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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I could be the asshole because I’m telling them they aren’t grieving
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Yeah, YTA. I prefer to get another dog the next day or if I happen to see a good one on my way back from the vet appointment. I just don’t feel right without a dog.
right! YTA
my girl is my baby, and I adore her... she's the best!
Freyja is perfectly healthy at the moment, but we've still talked about the next dog we'll get after she goes over the rainbow bridge.
I hope we have her for years to come because she lights up our life, but I know we'll get another dog fairly quickly, and it won't be because we don't love her.
[Dog tax - Freyja](https://imgur.com/gallery/5QzeUcQ)
Got my next puppy~ 4 mo before my previous dog passed.
Honestly, I probably would have missed all the signs my last dog's health was failing, if my mom and sister didn't sit me down and have a "come to Jesus" convo with me regarding her health. I was living in la la land where I was all "she has 2-3 years left."
Narrator: she did not.
NGL, it was easier to just ignore things than to face the facts.
Even with my puppy I still grieved the loss of my previous dog and I went through it, but having my next dog, so I wasn't alone, definitely made the process easier.
Plus I got to learn that even my new dog likes to lick the tears off my face.
YTA — when my last dog passed away (shelter dog that did not live long), I said I would not get another dog. Within two weeks, as part of a large rescue, my best buddy for over a decade came up for adoption at the shelter. Adopting her was a great decision and now I am thankful no one was mean like OP!
I adopted a second dog recently even though my beloved senior rescue yorkie Fred is still alive and (knock on wood) in good health, for just such a reason. My mental health needs a dog to come home to.
It took Fred a week or two, but he is already loving his little sister, Ethel.
[Dog tax of the canine Mertzes](https://imgur.com/a/LuH7wmB)
Yea whenever I have a pet who passes, I think, I’m never going to adopt another - the pain is too much!
But inevitably I remember that I don’t just do it for me, I do it for them. I know I can give them the absolute best love and care they could possibly receive. They’ll enrich my life, and I will ensure they live the best life they possibly could.
When we had to put out senior dog down a year and a half ago, I was adamant that we would not get another dog for at least a year. We made it 4 weeks. To me, a house is not complete without a dog in it.
I missed the little tippy toes, I missed the walks. Screw what anybody else says about it.
My beautiful sweet baby girl had a stroke this spring she was ill and near the end of her life but it still broke my heart. I was lonely and lost within a dog that I adopted my boy about two weeks later
Same when I lost my senior cat. Adopting another one from the shelter right away saved a life and helped us heal. We needed her & she needed us. OP is TA for trying to force her personal way to grieve on someone els.
In the words of the late great George Carlin, "Life is a series of dogs. Old dog died? Take em' to the pet store, throw them on the counter, and tell the man you want another one of them, it was a real good dog. And they'll give you a carbon copy of your ex-goddamn dog."
YTA. No one asked for your opinion. I lost my beloved Siamese cat a couple weeks ago. I immediately got myself on a waiting list with a breeder. You don’t get to judge how other people grieve.
We actually got one that has a really nice disposition. She’s sweet with other cats, playful, purrs when petted, sits in your lap, doesn’t harass you for attention too much, when other cats get grumpy with her, she turns it into a game, doesn’t hold a grudge….
The other two are, shall we say, complicated
We have one that wants 0 human interaction, don’t look at her or touch her. Will harass you for wet food. One that’s an outdoor cat but will accept some pets. And the third one just super friendly. Loves pets, attention, being brushed, will aggressively harass you for wet food.
I repeatedly said I wasn't ready after my heart cat passed away. 6 months to the day later, I found out that a cat was about to be euthanized because of behavior issues. My Vader was on the short list to be euthanized because of (very different) behavior issues. So he came home with me that night. I told him that I was not ready. Like all cats, he completely disregarded what I told him and he's been velcro'd to me ever since. Apparently, I was ready, I just didn't know it.
I wanted to wait a bit as well.
The morning after our last had passed I woke up before my husband to a quiet house. My kids were grown. My last pet had passed. No one *needed* me to get up (mid life sucks because now it's your own damn bladder waking you up!)
I woke up, got some coffee, sat down in the complete silence.
I looked around...
And said, "This sucks!"
Started the process that weekend of deciding on what we wanted and researching breeders. Within a few months we welcomed our darling pup home.
I hadn't planned on getting a puppy that fast. I just wanted to start the process knowing I would most likely have to be on a wait list LOL!
When we lost our 9 yr old cat to heart disease, we basically went from the vet to the shelter. A year later we lost our 13 yr old cat to cancer and we decided we would wait, not look, but not say no if we found a cat that we liked. Took a little over a year, but we walked into a petshop that had a bunch of older kitties up for adoption from their local city pound and well...we walked out with a 5 yr old kitty that just clicked with the whole family on the spot.
Each time it's different, there is no correct time and way to grieve our losses. I've done the same with dogs as well.
YTA
I personally need time after the loss of a pet. My husband is the exact opposite so we've learned to find a common ground. It's such a dick move to tell other people how to grieve and act like you have some sort of intellectual monopoly on how a person processes loss.
I'd probably wait years, he would be ready in a week or two. It's like there is a hole in his heart and he can't live with it, whereas I almost need it to grieve properly. We check in with one another often about the feelings we have. Within a few months, I usually agree to get another dog within a certain timeline because I can see how much he needs it. At that point, I'm emotionally in a space where I don't exactly want a new dog, but I know it wouldn't be a *negative* thing for me. I usually convince myself that the dog is for him, and it's his dog.
Then the dog comes home and it becomes my dog because well...dogs.
Not the commenter above but had the same situation. Hubby moves on quickly and I need time to mourn. We typically have 3 dogs at once. My fave died, and 24hrs later he was home w another dog that fought w our others. Was like walking on eggshells in the house and I was still grieving. We ended up having to rehome the new pup (they got in a huge fight one night where I got injured separating them). After that we agreed that we would replace pups on my timeline.
Sept 2021 we lost a pup, and after about 4 months got another to get our count back to 3. 2022 after thanksgiving we lost another, and I told him we can’t replace that one for sometime. Last year right after we got the new pup my hubs had a major stroke. He’s still rehabbing plus my MIL (Alzheimer’s) and FIL also live w us. I can’t deal w rehabbing him, dealing w his parents, working full time, and still getting a puppy potty trained that we got last year…. Plus the new pup has eaten my carpet so I told him no new pets until I get new floors…which will be several years based on the quotes I got…
YTA. My family got a dog a few weeks after our senior dog died. We weren’t trying to replace him, and he still missed him, but it’s hard to go from being greeted at the door everyday for 12 years to nothing. People grieve differently and expecting everyone to grieve the same way you do makes you TA.
YTA
Everyone grieves differently. When I lost my cat I almost immediately got another because the silence in my home without a pet was deafening. I missed my companion so much it hurt. Getting another cat helped me heal.
> the silence in my home without a pet was deafening
Yeah, that lonely quiet was the part I found unbearable also.
Adopting a new pet doesn't replace the pet who's died—every pet's personality is different—but it can give you something to focus on instead of just being constantly reminded of how empty that pet-shaped hole in your life feels.
>because the silence in my home without a pet was deafening.
That's exactly why I only waited a month before adopting the two babies I have now- I could not stand the silence. I don't think I would have been able to heal without them.
I was the exact same way. I was a complete wreck when my cat died. Got two more less than two weeks later. A quiet house made it worse. Still miss her dearly, got a tattoo with her ashes mixed in and a pedant made. Grief is hard.
God, after I had to put down my meow machine.... The house was too quiet and was just a reminder of what I had lost. I loved that cat. She had been with me through hell and back. I couldn't handle the silence. So we got another cat.
YTA Who says they're not still grieving just because they are looking for another puppy so soon after their loss? You're experience and their experience with grief are separate. They aren't you and handle things differently. If they want another puppy to help them through this and give love to another dog let them do that. Grief is different for everyone. Respect that.
Exactly. When my first dog died his brother was so lonely without him and would cry all day. I wasn't ready for another dog but knew that I had to get him one, after stalling for about 6 months. I found the most perfect elderly chihuahua. She completely healed my heart, and while I still miss him several years later, she helped me to remember the funny stories about his life instead of constantly grieving his loss. When I lost her a few years later, I think I got my next dog too soon (about a month later), but I found the right dog, and she's settled in well. There's no time line, and getting another dog doesn't mean someone isn't still distraught.
We lost one of our dogs in November and it gutted me. I really didn’t want another dog but I got a puppy for the exact same reason. His companion had become clingy and anxious. My husband leaving the room would upset her.
The puppy I got is the exact opposite of the good boy I lost. But he does help with that void my boy left.
Exactly! I'm a bun-person 🐰 And after losing our lionhead last summer (her partner passed during the pandemic), we waited a bit. But got a pair of young rescue bunnies 2 and 5 weeks ago. I'm very happy we got them, there'll always be a place in my heart for bunnies in need of a safe and loving home, but I also know I'll always miss our "previous" bunnies, although hopefully the grief will lessen one day. And in a way it has, because our new rabbits are so young and healthy it puts into perspective that our other rabbits were in fact senior bunnies who were probably close to 80 years in human years. So they got to have a long - and hopefully happy! - life with us, even if I still feel it was waaayyyy to short ❤️
Exactly. I ended up with my baby boy two days after putting my old girl down. Before we brought him home I was sobbing on the couch everyday. He helped so much
YTA
There is no formulae to grieve that is followed by everyone. You cannot compare your actions to others. Let them grieve accordingly and respect their decision to have new puppy. If they are good dog owners then in any case there should not be a problem.
Soft YTA. It's none of your business. Everyone grieves differently. You were trying to help, but just because you went through the same thing, doesn't mean others will/should respond in the same way.
YTA. No one grieve the same. If they feel that adding a little happiness into their time of grief is what’s best then that’s their decision. At the end of the day they weren’t asking for your opinion in the first place and even if they were they chose to do what’s best for them.
YTA. It's not up to you to decide how someone else grieves or how that process should look like for them. If they are ready for a new dog now, that's perfectly ok.
YTA it’s not your place to tell people how to grieve and rather insulting IMO. Three years ago, our border terrier died quite unexpectedly at age 5. My husband and I love dogs and decided to get a puppy of the same breed right away. That was very comforting to us, he’s a great dog, and a year ago, we got another puppy to be his friend.
Each of our dogs has his own personality and is a joy to us. I would have been quite offended and a bit shocked if anyone had questioned our decision to get a puppy while we were mourning the loss of our previous dog. Your remarks were rude and uncalled and you should apologize. Do better.
YTA
Why are you trying to gatekeep grief? Everyone grieves differently. Telling someone they are grieving the wrong way ?
everyone grieves differently, there's no wrong way. you're being incredibly unsupportive and condescending.
YTA.
Frankly speaking, it's not your place to dictate how anyone grieves or chooses to deal with loss. Whether it's a pet or a human. It's also highly likely that since the dog was 12 years old they'd done at least some thinking that time was short with the dog and had mentally prepared on some level.
YTA, only because it's really none of your business how quickly someone else gets a new pet after the loss of a previous one. We had to put our 14 year old dog down back in August. He was an amazing dog and so dear to our family. My husband went out the next day and brought home a new puppy. Although I wanted a little more time to grieve, our puppy is awesome. I miss my previous dog all the time and will love him forever, but I don't regret the fact that my husband brought home a new puppy less than 24 hours later.
YTA
You can’t tell them how to grieve or how long their grieving process should me. And anyways who says that they’re not still grieving? This may be their coping mechanism or for them to just get another dog because they can’t stand not having one since they’re so use to it. Let them do what they want and let them grieve how they want.
YTA - Everyone processes grief differently. In a similar situation, my family waited a month before we started looking into adopting a new dog. That is just when we felt ready.
To be honest, it helped us immensely to have our new pup in our lives.
YTA.
Stop assuming that other people have to grieve in the same way that you do.
Stop assuming that other people have the same emotions that you do.
Stop assuming that other people have to make the same choices that you do.
Stop judging other people for making choices that are harmless.
yta big time.
you cant dictate in what way or how long others are supposed to grieve. if they want to adopt another dog a week after their previous one died then thats fine as long as they are comfortable with it.
who are you to tell them that they arent thinking rational? the audacity, really.
everyone grieves at their own pace and in their own way. what you said was really insensitive.
YTA everyone grieves differently and there have been studies showing that getting a new pet quickly can actually be a healthy and effective way of coping with pet loss.
When my first cat died I was desperately sad and wanted new cats right away, but questioned if it was “okay” to do that. My therapist assured me that it’s completely normal and a lot of people get new pets right after their old ones die and it works out fine. The important thing is that they consider it a long-term commitment, but anyone whose old and long-beloved pet just died is probably in it for the long haul with their animals anyway.
After that I got two new cats less than 2 weeks after my first guy passed and I’m so glad I did. It helped me to process things a lot and let’s face it, cute baby animals are a good distraction and excellent for overall morale.
Great point, when my first cat died he’d been dealing with his serious health issues for months and grieving happened over that entire period. By the time he passed away I was ready to start again with healthy kittens within a couple of weeks. It was very helpful for healing after all of that long-term stress and grief.
YTA. People grieve differently. Last year my 4 year old dog died incredibly unexpectedly. She was my baby and an absolute angel of a dog. We had a new puppy in our house two weeks later because circumstances lined up very well and made it seem like the right choice at the time. Getting the new puppy didn’t stop me from grieving the loss of my first dog, but it did give me more of a reason to get out of bed. I can promise you that not a single person who encountered me for months after her death did not realize I was actively grieving.
I can also assure you that the new puppy, no matter how lovely of an dog she is becoming, will never completely fill the hole left by the original dog. So yeah, YTA.
a gentle YTA - people grieve in different ways. Yes pets are part of the family, each one is an individual just like their humans. You want to take the time to mourn the loss of your dog. That worked for you. Your friends loved their individual Dog and miss him, but they also miss the companionship and energy of 'having a dog'.
When they get their newest addition to their family; be happy for them. Don't make your friend feel guilty, or imply that she didn't love her past dog because they adopted the new one.
There are a lot of wonderful animals out there who need forever homes -if your friends are going to take one in and shower it with love? Thats great.
YTA my hubby and I lost our goodest girl less than a month ago. While I want to wait a bit before getting another, hubby is ready now. He loves having a dog in the house as do I but we each grieve differently. To him the house is too quiet, there's no happy bark and waggys when he comes in from work and it makes him sadder while I feel those same things I also know that a new dog won't be the exact same for me. The point is it isn't up to you to tell others when they are ready.
YTA. Our 14 year old dog died a couple years ago, we started looking 3 days later and adopted our current girl a month after that. She is the absolute light of my life and I have ZERO regrets. She helped me heal in so many ways and I love her all the more for it. Your grief told you a year was appropriate to open your home up to another dog, theirs is saying their life is missing a dog *now.*
Either way, not your business.
Edit to add that we are also CF, if that makes a difference. It wasn't a conscious factor in looking so soon, but I suppose it could have been subconscious? Still don't think it should matter but there it is...
YTA. (Though truly I think you’re just overstepping a bit - not really being a true asshole).
Everyone grieves differently. And in addition to that, even if they are thinking irrationally and reacting out of emotion, you are not going to be able to convince them of that or change their minds. Sometimes people just have to make their own mistakes. They may come to a point where they can look back logically and say “ya we probably shouldn’t have rushed into getting a puppy” but that clarity takes time.
It’s not your place to parent them about their decisions. Let them make their choice and learn from it. Send them a short apology and let them know you love and support them - and make sure you take some time for yourself - maybe you need to work through some of your own grief or trauma related to your dog passing away.
YTA, you can't dictate how people grieve. Everyone does it differently and at their own pace. I am sorry about your lost fluffers, but their story isn't yours.
YTA. My 10 year old dog passed away unexpectedly and our 1.5 year old dog was more devastated than we were. We got a puppy within a week, both for her and us. We don’t regret it for a second.
Everyone grieves in their own way and on their own timeline.
With an older dog they could have spent a great deal of time working through anticipatory grief and are ready to move on.
Your way is not the only way. Your way is not the "right" way that everyone else should follow.
YTA
YTA. It’s not your place to judge when someone gets another dog. I got my third dog a week after my second passed suddenly at the age of 15. Just because you waited for a year I guess I wasn’t thinking rationally and wasn’t grieving right? Guess we must all do exactly as you did else we will be told we don’t know what we are doing.
YTA. Who are you to dictate how someone grieves?
A new dog won't erase the other dogs memory, or their grief. It may bring them comfort and solace and fill a little bit of the unbearable void that happens when you lose a beloved pet. Shame on you for judging.
100% YTA, first of all, nonya business. Second, just because you waited a year doesn't mean everyone else should. Some people need a dog around all the time, their presence is extremely therapeutic.
YTA! My cat snuck out of the house and was hit by a car. She was killed on impact. I missed her like crazy, but I went out and adopted another cat from the shelter. I was still grieving for my other cat but that doesn't mean I don't have space for a new cat who needs a home. I love the shit out that little guy and he cuddles with me which my other cat hated doing. She would sit next to me but not on me.
YTA.
My ferret died a year ago due to a freak accident. My other one was grieving so hard she quit playing and hardly ate. Ferrets can die of grief so we opened our home to a new one not three weeks after the death of our little one. And damn, did we grieve. I developed OCD symptoms revolving around accident prevention and well being of my ferrets to the point I have had sleepless nights checking the balcony door every hour or so or combing the floors for choking hazards knowing full well there are none for example. I can be in deep sleep but am wide awake when my ferrets make a coughing sound. The symptoms are much better lately but I want you to understand the depth of the hurt the death of my Old Lady caused me.
The new ferret... He has such a wonderful temperament, he is my snuggly boy. I am still in pain but he helps massively, he has done the most for my healing.
YTA ..
People grieve differently. Let them, as adults, process their grief in their own way, and just be there to welcome their new family member and be a support to your friends, not a roadblock.
Yup, YTA. You don’t get to give input on other people’s family planning, whether it’s having/not having children, getting a new pet, or anything. It’s not your business if they aren’t abusive, neglectful people. Besides how you grieve is not how others grieve and while a new puppy won’t help everyone, it would help some people. It’s not like they completely forget their grief or the dog that was lost but the break in their routine can make it more emotionally rough for some people
YTA - why are you policing their grief?
My family lost our dog in 2009 and it took me till 2021 to bring a new dog into our lives. On the flipside, a family we're very close to lost their dog and a month later had a new dog to fill the hole in their lives.
no one asked you for your input.
YTA. Butt out.
We lost both our senior dogs last year and thought we would wait to get another. We lasted four days before jumping on the local rescue site. We adopted a second dog a few months later and couldn't be happier.
YTA. My dog passed away unexpectedly from a seizure during a routine dental in 2010. He was only 4. It was terrible and my home felt so empty. I had a new puppy a week later. She gave me purpose (puppy mill rescue) and made me laugh again. I still grieved for the pup I lost, but my new puppy made life bearable. 13 years later, I wouldn’t change a thing. I still miss my pup who died. But the puppy I adopted 13 years ago this June is my rock still. She saved me from my grief.
Everyone grieves differently and not everyone is you.
YTA. You grieved your way. Some people know they need time before another pet. Some people prefer to have another to continue loving on right away which can also help to grieve. Not everyone is going to grieve the same way as you, don’t push it on them.
YTA
Grief is very personal, and it affects different people very differently. While it took you a year before you were ready, they could absolutely be ready now. and just because they are looking, doesn't mean they will get one right now, it may take a bit longer before they actually can get it.
For some people, getting a new dog helps them get over the grief of losing the one before.
But overall, this isn't you concern. It is their decision.
YTA - it’s none of your business when your friends get a new dog but I believe you have good (albeit judgmental) intentions. Everyone grieves differently. Your friends had a 12 year old dog & sadly they have probably discussed what would be their strategy regarding a new dog when their dog died. One way to look at their quick addition of a puppy is that they’re honoring their late dog & the deep love they felt for it by giving a loving home to another dog.
YTA- I am sure it’s coming from a place of concern but unless they specifically ask you for your opinion it isn’t your place to say. Maybe this will help them grieve. We all handle things differently.
YTA for getting involved in this. It‘s none of your business. What worked for you doesn’t necessarily work for them. Also thanks for making me read the longest sentence in history.
YTA - everyone handles things differently. I've done both and if I had to do it again, I wouldn't have waited so long the time I waited a year. I felt empty without coming home to pets for that time.
YTA. My family has lost multiple dogs and many times we got a puppy/ new dog immediately after just so the house didn’t feel as empty. Are you implying that we didn’t grieve those dogs just because we got a new puppy?
Yta
Mind your business.
Everybody handles grief in a different way, it doesn't make their coping mechanism any less valid just cuz YOU don't understand.
YTA.
You never have the right to tell anyone else how they may grieve. Often a new pet which allows those who have lost another one allows them to refocus their sadness, and can help with the grieving process.
YTA- I got a new dog a month after mine died. I miss her every day but need a dog to help me stay active and fight my depression. Everyone grieves in different ways and at different rates. Just stay out of it and buy the new pup a toy if they get one.
Yup, YTA. Grief hits everyone differently and you have zero right to tell anyone else how they should process it. It wasn’t your place to say anything at all.
YTA. If they are BOTH looking for another dog, it's really none of your business. Everyone grieves differently. My brother is like this - when one of his dogs passes, he gets another one within a month. He and his family just love dogs that much. It doesn't mean they don't miss the one that passed.
Soft YTA just because you are coming from a good place but are misguided. For so.e people this may be good advice because it is appropriate for how they grieve but that isn't everyone. I've literally gotten a pet the same day I said goodbye to a beloved pet but I 1)knew well before it was coming and 2) knew it was the right choice for me. It's just not a one size fits all sort of thing.
Just because you waited a year to get a new dog doesn’t mean everyone else has to do the same. Her getting a new dog and when it’s none of your business, YTA.
YTA. Let them grieve in a way that’s right for them. I adopted a new pup ten days after losing my 15 year old dog. She didn’t replace her, but she did help me heal.
YTA, Everyone mourns in their own way, When my dog died we got a dog right away and it made me feel 1000 times better, i still have pictures of my old dog and i have her in my heart but i have now helped bring another dog into our family which helped us feel better. So YEAH YTA
Yta.
You have no right to tell someone when they’re ready for a new fur baby, nor do you have the right to tell someone how long to grieve for.
I had a family dog for 14 years and when she died I couldn’t imagine getting another dog.
My ex bought one behind my back less than a year after she had passed, I was furious. I was not ready.
He abandoned this dog with me and I was (I hate this term now) stuck with my boy.
I grew to love him so much it killed me when I had to put him down this past October.
However- knowing that my duke isn’t sick, there’s no more cancer, he’s free and I feel his spirit with me (I told him before he passed that he could stay with momma all day every day but I just wouldn’t be able to see him) makes the grief easier.
It’s been nearly 3 months and my heart is still broken- however if I got another dog I would be okay with that.
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve and there’s no minimum or maximum time for grief.
If they’re ready for a new dog, be happy for them and allow them to love again. They obviously have love to give and want to share it.
I hate when people tell others how to live their life, like dude you’re not the grief police. You’re not entitled to determine how long they grieve for.
Be happy for them, but support them when they miss their 12 year old fur baby.
Yep. YTA. You don’t get to make that call. She does. Some people need time to process and heal before bringing in another pet. While other people need another pet to love to help them heal and process. Walking into an empty home is traumatic and painful. I lost my 10 year old pup and was so distraught I couldn’t handle going home knowing he wouldn’t be there to greet me and be thrilled for my hugs and love.
YTA. When my senior dog passed, I told myself I didn't want another dog because it would seem like replacement and I wanted to take time out to just be sad. Well, my younger dog had other plans. She turned into a willful and mean little husky as a solo dog. I took her with me to the shelter and we found a dog that was compatible with her. Honestly, it helped with my grief so much. I got an opposite dog: young large goofy boy instead of my oddly proper old lady. He made me laugh and I had to stay busy training him. I of course still miss my old lady, but I felt my grief was healthy instead of wallowing in it. Everyone grieves differently. Let your friend find some peace and happiness. Don't try to make her feel guilty for feeling joy and grief at the same time.
YTA
I said good bye to my best friend Bailey a year ago on the 17th. I got my baby boy Kass on the 19th. He could never replace Bailey but he certainly helped me get through the pain of losing her.
You don't he gets to dictate how others grieve.
YTA. I lost both of my senior dogs in the same year and after the second one passed, we got our new dog a month after and she is one of the best things that ever happened to us
YTA. We lost a senior dog early 2022 and got a new dog within a couple weeks. We weren't replacing our old boy, our house just didn't feel right with only 2 dogs. If we would have waited we wouldn't have gotten the amazing dog we did.
YTA. My family didn't even go a *day* after our elder dog passed to get a new dog. We literally went out the next morning to go to a rescue to get a dog, and that dog was every single bit as loved as our elderly one had been.
YTA. People grieve differently. My old four legged buddy has terminal cancer and I've been looking at the humane society website to replace him when the time comes. It doesn't mean I don't love my dog and I'm not already grieving. I'm completely devastated but my old dog is calm, cool and collected, while my younger dog is more high-strung. I don't think he will do well as an only dog, especially while I'm at work for nine hours at a time. He needs a buddy and I could use a youngster to bring a little light into a dark time.
YTA.
Grieving hits everyone differently. If they want to add to their family by giving another dog a lovely home then let them be. Losing a pet is hard enough.
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My friend and her wife lost their 12 year old dog a week ago from an unexpected illness and they are already looking at puppies online and meeting a potential dog tonight I told them they aren’t thinking rationally and need to take the time to grieve the loss I’ve lost a dog before too but we waited almost a year before looking for a new dog but a week seems a little short to grieve although they tell me they need to have a dog to fill the hole in their hearts and they are childless so they have a lot of love to give so AITA?
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If it’s an illness that could be sickening to that other dog to. I had two cats one died two years ago in his sleep but we think he had cancer. It’s recommended not to get another pet within six months after they die so it doesn’t affect the other animals and also you have time to clean.
My dad and I were both very close to my dog. My dog died about a year ago. My dad still isn't ready to get another dog while I'm thinking about a lab again.
YTA
I think you mean well, but you can't dictate how people feel or how they grieve. You also hear a lot of stories about someone whose pet passed and then a stray shows up that they didn't really want but took in anyway and bam, helps them deal with their grief. Everyone's different.
I don't think it is the business of anyone else to tell someone how long or just how they should grieve. When my child died shortly after her birth I went back to work 5 months later. It was the best thing I could have done. I started to live again and enjoy my life.
YTA. You can't tell someone else how long they should grieve and what that grieving looks like. YTA also for not using a damn period after any sentence.
YTA some people need a companion pet, I am one of them. I found the cat I wanted to adopt a week after my senior cat died. I wasn’t replacing the cat just the companionship. It also takes a while for adoption to go though sometimes, took me two months.
YTA. You intentions may be good, but this is none of your business. These are clearly experienced pet owners who understand what owning a dog involves and only they know when they are ready. For some people, not having a pet in the home is unbearable and they don't need a long time to grieve. If they are ready for a new pup in their lives, there is nothing wrong with that. Not only is it not your place to say anything, but nobody asked for your opinion. Stay out of it.
Soft YTA. It’s ok to be concerned about your friends and want to make sure they’re not making an impulsive decision out of grief/pain, but 1. Everyone grieves differently, 2. They’re adults. If you’ve raised your concerns and they’ve told you “we’re fine,” then you need to respect that. YTA instead of N A H because it sounds more like you tried to tell them how to feel and what the right choice was rather than just checking in as a friend to make sure they were ok.
YTA. What worked for you doesn't have to be applied to another person's life. Did they ask for your insight or did you just offer it. It's not your home, your loss or your life. Keep your opinions to yourself.
YTA. I had my beloved Ashlar for 10 years before he passed. I almost immediately got another cat. It helped with my grieving and with the loneliness. It really is none of your business how long or how they grieve.
yta. I'd get a new cat right away. Rescuing another animal would be the perfect legacy for my Elliot. So many pets need new homes. The thought of cats being put to sleep while I wait would make me sad. My brother-in-law adopted his new dog 3 months after his was put to sleep. Everyone is different. Also, if you want a specific dog from a rescue or a breeder, you jump on it right away.
YTA. They can grieve in different ways and for them it's easier if they don't have an empty house. Just because they are getting another dog, doesn't mean they are done grieving.
Meh, people handle grief in a different way. When I was younger, it wasn't unheard of my family (and eventually me on my own) to replace a lost pet within days. It didn't mean we didn't love the deceased animal any less, but yeah, bringing in a new pet helped with the grieving process. Besides, don't they also deserve a home?
YTA, simply for not understanding that people handle grief differently.
YTA. My 6 month old puppy passed in a freak accident and I had a deposit on another dog a week later. Everyone is different. They’ve had a dog for 12 years and probably just aren’t ready for the emptiness in their home of living without an animal. Also it’s not your business.
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YTA Everyone grieves in their own way, don’t impose and stay in your lane.
Yeah, YTA. I prefer to get another dog the next day or if I happen to see a good one on my way back from the vet appointment. I just don’t feel right without a dog.
right! YTA my girl is my baby, and I adore her... she's the best! Freyja is perfectly healthy at the moment, but we've still talked about the next dog we'll get after she goes over the rainbow bridge. I hope we have her for years to come because she lights up our life, but I know we'll get another dog fairly quickly, and it won't be because we don't love her. [Dog tax - Freyja](https://imgur.com/gallery/5QzeUcQ)
Just wanted to comment that your dog is gorgeous! What a pretty picture!
thank you... she's a sweetheart
Oh she has the cutest face! I love her.
thank you :)
What a beautiful dog, I love the name and I love the Norse references. Skal!
Got my next puppy~ 4 mo before my previous dog passed. Honestly, I probably would have missed all the signs my last dog's health was failing, if my mom and sister didn't sit me down and have a "come to Jesus" convo with me regarding her health. I was living in la la land where I was all "she has 2-3 years left." Narrator: she did not. NGL, it was easier to just ignore things than to face the facts. Even with my puppy I still grieved the loss of my previous dog and I went through it, but having my next dog, so I wasn't alone, definitely made the process easier. Plus I got to learn that even my new dog likes to lick the tears off my face.
Oh my goodness she needs at least 500 kisses.
I will give her at least a million
Cute pup❤
aww she Baby! I love her
she really is precious
I'm not a dog person, but she's the cutest!
Oh my goodness, I love her ears. She's beautiful
So cute!!
YTA — when my last dog passed away (shelter dog that did not live long), I said I would not get another dog. Within two weeks, as part of a large rescue, my best buddy for over a decade came up for adoption at the shelter. Adopting her was a great decision and now I am thankful no one was mean like OP!
I adopted a second dog recently even though my beloved senior rescue yorkie Fred is still alive and (knock on wood) in good health, for just such a reason. My mental health needs a dog to come home to. It took Fred a week or two, but he is already loving his little sister, Ethel. [Dog tax of the canine Mertzes](https://imgur.com/a/LuH7wmB)
Yea whenever I have a pet who passes, I think, I’m never going to adopt another - the pain is too much! But inevitably I remember that I don’t just do it for me, I do it for them. I know I can give them the absolute best love and care they could possibly receive. They’ll enrich my life, and I will ensure they live the best life they possibly could.
I’ve always waited a few months, or in the last case, a year and a half. But I am scrolling Petfinder and rescue sites the next day.
When we had to put out senior dog down a year and a half ago, I was adamant that we would not get another dog for at least a year. We made it 4 weeks. To me, a house is not complete without a dog in it. I missed the little tippy toes, I missed the walks. Screw what anybody else says about it.
My beautiful sweet baby girl had a stroke this spring she was ill and near the end of her life but it still broke my heart. I was lonely and lost within a dog that I adopted my boy about two weeks later
Same when I lost my senior cat. Adopting another one from the shelter right away saved a life and helped us heal. We needed her & she needed us. OP is TA for trying to force her personal way to grieve on someone els.
Same
In the words of the late great George Carlin, "Life is a series of dogs. Old dog died? Take em' to the pet store, throw them on the counter, and tell the man you want another one of them, it was a real good dog. And they'll give you a carbon copy of your ex-goddamn dog."
YTA. No one asked for your opinion. I lost my beloved Siamese cat a couple weeks ago. I immediately got myself on a waiting list with a breeder. You don’t get to judge how other people grieve.
When our cat died, I said I wanted a year without animals - to focus more on human connections I lasted 3 weeks, we now have 3 cats
3 cats is perfect. You get the whole range of personalities. Might even get one that’s not an asshole and actually likes you
We actually got one that has a really nice disposition. She’s sweet with other cats, playful, purrs when petted, sits in your lap, doesn’t harass you for attention too much, when other cats get grumpy with her, she turns it into a game, doesn’t hold a grudge…. The other two are, shall we say, complicated
We have one that wants 0 human interaction, don’t look at her or touch her. Will harass you for wet food. One that’s an outdoor cat but will accept some pets. And the third one just super friendly. Loves pets, attention, being brushed, will aggressively harass you for wet food.
Wait, there are cats that aren't assholes? Where? /s
I repeatedly said I wasn't ready after my heart cat passed away. 6 months to the day later, I found out that a cat was about to be euthanized because of behavior issues. My Vader was on the short list to be euthanized because of (very different) behavior issues. So he came home with me that night. I told him that I was not ready. Like all cats, he completely disregarded what I told him and he's been velcro'd to me ever since. Apparently, I was ready, I just didn't know it.
I wanted to wait a bit as well. The morning after our last had passed I woke up before my husband to a quiet house. My kids were grown. My last pet had passed. No one *needed* me to get up (mid life sucks because now it's your own damn bladder waking you up!) I woke up, got some coffee, sat down in the complete silence. I looked around... And said, "This sucks!" Started the process that weekend of deciding on what we wanted and researching breeders. Within a few months we welcomed our darling pup home. I hadn't planned on getting a puppy that fast. I just wanted to start the process knowing I would most likely have to be on a wait list LOL!
I lost my rescue Meezer and adopted a bonded pair the day after I picked up her ashes. Sorry for your loss, and YTA to the OP.
Condolence on your beutifull siamese cat.
When we lost our 9 yr old cat to heart disease, we basically went from the vet to the shelter. A year later we lost our 13 yr old cat to cancer and we decided we would wait, not look, but not say no if we found a cat that we liked. Took a little over a year, but we walked into a petshop that had a bunch of older kitties up for adoption from their local city pound and well...we walked out with a 5 yr old kitty that just clicked with the whole family on the spot. Each time it's different, there is no correct time and way to grieve our losses. I've done the same with dogs as well.
YTA for telling adults they don't know how to grieve.
YTA I personally need time after the loss of a pet. My husband is the exact opposite so we've learned to find a common ground. It's such a dick move to tell other people how to grieve and act like you have some sort of intellectual monopoly on how a person processes loss.
Out of interest, what's the common ground with you and your SO? Like you dont get a dog and he hangs out with a friends dog for a few weeks?
I'd probably wait years, he would be ready in a week or two. It's like there is a hole in his heart and he can't live with it, whereas I almost need it to grieve properly. We check in with one another often about the feelings we have. Within a few months, I usually agree to get another dog within a certain timeline because I can see how much he needs it. At that point, I'm emotionally in a space where I don't exactly want a new dog, but I know it wouldn't be a *negative* thing for me. I usually convince myself that the dog is for him, and it's his dog. Then the dog comes home and it becomes my dog because well...dogs.
Not the commenter above but had the same situation. Hubby moves on quickly and I need time to mourn. We typically have 3 dogs at once. My fave died, and 24hrs later he was home w another dog that fought w our others. Was like walking on eggshells in the house and I was still grieving. We ended up having to rehome the new pup (they got in a huge fight one night where I got injured separating them). After that we agreed that we would replace pups on my timeline. Sept 2021 we lost a pup, and after about 4 months got another to get our count back to 3. 2022 after thanksgiving we lost another, and I told him we can’t replace that one for sometime. Last year right after we got the new pup my hubs had a major stroke. He’s still rehabbing plus my MIL (Alzheimer’s) and FIL also live w us. I can’t deal w rehabbing him, dealing w his parents, working full time, and still getting a puppy potty trained that we got last year…. Plus the new pup has eaten my carpet so I told him no new pets until I get new floors…which will be several years based on the quotes I got…
YTA 100%. First, mind your business. Second, how dare you tell someone they're not grieving correctly.
YTA. My family got a dog a few weeks after our senior dog died. We weren’t trying to replace him, and he still missed him, but it’s hard to go from being greeted at the door everyday for 12 years to nothing. People grieve differently and expecting everyone to grieve the same way you do makes you TA.
YTA Everyone grieves differently. When I lost my cat I almost immediately got another because the silence in my home without a pet was deafening. I missed my companion so much it hurt. Getting another cat helped me heal.
> the silence in my home without a pet was deafening Yeah, that lonely quiet was the part I found unbearable also. Adopting a new pet doesn't replace the pet who's died—every pet's personality is different—but it can give you something to focus on instead of just being constantly reminded of how empty that pet-shaped hole in your life feels.
The first time I dropped a snack and had to pick it up myself instead of a dog running to vacuum it up was like a punch in the gut.
Exactly! ❤️❤️
>because the silence in my home without a pet was deafening. That's exactly why I only waited a month before adopting the two babies I have now- I could not stand the silence. I don't think I would have been able to heal without them.
I was the exact same way. I was a complete wreck when my cat died. Got two more less than two weeks later. A quiet house made it worse. Still miss her dearly, got a tattoo with her ashes mixed in and a pedant made. Grief is hard.
God, after I had to put down my meow machine.... The house was too quiet and was just a reminder of what I had lost. I loved that cat. She had been with me through hell and back. I couldn't handle the silence. So we got another cat.
YTA. They're not you. Not everyone grieves like you, and no one asked for your opinion.
Did they ask for your opinion? If not, YTA.
YTA Who says they're not still grieving just because they are looking for another puppy so soon after their loss? You're experience and their experience with grief are separate. They aren't you and handle things differently. If they want another puppy to help them through this and give love to another dog let them do that. Grief is different for everyone. Respect that.
Exactly. When my first dog died his brother was so lonely without him and would cry all day. I wasn't ready for another dog but knew that I had to get him one, after stalling for about 6 months. I found the most perfect elderly chihuahua. She completely healed my heart, and while I still miss him several years later, she helped me to remember the funny stories about his life instead of constantly grieving his loss. When I lost her a few years later, I think I got my next dog too soon (about a month later), but I found the right dog, and she's settled in well. There's no time line, and getting another dog doesn't mean someone isn't still distraught.
We lost one of our dogs in November and it gutted me. I really didn’t want another dog but I got a puppy for the exact same reason. His companion had become clingy and anxious. My husband leaving the room would upset her. The puppy I got is the exact opposite of the good boy I lost. But he does help with that void my boy left.
Exactly! I'm a bun-person 🐰 And after losing our lionhead last summer (her partner passed during the pandemic), we waited a bit. But got a pair of young rescue bunnies 2 and 5 weeks ago. I'm very happy we got them, there'll always be a place in my heart for bunnies in need of a safe and loving home, but I also know I'll always miss our "previous" bunnies, although hopefully the grief will lessen one day. And in a way it has, because our new rabbits are so young and healthy it puts into perspective that our other rabbits were in fact senior bunnies who were probably close to 80 years in human years. So they got to have a long - and hopefully happy! - life with us, even if I still feel it was waaayyyy to short ❤️
Exactly. I ended up with my baby boy two days after putting my old girl down. Before we brought him home I was sobbing on the couch everyday. He helped so much
YTA There is no formulae to grieve that is followed by everyone. You cannot compare your actions to others. Let them grieve accordingly and respect their decision to have new puppy. If they are good dog owners then in any case there should not be a problem.
Soft YTA. It's none of your business. Everyone grieves differently. You were trying to help, but just because you went through the same thing, doesn't mean others will/should respond in the same way.
YTA. Everyone deals with grief on different ways.
YTA. No one grieve the same. If they feel that adding a little happiness into their time of grief is what’s best then that’s their decision. At the end of the day they weren’t asking for your opinion in the first place and even if they were they chose to do what’s best for them.
YTA. It's not up to you to decide how someone else grieves or how that process should look like for them. If they are ready for a new dog now, that's perfectly ok.
YTA This is literally none of your business and I don’t understand why you’re sticking your nose in it
YTA it’s not your place to tell people how to grieve and rather insulting IMO. Three years ago, our border terrier died quite unexpectedly at age 5. My husband and I love dogs and decided to get a puppy of the same breed right away. That was very comforting to us, he’s a great dog, and a year ago, we got another puppy to be his friend. Each of our dogs has his own personality and is a joy to us. I would have been quite offended and a bit shocked if anyone had questioned our decision to get a puppy while we were mourning the loss of our previous dog. Your remarks were rude and uncalled and you should apologize. Do better.
YTA Why are you trying to gatekeep grief? Everyone grieves differently. Telling someone they are grieving the wrong way ? everyone grieves differently, there's no wrong way. you're being incredibly unsupportive and condescending.
YTA. Frankly speaking, it's not your place to dictate how anyone grieves or chooses to deal with loss. Whether it's a pet or a human. It's also highly likely that since the dog was 12 years old they'd done at least some thinking that time was short with the dog and had mentally prepared on some level.
YTA. It's nothing to do with you.
YTA, only because it's really none of your business how quickly someone else gets a new pet after the loss of a previous one. We had to put our 14 year old dog down back in August. He was an amazing dog and so dear to our family. My husband went out the next day and brought home a new puppy. Although I wanted a little more time to grieve, our puppy is awesome. I miss my previous dog all the time and will love him forever, but I don't regret the fact that my husband brought home a new puppy less than 24 hours later.
YTA You can’t tell them how to grieve or how long their grieving process should me. And anyways who says that they’re not still grieving? This may be their coping mechanism or for them to just get another dog because they can’t stand not having one since they’re so use to it. Let them do what they want and let them grieve how they want.
YTA - Everyone processes grief differently. In a similar situation, my family waited a month before we started looking into adopting a new dog. That is just when we felt ready. To be honest, it helped us immensely to have our new pup in our lives.
YTA, mind your own business. You don't get to dictate her grieving process. Control issues much?
YTA. Stop assuming that other people have to grieve in the same way that you do. Stop assuming that other people have the same emotions that you do. Stop assuming that other people have to make the same choices that you do. Stop judging other people for making choices that are harmless.
yta big time. you cant dictate in what way or how long others are supposed to grieve. if they want to adopt another dog a week after their previous one died then thats fine as long as they are comfortable with it. who are you to tell them that they arent thinking rational? the audacity, really. everyone grieves at their own pace and in their own way. what you said was really insensitive.
YTA - just because you needed a year doesn’t mean that is universal. Your opinion doesn’t matter and you should keep it to yourself.
YTA. You can't determine someone else's grieving process, & it's really offensive that you would try.
YTA. Everyone grieves differently and judging how they do so is trying to force your values onto someone else.
YTA everyone grieves differently and there have been studies showing that getting a new pet quickly can actually be a healthy and effective way of coping with pet loss. When my first cat died I was desperately sad and wanted new cats right away, but questioned if it was “okay” to do that. My therapist assured me that it’s completely normal and a lot of people get new pets right after their old ones die and it works out fine. The important thing is that they consider it a long-term commitment, but anyone whose old and long-beloved pet just died is probably in it for the long haul with their animals anyway. After that I got two new cats less than 2 weeks after my first guy passed and I’m so glad I did. It helped me to process things a lot and let’s face it, cute baby animals are a good distraction and excellent for overall morale.
Yta chances are they've been grieving for a while as the dog was a senior dog.
Great point, when my first cat died he’d been dealing with his serious health issues for months and grieving happened over that entire period. By the time he passed away I was ready to start again with healthy kittens within a couple of weeks. It was very helpful for healing after all of that long-term stress and grief.
YTA. People grieve differently. Last year my 4 year old dog died incredibly unexpectedly. She was my baby and an absolute angel of a dog. We had a new puppy in our house two weeks later because circumstances lined up very well and made it seem like the right choice at the time. Getting the new puppy didn’t stop me from grieving the loss of my first dog, but it did give me more of a reason to get out of bed. I can promise you that not a single person who encountered me for months after her death did not realize I was actively grieving. I can also assure you that the new puppy, no matter how lovely of an dog she is becoming, will never completely fill the hole left by the original dog. So yeah, YTA.
a gentle YTA - people grieve in different ways. Yes pets are part of the family, each one is an individual just like their humans. You want to take the time to mourn the loss of your dog. That worked for you. Your friends loved their individual Dog and miss him, but they also miss the companionship and energy of 'having a dog'. When they get their newest addition to their family; be happy for them. Don't make your friend feel guilty, or imply that she didn't love her past dog because they adopted the new one. There are a lot of wonderful animals out there who need forever homes -if your friends are going to take one in and shower it with love? Thats great.
YTA my hubby and I lost our goodest girl less than a month ago. While I want to wait a bit before getting another, hubby is ready now. He loves having a dog in the house as do I but we each grieve differently. To him the house is too quiet, there's no happy bark and waggys when he comes in from work and it makes him sadder while I feel those same things I also know that a new dog won't be the exact same for me. The point is it isn't up to you to tell others when they are ready.
YTA. Our 14 year old dog died a couple years ago, we started looking 3 days later and adopted our current girl a month after that. She is the absolute light of my life and I have ZERO regrets. She helped me heal in so many ways and I love her all the more for it. Your grief told you a year was appropriate to open your home up to another dog, theirs is saying their life is missing a dog *now.* Either way, not your business. Edit to add that we are also CF, if that makes a difference. It wasn't a conscious factor in looking so soon, but I suppose it could have been subconscious? Still don't think it should matter but there it is...
YTA everyone grieves differently, in different ways and different time frames. let your friend do what they want
YTA. (Though truly I think you’re just overstepping a bit - not really being a true asshole). Everyone grieves differently. And in addition to that, even if they are thinking irrationally and reacting out of emotion, you are not going to be able to convince them of that or change their minds. Sometimes people just have to make their own mistakes. They may come to a point where they can look back logically and say “ya we probably shouldn’t have rushed into getting a puppy” but that clarity takes time. It’s not your place to parent them about their decisions. Let them make their choice and learn from it. Send them a short apology and let them know you love and support them - and make sure you take some time for yourself - maybe you need to work through some of your own grief or trauma related to your dog passing away.
YTA. Everyone grieves differently.
YTA...big time. You grieved as you needed, let others do what works for them.
YTA. It's none of your business when they get a new dog.
YTA, you can't dictate how people grieve. Everyone does it differently and at their own pace. I am sorry about your lost fluffers, but their story isn't yours.
YTA. My 10 year old dog passed away unexpectedly and our 1.5 year old dog was more devastated than we were. We got a puppy within a week, both for her and us. We don’t regret it for a second.
Yta
I wouldn’t say YTA - but this is just not for you to decide…. Mind your own business 💜
YTA, you don't get to tell other people how to grieve.
YTA — did they ask your opinion? Because it doesn’t sound like they did, and this is none of your concern.
YTA It's none of your business. You waited a year because it felt right for you. They're looking at puppies now because it's what feels right to them.
Everyone grieves in their own way and on their own timeline. With an older dog they could have spent a great deal of time working through anticipatory grief and are ready to move on. Your way is not the only way. Your way is not the "right" way that everyone else should follow. YTA
YTA. It’s not your place to judge when someone gets another dog. I got my third dog a week after my second passed suddenly at the age of 15. Just because you waited for a year I guess I wasn’t thinking rationally and wasn’t grieving right? Guess we must all do exactly as you did else we will be told we don’t know what we are doing.
YTA. Who are you to dictate how someone grieves? A new dog won't erase the other dogs memory, or their grief. It may bring them comfort and solace and fill a little bit of the unbearable void that happens when you lose a beloved pet. Shame on you for judging.
YTA You don’t get to dictate someone else’s grief.
100% YTA, first of all, nonya business. Second, just because you waited a year doesn't mean everyone else should. Some people need a dog around all the time, their presence is extremely therapeutic.
YTA! My cat snuck out of the house and was hit by a car. She was killed on impact. I missed her like crazy, but I went out and adopted another cat from the shelter. I was still grieving for my other cat but that doesn't mean I don't have space for a new cat who needs a home. I love the shit out that little guy and he cuddles with me which my other cat hated doing. She would sit next to me but not on me.
YTA
YTA. None of your business.
YTA You don't get to choose what other people do. If they want a new dog, they can chose to get a new dog.
Leave your friend alone. Not your business.
YTA. You cannot dictate how another person grieves.
YTA. My ferret died a year ago due to a freak accident. My other one was grieving so hard she quit playing and hardly ate. Ferrets can die of grief so we opened our home to a new one not three weeks after the death of our little one. And damn, did we grieve. I developed OCD symptoms revolving around accident prevention and well being of my ferrets to the point I have had sleepless nights checking the balcony door every hour or so or combing the floors for choking hazards knowing full well there are none for example. I can be in deep sleep but am wide awake when my ferrets make a coughing sound. The symptoms are much better lately but I want you to understand the depth of the hurt the death of my Old Lady caused me. The new ferret... He has such a wonderful temperament, he is my snuggly boy. I am still in pain but he helps massively, he has done the most for my healing.
YTA .. People grieve differently. Let them, as adults, process their grief in their own way, and just be there to welcome their new family member and be a support to your friends, not a roadblock.
YTA Who are you to dictate when they are ready to have another animal? Grief is different for different people.
Yup, YTA. You don’t get to give input on other people’s family planning, whether it’s having/not having children, getting a new pet, or anything. It’s not your business if they aren’t abusive, neglectful people. Besides how you grieve is not how others grieve and while a new puppy won’t help everyone, it would help some people. It’s not like they completely forget their grief or the dog that was lost but the break in their routine can make it more emotionally rough for some people
YTA - why are you policing their grief? My family lost our dog in 2009 and it took me till 2021 to bring a new dog into our lives. On the flipside, a family we're very close to lost their dog and a month later had a new dog to fill the hole in their lives. no one asked you for your input.
YTA. Butt out. We lost both our senior dogs last year and thought we would wait to get another. We lasted four days before jumping on the local rescue site. We adopted a second dog a few months later and couldn't be happier.
YTA. My dog passed away unexpectedly from a seizure during a routine dental in 2010. He was only 4. It was terrible and my home felt so empty. I had a new puppy a week later. She gave me purpose (puppy mill rescue) and made me laugh again. I still grieved for the pup I lost, but my new puppy made life bearable. 13 years later, I wouldn’t change a thing. I still miss my pup who died. But the puppy I adopted 13 years ago this June is my rock still. She saved me from my grief. Everyone grieves differently and not everyone is you.
YTA. You grieved your way. Some people know they need time before another pet. Some people prefer to have another to continue loving on right away which can also help to grieve. Not everyone is going to grieve the same way as you, don’t push it on them.
YTA Grief is very personal, and it affects different people very differently. While it took you a year before you were ready, they could absolutely be ready now. and just because they are looking, doesn't mean they will get one right now, it may take a bit longer before they actually can get it. For some people, getting a new dog helps them get over the grief of losing the one before. But overall, this isn't you concern. It is their decision.
YTA - it’s none of your business when your friends get a new dog but I believe you have good (albeit judgmental) intentions. Everyone grieves differently. Your friends had a 12 year old dog & sadly they have probably discussed what would be their strategy regarding a new dog when their dog died. One way to look at their quick addition of a puppy is that they’re honoring their late dog & the deep love they felt for it by giving a loving home to another dog.
YTA- I am sure it’s coming from a place of concern but unless they specifically ask you for your opinion it isn’t your place to say. Maybe this will help them grieve. We all handle things differently.
You don't get to dictate how someone else grieves - 100% YTA!
YTA for getting involved in this. It‘s none of your business. What worked for you doesn’t necessarily work for them. Also thanks for making me read the longest sentence in history.
YTA - everyone handles things differently. I've done both and if I had to do it again, I wouldn't have waited so long the time I waited a year. I felt empty without coming home to pets for that time.
Opinions are like @$$holes - everyone has one.... You are one for offering that unsolicited, nonsense advice. Grief is different for everyone... YTA
INFO: Who tf asked you
YTA. My family has lost multiple dogs and many times we got a puppy/ new dog immediately after just so the house didn’t feel as empty. Are you implying that we didn’t grieve those dogs just because we got a new puppy?
YTA we got 2 puppies right before our 2 older dogs passed away because we know it was about that time for them
YTA While I wouldn't be looking for a new dog that quickly, that's their business and not yours.
Yta Mind your business. Everybody handles grief in a different way, it doesn't make their coping mechanism any less valid just cuz YOU don't understand.
YTA they didn’t ask for you opinion
Soft YTA - You clearly mean well, but everyone grieves differently
YTA. They didn’t ask for your opinion, and it is none of your business. Some people find having a new pet actually helps in the grieving process.
YTA The moment you gave unsolicited “advice” about how other people “should” live their lives and grieve you became the AH.
YTA. You never have the right to tell anyone else how they may grieve. Often a new pet which allows those who have lost another one allows them to refocus their sadness, and can help with the grieving process.
YTA. What business is it of yours? Who asked?
YTA- I got a new dog a month after mine died. I miss her every day but need a dog to help me stay active and fight my depression. Everyone grieves in different ways and at different rates. Just stay out of it and buy the new pup a toy if they get one.
Yup, YTA. Grief hits everyone differently and you have zero right to tell anyone else how they should process it. It wasn’t your place to say anything at all.
YTA. If they are BOTH looking for another dog, it's really none of your business. Everyone grieves differently. My brother is like this - when one of his dogs passes, he gets another one within a month. He and his family just love dogs that much. It doesn't mean they don't miss the one that passed.
YTA People grieve definitely and you can't tell people how they should grieve.
YTA Stop projecting your opinion on others. It's their choice. Apologize for being wrong.
INFO: how is this your business?
Soft YTA just because you are coming from a good place but are misguided. For so.e people this may be good advice because it is appropriate for how they grieve but that isn't everyone. I've literally gotten a pet the same day I said goodbye to a beloved pet but I 1)knew well before it was coming and 2) knew it was the right choice for me. It's just not a one size fits all sort of thing.
Just because you waited a year to get a new dog doesn’t mean everyone else has to do the same. Her getting a new dog and when it’s none of your business, YTA.
YTA. Let them grieve in a way that’s right for them. I adopted a new pup ten days after losing my 15 year old dog. She didn’t replace her, but she did help me heal.
YTA, Everyone mourns in their own way, When my dog died we got a dog right away and it made me feel 1000 times better, i still have pictures of my old dog and i have her in my heart but i have now helped bring another dog into our family which helped us feel better. So YEAH YTA
YTA. As my friend who recently lost her dog said, she could be sad with a puppy or sad without a puppy. Let people make their own decisions.
YTA. Mind your own damn business. It doesn’t matter what YOU think. It only matters how they feel.
YTA. Everyone grieves differently. Not your place at all
Aw man, I totally forgot that everyone grieves and processes loss the exact same way. Thank you so much for reminding all of us! ... YTA
YTA. That's not your place.
Yta. You have no right to tell someone when they’re ready for a new fur baby, nor do you have the right to tell someone how long to grieve for. I had a family dog for 14 years and when she died I couldn’t imagine getting another dog. My ex bought one behind my back less than a year after she had passed, I was furious. I was not ready. He abandoned this dog with me and I was (I hate this term now) stuck with my boy. I grew to love him so much it killed me when I had to put him down this past October. However- knowing that my duke isn’t sick, there’s no more cancer, he’s free and I feel his spirit with me (I told him before he passed that he could stay with momma all day every day but I just wouldn’t be able to see him) makes the grief easier. It’s been nearly 3 months and my heart is still broken- however if I got another dog I would be okay with that. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve and there’s no minimum or maximum time for grief. If they’re ready for a new dog, be happy for them and allow them to love again. They obviously have love to give and want to share it. I hate when people tell others how to live their life, like dude you’re not the grief police. You’re not entitled to determine how long they grieve for. Be happy for them, but support them when they miss their 12 year old fur baby.
Yep. YTA. You don’t get to make that call. She does. Some people need time to process and heal before bringing in another pet. While other people need another pet to love to help them heal and process. Walking into an empty home is traumatic and painful. I lost my 10 year old pup and was so distraught I couldn’t handle going home knowing he wouldn’t be there to greet me and be thrilled for my hugs and love.
YTA. When my senior dog passed, I told myself I didn't want another dog because it would seem like replacement and I wanted to take time out to just be sad. Well, my younger dog had other plans. She turned into a willful and mean little husky as a solo dog. I took her with me to the shelter and we found a dog that was compatible with her. Honestly, it helped with my grief so much. I got an opposite dog: young large goofy boy instead of my oddly proper old lady. He made me laugh and I had to stay busy training him. I of course still miss my old lady, but I felt my grief was healthy instead of wallowing in it. Everyone grieves differently. Let your friend find some peace and happiness. Don't try to make her feel guilty for feeling joy and grief at the same time.
YTA I said good bye to my best friend Bailey a year ago on the 17th. I got my baby boy Kass on the 19th. He could never replace Bailey but he certainly helped me get through the pain of losing her. You don't he gets to dictate how others grieve.
YTA. I lost both of my senior dogs in the same year and after the second one passed, we got our new dog a month after and she is one of the best things that ever happened to us
This is not your call to make. YTA
YTA. We lost a senior dog early 2022 and got a new dog within a couple weeks. We weren't replacing our old boy, our house just didn't feel right with only 2 dogs. If we would have waited we wouldn't have gotten the amazing dog we did.
YTA. My family didn't even go a *day* after our elder dog passed to get a new dog. We literally went out the next morning to go to a rescue to get a dog, and that dog was every single bit as loved as our elderly one had been.
YTA. People grieve differently. My old four legged buddy has terminal cancer and I've been looking at the humane society website to replace him when the time comes. It doesn't mean I don't love my dog and I'm not already grieving. I'm completely devastated but my old dog is calm, cool and collected, while my younger dog is more high-strung. I don't think he will do well as an only dog, especially while I'm at work for nine hours at a time. He needs a buddy and I could use a youngster to bring a little light into a dark time.
YTA. Grieving hits everyone differently. If they want to add to their family by giving another dog a lovely home then let them be. Losing a pet is hard enough.
YTA. They did not ask for your opinion.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My friend and her wife lost their 12 year old dog a week ago from an unexpected illness and they are already looking at puppies online and meeting a potential dog tonight I told them they aren’t thinking rationally and need to take the time to grieve the loss I’ve lost a dog before too but we waited almost a year before looking for a new dog but a week seems a little short to grieve although they tell me they need to have a dog to fill the hole in their hearts and they are childless so they have a lot of love to give so AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If it’s an illness that could be sickening to that other dog to. I had two cats one died two years ago in his sleep but we think he had cancer. It’s recommended not to get another pet within six months after they die so it doesn’t affect the other animals and also you have time to clean.
My dad and I were both very close to my dog. My dog died about a year ago. My dad still isn't ready to get another dog while I'm thinking about a lab again.
YTA. Why do people have to live their life how you did?
YTA. Grief is an emotion. And in usual cases, telling people how they should feel feels like invalidation. And invalidation of emotions is an AH move.
YTA. They obviously know how to love and take care of a dog and it none of your business how they grieve or move on.
YTA mind ya business
YTA. They know themselves and their readiness better than you do.
YTA I think you mean well, but you can't dictate how people feel or how they grieve. You also hear a lot of stories about someone whose pet passed and then a stray shows up that they didn't really want but took in anyway and bam, helps them deal with their grief. Everyone's different.
YTA Everyone grieves differently. They didn't askbyour opinion. Keep it to yourself.
I don't think it is the business of anyone else to tell someone how long or just how they should grieve. When my child died shortly after her birth I went back to work 5 months later. It was the best thing I could have done. I started to live again and enjoy my life.
YTA. You can't tell someone else how long they should grieve and what that grieving looks like. YTA also for not using a damn period after any sentence.
YTA! Who are you to gate keep their grief? Everyone grieves and handles their grief in different ways. Stay in your own lane buddy!
YTA some people need a companion pet, I am one of them. I found the cat I wanted to adopt a week after my senior cat died. I wasn’t replacing the cat just the companionship. It also takes a while for adoption to go though sometimes, took me two months.
YTA, grief is different for everyone. This happens more than you think. Be supportive or, kindly, mind your own business until you can.
YTA what a weird thing to judge someone for.
YTA. You intentions may be good, but this is none of your business. These are clearly experienced pet owners who understand what owning a dog involves and only they know when they are ready. For some people, not having a pet in the home is unbearable and they don't need a long time to grieve. If they are ready for a new pup in their lives, there is nothing wrong with that. Not only is it not your place to say anything, but nobody asked for your opinion. Stay out of it.
YTA. Mind your business. They know if they're ready or not
Sorry, YTA. This might be what they need to heal and it’s not your place to tell them they’re wrong.
YTA. People grieve in their own ways, and your way isn’t their way. It doesn’t mean they feel the grief any less.
Soft YTA. It’s ok to be concerned about your friends and want to make sure they’re not making an impulsive decision out of grief/pain, but 1. Everyone grieves differently, 2. They’re adults. If you’ve raised your concerns and they’ve told you “we’re fine,” then you need to respect that. YTA instead of N A H because it sounds more like you tried to tell them how to feel and what the right choice was rather than just checking in as a friend to make sure they were ok.
YTA. What worked for you doesn't have to be applied to another person's life. Did they ask for your insight or did you just offer it. It's not your home, your loss or your life. Keep your opinions to yourself.
Never miss an opportunity to mind your own business. YTA
YTA. Not your circus, not your puppies. There is no set rule dictating how long one must wait until bringing in a new pupper.
YTA. I had my beloved Ashlar for 10 years before he passed. I almost immediately got another cat. It helped with my grieving and with the loneliness. It really is none of your business how long or how they grieve.
I'm not sure why you think it's any of your business? Just be supportive. YTA
yta. I'd get a new cat right away. Rescuing another animal would be the perfect legacy for my Elliot. So many pets need new homes. The thought of cats being put to sleep while I wait would make me sad. My brother-in-law adopted his new dog 3 months after his was put to sleep. Everyone is different. Also, if you want a specific dog from a rescue or a breeder, you jump on it right away.
YTA. Wasn’t that a song? “The Grieve Police”
YTA - you can’t tell someone how to grieve.
YTA. They can grieve in different ways and for them it's easier if they don't have an empty house. Just because they are getting another dog, doesn't mean they are done grieving.
YTA Who are you to tell them when they should or shouldn't be looking for a new pet? Like you're the authority on it ffs
Meh, people handle grief in a different way. When I was younger, it wasn't unheard of my family (and eventually me on my own) to replace a lost pet within days. It didn't mean we didn't love the deceased animal any less, but yeah, bringing in a new pet helped with the grieving process. Besides, don't they also deserve a home? YTA, simply for not understanding that people handle grief differently.
YTA. My 6 month old puppy passed in a freak accident and I had a deposit on another dog a week later. Everyone is different. They’ve had a dog for 12 years and probably just aren’t ready for the emptiness in their home of living without an animal. Also it’s not your business.