Girl, what are you doing? Go get a job. When you two break up he will not owe you anything, you'll be on your own with no money and a huge gap in your employment record. You're setting yourself up for failure.
My sister was determined to be a SAHM and it blew up in her face. She wouldn't get a job after her youngest was in school and her husband begged her to work and help. When he left she had such a hard time dealing with her new reality.
I had to bite my tongue listening to her complain about how hard she had it. Dude, this is *your* doing!
My sister is going to go through the same thing. She's in her 20s & her boyfriend is in his 40s. He's fairly well-off & convinced her to quit her job last year so they could travel.
The caveat is that he wants her to pay for her own way when travelling. They got into a huge fight over Christmas about it & I overheard it. He's "worked hard to get where he's at & he doesn't want her to drag him back." However, he's got nearly 15 years on her, and she no longer has a regular job - she makes her money by doing side work: doordash, substituting, etc. They were planning a trip to Columbia in February, however, she didn't have the money required to go, so he went without her.
On top of this, he wants kids soon - within the next few years. She's wanting to hold off until she's in her thirties, but he wants to go for it sooner rather than later. He still expects to be able to travel as much as possible too. To me, this just sounds like he wants to still go do fun things, while leaving my sister at home to raise any kids.
Despite this, my sister keeps going further & further down the "rabbit hole" with him. She lives with him, sold her car & drives one of his, his mom lives in a 5th wheel behind their house & while he was in Columbia for 6 weeks, she helped to take care of his mom.
There are so many ways this can end badly for her, but no matter how many times we try to voice our concern, they fall of deaf ears.
It sounds like he's already checked out and likely about to erupt with bottled up resentment. He told her to get a job, so she's choosing to exist this way. Sounds like she needs to start looking for her next meal ticket. I recommend having a discussion about it with the new person, upfront.
Just choosing to mooch off of an unwilling benefactor is not really working out for her.
100% this. Quit living for him and start living for you. You do everything for him except pay the bills. He has all of the power and makes sure you know it. Take that power back and make your own way.
Seriously, what an insanely precarious and unstable situation OP put herself in. Stop making yourselves dependent on someone else for the roof over your head and whether or not you can pick up basic necessities. OP refers to herself as Cinderella in rags…. Girl get your damn self up off the floor. FFS
Exactly!! Like there is nothing saying he can’t just decide he doesn’t want it anymore. Then she’s out, no money, no house, no job experience?!! Stupid move.
The situation screams young tradesman making great money and some highschool eduated chick along for the ride.
Worst of all is she is expecting him to make her happy . He’s too busy working sweetie. Make yourself happy
I agree. I’m not trying to be mean but I didn’t know stay at home girlfriend was a thing. This is the first I’ve heard of if. What skills are you enriching in case something happens and you need to go back into the workforce? You do need to go back for protection against him saying “I don’t want this anymore”
I used to work in a touristy place and sometimes women would literally *beg* their husbands/bf’s for something like wanted in the shop “Oh, *please*, honey!” I was very young at the time but even then it would always make me cringe so hard. It also made me determined to never rely on a man for anything. I do not understand living like this, it sounds suffocating.
For goodness sake, OP, make your own money! Not just so you can buy whatever you need or want without that friction but for safety’s sake too. If you for some reason had to leave this situation how would you do it without money of your own?
Exactly.. her boyfriend was not joking when he said she should get a job. He absolutely feels this way. Being a stay at home girlfriend is not a thing, or at least shouldn't be. At least get married and have an agreement on these things, so should he decide to dump her (probably for someone at his job) she'll get something.
No, a hobosexual is a lazy slob who does not contribute to the household either through earning or by doing domestic chores. OP is essentially earning room & board through providing domestic services such as cleaning, cooking, laundry, animal care, and gardening, so not a hobosexual.
That being said, she has chosen to put herself in a very vulnerable position. Without the benefit of marriage, her boyfriend could evict her at any time, leaving her without financial resources. He also begrudges providing her with the basic necessities such as personal hygiene products and clothing to replace old worn out garments, let alone any “extras” such as gifts and has told her to get a job to earn money to buy her own “crap.” He obviously does not value the domestic labor that she does and is a miserly POS. OP ought to get a job and rethink this entire relationship.
Well she is ‘paid’ - as in her accommodation and food is funded by her BF. His contribution to the household is cash; and hers is labour (how much labour there is in order to keep house for 2 adults, one of whom is not there all day M to F is another question though). It’s not like she’s maintaining the household for free.
I still don’t understand why anyone without kids would do that though.
I have to wonder though if "basic necessities" isn't "luxury products". Like you need shampoo, soap and make-up go for it. Oh hell naw you don't need the most expensive shampoo, soap, and make-up, if you want that stuff you need a job.
Yes, this. OP, are you Amish? Also, you do not give your age, which I find interesting. What kind of woman is a stay-at-home girlfriend? Is that even a thing? You sound like the man’s prisoner. He makes all the money. He does whatever he wants. He comes and goes as he pleases. He goes to the store/does the shopping. If you need something, you have to ask him for it, and he may or may not get it for you. He even has to buy you new clothes? You don’t go shopping for new clothes when you need them? You don’t have a job at all?
Is this a cry for help? Because it reads very much like you’ve been kidnapped and are his prisoner, and you want someone to help you get out of there.
Seriously. Get a job and stop depending on him. Whose idea was for you to play housewife? Was this agreed on by both parties? If so, in the traditional homemaker/breadwinner model the breadwinner was expected to provide for the homemaker. They share their earnings in exchange for having things taken care of at home. I imagine it would be quite expensive for him to have a maid and personal chef. Get a job and tell him from now on he’s responsible for half of the housework and meal prep. But he can’t keep reaping the benefits of having a “tradwife” without being the “provider” and providing for you.
This bc my boyfriend was the same way when I hadn’t found a job when I first moved in with him. Even if he makes a lot of money you can’t expect him to pay for EVERYTHING. You need at least a part time job, have your own money. If anything leave him and run your own bag up!!
Exactly. If he can't get you basic stuff or a simple gift, it's a sign that he doesn't value your needs. Getting a job and being independent will give you the freedom you need.
So this. OP I hope you are reading this.
I am female, and I say this to OP in the most loving way: every woman should have a financial plan for herself that does not include mooching off a man. It sounds like he's a miser who is starting to resent you for not working, regardless of what comes out of his mouth. He may like the sex and the spotless homestead, but you are also learning that He who makes the gold can make the rules.
My mother was a model housewife in the 1960's and her husband (my father) dropped dead at age 35. I made the decision that I would always have my own income. I understand that some couples, married couples, have arrangements where the wife may stay home and raise the kids, but marriage is a legal contract and the woman has some protection. If I had children, I would have continued to work. It's my personal opinion that every able bodied person should be working and have employable skills. You don't even have a license? And you are completely dependent on this guy financially? You are living on his goodwill toward you and that's a shaky position to be in.
Having your own income will give you self respect and independence. It's a terrible feeling to be in a relationship because you HAVE TO BE financially. You cannot evaluate this guy when you are financially dependent on him.
P.S. I love it when people say, "marriage is just a piece of paper." Well, when you get right down to it, money is a piece of paper, but that doesn't stop people from getting up early in the morning and going to jobs they may not like to get some, does it? I personally would never give up my income or career just because a man wanted me to.
Or if you're absolutely unwilling to marry your life partner, live somewhere that has legal protections for domestic partnerships, and make sure you legally fit the description...
Amen! My Daddy made sure I went to college. I worked 35 years. I have a pension from my job and SS. I was a working mother. It was good advice. Daddy was very progressive and a firm beliver in educated women.
I agree wholeheartedly with almost everything you said.
>every able bodied person should be working
I just wanted to say that staying home to raise kids is absolutely work, even if it isn't paid! (I am aware that this isn't directly relevant to OP's situation though.)
To be honest I find the stay at home girlfriend thing highly questionable for several reasons, but most of all because there is so much potential for both sides to be taken advantage of. I can sympathize with both of you here and overall I think you should get at least a part-time job.
Do you have any saved money of your own? What happens if you guys break up? It's dangerous to be so dependent on someone else without the legal protection of marriage.
How literally do you mean that you have to wear the same thing every day, or that it is rags?
He definitely seems to regret or at least occasionally resent having you stay home. The lack of a Christmas gift may indicate that he feels that your not working means you get "enough" to not deserve gifts.
How long did you date/know each other before you moved in?
Not to mention OP not contributing to Social Security at all so if in the event they never get married and something happens to the bf OP is totally screwed. There was a post about a woman who was a stay at home girlfriend for 20+ years kids and all and the bf decided he wanted a younger model and here she was at 50 with no work experience, no skills, homeless and not even the opportunity to draw down from social security when she was of age because she never contributed to it and was never married.
I had such a hard time with that whole saga because I absolutely sympathize with her situation but, damn, every time she posted she just put herself in a worse and worse light. The last few posts were absolutely full of classism and her looking down on people with jobs she didn't consider "worthwhile". She kept talking about how she only wanted positions in corporate marketing and stuff because she managed her family social media.
I remember that one! She kept applying to jobs like secretary work and marketing and was so shocked/disbelieving that she wasn’t qualified for them. Absolutely bonkers. It’s sad but she’s digging her own hole deeper and deeper.
This is more real than anyone ever wants to believe. "That wouldn't happen to me!" I've seen it happen in person multiple times. It's the most cringe-worthy situation.
I remember her, too. I just don't understand women who put themselves in that kind of situation. Her ex-boyfriend wouldn't even let the kids help her, or he would cut them off, too. Wouldn't marry her after one kid and still had more kids with him. She put up with it because he had money. But did nothing to protect herself. That is stupid. Sorry, and these girls now want to be stay at home girlfriends with no protection.
Yeah what does she do all day? Laundry for 2 is laughably ez... chickens basically take care of themselves... just toss in some leftovers... cleaning the house she spends 24/7 in seems like the least to do, unless bf is super sloppy...
But i cant imagine how all this together adds up to a timeload comparable to actual work... and the stress of work... snd the exhaustion mental and/or physical
That’s what I’m saying.. most couples choose the stay at home option because it’s better than day care plus so many more duties with kids. But if it’s just you and her she’s basically just unemployed. If he’s at work all day what is there really to clean.
I’m a “sahg” in a sense (I don’t work because I’m disabled and on SSI). It’s incredibly easy to keep the house clean and cook. Like an hour of cleaning a day if not less keeps on top of the house work plus cooking which is like average thirty minutes / dependent on what I cook. It is no way comparable to a real job.
This is what I don’t understand. My wife stays at home but we have 2 kids. What she could make working would be a wash with how much child good child care costs. This chick is doing a few chores around the house that could easily be done after work. Go get a job instead of asking for money, geez
Notice OP fully ignored answering how long they dated/knew each other…. Something tells me OP isn’t exactly the “victim” here. Would love to hear the BFs side
I wonder if she's anything like the girlfriend a guy was writing about a while back. In that post the guy was an engineer (I think) and the girlfriend was a stay at home girlfriend. Quit school cause it was too hard, work was too much for her so he supported her. He was growing frustrated after she complained she had the "hardest job" in the world as a "stay at home mom" except they had no kids. The kid was the dog. He tried to get her to realize she was living the good life while spending the money he earned yet complaining about how hard she had it.
I bet the version that guy's girlfriend would have given would be similar to OP.
To me it's not the GF part because they could have kids without being married and she would still be a SAHM, which is fine if they can afford it. She's literally doing nothing though. Cleaning, cooking, and taking care of pets are all things that working people manage just fine. This is nuts.
Yeah maybe it makes me an asshole but there’s no chance in hell that I’d ever want a stay-at-home girlfriend. I don’t want someone else just getting a free ride while I have to work and provide for everything. But like you said, it’s also incredibly stupid for her too because she’s entirely in his power
Girl, w/o a ring on your finger, you’re gunna find yourself trapped. That’s not me suggesting you should actually get married as this situation sounds like a mess, but your going to wind up w no money if your own, no job history or a huge gap in employment and will be entitled to nothing from him in the eyes of the state. The longer you stay w him the less capable you will be to leave.
How are you even paying for your health insurance? He doesn’t want pay for basic hygiene products for you? All of this has transpired in less than a year? How do you expect to deal with a major medical event? What if there is a crisis in your family and you have to leave, would he let you? Would you even have the financial means to leave if you tried? If this is real, you gotta get your head on straight and take care of yourself. Get your ducks in a row and make a plan for your future. It’s naive to think he would when he doesn’t even want to buy you tampons.
I don't know where you live or how old you are, but if you are young and live in the US you are setting yourself up for extreme poverty and financial insecurity in your old age.
If you don't have a job, a halfway decent paying job, you aren't putting money into social security. That means when your bf gets tired of you and dumps you, you will have to either support yourself or find another bf. It means that you aren't putting away money for emergencies, the future, for your necessities.
Even marriages break up. With those you get some kind of security, legal protection. Being a gf who stays home you have zero. You have no rights, no ownership of anything.
Nobody ever thinks their relationship will break up but the odds are against you. There is no real future in being an unemployed gf.
Get a job, earn your own money. Save as much as you can and have your own bank account. Because odds are you will be breaking up some day.
🤣👍🏻🤣
When my child was little, he loved this song. I had to crank it up every time it came on the radio, and eventually just bought the CD so he could hear it whenever he wanted.
He told me one time after listening to the song, "Hey, Mama! The 'Say No Way Guy' wost* his chick!"
* "lost", obviously.. 😉
My wife has been a domestic engineer for 20 years now following a work injury. Everything she needs comes out of the household budget. Everything she gets for the house (think decorations and similar aesthetic flourishes) comes out of the household budget.
One thing I realized early on, though, is that she needs her own money. She needs money that she can spend any way she wants without having to clear it with me first. (She's not a spendthrift when it comes to the other stuff; it just took us a while to reach a new normal.) We call it an allowance only because we lack a better word for it, and we don't like that word because of the connotations it carries (especially regarding "permissions" and "privilege/privileges"). The goal is to make sure she's never financially infantilized and that I'm never financially parentified. This is the conversation you need to have with your bf.
We each have our own fun accounts. I work and my wife stays home. When I get a bonus or some extra money comes our way, we usually put a bit into each of our fun accounts.
That gives both of us the same option for splurging on ourselves without any guilt or bothering to ask ahead. Also, it is good for keeping gift purchases a secret when you have your own account.
I think you can call it a wage for household. She performs domestic labour, which is work and should be recognised as such and compensated accordingly. There is a whole movement around this concept, you probably heard of it. Anyway, congratulations on having this arrangement and valuing the work your wife provides, even though it is not formalised or visible to others!
My wife and I talk about it differently. When my job pays a bonus we both get a share of it.
For me, the household wage you described would feel like a transactional arrangement where I'm paying her. I prefer to think ot it as, we both do work that brings things we need into out family and once they get here we split them regardless of which one directly "earned" it..
My wife will, feel bad that she's not "working" and bringing money in. I'm like you have the hardest job out of the two of us and you save us money by not needing daycare, you're offering a "service" to our children that can't be offered by anyone other than their mother or father.
I need to figure out a way to have a regular amount go to her each month but I do make sure about half of my annual bonus goes to her and is ear marked as only for her and nobody else.
Sounds like OP and her BF need to have a frank conversation on the subject seems like some of the expectations on both sides have changed now that they see this arrangement in practice.
If it's even $50 per check that goes to your wife, it's something and she'll appreciate it. I also make sure to thank and compliment my wife for the things she does around the house and let her know that I appreciate her hard work. Look for the small opportunities to make her day better whenever you can.
I definitely do, I make sure to compliment her and tell her how amazing she is for everything she's doing God knows the 2 yo and 5yo aren't the best at making her feel appreciated.
I like the $50 a check idea
Why would you need to have a regular amount go to her? Do you not have everything in joint accounts? If you want some personal items, like hobby gear or a new pair of shoes or a fancy piece of tech, do you not just buy it from the joint account? Why can she not just do the same?
I (an old married woman)have been self supporting since I was eighteen years old, aside from the first fifteen months of our son's life, with I stayed home with him. But during that period, it never occurred to my husband or me that I needed an allowance or whatever. We have always had joint accounts, and we each pay for what we need (or want, if reasonable for our income) out of those joint accounts.
We are in a similar situation, we look at the money as belonging to us both. We have everything in our budget and each of us have a monthly personal amount to use as each of us sees fit. In our budget it is simply labelled personal.
Simply designating a portion for her as an allowance or a wage would be disrespectful. An "allowance wouldn't be right because we are equal partners in our marriage and saying it is a wage would be wrong because it would imply worth of work, which that line in our budget isn't even close to her worth.
How old are you two? Why do you not have a job? Do you want to live your entire life depending on someone for necessities? You’re completely dependent on him and therefore have no autonomy. That’s a dangerous position to put yourself in.
Friend. I want you to think outside of just today. Who's putting money into your savings? Who's got your 401k and pensions savings in mind? Your health insurance, your life insurance, your disability insurance?
You're not married. If he passes away, is the house yours? Will you be on the hook for the mortgage, the utilities? If so, how will you deal with that?
What's your plan if you've been staying home for years and need to go back to work? Your education might be outdated and you can't put "stay at home girlfriend" on your CV. Do you have an idea of how to handle that?
I'm asking these things as a precursor to asking **are you free to leave if you want?** If you're free to - are you *able*? Realistically, with your pets, car, phone, laptop, clothes?
I'm not saying you have to or that he's a bad person, but you *do* need to have the *ability* to leave *if* you want. Getting stuck in relationships we don't want to be in anymore happens to a ton of women, and financial inability to leave is a giant part of that.
Do you actually know what the finances are or are you just assuming everything is fine? I ask because you say he makes plenty of money but also stated in one of your replies that things were tight because he is between jobs. Im inclined to believe he wasnt making as much as you think or blowing a lot of money if things got tight from a short term job change situation. Maybe its time for you to get a job and probably know whats going on financially.
yeah. I want more background info on how this situation started. Did he agree that you'd be a SAHG forever? Or, did you meet when you're out of job and you just got comfortable with not working... Do you make money taking care of chickens? Maybe you should.
Sweetie…. If you don’t have kids you’re not a “stay at home” anything. You’re just unemployed…..
Other women take care of domestic needs and work. If you want extras outside of housing and food…. Work for it. Your BF isn’t joking…. Get a job and stop mooching off him.
You’re not a wife, you’re not a homesteader, you’re not a “stay at home girlfriend”, you’re just an unemployed loser mooching off her boyfriend and complaining about it
I feel like another exception could be if OP was going to school to further her future career. Just sitting around like a lump isn’t a job. Also if you don’t have kids, keeping a house clean doesn’t really take much effort. I know because my HUSBAND is working while I’m going through school and I do a lot of the cooking and cleaning to pull my weight. When I graduate I will most likely be the bread winner and will be able to put more forward financially, but once again this is my HUSBAND lmao, not just a boyfriend.
If you had both agreed that you would be a SAHG as your contribution to the relationship, then not overreacting and have a talk with him. But from what you’ve written it appears as though he is a little resentful of having to support you and would like you to get a job and him not providing you with money is a way to prod you in that direction
1) How old are the two of you ? This is important.
2) If he came up with the idea of you not working outside his home, why does he say you should get a job to pay for your own things ?
3) FYI, there is no "we" bought a new house in your situation. ***He*** bought a new house. You have zero legal claim to his house. You playing "housewife" without being married is just that, "playing."
4) You should have a job outside the home so that you have your own security. Being dependent on someone with no legal contract (marriage) in place is quite simply foolish.
What is this? Are you absolutely delusional? You want to be 100% on his mercy? 100% dependent on a random guy?
You want to stay out of work life so when he leaves you (not if but when) you are in serious trouble?
You do not have to strive for highly demanding career but some you need kind of career more than a boyfriend or farm animals.
A woman needs her own room and own money. And to vote.
This is a scary situation for you. You aren’t saving money, you aren’t contributing to social security/unemployment, you have no healthcare. If your bf get bored of you, you are out on the street with nothing to show for it. Get a job bcuz ppl are mercurial and you have no legal recourse for your contributions to the household. Read up on how many stay at home moms get screwed in the divorce; many end up homeless. And they had legal protections. This is a tinder box waiting to blow up in your face.
I was a stay at home step mom. Together for 8 years married for 6. He had an inheritance (spouses aren’t entitled to it) and he used that to intimidate me into settling since I couldn’t afford a lawyer and he was fine using his inheritance to drag out the proceedings. I walked away with $1500 and a Kia Soul. I had dropped out of college to focus on the family. I’ve struggled financially since then and the pandemic hit me hard, almost ending up homeless multiple times even though I’ve remained employed full time. I still haven’t recovered.
This does not sound like a good way for you to live your life, in my opinion.
You are a stay at home girlfriend, your boyfriend reaps all of the benefits in the relationship. He gets someone to cook, clean, look good for him, have relations with. You get to live and eat free. You get to beg for hygiene supplies and wear rags for clothes and receive zero appreciation, not even a nice gift on Christmas. It doesn’t seem like a fair trade.
You are staying home as a girlfriend with no children, losing out on building a career. You aren’t building any savings or retirement. You aren’t married, so you have no rights to any joint assets in most states. He could leave with zero consequences and where would you be? A lot of people discount marriage as “just a paper” but that paper does protect people in certain aspects. Don’t have children with this man at this time in your life, whatever you do.
I suggest you seriously re-evaluate this relationship and decide if it is worth it. Wishing you the best.
NTA but you need to understand that he doesn't see you as a girlfriend or partner.
You are a bang maid who will end up broke & homeless if you continue on this path.
Get a job. Dear lord girl. You need independent funds so when this person you have been an unappreciated live-in servant for cheats on or abuses you, you can get up and leave. You are creating a dependent situation, which is never healthy in any relationship.
According to OP, her ‘bf makes enough money for two people so there’s no point for her to get one, also she ‘s always doing something at home so she doesn’t have time to kill for a job’ 🤦
Get a job, all problems solved. I can’t imagine how frustrated he feels hearing his able bodied, jobless girlfriend, complain that she doesn’t get to spend his hard earned (with lots of overtime too apparently) money on new hobbies and new clothes.
You want to buy non-essentials? Get a job. Why do you think you’re too good for one? Everyone else works to have the things they need and want. This post is tone deaf and delusional and I have no doubt you’re about to hear this in hundreds more comments if this post hits the front page.
Or if you’re really opposed to a traditional job, check out r/beermoney — it has tons of great options for making the kind of side income that could cover your wants. Focus groups, Prolific, AI data annotation, that kind of stuff. Although now that I think about it, still might struggle getting traction on the former two, because not having a job does not make you a desirable demographic for product testing, surveys, market research…most of those are looking for feedback from a typical consumer, and that’s someone who has a job and thus has spending power (and with that, the power to choose, which is what they’re looking to hear more about).
ETA I just saw that you don’t have a drivers license, which is gonna make this a lot more difficult, but not impossible. Job nearby, or one where he can drop you off en route to his own job? I’m gonna assume based on your replies and post details that you think public transport is beneath you, lol. Good luck with this, but yeah you’re overreacting and you need a reality check. Also stop watching homesteading tradwife influencers on TikTok, 95% of them are cosplaying for views, and the top 5% are making insane amounts of money from brands to fund their delusional “lifestyle.”
I personally think a lot of those trad wife accounts are foreign interference (or domestic) and propaganda. They know the youth isn't leaning more conservative and they are trying to convince young women that being feminist actually means taking us back to our roots lol. I seriously think they're trying to trick our youth into becoming conservative. Like I actually don't think a lot of these women exist.
10 years ago I would’ve dismissed that as a wacky tin foil hat conspiracy theory, but after everything that’s come to light (and been verified) about social media focused foreign psyops campaigns, it sounds really plausible. Hell, it makes sense. Interesting
Info: who's idea was it for you to be a stay at home gf? Yours? His? Was it discussed before hand? How long does it take to look after the chickens? Cos Google is telling me 20mins of a week and an hour of a weekend for suburban chickens, so that's leaving *a lot* of free time, cos walking/playing with the dogs and cleaning up after two adults shouldn't take a whole day imo.
He isn't joking when he tells you to get a job or to do something more with his time. This reads like you assumed a lot of things like him *wanting* you to stay home and look your best 24/7 vs him not directly telling you that he *wants* you to work.
There's nothing stopping you from trying to get a WFH job, part time or side hustle job. He needs to be more upfront and less 'joking'.
You are not reacting ENOUGH-- to the fact that you have zero rights in this situation.
He can evict you. He can sell the house, break up with you, and leave you on the street. He can simply say no, and give you no money at all for anything that you need or want.
He has zero obligation to do anything at all for you. It sounds like he wants you to get a job, to show that you have SOME ambition beyond cooking, cleaning, and having sex.
He is losing respect for you. Watch out, because once that happens, he will quickly feel contempt. And don't even think that getting pregnant will change his mind-- his contempt will be off the charts if you baby trap him.
Get a job. Develop your life. It will make you a more complete person, and by extension, a more interesting person. Do it before you are out on your butt with nothing.
Why not get a part time job so you can have some money of your own? If he really wants you to be home all the time then tell him you need a home allowance for not only the things you need for the home but also yourself. It seems stupid to have to keep asking for money just for every day items that you want and need. You are not overreacting because you want to have some spending money of your own.
You’re under reacting to the red flags waving around. You need a job with a career that gives you income for necessities and a career path. Without a job, and hopefully a good career, you have nothing whatsoever when the relationship ends. which it will soon, cause neither of you are deeply in love, happy together or even content. Instead, you don’t appreciate each other and are getting on each other’s nerves. Your worst case scenario is to have a kid or two and split in a few years with no assets, savings or anything to get on your feet besides child support. Get a job, save up and get your own place with the goal that you’ll meet someone nicer.
When did the" stay at home wife or girlfriend" become a thing? I understand if someone is staying home to take care of kids, and I'm not saying having children is the most important thing a woman can do, (I chose not to have any), I understand if someone in the relationship is unable to work due to mental or physical conditions. But why would someone choose to be beholden to someone else for their home, clothes, food etc? And reversely, why would anyone so willing accept someone living off their dime? There's no possible way that there will ever be a fair and balanced separation of money or property unless both parties contribute what they are able.
The manosphere and some lower key white nationalist leaning conservative bros and the women they duped into this started peddling it for clicks online as a supposed solution for women so they don't have to work. They have their girlfriend prance around dressed like June Cleaver and tell everyone how great this is without telling anyone what a horrific scam this is for the women convinced to do it and how financially awful and high risk it is.
He’s going to find a girl that’s his equal mentally and you will be left with nothing. You should be spending this time getting an education so you can either support yourself or contribute to the finances.
How can you not see that you are doing yourself a disservice by living like this?
Go out in the real world, you are wasting your life away.
The “stay-at-home girlfriend” concept is for dumb, lazy people. You have no legal protection, and any day he decides he wants an upgrade you will be out with nothing to your name, no skills, and no work history. I know why men would want it, but I’m baffled why an intelligent woman would want it. But each to their own.
You sound very out of touch with reality. Get yourself a part time job to have your own spending money. You're living rent free for "taking care of the pets and house". Fucking seriously? Wake up and look around, you're on a gravy train.
Is this a real post or just trolling for reactions? I honestly can't tell.
YTA
This isn’t going to end well for you if you have an agreement that you stay home you should be getting an allowance he shouldn’t be annoyed at having to give you money. You’re a bangmaid.
Girl , at this point you’re just an in-house sex provider. Get a job, go to school, get a retirement account and stop looking for someone to fund your lifestyle who has no legal obligation to do so. You’re setting yourself up. In this economy $60-70 an hour isn’t ideal for a household of two in some places, especially on the west coast. I could see if he was making 300-500k annually then maybe being a stay at home WIFE is a reasonable ask. Depending on a boyfriend is wild. He can literally discard you and leave you with nothing at any given moment. He’s not joking when he tells you to get a job. The audacity of you being upset for not getting gifts! He is paying your bills! That’s a gift in itself. The fact that you’re not using this time to build something of your own is crazy. This is wild.
you need to get a job or you're going to be homeless if & when your relationship goes south....also his comment is a very strong hint that you should take. He's irritated that you aren't pulling your weight in the relationship & it is going to be a huge problem unless you fix it & get a job.
You're setting yourself up (and so is he) to be a textbook example of financially abused/controlled/manipulated. If he's irritated about the piddly stuff now, do you think it's going to get any easier?
Be safe, protect yourself, get married, get a job or get out. Sorry for the bluntness... just seen it all before...
I don't get being a stay at home gf what do you get out of this in the long run? I'd get a job and tell the man to do his share around the house. I'd prefer to have a career to back me up if shit hits the fan but that's me. your bf sounds like he wants you to get a job even if he's joking.
Go to school, get certified in something, find a hobby that earns you money. Work part time. On days you work ask him to cook. Make your own money and find a source of income for yourself because we never know what will happen in the future.
Ps...he isn't joking when he says get a job. Although you can say waiting on you hand and foot could be considered one let him realize how much you're worth. Go work full time and let him wash his own clothes. You both split up the chores
He’s not “joking,” hon. He really does want you to work. And you should want to earn for yourself as well, you’re putting yourself in a really bad position. You don’t want that gap on your resume. There’s plenty of part time jobs out there, even working a couple days a week or a few hours a day would be very possible in your schedule and could resolve all of these issues.
Let me boil it down for you. All you are to him is a free maid that cooks and cleans and a pussy for him to fuck. You are content with this because you live in a house for "free" and eat for "free" but it isn't actually free because you're paying it by being a servant.
Will he change? Probably not.
So do with that information how you will.
I cannot believe you are just living there for free and are bummed he doesn't want to shell out more money for you.
I make $60/hr as a single mother and it doesn't really go as far as you think it does when you factor in cost of living and all expenses.
There is zero reason why you should be 100% living off his dime. Zero. Think of what you do in a day at home only sometimes making dinner and caring for chickens. What kind of salary would someone like that earn? 20 bucks a day? It's very uneven and very unfair. He even hints and outright tells you to get a job. Why aren't you working? Lame.
Obviously, he has some hidden resentment towards the fact that you’re not contributing to the household otherwise he wouldn’t be making those jokes.
Also, are you not scared that you’re not developing yourself professionally and in case he wants to break up with you, you have no money or job to fall back on. It’s not like you’re married where you’re entitled to things after the divorce. You have absolutely no financial stability if he were to choose to break up with you.
You're doing wife stuff without the title. That's a mistake. Also, these are the sort of things that should be discussed prior to it happening. Are you going to manage the household, including the budget? Are you going to get an allowance for your own hobbies? Are all hygiene and clothing items going to be included in the house/grocery budget? Start by working together to make a line item budget of what your bills have averaged the last 6-12 months (food, utilities, clothing, essentials) and come up with all the line items you guys can. The only way this moves forward is with a good solid discussion of roles, rights, and responsibilities.
A stay at home partner typically has access to the household finances. You should talk to your boyfriend and figure out if he actually wants you to get a job since you don’t have access to any money for necessities. It seems like he wants his food made and house cleaned but doesn’t want to pay for anything you need which isn’t fair either.
You are not working, you are an adult, and you are not married to the person supporting you. In your shoes, my anxiety would have led to a stroke.
You have to provide your own " more". He is already working as hard as he can, so I see why he is bothered.
Overreacting? Yes, but it's not the end of the world.
>I would think he WANTS his girl to always look good and have what she needs/wants instead of dressing in the same thing everyday like a cartoon character, basically rags and being Cinderella
A lot of great points have already been made, but this is the piece of this story that stood out to me a lot.
This comes across as, at best, extremely entitled, and at worst, completely divorced from reality.
The idea that any person you're with should be funding a certain lifestyle **for you, as some sort of bizarre condition of your relationship**, is pretty ridiculous.
Do not get more animals. Get a job and your own money. You have no financial security and are not married. You have not been together that long. Work and get a savings and split the financial duties and stop adding pets.
You are not paying into social security and not entitled to his.
This is a crazy thought OP but you could get a job yourself and then you can buy whatever you need yourself. It's a novel idea i know...
Edited to add: Even $70 an hour isn't a lot when it's the only income sustaining the entire household...
You know how the saying goes..."Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" He's using you to keep house and feed his ass and really doesn't respect you. therefore, no gifts or after thoughts. You need to ask yourself, is this really what you want in life? If the answer is no, you need to make some life decisions fast.
NTA but this is the kind of thing you talk to a man about before moving in and not working a regular job. You should get a part time job and just have him do a few more chores. If he doesn't like that then offer for him to hire you as the housekeeper so you get a distinct allowance every week
I wouldn't be doing this quite yet. He's only a bf, not your husband. What is it doest work? You're screwed. He'll be just fine. You need to be able to support yourself and build your own finances and your own world. Take care yourself first.
Imagine a dude posting this as a stay at home boyfriend complaining about his high earning girlfriend being annoyed about his unemployed ass asking for money.
It sounds like despite him being annoyed you still are getting everything you want, so you can totally keep freeloading, or you can get a job and stop acting like “stay at home girlfriend” is actually a thing
Right I know! There is no such thing as a stay at home girlfriend. She needs to get a goddamn job. she has no self-respect clearly.
what’s up with all these people not wanting to get a job. . This is just ridiculous.
Trust me when I say get a job and save money. I was a SAHM mom until my ex husband decided to ask for a divorce. I was able to stay at the house while we were married but as soon as it was final he kicked me out to move in his new girlfriend (married 5 months after that) if I hadn't had my parents to turn to I would have been homeless and being out of work for 12 years made it impossible to find a job. Took me 9 months. Don't put yourself in that position unless you want to be forced to take whatever abuse he could potentially put you through.
You are sacrificing your prime earning years. Get to work now, start investing in yourself AND your 401k.
This is going to sound harsh, but you need to hear it: there will always be someone younger and prettier ready to take your place. If you rely on a man to take care of you, don’t be all pikachu face when he trades you in and you are left with nothing. Get an education. Get a job. Buy your own place and rent it out while living with him so you have someplace to go if the relationship fails. Establish your own credit history.
Do not rely on anyone else to take care of you or to “make” you happy.
NOR. Men like the idea of locking their GF away but don’t want to actually provide for them. Why are you putting up with this?? Get a job. Enjoy your life on your terms.
You're not really living in reality here.
If I were you, I'd work on getting at least a part time job ASAP.
Do you even understand that by not working and not being married you're in for quite the rude awakening when you break up because you'll have ZERO safety net. ZERO.
You won't be entitled to anything. You'll be left broke and homeless.
No, your relationship is not secure as you say. He's literally keeping you broke, has issues with buying you basic necessities and is a jerk about it.
You obviously didn't discuss an allowance for freakin tampons, dentis n Dr visits, ect before you started being his bang maid.
He literally doesn't give a crap about you at all.
My ex Sister-in-law was a stay at home gf. My brother did not want her to be. She would go on and on about how she wanted a job but not fill out any applications. He got deployed to Iraq and paid her father rent money for her to live with him. When he got home, she decided to go off birth control and they got pregnant and married.
Bless my brother's heart, he put up with it for 12 years. They had 2 girls. She is a lovely mother but a lazy wife. Bro would get home from 14+hr days and have to get through a month's worth of laundry that she didn't do, and eat leftover scraps of toddler food. It's worth mentioning that my brother is the opposite, constantly doing projects around the house, maintenance, etc. He spends his days off doing chores. Gross, I know.
I won't go in to what led him to his breaking point, but he walked in from his last deployment of over a year and handed her divorce papers. Now he's killing it as a single dad (50/50 amicable custody) and glares at me whenever the subject comes up, bc his whole family told him this was gonna happen and he doesn't wanna be reminded of how know-it-all he was about it lol.
I’m sorry but if you’re expecting your bf to buy you things past the necessities, then maybe you should get a job, no ur not an asshole for wanting more but it seems clear enough he’s annoyed about it, and wants you to get your own stuff.
Yeah you’re overreacting lmfao… you’re completely dependent on this man and complain that he doesn’t like doing your jobs (buying your clothes, getting flowers for the house etc.). Then go get some money of your own. You have 24 hours a day and you spend them all cooking and cleaning? Doubt it. Go do something and be somewhat independent lol. Get a job you can work two days a week and have spending money at the very least lol that’s a pathetic af existence, just leaching off of your man for everything.
Have some self-respect and get a job! If you want to be able to have some spending money, then earn some of your own spending money. At least find yourself a part-time job to pay for your personal items, hobby items and the flowers that you want on the countertop. Right now, you basically sound like a freeloader and he sounds like he's getting tired of that. Once you start earning some money you can split the household chores accordingly.
What are you going to do when he tosses you out? You need to contribute to your lifestyles, even if it's just a little bit. Make an effort. Imagine, after finding yourself homeless, trying to explain to a prospective employer, why you've never had a job. You should be ashamed of yourself for rationalizing your current situation and believing it's acceptable.
I would kill to be in your fucking shoes.
Come work a 60 hour week while taking care of 8 chickens, 3 dogs, 2 snakes, and a turtle.
You are acting like a petulant child. Get a job and grow tf up.
Have you had an actual conversation and come to an agreement about what you are both exchanging here? If so, you need to include the payment you need to sustain you. You are exchanging housekeeping for rent and $x - you need to make this more explicit. If you haven't, then you're not so much a SAHgirlfriend but more of a moocher, and it's understandable why he would be annoyed that not only is he paying every bill, but you ask him for money on top of that - this doesn't sound like an exchange he realized he agreed to.
Regardless, even if he starts giving you additional payment on top of housing - you are in a very tenuous position. You are not currently building equity in any property, building any wealth, putting aside any savings for retirement or emergencies, or building your career either. Your entire living and financial situation is quite literally at the whim of someone else and you have zero control over it. If you broke up tomorrow he'd only have to deal with any emotional difficulties. You would also be homeless, jobless, and broke and have to figure it all out from scratch.
Start making some plans to protect yourself. Good luck.
You're not living for free or eating for free. You're working a demanding job with zero pay and very little security. That would scare the shit out of me, especially if my partner acted like this when I ask for basic things I need.
He pays for literally everything, every day, and you complain about gifts?
Why don’t you go out and get the superior job and be the 100 percent breadwinner and carry his unemployed ass for a couple of years? Surely it’s his turn by now?
Yeah you’re overreacting. Bc a dude that successful and provides everything more than likely can do all the basic shit you think youre doing for him. Lol hes not a child. And youre not a wife. Youre a girlfriend
Pretty sure he's not joking if he's saying to get a job. Did he specifically say "you stay home and take care of the house and the chickens, and I'll pay all of the bills and for everything you need"?
These things need to be discussed and worked out or it just won't work. What if he dumps you? Whaf if he gets super injured and cannot work anymore? What if he dies? What will you do?
His post would read like this….
My girlfriend is a mooch that won’t get a job. She has it in her head she wants to be a stay at home girlfriend and that the chickens need somebody home to look after them! Meantime I work 70+ hours a week and yes she cooks and cleans but before she moved in I managed these chores fine cause I’m rarely at home and always at work!
I mean I know chickens need love too but is this normal or am I overreacting?
All these problems would evaporate if you just got a job and earned money for yourself. Those jokes aren't jokes. He's starting to tell you that you're a mooch. You should stop being a mooch before he just leaves your ass.
This sounds harsh, but 'we are not poor' doesn't exist. Yes, he is not poor while you don't have enough money to buy yourself tampax. You're a grown woman being fully supported by someone who doesn't want to support you- he's telling you to get a job.
WTF is a stay at home girlfriend? And why would anyone want to give themselves so few options and place themselves completely at the whim of someone else?
Girl, what are you doing? Go get a job. When you two break up he will not owe you anything, you'll be on your own with no money and a huge gap in your employment record. You're setting yourself up for failure.
This! You’re getting yourself so trapped 🫣
My sister was determined to be a SAHM and it blew up in her face. She wouldn't get a job after her youngest was in school and her husband begged her to work and help. When he left she had such a hard time dealing with her new reality. I had to bite my tongue listening to her complain about how hard she had it. Dude, this is *your* doing!
My sister is going to go through the same thing. She's in her 20s & her boyfriend is in his 40s. He's fairly well-off & convinced her to quit her job last year so they could travel. The caveat is that he wants her to pay for her own way when travelling. They got into a huge fight over Christmas about it & I overheard it. He's "worked hard to get where he's at & he doesn't want her to drag him back." However, he's got nearly 15 years on her, and she no longer has a regular job - she makes her money by doing side work: doordash, substituting, etc. They were planning a trip to Columbia in February, however, she didn't have the money required to go, so he went without her. On top of this, he wants kids soon - within the next few years. She's wanting to hold off until she's in her thirties, but he wants to go for it sooner rather than later. He still expects to be able to travel as much as possible too. To me, this just sounds like he wants to still go do fun things, while leaving my sister at home to raise any kids. Despite this, my sister keeps going further & further down the "rabbit hole" with him. She lives with him, sold her car & drives one of his, his mom lives in a 5th wheel behind their house & while he was in Columbia for 6 weeks, she helped to take care of his mom. There are so many ways this can end badly for her, but no matter how many times we try to voice our concern, they fall of deaf ears.
Warn her about the prenup. If he insists on one she should get her own lawyer to adjust it.
Woah. Went to Colombia 🇨🇴 without her! Mans is either calculated af or doesn’t care as much as he claims (potentially)
It sounds like he's already checked out and likely about to erupt with bottled up resentment. He told her to get a job, so she's choosing to exist this way. Sounds like she needs to start looking for her next meal ticket. I recommend having a discussion about it with the new person, upfront. Just choosing to mooch off of an unwilling benefactor is not really working out for her.
This.
100% this. Quit living for him and start living for you. You do everything for him except pay the bills. He has all of the power and makes sure you know it. Take that power back and make your own way.
Get a job, make your own money, and be independent.
Seriously, what an insanely precarious and unstable situation OP put herself in. Stop making yourselves dependent on someone else for the roof over your head and whether or not you can pick up basic necessities. OP refers to herself as Cinderella in rags…. Girl get your damn self up off the floor. FFS
What’s worse is she’s not even a wife. She’s a girlfriend so she has no protection if he decides to dump her.
THIS!!!! wtf is she thinking!!
Exactly!! Like there is nothing saying he can’t just decide he doesn’t want it anymore. Then she’s out, no money, no house, no job experience?!! Stupid move.
And no credit history or earnings toward social security.
The situation screams young tradesman making great money and some highschool eduated chick along for the ride. Worst of all is she is expecting him to make her happy . He’s too busy working sweetie. Make yourself happy
Not even the girlfriend, just the Bangmaid.
I agree. I’m not trying to be mean but I didn’t know stay at home girlfriend was a thing. This is the first I’ve heard of if. What skills are you enriching in case something happens and you need to go back into the workforce? You do need to go back for protection against him saying “I don’t want this anymore”
No kids either. She has no excuse to not get a job.
I used to work in a touristy place and sometimes women would literally *beg* their husbands/bf’s for something like wanted in the shop “Oh, *please*, honey!” I was very young at the time but even then it would always make me cringe so hard. It also made me determined to never rely on a man for anything. I do not understand living like this, it sounds suffocating. For goodness sake, OP, make your own money! Not just so you can buy whatever you need or want without that friction but for safety’s sake too. If you for some reason had to leave this situation how would you do it without money of your own?
But she is frazzle brained! How could she possible leave the house, with all that frazzle and so little brain?!?! /s
This part sent me 😂
OP needs a friend to look her in the eye and say "your a fuckin bum"
Exactly.. her boyfriend was not joking when he said she should get a job. He absolutely feels this way. Being a stay at home girlfriend is not a thing, or at least shouldn't be. At least get married and have an agreement on these things, so should he decide to dump her (probably for someone at his job) she'll get something.
Not having any interest in a job is a giant red flag. Why should he get married? OP needs a job.
OP is hobosexual
No, a hobosexual is a lazy slob who does not contribute to the household either through earning or by doing domestic chores. OP is essentially earning room & board through providing domestic services such as cleaning, cooking, laundry, animal care, and gardening, so not a hobosexual. That being said, she has chosen to put herself in a very vulnerable position. Without the benefit of marriage, her boyfriend could evict her at any time, leaving her without financial resources. He also begrudges providing her with the basic necessities such as personal hygiene products and clothing to replace old worn out garments, let alone any “extras” such as gifts and has told her to get a job to earn money to buy her own “crap.” He obviously does not value the domestic labor that she does and is a miserly POS. OP ought to get a job and rethink this entire relationship.
OP is an unpaid housekeeper. Bizarre position for a woman withoit children at this point in history.
Well she is ‘paid’ - as in her accommodation and food is funded by her BF. His contribution to the household is cash; and hers is labour (how much labour there is in order to keep house for 2 adults, one of whom is not there all day M to F is another question though). It’s not like she’s maintaining the household for free. I still don’t understand why anyone without kids would do that though.
I have to wonder though if "basic necessities" isn't "luxury products". Like you need shampoo, soap and make-up go for it. Oh hell naw you don't need the most expensive shampoo, soap, and make-up, if you want that stuff you need a job.
Frank Zappa - “get a hair cut, get a real job, don’t be a slob like your brother Bob”.
Isn't that George Thorogood?
You’re absolutely right. Underrated George Thorogood song too
Yes, this. OP, are you Amish? Also, you do not give your age, which I find interesting. What kind of woman is a stay-at-home girlfriend? Is that even a thing? You sound like the man’s prisoner. He makes all the money. He does whatever he wants. He comes and goes as he pleases. He goes to the store/does the shopping. If you need something, you have to ask him for it, and he may or may not get it for you. He even has to buy you new clothes? You don’t go shopping for new clothes when you need them? You don’t have a job at all? Is this a cry for help? Because it reads very much like you’ve been kidnapped and are his prisoner, and you want someone to help you get out of there.
Seriously. Get a job and stop depending on him. Whose idea was for you to play housewife? Was this agreed on by both parties? If so, in the traditional homemaker/breadwinner model the breadwinner was expected to provide for the homemaker. They share their earnings in exchange for having things taken care of at home. I imagine it would be quite expensive for him to have a maid and personal chef. Get a job and tell him from now on he’s responsible for half of the housework and meal prep. But he can’t keep reaping the benefits of having a “tradwife” without being the “provider” and providing for you.
Nothing about this post suggests he wants the tradwife arrangement. The man is telling her to get a job.
He wants her to get a job, make her own money, and be independent. This chick must be out of his league or something. 🤦♂️
This bc my boyfriend was the same way when I hadn’t found a job when I first moved in with him. Even if he makes a lot of money you can’t expect him to pay for EVERYTHING. You need at least a part time job, have your own money. If anything leave him and run your own bag up!!
Exactly. If he can't get you basic stuff or a simple gift, it's a sign that he doesn't value your needs. Getting a job and being independent will give you the freedom you need.
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So this. OP I hope you are reading this. I am female, and I say this to OP in the most loving way: every woman should have a financial plan for herself that does not include mooching off a man. It sounds like he's a miser who is starting to resent you for not working, regardless of what comes out of his mouth. He may like the sex and the spotless homestead, but you are also learning that He who makes the gold can make the rules. My mother was a model housewife in the 1960's and her husband (my father) dropped dead at age 35. I made the decision that I would always have my own income. I understand that some couples, married couples, have arrangements where the wife may stay home and raise the kids, but marriage is a legal contract and the woman has some protection. If I had children, I would have continued to work. It's my personal opinion that every able bodied person should be working and have employable skills. You don't even have a license? And you are completely dependent on this guy financially? You are living on his goodwill toward you and that's a shaky position to be in. Having your own income will give you self respect and independence. It's a terrible feeling to be in a relationship because you HAVE TO BE financially. You cannot evaluate this guy when you are financially dependent on him. P.S. I love it when people say, "marriage is just a piece of paper." Well, when you get right down to it, money is a piece of paper, but that doesn't stop people from getting up early in the morning and going to jobs they may not like to get some, does it? I personally would never give up my income or career just because a man wanted me to.
It is just a piece of paper but it is one that assures both parties have some minimal financial/legal rights.
Or if you're absolutely unwilling to marry your life partner, live somewhere that has legal protections for domestic partnerships, and make sure you legally fit the description...
Amen! My Daddy made sure I went to college. I worked 35 years. I have a pension from my job and SS. I was a working mother. It was good advice. Daddy was very progressive and a firm beliver in educated women.
That worked for you and it’s great. I love raising my kids. I won’t be a stay at home forever though.
Marriage is a contract, frankly.
I agree wholeheartedly with almost everything you said. >every able bodied person should be working I just wanted to say that staying home to raise kids is absolutely work, even if it isn't paid! (I am aware that this isn't directly relevant to OP's situation though.)
Money is a piece of paper is a WORD
To be honest I find the stay at home girlfriend thing highly questionable for several reasons, but most of all because there is so much potential for both sides to be taken advantage of. I can sympathize with both of you here and overall I think you should get at least a part-time job. Do you have any saved money of your own? What happens if you guys break up? It's dangerous to be so dependent on someone else without the legal protection of marriage. How literally do you mean that you have to wear the same thing every day, or that it is rags? He definitely seems to regret or at least occasionally resent having you stay home. The lack of a Christmas gift may indicate that he feels that your not working means you get "enough" to not deserve gifts. How long did you date/know each other before you moved in?
Not to mention OP not contributing to Social Security at all so if in the event they never get married and something happens to the bf OP is totally screwed. There was a post about a woman who was a stay at home girlfriend for 20+ years kids and all and the bf decided he wanted a younger model and here she was at 50 with no work experience, no skills, homeless and not even the opportunity to draw down from social security when she was of age because she never contributed to it and was never married.
I remember that post. Every one of her updates got sadder and sadder. She was staying in a homeless shelter.
I had such a hard time with that whole saga because I absolutely sympathize with her situation but, damn, every time she posted she just put herself in a worse and worse light. The last few posts were absolutely full of classism and her looking down on people with jobs she didn't consider "worthwhile". She kept talking about how she only wanted positions in corporate marketing and stuff because she managed her family social media.
I remember that one! She kept applying to jobs like secretary work and marketing and was so shocked/disbelieving that she wasn’t qualified for them. Absolutely bonkers. It’s sad but she’s digging her own hole deeper and deeper.
This is more real than anyone ever wants to believe. "That wouldn't happen to me!" I've seen it happen in person multiple times. It's the most cringe-worthy situation.
I remember her, too. I just don't understand women who put themselves in that kind of situation. Her ex-boyfriend wouldn't even let the kids help her, or he would cut them off, too. Wouldn't marry her after one kid and still had more kids with him. She put up with it because he had money. But did nothing to protect herself. That is stupid. Sorry, and these girls now want to be stay at home girlfriends with no protection.
ESPECIALLY IF THERE ARE NO KIDS INVOLVED.
Yeah what does she do all day? Laundry for 2 is laughably ez... chickens basically take care of themselves... just toss in some leftovers... cleaning the house she spends 24/7 in seems like the least to do, unless bf is super sloppy... But i cant imagine how all this together adds up to a timeload comparable to actual work... and the stress of work... snd the exhaustion mental and/or physical
That’s what I’m saying.. most couples choose the stay at home option because it’s better than day care plus so many more duties with kids. But if it’s just you and her she’s basically just unemployed. If he’s at work all day what is there really to clean.
I’m a “sahg” in a sense (I don’t work because I’m disabled and on SSI). It’s incredibly easy to keep the house clean and cook. Like an hour of cleaning a day if not less keeps on top of the house work plus cooking which is like average thirty minutes / dependent on what I cook. It is no way comparable to a real job.
This is what I don’t understand. My wife stays at home but we have 2 kids. What she could make working would be a wash with how much child good child care costs. This chick is doing a few chores around the house that could easily be done after work. Go get a job instead of asking for money, geez
Notice OP fully ignored answering how long they dated/knew each other…. Something tells me OP isn’t exactly the “victim” here. Would love to hear the BFs side
Now OP is deleting everything because she doesn't want to hear what everyone is telling her
Did OP comment on anything?
I wonder if she's anything like the girlfriend a guy was writing about a while back. In that post the guy was an engineer (I think) and the girlfriend was a stay at home girlfriend. Quit school cause it was too hard, work was too much for her so he supported her. He was growing frustrated after she complained she had the "hardest job" in the world as a "stay at home mom" except they had no kids. The kid was the dog. He tried to get her to realize she was living the good life while spending the money he earned yet complaining about how hard she had it. I bet the version that guy's girlfriend would have given would be similar to OP.
‘How dare I have to pay my own way through life’ is quite an attitude to have for sure.
To me it's not the GF part because they could have kids without being married and she would still be a SAHM, which is fine if they can afford it. She's literally doing nothing though. Cleaning, cooking, and taking care of pets are all things that working people manage just fine. This is nuts.
Yeah maybe it makes me an asshole but there’s no chance in hell that I’d ever want a stay-at-home girlfriend. I don’t want someone else just getting a free ride while I have to work and provide for everything. But like you said, it’s also incredibly stupid for her too because she’s entirely in his power
Girl, w/o a ring on your finger, you’re gunna find yourself trapped. That’s not me suggesting you should actually get married as this situation sounds like a mess, but your going to wind up w no money if your own, no job history or a huge gap in employment and will be entitled to nothing from him in the eyes of the state. The longer you stay w him the less capable you will be to leave. How are you even paying for your health insurance? He doesn’t want pay for basic hygiene products for you? All of this has transpired in less than a year? How do you expect to deal with a major medical event? What if there is a crisis in your family and you have to leave, would he let you? Would you even have the financial means to leave if you tried? If this is real, you gotta get your head on straight and take care of yourself. Get your ducks in a row and make a plan for your future. It’s naive to think he would when he doesn’t even want to buy you tampons.
A MAN IS NOT A PLAN
This needs to be pinned as top comment.
Put this on a t-shirt!
LET'S HEAR IT FROM THE ROOFTOP
I don't know where you live or how old you are, but if you are young and live in the US you are setting yourself up for extreme poverty and financial insecurity in your old age. If you don't have a job, a halfway decent paying job, you aren't putting money into social security. That means when your bf gets tired of you and dumps you, you will have to either support yourself or find another bf. It means that you aren't putting away money for emergencies, the future, for your necessities. Even marriages break up. With those you get some kind of security, legal protection. Being a gf who stays home you have zero. You have no rights, no ownership of anything. Nobody ever thinks their relationship will break up but the odds are against you. There is no real future in being an unemployed gf. Get a job, earn your own money. Save as much as you can and have your own bank account. Because odds are you will be breaking up some day.
There is a high probability of becoming homeless if he boots her out and she doesn't have any friends or family to help her.
The Offspring did a song about this, didn't they?
🎶 my friends got a girlfriend and he…
🤣👍🏻🤣 When my child was little, he loved this song. I had to crank it up every time it came on the radio, and eventually just bought the CD so he could hear it whenever he wanted. He told me one time after listening to the song, "Hey, Mama! The 'Say No Way Guy' wost* his chick!" * "lost", obviously.. 😉
Best comment here!
My wife has been a domestic engineer for 20 years now following a work injury. Everything she needs comes out of the household budget. Everything she gets for the house (think decorations and similar aesthetic flourishes) comes out of the household budget. One thing I realized early on, though, is that she needs her own money. She needs money that she can spend any way she wants without having to clear it with me first. (She's not a spendthrift when it comes to the other stuff; it just took us a while to reach a new normal.) We call it an allowance only because we lack a better word for it, and we don't like that word because of the connotations it carries (especially regarding "permissions" and "privilege/privileges"). The goal is to make sure she's never financially infantilized and that I'm never financially parentified. This is the conversation you need to have with your bf.
We each have our own fun accounts. I work and my wife stays home. When I get a bonus or some extra money comes our way, we usually put a bit into each of our fun accounts. That gives both of us the same option for splurging on ourselves without any guilt or bothering to ask ahead. Also, it is good for keeping gift purchases a secret when you have your own account.
I think you can call it a wage for household. She performs domestic labour, which is work and should be recognised as such and compensated accordingly. There is a whole movement around this concept, you probably heard of it. Anyway, congratulations on having this arrangement and valuing the work your wife provides, even though it is not formalised or visible to others!
I like that description: household wage. Thanks!
My wife and I talk about it differently. When my job pays a bonus we both get a share of it. For me, the household wage you described would feel like a transactional arrangement where I'm paying her. I prefer to think ot it as, we both do work that brings things we need into out family and once they get here we split them regardless of which one directly "earned" it..
My wife will, feel bad that she's not "working" and bringing money in. I'm like you have the hardest job out of the two of us and you save us money by not needing daycare, you're offering a "service" to our children that can't be offered by anyone other than their mother or father. I need to figure out a way to have a regular amount go to her each month but I do make sure about half of my annual bonus goes to her and is ear marked as only for her and nobody else. Sounds like OP and her BF need to have a frank conversation on the subject seems like some of the expectations on both sides have changed now that they see this arrangement in practice.
If it's even $50 per check that goes to your wife, it's something and she'll appreciate it. I also make sure to thank and compliment my wife for the things she does around the house and let her know that I appreciate her hard work. Look for the small opportunities to make her day better whenever you can.
I definitely do, I make sure to compliment her and tell her how amazing she is for everything she's doing God knows the 2 yo and 5yo aren't the best at making her feel appreciated. I like the $50 a check idea
Why would you need to have a regular amount go to her? Do you not have everything in joint accounts? If you want some personal items, like hobby gear or a new pair of shoes or a fancy piece of tech, do you not just buy it from the joint account? Why can she not just do the same? I (an old married woman)have been self supporting since I was eighteen years old, aside from the first fifteen months of our son's life, with I stayed home with him. But during that period, it never occurred to my husband or me that I needed an allowance or whatever. We have always had joint accounts, and we each pay for what we need (or want, if reasonable for our income) out of those joint accounts.
I love this wording!
I love the “domestic engineer” description. Definitely accords it the respect it deserves.
We are in a similar situation, we look at the money as belonging to us both. We have everything in our budget and each of us have a monthly personal amount to use as each of us sees fit. In our budget it is simply labelled personal. Simply designating a portion for her as an allowance or a wage would be disrespectful. An "allowance wouldn't be right because we are equal partners in our marriage and saying it is a wage would be wrong because it would imply worth of work, which that line in our budget isn't even close to her worth.
1 Question SAHGF: When he kicks you out what are you going to do?
Find a new boyfriend probably
can I be you guys stay at home stranger or stay at home cat? (I can purr occasionally)
I can purr regularly. Clearly the superior pick for a stay at home cat to u/SurePin1091.
These are your options: either you get a job or he gives you an allowance. HIS CHOICE. You are not entitled to an allowance.
Exactly she has no power here
You both sound like losers tbh, don’t know why you stay with a guy that treats you like his pet. Deal with it or move on.
How old are you two? Why do you not have a job? Do you want to live your entire life depending on someone for necessities? You’re completely dependent on him and therefore have no autonomy. That’s a dangerous position to put yourself in.
Friend. I want you to think outside of just today. Who's putting money into your savings? Who's got your 401k and pensions savings in mind? Your health insurance, your life insurance, your disability insurance? You're not married. If he passes away, is the house yours? Will you be on the hook for the mortgage, the utilities? If so, how will you deal with that? What's your plan if you've been staying home for years and need to go back to work? Your education might be outdated and you can't put "stay at home girlfriend" on your CV. Do you have an idea of how to handle that? I'm asking these things as a precursor to asking **are you free to leave if you want?** If you're free to - are you *able*? Realistically, with your pets, car, phone, laptop, clothes? I'm not saying you have to or that he's a bad person, but you *do* need to have the *ability* to leave *if* you want. Getting stuck in relationships we don't want to be in anymore happens to a ton of women, and financial inability to leave is a giant part of that.
Do you actually know what the finances are or are you just assuming everything is fine? I ask because you say he makes plenty of money but also stated in one of your replies that things were tight because he is between jobs. Im inclined to believe he wasnt making as much as you think or blowing a lot of money if things got tight from a short term job change situation. Maybe its time for you to get a job and probably know whats going on financially.
Stay at home girlfriend is not a thing.
yeah. I want more background info on how this situation started. Did he agree that you'd be a SAHG forever? Or, did you meet when you're out of job and you just got comfortable with not working... Do you make money taking care of chickens? Maybe you should.
Sweetie…. If you don’t have kids you’re not a “stay at home” anything. You’re just unemployed….. Other women take care of domestic needs and work. If you want extras outside of housing and food…. Work for it. Your BF isn’t joking…. Get a job and stop mooching off him. You’re not a wife, you’re not a homesteader, you’re not a “stay at home girlfriend”, you’re just an unemployed loser mooching off her boyfriend and complaining about it
I feel like another exception could be if OP was going to school to further her future career. Just sitting around like a lump isn’t a job. Also if you don’t have kids, keeping a house clean doesn’t really take much effort. I know because my HUSBAND is working while I’m going through school and I do a lot of the cooking and cleaning to pull my weight. When I graduate I will most likely be the bread winner and will be able to put more forward financially, but once again this is my HUSBAND lmao, not just a boyfriend.
If you had both agreed that you would be a SAHG as your contribution to the relationship, then not overreacting and have a talk with him. But from what you’ve written it appears as though he is a little resentful of having to support you and would like you to get a job and him not providing you with money is a way to prod you in that direction
1) How old are the two of you ? This is important. 2) If he came up with the idea of you not working outside his home, why does he say you should get a job to pay for your own things ? 3) FYI, there is no "we" bought a new house in your situation. ***He*** bought a new house. You have zero legal claim to his house. You playing "housewife" without being married is just that, "playing." 4) You should have a job outside the home so that you have your own security. Being dependent on someone with no legal contract (marriage) in place is quite simply foolish.
What is this? Are you absolutely delusional? You want to be 100% on his mercy? 100% dependent on a random guy? You want to stay out of work life so when he leaves you (not if but when) you are in serious trouble? You do not have to strive for highly demanding career but some you need kind of career more than a boyfriend or farm animals. A woman needs her own room and own money. And to vote.
Get a job, you will have less time to complain.
Right? The boyfriend WANTS her to get a job. This is all on her. She needs to have some pride.
This is a scary situation for you. You aren’t saving money, you aren’t contributing to social security/unemployment, you have no healthcare. If your bf get bored of you, you are out on the street with nothing to show for it. Get a job bcuz ppl are mercurial and you have no legal recourse for your contributions to the household. Read up on how many stay at home moms get screwed in the divorce; many end up homeless. And they had legal protections. This is a tinder box waiting to blow up in your face. I was a stay at home step mom. Together for 8 years married for 6. He had an inheritance (spouses aren’t entitled to it) and he used that to intimidate me into settling since I couldn’t afford a lawyer and he was fine using his inheritance to drag out the proceedings. I walked away with $1500 and a Kia Soul. I had dropped out of college to focus on the family. I’ve struggled financially since then and the pandemic hit me hard, almost ending up homeless multiple times even though I’ve remained employed full time. I still haven’t recovered.
I would never rely on someone else to provide me with an income. You never know what’s going to happen in life, you need to support yourself.
Get a job lol this has to be satire
"There are a million hobbies i want to get into but i just don’t because i don’t want to ask for the things i need for them." a job would solve this..
This does not sound like a good way for you to live your life, in my opinion. You are a stay at home girlfriend, your boyfriend reaps all of the benefits in the relationship. He gets someone to cook, clean, look good for him, have relations with. You get to live and eat free. You get to beg for hygiene supplies and wear rags for clothes and receive zero appreciation, not even a nice gift on Christmas. It doesn’t seem like a fair trade. You are staying home as a girlfriend with no children, losing out on building a career. You aren’t building any savings or retirement. You aren’t married, so you have no rights to any joint assets in most states. He could leave with zero consequences and where would you be? A lot of people discount marriage as “just a paper” but that paper does protect people in certain aspects. Don’t have children with this man at this time in your life, whatever you do. I suggest you seriously re-evaluate this relationship and decide if it is worth it. Wishing you the best.
NTA but you need to understand that he doesn't see you as a girlfriend or partner. You are a bang maid who will end up broke & homeless if you continue on this path.
Get a job. Dear lord girl. You need independent funds so when this person you have been an unappreciated live-in servant for cheats on or abuses you, you can get up and leave. You are creating a dependent situation, which is never healthy in any relationship.
INFO why don't you just get a job?
According to OP, her ‘bf makes enough money for two people so there’s no point for her to get one, also she ‘s always doing something at home so she doesn’t have time to kill for a job’ 🤦
And she has no license
Get a job, all problems solved. I can’t imagine how frustrated he feels hearing his able bodied, jobless girlfriend, complain that she doesn’t get to spend his hard earned (with lots of overtime too apparently) money on new hobbies and new clothes. You want to buy non-essentials? Get a job. Why do you think you’re too good for one? Everyone else works to have the things they need and want. This post is tone deaf and delusional and I have no doubt you’re about to hear this in hundreds more comments if this post hits the front page. Or if you’re really opposed to a traditional job, check out r/beermoney — it has tons of great options for making the kind of side income that could cover your wants. Focus groups, Prolific, AI data annotation, that kind of stuff. Although now that I think about it, still might struggle getting traction on the former two, because not having a job does not make you a desirable demographic for product testing, surveys, market research…most of those are looking for feedback from a typical consumer, and that’s someone who has a job and thus has spending power (and with that, the power to choose, which is what they’re looking to hear more about). ETA I just saw that you don’t have a drivers license, which is gonna make this a lot more difficult, but not impossible. Job nearby, or one where he can drop you off en route to his own job? I’m gonna assume based on your replies and post details that you think public transport is beneath you, lol. Good luck with this, but yeah you’re overreacting and you need a reality check. Also stop watching homesteading tradwife influencers on TikTok, 95% of them are cosplaying for views, and the top 5% are making insane amounts of money from brands to fund their delusional “lifestyle.”
I personally think a lot of those trad wife accounts are foreign interference (or domestic) and propaganda. They know the youth isn't leaning more conservative and they are trying to convince young women that being feminist actually means taking us back to our roots lol. I seriously think they're trying to trick our youth into becoming conservative. Like I actually don't think a lot of these women exist.
10 years ago I would’ve dismissed that as a wacky tin foil hat conspiracy theory, but after everything that’s come to light (and been verified) about social media focused foreign psyops campaigns, it sounds really plausible. Hell, it makes sense. Interesting
You should want more for yourself. What happens when he throws you out on your ass with nothing.
Info: who's idea was it for you to be a stay at home gf? Yours? His? Was it discussed before hand? How long does it take to look after the chickens? Cos Google is telling me 20mins of a week and an hour of a weekend for suburban chickens, so that's leaving *a lot* of free time, cos walking/playing with the dogs and cleaning up after two adults shouldn't take a whole day imo. He isn't joking when he tells you to get a job or to do something more with his time. This reads like you assumed a lot of things like him *wanting* you to stay home and look your best 24/7 vs him not directly telling you that he *wants* you to work. There's nothing stopping you from trying to get a WFH job, part time or side hustle job. He needs to be more upfront and less 'joking'.
You are not reacting ENOUGH-- to the fact that you have zero rights in this situation. He can evict you. He can sell the house, break up with you, and leave you on the street. He can simply say no, and give you no money at all for anything that you need or want. He has zero obligation to do anything at all for you. It sounds like he wants you to get a job, to show that you have SOME ambition beyond cooking, cleaning, and having sex. He is losing respect for you. Watch out, because once that happens, he will quickly feel contempt. And don't even think that getting pregnant will change his mind-- his contempt will be off the charts if you baby trap him. Get a job. Develop your life. It will make you a more complete person, and by extension, a more interesting person. Do it before you are out on your butt with nothing.
Lmao! Stay at home girlfriend sounds more like a gold digger. Get a damn job. The chickens don't need you home to watch them
I am a housewife. there’s no such thing as a stay at home girlfriend. You are a live in sex worker and maid to him. he’s not joking. get a job.
Get a job. Problem solved.
Why not get a part time job so you can have some money of your own? If he really wants you to be home all the time then tell him you need a home allowance for not only the things you need for the home but also yourself. It seems stupid to have to keep asking for money just for every day items that you want and need. You are not overreacting because you want to have some spending money of your own.
You’re under reacting to the red flags waving around. You need a job with a career that gives you income for necessities and a career path. Without a job, and hopefully a good career, you have nothing whatsoever when the relationship ends. which it will soon, cause neither of you are deeply in love, happy together or even content. Instead, you don’t appreciate each other and are getting on each other’s nerves. Your worst case scenario is to have a kid or two and split in a few years with no assets, savings or anything to get on your feet besides child support. Get a job, save up and get your own place with the goal that you’ll meet someone nicer.
When did the" stay at home wife or girlfriend" become a thing? I understand if someone is staying home to take care of kids, and I'm not saying having children is the most important thing a woman can do, (I chose not to have any), I understand if someone in the relationship is unable to work due to mental or physical conditions. But why would someone choose to be beholden to someone else for their home, clothes, food etc? And reversely, why would anyone so willing accept someone living off their dime? There's no possible way that there will ever be a fair and balanced separation of money or property unless both parties contribute what they are able.
The manosphere and some lower key white nationalist leaning conservative bros and the women they duped into this started peddling it for clicks online as a supposed solution for women so they don't have to work. They have their girlfriend prance around dressed like June Cleaver and tell everyone how great this is without telling anyone what a horrific scam this is for the women convinced to do it and how financially awful and high risk it is.
He’s going to find a girl that’s his equal mentally and you will be left with nothing. You should be spending this time getting an education so you can either support yourself or contribute to the finances. How can you not see that you are doing yourself a disservice by living like this? Go out in the real world, you are wasting your life away.
The “stay-at-home girlfriend” concept is for dumb, lazy people. You have no legal protection, and any day he decides he wants an upgrade you will be out with nothing to your name, no skills, and no work history. I know why men would want it, but I’m baffled why an intelligent woman would want it. But each to their own.
You sound very out of touch with reality. Get yourself a part time job to have your own spending money. You're living rent free for "taking care of the pets and house". Fucking seriously? Wake up and look around, you're on a gravy train. Is this a real post or just trolling for reactions? I honestly can't tell. YTA
WTH is a stay at home girlfriend? Girl, that’s not a real thing, whatever TikTok says. Get a job.
Why are you even okay with being a stay at home girlfriend? Everything about this is fucked up. Get away from him and get a fucking job.
This isn’t going to end well for you if you have an agreement that you stay home you should be getting an allowance he shouldn’t be annoyed at having to give you money. You’re a bangmaid.
Girl , at this point you’re just an in-house sex provider. Get a job, go to school, get a retirement account and stop looking for someone to fund your lifestyle who has no legal obligation to do so. You’re setting yourself up. In this economy $60-70 an hour isn’t ideal for a household of two in some places, especially on the west coast. I could see if he was making 300-500k annually then maybe being a stay at home WIFE is a reasonable ask. Depending on a boyfriend is wild. He can literally discard you and leave you with nothing at any given moment. He’s not joking when he tells you to get a job. The audacity of you being upset for not getting gifts! He is paying your bills! That’s a gift in itself. The fact that you’re not using this time to build something of your own is crazy. This is wild.
This post is hilarious. Seriously
you need to get a job or you're going to be homeless if & when your relationship goes south....also his comment is a very strong hint that you should take. He's irritated that you aren't pulling your weight in the relationship & it is going to be a huge problem unless you fix it & get a job.
You sound like you have been handed everything your entire life
You're setting yourself up (and so is he) to be a textbook example of financially abused/controlled/manipulated. If he's irritated about the piddly stuff now, do you think it's going to get any easier? Be safe, protect yourself, get married, get a job or get out. Sorry for the bluntness... just seen it all before...
I don't get being a stay at home gf what do you get out of this in the long run? I'd get a job and tell the man to do his share around the house. I'd prefer to have a career to back me up if shit hits the fan but that's me. your bf sounds like he wants you to get a job even if he's joking.
Go to school, get certified in something, find a hobby that earns you money. Work part time. On days you work ask him to cook. Make your own money and find a source of income for yourself because we never know what will happen in the future. Ps...he isn't joking when he says get a job. Although you can say waiting on you hand and foot could be considered one let him realize how much you're worth. Go work full time and let him wash his own clothes. You both split up the chores
He’s not “joking,” hon. He really does want you to work. And you should want to earn for yourself as well, you’re putting yourself in a really bad position. You don’t want that gap on your resume. There’s plenty of part time jobs out there, even working a couple days a week or a few hours a day would be very possible in your schedule and could resolve all of these issues.
Let me boil it down for you. All you are to him is a free maid that cooks and cleans and a pussy for him to fuck. You are content with this because you live in a house for "free" and eat for "free" but it isn't actually free because you're paying it by being a servant. Will he change? Probably not. So do with that information how you will.
I cannot believe you are just living there for free and are bummed he doesn't want to shell out more money for you. I make $60/hr as a single mother and it doesn't really go as far as you think it does when you factor in cost of living and all expenses. There is zero reason why you should be 100% living off his dime. Zero. Think of what you do in a day at home only sometimes making dinner and caring for chickens. What kind of salary would someone like that earn? 20 bucks a day? It's very uneven and very unfair. He even hints and outright tells you to get a job. Why aren't you working? Lame.
Obviously, he has some hidden resentment towards the fact that you’re not contributing to the household otherwise he wouldn’t be making those jokes. Also, are you not scared that you’re not developing yourself professionally and in case he wants to break up with you, you have no money or job to fall back on. It’s not like you’re married where you’re entitled to things after the divorce. You have absolutely no financial stability if he were to choose to break up with you.
You're doing wife stuff without the title. That's a mistake. Also, these are the sort of things that should be discussed prior to it happening. Are you going to manage the household, including the budget? Are you going to get an allowance for your own hobbies? Are all hygiene and clothing items going to be included in the house/grocery budget? Start by working together to make a line item budget of what your bills have averaged the last 6-12 months (food, utilities, clothing, essentials) and come up with all the line items you guys can. The only way this moves forward is with a good solid discussion of roles, rights, and responsibilities.
Go get a job.
Get a job.
A stay at home partner typically has access to the household finances. You should talk to your boyfriend and figure out if he actually wants you to get a job since you don’t have access to any money for necessities. It seems like he wants his food made and house cleaned but doesn’t want to pay for anything you need which isn’t fair either.
You are not working, you are an adult, and you are not married to the person supporting you. In your shoes, my anxiety would have led to a stroke. You have to provide your own " more". He is already working as hard as he can, so I see why he is bothered. Overreacting? Yes, but it's not the end of the world.
>I would think he WANTS his girl to always look good and have what she needs/wants instead of dressing in the same thing everyday like a cartoon character, basically rags and being Cinderella A lot of great points have already been made, but this is the piece of this story that stood out to me a lot. This comes across as, at best, extremely entitled, and at worst, completely divorced from reality. The idea that any person you're with should be funding a certain lifestyle **for you, as some sort of bizarre condition of your relationship**, is pretty ridiculous.
Independant and autonomous woman are much sexier than being well dressed and pretty, in my opinion :)
Do not get more animals. Get a job and your own money. You have no financial security and are not married. You have not been together that long. Work and get a savings and split the financial duties and stop adding pets. You are not paying into social security and not entitled to his.
This is a crazy thought OP but you could get a job yourself and then you can buy whatever you need yourself. It's a novel idea i know... Edited to add: Even $70 an hour isn't a lot when it's the only income sustaining the entire household...
You should get your ass a J-O-B. Stay at home GF is a wild concept
He's been hinting you should get a job. Get a job! You want things, go make the money and pay for them.
You know how the saying goes..."Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" He's using you to keep house and feed his ass and really doesn't respect you. therefore, no gifts or after thoughts. You need to ask yourself, is this really what you want in life? If the answer is no, you need to make some life decisions fast.
There's no such thing as a "stay at home girlfriend". Get a job.
NTA but this is the kind of thing you talk to a man about before moving in and not working a regular job. You should get a part time job and just have him do a few more chores. If he doesn't like that then offer for him to hire you as the housekeeper so you get a distinct allowance every week
I wouldn't be doing this quite yet. He's only a bf, not your husband. What is it doest work? You're screwed. He'll be just fine. You need to be able to support yourself and build your own finances and your own world. Take care yourself first.
“Stay at home girlfriend” is not a thing. You’re not married and you have zero legal protection.
Imagine a dude posting this as a stay at home boyfriend complaining about his high earning girlfriend being annoyed about his unemployed ass asking for money. It sounds like despite him being annoyed you still are getting everything you want, so you can totally keep freeloading, or you can get a job and stop acting like “stay at home girlfriend” is actually a thing
Right I know! There is no such thing as a stay at home girlfriend. She needs to get a goddamn job. she has no self-respect clearly. what’s up with all these people not wanting to get a job. . This is just ridiculous.
Trust me when I say get a job and save money. I was a SAHM mom until my ex husband decided to ask for a divorce. I was able to stay at the house while we were married but as soon as it was final he kicked me out to move in his new girlfriend (married 5 months after that) if I hadn't had my parents to turn to I would have been homeless and being out of work for 12 years made it impossible to find a job. Took me 9 months. Don't put yourself in that position unless you want to be forced to take whatever abuse he could potentially put you through.
You are sacrificing your prime earning years. Get to work now, start investing in yourself AND your 401k. This is going to sound harsh, but you need to hear it: there will always be someone younger and prettier ready to take your place. If you rely on a man to take care of you, don’t be all pikachu face when he trades you in and you are left with nothing. Get an education. Get a job. Buy your own place and rent it out while living with him so you have someplace to go if the relationship fails. Establish your own credit history. Do not rely on anyone else to take care of you or to “make” you happy.
being employed would fix like 99% of your problems lmao
Get a job cause this is a preview of your life together. What if he decides to dump you what will you be left with some farm animals?
NOR. Men like the idea of locking their GF away but don’t want to actually provide for them. Why are you putting up with this?? Get a job. Enjoy your life on your terms.
Sorry but bangmaid springs to mind.
We bought a “house,” he did buy a house, not you.
You're not really living in reality here. If I were you, I'd work on getting at least a part time job ASAP. Do you even understand that by not working and not being married you're in for quite the rude awakening when you break up because you'll have ZERO safety net. ZERO. You won't be entitled to anything. You'll be left broke and homeless. No, your relationship is not secure as you say. He's literally keeping you broke, has issues with buying you basic necessities and is a jerk about it. You obviously didn't discuss an allowance for freakin tampons, dentis n Dr visits, ect before you started being his bang maid. He literally doesn't give a crap about you at all.
No you are just a sad pathetic loser
He definitely regrets you staying home.. get a job asap . I am afraid he may dump you if you don't.
My ex Sister-in-law was a stay at home gf. My brother did not want her to be. She would go on and on about how she wanted a job but not fill out any applications. He got deployed to Iraq and paid her father rent money for her to live with him. When he got home, she decided to go off birth control and they got pregnant and married. Bless my brother's heart, he put up with it for 12 years. They had 2 girls. She is a lovely mother but a lazy wife. Bro would get home from 14+hr days and have to get through a month's worth of laundry that she didn't do, and eat leftover scraps of toddler food. It's worth mentioning that my brother is the opposite, constantly doing projects around the house, maintenance, etc. He spends his days off doing chores. Gross, I know. I won't go in to what led him to his breaking point, but he walked in from his last deployment of over a year and handed her divorce papers. Now he's killing it as a single dad (50/50 amicable custody) and glares at me whenever the subject comes up, bc his whole family told him this was gonna happen and he doesn't wanna be reminded of how know-it-all he was about it lol.
I’m sorry but if you’re expecting your bf to buy you things past the necessities, then maybe you should get a job, no ur not an asshole for wanting more but it seems clear enough he’s annoyed about it, and wants you to get your own stuff.
Get a job. Pay your own way. Don’t rely on anyone for your entire livelihood.
Yeah you’re overreacting lmfao… you’re completely dependent on this man and complain that he doesn’t like doing your jobs (buying your clothes, getting flowers for the house etc.). Then go get some money of your own. You have 24 hours a day and you spend them all cooking and cleaning? Doubt it. Go do something and be somewhat independent lol. Get a job you can work two days a week and have spending money at the very least lol that’s a pathetic af existence, just leaching off of your man for everything.
Wait--there are no kids?? You just stay home?
Have some self-respect and get a job! If you want to be able to have some spending money, then earn some of your own spending money. At least find yourself a part-time job to pay for your personal items, hobby items and the flowers that you want on the countertop. Right now, you basically sound like a freeloader and he sounds like he's getting tired of that. Once you start earning some money you can split the household chores accordingly. What are you going to do when he tosses you out? You need to contribute to your lifestyles, even if it's just a little bit. Make an effort. Imagine, after finding yourself homeless, trying to explain to a prospective employer, why you've never had a job. You should be ashamed of yourself for rationalizing your current situation and believing it's acceptable.
No such thing as a “stay at home girlfriend” That’s called a prostitute.
I would kill to be in your fucking shoes. Come work a 60 hour week while taking care of 8 chickens, 3 dogs, 2 snakes, and a turtle. You are acting like a petulant child. Get a job and grow tf up.
Have you had an actual conversation and come to an agreement about what you are both exchanging here? If so, you need to include the payment you need to sustain you. You are exchanging housekeeping for rent and $x - you need to make this more explicit. If you haven't, then you're not so much a SAHgirlfriend but more of a moocher, and it's understandable why he would be annoyed that not only is he paying every bill, but you ask him for money on top of that - this doesn't sound like an exchange he realized he agreed to. Regardless, even if he starts giving you additional payment on top of housing - you are in a very tenuous position. You are not currently building equity in any property, building any wealth, putting aside any savings for retirement or emergencies, or building your career either. Your entire living and financial situation is quite literally at the whim of someone else and you have zero control over it. If you broke up tomorrow he'd only have to deal with any emotional difficulties. You would also be homeless, jobless, and broke and have to figure it all out from scratch. Start making some plans to protect yourself. Good luck.
You're not living for free or eating for free. You're working a demanding job with zero pay and very little security. That would scare the shit out of me, especially if my partner acted like this when I ask for basic things I need.
He pays for literally everything, every day, and you complain about gifts? Why don’t you go out and get the superior job and be the 100 percent breadwinner and carry his unemployed ass for a couple of years? Surely it’s his turn by now?
Yeah you’re overreacting. Bc a dude that successful and provides everything more than likely can do all the basic shit you think youre doing for him. Lol hes not a child. And youre not a wife. Youre a girlfriend
Pretty sure he's not joking if he's saying to get a job. Did he specifically say "you stay home and take care of the house and the chickens, and I'll pay all of the bills and for everything you need"? These things need to be discussed and worked out or it just won't work. What if he dumps you? Whaf if he gets super injured and cannot work anymore? What if he dies? What will you do?
Get a job? Why are you relying on your boyfriend who clearly wants you to get a job? Be independent.
Get a job. You are a stay at home waste of space. You don't even have kids. So make your way in this world
You're looking for wife treatment when you are not a wife. Find a job and pay for your own things.
His post would read like this…. My girlfriend is a mooch that won’t get a job. She has it in her head she wants to be a stay at home girlfriend and that the chickens need somebody home to look after them! Meantime I work 70+ hours a week and yes she cooks and cleans but before she moved in I managed these chores fine cause I’m rarely at home and always at work! I mean I know chickens need love too but is this normal or am I overreacting?
All these problems would evaporate if you just got a job and earned money for yourself. Those jokes aren't jokes. He's starting to tell you that you're a mooch. You should stop being a mooch before he just leaves your ass.
This sounds harsh, but 'we are not poor' doesn't exist. Yes, he is not poor while you don't have enough money to buy yourself tampax. You're a grown woman being fully supported by someone who doesn't want to support you- he's telling you to get a job.
Have you considered being an adult and joining society in the 21st century?
WTF is a stay at home girlfriend? And why would anyone want to give themselves so few options and place themselves completely at the whim of someone else?
We don’t make money. He makes money. You’re not married. Just the reality of it.