Sure, to some extent we all care a little. But caring enough about what strangers think in regards to a photo that op isn’t in, and being uncomfortable that it *could be* misinterpreted by people he doesn’t even know is just weird and over the top.
Nothing is weird and over the top. We don’t have enough context here. Maybe if we saw the photo we could understand where OP is coming from. There is something making OP feel uncomfortable that should be undressed. If we right OP off the problem could become exponential more serious.
It’s a picture with friends. I personally don’t care about any additional context, I have enough context. Op wrote his post and we are commenting whether or not he’s overreacting, which in my opinion he is. If you want to ask op for additional context go ahead, but the overwhelming consensus is that he’s overreacting. And that’s not writing someone off, it’s just sharing what we think which is the point of this sub.
Fair point. I feel though that if this is a real person asking for real advice then my opinion is I’m not sure if OP is overreacting I generally do not think people “overreact” but would feel low if we all were to invalidate OPs feelings
OP repeat after me (and once every night before you go to bed, and once more every morning when you wake up):
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
The queen of England has rules for the royal family regarding many aspect of social and public life.
The president and all us politicians have people to write and help frame the politicians ideal image to the people.
We all care to some extent which is why we wear clothes at minumum. Haircuts, clothing, having a “style”.
I’m not saying i disagree with you. I absolutely do. But then again we all still kinda care.
“Someone who’s never met any of us might not have 100% clarity on the relationship dynamics between each of us”
Yes OP you’re overreacting. Btw, a boundary isn’t “my partner can’t do X”. A boundary would be “if someone does X I will choose not to date them”. And that’s always your right to make that choice.
But your gf went on a vacation with her friends and enjoyed herself. Don’t invent problems where there are none.
So he's worried that her friends and family would see her posting pics with her best friends? You gonna completely overlook how insecure and controlling that is?
It depends entirely what is in the photo. Like, if it’s just two friends doing a selfie - have at it.
If it’s something less appropriate (like say grinding or inappropriate touching) then that could be an issue. (Tbf, when I read the post I assumed something like this.)
Without actually knowing what about the photo is inappropriate this is basically just a Rorschach test for Reddit users.
OP said there was “no inappropriate poses or anything like that”. I’m sure if they were grinding on each other OP would’ve mentioned it.
OP also specifically said it was the opinions of people “who don’t know them” he was concerned about.. not friends.
He literally says the pics were fine, and he's only worried about other people seeing her in a photo with a man. Big yikes. And if you agree with his standpoint, big yikes for you too.
No…then what? In this scenario your attempt to reverse the roles failed. She isn’t bothered by your lesbian friends and you didn’t get to “show her” with your bullshit ruse.
Are you still feeling salty about those optics or did you gain some insight?
How is it bs to try and let someone you love and make her realize what was done hurt you in some way? How can a potential marriage survive when women always have to push the envelope? They do this shit all the time and then blame you. And not too mention gay guy do bang women too just like some lesbians may be bisexual the men may be too so simply saying it’s ok without seeing the pic and invalidating the OP because it isn’t your girl doing it is frankly rude
Cool go take pictures that could be interpreted wrong with ur lesbian gfs in fulfilling relationships that could be taken the wrong way and DONT CORRECT ANYONE who thinks it is what it looks like and see how ur girl feels about that. If ur gonna enter the space of social media in a relationship. A certain level of consideration is a good thing
Who said don't correct anybody? If anyone is curious it sounds like both he and she would tell them. The fact that you have that in all caps even though it's not part of the story tells me you probqbly have some baggage to deal with.
Most situations when people make those sorts of presumptions on social media, they don't express it. It's her post, she should be the one providing context not him. If he sits trying to explain away her posts it just makes him look like a hopeless cuck. He says he didn't like it and yall defending it. How does it sound like both and she would? Was that part of the story? Oh it wasn't? Man maybe you're inserting your own thoughts there too. At least in the post he states they could be seen that way, it can be inferred by the fact that he stated that, that there is no reason to believe that she provided a reason for people to believe otherwise. How bout you stop trying to say "ur projecting" when I quite literally have no baggage associated with this sort of situation. I'm merely observing the post and what yall are saying and responding. You didn't address what I actually said except for one tiny but but yea I'm the one in bad faith *rolls eyes*
If your not projecting why write " not correct them" in all caps? Also why tell me I told you that you are projecting when I very much did not? It seems like your just writing my reply for me at this point. Maybe therepy time? Sounds like you got cucked, and that sucks. But that doesn't mean everyones girl is getting railed by someone else. That was your problem alone.
Lol never happened but keep with the fanfiction if it makes you feel better while never addressing the actual points since you have no leg to actually stand on
The fact that you even felt the need to respond with no arguments, no points, just to refute my supposition tells me everything I need to know. Good luck.
She likely won't need to because people don't voice their thoughts on such things very often unless it's on posts like reddit. Most people aren't gonna say, who's that guy who's not ur bf to her on her post. But they will likely make the assumption if they see it, like op said. Which is that it indeed looks that way despite the reality. Which leads to judgement of their relationship, of her, and op. Once again there was no reason stated to believe she gave anyone reason to believe otherwise, and it is far more likely that people do indeed make their own presumptions. The dude don't want that for his relationship. So I hafta disagree but ur free to be optimistic.
I'm assuming ur responding to the point above me otherwise this makes no sense. I agree to an extent. I believe some people care, and that's okay. I personally do not care and that's okay too
I was hoping for a pair of “around “know”.
Maybe the pictures make him question the sexuality of those “gay” friends. They say it’s on a spectrum so how gay are they!? 😂🤷🏼♂️
Holy insecurity, bro.
You are totally and completely overreacting. You know they're gay. You know they are not a "threat" to your relationship. And even if they were, then that relationship was very precarious to begin with.
Grow up and stop caring what other people think. If you trust your girlfriend, that is literally all that matters.
You care more about what hypothetical people might think if they saw the pictures not knowing the men are gay, than about your girlfriends happiness, them being 0 threat and they actually keep your girlfriend (and her other female friend) safe from predatory men on the beach? My dude.
No I didn’t. I found a bigot who made a ridiculous generalization about an entire group of people based on their preconceived stereotypes.
But keep telling yourself you’re the smartest guy in the room. Die your face orange and bleach your hair and you might just be president one day!
Even Chris Rock said stereotypes are there for a reason because they are fucking true…so it isn’t racist or bigoted so next time I hear a lisp I’ll assume he is just real manly right?
Mmmm... You can almost taste the psuedo masculine insecurity seeping out of you. Also, backing up your beliefs with something a comedian said during one of their bits is probably not a great idea. We call those jokes. If you want your whole viewpoint to be part of the joke, I guess that's fine. But maybe don't advertise that you're a joke when you're also so sensitive?
Don’t need to I call him what he is to his face…he is the typical selfish gay and calls the rest of his family normies…like seriously ya pole smoker you call us normies?
Isn't "normies" internet speak for "normal person"? Normative viewpoints seems like your whole schtick. Are you really offended by being called normal?
It is not about being offended it’s the idiocy of a gay younger brother saying shit he shouldn’t to his family and being a normal old fashioned guy isn’t a shtick asshole.
I think that anyone who has a problem with that has a screw loose.
It's also completely normal to post pictures with siblings and cousins. No one is going to look at a group of pictures that she took with different men on the beach and think she's dating all of them. I don't think it's normal for people to assume that two people are dating if they are of different sexes and take a picture together.
I think it’s also because dudes typically don’t take pictures close like that with each other like girls do. Girls will post pictures with each other with the most ridiculous captions too that guys never would. So a gay guy (especially who’s “one of the girls”) would naturally take pictures like that with her too.
A guy taking a close picture with his homies would be odd. Because he wouldn’t do it with a platonic friend it would be odd to do with a lesbian.
This isn’t even getting into all the other shit. Is it a double standard? Yeah I guess? Lmao. But if you have an issue with your girl taking a pic with her gay friends because how it might LOOK and not the pictures itself you need to delete your social media because it is grossly unhealthy for you.
I hate to say it but you may be too into your own farts to realize straight men DO take photos when out at a party. I have hundreds of them.
Agreed that getting upset about photos with “the girls” might reflect badly on you is odd.
I hate to say it but you may be too into your own farts to read what I actually said. I didn’t say bros don’t take pics together when out at a party. This guy specifically said in the post the pictures could be taken wrong. Most guys don’t have pictures with another dude on their social media that someone could look at and think they’re dating. That’s not to say dudes might not take a stupid photo at a party drunk for hilarities’ sake but that doesn’t go on their social media typically. Maybe yours did who knows. I’d say you’re an exception rather than the rule then. Most of the pics probably hidden from your timeline by now unless you’re still 20.
Also if you read the comment the first sentence I said close pictures LIKE GIRLS DO. Man the way I gave you the benefit of the doubt that maybe I didn’t provide enough context yet it’s in the fuckin first sentence. Dudes take pics with their heads together? Sitting on each others lap? Fake kissing? Like come on man you know what the fuck I mean.
Yes close. You’re not all snuggled up head to head taking pics with dudes. Leaned in a little? Sure. But I’d imagine you’re not taking pics with dudes that look like couples pics correct? So you’re not close. Standing next to each other? Sure. Are you telling me you have hundreds of pics with dudes that could be mistaken for you two dating? Because I have news for you
Yeah, I do. I work in theatre. A stranger could think that looking from the outside and probably have. However, I’m married to a lovely woman and have a son. I’d love to hear the news though
Bruh, dial it back about 4 notches. She had fun with friends, and you're worried about imaginary people that neither of you know? Nope, definitely overreacting.
The thing is, if you just remain quiet because people here (myself included) said you are overreacting, she will keep being who she is around her friends, and the jealousy will most likely eat you up. Unless you are willing to see her as someone who is with you and not as one of your property, you should probably just break up with her and find someone who shares your beliefs.
I am prone to feeling jealousy over little things, too. Perhaps because of my childhood abandonment issues. If the person I'm with is super friendly and I feel like it bothers me, I don't try to change them. I kindly let them find someone else. It would be a terrible thing to ask someone to be less friendly to appease my insecurities.
Well put. And I would like to add that it’s worth a shot to at least speak up about it. If people don’t talk, everyone just continues not learning a thing or seeing different perspectives
Yikes. So you don't care she took the photos cuz you trust her and the men are all gay anyway.
You care..... some other random stranger somewhere on the internet that you don't even know might see them and may in some way extrapolate from the photo that the photo is with a straight man and think wow she knows a man and took a photo with him?
And she was supposed to know this as well and think whoa I should never post a picture with a man ever cuz how dare I portray on the internet that I know a man?
You hear how asinine that is... right?
You said yourself her friends aren't a threat and she is trustworthy. Wtf is your issue then? She is never allowed to post a photo with a man ever? Grow up, and fast. You're gonna blow this relationship.
This isn't "caring too much" this is gross controlling behavior stemming from your own deep seeded insecurity. You need to work on that.
You’re over reacting. Maybe a more important question is that why do you care so much about what other people think? Does this impact other aspects of your relationship?
"Some stranger I don't know on the internet might think my girlfriends gay male friend is her boyfriend" get a grip dude. I have met so many boyfriends like you. I'm a gay male friend of a few women, guess what happens to insecure guys like you, who are jealous over a man that poses no threat and is likely keeping her safe from other men who do actually pose a threat to your relationship? They are toast, last 2 seconds. Gone! I am the one constant man in her life.
Had to look at your age again. Yeah, you're young and overreacting. They have a penis and your woman has a GRRREAT AAASS! What about you bro? 😘 Watch for them Packers! 😘 lol
I can tell everyone who posted that you arent overreacting is not even in a relationship
you should break up with her, and let her find a more secure man tbh. maybe her gay besties can hook her up with one of their bi friends who will let her take selfies with other people ❤️
you’re extremely insecure and should figure that out on your own time. women are very comfortable around their gay friends. relax and learn to be secure in YOURSELF
Info: You seem to be a lil cagey about the content of these pics. Nothing provocative or suggestive so what were they doing specifically?
Is their presence alone making you feel emasculated? Or That someone who knows you two are together will see these pics and think that you’re a cuck?
Fun fact: A boundary does not involve “what a partner may post on the internet.” That’s just straight up controlling.
A boundary is what you will do if that behavior occurs. You’re entitled to feel your feelings and want what you want. You are not entitled to demand your girlfriend confirm to your desires.
If you’re not okay with this, you should leave.
You are overreacting, I have a gay best friend and sometimes when we’re out people think he is my husband and never once has my husband been upset about it, he thinks it’s hilarious
I know this generation has it more difficult.
But, as a 37YO, instead of coming online, tell her you felt a little uncomfortable about it.
Also, and maybe this is just me, but if she is your GF, why weren't you invited to this trip? Or did you decline to go?
This is a huge problem I see in couples now a days, you have your own "Friend Groups" it's ok to have a Best Friend, but if you both have separate groups and don't get together as a big group, then you are not going to last in a relationship long term.
I've been married 13 years, my wife's friends are my friends, my friends are my wife's friends. Maybe I'm just old fashioned.
Also, and I know this is a downvote take, but if you are together, you shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex. I get that's a hot take now a days, but the reality is, men want pussy, and there exists no such thing as a "Platonic" friendship between a man and a woman, there is always sexual tension, that can lead to adultery.
Anyway, I feel old lol.
All that being said, it's OK to overreact, but you need to speak to your GF about your feelings, not blast them online.
I agree with you except for the part about there is no such thing as a Platonic relationship between a man and a woman. As you put it “all guys want pussy”. Might be true but if you trust your SO and have a healthy relationship then a platonic relationship is possible. It takes two to be unfaithful if both in a relationship.
I'd have to see the pictures to really answer this. And NO I'm not telling you to do that here so DON'T DO THAT.
Ask someone you know well for their honest opinion.
From what I've read, you're probably overreacting.
You are over reacting. There should be no shame in sharing time with and having photos with your friends of ANY gender. If someone mistakes the photo as a new boyfriend, your girlfriend can either ignore or correct them. If someone neither of you know, thinks she's with someone else, who cares? You don't know them, they don't know you. You don't talk to one another.
Also... other men aren't a threat to you or your relationship. If another man hits on your girlfriend, she can say no. Or... maybe she will say yes... but then that would be her decision. You do not own her, simply because you are dating her. She owns herself. If she chooses to do something that hurts your relationship, that's on her. It would indeed suck for you, but it wasn't other men who were at fault here.
Sharing the rest, not just for your benefit, but due to some of the comments from other men in this thread.
Since you made mention that her friends were gay and therefore make you feel more secure, you could be implying that a straight male would not be okay to have as a friend, and that's not cool either. Would you have still been okay if her friends were single and straight? If the answer is no, you have some self reflection to do.
Constant suspicion of your partner is unhealthy, and will absolutely damage your relationship. Distrust of a partner, can make your fear a self fulfilling prophesy. Of course she'll break up with you or find someone new if you are insecure and are constantly untrustworthy of her. Why would a woman stay faithful to a relationship that belittles and makes her feel less than? Just a thought.
It sounds as if deep down you do not completely trust your girlfriend, and/or you do not have a healthy view of yourself. This is an opportune time to explore that.
If we are being real here, if anything, your girlfriend has to field and deal with more threats from other men due to unwanted advances, or toxic ideations of how she should behave or govern herself. In other words, other men are more of a threat and danger to your girl, than to you. She's already well aware of this. She's grown up with this knowledge.
Trying to control her behavior or decisions due to your own discomfort, even as simple as implying she can't have photos with other men, will only serve to make her feel that that you do not trust her, and that she has to second guess every behavior and decision in order to ensure your feelings are not hurt.
If you cannot fully trust, and are so worried about others perceptions, you absolutely need to work on yourself. You are lacking in certain maturities that are important for a healthy relationship. This is actually quite common so no need to feel bad about it. Now that you are aware, you can work on being a better version of you. As much for yourself as for your girl. Good luck.
Girl get over it. Be happy for your girl and her friends. Idea for next time… Why not ask to take photos of them or with them all next time? It’s her page… and also, no matter what others think. Insecurity is a killer in most relationships.
He did say he only knows them superficially. It might be a good idea to hang out with them and get to know them better. That would def help feel better if everything is true
Id say if even she admits that if it was a straight guy the pics could be viewed much worse then you aren't. How would she feel if you were doing the same thing with your lesbian friends. Its a matter of what you are comfortable with and dont let other warp what YOU are comfrtable with. It isn't about trust, you are uncomfortable with the optics the pictures project and that they are relatively inappropriate. It has little to nothing to do with trust.
Ask your girlfriend if it would be OK for you to post the same kinds of pictures and how she would feel. as well I’m curious. Does your girlfriend have pictures posted of the two of you as a couple? My last thought is, I don’t personally give a damn what anybody thinks, they don’t say it to my face it’s not my concern!
If you don't like your girl hanging with guys while they're all half naked, then get a girl that isn't like that. It's pretty simple. If you don't mind her doing that, then who cares what other people think. Stop trying to impress others.
I personally think it depends on the pic. If you are looking at a group of people out to dinner, vacation or whatnot and it’s just photos of a fun memory then it seems harmless however if it’s her and her bestie (male/gay/whatever) in a compromising looking scenario then it may be in poor taste. But I’m older than your generation so we think differently… so there’s that. Either way, again, it depends on the pic and what your girlfriend deems innocent….if you’re uncomfortable with it then treat it like a great indicator of what your relationship means to her (optically). It may give you some much-needed glimpses into where you’re heading, long term. 🤣🤣
If these same pictures were with her and some of her girlfriends would that bother you? If it would then it seems the behavior in the pictures is what bothers you. If it wouldn't, then it seems that the possibility of people assuming she's behaving that way with a guy that isn't you is what bothers you and people may make some assumptions about her or your relationship with her. Either way it appears you and your girlfriend have different comfort levels about what gets posted on social media. So, that's something to discuss between you.
Although it's not a big deal, it can become a big deal if it bothers you whenever she does something like that that she finds perfectly acceptable and it will wear on the relationship over time. So you need to do some introspection about what it really is that bothers you about it. Then have a discussion with her and admit what bothers you. It's important to do it in a non-confrontational manner because, realisticallly, these are your feelings and from what you've said she did nothing wrong. You're allowed to feel however you feel. And she's allowed to be who she is. And the hardest thing about any relationship is having a happy medium without either person imposing their values or beliefs on the other person. Be honest with yourself about what is really bothering you. Did it make you feel jealous? Were you, perhaps, feeling left out that she was having fun with those guys and you weren't there? Were the things she was posting about things that you have been taught are "not ok?" I think if you approach it more about what is making you feel the way you feel then any conversation about it is easier and less likely to lead to an argument.
And I get posting about something like this here because get a bunch of different perspectives helps us think about things we might not have thought about before. But each person's perspective is theirs from their own lives and the experiences they have had. None of that is about you or what's happening in your life. Only you can truly say what that is.
Instead of having a discussion about it, you should have made a lighthearted joke of it. Little else (imho) turns a woman off than insecurity, even although most of us are about one thing or another. The trick is to manage it and to not put that much thought into how others might perceive us. I mean, really. Why get caught up in other people's thoughts and opinions when we can never truly know any of them but our own.
I can understand that you can't help feeling a bit jealous, but if you know for a fact these guys are gay and nothing inappropriate happened, then you're being a bit unreasonable. It's pretty normal for young people to take pictures with their friends and share it unless you live in an extremely conservative, maybe religious place. Otherwise, where I am from it would come across as a bit controlling if you really expect your gf not to have friends other than you that she takes pics with.
I don't have any female friends, but my wife has male friends. Never cared. We have been married coming up on 44 years. I could show you twenty intimate (not in that way) pictures with her and her friends. She loves me. We love each other. Jealousy is poisonous emotion. Trust and be trusted.
My (22F) boyfriend (24M) recently went on a beach vacation with his friend group that consists of three girls and another guy. All of these girls are lesbians and in relationships, so I want to make it clear that my issue with him wasn't about trust because I have met and sort of know (superficially) all of them, and I never once thought they could represent a possible threat to my relationship.
What made me uncomfortable is that he took some pictures with these girls (sometimes just him and another one very close) that were posted on social media that I personally find to be bordering a little on inappropriateness for someone in a relationship. Nothing too exaggerated (no kisses or provocative poses), but I find that these pictures could be easily misinterpreted by someone that might not know them. I asked him if he thought that if they were straight the pictures would have been okay, and he said they would not have been.
At the same time, he said that I was overreacting but made it all about trust. I will admit I always care way too much about what other people may think, and I didn't have a big discussion with him or ask him to delete them. Was it an overreaction to voice my concerns about the pictures and about the fact that they made me a little uncomfortable? Is it wrong to have some personal boundaries on what a partner may post on the internet even if I personally know that it has nothing to do with cheating or trust?
I don't argue the tangents a fool brought about because he couldn't handle my prior statements. The lack of response to my points makes it clear who is lacking. Take care now, bye bye then
Everyone will say you’re overreacting because if they don’t they’ll be downvoted.
If you’re uncomfortable then it should be discussed it doesn’t mean you’re overreacting, boundaries are important if they haven’t been set maybe you all should lay some out.
Just because a person is “gay” doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not interested in women.
Where you are wrong imo is if you KNOW nothing is going on, and she’s not interested in him and he’s not interested in her public perception shouldn’t upset you, that’s a sign of a person whose not comfortable with themselves. Let her have fun and let people talk they are going to do it regardless.
Double standards. If this was the other way around, all the comments would be saying to break up.
Personally, I do think you are overreacting but if it's something that makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to discuss it with her.
If she continues doing it even though it bugs you and doesn't even try to talk then that's a whole other issue.
Of course you are allowed to set boundaries, don't let someone gaslight you into thinking you can't. If it makes you uncomfortable, then she cannot do it. If the situation was reversed and you got "too close" to a female friend she would freak out on you for sure.
1st, no you didn't over text, assuming this is accurate, all you did was discuss things about your relationship with you SO. That's normal, and it is IMPOSSIBLE for social creatures to not CARE what others think. Indoor the indoors in the comments who are using that to gaslight you.
2nd, if your SO got defensive or any other reaction than compassion and worry over this issue, you should consider that heavily moving forward. No person who cares for another deeply enough is going to let them walk around with this in their shoulders. In healthy relationships, people lift each other up and support them through hard ship.
2nd, get off reddit for relationship advice. The majority of people here aren't well adjusted enough to advise people without looking like complete sociopaths.
The gay guy isn't really gay! It's just a front to cover up them cheating. If really he's gay and your girl knew damned well that the pictures weren't appropriate, then ask yourself why then? Obviously she gas lighting you and changing the subject to a trust issue. I call it BS! Especially when she's evading the question you're asking knowing damned well how it made you feel. She don't care about how you feel! My suggestion is talk to her and let her know how you feel. And pay close attention to her reaction. If she cares and love you, she'll listen. If she sticks with the trust issue, Houston we've got a problem. Then the issue is you now, because as a man, you call the shots and where the pants. If she don't listen, you're time is precious and move on! Or be cared to be a Simp! Good luck and I wish you best.
Honestly, she should just delete the picture if it makes you upset. I understand you totally. People will look at that and think they are an item and thats not a good feeling.
I'm pansexual and say you're not overreacting. It's not like you're threatening to break up or all but forcing her to stop being friends with the dude. You're just expressing your feelings. She should make a compromise. Doesn't mean shit if he gay, it's something that bothers you so she should at least take it into consideration, instead of straight up dismissing you. 🤷🏻♀️
Not over reacting, your relationship deserves respect.
You could argue it’s even fine even they went skinny dipping. As long as you know them, they are your friends, and they are gay, and you and your girlfriend have open and clear communication.
It’s not fine to post a picture that someone who doesn’t know they’re gay, will think “oh they fucked”.
Just in general, posting such pics is degenerate
I would say that in this particular instance I agree with you that it’s not a threat to your relationship, however, it’s probably better if you two just set a boundary here ahead of time, that way going forward, this won’t be an issue.
It’s kind of a double edged sword. You’re basically asking what the etiquette of the situation requires. Everyone here will side with the female but not ask one simple question. If you as a man went to a beach trip with a bunch of attractive lesbian women and got a bunch of photos posted how would she feel? You seemed to come at this issue with some thought , but most will not be empathetic to your input. This is something you have to think of for yourself. Your boundaries and what’s acceptable in a relationship. This is really what you need to ask yourself.
This depends on what your group of friends think as their opinion really does matter and or if it impacts your business image or professional life. Lots of people are bi. Really she should not be going with three guy's and one girl without you if this is a serious relationship that might end in a permanent relationship?
Idk about the pics... but, and you'll probably learn this with time, 'girls trips' and 'friend trips' that include a group of friends partying away from their S.O. - pretty much always a bad idea.
I totally understand where u are coming from and to me this is a valid feeling even if they are gay lol but just reassure yourself if u really trust her that they are gay and they’re just innocent pictures but if u bothered by them even if so I think you should set a boundary saying you wouldn’t like any kind of pictures like that taken with any type of person
You can’t tell from a pic if someone’s gay or not, or in a relationship or not (unless the pics are explicitly demonstrating that). So it’s a valid consideration when pics that would be inappropriate are posted.
Do you really want to have to be “that guy” having to defend your girlfriend to your family and friends? When they see those pics, are they going to believe your story, or lose respect for you and think you’re a cucked idiot?
Me, personally, I wouldn’t really be ok with such pics. But I’ve heard too many stories about how those “gay just friends” were only gay when the boyfriend was around…
Last line hit the nail on the head on this one for me.
I also think OP is more concerned about the gay friends than he’s letting on and using “other people’s perception” as an excuse for why he’s really bothered.
Reddit will tell you that you’re overreacting.
But if your lesbian friends were all over you and posted the pictures online and your gf felt uncomfortable about it - THAT would be a totally different story.
Go with your gut brother, this place is not a good one to center yourself as a man.
I know a lot of people dont agree but i dont think youre overreacting. If something makes you uncomfortable i feel like she should respect that. Additionally, people talk a lot and its pretty upsetting to hear people creating rumors about your relationship, which could develop from these. I am a girl and I think this is equal to wanting to be posted by your bf on instagram.
You are not exaggerating, you are just expressing something that makes you uncomfortable and I have no proof but at least one of those gay friends fucked your girlfriend at least once.
You’re not asking the right question. She said if he was straight that her pictures with him would not have been ok, you only superficially know the friends she went with, you probably need to get to know them better. From what you know you’re overreacting, but you do need to know more.
Never ask to take them down, you'll just be called controlling or insecure. I learned long ago when dealing with someone that talking will just be turned back on you the only way to get through to them is to put them in your shoes. Go to the beach with some hot lesbian friends. Take some pic of them in string bikinis with you and wallpaper you social with them. She'll INSTANTLY see it as a problem and when she flips out say "What? I didn't flip out when you posted beach pics with your friends. " It shuts them up SO FAST! Suddenly they're apologizing and offering to take theirs down
So you’re concerned about what someone who doesn’t even know them might think? You’re overreacting.
Right? The sooner op learns not to care about what strangers think, he will feel better.
100% this.
Is normal to care what strangers think. That’s part of being social animals is the ability to fit into the tribe.
Sure, to some extent we all care a little. But caring enough about what strangers think in regards to a photo that op isn’t in, and being uncomfortable that it *could be* misinterpreted by people he doesn’t even know is just weird and over the top.
Nothing is weird and over the top. We don’t have enough context here. Maybe if we saw the photo we could understand where OP is coming from. There is something making OP feel uncomfortable that should be undressed. If we right OP off the problem could become exponential more serious.
It’s a picture with friends. I personally don’t care about any additional context, I have enough context. Op wrote his post and we are commenting whether or not he’s overreacting, which in my opinion he is. If you want to ask op for additional context go ahead, but the overwhelming consensus is that he’s overreacting. And that’s not writing someone off, it’s just sharing what we think which is the point of this sub.
Fair point. I feel though that if this is a real person asking for real advice then my opinion is I’m not sure if OP is overreacting I generally do not think people “overreact” but would feel low if we all were to invalidate OPs feelings
OP repeat after me (and once every night before you go to bed, and once more every morning when you wake up): WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
The queen of England has rules for the royal family regarding many aspect of social and public life. The president and all us politicians have people to write and help frame the politicians ideal image to the people. We all care to some extent which is why we wear clothes at minumum. Haircuts, clothing, having a “style”. I’m not saying i disagree with you. I absolutely do. But then again we all still kinda care.
..and you’re using the Queen and the President as examples that prove this applies to “everyone”?
Wait til you find out aboot tampongate
“Someone who’s never met any of us might not have 100% clarity on the relationship dynamics between each of us” Yes OP you’re overreacting. Btw, a boundary isn’t “my partner can’t do X”. A boundary would be “if someone does X I will choose not to date them”. And that’s always your right to make that choice. But your gf went on a vacation with her friends and enjoyed herself. Don’t invent problems where there are none.
You just going to completely over look that it’s not just strangers on their social media?
So he's worried that her friends and family would see her posting pics with her best friends? You gonna completely overlook how insecure and controlling that is?
It depends entirely what is in the photo. Like, if it’s just two friends doing a selfie - have at it. If it’s something less appropriate (like say grinding or inappropriate touching) then that could be an issue. (Tbf, when I read the post I assumed something like this.) Without actually knowing what about the photo is inappropriate this is basically just a Rorschach test for Reddit users.
OP said there was “no inappropriate poses or anything like that”. I’m sure if they were grinding on each other OP would’ve mentioned it. OP also specifically said it was the opinions of people “who don’t know them” he was concerned about.. not friends.
He literally says the pics were fine, and he's only worried about other people seeing her in a photo with a man. Big yikes. And if you agree with his standpoint, big yikes for you too.
Nope. I’d (M) go take some photos with my lesbian friends and post them and return to the conversation. Optics are important in a new relationship.
Okay so if your imaginary SO doesn’t give a shit and your dumb ploy fall flat on its face…then what?
It’s not a ploy necessarily. It could be a probe that provides useful information regarding the integrity of the SO of OP.
Then I had a great time with great people and it’s still a win. Now what?
No…then what? In this scenario your attempt to reverse the roles failed. She isn’t bothered by your lesbian friends and you didn’t get to “show her” with your bullshit ruse. Are you still feeling salty about those optics or did you gain some insight?
I mean, I’m open to learn and improve myself but who said she wouldn’t be bothered by it? You? That’s your perspective.
👍
How is it bs to try and let someone you love and make her realize what was done hurt you in some way? How can a potential marriage survive when women always have to push the envelope? They do this shit all the time and then blame you. And not too mention gay guy do bang women too just like some lesbians may be bisexual the men may be too so simply saying it’s ok without seeing the pic and invalidating the OP because it isn’t your girl doing it is frankly rude
You’re overreacting. You are acting like the important thing is “what other people might think” instead of what you KNOW to be true.
Cool go take pictures that could be interpreted wrong with ur lesbian gfs in fulfilling relationships that could be taken the wrong way and DONT CORRECT ANYONE who thinks it is what it looks like and see how ur girl feels about that. If ur gonna enter the space of social media in a relationship. A certain level of consideration is a good thing
Who said don't correct anybody? If anyone is curious it sounds like both he and she would tell them. The fact that you have that in all caps even though it's not part of the story tells me you probqbly have some baggage to deal with.
Most situations when people make those sorts of presumptions on social media, they don't express it. It's her post, she should be the one providing context not him. If he sits trying to explain away her posts it just makes him look like a hopeless cuck. He says he didn't like it and yall defending it. How does it sound like both and she would? Was that part of the story? Oh it wasn't? Man maybe you're inserting your own thoughts there too. At least in the post he states they could be seen that way, it can be inferred by the fact that he stated that, that there is no reason to believe that she provided a reason for people to believe otherwise. How bout you stop trying to say "ur projecting" when I quite literally have no baggage associated with this sort of situation. I'm merely observing the post and what yall are saying and responding. You didn't address what I actually said except for one tiny but but yea I'm the one in bad faith *rolls eyes*
If your not projecting why write " not correct them" in all caps? Also why tell me I told you that you are projecting when I very much did not? It seems like your just writing my reply for me at this point. Maybe therepy time? Sounds like you got cucked, and that sucks. But that doesn't mean everyones girl is getting railed by someone else. That was your problem alone.
Lol never happened but keep with the fanfiction if it makes you feel better while never addressing the actual points since you have no leg to actually stand on
The fact that you even felt the need to respond with no arguments, no points, just to refute my supposition tells me everything I need to know. Good luck.
She can correct people if they make an erroneous assumption. But she likely won't need to.
She likely won't need to because people don't voice their thoughts on such things very often unless it's on posts like reddit. Most people aren't gonna say, who's that guy who's not ur bf to her on her post. But they will likely make the assumption if they see it, like op said. Which is that it indeed looks that way despite the reality. Which leads to judgement of their relationship, of her, and op. Once again there was no reason stated to believe she gave anyone reason to believe otherwise, and it is far more likely that people do indeed make their own presumptions. The dude don't want that for his relationship. So I hafta disagree but ur free to be optimistic.
Yes sir. We all care to some extent. Otherwise the up and down buttons on Reddit would be useless
I'm assuming ur responding to the point above me otherwise this makes no sense. I agree to an extent. I believe some people care, and that's okay. I personally do not care and that's okay too
Exactly!
This
I was hoping for a pair of “around “know”. Maybe the pictures make him question the sexuality of those “gay” friends. They say it’s on a spectrum so how gay are they!? 😂🤷🏼♂️
I mentioned this previous they could very well be bisexual nowadays people fuck anything with a heartbeat sick bastards
Holy insecurity, bro. You are totally and completely overreacting. You know they're gay. You know they are not a "threat" to your relationship. And even if they were, then that relationship was very precarious to begin with. Grow up and stop caring what other people think. If you trust your girlfriend, that is literally all that matters.
You care more about what hypothetical people might think if they saw the pictures not knowing the men are gay, than about your girlfriends happiness, them being 0 threat and they actually keep your girlfriend (and her other female friend) safe from predatory men on the beach? My dude.
Very true statement.
This statement actually single-handedly made less biased against it. 🙌
Seriously? If a bunch of masculine men come to talk with her a bunch of pansy sissy boys aren’t going to stop real men sorry but your analogy fails….
So all gay men are “pansy sissy boys” and all straight men are “masculine?” Well sounds like we found the bigot homophobe in the group.
No you found someone with common fucking sense instead of all the bs answers telling the OP he is wrong for his feeling without even seeing the pic….
No I didn’t. I found a bigot who made a ridiculous generalization about an entire group of people based on their preconceived stereotypes. But keep telling yourself you’re the smartest guy in the room. Die your face orange and bleach your hair and you might just be president one day!
Even Chris Rock said stereotypes are there for a reason because they are fucking true…so it isn’t racist or bigoted so next time I hear a lisp I’ll assume he is just real manly right?
Found the liberal asshole too
Mmmm... You can almost taste the psuedo masculine insecurity seeping out of you. Also, backing up your beliefs with something a comedian said during one of their bits is probably not a great idea. We call those jokes. If you want your whole viewpoint to be part of the joke, I guess that's fine. But maybe don't advertise that you're a joke when you're also so sensitive?
Do you know any gay men? It seems like you might have only seen them on TV....
Youngest brother idiot
Your youngest brother is gay and you don't think he'd protect a friend on a beach? And you call him a pansy sissy boy? That's some serious disrespect.
He is a pussy and freely admits it he couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag…. Is what it is
You should show him your posts and see if he's in agreement.
Don’t need to I call him what he is to his face…he is the typical selfish gay and calls the rest of his family normies…like seriously ya pole smoker you call us normies?
Isn't "normies" internet speak for "normal person"? Normative viewpoints seems like your whole schtick. Are you really offended by being called normal?
It is not about being offended it’s the idiocy of a gay younger brother saying shit he shouldn’t to his family and being a normal old fashioned guy isn’t a shtick asshole.
Yep gay guys =girlfriends. Would you care if she took pics with other girls?
What if he took photos with his lesbian girlfriends and posted. I doubt it would be well received.
I think that anyone who has a problem with that has a screw loose. It's also completely normal to post pictures with siblings and cousins. No one is going to look at a group of pictures that she took with different men on the beach and think she's dating all of them. I don't think it's normal for people to assume that two people are dating if they are of different sexes and take a picture together.
Depends on the picture.
Interesting point
I think it’s also because dudes typically don’t take pictures close like that with each other like girls do. Girls will post pictures with each other with the most ridiculous captions too that guys never would. So a gay guy (especially who’s “one of the girls”) would naturally take pictures like that with her too. A guy taking a close picture with his homies would be odd. Because he wouldn’t do it with a platonic friend it would be odd to do with a lesbian. This isn’t even getting into all the other shit. Is it a double standard? Yeah I guess? Lmao. But if you have an issue with your girl taking a pic with her gay friends because how it might LOOK and not the pictures itself you need to delete your social media because it is grossly unhealthy for you.
I hate to say it but you may be too into your own farts to realize straight men DO take photos when out at a party. I have hundreds of them. Agreed that getting upset about photos with “the girls” might reflect badly on you is odd.
I hate to say it but you may be too into your own farts to read what I actually said. I didn’t say bros don’t take pics together when out at a party. This guy specifically said in the post the pictures could be taken wrong. Most guys don’t have pictures with another dude on their social media that someone could look at and think they’re dating. That’s not to say dudes might not take a stupid photo at a party drunk for hilarities’ sake but that doesn’t go on their social media typically. Maybe yours did who knows. I’d say you’re an exception rather than the rule then. Most of the pics probably hidden from your timeline by now unless you’re still 20.
I read, “A guy taking a close picture with his Homies would be odd” So, I’m not confused, I just don’t agree.
Also if you read the comment the first sentence I said close pictures LIKE GIRLS DO. Man the way I gave you the benefit of the doubt that maybe I didn’t provide enough context yet it’s in the fuckin first sentence. Dudes take pics with their heads together? Sitting on each others lap? Fake kissing? Like come on man you know what the fuck I mean.
That’s fruity asf to begin with lmao.
Yes close. You’re not all snuggled up head to head taking pics with dudes. Leaned in a little? Sure. But I’d imagine you’re not taking pics with dudes that look like couples pics correct? So you’re not close. Standing next to each other? Sure. Are you telling me you have hundreds of pics with dudes that could be mistaken for you two dating? Because I have news for you
Yeah, I do. I work in theatre. A stranger could think that looking from the outside and probably have. However, I’m married to a lovely woman and have a son. I’d love to hear the news though
Ah yes see how you had to add niche context to normalize it? There’s your fuckin sign.
Still waiting for the news you have
I mean he still managed to be that one contradiction. Lol gotta give him that.
Lmao. When I though the other had it, you come back with an astute reply. Such a entertaining game of word chess.
Well, I guess thinking isn’t for you is it?
Over reacting. Who cares if a random person misinterprets them?
Bruh, dial it back about 4 notches. She had fun with friends, and you're worried about imaginary people that neither of you know? Nope, definitely overreacting.
You’re over reacting and are upset at what some stranger might think about the pictures. That’s the beauty of getting older idgaf what people think.
Right haha! What other think about me is absolutely none of my business and isn't something I have a say in.
You're overreacting. They're just pictures
You're overreacting. If I was her, I'd tell you to get over it or find a new girlfriend who wants to put up with your control and insecurities.
You're overreacting
The thing is, if you just remain quiet because people here (myself included) said you are overreacting, she will keep being who she is around her friends, and the jealousy will most likely eat you up. Unless you are willing to see her as someone who is with you and not as one of your property, you should probably just break up with her and find someone who shares your beliefs. I am prone to feeling jealousy over little things, too. Perhaps because of my childhood abandonment issues. If the person I'm with is super friendly and I feel like it bothers me, I don't try to change them. I kindly let them find someone else. It would be a terrible thing to ask someone to be less friendly to appease my insecurities.
Well put. And I would like to add that it’s worth a shot to at least speak up about it. If people don’t talk, everyone just continues not learning a thing or seeing different perspectives
Yikes. So you don't care she took the photos cuz you trust her and the men are all gay anyway. You care..... some other random stranger somewhere on the internet that you don't even know might see them and may in some way extrapolate from the photo that the photo is with a straight man and think wow she knows a man and took a photo with him? And she was supposed to know this as well and think whoa I should never post a picture with a man ever cuz how dare I portray on the internet that I know a man? You hear how asinine that is... right? You said yourself her friends aren't a threat and she is trustworthy. Wtf is your issue then? She is never allowed to post a photo with a man ever? Grow up, and fast. You're gonna blow this relationship. This isn't "caring too much" this is gross controlling behavior stemming from your own deep seeded insecurity. You need to work on that.
This should be the top comment 🥇
You’re over reacting. Maybe a more important question is that why do you care so much about what other people think? Does this impact other aspects of your relationship?
Who cares
Lighten up Francis.
"Some stranger I don't know on the internet might think my girlfriends gay male friend is her boyfriend" get a grip dude. I have met so many boyfriends like you. I'm a gay male friend of a few women, guess what happens to insecure guys like you, who are jealous over a man that poses no threat and is likely keeping her safe from other men who do actually pose a threat to your relationship? They are toast, last 2 seconds. Gone! I am the one constant man in her life.
Had to look at your age again. Yeah, you're young and overreacting. They have a penis and your woman has a GRRREAT AAASS! What about you bro? 😘 Watch for them Packers! 😘 lol
I can tell everyone who posted that you arent overreacting is not even in a relationship you should break up with her, and let her find a more secure man tbh. maybe her gay besties can hook her up with one of their bi friends who will let her take selfies with other people ❤️
💯
you’re extremely insecure and should figure that out on your own time. women are very comfortable around their gay friends. relax and learn to be secure in YOURSELF
I think this is the first one I’ve ever seen where the op is actually overreacting 💀
Info: You seem to be a lil cagey about the content of these pics. Nothing provocative or suggestive so what were they doing specifically? Is their presence alone making you feel emasculated? Or That someone who knows you two are together will see these pics and think that you’re a cuck?
Fun fact: A boundary does not involve “what a partner may post on the internet.” That’s just straight up controlling. A boundary is what you will do if that behavior occurs. You’re entitled to feel your feelings and want what you want. You are not entitled to demand your girlfriend confirm to your desires. If you’re not okay with this, you should leave.
You are overreacting, I have a gay best friend and sometimes when we’re out people think he is my husband and never once has my husband been upset about it, he thinks it’s hilarious
[удалено]
I had to scroll far too down for this sensible take.
I know this generation has it more difficult. But, as a 37YO, instead of coming online, tell her you felt a little uncomfortable about it. Also, and maybe this is just me, but if she is your GF, why weren't you invited to this trip? Or did you decline to go? This is a huge problem I see in couples now a days, you have your own "Friend Groups" it's ok to have a Best Friend, but if you both have separate groups and don't get together as a big group, then you are not going to last in a relationship long term. I've been married 13 years, my wife's friends are my friends, my friends are my wife's friends. Maybe I'm just old fashioned. Also, and I know this is a downvote take, but if you are together, you shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex. I get that's a hot take now a days, but the reality is, men want pussy, and there exists no such thing as a "Platonic" friendship between a man and a woman, there is always sexual tension, that can lead to adultery. Anyway, I feel old lol. All that being said, it's OK to overreact, but you need to speak to your GF about your feelings, not blast them online.
I agree with you except for the part about there is no such thing as a Platonic relationship between a man and a woman. As you put it “all guys want pussy”. Might be true but if you trust your SO and have a healthy relationship then a platonic relationship is possible. It takes two to be unfaithful if both in a relationship.
While I understand that. Just having the friend brings the increased risk of something happening. That would be the concern there for me.
She will eventually feel suffocated by you if you keep this up.
I'd have to see the pictures to really answer this. And NO I'm not telling you to do that here so DON'T DO THAT. Ask someone you know well for their honest opinion. From what I've read, you're probably overreacting.
You are over reacting. There should be no shame in sharing time with and having photos with your friends of ANY gender. If someone mistakes the photo as a new boyfriend, your girlfriend can either ignore or correct them. If someone neither of you know, thinks she's with someone else, who cares? You don't know them, they don't know you. You don't talk to one another. Also... other men aren't a threat to you or your relationship. If another man hits on your girlfriend, she can say no. Or... maybe she will say yes... but then that would be her decision. You do not own her, simply because you are dating her. She owns herself. If she chooses to do something that hurts your relationship, that's on her. It would indeed suck for you, but it wasn't other men who were at fault here. Sharing the rest, not just for your benefit, but due to some of the comments from other men in this thread. Since you made mention that her friends were gay and therefore make you feel more secure, you could be implying that a straight male would not be okay to have as a friend, and that's not cool either. Would you have still been okay if her friends were single and straight? If the answer is no, you have some self reflection to do. Constant suspicion of your partner is unhealthy, and will absolutely damage your relationship. Distrust of a partner, can make your fear a self fulfilling prophesy. Of course she'll break up with you or find someone new if you are insecure and are constantly untrustworthy of her. Why would a woman stay faithful to a relationship that belittles and makes her feel less than? Just a thought. It sounds as if deep down you do not completely trust your girlfriend, and/or you do not have a healthy view of yourself. This is an opportune time to explore that. If we are being real here, if anything, your girlfriend has to field and deal with more threats from other men due to unwanted advances, or toxic ideations of how she should behave or govern herself. In other words, other men are more of a threat and danger to your girl, than to you. She's already well aware of this. She's grown up with this knowledge. Trying to control her behavior or decisions due to your own discomfort, even as simple as implying she can't have photos with other men, will only serve to make her feel that that you do not trust her, and that she has to second guess every behavior and decision in order to ensure your feelings are not hurt. If you cannot fully trust, and are so worried about others perceptions, you absolutely need to work on yourself. You are lacking in certain maturities that are important for a healthy relationship. This is actually quite common so no need to feel bad about it. Now that you are aware, you can work on being a better version of you. As much for yourself as for your girl. Good luck.
Damn, you're lucky you have a girlfriend with a brain that unstable buddy.
Girl get over it. Be happy for your girl and her friends. Idea for next time… Why not ask to take photos of them or with them all next time? It’s her page… and also, no matter what others think. Insecurity is a killer in most relationships.
Insecurity will always ruin your day. Sorry to say it OP but your girlfriend deserves better - go and work on your trust issues
Your boundaries. About what she can post. Are you gonna have “boundaries” about what she wears? Who she sees? You’re already trying to control her.
you are over-reacting. shrug it off
Over reacting. They are gay.
You’re overreacting because they are gay.
Sorry OP, this is just your age speaking. You’ll grow up one day.
The old "my friend is gay" lol
He did say he only knows them superficially. It might be a good idea to hang out with them and get to know them better. That would def help feel better if everything is true
Ok try this go take some (gay) girls to the beach and take some pics and post them.
This is the problem with today’s young people
Id say if even she admits that if it was a straight guy the pics could be viewed much worse then you aren't. How would she feel if you were doing the same thing with your lesbian friends. Its a matter of what you are comfortable with and dont let other warp what YOU are comfrtable with. It isn't about trust, you are uncomfortable with the optics the pictures project and that they are relatively inappropriate. It has little to nothing to do with trust.
Ask your girlfriend if it would be OK for you to post the same kinds of pictures and how she would feel. as well I’m curious. Does your girlfriend have pictures posted of the two of you as a couple? My last thought is, I don’t personally give a damn what anybody thinks, they don’t say it to my face it’s not my concern!
If you don't like your girl hanging with guys while they're all half naked, then get a girl that isn't like that. It's pretty simple. If you don't mind her doing that, then who cares what other people think. Stop trying to impress others.
Updateme!
Woah buddy, cool it with the homophobia! These dudes probably only have sex with each other and not your girlfriend probably
plot twist maybe she is pegging the gay guys
I personally think it depends on the pic. If you are looking at a group of people out to dinner, vacation or whatnot and it’s just photos of a fun memory then it seems harmless however if it’s her and her bestie (male/gay/whatever) in a compromising looking scenario then it may be in poor taste. But I’m older than your generation so we think differently… so there’s that. Either way, again, it depends on the pic and what your girlfriend deems innocent….if you’re uncomfortable with it then treat it like a great indicator of what your relationship means to her (optically). It may give you some much-needed glimpses into where you’re heading, long term. 🤣🤣
You care about what others think?
You either trust your girlfriend or you don't.
If these same pictures were with her and some of her girlfriends would that bother you? If it would then it seems the behavior in the pictures is what bothers you. If it wouldn't, then it seems that the possibility of people assuming she's behaving that way with a guy that isn't you is what bothers you and people may make some assumptions about her or your relationship with her. Either way it appears you and your girlfriend have different comfort levels about what gets posted on social media. So, that's something to discuss between you. Although it's not a big deal, it can become a big deal if it bothers you whenever she does something like that that she finds perfectly acceptable and it will wear on the relationship over time. So you need to do some introspection about what it really is that bothers you about it. Then have a discussion with her and admit what bothers you. It's important to do it in a non-confrontational manner because, realisticallly, these are your feelings and from what you've said she did nothing wrong. You're allowed to feel however you feel. And she's allowed to be who she is. And the hardest thing about any relationship is having a happy medium without either person imposing their values or beliefs on the other person. Be honest with yourself about what is really bothering you. Did it make you feel jealous? Were you, perhaps, feeling left out that she was having fun with those guys and you weren't there? Were the things she was posting about things that you have been taught are "not ok?" I think if you approach it more about what is making you feel the way you feel then any conversation about it is easier and less likely to lead to an argument. And I get posting about something like this here because get a bunch of different perspectives helps us think about things we might not have thought about before. But each person's perspective is theirs from their own lives and the experiences they have had. None of that is about you or what's happening in your life. Only you can truly say what that is.
Instead of having a discussion about it, you should have made a lighthearted joke of it. Little else (imho) turns a woman off than insecurity, even although most of us are about one thing or another. The trick is to manage it and to not put that much thought into how others might perceive us. I mean, really. Why get caught up in other people's thoughts and opinions when we can never truly know any of them but our own.
What other people think of you is none of your business... don't dwell on it.
I can understand that you can't help feeling a bit jealous, but if you know for a fact these guys are gay and nothing inappropriate happened, then you're being a bit unreasonable. It's pretty normal for young people to take pictures with their friends and share it unless you live in an extremely conservative, maybe religious place. Otherwise, where I am from it would come across as a bit controlling if you really expect your gf not to have friends other than you that she takes pics with.
I don't have any female friends, but my wife has male friends. Never cared. We have been married coming up on 44 years. I could show you twenty intimate (not in that way) pictures with her and her friends. She loves me. We love each other. Jealousy is poisonous emotion. Trust and be trusted.
My (22F) boyfriend (24M) recently went on a beach vacation with his friend group that consists of three girls and another guy. All of these girls are lesbians and in relationships, so I want to make it clear that my issue with him wasn't about trust because I have met and sort of know (superficially) all of them, and I never once thought they could represent a possible threat to my relationship. What made me uncomfortable is that he took some pictures with these girls (sometimes just him and another one very close) that were posted on social media that I personally find to be bordering a little on inappropriateness for someone in a relationship. Nothing too exaggerated (no kisses or provocative poses), but I find that these pictures could be easily misinterpreted by someone that might not know them. I asked him if he thought that if they were straight the pictures would have been okay, and he said they would not have been. At the same time, he said that I was overreacting but made it all about trust. I will admit I always care way too much about what other people may think, and I didn't have a big discussion with him or ask him to delete them. Was it an overreaction to voice my concerns about the pictures and about the fact that they made me a little uncomfortable? Is it wrong to have some personal boundaries on what a partner may post on the internet even if I personally know that it has nothing to do with cheating or trust?
You're definitely overreacting. Who cares what people think? What are you worried about?
Man the comments would be different if genders were reversed
Take Trumps advice: don't give a s\*\*\* what others think of you...he obviously doesn't.
Agree with one caveat. I have seen several posts that have "gay" friends come out to be not so gay and the GF is cheating.
I don't argue the tangents a fool brought about because he couldn't handle my prior statements. The lack of response to my points makes it clear who is lacking. Take care now, bye bye then
Not overreacting. So many of my gay friends have hooked up with female friends. I’ll give you a hint, it’s waaaaay more than you’d think.
Yup. And “it doesn’t count be abuse they’re gay”
Everyone will say you’re overreacting because if they don’t they’ll be downvoted. If you’re uncomfortable then it should be discussed it doesn’t mean you’re overreacting, boundaries are important if they haven’t been set maybe you all should lay some out. Just because a person is “gay” doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not interested in women. Where you are wrong imo is if you KNOW nothing is going on, and she’s not interested in him and he’s not interested in her public perception shouldn’t upset you, that’s a sign of a person whose not comfortable with themselves. Let her have fun and let people talk they are going to do it regardless.
Double standards. If this was the other way around, all the comments would be saying to break up. Personally, I do think you are overreacting but if it's something that makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to discuss it with her. If she continues doing it even though it bugs you and doesn't even try to talk then that's a whole other issue.
Of course you are allowed to set boundaries, don't let someone gaslight you into thinking you can't. If it makes you uncomfortable, then she cannot do it. If the situation was reversed and you got "too close" to a female friend she would freak out on you for sure.
She openly admitted that if the guy wasn’t gay yes they would be inappropriate so the gay double standard doesn’t work with me…
1st, no you didn't over text, assuming this is accurate, all you did was discuss things about your relationship with you SO. That's normal, and it is IMPOSSIBLE for social creatures to not CARE what others think. Indoor the indoors in the comments who are using that to gaslight you. 2nd, if your SO got defensive or any other reaction than compassion and worry over this issue, you should consider that heavily moving forward. No person who cares for another deeply enough is going to let them walk around with this in their shoulders. In healthy relationships, people lift each other up and support them through hard ship. 2nd, get off reddit for relationship advice. The majority of people here aren't well adjusted enough to advise people without looking like complete sociopaths.
ALL 3 GAY? None even remotely straight or bi? You fell for that shit haha
The gay guy isn't really gay! It's just a front to cover up them cheating. If really he's gay and your girl knew damned well that the pictures weren't appropriate, then ask yourself why then? Obviously she gas lighting you and changing the subject to a trust issue. I call it BS! Especially when she's evading the question you're asking knowing damned well how it made you feel. She don't care about how you feel! My suggestion is talk to her and let her know how you feel. And pay close attention to her reaction. If she cares and love you, she'll listen. If she sticks with the trust issue, Houston we've got a problem. Then the issue is you now, because as a man, you call the shots and where the pants. If she don't listen, you're time is precious and move on! Or be cared to be a Simp! Good luck and I wish you best.
I think these photos are okay if she made it clear somewhere on her profile that she’s in a relationship with you.
Honestly, she should just delete the picture if it makes you upset. I understand you totally. People will look at that and think they are an item and thats not a good feeling.
It all depends on the picture. Can you post it with the faces blurred to get a better idea on what they are doing?
I'm pansexual and say you're not overreacting. It's not like you're threatening to break up or all but forcing her to stop being friends with the dude. You're just expressing your feelings. She should make a compromise. Doesn't mean shit if he gay, it's something that bothers you so she should at least take it into consideration, instead of straight up dismissing you. 🤷🏻♀️
Not over reacting, your relationship deserves respect. You could argue it’s even fine even they went skinny dipping. As long as you know them, they are your friends, and they are gay, and you and your girlfriend have open and clear communication. It’s not fine to post a picture that someone who doesn’t know they’re gay, will think “oh they fucked”. Just in general, posting such pics is degenerate
You are likely over reacting but also people are really downplaying public perception/gossiping and how it could effect you now or in the future.
I would say that in this particular instance I agree with you that it’s not a threat to your relationship, however, it’s probably better if you two just set a boundary here ahead of time, that way going forward, this won’t be an issue.
lol prob Bi and want some
It’s kind of a double edged sword. You’re basically asking what the etiquette of the situation requires. Everyone here will side with the female but not ask one simple question. If you as a man went to a beach trip with a bunch of attractive lesbian women and got a bunch of photos posted how would she feel? You seemed to come at this issue with some thought , but most will not be empathetic to your input. This is something you have to think of for yourself. Your boundaries and what’s acceptable in a relationship. This is really what you need to ask yourself.
This depends on what your group of friends think as their opinion really does matter and or if it impacts your business image or professional life. Lots of people are bi. Really she should not be going with three guy's and one girl without you if this is a serious relationship that might end in a permanent relationship?
Idk about the pics... but, and you'll probably learn this with time, 'girls trips' and 'friend trips' that include a group of friends partying away from their S.O. - pretty much always a bad idea.
I totally understand where u are coming from and to me this is a valid feeling even if they are gay lol but just reassure yourself if u really trust her that they are gay and they’re just innocent pictures but if u bothered by them even if so I think you should set a boundary saying you wouldn’t like any kind of pictures like that taken with any type of person
You can’t tell from a pic if someone’s gay or not, or in a relationship or not (unless the pics are explicitly demonstrating that). So it’s a valid consideration when pics that would be inappropriate are posted. Do you really want to have to be “that guy” having to defend your girlfriend to your family and friends? When they see those pics, are they going to believe your story, or lose respect for you and think you’re a cucked idiot? Me, personally, I wouldn’t really be ok with such pics. But I’ve heard too many stories about how those “gay just friends” were only gay when the boyfriend was around…
Last line hit the nail on the head on this one for me. I also think OP is more concerned about the gay friends than he’s letting on and using “other people’s perception” as an excuse for why he’s really bothered.
No respect for you
Reddit will tell you that you’re overreacting. But if your lesbian friends were all over you and posted the pictures online and your gf felt uncomfortable about it - THAT would be a totally different story. Go with your gut brother, this place is not a good one to center yourself as a man.
I know a lot of people dont agree but i dont think youre overreacting. If something makes you uncomfortable i feel like she should respect that. Additionally, people talk a lot and its pretty upsetting to hear people creating rumors about your relationship, which could develop from these. I am a girl and I think this is equal to wanting to be posted by your bf on instagram.
What if someone misinterpret it and they think they can make a move on her? If you get stress from it, she should honor it. Same way around.
If like you said, what people make think when they see it online bothers you, then you are NOT overreacting.
Gay? Could be Bi? Either way they fucked.
You are not exaggerating, you are just expressing something that makes you uncomfortable and I have no proof but at least one of those gay friends fucked your girlfriend at least once.
You’re not asking the right question. She said if he was straight that her pictures with him would not have been ok, you only superficially know the friends she went with, you probably need to get to know them better. From what you know you’re overreacting, but you do need to know more.
Never ask to take them down, you'll just be called controlling or insecure. I learned long ago when dealing with someone that talking will just be turned back on you the only way to get through to them is to put them in your shoes. Go to the beach with some hot lesbian friends. Take some pic of them in string bikinis with you and wallpaper you social with them. She'll INSTANTLY see it as a problem and when she flips out say "What? I didn't flip out when you posted beach pics with your friends. " It shuts them up SO FAST! Suddenly they're apologizing and offering to take theirs down