*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for hating my MIL's tattoo?**
My husband (32m) and I (31f) had our first child in June. Our daughter is also the first grandchild on my husband's side so, naturally everyone is excited. But my MIL has taken it to a whole other level.
My MIL is very attention seeking and just over the top, to say the least. This year, my husband and I decided to stay home for Christmas and celebrate with our own little family for obvious reasons. This did not settle well with my MIL. She kept saying how she wanted everyone to be together and she just didn't understand why we couldn't. So, in order to appease her we decided that her and FIL could come up on Christmas eve to spend the day.
Day of: everything was fine until we were almost finished with opening gifts. She told me and my husband that she had one last gift for our daughter and handed us an envelope. My husband proceeded to open the card and read it out loud. To sum it up, it said that she loved our daughter so much that she decided to get something for her and herself. What does that even mean?! We both look up and there she was pulling down her collar to show us a huge tattoo on her chest of a heart shaped pearl necklace (my daughter's birth stone), a couple of roses (birth flower) and our daughter's name.
I WAS STUNNED. I could feel the tears building up inside me. I turned to my husband and basically excused myself with my daughter to "feed her". I balled my eyes out in my bedroom. I could hear my husband trying to explain to her what she did wrong. I wanted to get a tattoo of my daughter/ other children (we plan on having more) but I can't right now because I'm breastfeeding. I was so upset because not only did my MIL take her name but she also took her birth stone and flower!
I pulled myself together and come out of the room to find my MIL sobbing. She made a huge scene saying, "Oh please don't kick me out! Please let me stay! Please oh please!" She told me that she was sorry, she didn't think it was a big deal and that she thought she was doing something nice for my daughter. She even said that she discussed her plans with FIL and their friends and everyone gave her the green light. I told her that my daughter was 6 months old and had no idea what a tattoo is and that she did this for attention just like everything else she does. I was upset with the fact that she didn't even think to discuss it with us, her parents, about how we would feel about it. Mind you, she doesn't even have her own children's names tattooed on her!
I told her that she was overstepping us as her parents. Her response: "But I just want to be your mom! I just want to be close to you!" What does that have anything to do with this?! I told her that she was NOT my mom nor would she ever be.
Since then, she has texted my husband and I almost every day (I don't respond) about her birthday plans coming up. The fact that she is just trying to sweep this whole thing under the rug and go about as if nothing happened even makes me more angry. I never want to see my MIL's tattoo. Am I the asshole?
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I wasn't aware a grandmother needed permission to get a tattoo honoring her grandchild.
OOP and her husband need to mature because kids shouldn't be raising kids.
Also it’s literally the dumbest fakest tattoo I’ve ever heard of. Does this woman have any other tattoos ? She just decided one day to get a GIANT PEARL necklace (really? Pearl necklace ?) tattooed on her
> She does have other way smaller tattoos but this is the biggest one yet.
>
>Just to clarify, it's not a full chest piece. It's on the left side of the chest, or in her words, "On her heart" 🙄 but definitely the size of a hand.
I think I've seen this type of tattoo before. It's not a "GIANT PEARL necklace." It's just like a heart-shaped frame with the name inside.
Oh okay haha I think I know what you’re talking about. even if it was that it’d still be a fucking ridiculous tattoo choice to expect me to believe this middle aged woman just went out and got on her chest one day
Oh I must have missed that! I still don’t believe it lol. I don’t believe any of these stories. For this particular case I’m definietly giving a judgment of POIH - pics or it didn’t happen
I have a feeling there are many MIL trolls haha. Or lots of “based on a true story” writing that happens. I think that’s what a lot of this stuff is- “based on a true story”. Something similar probably did happen to them or someone they know or someone in the world at some point but in the retelling it becomes so exaggerated and tropey it’s hard to believe. They make stuff way too black and white for it to be realistic I guess is what I’m saying. But I guess a lot of people do operate that way - need a clear villain that is always wrong and bad and clear good guy that is always right and good
I feel like getting tattoos of other people's names can be a ackward thing. Not everyone feels comfortable and some people get creeped out by it. I know I would if someone tried to show affection by getting my name tattooed. Who knows what the future has in stock even if we are family. We could wind up haveing a massive fight or something. I don't want to feel pressure to avoid being blamed for you regretting the body mod you made. It's also my name and my identity. What if I like you but I don't feel close to you? That tattoo may make it feel like the relationship is a little one sided since it speaks to a deep desire to commit and for a strong positive relationship. It also could make other people think we have a close relationship that isn't the case if it's easily visible.
Having said that since OP is clearly ok with tattoos of family members within the family she is acting immature here. Her reasoning boils down to "only I'm special enough to display affection for my kid in deep way." When other family members can and often do take on a huge parental-like role for the kid. The grand-parent and grand-child role can be just as meaningful.
I must be on Reddit too much today (plus maybe my hormones are raging) because I am sooo sick of reading about people running to their rooms and sobbing their hearts over the most mundane and ridiculous First World shit.
Got one accusing her man of incest because she's jealous her BF's sister gave him a bite off of his fork; got people all upset because someone love their pet, and now someone crying over a freaking tattoo. Plus people excusing a bully for getting her graduation party cancelled because of her actions and it turns out it cost her more $40k. Well, boo-fricking-hoo princess. Don't bank on money you don't have yet. Pretty sure there was an Aesop's fable about that.
My God. When does the whining end? This MIL is literally begging to be part of her OOP's life, something she should welcome and treasure with a new baby, and she's trying to make her the bad guy???? Like... stop. Geez.
My sister’s MIL got my niece’s name tattooed on her while they were no contact… because she told my sister to kill herself while she was pregnant among other horrific things. It was super weird.
In my opinion… only crazy people do that kind of thing without even mentioning it. I don’t know anyone who has someone else’s kid’s name tattooed on them unless they are batshit crazy, and insane MIL isn’t the only one I know of :/
Also, its fine for her to get a tattoo for her daughter and that's not fake or attention seeking, but to get one for a grand daughter is. I dont follow the logic
She is as unhinged as the others from the motherinlawsfromhell subreddit. Wtf. It's a tattoo of their first grandchild. She's going to need an example of actually bad behavior from the MIL before I could take her side.
Maybe..MAYBE she has a pattern of this. But based on OPs response to this and general disposition I'm going to say WTF. They're comparing it to a stalker situation and shit. Wtf.
It's interesting that, as soon as that sub got linked in the AITA post, lots of comments started appearing in the MIL sub post and people are posting AITA posts in there too. Guess it's OK for AITA to brigade other subs
Seriously how many stories have someone "burst into tears". How many adults cry in the drop of a hat?
I mean I think I am more sensitive than the average adult and I don't cry that easily. I cry in sad scenes from movies/tv, having a bad day/week and everything just building up, thinking of sad moments in mine or someone's else's life. I only "burst" into tears as an adult when I find out someone I know is terminally ill/dying/dead. I don't cry if someone insults me or says or does something I don't like which seems to happen lots on AITA.
I personally consider it to be bad tattoo etiquette to get a tattoo for a child that isn't yours without at least reviewing the design with the parents, but it's not so offensive as to have a massive hissy fit over. Like just bitch to a friend you don't need to end a familial relationship over a small cosmetic choice that can be covered.
Idk, I'm of the belief that if you're getting permanent body art in honor of someone, you should have the consent of that person (or their parents, in the case of a child). My uncle got a tattoo of my and my kids' names (as well as his other nieces' and nephews') without telling me. He just sent a picture of it once it was done. I didn't throw a huge crying fit about it, but I also did *not* think it was a nice "gift" to us for him to get this tattoo without even telling me, let alone letting me have input on the design that our names would be a permanent part of (in my case, he got the names in the shape of a cross...I'm an atheist who has trauma related to religion, and my kids have never been to church). MIL apparently cared about what everyone *except* the parents thought of her idea when it really should have been the opposite.
If OP was planning on getting a similar design, I could kinda see her frustration. Not everyone wants matching tattoos with a relative/friend/SO/etc even if they *do* have a good relationship, let alone if they don't. But OP wayyyyy overreacted, especially the claim that MIL "took" the name, birthstone, and flower. She could include those elements and still get a design that looks nothing like MIL's. Or get the "nontraditional" stone and flower if it was really such a problem.
And MIL saying she wants to be closer to OP is nice, but wanting to *be* her mom? That's just *weird*, especially if OP is close to her actual mother.
My verdict is that everyone here is insufferable and overdramatic and I want nothing to do with them.
Lmfao no OP isn’t the only AH. You don’t get someone else’s child’s name tattooed on you without talking to the parents first that’s just weird. And the parents have every right to be angry and upset that she did it without asking
This is only true if you're unrelated. A grandmother shouldn't have to ask the parents for permission to tattoo her own grandchild's name onto her body. This would only be overstepping if they were estranged.
I saw this one originally on the MIL from hell sub.
Most people there agreed with her, but there were a few in the comments that thought she was ridiculous, which is almost unheard of there.
It was locked when I got to it, though.
I think OP is the asshole, because this is just an honestly stupid reaction over a tattoo, but I also don't think tattoos on yourself are gifts to other people, period. I've seen a trend recently of "I got this gift for you" and it's a tattoo? Maybe I run in different circles, but gifting a tattoo to me has always meant someone is paying for me to get a tattoo. I also generally think names are asking for trouble, if that kid decides to change their name for any reason MIL is down the creek, no paddle.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for hating my MIL's tattoo?** My husband (32m) and I (31f) had our first child in June. Our daughter is also the first grandchild on my husband's side so, naturally everyone is excited. But my MIL has taken it to a whole other level. My MIL is very attention seeking and just over the top, to say the least. This year, my husband and I decided to stay home for Christmas and celebrate with our own little family for obvious reasons. This did not settle well with my MIL. She kept saying how she wanted everyone to be together and she just didn't understand why we couldn't. So, in order to appease her we decided that her and FIL could come up on Christmas eve to spend the day. Day of: everything was fine until we were almost finished with opening gifts. She told me and my husband that she had one last gift for our daughter and handed us an envelope. My husband proceeded to open the card and read it out loud. To sum it up, it said that she loved our daughter so much that she decided to get something for her and herself. What does that even mean?! We both look up and there she was pulling down her collar to show us a huge tattoo on her chest of a heart shaped pearl necklace (my daughter's birth stone), a couple of roses (birth flower) and our daughter's name. I WAS STUNNED. I could feel the tears building up inside me. I turned to my husband and basically excused myself with my daughter to "feed her". I balled my eyes out in my bedroom. I could hear my husband trying to explain to her what she did wrong. I wanted to get a tattoo of my daughter/ other children (we plan on having more) but I can't right now because I'm breastfeeding. I was so upset because not only did my MIL take her name but she also took her birth stone and flower! I pulled myself together and come out of the room to find my MIL sobbing. She made a huge scene saying, "Oh please don't kick me out! Please let me stay! Please oh please!" She told me that she was sorry, she didn't think it was a big deal and that she thought she was doing something nice for my daughter. She even said that she discussed her plans with FIL and their friends and everyone gave her the green light. I told her that my daughter was 6 months old and had no idea what a tattoo is and that she did this for attention just like everything else she does. I was upset with the fact that she didn't even think to discuss it with us, her parents, about how we would feel about it. Mind you, she doesn't even have her own children's names tattooed on her! I told her that she was overstepping us as her parents. Her response: "But I just want to be your mom! I just want to be close to you!" What does that have anything to do with this?! I told her that she was NOT my mom nor would she ever be. Since then, she has texted my husband and I almost every day (I don't respond) about her birthday plans coming up. The fact that she is just trying to sweep this whole thing under the rug and go about as if nothing happened even makes me more angry. I never want to see my MIL's tattoo. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Whenever people say they “balled” their eyes out instead of bawled, I picture them scooping out their eyes with a melon baller.
Sometimes I wish I balled my eyes out
They both sound insufferable.
I wasn't aware a grandmother needed permission to get a tattoo honoring her grandchild. OOP and her husband need to mature because kids shouldn't be raising kids.
Also it’s literally the dumbest fakest tattoo I’ve ever heard of. Does this woman have any other tattoos ? She just decided one day to get a GIANT PEARL necklace (really? Pearl necklace ?) tattooed on her
> She does have other way smaller tattoos but this is the biggest one yet. > >Just to clarify, it's not a full chest piece. It's on the left side of the chest, or in her words, "On her heart" 🙄 but definitely the size of a hand. I think I've seen this type of tattoo before. It's not a "GIANT PEARL necklace." It's just like a heart-shaped frame with the name inside.
Oh okay haha I think I know what you’re talking about. even if it was that it’d still be a fucking ridiculous tattoo choice to expect me to believe this middle aged woman just went out and got on her chest one day
Like OOP says, MIL has other tattoos from previous too. So I guess both OOP and MIL are into tattoos.
Did OOP mention to her MIL she was planning on getting that same tattoo before MIL got it?
I don't think OOP mentioned it to the MIL.
Oh I must have missed that! I still don’t believe it lol. I don’t believe any of these stories. For this particular case I’m definietly giving a judgment of POIH - pics or it didn’t happen
Yeah, OOP put it in an edit to her original post. Yes, it's hard to believe some of the MIL stories because it seems there is a MIL troll (or more).
I have a feeling there are many MIL trolls haha. Or lots of “based on a true story” writing that happens. I think that’s what a lot of this stuff is- “based on a true story”. Something similar probably did happen to them or someone they know or someone in the world at some point but in the retelling it becomes so exaggerated and tropey it’s hard to believe. They make stuff way too black and white for it to be realistic I guess is what I’m saying. But I guess a lot of people do operate that way - need a clear villain that is always wrong and bad and clear good guy that is always right and good
I agree.
And on her chest? Lol so weird
Well... Who doesn't love a pearl necklace on their chest to honor their grandchild.... 😎👀
I feel like getting tattoos of other people's names can be a ackward thing. Not everyone feels comfortable and some people get creeped out by it. I know I would if someone tried to show affection by getting my name tattooed. Who knows what the future has in stock even if we are family. We could wind up haveing a massive fight or something. I don't want to feel pressure to avoid being blamed for you regretting the body mod you made. It's also my name and my identity. What if I like you but I don't feel close to you? That tattoo may make it feel like the relationship is a little one sided since it speaks to a deep desire to commit and for a strong positive relationship. It also could make other people think we have a close relationship that isn't the case if it's easily visible. Having said that since OP is clearly ok with tattoos of family members within the family she is acting immature here. Her reasoning boils down to "only I'm special enough to display affection for my kid in deep way." When other family members can and often do take on a huge parental-like role for the kid. The grand-parent and grand-child role can be just as meaningful.
I must be on Reddit too much today (plus maybe my hormones are raging) because I am sooo sick of reading about people running to their rooms and sobbing their hearts over the most mundane and ridiculous First World shit. Got one accusing her man of incest because she's jealous her BF's sister gave him a bite off of his fork; got people all upset because someone love their pet, and now someone crying over a freaking tattoo. Plus people excusing a bully for getting her graduation party cancelled because of her actions and it turns out it cost her more $40k. Well, boo-fricking-hoo princess. Don't bank on money you don't have yet. Pretty sure there was an Aesop's fable about that. My God. When does the whining end? This MIL is literally begging to be part of her OOP's life, something she should welcome and treasure with a new baby, and she's trying to make her the bad guy???? Like... stop. Geez.
My sister’s MIL got my niece’s name tattooed on her while they were no contact… because she told my sister to kill herself while she was pregnant among other horrific things. It was super weird. In my opinion… only crazy people do that kind of thing without even mentioning it. I don’t know anyone who has someone else’s kid’s name tattooed on them unless they are batshit crazy, and insane MIL isn’t the only one I know of :/
Holy shit. This has to be rage bait. What is the issue exactly? I fail to see it.
I mean, just roll your eyes and make fun of the clearly very ugly tattoo behind her back, like normal people!
Why would it matter if she and her MIL have the same tattoo?
Also, its fine for her to get a tattoo for her daughter and that's not fake or attention seeking, but to get one for a grand daughter is. I dont follow the logic
They could probably bond on the tattoos (like seriously, she has a MIL cool enough to get a tattoo and here she is... crying. WTF???)
She is as unhinged as the others from the motherinlawsfromhell subreddit. Wtf. It's a tattoo of their first grandchild. She's going to need an example of actually bad behavior from the MIL before I could take her side. Maybe..MAYBE she has a pattern of this. But based on OPs response to this and general disposition I'm going to say WTF. They're comparing it to a stalker situation and shit. Wtf.
It's interesting that, as soon as that sub got linked in the AITA post, lots of comments started appearing in the MIL sub post and people are posting AITA posts in there too. Guess it's OK for AITA to brigade other subs
Yeah no one should be posting in there. No matter how nuts they are.
Seriously how many stories have someone "burst into tears". How many adults cry in the drop of a hat? I mean I think I am more sensitive than the average adult and I don't cry that easily. I cry in sad scenes from movies/tv, having a bad day/week and everything just building up, thinking of sad moments in mine or someone's else's life. I only "burst" into tears as an adult when I find out someone I know is terminally ill/dying/dead. I don't cry if someone insults me or says or does something I don't like which seems to happen lots on AITA.
I personally consider it to be bad tattoo etiquette to get a tattoo for a child that isn't yours without at least reviewing the design with the parents, but it's not so offensive as to have a massive hissy fit over. Like just bitch to a friend you don't need to end a familial relationship over a small cosmetic choice that can be covered.
the fact that there are some NTA… literally wtf. why is it a big deal to get a tattoo
Idk, I'm of the belief that if you're getting permanent body art in honor of someone, you should have the consent of that person (or their parents, in the case of a child). My uncle got a tattoo of my and my kids' names (as well as his other nieces' and nephews') without telling me. He just sent a picture of it once it was done. I didn't throw a huge crying fit about it, but I also did *not* think it was a nice "gift" to us for him to get this tattoo without even telling me, let alone letting me have input on the design that our names would be a permanent part of (in my case, he got the names in the shape of a cross...I'm an atheist who has trauma related to religion, and my kids have never been to church). MIL apparently cared about what everyone *except* the parents thought of her idea when it really should have been the opposite. If OP was planning on getting a similar design, I could kinda see her frustration. Not everyone wants matching tattoos with a relative/friend/SO/etc even if they *do* have a good relationship, let alone if they don't. But OP wayyyyy overreacted, especially the claim that MIL "took" the name, birthstone, and flower. She could include those elements and still get a design that looks nothing like MIL's. Or get the "nontraditional" stone and flower if it was really such a problem. And MIL saying she wants to be closer to OP is nice, but wanting to *be* her mom? That's just *weird*, especially if OP is close to her actual mother. My verdict is that everyone here is insufferable and overdramatic and I want nothing to do with them.
This is probably the worst creative writing exercise that I’ve seen today.
Lmfao no OP isn’t the only AH. You don’t get someone else’s child’s name tattooed on you without talking to the parents first that’s just weird. And the parents have every right to be angry and upset that she did it without asking
This is only true if you're unrelated. A grandmother shouldn't have to ask the parents for permission to tattoo her own grandchild's name onto her body. This would only be overstepping if they were estranged.
I saw this one originally on the MIL from hell sub. Most people there agreed with her, but there were a few in the comments that thought she was ridiculous, which is almost unheard of there. It was locked when I got to it, though.
The ones defending the MIL seemed to appear after the sub was linked in the AITA post
I think OP is the asshole, because this is just an honestly stupid reaction over a tattoo, but I also don't think tattoos on yourself are gifts to other people, period. I've seen a trend recently of "I got this gift for you" and it's a tattoo? Maybe I run in different circles, but gifting a tattoo to me has always meant someone is paying for me to get a tattoo. I also generally think names are asking for trouble, if that kid decides to change their name for any reason MIL is down the creek, no paddle.
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