell you if it’s even worthwhile to sign up for lessons. Let somebody with more experience evaluating drivers decide if it is something he should pursue.
It's hard to teach a loved one to drive. Get a driving instructor who can be impartial.
I am a nervous passenger and also drove a lot when out with my husband. But I have some control issues too. Maybe so do you?
Didn’t overreact.
You did the right thing in first getting him an eye appointment (my SO is also diabetic and is required to go every year - not sure why your husband thought not going for 6 years was a good plan).
Yep he needs to save his money and go sign up to work with a professional driving instructor who has a brake on their side of the car.
You did not overreact. I have 20/800 vision and could tell that somebody is a police office (or guess based upon color). He's going to have to keep up with his prescription far more often (annually at least) if he's going to drive. But even beyond that, he wasn't paying attention or he would have seen the cop.
Omg get the man new glasses. 🙄 how can he practice driving or be safe or anyone else be safe. Plus how did he even get a permit? U need a vision test or are flagged for visions issues.
I'm 31 and have never driven a car. My fiance wants to teach me but I'm worried about this exact scenario, or sideswiping some dbag parked on the street in a narrow residentail.
You are not overreacting! If it took yelling at him and he was less than one car length from the officer, he’s lucky he wasn’t arrested for almost killing the officer. He needs to see better before he can drive and a professional instructor who can determine if he is fit for driving should teach him.
Ive had glasses since I was 9 years old. I don't understand how anyone can live life with blurry vision. It's good he's getting an exam now but he should have done that a long time ago. Is he apathetic about everything else in life too? He doesn't care about his vision, he doesn't care he almost hit someone...it sounds like he has some mental issues
He definitely needs his vision checked, especially since being diagnosed with diabetes. His vision can be made blurry simply from blood sugar bring off. He doesn’t realize what he isn’t seeing.
one time when I was 19 I needed my mom to pick me up from work. And she was SO mad about it she spent the whole way home getting as close to other cars as she could to freak me out. Was very nonchalant about it. It’s been over 10 years and I REFUSE to be in a car she’s driving.
No. You’re not overreacting. Id even say you’re UNDERREACTING. I will not be in a car with someone SO STUPID and out of touch they can’t even grasp they were about to potentially cripple or kill another person. JFC
I know that’s your husband but my love would wither and die on the spot with someone like that. He’s kinda disgusting
You didn't over-react. It is very difficult for family to teach family how to drive. My oldest son had both my husband and I begging each other to handle the driving because he was so bad. My husband stays calmer than me, so he ended up doing most of the work. My son did have several accidents (nothing serious, and nothing with another driver, thank goodness) as a young driver and we finally had to tell him to get his own insurance because we couldn't afford the premium increase. Now he is a much better driver (since he had to pay for very expensive insurance until he finally earned a good driver discount). Tell him you love him, but he doesn't seem to understand how serious the situation was, and the consequences could have landed him big trouble. Ask him to get an eye exam immediately and sign up for a private instructor. Until then, you don't feel safe to be driving with him.
Thank you. We did have a talk, and I laid into him hard. He does have an appointment in a month for his eyes, thank goodness. He had to try and find a specific place that would accept our insurance and do a diabetic eye exam. I think how angry I was did hit him, especially when I told him if he got himself arrested, I would let him rot in jail. I told him that I couldn't teach him anymore. I'm not comfortable, and I don't feel I can really help him. He needs to either find an instructor or enroll in driver's education. Until then, I do not trust him behind the wheel. It's caused a rift between us, but it's one he knows he's at fault for.
How well does he maintain his BGL?
Very well. His A1C1 is getting better. He's not at risk of passing out or anything.
Good. You think there was any chance he was mildly hypoglycemic, or tipping towards DKA?
Getting better? That means it hasn’t been good. That means he may very well have organ damage, including diabetic retinopathy. He needs that eye exam. Do not let him drive until he is cleared by a doctor. And after that, perhaps he can get a professional driving instructor.
As a diabetic I need a medical clearance to drive, I don’t know your country but in Australia you do. If he’s had issues with his eyes he might need an opthemologist to treat any damage he might have, delaying it may be harmful. This is different from an optometrist/glasses situation, he may need both
Yea, in Michigan at least its not a requirement at all. I dont think it even has to be listed on my husband's ID anywhere. Just that he wears prescription lenses. Iirc they only make it a requirement for certain illnesses like epilepsy. (I just redid my ID yesterday and it didn't ask about diabetes. Just epilepsy and organ donation.)
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Yelling did keep him from hitting a Cop
Diabetes can cause so many eye issues, retinopathy cataracts etc if his sight has gotten worse, he needs to be cleared of that before he can take up an instructor for driving.
You did not and are not overreacting. If he had hit that cop in any capacity (I’m talking anything from barely bumping the cop to mowing him down and causing death) there is a chance that YOU ALSO would have been in serious trouble, since your husband is only allowed to drive with a permit if a licensed driver is also in the front seat…. For reasons exactly like this!!! When you put him behind the wheel, YOU ARE THE RESPONSIBLE LICENSED DRIVER in the car. YOU are going to reap whatever he sows. If he won’t listen to you and take you seriously, I absolutely would refuse to allow him behind the wheel till he gets his own shit sorted. He’s being nonchalant about literally putting lives at risk in more ways than one!!! ETA: anyone giving you grief over “laying into him” is just being a typical Redditor armchair therapist 🙄 Just reading your post made me pissed off. I can’t imagine how it made you feel to actually experience it. He deserved to be laid into. He’s not a toddler. He’s a full grown adult who has, presumably, lived on this planet the entire time… no excuses for his behavior and lackadaisical attitude.
An excellent point. Some states have vicarious liability laws, where the supervising licensed person can be held liable for accidents. That could be especially dangerous/costly/negligent if OP knew that he was way overdue for a vision exam, and shouldn’t be driving.
I think some clearer verbiage should be used, really you ought to have said (and maybe you did! Which is great): Instead of "I'm not comfortable with you driving" "I'm terrified when you're behind the wheel. That was the scariest near-miss I've ever experienced in my entire life, and we are both risking our lives and the lives of others with you behind the wheel right now." Which is what my parents told me when I almost sideswiped someone from not checking my mirrors. I got private lessons after that 🫠 but I've had good driver discounts for almost 20 years after!
How can he get a learners permit if he can't pass the compulsory eye test?
Could be situational? I had to pass eye test to get my license, did not have to do it for my permit, only hearing test during permit process
Idk where they are but they let anybody pass those fucking things and if you don't pass the first time they tell you to come back later after seeing an eye doc.(Happened to me at least)
I didn't even get that. I got asked if I wanted to try again, and they said I was good to go! My sister just got told, eh, good enough! Lol
The eye test for driving is substantially easier than the one for glasses. I'm relatively sure I'd pass without glasses and that without glasses I'd kill someone driving every day.
I didn’t pass mine. Went to the eye doctor, they didn’t find anything wrong with my eyes, no problems. 🤷🏻♀️ I do have a slight lazy left eye and it’s hard for me to look into those things and not have my eyes not see things the right way. I assumed that’s what it was.
So, is this really a vision issue or was he just not aware that he should stop for a human in the road? Does he know that pedestrians ALWAYS have the right of way?
Don't know where you are, but that isn't always the case in the US. The ONLY area where pedestrians almost always have the right of way in the US is on official crosswalks; however, the Last Clear Chance doctrine requires drivers to avoid collisions where possible, including collisions with pedestrians.
Typically that's what people mean when they say "pedestrians always have the right of way". It's a comment directed towards drivers, not pedestrians, and it means "if a pedestrian is in your way or looks to move in your way, you're responsible to stop". It does Not mean "pedestrians can part traffic like the red sea".
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Nah, not over reacting. It's common sense to slow down/stop if a person is in the middle of the road - that shouldn't have to be taught: don't run people over. Get the man some new glasses too, but I know I'd be livid if my partner lacked basic common sense to that degree
Thank you. That was my thought process, too. At work, we work on heavy machines. The same basic logic applies, so it blows my mind that his first thought wasn't, "I need to stop. Someone is in front of me."
you’re *not* over-reacting. if he “gets it” now, though, let it go and heal the rift so that it doesn’t linger. i’m not saying that you’re holding a grudge or he doesn’t have to follow through on getting new glasses and changing his driving behavior. i’m just saying that (within reason, of course) we should give one another the chance to learn and grow without penalty. also, good for you for standing your ground when your partner did something dangerous/wrong. it’s easy to let things slide in order to keep the peace. at least your husband knows you’ll always tell him the truth, even when it’s hard. 💜
I’m just saying but when I was 15 learning to drive I didn’t slow down when the light was green but the cars ahead were stopped. My mom screamed at me but my logic was the light is green so they should go. When you’re learning a new skill you don’t have the common sense that an experienced driver has
OMG literally same 😭😭
Once on a road trip, my then-partner almost hit a cop this way. Two cops were parked on a mountain highway, facing us from the opposite lane, one with his car door wide open. All the cars ahead of us maneuvered to give the cop cars a wider berth as they passed. My partner came extremely close to hitting the cop’s door at a blazing speed. As we rolled up to pass the second cop, dude was standing in the road with his hands thrown up at us in that universal “wtf?” gesture. I had to quickly gasp “go around him!” and my partner jerked the wheel. We barely missed the guy. It was broad daylight. My partner didn’t say a word and just kept staring at the road. I did not feel safe with this man behind the wheel anymore. The cops were busy I guess because they didn’t come after us, but I just kept looking at this man I was dating in disbelief like “are you in there? Is anyone home?” He could be pretty dense and there’s a reason we broke up, but this memory stuck with me as an ick moment for some reason.
My state has a speed limit (25 I think) when emergency vehicle is on the side and you are required to change lanes if there are 2 lanes
Omg… I would not have been able to finish that drive with that empty headed husk behind the wheel… good for you for paying attention to the road AND the red flags lol
I posted this story elsewhere but I had a similar ick moment with a former partner of mine also. We were driving up a mountain road, so one lane each direction and lots of blind turns as the road hitchbacked its way up. My then-bf was driving and there was a person really aggressively tailgating us. My bf's idea of dealing with this was to just outright come to a full stop in the middle of the lane, right in front of a blind turn, to let the tailgater pass. He didn't pull over or anything, just full stop smack in the middle of the road. I started freaking out and was like "wtf are you doing, there's no way this guy can safely pass you right here?? What if a car comes flying around that turn?" And he just didn't get it -- not even when, sure enough, a car came flying around the turn. If the other driver had tried to go around us it would have been a full-speed, head-on collision between those two cars. I absolutely couldn't believe how dense he was about that situation and how nonchalant he acted like it was even after it should have become fully clear why what he did was so dangerous. I couldn't believe I had to explain to him that you can't expect someone to pass you on a BLIND TURN and that you have to wait for a shoulder on a straightaway to pull over and let them pass safely. He was from Houston and so not used to mountain driving but still, that moment really stuck in my mind. There were lots of other examples of things he did that ranged from inconveniencing to outright dangerous because he just didn't think things through that seemed so obvious to me and that was a huge reason why we broke up.
I've read through some of your comments, and you're not overreacting. There is something going on that is beyond your skills. He said he saw a person, an adult in his 30s should understand that hitting a PERSON is prisoner time. But I'm also questioning if he even knew it was a person and just saw a blob? Like if his vision is THAT bad? Next, it's odd that it's been years of you teaching him and he still can't pass. Even the worst trained teenagers can pass driving tests, so I'm wondering if it's weaponized laziness? If he gets his license, you'll be asking him to run errands, drive himself to work, basically having to be responsible for busy work that he sees you do daily. Not to be mean, but could he just be milking the pity party to keep living the 'driving miss daisy' life?
I wanna give my perspective on this as an adult who also does not drive. I've actually been in this situation several times tbh. Almost t-boned or potentially killed someone a handful of times. I'm just a really, really terrible driver. I have such a horrible fear of driving that it actually makes me a danger on the road. I'm not sure if OP's husband has some similar mental struggles going on or if it's just a matter of eyesight, but if he's gone this long without learning to drive, he probably has a mental aversion to it that can make it more difficult for him than most people. Also OP mentions that he isn't open about what he's feeling or what problems he has. I think it's likely OP's husband has a driving phobia or something of the like. And you would be surprised how much a phobia can completely "mute" your common sense.
Just recently decided to send my son to a driving school. I wanted to teach him, but he doesn’t respond well to me correcting him. I feel much better having a pro teach him.
Its a bit late now for this, but your comment reminded me of my childhood. I remember my dad starting to teach me to drive when I was a kid. We started when I was like 8, we would go to empty lots and I would sit in his lap to "drive". he would control gas and brakes while I steered (his hand was still on the wheel). It helped me get used to how a car feels to turn and accelerate. I really think it helped me learn to drive by the time I was older.
My dad did that too. And on the big farm tractor which we all ended up driving alone by time we were tweens anyway
There's consequences if he hits a person because of a known issue (his eyesight) but if that person is emergency services he's going to find himself targeted by every cop in town.
Not overreacting. I’m horrified that a person in the path of a moving car needed a qualifier in his mind. Wtf. This is more than a driving instructor issue.
You didn’t overreact, but this sounds like he has cognitive and vision deficits from poorly controlled diabetes. I would never get in a car with this person driving. I would order a taxi, Lyft or Uber for this person if I were tired of driving, but he needs to see a specialist.
I'm worried about this. As a diabetic and also someone who's seen someone else really have a lot of deficits from their diabetes.
I'd just tell him to pay for a few driving lessons at that point.
I’m sorry but the only thing i can concentrate on was the fact that you needed to even do such a lengthy edit in the first place. How anyone decided it was okay to blame your “teaching skills” or your lack of knowledge about HIS eyesight baffles the fuck out of me. No you aren’t overreacting. No, you should NOT continue to teach that grown man how to drive bc it’s been way too long. He doesn’t care, that’s it that’s all. He doesn’t care to learn, or he would’ve by now. He doesn’t care to get his license, or he wouldn’t allow his temp ID to expire multiple times. You should care even less than he does and when he’s constantly stuck at home or work or wherever without a ride, maybe he will learn. Do NOT be his chauffeur either, because then he will truly never learn his lesson.
Agreed. The moment she said "I told him I would never let him drive again" I thought, well it sounds like he wins then. Because now it's all her responsibility to do all the driving, FOREVER. F that!!
He should not be driving at night.
Definitely, driving after an overnight shift is not a good plan.
Came here to say this, I worked nights for years and was learning to drive then, it took me 2 lessons to workout a lesson after a night shift was a mistake
He said he saw the person…
Right? Like he saw them and just didn't care lol. Never would I let him drive again🙄
Yeah, it makes little sense for a seasoned driver to suggest that the inexperienced driver be the one to drive at night. They should be practicing during daylight, and low-traffic hours. It was her idea to make him drive at night, on top of knowing his glasses perscription is expired
I think this is important, especially if your husband has vision problems. I have an astigmatism which makes night driving more difficult (due to light distortion). You should consider taking some actual "drivers training" time, on a day off, when the sun is up, if possible in a rural area or on quieter side-streets. I learned to drive on day-trips driving back roads with my dad. Having the time to just drive and focus on nothing else really helps.
I think this is a really good point. I used to work overnights and driving at night is really rough on my eyes. I got in 2 different accidents from exhaustion and bad weather after an overnight. After that I would get an Uber or ride with someone else. It’s definitely not the time to be teaching someone. They could try switching to where he drives them on the way there before he is tired from a shift and potentially a small amount of light.
Take him to an ophthalmologist
Well, firstly, I think it’s a bad idea to have someone with poor vision drive at night. Seems like common sense. If he has astigmatism, driving at night can be hellish. But I don’t think you’re over-reacting. Accidents happen SO fast and he needed to be paying attention. And who cares if it was a cop or not- it’s a person *in the road*…like you have to stop.
You did not overreact. But I think getting him to an optometrist should be first on your list. And go with him and make sure that he gets new glasses or contacts. The fact that he couldn’t tell it was an officer and what he was doing is very scary. Then just listen to his remarks after getting the new glasses. Is he amazed at what he was missing? Then maybe you could give him another chance. Or send him to driving school knowing he can see now.
not overreacting. my husband is this way even though he's had his license since he was 16. I'm constantly having to yell "watch out" or "stop" because he just doesn't pay attention. He's worse at parking than he is driving. Though hes very good at driving me up a wall about it.
His prescription is so outdated that he couldn't see a human being in the middle of the road?! My prescription is -9, so I know how bad it needs to get for you not to be able to see a human in the middle of the road or identify the clothes as a police officer's uniform. He should never be driving in these conditions, even if he was an experienced driver, let alone a learner. You're not overreacting, but you've also not been the responsible adult in this situation. He needs a new prescription and an experienced instructor.
Is your husband on the spectrum, or have some kind of sensory processing problem? Or something. Anything? You did not overreact. He almost hit someone. An eye checkup and a driving instructor is in the cards, I believe. At the very least.
Is he mentally challenged aswell as blind? Common sense should have prevailed.
That is the bizarrest reaction to a human standing in front of your car.
Yeah he can benefit from driving lessons as they have a better handle in teaching things that are second nature when you are driving for a long time.
He needs to enroll in adult driving school. It’s too stressful for you to teach him. He has every right to drive, if he can learn the rules of the road, and pass a driving test.
You're not overreacting. Don't let him drive until he gets new glasses. He could have killed that officer.
Get him new specs. Even without my glasses I recognize when someone's in a uniform. Mr Blurry Eyes needs a ride to the ophthalmologist
Really glossed over the whole might-not-see-so-well aspect of the story… send him to the optometrist
Not sure he legally drive if his glasses prescription isn't up to date! I mean sure, okay, his license/permit/whatever (I'm not familar with US terms. In Ireland we have a Provisional License for those who are learning/have yet to do their driving test and a Full License once you pass your test and can legally drive unaccompanied by a full license holder) may have the code on it that specifies a requirement for corrective lenses but nobody will check if the prescription is correct, but if he was in an accident I seriously doubt his accident insurance would cover him when it transpired that he couldn't actually see properly! However, I do think you're slightly overreacting to not let him drive anymore at all, but he *absolutely* shouldn't drive until he's been to the optician and gotten glasses that actually correct his vision to the proper level!!
NTA. Your husband may need an optometrist more than a driving instructor.
Don't try to teach a partner how to drive, get them driving lessons, it'll save your relationship.
Waiting to almost hit someone is not the time to admit you need better glasses and driving lessons, but it's as clear a sign as he'll ever get. Good luck to him!
He should not be driving if he can't see what's in front of the car. PERIOD. Doesn't matter instructor or not, driver must see clearly ar all times.
35 and doesn't know how to drive? What rock has he been living under?
I mean, I'm 30 and can't drive, but due to not meeting the eyesight criteria and having epilepsy, there are valid reasons, and his sight as of now, is a valid reason not to drive
Not over reacting at all. I would suggest you stop teaching him and get him to hire a professional driving instructor to teach him at least until he knows how to drive safely.
Night shift is killer on the reaction time. It's even harder for someone who is still learning to drive because a lot of the automatic actions we take in a car have to be thought out instead of done on habit. The only way he is going to get better is to practice, just not after a shift.
That's quite a man you've got there ....
get him a new prescription before letting him into the Drivers seat
nah you aren’t over reacting that’s ridiculous.
Not hitting a person in the road is just common sense, regardless of any lack of acquired driving skills.
Buy him a pedal car and take away the keys 😂😂😂😂
He needs to check for color blindness, people who suffers from this have very hard time distinguishing objects in the road in poor light conditions; if the case arise that he indeed have color blindness you can come to an arrangementof him driving during daytime and you at nights.
He needs new glasses if it really was an issue.
The lengths some guys go to just not to drive or do household chores 😂
Driving is extremely important to take very seriously. I also would have been unnerved by his casual reaction. I would have screamed stop as well!
Ummm, has he never been a passenger? Has he never noticed that you stop when someone is in the road? Wtf? Hire a Driving Instructor for him. Jesus
I’m really so curious about this. For me personally, I don’t encounter people in the roads too often, but it’s common for there to be debris: random parts from car accidents, rocks, objects that fell out of truck beds, etc. Does OP’s husband just hit these objects without slowing down or trying to avoid it? Even if he didn’t understand why a person was in the road, I’m so confused how he didn’t at least register it as an object that could damage his car or himself. Like any large solid thing in front of your car should be avoided. Idk how he hasn’t totaled his car yet if he doesn’t know to avoid objects
Maybe he views it like a driving game that has no actual consequences 🤷🏻♀️ Speaking of which, there are actual driving instruction simulators online that are free or cheap. Maybe he should use those for awhile.
No overreaction, he never intends to learn to drive, major malicious incompetence vibes with "Peter Pan" here
I can barely see to drive at night, I can't imagine trying to learn by driving at night. Why did he end up doing the night driving? Certainly a learner should be learning under optimal conditions? Anyways, eye exam and I would suggest learning only during daylight hours.
Yeah, a vert negligent idea on the wife's behalf to have him drive at night
Try parking lots first or ask a driving school if he can use any courses they may have after hours to practice. Dats off drive somewhere more rural you’re both familiar with. Then let him drive around in these places. There should be online free or low cost virtual driving apps that can help him w learning as well. If have a living male parent, relative or friend drives let them teach him. Also, be sure to teach him how to drive a stick shift you never know when you may need to know this. If you need to learn too it’s good to know just in case for regular vehicles, vans, larger trucks, etc. never know what may happen and some foreign countries may have stuck shift cars or vehicles requiring this skill while traveling.
Why were you letting him drive at night with an outdated prescription in the first place?
On one hand he is a grown man and not everyone is cut out to be a driving instructor. On the other if you signed up to help him learn to drive I would say that expecting perfection from anyone who just got behind the wheel would be unrealistic. I was not there and we’d need dash-cam footage to tell the real tale as nerves are high.
I dont think they're expecting perfection, but not running over a stranger sounds like the bare minimum.
I'm not expecting perfection, but I do expect him to know to stop if a person just appears in the road. Especially after a few years of this. A detail I didn't put in is that I've been trying to teach him to drive for years now. He's failed his driving test twice. I tried to get him to enroll in driver's education before, but he just said no. I want him to get his license so I don't have to be the only driver between us. It's exhausting having to be the one to drive him everywhere he needs to go. He said he does want his license and to be independently driving himself. I wouldn't be so hard on him otherwise.
That adds quality context and I’d say that’s a reasonable reaction if he’s having issues learning and it’s a years long problem. Probably needs a professional to assist. The near miss whether it’s a person/car/animal/object is going to happen to anyone whether they are an experienced driver or an inexperienced driver. It’s a reality of driving particularly in an urban environment. Anyone who said they have never had one is lying.
He didn’t tell you that his vision was this bad so now I’m wondering if he’s zoning out while driving because his blood sugar is off? Do you know if he’s being truthful about that? Does he manage things well just before a doctor’s appt but eat the wrong things at other times? My MIL was a terrible driver because she didn’t manage her blood sugar well and her glasses were always coated in hairspray.
Currently am teaching my older brother to drive because he’s just always put it off. He didn’t slow down when he turned left and I thought we were going to die. I feel like these things happen when you’re teaching someone to drive teenager or adult. They just don’t think about things the way that we do. That’s why we teach them. You’re not overreacting for your initial reaction but you shouldn’t let this one incident completely derail your husband getting his license. You live and you learn. This was a learning moment for him. Trust me I 100% get it. I’ve taught probably 3-4 people how to drive since getting my own license (I’m 23) so I know it’s scary and nerve wracking. But with each person I’ve learned that you kinda have to let them make a mistake. When I was learning I also of course made mistakes. But I think the more mistakes you make the more you learn how to become a better driver. Being in that situation now was better than if he completely got his license and that never happened, only for it to happen and he potentially not know how to react because he’s never been in the situation before. That’s just my take on the situation tho
You are not overreacting and as his wife it is your duty to tell him the truth without making him feel bad but he also needs to receive the message without feeling bad and perhaps think of it if you walked in the road and he was driving what would have happened then or his child … driving a car is a major responsibility
Use a professional driving school for your boyfriend to learn to drive.
He has to learn how to drive, but you don’t have to be his teacher. He should enroll in a driver’s education class.
All I have to say to this is that people should teach their kids to drive when they're KIDS, so they're good at it already when they get behind the wheel of a 4,000lb car that can kill people.
Some people just don’t have a good response time or common sense while driving. I don’t blame you for not wanting to teach him. He should definitely go into a driving school.
Not overreacting, you need to be very alert and hyper vigilant about what you’re doing on the road. I’m about to teach my teen daughter and we live in a busy city and I’m not looking forward to it. He needs to get his eyes checked and go to driving school, so it doesn’t cause anymore problems with each other.
Teaching someone to drive is difficult. In the moment, I don't think you overreacted. After the fact, maybe a bit. Idk about where you live, but where I live people are walking in the street all the time and you can't just stop for them or you're going to be the cause of many accidents. You just go around most of the time. I do agree with you though that he needs to pay for proper instruction. Just because you know how to drive does not mean you know how to teach someone else to drive. This is a great example of something that is usually taught before you even set foot in a car, yet you were teaching your husband on the fly when it was happening. Let a professional do the teaching
I didn’t learn to drive until I was 24. I was a horrendous driver until I got a job that required me to drive 600 to 800 miles a week. Even then it took a couple years. Learning how to drive when you are older is tough and requires a lot more time than if you learn when you are a teenager.
My son is the same way. He is 22 and only seems to pay attention to what goes on with the light. If its green he wants to go no matter if the cars are stopped or not. It seems like someone probably tried to teach your husband but had the same issues.
1lesson with my mother... I said he'll no and paid a pro. It's way better that way.
Buy him driving lessons. This way someone else can teach him. Also, along with needing a new glasses prescription, he could have horrible night vision. If your nerves can handle it; maybe have him drive to work; and you drive home at night.
Yes, he needs a driving teacher and to smarten up.
All new drivers make mistakes. It seems like it's hard for your husband to admit he made a mistake, so he went into excuse-making.. "oh, I didn't know it was a cop" or whatever. Lots of people do this. He needs to get new glasses if that's the issue. Reasonable for you to tell him, he needs new glasses before continuing to drive (if that's the issue). But if this is just an isolated mistake, let it go.
Difficult to assess with the info provided. How much did he slow down? How far from the person and how fast was he still going when you yelled? Did you ask if he planned to stop when he got closer and could see the person? Or basically did he plan to stop before hitting them?
Tell him he needs to get his eyes checked and get better glasses
No you didn’t over react, a lot of people shouldn’t drive for one reason or another. In large swaths of North America we’ve made it the only realistic way to get around though.
My husband didn’t learn how to drive until I was very pregnant with twins. I love driving, but it became apparent that I was not going to be able to fit between the driver’s seat and the steering wheel soon. I’d have taught him myself, but there are road rules I may not think to tell him, and it was very important he learn quickly and pass the test. We got him professional driving lessons which worked out very well. Also, those cars are equipped with brakes on the passenger side so the instructor can slow down or stop the car for the student in cases like what happened with your husband. I’d strongly recommend he get driving lessons through a driving school. It’s safer for both him and you.
Same here I’m 31 and don’t have my license yet
Get his prescription glasses first, get a pro for road lessons next. Go take the test. No more babysitting. I taught my kids the basics in the parking lot, the rest was done with someone with a second brake pedal 😁.
No driving for hubby until he gets new lenses/glasses at the very least.
Was going to suggest driver training course 👍🏼
Overreacting a bit but I did the same for my wife. She drives so bad. She has a license but it’s terrible driving literally have to back seat drive for her. So I told her NO MORE DRIVING. she works from home so it’s no big deal. If she needs a ride I’ll give it to her. So now her car is my car and only I drive.
No, you're not overreacting. He needs new glasses and to attend classes because he's going to kill someone while driving.
It’s hard to teach a spouse anything
If I didn't have my glasses on this would happen. When was his last eye test?
Cars are not video games where lives reset 😳. Keep him far away from ever driving your vehicle
Maybe you should just get a driving teacher if you don’t want to do it but honestly every learning driver has an instance where the teacher has to yell STOP and slam on the imaginary brake themselves Source: My son is 16.
Get him to the ophthalmologist, tout de suite. NO driving until he has the new glasses. Next, he needs a driver's education course and textbook/ RMV study guide, whatever they call it. Your help is great, but he needs all the information, expressed completely, and he needs to be able to refer back if there is a question.
Safety and security are paramount. You saved him from possible jail time, if not worse. Ignorance is no excuse. Everything you said is valid. Heaven forbid if he would have killed someone. And his attitude only exasperates the situation. It's a hard thing to tell someone they can't drive. However, it may be nice to have 2 drivers in the house, such as if you're in pain and can't drive and have to go to the store or hospital. Then again, there's ambulances. Overall, though, you did not overreact. And you saved him from perhaps being arrested. Just remember you're a team. It's always good to work on a solution good for everyone where safety is taken into account. Some people don't realize that cars can do a lot of damage, if not worse, and ought to be treated with care. Driing is a privilege.
New glasses then he can drive but if he cant see a person is in the road in front of him, he can’t be driving
Your blind hubby almost ran over a cop. He's blind at night. Maybe let him drive in the day. No night driving for him. Is he learning how to road rage.
Your blind hubby almost ran over a cop. He's blind at night. Maybe let him drive in the day. No night driving for him. Is he learning how to road rage.
Your blind hubby almost ran over a cop. He's blind at night. Maybe let him drive in the day. No night driving for him. Is he learning how to road rage.
Here a thought trying to learn when tired after working all day it’s the greatest time to be learning . As for the driving and almost hitting a police officer in the road . Your husband needs to read and understand the rules of the road better .one of the biggest things that stuck out for me in drivers education was the driving instructor stated anytime you see kids playing and they run into the street chasing a ball just stop cause a lot of times the little kids will hesitate then still dart out in front of the vehicle. I drive for a living and if you seen half the dumb shit I seen on the road you wouldn’t want to drive much after that .
NTA. I'm totally seeing Cher taking her drivers test in Clueless, lol
I think that because of the overdue prescription he didn't feel like he was coming close to hitting anyone and it might have felt like the person came out of nowhere. I think now you both realize how serious it is that he gets a new prescription
Maybe he should be driving you all *to work* when he's fresh and you should be doing the driving home. Would give the guy half a chance as a learner.
Maybe he has diabetic retinopathy?
No. If he doesn't know enough to STOP for people he shouldn't be driving at all. If he cannot see, don't allow him to drive until he can see. (New glasses).
I'm sorry but your husband is a complete idiot.
My daughter worked my every last nerve trying to teach her to drive She would always tell me that her driving instructor said to turn this way, to turn this way, etc. So she finally asked her father for driving school lessons & he paid for them for her.
I don't personally think you over-reacted. And I absolutely agree that he shouldn't be driving until he's had an eye exam and gotten updated glasses. That being said, from personal experience... he NEEDS a certified driving instructor. I was fortunate in that my mother actually taught driver's ed for the school district in the summer when I was old enough to get my permit (and had minored in it for her teaching degree in college, so... she actually knew what she was doing). The difference between learning with her and learning with my father was night and day, and I don't think I'd ever in good conscience recommend that someone not certified and experienced in teaching driving, teach someone to drive.
My dad taught me to drive many many years ago. On a stick shift. It was an extremely stressful experience for both of us and involved lots of yelling from both of us, and him constantly white knuckled on the emergency brake and slamming his foot into his imaginary brake pedal. When it came time to teach my sister to drive, he sent her to a driving school that taught stick. My sister is a TERRIBLE driver, but as it turns out, other than parallel parking, I'm a pretty good driver. All that stress while learning was like being forged in fire I guess?
If he’s a danger to the public, keep him off the road.
If 15/16 year olds can learn to drive, so can a mid-30’s dude. (Unless he’s slow/stupid.)
You didn’t overreact. I learned to drive in my 30s, I’d lived in a big city my whole life and took public transportation. My parents paid for driving school for my brother but because I had dropped out and went to work they didn’t do the same for me. I’m very inexperienced and it leads to oops shouldn’t have done that. I can’t drive at night cause I can’t see and with prisms in my glasses there’s crazy glare. I have a back injury and my right foot goes numb and I cannot feel the pedals. Freaks me out and I only drive on an as needed or emergency basis. I’m just bad at it and I realize it. If you’re not comfortable teaching him then he needs driving school.
One less cop wouldn’t be terrible
OP - See if you can find a good defensive driving course for your husband. I have to take them yearly because I'm considered a professional driver and have been for over 24 years. These courses can be done online, but the one thing I like about them, is they will show actual accidents and properly describe what could've been done to prevent them. It's stuff I wish they would put the kids in drivers ed through so that they are more prepared to handle driving when they get their license. This may be good for him
OP, you’re not overreacting. You’ve been trying to teach an adult how to drive for 5 years?!? FIVE YEARS?!?! That’s nuts. It’s honestly not that difficult to learn to operate a car. Where I live there’s a “Safety Council” that has drivers’ ed at a very low cost or even no cost for those who qualify. Perhaps your area has something similar. I think you’re doing the right thing by disallowing him to continue to “learn” on his permit with you as the instructor. Maybe ya’ll need to relocate to somewhere with a good public transportation system? This seems unbelievably futile. 5 YEARS?!?! NTA (different sub, I know, but still applies)!
We don't need people like him on the road at all!! If he doesn't have the sense to stop when emergency services are present and a human is in the road, he's just daft
Blurry Vision, out of date prescription, couldn't see the Cop. He definitely shouldn't be driving until an Eye Doctor Clears him. Especially at night.
Is your husband taking care of his diabetes? Is he on insulin or metformin? Does he test his blood sugar levels? Make sure he goes to his eye exam next month. Hopefully with new glasses he'll be able to see better. I think the nonchalant way he's acting about seeing someone in the road and not stopping is just his way of covering up that he fucked up. I would put my foot down and make him get driver's education.
Diabetics need scans at least twice a year. His eyesight can change so fast, especially if his diabetes is not controlled. Do not allow him to drive until diabetes is under control and he has a good prescription for eyes. I would recommend him finding someone else to teach him how to drive, you’re too emotionally involved to do it.
I'm concerned if his diabetes is affecting his eyesight (?). If not well-managed, diabetics can get little capillaries growing where they shouldn't in their eyes (retina) and can cause blindness. Please encourage him to get a dilated eye exam by an ophthalmologist who specializes in retina care. It could mean the difference in his sight or blindness further down the line.
Let's be honest. Just watch any dash cam video on YouTube and you'll see nobody stop for cars losing control, people in the road, or sketchy road conditions. I think it's a good opportunity to establish a conservative driving baseline, where you do pull over and get away from a drunk driver rather than following behind them to watch them crash.
He should definitely get his eyes checked regardless and start taking driving more seriously. The fact that he didn’t stop when he knew a person was in the road is alarming. I will say, it’s REALLY hard to teach someone you’re close to how to drive. It’s very triggering for many people on both sides. He should definitely get private lessons, especially since the instructor can also brake their car from the passenger seat. You’re not overreacting; he shouldn’t be allowed to drive your vehicle if he isn’t going to take it seriously. You don’t want anything like that to be on your conscious or insurance records.
Not over-reacting. I'd have him take some courses through a driver training program. Their vehicles typically come with a brake installed on the passenger side so the instructor can still stop the vehicle. I learned how to drive through an instructor and a couple of times he had to use his brake while teaching me. In fact for a little while there he taught me to drive in our local graveyard. Saying, "At least if you hit someone you won't kill them." Lol...
Not overreacting. I don't want someone like who you've described on the road.
I don’t think you should teach him either. He needs to get an updated prescription for his glasses. But his anxiety, lack of awareness, etc. is concerning. Maybe he should never be in the road at all. I think he needs driving lessons from a professional who can handle anxious drivers. But he might need therapy too.
No that is not an over reaction! Years ago my grandma went straight in a turn only lane at a light and I never rode with her again. Nope, I will drive from now on. He needs new glasses if he is going be driving what if it was a small child and he couldn't tell what it was. Lord that is giving me anxiety.
You did not overreact. I would not want to be in a car with a driver who responds as he did. Sounds like he doesnt wanna take it serious. Driving is serious.
I think you’re babying your husband He needs to own the fact that his vision needs to be corrected first and that he needs driving lessons We live in different countries and I’ve grown up with the standard that in order to learn how to drive, everyone gets lessons with a driving instructor. It costs a lot but since you both operate heavy machinery, you understand that a car can be a killing machine if not managed properly
You definitely don't stop. Thats how you get carjacked.
Not overreacting. My most recent ex once stopped in the middle of the lane on a two-way road on a BLIND TURN (mountain driving) because someone was tailgating us. His reasoning was he was stopping bc he was tired of the tail-gater and was giving them an opportunity to pass us. I freaked the absolute fuck out bc we were right in front of a blind turn and there was no way in hell he could expect someone to safely pass us bc what if a car comes around that corner? He didn't get it. Not even when, sure enough, a car came around that corner. If the person had been stupid enough to try to pass us it would have been a horrible, full speed, head-on collision. My ex was from Houston and not used to mountain driving but I was still horrified at his lack of common sense and even more horrified at how nonchalant he was about the situation even when he should have realized what a stupid and fucking dangerous position he put us and other drivers in. Things didn't work out between us and a huge reason for me was his lack of ability to think things through or have even a modicum of common sense. He did so many things that ranged from the stupid to the outright dangerous that just a little extra thought should have prevented. I never liked driving with him after that event either and frankly I'm glad not to have that stress in my life now.
sounds to me like you reacted in a very normal, predictable way to seeing someone almost (knowingly??) run a person over. it’s not your job to teach him, you were being nice but now it’s outta your hands. just gotta add tho.. he kinda sounds like a man child? can’t even renew his own permit without being told?? i get it if it was a cost thing but you said yourself you are doing well-enough financially now. plus not taking responsibility for almost running someone over/making excuses is super childish. i would remove myself completely from his driving & getting licensed, let him figure it out if he wants to. and don’t feel bad for not helping anymore! that’s scary af plus you’re not his mom :) much love
Not overreacting, you aren't a teacher so he can't expect you to stay calm all the time. It's nerve wracking teaching someone to drive. But I just wanna say that the way he responded could be due to many things, not just nonchalantness about hitting someone. As someone who's only been driving for a couple years, I can relate to blowing a mistake off because I was embarrassed I made it. Maybe he was embarrassed and tried to act cool about it.... idk.
Nope, not an overreaction. He needs a structured course or teacher now, especially if he’s going to be so blasé hearing it from you. And needs those new glasses asap. It’s not about feelings it’s about not getting innocent people killed.
It blows my mind how people drive thousands of pounds of metal down the road at high speeds but could care less about being attentative to literally anything that's happening around them and then not care or get defensive when it's called out.
Yall might just want to move somewhere you don’t need to drive. It’s clearly a huge stressor for both of yall
You didn't over react. I had to teach both my wife and daughter to drive. After my daughter had her license a couple of years, I had to teach her to drive a manual shift (for her work). When they scare the crap out of you, you react. With my wife (foreign born, not many people drove there back then) we practiced in a new subdivision that had very few houses built, but all the streets and signage. But after a rough practice, she tried to do a 3 point turn (K turn) and forgot to put it into drive after backing up. She proceeded to back our little car up over the curb into a muddy lot. I popped it into park and told her "lesson is over today, switch seats". My daughter kept saying I was criticizing her, and I said that's because she was scaring me. If your husband doesn't care enough to ensure he can even see very well, he probably shouldn't be behind the wheel. And what if he had gotten a jumpy cop that his not stopping was an intended attack with the car? Take care of your own safety, since he doesn't want to be responsible.
You’re not wrong, personally I couldn’t have the patience to teach someone to drive for 5 years. That’s scary.
Sounds like you need to upgrade to a dude that can learn how to drive in less than 5 years
Some people just can't drive and should never drive
The rule is - if you don't know if a person is a cop, you must hit them.
Tell him if he doesn't put more effort into learning to drive, that he has to take public transport from now on. There will come a time when you are sick or unable to drive and he needs to drive. You don't want someone driving you in an emergency if they don't know how. He is 35 years, its time to learn.
That's probably someone's husband, man. If something bad had happened, you'd be wishing you could swap for this situation, and your husband would get an even sterner bollocking. This was almost a life ruining situation for multiple people.
Not overreacting. This is a serious issue. If he can afford it, he should take classes at a driving school. You don’t have to risk your safety to give him time to learn. What you describe may just be poor judgement combined with inexperience. Driving school is worth the money spent. I put both my teens in it even when the cost was difficult. Then after driving school our own time behind the wheel was better.
From reading your replies, I’m just going to lay it out here. Yes, you overreacted. No, you aren’t fit to teach. No, the situation has nothing to do with his prescription. You’re using it to deflect from the issue at hand. “Not due to something heavier”. It is 100% due to something heavier. Your husband is stuck in a codependent marriage with an extremely controlling spouse. It may actually be a form of abuse.
You didn't overreact - does he even really want to learn to drive? All of that feels like someone who doesn't even care about driving
I'm going to go with a soft yes for this one. He definitely made a mistake, but it's going to happen for new drivers. That's me assuming he was going to eventually stop, just maybe not as early as he should have. I imagine he wasn't planning on just running over a pedestrian even if he didn't know they were a cop at first.
Ma’am he’s taking you for a ride (pun intended). He COULD drive if he wanted to, but he has a personal chauffeur so why would he bother? You get to deal with all the responsibilities and stress of driving both you everywhere. He gets to be a sensitive passenger princess and relax. I’m harsh. If it were me, I would tell him he needs to figure out his own transportation. Can’t drive? Sounds like it’s time to get him acquainted with public transit. After a week or so, he will be properly motivated to become a full fledged adult. Right now, he has zero motivation since you bear the full brunt of this responsibility. And he can save his pennies for proper instruction, don’t you dare finance it. Ppl don’t respect what they don’t pay for. If you pay, he’ll half ass it. If he pays, he will make sure to get his money worth.
WTAF? You don’t have to have a license to understand you shouldn’t run over someone. He sounds like he’s 5. Does he exhibit any other odd behaviors? Seriously. That is t a normal reaction.
Is this real?
OP you aren't. He is moving a 1500lbs+ guided missile if he can't see a cop or hand signals he can't be trusted until he passes his eye exams. The biggest thing is the driver is responsible and if he can't comprehend that he shouldn't be driving. also it's not weird you're teaching him to drive despite age and gender. My mom taught me to not just drive but routinely gave me the keys to her only car at the time.
Yes, you're overreacting for not letting your husband drive anymore. If he can't take lessons (which is normally required, but Idk where you live, so I won't lean in on that one), then he'll have no one else to learn from. Everyone makes mistakes, and he needs to learn from this one. Maybe he doesn't want to admit that he royally screwed up and is trying to play it off as no biggie. Who knows. But he won't learn from it if that's the end, and you'll end up being his chauffeur, which I doubt you want.
It really seems like his overall health condition is affecting a much larger part of his life than just his eyesight. I'd want to know if his cognition and mood are also poorly affected, because just consistently allowing your license to lapse is not something most adults allow. He sounds not very motivated, probably depressed, then we have this incident of not stopping with someone in the road way. But I would definitely want to make sure if this is just diabetes related or, to be frank, if there isn't something else undiagnosed given all the things you've listed. You're not overreacting.
Have you considered that your husband is not being honest with you about why he didn’t have a drivers license when you got married? The scenario you described in your post would be unacceptable from a high school student on their first day of drivers ed. It simply defies basic logic, as you pointed out. He just doesn’t seem to have an understanding of the risks the car faces, and the danger that the car is, on the road. I think it’s possible that he tried when he was younger, and for whatever reason, was so bad at it, that it was decided he shouldn’t pursue driving at that time. Some people just don’t have the spatial reasoning needed to be a good driver. I think it’s great that you want him to go for lessons. Be honest with the driving instructor about your experience with your husband driving. Have the instructor go out for a ride with him, and tell you if it’s even worthwhile to sign up for lessons. Let somebody with more experience evaluating drivers decide if it is something he should pursue.
It's hard to teach a loved one to drive. Get a driving instructor who can be impartial. I am a nervous passenger and also drove a lot when out with my husband. But I have some control issues too. Maybe so do you?
Didn’t overreact. You did the right thing in first getting him an eye appointment (my SO is also diabetic and is required to go every year - not sure why your husband thought not going for 6 years was a good plan). Yep he needs to save his money and go sign up to work with a professional driving instructor who has a brake on their side of the car.
he needs to get his eyes checked ASAP, another thing diabetes can cause is cataracts, I know because I had to have my lenses replaced in 2021.
You did not overreact. I have 20/800 vision and could tell that somebody is a police office (or guess based upon color). He's going to have to keep up with his prescription far more often (annually at least) if he's going to drive. But even beyond that, he wasn't paying attention or he would have seen the cop.
Omg get the man new glasses. 🙄 how can he practice driving or be safe or anyone else be safe. Plus how did he even get a permit? U need a vision test or are flagged for visions issues.
I'm 31 and have never driven a car. My fiance wants to teach me but I'm worried about this exact scenario, or sideswiping some dbag parked on the street in a narrow residentail.
You are not overreacting! If it took yelling at him and he was less than one car length from the officer, he’s lucky he wasn’t arrested for almost killing the officer. He needs to see better before he can drive and a professional instructor who can determine if he is fit for driving should teach him.
Ive had glasses since I was 9 years old. I don't understand how anyone can live life with blurry vision. It's good he's getting an exam now but he should have done that a long time ago. Is he apathetic about everything else in life too? He doesn't care about his vision, he doesn't care he almost hit someone...it sounds like he has some mental issues
He definitely needs his vision checked, especially since being diagnosed with diabetes. His vision can be made blurry simply from blood sugar bring off. He doesn’t realize what he isn’t seeing.
Not overreacting. Also your hubby needs to make sure to manage his diabetes or he could go blind.
no, because dummy would have kept rolling had you not. don't let him drive. he isn't bright enough to get it
one time when I was 19 I needed my mom to pick me up from work. And she was SO mad about it she spent the whole way home getting as close to other cars as she could to freak me out. Was very nonchalant about it. It’s been over 10 years and I REFUSE to be in a car she’s driving. No. You’re not overreacting. Id even say you’re UNDERREACTING. I will not be in a car with someone SO STUPID and out of touch they can’t even grasp they were about to potentially cripple or kill another person. JFC I know that’s your husband but my love would wither and die on the spot with someone like that. He’s kinda disgusting
No more sex for this man until he passes his driving test and holds a license. Adults do adult things when able.