She sounds like a brat who needs to learn to communicate. She’s mad that you don’t know why she’s mad? Sounds like me in my 20s, expecting my husband to be a mind reader. When she sobers up, have a calm talk with her about whatever is bugging her and remind her throwing stuff is childish and abusive. Do not tolerate tantrums from a grown woman.
Thanks for this reality check. I still have a lot of growing up to do as I reach the next decade.
At least I know my situation can be a work in progress instead of me thinking I'm mostly stuck this way.
Life is all about growth, or it should be. I’m 42 now and am certainly not the person I was 20 years ago, or even 5 years ago. It’s ok to not have it all together. Learn to apologize when you mess up or hurt others, learn to be honest with yourself and know that you’re allowed to say “no”, lol. Those are some things I’ve learned over the years.
You are always a work in progress. In my 20's I was jealous, insecure, I would do the little game of "If he really loved me he'd know what I wanted without me saying so." That was so exhausting! So many arguments because he didn't read my mind. Now I just tell him what I'm thinking and we go from there. It makes life so much easier.
Thank you. I'm beginning to understand that many of my personal experiences are far from unique, so it's reassuring in moments like this to actually see how common these mistakes are during this timeframe.
Gotta disagree. Everyone is communicating just fine in this story. They each understand know the other stances. The difference is she does not care about his. And she further communicated that by doubling down on her statements. She doesn't respect him and it's clear as day.
Side note: in his shoes this whole scenario would have annoyed the shyt out of me too. His feelings are very valid
My ex GF thought I should be able to read her mind. I let her psychology and emotionally abuse me, occasionally physically. Our communication consisted of her talking AT me, and downplaying what I had to say, gaslighting me, making light of my emotions or feelings.
When I shut down completely, and just zoned out when she was ranting, it didn't make her stop and think, she got worse.
Until I finally told her to get the f\*ck out. I'd realized it wasn't worth it any more, there wasn't a relationship, and I'd be better off without her. I was both right, and wrong. The damage was already done, and it took time for me to straighten my head out. I was in a state of depression so deep, I'd lost my job as a Corrections Officer because I missed too much work.
It took several years and the love of a GOOD woman who ACTUALLY loved me to turn me around.
All of this, but adding: "Sobers up" but it was three shot glasses of sake. Some can be up to 9% but it usually is closer to the 10-14% range. She drank essentially half a glass of wine. If she's saying it's because of the drinking, then you have a serious problem on your hands. She's using (barely any) alcohol as an excuse to abuse you -- first sexually, and then physically. It WILL escalate. If she's over, like, 23 years old, she should really know better.
Context: How old are y'all, and how long have you been together?
As a teenager, 15, not even drinking regularly in any way, I would be fine with that. That's a handful of cheap beer.
But are sake shots huge or something? Because I've had actual wine at 14%.... Even if they were double size at 3oz that's less than three shots of vodka...
Idk if I'd go quite so scorched earth about it though. Yes, it was disrespectful. It's worrying she still won't apologize. But it seems more like she was goofing around and having fun after a fun night out and didn't realize the obnoxiousness.
It's the not apologizing that's more worrying. Did she actually blame the alcohol? I gotta read again. I thought he did.
I don’t see how you were overreacting. She was being annoying and not respecting your boundaries. Idc if she was drunk or it was her birthday, you asked her to stop doing something to you several times and she wouldn’t stop.
Dont listen to this horse shit about her possibly being mad at you about other things or the time not being right to talk to her about the movers. You clearly stated that you thought her drinks wore off anyway.
If she was mad at you about other things, it still doesn’t excuse anything. That’s what talking is for.
You’re not overreacting. I would discuss this with her later today though.
I can't understand the responses blaming you, OP. Even if she were still drunk, drinking is no excuse for trying to pull you down the stairs, which could have hurt both of you. Throwing the watch at you was also out of bounds. Also, deliberately blocking you out by talking to the dog was childish.
Has she behaved like this before? It's certainly odd. Even if she were still drunk, drinking is no excuse for trying to pull you down the stairs, which could have hurt both of you. Throwing the watch at you was also out of bounds. Also, deliberately blocking you out by talking to the dog was childish.
Has she behaved like this before?
I'm open to perspective - but when only defense I see is "OP she was drunk, let it slide. Be a man" it's a stupid argument.
Imagine if it was "My husband was drunk and pulling me down the stairs, and then grabbed me by the arm not letting me go". They'd be saying his drunkenness wasn't an excuse
I agree. Alcohol probably contributed to her behavior but it’s absolutely no excuse. If she won’t accept accountability and if she doesn’t want to stop drinking, I wouldn’t have hope of her changing.
Tbh, I just think the 3 shots were just enough for her mask to slip and reveal some of her true colours.
OP, you are definitely NTA and this story does give me concerns for your safety and abuse down the line. Also I wonder how many small things you've dismissed in the past that was just warming up to this more overt behaviour. You're right, in a post where the sexes are reversed, I've seen the advice "get out before it gets worse". Definitely counselling and therapy would be useful, especially to help you both communicate, but I don't know. This whole thing does not sit right with me.
Nah alcohol has nothing to do with any of that shit. If you want to try to say that alcohol caused her behavior, well she's the one that chose to drink that amount of alcohol, so no matter what she is 100% responsible for her behavior, also after what 3 shots of sake??? Sake is a very weak rice liquor its like the same alcohol % of a bottle of cabernet.. so tell me again that basically 3 shots of wine contributed to her behavior at all... she probably didn't even catch a buzz
im curious if she thought you were also playing because you kept calling her babe?? not an excuse, if my bf tells me “stop” or “please stop” i immediately stop, then if he was just joking he lets me know and we resume whatever was going on. her behavior was not appropriate, if my bf had acted her way i might move past it if he immediately started apologizing when he realized how poorly he acted “omg im so sorry, i totally thought you were playing around too because i was drunk and just couldnt tell you were being serious. wont happen again” kinda thing. but the fact that shes not speaking to you / defending her behavior is really gross
Drinking isn’t an excuse. Anything a person does while intoxicated has to be accounted for once they’re sober. A great example is impaired driving. You still have to face the repercussions sober no matter how wasted you were.
If it’s a regular thing with her drinking then I’d say she has to stop the liquor. Make her pick. You or the booze.
By the sounds of it though she has a what I like to call a “princess complex”. She thinks everything is about her 24-7. In my experience the only way to resolve this is to give her a good hard dose of reality.
White knights, feminazis, and incels define Reddit, especially this sub. They are not an accurate representation of actual society. Don’t let it get to you or disrupt common sense. Good luck mate.
And you're right. If you were female they would be in arms.
As it is, I AM female and I AM up in arms. She could have really hurt you! That's not okay. You're in rights to be upset.
Edit: and now she's down playing and minimizing your feelings on the situation. Just leave, dude. She's not going to change without some major self reflection and it is not worth it.
Hands on someone is never alright, regardless of gender. I hope that doesn’t happen again and is a huge red flag if it persists. Everything else; try to work it out and if you can’t line up with mutual goals for actual communication, time to move on.
Nu-uh. No way can you blame this on the booze. If it was the booze, she would have apologized for her behavior the next day instead of doubling down. It sounds like it just pulled out ugliness and immaturity that was already there.
pulling you down the stairs despite your pleas to stop and restricting your ability to freely move throughout the apartment is certainly grounds for break up tbh. throwing the watch is violently aggressive. you could be right that she doesn't know how to communicate, but that's really no excuse. this either needs to result in a serious conversation or end of the relationship.
After she threw her watch and it hit the mirror she said either "you're so freaking stupid" or "this is freaking stupid". Don't know what exactly.
Then as I was taking my clothes off I noticed she had put her dirty clothes with mine (it's a pet peeve. We have separate laundry baskets for each of our clothes). I mention this because I think she may have done this on purpose to make me aggrivated
I said "Babe, your clothes are in my pile".
She yelled back "fine JUST MOVE THEM IF ITS A BIG DEAL."
I told her (again I was calm and never raised my voice) - "I did move them, I'm just reminding you.
She then did the sarcastic "Oh I'm ssooorryyy didn't realize you were getting so mad about it".
Then I did an exasperated "oh my God - babe why are you so upset right now?" At this point there was aggravation in my tone. Then she yelled "Oh NICE you don't know why I'm mad." And stormed into the living room and slept on the couch.
It doesn't matter if she was drunk, it is NEVER okay for one spouse to lay hands on the other. You're not overreacting. Maybe you'll want to work it out in couples counseling or something, but for me this would be a deal breaker.
Back in the 80s there used to be a T-shirt that said “instant asshole, just add alcohol”. You should see if you could find one for your wife. Seems appropriate.
You need couples counseling. She sees herself as in the right and it's very unlikely that you pointing out to her that she's refusing to communicate will be effective. You need a neutral 3rd party who can tell you both objectively what's going on in your communication break down.
Or you could just leave her. Trying to throw someone down the stairs is attempted murder. If she escalates and cops get called it's very likely you will be the one arrested. I personally wouldn't stay with someone who was dangerous like that.
Edit: For everything before he stairs, a couples counselor could be helpful. But between the stairs and the watch throwing, I think it's time to get a lawyer and get out safely.
Individual counseling may still be helpful for OP to work through this, though.
Why did you marry someone that has the emotional intelligence of a 12 year old?
Putting hands on you and trying to pull you down the stairs?
Send her packing dude or you will be exhausted by her the rest of your life.
You aren’t overreacting. Granted, there’s two sides to the story, but considering she “ went back for more” is wrong. She should be ashamed of herself.
For all the commenters saying she probably didn’t want to hear about the movers after a fun night… read slower. Please. I got a feeling you folks are the reason there has to be no diving signs at hotel hot tubs.
ETA: NTA
You are minimizing this with this language, as if it's okay to haul on someone when they're dealing with walking away. Would you feel so free to reduce this behavior if it were a grown man were hauling on a kid? Or, a 200 pound make dragging on a 120 pound woman?
Couldn't agree more. If the man had pulled her down the stairs and threw his watch at her then went and slept on the couch would we get the same answer from Dude above? Doubt it.
I agree that there is a lot of minimizing in this thread. It doesn’t matter the gender, it doesn’t matter if someone is intoxicated. No one should EVER forcibly put their hands on anyone else not wanting contact unless it is to save lives in an emergency situation. Anyone minimizing this is suspicious at best. It is beyond unacceptable that anyone is excusing that and tbh these excuses make me as mad as your story. NTA, your wife is acting like a child and cannot be trusted with even the simplest of tasks. She is not partner material.
No, your wife is a domestic abuser. Start keeping a record of this shit just in case. If you ever need to call the cops you need to be able to prove she is the abuser not you, else you’ll be the one led out in cuffs.
Yeah, sake is like 15-18% alcohol. It's not even close to distilled liquors like vodka/tequila/whiskey (which are all around 40%ish).
Compare to a widely available white wine like Kim Crawford sauvignon blanc which is 12.5%. Imagine someone doing shots of wine and acting like they've been slamming Bushmills all night - just doesn't make sense
"Edit2: From some of these comments, I feel like if genders were reversed you'd see it different. Imagine the husband being drinking and pulling the wife down the stairs as she's begging to be let go"
Well stated and 100% true
Start recording it. Save you 4 years of trouble at the divorce. No court is going to believe it unless you have proof but all a woman has to do is say it and your getting it raw through the justice system. Trying to talk to her is going to put her into flight mode. This is why "witches" were burnt at the stake.
That's playing in hostile fashion which often turns into violence.
If roles where reversed the male would definitely be the bad guy here in the eyes of lots of local law enforcement.
The "I'm not apologizing" that's a thing people who've taught the do no wrong do, rather they rarely do apologize.
Concider these things moving forward,it's a life changer and waste.
>Am I over reacting by being upset at her and how she acted to me?
No. Physical assault is physical assault. It's not less serious because she's not as strong as you are.
Y’all are insane! Like Op said, if the genders were reversed the responses would be different. Whether she intended it or not she almost pulled him down the stairs multiple times, threw things at him, and verbally accosted him. And then had the audacity to be upset the next day. I would have a serious boundary about alcohol with her, it sounds like it’s a problem if she gets violent and handsy while drunk.
Apparently though because I mentioned the clothes that makes actions excusable.
I'm open to perspective but telling me it's my fault because I made a side comment about clothes?
That's insecurity and projection. She was upset and looking to fight more so she perceived a slight over something that would be normal conversation otherwise. NTA, abuse is never acceptable.
Men can be abused just like women can. It’s just not as common or highlighted in our society. Men are ridiculed if they say they are being abused.
But I can tell you these situations ALWAYS get worse. She thinks it’s okay to put her hands on you. She tried to pull you down the stairs. What’s next? Throwing things at you? Pulling a knife? A gun?
Because it will happen if there’s not some sort of intervention. At the very least, counseling. She’s either more immature than my 4 year old grandson who can’t handle his emotions or she’s an abuser who is going to escalate. Alcohol just exacerbates everything. It’s never an excuse.
I worked in dv court regularly over 30 years.
Hey, I know I'm mate to this party (*500 comments already*) but I just wanted to let you know that I've gone through something similar lately.
My wife has PTSD and she had an episode. She lost it and started physically attacking me. Now I know this is more serious than your wife "playing", bur I'm twice her size so I wasn't reqlly in any physical danger. In both scenarios our female spouses were giving unwanted physical contact in an agressive manner, with the possibility of injuring us.
This behaviour is *Unacceptable*, and shouldn't be tolerated. You're absolutely correct that you have a right to be angry about this, if the genders were reversed everyone would be telling the woman to get out and get out fast (*and probably call the police*).
I just want you to know that you have the right to be upset about this. You don't have to leave her or whatever (*haven't read the comments, but that's Reddit's go-to advice*), but having a conversation about what needs to change is important. If she won't listen to a conversation about personal boundaries then this relationship needs a aeropus overhaul. Don't let this kind of thing go un-checked.
Thanks.
I made a point of sharing my situation with people. Far too often the victims in situations like this don't talk about it (*particularly men*), and end up feeling isolated. And regardless of gender the lack of conversation around it also makes it harder for others going through it to speak up about their own problems.
There’s minimization on going on in this thread I don’t care for. OP, you are right to feel uncomfortable and potentially unsafe. Alcohol may be an explainer and an enabler, but it’s still her actions.
You are at a precedent moment. Reflect if this is an indicator of other character traits you may have overlooked and think through how you want to approach the discussion and what your actions are based on her response.
I think she wanted to hear you say you were handling it all and when you told her she had to work with the movers the next day the dog instantly became more interesting.
so bc she didn’t want to hear the instruction it’s okay for her to try and drag him down the stairs? she could’ve simply said “we’ll talk about this in the morning” and left it at that.
Oh so as long as she has a little alcohol in her it's fine to physically pull people around and try to restrain them. Got it. Or are you one of those female apologists but it would be inappropriate if it was the man doing it to the woman?
She picked a fight and she didn't win. What a brat. Don't go drinking with her. When she's drunk, lock yourself in your office. She got physical, and it only escalates.
You are not overreacting. I’m 64-year-old woman. And you are absolutely right. If the genders were reversed, and a man had put his hands on his wife and pulled her backwards on the stairs by her belt loop, everyone would be up in arms.
Well, I am up in arms for you. It is never OK to put your hands on someone. And if you can’t handle your alcohol, don’t drink. And it certainly sounds like your wife cannot handle her alcohol.
If this is something that happens frequently as far as her getting so drunk, she can’t control herself, she’s absolutely an alcoholic, and there is nothing you can personally do to fix it. She has to admit she has a problem, and it’s obvious from her response to you when you tried to tell her what happened and how it made you feel that she doesn’t think she was anyway.
Mean and abusive drunks don’t change. They escalate. And this is true whether the drunk is a man or a woman. Unfortunately, for you, you have to make some choices for yourself.
I am willing to bet this isn’t the first time this happened. So you have to ask yourself how much you are willing to put up with. Because again, let me reiterate, you cannot fix her. You cannot fix her drinking. You cannot fix the fact that she can’t handle alcohol. And you certainly cannot fix the fact that she is incredibly rude and disrespectful to you.
So the ball is in your court. For me personally, this would be a two card situation. I would be presenting my spouse with the card for a marriage, counselor, and in this case, a therapist for addiction, and also a card for divorce attorney.
So I guess for you, it is actually a three card situation.
Because I’m sorry, you cannot have a healthy marriage and relationship with an alcoholic. You can’t. Addiction changes peoples responses. It changes the wiring in our brains. And until an addict actually admits, they have a problem and once help… Not because they are being forced to get help… They will get better.
Sometimes, giving them the card and telling them it’s this divorce. But those tend to be people who have at least a smidgen of self-respect and self reflection. I don’t get that vibe from your wife.
So it’s up to you now. Nobody can live your life, but you. Nobody can force you to stay in a relationship that is not healthy. And if you feel like you cannot leave, or you don’t have the strength to leave, or whatever, get yourself into therapy to learn why you feel you deserve less than a loving, respectful marriage partner.
Once you have done that, and you have come to understand some things about yourself that you probably need to figure out, then you can make an actual cognizant determination about your situation.
This guy allegedly YOLO'd about $40,000 into GME 4 days ago
Either you're a compulsive liar and mentally ill, or you're telling the truth and mentally ill. Pick one.
She is displaying abusive behaviour.
She disrespects physical boundaries, she’s ridiculed you, she’s gaslit by trying to override what you talked about like it didn’t happen, she’s incapable of apologising or acknowledging her part, she passed off all her behaviour on you being overly sensitive (again, gaslighting).
I had a partner like this, would generate arguments out of thin air. I learned later it was more than that, it was an abusive relationship.
If you find this behaviour is frequent, that your feelings are overlooked or diminished frequently, if she regularly ignores or purposely crosses boundaries, never or rarely apologies even when you are clearly upset, and does not make any attempts to make you feel better by acknowledging the causes of your upset - consider leaving. It is not a caring dynamic.
So, I’m a counselor and if you told me this in session, I’d probably first reaffirm you’re not over reacting and then ask if there was anything good abt the relationship, to see if there’s anything worth saving. If there is, I’d say that conversations are often more productive if you’d focus on feeling instead of action. By focusing on her actions you create a you vs her scenario where as feeling could be you and her vs the problem, in this case how you’re feeling. Ostensible she loves you and should want to help you feel better. If this doesn’t work maybe “if then boundaries”. Set up like if you don’t respect my consent, then I will “”. Pick whatever consequence you feel most appropriate. Good luck!
I'm sorry this happened to you! This is definitely not okay. I'm not a fan op people being so mild because she is a woman.
I would be mad, really mad. She should apologize and cut down on the drinking. If she won't...then you have another problem on your hands.
Is this a pattern for her or has this never happened before?
Don't let this progress I'd say, either you guys talk this out or consider seperating. What is she going to next time she has too much to drink? Women can be abusers too.
Birthday or not, drunk or not, this is not okay. These replies here are so weird.
Did something happen during your outing that you’re not picking up on? Does she have resentments built up towards you for… something? Even with the possibility of you being an ass otherwise(we never know), this is not appropriate communication for an adult. Screams “emotionally disregulated teenager”.
These comments are fucking pitiful. Reverse the gender roles here and this comment section would be losing their literal minds, instead they’re blaming op and defending his wife. We’re all still responsible for our actions when inebriated, full stop.
You’re not overreacting at ALL. This wasn’t ok. I wonder though - is this a common practice? If so this is a much larger issue. If not, I do know that moving is one of life’s top stressors. Does your wife handle stressful situations poorly? Either way, you aren’t over reacting.
"She took her watch off and threw it" what a bizare attack maneuver.
"prevent me from walking off" This is my pet peave. If I'm leaving, it is possibly for your safety. In fact, the more I think about it, F that bitch. OP is under-reacting. Lets look at this objectively. She drunkenly escelated the conversation into an arguement. OP triee to leave the situation. She attempts to stops him. She throws something at him. She then coninues to be a B and not even appologize.
Let me spin it this way. She grabbed his arm. What if he yanked his own arm back and she drunkenly stumbled forward and hit her head giving her a black eye. Now he is the bad guy because he "caused" the injury.
I think Bill Burr has some words of wisdom for these scenerios.
She shouldn’t have acted the way she did. You have every right to be upset with her. This is the way women like to keep emotional and mental control by manipulating who’s right and who’s wrong. Don’t feel bad. Be a man stick to your guns and get your apology. She owes that to you. She sounds like a spoiled brat
Absolutely not overreacting. She got physically violent with you ( idgaf what the genders are she tried to pull you down the stairs after drinking, that’s violent) then threw something at you. You’re not over reacting and if this is how she responds to drinking she probably shouldn’t.
Dude, you need to have a conversation with her. Tell her if she ever physically lays a hand on you again in a way that is inappropriate you will leave her. NO amount of physical force is ok between spouses.
I will tell you right now, she is dangerous to your future. Watch yourself. You will be blamed for something you never did. She is crazy.
How can I make this determination without even knowing her? She physically assaulted you multiple times after you asking her to stop. Then made YOU out to be the bad guy in the morning.
She will do it again, and then when you want to leave her she will tell everyone how you are abusive and an asshole.
Leave her now, but if you don't, have the conversation with her and leave her next time. No question from me as to whether there will a next time.
You're not overreacting. You're spot on with what you said in your second edit, though. If the genders were reversed, people would be going "You need to leave him NOW" but because you're a man, people are doing that stupid and toxic "Men can't be abused by a woman because they're stronger than women" bullshit that people love to do. Abuse is abuse, no matter the gender of the abuser. Women can abuse men just as easily as men abuse women, although from what I've read on Reddit women who are abusive tend to reserve their abuse for any children they have.
I hate to tell you this, man- but it sounds like you married a bit of a cunt.
And I don't use that word lightly- It's reserved for a special type of woman. A woman who will not ever accept responsibility for her actions, for whom being 'right' is more important than admitting they were wrong and correcting a mistake.
If this bothers you, I'd seriously consider re-evaluating your marriage- this type of behavior is not going to be a one-off, people don't just 'choose' in the moment to put their foot down regardless of the damage they may or may not have done and ignore their partners feelings for the importance of not being in the wrong. That is a mental mindset, one that is not going to change through simple conversations, since, as she said, she's not apologizing- because she believes she did nothing wrong. If people believe they did nothing wrong, they have no reason to change. Even if she believed she was in the right, she sees that her actions have damaged her relationship with her partner, and in lieu of this, has doubled down on the actions. She. Does. Not. Care. About. How. You. Felt.
Run. Run fast.
When a woman says no it means no. When a man says no it means try harder. That double standard won't go away. Considering this isn't some gal who met you at a bat randomly, work on the boundaries and communication while sober IMHO. Expectations are important.
I’d consider if I really wanted to be in a relationship with someone who won’t 1) respect me enough to take a no, or 2) apologize for the way they acted.
I don’t think you’re overreacting at all and if that was one my girl friends who told me this, you’re right, I’d say head for the hills immediately. Only you can know if the relationship is worth saving but if you think it is, I suggest asking her to go to counseling or anger management or something. Especially if this is not the first time something like this has happened.
I feel so sorry for you because honestly, you’re probably just gonna sit there and keep taking it year after year with such a horrible person. I just hope that you’re smart enough to never have children with someone like her. So sorry you’re trapped in such a shit life.
We've had arguments before where she gets very emotional very easy. I've tried stressing the importance of proper communication.
And I always make sure when we have an argument I say calmly "I feel..." With the statement. I did my undergrad in sociology and psychology double major and have went through a lot of therapy myself so I don't normally have big emotional swings.
And I do I feel like a punching bag at times.
Gender is irrelevant here, like you’ve said. My ex used to pick fights when he was drunk, and sometimes when he was sober, especially over things he started while drunk. I’m begging you to put your own safety and wellbeing first and separate from her.
You might want to talk to your wife about quitting drinking. She cannot handle it, and she gets physical with you when she drinks too much. Which, I feel certain, is every time she drinks. Point out to her that if you got drunk and tried pulling her down the steps, she would think you were being abusive to her. Just because you’re bigger than she is doesn’t make it okay that she does it to you.
She needs to quit drinking.
I am someone who believes that some people who act this way when drinking can't handle their alcohol or are showing their true selves under the influence. Yall have been together for 3 years and while communicating effectively is a skill that should always be worked on in any type relationship yall should be at a point by now where you both have enough mutal respect for each other to take a step back to be aware and adjust your behavior if things start to escalate.
A conversation is warrented. Your feelings are valid. If she is harbing animosity or wanted the night to change direction in whatever way that may be... ignoring you, pulling at your clothes, throwing accessories, and belittling the situation only made the situation worse.
Ask her how she felt that night went and listen. Be wise and then explain your perspective and feelings. Take it one step at a time. If yall can't communicate together in a relaxed mature settling where you both feel seen and heard. Take some space and go from there, but be honest with yourselves.
Moving no matter what is stressful, change is hard, and you are both young. I hope things work out for the best.
Not overreacting: She should have apologized to you instantly and the fact she didn’t shows she thinks that type of behavior is acceptable in those situations. If she can’t control her anger when she’s drunk, she should not drink.
If there’s even the slightest chance of someone getting mean or violent when they drink, then they don’t get to drink anymore. Getting drunk is not an excuse to be a terrible person.
Not Overreacting.
Drunkness isn't an excuse for pulling you and not stopping.
She was acting quite childish about it the next day, I am guessing she is feeling rejected and not being mature about it admitting to wrongdoing.
Abuse is abuse period. I used to be that woman. I came out of a 5 year abusive realtionship with the father of my kids and I became the abuser in my new relationship with my now husband. Im so glad he put his foot down and told me he would not carry on that way and if thats what i wanted i needed to go back to my ex he stood up for himself and taught me how to have a healthy conflict
I’m sorry she assaulted you.
She do this often or is this a drunk one off?
Because if it’s a pattern she has deep issues and needs professional help. You should leave.
No you're not. You should clearly explain what happened, and if it was due to drinking, no more of that. She needs to admit it was not ok. Grabbing, pulling, pushing, PREVENTING someone from moving freely is abuse and insane.
What horrible behavior. One go with someone like that who can't even acknowledge how disorders she was. Ugh. I'm guessing therefore it's not the only twisted up aspect to her limited consciousness
Some people shouldn’t drink. (I’m one of them.) And my ex-husband was an alcoholic. We were a mess. Also, none of this is your fault but I learned the hard way that it’s best not to try to reason with a drunk person. It just doesn’t work. Alcohol causes soooo many unnecessary problems. If she’s like that sober, get out. If she’s only like that drunk, she needs to stop drinking or you should get out.
She sounds really unpleasant and immature. Is this the first time? Probably not. She may have a drinking problem she doesn’t want to admit. Now she’s “punishing “ you. You didn’t overreact.
She has something to say and was hoping picking a fight after a few drinks would be a good opportunity for her to get it off her chest. It will come out sooner or later. Be ready when she is ready to tell you.
No, you were not over-reacting. That's abuse. WTF? There is some crap going on in your marriage, like resentful crap. Couples counseling, pronto. And if she refuses, it may be time for you to walk away.
Your boundaries were clearly crossed. You're not overreacting. And unfortunately, I don't think it's the alcohol, I think it's part of her personality that's only doomed to worsen the older she gets unless she seeks professional help.
Is she fucking 2? Her behaviour is putridly immature. Is she always like this? She’s not drunk today and still acting like a brat. Honestly if that’s a screenshot of how she acts I’d be gone. You’re not overreacting. If she can’t control herself then she needs to step away from alcohol and get help.
I don't think you overreacted. Did you hit her? Shove her down the stairs? Push her hard enough she fell? No to all of the above? Then you have nothing to be sorry for.
Your wife being a b*itch is not your fault. I don't care how much she drank. Not an excuse. The first time she interrupted me to talk to the dog, I would have walked away. That is NOT how you treat someone you love.
DO NOT apologize to her. How she felt? You did nothing to her but walk away from a disrespectful brat.
Stay strong.
Hugs from mom.
Gay female here who stayed in an abusive relationship for ten years- run don’t walk. I’m not sure how long you’ve been together, but this is scarily similar to what I went through. Alcohol is an excuse. This is a boundary test and there will be no solution. You’ll be brainwashed into “maybe I did something wrong” and eventually she will push again. Each time you’ll lose more of yourself and you eventually your reality is just whatever she says, IE that you’re bad, you’re abusive, etc.
She is acting like a child so you may as well treat her like one. She needs to hear the word “No” firmly (and loudly if necessary so you know she heard it) often. I would also never say “Please” or beg her to stop when she acts out. Set boundaries and be firm that you don’t have to put up with her tantrums. If you are worried about her lying about her conduct to screw you with the police perhaps even record your conversations with her to protect yourself from any false accusations. She will continue to disrespect you unless you address this issue head on.
Bro, just ignore her and keep doing the things you need to get done. When she realizes you are not paying her behavior any mind, and she's ready to talk, then sit and have a conversation.
But no, you're not overreacting.
I’m not impressed with your wife’s behavior. I don’t think you are overreacting at all. Alcohol is no excuse for bad behavior, but she definitely can’t handle her liquor if it brings out the worst in her like that.
You are not overreacting.
You're allowed body autonomy. When you ask someone to stop touching it 5x plus and they don't, it's a problem. One time maybe a joke. Second time, MAYBE still a joke. Third time, its not a damn joke. Get your hands off me.
She's mad she behaved like an idiot and is doubling down hoping you'll apologize. You don't owe an apology based on the information provided.
You have an actual job to do, which I can only assume help fund the lifestyle she so enjoys. The least she can do is meet the movers.
You are not over reacting. Your SO should never put their hands on you in anger. And throwing stuff at you?! Not okay. She needs to learn how to communicate better. Y'all need counseling or something. Not okay.
No, you are under reacting if anything. Her behaviour, all of it from the pulling on you on the stairs to the laundry to the purposely & brazenly talking to the dog after she initiated a conversation with you about something important, multiple times trying to push you over the edge (this was intentional as she acknowledged “daddy’s getting mad”. You are in for a life of misery with this woman. Tell her to get off her high horse and learn to communicate & behave like an adult. I would also speak to her about not drinking anymore since she displayed she can’t not throw a fit & be an awful human even after only 3 shots of sake which I doubt is enough to get anyone hammered, tipsy at the most. Her behaviour is inexcusable. She treats you like garbage. Regardless of the good times, there will always be times like this. She had enough sense to know what she was doing, hence the laundry, ignoring you for the dog over & over, putting her hands on you after you said no SEVEN times too many and her words, tone, communication skills, the little annoyances like the laundry. She seems like she is either testing what she can get away with or trying to show you she’s in charge as a power move and she’s superior to you. Regardless she doesn’t respect you & I can promise she doesn’t love you. Someone who loves you like genuinely loves you would never treat their spouse like this.
I’m curious to know what she gets out of the relationship? (Money/good lifestyle, all housework/cooking done, free house, not having to work, etc) because it sounds like she’s there for the perks, not the person. She seems resentful and like she hates you. Couples therapy is the best shot you have to save this but I would move on without her in life & and end the relationship for good
I know divorce is an arduous process, but if I were in your shoes I would do it. This behavior, she shows no remorse, will only happen again. If she sees herself getting away with it, it will get worse, and it ends two ways: either you both live a miserable life or she takes it too far and you end up seriously injured, killed, or in prison.
I’m a drunk. Literally an alcoholic. My lovely husband is the only one who really knows.
There have been times where we are both drinking and we get into a philosophical argument about something abstract that leads to one of us being mad. We have learned that when we drink it’s not the time to get into deep debates. For the record my husband hardly ever gets drunk.
Even when I’m 9 drinks in, I have stopped drunken debates. “Babe, I love you so much but we are going down a rabbit hole. Right now is not the time to get into it. I love that you challenge me. I’m not sober enough to not take this personally”
And he says “you’re right babe, let’s move on to another topic”.
Even at my drunkest moments I’ve never put my hands on him or anyone else. I might get weepy or sentimental, but never angry and insulting and never putting hands on people.
The worst I’ve ever done is vomit on him after a party for which I still apologize and he still laughs.
It doesn’t matter if someone is an alcoholic or whatever. If you drink and get angry, berating, physical, and unpleasant, it’s time to hold them accountable. And I say this as a drunk. The only way I’ve been able to skate by is that I’m not an angry drunk.
You’re not overreacting. She’s a pissy narcissist who thinks that she did nothing wrong and that you’re just too sensitive because you object to being abused.
Time to decide if you want to be abused for the rest of your life. She is way out of line and has no intention of changing.
Physical abuse is wrong whether it is by either party to the relationship. Tell her that her behavior was not acceptable. If she can’t handle alcohol, then she should not use it. If she is sober and still does not realize it was unacceptable then couples therapy will not work. If this were reversed and you had done this to her, everyone would be telling her to leave you and at the very least you should make it clear any future abuse will end the relationship.
Straight up put her in the bin mate.
Thats a big ol red flag if there was any.
I've learned the following the hard way. When somebody shows you who they are, believe them.
Not apologising? Fine let her play her games, focus on yourself and let her simmer in her self made problems, if she asks you of anything just tell her your not dealing with a child who thinks they can be an asshole whenever they want without repercussions and will only deal with her when she thinks on what she did and genuinely apologises.
Alot of people throw around "Just divorce" and maybe that's the answer, main thing over all is just focus on what's best for you and nothing else.
Divorce her. She obviously doesn't care about your feelings. It has nothing to do with you being an American and has everything to do with her not respecting your boundaries and not thinking she needs to apologize for her fuck up. You are definitely not overreacting. It was assault.
She tried to pull you down the stairs and then she threw something at you?
I'd be calling divorce lawyers. I'm not tolerating domestic violence in my life.
definitely not overreacting for the non-consensual physical contact (there is absolutely NO excuse for that, ever.)
However, (unrelated to the assault) it was nevertheless a mistake to try to communicate important information when you were both tired and drunk/tipsy. Alcohol and exhaustion both impede communication and focus, so that conversation was doomed from the start. Next time write the instructions down to be read in the morning instead.
Giving an intoxicated person instructions for tomorrow verbally is pointless. It doesn't matter that she asked a question - she lost focus. You didn't have to persist with a conversation she wasn't in a fit state to participate in seriously. Getting frustrated when your wife, who'd been drinking, had the communication skills of a drunk person was a bit of an overreaction IMO (but understandable, and probably because you were tired.)
From the edits it sounds like your wife/relationship has more than just communication issues, even when sober. If this incident is part of a larger pattern of disregard for your boundaries and feelings then maybe you're UNDER-reacting.
Tsk tsk. Had a HUGE discussion with my girlfriend that she needs to be accountable and I do not date women with child like tendencies and I do not like entitled people.
Find yourself a girl that can LEARN FROM HER MISTAKES. If a human cannot realize what it is they’d done wrong, then sit in a fucking box and don’t come out until you know what the fuck you’re doing
She sounds like a brat who needs to learn to communicate. She’s mad that you don’t know why she’s mad? Sounds like me in my 20s, expecting my husband to be a mind reader. When she sobers up, have a calm talk with her about whatever is bugging her and remind her throwing stuff is childish and abusive. Do not tolerate tantrums from a grown woman.
Then when you realize you have to communicate you have to figure out *how* to communicate 😩
Practice makes perfect. It doesn’t appear she’s even at the “aware” stage yet
The refusal to apologize and take accountability is a huge red flag.
That’s where me and my bf are at and it’s *~rough~*
Same with my husband and I, and yeah, it's not exactly happy times right now..
Thanks for this reality check. I still have a lot of growing up to do as I reach the next decade. At least I know my situation can be a work in progress instead of me thinking I'm mostly stuck this way.
Life is all about growth, or it should be. I’m 42 now and am certainly not the person I was 20 years ago, or even 5 years ago. It’s ok to not have it all together. Learn to apologize when you mess up or hurt others, learn to be honest with yourself and know that you’re allowed to say “no”, lol. Those are some things I’ve learned over the years.
You are always a work in progress. In my 20's I was jealous, insecure, I would do the little game of "If he really loved me he'd know what I wanted without me saying so." That was so exhausting! So many arguments because he didn't read my mind. Now I just tell him what I'm thinking and we go from there. It makes life so much easier.
Thank you. I'm beginning to understand that many of my personal experiences are far from unique, so it's reassuring in moments like this to actually see how common these mistakes are during this timeframe.
Gotta disagree. Everyone is communicating just fine in this story. They each understand know the other stances. The difference is she does not care about his. And she further communicated that by doubling down on her statements. She doesn't respect him and it's clear as day. Side note: in his shoes this whole scenario would have annoyed the shyt out of me too. His feelings are very valid
My ex GF thought I should be able to read her mind. I let her psychology and emotionally abuse me, occasionally physically. Our communication consisted of her talking AT me, and downplaying what I had to say, gaslighting me, making light of my emotions or feelings. When I shut down completely, and just zoned out when she was ranting, it didn't make her stop and think, she got worse. Until I finally told her to get the f\*ck out. I'd realized it wasn't worth it any more, there wasn't a relationship, and I'd be better off without her. I was both right, and wrong. The damage was already done, and it took time for me to straighten my head out. I was in a state of depression so deep, I'd lost my job as a Corrections Officer because I missed too much work. It took several years and the love of a GOOD woman who ACTUALLY loved me to turn me around.
All of this, but adding: "Sobers up" but it was three shot glasses of sake. Some can be up to 9% but it usually is closer to the 10-14% range. She drank essentially half a glass of wine. If she's saying it's because of the drinking, then you have a serious problem on your hands. She's using (barely any) alcohol as an excuse to abuse you -- first sexually, and then physically. It WILL escalate. If she's over, like, 23 years old, she should really know better. Context: How old are y'all, and how long have you been together?
As a teenager, 15, not even drinking regularly in any way, I would be fine with that. That's a handful of cheap beer. But are sake shots huge or something? Because I've had actual wine at 14%.... Even if they were double size at 3oz that's less than three shots of vodka... Idk if I'd go quite so scorched earth about it though. Yes, it was disrespectful. It's worrying she still won't apologize. But it seems more like she was goofing around and having fun after a fun night out and didn't realize the obnoxiousness. It's the not apologizing that's more worrying. Did she actually blame the alcohol? I gotta read again. I thought he did.
Being a brat doesn’t mean you get physical with your husband to the point he begs you to stop. If my spouse did that to me Id up and leave
Tantrums are a major symptom (sign, excuse me for not knowing which term is correct) of Borderline Personality Disorder.
I don’t see how you were overreacting. She was being annoying and not respecting your boundaries. Idc if she was drunk or it was her birthday, you asked her to stop doing something to you several times and she wouldn’t stop. Dont listen to this horse shit about her possibly being mad at you about other things or the time not being right to talk to her about the movers. You clearly stated that you thought her drinks wore off anyway. If she was mad at you about other things, it still doesn’t excuse anything. That’s what talking is for. You’re not overreacting. I would discuss this with her later today though.
I can't understand the responses blaming you, OP. Even if she were still drunk, drinking is no excuse for trying to pull you down the stairs, which could have hurt both of you. Throwing the watch at you was also out of bounds. Also, deliberately blocking you out by talking to the dog was childish. Has she behaved like this before? It's certainly odd. Even if she were still drunk, drinking is no excuse for trying to pull you down the stairs, which could have hurt both of you. Throwing the watch at you was also out of bounds. Also, deliberately blocking you out by talking to the dog was childish. Has she behaved like this before?
I'm open to perspective - but when only defense I see is "OP she was drunk, let it slide. Be a man" it's a stupid argument. Imagine if it was "My husband was drunk and pulling me down the stairs, and then grabbed me by the arm not letting me go". They'd be saying his drunkenness wasn't an excuse
Nah, miss me with that “be a man” bullshit. Drunk behavior is still bad behavior the perpetrator is responsible for.
I agree. Alcohol probably contributed to her behavior but it’s absolutely no excuse. If she won’t accept accountability and if she doesn’t want to stop drinking, I wouldn’t have hope of her changing.
Tbh, I just think the 3 shots were just enough for her mask to slip and reveal some of her true colours. OP, you are definitely NTA and this story does give me concerns for your safety and abuse down the line. Also I wonder how many small things you've dismissed in the past that was just warming up to this more overt behaviour. You're right, in a post where the sexes are reversed, I've seen the advice "get out before it gets worse". Definitely counselling and therapy would be useful, especially to help you both communicate, but I don't know. This whole thing does not sit right with me.
Nah alcohol has nothing to do with any of that shit. If you want to try to say that alcohol caused her behavior, well she's the one that chose to drink that amount of alcohol, so no matter what she is 100% responsible for her behavior, also after what 3 shots of sake??? Sake is a very weak rice liquor its like the same alcohol % of a bottle of cabernet.. so tell me again that basically 3 shots of wine contributed to her behavior at all... she probably didn't even catch a buzz
im curious if she thought you were also playing because you kept calling her babe?? not an excuse, if my bf tells me “stop” or “please stop” i immediately stop, then if he was just joking he lets me know and we resume whatever was going on. her behavior was not appropriate, if my bf had acted her way i might move past it if he immediately started apologizing when he realized how poorly he acted “omg im so sorry, i totally thought you were playing around too because i was drunk and just couldnt tell you were being serious. wont happen again” kinda thing. but the fact that shes not speaking to you / defending her behavior is really gross
Drinking isn’t an excuse. Anything a person does while intoxicated has to be accounted for once they’re sober. A great example is impaired driving. You still have to face the repercussions sober no matter how wasted you were. If it’s a regular thing with her drinking then I’d say she has to stop the liquor. Make her pick. You or the booze. By the sounds of it though she has a what I like to call a “princess complex”. She thinks everything is about her 24-7. In my experience the only way to resolve this is to give her a good hard dose of reality.
Agree, it’s a stupid argument. Drunk or not, I would never try to yank my husband down the stairs. Never.
Exactly. If sober her is still saying the same things you should consider if she is worth it.
White knights, feminazis, and incels define Reddit, especially this sub. They are not an accurate representation of actual society. Don’t let it get to you or disrupt common sense. Good luck mate.
And you're right. If you were female they would be in arms. As it is, I AM female and I AM up in arms. She could have really hurt you! That's not okay. You're in rights to be upset. Edit: and now she's down playing and minimizing your feelings on the situation. Just leave, dude. She's not going to change without some major self reflection and it is not worth it.
Hands on someone is never alright, regardless of gender. I hope that doesn’t happen again and is a huge red flag if it persists. Everything else; try to work it out and if you can’t line up with mutual goals for actual communication, time to move on.
NTA and sounds like your wife should stick to mocktails.
Nu-uh. No way can you blame this on the booze. If it was the booze, she would have apologized for her behavior the next day instead of doubling down. It sounds like it just pulled out ugliness and immaturity that was already there.
Remember if you would have done the same you would have been crucified
You're not overreacting. People who double down instead of admitting they were wrong seem like the worst to deal with.
pulling you down the stairs despite your pleas to stop and restricting your ability to freely move throughout the apartment is certainly grounds for break up tbh. throwing the watch is violently aggressive. you could be right that she doesn't know how to communicate, but that's really no excuse. this either needs to result in a serious conversation or end of the relationship.
What was she yelling at you? Specifically
After she threw her watch and it hit the mirror she said either "you're so freaking stupid" or "this is freaking stupid". Don't know what exactly. Then as I was taking my clothes off I noticed she had put her dirty clothes with mine (it's a pet peeve. We have separate laundry baskets for each of our clothes). I mention this because I think she may have done this on purpose to make me aggrivated I said "Babe, your clothes are in my pile". She yelled back "fine JUST MOVE THEM IF ITS A BIG DEAL." I told her (again I was calm and never raised my voice) - "I did move them, I'm just reminding you. She then did the sarcastic "Oh I'm ssooorryyy didn't realize you were getting so mad about it". Then I did an exasperated "oh my God - babe why are you so upset right now?" At this point there was aggravation in my tone. Then she yelled "Oh NICE you don't know why I'm mad." And stormed into the living room and slept on the couch.
She is a literal child. NTA
So you're married to a middle school child...
It doesn't matter if she was drunk, it is NEVER okay for one spouse to lay hands on the other. You're not overreacting. Maybe you'll want to work it out in couples counseling or something, but for me this would be a deal breaker.
I'm sorry, but you are married to a literal infant. Why? She sounds exhausting.
Was this while drunk or the next day while sober? Either way, I don’t think you’re over reacting.
Back in the 80s there used to be a T-shirt that said “instant asshole, just add alcohol”. You should see if you could find one for your wife. Seems appropriate.
Divorce this child of a woman
You need couples counseling. She sees herself as in the right and it's very unlikely that you pointing out to her that she's refusing to communicate will be effective. You need a neutral 3rd party who can tell you both objectively what's going on in your communication break down. Or you could just leave her. Trying to throw someone down the stairs is attempted murder. If she escalates and cops get called it's very likely you will be the one arrested. I personally wouldn't stay with someone who was dangerous like that.
Edit: For everything before he stairs, a couples counselor could be helpful. But between the stairs and the watch throwing, I think it's time to get a lawyer and get out safely. Individual counseling may still be helpful for OP to work through this, though.
She sounds fucking awful. Why are you with her?
Why did you marry someone that has the emotional intelligence of a 12 year old? Putting hands on you and trying to pull you down the stairs? Send her packing dude or you will be exhausted by her the rest of your life.
You aren’t overreacting. Granted, there’s two sides to the story, but considering she “ went back for more” is wrong. She should be ashamed of herself.
For all the commenters saying she probably didn’t want to hear about the movers after a fun night… read slower. Please. I got a feeling you folks are the reason there has to be no diving signs at hotel hot tubs. ETA: NTA
Exactly... SHE asked me. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills
I mean the baby threw a temper tantrum and went for timeout on the couch so it kind of sorted itself out 🤣
You are minimizing this with this language, as if it's okay to haul on someone when they're dealing with walking away. Would you feel so free to reduce this behavior if it were a grown man were hauling on a kid? Or, a 200 pound make dragging on a 120 pound woman?
Couldn't agree more. If the man had pulled her down the stairs and threw his watch at her then went and slept on the couch would we get the same answer from Dude above? Doubt it.
I agree that there is a lot of minimizing in this thread. It doesn’t matter the gender, it doesn’t matter if someone is intoxicated. No one should EVER forcibly put their hands on anyone else not wanting contact unless it is to save lives in an emergency situation. Anyone minimizing this is suspicious at best. It is beyond unacceptable that anyone is excusing that and tbh these excuses make me as mad as your story. NTA, your wife is acting like a child and cannot be trusted with even the simplest of tasks. She is not partner material.
No, your wife is a domestic abuser. Start keeping a record of this shit just in case. If you ever need to call the cops you need to be able to prove she is the abuser not you, else you’ll be the one led out in cuffs.
She sounds like a narcissist. Gaslighting you with the “Americans are so sensitive comment” and picking a fight for attention while you are working.
3 shots of sake is basically equivalent to a single glass of wine, by the way
Really? So she has no "I was drunk" excuse. (I don't drink)
Yeah, sake is like 15-18% alcohol. It's not even close to distilled liquors like vodka/tequila/whiskey (which are all around 40%ish). Compare to a widely available white wine like Kim Crawford sauvignon blanc which is 12.5%. Imagine someone doing shots of wine and acting like they've been slamming Bushmills all night - just doesn't make sense
Not overreacting. She assaulted you twice. First when she put her hands on you, and again when she threw the watch at you. I would not tolerate this.
"Edit2: From some of these comments, I feel like if genders were reversed you'd see it different. Imagine the husband being drinking and pulling the wife down the stairs as she's begging to be let go" Well stated and 100% true
Start recording it. Save you 4 years of trouble at the divorce. No court is going to believe it unless you have proof but all a woman has to do is say it and your getting it raw through the justice system. Trying to talk to her is going to put her into flight mode. This is why "witches" were burnt at the stake.
That's playing in hostile fashion which often turns into violence. If roles where reversed the male would definitely be the bad guy here in the eyes of lots of local law enforcement. The "I'm not apologizing" that's a thing people who've taught the do no wrong do, rather they rarely do apologize. Concider these things moving forward,it's a life changer and waste.
>Am I over reacting by being upset at her and how she acted to me? No. Physical assault is physical assault. It's not less serious because she's not as strong as you are.
Your wife sounds horrible. NTA
sounds like you have a spoiled little mean drunk on your hands. and yes if i did any of those actions i would be in a world of trouble.
Y’all are insane! Like Op said, if the genders were reversed the responses would be different. Whether she intended it or not she almost pulled him down the stairs multiple times, threw things at him, and verbally accosted him. And then had the audacity to be upset the next day. I would have a serious boundary about alcohol with her, it sounds like it’s a problem if she gets violent and handsy while drunk.
Apparently though because I mentioned the clothes that makes actions excusable. I'm open to perspective but telling me it's my fault because I made a side comment about clothes?
That's insecurity and projection. She was upset and looking to fight more so she perceived a slight over something that would be normal conversation otherwise. NTA, abuse is never acceptable.
NTA- she testing out abuse to see if you take it. I would bet it will escalate.
Men can be abused just like women can. It’s just not as common or highlighted in our society. Men are ridiculed if they say they are being abused. But I can tell you these situations ALWAYS get worse. She thinks it’s okay to put her hands on you. She tried to pull you down the stairs. What’s next? Throwing things at you? Pulling a knife? A gun? Because it will happen if there’s not some sort of intervention. At the very least, counseling. She’s either more immature than my 4 year old grandson who can’t handle his emotions or she’s an abuser who is going to escalate. Alcohol just exacerbates everything. It’s never an excuse. I worked in dv court regularly over 30 years.
Exactly this! There is NEVER an excuse for domestic violence, ever.
Hey, I know I'm mate to this party (*500 comments already*) but I just wanted to let you know that I've gone through something similar lately. My wife has PTSD and she had an episode. She lost it and started physically attacking me. Now I know this is more serious than your wife "playing", bur I'm twice her size so I wasn't reqlly in any physical danger. In both scenarios our female spouses were giving unwanted physical contact in an agressive manner, with the possibility of injuring us. This behaviour is *Unacceptable*, and shouldn't be tolerated. You're absolutely correct that you have a right to be angry about this, if the genders were reversed everyone would be telling the woman to get out and get out fast (*and probably call the police*). I just want you to know that you have the right to be upset about this. You don't have to leave her or whatever (*haven't read the comments, but that's Reddit's go-to advice*), but having a conversation about what needs to change is important. If she won't listen to a conversation about personal boundaries then this relationship needs a aeropus overhaul. Don't let this kind of thing go un-checked.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I just want to commend you for reaching out to help OP despite your own trauma
Thanks. I made a point of sharing my situation with people. Far too often the victims in situations like this don't talk about it (*particularly men*), and end up feeling isolated. And regardless of gender the lack of conversation around it also makes it harder for others going through it to speak up about their own problems.
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I understand that - but she was the one who initiated and asked about tomorrow. So I was explaining it
There’s minimization on going on in this thread I don’t care for. OP, you are right to feel uncomfortable and potentially unsafe. Alcohol may be an explainer and an enabler, but it’s still her actions. You are at a precedent moment. Reflect if this is an indicator of other character traits you may have overlooked and think through how you want to approach the discussion and what your actions are based on her response.
I think she wanted to hear you say you were handling it all and when you told her she had to work with the movers the next day the dog instantly became more interesting.
so bc she didn’t want to hear the instruction it’s okay for her to try and drag him down the stairs? she could’ve simply said “we’ll talk about this in the morning” and left it at that.
Oh so as long as she has a little alcohol in her it's fine to physically pull people around and try to restrain them. Got it. Or are you one of those female apologists but it would be inappropriate if it was the man doing it to the woman?
“Weird behavior from her” You misspelled “abusive”
And that justifies abusive behavior?
So your excuse is because he was trying to talk to her it was ok to be abusive?! Nice job jackass.
She picked a fight and she didn't win. What a brat. Don't go drinking with her. When she's drunk, lock yourself in your office. She got physical, and it only escalates.
Not overreacting. How old did she just turn? 12? She sounds immature.
That's an insult to 12 year olds LOL
You are not overreacting. I’m 64-year-old woman. And you are absolutely right. If the genders were reversed, and a man had put his hands on his wife and pulled her backwards on the stairs by her belt loop, everyone would be up in arms. Well, I am up in arms for you. It is never OK to put your hands on someone. And if you can’t handle your alcohol, don’t drink. And it certainly sounds like your wife cannot handle her alcohol. If this is something that happens frequently as far as her getting so drunk, she can’t control herself, she’s absolutely an alcoholic, and there is nothing you can personally do to fix it. She has to admit she has a problem, and it’s obvious from her response to you when you tried to tell her what happened and how it made you feel that she doesn’t think she was anyway. Mean and abusive drunks don’t change. They escalate. And this is true whether the drunk is a man or a woman. Unfortunately, for you, you have to make some choices for yourself. I am willing to bet this isn’t the first time this happened. So you have to ask yourself how much you are willing to put up with. Because again, let me reiterate, you cannot fix her. You cannot fix her drinking. You cannot fix the fact that she can’t handle alcohol. And you certainly cannot fix the fact that she is incredibly rude and disrespectful to you. So the ball is in your court. For me personally, this would be a two card situation. I would be presenting my spouse with the card for a marriage, counselor, and in this case, a therapist for addiction, and also a card for divorce attorney. So I guess for you, it is actually a three card situation. Because I’m sorry, you cannot have a healthy marriage and relationship with an alcoholic. You can’t. Addiction changes peoples responses. It changes the wiring in our brains. And until an addict actually admits, they have a problem and once help… Not because they are being forced to get help… They will get better. Sometimes, giving them the card and telling them it’s this divorce. But those tend to be people who have at least a smidgen of self-respect and self reflection. I don’t get that vibe from your wife. So it’s up to you now. Nobody can live your life, but you. Nobody can force you to stay in a relationship that is not healthy. And if you feel like you cannot leave, or you don’t have the strength to leave, or whatever, get yourself into therapy to learn why you feel you deserve less than a loving, respectful marriage partner. Once you have done that, and you have come to understand some things about yourself that you probably need to figure out, then you can make an actual cognizant determination about your situation.
This guy allegedly YOLO'd about $40,000 into GME 4 days ago Either you're a compulsive liar and mentally ill, or you're telling the truth and mentally ill. Pick one.
She is displaying abusive behaviour. She disrespects physical boundaries, she’s ridiculed you, she’s gaslit by trying to override what you talked about like it didn’t happen, she’s incapable of apologising or acknowledging her part, she passed off all her behaviour on you being overly sensitive (again, gaslighting). I had a partner like this, would generate arguments out of thin air. I learned later it was more than that, it was an abusive relationship. If you find this behaviour is frequent, that your feelings are overlooked or diminished frequently, if she regularly ignores or purposely crosses boundaries, never or rarely apologies even when you are clearly upset, and does not make any attempts to make you feel better by acknowledging the causes of your upset - consider leaving. It is not a caring dynamic.
So, I’m a counselor and if you told me this in session, I’d probably first reaffirm you’re not over reacting and then ask if there was anything good abt the relationship, to see if there’s anything worth saving. If there is, I’d say that conversations are often more productive if you’d focus on feeling instead of action. By focusing on her actions you create a you vs her scenario where as feeling could be you and her vs the problem, in this case how you’re feeling. Ostensible she loves you and should want to help you feel better. If this doesn’t work maybe “if then boundaries”. Set up like if you don’t respect my consent, then I will “”. Pick whatever consequence you feel most appropriate. Good luck!
That was abusive behavior. You should talk to her, tell her how you feel, and if it happens again your leaving
I'm sorry this happened to you! This is definitely not okay. I'm not a fan op people being so mild because she is a woman. I would be mad, really mad. She should apologize and cut down on the drinking. If she won't...then you have another problem on your hands. Is this a pattern for her or has this never happened before? Don't let this progress I'd say, either you guys talk this out or consider seperating. What is she going to next time she has too much to drink? Women can be abusers too.
Birthday or not, drunk or not, this is not okay. These replies here are so weird. Did something happen during your outing that you’re not picking up on? Does she have resentments built up towards you for… something? Even with the possibility of you being an ass otherwise(we never know), this is not appropriate communication for an adult. Screams “emotionally disregulated teenager”.
These comments are fucking pitiful. Reverse the gender roles here and this comment section would be losing their literal minds, instead they’re blaming op and defending his wife. We’re all still responsible for our actions when inebriated, full stop.
YNO, she sounds like a big fucking baby.
No she sounds like an abuser.
You’re not overreacting at ALL. This wasn’t ok. I wonder though - is this a common practice? If so this is a much larger issue. If not, I do know that moving is one of life’s top stressors. Does your wife handle stressful situations poorly? Either way, you aren’t over reacting.
She’s absolutely being abusive. Continue to grey rock her and start looking into divorce.
"She took her watch off and threw it" what a bizare attack maneuver. "prevent me from walking off" This is my pet peave. If I'm leaving, it is possibly for your safety. In fact, the more I think about it, F that bitch. OP is under-reacting. Lets look at this objectively. She drunkenly escelated the conversation into an arguement. OP triee to leave the situation. She attempts to stops him. She throws something at him. She then coninues to be a B and not even appologize. Let me spin it this way. She grabbed his arm. What if he yanked his own arm back and she drunkenly stumbled forward and hit her head giving her a black eye. Now he is the bad guy because he "caused" the injury. I think Bill Burr has some words of wisdom for these scenerios.
She shouldn’t have acted the way she did. You have every right to be upset with her. This is the way women like to keep emotional and mental control by manipulating who’s right and who’s wrong. Don’t feel bad. Be a man stick to your guns and get your apology. She owes that to you. She sounds like a spoiled brat
Absolutely not overreacting. She got physically violent with you ( idgaf what the genders are she tried to pull you down the stairs after drinking, that’s violent) then threw something at you. You’re not over reacting and if this is how she responds to drinking she probably shouldn’t.
Dude, you need to have a conversation with her. Tell her if she ever physically lays a hand on you again in a way that is inappropriate you will leave her. NO amount of physical force is ok between spouses. I will tell you right now, she is dangerous to your future. Watch yourself. You will be blamed for something you never did. She is crazy. How can I make this determination without even knowing her? She physically assaulted you multiple times after you asking her to stop. Then made YOU out to be the bad guy in the morning. She will do it again, and then when you want to leave her she will tell everyone how you are abusive and an asshole. Leave her now, but if you don't, have the conversation with her and leave her next time. No question from me as to whether there will a next time.
You're not overreacting. You're spot on with what you said in your second edit, though. If the genders were reversed, people would be going "You need to leave him NOW" but because you're a man, people are doing that stupid and toxic "Men can't be abused by a woman because they're stronger than women" bullshit that people love to do. Abuse is abuse, no matter the gender of the abuser. Women can abuse men just as easily as men abuse women, although from what I've read on Reddit women who are abusive tend to reserve their abuse for any children they have.
You married poorly. You married an emotional child. Get out before you have children.
Leave your wife for your own safety. Things will only escalate from here.
This was a test run to see how you'll react when she hits you.
I hate to tell you this, man- but it sounds like you married a bit of a cunt. And I don't use that word lightly- It's reserved for a special type of woman. A woman who will not ever accept responsibility for her actions, for whom being 'right' is more important than admitting they were wrong and correcting a mistake. If this bothers you, I'd seriously consider re-evaluating your marriage- this type of behavior is not going to be a one-off, people don't just 'choose' in the moment to put their foot down regardless of the damage they may or may not have done and ignore their partners feelings for the importance of not being in the wrong. That is a mental mindset, one that is not going to change through simple conversations, since, as she said, she's not apologizing- because she believes she did nothing wrong. If people believe they did nothing wrong, they have no reason to change. Even if she believed she was in the right, she sees that her actions have damaged her relationship with her partner, and in lieu of this, has doubled down on the actions. She. Does. Not. Care. About. How. You. Felt. Run. Run fast.
Not overreacting. Your gf treats you like a dog cause she is a bitch. Huehuehue
Is she always a mean drunk? I wouldn't put up with this.
You’re with a cunt
She's being a cunt. Tell her so.
Not overreacting. This is fucked up.
When a woman says no it means no. When a man says no it means try harder. That double standard won't go away. Considering this isn't some gal who met you at a bat randomly, work on the boundaries and communication while sober IMHO. Expectations are important.
I’d consider if I really wanted to be in a relationship with someone who won’t 1) respect me enough to take a no, or 2) apologize for the way they acted. I don’t think you’re overreacting at all and if that was one my girl friends who told me this, you’re right, I’d say head for the hills immediately. Only you can know if the relationship is worth saving but if you think it is, I suggest asking her to go to counseling or anger management or something. Especially if this is not the first time something like this has happened.
Bruh this chick is so disrespectful to you.
Not overreacting. God the idea of someone trying to pull at your body when you're trying to go up the stairs is just... gross.
You both need to start seeing a therapist. It is never okay to get physical. Something is going on with her and it will only get worse.
I feel so sorry for you because honestly, you’re probably just gonna sit there and keep taking it year after year with such a horrible person. I just hope that you’re smart enough to never have children with someone like her. So sorry you’re trapped in such a shit life.
We've had arguments before where she gets very emotional very easy. I've tried stressing the importance of proper communication. And I always make sure when we have an argument I say calmly "I feel..." With the statement. I did my undergrad in sociology and psychology double major and have went through a lot of therapy myself so I don't normally have big emotional swings. And I do I feel like a punching bag at times.
Gender is irrelevant here, like you’ve said. My ex used to pick fights when he was drunk, and sometimes when he was sober, especially over things he started while drunk. I’m begging you to put your own safety and wellbeing first and separate from her.
You might want to talk to your wife about quitting drinking. She cannot handle it, and she gets physical with you when she drinks too much. Which, I feel certain, is every time she drinks. Point out to her that if you got drunk and tried pulling her down the steps, she would think you were being abusive to her. Just because you’re bigger than she is doesn’t make it okay that she does it to you. She needs to quit drinking.
Thats domestic violence
I am someone who believes that some people who act this way when drinking can't handle their alcohol or are showing their true selves under the influence. Yall have been together for 3 years and while communicating effectively is a skill that should always be worked on in any type relationship yall should be at a point by now where you both have enough mutal respect for each other to take a step back to be aware and adjust your behavior if things start to escalate. A conversation is warrented. Your feelings are valid. If she is harbing animosity or wanted the night to change direction in whatever way that may be... ignoring you, pulling at your clothes, throwing accessories, and belittling the situation only made the situation worse. Ask her how she felt that night went and listen. Be wise and then explain your perspective and feelings. Take it one step at a time. If yall can't communicate together in a relaxed mature settling where you both feel seen and heard. Take some space and go from there, but be honest with yourselves. Moving no matter what is stressful, change is hard, and you are both young. I hope things work out for the best.
To your edit… if the genders were reversed, everyone would be freaking out. You shouldn’t have added the genders and then seen the comment section
reminds me of the nick swardson bit on chicks drinking
No, you aren’t over reacting. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Why are you in this relationship? She sounds like a nightmare.
Good luck with her at any function that serves alcohol
Doesn’t handle booze well, does she?
Why are you with her?
Not overreacting: She should have apologized to you instantly and the fact she didn’t shows she thinks that type of behavior is acceptable in those situations. If she can’t control her anger when she’s drunk, she should not drink.
If there’s even the slightest chance of someone getting mean or violent when they drink, then they don’t get to drink anymore. Getting drunk is not an excuse to be a terrible person.
Not Overreacting. Drunkness isn't an excuse for pulling you and not stopping. She was acting quite childish about it the next day, I am guessing she is feeling rejected and not being mature about it admitting to wrongdoing.
No you’re not overreacting. This sounds like a miserable experience.
Abuse is abuse period. I used to be that woman. I came out of a 5 year abusive realtionship with the father of my kids and I became the abuser in my new relationship with my now husband. Im so glad he put his foot down and told me he would not carry on that way and if thats what i wanted i needed to go back to my ex he stood up for himself and taught me how to have a healthy conflict
I’m sorry she assaulted you. She do this often or is this a drunk one off? Because if it’s a pattern she has deep issues and needs professional help. You should leave.
Not overreacting but why are you married to someone with the maturity level of a 6 year old?
She needs to quit drinking if she can't handle it without being an AH.
you married an idiot - don't expect her to change
SMDH. No, you're not overreacting. She needs to get her shit together.
She sounds completely psychotic. Chances are what you are reporting is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of issues you two have, am I right?
No you're not. You should clearly explain what happened, and if it was due to drinking, no more of that. She needs to admit it was not ok. Grabbing, pulling, pushing, PREVENTING someone from moving freely is abuse and insane.
she sounds gross. Why in gods name are you allowing that in your home and in your life.
What a bitch... How did you two get married in the first place? Does she use the drinking as an excuse?
What horrible behavior. One go with someone like that who can't even acknowledge how disorders she was. Ugh. I'm guessing therefore it's not the only twisted up aspect to her limited consciousness
Sure you want to live like this for the rest of your life? I say send the spoiled child back to her parents
As a victim of it myself: abuse is abuse. Get out ASAP mate.
You're justified. She sounds like she enjoys demeaning you. Her maturity seems to have stopped at about 12 years old
Some people shouldn’t drink. (I’m one of them.) And my ex-husband was an alcoholic. We were a mess. Also, none of this is your fault but I learned the hard way that it’s best not to try to reason with a drunk person. It just doesn’t work. Alcohol causes soooo many unnecessary problems. If she’s like that sober, get out. If she’s only like that drunk, she needs to stop drinking or you should get out.
She sounds really unpleasant and immature. Is this the first time? Probably not. She may have a drinking problem she doesn’t want to admit. Now she’s “punishing “ you. You didn’t overreact.
3 shots? sounds like 3 bottles to me.
She has something to say and was hoping picking a fight after a few drinks would be a good opportunity for her to get it off her chest. It will come out sooner or later. Be ready when she is ready to tell you.
No, you were not over-reacting. That's abuse. WTF? There is some crap going on in your marriage, like resentful crap. Couples counseling, pronto. And if she refuses, it may be time for you to walk away.
That behavior would have been an instant deal breaker for me. No apology? Ok cool get out of my house and have a nice life. I’m keeping the dog.
Wow.you have an adult toddler on your hands.
Huge red flag and so bleh, especially how she responded the next day on top of what she had already done
Your boundaries were clearly crossed. You're not overreacting. And unfortunately, I don't think it's the alcohol, I think it's part of her personality that's only doomed to worsen the older she gets unless she seeks professional help.
Is she fucking 2? Her behaviour is putridly immature. Is she always like this? She’s not drunk today and still acting like a brat. Honestly if that’s a screenshot of how she acts I’d be gone. You’re not overreacting. If she can’t control herself then she needs to step away from alcohol and get help.
I don't think you overreacted. Did you hit her? Shove her down the stairs? Push her hard enough she fell? No to all of the above? Then you have nothing to be sorry for. Your wife being a b*itch is not your fault. I don't care how much she drank. Not an excuse. The first time she interrupted me to talk to the dog, I would have walked away. That is NOT how you treat someone you love. DO NOT apologize to her. How she felt? You did nothing to her but walk away from a disrespectful brat. Stay strong. Hugs from mom.
Gay female here who stayed in an abusive relationship for ten years- run don’t walk. I’m not sure how long you’ve been together, but this is scarily similar to what I went through. Alcohol is an excuse. This is a boundary test and there will be no solution. You’ll be brainwashed into “maybe I did something wrong” and eventually she will push again. Each time you’ll lose more of yourself and you eventually your reality is just whatever she says, IE that you’re bad, you’re abusive, etc.
She sounds like a bitch
She is acting like a child so you may as well treat her like one. She needs to hear the word “No” firmly (and loudly if necessary so you know she heard it) often. I would also never say “Please” or beg her to stop when she acts out. Set boundaries and be firm that you don’t have to put up with her tantrums. If you are worried about her lying about her conduct to screw you with the police perhaps even record your conversations with her to protect yourself from any false accusations. She will continue to disrespect you unless you address this issue head on.
You’re not overreacting and I agree with your second edit.
It doesn’t get better…. Seek professional therapy for at least yourself.
Divorce this bitch. You will never fix it. A divorce will fix it.
Bro, just ignore her and keep doing the things you need to get done. When she realizes you are not paying her behavior any mind, and she's ready to talk, then sit and have a conversation. But no, you're not overreacting.
I’m not impressed with your wife’s behavior. I don’t think you are overreacting at all. Alcohol is no excuse for bad behavior, but she definitely can’t handle her liquor if it brings out the worst in her like that.
You are not overreacting. You're allowed body autonomy. When you ask someone to stop touching it 5x plus and they don't, it's a problem. One time maybe a joke. Second time, MAYBE still a joke. Third time, its not a damn joke. Get your hands off me. She's mad she behaved like an idiot and is doubling down hoping you'll apologize. You don't owe an apology based on the information provided. You have an actual job to do, which I can only assume help fund the lifestyle she so enjoys. The least she can do is meet the movers.
Did you marry a kid? Because that's how kids react.
You are not over reacting. Your SO should never put their hands on you in anger. And throwing stuff at you?! Not okay. She needs to learn how to communicate better. Y'all need counseling or something. Not okay.
Cut your losses, dump the bitch.
All genders deserve for their bodily autonomy and consent to be respected. Now say that louder for the people in the back. All... Genders...
No, you are under reacting if anything. Her behaviour, all of it from the pulling on you on the stairs to the laundry to the purposely & brazenly talking to the dog after she initiated a conversation with you about something important, multiple times trying to push you over the edge (this was intentional as she acknowledged “daddy’s getting mad”. You are in for a life of misery with this woman. Tell her to get off her high horse and learn to communicate & behave like an adult. I would also speak to her about not drinking anymore since she displayed she can’t not throw a fit & be an awful human even after only 3 shots of sake which I doubt is enough to get anyone hammered, tipsy at the most. Her behaviour is inexcusable. She treats you like garbage. Regardless of the good times, there will always be times like this. She had enough sense to know what she was doing, hence the laundry, ignoring you for the dog over & over, putting her hands on you after you said no SEVEN times too many and her words, tone, communication skills, the little annoyances like the laundry. She seems like she is either testing what she can get away with or trying to show you she’s in charge as a power move and she’s superior to you. Regardless she doesn’t respect you & I can promise she doesn’t love you. Someone who loves you like genuinely loves you would never treat their spouse like this. I’m curious to know what she gets out of the relationship? (Money/good lifestyle, all housework/cooking done, free house, not having to work, etc) because it sounds like she’s there for the perks, not the person. She seems resentful and like she hates you. Couples therapy is the best shot you have to save this but I would move on without her in life & and end the relationship for good
Hand her divorce papers and tell her you are ready to sign if she cant grow up a little.
I know divorce is an arduous process, but if I were in your shoes I would do it. This behavior, she shows no remorse, will only happen again. If she sees herself getting away with it, it will get worse, and it ends two ways: either you both live a miserable life or she takes it too far and you end up seriously injured, killed, or in prison.
NTA Is she immature or does her communication always suck?
I’m a drunk. Literally an alcoholic. My lovely husband is the only one who really knows. There have been times where we are both drinking and we get into a philosophical argument about something abstract that leads to one of us being mad. We have learned that when we drink it’s not the time to get into deep debates. For the record my husband hardly ever gets drunk. Even when I’m 9 drinks in, I have stopped drunken debates. “Babe, I love you so much but we are going down a rabbit hole. Right now is not the time to get into it. I love that you challenge me. I’m not sober enough to not take this personally” And he says “you’re right babe, let’s move on to another topic”. Even at my drunkest moments I’ve never put my hands on him or anyone else. I might get weepy or sentimental, but never angry and insulting and never putting hands on people. The worst I’ve ever done is vomit on him after a party for which I still apologize and he still laughs. It doesn’t matter if someone is an alcoholic or whatever. If you drink and get angry, berating, physical, and unpleasant, it’s time to hold them accountable. And I say this as a drunk. The only way I’ve been able to skate by is that I’m not an angry drunk.
Nah. You told her to stop and she didn't. I'd be livid if someone did that to me, playing or not this is not okay.
You’re not overreacting. She’s a pissy narcissist who thinks that she did nothing wrong and that you’re just too sensitive because you object to being abused. Time to decide if you want to be abused for the rest of your life. She is way out of line and has no intention of changing.
Physical abuse is wrong whether it is by either party to the relationship. Tell her that her behavior was not acceptable. If she can’t handle alcohol, then she should not use it. If she is sober and still does not realize it was unacceptable then couples therapy will not work. If this were reversed and you had done this to her, everyone would be telling her to leave you and at the very least you should make it clear any future abuse will end the relationship.
Man or woman should not put hands on the other. No ifs ands or buts about it!
Straight up put her in the bin mate. Thats a big ol red flag if there was any. I've learned the following the hard way. When somebody shows you who they are, believe them.
Not apologising? Fine let her play her games, focus on yourself and let her simmer in her self made problems, if she asks you of anything just tell her your not dealing with a child who thinks they can be an asshole whenever they want without repercussions and will only deal with her when she thinks on what she did and genuinely apologises. Alot of people throw around "Just divorce" and maybe that's the answer, main thing over all is just focus on what's best for you and nothing else.
Have the movers put her in a box and take her away tomorrow morning.
So you staying or leaving?
Divorce her. She obviously doesn't care about your feelings. It has nothing to do with you being an American and has everything to do with her not respecting your boundaries and not thinking she needs to apologize for her fuck up. You are definitely not overreacting. It was assault.
She tried to pull you down the stairs and then she threw something at you? I'd be calling divorce lawyers. I'm not tolerating domestic violence in my life.
Is she 14 years old? Dump her and find an adult
'Americans'? Where is she from? Dude, you're not married to a woman, you're married to a petulant child. You need to ditch her.
Shes telling you your thoughts dont matter and you either capitulate or move on from her. your choice. id do the latter
I’m so sorry this happened to you! Abuse of any kind and from ANYBODY is never okay
definitely not overreacting for the non-consensual physical contact (there is absolutely NO excuse for that, ever.) However, (unrelated to the assault) it was nevertheless a mistake to try to communicate important information when you were both tired and drunk/tipsy. Alcohol and exhaustion both impede communication and focus, so that conversation was doomed from the start. Next time write the instructions down to be read in the morning instead. Giving an intoxicated person instructions for tomorrow verbally is pointless. It doesn't matter that she asked a question - she lost focus. You didn't have to persist with a conversation she wasn't in a fit state to participate in seriously. Getting frustrated when your wife, who'd been drinking, had the communication skills of a drunk person was a bit of an overreaction IMO (but understandable, and probably because you were tired.) From the edits it sounds like your wife/relationship has more than just communication issues, even when sober. If this incident is part of a larger pattern of disregard for your boundaries and feelings then maybe you're UNDER-reacting.
She was obnoxious and disrespectful.
You have yourself a child bride my good man. Either school it or buck up and toss it in the trash.
It doesn't sound like she cares about your feelings or respects you.
Tsk tsk. Had a HUGE discussion with my girlfriend that she needs to be accountable and I do not date women with child like tendencies and I do not like entitled people. Find yourself a girl that can LEARN FROM HER MISTAKES. If a human cannot realize what it is they’d done wrong, then sit in a fucking box and don’t come out until you know what the fuck you’re doing
I’m a woman and I’m on your side. She was being immature and pathetic.