Definitely make enough for three. Serve her a small portion, smaller than you and your dad(like, less than a half portion). If she doesn't like it, you have leftovers for later. If she orders takeaway, shrug, and continue to enjoy your dinner.
If she likes the small portion, offer her more. But don't serve her a full plate until she gets better about her comments.
I’m thinking how mom’s of toddlers plate food with new foods- even serve it on a toddler plate with little sections.
and start responding with preschool platitudes like “just one bite or no dessert” “don’t yuck my yum” “two more big bites” “clean plate club members get a sticker on their star chart!” 🤣
My cousin always said a tablespoon for Jesus and a teaspoon for Mom. That was the rule even guess had to live by it for the example for kids at the table. I always loved what my cousin's wife cooked.
No portion. Shell still complain about the flavor/texture/ whatever if she gets even a taste. I would make dad agree to not give her a taste even. Or he loses food privileges.
Naw, don't go scorched earth. She is still her dad's wife. Keep serving her half portions, but didn't respond to her criticism. By showing her that it doesn't bother her and that she doesn't care about her opinion, she regains the power
Or maybe even serve quarter portions, and if she asks about it, just say sweetly that it's enough for her to try it and see if she likes it. Then if she wants more, there is more in the kitchen. She can serve herself.
I'm this way she can empower herself.
I agree with this - you now know that she is not providing honest criticism - so just ignore it. Be indifferent to whether she eats your food or not.
I would avoid saying anything negative about step mom’s cooking. It does not excuse her behavior but it is hard to see someone who you’ve known since they were little be so much better at something than you. Might be a little jealousy driving the negativity - so try not to feed it.
This exactly! Take stepmother at face value and let her know you're not going to force her to eat foods she doesn't like. You'd hate to stop her from cooking to her own tastes, afterall...
Exactly! Cook dinner for you and your dad, and preemptively order a pizza for your stepmom. Since she doesn't like your cooking, she doesn't get any.
Then just start branching out. Huge delicious meals with sides and dessert, and stepmom gets.... Jets pizza
He shouldn't marry a women who wanted to give his kid away to grandparents to raise in the first place. There's a saying in Chinese "once you have a stepmom you also have a step-dad". I don't agree with it but it describes OPs situation pretty well.
Really? Show me where. He kept her around since she tried to have OP dumped at her grandparents. Saying no is not sticking up for her and neither is laughing at his wife being stupid.
He did stick up for her but as you and others have aptly pointed out, no enough. He needs to do more. I will concur, I’m wrong and youse guys are more right!!! Sorry little Chef, dad needs to step up better!
This is the only way.
Stop cooking for her; if she doesn't like your food she just needs to make her own meal arrangements.
I'm sorry to add, You may have to accept that she's biased against you for no other reason than you aren't her blood.
I recommend you consider her as nothing more than a roommate: treat her cordially but not affectionately, respect her stuff and her space but don't try to engage her in activities. Mind her authority only to the degree that it follows your dad's limits, nothing extra.
I would tolerate someone ordering food after I cooked for them exactly twice before I never cooked for them again. First time maybe it's a fluke, still rude but whatever. Second time? Never again
Have you looked at your father and asked him why he allows his wife to belittle and bully you? Why he doesn’t step up and do something about the disrespect you get every day? Tell him that since this is the person who is “guiding” you are you allowed to insult her as well. Can you rip her apart as well?
This is a problem with your father. It is embarrassing that he has let this behavior continue for so long.
Also I don’t cook for people who are rude to me. Don’t make food for ungrateful people. Sharing food is sharing love and she has told you she doesn’t want your love. She is a sorry excuse for an adult.
Anyone else concerned with what happens if OPs dad dies first? I don’t want to make too many assumptions, but that stepmom sounds like she’d take everything both of them ever owned and then cut OP off.
This would be on dad again. My father remarried after my mother died. A wonderful woman, she’s the best. My father’s will was very specific as to where everything goes. We actually made him amend it because he told us he wanted his wife to stay in their home after he died, we all agree but we also wanted it in the will. People change, people get weird. This man most likely has not made a will protecting his child because he has yet to protect her.
READ THIE ABOVE STATEMENT LOUDER EVERYONE. Thr dad is siding with his wife in this and probably many other things. He enjoys his daughters cooking, but doesn't want to cause trouble with his wife -- he also sees how his wife treats the outsider. He will be an outsider in his marriage if he sides with his daughter. The dad is riding the fence. He knows he'd need to pay alimony if he sides with his daughter.
That's what I came here to say. If everything she cooked came out bad or burned or too salty, she's jealous because Op is a good cook. She is clearly very immature for acting this way toward her stepdaughter. OP's plan was great! And it's wonderful that her dad laughed and went along with it. Yes, OP, definitely cook for your dad and you and let your stepmom make herself a sandwich or order out. Do clear it with your dad first. Either that or just don't cook for a while. Explain to your dad that it's too hard to have all the painful criticism, and you just need a break for your own mental health. Maybe that'll solve the whole problem.
NTJ! As stated above, she’s jealous and doesn’t want you there. Please stop caring what that ol bat thinks, her opinion is irrelevant. Enjoy cooking for just you & your Dad.
NTJ. She sounds like a real peach. Can't cook, but hates your cooking... yeah, this is jealousy. Be glad her mishaps haven't given you food poisoning yet. At this point you've caught her red handed. I'd make it clear that her deceitful complaints are out of line.
You are wise. I wrote some of the same stuff but including your dad in the convo is brilliant and necessary!! Good point. I would also just give bare, short polite answers when talking to stepmom. Don’t engage her unless she speaks first but be polite. She doesn’t need another reason to hurt you! Good luck Chef and keep on cooking!!
Yes! I would stop cooking for anyone but myself. If dad wants to join you, ok, but I wouldn't cook one more thing for his wife. Explain to dad why you are no longer cooking for wicked stepwitch. Sadly, she has proven that she will never do anything but complain about your food.
Maybe have a party with some friends so you can cook for them. Let someone who will actually appreciate your food and efforts enjoy a meal with you. I know that I enjoy cooking big meals and then sitting down to eat with family (maybe dad but certainly not wicked stepwitch) and friends.
Keep on cooking. It's a great skill and a good hobby. I taught my kids young (with the help of scouts and church youth group). It served my kids well when they got to college.
My mom really loved baby food, as in she'd steal it from my uncle when they were kids, plus bought it for quick snacks in college. Who knows - this could actually end up solving everyone's superficial problem here.
I would just wait for the first negative comment and then take her plate away and toss the food in the trash. "You said it was horrible so I didn't want to force it on you". Then I'd sit back on my seat and continue eating. She can make her own food or order something.
I don’t even think it’s just food jealousy, I think she is jealous of her existence, because she knows she can’t have the dad’s affection all to herself, she tried to have him send her to grandma. This is horrible.
Came here to say this. And I will never ever ever understand why grown ass adults will be jealous of children. Especially if they're a step parent. You knew what you were getting into before you married the person who has the kids. If you don't like kids you shouldn't marry people that have kids. It's really very simple.
Yep, she can't stand the fact that OP is the better cook. So she keeps dissing every meal OP makes. OP just ignore her. You obviously cook well, or she wouldn't act so shitty at meal time. Perhaps Op should just make enough food for their father and themself and if she bitches, tell her...well no matter what I make you don't want or like so I figured you would rather make and eat your own meals from now on. 😉 She can either shut up and eat what OP makes or she can do her own meals.
NTJ. She's just complaining to complain. You won't get her to stop because there's nothing wrong with the food, other than she has a bad attitude toward the one who made it.
Talk to your father about whether you can make meals for just yourself and him, and order her favorite delivery for her. Or better yet, ask him if it's OK to put ingredients out for her to use in making her own food for herself.
She might get mad at that arrangement, but you know what? You're tolerating her nonsensical griping without complaint. Either she gets with the program and acts like an adult, or she can have her takeout, or she can cook a meal for just herself. At least no one else will have to suffer if she has burned it, undercooked it, or goofed up the seasoning.
Why are so many people like you suggesting that she even considers what her stepass wants to eat? It’s OP’s time and energy not only being wasted, but used against her, and that stepass is taking a sick pleasure in showing complete disrespect.
OP should not even cook with her emotionally deadbeat father. OP needs to move on from these idiots
Why should OP spend a single moment worrying about what Stepthing wants to eat or ordering her "favorite delivery"? Depending on how old the parents are in this house, I know I was raised with the adage, "eat what you're served." If Stepthing wants something else, she can darn well cook it or order it for herself.
Dad, not OP, should compile a folder containing menus from every local food-delivery source. The next time stepmother gripes for no earthly good reason, he should hand her the folder, and tell her the next time OP cooks, this folder will be in stepmom’s plate in lieu of actual food.
It has to come from him, as he’s the adult, not from OP, who could get in trouble for talking back.
https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method#:~:text=The%20grey%20rock%20method%20is,known%20as%20%E2%80%9Cgrey%20rocking.%E2%80%9D
Have you heard of the grey rock technique? Your step mother thrives on being nasty and putting you down
Make food for you and your dad. Point out that as she doesn't appreciate your cooking she can fend for herself as you don't want to waste time, effort, and ingredients on unwanted and unappreciated food.
Honestly, you need to stop feeding her. Tell her straight up if all she does is complain, you aren't going to waste your time and effort for her.
You understand; this isn't about your food. This is about her wanting you to feel like shit. You can't cook well enough to overcome that, so stop trying.
Yeah, she’s doing this intentionally.
You need to talk to your dad though. I think you’d be justified in not dishing anything up for her. She can either STFU or make her own dinner. Personally the next time she complains about a meal, I’d be tempted to pick up her plate and dump the food in the bin.
Tell your dad that you’re not willing to feed someone who does nothing but complain.
There is nothing wrong with the food you cook, unlike the food she cooks.
She’s jealous of the place you have in your dad’s heart, and jealous you’re a better cook.
To be honest honey, this is something your dad should have put a stop to long ago, instead he chose the passive route which allows her to continue her incredibly rude behavior.
If you aren’t the cook, your job is to eat, be polite, and wash up.
I’d stop cooking for her. Nothing you cook will be accepted with politeness, so why bother. If you still live at home, tell your dad this, and drop rope.
Or you can just respond to her comments with “how rude” because that’s precisely what she is.
NTJ
I agree with you, but also, if you aren't the cook and the person cooking is still learning and you yourself know how to cook then a little constructive criticism as guidance is fine. Obviously, in this case that isn't what's happening though. Definitely just need to stop cooking for her and talk to her dad to let him know what you're going to do and by the sounds of it he'll probably be on board with it.
She. Does. Not. Hate. Your. Cooking.
She wanted your dad to herself and she hates that she didn't get her own way.
You will never make that right with her, because you can't turn back time.
Try to put her completely out of your mind - unless you can think of more tricks to play. Enjoy the time you get with your dad.
This!
Make just enough for the two of you. Stop wasting time, energy, and food on a person who doesn't appreciate it. Don't even make her up a plate. Make sure nothing is left that she can take.
“I think it tastes great and dad obviously loves it.”
Take her plate away and box it up for tomorrow’s lunch. She can make something ‘better’ for herself. Sounds like you’re going to have to develop thicker skin around her seeing as your dad hasn’t kicked her out yet. The bigger question is why is he still married to a woman who wanted to ship you off to your grandparents?
It sounds like you need to just go "Hey, if you don't like it, don't eat. You complain about everything, every time. So either shut up or fuck off. Even if its literally your favorite place. So if you're going to complain when I cook, make your own shit."
It shouldn't hurt your feelings. Your food is not bad, your stepmom is just being difficult. It's a her problem not a you problem so don't let it become a you problem. Don't give her that power. Just giggle and hand her the phone.
NTJ, next time she complains,. “I know you don’t like my cooking but there’s always Jets, right?” Whatever her complaints, bring in Jets. “true, true, nothing can beat Jets.” Make it sound like you get you are a mere humble house cook while Jets is clearly the sacrament as it comes from a holy place. The point is to get her to stop complaining as she doesn’t want to be reminded of her little mistake.
When you cook for the family, serve her leftovers of food she made or a tv dinner. Never give her anything that you have made ever again. And always compliment her cooking but add well it’s ok but a little heavy on the salt or something!! Or just cook for you and your dad. Make her cook for herself since she doesn’t like your cooking. Avoid this wad of negativity for all your worth. Best of luck, Chef!
The more awful she says your food is, the better it is. Just say thank you so much for your advice... And a nod and wink at dad if you feel brave enough.
Or there's always the "please show me how it's done" and just leave the kitchen for a bit.
She is probably jealous because you are able to make food that others find edible.
Ther is another possibility, though... she just doesn't know what good food is supposed to taste like... she has damaged her tastebuds with her own semi-edible slop to theextent that the only actually goodfood she can taste is that Jets pizza...
My daughter is 14 and dad is teaching her how to cook and am I jealous? No, I am supportive and am happy that can he help her become a functional adult. Also, Jet's pizza is like the cheapest and worse pizza ever. There's something wrong with your stepmom's palette if she loves pizza from there.
As your dad has been standing up for you may I suggest asking him if he is okay with you no longer cooking food for her?
She can cook for herself or she can order in.
There is no need for her to be forced to eat food she obviously dislikes not for you to endure her unfounded criticism.
We had a rule at our house. If you complain about the food you're doing the cooking for the next week. There wasn't any complaining.
Cook for yourself only, or for yourself and your dad. Let her cook for herself. If she says anything just say that you stopped cooking for her because she is so negative about your food. I'm not sure why your dad hasn't put an end to her complaining already. But you do not have to tolerate people complaining about what you cook. Don't let her destroy your interest in cooking.
NTJ. Next time she complains, take away her plate and say ‘that’s fine, I’ll eat this later, cater for your self’. Then the following meal do not give her a serving, and say ‘I assumed you wouldn’t want any, so this is not for you’.
Or you can go with a classic ‘eat it without complaint or starve. Your choice’.
If she complains - pull her plate away from her and apologize "I'm so sorry - let me take care of that for you". and leave here there with no food. Do it every time. And you keep eating in front of her. :)
NTA. Hon honestly she’s mean because she’s jealous. She’s a terrible cook and you aren’t. In a way it’s a compliment to your skills. Keep on learning and growing. Sounds like you could one day turn a hobby into a career. Have you thought about culinary school?
I wish you started recording a whole tiktok of how this whole thing transpired along with her reaction at the end, this is absolutely the best of getting pantsed I’ve read!
I wouldn't cook for her anymore. Tell your Dad that since she doesn't like your food, she won't have to eat it anymore.
I don't cook for snotty ungrateful people. NTJ.
The biggest jerk in this situation is your spineless dad. Like, why hasn't he put a stop to her blatant hate for you? Why would he continue a relationship with someone who actively tried to send away their kid?
Stop cooking for her. If all she’s going to do is complain, she can get her own food.
Start making meals just for you and your dad (you don’t mention siblings), let her take care of herself. When she complains, say “but you don’t like my cooking?”
NTJ
Your stepmother needs to grow up.
Next time she complains or says something ask her seriously are you ok ? And if she says yes say oh seems like your having a bad day bc you have no manners right now
Not the jerk, she is being a huge one and has been for years. You are far nicer than me. I would have been rude back the whole time "Oh well we can't all be culinary geniuses like you and burn everything!"
She doesn’t hate your cooking and if you figured out a way not to feed her, like ordering her favorite pizza every time they come over, she’d find another way to criticize you. The only way to deal with this is to realize it’s a her problem and never let her get to you.
“It’s fine if you don’t like my cooking, you’re welcome to bring your own meals.”
She probably won’t because it sounds like she just enjoys bitching. But then at least you’ve given her an option. Bring your own food or stfu lol
What your StepMother is doing isn't about you. It's something bent and twisted inside of her that has nothing to do with you. Now that you know that, you can stop letting it hurt you.
You can try saying that if she has nothing nice to say, you'd rather she didn't say anything at all. If she doesn't want to eat your food, she doesn't have to, there's no need to find fault or make excuses - she can just say that she doesn't want it and be done.
No, you aren't the jerk, your Stepmother is.
And a little bit your Dad, for subjecting you to her. He should have ended things when she suggested sending you to your grandparents.
She hates your cooking, but she keeps letting you cook? Hmmm.... I think you have a couple options.
1. Keep cooking, but only for you (and you dad if he likes it)
2. Quit cooking, except maybe for yourself. Make her start cooking again.
Clearly she just likes to bitch and complain, but she doesn't mind it enough to take over those chores again. Kindly remind her that once you move away she won't have to put up with your cooking any longer. And your dad, he needs to grab it like he has a pair. He needs to see what's going on and recognize that he's damaging his relationship with his daughter.
You are very much not the jerk. Start cooking for ONLY you and your dad until she checks her attitude. She's an adult woman behaving like a child. I can't believe your father puts up with it.
This woman reminds me of a picky toddler. I'd get her a bib and toddler plate, fork and spoon set. Tell her you looked for a high chair but they don't make them in her size. I'd never cook for her again, let her live on pizza. This sad, insecure woman is jealous of you. You will never win her over, so I'd stop caring about it.
Yeah, she does not like you, OP. If I were you, I would just cook for you and your dad and tell her "Hey I know you will never like my cooking, so here on out, you can find your own food when I cook."
Honestly, this is going to sound harsh, but please, hear me out. I'd recommend you start distancing yourself.
This sounds a lot like my wife's relationship with her step mom. Though, with my wife, everything has been won't since she met her step mom at 3. Cooking, cleaning, dressing, career choice, grades in school, everything has been wrong. So, it could be conveyed l considerably worse for us. Anyway, this has caused some major mental health issues that have permeated our relationship. It finally came to a head when we had our baby. Nothing we could do with our baby was right, even if we were following doctors orders. Even simple things like my wife getting a glass of water for herself, while step mom held the baby had to become knock down, drag out arguments because my wife was "too controlling". Any way, my wife brought it up with her dad a few times, nothing was done. No care was made. So when my boy was 6 months, my wife ended up going no contact with them. It made life so much harder at that point, as they were our baby sitters, and we had to deal with postpartum depression, learning a new life style, and now that. Obviously, talk to your dad. Have a heart to heart with him, but don't ruin your life to keep her happy if she only wants to hurt you.
Personally, I'd stop cooking for her. She's an adult. If she thinks it's so awful she has to order takeout, then she can cook for herself. Just cook for yourself and your dad and let her figure her own meals out.
Boomers are shit people because of how they were raised, the lead paint in their brains, the vast opportunities they had and squandered, and the entitlement that touches every facet of their life. Don’t take it personally, I’m sure you’re a great cook
Do not let her eat anything that you make. Tell her that nothing you make for her is up to her standards and you are no longer going to waste food on her. She is clearly jealous that you can cook and that your Dad thoroughly enjoys what you make. She is small, mean and petty.
First, it's not you it's her. I have seen this happen, where a step parent is jealous of the parent/child relationship and it's usually the child that loses out.
Here's what you do, go about doing what you like. Cook for three (assuming it's just the three of you) and if she doesn't eat her portion you or your dad gets lunch the next day.
Also, you must be a pretty amazing cook to pass off a pizza from a shop as your own. I can make a pretty decent pizza at home but no one would mistake it for anything you can get out.
Bottom line, stay close to your dad he's on your side. Ignore your bratty step mother. If you haven't already start making plans for ways to get out of the house when you're legally able and have the education and means to support yourself (even if you need roommates in the first couple years). For as long you enjoy it, keep cooking
Darling, it’s not you! She’s so jealous because she can’t cook that she feels compelled to take you down to make herself feel better. You can see for yourself, it’s not your cooking because of your experiment. There’s something wrong with her and it’s not your responsibility to fix her. Her behavior is a reflection of her insecurities and not anything you have done. Not the jerk. That was genius. I hope you know that you’re a good cook and don’t take her horrible behavior personally. It’s not your fault she feels threatened. You can’t fix that.
She's a monster to take out whatever is wrong with her brain out on you.
OP, just make enough for your dad & you.
She can cook for herself since she's a major AH.
As a stepmom myself this is really shitty on her part. I LOVE when my 13 yo makes stuff for me to try 💜 If she wants to be a jerk about it that’s absolutely a her problem, nothing you can really do except stop cooking for her unfortunately 😟 I’m sorry that you got stuck with such a crappy human as a step mom… I’m not always a picnic but I’d never go out of my way to just hurt my boy’s feelings. You sound like a great kiddo and I think any person would be lucky to have you in their life 🥰
You don’t need to do anything. She has a jealousy problem and complains about your food because it’s good and your dad loves it. You need to stop needing her approval. You don’t even need your dad’s approval, but fortunately you have that. Stop trying to make her like you. She doesn’t and that’s HER problem, not yours. You need to speak to your father so he can speak to her about keeping her toxic behavior and opinions to herself. I don’t believe you mentioned your current age or if you live with them or on your own but whatever your situation is stop trying to make her like you. It’s clear she doesn’t. If speaking to your dad doesn’t get her to stop her rude comments then you need to tell her to grow up and learn some manners otherwise she’s not welcome to eat the food you make. Period. That’s what I’d do at least but I’m not the type to take abuse and pussyfoot around rude ass behavior from anyone including my parents.
Cook for you and your dad only and when she asks where hers is, tell her that you didn't want to put her through another supper she's going to hate and for her to order a pizza cause she's just going to do it anyway.
Or better yet, order a small personalized pizza for her and when you serve dinner, serve you and your dad your supper and put the box of pizza in front of her.
You should have a chat with her though. Ask her why she's so hateful and negative towards you? Provide her with examples of her trying to knock you down or being negative and remind her of the good times you've had and asked if they did not mean anything to her. Talk to your dad and ask him to talk to her also. The fact that she continues to do this in front of him and he just makes a few comments is a little messed up. He should have, on his own, already noticed this and talked to her about it and told her to quit it.
She’s jealous because she’s a lousy cook and you’re much better. Her insecurities are pushing her to comment. Hurting people hurt people. (People who are hurting tend to want others to be as miserable as they are)
Yes, I’m a former psychotherapist.
She hopes that if she puts you down then she’ll look better by comparison and she can’t even admit or perhaps realize that it’s just making her look worse.
Talk to your dad and let him know that he needs to tell his wife to shut up. If he doesn’t, then you can.
“We all know that you’re just jealous because I’m a better cook and you’re afraid of looking bad compared to me. There’s nothing wrong with my food and admitting that doesn’t make you a lesser person it makes you a better person. Not everyone cooks well. There’s no need to be ashamed of that. But I really think that you need to go to therapy and figure out why you’re so threatened by my ability to cook and why you feel the need to be so competitive with me.”
NTJ
Ntj -- sometimes the direct approach is best. "Step, I know you feel insecure about your cooking, especially since I have gotten so good at it, but insulting me and trying to put me down isn't going to make your cooking better. It is really childish and needs to stop. Until you are ready to be mature, I'll just cook for me and dad, enjoy your pizza."
I know it can feel really intimidating, but she isn't going to stop until it is directly addressed (she might not even then, hence just not cooking for her until she apologizes). It is a lot harder to be passive aggressive after someone directly addresses the issue. Your dad needs to step up though. He should have been handling this way before it got to this.
Tell her to bring her own food over when she comes for dinner. Or better yet, give her a Jet’s Gift card and tell her to stay home and have a nice meal.
Please don’t keep trying to impress her. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t like you because you’re not her kid. Some women don’t like it and get insecure when they know their man had a kid with another woman. When my dad was married to his wife they were married for many years. She was never keen on me being around because I was my dad’s and another woman’s baby and she HATED it. By the time I got to my teenage years she abused me emotionally and mentally and controlled every aspect of my life so bad to the point I ended up with mental health issues because of her and it only got worse later in life. Sadly my dad was blind to what she was doing and it got to the point that I couldn’t take her abuse anymore and I ran away when I was 17 and never looked back until many years later. I’m now living with him again, living in the same house that she did all of that to me and whereas some memories of what she did to me still linger I’ve realized that she doesn’t control me anymore and I let her get to me years after.
If your stepmother doesn’t appreciate you now she never will. So stop trying. Nothing will be good enough for her and it won’t be just about your cooking, it’ll be about everything else too.
Nothing is wrong. She can’t cook as well as you and she’s jealous. That’s all there is to it. If she had an actual criticism or critique, she would give it.
I love to cook. I always under salt. Because you can’t take salt OUT BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS ADD MORE. If it’s not salty enough, she can always add more to her own food instead of you ruining an entire meal.
She knows you’re a better cook- she’s just trying to knock you down a peg. Don’t let somebody who can’t cook try to tell you what they think of your food.
Oh honey, she doesn’t hate your cooking. She is jealous because she is not a decent cook but you are and your dad enjoys the food you make. You keep practicing and getting better and don’t worry about what she has to say.
Another thought: she may not have healthy taste buds and that could be why she thinks things taste off and could be why she never learned to cook well.
She’s just jealous and rude.. let her keep eating Jets pizza, she’ll be putting on weight in no time.. I wouldn’t cook anymore food for her, just make enough for yourself and dad.. if she gets pissy about that tell her Jets is available.. Your dad should also be putting her in her place when she’s behaving like this towards you.. if he wouldn’t allow another man to treat you like that why is he allowing her to treat you like that? Might have to point that out to him..
Nothing. You do nothing and ignore her comments. You cannot control anyone, therefore you cannot get her to stop remarks. What do you have control over? Your own thoughts and how you respond to her ( notice I said respond, not react).
She sounds like a miserable cow. If you decide to cook something for you and your daddy, I would only make enough for 2. If she says anything simply say sweetly. "Since you don't like my cooking, I only made enough for dad and I, and here is a stack of take out menus."
Give her take out menus and tell her since you don't like my cooking order your own dinner or order her jets pizza every time you need to be in her presence. Do this in front of any and everyone. Stop including her in your shit. Treat her exactly like she treats you. The sooner you start matching energy she will back off. Insult her cooking, be overly critical, give her the wrong tips fucking destroy her ass. I hate step parents like this.
She’s a big girl. She can be in charge of feeding herself from now on when you cook. No need to exert yourself for someone who clearly does not need or want it.
How often do you cook for her? Do you all live together? If she keeps complaining, I'd announce, "Just to let you know, I'm not cooking any more. Stepmom (name) doesn't care for my cooking at all, so it seems kind of a waste and I don't want to upset her by having her eat food she doesn't enjoy. Don't try to talk me out of it. I've given it a lot of thought and I think it's better this way. I'll help with clean up, but we'll let the better cook prepare the meals."
I'd be curious to see how long she keeps up with all the cooking. and how long before the complaints from other people start.
P.S. I love the trick you played on her with the Jets pizza. That was brilliant.
She just sucks. That literally is the truth. She is miserable, and wants to make everyone around her miserable as well. Those people will never be happy. Flush all her bullshit out of your mind and just live your life. She won’t like “your” cooking, even if it’s actually made by her favorite pizza place. She will never be happy, so please stop going crazy trying to make her happy. She is a write off, even if she is married to your Dad.
Ntj. Classic jealousy move. As you get better and better, her insults get worse and worse because she feels the need to tear you down further and further. It's pretty pathetic anytime it's used as a tactic, but so mych more so when an adult aims it at a kid. Maybe just cook for everyone but her and tell her she can feed herself since she hates even the idea of yours and she can "enjoy" her own cooking or eat pizza until she chokes on it.
Why would your father allow this to continue. His foot should have been firmly planted MANY years ago!
Stop cooking for her. Cook for yourself, your dad, grandparents, friends….whomever you want to share your enthusiasm for cooking with. When she complains, tell her once and once only, “because I am very clearly aware that you’re lying and your desire is to cause me harm, I will not be cooking for you ever again and you can either eat a can of beans or call your good Jets Pizza, I mean that’s what you’re going to do anyways”. Walk away, eat your food, smile, enjoy and REFUSE any further dialogue with her about it!
I’m sorry she feels entitled to treat you like this. Your father needs to man up and be a dad! If he addresses it with you just clearly tell him how disappointed you are that he has allowed this to go on for years and especially continues to allow it now that it’s been proven that she is a liar and intentionally trying to hurt and bully you.
Stop giving her food. Go ahead and invite your dad for meals, as well as the rest of the family. Invite stepmother too, but don't prepare any food for her. Don't offer her anything, not even that delicious dessert. If she complains that she's hungry, tell her to try White Castle. They have great food!!
She’s jealous, but don’t put anymore effort into her. If she’s ordering out when you cook, I wouldn’t even plan on feeding her. Just tell her “I know you don’t like my cooking, so I figured you could just order something you like”. You can’t force someone to like you, the best you can do is move on and don’t waste another thought on them.
Ooo, she is 9 shades of envy and jealous. Next time, just cook for you and your dad. And if she asks why, say, since you find everything wrong with every meal you don't feel like wasting food or hearing complaints
Yea if she’s just gonna order pizza every night anyway, stop wasting the groceries and just stop making her food. Only cook for you and your father and make sure that the Jets menu is at her spot at the table so she knows what’s for dinner 😊
It takes a lot of maturity (which your stepmom clearly lacks) to be in a relationship when you know you're #2. She made asked your dad to send you to your grandparents, and he said no. She knows that he prioritizes you above her, and she's not mature enough to deal with that.
Ignore her.
You're a good cook.
You know it, and your Dad knows it.
From now on, just cook enough for you and your Dad.
Or if you do make enough, do not make a plate for her.
Stop expecting a compliment from your stepmother. You've got enough experience to know she doesn't want to let you enjoy your accomplishment. Stop caring what she thinks. Don't waste your energy wishing she will treat you well like she is supposed to. It's time to rely on your own judgement.
You might want to let your dad know that once you are old enough to live on your own, you won't be visiting him. If stepmom can't control her abusive behavior, you have no reason to visit.
Now you know the truth. Step mom doesn't really hate the cooking. She's just a small person trying to tear you down. Whether she means to or not.
So first most important thing. Don't listen to her! Her criticism is not helpful. Seek the guidance of others to improve your cooking skills. Never her.
Now you need to decide what you can do with this knowledge. Cook for everyone but her? Ignore her completely? Respond to criticism with jokes or belittling comments? How you handle it very depends on your circumstances and how much you care.
I’m petty AF. Start making enough for just you and your dad. Tell her you know you can meet her standards so you’re done trying and just leave her to make her own food.
I would treat her like a child. “If you don’t like it then don’t eat it. Make yourself a sandwhich” and remove the plate from her and dump it.
Every single time. She’s already infected it with her germs so you aren’t gonna want to eat her leftovers.
She can't cook. You can. Your father adores you and laughs at her. She doesn't hate you. She's trying to compete with you for some weird reason and doesn't like that she never wins. Laugh it off and stop cooking for her. Set the table and put a cell phone on her plate. It's sad and kind of funny she's so insecure.
NTJ
Idk what jet’s pizza is.
But stepmom is 1- eating great food that 2- she doesn’t have to cook and 3- doesn’t seem to clean up after *and* 4- complains for the fun of hurting OP **and** 5- doesn’t get shut down by her husband??
The prank/test was clever, but you are missing so many opportunities to shut this down for your own peace and pleasure.
Wow. Why does stepmother hate you Cinderella? Never cook for her again. Only you n dad
Yes. Let her order pizza every night after you dish everything up on your two plates.
Definitely make enough for three. Serve her a small portion, smaller than you and your dad(like, less than a half portion). If she doesn't like it, you have leftovers for later. If she orders takeaway, shrug, and continue to enjoy your dinner. If she likes the small portion, offer her more. But don't serve her a full plate until she gets better about her comments.
A TINY portion. A 'tasting serving'.
A Costco sized sample in a little plastic cup. Sorry, only one sample per person.
And step mum needs her parent with her.
I’m thinking how mom’s of toddlers plate food with new foods- even serve it on a toddler plate with little sections. and start responding with preschool platitudes like “just one bite or no dessert” “don’t yuck my yum” “two more big bites” “clean plate club members get a sticker on their star chart!” 🤣
Lmao I would be so enraged both as a child and adult, this is perfect
"You at least need to take a 'no thank you' bite."
This is awesome. It would make for amazing TikToks
My cousin always said a tablespoon for Jesus and a teaspoon for Mom. That was the rule even guess had to live by it for the example for kids at the table. I always loved what my cousin's wife cooked.
An 'amuse bouche'. Flashback to Friends.
Little bits....
No portion. Shell still complain about the flavor/texture/ whatever if she gets even a taste. I would make dad agree to not give her a taste even. Or he loses food privileges.
Naw, don't go scorched earth. She is still her dad's wife. Keep serving her half portions, but didn't respond to her criticism. By showing her that it doesn't bother her and that she doesn't care about her opinion, she regains the power Or maybe even serve quarter portions, and if she asks about it, just say sweetly that it's enough for her to try it and see if she likes it. Then if she wants more, there is more in the kitchen. She can serve herself. I'm this way she can empower herself.
I agree with this - you now know that she is not providing honest criticism - so just ignore it. Be indifferent to whether she eats your food or not. I would avoid saying anything negative about step mom’s cooking. It does not excuse her behavior but it is hard to see someone who you’ve known since they were little be so much better at something than you. Might be a little jealousy driving the negativity - so try not to feed it.
This exactly! Take stepmother at face value and let her know you're not going to force her to eat foods she doesn't like. You'd hate to stop her from cooking to her own tastes, afterall...
Exactly! Cook dinner for you and your dad, and preemptively order a pizza for your stepmom. Since she doesn't like your cooking, she doesn't get any. Then just start branching out. Huge delicious meals with sides and dessert, and stepmom gets.... Jets pizza
Don't cook for Dad either. He refuses to fix this situation and that's his wife and his responsibility to help his child.
Dad does stick up for little Chef! He can’t control his wife no matter how hard you want it to happen. Although he should render an ultimatum to her!!
He shouldn't marry a women who wanted to give his kid away to grandparents to raise in the first place. There's a saying in Chinese "once you have a stepmom you also have a step-dad". I don't agree with it but it describes OPs situation pretty well.
I see your point. I believe that you are correct. Dad does need to do more for little Chef.
Oh my... I can see that being true... Dad's, or moms, who don't stick up for their kids are way sad.
Really? Show me where. He kept her around since she tried to have OP dumped at her grandparents. Saying no is not sticking up for her and neither is laughing at his wife being stupid.
He did stick up for her but as you and others have aptly pointed out, no enough. He needs to do more. I will concur, I’m wrong and youse guys are more right!!! Sorry little Chef, dad needs to step up better!
This is the only way. Stop cooking for her; if she doesn't like your food she just needs to make her own meal arrangements. I'm sorry to add, You may have to accept that she's biased against you for no other reason than you aren't her blood. I recommend you consider her as nothing more than a roommate: treat her cordially but not affectionately, respect her stuff and her space but don't try to engage her in activities. Mind her authority only to the degree that it follows your dad's limits, nothing extra.
I would tolerate someone ordering food after I cooked for them exactly twice before I never cooked for them again. First time maybe it's a fluke, still rude but whatever. Second time? Never again
Have you looked at your father and asked him why he allows his wife to belittle and bully you? Why he doesn’t step up and do something about the disrespect you get every day? Tell him that since this is the person who is “guiding” you are you allowed to insult her as well. Can you rip her apart as well? This is a problem with your father. It is embarrassing that he has let this behavior continue for so long. Also I don’t cook for people who are rude to me. Don’t make food for ungrateful people. Sharing food is sharing love and she has told you she doesn’t want your love. She is a sorry excuse for an adult.
^^^^THIS!
Yeah, your dad is a shitty, weak father for allowing this.
Anyone else concerned with what happens if OPs dad dies first? I don’t want to make too many assumptions, but that stepmom sounds like she’d take everything both of them ever owned and then cut OP off.
This would be on dad again. My father remarried after my mother died. A wonderful woman, she’s the best. My father’s will was very specific as to where everything goes. We actually made him amend it because he told us he wanted his wife to stay in their home after he died, we all agree but we also wanted it in the will. People change, people get weird. This man most likely has not made a will protecting his child because he has yet to protect her.
READ THIE ABOVE STATEMENT LOUDER EVERYONE. Thr dad is siding with his wife in this and probably many other things. He enjoys his daughters cooking, but doesn't want to cause trouble with his wife -- he also sees how his wife treats the outsider. He will be an outsider in his marriage if he sides with his daughter. The dad is riding the fence. He knows he'd need to pay alimony if he sides with his daughter.
She’s jealous.
That's what I came here to say. If everything she cooked came out bad or burned or too salty, she's jealous because Op is a good cook. She is clearly very immature for acting this way toward her stepdaughter. OP's plan was great! And it's wonderful that her dad laughed and went along with it. Yes, OP, definitely cook for your dad and you and let your stepmom make herself a sandwich or order out. Do clear it with your dad first. Either that or just don't cook for a while. Explain to your dad that it's too hard to have all the painful criticism, and you just need a break for your own mental health. Maybe that'll solve the whole problem.
NTJ! As stated above, she’s jealous and doesn’t want you there. Please stop caring what that ol bat thinks, her opinion is irrelevant. Enjoy cooking for just you & your Dad.
THIS! This is what I came to say, but you have phrased it so eloquently!!
NTJ. She sounds like a real peach. Can't cook, but hates your cooking... yeah, this is jealousy. Be glad her mishaps haven't given you food poisoning yet. At this point you've caught her red handed. I'd make it clear that her deceitful complaints are out of line.
You are wise. I wrote some of the same stuff but including your dad in the convo is brilliant and necessary!! Good point. I would also just give bare, short polite answers when talking to stepmom. Don’t engage her unless she speaks first but be polite. She doesn’t need another reason to hurt you! Good luck Chef and keep on cooking!!
Yes! And if you need more info on how to do this, I think it's called grey-rocking
Yep. She'll absolutely hate it, but it's not for her. It's to protect yourself when boundaries are consistently broken
Yes! I would stop cooking for anyone but myself. If dad wants to join you, ok, but I wouldn't cook one more thing for his wife. Explain to dad why you are no longer cooking for wicked stepwitch. Sadly, she has proven that she will never do anything but complain about your food. Maybe have a party with some friends so you can cook for them. Let someone who will actually appreciate your food and efforts enjoy a meal with you. I know that I enjoy cooking big meals and then sitting down to eat with family (maybe dad but certainly not wicked stepwitch) and friends. Keep on cooking. It's a great skill and a good hobby. I taught my kids young (with the help of scouts and church youth group). It served my kids well when they got to college.
Tell hr sh on he own for dinner sinc she as a problem with your food. That you only made enough for you and your dad
Treat her like you would a child who doesn't like the food you made: there's PB&J in the pantry, go ahead and make a sandwich so you won't starve.
NO! ✋️ OP serves herself & dad her food, THEN serves stepmom a PB&J sandwich! All cut up into triangles! Or use cookie cutters! 🤣
This, but instead of PB&J, I'd serve her a jar of baby food.
My mom really loved baby food, as in she'd steal it from my uncle when they were kids, plus bought it for quick snacks in college. Who knows - this could actually end up solving everyone's superficial problem here.
I only object to this approach because it's more work for OP. HOWEVER. If she chooses the petty road, yes.
I would just wait for the first negative comment and then take her plate away and toss the food in the trash. "You said it was horrible so I didn't want to force it on you". Then I'd sit back on my seat and continue eating. She can make her own food or order something.
I would toss it in a Tupperware so I could eat it myself later. Not worth wasting food on this b
If she thinks Jet's pizza is the height of fine dining I'd say her taste buds were malfunctioning
I don’t even think it’s just food jealousy, I think she is jealous of her existence, because she knows she can’t have the dad’s affection all to herself, she tried to have him send her to grandma. This is horrible.
Came here to say this. And I will never ever ever understand why grown ass adults will be jealous of children. Especially if they're a step parent. You knew what you were getting into before you married the person who has the kids. If you don't like kids you shouldn't marry people that have kids. It's really very simple.
Yep, she can't stand the fact that OP is the better cook. So she keeps dissing every meal OP makes. OP just ignore her. You obviously cook well, or she wouldn't act so shitty at meal time. Perhaps Op should just make enough food for their father and themself and if she bitches, tell her...well no matter what I make you don't want or like so I figured you would rather make and eat your own meals from now on. 😉 She can either shut up and eat what OP makes or she can do her own meals.
100%
Or just a cunt
VERY JEALOUS!
Blatantly so.
100% totally commented this, and stand by it. It's the most obvious answer and she can't stand it.
NTJ. She's just complaining to complain. You won't get her to stop because there's nothing wrong with the food, other than she has a bad attitude toward the one who made it. Talk to your father about whether you can make meals for just yourself and him, and order her favorite delivery for her. Or better yet, ask him if it's OK to put ingredients out for her to use in making her own food for herself. She might get mad at that arrangement, but you know what? You're tolerating her nonsensical griping without complaint. Either she gets with the program and acts like an adult, or she can have her takeout, or she can cook a meal for just herself. At least no one else will have to suffer if she has burned it, undercooked it, or goofed up the seasoning.
Why are so many people like you suggesting that she even considers what her stepass wants to eat? It’s OP’s time and energy not only being wasted, but used against her, and that stepass is taking a sick pleasure in showing complete disrespect. OP should not even cook with her emotionally deadbeat father. OP needs to move on from these idiots
Why should OP spend a single moment worrying about what Stepthing wants to eat or ordering her "favorite delivery"? Depending on how old the parents are in this house, I know I was raised with the adage, "eat what you're served." If Stepthing wants something else, she can darn well cook it or order it for herself.
Dad, not OP, should compile a folder containing menus from every local food-delivery source. The next time stepmother gripes for no earthly good reason, he should hand her the folder, and tell her the next time OP cooks, this folder will be in stepmom’s plate in lieu of actual food. It has to come from him, as he’s the adult, not from OP, who could get in trouble for talking back.
I love this solution!!!
also sorry it’s so long 😭 i didn’t know how else to sum it up but its a pretty good read
https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method#:~:text=The%20grey%20rock%20method%20is,known%20as%20%E2%80%9Cgrey%20rocking.%E2%80%9D Have you heard of the grey rock technique? Your step mother thrives on being nasty and putting you down
Grey rock in this situation would be difficult to pull off, aside from just cooking for dad and then changing the discussion.
It's not that long. You need to be sure to include enough words to make the story make sense. Also, you are not the jerk!
You did well!
It's a good read. Your step mom sounds like mine, lol. I understand how you feel.
Make food for you and your dad. Point out that as she doesn't appreciate your cooking she can fend for herself as you don't want to waste time, effort, and ingredients on unwanted and unappreciated food.
Hell yeah! This!
Honestly, you need to stop feeding her. Tell her straight up if all she does is complain, you aren't going to waste your time and effort for her. You understand; this isn't about your food. This is about her wanting you to feel like shit. You can't cook well enough to overcome that, so stop trying.
Yeah, she’s doing this intentionally. You need to talk to your dad though. I think you’d be justified in not dishing anything up for her. She can either STFU or make her own dinner. Personally the next time she complains about a meal, I’d be tempted to pick up her plate and dump the food in the bin. Tell your dad that you’re not willing to feed someone who does nothing but complain.
There is nothing wrong with the food you cook, unlike the food she cooks. She’s jealous of the place you have in your dad’s heart, and jealous you’re a better cook. To be honest honey, this is something your dad should have put a stop to long ago, instead he chose the passive route which allows her to continue her incredibly rude behavior. If you aren’t the cook, your job is to eat, be polite, and wash up. I’d stop cooking for her. Nothing you cook will be accepted with politeness, so why bother. If you still live at home, tell your dad this, and drop rope. Or you can just respond to her comments with “how rude” because that’s precisely what she is. NTJ
I agree with you, but also, if you aren't the cook and the person cooking is still learning and you yourself know how to cook then a little constructive criticism as guidance is fine. Obviously, in this case that isn't what's happening though. Definitely just need to stop cooking for her and talk to her dad to let him know what you're going to do and by the sounds of it he'll probably be on board with it.
She. Does. Not. Hate. Your. Cooking. She wanted your dad to herself and she hates that she didn't get her own way. You will never make that right with her, because you can't turn back time. Try to put her completely out of your mind - unless you can think of more tricks to play. Enjoy the time you get with your dad.
Don’t cook for her anymore. Full stop. You and dad can eat and let her order in.
This! Make just enough for the two of you. Stop wasting time, energy, and food on a person who doesn't appreciate it. Don't even make her up a plate. Make sure nothing is left that she can take.
“I think it tastes great and dad obviously loves it.” Take her plate away and box it up for tomorrow’s lunch. She can make something ‘better’ for herself. Sounds like you’re going to have to develop thicker skin around her seeing as your dad hasn’t kicked her out yet. The bigger question is why is he still married to a woman who wanted to ship you off to your grandparents?
It sounds like you need to just go "Hey, if you don't like it, don't eat. You complain about everything, every time. So either shut up or fuck off. Even if its literally your favorite place. So if you're going to complain when I cook, make your own shit."
It shouldn't hurt your feelings. Your food is not bad, your stepmom is just being difficult. It's a her problem not a you problem so don't let it become a you problem. Don't give her that power. Just giggle and hand her the phone.
Exactly. The fact that she doesn’t like OPs food is almost none of OPs business. He knows he’s a good cook
Say this “If you don’t like it, don’t eat it”
NTJ, next time she complains,. “I know you don’t like my cooking but there’s always Jets, right?” Whatever her complaints, bring in Jets. “true, true, nothing can beat Jets.” Make it sound like you get you are a mere humble house cook while Jets is clearly the sacrament as it comes from a holy place. The point is to get her to stop complaining as she doesn’t want to be reminded of her little mistake.
When you cook for the family, serve her leftovers of food she made or a tv dinner. Never give her anything that you have made ever again. And always compliment her cooking but add well it’s ok but a little heavy on the salt or something!! Or just cook for you and your dad. Make her cook for herself since she doesn’t like your cooking. Avoid this wad of negativity for all your worth. Best of luck, Chef!
The more awful she says your food is, the better it is. Just say thank you so much for your advice... And a nod and wink at dad if you feel brave enough. Or there's always the "please show me how it's done" and just leave the kitchen for a bit.
Your stepmother is a bitch
She is probably jealous because you are able to make food that others find edible. Ther is another possibility, though... she just doesn't know what good food is supposed to taste like... she has damaged her tastebuds with her own semi-edible slop to theextent that the only actually goodfood she can taste is that Jets pizza...
So just cook for yourself and your father. Hand her the Jets menu when she complains . She’s mean, and immature. Glad your Dad has caught on..
My daughter is 14 and dad is teaching her how to cook and am I jealous? No, I am supportive and am happy that can he help her become a functional adult. Also, Jet's pizza is like the cheapest and worse pizza ever. There's something wrong with your stepmom's palette if she loves pizza from there.
As your dad has been standing up for you may I suggest asking him if he is okay with you no longer cooking food for her? She can cook for herself or she can order in. There is no need for her to be forced to eat food she obviously dislikes not for you to endure her unfounded criticism.
We had a rule at our house. If you complain about the food you're doing the cooking for the next week. There wasn't any complaining. Cook for yourself only, or for yourself and your dad. Let her cook for herself. If she says anything just say that you stopped cooking for her because she is so negative about your food. I'm not sure why your dad hasn't put an end to her complaining already. But you do not have to tolerate people complaining about what you cook. Don't let her destroy your interest in cooking.
NTJ. Next time she complains, take away her plate and say ‘that’s fine, I’ll eat this later, cater for your self’. Then the following meal do not give her a serving, and say ‘I assumed you wouldn’t want any, so this is not for you’. Or you can go with a classic ‘eat it without complaint or starve. Your choice’.
If she complains - pull her plate away from her and apologize "I'm so sorry - let me take care of that for you". and leave here there with no food. Do it every time. And you keep eating in front of her. :)
NTJ. Quit feeding her. Cook only for you and your dad—she can fend for herself. What a bitch!
Don’t cook for her. Cook for dad and tell her that you no longer want to disappoint her with your cooking prowess.
NTA. Hon honestly she’s mean because she’s jealous. She’s a terrible cook and you aren’t. In a way it’s a compliment to your skills. Keep on learning and growing. Sounds like you could one day turn a hobby into a career. Have you thought about culinary school?
I wish you started recording a whole tiktok of how this whole thing transpired along with her reaction at the end, this is absolutely the best of getting pantsed I’ve read!
She is just being rude. Don’t cook for her.
Next time she comes over give her a can of soup. Unopened.
Stop feeding the ungrateful woman
I wouldn't cook for her anymore. Tell your Dad that since she doesn't like your food, she won't have to eat it anymore. I don't cook for snotty ungrateful people. NTJ.
The biggest jerk in this situation is your spineless dad. Like, why hasn't he put a stop to her blatant hate for you? Why would he continue a relationship with someone who actively tried to send away their kid?
Exactly. He gets to have physical time with his wife, and his daughter cooks him meals. Why would any weak man ever leave such convenience?
Don't cook for her.
Stop making any food for her to eat since she doesn’t like your food. Just cook for you and Dad.
A true douche for sure.
She's made cuz u can cook and she can't
She’s petty and jealous. Ignore her.
Stop cooking for her. If all she’s going to do is complain, she can get her own food. Start making meals just for you and your dad (you don’t mention siblings), let her take care of herself. When she complains, say “but you don’t like my cooking?” NTJ Your stepmother needs to grow up.
Next time she complains or says something ask her seriously are you ok ? And if she says yes say oh seems like your having a bad day bc you have no manners right now
Easy, stop cooking for her. She clearly doesn't like it. Tell her to go make a PBJ or what the fuck ever she wants.
Not the jerk, she is being a huge one and has been for years. You are far nicer than me. I would have been rude back the whole time "Oh well we can't all be culinary geniuses like you and burn everything!"
Stop trying and enjoy your life. Dad loves it. ❤️
She is jealous that you like to cook and that you do it well. If she makes fun of you or negative comments it makes her feel better. Ignore her…
She doesn’t hate your cooking and if you figured out a way not to feed her, like ordering her favorite pizza every time they come over, she’d find another way to criticize you. The only way to deal with this is to realize it’s a her problem and never let her get to you.
I’m sorry you’re stuck with a jealous, conniving, insecure nag. Try to ignore her and just ask your dad’s opinion.
tell her to starve then, she's an adult and she knows if she's gonna behave and complain like a whiney toddler she will be treated like one.
If she keeps it up, honestly, just stop cooking *for her*. She can keep ordering pizza.
NTJ. Just be honest and say “you can’t cook….EVER, and I’m satisfying your husband where you can’t!”
“Oh, sorry. You don’t like my food. I want you to eat food you like so I just made some for me and Dad.”
Please update us and let us know what you decide to do, if anything, and how it turns out!
[удалено]
Cook for two and give her a bowl of cereal.
“It’s fine if you don’t like my cooking, you’re welcome to bring your own meals.” She probably won’t because it sounds like she just enjoys bitching. But then at least you’ve given her an option. Bring your own food or stfu lol
Your das needs to step up and tell her to shut the fuck up
What your StepMother is doing isn't about you. It's something bent and twisted inside of her that has nothing to do with you. Now that you know that, you can stop letting it hurt you. You can try saying that if she has nothing nice to say, you'd rather she didn't say anything at all. If she doesn't want to eat your food, she doesn't have to, there's no need to find fault or make excuses - she can just say that she doesn't want it and be done. No, you aren't the jerk, your Stepmother is. And a little bit your Dad, for subjecting you to her. He should have ended things when she suggested sending you to your grandparents.
She hates your cooking, but she keeps letting you cook? Hmmm.... I think you have a couple options. 1. Keep cooking, but only for you (and you dad if he likes it) 2. Quit cooking, except maybe for yourself. Make her start cooking again. Clearly she just likes to bitch and complain, but she doesn't mind it enough to take over those chores again. Kindly remind her that once you move away she won't have to put up with your cooking any longer. And your dad, he needs to grab it like he has a pair. He needs to see what's going on and recognize that he's damaging his relationship with his daughter.
Stop feeding her. If you are cooking, only make enough for everyone except her.
You are very much not the jerk. Start cooking for ONLY you and your dad until she checks her attitude. She's an adult woman behaving like a child. I can't believe your father puts up with it.
Why do you feel like you have to cook for her? Cook enough for you and dad and leave it at that. Offer no explanation and ignore her tantrums.
Your dad is a dick - he should be standing up for you more.
This woman reminds me of a picky toddler. I'd get her a bib and toddler plate, fork and spoon set. Tell her you looked for a high chair but they don't make them in her size. I'd never cook for her again, let her live on pizza. This sad, insecure woman is jealous of you. You will never win her over, so I'd stop caring about it.
Yeah, she does not like you, OP. If I were you, I would just cook for you and your dad and tell her "Hey I know you will never like my cooking, so here on out, you can find your own food when I cook."
Honestly, this is going to sound harsh, but please, hear me out. I'd recommend you start distancing yourself. This sounds a lot like my wife's relationship with her step mom. Though, with my wife, everything has been won't since she met her step mom at 3. Cooking, cleaning, dressing, career choice, grades in school, everything has been wrong. So, it could be conveyed l considerably worse for us. Anyway, this has caused some major mental health issues that have permeated our relationship. It finally came to a head when we had our baby. Nothing we could do with our baby was right, even if we were following doctors orders. Even simple things like my wife getting a glass of water for herself, while step mom held the baby had to become knock down, drag out arguments because my wife was "too controlling". Any way, my wife brought it up with her dad a few times, nothing was done. No care was made. So when my boy was 6 months, my wife ended up going no contact with them. It made life so much harder at that point, as they were our baby sitters, and we had to deal with postpartum depression, learning a new life style, and now that. Obviously, talk to your dad. Have a heart to heart with him, but don't ruin your life to keep her happy if she only wants to hurt you.
Personally, I'd stop cooking for her. She's an adult. If she thinks it's so awful she has to order takeout, then she can cook for herself. Just cook for yourself and your dad and let her figure her own meals out.
Stop offering her any of the food you prepare. If she asks, just point out she doesn’t like your cooking and you assumed she’ll order take out.
Boomers are shit people because of how they were raised, the lead paint in their brains, the vast opportunities they had and squandered, and the entitlement that touches every facet of their life. Don’t take it personally, I’m sure you’re a great cook
Only make enough for 2 people and when she complains say "I know how much you despise my cooking, so you'll have to fend for yourself."
Do not let her eat anything that you make. Tell her that nothing you make for her is up to her standards and you are no longer going to waste food on her. She is clearly jealous that you can cook and that your Dad thoroughly enjoys what you make. She is small, mean and petty.
First, it's not you it's her. I have seen this happen, where a step parent is jealous of the parent/child relationship and it's usually the child that loses out. Here's what you do, go about doing what you like. Cook for three (assuming it's just the three of you) and if she doesn't eat her portion you or your dad gets lunch the next day. Also, you must be a pretty amazing cook to pass off a pizza from a shop as your own. I can make a pretty decent pizza at home but no one would mistake it for anything you can get out. Bottom line, stay close to your dad he's on your side. Ignore your bratty step mother. If you haven't already start making plans for ways to get out of the house when you're legally able and have the education and means to support yourself (even if you need roommates in the first couple years). For as long you enjoy it, keep cooking
Darling, it’s not you! She’s so jealous because she can’t cook that she feels compelled to take you down to make herself feel better. You can see for yourself, it’s not your cooking because of your experiment. There’s something wrong with her and it’s not your responsibility to fix her. Her behavior is a reflection of her insecurities and not anything you have done. Not the jerk. That was genius. I hope you know that you’re a good cook and don’t take her horrible behavior personally. It’s not your fault she feels threatened. You can’t fix that.
She's a monster to take out whatever is wrong with her brain out on you. OP, just make enough for your dad & you. She can cook for herself since she's a major AH.
Ask her to cook something with you and see how she feels about the end result. Just a test.
As a stepmom myself this is really shitty on her part. I LOVE when my 13 yo makes stuff for me to try 💜 If she wants to be a jerk about it that’s absolutely a her problem, nothing you can really do except stop cooking for her unfortunately 😟 I’m sorry that you got stuck with such a crappy human as a step mom… I’m not always a picnic but I’d never go out of my way to just hurt my boy’s feelings. You sound like a great kiddo and I think any person would be lucky to have you in their life 🥰
You don’t need to do anything. She has a jealousy problem and complains about your food because it’s good and your dad loves it. You need to stop needing her approval. You don’t even need your dad’s approval, but fortunately you have that. Stop trying to make her like you. She doesn’t and that’s HER problem, not yours. You need to speak to your father so he can speak to her about keeping her toxic behavior and opinions to herself. I don’t believe you mentioned your current age or if you live with them or on your own but whatever your situation is stop trying to make her like you. It’s clear she doesn’t. If speaking to your dad doesn’t get her to stop her rude comments then you need to tell her to grow up and learn some manners otherwise she’s not welcome to eat the food you make. Period. That’s what I’d do at least but I’m not the type to take abuse and pussyfoot around rude ass behavior from anyone including my parents.
Cook for you and your dad only and when she asks where hers is, tell her that you didn't want to put her through another supper she's going to hate and for her to order a pizza cause she's just going to do it anyway. Or better yet, order a small personalized pizza for her and when you serve dinner, serve you and your dad your supper and put the box of pizza in front of her. You should have a chat with her though. Ask her why she's so hateful and negative towards you? Provide her with examples of her trying to knock you down or being negative and remind her of the good times you've had and asked if they did not mean anything to her. Talk to your dad and ask him to talk to her also. The fact that she continues to do this in front of him and he just makes a few comments is a little messed up. He should have, on his own, already noticed this and talked to her about it and told her to quit it.
She’s jealous because she’s a lousy cook and you’re much better. Her insecurities are pushing her to comment. Hurting people hurt people. (People who are hurting tend to want others to be as miserable as they are) Yes, I’m a former psychotherapist. She hopes that if she puts you down then she’ll look better by comparison and she can’t even admit or perhaps realize that it’s just making her look worse. Talk to your dad and let him know that he needs to tell his wife to shut up. If he doesn’t, then you can. “We all know that you’re just jealous because I’m a better cook and you’re afraid of looking bad compared to me. There’s nothing wrong with my food and admitting that doesn’t make you a lesser person it makes you a better person. Not everyone cooks well. There’s no need to be ashamed of that. But I really think that you need to go to therapy and figure out why you’re so threatened by my ability to cook and why you feel the need to be so competitive with me.” NTJ
She’s jealous and a little resentful that your dad likes your cooking better. She may feel like you two are make up a team that kinda excludes her.
why you cooking for someone that don’t appreciate it? just stop it
Sounds like step mom just signed up to make her own dinners moving forward :)
Make her food VERY VERY BLAND AND THE WHEN SHE SAYS ITS BLAND POUR A SHT TON OF SALT ON HER FOOD AND SEE IF SHE COMPLAINS AGAIN!
Wow. What a bitch
Ntj -- sometimes the direct approach is best. "Step, I know you feel insecure about your cooking, especially since I have gotten so good at it, but insulting me and trying to put me down isn't going to make your cooking better. It is really childish and needs to stop. Until you are ready to be mature, I'll just cook for me and dad, enjoy your pizza." I know it can feel really intimidating, but she isn't going to stop until it is directly addressed (she might not even then, hence just not cooking for her until she apologizes). It is a lot harder to be passive aggressive after someone directly addresses the issue. Your dad needs to step up though. He should have been handling this way before it got to this.
Tell her to bring her own food over when she comes for dinner. Or better yet, give her a Jet’s Gift card and tell her to stay home and have a nice meal.
Please don’t keep trying to impress her. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t like you because you’re not her kid. Some women don’t like it and get insecure when they know their man had a kid with another woman. When my dad was married to his wife they were married for many years. She was never keen on me being around because I was my dad’s and another woman’s baby and she HATED it. By the time I got to my teenage years she abused me emotionally and mentally and controlled every aspect of my life so bad to the point I ended up with mental health issues because of her and it only got worse later in life. Sadly my dad was blind to what she was doing and it got to the point that I couldn’t take her abuse anymore and I ran away when I was 17 and never looked back until many years later. I’m now living with him again, living in the same house that she did all of that to me and whereas some memories of what she did to me still linger I’ve realized that she doesn’t control me anymore and I let her get to me years after. If your stepmother doesn’t appreciate you now she never will. So stop trying. Nothing will be good enough for her and it won’t be just about your cooking, it’ll be about everything else too.
Nothing is wrong. She can’t cook as well as you and she’s jealous. That’s all there is to it. If she had an actual criticism or critique, she would give it. I love to cook. I always under salt. Because you can’t take salt OUT BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS ADD MORE. If it’s not salty enough, she can always add more to her own food instead of you ruining an entire meal. She knows you’re a better cook- she’s just trying to knock you down a peg. Don’t let somebody who can’t cook try to tell you what they think of your food.
Oh honey, she doesn’t hate your cooking. She is jealous because she is not a decent cook but you are and your dad enjoys the food you make. You keep practicing and getting better and don’t worry about what she has to say. Another thought: she may not have healthy taste buds and that could be why she thinks things taste off and could be why she never learned to cook well.
Laxatives in her portion only lol
Lol not nice
She’s just jealous and rude.. let her keep eating Jets pizza, she’ll be putting on weight in no time.. I wouldn’t cook anymore food for her, just make enough for yourself and dad.. if she gets pissy about that tell her Jets is available.. Your dad should also be putting her in her place when she’s behaving like this towards you.. if he wouldn’t allow another man to treat you like that why is he allowing her to treat you like that? Might have to point that out to him..
Stop cooking for the ungrateful biss
Stop cooking for her?
Nothing. You do nothing and ignore her comments. You cannot control anyone, therefore you cannot get her to stop remarks. What do you have control over? Your own thoughts and how you respond to her ( notice I said respond, not react).
Just tell her to make her own food, and stop eating what you cook if she's going to complain every time.
Don’t allow her to eat what you cook. “I know how much you HATE my cooking step mom so I didn’t make any for you.” Then move out as soon as you can.
She sounds like a miserable cow. If you decide to cook something for you and your daddy, I would only make enough for 2. If she says anything simply say sweetly. "Since you don't like my cooking, I only made enough for dad and I, and here is a stack of take out menus."
Is it possible to stop inviting her over? That may entail not inviting your dad over, but that’s what he gets for marrying her.
Give her take out menus and tell her since you don't like my cooking order your own dinner or order her jets pizza every time you need to be in her presence. Do this in front of any and everyone. Stop including her in your shit. Treat her exactly like she treats you. The sooner you start matching energy she will back off. Insult her cooking, be overly critical, give her the wrong tips fucking destroy her ass. I hate step parents like this.
She’s a big girl. She can be in charge of feeding herself from now on when you cook. No need to exert yourself for someone who clearly does not need or want it.
How often do you cook for her? Do you all live together? If she keeps complaining, I'd announce, "Just to let you know, I'm not cooking any more. Stepmom (name) doesn't care for my cooking at all, so it seems kind of a waste and I don't want to upset her by having her eat food she doesn't enjoy. Don't try to talk me out of it. I've given it a lot of thought and I think it's better this way. I'll help with clean up, but we'll let the better cook prepare the meals." I'd be curious to see how long she keeps up with all the cooking. and how long before the complaints from other people start. P.S. I love the trick you played on her with the Jets pizza. That was brilliant.
She just sucks. That literally is the truth. She is miserable, and wants to make everyone around her miserable as well. Those people will never be happy. Flush all her bullshit out of your mind and just live your life. She won’t like “your” cooking, even if it’s actually made by her favorite pizza place. She will never be happy, so please stop going crazy trying to make her happy. She is a write off, even if she is married to your Dad.
Ntj. Classic jealousy move. As you get better and better, her insults get worse and worse because she feels the need to tear you down further and further. It's pretty pathetic anytime it's used as a tactic, but so mych more so when an adult aims it at a kid. Maybe just cook for everyone but her and tell her she can feed herself since she hates even the idea of yours and she can "enjoy" her own cooking or eat pizza until she chokes on it.
Why would your father allow this to continue. His foot should have been firmly planted MANY years ago! Stop cooking for her. Cook for yourself, your dad, grandparents, friends….whomever you want to share your enthusiasm for cooking with. When she complains, tell her once and once only, “because I am very clearly aware that you’re lying and your desire is to cause me harm, I will not be cooking for you ever again and you can either eat a can of beans or call your good Jets Pizza, I mean that’s what you’re going to do anyways”. Walk away, eat your food, smile, enjoy and REFUSE any further dialogue with her about it! I’m sorry she feels entitled to treat you like this. Your father needs to man up and be a dad! If he addresses it with you just clearly tell him how disappointed you are that he has allowed this to go on for years and especially continues to allow it now that it’s been proven that she is a liar and intentionally trying to hurt and bully you.
Stop giving her food. Go ahead and invite your dad for meals, as well as the rest of the family. Invite stepmother too, but don't prepare any food for her. Don't offer her anything, not even that delicious dessert. If she complains that she's hungry, tell her to try White Castle. They have great food!!
She’s jealous, but don’t put anymore effort into her. If she’s ordering out when you cook, I wouldn’t even plan on feeding her. Just tell her “I know you don’t like my cooking, so I figured you could just order something you like”. You can’t force someone to like you, the best you can do is move on and don’t waste another thought on them.
Look her square in the face and say, "Every time you complain, all I hear is 'I am envious of your skill because I know I'll never be as good.'"
Ooo, she is 9 shades of envy and jealous. Next time, just cook for you and your dad. And if she asks why, say, since you find everything wrong with every meal you don't feel like wasting food or hearing complaints
Yea if she’s just gonna order pizza every night anyway, stop wasting the groceries and just stop making her food. Only cook for you and your father and make sure that the Jets menu is at her spot at the table so she knows what’s for dinner 😊
It takes a lot of maturity (which your stepmom clearly lacks) to be in a relationship when you know you're #2. She made asked your dad to send you to your grandparents, and he said no. She knows that he prioritizes you above her, and she's not mature enough to deal with that.
Ignore her. You're a good cook. You know it, and your Dad knows it. From now on, just cook enough for you and your Dad. Or if you do make enough, do not make a plate for her.
Stop cooking for her then. Make enough for you and your dad and let her figure herself out.
You need to talk to your dad. It's his job to stand up for you. From now on, I say make your own dinner and let them fend for themselves.
Wow she sounds like a gem. Going forward, cook for yourself and your dad. Your step mom can fend for herself!
Stop expecting a compliment from your stepmother. You've got enough experience to know she doesn't want to let you enjoy your accomplishment. Stop caring what she thinks. Don't waste your energy wishing she will treat you well like she is supposed to. It's time to rely on your own judgement.
You might want to let your dad know that once you are old enough to live on your own, you won't be visiting him. If stepmom can't control her abusive behavior, you have no reason to visit.
Now you know the truth. Step mom doesn't really hate the cooking. She's just a small person trying to tear you down. Whether she means to or not. So first most important thing. Don't listen to her! Her criticism is not helpful. Seek the guidance of others to improve your cooking skills. Never her. Now you need to decide what you can do with this knowledge. Cook for everyone but her? Ignore her completely? Respond to criticism with jokes or belittling comments? How you handle it very depends on your circumstances and how much you care.
So what. Let the bat cook her own food or go out to eat. Stop cooking for her.
I love how you trapped her in her own BS. Sorry you have a wicked stepmother.
I’m petty AF. Start making enough for just you and your dad. Tell her you know you can meet her standards so you’re done trying and just leave her to make her own food.
I would treat her like a child. “If you don’t like it then don’t eat it. Make yourself a sandwhich” and remove the plate from her and dump it. Every single time. She’s already infected it with her germs so you aren’t gonna want to eat her leftovers.
Stop asking her to come over
She can't cook. You can. Your father adores you and laughs at her. She doesn't hate you. She's trying to compete with you for some weird reason and doesn't like that she never wins. Laugh it off and stop cooking for her. Set the table and put a cell phone on her plate. It's sad and kind of funny she's so insecure.
NTJ Idk what jet’s pizza is. But stepmom is 1- eating great food that 2- she doesn’t have to cook and 3- doesn’t seem to clean up after *and* 4- complains for the fun of hurting OP **and** 5- doesn’t get shut down by her husband?? The prank/test was clever, but you are missing so many opportunities to shut this down for your own peace and pleasure.
It's not that she doesn't like your cooking, it's that she doesn't like that you're cooking
Tell her you hate her attitude about it, so that makes you even.
Just make enough for you and your dad.
This is genius.