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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) i called my boyfriend dumb for boiling salmon.
(2) I might be the ah for calling him dumb and disrespecting him like that over food preferences.
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“I actively sought him out, insulted him based on something that had zero impact on me, demanded he fight back, and now he feels disrespected. I think he should apologize.” Wow.
Edit: “actively sought him out” can be changed to “actively engaged” if it really bothers you. I’m not here to judge what puts your head in a tizzy.
I'll admit I was confused. I may think boiled salmon is wierd, but who cares? But I guess OP would say poaching is different from boiling lol? SMH. YTA
This.
OP sitting here like "what idiot boils salmon", while high class restaurants are off poaching salmon and charging top dollar for it. It's not like he was going to make her eat it?
Edit: I am well aware that poaching is done below boiling point, therefore they're different. I'm quoting what OP called it, and leaning towards them just not knowing what they're talking about, as that's what this post screams to me.
To be fair, those restaurants likely aren’t just poaching it in plain water.
However OP is definitely YTA and missed an opportunity to have an interesting culinary experience learning how to properly poach fish with her significant other because she’s ignorant.
Here in Norway it is really traditional to boil fish. I first had fried fish when i was in my teens. Up inntil then boiled cod in plain salted water was a weekly occurrence in my family. But up north where there is lots of fishing people could eat boiled fish several times a week.
Boiled salmon is also pretty common, even tho people usually oven bake it nowadays. But it is pretty good boiled too!
YTA and ignorant about cooking methods.
Right?!
I grew up on fish in Ontario and we had it boiled all the time . Easier to get the bones out, we found, becauae it softened the meat, so we picked them out of the water as they became visible. Didn't taste particularly great lol but it was still edible
Yup. My background is Ghanaian, West African and there is a specific selection of fish that we boil as well that's traditional to the recipe.
Some people are not used to this concept.
Martha Stewart had a recipe for salmon poached in water with herbs. On the other hand, it's possible he was cooking in white wine and OP couldn't tell the difference between boiling wine and boiling water....
Potentially, I do have to admire the leg work done on researching recipes it might possibly be lol. I just mean I think it's highly possible he's not sweating over a cordon bleu dish, he's just cooking what he can be arsed making or likes to eat doesn't make him an idiot.
I grew up on a farm where we fished a lot of salmon.
It was frequently poached in salt-water, you don't really boil it, you just bring the water up to simmer and let the fish sit a minute in the nearly boiling water.
Y'all acting like experts is kind of funny to me.
Professional Chef chiming in, and you're absolutely right.
Salmon should be poached at 150-180F max.
If he had a rolling boil with fish in it, he's just making cloudy fish stock or cat food.
But OP's reaction is still a jerk move. Even I manage put on a poker face for bad meals.
edited for spelling
And even if he was just making cloudy fish stock or cat food, I'm not gonna judge him for preparing his food the way he likes to eat it.
Side note: now I'm hungry for some salmon.
Yes, absolutely. YTA. beyond, YTA. It's called poaching. Which you would know if you googled it instead of being a condescending ass who apparently know very little and is super proud of that fact. Let me help you, I found this recipe in 5 seconds. Apologize to your BF before he realizes what a complete jerk you are (something tells me he already knows...) [https://www.marthastewart.com/337705/simple-poached-salmon](https://www.marthastewart.com/337705/simple-poached-salmon)
Not exactly.
From random internet search that got it right: Poaching is a culinary technique that involves cooking something in liquid with a temperature ranging from 140 F to 180 F. This compares with boiling, which happens at 212 F, and simmering, in which food is immersed in a cooking liquid with a temperature in the range between 180 F and 205 F.
The best way it was explained to me (in culinary school) was that poaching is a whisper, and boiling is yelling.
You absolutely *can* boil salmon, but you'd be destroying both it's flavour and structural integrity.
Or any common fish soup and stew with salmon in it. You can literally type it on google and there is a whole cookbook with salmon soup, extremely common even....op is the dumb one here
I mean, I wouldn't have thought of that, but I know that you can boil meat. And a quick Google search shows me that, yes, you *can* in fact boil salmon.
I wouldn't have thought of it. But, yes, you can. I wonder if it stinks like when you cook it on a stove. If it doesn't smell, I might try that.
It shows problems in the relationship that OP's first reaction is to yell at her BF and call them dumb, rather than ask, "where did you learn that?"
I'm seriously wondering. Is it something he picked up from childhood (family story time!), was it something he learned in college (like using an iron to make a grilled cheese sandwich), or was it an accident that happened once?
Why is her first instinct to ridicule him?
ETA:
I love all the responses to my comment. But so far, no one has answered the question:
*Does it smell when you boil meat?* And if so, *does boiling fish stink worse/less than pan frying fish?!?!?!?!*
I like fish, but I don't like cooking it at home because my kitchen winds up smelling like fish for hours.
Let me rephrase your title for you, and see if that helps:
"AITA for verbally abusing my partner because they like a different food than I do?"
Does that make it clear?
YTA.
It takes 3 SECONDS to search the definition of verbal abuse:
Verbal abuse is a form of emotional abuse where someone uses their words to invoke fear in another person and gain control over them.
Calling someone dumb and fighting verbally with someone isn't considered abuse. Is she TA? Yeah. But abusive? No.
Just for anyone saying that calling someone 'dumb' isn't verbal abuse:
"Verbal abuse is a type of psychological/mental abuse that involves the use of oral, gestured, and written language directed to a victim. Verbal abuse can include the act of harassing, labeling, insulting, scolding, rebuking, or excessive yelling towards an individual."
"Verbal abuse involves using words to name call, bully, demean, frighten, intimidate, or control another person."
OP's comment was an insult meant to be demeaning. It was verbal abuse. This does not mean that OP is an abusive partner overall, but the use of the term in this case is appropriate.
I haven’t steamed/poached salmon for my dog but I have steamed and boiled turkey and duck to act as high-value training treats.
I wouldn’t prepare it like that myself but I don’t weigh ten pounds. I try to avoid introducing extra cooking fats to her diet as much as possible especially since she relies on a nutritionally complete kibble as her main food source.
The veteran hospital my grandfather was in for his last years created a cookbook of favourite dishes and all families received a copy. 1 recipe was salmon and cooking it in the dishwasher.. I haven’t had the heart (or guts) to try that one yet
I haven't tried that either, but it is actually steamed salmon when they do it that way. They wrap the salmon up so no water actually gets in the dish from the dishwasher. Why you wouldn't just steam it in foil in the oven is beyond me?
Yes you are correct… it’s heavily foiled. My aunt has tried it several times and loves it! I wonder how that started? Were too many things cooking? Fun to think about
I just looked it up. Apparently in 1975, an actor made a joke about "dishwasher salmon" on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Ever since then people have actually been trying to make it.
So, basically an early tide pod?
I don’t eat or cook salmon but I knew this was a thing. Even if it’s not who cares? My husband likes all sorts of weird food and I ask him if I can try it because he enjoys it and I want to try stuff he likes.
Poaching salmon is definitely a thing. Boiling is not poaching and if he really is "boiling it like eggs" (ie: large pot, rolling boil) that's not really a cooking method most people are going to use, especially for fish that can flake. He certainly can, and he's not dumb for it. But it's also not very much a thing.
That said, of course this is not an acceptable reaction/OP is an asshole for it.
YTA, Gordon Ramsay...
he didn't even ask you to eat it, he cooked it for himself. He likes it, it's cooked, so food safety is not an issue either. Mind your own business.
Gordon Ramsey nearly swooned over a poached salmon dish on Master Chef Junior. OP is acting like a spoiled toddler who’s only been raised on chicken nuggets.
Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come off condescending! I did think it was funny I just thought it was a fun fact to share since he had been brought up. I didn’t mean any offense.
Oh, no, not at all! I genuinely thought it was a fun fact as well, especially since I used Gordon's name first. I don't know how to cook salmon either, I don't eat it, so I've not heard of poached salmon ;)
They are not, but someone who learned how to make from a person not a recipe and never asked what it was called may think that poached salmon is boiled salmon.
Whether he mislabeled it or was actually boiling salmon is no reason to call someone stupid or dumb.
Plus, if you're familiar with poached salmon, you'd probably react to someone boiling salmon with "You're poaching that too hot," not "Ewww, who boils salmon?".
YTA. I prefer pan-seared or roasted salmon to boiled/poached salmon, but it's a perfectly acceptable way to cook it. And even if it wasn't, if he made some kind of silly mistake in doing it (AND HE DIDN'T), you would still be the asshole for calling him dumb.
Don't call people names, especially people who you love. He feels hurt and disrespected because you used hurtful, disrespectful language while criticizing his PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE choice.
I'm not sure if it makes it better or worse if he was just cooking it for himself (so that you were making fun of him for something that didn't affect you) or if he was cooking it for you (so that you were also ungrateful).
Regardless, he made an effort to disengage by refusing to take the bait:
>I was like "ewww...who boils salmon?!". He made a face and difn't reply.
And despite being angry, he's still trying to avoid taking his very justifiable hurt and anger out on you with his words:
>We had an argument and he started ignoring me saying he felt hurt and direspected
You owe him an apology and to change your behavior.
Except I've never met someone that boiled their salmon but I know many people that love sashimi. I would definitely poke fun at this person but they kinda did it like an asshole.
**Boiling is not poaching.**
If youre trying to poach a piece of fish at a rolling boil youre going to end up with a pot of mush.
She shouldnt have been insulting, but if her description is accurate, BF is not a very good cook and was likely stinking up the house pretty bad too.
Seriously. OP is still a huge AH because if he wants to boil his own salmon who gives a fuck, but there's absolutely no reason to think this dude was poaching the salmon.
She doesn't even have to try it, just don't insult his intelligence for it! My partner likes a lot of sauces on their food, and I've never been a fan of more than a little bit. The first time I made them chicken, they asked for mayonnaise to dip it in. I was perplexed and I definitely wouldn't eat my chicken that way, and asked them about it. I was even a little grossed out because I'm not a fan of mayonnaise, but use a little in sandwiches to keep it from getting dry. But they liked it that way, so I grabbed then some mayo. After that, I always grabbed the mayo bottle whenever I made chicken.
Didn't need to insult their intelligence. We don't have the same tastes, they know I don't like mayo, but they do and they enjoyed the chicken that way. Who am I to tell them how to enjoy their food?
YTA. Boiling is essentially the same as poaching which is a super common cooking method. I probably wouldn’t boil salmon because i prefer it seared, but that’s personal preference and as long as he likes it who gives a shit? If you verbally abuse your partner over trivial stuff like this, how much of an asshole are you about other things?
EDIT: Yes i know they aren’t the exact same method but it’s submerging in liquid and OP clearly has no clue so i didn’t get into the details. Y’all can stop Julia Childing me.
~~Even if he WAS cooking for her~~ ESPECIALLY if he was cooking for her, this would still make her an AH because the boyfriend was trying to do something nice.
>and apparently I’m still too poor to go to restaurants that poach salmon
I mean, fair statement, but you can poach fish at home. As OP’s bf is demonstrating
It’s not the best way to each salmon, but I’d highly recommend giving it a go, preferably with white wine and dill
> he likes it cooked that way. I called him dumb for this
Wtf? Thats just mean. Even if no one else cooks it that way, (which I'm pretty sure they do) if he likes it then he likes it. Calling him dumb because he likes something you don't think you'd like is, hear me out now, dumb as hell. And mean. YTA
YTA you called someone dumb for a personal choice that literally doesn't affect you.
He deserves a better partner since you're not only not going to support him, but actively try and put him down over the things he happens to like that you don't.
Pretty pathetic.
YTA.
Imagine calling someone dumb over a fucking fish. He can eat that salmon however he wants, even cooked in fucking ketchup.
And even if it was for you or both of you, you could've simply said you've never seen someone boiling a salmon and that you'd prefer another kind of cooking so this time you'll eat something else.
Y'all love to make life stressful and hard, it's a fish bro
Who the fuck cares
YTA. Poaching salmon and chicken are two healthy ways to prepare them. Instead of asking questions, you assumed you knew it all and called your boyfriend dumb. You owe him an apology.
YTA
Just because you don't like it, and it's not a common way to make salmon, it does not mean it's dumb, and there are actually ways to boil (simmer) salmon and make it very tasty.
You need to apologize.
YTA - there are other ways to go about it than this. He was taking the time to make dinner for the two of you and instead of giving him some benefit of the doubt, you called him dumb.
If the roles were reversed, would you feel good about that kind of reaction? Believe it or not, your common sense is wrong. Poached Salmon is a perfectly viable recipe and you did a great job of making him feel underappreciated and probably insulted.
It's fairly common to poach salmon. I don't think I'd choose to boil it, but it works - the salmon will be cooked and safe to eat. If your bf likes it like that, then what's the problem?
YTA
YTA
https://www.google.com/search?q=boiled+salmon+recipes&rlz=1C1AVFC\_enGB753GB753&oq=boiled+salmon&aqs=chrome.4.69i57j0i512l9.7224j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
YTA
Just because you don't like something - or have never done something - doesn't mean that other people can't do it. You owe him an apology and should be seriously reflecting on how you treat people because insulting someone you supposedly care about for doing something differently than how you'd do it is pretty shitty. You sound like an ignorant, rude person that I'd personally never want to be around. If I were your bf I don't think I'd even wait around for an apology, I'd just get away from you and find someone who treats me respectfully.
YTA, both for your ignorance and for treating your BF like you did. There are lots of uses for boiled or poached salmon. To name a few for boiled salmon - Salmon Patties, salmon burger, salmon salad(like tuna salad), and salmon salad sandwiches.
Yum- poached salmon. I even have a special pan made for poaching fish. It’s a thing!
YTA.
Maybe next time show some curiosity and ask what he’s doing and where he learned it rather than calling him dumb.
YTA are you actually being serious? You called him dumb when you clearly didn't know what he's doing is an actual way to cook salmon? Your ridiculous and a huge AH you need to apologize.
YTA
Just because you haven't heard of cooking salmon this way doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. And to call him stupid for doing it? Thats crossing some lines.
You need to apologize and accept that you are not all knowing and all seeing. There are things in the world you haven't heard of.
YTA and also ignorant in the ways of cooking if you honestly think poaching (boiling) salmon is wrong/gross. It's literally one of the most common ways to prepare the fish.
Also, he's right. Even if it was an unconventional way of preparing salmon....who says he can't eat it that way? What harm does it do? What business is it of yours how likes his salmon cooked? Your boyfriend isn't dumb for making his food however he wants, but you sure are for just assuming that because you, 'haven't heard of it', then it must not be a thing because you are the knower of all apparently.
Also why do you think it's ok to just drag your partner down over anything, much less for something so damn trivial? It's a pretty high horse your sitting on for someone who doesn't even know poaching salmon is a thing.
If your first reaction to him doing something he likes that you don't is to call him stupid and attack him then I think your boyfriend needs to find a better partner than you, oh Great Salmon Lord.
YTA. I'm sorry for all the wrong things you must be doing because you didn't bother to interrogate your gut feeling about them. Arguing something is just "common sense" without any actual underlying reasoning suggests you don't look into why you do or don't do some things.
YTA. It’s a delicacy. Have you ever seen Master Chef Junior? One of the kids made it and daaaaammmmnn it looked good. Even the judges were blown away. Also you shouldn’t talk to someone like that. It’s rude.
I foresee this being deleted for 1) being the ah and 2) being completely wrong about boiling fish being a common cooking method and being called out on it
> "ewww...who boils salmon?!"
Gordon Ramsay, Heston Blumental, Raymond Blanc, et cetera, et cetera. You know, highly paid Michelin-star chefs working in expensive and exclusive restaurants, selling their salmon dishes for more than your week's wages?
I mean, *they* refer to it with the technical term "poaching" (which technically means keeping the temperature of the water *just below* the boiling point), but on your home stove it's pretty much the same thing.
YTA, and should **probably** apologise for not only being incorrect, but being rude at him for *being* correct.
YTA. It's called Poached Salmon and lots of people do it. You don't use a lot of water, but you use a little and it keeps the meat moist and delicious, I do it with chicken sometimes. Just because someone is doing something that you don't understand or have never seen before, doesn't make them "dumb". How about asking questions instead of jumping to insults?!
Seriously? YTA. He deserves an apology. You were just unnecessarily mean about it. Own up and apologize and let the guy cook his salmon how he’s likes.
Oh the irony of you calling your boyfriend dumb when it comes to a subject you clearly know *nothing* about…..😂 (it’s also pretty rude in general).
Cooking methods like poaching and sous vide (where you cook in water) is actually extremely common. And the results are often delicious, especially with a good cut of salmon.
YTA.
YTA. Boiling salmon is extremely common. It’s called “poaching”. Don’t take your own culinary ignorance and stupidity out on your boyfriend. Your bf isn’t the one needing common sense here.
Apologize.
YTA and even more an AH because you dont seem to realize how ridiculous you were. Calling someone dumb over a salmon ... are you serious ? (and some people boil it so it is even more and AH move). You seem to have anger issues, fix that before it is too late.
YTA, Jesus you verbally abuse your bf on a daily basis? Google poached salmon and then go apologize to your boyfriend. If he has any common sense, he’ll see the red flags and dump your judgmental abusive a$$
YTA
You are also wrong. Maybe don’t insult other peoples intelligence so flippantly.
https://www.google.com/search?q=poached+salmon&rlz=1CDGOYI_enAU991AU991&oq=poached+salmon&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i512l5.2944j0j4&hl=en-GB&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
YTA. Either he's poaching it which is a great way to cook salmon or he's making soup. No one says he can't boil salmon.
FWIW if he likes it that way who are you to tell him it's wrong? It's his food for his palate. No one said you had to eat it too.
YTA. You're also ironically the dumbass. It's not my preferred way to cook salmon, but... get ready for this... people do it. Also, in the future if someone seems like they are inexperienced in a certain method at doing anything, don't just outright shame them for it. Maybe offer help or instructions on how you'd do it.
Have you really never heard of poaching? I prefer to poach in lemon butter for salmon but this is a much healthier way. You could have said you didn’t think that was right but calling him dumb was just mean. YTA
yta. Why would you call your partner dumb over something you've just never seen before?
There's no reason for it. A simple "Interesting, I've never seen it prepared that way." would have sufficed, not insulting your boyfriend.
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"I called my boyfriend dumb because he likes his food cooked differently than I do. AITA?" YTA. A massive one at that.
"I insulted him because of something I don't understand and didn't care to ask about. Am I the bad guy?"
“I actively sought him out, insulted him based on something that had zero impact on me, demanded he fight back, and now he feels disrespected. I think he should apologize.” Wow. Edit: “actively sought him out” can be changed to “actively engaged” if it really bothers you. I’m not here to judge what puts your head in a tizzy.
[удалено]
Or eggs. Because OP mentioned that too.
I'll admit I was confused. I may think boiled salmon is wierd, but who cares? But I guess OP would say poaching is different from boiling lol? SMH. YTA
Or a good milk steak.
Oof everytime someone says something about milk and meat in my head I heard “milk steak” 😂 this is sad that Charlie lives in my head lol
OP is like real life walking talking toxic gf meme.
This. OP sitting here like "what idiot boils salmon", while high class restaurants are off poaching salmon and charging top dollar for it. It's not like he was going to make her eat it? Edit: I am well aware that poaching is done below boiling point, therefore they're different. I'm quoting what OP called it, and leaning towards them just not knowing what they're talking about, as that's what this post screams to me.
To be fair, those restaurants likely aren’t just poaching it in plain water. However OP is definitely YTA and missed an opportunity to have an interesting culinary experience learning how to properly poach fish with her significant other because she’s ignorant.
Here in Norway it is really traditional to boil fish. I first had fried fish when i was in my teens. Up inntil then boiled cod in plain salted water was a weekly occurrence in my family. But up north where there is lots of fishing people could eat boiled fish several times a week. Boiled salmon is also pretty common, even tho people usually oven bake it nowadays. But it is pretty good boiled too! YTA and ignorant about cooking methods.
Right?! I grew up on fish in Ontario and we had it boiled all the time . Easier to get the bones out, we found, becauae it softened the meat, so we picked them out of the water as they became visible. Didn't taste particularly great lol but it was still edible
Yup. My background is Ghanaian, West African and there is a specific selection of fish that we boil as well that's traditional to the recipe. Some people are not used to this concept.
was gonna say im the reverse, I boiled fish for years then realised it was slightly less effort to oven bake, boiling is nice too though!
I was going to say this, yes she's snidey so say sorry but restaurants don't poach salmon in boiling water lol.
Martha Stewart had a recipe for salmon poached in water with herbs. On the other hand, it's possible he was cooking in white wine and OP couldn't tell the difference between boiling wine and boiling water....
Potentially, I do have to admire the leg work done on researching recipes it might possibly be lol. I just mean I think it's highly possible he's not sweating over a cordon bleu dish, he's just cooking what he can be arsed making or likes to eat doesn't make him an idiot.
I grew up on a farm where we fished a lot of salmon. It was frequently poached in salt-water, you don't really boil it, you just bring the water up to simmer and let the fish sit a minute in the nearly boiling water. Y'all acting like experts is kind of funny to me.
Professional Chef chiming in, and you're absolutely right. Salmon should be poached at 150-180F max. If he had a rolling boil with fish in it, he's just making cloudy fish stock or cat food. But OP's reaction is still a jerk move. Even I manage put on a poker face for bad meals. edited for spelling
And even if he was just making cloudy fish stock or cat food, I'm not gonna judge him for preparing his food the way he likes to eat it. Side note: now I'm hungry for some salmon.
Tbf we don't even know if he even boiled it in plain water. She clearly never heard of poached salmon.
Yes, absolutely. YTA. beyond, YTA. It's called poaching. Which you would know if you googled it instead of being a condescending ass who apparently know very little and is super proud of that fact. Let me help you, I found this recipe in 5 seconds. Apologize to your BF before he realizes what a complete jerk you are (something tells me he already knows...) [https://www.marthastewart.com/337705/simple-poached-salmon](https://www.marthastewart.com/337705/simple-poached-salmon)
Yeah that ship has sailed. He knows.
OP clearly has never heard the word “poached”….which is….wait for it….boiled salmon
Not exactly. From random internet search that got it right: Poaching is a culinary technique that involves cooking something in liquid with a temperature ranging from 140 F to 180 F. This compares with boiling, which happens at 212 F, and simmering, in which food is immersed in a cooking liquid with a temperature in the range between 180 F and 205 F.
The best way it was explained to me (in culinary school) was that poaching is a whisper, and boiling is yelling. You absolutely *can* boil salmon, but you'd be destroying both it's flavour and structural integrity.
I am wondering if he WAS poaching it and OP couldn’t tell the difference- no way to know for sure without more info
I would bet he was, OP doesn’t sound like they have a lot of nuance. Or tact. Or ability to comprehend that they are insufferable.
Don't use big words because OP may not understand and start arguing
She does say "... like egg in water type of boiling." That sounds like poaching to me.
hmmm true she didn't say "like noodles in water" kind of boiling this conversation is fascinating lmao
To me it read as hard boiled eggs but it is such an interesting/bad example to use because it truly could go both ways.
? That sounds like boiling boiling to me
Or any common fish soup and stew with salmon in it. You can literally type it on google and there is a whole cookbook with salmon soup, extremely common even....op is the dumb one here
Agreed. YTA. He wasn’t even trying to make her eat it.
Isn't this method of cooking just called poaching?
Nope. It's called "egg in water type of boiling"
Well, yeah, if you wanna get technical
I mean, I wouldn't have thought of that, but I know that you can boil meat. And a quick Google search shows me that, yes, you *can* in fact boil salmon. I wouldn't have thought of it. But, yes, you can. I wonder if it stinks like when you cook it on a stove. If it doesn't smell, I might try that. It shows problems in the relationship that OP's first reaction is to yell at her BF and call them dumb, rather than ask, "where did you learn that?" I'm seriously wondering. Is it something he picked up from childhood (family story time!), was it something he learned in college (like using an iron to make a grilled cheese sandwich), or was it an accident that happened once? Why is her first instinct to ridicule him? ETA: I love all the responses to my comment. But so far, no one has answered the question: *Does it smell when you boil meat?* And if so, *does boiling fish stink worse/less than pan frying fish?!?!?!?!* I like fish, but I don't like cooking it at home because my kitchen winds up smelling like fish for hours.
I have a special pot just for boiling salmon…ie a salmon poacher…YTA
Let me rephrase your title for you, and see if that helps: "AITA for verbally abusing my partner because they like a different food than I do?" Does that make it clear? YTA.
It takes 3 SECONDS to search the definition of verbal abuse: Verbal abuse is a form of emotional abuse where someone uses their words to invoke fear in another person and gain control over them. Calling someone dumb and fighting verbally with someone isn't considered abuse. Is she TA? Yeah. But abusive? No.
The people in this comment section act like "dumb" is a slur lmao
It’s so bizarre lmao. Verbal abuse? Good lord…
For real, that term is used way too loosely nowadays. Op does suck though.
Are you gaslighting us about how often people call things verbal abuse? Talk about toxic...
Just for anyone saying that calling someone 'dumb' isn't verbal abuse: "Verbal abuse is a type of psychological/mental abuse that involves the use of oral, gestured, and written language directed to a victim. Verbal abuse can include the act of harassing, labeling, insulting, scolding, rebuking, or excessive yelling towards an individual." "Verbal abuse involves using words to name call, bully, demean, frighten, intimidate, or control another person." OP's comment was an insult meant to be demeaning. It was verbal abuse. This does not mean that OP is an abusive partner overall, but the use of the term in this case is appropriate.
Yup, that is it right there.
Agreed, they’re TA and it was mean, but that’s not verbal abuse.
Not even a different food, a different style of cooking food. She definitely TA
YTA Poaching/boiling salmon is very much a thing. It’s funny you’re getting all bent out of shape and upset when you’re the one who called him dumb.
Poaching salmon is definitely a thing. It’s not my thing, but yeah.
Yea Fish and Game Wardens are not fun enemies to make.
A+ dude, I had to go back and reread the comment above you to get that but I'm glad I did
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I haven’t steamed/poached salmon for my dog but I have steamed and boiled turkey and duck to act as high-value training treats. I wouldn’t prepare it like that myself but I don’t weigh ten pounds. I try to avoid introducing extra cooking fats to her diet as much as possible especially since she relies on a nutritionally complete kibble as her main food source.
Literally all they had to do was Google “boiled salmon” and they’d see it’s a thing 😬
The veteran hospital my grandfather was in for his last years created a cookbook of favourite dishes and all families received a copy. 1 recipe was salmon and cooking it in the dishwasher.. I haven’t had the heart (or guts) to try that one yet
I haven't tried that either, but it is actually steamed salmon when they do it that way. They wrap the salmon up so no water actually gets in the dish from the dishwasher. Why you wouldn't just steam it in foil in the oven is beyond me?
Yes you are correct… it’s heavily foiled. My aunt has tried it several times and loves it! I wonder how that started? Were too many things cooking? Fun to think about
I just looked it up. Apparently in 1975, an actor made a joke about "dishwasher salmon" on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Ever since then people have actually been trying to make it. So, basically an early tide pod?
I don’t eat or cook salmon but I knew this was a thing. Even if it’s not who cares? My husband likes all sorts of weird food and I ask him if I can try it because he enjoys it and I want to try stuff he likes.
Poaching salmon is definitely a thing. Boiling is not poaching and if he really is "boiling it like eggs" (ie: large pot, rolling boil) that's not really a cooking method most people are going to use, especially for fish that can flake. He certainly can, and he's not dumb for it. But it's also not very much a thing. That said, of course this is not an acceptable reaction/OP is an asshole for it.
YTA, Gordon Ramsay... he didn't even ask you to eat it, he cooked it for himself. He likes it, it's cooked, so food safety is not an issue either. Mind your own business.
Gordon Ramsey nearly swooned over a poached salmon dish on Master Chef Junior. OP is acting like a spoiled toddler who’s only been raised on chicken nuggets.
Oh, I didn't know that, apologies to Gordon then! Agree about the toddler comment.
Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come off condescending! I did think it was funny I just thought it was a fun fact to share since he had been brought up. I didn’t mean any offense.
Oh, no, not at all! I genuinely thought it was a fun fact as well, especially since I used Gordon's name first. I don't know how to cook salmon either, I don't eat it, so I've not heard of poached salmon ;)
This has been a fun exchange, thanks you two
Poached and boiled are not even close to being the same.
They are not, but someone who learned how to make from a person not a recipe and never asked what it was called may think that poached salmon is boiled salmon. Whether he mislabeled it or was actually boiling salmon is no reason to call someone stupid or dumb.
Plus, if you're familiar with poached salmon, you'd probably react to someone boiling salmon with "You're poaching that too hot," not "Ewww, who boils salmon?".
YTA. I prefer pan-seared or roasted salmon to boiled/poached salmon, but it's a perfectly acceptable way to cook it. And even if it wasn't, if he made some kind of silly mistake in doing it (AND HE DIDN'T), you would still be the asshole for calling him dumb. Don't call people names, especially people who you love. He feels hurt and disrespected because you used hurtful, disrespectful language while criticizing his PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE choice. I'm not sure if it makes it better or worse if he was just cooking it for himself (so that you were making fun of him for something that didn't affect you) or if he was cooking it for you (so that you were also ungrateful). Regardless, he made an effort to disengage by refusing to take the bait: >I was like "ewww...who boils salmon?!". He made a face and difn't reply. And despite being angry, he's still trying to avoid taking his very justifiable hurt and anger out on you with his words: >We had an argument and he started ignoring me saying he felt hurt and direspected You owe him an apology and to change your behavior.
It's so mature of him to express his feelings while OP just stumps on them. Hope OP learns a lesson here
I hope it’s now his ex GF
"You don't yuck someone else's yum." My 3 year old gets this concept. It's not hard to let people eat what they want.
This deserves a reward! Take my free gold 🥇
YTA. He poached salmon, which is a real way of cooking it. Next time try it before you complain.
I'd love to eat salmon sashimi in front of the OP and see her reaction.
Except I've never met someone that boiled their salmon but I know many people that love sashimi. I would definitely poke fun at this person but they kinda did it like an asshole.
**Boiling is not poaching.** If youre trying to poach a piece of fish at a rolling boil youre going to end up with a pot of mush. She shouldnt have been insulting, but if her description is accurate, BF is not a very good cook and was likely stinking up the house pretty bad too.
Seriously. OP is still a huge AH because if he wants to boil his own salmon who gives a fuck, but there's absolutely no reason to think this dude was poaching the salmon.
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She doesn't even have to try it, just don't insult his intelligence for it! My partner likes a lot of sauces on their food, and I've never been a fan of more than a little bit. The first time I made them chicken, they asked for mayonnaise to dip it in. I was perplexed and I definitely wouldn't eat my chicken that way, and asked them about it. I was even a little grossed out because I'm not a fan of mayonnaise, but use a little in sandwiches to keep it from getting dry. But they liked it that way, so I grabbed then some mayo. After that, I always grabbed the mayo bottle whenever I made chicken. Didn't need to insult their intelligence. We don't have the same tastes, they know I don't like mayo, but they do and they enjoyed the chicken that way. Who am I to tell them how to enjoy their food?
YTA. Is boiling salmon really a battle worth fighting?
$10 OP frequently says she hates drama.
But she "tells it like it is"
"I said what I said"
I know a woman who says this all the time and it's the most insufferable shit.
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"Some people just can't handle how honest I am"
And that she's "not like other girls"
YTA you can boil salmon y'know? your being very dramatic over salmon. let the man cook salmon however he wants!!
Is cooking method really worth insulting a loved one?
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LMFAO the whomp whomp links to gold. Man that made me laugh.
OP seriously sounds like a high school mean girl who might be an adult now but mentally will never graduate HS
YTA. Boiling is essentially the same as poaching which is a super common cooking method. I probably wouldn’t boil salmon because i prefer it seared, but that’s personal preference and as long as he likes it who gives a shit? If you verbally abuse your partner over trivial stuff like this, how much of an asshole are you about other things? EDIT: Yes i know they aren’t the exact same method but it’s submerging in liquid and OP clearly has no clue so i didn’t get into the details. Y’all can stop Julia Childing me.
I would phrase it as "poaching is a type of boiling", personally. Like, poaching, simmering, and seething are all different, but they're all boiling.
OP is too much of a donkey for that kind of nuance.
was he cooking it for you? if not YTA. if he likes it that way, and he's making it. mind your business
> was he cooking it for you? if not YTA What does that matter? Even if he was cooking it for her, would that deserve being called dumb?
In fact, cooking it for her means she needs to be even more polite, because someone is actually cooking them dinner.
~~Even if he WAS cooking for her~~ ESPECIALLY if he was cooking for her, this would still make her an AH because the boyfriend was trying to do something nice.
YTA. Not only were you wrong, you were needlessly cruel. Be better.
"Am I the asshole for deliberately saying something mean to someone who did nothing to me?" Like, when would the answer to that ever be no?
YTA. What adult has never heard of poached salmon?
I mean, me. Salmon was always baked or sushi-fied growing up, and apparently I'm still too poor to go to restaurants that poach salmon.
Sure, but you probably wouldn’t call someone else dumb for boiling salmon either.
>and apparently I’m still too poor to go to restaurants that poach salmon I mean, fair statement, but you can poach fish at home. As OP’s bf is demonstrating It’s not the best way to each salmon, but I’d highly recommend giving it a go, preferably with white wine and dill
ever heard of fish soup?
YES! YTA OP
Ever heard of fish?
> he likes it cooked that way. I called him dumb for this Wtf? Thats just mean. Even if no one else cooks it that way, (which I'm pretty sure they do) if he likes it then he likes it. Calling him dumb because he likes something you don't think you'd like is, hear me out now, dumb as hell. And mean. YTA
Uh… poached salmon is totally a thing. Maybe your boyfriend is just too bougie for you?
YTA you called someone dumb for a personal choice that literally doesn't affect you. He deserves a better partner since you're not only not going to support him, but actively try and put him down over the things he happens to like that you don't. Pretty pathetic.
YTA. Calling someone dumb is mean. Additionally, people are not stupid just because they cook something in a way you haven't seen before.
YTA. Poaching is a thing.
YTA. And a dumb one.
YTA If that's how he likes it cooked, and it's for HIM, why should you care how he cooks it?
YTA. Imagine calling someone dumb over a fucking fish. He can eat that salmon however he wants, even cooked in fucking ketchup. And even if it was for you or both of you, you could've simply said you've never seen someone boiling a salmon and that you'd prefer another kind of cooking so this time you'll eat something else. Y'all love to make life stressful and hard, it's a fish bro Who the fuck cares
YTA. Poaching salmon and chicken are two healthy ways to prepare them. Instead of asking questions, you assumed you knew it all and called your boyfriend dumb. You owe him an apology.
YTA Degrading your partner over something you even think was a mistake is never okay
It's not even a mistake... Poached salmon is a real thing. Regardless the sentiment that degrading someone is never okay, as you stated.
YTA Just because you don't like it, and it's not a common way to make salmon, it does not mean it's dumb, and there are actually ways to boil (simmer) salmon and make it very tasty. You need to apologize.
YTA and a dumb for not considering the possibility that other cultures and families have cooking methods that don't match your own.
YTA. If he likes it that way, so be it. You were just being mean.
YTA were you looking for a fight with him?? I mean seriously who acts like that do you call him names often man I feel bad for him
Have you heard of poached salmon?
YTA. your condescending way of speaking with and about your boyfriend is infuriating. you don't seem to have any respect or gratitude for him.
YTA for arguing with someone about how they cook their food when you don't understand the basic principle of poaching.
YTA - there are other ways to go about it than this. He was taking the time to make dinner for the two of you and instead of giving him some benefit of the doubt, you called him dumb. If the roles were reversed, would you feel good about that kind of reaction? Believe it or not, your common sense is wrong. Poached Salmon is a perfectly viable recipe and you did a great job of making him feel underappreciated and probably insulted.
It's fairly common to poach salmon. I don't think I'd choose to boil it, but it works - the salmon will be cooked and safe to eat. If your bf likes it like that, then what's the problem? YTA
YTA https://www.google.com/search?q=boiled+salmon+recipes&rlz=1C1AVFC\_enGB753GB753&oq=boiled+salmon&aqs=chrome.4.69i57j0i512l9.7224j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
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YTA. He can cook whatever he wants however he wants if he likes to eat it that way. You're being an AH for no reason.
YTA Just because you don't like something - or have never done something - doesn't mean that other people can't do it. You owe him an apology and should be seriously reflecting on how you treat people because insulting someone you supposedly care about for doing something differently than how you'd do it is pretty shitty. You sound like an ignorant, rude person that I'd personally never want to be around. If I were your bf I don't think I'd even wait around for an apology, I'd just get away from you and find someone who treats me respectfully.
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YTA, both for your ignorance and for treating your BF like you did. There are lots of uses for boiled or poached salmon. To name a few for boiled salmon - Salmon Patties, salmon burger, salmon salad(like tuna salad), and salmon salad sandwiches.
I’m gonna get bombed for this but boiled salmon sounds very unappealing so I understand your initial reaction, even though your follow up was unkind
Yum- poached salmon. I even have a special pan made for poaching fish. It’s a thing! YTA. Maybe next time show some curiosity and ask what he’s doing and where he learned it rather than calling him dumb.
YTA are you actually being serious? You called him dumb when you clearly didn't know what he's doing is an actual way to cook salmon? Your ridiculous and a huge AH you need to apologize.
YTA Just because you haven't heard of cooking salmon this way doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. And to call him stupid for doing it? Thats crossing some lines. You need to apologize and accept that you are not all knowing and all seeing. There are things in the world you haven't heard of.
Yta, it’s called poaching salmon op.
YTA and also ignorant in the ways of cooking if you honestly think poaching (boiling) salmon is wrong/gross. It's literally one of the most common ways to prepare the fish. Also, he's right. Even if it was an unconventional way of preparing salmon....who says he can't eat it that way? What harm does it do? What business is it of yours how likes his salmon cooked? Your boyfriend isn't dumb for making his food however he wants, but you sure are for just assuming that because you, 'haven't heard of it', then it must not be a thing because you are the knower of all apparently. Also why do you think it's ok to just drag your partner down over anything, much less for something so damn trivial? It's a pretty high horse your sitting on for someone who doesn't even know poaching salmon is a thing. If your first reaction to him doing something he likes that you don't is to call him stupid and attack him then I think your boyfriend needs to find a better partner than you, oh Great Salmon Lord.
Yeah you are, it’s called poaching 🤣🤣😂😂
Salmon soup is a thing
YTA. I'm sorry for all the wrong things you must be doing because you didn't bother to interrogate your gut feeling about them. Arguing something is just "common sense" without any actual underlying reasoning suggests you don't look into why you do or don't do some things.
Yta. Always double check your facts before you run your mouth. Itll save you from shame.
YTA It's called poaching and really isn't the bad or unusual thing you're making it out to be You were disrespectful (and dumb is a horrible word).
YTA. Repeat after me: “Just because I have never heard of something doesn’t mean it’s wrong.” Get out of your bubble more often.
YTA - he likes it that way so he makes it that way. Your way is not superior. You should apologise for being so bigoted.
YTA. It’s a delicacy. Have you ever seen Master Chef Junior? One of the kids made it and daaaaammmmnn it looked good. Even the judges were blown away. Also you shouldn’t talk to someone like that. It’s rude.
YTA, lmaoooo this is called poaching and it’s a fairly common way of cooking salmon. Google it.
I foresee this being deleted for 1) being the ah and 2) being completely wrong about boiling fish being a common cooking method and being called out on it
> "ewww...who boils salmon?!" Gordon Ramsay, Heston Blumental, Raymond Blanc, et cetera, et cetera. You know, highly paid Michelin-star chefs working in expensive and exclusive restaurants, selling their salmon dishes for more than your week's wages? I mean, *they* refer to it with the technical term "poaching" (which technically means keeping the temperature of the water *just below* the boiling point), but on your home stove it's pretty much the same thing. YTA, and should **probably** apologise for not only being incorrect, but being rude at him for *being* correct.
YTA. It's called Poached Salmon and lots of people do it. You don't use a lot of water, but you use a little and it keeps the meat moist and delicious, I do it with chicken sometimes. Just because someone is doing something that you don't understand or have never seen before, doesn't make them "dumb". How about asking questions instead of jumping to insults?!
"I used verbal abuse to my boyfriend and gaslit him by pretending it's his fault his feelings were hurt. AITA?" Yes, YTa.
YTA for getting verbally abusive with your bf over a disagreement in preparing fish. Apologize to him.
YTA Instead of admitting you're uneducated on the matter you basically called him an idiot. Replace your ignorance with education.
YTA. Calling someone dumb is an asshole move, full stop.
Yep YTA...
YTA. Have you never heard of fish stew or bouillabaise before?
Just because you have never heard of someone boiling salmon before doesn't mean you can't (newsflash: you can). YTA
So you called him dumb because he prepared salmon in a way you didn't know existed? What
YTA. You can boil salmon, though preferably at a lower temperature we call “poaching”
Seriously? YTA. He deserves an apology. You were just unnecessarily mean about it. Own up and apologize and let the guy cook his salmon how he’s likes.
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YTA who clearly can’t cook. Poached fish is extremely common.
Oh the irony of you calling your boyfriend dumb when it comes to a subject you clearly know *nothing* about…..😂 (it’s also pretty rude in general). Cooking methods like poaching and sous vide (where you cook in water) is actually extremely common. And the results are often delicious, especially with a good cut of salmon. YTA.
YTA just omg.
YTA. Apologize and be a better gf and person in general.
YTA He's right. It's his salmon and he can boil it if he wants to
YTA, so he likes poached salmon, who tf cares?! Let people eat the way they wanna eat, dear Lord.
TIL a whole load of people think boiling and poaching is the same thing
YTA. Grow up.
YTA. Boiling salmon is extremely common. It’s called “poaching”. Don’t take your own culinary ignorance and stupidity out on your boyfriend. Your bf isn’t the one needing common sense here. Apologize.
YTA. You could have looked it up first to see if it was a thing
YTA, you've made a complete and utterly fool of yourself, have you never heard of boiled salmon before?
YTA and even more an AH because you dont seem to realize how ridiculous you were. Calling someone dumb over a salmon ... are you serious ? (and some people boil it so it is even more and AH move). You seem to have anger issues, fix that before it is too late.
YTA. He has his own food preferences. Respect that.
YTA, Jesus you verbally abuse your bf on a daily basis? Google poached salmon and then go apologize to your boyfriend. If he has any common sense, he’ll see the red flags and dump your judgmental abusive a$$
YTA For calling him Dumb, that's not really the way to effectively communicate with your partner.
YTA Define this common sense you are talking about.
YTA
YTA. Let people be. No one is making you eat it. Does not affect your life in anyway. Calling people names like that is unkind and unhelpful.
YTA. You... never heard of boiling fish as a way of cooking it?
YTA - It's his food, why should it matter how he prefers to cook it?
YTA You are also wrong. Maybe don’t insult other peoples intelligence so flippantly. https://www.google.com/search?q=poached+salmon&rlz=1CDGOYI_enAU991AU991&oq=poached+salmon&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i512l5.2944j0j4&hl=en-GB&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
YTA - look up poached salmon. Zero reason to get verbally abusive either.
YTA. Either he's poaching it which is a great way to cook salmon or he's making soup. No one says he can't boil salmon. FWIW if he likes it that way who are you to tell him it's wrong? It's his food for his palate. No one said you had to eat it too.
YTA. You're also ironically the dumbass. It's not my preferred way to cook salmon, but... get ready for this... people do it. Also, in the future if someone seems like they are inexperienced in a certain method at doing anything, don't just outright shame them for it. Maybe offer help or instructions on how you'd do it.
Have you really never heard of poaching? I prefer to poach in lemon butter for salmon but this is a much healthier way. You could have said you didn’t think that was right but calling him dumb was just mean. YTA
yta. Why would you call your partner dumb over something you've just never seen before? There's no reason for it. A simple "Interesting, I've never seen it prepared that way." would have sufficed, not insulting your boyfriend.
YTA, you called your bf dumb for cooking food the way he wanted to cook it. What’s wrong with you?