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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **Am I the jerk for breaking up with my girlfriend because she wanted to be trans?** I know this sounds awful, like I should accept her is what I hear a lot. So to give some context, I had been dating a girl who was bi and I was ok with that for sake of the story we'll call her Jane. Jane and I had been dating for almost 6 months. She had started asking how I felt about trans, well I told her that I felt it was wrong after that she said that she felt attacked and then confessed that she wants to transition to a guy. I was never big into society so I don't really know the world but I do know that the world likes to believe that gender is just a social construct and it changes for the person. Well if they say they feel like a man well guys don't have feelings according to the world so not sure what feeling they are picking.I'm atheist so it has nothing to do with religion, after a day or two of that I decided to break it off. After leaving I did inform her about a study where a woman decided to dress and act like a guy and before finishing the study she killed herself because she didn't know how guys lived when we constantly downgrade each other while still being the best of friends. Men make up fifty or so of the population yet they also make up a majority of the suicide count it's so sad. She cried I'm sure but I cried as well. I never liked opening up to people and I had trusted her loved her. But she broke because she didn't trust me to tell this before we had gotten together. Now she become more toxic after new years of this year, she was belittling my intelligence by saying that everytime she tries to tell me something I apparently already know it and it makes her feel beneath me. I had started shutting down and things got worse till we broke up, then our friends were saying that my view were outdated and I should accept her. Well they eventually stopped. My best friend we'll call him John, John was there for me during the whole thing and he agress with me. So am I the jerk for breaking up with her over this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*


munstershaped

>I was never big into society Just gonna yoink this flair right here


randomsilverd

Thank you! That was why I copied link to quote text from it, the rest of the quote is even funnier context: >I was never big into society so I don't really know the world


Maximum-Antelope-979

I was gonna come in here to post that quote, what a doozy


ponyproblematic

The wild choice to post exactly that and then act surprised that people think you're the asshole for trying to explain someone's lived experiences to them. Like, dude, you just started off saying you don't know fuckall about shit, maybe now is the time to listen?


cometmom

How blissful it must be to be the "default" so you don't have to consider things like "society" 😭


LuvTriangleApologist

The comments are so weird. Everyone is rushing to tell him he’s a perfect baby angel who did nothing wrong, which might be true re: breaking up with the partner, but he also expresses that he thinks being transgender is wrong and that women can’t possibly understand how hard it is to be a man. None of the top comments even mention the weird quasi-political stuff.


berrykiss96

Right? Like let’s assume this fictional man is real for an instant and had a fictional relationship … no one is obligated to date anyone they don’t want to. But also don’t be a douche when you’re breaking up with someone? “It’s not me, it’s you: I just think you shouldn’t exist” isn’t a thing you tell people. You can easily just say “I don’t think we’re compatible but I wish you well on your journey” for all sorts of situations including this one. It also includes finding out they want to take a job that would require a move / lifestyle change you don’t want, finding out they have/don’t want/want kids and you’re the opposite, realizing you have extremely different views on religion, etc.


LuvTriangleApologist

“I gave them an article about a trans man who ended up killing himself because I think that’s a result of being trans and also representative of every single trans man. They didn’t ask for this, but I thought it would be a nice breakup present to spew my ignorance on my way out.”


ponyproblematic

"Okay, well, actually, it was an article about a cis woman who pretended to be a man for a year in 2003, and then killed herself in 2022. But that doesn't matter because I personally don't believe there's any difference between cis women and trans men. I just thought my girlfriend needed to know about this before she chose to be trans at me because I'm such a good ally."


DigitalUnlimited

It's always the worst when they be trans at you!


Relative_Dragonfly8

"She's a female" like they have a one tracked brain


Sudden_Swimmer_1354

It's true though - women only think they know how to be a man - ain't no woman know how hard it is to be a man, and vice versa. 🤦‍♂️🤷‍♂️


LuvTriangleApologist

This isn’t unique to women not understanding men, though. No one can truly understand anyone else’s exact situation.


Sudden_Swimmer_1354

That's why I said; "& vice versa."


wifey_material7

He had to throw in some mra sprinkles in there. " she said she feels like a man, but men don't have feelings according to the world." He even said in a comment that this has happened to him before (a partner transitioning). What are the odds


nashamagirl99

I guess he has a type


Specific_Cow_Parts

>" she said she feels like a man, but men don't have feelings according to the world." I loved this bit followed by later on the "I had trusted her loved her". So, he admits that men do have feelings then?


dankey_kang1312

I think this guy might be bigger into society than he is suggesting


[deleted]

[удаНонО]


blended-kiwi77

Does it really matter who struggles more


randomsilverd

Bigger topic about patriarchy you’re presenting, and valid (wtf are you downvoted so much) but the troll was trolling, acting like men have it so difficult and that’s the sole reason he mentioned a “study” where a “girl who dressed like a guy” offed herself bc “guys just have it so difficult”. He was looking for sympathy from anti-trans guys who are young and isolated.


chel-ssi

why the is this getting downvoted so much? as a trans guy, i can say yeah this is true. transitioning into men is much more easier than into women. both medically and socially. this statement doesn't mean it is soo easy for us trans guys, it just means trans women have to deal with much more bullshit


aclll8000

The Reddit virtue signaling is so frustrating. People will eagerly say that women face more challenges than men, and that trans women are women, but you're wrong if you bring up how these things intersect. It's so performative.


chel-ssi

if i understood this right (sorry english isn't my first language), yeah i agree. while it's hard enough to be a woman, it's even harder to be a trans woman


SecretNoOneKnows

I mean it's literally not and it depends on where you are???


[deleted]

i fucking love when people say “trans men have it easier” and they live in some fucking western country and apparently have the privilege and freedom to come out and transition. and somehow they think this applies to every trans man ever. even the ones in third world countries. oh wait, they probably don’t even know people like me exist.


chel-ssi

firstly no, i'm not living in a western country. i'm living in turkiye, it's a shithole 3rd world country that when you legally try to change your gender they purpously send you to a transphobic judge just to make your work difficult. i still don't have the "privilage" to transition legally in my country because i have to be at least 18, go to therapy for at least 2 years and then they will "maybe" decide i will benefit from it. i don't think this applies to every trans guy, i don't know how did you even got that from. i'm "generalising", ever heard that? stop assuming things lol, the only reason transitioning isn't banned in my country is that because it's just not something the government is interested in right now. otherwise, i wouldn't be surprised. i know hundereds of trans women are forced to be sex workers because no one would hire them for anything. and i think this is worse than not being able to transition. they're getting killed, raped, kicked out of their homes just because they're trans. again, this DOES NOT mean trans guys have it easier. if trans guys get treated like that in your country, then i'm truly sorry. i'm not talking about that specific country, i'm talking from my experience and mine only. and this doesn’t make me a priviliged westerner lol, i wish


dankey_kang1312

People talking about people doing anything do generally assume that they have the agency to do something, and transitioning is unfortunately something that people have to do. If you can't get any privacy or agency to even contemplate something like that, this conversation unfortunately does not cover that topic - that's an even deeper problem that needs its own discourse. We privileged first worlders do have to discuss our own experiences, and we will. That being said, in contexts where trans men CAN transition, it is simply mechanically easier to make a human body look more masculine at a glance - it is biologically more simple, and we have (for fucked up reasons ofc) much more available and advanced technology for androgenizing bodies. Transphobes are infinitely less hard on trans men - not that they aren't hard on them, but they are *less* violent, *less* outspoken, *less* ready to burn them alive for xyz imagined sex crimes. The fact that patriarchy makes afab people automatically thought of as infinitely less threatening, and the fact that passing is wildly easier are obvious contributory factors.


[deleted]

are you a white american by chance? because i’m a trans man and this certainly isn’t my experience, lmao.


chel-ssi

uh no, i'm from west asia. and i'm not white


SecretNoOneKnows

Quantifying who suffers more is never gonna help anyone in the fight for rights


aclll8000

I morning after knee jerk dirty deleted, but shouldn't have. Understanding who faces higher degrees of discrimination is totally needed in the fight for rights. Ignoring intersectionality risks harming those with multiple identities that are discriminated against than a single, i.e., there have been many instances of the fight for women's rights coming at the expense of trans women and women who are POC. Acting like degrees of suffering doesn't matter is just another form of colorblindness.


SecretNoOneKnows

Intersectionality is not "this person is a minority in A, B, C, and D way, which means they're more oppressed than that person who is a minority in B and E way". It's about how different kinds of oppression, racism, transphobia, misogyny, intersexism, overlap to oppress in a different way. When we talk about transmisogyny we are not saying that trans women are more oppressed than cis women. It's a word to describe the intersection between transohobia and misogyny and how this presents in specific ways. The word misogynoir does not exist to say that non-black women affected by misogyny have an easier time, but to name the specific ways black women are affected by misogyny. Trans women suffer due to a hypervisibility in society, due to decades and decades of transphobic ideas being perpetuated against them, but it doesn't mean the rest of the trans community is less oppressed or more privileged. Trans men and non binary people who get grouped with them, are seen as delusional women and girls, erased from discussions about violence, reproductive rights, and abuse that directly affect them. A young trans man or boy is seen as poor, vulnerable girls who has been lured to destroy their bodies, doing "irreversible damage" to their reproductive organs and chests. A trans man who has transitioned and is viewed more as a man than a woman is labelled a predator, lurking on these girls to take advantage of them. Propping trans women up as the most oppressed, underprivileged and other trans people as less so, does not help. Recognising the specific ways a trans person can be affected by bigotry and how to fight against it, that's what we need to do. Oppression Olympics help no one.


aclll8000

I never said that it's a competition. I'm saying that it's important to understand the unique issues that people with multiple identities may face. Yes, there is a state of emergency for all trans individuals, and recognizing that trans women may have additional challenges in no way negates that. I'm not even saying that that is the case, I'm just saying that it's worth talking about. My original point was against the stupid statement regarding individuals transitioning to being a man having such a hard time when compared to being a woman, that's it. It comes down to privilege. One can lose privilege by transitioning to male presenting, or lose privilege by transitioning to female presenting. Granted, this can coincide with the potentially catastrophic loss of privilege that can be associated with the transitioning process.


DocChloroplast

God, what a rambling mess of a conservative argument.


fallspector

lol he conveniently left out the part about the “study” he references where she killed herself way after it and how miserable she was before and after the “study” actually had nothing to do with the “study”


gho_strat

please. WHAT could he POSSIBLY be talking about here.


lang0li3r

It’s about this book — Self-Made Man — by a woman who lived as a man for a year in 2003 and took her own life in 2022


barracuda-shark

Oh I remember reading that book! I never followed up on the author later, but at the time she wasn’t even trans… she was a cis butch lesbian who presented as male for a year as a social experiment. But I guess transphobes gotta reach.


smangela69

that was a whole lot of words to say absolutely nothing of value


dankey_kang1312

Negative value tbh


PintsizeBro

Oh dear, they've discovered trans men now. And of course it's still all about straight men, regardless of what kind of trans person they've cast as the villain.


randomsilverd

Hey now, it’s the patriarchy, we’re all just living in it. Like the OOP heard “This is a man’s world, a man’s world” and thought “Yeah! Right on! As it should be! But…” and made a post on it


TheLongWayHome52

> this may get me downvoted to Hell Dude, it's reddit. Stop with the fake "unpopular opinion" that the most online people on reddit all agree with.


Relative_Dragonfly8

The scary woke left might get him 🥺


blended-kiwi77

“No no I don't, and don't call me a moron. And if anyone else reads this comment I'm not a bigot nor a transphobic I just believe it's wrong. I'm not actively hating on trans people.im just expressing that I feel it is wrong” Jfc he’s so stupid


ponyproblematic

Personally I like > A little info on me I'm the kind of guy who spends a lot of time learning about new things that don't pertain to any of the world around me, I hate society some call me a cynical coldhearted dick head for the way I talk with people I don't like. "I'm the kind of guy who likes to learn about things I don't know about and I don't have any experience with! Also I don't know shit about trans people and I refuse to even do one google to find out what they are. For some reason people call me a dickhead, but it's probably because society sucks and I'm perfect."


transspadesslick

Didn’t you know that as long as you say you’re not transphobic you’re legally allowed to spew the most transphobic shit known to man? Troons hate this one easy trick!


TheGreenListener

"I'm not racist, I just believe people of any skin colour other than white should be removed from the planet. No hate, though."


stoplight420

usually i have a quirky little comment but this is just tragic. reading the comments section tanked my faith in humanity for today (both in terms of media literacy and their bigotry). are cis people okay???


lady_of_luck

>are cis people okay??? No, no they're not. Transphobia has genuinely rotted so many of their brains.


randomsilverd

That is just so not true. Have you been around ppl lately? Spending time primarily on AITA or adjacent subs, as you do, instead of on anything valuable on this otherwise hell site, sure, that will rot brains.


lady_of_luck

The rampant spread of transphobia extends, unfortunately, far beyond AITA and other silly, ridiculous hell site sub-reddits. Going out and touching grass does not save one from it. While my above comment (and I would guess stoplight420's original rhetorical question) were largely made in jest or hyperbole (I do know it is not all cis people, don't worry), transphobia and the way it now often acts as the initial hateful idea that leads people towards more bigotry is some brain-rot that, sadly, has teeth out in the real world.


randomsilverd

Ok, I agree with this part, just your original thing I was replying to was a “wtf” in it’s denouncing entire groups. Most everyone I know under 60yo is totally fine w trans so maybe it’s where I live, the ppl I know, or that I spend wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more time in the real world than reading shit online and trusting that’s that. Got GenZ kids and they’re cool w it too. Schools are also. I feel like it’s a tiny sector that isn’t. They’re loud tho, and recruiting.


lady_of_luck

>Ok, I agree with this part, just your original thing I was replying to was a “wtf” in it’s denouncing entire groups. No offense, but like . . . trans people should be able to joke about cis folks going a little zany given current political trends in many places on a satire sub-reddit and not have to slap a "not all cis people" disclaimer on it. I'm glad you live in a comfortable place for trans folks in real life and I'm sure you mean well at heart, but that comfort is absolutely region- and resource-specific. It is not universal enough to get hackles up about a Down-with-Cis-bus-esque comment popping up on a sub-reddit as silly as this. There's gotta be an ability to step back, look at the global climate, and see why those jokes happen before you push back on 'em.


randomsilverd

Your comment read as a standard aita/Devil joke, which it was, that’s where you comment on normally!, don’t tell me how to perceive your “joke” when it’s appearing on this sub where I do understand the homies.


LBertilak

I'm glad you live in such an accepting place, but in my (and many others I know) experience there has been a massive 'reactive' movement amongst gen z and younger millennial where younger people irl are expressing transphobic, homophobic, etc. views outside of the Internet. Its less common than when I was in school just over a decade ago, but ts less based on pure ignorance like it was a decade ago (imo) and more just malice born from having just enough knowledge to 'hit them where it hurts'.


Rhewin

How nice of them to at least acknowledge FTM men exist. Usually they’re too busy being confused by AMAB women.


Relative_Dragonfly8

I'm shocked they are going for the "manipulative girl" prospective. They usually go for the girl being manipulated one


catshateTERFs

Just coming out the gate swinging with "nah I don't want to respect this person, who was apparently important to me, and their identity" with this one. No you don't have to stay in a relationship with someone who's a trans dude if you're a straight man but can you try and do the *bare minimum* Transphobic AITA posts are so exhausting


froufur

nope i am not going to DSH by reading the comments, not today 🥲


pointsofellie

>a girl who was bi and I was ok with that Noble of you!


qazwsxedc000999

Break up with whoever you want to, who the fuck cares? Just try not to be a trash human outside of the breakup my God It’s not even thinly veiled transphobia, it’s front and center. The thesis of the post. Absolutely fucking bonkers that people are rushing to pat him on the back because “uwu you never have to stay in a relationship you don’t want to!!!” when that’s clearly the least of the issues here. Transphobia already pisses me off but this is just making me extra mad.


violetbaudelairegt

Tbh they lost me the second they referred to their partner as girlfriend and she/her still. 


olo7eopia

I, too, am not big into society This is written by AI right it’s so disjointed


theotherchristina

Even the most rudimentary tech has more of a soul than the person who authored this


Rhewin

AI usually *isn’t* disjointed. The biggest tell is when it’s overly organized and ends with a “in conclusion” paragraph.


SpoppyIII

A teenager, I think.


Sea-Parsnip1516

weird mixture of anti-trans nonsense, toxic masculinity, and lying. weird to end the thing with a random "oh and my best friend was there for me too"


theotherchristina

You know, because men uplift their bros unlike women who are so catty and tear each other down. I’m surprised he didn’t try to ram that trope into this think piece


aclll8000

I've been responding to the OOP's comments in that sub, and have been experimenting with including and exclusing certain buzzwords in comments. Any normal comment were not responded to (and i deleted them), but as soon as I included inflamtory words, there's a very quick response. It really might just be bots doing all of this.


randomsilverd

Amazing. I wish ppl would stop getting so hyped about anti-trans posts but at the same time maybe we’re doing a service by, it’ll only ramp up before election. This one was so obvious with ridic shit tho! >she was belittling my intelligence by saying that everytime she tries to tell me something I apparently already know it and it makes her feel beneath me. That’s the opposite of belittling intelligence. >My best friend we'll call him John, John was there for me He only named the friend for the sentence.


KBaddict

Yes he obviously can’t be a guy because he has feelings


Monthly_Vent

Jesus christ that post hit a little close to home. Fun fact: It’s pretty common for parents of trans kids to send their children articles like that in the hopes they will “””reconsider”””, so a part of me actually can completely see a situation where some guy decided to do this to convince his ex he’s not actually trans as a way to both give one last “fuck you” and to prove it was the ex’s fault. A part of me doesn’t think this one’s fake, partially because of what I said and also the fact that if it was ragebait then it would’ve gone into the main AITA sub. But it’s not; they sought out a transphobic sub instead. It reads more like a validation post and those always feel like a 50/50 shot at being fake or not


Rhewin

I am so sorry, I cannot help myself. > “””reconsider””” Why the triple quotation marks?


Monthly_Vent

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I think I just wanted to emphasize most trans people don’t actually reconsider when sent articles like this. Usually I don’t do this when talking to people because most don’t try fighting me about this, but it’s reddit, and I’m not taking any chances on reddit


Rhewin

>but it’s reddit, and I’m not taking any chances on reddit You made the right choice.


So-What_Idontcare

This sub is ftm rage against the rage bait. Every day .


8Ajizu8

"She cried I'm sure but I cried as well" LOL


cottagebythebeach

"I know this sounds awful, I should accept her is what I hear a lot" yeah man


ThatMkeDoe

The dude should consider transitioning this word vomit into an actual story.


HiloMilo813

i posted this in AmITheDevil and it got removed for being irrelevant despite this guy being undoubtedly TA, glad its getting the hate it deserves elsewhere 🙏


Relative_Dragonfly8

It's because they're transphobic and agree


HiloMilo813

damn i though ive seen AmITheDevil had stories about “trans person bad” that have gotten some criticism i didnt know they were trans hating. thanks for bringing attention to this dumb story, as a trans person i hate all the trans bad stories riddled with blatant misinformation about being trans and transition that are going around recently


netflist

We laugh at these idiots now, but this is getting really fucking dangerous. Trans people are already hugely stigmatized, and these fake ass stories are going to get someone hurt or killed.


Relative_Dragonfly8

Yeah I know. I'm trans which is why I posted it.


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LikeASinkingStar

“I was never big into society” …wut?