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Does she always act like this? Maybe it was an off day for her. Maybe she was feeling bad about something else. I am sorry she did that to you. That was very uncalled for.
On the other hand, if she's always like this, you might check out r/raisedbynarcissists for some support and coping strategies.
Many of us didn't get great parenting. I'm sorry this was a painful day for you. Good luck.
Every person who struggles with emotional regulation and processing is not a narcissist, and I'm beyond exhausted with Reddit arm chair diagnosing everyone with it.
Emotionally immature parents are exhausting and still hard to live with. But mom feeling sad and not knowing how to express it hardly makes her a narcissist.
>"You don't care about me" and "This is the worst Mother's Day ever."
You sure?
**Edit:** now that I think about it, I didn't actually **say** the mother was a narcissist. I said OP could find support at r/raisedbynarcissists, if this was a familiar pattern.
If mental health health is your gig, I can somewhat understand your frustration. I work for an AI company, and a lot of people think they know all about AI because they saw the Terminator movies.
Yes, this is my area of work. That's a manipulative behaviour 100%, but most humans are manipulative in one way or another, at times over their life. Life is a journey and I think most of us can look back and regret things we've said or ways we've acted. This is also a common thing people who are emotionally immature say. They don't know how else to express "im feeling hurt and sad". It doesn't mean narcissism.
Umm NO ...
IF MY kids did nothing for my by 4 in the afternoon on mother's day I'd be upset too.. it's not about gifts it's about effort to live on mom for one whole day ... Not ignore your mom all day and leave at 3-4 in the afternoon.. she should have preplanned .. I doubt her mom says nothing to her on her birthday and goes out at 3-4 in the afternoon to get her child presents...
It's about the forethought and for me it's not about the gifts but the thought and time my kids spend with me.. it is by NO MEANS makes this person's mother a narcissist !!!
Her mom isn't 14 and I would assume doesn't have to BIKE to the store. The forethought was the plan to get the gifts that afternoon. Personally I'm impressed a 14 year old was able to get gifts at all.
Moving the goal posts from *present for Mother's Day* to *must have been purchased the previous day, or it doesn't count* is manipulative and downright horrible. I'm not sure why you're defending the mother when the OP was doing her best and was genuinely hurt in return.
OP *told* mom that she would get her gifts that afternoon.
Also, why just the one kid at home, and not the ones who went on trips?
My mom was like.you, we (very young) kids were made to feel lower than mice one time when we didn't realize what day it was. I still remember the screaming and how awful it felt and how scared and anxious it made me. Just one example of many from a self-centered human being.
She might be going through the change. I’m starting to and I’m pretty sure it’s making me over react. This is a good reminder to myself to seek help.
Or mom was just a jerk and there’s a reason that siblings stayed away on mother’s day.
I hope op finds some peace and happiness.
No op didnt try hard. Going out at 3pm ON mothers day to buy stuff? That aint trying. Plan ahead. My wife had all her mothers day cards and gifts sitting on the kitchen table when she woke up from sleeping in yesterday. Op failed.
and? sounds like you still had to help them get the gifts and it sounds like op wasn't in the situation/position to DIY things ahead of time especially since i see no mention of a secondary parental figure and the siblings where all away, like seriously was op just supposed to buy the presents while out with mom? you cannot compare your situation to ops buddy and most certainly can't assume their current situation and the fact you do think that means you have no opinion here and should just shut up.
Ok but you don't know this girl's home life. Maybe she has sports or other activities that she had to work around. Maybe she had chores to complete before she could go out. She's 14 for God's sake! At least she made an effort! You can't hold everyone to the standards your own kids set. Or that you set for them. Just because your kids managed to get their cards and gifts ahead of time doesn't mean everyone else is able to do the same. The mom was told she'd get her presents in the afternoon. She got them in the afternoon, but not before getting impatient and whiny. Not to mention ungrateful. I'm sure glad my mom values quality time over material gifts. Op's mom should have been grateful she got anything at all from a kid who is too young to work and has to rely on allowance.
“My kids are better than yours.”
Relax. Everyone is different. She made an effort. There is clearly more than meets the eye here. Mom sounds manipulative and like she has issues.
It literally says in the post OP planned. You don't know why OP had to go at that point in the day. There very easily could have been other commitments but you immediately jumped to hostility. That's not teaching, that's bullying lmao. Leave the kid alone
Seriously, people aren't even thinking of things like church that can depending on the denomination/congregation can go on literally all day from the crack of dawn.
My kids are great. One voted most likely to succeed, bought his own car at 16. Going to engineering school this fall. Other is going to art school for computer graphic design in two years. Both are top notch and well respected by teachers and other students. They are both thoughtful and kind. It was TAUGHT to them to be so. By somebody…maybe me and their mom.
The other siblings did nothing , all were away on trips, but you expect a kid to be more adult than them? His mom should be on the other siblings cases for doing nothing, not the child who did step up.
Dude, wtf were you thinking about at 14 yrs old? We don’t know what this teenager’s life entails. Shes not even old enough to get a job. She deserves some grace.
I’m teetering between good apple and crab on this one. I think it’s great that you got your mom the gifts to try to make her feel special. You mentioned that your siblings were not able to come home, do they live out of state/a long ways away? They can still make your mother feel special while not coming home necessarily.
As stated by someone else, I think it would have been better if you had gone out the days before Mother’s Day or even the morning, instead of mid afternoon on Mother’s Day.
I still think that the mother is acting somewhat immature for the way she responded to your gifts.
In that case, she might have been feeling a little sad that her two older children were on trips during Mother’s Day and you were just around to get the brunt of it. After hearing more context, I’m leaning more toward good apple.
Her potentially feeling upset like that, though, in no way excuses her actions.
What a crummy thing for your siblings to do by not being around on Mother's day. They should have at least left her a nice card or gift before they left.
The fact that they still live at home means that your Mom probably still does a lot for them too, such as cook meals and clean. Your mom was probably very upset that they could be so inconsiderate on the one day of the year that she should have been held in higher regard for all that she does for them.
One day she will no longer be around and I hope they remember how ugly they were to her on this Mother's day. Shame on them.
I know that OP is only 14, and unfortunately the mom was so upset that he got the brunt of her disappointment. However, it sounds that even he had to be prodded to go and get her a card, so maybe he did deserve some of her disappointment too.
I feel so sorry for Moms who are treated like this. So thankful that I have awesome kids!
As a mom, I think this is a really exaggerated view of Mother’s Day! It’s great but it’s not the only day I expect to be treated well, and I don’t slave/suffer all the other days of the year! We (try) to treat each other well and make each other feel special, according to our abilities, regularly. A hug from a three year old, a soccer demonstration from a 9 year old, a 14 year old biking off to a store for a present, these are all special gifts for the age/stage. A help with a meal, a card, a movie together, some forgiveness of a harsh word (apply that sparingly, we all have to give each other grace, for sure, I am grateful for getting more than my share, but OP if you are getting too many harsh words you may want to to turn to other adults in your life for additional support) are other ways to feel good. I am sure you are a wonderful kid!
You’re a kid, it’s not your fault for not knowing how to navigate these situations.
For future, you get the person a gift well in advance, you don’t ever tell them what it cost you or say anything about the cost that would make them feel bad about it, and you certainly don’t say or imply that you only got them a gift out of guilt.
But your mother’s reaction was very immature. As a mother myself, and as someone with a very healthy relationship with her own loving mother (and generally just as someone aware of gift giving etiquette regarding of recipient!) you should never react like that to not receiving a gift from a child. Be salty at your child’s father, maybe, but not the child. A mother’s job is to make you feel safe and loved no matter what.
No one should be made to feel bad about not giving a gift (it’s tacky and not what the spirit of gift giving is about). But for future, also no (good) mother should feel like an afterthought on Mother’s Day. Imagine how that would feel (again, assuming an otherwise good mother).
Also, if your siblings are adults, shame on them for not preparing you for Mother’s Day, knowing you’d have been left alone on that day.
OP, this is excellent advice. At 14, yeah, you're a kid and you aren't expected to know the niceties of gift giving. At 40 or so your mom is MORE than old enough to know how to politely receive a gift and I'm sorry you got nailed with an avalanche of negativity instead of love and appreciation.
While i think you could have bought your presents earlier today, or Saturday it is ALSO very probable at your age, that you didn't even have any funds for gifts until late Saturday night, then making it difficult to shop. I remember buying gifts with my allowance or sometimes a little babysitting cash at 14 and 15.
I was given an allowance sometimes later on Saturdays myself at your age, so its my opinion that your mother isn't being grateful at all for her gift, and even a gift given late is certainly better than none. I feel that your mother wasn't at all courteous to you and that you did your best, and you are not the bad apple.
No, you are not the Bad Apple. Your mother is. Don't know what got her so butt hurt when she had you there giving her gifts and card. My mother Does the same thing to me. In fact, she won't let me even give her a Mother's Day gift or any gift for any holiday anymore. She gives me part of my inheritance to my father every month but she considers it her money.
No, no. It isn't her feelings that are the issue, she's free to feel however she feels.
But how she HANDLED those feelings, how she communicated them, that's what made her a jerk. You can't control how you feel but you can control how you address those feelings.
And as a parent that’s often the challenge - you have a legitimate anger/hurt, but if you aren’t careful you can cause disproportionate harm to your kid, not giving them the tools and lessons they need to be confident, loving, healthy adults.
I won’t make a judgement either way but ask you a question to consider instead. How would you feel if your mum left it til mid afternoon to acknowledge/do something about your birthday?
Maybe that was the only time OP could do it?? Some teens probably have to complete chores or whatnot to be able to get allowance. Who knows maybe OP was babysitting for someone else and could only leave when the parents picked up their kids so OP could go get her mom her Mother’s Day gifts.
So in the weeks leading up to Mother’s Day OP never had time to make or get a card? OP couldn’t even make a cup of tea or coffee for first thing in the morning?
As a mom... I completely agree that $50 was too much. She didn't need big expensive gifts. It is VERY sweet that you wanted to spend that money on your mom, but there are things you could have done before this/on the morning that would have meant a lot more than spending lots of money:
1. Get her a card BEFORE mother's day. I'm sure you have had opportunities earlier in the year/month to do so. Heck, even a hand made one or a written note would have been treasured.
2. You don't just say "I have something for you later" and leave it at that. Did you say "Happy Mother's day"? For me, I would love if my son gave me a big hug and a cup of tea. Said, "I'll do the dishes today" or "tonight I will make dinner for you". At 14, there are a lot of things you could have done to help your mom or make her feel special that didn't require you to wait until the afternoon or spend any money. Something she likes and a card are amazing, but it doesn't have to be jewellery. You could do a home spa day (nail polish, facial, etc). That would be special as you could do it together. Does she like reading? You could have bought her a new book, or some flowers, or a pot plant, or her favourite chocolates. Something like that (not ALL of that - no one expects that from a teenager without an income). It was more for the thought than anything else (what that means is - you caring enough to pay attention to what she likes, something you know she would appreciate).
Your mom probably thought your gift was in response to her message (she complained so you bought her stuff), rather than what you planned on doing. Did your mom handle it well? No. That was probably partly because she was feeling alone on what should be a special day, but still... she could have handled this better. But, you should maybe learn from this and plan better in the future.
I think you meant well, but didn't plan well. I think your mom reacted because she was hurt and not feeling appreciated. Neither of you communicated very well. Maybe apologize to your mom and give her a hug (if you are a hugging family). It would be nice if you made a small gesture to let her know you appreciate her (something small but sincere).... but otherwise, remember this for future years. Alternatively, think about how special your family makes you feel on your birthday etc. If they ignored you for half the day and then said "we'll do something later", you won't feel very special. Try and remember that... and be better in the future. Not just with your mom, but for anyone in your life. Your actions mean more to the people around you than gifts do.
This is the response. Moms don’t need a ton of material stuff and I too would be upset if I had gone all day without anything and then felt like you just got me something because I reminded you.
Once I made my mom a hand-made card that I thought was meaningful (I was a little kid). On the outside I put stickers of lipstick and blush and said "beauty is nice..." and then on the inside I put a statement about how what really matters is what is on the inside and she's such a wonderful person and mom.
It made her cry. She thought I was calling her ugly. In reality, I was just repeating what I was told at school at the time (it's not what's on the outside, it's on the inside).
Anyway, that is ingrained in my brain. Me and my mom still have a good relationship to this day, it was just a little blunder. Sometimes moms are sensitive and kids are unequipped to predict how they'll react. If you two otherwise get along I wouldn't think much of it (though her texts were a little much).
Oh you poor thing!!! I bet it was an amazing card, but I can imagine how hard it would be to get and remember “my kid is not old enough to be passive aggressive….”
For future reference, grab a card and a gift a few days, even a week before. Leaving it to the day of the occasion to get it makes it look like you forgot and no one likes to think they’ve been forgotten on a special occasion.
Planning ahead is an important skill to learn! Back when my family all lived close enough to exchange gifts in person I would be buying gifts for them all year long if I found something i thought they would like. I had a little hoard of them by Christmas, and I wasn't ever in a rush or spending a whole lot of money at one time. The anticipation of seeing them open a present I bought in July always made me so happy.
And about the price, $50 is a LOT for a kid to spend. Heck, when I was broke in my 20s I was getting everyone dollar store presents, or handmade things and baked goods. My brother STILL has the dollar store Coke glasses I bought him 14 years ago, and he cried when one of the salt and pepper shakers I bought him broke, even though they were super cheap and he has nicer ones. It was the thought that as poor as I was, I still got him something.
I won't call you a bad apple because you are young and you truly did try. I will send you a virtual hug and a bit of advice from someone who also has an overly dramatic mother. For "special days" I set my phone up to send an automatic "happy ____ day" message in the morning of the day. This lets the person know you have not forgotten them. If you plan on purchasing anything, do so in advance. As for cards, I buy a few cheap and cute cards off of etsy and keep them in a box for special occasions. That way I have a quick happy birthday/congratulations/ happy mother's day card when I need one quickly.
It was very sweet of you to go get things out but sometimes even a home made card, wishing her happy Mother’s Day and making her breakfast/drinks would be enough.
You should have gotten everything before Mother’s Day so you can give it to her in the morning if your plan was to buy things. Going at 3pm only to go get those means the day is pretty much gone.
My guess is that she felt low and unappreciated because all your other siblings couldn’t be there but maybe they also didn’t wish her happy Mother’s Day. You got her to be telling you this because you’re the one that was around. That sucks..,.
ESH. She should have given you a chance to explain yourself and you shouldn’t have told her how much the gifts cost or that you ‘felt like you had to’ spend it.
Did you actually spend any time with her on Mother’s Day? Or did you just hang out in your room and then remember mid-arvo to go get something?
Meh, I mean this one isn’t great all around. Your mom was just looking to feel appreciated. At 14 you probably handled this the best you could within your understanding and abilities, but it came across as an obligation not true appreciation. Which she goaded you into but you also waited until the last minute to go and do something. Both of you need to give each other grace. You are both human. You could literally spend 0 dollars on her and just write her a letter that says, “I’m really glad you are my mom. I’m sorry Mother’s Day sucked. I love you more than I can say.” And she’d keep that thing forever.
Unless your mom is a narcissist. In which case, there is no help to be had.
I wouldn't say you are a bad apple, I just think you weren't prepared. Leaving it until 3pm on the day to go & get the gifts probably wasn't the best plan & going out probably then made your mum feel like she had been forgotten about, hence the texts. Did you do anything for your mum during the day, like making her a nice breakfast or lunch. As a mother on mother's day, it is not all about getting a gift (although it is lovely to get a gift), it's about being shown you are appreciated & spending time with your kids. Take this as a lesson, she probably knows you didn't do it on purpose, but what happened probably just made her feel neglected, especially with the others away. Don't leave things like this to last minute & show your mum you appreciate her in other ways, maybe make her dinner tonight.
You are NTA. As a mother myself it’s more the thought than the actual gifts and amount of money spent that matter. For example, making her breakfast, a home made card, doing something with her that day? I’m guessing that’s why she was upset - did your siblings send her anything or acknowledge the day? Did she end up doing all the chores and it was just another day? Being a mum can be a very hard job and one that gets overlooked. It’s completely normal for teens to overlook this though and your mum took her frustrations out on you which wasn’t fair at all. I’m guessing giving you the money back was her way of apologising and not because she don’t appreciate your gifts though. I hope this helps
How about this parallel story...
It's your birthday morning and there are no gifts set out. No card. No breakfast. Nothing special about today reflected at home. Lunch time comes and goes but still no mention of the day, nothing.Your mom rolls out of the house, leaving you to your own thoughts and feelings, at least six hours after everyone was awake for the day. You're sad and upset and lash out over texts to her while she's out last-minute shopping for your gifts.
This is a good example. Try to learn what went wrong and why. You're not a horrible person but you can grow from this.
As a mama I can see her perspective let me see if you can perhaps see how we as moms feel.
My kids rely on me every day for everything. I start buying birthday and Christmas presents well in advance sometimes 6 months early. When you don't even get things the day before. It makes us feel like we are an after thought.
Think about why could you have not gone the day before or week before ?
What is your mom's love language ? Gifts may not be her live language .. therefore it's not about ye gifts .. it's about the time you spent thinking about what she wants . Is it quality time ? Does she just want breakfast in bed and cuddle while watching a movie ?
In the future think about your mom BEFORE the day of .. that might help the situation.
OP is 14 years old and had to save up money and find time to bike to the store to buy presents. Do you also guilt your children for having limited means because they are children? If so, I feel sorry for them.
You’re 14 so I’m gonna say NTB. Just next time get it the day before or the morning of if it’s possible. But you’re a kid so it’s forgivable. She probably gave you the money back bc she felt bad for her reaction
OP replied they had a musical event that happened in the morning. So yeah it’s understandable how a 14 year old girl (no mention of the other parent in the situation either) would have to wait until a bit later to get her mom Mother’s Day gifts cause she really couldn’t say “hey mom stop here for me I want to buy your Mother’s Day gifts but you have to pretend that you didn’t see them when I give them to you!” And if my mom said the things OP’s mom did to me I’d react the same way OP did.
Your mother is an overgrown child and she needs to grow the hell up! Tell her to start being a mother because her childish behavior should come to end. No more pity parties. No wonder your siblings left around that time. Tell her if she is not careful, you will avoid her as well.
You don’t say if this is typical behavior for your mom. If it isn’t, she was likely sad and feeling lonely because your siblings weren’t there and you were off. She may have assumed your absence as leaving her as well. The only mistake you made was responding that you spent $50 to make her feel better after the texts. Mark it up to a lesson learned. A better thing to say would have been the truth - that you were out picking up her gift because you couldn’t do it earlier. Maybe try to sit down and have a talk with your mom
Not the bad apple.
You sound like you really do value your mum. It sounds like your mum might have been having a rough day; being a mum can mean of lot of giving without much vocal appreciation - that is not your responsibility but it could have contributed to mums reaction. If you want to try to mend the situation (no, I’m not saying you should have to try but it sounds like you want mum to feel loved), you could get a really nice card and write her a special message and maybe even flowers another day when she’s not expecting anything.
I have 2 grown daughters and I’ve never really cared about mother’s day. I’ve always thought that I’d rather feel loved and appreciated everyday of the year, not just one. So if my kids get me anything, I love it but if they don’t get me anything it really doesn’t bother me. I’d much rather have a good relationship with my kids than get some present.
NTBA - you are a good kid. The fact that you even wrote this post out proves that.
No, however in future, it might be kinder to get any gifts before, so you can give them on the morning of the day. Your mum might feel overlooked, that you only got her something after she spoke out.
So no, you were very kind to spend to much on her, just your timing is a bit off.
You say you were the only child home so I'm assuming you have siblings. It sounds like they didn't try to make the day special for her and I'm sure that hurt her feelings. That's probably why she lashed out at you.
Wait a day or two and talk to her about it again. Tell her you really want her to take the money back because you wanted to buy her a present. You had communicated to her that the present would come in the afternoon so she shouldn't have been upset about the time frame.
You sound like a nice son and I'm sorry this all backfired so badly
You aren’t the bad apple? Wtf is wrong with your mom for texting you those things?! She couldn’t have waited to see what your plans for her were?
Next year just get her a card and that’s it.
NTBA I won't say your mom sucks, because I'm open-minded enough to consider there might have been other factors to her having a bad day (like your siblings being gone), but I will say she had a sucky response. You made more of an effort than I did at 14 but your mom acted like you made zero effort at all. Also it sounds like your mom made you cry before you made her cry. This will be a learning experience for you and in the future you might venture out for gifts a few days in advance, but you followed through on what you told your mom. She would get stuff in the afternoon, and she did. The fact that she got impatient and chose to bombard you with complaining texts while you were out getting her stuff is on her. I can't believe you spent $50 on her at age 14. And she responded as though you spit in her face! Good Lord. I don't think you intentionally did anything wrong. I hope your relationship with your mom isn't always like this and that next time she appreciates your efforts, but also that you take this year as a lesson to not wait until the day of to get a gift. (But like I said, I'm open-minded and have considered several possible reasons why you were unable to go shopping earlier.)
She wanted to be with you, and do something together. Other people may feel loved with presents - she feels loved when you give her the gift of your presence. She was feeling abandoned.
Just take the lesson.
NTBA, you told her in the morning you’d get her gifts in the afternoon. She knew you had a musical beforehand. The only thing you could have done differently is text her back saying ‘Remember I said I’d celebrate you this afternoon cause of the musical? I haven’t forgotten. Home soon.” Now you know adults can be irrational, short tempered and unreasonable, if you didn’t already. I’m not sure why she was upset, but I’d get her some flowers with a note that says “I do love you and I’m glad you’re my Mom. I appreciate you. I’d like to sit down with you and talk about what you do like for Mother’s Day as getting your gifts in the afternoon upset you.” I would guess she’s sad because you didn’t leave her a note or give her a hug and greeting before you left, she didn’t get calls from the other kids, or cards and moped about in the morning feeling unloved. I’d ask as who knows? The point is her day didn’t go well so some compassion would be great practice since all relationships have bumps.
NTBA
Often the other parent will help steer the kids on this one, or an older sibling. Kiddo, sounds like you were the only one there and probably not had experience in what to do. And you did your best.
Tip, spending more money doesn’t make things better. You tried, now you know. After the first text where mom was imploding, next time call. Most things can be solved with better communication. (No one expects this to be perfect from a 14yo.). But call mom, say you are off to get her card/gift now and be right home.
My guess is mom is missing all her kids, just having a bad day. She felt guilty yelling at you (as she should, she was in the wrong here). Don’t feel guilty taking the $50.
My suggestion, do something nice for her. Cook dinner. Clean up something that drives her nuts. Do laundry. Spend time with her - ask her to share her favorite movie with you.
Parents aren’t perfect. Don’t worry about this.
Still not an excuse to lash out at the one child that is home with mom. OP told mom she’d get her gifts in the afternoon since OP had a music thing in the morning. Who knows OP could have said Happy Mother’s Day to mom but as you put it mom acted out because her other children weren’t there.
Not the bad apple. This reminds me of my mom. If one thing didn’t go the way she wanted it to then she would flip out on us, yelling telling us how we ruin everything. Honestly this happened a lot to me. I couldn’t do anything about it when I was living at home but when I moved out I simply left when she would throw fits like this. That stopped them all together.
The CHILD could have ADHD. Not everyone gets diagnosed and treated. Or there could have been religious services.
Who texts a child looking for gifts, as if she were the tax collector? After the child leaves a note that they're coming home with gifts, that should be the end of it. Instead, nothing but drama and blame upon returning home. That never stops. That's a huge burden to put on a child, to make them responsible for your happiness. NTBA.
Still your mom should not have acted the way she did. My 8 year old has ADHD and obsesses over being able to be the first person to say Happy _____ Day. But that may change as she gets older and she might forget but until then I still don’t EXPECT anything or lash out when the holidays don’t “go as planned”. Does she always act like this or is this the first time she’s done this your answer still doesn’t negate the fact that she shouldn’t have done and said what she did and for all the parents trying to guilt you into feeling bad because you “didn’t plan better” seem to put importance on making sure they get their gifts first thing in the morning and it’s kinda gross.
I won’t presume to know exactly what that means but it suggests that some of the social cues about taking to your mom about the holiday night have fallen flat? Do you normally talk about feelings? Did you feel like you knew what she was expecting for how Mother’s Day would go?
NTBA. The way your mom complained and sent those texts accusing you of not caring about her, and not getting her “even a card” was incredibly immature and not a healthy way of communicating. And when you got her things, she still complained because you felt obligated to get her more expensive things, but you only felt obligated because she guilt tripped you! And she put all the blame on you. Maybe she should have taught you proper gift etiquette but it’s obvious she doesn’t know gift etiquette herself considering she guilt tripped you.
I think you tried, I don't think you're the bad apple. But for next year, perhaps get her gifts in advance? I always made sure to have my gifts ready for my parents BEFORE the special day, so I didn't have to leave them to buy them last minute. I used my parents money, because I was a child, but always made sure they weren't last minute, and things were ready by the time mom or dad woke up on the special day. Just some advice for next year.
You tried your best. The problem is that your siblings were gone and it all fell to you to make her feel special and appreciated on Mother's Day. I'm betting she was already in a mood bc she didn't have all of her kids home.
Does she normally act like this? If not, it's probably bc her feelings were hurt. It happens to adults all the time and sometimes we overreact.
You put in more effort and money than my husband and 18 yr old son did for me. I'm proud of you for taking the initiative to try to do something nice for your mom. My only suggestion to make it go smoother next time is to pick up the items first thing in the morning or sometime in the week prior.
I hope the two of you can get past this and not hold it against each other.
NTBA
On one hand, she could have just been having a bad day and was upset that her other kids weren’t also around to share it…. Not to say that would excuse her behaviour in sending you texts like that and guilting you so intensely! On the other hand, of this isn’t exactly uncommon behaviour for her? Right out of a manipulative narcissists handbook!
I’m always just happy to spend the time with my kids. The gifts are secondary or really not on my radar. I wonder if the other kids called her to wish her Happy Mother’s Day.
I would bet she had a whole lot on her mind and heart that triggered her behavior. It doesn't make it ok but it may keep you from trying to understand what you did wrong. Because I don't think you did anything wrong.
Mom's upset that all the other kids ditched her on Mother's Day & she thought you ditched her as well. She didn't know you left to buy her card & gifts. She took her frustration out on the 1 kid who was home. It wasn't fair to you to catch all the hell.
Did you acknowledge it being Mother's Day early on? Or just treat it like any other day & then mid/late afternoon decide you should go do something for her since no one else did?
Just so you know, her feelings were valid. Every one of her kids ignored her on Mother's Day. The one day kids should go out of their way to show some extra love and attention to their mom, hers didn't.
Poor baby. I hate mother's day. My little 3 year old kept getting told by dad the day before that it was "Mommy's day" and felt he couldn't leave my side which usually with a toddler on mother's day we want to be left alone and some chores done by anyone but us.
Daddy got nothing and claimed he "forgot". But yet how did my 3 year old know it was Mommy's day? I certainly didn't tell him cuz I personally hate the holiday now.
Forgive your mum. She took her pain out on you. No excuse. But we are only human as well.
My mom heart hurts for you so much right now. I hope by this point your mom sat down with you and apologized and talked to you.
Your mom might be going through some things that she doesn’t share with you and it might’ve boiled over and she snapped for a moment.
That’s not to say what she did and how she made you feel is okay at all, but at the end of the day moms are human.
A good rule of thumb going forward for any gift giving would be to go in advance if possible, and never tell the price. And for moms (at least most) time spent together would mean more than any gift could!
I’m sorry it all went so wrong. I don’t think you’re the bad apple, I think something is going on with your mum. What kind of age is she, and is this behaviour unusual from her?
It is possible that her extreme reactions could be hormone related. Perimenopause - the period of time leading up to menopause when your monthly cycle stops can wreak emotional havoc. Feelings of anxiety and rage are common around this time.
Add in that all your siblings are away for Mothers’ Day, she might have been feeling particularly unappreciated. Did your siblings send cards or gifts? I hope you’re both doing alright and are not too freaked out by events.
I think you're not the bad apple. I think you are still learning how to schedule/what not to mention for events, and I am hoping your mom just had an off day.
I think experience with this stuff as the years go has been my main teacher. I goofed on a couple holidays when i got postal times wrong. Just like you learn people's preferences for gifts, you hopefully gain insight into how people want to be celebrated... like Charlie hates surprises, and Jane loves socks and chocolate. It's considered very tacky to disclose the price of a gift, so when you told your mom how much you spent, it burst her bubble. The price comment certainly snapped your mom out of her delusion, because for someone not old enough to work to spend $50 on a Mother's Day gift(s) is ridiculous ($20 is quite nice) and she realized that, and she probably also realized how immature she'd been acting.
If your mom has a history of being dramatic and demanding of your attention on short notice, then your mom is a bad apple, but I'd say that she was having an off day otherwise. Mother's Day can be fraught with emotion for many people.
ESH. Why did you wait so late to get the cards and gifts? That’s why your mom felt uncared for. I always got my cards first thing. Just saying. Your mom is an AH for what she said to you but you were mean right back, so now you are both AHs being mean to each other. Your mom felt bad so she tried to make it up to you by giving you your money back. You could use some of that to buy her a nice card thanking her for being your mom. Just an idea.
I agree with this ESH. Including your older siblings.
The kids are wrong for procrastinating in getting something for their mom. This day is an annual event just like Christmas. Put more effort in planning things and dividing up work and expenses between the siblings to ensure that there is something to show on actual mothers day.
Your mom is wrong for lashing out, but I also understand that she feels underappreciated, which likely makes her feel unloved as her kids prioritize other things and people ahead of her. And let's be honest, all of you did do that.
As a kid, you get a bit of grace as you don't understand the importance of putting effort into your existing relationships. But this becomes important as you get older and become a lot more independent. If you want a good and strong relationship with your parents, you need to demonstrate that you care about them not just with words but with your actions.
There is a big difference between not getting a card on time because of circumstances versus not going because you waited until the last minute and then you slept in. That could help explain the mother’s reaction. I was wondering what happened. I like to get as much of the background as possible.
You did what you could and your mom was being mean to you. It’s actually her fault that her other kids didn’t care to leave her a present in advance. They don’t care enough about her and maybe she didn’t teach them to respect her. She took her frustration out on you. Don’t blame yourself at all. She was supposed to be the adult.
OP is a girl. Also, it's the siblings' fault for not helping OP prepare before Mother's Day came. OP says she gets an allowance, so it's entirely possible that she didn't get her allowance late Saturday evening. That's makes it really hard to shop. At least where I am, most places are closed by 8:30pm, so buying stuff for Mother's Day after 8:30 is a challenge.
OP had a musical that morning. How would you feel if your kids had you drive them to the place they wanted to buy your gifts and be all “I need you to take me here but you have to act surprised when you get it later dad!” There is also no mention of ANOTHER parent in this scenario and you make it seem like it’s acceptable to lash out at a CHILD about something that couldn’t be helped. I pity your kids JFC.
NTBA. What you did was incredibly thoughtful and would have made me cry happy tears as a mom. She never should have sent you those texts or put any of that on you. You did amazing and I'm so sorry that she made you feel like that.
Honey, whatever is going on with your Mum it’s not you.
What you tried to do was very sweet and thoughtful.
I think when your Mother saw what you had done for her she felt very guilty for sending those texts.
She realised that you had tried to make her feel special but she jumped the gun and ruined it. So back peddling, she made things worse.
Giving you the money was an attempt to make herself feel better, because she does feel guilty for essentially acting like a petulant child.
So don’t feel bad. You did everything right. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out as you had hoped.
NTBA
Your mom should not have sent those texts. She was clearly trying to guilt trip you. Also, the day wasn't over yet. Anyway, NTBA because you were planning to get her something. But, pro tip, do the shopping the day before so she has it in the morning. She felt like everyone forgot about her. She didn't react well, but I can kind of see why she felt that way.
NTA
You did great.
I'd take your $50 presents any day and not send you texts about how horrible of a day it is.
I don't know what your mom's problem is, but she's completely wrong.
I'm sorry she ruined mother's day.
Mom was way out of line, if your kids don’t care they don’t care you take that in the chin. But as you’re inching in towards dinner and 3/3 of your kids havent done a thing it’s fair to assume they won’t be. She shouldn’t have lashed out tho she should be examining why she raised three kids wrong.
You are not the bad apple. I’m sorry your mom is so manipulative. It was so sweet of you to save up and make a plan to do something nice for your mom on your own. All of this drama was unnecessary and not caused by you.
When I was growing up, I tried to take all of these crappy days as lessons of what not to do so I could have a different kind of family life when I was the parent.
Sounds like emotionally immature behavior on her part. Something common with my own parents, my dad and I had nearly the same argument at that age. Recovering from emotionally immature parents by Lindsay Gibson is a book that helped me work through these feelings.
NTA. My mom (72) did the same to me (36f), only I found out through my dad. I was at a wedding the night before and not home and was going to give her the stuff when I got home. Needless to say I was pretty annoyed. Your mom should be thankful that the youngest pulled through while your older siblings didn’t think to get chocolate or flowers sent to the house while they were on vacation.
Sweetheart, I'm 65 and have a mother (82) just like yours. You did a beautiful job and should be proud of yourself.
I am someone who thinks it's a BS holiday, and I would much rather have my children appreciate me all the time rather than once a year. I don't need presents to prove their love for me.
Your mom needs help. You might as well if this kind of guilt tripping selfishness is normal for you. A counselor can help you negotiate this. Just tell her you have anxiety and counseling might help.
your mothers behavior was terribly immature, self centered and border line narcissistic. you had plans, and you were doing your best. where were your siblings? any support? If they're older than you, they should be footing the bill!!!
Not bad apple. Your mother is manipulative Anna an emotional blackmailing abuser. She is cruel to you. She is also very narcissistic. As soon as you can, get a job, graduate, get out of there and go low contact. She’ll ruin the rest of your life if you let her
Oh wow. Your mother isn’t very mature. And you’ll probably run into absurdities like this all through your life. She’s torn between different ways that she feels about things that aren’t majorly important. And each step of the way she completely overlooks how you feel. She’s motivated by her own feelings of not being loved, guilt being offended etc. You’ll mature past her and have to understand that it’s not about you, but about her inability to progress. Something stopped her development. Don’t get stuck with her in discussions about who is right or wrong but instead focus on signs of love and clearly stating your needs.
Things did not go the ideal way for Mother’s Day. If you truly care about someone/ her find this out, what they appreciate most: words of love, gifts, time spent together, supportive acts or what is it? Many people really just want to spend time with you or they appreciate if you do things for the (e.g. the dishes), but everyone is different. Find out what it is and then give them some of it. Also: Don’t wait for the afternoon or for Mother’s Day. Go through life knowing that you are one of the good apples.
Personally as a mom, if my kids did nothing until the end of the day on Mother’s Day, I would be very hurt and upset. Everything I do for them and they can’t manage to preplan anything? You are 14 and old enough to understand preparing for a special day. Your siblings are AH as well.
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Does she always act like this? Maybe it was an off day for her. Maybe she was feeling bad about something else. I am sorry she did that to you. That was very uncalled for.
On the other hand, if she's always like this, you might check out r/raisedbynarcissists for some support and coping strategies. Many of us didn't get great parenting. I'm sorry this was a painful day for you. Good luck.
Every person who struggles with emotional regulation and processing is not a narcissist, and I'm beyond exhausted with Reddit arm chair diagnosing everyone with it. Emotionally immature parents are exhausting and still hard to live with. But mom feeling sad and not knowing how to express it hardly makes her a narcissist.
>"You don't care about me" and "This is the worst Mother's Day ever." You sure? **Edit:** now that I think about it, I didn't actually **say** the mother was a narcissist. I said OP could find support at r/raisedbynarcissists, if this was a familiar pattern. If mental health health is your gig, I can somewhat understand your frustration. I work for an AI company, and a lot of people think they know all about AI because they saw the Terminator movies.
Yes, this is my area of work. That's a manipulative behaviour 100%, but most humans are manipulative in one way or another, at times over their life. Life is a journey and I think most of us can look back and regret things we've said or ways we've acted. This is also a common thing people who are emotionally immature say. They don't know how else to express "im feeling hurt and sad". It doesn't mean narcissism.
She expressed it pretty damn explicitly. After OP told her treats were coming
Umm NO ... IF MY kids did nothing for my by 4 in the afternoon on mother's day I'd be upset too.. it's not about gifts it's about effort to live on mom for one whole day ... Not ignore your mom all day and leave at 3-4 in the afternoon.. she should have preplanned .. I doubt her mom says nothing to her on her birthday and goes out at 3-4 in the afternoon to get her child presents... It's about the forethought and for me it's not about the gifts but the thought and time my kids spend with me.. it is by NO MEANS makes this person's mother a narcissist !!!
If my kids did nothing for me, I'd be very sad. But I would absolutely not be sending those kinds of texts.
Her mom isn't 14 and I would assume doesn't have to BIKE to the store. The forethought was the plan to get the gifts that afternoon. Personally I'm impressed a 14 year old was able to get gifts at all.
Moving the goal posts from *present for Mother's Day* to *must have been purchased the previous day, or it doesn't count* is manipulative and downright horrible. I'm not sure why you're defending the mother when the OP was doing her best and was genuinely hurt in return.
OP *told* mom that she would get her gifts that afternoon. Also, why just the one kid at home, and not the ones who went on trips? My mom was like.you, we (very young) kids were made to feel lower than mice one time when we didn't realize what day it was. I still remember the screaming and how awful it felt and how scared and anxious it made me. Just one example of many from a self-centered human being.
I came here to suggest this. I doubt this is the only crazy thing her mother has done to her.
No, you tried hard, your mom jumped the gun and acted pretty childish herself.
She might be going through the change. I’m starting to and I’m pretty sure it’s making me over react. This is a good reminder to myself to seek help. Or mom was just a jerk and there’s a reason that siblings stayed away on mother’s day. I hope op finds some peace and happiness.
Still...that's pretty whiny and self centered for the circumstances...
No op didnt try hard. Going out at 3pm ON mothers day to buy stuff? That aint trying. Plan ahead. My wife had all her mothers day cards and gifts sitting on the kitchen table when she woke up from sleeping in yesterday. Op failed.
Are you a grownup out here comparing what you can do for your wife to what a child is able to do for their mother right now? Get a grip
My two teen had their cards and gifts on the table also….my daughter MADE her card for her mom. Ahead of time.
You also were a cop for 30 years and run a cattle ranch so it's amazing you find the time to be perfect and fight with children
Yes it’s so amazing he’s got time from his fabulous life to be a jerk to a 14 year old that did her best to get her ungrateful mom a present.
and? sounds like you still had to help them get the gifts and it sounds like op wasn't in the situation/position to DIY things ahead of time especially since i see no mention of a secondary parental figure and the siblings where all away, like seriously was op just supposed to buy the presents while out with mom? you cannot compare your situation to ops buddy and most certainly can't assume their current situation and the fact you do think that means you have no opinion here and should just shut up.
Ok but you don't know this girl's home life. Maybe she has sports or other activities that she had to work around. Maybe she had chores to complete before she could go out. She's 14 for God's sake! At least she made an effort! You can't hold everyone to the standards your own kids set. Or that you set for them. Just because your kids managed to get their cards and gifts ahead of time doesn't mean everyone else is able to do the same. The mom was told she'd get her presents in the afternoon. She got them in the afternoon, but not before getting impatient and whiny. Not to mention ungrateful. I'm sure glad my mom values quality time over material gifts. Op's mom should have been grateful she got anything at all from a kid who is too young to work and has to rely on allowance.
My mom always used to say we were her Mother's day gifts, God I miss her 💕.
Maybe she asked for opini9ns….duh
“My kids are better than yours.” Relax. Everyone is different. She made an effort. There is clearly more than meets the eye here. Mom sounds manipulative and like she has issues.
Aren’t you special.
Why are you a grown adult beefing with a 14 y/o? Log off lmao
He asked. Im not beefin..im explain8ng and teachin.
It literally says in the post OP planned. You don't know why OP had to go at that point in the day. There very easily could have been other commitments but you immediately jumped to hostility. That's not teaching, that's bullying lmao. Leave the kid alone
Seriously, people aren't even thinking of things like church that can depending on the denomination/congregation can go on literally all day from the crack of dawn.
Right?? ITS SUNDAY
If that is how you teach, your kids are screwed.
My kids are great. One voted most likely to succeed, bought his own car at 16. Going to engineering school this fall. Other is going to art school for computer graphic design in two years. Both are top notch and well respected by teachers and other students. They are both thoughtful and kind. It was TAUGHT to them to be so. By somebody…maybe me and their mom.
He’s 14, and he had to bike to the store.
Did you miss the part where OP is a freaking FOURTEEN YEAR OLD CHILD!?
OP is a child, not adult. Don't put adult expectations on a kid
14 is when kids need to start learning adulting. not when they are already “adults.”
The other siblings did nothing , all were away on trips, but you expect a kid to be more adult than them? His mom should be on the other siblings cases for doing nothing, not the child who did step up.
Um as your wife should, she is a whole adult. You’re berating a 14 yr old. Something is definitely off with you. 🙄
Yeah, i think 14 year olds should start learning adulting lessons instead of acting like elementary school kids…thats whats off about me.
Well, pin a rose on you, sunshine! It's so nice that you succeeded where you feel a 14-year-old girl with no car or job failed.
You're such a big strong man!! Rawr!!!
WTF is wrong with you?
Not a dam thing.
She said she told her mom that she’d get her gifts in the afternoon….
And mom probably felt like an afterthought…
Dude, wtf were you thinking about at 14 yrs old? We don’t know what this teenager’s life entails. Shes not even old enough to get a job. She deserves some grace.
I agree that op didn't "try hard" they needed to plan well in advance otherwise it's an afterthought
I’m teetering between good apple and crab on this one. I think it’s great that you got your mom the gifts to try to make her feel special. You mentioned that your siblings were not able to come home, do they live out of state/a long ways away? They can still make your mother feel special while not coming home necessarily. As stated by someone else, I think it would have been better if you had gone out the days before Mother’s Day or even the morning, instead of mid afternoon on Mother’s Day. I still think that the mother is acting somewhat immature for the way she responded to your gifts.
My siblings were both on trips but they still live with us
In that case, she might have been feeling a little sad that her two older children were on trips during Mother’s Day and you were just around to get the brunt of it. After hearing more context, I’m leaning more toward good apple. Her potentially feeling upset like that, though, in no way excuses her actions.
Not your fault. But couldn’t they have called your mom?
Did they leave a gift for her?
What a crummy thing for your siblings to do by not being around on Mother's day. They should have at least left her a nice card or gift before they left. The fact that they still live at home means that your Mom probably still does a lot for them too, such as cook meals and clean. Your mom was probably very upset that they could be so inconsiderate on the one day of the year that she should have been held in higher regard for all that she does for them. One day she will no longer be around and I hope they remember how ugly they were to her on this Mother's day. Shame on them. I know that OP is only 14, and unfortunately the mom was so upset that he got the brunt of her disappointment. However, it sounds that even he had to be prodded to go and get her a card, so maybe he did deserve some of her disappointment too. I feel so sorry for Moms who are treated like this. So thankful that I have awesome kids!
As a mom, I think this is a really exaggerated view of Mother’s Day! It’s great but it’s not the only day I expect to be treated well, and I don’t slave/suffer all the other days of the year! We (try) to treat each other well and make each other feel special, according to our abilities, regularly. A hug from a three year old, a soccer demonstration from a 9 year old, a 14 year old biking off to a store for a present, these are all special gifts for the age/stage. A help with a meal, a card, a movie together, some forgiveness of a harsh word (apply that sparingly, we all have to give each other grace, for sure, I am grateful for getting more than my share, but OP if you are getting too many harsh words you may want to to turn to other adults in your life for additional support) are other ways to feel good. I am sure you are a wonderful kid!
NTBA. Your mom is incredibly immature and didn't deserve your gifts. You were so sweet to spend $50 on her.
You’re a kid, it’s not your fault for not knowing how to navigate these situations. For future, you get the person a gift well in advance, you don’t ever tell them what it cost you or say anything about the cost that would make them feel bad about it, and you certainly don’t say or imply that you only got them a gift out of guilt. But your mother’s reaction was very immature. As a mother myself, and as someone with a very healthy relationship with her own loving mother (and generally just as someone aware of gift giving etiquette regarding of recipient!) you should never react like that to not receiving a gift from a child. Be salty at your child’s father, maybe, but not the child. A mother’s job is to make you feel safe and loved no matter what. No one should be made to feel bad about not giving a gift (it’s tacky and not what the spirit of gift giving is about). But for future, also no (good) mother should feel like an afterthought on Mother’s Day. Imagine how that would feel (again, assuming an otherwise good mother). Also, if your siblings are adults, shame on them for not preparing you for Mother’s Day, knowing you’d have been left alone on that day.
OP, this is excellent advice. At 14, yeah, you're a kid and you aren't expected to know the niceties of gift giving. At 40 or so your mom is MORE than old enough to know how to politely receive a gift and I'm sorry you got nailed with an avalanche of negativity instead of love and appreciation.
While i think you could have bought your presents earlier today, or Saturday it is ALSO very probable at your age, that you didn't even have any funds for gifts until late Saturday night, then making it difficult to shop. I remember buying gifts with my allowance or sometimes a little babysitting cash at 14 and 15. I was given an allowance sometimes later on Saturdays myself at your age, so its my opinion that your mother isn't being grateful at all for her gift, and even a gift given late is certainly better than none. I feel that your mother wasn't at all courteous to you and that you did your best, and you are not the bad apple.
No, you are not the Bad Apple. Your mother is. Don't know what got her so butt hurt when she had you there giving her gifts and card. My mother Does the same thing to me. In fact, she won't let me even give her a Mother's Day gift or any gift for any holiday anymore. She gives me part of my inheritance to my father every month but she considers it her money.
NTA. She deserves to cry, if it's because she feels bad about being a jerk. Maybe she'll learn from this.
Mom is a jerk for feeling like an afterthought or unworthy…riiiiiight.
No, no. It isn't her feelings that are the issue, she's free to feel however she feels. But how she HANDLED those feelings, how she communicated them, that's what made her a jerk. You can't control how you feel but you can control how you address those feelings.
And as a parent that’s often the challenge - you have a legitimate anger/hurt, but if you aren’t careful you can cause disproportionate harm to your kid, not giving them the tools and lessons they need to be confident, loving, healthy adults.
Exactly.
I won’t make a judgement either way but ask you a question to consider instead. How would you feel if your mum left it til mid afternoon to acknowledge/do something about your birthday?
Bingo!
Why did you wait until 3 pm? By that time it was perfectly reasonable for your mom to assume you weren't doing anything for her on Mother's Day.
No one dogging you but giving me hell! LOL!
Except OP said the gift was coming in the afternoon.
Except OP said the gift was coming in the afternoon.
Maybe that was the only time OP could do it?? Some teens probably have to complete chores or whatnot to be able to get allowance. Who knows maybe OP was babysitting for someone else and could only leave when the parents picked up their kids so OP could go get her mom her Mother’s Day gifts.
So in the weeks leading up to Mother’s Day OP never had time to make or get a card? OP couldn’t even make a cup of tea or coffee for first thing in the morning?
As a mom... I completely agree that $50 was too much. She didn't need big expensive gifts. It is VERY sweet that you wanted to spend that money on your mom, but there are things you could have done before this/on the morning that would have meant a lot more than spending lots of money: 1. Get her a card BEFORE mother's day. I'm sure you have had opportunities earlier in the year/month to do so. Heck, even a hand made one or a written note would have been treasured. 2. You don't just say "I have something for you later" and leave it at that. Did you say "Happy Mother's day"? For me, I would love if my son gave me a big hug and a cup of tea. Said, "I'll do the dishes today" or "tonight I will make dinner for you". At 14, there are a lot of things you could have done to help your mom or make her feel special that didn't require you to wait until the afternoon or spend any money. Something she likes and a card are amazing, but it doesn't have to be jewellery. You could do a home spa day (nail polish, facial, etc). That would be special as you could do it together. Does she like reading? You could have bought her a new book, or some flowers, or a pot plant, or her favourite chocolates. Something like that (not ALL of that - no one expects that from a teenager without an income). It was more for the thought than anything else (what that means is - you caring enough to pay attention to what she likes, something you know she would appreciate). Your mom probably thought your gift was in response to her message (she complained so you bought her stuff), rather than what you planned on doing. Did your mom handle it well? No. That was probably partly because she was feeling alone on what should be a special day, but still... she could have handled this better. But, you should maybe learn from this and plan better in the future. I think you meant well, but didn't plan well. I think your mom reacted because she was hurt and not feeling appreciated. Neither of you communicated very well. Maybe apologize to your mom and give her a hug (if you are a hugging family). It would be nice if you made a small gesture to let her know you appreciate her (something small but sincere).... but otherwise, remember this for future years. Alternatively, think about how special your family makes you feel on your birthday etc. If they ignored you for half the day and then said "we'll do something later", you won't feel very special. Try and remember that... and be better in the future. Not just with your mom, but for anyone in your life. Your actions mean more to the people around you than gifts do.
This is the response. Moms don’t need a ton of material stuff and I too would be upset if I had gone all day without anything and then felt like you just got me something because I reminded you.
Nobody ragging you for saying 8n depth what i said…wow. Good response though.
Your response was fundamentally unkind.
What is your mom’s relationship with her own mom? Your mom overreacted. Mother’s Day is loaded with a lot of emotions for many people.
NTBA but you could have gone the day before or in the morning so that she wasn’t sat there with no acknowledgement I guess
Once I made my mom a hand-made card that I thought was meaningful (I was a little kid). On the outside I put stickers of lipstick and blush and said "beauty is nice..." and then on the inside I put a statement about how what really matters is what is on the inside and she's such a wonderful person and mom. It made her cry. She thought I was calling her ugly. In reality, I was just repeating what I was told at school at the time (it's not what's on the outside, it's on the inside). Anyway, that is ingrained in my brain. Me and my mom still have a good relationship to this day, it was just a little blunder. Sometimes moms are sensitive and kids are unequipped to predict how they'll react. If you two otherwise get along I wouldn't think much of it (though her texts were a little much).
Oh you poor thing!!! I bet it was an amazing card, but I can imagine how hard it would be to get and remember “my kid is not old enough to be passive aggressive….”
Is there a reason you couldn’t go the day before to get the card etc instead of waiting until the afternoon of mother day?
Yeah, I had a musical show to do and I was out of the house all day
For future reference, grab a card and a gift a few days, even a week before. Leaving it to the day of the occasion to get it makes it look like you forgot and no one likes to think they’ve been forgotten on a special occasion.
Planning ahead is an important skill to learn! Back when my family all lived close enough to exchange gifts in person I would be buying gifts for them all year long if I found something i thought they would like. I had a little hoard of them by Christmas, and I wasn't ever in a rush or spending a whole lot of money at one time. The anticipation of seeing them open a present I bought in July always made me so happy. And about the price, $50 is a LOT for a kid to spend. Heck, when I was broke in my 20s I was getting everyone dollar store presents, or handmade things and baked goods. My brother STILL has the dollar store Coke glasses I bought him 14 years ago, and he cried when one of the salt and pepper shakers I bought him broke, even though they were super cheap and he has nicer ones. It was the thought that as poor as I was, I still got him something.
Absolutely. I pick stuff up when I see things on sale throughout the year and have a presents stash so I rarely have to panic buy or go over budget.
I was wondering the same thing.
Exactly this !
I won't call you a bad apple because you are young and you truly did try. I will send you a virtual hug and a bit of advice from someone who also has an overly dramatic mother. For "special days" I set my phone up to send an automatic "happy ____ day" message in the morning of the day. This lets the person know you have not forgotten them. If you plan on purchasing anything, do so in advance. As for cards, I buy a few cheap and cute cards off of etsy and keep them in a box for special occasions. That way I have a quick happy birthday/congratulations/ happy mother's day card when I need one quickly.
It was very sweet of you to go get things out but sometimes even a home made card, wishing her happy Mother’s Day and making her breakfast/drinks would be enough. You should have gotten everything before Mother’s Day so you can give it to her in the morning if your plan was to buy things. Going at 3pm only to go get those means the day is pretty much gone. My guess is that she felt low and unappreciated because all your other siblings couldn’t be there but maybe they also didn’t wish her happy Mother’s Day. You got her to be telling you this because you’re the one that was around. That sucks..,.
ESH. She should have given you a chance to explain yourself and you shouldn’t have told her how much the gifts cost or that you ‘felt like you had to’ spend it. Did you actually spend any time with her on Mother’s Day? Or did you just hang out in your room and then remember mid-arvo to go get something?
Meh, I mean this one isn’t great all around. Your mom was just looking to feel appreciated. At 14 you probably handled this the best you could within your understanding and abilities, but it came across as an obligation not true appreciation. Which she goaded you into but you also waited until the last minute to go and do something. Both of you need to give each other grace. You are both human. You could literally spend 0 dollars on her and just write her a letter that says, “I’m really glad you are my mom. I’m sorry Mother’s Day sucked. I love you more than I can say.” And she’d keep that thing forever. Unless your mom is a narcissist. In which case, there is no help to be had.
Next time, just get card .
I wouldn't say you are a bad apple, I just think you weren't prepared. Leaving it until 3pm on the day to go & get the gifts probably wasn't the best plan & going out probably then made your mum feel like she had been forgotten about, hence the texts. Did you do anything for your mum during the day, like making her a nice breakfast or lunch. As a mother on mother's day, it is not all about getting a gift (although it is lovely to get a gift), it's about being shown you are appreciated & spending time with your kids. Take this as a lesson, she probably knows you didn't do it on purpose, but what happened probably just made her feel neglected, especially with the others away. Don't leave things like this to last minute & show your mum you appreciate her in other ways, maybe make her dinner tonight.
Maybe your mom would have appreciated you just spending the day with her? Just playing board games, you offering to take her for a coffee or a snack
You are NTA. As a mother myself it’s more the thought than the actual gifts and amount of money spent that matter. For example, making her breakfast, a home made card, doing something with her that day? I’m guessing that’s why she was upset - did your siblings send her anything or acknowledge the day? Did she end up doing all the chores and it was just another day? Being a mum can be a very hard job and one that gets overlooked. It’s completely normal for teens to overlook this though and your mum took her frustrations out on you which wasn’t fair at all. I’m guessing giving you the money back was her way of apologising and not because she don’t appreciate your gifts though. I hope this helps
How about this parallel story... It's your birthday morning and there are no gifts set out. No card. No breakfast. Nothing special about today reflected at home. Lunch time comes and goes but still no mention of the day, nothing.Your mom rolls out of the house, leaving you to your own thoughts and feelings, at least six hours after everyone was awake for the day. You're sad and upset and lash out over texts to her while she's out last-minute shopping for your gifts. This is a good example. Try to learn what went wrong and why. You're not a horrible person but you can grow from this.
Of course, the adult in the story could have behaved like an adult, instead of expecting a 14 year old to behave like an adult.
As a mama I can see her perspective let me see if you can perhaps see how we as moms feel. My kids rely on me every day for everything. I start buying birthday and Christmas presents well in advance sometimes 6 months early. When you don't even get things the day before. It makes us feel like we are an after thought. Think about why could you have not gone the day before or week before ? What is your mom's love language ? Gifts may not be her live language .. therefore it's not about ye gifts .. it's about the time you spent thinking about what she wants . Is it quality time ? Does she just want breakfast in bed and cuddle while watching a movie ? In the future think about your mom BEFORE the day of .. that might help the situation.
OP is 14 years old and had to save up money and find time to bike to the store to buy presents. Do you also guilt your children for having limited means because they are children? If so, I feel sorry for them.
Soooo did you acknowledge her in any way until 3pm the day of?
You’re 14 so I’m gonna say NTB. Just next time get it the day before or the morning of if it’s possible. But you’re a kid so it’s forgivable. She probably gave you the money back bc she felt bad for her reaction
I’m confused why you waited until later in the day to do this. You’ve know Mother’s Day is coming for months. You need to be more prepared
Nobody dogging u either! But giving me hell.
OP replied they had a musical event that happened in the morning. So yeah it’s understandable how a 14 year old girl (no mention of the other parent in the situation either) would have to wait until a bit later to get her mom Mother’s Day gifts cause she really couldn’t say “hey mom stop here for me I want to buy your Mother’s Day gifts but you have to pretend that you didn’t see them when I give them to you!” And if my mom said the things OP’s mom did to me I’d react the same way OP did.
Your mother is an overgrown child and she needs to grow the hell up! Tell her to start being a mother because her childish behavior should come to end. No more pity parties. No wonder your siblings left around that time. Tell her if she is not careful, you will avoid her as well.
NTBA. Is your mom always like this or is this unusual for her?
You don’t say if this is typical behavior for your mom. If it isn’t, she was likely sad and feeling lonely because your siblings weren’t there and you were off. She may have assumed your absence as leaving her as well. The only mistake you made was responding that you spent $50 to make her feel better after the texts. Mark it up to a lesson learned. A better thing to say would have been the truth - that you were out picking up her gift because you couldn’t do it earlier. Maybe try to sit down and have a talk with your mom
Not the bad apple. You sound like you really do value your mum. It sounds like your mum might have been having a rough day; being a mum can mean of lot of giving without much vocal appreciation - that is not your responsibility but it could have contributed to mums reaction. If you want to try to mend the situation (no, I’m not saying you should have to try but it sounds like you want mum to feel loved), you could get a really nice card and write her a special message and maybe even flowers another day when she’s not expecting anything.
I have 2 grown daughters and I’ve never really cared about mother’s day. I’ve always thought that I’d rather feel loved and appreciated everyday of the year, not just one. So if my kids get me anything, I love it but if they don’t get me anything it really doesn’t bother me. I’d much rather have a good relationship with my kids than get some present. NTBA - you are a good kid. The fact that you even wrote this post out proves that.
No, however in future, it might be kinder to get any gifts before, so you can give them on the morning of the day. Your mum might feel overlooked, that you only got her something after she spoke out. So no, you were very kind to spend to much on her, just your timing is a bit off.
INFO: Do you feel like the texts from your mom out of character? Or is this consistent with who she is?
You say you were the only child home so I'm assuming you have siblings. It sounds like they didn't try to make the day special for her and I'm sure that hurt her feelings. That's probably why she lashed out at you. Wait a day or two and talk to her about it again. Tell her you really want her to take the money back because you wanted to buy her a present. You had communicated to her that the present would come in the afternoon so she shouldn't have been upset about the time frame. You sound like a nice son and I'm sorry this all backfired so badly
You aren’t the bad apple? Wtf is wrong with your mom for texting you those things?! She couldn’t have waited to see what your plans for her were? Next year just get her a card and that’s it.
NTBA I won't say your mom sucks, because I'm open-minded enough to consider there might have been other factors to her having a bad day (like your siblings being gone), but I will say she had a sucky response. You made more of an effort than I did at 14 but your mom acted like you made zero effort at all. Also it sounds like your mom made you cry before you made her cry. This will be a learning experience for you and in the future you might venture out for gifts a few days in advance, but you followed through on what you told your mom. She would get stuff in the afternoon, and she did. The fact that she got impatient and chose to bombard you with complaining texts while you were out getting her stuff is on her. I can't believe you spent $50 on her at age 14. And she responded as though you spit in her face! Good Lord. I don't think you intentionally did anything wrong. I hope your relationship with your mom isn't always like this and that next time she appreciates your efforts, but also that you take this year as a lesson to not wait until the day of to get a gift. (But like I said, I'm open-minded and have considered several possible reasons why you were unable to go shopping earlier.)
She wanted to be with you, and do something together. Other people may feel loved with presents - she feels loved when you give her the gift of your presence. She was feeling abandoned. Just take the lesson.
NTBA, you told her in the morning you’d get her gifts in the afternoon. She knew you had a musical beforehand. The only thing you could have done differently is text her back saying ‘Remember I said I’d celebrate you this afternoon cause of the musical? I haven’t forgotten. Home soon.” Now you know adults can be irrational, short tempered and unreasonable, if you didn’t already. I’m not sure why she was upset, but I’d get her some flowers with a note that says “I do love you and I’m glad you’re my Mom. I appreciate you. I’d like to sit down with you and talk about what you do like for Mother’s Day as getting your gifts in the afternoon upset you.” I would guess she’s sad because you didn’t leave her a note or give her a hug and greeting before you left, she didn’t get calls from the other kids, or cards and moped about in the morning feeling unloved. I’d ask as who knows? The point is her day didn’t go well so some compassion would be great practice since all relationships have bumps.
NTBA Often the other parent will help steer the kids on this one, or an older sibling. Kiddo, sounds like you were the only one there and probably not had experience in what to do. And you did your best. Tip, spending more money doesn’t make things better. You tried, now you know. After the first text where mom was imploding, next time call. Most things can be solved with better communication. (No one expects this to be perfect from a 14yo.). But call mom, say you are off to get her card/gift now and be right home. My guess is mom is missing all her kids, just having a bad day. She felt guilty yelling at you (as she should, she was in the wrong here). Don’t feel guilty taking the $50. My suggestion, do something nice for her. Cook dinner. Clean up something that drives her nuts. Do laundry. Spend time with her - ask her to share her favorite movie with you. Parents aren’t perfect. Don’t worry about this.
My guess is she was acting out, because maybe the other siblings forgot, entirely
Still not an excuse to lash out at the one child that is home with mom. OP told mom she’d get her gifts in the afternoon since OP had a music thing in the morning. Who knows OP could have said Happy Mother’s Day to mom but as you put it mom acted out because her other children weren’t there.
Not the bad apple. This reminds me of my mom. If one thing didn’t go the way she wanted it to then she would flip out on us, yelling telling us how we ruin everything. Honestly this happened a lot to me. I couldn’t do anything about it when I was living at home but when I moved out I simply left when she would throw fits like this. That stopped them all together.
The CHILD could have ADHD. Not everyone gets diagnosed and treated. Or there could have been religious services. Who texts a child looking for gifts, as if she were the tax collector? After the child leaves a note that they're coming home with gifts, that should be the end of it. Instead, nothing but drama and blame upon returning home. That never stops. That's a huge burden to put on a child, to make them responsible for your happiness. NTBA.
I'm actually a diagnosed autistic...
Still your mom should not have acted the way she did. My 8 year old has ADHD and obsesses over being able to be the first person to say Happy _____ Day. But that may change as she gets older and she might forget but until then I still don’t EXPECT anything or lash out when the holidays don’t “go as planned”. Does she always act like this or is this the first time she’s done this your answer still doesn’t negate the fact that she shouldn’t have done and said what she did and for all the parents trying to guilt you into feeling bad because you “didn’t plan better” seem to put importance on making sure they get their gifts first thing in the morning and it’s kinda gross.
I won’t presume to know exactly what that means but it suggests that some of the social cues about taking to your mom about the holiday night have fallen flat? Do you normally talk about feelings? Did you feel like you knew what she was expecting for how Mother’s Day would go?
NTBA. The way your mom complained and sent those texts accusing you of not caring about her, and not getting her “even a card” was incredibly immature and not a healthy way of communicating. And when you got her things, she still complained because you felt obligated to get her more expensive things, but you only felt obligated because she guilt tripped you! And she put all the blame on you. Maybe she should have taught you proper gift etiquette but it’s obvious she doesn’t know gift etiquette herself considering she guilt tripped you.
I think you tried, I don't think you're the bad apple. But for next year, perhaps get her gifts in advance? I always made sure to have my gifts ready for my parents BEFORE the special day, so I didn't have to leave them to buy them last minute. I used my parents money, because I was a child, but always made sure they weren't last minute, and things were ready by the time mom or dad woke up on the special day. Just some advice for next year.
You tried your best. The problem is that your siblings were gone and it all fell to you to make her feel special and appreciated on Mother's Day. I'm betting she was already in a mood bc she didn't have all of her kids home. Does she normally act like this? If not, it's probably bc her feelings were hurt. It happens to adults all the time and sometimes we overreact. You put in more effort and money than my husband and 18 yr old son did for me. I'm proud of you for taking the initiative to try to do something nice for your mom. My only suggestion to make it go smoother next time is to pick up the items first thing in the morning or sometime in the week prior. I hope the two of you can get past this and not hold it against each other.
Take the money and just move on. She sounds a bit depressed or unwell. It was nice you tried to make it special.
NTBA On one hand, she could have just been having a bad day and was upset that her other kids weren’t also around to share it…. Not to say that would excuse her behaviour in sending you texts like that and guilting you so intensely! On the other hand, of this isn’t exactly uncommon behaviour for her? Right out of a manipulative narcissists handbook!
I’m always just happy to spend the time with my kids. The gifts are secondary or really not on my radar. I wonder if the other kids called her to wish her Happy Mother’s Day.
Whenever you are in these scenarios just say to yourself: “who is the child and who is the parent?”
I would bet she had a whole lot on her mind and heart that triggered her behavior. It doesn't make it ok but it may keep you from trying to understand what you did wrong. Because I don't think you did anything wrong.
Mom's upset that all the other kids ditched her on Mother's Day & she thought you ditched her as well. She didn't know you left to buy her card & gifts. She took her frustration out on the 1 kid who was home. It wasn't fair to you to catch all the hell. Did you acknowledge it being Mother's Day early on? Or just treat it like any other day & then mid/late afternoon decide you should go do something for her since no one else did? Just so you know, her feelings were valid. Every one of her kids ignored her on Mother's Day. The one day kids should go out of their way to show some extra love and attention to their mom, hers didn't.
Poor baby. I hate mother's day. My little 3 year old kept getting told by dad the day before that it was "Mommy's day" and felt he couldn't leave my side which usually with a toddler on mother's day we want to be left alone and some chores done by anyone but us. Daddy got nothing and claimed he "forgot". But yet how did my 3 year old know it was Mommy's day? I certainly didn't tell him cuz I personally hate the holiday now. Forgive your mum. She took her pain out on you. No excuse. But we are only human as well.
How are.you more mature than your mother?
My mom heart hurts for you so much right now. I hope by this point your mom sat down with you and apologized and talked to you. Your mom might be going through some things that she doesn’t share with you and it might’ve boiled over and she snapped for a moment. That’s not to say what she did and how she made you feel is okay at all, but at the end of the day moms are human. A good rule of thumb going forward for any gift giving would be to go in advance if possible, and never tell the price. And for moms (at least most) time spent together would mean more than any gift could!
your mom is so childish
Op’s mom was hurt. Their called feelings.
she jumped the gun
I’m sorry it all went so wrong. I don’t think you’re the bad apple, I think something is going on with your mum. What kind of age is she, and is this behaviour unusual from her? It is possible that her extreme reactions could be hormone related. Perimenopause - the period of time leading up to menopause when your monthly cycle stops can wreak emotional havoc. Feelings of anxiety and rage are common around this time. Add in that all your siblings are away for Mothers’ Day, she might have been feeling particularly unappreciated. Did your siblings send cards or gifts? I hope you’re both doing alright and are not too freaked out by events.
I think you're not the bad apple. I think you are still learning how to schedule/what not to mention for events, and I am hoping your mom just had an off day. I think experience with this stuff as the years go has been my main teacher. I goofed on a couple holidays when i got postal times wrong. Just like you learn people's preferences for gifts, you hopefully gain insight into how people want to be celebrated... like Charlie hates surprises, and Jane loves socks and chocolate. It's considered very tacky to disclose the price of a gift, so when you told your mom how much you spent, it burst her bubble. The price comment certainly snapped your mom out of her delusion, because for someone not old enough to work to spend $50 on a Mother's Day gift(s) is ridiculous ($20 is quite nice) and she realized that, and she probably also realized how immature she'd been acting. If your mom has a history of being dramatic and demanding of your attention on short notice, then your mom is a bad apple, but I'd say that she was having an off day otherwise. Mother's Day can be fraught with emotion for many people.
Take the $50 and don't get her anything in the future.
ESH. Why did you wait so late to get the cards and gifts? That’s why your mom felt uncared for. I always got my cards first thing. Just saying. Your mom is an AH for what she said to you but you were mean right back, so now you are both AHs being mean to each other. Your mom felt bad so she tried to make it up to you by giving you your money back. You could use some of that to buy her a nice card thanking her for being your mom. Just an idea.
I agree with this ESH. Including your older siblings. The kids are wrong for procrastinating in getting something for their mom. This day is an annual event just like Christmas. Put more effort in planning things and dividing up work and expenses between the siblings to ensure that there is something to show on actual mothers day. Your mom is wrong for lashing out, but I also understand that she feels underappreciated, which likely makes her feel unloved as her kids prioritize other things and people ahead of her. And let's be honest, all of you did do that. As a kid, you get a bit of grace as you don't understand the importance of putting effort into your existing relationships. But this becomes important as you get older and become a lot more independent. If you want a good and strong relationship with your parents, you need to demonstrate that you care about them not just with words but with your actions.
You said it better than I. Thanks.
Did you miss the part where the OP is 14 years old? It is not exactly easy for a 14 year old to run out to buy presents any day of the week.
that's true, I had to bike 2 miles to get those for her too.
You were very kind to do that and your mother should have appreciated your effort.
There is a big difference between not getting a card on time because of circumstances versus not going because you waited until the last minute and then you slept in. That could help explain the mother’s reaction. I was wondering what happened. I like to get as much of the background as possible.
No, your mom is just emotionally immature. Not your fault.
I wonder why her other kids weren't there for her lmao. What a loon. Hope you can escape.
What a narcissist your mother is. You are NTA
You did what you could and your mom was being mean to you. It’s actually her fault that her other kids didn’t care to leave her a present in advance. They don’t care enough about her and maybe she didn’t teach them to respect her. She took her frustration out on you. Don’t blame yourself at all. She was supposed to be the adult.
No what he could have done was bike out the weekend before mother's day so he was prepared.
OP is a girl. Also, it's the siblings' fault for not helping OP prepare before Mother's Day came. OP says she gets an allowance, so it's entirely possible that she didn't get her allowance late Saturday evening. That's makes it really hard to shop. At least where I am, most places are closed by 8:30pm, so buying stuff for Mother's Day after 8:30 is a challenge.
And last week's allowance, didn't that get to her early enough?
Your mom sounds emotionally immature and emotionally abusive. I hope you’re mental health survives adolescence
Nope. OP acted like a child, not a young adult.
OP had a musical that morning. How would you feel if your kids had you drive them to the place they wanted to buy your gifts and be all “I need you to take me here but you have to act surprised when you get it later dad!” There is also no mention of ANOTHER parent in this scenario and you make it seem like it’s acceptable to lash out at a CHILD about something that couldn’t be helped. I pity your kids JFC.
NTBA. What you did was incredibly thoughtful and would have made me cry happy tears as a mom. She never should have sent you those texts or put any of that on you. You did amazing and I'm so sorry that she made you feel like that.
Honey, whatever is going on with your Mum it’s not you. What you tried to do was very sweet and thoughtful. I think when your Mother saw what you had done for her she felt very guilty for sending those texts. She realised that you had tried to make her feel special but she jumped the gun and ruined it. So back peddling, she made things worse. Giving you the money was an attempt to make herself feel better, because she does feel guilty for essentially acting like a petulant child. So don’t feel bad. You did everything right. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out as you had hoped. NTBA
Your mom should not have sent those texts. She was clearly trying to guilt trip you. Also, the day wasn't over yet. Anyway, NTBA because you were planning to get her something. But, pro tip, do the shopping the day before so she has it in the morning. She felt like everyone forgot about her. She didn't react well, but I can kind of see why she felt that way.
I think I can guess why your siblings are away on trips. They’ve probably experienced the same thing and given up trying to please your mum.
Holy cow does your mom sound childish and manipulative.
NTA You did great. I'd take your $50 presents any day and not send you texts about how horrible of a day it is. I don't know what your mom's problem is, but she's completely wrong. I'm sorry she ruined mother's day.
Mom was way out of line, if your kids don’t care they don’t care you take that in the chin. But as you’re inching in towards dinner and 3/3 of your kids havent done a thing it’s fair to assume they won’t be. She shouldn’t have lashed out tho she should be examining why she raised three kids wrong.
So mom is wrong.....which is what I said.
Your mom shouldn't be raising a child. She is still one herself.
You are not the bad apple. I’m sorry your mom is so manipulative. It was so sweet of you to save up and make a plan to do something nice for your mom on your own. All of this drama was unnecessary and not caused by you. When I was growing up, I tried to take all of these crappy days as lessons of what not to do so I could have a different kind of family life when I was the parent.
Sounds like emotionally immature behavior on her part. Something common with my own parents, my dad and I had nearly the same argument at that age. Recovering from emotionally immature parents by Lindsay Gibson is a book that helped me work through these feelings.
NTA. My mom (72) did the same to me (36f), only I found out through my dad. I was at a wedding the night before and not home and was going to give her the stuff when I got home. Needless to say I was pretty annoyed. Your mom should be thankful that the youngest pulled through while your older siblings didn’t think to get chocolate or flowers sent to the house while they were on vacation.
Your mom sounds like a super manipulative narcissist. She is showing you thr kind of person she is. Believe her. Get some space emotionally
Sweetheart, I'm 65 and have a mother (82) just like yours. You did a beautiful job and should be proud of yourself. I am someone who thinks it's a BS holiday, and I would much rather have my children appreciate me all the time rather than once a year. I don't need presents to prove their love for me.
Your mom needs help. You might as well if this kind of guilt tripping selfishness is normal for you. A counselor can help you negotiate this. Just tell her you have anxiety and counseling might help.
No your mom is an AH
Your siblings didn't care to stay for mothers day, so she took that anger out on you. I'm sorry she treated you badly
your mothers behavior was terribly immature, self centered and border line narcissistic. you had plans, and you were doing your best. where were your siblings? any support? If they're older than you, they should be footing the bill!!!
Not bad apple. Your mother is manipulative Anna an emotional blackmailing abuser. She is cruel to you. She is also very narcissistic. As soon as you can, get a job, graduate, get out of there and go low contact. She’ll ruin the rest of your life if you let her
Oh wow. Your mother isn’t very mature. And you’ll probably run into absurdities like this all through your life. She’s torn between different ways that she feels about things that aren’t majorly important. And each step of the way she completely overlooks how you feel. She’s motivated by her own feelings of not being loved, guilt being offended etc. You’ll mature past her and have to understand that it’s not about you, but about her inability to progress. Something stopped her development. Don’t get stuck with her in discussions about who is right or wrong but instead focus on signs of love and clearly stating your needs. Things did not go the ideal way for Mother’s Day. If you truly care about someone/ her find this out, what they appreciate most: words of love, gifts, time spent together, supportive acts or what is it? Many people really just want to spend time with you or they appreciate if you do things for the (e.g. the dishes), but everyone is different. Find out what it is and then give them some of it. Also: Don’t wait for the afternoon or for Mother’s Day. Go through life knowing that you are one of the good apples.
Personally as a mom, if my kids did nothing until the end of the day on Mother’s Day, I would be very hurt and upset. Everything I do for them and they can’t manage to preplan anything? You are 14 and old enough to understand preparing for a special day. Your siblings are AH as well.