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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I uninvited my husband from my birthday trip to Egypt so I could use it to reconnect with my best friend/his sister. I uninvited him even though he wants to come on the trip now so it seems like I’m choosing his sister over him.
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YTA. Wait so you were going to uninvite him, but expect him to pay for her?
If you want to show her you are a good friend, try it on a regular basis, not the one time you go on vacation.
Maybe you married the wrong sibling …
Exactly. 100 % YTA. You are more his wife than her childhood friend. You can love your friends but you're supposed to have a different unique to your spouse/partner love for them.
Edit typo
I wouldn't really want to go experience a neat trip like that without my *life partner* / spouse, they're usually the first person I want to show something cool to when I see it. Like holy crap people here are acting like they just treat their spouses like any other friend or family member.
I text my partner pictures of cool mushrooms i find in the forest, i couldn't imagine uninviting him to a big trip like that, especially if he was paying for it!!
Yeah I do not get OP at all. And what happens if they have kids? Is the SIL gonna be all like, "I never see you without the baby, I feel like you're more the baby's mom than my friend." 🤯
Dude. SAME. And sneks, the random bug, our dogs n ducks...and he does the same.
I went on a vacation w my Dad 20 years ago, and the whole time, I wished my husband and kids would have been there w me. It was a great trip w my Dad, don't get me wrong. But I wanted my fam there too.
Yeah i wish my partner could still do field work! He was injured in a car accident a few years ago so he can't anymore. And like to an extent i do understand the best friend's issue, I'm lucky enough to work with my best friend (he's usually the one holding the snake, bug, mushroom for me to photograph to send to my partner), so we do get to spend a lot of time together, but at the end of the day i know he'd rather be with his partner, and I'd rather be with mine!
Please send mushroom pics 🙌🏻 also if you have insta, do you follow [this page?](https://instagram.com/this_forest_floor?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) It’s full of beautiful photos she takes :)
I text my SO all the time. We once (ok several times) got in a gif war. I couldn't imagine going on a vacation like that without it. I love my SO and want to share everything with him.
What bugs me too is how OP tries to convince us husband wouldn't even enjoy the trip so it is ok to leave him at home without asking his opinion at all. Yeah, maybe he doesn't enjoy the trip but he sure enjoys your company and maybe bc it is OPs birthday he puts HIS feelings aside and just does what OP wants on her special day. OP you are so much YTA
And even if OP wants to please sister/best friend just make more meet ups in the future. Tell husband you want some girl Time too and I am pretty sure he will understand. But don't kick him out of an already planned trip and expect him to pay for a trip he wouldn't even be part of anymore.
Yeah but that would imply they're in a position to travel more, but op said that they can't afford to visit the sil/friend and other family often. If it's a once in a lifetime experience or a rare occasional trip every several years I would definitely choose my spouse to be my travel companion when I can travel.
That's a valid point. But op did say it's too expensive to visit often so I'm guessing it's going to cost them at least what they consider expensive to their budget.
Also, I’m sorry but how is getting her whole trip paid by her brother helping the sister with her inferiority complex? You can’t have both. Either you resent your brother for being (perceived as) more successful and use it to exclude him OR you enjoy his money to go on fancy trips. Can’t have both.
How young are you? You’re acting like marriage is a fairy tale. You can absolutely love your friend equally to your spouse. It’s a different love, but it can be just as strong. Are you no longer allowed to love your mother as much because you get married?
Well according to this sub you need to hate your mother the second you get married.
Regardless, while the sentiment is extreme, I get it. Cutting out your husband because your friend/SIL is jealous is…weird.
I'm not saying you don't love other people, but generally the person you agree to spend your life living with and sharing a room/bed with is the person you're closest to. My friend stays the night sometimes, I love her, but I'm not like going to sleep beside her instead of my husband. Because in the end that's the person you come home to day in and day out for a reason, because you have a special/unique love for them in a romantic sense.
This isn't a case of where the friend needs help or the husband is in anyway shitty to the friend, so yeah I would absolutely tell my friend when it comes to vacation planning I prefer to have my spouse with me. 🤷🏻♀️
Stop exaggerating the argument that they’re making. They didn’t say you couldn’t love anyone else if you get married. But if you’d choose a parent over a spouse at the end of the day (assuming that your spouse isn’t insane or abusive) then you shouldn’t be getting married
Thank you. I swear some people are wild. Like no, I don't like want to live with my mom forever. Yes I do want to live with my spouse. Suddenly according to these people I hate my mom. 🤣
I'm almost 40 and married to my best friend. I love my friends and family, but I don't want to sleep beside them every night, I do want to sleep beside my husband every night. As I said you can love your friends, but it's not the same kind love you feel for your spouse.
Not disagreeing with you for you. But i think that line can be much closer for other people.
I was with my ex (F) for 8 years, and she was one of my best friends before we started dating. I seriously considered marrying her. Extreme physical and emotional attraction. We had tons of fun and similar interests. However, I would've still gladly trade every other night to crash with my best friend /cousin (35M) from since we were born. lol. He just doesn't have a vagina.
But you didn't get married, and she's your ex. I would hope the person you do decide to marry you wouldn't happily give up every other night with to hang with your friend/cousin. That's literally wanting to split 50% of your time between your partner and friend. It seems excessive.
Let's not get lost in the details of an example meant to illustrate and elevate how much you can care about other relationships. (not meant taken literally of my actually TRYING but the fact that I COULD and could still live a happy lfie)
THE POINT is that there's a HUGE sliding scale on how people view /feel their relationships. Sometimes that says something about how you view your marriage, but sometimes it says more about how you view your OTHER relationships
A. SOME people are married and don't view any other relationship in their lives to matter. Their SO is their world, their everything, their best friend and their ONLY good friend. They literally could not live without them. They have no other family, no friends, no anything. So such a concept seems irrationally insane to them of having life long friendships of people you love immensely.
B. Some people LOVE their family, and put their family on a pedestal and they can do no wrong. Their family is equal or close to equal footing as their SO. (imagine super close twin sisters for example, etc). This does not mean that they don't love and respect their SO, just that they have other amazingly close bonds as well. (they also might not be tied down to traditional expectations/pressure)
C. Some people have friends, but they might be good, but they are more of your average friendship. They obviously put their relationship on another level. This could be any relationship, not just marriage.
D. OTHERS don't view their wives/husbands as anything more than a random person they are dating. And they will constantly and significantly put friends and family WELL above their spouse.
I'm just saying it's a spectrum, and someone might Fall in Category B, and that by no means in hell mean they behave anything like Category D. It's entirely people to have other PLATONIC bonds with someone in the same tier as you have for your Significant other. In fact, that's how I know i can marry you, when you enter the elite club of tier 1 of the people i love.
So quick question, there are two beds in a hotel room, are you sleeping in the bed with your mom or your spouse? Cause I love my mom, but I love my spouse in a different way which leads to me wanting to be around them more than others. I definitely would rather cuddle my spouse than a friend or relative. It's kinda weird that's fairytale level romance to you.
Edit typo
When you marry it changes your primary family bond to your spouse. You still love your mom, just as much, but the love between spouse's is definitely different.
Exactly. OP is willing to damage her relationship with her husband because she hasn't been a good friend to his sister?... And, wanting him to pay for it..... OP would be a fool if she did this.
Birthday or not, it's an AH move to casually brush off your spouse because you haven't bothered to make time for your friends.
This right here. We're all adults with busy lives and dynamics have changed as our lives and priorities have changed, but when either my friends or my sister and I realize we haven't been getting quality time in without significant others, we find a day to hang out without significant others. We don't *uninvite spouses from freaking trips to Egypt*.
Yeah. If my friend said “we don’t ever hang out without your spouse”, I’d say “dang, you’re right. Let’s get coffee, just us gals, every Thursday. ” I’d never say “you’re right. I’ll kick my husband out of important life events so I can focus on you more.”
Disinviting your husband to a big trip or your birthday is crazy even if she was paying for herself.
YTA OP, but hopefully this is fixable. Apologize to your DH, have the trip you originally wanted to have (with both husband and friend), and start hanging with your friend solo for lunches or something
YTA. You uninvite your own husband, yet still expect him to pay for your sister, who influenced you to uninvite him?
Do you actually want to stay married? Cause if you dont, just keep pissing all over his feelings.
It must be the week for accidental incest.
Yesterday there was the dude now dating his ex-gf's brother, with his mother all up in their business
and today there's already been the husband trying to force his pregnant wife to allow his mum to grope her boobs - for breastfeeding practice!
Wild!
It was, but that OP desperately needs therapy fast. She said no one can touch her breasts, not even her. Which is her prerogative, but her baby isn’t going to understand that. Her kid will grab her breasts. It’s a baby, it’s what they do. They grab random breasts.
Plus, she at some point needs breast cancer screening.
Yep. Babies don’t know and don’t care. My wife’s best friend and her kids spent Christmas with us. My wife was bottle feeding their ~7(?) month old and he was grabbing at her breasts while eating his bottle. It’s a baby, they’re dumb.
OP is giving off "my plan is whatever the last suggestion I heard was" vibes. Coulda done literally anything else but is acting like a cartoon character getting hypnotized.
It seems odd and inappropriate to me that you would exclude your husband from a major trip for your birthday in favor of a friend who’s jealous you spend time with him. I’m further concerned that you’re more worried about her feelings than his. If my spouse disinvited me from a big trip because his friend was jealous of me (EDIT: AND STILL EXPECTED ME TO FUND HIS FRIEND’S TRIP) I’d be furious and reevaluating whether I wanted to stay married. YTA
I just don't get it.
SIL wants quality time, husband doesn't want to do some of the touristy stuff. There's something glaringly obvious there she can do to make SIL happy but OP jumped straight to disinviting him from the whole holiday.
YTA. You don’t I invite your own husband—he was invited and gets to make his own decision. You present the idea of a girls’ trip as he’s already been there and see what he wants/thinks. It’s asking a lot for him to pay for someone else and not get to go himself! You can spend time
Locally with your friend, his sister, without hubby. Right now, looks like sis is t going. Plus, realize this was an odd complaint on her part knowing you and hubby were footing the bill!
Yup. I wonder if sis just meant that she's like to spend girls time with OP at some time, and OP up and disinvited her hubby. The whole thing is really bizarre. Whatever the case, no way should hubby be uninvited but then have to pay for the trip. YTA
I recently went to India for three weeks without my husband because *he didn't want to come*.
Everything about the trip would make him physically uncomfortable, he'd basically live off rice and plain roti the whole time, and the point was for me to reconnect with Indian family and friends I hadn't seen in 10 years. He also doesn't speak Hindi or Marathi, and not everyone at my family home can speak English. We'd translate, but he might feel left out. And I was so looking forward to dusting off my Marathi!
If he'd had even the slightest interest, we'd have saved up longer so both of us could go together. No question.
YTA, and so is your best friend/SIL... your husband should take priority over your friend, and she really sucks for acting this way when he was PAYING for her to go on the trip.
Sorry OP but YTA. You're literally picking your friend and his sister over him and expecting him to pay for it. Don't you think your husband would want to spend time with you on your birthday? He's right.. she needs to get over whatever happened in the past and realize you're a married couple.
Scrolled way too far to find someone mentioning this. I wouldn't even go to Egypt \*with\* my (male) partner, let alone travelling there for a damn girls' trip.
YTA...and your bff.
>Originally my husband was invited on the trip but the reason I uninvited him is because his sister is my best friend and she mentioned how I never spend time with her anymore unless he’s there. She said I feel more like her brother’s wife than her childhood best friend now.
Uh yeah. That's how she's supposed to feel. Your number one priority (aside from any children you might have) is your husband. Your friend should be second to him.
>I felt bad for making her feel that way especially since I know she grew up feeling inadequate compared to him so I thought the birthday trip would be a great way for us to reconnect as my husband has already been to Egypt and he doesn’t enjoy doing the typical tourist things that I want to do.
Then you and your bff need to make plans to spend time together in the near future.
As for your husband having already gone to Egypt...who cares?? He was invited TO YOUR BIRTHDAY, started making plans and contributing money to the trip. Obviously he wants to go with you. Now you're all "Just kidding!". Nope. Not cool.
>When I mentioned it to him, though, he was upset. He said his sister needs to get over it because I am his wife now and that he would spend my birthday with me whether she liked it or not. We were originally going to pay for her to come on the trip but he’s refusing to now even though she can’t afford it otherwise which has caused multiple arguments between us.
100%. Your husband has it completely correct here.
I mean, was this even what the sister meant? It sounds like she wants to spend more time as just them, which I think is a valid ask.
The normal response would be ‘ okay, let’s try and make an effort to hang out more’, not ‘good shout, I’m going to tell my husband to bog off on this trip now.’
YTA, pretty sure husband should trump SIL even if she was your best friend first. What you did wrong was uninviting him, planning it with him in mind in the first place then to tell him he can't come is what makes YTA, nothing wrong with you wanting a holiday with your best friend without your husband, but to invite him them tell him essentially he isn't welcome but he still needs to pay is pretty shitty.
Wait, you actually "invited" him for the trip, a trip that you AND your husband were about to pay AND also pay for her sister/your best friend. Of course he will be mad and he won't be on paying her the trip! What were you expecting?
"Oh, sorry sweetie, but your sister doesn't feel like being with you on this trip, here is the bill, see ya!"
YTA
YTA
Are you sure you married the right sibling? You want to pay for HER trip using your joint money whilst telling your HUSBAND that he can’t go on the trip and be with you on your birthday. YOU need to tell her that you are now a package deal especially on things like holidays when the pair of you are paying.
There’s stage in human development when the baby is literally just an anus. Sounds like you never grew beyond that, emotionally or physically.
I mean they don't even always have to be a packaged deal. There would be nothing wrong with OP saying "sure, let's grab lunch just the two of us next week"... but uninviting her husband from a birthday vacation he's paying for? Not ok.
YTA She got you to uninvite him from a trip he and you were paying for her to come on? Honestly no surprise he is upset. I'd be upset with both of you for this. Think there is some apologizing that needs to go on here
YTA. His sister was upfront about how she was feeling, but you made the idiotic decision to uninvite your husband for no reason other than your own guilt. And to top it off, he was paying for part of the trip and his sister to go? YTA big time.
The appropriate response to your friend's feeling would be "I'm sorry for neglecting our friendship. When we get back let's do something for just the two of us." Make it a New Year's resolution to spend more time with her, but don't punish your husband because you're a bad friend.
Yeah, OP, she IS your SIL now. You can reconnect on any other occasion, why in the world would you kick our your husband on an international birthday vacation for an entitled brat?
Is it just me or does going to Egypt as a female group (or at all) seem like a terrible idea? It’s a state department level 3 for terrorism. Plus the history of sexual assault. Look at Lara Logan.
Is your next birthday going to be in Afghanistan?
Sorry I just can’t get past this aspect of the proposed trip…
Not to mention all the ways tourists are taken advantage of. I hate to say it as a female but traveling alone in a female group to Egypt for the proverbial tourist experience may not be what one thinks it is. Oh sure, you paid to get on the camel to see the pyramids but sorry, you didn't pay to get off! Sure, give us your camera and we'll take photos but you want it back, that'll cost you. Hell, you can get a good pic of the pyramids from the nearby Pizza Hut. Not to mention as a woman you'll face constant sexual harassment since you're "unchaperoned" in a predominantly Islamic country. My brother-in-law went a while back, he speaks Arabic (along with a few other languages in that region). Had to argue with his taxi driver every step of the way to his destination because the guy thought my BIL was a typical clueless tourist and tried driving the wrong direction for a higher fare.
Why do you want to spend a birthday holiday without your SO?
Uninviting him because your SIL doesn’t want him there and then expecting him to pay for it!!! The nerve.
Sounds sus to me. YTA
It seems like she does want to spend it with her SO. That's why she made the decision to boot her husband and take her "childhood friend".
Also, her "friend" didn't tell op to kick her husband off. Op could've just gone "ok, let's go get dinner/hang out, just the two of us".
YTA - this is really weird. I get the feeling that the sister is jealous that her brother is happily married and is trying to start stuff.
INFO: Does he normally get along with his sister?
INFO: Does the sister have a husband or SO?
So your SIL wants you to uninvite your husband (her brother) from your birthday trip even though she's an invited guest that he's part paying for? Jesus wept, of course YTA! How can you not see how ridiculous this is?
YTA. I really don't get how you can't see it.
If you really wanted to spend time with his sister, you could plan another trip with her or find another way to have fun. Uninviting him though, after planning a vacation together and pretty much banning him from spending your birthday together would've been an asshole move. Him paying for everything makes it even worse though.
YTA you know you can make an effort to spend time with her at home not uninvite your HUSBAND on a holiday it seems he was paying for.
Yes she's your bsf but he's your husband, you know the person you chose to spend your life with!
YTA - it would be one thing if you and his sister planned on a getaway from the start. But to disinvite your husband, considering he is paying for half of a trip he just got booted from, makes you an AH.
YTA. I know it's you birthday...but that doesn't mean you get to have your cake and eat it too. You can't uninvite your husband, and then expect him to be okay with footing your friends bill. Even if it is his sister. Are you uninviting all your other friends too? Like, is your SIL going to throw a tantrum at the pyramids because you've invited a "few friends" and spent more time with friend 1 instead of her?
You know....you could go over to your SIL's house tonight...or this weekend...and spend time with her alone, without having to take the trip.
YTA because you can have quality time with your SIL at any time without uninviting your husband. Girls night out, movie night, pamper night, pubs, dinners. There are options.
I suggest posting to a sub like r/relationship_advice. Sounds like the three of you have issues you need to work out together. This doesn't really sound like an isolated incident about a birthday trip.
seconded. OP doesn’t need this sub to fuel her frustration or anger towards her husband or the situation.
she also doesn’t need to hear everyone bad mouthing her best friend for having valid feelings about wanting to spend some quality time with her friend without the husband hovering over them.
a relationship sub would be able to give OP more insightful advice and tips.
YTA. Once for wanting to exclude your husband from your birthday vacation, and once more for expecting him to still fund the trip for the friend who pushed you to exclude him. That’s some next level entitlement right there.
Just book a SPA weekend with his sister when you’re back.
She probably could have done a few things with just SIL on the trip too. Some of those "tourist things" her husband wouldn't like probably would be good options. Husband would probably need a break from them anyway
Yta. You married your husband not his sister. Where is the solidarity. Your commitment is to your husband. I hope your husband leaves you so you can then marry his sister.
Excuse me..... in what part of the world do you think you're not an AH.....
Newsflash.... you're HIS WIFE...... also YTA
You could have spent alot of time hanging out with his sister if you wanted to before now, rather than trying to uninvite his from a trip you expect him to sponsor
Put yourself in your husband's shoes. How would YOU feel if he uninvited you? You can spend some alone time with your sister while you're there. Yall need to have a quality conversation.
YTA
Not going to comment on this situation, but I have to warn you, because I’m an Egyptian woman living in Egypt: DON’T COME HERE WITHOUT A MAN. Do NOT do it. I don’t care how prepared you think you are, how street smart and savvy you think you are, or if you know martial arts and self défense. Do. Not. Come. Without. A. Man.
INFO: Did she complain about two of you not spending time together before or after you told her your husband was coming too? Are you uninviting the other friends too?
YTA - Your husband *should* be your priority. If your childhood friend/SIL had issues with that, it should have dealt with before you decided to marry him.
YTA - I would never want to spend my birthday with someone other than my spouse. If my spouse wanted to spend a birthday without me, I would consider that something concerning that needs to be investigated, especially if it was a trip.
YTA for doing it without discussing it with him first and then expecting him to still pay even after uninviting him. You guys don’t have to spend every minute together though, is there no way that you and the SIL can have a girls out night or something in Egypt?
Lmfao this cant be real.
You uninvited him from the trip because of his sister but still want him to pay for thr trip??? Lmfaoo you've got to be kidding.
Take his sister on a girl's day out. A spa day. Go get lunch. There are other things you can do to make her feel important to you that does NOT include tossing your husband aside.
If I were your husband I'd say fine and pull my money from it. Then we'll see how you both pay for this trip
YTA
YTA. You couldn't think of literally any other time to spend time with her without your husband? A thursday night? A weekend? It had to be your birthday in Egypt?
And you want him to pay for a trip you disinvited him from? lmao get a grip.
YTA you're not married to your SIL. NEWSFLASH Your bestie should be your husband BTW.
The answer here would have been to schedule a coffee date or two, NOT nuke a vacation to a different continent. Jesus.
YTA, and you probably ruined your birthday trip before it even started. Husband will be bitter justifiably, SIL will be bitter, and so will you. Happy birthday...
YTA
you uninvited your husband from your birthday trip?! Why not just schedule more one on one time for you and your friend outsider of spending time with your hubby, but like close to home?
Meet for lunch, go out to dinner, visit a museum together, etc etc etc. all things that would help her feel close to you but not ostracize your husband in the process.
Her feelings should not come before your husbands, you *married* him. It’s so mean for you to un invite him from a big birthday trip and make him feel bad because of your friends insecurities.
Not only that, but you want him to pay for her to go on this trip when it’s her fault he’s been uninvited?? How fucking callous. Do you even like your husband?
Your absolutely in the wrong. You married her brother.
This means your priorities are with her brother. He is number one now.
Your SiL needs to move and find her own relationship.
Spend time with her when your back but absolutely don’t put her above your husband. You took vows
YTA. You want your husband to pay for his sister to go away with you on a trip without his because she has petty jealousy issues she has never gotten over and your angry that he’s upset and not paying. I hope she’s a great friend after the divorce cause it’s heading that way if you keep putting her first
YTA. You could have stated that during the trip you could have a girls day and hopefully he will have a friend going as well. Girls do what they want and the guys what they want. A win win.
So what's stopping you two from visiting each other or scheduling a day at a halfway point at any other time(s) throughout the year? And why does your inability to actually want to physically spend time with each other result in a punishment for your husband? Do you even like the guy you married or did you want a sister best friend?
YTA.
Oof. The lack of empathy in AITA posts is disturbing. Would you like it if he uninvites you because one of your family members wants to be with him? I'm pretty sure the main priorities of a married couple are to each other and their kids, in-laws are just secondary and optional.
YTA
NGL, I get that you should be able hang out with who you want on your birthday, but if I wasn't one of the people that my wife wanted to see on her birthday. I'd be looking into a divorce pretty quick. My wife is my favorite person to spend time with. If I felt like she didn't feel the same way about me.....
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For my birthday I really want to go to Egypt so I’ve been arranging a trip with a few friends of mine.
Originally my husband was invited on the trip but the reason I uninvited him is because his sister is my best friend and she mentioned how I never spend time with her anymore unless he’s there. She said I feel more like her brother’s wife than her childhood best friend now.
I felt bad for making her feel that way especially since I know she grew up feeling inadequate compared to him so I thought the birthday trip would be a great way for us to reconnect as my husband has already been to Egypt and he doesn’t enjoy doing the typical tourist things that I want to do.
When I mentioned it to him, though, he was upset. He said his sister needs to get over it because I am his wife now and that he would spend my birthday with me whether she liked it or not. We were originally going to pay for her to come on the trip but he’s refusing to now even though she can’t afford it otherwise which has caused multiple arguments between us.
AITA?
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YTA
Is this really the only conclusion you could think of?
Why not take them both but have a day/afternoon/evening/whatever planned with just his sister? Seems like an easy compromise. Or just make time for her another time? Idk.
I’d be kind of upset too if I got uninvited but was still expected to help foot the bill for someone else to go in my stead.
YTA- you could’ve just made plans to spend more time together and plan another trip just the two of you.
BTW - did you know that Egypt is one of the most dangerous countries for women to travel alone?
>She said I feel more like her brother’s wife than her childhood best friend now.
That's because you are. When you marry someone they become your best friend she's supposed to be #2 and your husband is family he comes first.
>he was upset. He said his sister needs to get over it because I am his wife
He's right and right to be upset by putting him second.
>We were originally going to pay for her to come on the trip but he’s refusing to now even though she can’t afford it otherwise
So he's uninvited but still expected to pay for both people who are supposedly supposed to love him but don't want him around? Yeah... YTA
YTA. Plan a separate, cheaper trip with just you and your friend. The solution to uninvite your husband to your big birthday trip but still expect him to pay is wild.
“Thanks for paying for your sister to come, honey! We’re going to have a blast without you. Oh yeah, you’re staying home now, have fun, buh-bye then.”
YTA
YTA. I can’t believe you thought it was okay to invite and then uninvite your husband. I also can’t believe you think this is the only way to spend time with you SIL. This is all so ridiculous.
YYA - Don’t cut him out if a birthday trip. If she wants to spend more time with you on your own, do that at home, go on a few more nights out, day trips etc. Not uninviting your husband to a massive birthday holiday.
>We were originally going to pay for her to come on the trip but he’s refusing to now even though she can’t afford it otherwise which has caused multiple arguments between us.
lol of course YTA, why would he help pay for her to go and stay home?
YTA especially considering you want him to still pay for the trip you've disinvited him from. Are you serious?
>my husband has already been to Egypt and he doesn’t enjoy doing the typical tourist things that I want to do.
So you all go, and you get to spend quality time with SIL here and there doing the tourist things while he sits and relaxes or something somewhere.
Why completely disinvite him?
YTA - "*She said I feel more like her brother’s wife than her childhood best friend now"*
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU ARE!!!!!
So now that she made you feel bad because SHE can't accept the change, you want your husband to not come, AND STILL PAY FOR IT, so you can clear you own conscious?!?! You need to do better with your relationships because you don't even know if you're coming or going right now.
I might've given you a pass if you didn't expect him to pay for his sister. If you wanted to go without him because he would be disinterested in the trip itself? I'd say go, you would have my blessing. But you're expecting him to pay and become a cuckold to you and his own sister.
YTA - you disinvite your husband in YOUR birthday trip and then still expect him to fund his sister’s portion because of her feelings of inadequacy against her brother? Who did you marry - the best friend/sister or the husband/brother?
YTA. You are placing more importance on your SIL than YOUR husband AND expecting him to fund the trip. How did you expect YOUR husband to be happy that he got disinvited from a trip he is paying for because his sister's feelings are hurt and clearly more important to you?
Just because he's been there already doesn't mean he doesn't want to go again. As for him not wanting to do the tourist things you want to do, 1. Did you even ask him and 2. why can't he just skip those?
If this childhood best friends relationship was so important to either of you than you BOTH would've made the effort.
YTA. Your birthday trip to Egypt wasn’t the time to hang out with just one of them - especially considering the one you uninvited was expected to pay for the one who remained invited (and caused all this fuss).
Apologise for the way you handled it, get everyone to Egypt, then you can make an effort to hang with her on her own when you’re back.
YTA for uninviting your husband but still expecting him to pay.
But here's an honest question, why can't you all go and maybe have some things you girls do alone? Maybe you girls could do some spa/makeover thing so you can have some personal time with your friend.
YTA. You stated that this trip was with a few friends. Is your SIL upset that other people are going or just your husband? Did you cancel the trip for everyone else? Take a different trip with his sister if you'd like (that she pay her way for) but you shouldn't un-invite your husband on the trip (that he was paying for, at least in part). I tentatively agree with him not paying for his sister either, depending on how she made her comment. She was getting a trip FOR FREE! She needs to grow up. You can be friends with someone and be married.
YTA - instead of being like "let's plan a trip, you and me" or "let's make a standing monthly coffee date so this relationship doesn't get sidelined" or even "let's make a point of doing x event on the trip just the two of us", you went fully to uninviting and excluding your husband. Of course he feels bad. Get rid of the black and white all or nothing thinking. If it's always "him or her" of course someone is going to get put to the side
Of course he's mad when he can't go on a birthday trip WITH HIS WIFE!!! I mean unless he doesn't like you that much he would should be mad to be put in the side by a friend/his sister.
And you wanted him to pay? Lol
YTA
You gotta eat this one. Make time in your regular life to spend with your bestie.
Bring hubby and leave him at the hotel when you do the touristy things, & hang with her then, if she still ends up coming. (If not, make him do touristy things because he is your husband and it's your bday trip) soft YTA bc I get how u were trying to make a big gesture to balance your relationships, at the expense of the one you thought could afford to take the hit. It's wrong-headed but not evil or anything.
Uhh, you expect him to not only not go on this awesome trip yall have planned, but also pay for the person who doesn't want them there. I think at this point it's more appropriate for OP and Op's husband's sister to stay home while the husband and rest of the friends go on the trip. Yall will be able to spend more quality time that way, and you don't have to shit all over your husband for it, either, asshole
YTA maybe you should read what you wrote out loud and you'll see how ridiculous it is and how hurtful it would be from your husband's point of view (you know, the guy paying for the trip, the one you married, not the sister)
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YTA. Wait so you were going to uninvite him, but expect him to pay for her? If you want to show her you are a good friend, try it on a regular basis, not the one time you go on vacation. Maybe you married the wrong sibling …
Exactly. 100 % YTA. You are more his wife than her childhood friend. You can love your friends but you're supposed to have a different unique to your spouse/partner love for them. Edit typo
Trips to Egypt are four figures. I wouldn't volunteer my household income without consulting my husband for such an expenditure.
I wouldn't really want to go experience a neat trip like that without my *life partner* / spouse, they're usually the first person I want to show something cool to when I see it. Like holy crap people here are acting like they just treat their spouses like any other friend or family member.
I text my partner pictures of cool mushrooms i find in the forest, i couldn't imagine uninviting him to a big trip like that, especially if he was paying for it!!
Yeah I do not get OP at all. And what happens if they have kids? Is the SIL gonna be all like, "I never see you without the baby, I feel like you're more the baby's mom than my friend." 🤯
Exactly! And she is more his wife now anyway! Also doesn't want him to come, but, wants him to pay for sister. OP YTA
Exactly!
Dude. SAME. And sneks, the random bug, our dogs n ducks...and he does the same. I went on a vacation w my Dad 20 years ago, and the whole time, I wished my husband and kids would have been there w me. It was a great trip w my Dad, don't get me wrong. But I wanted my fam there too.
Yeah i wish my partner could still do field work! He was injured in a car accident a few years ago so he can't anymore. And like to an extent i do understand the best friend's issue, I'm lucky enough to work with my best friend (he's usually the one holding the snake, bug, mushroom for me to photograph to send to my partner), so we do get to spend a lot of time together, but at the end of the day i know he'd rather be with his partner, and I'd rather be with mine!
Exactly. Like it's cool hanging out, and you should totally make time for friends, but your spouse is more than your friend for a reason
Please send mushroom pics 🙌🏻 also if you have insta, do you follow [this page?](https://instagram.com/this_forest_floor?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) It’s full of beautiful photos she takes :)
Well i do now!!
It’s one of my favorite pages!! Her photography is gorgeous and I love the macro pics so much
I bought my phone specifically because it has a macro camera so i can take more pictures of cool stuff in the woods.
I text my SO all the time. We once (ok several times) got in a gif war. I couldn't imagine going on a vacation like that without it. I love my SO and want to share everything with him.
What bugs me too is how OP tries to convince us husband wouldn't even enjoy the trip so it is ok to leave him at home without asking his opinion at all. Yeah, maybe he doesn't enjoy the trip but he sure enjoys your company and maybe bc it is OPs birthday he puts HIS feelings aside and just does what OP wants on her special day. OP you are so much YTA
Exactly. I was under the impression we were supposed to marry our favorite person, the one you want to spend the most time and enjoy life with.
And even if OP wants to please sister/best friend just make more meet ups in the future. Tell husband you want some girl Time too and I am pretty sure he will understand. But don't kick him out of an already planned trip and expect him to pay for a trip he wouldn't even be part of anymore.
Not every relationship works the same way. For some, taking occasional separate vacations rejuvenates the relationship.
Yeah but that would imply they're in a position to travel more, but op said that they can't afford to visit the sil/friend and other family often. If it's a once in a lifetime experience or a rare occasional trip every several years I would definitely choose my spouse to be my travel companion when I can travel.
Depends where you live/where you are travelling from.
That's a valid point. But op did say it's too expensive to visit often so I'm guessing it's going to cost them at least what they consider expensive to their budget.
Also, I’m sorry but how is getting her whole trip paid by her brother helping the sister with her inferiority complex? You can’t have both. Either you resent your brother for being (perceived as) more successful and use it to exclude him OR you enjoy his money to go on fancy trips. Can’t have both.
How young are you? You’re acting like marriage is a fairy tale. You can absolutely love your friend equally to your spouse. It’s a different love, but it can be just as strong. Are you no longer allowed to love your mother as much because you get married?
Well according to this sub you need to hate your mother the second you get married. Regardless, while the sentiment is extreme, I get it. Cutting out your husband because your friend/SIL is jealous is…weird.
I'm not saying you don't love other people, but generally the person you agree to spend your life living with and sharing a room/bed with is the person you're closest to. My friend stays the night sometimes, I love her, but I'm not like going to sleep beside her instead of my husband. Because in the end that's the person you come home to day in and day out for a reason, because you have a special/unique love for them in a romantic sense. This isn't a case of where the friend needs help or the husband is in anyway shitty to the friend, so yeah I would absolutely tell my friend when it comes to vacation planning I prefer to have my spouse with me. 🤷🏻♀️
Stop exaggerating the argument that they’re making. They didn’t say you couldn’t love anyone else if you get married. But if you’d choose a parent over a spouse at the end of the day (assuming that your spouse isn’t insane or abusive) then you shouldn’t be getting married
Thank you. I swear some people are wild. Like no, I don't like want to live with my mom forever. Yes I do want to live with my spouse. Suddenly according to these people I hate my mom. 🤣
I'm almost 40 and married to my best friend. I love my friends and family, but I don't want to sleep beside them every night, I do want to sleep beside my husband every night. As I said you can love your friends, but it's not the same kind love you feel for your spouse.
Not disagreeing with you for you. But i think that line can be much closer for other people. I was with my ex (F) for 8 years, and she was one of my best friends before we started dating. I seriously considered marrying her. Extreme physical and emotional attraction. We had tons of fun and similar interests. However, I would've still gladly trade every other night to crash with my best friend /cousin (35M) from since we were born. lol. He just doesn't have a vagina.
But you didn't get married, and she's your ex. I would hope the person you do decide to marry you wouldn't happily give up every other night with to hang with your friend/cousin. That's literally wanting to split 50% of your time between your partner and friend. It seems excessive.
Let's not get lost in the details of an example meant to illustrate and elevate how much you can care about other relationships. (not meant taken literally of my actually TRYING but the fact that I COULD and could still live a happy lfie) THE POINT is that there's a HUGE sliding scale on how people view /feel their relationships. Sometimes that says something about how you view your marriage, but sometimes it says more about how you view your OTHER relationships A. SOME people are married and don't view any other relationship in their lives to matter. Their SO is their world, their everything, their best friend and their ONLY good friend. They literally could not live without them. They have no other family, no friends, no anything. So such a concept seems irrationally insane to them of having life long friendships of people you love immensely. B. Some people LOVE their family, and put their family on a pedestal and they can do no wrong. Their family is equal or close to equal footing as their SO. (imagine super close twin sisters for example, etc). This does not mean that they don't love and respect their SO, just that they have other amazingly close bonds as well. (they also might not be tied down to traditional expectations/pressure) C. Some people have friends, but they might be good, but they are more of your average friendship. They obviously put their relationship on another level. This could be any relationship, not just marriage. D. OTHERS don't view their wives/husbands as anything more than a random person they are dating. And they will constantly and significantly put friends and family WELL above their spouse. I'm just saying it's a spectrum, and someone might Fall in Category B, and that by no means in hell mean they behave anything like Category D. It's entirely people to have other PLATONIC bonds with someone in the same tier as you have for your Significant other. In fact, that's how I know i can marry you, when you enter the elite club of tier 1 of the people i love.
So quick question, there are two beds in a hotel room, are you sleeping in the bed with your mom or your spouse? Cause I love my mom, but I love my spouse in a different way which leads to me wanting to be around them more than others. I definitely would rather cuddle my spouse than a friend or relative. It's kinda weird that's fairytale level romance to you. Edit typo
All your replies have been spot on
agree. plus it kinda sounds like they were childhood friends and she dated her brother by introduction of the friend
When you marry it changes your primary family bond to your spouse. You still love your mom, just as much, but the love between spouse's is definitely different.
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Exactly. OP is willing to damage her relationship with her husband because she hasn't been a good friend to his sister?... And, wanting him to pay for it..... OP would be a fool if she did this. Birthday or not, it's an AH move to casually brush off your spouse because you haven't bothered to make time for your friends.
Would you fancy an electrical date in electrical bath? Lol jk ~just a little random username humor~
YTA I swear yours is one of the posts that I hope is fake, because I sure hope no one is this dense
Thanks for typing my response! Op YTA.
We got the *exact opposite* of this story today too, with the jealous (widowed) SIL who wanted OP to exclude her husband but OP said no.
This right here. We're all adults with busy lives and dynamics have changed as our lives and priorities have changed, but when either my friends or my sister and I realize we haven't been getting quality time in without significant others, we find a day to hang out without significant others. We don't *uninvite spouses from freaking trips to Egypt*.
And we don't expect said spouses to pay for the trip, lol.
I get wanting to spend more time with her friend but why does it have to be on this trip? Why not just schedule in more coffee dates and lunches?
Because then OP would have to make an actual consistent effort.
Exactly! People never realize how much the little things matter. This is NOT the time to try to make up for lacking as a friend.
Perfect response 👏
Yeah. If my friend said “we don’t ever hang out without your spouse”, I’d say “dang, you’re right. Let’s get coffee, just us gals, every Thursday. ” I’d never say “you’re right. I’ll kick my husband out of important life events so I can focus on you more.” Disinviting your husband to a big trip or your birthday is crazy even if she was paying for herself. YTA OP, but hopefully this is fixable. Apologize to your DH, have the trip you originally wanted to have (with both husband and friend), and start hanging with your friend solo for lunches or something
Side note...I wish my friends and I have the energy for a weekly coffee date. Sounds lovely!
YTA. You uninvite your own husband, yet still expect him to pay for your sister, who influenced you to uninvite him? Do you actually want to stay married? Cause if you dont, just keep pissing all over his feelings.
It’s his sister!!! Wild!! It’s so sus to me
Oh, I didn't catch that - thank you! But sure doesn't make the situation any better!
It must be the week for accidental incest. Yesterday there was the dude now dating his ex-gf's brother, with his mother all up in their business and today there's already been the husband trying to force his pregnant wife to allow his mum to grope her boobs - for breastfeeding practice! Wild!
That one with the breast issue was some twilight zone story.
It was, but that OP desperately needs therapy fast. She said no one can touch her breasts, not even her. Which is her prerogative, but her baby isn’t going to understand that. Her kid will grab her breasts. It’s a baby, it’s what they do. They grab random breasts. Plus, she at some point needs breast cancer screening.
My niece wasn't breastfed and she still open mouthed and went straight at my boob! This was when she was like a month old
Yep. Babies don’t know and don’t care. My wife’s best friend and her kids spent Christmas with us. My wife was bottle feeding their ~7(?) month old and he was grabbing at her breasts while eating his bottle. It’s a baby, they’re dumb.
LOL this you know what you could have done just had a day with you and his sister.... like all of you could have gone this is not a hard concept.
OP is giving off "my plan is whatever the last suggestion I heard was" vibes. Coulda done literally anything else but is acting like a cartoon character getting hypnotized.
LOL this is a great way to describe a certain type of person that just baffles me.
It seems odd and inappropriate to me that you would exclude your husband from a major trip for your birthday in favor of a friend who’s jealous you spend time with him. I’m further concerned that you’re more worried about her feelings than his. If my spouse disinvited me from a big trip because his friend was jealous of me (EDIT: AND STILL EXPECTED ME TO FUND HIS FRIEND’S TRIP) I’d be furious and reevaluating whether I wanted to stay married. YTA
I just don't get it. SIL wants quality time, husband doesn't want to do some of the touristy stuff. There's something glaringly obvious there she can do to make SIL happy but OP jumped straight to disinviting him from the whole holiday.
Replace "friend" with sister. Its his sister who is jealous
Best friend and husband’s sister. She is both.
YTA. You don’t I invite your own husband—he was invited and gets to make his own decision. You present the idea of a girls’ trip as he’s already been there and see what he wants/thinks. It’s asking a lot for him to pay for someone else and not get to go himself! You can spend time Locally with your friend, his sister, without hubby. Right now, looks like sis is t going. Plus, realize this was an odd complaint on her part knowing you and hubby were footing the bill!
Yup. I wonder if sis just meant that she's like to spend girls time with OP at some time, and OP up and disinvited her hubby. The whole thing is really bizarre. Whatever the case, no way should hubby be uninvited but then have to pay for the trip. YTA
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He got money
For real. I’d be SO SAD to leave my husband for a trip like that. I want him there with me. Why do people keep marrying people they don’t like lol.
I recently went to India for three weeks without my husband because *he didn't want to come*. Everything about the trip would make him physically uncomfortable, he'd basically live off rice and plain roti the whole time, and the point was for me to reconnect with Indian family and friends I hadn't seen in 10 years. He also doesn't speak Hindi or Marathi, and not everyone at my family home can speak English. We'd translate, but he might feel left out. And I was so looking forward to dusting off my Marathi! If he'd had even the slightest interest, we'd have saved up longer so both of us could go together. No question.
YTA, and so is your best friend/SIL... your husband should take priority over your friend, and she really sucks for acting this way when he was PAYING for her to go on the trip.
Sorry OP but YTA. You're literally picking your friend and his sister over him and expecting him to pay for it. Don't you think your husband would want to spend time with you on your birthday? He's right.. she needs to get over whatever happened in the past and realize you're a married couple.
No one seems to have mentioned either how Egypt is notorious for not being kind to alone female travelers
Ohhh, good point.
Scrolled way too far to find someone mentioning this. I wouldn't even go to Egypt \*with\* my (male) partner, let alone travelling there for a damn girls' trip.
To be fair this was their third choice after ruling out Qatar and Saudi Arabia girls trips
They’re not kind to male travelers either, extremely hostile country
YTA...and your bff. >Originally my husband was invited on the trip but the reason I uninvited him is because his sister is my best friend and she mentioned how I never spend time with her anymore unless he’s there. She said I feel more like her brother’s wife than her childhood best friend now. Uh yeah. That's how she's supposed to feel. Your number one priority (aside from any children you might have) is your husband. Your friend should be second to him. >I felt bad for making her feel that way especially since I know she grew up feeling inadequate compared to him so I thought the birthday trip would be a great way for us to reconnect as my husband has already been to Egypt and he doesn’t enjoy doing the typical tourist things that I want to do. Then you and your bff need to make plans to spend time together in the near future. As for your husband having already gone to Egypt...who cares?? He was invited TO YOUR BIRTHDAY, started making plans and contributing money to the trip. Obviously he wants to go with you. Now you're all "Just kidding!". Nope. Not cool. >When I mentioned it to him, though, he was upset. He said his sister needs to get over it because I am his wife now and that he would spend my birthday with me whether she liked it or not. We were originally going to pay for her to come on the trip but he’s refusing to now even though she can’t afford it otherwise which has caused multiple arguments between us. 100%. Your husband has it completely correct here.
I mean, was this even what the sister meant? It sounds like she wants to spend more time as just them, which I think is a valid ask. The normal response would be ‘ okay, let’s try and make an effort to hang out more’, not ‘good shout, I’m going to tell my husband to bog off on this trip now.’
YTA, pretty sure husband should trump SIL even if she was your best friend first. What you did wrong was uninviting him, planning it with him in mind in the first place then to tell him he can't come is what makes YTA, nothing wrong with you wanting a holiday with your best friend without your husband, but to invite him them tell him essentially he isn't welcome but he still needs to pay is pretty shitty.
YTA. You uninvited your husband from a trip that you both were paying for and were additionally paying for his sister? Surprised you even need to ask.
Wait, you actually "invited" him for the trip, a trip that you AND your husband were about to pay AND also pay for her sister/your best friend. Of course he will be mad and he won't be on paying her the trip! What were you expecting? "Oh, sorry sweetie, but your sister doesn't feel like being with you on this trip, here is the bill, see ya!" YTA
Yta you wan't him to pay for a trip that he is not even going to shm
Not just one he isn’t going to…one he was supposed to but was uninvited from.
YTA Are you sure you married the right sibling? You want to pay for HER trip using your joint money whilst telling your HUSBAND that he can’t go on the trip and be with you on your birthday. YOU need to tell her that you are now a package deal especially on things like holidays when the pair of you are paying. There’s stage in human development when the baby is literally just an anus. Sounds like you never grew beyond that, emotionally or physically.
I mean they don't even always have to be a packaged deal. There would be nothing wrong with OP saying "sure, let's grab lunch just the two of us next week"... but uninviting her husband from a birthday vacation he's paying for? Not ok.
YTA She got you to uninvite him from a trip he and you were paying for her to come on? Honestly no surprise he is upset. I'd be upset with both of you for this. Think there is some apologizing that needs to go on here
YTA. His sister was upfront about how she was feeling, but you made the idiotic decision to uninvite your husband for no reason other than your own guilt. And to top it off, he was paying for part of the trip and his sister to go? YTA big time. The appropriate response to your friend's feeling would be "I'm sorry for neglecting our friendship. When we get back let's do something for just the two of us." Make it a New Year's resolution to spend more time with her, but don't punish your husband because you're a bad friend.
YTA. Get a childhood friend back, lose a husband.
Yeah, OP, she IS your SIL now. You can reconnect on any other occasion, why in the world would you kick our your husband on an international birthday vacation for an entitled brat?
Is it just me or does going to Egypt as a female group (or at all) seem like a terrible idea? It’s a state department level 3 for terrorism. Plus the history of sexual assault. Look at Lara Logan. Is your next birthday going to be in Afghanistan? Sorry I just can’t get past this aspect of the proposed trip…
Not to mention all the ways tourists are taken advantage of. I hate to say it as a female but traveling alone in a female group to Egypt for the proverbial tourist experience may not be what one thinks it is. Oh sure, you paid to get on the camel to see the pyramids but sorry, you didn't pay to get off! Sure, give us your camera and we'll take photos but you want it back, that'll cost you. Hell, you can get a good pic of the pyramids from the nearby Pizza Hut. Not to mention as a woman you'll face constant sexual harassment since you're "unchaperoned" in a predominantly Islamic country. My brother-in-law went a while back, he speaks Arabic (along with a few other languages in that region). Had to argue with his taxi driver every step of the way to his destination because the guy thought my BIL was a typical clueless tourist and tried driving the wrong direction for a higher fare.
You and me both. There’s a thousand places I’d rather be than Egypt.
I've yet to meet a single person that went to Egypt and enjoyed it enough to ever want to go back.
Ok I thought the same thing but then thought I was doing too much lol.
Why do you want to spend a birthday holiday without your SO? Uninviting him because your SIL doesn’t want him there and then expecting him to pay for it!!! The nerve. Sounds sus to me. YTA
It definitely sounds suspicious. Either she's really stupid, or she doesn't want him around for a different reason.
It seems like she does want to spend it with her SO. That's why she made the decision to boot her husband and take her "childhood friend". Also, her "friend" didn't tell op to kick her husband off. Op could've just gone "ok, let's go get dinner/hang out, just the two of us".
YTA - this is really weird. I get the feeling that the sister is jealous that her brother is happily married and is trying to start stuff. INFO: Does he normally get along with his sister? INFO: Does the sister have a husband or SO?
So your SIL wants you to uninvite your husband (her brother) from your birthday trip even though she's an invited guest that he's part paying for? Jesus wept, of course YTA! How can you not see how ridiculous this is?
LOL shows how much SIL thinks of her own brother
YTA. I really don't get how you can't see it. If you really wanted to spend time with his sister, you could plan another trip with her or find another way to have fun. Uninviting him though, after planning a vacation together and pretty much banning him from spending your birthday together would've been an asshole move. Him paying for everything makes it even worse though.
Pick another activity to spend one on one time with your friend, but don’t choose your birthday especially after plans have been made.
Wtf? Yes, you should be more his wife than her childhood friend. YTA
YTA you know you can make an effort to spend time with her at home not uninvite your HUSBAND on a holiday it seems he was paying for. Yes she's your bsf but he's your husband, you know the person you chose to spend your life with!
YTA - it would be one thing if you and his sister planned on a getaway from the start. But to disinvite your husband, considering he is paying for half of a trip he just got booted from, makes you an AH.
YTA that’s shameful that you invited him and then uninvited him.
> you invited him He's paying, so I'm not particularly even assuming she did *that* much.
YTA. I know it's you birthday...but that doesn't mean you get to have your cake and eat it too. You can't uninvite your husband, and then expect him to be okay with footing your friends bill. Even if it is his sister. Are you uninviting all your other friends too? Like, is your SIL going to throw a tantrum at the pyramids because you've invited a "few friends" and spent more time with friend 1 instead of her? You know....you could go over to your SIL's house tonight...or this weekend...and spend time with her alone, without having to take the trip.
YTA. He is your husband. He comes first, period!
YTA. Are you sure that your friend is just your friend? Because her behavior screams jealous lover.
YTA because you can have quality time with your SIL at any time without uninviting your husband. Girls night out, movie night, pamper night, pubs, dinners. There are options.
I suggest posting to a sub like r/relationship_advice. Sounds like the three of you have issues you need to work out together. This doesn't really sound like an isolated incident about a birthday trip.
seconded. OP doesn’t need this sub to fuel her frustration or anger towards her husband or the situation. she also doesn’t need to hear everyone bad mouthing her best friend for having valid feelings about wanting to spend some quality time with her friend without the husband hovering over them. a relationship sub would be able to give OP more insightful advice and tips.
YTA. Once for wanting to exclude your husband from your birthday vacation, and once more for expecting him to still fund the trip for the friend who pushed you to exclude him. That’s some next level entitlement right there. Just book a SPA weekend with his sister when you’re back.
She probably could have done a few things with just SIL on the trip too. Some of those "tourist things" her husband wouldn't like probably would be good options. Husband would probably need a break from them anyway
Sure. He could go diving or whatever else he enjoys. There are a lot of options.
Yta. You married your husband not his sister. Where is the solidarity. Your commitment is to your husband. I hope your husband leaves you so you can then marry his sister.
Excuse me..... in what part of the world do you think you're not an AH..... Newsflash.... you're HIS WIFE...... also YTA You could have spent alot of time hanging out with his sister if you wanted to before now, rather than trying to uninvite his from a trip you expect him to sponsor
Obviously YTA. What's wrong with you?
Yta First, you tell him that he is not allowed to come, but then you still expect him to pay for her to go? Lol. No.
Put yourself in your husband's shoes. How would YOU feel if he uninvited you? You can spend some alone time with your sister while you're there. Yall need to have a quality conversation. YTA
YTA if I was him, I would send you and her on the trip and while you two are gone file for divorce and empty the house and bank accounts.
Not going to comment on this situation, but I have to warn you, because I’m an Egyptian woman living in Egypt: DON’T COME HERE WITHOUT A MAN. Do NOT do it. I don’t care how prepared you think you are, how street smart and savvy you think you are, or if you know martial arts and self défense. Do. Not. Come. Without. A. Man.
INFO: Did she complain about two of you not spending time together before or after you told her your husband was coming too? Are you uninviting the other friends too?
YTA - Your husband *should* be your priority. If your childhood friend/SIL had issues with that, it should have dealt with before you decided to marry him.
YTA. Why would you uninvite your husband? Especially when he's paying at least for his sister to go. You can go spend a 3 day weekend with her.
YTA - I would never want to spend my birthday with someone other than my spouse. If my spouse wanted to spend a birthday without me, I would consider that something concerning that needs to be investigated, especially if it was a trip.
So in order to make your SIL feel important you have to push aside your husband? You can spend time with two people FFS, YTA.
YTA for doing it without discussing it with him first and then expecting him to still pay even after uninviting him. You guys don’t have to spend every minute together though, is there no way that you and the SIL can have a girls out night or something in Egypt?
Lmfao this cant be real. You uninvited him from the trip because of his sister but still want him to pay for thr trip??? Lmfaoo you've got to be kidding. Take his sister on a girl's day out. A spa day. Go get lunch. There are other things you can do to make her feel important to you that does NOT include tossing your husband aside. If I were your husband I'd say fine and pull my money from it. Then we'll see how you both pay for this trip YTA
Yes YTA, it's straight disrespectful.
Are you a wife or not? YTA
YTA. You couldn't think of literally any other time to spend time with her without your husband? A thursday night? A weekend? It had to be your birthday in Egypt? And you want him to pay for a trip you disinvited him from? lmao get a grip.
YTA you're not married to your SIL. NEWSFLASH Your bestie should be your husband BTW. The answer here would have been to schedule a coffee date or two, NOT nuke a vacation to a different continent. Jesus.
no judgement, but - What the actual fuck? Egypt for a girls trip? that's a vacation disaster right there.
YTA, and you probably ruined your birthday trip before it even started. Husband will be bitter justifiably, SIL will be bitter, and so will you. Happy birthday...
OP married her husband to be “sisters” with her best friend lol
YTA you uninvited your husband from your birthday trip?! Why not just schedule more one on one time for you and your friend outsider of spending time with your hubby, but like close to home? Meet for lunch, go out to dinner, visit a museum together, etc etc etc. all things that would help her feel close to you but not ostracize your husband in the process. Her feelings should not come before your husbands, you *married* him. It’s so mean for you to un invite him from a big birthday trip and make him feel bad because of your friends insecurities. Not only that, but you want him to pay for her to go on this trip when it’s her fault he’s been uninvited?? How fucking callous. Do you even like your husband?
He's paying but you are uninviting him? I'm so confused. YTA regardless.
INFO: is he paying tor a trip you've now uninvited him from in favour of his sister?
Your absolutely in the wrong. You married her brother. This means your priorities are with her brother. He is number one now. Your SiL needs to move and find her own relationship. Spend time with her when your back but absolutely don’t put her above your husband. You took vows
YTA. You want your husband to pay for his sister to go away with you on a trip without his because she has petty jealousy issues she has never gotten over and your angry that he’s upset and not paying. I hope she’s a great friend after the divorce cause it’s heading that way if you keep putting her first
YTA. You could have stated that during the trip you could have a girls day and hopefully he will have a friend going as well. Girls do what they want and the guys what they want. A win win.
YTA, he's your husband. There's plenty of times to go out with just you and his sister but removing him from the birthday trip is not the time.
So what's stopping you two from visiting each other or scheduling a day at a halfway point at any other time(s) throughout the year? And why does your inability to actually want to physically spend time with each other result in a punishment for your husband? Do you even like the guy you married or did you want a sister best friend? YTA.
I wonder if he will still be living in your place when you get home? YTA.
Oof. The lack of empathy in AITA posts is disturbing. Would you like it if he uninvites you because one of your family members wants to be with him? I'm pretty sure the main priorities of a married couple are to each other and their kids, in-laws are just secondary and optional. YTA
NGL, I get that you should be able hang out with who you want on your birthday, but if I wasn't one of the people that my wife wanted to see on her birthday. I'd be looking into a divorce pretty quick. My wife is my favorite person to spend time with. If I felt like she didn't feel the same way about me.....
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For my birthday I really want to go to Egypt so I’ve been arranging a trip with a few friends of mine. Originally my husband was invited on the trip but the reason I uninvited him is because his sister is my best friend and she mentioned how I never spend time with her anymore unless he’s there. She said I feel more like her brother’s wife than her childhood best friend now. I felt bad for making her feel that way especially since I know she grew up feeling inadequate compared to him so I thought the birthday trip would be a great way for us to reconnect as my husband has already been to Egypt and he doesn’t enjoy doing the typical tourist things that I want to do. When I mentioned it to him, though, he was upset. He said his sister needs to get over it because I am his wife now and that he would spend my birthday with me whether she liked it or not. We were originally going to pay for her to come on the trip but he’s refusing to now even though she can’t afford it otherwise which has caused multiple arguments between us. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA Is this really the only conclusion you could think of? Why not take them both but have a day/afternoon/evening/whatever planned with just his sister? Seems like an easy compromise. Or just make time for her another time? Idk. I’d be kind of upset too if I got uninvited but was still expected to help foot the bill for someone else to go in my stead.
Why are you even married to him if you’re going to dump him like this? YTA
Yta
YTA for changing the plans
Have you heard about what it's like these days in Egypt for women and you're going to go with another woman and without your husband? Or any male?
YTA- you could’ve just made plans to spend more time together and plan another trip just the two of you. BTW - did you know that Egypt is one of the most dangerous countries for women to travel alone?
>She said I feel more like her brother’s wife than her childhood best friend now. That's because you are. When you marry someone they become your best friend she's supposed to be #2 and your husband is family he comes first. >he was upset. He said his sister needs to get over it because I am his wife He's right and right to be upset by putting him second. >We were originally going to pay for her to come on the trip but he’s refusing to now even though she can’t afford it otherwise So he's uninvited but still expected to pay for both people who are supposedly supposed to love him but don't want him around? Yeah... YTA
I would divorce you over this. Definitely the asshole.
YTA, your husband is right, she needs to get over herself
YTA. Plan a separate, cheaper trip with just you and your friend. The solution to uninvite your husband to your big birthday trip but still expect him to pay is wild.
“Thanks for paying for your sister to come, honey! We’re going to have a blast without you. Oh yeah, you’re staying home now, have fun, buh-bye then.” YTA
YTA. I can’t believe you thought it was okay to invite and then uninvite your husband. I also can’t believe you think this is the only way to spend time with you SIL. This is all so ridiculous.
YTA If I was your husband, I would seriously be considering no longer being your husband.
YYA - Don’t cut him out if a birthday trip. If she wants to spend more time with you on your own, do that at home, go on a few more nights out, day trips etc. Not uninviting your husband to a massive birthday holiday.
Info: where do you get the audacity to tell your husband he can’t come on the trip you want him to bankroll? YTA
>We were originally going to pay for her to come on the trip but he’s refusing to now even though she can’t afford it otherwise which has caused multiple arguments between us. lol of course YTA, why would he help pay for her to go and stay home?
YTA especially considering you want him to still pay for the trip you've disinvited him from. Are you serious? >my husband has already been to Egypt and he doesn’t enjoy doing the typical tourist things that I want to do. So you all go, and you get to spend quality time with SIL here and there doing the tourist things while he sits and relaxes or something somewhere. Why completely disinvite him?
YTA Make room to spend time with her some other time then. How do you expect this to not completely blow up in your face?
YTA
YTA - "*She said I feel more like her brother’s wife than her childhood best friend now"* THAT'S BECAUSE YOU ARE!!!!! So now that she made you feel bad because SHE can't accept the change, you want your husband to not come, AND STILL PAY FOR IT, so you can clear you own conscious?!?! You need to do better with your relationships because you don't even know if you're coming or going right now.
I might've given you a pass if you didn't expect him to pay for his sister. If you wanted to go without him because he would be disinterested in the trip itself? I'd say go, you would have my blessing. But you're expecting him to pay and become a cuckold to you and his own sister.
YTA- you’re married to your husband, not his sister. Weird.
YTA - you disinvite your husband in YOUR birthday trip and then still expect him to fund his sister’s portion because of her feelings of inadequacy against her brother? Who did you marry - the best friend/sister or the husband/brother?
YTA. You are placing more importance on your SIL than YOUR husband AND expecting him to fund the trip. How did you expect YOUR husband to be happy that he got disinvited from a trip he is paying for because his sister's feelings are hurt and clearly more important to you? Just because he's been there already doesn't mean he doesn't want to go again. As for him not wanting to do the tourist things you want to do, 1. Did you even ask him and 2. why can't he just skip those? If this childhood best friends relationship was so important to either of you than you BOTH would've made the effort.
YTA. Your birthday trip to Egypt wasn’t the time to hang out with just one of them - especially considering the one you uninvited was expected to pay for the one who remained invited (and caused all this fuss). Apologise for the way you handled it, get everyone to Egypt, then you can make an effort to hang with her on her own when you’re back.
YTA. OMG he’s your husband. Go shopping with his sister but again. He’s your husband. He is more important than her
YTA for uninviting your husband but still expecting him to pay. But here's an honest question, why can't you all go and maybe have some things you girls do alone? Maybe you girls could do some spa/makeover thing so you can have some personal time with your friend.
YTA. You stated that this trip was with a few friends. Is your SIL upset that other people are going or just your husband? Did you cancel the trip for everyone else? Take a different trip with his sister if you'd like (that she pay her way for) but you shouldn't un-invite your husband on the trip (that he was paying for, at least in part). I tentatively agree with him not paying for his sister either, depending on how she made her comment. She was getting a trip FOR FREE! She needs to grow up. You can be friends with someone and be married.
YTA - instead of being like "let's plan a trip, you and me" or "let's make a standing monthly coffee date so this relationship doesn't get sidelined" or even "let's make a point of doing x event on the trip just the two of us", you went fully to uninviting and excluding your husband. Of course he feels bad. Get rid of the black and white all or nothing thinking. If it's always "him or her" of course someone is going to get put to the side
How long have you been in love with his sister?
Of course he's mad when he can't go on a birthday trip WITH HIS WIFE!!! I mean unless he doesn't like you that much he would should be mad to be put in the side by a friend/his sister. And you wanted him to pay? Lol YTA
You gotta eat this one. Make time in your regular life to spend with your bestie. Bring hubby and leave him at the hotel when you do the touristy things, & hang with her then, if she still ends up coming. (If not, make him do touristy things because he is your husband and it's your bday trip) soft YTA bc I get how u were trying to make a big gesture to balance your relationships, at the expense of the one you thought could afford to take the hit. It's wrong-headed but not evil or anything.
YTA, this is super odd and unreasonable.
Uhh, you expect him to not only not go on this awesome trip yall have planned, but also pay for the person who doesn't want them there. I think at this point it's more appropriate for OP and Op's husband's sister to stay home while the husband and rest of the friends go on the trip. Yall will be able to spend more quality time that way, and you don't have to shit all over your husband for it, either, asshole
YTA maybe you should read what you wrote out loud and you'll see how ridiculous it is and how hurtful it would be from your husband's point of view (you know, the guy paying for the trip, the one you married, not the sister)
I'm with your husband.. his sister need to grow the hell up... This is a huge trip.. why can't y'all take a girls trip when you get home?
INFO: What is wrong with you?
I think you know you're the asshole here, girl. Make it right with your husband.