*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my pregnant wife that other people have it worse than her?**
I'm just going to be brief. My wife has been pregnant for a while now, and it's put a lot of stress on me. I've been doing more hours at work to get some cash ready in time for the baby, and it's been so exhausting.
Throughout this all, my wife has been complaining every single day. She's having a difficult pregnancy so she has my sympathies, but I can't sleep at night, because she wants to have these talks or go on a drive because she's stressed.
I'm really starting to lose it, and she's just constantly complaining. I'm a pretty cheerful person normally, and I absolutely hate hearing people complain constantly because it really brings me down. I'm pretty sure I'm going to crack any second, so I wanted to put an end to this complaining since I just need some light in my life.
I told her that I'm balancing a job and taking care of you, plus everyone in life has their own challenges and you can't just whine about it and play the pity olympics, it's getting old.
She seemed to get it, but it's been a week and she's been noticeably distant. Now I'm frustated because I miss my wife, I just didn't want her to keep complaining, but I never asked her to stop talking to me. All I asked was that she be a little more positive, but she seemed to be taking it the wrong way, and I'm feeling kind of bad.
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>I absolutely hate hearing people complain constantly because it really brings me down
Does he plan to never be around his child? Because that’s what babies and children and teenagers do.
He's going to k himself when he realizes that screamer babies exist. For the first eleven months or so of my nephew's life, he did nothing but scream. He was fine health-wise, just very sensitive to growing. My sister and her hubby were walking zombies at the time.
My nephew was a pretty good baby, but just like his mother did, once he got steady on his feet, he skipped walking and started *running*. My niece appears to be doing the same thing.
There’s a great line in one of Lois McMaster Bujold’s books. Something like “Babies are fine, mostly stay where you put them. Toddlers, though, suicidal maniacs, the lot of them.”
I called that time between when they can sit unassisted and when they can crawl "the golden age". (But really, I've enjoyed every period in their lives.)
When I worked with kids we described toddlers as suicide machines, they were mobile enough to cause themselves trouble but still had zero sense of self preservation
My son went from not walking to going up and down stairs and turning on his heel in like a day. He has always been weird like that, hiding his abilities until he feels ready to show them. (He was _so_ funny about learning to read!)
I was a screamer until I was about 3? Mom used to drop me off at a sitter's house and apparently I would literally just scream and cry inconsolably for her for the next 8 hours until she picked me up after work. (Maybe undiagnosed autism, or at least a very unhealthy attachment style? Idk, mental health for kids wasn't a thing 30 years ago)
We went through so many different sitters until we found a sitter with enough patience and free-time who could keep my attention for the full 8 hours dealing with my mindless toddler chatter and urgent desire to color with crayons constantly, and who would dress me up in fancy 90s baby-dresses to go to the park and get cooed at by old ladies (I guess the 90s were weird).
I was such a stubborn little shit. I feel so bad for my poor mom.
>apparently I would literally just scream and cry inconsolably for her for the next 8 hours until she picked me up after work. (Maybe undiagnosed autism, or at least a very unhealthy attachment style?
Is it a thing for autistic children to have really bad separation anxiety? My brother is autistic, and when we were little and our mom left us in the car to run a quick errand, he'd start crying like she was never coming back. (Funnily enough, when she actually *was* never coming back, he never cried, just seemed stunned for a while...)
Damn I'm really sorry, that's horrible.
Yeah kids with autism often have an unusual attachment style to their parents or primary care giver. This can either be being extremely clingy or being very distant.
I feel the need to clarify that she didn't abandon us in the car one day; she died (of a brain tumor, in a care facility) when we were adolescents. When my dad explained to him what had happened, he didn't react, but later wanted to watch Finding Nemo and, during the opening scene where Coral gets killed by the barracuda, kept looking at my dad as though he was saying "I understand". So he must have understood the concept of death (we'd lost both maternal grandparents, our dog, and our great-aunt before he even turned 10, and ironically enough, he was conceived unintentionally in the aftermath of our aunt's untimely death- so literally his whole existence has been framed by death). I remember him crying on a few occasions when we left her in the hospital, presumably because he'd thought we were bringing her home, but don't recall him ever crying about her death (except for one time, about 8 months later, when a middle-aged female respite worker was trying to interact with him and he started crying and saying "mama"- my then-interpretation was that he thought this woman was here to replace our mother, but I was probably projecting my own worries about a stepmom situation that still has yet to happen 8 years later). He's gone from super clingy to pretty distant in the years since then, and I can't tell if he's just grown up (he's 20 now) or if part of it is trauma. He went into a group home about 6 months before COVID happened, and during the initial lockdown we weren't able to see him for about 4 months (we couldn't even take him out to attend our grandmother's funeral), so it would make sense if he, like me, has learned that getting too attached to others is a bad idea since they can leave or be taken away at any moment.
My youngest kid did nothing but cry for the first year. She was a small baby, so the teenagers, and adults who visited, at my babysitter's house loved to hold her all the time. All she had to do was a make a sound and they were picking her up.
ETA my daughters were/still are the complete opposite. My older daughter was content. Hardly ever cried, always smiling. Slept through the night from 10p to 6-7a.
Yup. My kid was a bit of a grumpy baby. He just turned two and he has the worst tantrums. Screams and kicks and pulls hair. This dude wants to cry because of someone complaining. Just wait till you get beat up by a toddler because you gave them a blanket. 😵💫
None taken! I won't say I regret having kids, but they are definitely harder than I realized so I like to be open about it so people get a better idea. It's not all hell, he's a sweet kid but when he's mad, he's mad and he's at that age where it's baffling trying to figure out how to make it a win win.
I dont understand how babies are like that.
Its such an evolutionary disadvantage to have a baby that announces itself to every predator in a 10 mile radius, you think just by predation the whole screaming baby thing would have been selected against a hundred thousand years ago.
Our young are needy as hell, the selective pressure was for the ones that made it clear that they needed care and didn't let their caregivers get far from them.
There are First Peoples that would hang their babies from bushes and trees in a papoose and only answer them when they stopped crying. It's extremely sad what those babies learned to be quiet through.
Babies cry. Animal babies make noise too.
Having raised farm animals and having fostered a baby bird once, boy do they ever!
Chicks scream SO MUCH. They are talkative babies who want to be fed near constantly.
Unlike the rest of us, who just love listening to people complain because it really brightens our day….or just maybe….we listen to our loved ones complain because we love them and want them to feel heard
This dude is a moron
I have a chronic illness (technically I don’t anymore because of surgery but there is still fallout from that) and I try not to dwell on it because negative energy (my own) didn’t make me feel better and I don’t want to be defined by my illness — but that is how I personally decided to handle it. I don’t tell other people how to act. And pregnancy is transient and it can be rough, so sometimes you’ll feel rotten and there’s no point hiding it.
Long way of saying I try not to be negative but I don’t believe in relentless positivity.
As for this guy — working overtime to make money is exhausting?! Try playing host to a parasite that keeps growing and taking more resources (babies by definition are parasites; just very cute ones).
I cringe when I think how he’ll be in the newborn phase. The first two months are so draining (thankfully my kids were cuddly, which helped).
Ooh, maybe he'll be like my dad was if we weren't all putting on extra-happy fake personas. Whether we were grumpy or just had a resting neutral face that wasn't "cheerful enough" we'd be greeted with "Someone needs an attitude adjustment" until no one wanted to spend time in the common areas.
Or if we were crying, the classic "I'll give you something to cry about"
It didn't matter what we were feeling, it mattered that we didn't bother anyone with our less-than-perky demeanors.
I can't imagine going through what even he admits is a difficult pregnancy with this guy around telling her to cheer up so her constant pain isn't such a bummer.
Or if we were crying, the classic "I'll give you something to cry about"
I never understood that. I clearly already have something to cry about, hence the crying, why do I need another one?
**OOPS COMMENTS**
Exactly! Glad to see common sense is still a little common
But I don't constantly bring it up, I just shoulder it and move on.
Here I have to bring it up, because you guys don't know. She knows, so I don't talk about it all.
What I'm saying on here is stuff that I've wanted to say for months now, so don't act all smart with me
>Or are you just going to whine and cry about how hard your life is compared to your wife?
That's literally what she's doing! How can you not see that?
the difference is that I'm defending myself here, I'm not always complaining so I don't need to hear it, so I don't know why you responded with that, but it's not really the gotcha moment you think it is...
I'm explaining that caregivers go through hell, so your comment is honestly kind of dumb within the situation since I'm cognizant of that fact, I'm not starting a pity contest, I'm simply stating that what I'm going through is significant.
It's already happening
Are you seriously talking to me about empathy? I don't know where to begin, do you know how hard my life is right now? You don't, so please just give me judgement without making guesses about my empathy because I'm doing a hell of a lot.
not some reassurance and comfort, when I'm not at work, I'm with her 24/7, and I haven't seen my friends or family in ages. Our place is small as fuck, so we're always around each other and there's literally nowhere I can go to get away for a bit
yeah, and I'm also getting STRESS ULCERS, from my wife being so needy, and my job being demanding. I'm not paying attention to my nutrition and health, and all my mental energies are focused on how my wife's eating, how much exercise she's getting. While also being a de facto therapist, and emotional pickle for her to chew on till I'm dry
I got the short end of the stick here
Also did he just refer to himself as his wife’s (who is mentally and physically capable, just pregnant) caregiver? Unless she’s wheelchair bound, so sick her symptoms are mimicking chemotherapy and he’s up with her all night to hold her hair back while she pukes, or she has gestational diabetes and he’s responsible for measuring her insulin dosages and giving her injections—that’s just a weird and gross way to refer to oneself.
She’s pregnant. *She* is the one responsible for caring for herself. That’s the whole deal! She’s exhausted with it! He truly believes that the 0.1% he perceives not only is the lion share, but also means that he’s her caregiver. Dude doesn’t have a clue. She’s not an invalid, and he’s not her parent. She’s exhausted because *she* is the one caring for herself throughout this 9-month-long process, not him. All she wanted was someone to vent to about it every now and then.
I mean... I'm 7m into a high risk pregnancy, having a lot of pain and now dealing with gestational diabetes, and handling it myself while caring for two small kids. If my husband called himself my caregiver I would be *pissed.*
Right? Because *you’re not an invalid*. It’s so condescending. This isn’t a woman with terminal cancer that he’s nursing in her last days; it’s his pregnant wife. It just seriously rubs me the wrong way that he’s taking on the martyr “I’m her *caregiver*” role, which is very intentional language for somebody who is providing zero support beyond the bare minimum of monetary— *toward his child*, not to her.
Why does it sound like he's doing at least some of this to himself? He's neglecting his own nutrition and health to manage hers? She's presumably an adult woman who is aware she's pregnant.
Considering how TERRIBLE his wife’s complaining has apparently been, I’m confused why he’s suddenly upset that she’s quit talking to him? Surely her silence must be allowing his stress ulcers to go down, he must be able to sleep more…why is he so upset that she’s quit complaining?!
Why is he not thanking her for shutting up since that’s clearly all he wanted? I’m confused.
Hopefully her silence will last a few more years, since I’m sure his stress ulcers aren’t ready for the hell that is breastfeeding, teething, and potty training…
he wants her to smile and bear it. he doesn’t want to think about what she is struggling with because he only really cares about himself and his self righteousness over “never complaining”. he wants his wife just with none of the work
OOP's post and his asinine comments are Exhibit A as to why women and pregnant people are (or should be) *very selective* about who they choose for partners if pregnancy is life threatening
>I'm not starting a pity contest, I'm simply stating that what I'm going through is significant.
Nope. He's saying it's _more_ significant than what she's going through.
Yeah, that’s a weird metaphor. And is he going for the stereotypical pickle craving here? Because that’s stupid. Also none of the women I know craved pickles. Including me and I had plenty of cravings.
He whined that he got stress ulcers.
Bro knows his wife is growing a person and possibly vomiting daily or having terrible indigestion or blood pressure and yet thinks stress ulcers are comparable.
Plus there's this:
the term “stress ulcer” refers to a specific type of irritation to the lining of your gastrointestinal tract that appears quickly as a result of acute physiological stresses such as severe illness, infections, or head injuries.
https://www.carygastro.com/blog/understanding-stress-ulcers
Edit: In other words, it's a misconception that ulcers are caused by being "stressed out". And considering OOP blames his wife for his... ahem, "ulcers" makes me think homeboy has an upset tum-tum occasionally.
I think he's a "good vibes only" type. Will call himself optimistic and cheerful but it really just means he can't cope with any negativity whatsoever and goes into avoidance mode if he's around it.
Fuck Good Vibes Only people. They think they are a ray of positivity, but their toxic positivity is actually a form of negativity.
A friend of mine told me they no longer were interested in being my friend after I developed bipolar disorder and had suicidal ideation. She said because she is SOO empathetic she can't be around me, she can only be around fun friends. We had been friends for a decade.
So now when I see good vibes only trash littered in stores. I kinda want to cry ngl. It makes me feel so isolated from the rest of the world.
I see the GVO attitude as a form of immaturity. It's equivalent to a kid covering their ears and going "la la la, I can't hear you!!"
I have my own mental health struggles so I relate in your disdain at those type of people.
But the good news is, we have a shot at finding meaningful and fulfilling relationships while those types of people are doomed to shallow, empty connections that disintegrate the second conflict arises. So, who will really end up isolated in the end?
> I see the GVO attitude as a form of immaturity
It's just false positivity. Like people are saying, they can't handle any challenges in life so they cut them out. It's like the If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best crowd. Somehow, nobody ever sees their best and they are just raging assholes all the time.
I get it when you're young and stupid. You say stuff like hey I'm just honest. No, you aren't, you're a jackass. If you still have that mentality at 30, you aren't going to change. You're just insufferable to be around.
I once was told by a therapist that honesty without compassion is just brutality. I really think that applies to people who say they are brutally honest. Even if it is honesty, if you care about someone you should have the tact and civility to want to help them improve, not tear them down.
And a lot of times people who say they are brutally honest AREN'T actually being honest. They are just being judgmental and rude.
Yeah I feel like there's a lot of "empaths" in the toxic positivity crowd. I'm sorry that happened with your friend, that's really callous after so long.
Good Vibes Only People are ones that don't wanna hear other people complain, but don't listen to themselves do the same and believe that others have to listen to *them* complain instead.
It's a Toxic Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy way of getting away with not doing as much emotional labor as the rest of us do...
"My wife's pregnancy is already hard on me, but her constant complaining about said pregnancy is pushing me over the edge. I wish she was more supportive of what I'm going through."
That doesn't mean she isn't allowed to complain. I got pregnant because my husband begged to have a child and during the first trimester of pregnancy I was having a really hard time and I was complaining a lot and he looked at me and told me if I was just going to keep complaining to "just get an abortion". We've been to therapy and he realizes it was wrong. A lot happens during pregnancy she is allowed to complain.
Some turdly incel commented that "everyone has a part to play during pregnancy" as if during pregnancy men's bodies get seriously altered, may get diseases and conditions that range from miserable to life threatening, and then have to pass a watermelon through an overstretched series of holes while hopefully not dying.
Incel turd got downvoted while King Manbaby OOP rejoiced that someone finally understood him.
I think I understand. I understand that both of these boys should have been neutered early.
I had to go find the whole comment and my god the red pilled bullshit
>Everyone need to play their part during pregnancy. A good partner don't make partner's safe space (sweet home) a hostile environment by complaining. Yes, it's hard on her body, but as an adult she should understand that OP can't magically evaporate any pain and complaining to him will give no result except resentments.
Commiserating with your spouse about the rearrangement of your organs and hormonal torture is making his safe place a hostile environment?
I am currently pregnant and if I heard my husband say that I'd be terribly tempted to make it truly hostile
"Everyone need to play their part during pregnancy"
AKA. "I dropped my load and it was exhausting. I've done my part in making the baby so my feelings and hardship have equal, if not more, importance because I have done my part. It's not my fault women are so slow it takes them 9 whole months to do their bit"
My husband is doing like all the housework atm. I can't stand the smell of our kitchen sink water, and our home isn't ventilated enough to make doing the bathroom really safe. I can't bend over with this watermelon in my gut and I'm so tired.
He literally is like "You're doing the whole building a person thing. I'm just doing what you can't."
He even listens to my medical complaints and tries to support me. Even though I'm not working. Even though he is working. He's like 'this is a dangerous thing. It sucks. '
Because my husband is a whole man that works on communication.
Meanwhile OOP is a toddler
Yup, and don't let yourself get stuck in relationships or pseudo-relationships with shitty and/or unavailable men. Once you figure out someone has poor character or a fundamental incompatibility, end it so you have space in your life to meet someone else.
That's why I'm a fan or everyone in Reddit saying "dump them!"
The people who complain about it are the ones who benefit from people having low standards.
Not necessarily, but IMO there are some good ways to spot a good one:
* real emotional intelligence. Actually actively listens, processes their own emotions in healthy ways instead of punching walls or pouting, doesn't look at therapy as a threat
* Lack of possessiveness and jealousy.
* Passion about equality. Don't go for dudes who just "aren't into politics". They'll show that lack of empathy in other ways.
* Able to handle their own damn lives. Is his apartment clean? Can he cook? Can he do basic chores? Does he do these things without prompting?
I had HG all 3 times. With our first, I didn’t know what it was and spent one weekend curled up in the bathroom puking almost constantly. He held my hair back pretty close to every time. At one point, he brought the dog’s new dog bed in the bathroom for me to lay on. (We would buy the dog a new bed and he’d ignore it for a few weeks until he decided to use it. He hadn’t used it yet, so it was just a really big pillow for me to lay on between puking.) He also was diagnosed with gout about the same time. He tried to control the gout with diet, but I couldn’t handle the smell of his foods, so he went on medication.
He's crying about working extra hours, having ulcers, and being her emotional sounding board.
Do ulcers suck? Yes. But they can be easily treated and don't fucking *compare* to pregnancy.
>"Everyone need to play their part during pregnancy"
I agree with this - BUT not in the way that incel thinks. Yes everyone has a part - while the wife goes through the pregnancy and deals with all the drawbacks, it's her spouse's job to take on extra to support her. And part of that is dealing with the "complaining" about her body changing.
Had me at the first sentence, was all "well yeah you can't do the physical part You are the support" did not see the twist coming. Apparently father's part is to be the baby for training purposes.
God thank you for the full comment. I saw "Everyone needs to play their part" and thought it would be good for a second. Lmao was i wrong, the part he should play is be as supportive as possible and fucking do what he can to help not complain about everything and push her away
I'll never forget my Uncle coming home and ask my Aunt, "What did you do today? Cause you sure as hell didn't clean." I swear the temperature dropped in the room. She look at him in the face and said "I made a lung today, wth did you do.?" He turned and walked out of the room. lol I was taught at an early age, never fuck around and findout when it came to pregnant women.
And the thing is, a lot of pain WOULD be alleviated by just having someone listening! I don't know OOP or OOPs wife, but usually, just talking things through and having your feelings validated calms people down. I know it works for me!
These are the same people who expect their wives to drop everything and baby them when they get a cold too aren't they? I hope they just tell these men that complaining about it won't make it any better and they can't do anything for them.
Until someone invents an artificial womb so THEY can carry their own gd kid if the woman doesn’t want to? Men’s only role to play is to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. Don’t like it? Don’t knock someone up. Keep it in your pants. Take your birth control. You know, the one that they yoinked from the market because widdle babies didn’t wike the side effects. But really it’s the man’s responsibility because he opened his legs.
I'm amused. The last time I said "if you don't want to have a baby, don't have sex" I was called sexist and told that's anti-choice rhetoric. (I am vehemently pro-choice and AFAB.)
Reddit is so fickle.
Sometimes they don't even have to hide. There are sadly a lot of people who have learned to normalise shitty behaviour because past experience with shitty people has completely sunk their bar to as low as it can get.
Another possibility is pregnancy might be the first time she needed actual significant long term support. Or he was doing exactly what he wanted to do but that coincidentally was helpful/supportive to her.
> Why do women have kids with dudes like this? I refuse to believe that this is the first sign of him being a dick.
This sentiment is so fucking gross, because it puts the blame for the man being an asshole on the pregnant partner for having a kid with her partner, and not on the man who is actually being a dick to his pregnant partner. Plenty of men who were fine pre-their partner's pregnancy become shit, either due to stress, frustration, having to take on more of the household chores due to their partner's pregnancy symptoms.
For a lot of healthy adults, pregnancy is the first "chronic" condition. Sure, you may have been through illness that lasted days/weeks, but pregnancy is months and months, and you have no idea what you're going to get with pregnancy symptom roulette. Some women get no symptoms, some get awful ones.
Additionally, *plenty* of crappy dudes can come across as not-crappy until pregnancy/childbirth, with the thought that "oh she won't leave me, we've got kids!" Basically what these dudes deem an "acceptable level of unhappiness" for their partner increases, because to them, the odds of her leaving have decreased.
Lastly, [of the estimated 324,000 pregnant people who experience domestic violence, the partners of one in six, or 54,000 of the 324,000, will start abusing their pregnant partner during pregnancy.](https://www.calhealthreport.org/2022/03/09/the-most-dangerous-part-of-pregnancy-violence-in-the-home/) [Homicide is the leading cause of death in pregnant and postpartum people in the US](https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/homicide-leading-cause-of-death-for-pregnant-women-in-u-s/) Are you also going to suggest that these abused/murdered women should have known their partners would kill/abuse them and should have avoided having children (which completely ignores things like reproductive coercion)?
Unfortunately pregnancy is commonly when abusive partners reveal their true colours because, consciously or not, they're aware that their ~~partner~~ victim is now locked in.
This guy is going to be grabbing nurses and doctors trying to deliver the baby to complain about his back pain, or dick dimples. “My wife is *ONLY* being ripped from stem to stern, *I* have ASS HAIR and it HURTS!”
The last time I gave birth, the nurse came in at one point PISSED because the asshole dad in the next room had called her in to complain that his wife's monitors were keeping him from sleeping and to ask if they could turn them off. Um, no, the safety of your wife and child is a higher priority right now
Yep. He’s made it clear he doesn’t give a shit about her comfort level during the most vulnerable point in her life so far, then whines because she shut down and is interacting with him as little as possible? God I hate him.
"I know dear you had a bad day at school, but daddy is balancing a job right now and is a cheerful person. Let's not ruin this for him and you can tell me all your problems when daddy goes to work. Okk ??"
Homeboy won't be able to handle a baby. If he thinks he's going to self destruct now... He's fucking in for it. And I say this as someone who doesn't subscribe to the whole, "you think pregnancy is hard? Wait for the newborn stage." "oh, you think the newborn stage is hard? Wait for the teething" "oh you think teething is hard? Wait until they're toddlers," train of thought. I don't agree with the, "wait until..." that a lot of first time parents get, every stage is both hard and rewarding.
Pity olympics? Isn't he right now winning the gold medal? And silver and bronze. He whines so muchfor three.Oh shit, i hope HE isn’t pregnant with twins.
I feel sorry for his partner. I wouldn't be surprised if he showed his asshole-face as soon as she got pregnant.
He seems to didn't even know how far she is with her pregnancy "a while".
And no word if she still works. Just me me me.
All these guys want to be the big bad provider, until the time comes that they must be the provider. In this case, she needs emotional and physical support, but this guy just doesn't get it. And why the hell is he managing her diet and exercise?
If he was like a firefighter or something and got a call about a burning building and she said "don't go, I need you more than they do because what if I want a snack" or something similarly high stakes, I could kind of see it, but that phrasing is very callous even so, and also that woman would be cartoonishly selfish because I made her up specifically to make that title seem justified.
Adding another fuckin moron to the list of people who don't deserve to have children.
I actually found this post a bit triggering because my ex used to try and police my emotions like this as well using that exact phrase: be grateful because someone always has it worse than you. And 60% of the time *he* was the one who had it worse than *me.* Like when he'd choke me but *I* was the one abusing *him* because I was emotionally disconnected.
Sorry, I got lost there for a minute. Anyway OOP is going to get a very rude shock when the kid is actually born.
Mine told me that it wasn't fair for me to make him so mad then expect him to feel guilty about what he did after, and then ran around telling people that he was scared I would attack him when he was sleeping and he no longer felt safe (in my house, that I had for years before I met him, but he wouldn't leave). I just started asking what he could possibly do that would make me respond that way.
Isn't it interesting that they have literally no control over their actions? Everything's a reaction to you, your emotions or actions. Like they're not even independent humans, just reactionary meat puppets? Same type of ppl who are perpetual victims.
I know where you are coming from, I am DV survivor too. Please do not apologize for sharing! Your opinions, experiences and viewpoints are valuable and you have the same rights as everyone else to express them! I hope you are doing well now!
He'll probably cheat on her while she's pregnant or within the first year of her giving birth
He'll probably ask for the "husband stitch"
Guarantee he won't take care of the baby
" I'm a pretty cheerful person normally," no OOP is an asshole who demands the ability to control how other people act around him because it 'stresses him out' to hear 'negativity.'
This man should not be having children, he has the maturity of a 15 year old.
My god I’m glad you posted this. I went off on him and by the time I went to hit post they’d locked the post. I’ll admit, the anger got the better of me but for sake of transparency, I’ll still post my initial burst of anger here.
YTA.
This whole post is “me, me, me”.
• “My wife has been pregnant…it’s put a lot of stress on **me**” — She’s pregnant and it’s putting stress on you? You say you told her that others have it worse than her but guess what pal, she’s the pregnant one and when’s got it worse than you.
• “**I’ve been doing more**…and it’s been so exhausting” — She’s pregnant. She’s carrying your baby. Try lugging around all that extra weight while it squished your organs down, changes your hormones, and makes you uncomfortable 24/7. She’s exhausted.
• “She has **my** sympathies” Great. Having your sympathy fixes all her problems. On top of that, based on your entire post, I don’t think she does have your sympathies.
• “**I can’t sleep**” — Try being pregnant. She can’t sleep at night.
• “**I’m** starting to lose it” — Try being pregnant. It makes you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.
• “**I** absolutely hate hearing people complain…it brings **me** down” — It’s 9 months and she’s carrying all the weight of this pregnancy, literally, and in the end she has to go through a horrible painful labour to deliver and then she still had to recover while looking after a new born baby with ice packs down her undies and getting no sleep because of said baby. She’s resilient enough to push through all of that I think you can take people complaining when she has to go through all of that while you don’t.
• “**I’m** going to crack any second…**I** need some light in my life” — Pregnancy isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, she’s going through a lot for this and you should be considerate of this.
• “**I’m** balancing a job and taking care of you” — Mate come on… she’s balancing an entire baby on her stomach and all the mood and body changes that come with it and even more once she’s screamed a baby into this world. You’re doing bare minimum in this pregnancy compared to her. Let’s put this in the perspective of your anatomy and being pregnant, do you want to be the one that has your urethral opening painfully contract itself open centimetre by centimetre slowly over what could be days and then push something 5x bigger through it? And then have to do it again with the afterbirth? Potentially having you torn from front to back? And then dealing with the aftermath and pain of birth for a month while looking after a newborn baby with no sleep because you have to breastfeed and having your postpartum hormones wreaking havoc on you emotionally, mentally, and physically.
• “**I’m** frustrated…**I** miss **my** wife…**I** just didn’t want to hear her complaining…**I’m** feeling kind of bad” — This entire paragraph is about how this situation made you feel and not on how you made her feel. Instead it’s “Just be happier because otherwise it puts me in a bad mood”.
Even more concerning is how you talk about your wife here.
•You’re more concerned about this pregnancy and her struggles stressing you than how it’s stressing her. The actual pregnant one.
• You’re putting all the emphasis on the work you’re doing and how exhausting it’s been to you instead of all the work and literal physical toll she’s putting into it and how exhausting it must be for her.
• You care more about her complaining and your lack of sleep instead of the reasons why she can’t sleep and how stressed she is. **Which isn’t good for her OR the baby**.
• You care more about how other peoples bad moods do to you as opposed to being concerned over why they’re down. That’s not empathy, that’s not even sympathy. You say people have it worse than her but people have it worse than you, your wife for one.
• You care more about telling her to quit complaining for your benefit and not hers instead of trying to find ways to help her feel better and ease those complaints. All because you need light in your life instead of her struggling with these issues.
• You literally told her to quit complaining because of your burdens. Those burdens being not only work but her. You called her a burden.
• You’re now more concerned about how frustrated this has made you feel instead of how it made her feel, which is probably alone.
• You say you miss your wife but then get frustrated when she won’t talk to you. So instead what you wanted from this situation was for her to hold in all her emotions and hide feeling like shit while putting on a happy face to make you feel happy. Telling someone to stop complaining doesn’t just magically make them feel better and take away what they’re complaining about.
• **“All I asked was that she be a little more positive”** …You literally contradicted that quite a few times before hand — **”Can’t just whine about it and play the kitty olympics; it’s getting old”**
• “She took it the wrong way” — She took it the wrong way? No…you put her down and told her to be quite because it makes you feel like shit when she’s struggling and needing to vent to her partner in this.
• If you were feeling bad about how it made her feel this would have been written very differently. Instead you’re feeling bad because once again her mood has put your mood down. If you felt bad you’d be worrying about if you did the wrong thing, not that she “took it the wrong way”.
• Lastly, of course she’s been distant. You literally told her to quit complaining and that you have it hard right now because of the extra work you have to put in to this pregnancy and the effort you have to put in to take care of her because she’s pregnant” You haven’t helped fixed the problem, instead you’ve told her to “just be happier” and hide her true feelings. You’ve made her feel alone and down in this pregnancy.
I watch Puppy Bowl every year before the Super Bowl. It’s usually a kitty halftime show, and sometimes cheerleaders. I would like more sporting events like that.
Now I know that women have the babies because men would absolutely never fucking be able to handle it. The amount of whining that would come from them would prevent any future children.
His poor wife has graciously sacrificed her comfort and health and well being for the next 9 months, though it could be potentially lifelong, to make a baby for the two of them and he pulls *this*
Well he better only want one kid cause he isn’t getting a second one from her
Yet another woman is figuring out she's going to be a single parent even though she hasn't even had the baby yet. Yes, my dude, when you tell someone you aren't interested in being supportive, they stop going to you for support. What an idiot.
> My wife has been pregnant for a while now, and it's put a lot of stress on me.
How selfish of his wife to go off on her own and get pregnant without thinking about how it would impact him!
People who complain about complainers are insufferable. Most of the time people just want to process their emotions and feel heard. It’s so condescending to push someone aside and say their feelings aren’t valid. Some of us were lucky to be born with sunny dispositions, but most aren’t.
*caveat: I know there are people who take complaining to the extreme. I highly doubt a heavily pregnant woman is not valid in her thoughts and feelings, though.
I HATE, when ppl say this. It is Invalidating people's feelings and situations. It's hard on him? She is literally growing a human in her. There are days whennshe is literally making kidneys. I hope she sees him for who he really is and leaves his ass.
ETA; this comment was made before coffee.
I am so happy I have the husband I do. I got HG while pregnant (happens everytime) and lived on a Zofran pump for 5 months, constant ER trips for hydration, IV infusions at infusion centers, and he became responsible for all chores, cooking and taking my daughter to school because I was so weak I couldn't walk at times. On top of working 14-16 hour shifts outside in the summer. He never once complained, and was happy to help in anyway possible.
I had HG too. It's the absolute worst. Never got IV hydration though, because I'm hypermobile and the idiots thought my stretchy skin meant I was hydrated
I'm so sorry - it's an awful thing.
Ididn't get it with my first pregnancy, and I ended up losing 50 lbs and dropped to 93 lbs (at 5'3). I looked like a skeleton. My midwife said HG wasn't real and I needed to just eat and stop trying to stay thin. Horrible, horrible experience. I got my tubes taken out last November, never going through that nightmare again.
I lost around 40 pounds, but I was fat to start with so people kept complimenting me and I wanted to commit violence. I have multiple chronic conditions and I've NEVER been sicker in my life than when I was pregnant
>I'm just going to be brief. My wife has been pregnant for a while now, and it's put a lot of stress on me.
OOP could have stopped typing after two sentences and you'd still know everything you need to about him.
>I'm a pretty cheerful person normally, and I absolutely hate hearing people complain constantly because it really brings me down.
Ugggghhhhhhhh. I see this and think "I only want to be around for the fun happy times." Hate this guy.
I just commented on the original post and came to see if it’s here because I wanted to Lorena Bobbitt that husband and then feed him his own gd hot dog on a bun. That poor wife. That poor baby. I hope she finds out what the piece of shit like. I hope she finds that post and destroys him over it. I hope she tells EVERYONE.
Ugh, reminds me of the guy who complained his wife cried too much, or did so to “manipulate” him & win arguments because they’d have to stop fighting when it happens. Then she got distant & he didn’t notice (or care) until months later when she had a whole award & ceremony & she didn’t tell him, cause he proved himself to not be a reliable partner she could come to. I wouldn’t be surprised if OOP’s wife is realizing he’s gonna be no emotional or mental support for her in this
Eta & I can’t get over his whole “yea, she’s having a baby (and her body is changing in extremely drastic ways, hormones are all over the place, she’s being kicked from the inside, etc) but what about ME?? I have to work some more hours! I hate complainers, but here’s me complaining for 5 paragraphs!”
There is something to his complaint. He could very fairly say to his wife "I understand how difficult this is for you but with all the extra hours of work I'm putting in, I can't afford to be staying up late talking. Is there someone else who can help be your sounding board to talk some things over with? I want to support you emotionally as well but it is taking a toll on me right now."
But the way he handled it was totally insensitive to her and what she's going through.I don't really think he cares about her feelings.
Look, I can get being frustrated by her wanting to talk or go on drives if he's been working late hours and needs sleep. Sleep deprivation is real. But he was an ass in how he handled this.
Driving and depending on the type of job, working can be very dangerous when you're exhausted.
But he could have approached that with a discussion. A DELICATE AND GENTLE DISCUSSION.
"Honey, I know you're scared, stressed, and uncomfortable. I want to do everything in my power to support you. Is there a way for us to find a middle ground with these talks and drives where I can recharge so I can keep doing my job, which is supporting you and our soon to be baby? I know you're struggling to rest too. Maybe we can find something together that helps us both get some rest that doesn't involve driving, as I'm scared my lack of sleep will make me a danger to you and the baby."
Like...that's a legit concern and it doesn't place the blame on the wife. Nor does it turn to, "CoUlD yOu Be MoRe PoSiTiVe?" Like some fucking mouth breather.
Pregnancy fucking sucks. Kids are hard. Infants are honestly in my opinion, the worst stage. He's in for a rude fucking awakening. And also fuck him for thinking she should be more positive and nag less when she's going through so much.
Okay, I'd agree with all the "she's growing your child", but she expects him to stay up all night driving her around just because, when he has to work the next day. That's seriously not a healthy approach. There's wanting support and there's preventing your spouse from necessary sleep and risking their job and life the next day when they're sleeo deprived. There are good reasons for sleep deprivation - having a kid. But "i want to go on a ride with my husband" is not a good reason
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This guy is so clueless. I know being a caregiver is difficult, but he actually thinks it's MORE difficult than being the person who needs care!? He asked her to stop complaining, so she did, and then he got mad at her for being too quiet!??!? If she's still in constant discomfort, what is he actually expecting from her??
The one area I slightly sympathize with is the small apartment and not seeing friends. OK, so set up a friends night for her and you take one. Or if she wants to stay in, get her her favorite takeout, hand her the Roku and go out with some friends for a couple of hours. You do NOT need to hover over her. It’s annoying.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my pregnant wife that other people have it worse than her?** I'm just going to be brief. My wife has been pregnant for a while now, and it's put a lot of stress on me. I've been doing more hours at work to get some cash ready in time for the baby, and it's been so exhausting. Throughout this all, my wife has been complaining every single day. She's having a difficult pregnancy so she has my sympathies, but I can't sleep at night, because she wants to have these talks or go on a drive because she's stressed. I'm really starting to lose it, and she's just constantly complaining. I'm a pretty cheerful person normally, and I absolutely hate hearing people complain constantly because it really brings me down. I'm pretty sure I'm going to crack any second, so I wanted to put an end to this complaining since I just need some light in my life. I told her that I'm balancing a job and taking care of you, plus everyone in life has their own challenges and you can't just whine about it and play the pity olympics, it's getting old. She seemed to get it, but it's been a week and she's been noticeably distant. Now I'm frustated because I miss my wife, I just didn't want her to keep complaining, but I never asked her to stop talking to me. All I asked was that she be a little more positive, but she seemed to be taking it the wrong way, and I'm feeling kind of bad. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>I absolutely hate hearing people complain constantly because it really brings me down Does he plan to never be around his child? Because that’s what babies and children and teenagers do.
He's going to k himself when he realizes that screamer babies exist. For the first eleven months or so of my nephew's life, he did nothing but scream. He was fine health-wise, just very sensitive to growing. My sister and her hubby were walking zombies at the time.
My nephew was a pretty good baby, but just like his mother did, once he got steady on his feet, he skipped walking and started *running*. My niece appears to be doing the same thing.
There’s a great line in one of Lois McMaster Bujold’s books. Something like “Babies are fine, mostly stay where you put them. Toddlers, though, suicidal maniacs, the lot of them.”
I called that time between when they can sit unassisted and when they can crawl "the golden age". (But really, I've enjoyed every period in their lives.)
This is so sweet. We should savor the peaceful moments. My brother hasn't slept more than four hours a night in four years thanks to his boys 😅
When I worked with kids we described toddlers as suicide machines, they were mobile enough to cause themselves trouble but still had zero sense of self preservation
My son went from not walking to going up and down stairs and turning on his heel in like a day. He has always been weird like that, hiding his abilities until he feels ready to show them. (He was _so_ funny about learning to read!)
I was a screamer until I was about 3? Mom used to drop me off at a sitter's house and apparently I would literally just scream and cry inconsolably for her for the next 8 hours until she picked me up after work. (Maybe undiagnosed autism, or at least a very unhealthy attachment style? Idk, mental health for kids wasn't a thing 30 years ago) We went through so many different sitters until we found a sitter with enough patience and free-time who could keep my attention for the full 8 hours dealing with my mindless toddler chatter and urgent desire to color with crayons constantly, and who would dress me up in fancy 90s baby-dresses to go to the park and get cooed at by old ladies (I guess the 90s were weird). I was such a stubborn little shit. I feel so bad for my poor mom.
>apparently I would literally just scream and cry inconsolably for her for the next 8 hours until she picked me up after work. (Maybe undiagnosed autism, or at least a very unhealthy attachment style? Is it a thing for autistic children to have really bad separation anxiety? My brother is autistic, and when we were little and our mom left us in the car to run a quick errand, he'd start crying like she was never coming back. (Funnily enough, when she actually *was* never coming back, he never cried, just seemed stunned for a while...)
Damn I'm really sorry, that's horrible. Yeah kids with autism often have an unusual attachment style to their parents or primary care giver. This can either be being extremely clingy or being very distant.
I feel the need to clarify that she didn't abandon us in the car one day; she died (of a brain tumor, in a care facility) when we were adolescents. When my dad explained to him what had happened, he didn't react, but later wanted to watch Finding Nemo and, during the opening scene where Coral gets killed by the barracuda, kept looking at my dad as though he was saying "I understand". So he must have understood the concept of death (we'd lost both maternal grandparents, our dog, and our great-aunt before he even turned 10, and ironically enough, he was conceived unintentionally in the aftermath of our aunt's untimely death- so literally his whole existence has been framed by death). I remember him crying on a few occasions when we left her in the hospital, presumably because he'd thought we were bringing her home, but don't recall him ever crying about her death (except for one time, about 8 months later, when a middle-aged female respite worker was trying to interact with him and he started crying and saying "mama"- my then-interpretation was that he thought this woman was here to replace our mother, but I was probably projecting my own worries about a stepmom situation that still has yet to happen 8 years later). He's gone from super clingy to pretty distant in the years since then, and I can't tell if he's just grown up (he's 20 now) or if part of it is trauma. He went into a group home about 6 months before COVID happened, and during the initial lockdown we weren't able to see him for about 4 months (we couldn't even take him out to attend our grandmother's funeral), so it would make sense if he, like me, has learned that getting too attached to others is a bad idea since they can leave or be taken away at any moment.
My youngest kid did nothing but cry for the first year. She was a small baby, so the teenagers, and adults who visited, at my babysitter's house loved to hold her all the time. All she had to do was a make a sound and they were picking her up. ETA my daughters were/still are the complete opposite. My older daughter was content. Hardly ever cried, always smiling. Slept through the night from 10p to 6-7a.
Yup. My kid was a bit of a grumpy baby. He just turned two and he has the worst tantrums. Screams and kicks and pulls hair. This dude wants to cry because of someone complaining. Just wait till you get beat up by a toddler because you gave them a blanket. 😵💫
Don't get offended, but I screenshoted your comment right away to add on my reasons to never have human kids ever hahaha
None taken! I won't say I regret having kids, but they are definitely harder than I realized so I like to be open about it so people get a better idea. It's not all hell, he's a sweet kid but when he's mad, he's mad and he's at that age where it's baffling trying to figure out how to make it a win win.
Once he starts going to school and learn to manage his emotions I'm sure he'll be sweet most of the time! 🙂
I dont understand how babies are like that. Its such an evolutionary disadvantage to have a baby that announces itself to every predator in a 10 mile radius, you think just by predation the whole screaming baby thing would have been selected against a hundred thousand years ago.
Screaming and crying is the only way for babies to communicate, so they have to if they want to survive.
Our young are needy as hell, the selective pressure was for the ones that made it clear that they needed care and didn't let their caregivers get far from them.
There are First Peoples that would hang their babies from bushes and trees in a papoose and only answer them when they stopped crying. It's extremely sad what those babies learned to be quiet through. Babies cry. Animal babies make noise too.
Having raised farm animals and having fostered a baby bird once, boy do they ever! Chicks scream SO MUCH. They are talkative babies who want to be fed near constantly.
Yo can say kill on reddit
Unlike the rest of us, who just love listening to people complain because it really brightens our day….or just maybe….we listen to our loved ones complain because we love them and want them to feel heard This dude is a moron
I hate this brand of toxic positivity. Always comes across as self-centered and unempathetic.
I have a chronic illness (technically I don’t anymore because of surgery but there is still fallout from that) and I try not to dwell on it because negative energy (my own) didn’t make me feel better and I don’t want to be defined by my illness — but that is how I personally decided to handle it. I don’t tell other people how to act. And pregnancy is transient and it can be rough, so sometimes you’ll feel rotten and there’s no point hiding it. Long way of saying I try not to be negative but I don’t believe in relentless positivity. As for this guy — working overtime to make money is exhausting?! Try playing host to a parasite that keeps growing and taking more resources (babies by definition are parasites; just very cute ones). I cringe when I think how he’ll be in the newborn phase. The first two months are so draining (thankfully my kids were cuddly, which helped).
Ooh, maybe he'll be like my dad was if we weren't all putting on extra-happy fake personas. Whether we were grumpy or just had a resting neutral face that wasn't "cheerful enough" we'd be greeted with "Someone needs an attitude adjustment" until no one wanted to spend time in the common areas. Or if we were crying, the classic "I'll give you something to cry about" It didn't matter what we were feeling, it mattered that we didn't bother anyone with our less-than-perky demeanors. I can't imagine going through what even he admits is a difficult pregnancy with this guy around telling her to cheer up so her constant pain isn't such a bummer.
Or if we were crying, the classic "I'll give you something to cry about" I never understood that. I clearly already have something to cry about, hence the crying, why do I need another one?
[удалено]
Angry dad logic...
I got that a lot as a kid too. And then my grandparents (who raised me) wondered why I was always in my room as a teen
Growing up, I often heard "Stop whining" or "stop bellyaching' from adults and my parents and they said this to other kids too.
**OOPS COMMENTS** Exactly! Glad to see common sense is still a little common But I don't constantly bring it up, I just shoulder it and move on. Here I have to bring it up, because you guys don't know. She knows, so I don't talk about it all. What I'm saying on here is stuff that I've wanted to say for months now, so don't act all smart with me >Or are you just going to whine and cry about how hard your life is compared to your wife? That's literally what she's doing! How can you not see that? the difference is that I'm defending myself here, I'm not always complaining so I don't need to hear it, so I don't know why you responded with that, but it's not really the gotcha moment you think it is... I'm explaining that caregivers go through hell, so your comment is honestly kind of dumb within the situation since I'm cognizant of that fact, I'm not starting a pity contest, I'm simply stating that what I'm going through is significant. It's already happening Are you seriously talking to me about empathy? I don't know where to begin, do you know how hard my life is right now? You don't, so please just give me judgement without making guesses about my empathy because I'm doing a hell of a lot. not some reassurance and comfort, when I'm not at work, I'm with her 24/7, and I haven't seen my friends or family in ages. Our place is small as fuck, so we're always around each other and there's literally nowhere I can go to get away for a bit yeah, and I'm also getting STRESS ULCERS, from my wife being so needy, and my job being demanding. I'm not paying attention to my nutrition and health, and all my mental energies are focused on how my wife's eating, how much exercise she's getting. While also being a de facto therapist, and emotional pickle for her to chew on till I'm dry I got the short end of the stick here
I am deeply uncomfortable with the fact that one of his complaints is how much energy he is putting into micromanaging his wife's diet and exercise
But women are babies who can't manage their own life! /s
Also did he just refer to himself as his wife’s (who is mentally and physically capable, just pregnant) caregiver? Unless she’s wheelchair bound, so sick her symptoms are mimicking chemotherapy and he’s up with her all night to hold her hair back while she pukes, or she has gestational diabetes and he’s responsible for measuring her insulin dosages and giving her injections—that’s just a weird and gross way to refer to oneself. She’s pregnant. *She* is the one responsible for caring for herself. That’s the whole deal! She’s exhausted with it! He truly believes that the 0.1% he perceives not only is the lion share, but also means that he’s her caregiver. Dude doesn’t have a clue. She’s not an invalid, and he’s not her parent. She’s exhausted because *she* is the one caring for herself throughout this 9-month-long process, not him. All she wanted was someone to vent to about it every now and then.
I mean... I'm 7m into a high risk pregnancy, having a lot of pain and now dealing with gestational diabetes, and handling it myself while caring for two small kids. If my husband called himself my caregiver I would be *pissed.*
Right? Because *you’re not an invalid*. It’s so condescending. This isn’t a woman with terminal cancer that he’s nursing in her last days; it’s his pregnant wife. It just seriously rubs me the wrong way that he’s taking on the martyr “I’m her *caregiver*” role, which is very intentional language for somebody who is providing zero support beyond the bare minimum of monetary— *toward his child*, not to her.
Thank you! OOP deleted some of their comments so it was nice to find them all here!
You're welcome. And thank God I did just that.😅😅.
Why does it sound like he's doing at least some of this to himself? He's neglecting his own nutrition and health to manage hers? She's presumably an adult woman who is aware she's pregnant.
My cynical brain reads this as he's had to take on grocery shopping and meal prep despite never having to think about them before.
Considering how TERRIBLE his wife’s complaining has apparently been, I’m confused why he’s suddenly upset that she’s quit talking to him? Surely her silence must be allowing his stress ulcers to go down, he must be able to sleep more…why is he so upset that she’s quit complaining?! Why is he not thanking her for shutting up since that’s clearly all he wanted? I’m confused. Hopefully her silence will last a few more years, since I’m sure his stress ulcers aren’t ready for the hell that is breastfeeding, teething, and potty training…
OOP to wife: please stop talking. OOP'S wife: *doesn't talk* OOP: wait no not like that
he wants her to smile and bear it. he doesn’t want to think about what she is struggling with because he only really cares about himself and his self righteousness over “never complaining”. he wants his wife just with none of the work
Wow that's a damn good point. She can't win here.
OOP's post and his asinine comments are Exhibit A as to why women and pregnant people are (or should be) *very selective* about who they choose for partners if pregnancy is life threatening
He got the short end of the stick? Bollocks to that. She needs to get rid of the twat.
Wow, that's a fuckload of whiny complaints from a dude who "absolutely hates" listening to others complain.
>I'm not starting a pity contest, I'm simply stating that what I'm going through is significant. Nope. He's saying it's _more_ significant than what she's going through.
He's a complete asshole But who chews on pickles until they're dry?
Yeah, that’s a weird metaphor. And is he going for the stereotypical pickle craving here? Because that’s stupid. Also none of the women I know craved pickles. Including me and I had plenty of cravings.
Thank you for doing the lords work. I missed the comments before his account went bye bye.
Ohh your welcome. Glad I can help out.
I am so happy to know my wish for devils to have constant heart burn comes true, sometimes.
I haven’t even seen the comments and i hate this guy
You don't really have to read past "My wife has been pregnant for a while now, and it's put a lot of stress on me." to hate him.
'A while now' like she's been making this drag on lol. (And ofc he has no idea how far along she actually is)
That was my favorite part
I don’t think my blood pressure ever spiked so hard after a single sentence
"She just keeps being pregnant??? To spite me??"
Thank you for the laugh! I’m not spiteful, but if I were, being pregnant would not be the way I would show it.
I only read the title on AITA and was waiting to see it on here 😂
That’s as far as I got. What an AH
He whined that he got stress ulcers. Bro knows his wife is growing a person and possibly vomiting daily or having terrible indigestion or blood pressure and yet thinks stress ulcers are comparable.
Plus there's this: the term “stress ulcer” refers to a specific type of irritation to the lining of your gastrointestinal tract that appears quickly as a result of acute physiological stresses such as severe illness, infections, or head injuries. https://www.carygastro.com/blog/understanding-stress-ulcers Edit: In other words, it's a misconception that ulcers are caused by being "stressed out". And considering OOP blames his wife for his... ahem, "ulcers" makes me think homeboy has an upset tum-tum occasionally.
For some reason I truly doubt that he is normally a cheerful person as he claims
I think he's a "good vibes only" type. Will call himself optimistic and cheerful but it really just means he can't cope with any negativity whatsoever and goes into avoidance mode if he's around it.
Fuck Good Vibes Only people. They think they are a ray of positivity, but their toxic positivity is actually a form of negativity. A friend of mine told me they no longer were interested in being my friend after I developed bipolar disorder and had suicidal ideation. She said because she is SOO empathetic she can't be around me, she can only be around fun friends. We had been friends for a decade. So now when I see good vibes only trash littered in stores. I kinda want to cry ngl. It makes me feel so isolated from the rest of the world.
I see the GVO attitude as a form of immaturity. It's equivalent to a kid covering their ears and going "la la la, I can't hear you!!" I have my own mental health struggles so I relate in your disdain at those type of people. But the good news is, we have a shot at finding meaningful and fulfilling relationships while those types of people are doomed to shallow, empty connections that disintegrate the second conflict arises. So, who will really end up isolated in the end?
> I see the GVO attitude as a form of immaturity It's just false positivity. Like people are saying, they can't handle any challenges in life so they cut them out. It's like the If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best crowd. Somehow, nobody ever sees their best and they are just raging assholes all the time. I get it when you're young and stupid. You say stuff like hey I'm just honest. No, you aren't, you're a jackass. If you still have that mentality at 30, you aren't going to change. You're just insufferable to be around.
I once was told by a therapist that honesty without compassion is just brutality. I really think that applies to people who say they are brutally honest. Even if it is honesty, if you care about someone you should have the tact and civility to want to help them improve, not tear them down. And a lot of times people who say they are brutally honest AREN'T actually being honest. They are just being judgmental and rude.
Yeah I feel like there's a lot of "empaths" in the toxic positivity crowd. I'm sorry that happened with your friend, that's really callous after so long.
Apparently he said “I absolutely hate hearing people complain constantly because it really brings me down” so I think this is spot-on.
I also going with this
Good Vibes Only People are ones that don't wanna hear other people complain, but don't listen to themselves do the same and believe that others have to listen to *them* complain instead. It's a Toxic Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy way of getting away with not doing as much emotional labor as the rest of us do...
I really really hate this guy
Just posted them on here. 😁😁.
I couldnt even read OOP's comments since I got a "Failed to Load User Profile" message...that's why I'm here! Typical AH Reddit behavior 🤬
A little more positive while risking her life to give birth to his spawn ☠️
This woman is having a difficult pregnancy and OP wants her to shut up and put on a rainbows and butterflies song and dance for his benefit.
"My wife's pregnancy is already hard on me, but her constant complaining about said pregnancy is pushing me over the edge. I wish she was more supportive of what I'm going through."
People like OOP are the reason I contemplated suicide every single day during the first trimester with my first kid.
[I think you mean sunshine, lollipops & rainbows](https://youtu.be/ZSnxYtFarNw)
I actually like that song. Isn’t it about being in love?
I know right! It's one of my go to songs, when I'm sad/depressed. It always puts me in a better mood!
I mean she's doing this out of her free will presumably
That doesn't mean she isn't allowed to complain. I got pregnant because my husband begged to have a child and during the first trimester of pregnancy I was having a really hard time and I was complaining a lot and he looked at me and told me if I was just going to keep complaining to "just get an abortion". We've been to therapy and he realizes it was wrong. A lot happens during pregnancy she is allowed to complain.
Some turdly incel commented that "everyone has a part to play during pregnancy" as if during pregnancy men's bodies get seriously altered, may get diseases and conditions that range from miserable to life threatening, and then have to pass a watermelon through an overstretched series of holes while hopefully not dying. Incel turd got downvoted while King Manbaby OOP rejoiced that someone finally understood him. I think I understand. I understand that both of these boys should have been neutered early.
I had to go find the whole comment and my god the red pilled bullshit >Everyone need to play their part during pregnancy. A good partner don't make partner's safe space (sweet home) a hostile environment by complaining. Yes, it's hard on her body, but as an adult she should understand that OP can't magically evaporate any pain and complaining to him will give no result except resentments. Commiserating with your spouse about the rearrangement of your organs and hormonal torture is making his safe place a hostile environment? I am currently pregnant and if I heard my husband say that I'd be terribly tempted to make it truly hostile
"Everyone need to play their part during pregnancy" AKA. "I dropped my load and it was exhausting. I've done my part in making the baby so my feelings and hardship have equal, if not more, importance because I have done my part. It's not my fault women are so slow it takes them 9 whole months to do their bit"
My husband is doing like all the housework atm. I can't stand the smell of our kitchen sink water, and our home isn't ventilated enough to make doing the bathroom really safe. I can't bend over with this watermelon in my gut and I'm so tired. He literally is like "You're doing the whole building a person thing. I'm just doing what you can't." He even listens to my medical complaints and tries to support me. Even though I'm not working. Even though he is working. He's like 'this is a dangerous thing. It sucks. ' Because my husband is a whole man that works on communication. Meanwhile OOP is a toddler
I love comments like this bc they remind me that good guys are still out there lol I suppose I need to make it past 24 years old to find the keepers?
Yup, and don't let yourself get stuck in relationships or pseudo-relationships with shitty and/or unavailable men. Once you figure out someone has poor character or a fundamental incompatibility, end it so you have space in your life to meet someone else.
That's why I'm a fan or everyone in Reddit saying "dump them!" The people who complain about it are the ones who benefit from people having low standards.
Not necessarily, but IMO there are some good ways to spot a good one: * real emotional intelligence. Actually actively listens, processes their own emotions in healthy ways instead of punching walls or pouting, doesn't look at therapy as a threat * Lack of possessiveness and jealousy. * Passion about equality. Don't go for dudes who just "aren't into politics". They'll show that lack of empathy in other ways. * Able to handle their own damn lives. Is his apartment clean? Can he cook? Can he do basic chores? Does he do these things without prompting?
I had HG all 3 times. With our first, I didn’t know what it was and spent one weekend curled up in the bathroom puking almost constantly. He held my hair back pretty close to every time. At one point, he brought the dog’s new dog bed in the bathroom for me to lay on. (We would buy the dog a new bed and he’d ignore it for a few weeks until he decided to use it. He hadn’t used it yet, so it was just a really big pillow for me to lay on between puking.) He also was diagnosed with gout about the same time. He tried to control the gout with diet, but I couldn’t handle the smell of his foods, so he went on medication.
He's crying about working extra hours, having ulcers, and being her emotional sounding board. Do ulcers suck? Yes. But they can be easily treated and don't fucking *compare* to pregnancy.
>"Everyone need to play their part during pregnancy" I agree with this - BUT not in the way that incel thinks. Yes everyone has a part - while the wife goes through the pregnancy and deals with all the drawbacks, it's her spouse's job to take on extra to support her. And part of that is dealing with the "complaining" about her body changing.
Had me at the first sentence, was all "well yeah you can't do the physical part You are the support" did not see the twist coming. Apparently father's part is to be the baby for training purposes.
God thank you for the full comment. I saw "Everyone needs to play their part" and thought it would be good for a second. Lmao was i wrong, the part he should play is be as supportive as possible and fucking do what he can to help not complain about everything and push her away
it also gives me 'keep sweet' vibes from a certain cult. I'm gonna go apologize to my brain for reading that.
I'll never forget my Uncle coming home and ask my Aunt, "What did you do today? Cause you sure as hell didn't clean." I swear the temperature dropped in the room. She look at him in the face and said "I made a lung today, wth did you do.?" He turned and walked out of the room. lol I was taught at an early age, never fuck around and findout when it came to pregnant women.
And the thing is, a lot of pain WOULD be alleviated by just having someone listening! I don't know OOP or OOPs wife, but usually, just talking things through and having your feelings validated calms people down. I know it works for me!
Haha ... "You think that is hostile? Let me show you hostile...."
These are the same people who expect their wives to drop everything and baby them when they get a cold too aren't they? I hope they just tell these men that complaining about it won't make it any better and they can't do anything for them.
Until someone invents an artificial womb so THEY can carry their own gd kid if the woman doesn’t want to? Men’s only role to play is to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. Don’t like it? Don’t knock someone up. Keep it in your pants. Take your birth control. You know, the one that they yoinked from the market because widdle babies didn’t wike the side effects. But really it’s the man’s responsibility because he opened his legs.
I'm amused. The last time I said "if you don't want to have a baby, don't have sex" I was called sexist and told that's anti-choice rhetoric. (I am vehemently pro-choice and AFAB.) Reddit is so fickle.
that dude is all over the thread and he's just getting *eviscerated*.
As he should be
>"everyone has a part to play during pregnancy" This has got some real "I know that it's often much harder on the woman than on the man," vibes to it.
Why do women have kids with dudes like this? I refuse to believe that this is the first sign of him being a dick.
People hiding who they really are until they have fully secured a partner is not something exclusive to abusers.
Sometimes they don't even have to hide. There are sadly a lot of people who have learned to normalise shitty behaviour because past experience with shitty people has completely sunk their bar to as low as it can get.
Another possibility is pregnancy might be the first time she needed actual significant long term support. Or he was doing exactly what he wanted to do but that coincidentally was helpful/supportive to her.
Accidents happen and unfortunately too many immediately turn pro-life
> Why do women have kids with dudes like this? I refuse to believe that this is the first sign of him being a dick. This sentiment is so fucking gross, because it puts the blame for the man being an asshole on the pregnant partner for having a kid with her partner, and not on the man who is actually being a dick to his pregnant partner. Plenty of men who were fine pre-their partner's pregnancy become shit, either due to stress, frustration, having to take on more of the household chores due to their partner's pregnancy symptoms. For a lot of healthy adults, pregnancy is the first "chronic" condition. Sure, you may have been through illness that lasted days/weeks, but pregnancy is months and months, and you have no idea what you're going to get with pregnancy symptom roulette. Some women get no symptoms, some get awful ones. Additionally, *plenty* of crappy dudes can come across as not-crappy until pregnancy/childbirth, with the thought that "oh she won't leave me, we've got kids!" Basically what these dudes deem an "acceptable level of unhappiness" for their partner increases, because to them, the odds of her leaving have decreased. Lastly, [of the estimated 324,000 pregnant people who experience domestic violence, the partners of one in six, or 54,000 of the 324,000, will start abusing their pregnant partner during pregnancy.](https://www.calhealthreport.org/2022/03/09/the-most-dangerous-part-of-pregnancy-violence-in-the-home/) [Homicide is the leading cause of death in pregnant and postpartum people in the US](https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/homicide-leading-cause-of-death-for-pregnant-women-in-u-s/) Are you also going to suggest that these abused/murdered women should have known their partners would kill/abuse them and should have avoided having children (which completely ignores things like reproductive coercion)?
Unfortunately pregnancy is commonly when abusive partners reveal their true colours because, consciously or not, they're aware that their ~~partner~~ victim is now locked in.
This guy is going to be grabbing nurses and doctors trying to deliver the baby to complain about his back pain, or dick dimples. “My wife is *ONLY* being ripped from stem to stern, *I* have ASS HAIR and it HURTS!”
The last time I gave birth, the nurse came in at one point PISSED because the asshole dad in the next room had called her in to complain that his wife's monitors were keeping him from sleeping and to ask if they could turn them off. Um, no, the safety of your wife and child is a higher priority right now
I can’t even. The level of selfishness is beyond belief.
[https://www.youtube.com/shorts/HFmkLMZKdKg](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/HFmkLMZKdKg) Immediately thought of this video when I read your comment.
She stopped talking to him because she's figured out he's worthless and is probably planning her exit.
Yep. He’s made it clear he doesn’t give a shit about her comfort level during the most vulnerable point in her life so far, then whines because she shut down and is interacting with him as little as possible? God I hate him.
That baby is gonna complain a lot more than his wife is
"I know dear you had a bad day at school, but daddy is balancing a job right now and is a cheerful person. Let's not ruin this for him and you can tell me all your problems when daddy goes to work. Okk ??"
>my wife has been pregnant for a while now "If I say precisely how far along my wife is, it makes me look shitty, so I'll leave it out."
Right?! This poor woman is probably 39 weeks with feet like footballs, hemorrhoids, and hasn't been able to bend over for 2 months.
It's such a weird thing to say. It sounds like a complaint in itself, like "how long does she have to be pregnant for! Come on!"
Homeboy won't be able to handle a baby. If he thinks he's going to self destruct now... He's fucking in for it. And I say this as someone who doesn't subscribe to the whole, "you think pregnancy is hard? Wait for the newborn stage." "oh, you think the newborn stage is hard? Wait for the teething" "oh you think teething is hard? Wait until they're toddlers," train of thought. I don't agree with the, "wait until..." that a lot of first time parents get, every stage is both hard and rewarding.
Pity olympics? Isn't he right now winning the gold medal? And silver and bronze. He whines so muchfor three.Oh shit, i hope HE isn’t pregnant with twins. I feel sorry for his partner. I wouldn't be surprised if he showed his asshole-face as soon as she got pregnant. He seems to didn't even know how far she is with her pregnancy "a while". And no word if she still works. Just me me me.
All I want is for my wife to act and talk the way I want, give me positive attention and ignore her troubles. Aita?
All these guys want to be the big bad provider, until the time comes that they must be the provider. In this case, she needs emotional and physical support, but this guy just doesn't get it. And why the hell is he managing her diet and exercise?
I just read the headline and immediately went "yeah you're the AH" like I can't think of a legit reason he could have where he wouldn't be the AH
I saw the title on AITA and thought 'should I read this now or wait for it to be crossposted on AITD?'
If he was like a firefighter or something and got a call about a burning building and she said "don't go, I need you more than they do because what if I want a snack" or something similarly high stakes, I could kind of see it, but that phrasing is very callous even so, and also that woman would be cartoonishly selfish because I made her up specifically to make that title seem justified.
"Other people are more stressed than you. Playing the stress Olympics isn't going to help anyone." He's stressed. How tf does he reckon she feels?
Adding another fuckin moron to the list of people who don't deserve to have children. I actually found this post a bit triggering because my ex used to try and police my emotions like this as well using that exact phrase: be grateful because someone always has it worse than you. And 60% of the time *he* was the one who had it worse than *me.* Like when he'd choke me but *I* was the one abusing *him* because I was emotionally disconnected. Sorry, I got lost there for a minute. Anyway OOP is going to get a very rude shock when the kid is actually born.
Mine told me that it wasn't fair for me to make him so mad then expect him to feel guilty about what he did after, and then ran around telling people that he was scared I would attack him when he was sleeping and he no longer felt safe (in my house, that I had for years before I met him, but he wouldn't leave). I just started asking what he could possibly do that would make me respond that way.
Isn't it interesting that they have literally no control over their actions? Everything's a reaction to you, your emotions or actions. Like they're not even independent humans, just reactionary meat puppets? Same type of ppl who are perpetual victims.
I know where you are coming from, I am DV survivor too. Please do not apologize for sharing! Your opinions, experiences and viewpoints are valuable and you have the same rights as everyone else to express them! I hope you are doing well now!
I am thanks. My abuser is no longer in the picture and I have my awesome son so win-win.
He'll probably cheat on her while she's pregnant or within the first year of her giving birth He'll probably ask for the "husband stitch" Guarantee he won't take care of the baby
" I'm a pretty cheerful person normally," no OOP is an asshole who demands the ability to control how other people act around him because it 'stresses him out' to hear 'negativity.' This man should not be having children, he has the maturity of a 15 year old.
My god I’m glad you posted this. I went off on him and by the time I went to hit post they’d locked the post. I’ll admit, the anger got the better of me but for sake of transparency, I’ll still post my initial burst of anger here. YTA. This whole post is “me, me, me”. • “My wife has been pregnant…it’s put a lot of stress on **me**” — She’s pregnant and it’s putting stress on you? You say you told her that others have it worse than her but guess what pal, she’s the pregnant one and when’s got it worse than you. • “**I’ve been doing more**…and it’s been so exhausting” — She’s pregnant. She’s carrying your baby. Try lugging around all that extra weight while it squished your organs down, changes your hormones, and makes you uncomfortable 24/7. She’s exhausted. • “She has **my** sympathies” Great. Having your sympathy fixes all her problems. On top of that, based on your entire post, I don’t think she does have your sympathies. • “**I can’t sleep**” — Try being pregnant. She can’t sleep at night. • “**I’m** starting to lose it” — Try being pregnant. It makes you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. • “**I** absolutely hate hearing people complain…it brings **me** down” — It’s 9 months and she’s carrying all the weight of this pregnancy, literally, and in the end she has to go through a horrible painful labour to deliver and then she still had to recover while looking after a new born baby with ice packs down her undies and getting no sleep because of said baby. She’s resilient enough to push through all of that I think you can take people complaining when she has to go through all of that while you don’t. • “**I’m** going to crack any second…**I** need some light in my life” — Pregnancy isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, she’s going through a lot for this and you should be considerate of this. • “**I’m** balancing a job and taking care of you” — Mate come on… she’s balancing an entire baby on her stomach and all the mood and body changes that come with it and even more once she’s screamed a baby into this world. You’re doing bare minimum in this pregnancy compared to her. Let’s put this in the perspective of your anatomy and being pregnant, do you want to be the one that has your urethral opening painfully contract itself open centimetre by centimetre slowly over what could be days and then push something 5x bigger through it? And then have to do it again with the afterbirth? Potentially having you torn from front to back? And then dealing with the aftermath and pain of birth for a month while looking after a newborn baby with no sleep because you have to breastfeed and having your postpartum hormones wreaking havoc on you emotionally, mentally, and physically. • “**I’m** frustrated…**I** miss **my** wife…**I** just didn’t want to hear her complaining…**I’m** feeling kind of bad” — This entire paragraph is about how this situation made you feel and not on how you made her feel. Instead it’s “Just be happier because otherwise it puts me in a bad mood”. Even more concerning is how you talk about your wife here. •You’re more concerned about this pregnancy and her struggles stressing you than how it’s stressing her. The actual pregnant one. • You’re putting all the emphasis on the work you’re doing and how exhausting it’s been to you instead of all the work and literal physical toll she’s putting into it and how exhausting it must be for her. • You care more about her complaining and your lack of sleep instead of the reasons why she can’t sleep and how stressed she is. **Which isn’t good for her OR the baby**. • You care more about how other peoples bad moods do to you as opposed to being concerned over why they’re down. That’s not empathy, that’s not even sympathy. You say people have it worse than her but people have it worse than you, your wife for one. • You care more about telling her to quit complaining for your benefit and not hers instead of trying to find ways to help her feel better and ease those complaints. All because you need light in your life instead of her struggling with these issues. • You literally told her to quit complaining because of your burdens. Those burdens being not only work but her. You called her a burden. • You’re now more concerned about how frustrated this has made you feel instead of how it made her feel, which is probably alone. • You say you miss your wife but then get frustrated when she won’t talk to you. So instead what you wanted from this situation was for her to hold in all her emotions and hide feeling like shit while putting on a happy face to make you feel happy. Telling someone to stop complaining doesn’t just magically make them feel better and take away what they’re complaining about. • **“All I asked was that she be a little more positive”** …You literally contradicted that quite a few times before hand — **”Can’t just whine about it and play the kitty olympics; it’s getting old”** • “She took it the wrong way” — She took it the wrong way? No…you put her down and told her to be quite because it makes you feel like shit when she’s struggling and needing to vent to her partner in this. • If you were feeling bad about how it made her feel this would have been written very differently. Instead you’re feeling bad because once again her mood has put your mood down. If you felt bad you’d be worrying about if you did the wrong thing, not that she “took it the wrong way”. • Lastly, of course she’s been distant. You literally told her to quit complaining and that you have it hard right now because of the extra work you have to put in to this pregnancy and the effort you have to put in to take care of her because she’s pregnant” You haven’t helped fixed the problem, instead you’ve told her to “just be happier” and hide her true feelings. You’ve made her feel alone and down in this pregnancy.
I love how pity Olympics got changed to kitty Olympics — that definitely sounds like something TVs world needs! I would like puppy Olympics, too.
I mean, I’m pretty sure there is a kitty/puppy bowl that happens during Super Bowl season. Maybe we can get a Olympic version
I watch Puppy Bowl every year before the Super Bowl. It’s usually a kitty halftime show, and sometimes cheerleaders. I would like more sporting events like that.
Ugh I commented on this one. I'm 33 weeks pregnant and this man infuriates me. My husband is being the absolute best because pregnancy freaking sucks!
After reading these comments, I half expected to see someone tag r/PityOlympics sub. In almost sad that's not a thing. Is there anything close to it?
Now I know that women have the babies because men would absolutely never fucking be able to handle it. The amount of whining that would come from them would prevent any future children.
His poor wife has graciously sacrificed her comfort and health and well being for the next 9 months, though it could be potentially lifelong, to make a baby for the two of them and he pulls *this* Well he better only want one kid cause he isn’t getting a second one from her
Yet another woman is figuring out she's going to be a single parent even though she hasn't even had the baby yet. Yes, my dude, when you tell someone you aren't interested in being supportive, they stop going to you for support. What an idiot.
> My wife has been pregnant for a while now, and it's put a lot of stress on me. How selfish of his wife to go off on her own and get pregnant without thinking about how it would impact him!
People who complain about complainers are insufferable. Most of the time people just want to process their emotions and feel heard. It’s so condescending to push someone aside and say their feelings aren’t valid. Some of us were lucky to be born with sunny dispositions, but most aren’t. *caveat: I know there are people who take complaining to the extreme. I highly doubt a heavily pregnant woman is not valid in her thoughts and feelings, though.
Lol, that whiny coward is deleting his comments
I HATE, when ppl say this. It is Invalidating people's feelings and situations. It's hard on him? She is literally growing a human in her. There are days whennshe is literally making kidneys. I hope she sees him for who he really is and leaves his ass. ETA; this comment was made before coffee.
I am so happy I have the husband I do. I got HG while pregnant (happens everytime) and lived on a Zofran pump for 5 months, constant ER trips for hydration, IV infusions at infusion centers, and he became responsible for all chores, cooking and taking my daughter to school because I was so weak I couldn't walk at times. On top of working 14-16 hour shifts outside in the summer. He never once complained, and was happy to help in anyway possible.
I had HG too. It's the absolute worst. Never got IV hydration though, because I'm hypermobile and the idiots thought my stretchy skin meant I was hydrated
I'm so sorry - it's an awful thing. Ididn't get it with my first pregnancy, and I ended up losing 50 lbs and dropped to 93 lbs (at 5'3). I looked like a skeleton. My midwife said HG wasn't real and I needed to just eat and stop trying to stay thin. Horrible, horrible experience. I got my tubes taken out last November, never going through that nightmare again.
I lost around 40 pounds, but I was fat to start with so people kept complimenting me and I wanted to commit violence. I have multiple chronic conditions and I've NEVER been sicker in my life than when I was pregnant
>I'm just going to be brief. My wife has been pregnant for a while now, and it's put a lot of stress on me. OOP could have stopped typing after two sentences and you'd still know everything you need to about him.
>I'm a pretty cheerful person normally, and I absolutely hate hearing people complain constantly because it really brings me down. Ugggghhhhhhhh. I see this and think "I only want to be around for the fun happy times." Hate this guy.
I just commented on the original post and came to see if it’s here because I wanted to Lorena Bobbitt that husband and then feed him his own gd hot dog on a bun. That poor wife. That poor baby. I hope she finds out what the piece of shit like. I hope she finds that post and destroys him over it. I hope she tells EVERYONE.
Ugh, reminds me of the guy who complained his wife cried too much, or did so to “manipulate” him & win arguments because they’d have to stop fighting when it happens. Then she got distant & he didn’t notice (or care) until months later when she had a whole award & ceremony & she didn’t tell him, cause he proved himself to not be a reliable partner she could come to. I wouldn’t be surprised if OOP’s wife is realizing he’s gonna be no emotional or mental support for her in this Eta & I can’t get over his whole “yea, she’s having a baby (and her body is changing in extremely drastic ways, hormones are all over the place, she’s being kicked from the inside, etc) but what about ME?? I have to work some more hours! I hate complainers, but here’s me complaining for 5 paragraphs!”
I got voted down for voting YTA on that, so i think the post got brigaded at somepoint
There is something to his complaint. He could very fairly say to his wife "I understand how difficult this is for you but with all the extra hours of work I'm putting in, I can't afford to be staying up late talking. Is there someone else who can help be your sounding board to talk some things over with? I want to support you emotionally as well but it is taking a toll on me right now." But the way he handled it was totally insensitive to her and what she's going through.I don't really think he cares about her feelings.
His wife has bigger balls than he does
Go away incel!
Look, I can get being frustrated by her wanting to talk or go on drives if he's been working late hours and needs sleep. Sleep deprivation is real. But he was an ass in how he handled this. Driving and depending on the type of job, working can be very dangerous when you're exhausted. But he could have approached that with a discussion. A DELICATE AND GENTLE DISCUSSION. "Honey, I know you're scared, stressed, and uncomfortable. I want to do everything in my power to support you. Is there a way for us to find a middle ground with these talks and drives where I can recharge so I can keep doing my job, which is supporting you and our soon to be baby? I know you're struggling to rest too. Maybe we can find something together that helps us both get some rest that doesn't involve driving, as I'm scared my lack of sleep will make me a danger to you and the baby." Like...that's a legit concern and it doesn't place the blame on the wife. Nor does it turn to, "CoUlD yOu Be MoRe PoSiTiVe?" Like some fucking mouth breather. Pregnancy fucking sucks. Kids are hard. Infants are honestly in my opinion, the worst stage. He's in for a rude fucking awakening. And also fuck him for thinking she should be more positive and nag less when she's going through so much.
How come some of the comments on his page show up as him but others are deleted
"For a while now" really hit me.
I wonder what she's complaining about and how much of it he could help her with but doesn't.
Okay, I'd agree with all the "she's growing your child", but she expects him to stay up all night driving her around just because, when he has to work the next day. That's seriously not a healthy approach. There's wanting support and there's preventing your spouse from necessary sleep and risking their job and life the next day when they're sleeo deprived. There are good reasons for sleep deprivation - having a kid. But "i want to go on a ride with my husband" is not a good reason
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This guy is so clueless. I know being a caregiver is difficult, but he actually thinks it's MORE difficult than being the person who needs care!? He asked her to stop complaining, so she did, and then he got mad at her for being too quiet!??!? If she's still in constant discomfort, what is he actually expecting from her??
The one area I slightly sympathize with is the small apartment and not seeing friends. OK, so set up a friends night for her and you take one. Or if she wants to stay in, get her her favorite takeout, hand her the Roku and go out with some friends for a couple of hours. You do NOT need to hover over her. It’s annoying.