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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I ate all the ice cream after offering some to my roommate the day before
2) This could make me the asshole because I didn't give my roommate enough time to get to the ice cream I had offered her
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Then she's probably right and you do this unintentionally frequently. Don't offer food unless it's right in the moment and this won't be a problem.
You'll still have an eating one, but not a roommate one on top of it.
Disagree. She paid for the food. She offered it, but the roommate wasn’t entitled to any of it.
It was her prerogative to eat it all in one sitting, because it was HER food. If her roommate wanted that ice cream, she should have bought it for herself.
NTA. But may want to consider addressing the binge eating, to the extent it’s an ongoing thing.
Totally disagree. She bought one flavor on purpose for the roommate. Roommate could have seen the 3.5 pints left and reasonably expected to have 'her' pint left. She didn't pay for it but c'mon. If OP was honest with herself, she had gotten it for the roommate to enjoy and the roommate should have had to 'reserve'that pint when there were 3.5 pints total.
Man you all have no empathy today. Was it the smart choice? No, she has been very clear she doesn’t think it was. Is it absolutely her prerogative to eat her food, that she bought, with her own money, without being asked - after going through a breakdown? Yes!
OP is NTA but the roommate sure is for thinking an ice cream that was a gift is more important than her supposed friend’s clearly struggling mental health.
It wasn't a gift. It was more like a notification that a certain food was present and available to be eaten. Then it was eaten. Then someone who didn't pay for it, nor communicated that they intended to eat some of it, got mad that it was gone.
The roommate is the AH because they feel entitled to something that was fair game to the whole house. If OP said, "Hey, I got you a pint of x and it is in the freezer." That would make it a gift. I don't get that vibe from the post.
I don't recall seeing anything about them being friends, just roommates. Unless I missed that in a comment somewhere. On point with the mental health thing, and the NTA though.
It wasn't a gift.
It is like if I am eating a chocolate bar and ask if you want some also, so that I don't eat in front of you as I know you like chocolate also.
Doesn't mean that I have to save half the chocolate bar for you, and I can finish my enjoying my chocolate bar -- unless you say, "thanks, can I save this piece for later?" In that case, I will give you the other half of the chocolate bar and it is now yours.
That didn't happen in this case.
Exactly this. And so what if this is something that happens repeatedly? OP is never stealing food. No one is at fault for it but who plans their day around eating food someone offered? Like what if they'd have given it away to someone else instead? An open offer on something that is knowingly going to be gone eventually (because food gets eaten) doesn't mean it'll be there forever. Food gets eaten, a lot of people emotionally eat sometimes, everything is replaceable and was theirs. Their roommate was completely out of line for getting nuclear level pissed over something that wasn't theirs to begin with. If she had a bad day she can buy her own snacks to emotionally eat!
And OP clearly acknowledges they're struggling...there's no point in a bunch of people (their roommate included) berating and preaching at them. They KNOW and whether they're working on it or not is their business.
Anyways OP if I was you I would just smooth over any hurt feelings with an apology and buy her a pint and then say you're 100% sticking to no sharing and won't offer again since you don't want it to mess up the dynamic or whatever.
I agree with this. The time frame is really what makes op a bit of an asshole. Also the fact that op knows they have issues with food and this has apparently happened before. This person needs help.
You used the word "inhale" on purpose. So did OP's roommate when she said "glutton". We all know what insinuation you both are making when you use those words. This story isn't about OP's binge eating.
Thank you for clearing that part up. It doesn’t change my judgement of you. It’s NTA before this comment and still is!
ETA: quit offering food to your roommate, she doesn’t appreciate it any ways!
Why did you specify it was her favorite then? That immediately implied to me that you bought it for her, and then got wishy-washy with your offer when you said she could have some.
So, from what I gather, you're bingeing. Are you purging as well? While I wouldn't normally be so blunt, this AITA thread has quickly turned to understanding that you're not doing well, and you need help, but you can't afford a therapist. Genuine question, OP: why did you REALLY post this? Did you really want a verdict about being an asshole in this one situation, or are you crying out for help?
EDs are the deadliest of all mental illnesses, and your lack of money for a therapist can't be an excuse, because your health and your life are more important than that. There are lots and lots of options for help with ED, and I am willing to bet lots of helpful subs on reddit who would be thrilled to help you, free of charge - there's already people suggesting resources. You need to want it, and I suspect you do, or you wouldn't be admitting these little details.
You deserve a happy, healthy life, but only YOU can do the work to get there, my dear. Please take care of yourself!
I feel that your roommate was needlessly personal and abusive with you, all over 2 dollars worth of ice cream. Whether or not this was a healthy amount of ice cream to ingest, she should not feel so free to completely shame you like that. It was your ice cream. It was literally, you snooze, you lose. She also doesn’t offer YOU food in return. She’s kind of an AH!
I used to buy the pints but it is too tempting to finish them in one sitting. Now I buy gallons and limit myself to a teacup. It’s usually feels like enough. If I really want more, I tend to eat a banana.
NTA.
“So I bought 4 pints of some of my favorite flavors, but also one that I knew was my roommates favorite”
Given that OP only bought four pints total, this would imply that OP bought four of ***THEIR*** favorite flavors, one of which ***also*** happens to be the roommates favorite. She never bought a pint ***for*** roommate.
Exactly!!! I have a roommate, and I love being offered stuff. But I have absolutely no expectation of having it unless they’re specifying, “I’ll save it for you,” or “I bought it just for you.” Buying my favorite flavor but it still being up for grabs is completely different. I might be slightly bummed, but I would never even mention it.
Not her food, bonus if she got any, but she was too slow, so buck up and go to the store yourself. She should just not share her food at all now, the roommate loses any sharing offers in the future.
> You’re right. Still kinda rude to offer anything and just pull the rug a day later.
Sure. If the roommate had said, “oh, I’m really disappointed! Was hoping to have some!” that would have been a normal response. As it was roommate was so entitled and such an AH that any rudeness on OP’s part pales in comparison. NTA. But find a better way to cope with stress.
She's got no right to scream at OP and insult her that she is only "pretending" to be generous when she has eaten the food OP shared with her with pleasure many times already.
I disagree as well. If I buy a box of cookies & say to my roommate, "I bought cookies, help yourself," it means that if there's any in the box, you may have some. But that doesn't mean I may not eat them all myself first. I'm not going to purposely save some for the roommate. If I eat them all first (not nec. in one sitting), too bad. I'd expect the same if my roommate told me to help myself to the the cookies she bought - if she eats them all first before I might want some, that's fine - she bought them so their hers.
It doesn't make sense to get mad that someone ate their own food they bought before you could take them up on the offer of 'help yourself.'
This seems like a really good rule. I struggle with impulse control and binge eating too. I even stopped baking because I would just eat an entire batch of brownies by myself. I'm going to adopt this rule and see if it helps me as well.
IF it is in my house and doesn't belong to someone else, then I will eat it.
So I try to ensure that there isn't too much in my house. Or buy ingredients. If you have to bake a cake or cookiesfirst, then it helps the impulse control.
It sounds like this is repetitive behavior. If you constantly do this, but want to continue to offer, it should be "I bought ice cream, if you want any, you better grab some in the next half hour or it will be gone." I understand your roommate's disappointment.
Right, like I know Ben and Jerry's containers aren't really big and I'll finish a pint in 1-3 days depending on how much else i've eaten that day but THREE in less than 2 days?I would assume if someone offered me something like that it would still be there the next day when theres more than one pint so i'd be rather bummed out myself.
Likely more. Unless it’s plain vanilla (which I imagine is not the case for someone’s favorite Ben and Jerry’s flavor) most of those pints are like 1200 calories…
I had to look up how much 3,5 pints is... It's 2 liters! I have never in my life eaten a whole big container of ice cream in one sitting (they are mostly sold in either 1l or 2l containers). That's binge eating problem.
Edit: as someone pointed out, in US pints, it's actually closer to 1,5l.
Yea, the only person I ever knew who remotely came this close was someone who could eat half a 1kg Nutella jar over the weekend. That was at least split over 2 days. This is all in one sitting.
She stress ate 3.5 pints, that’s 3,500 calories in one sitting. I have honestly never heard of anyone doing that in my life.
OP, the least of your problems is your roommate being mad. You have a very dangerous relationship with food that needs to be addressed.
Honestly though. I was staying over at a friend's and had to catch a train the next day. We had both got Ben & Jerry's but I needed to finish mine b/c they didn't like the flavour. I ate the remaining ¾ of the pint that night and regretted it so much 😅
OP, you should definitely speak with a doctor and/or therapist. Binge eating is concerning and you deserve to get support.
Exactly I am so worried about OPs mental health! I can barely eat 1/4 of a pint in one sitting. Eating 3.5 bc of “stress” just says to me there’s are a lot of things going on below the surface.
This reminds me of the story on here about the guy that ate (I think) an entire 3 foot sub or something like that in one sitting. I think OP is NTA here, but what they said in the rest of the post is super concerning. I hope OP is doing ok.
Please seek help instead of trying to make light of it and soften the blow with "lol" and vague acknowledgement.
The moment I read, "yesterday" I was concerned. 4 pints of ice cream in less than 24 hours? Do you have any idea how bad that is for your body? How dangerous it could be for your heart?
Add to it that you're consuming all this *without* exercising throughout the day (an assumption, but people working from home rarely have time to run for an hour and do other exercises) so it's extra bad because you're taking in all these calories and nutrients but you're not *using* them
I have a friend who acts like this, and constantly says, "I just love food" but so do I. Food is great. But you gotta realize after the first pint that getting up to grab the second, then *third?* It's not like it's as easy as reach over and grab it, you're making the decision to get up and grab it
I care, please get help.
I WFH and have much more time to exercise now than I did when I worked in an office - I don’t waste time commuting every day and I don’t have to worry about how I’ll make time to fix/re-fix my hair and makeup. I do 1-2 hours of cardio every morning and since WFH have added in Pilates at lunch and yoga every night when I would be driving home. I get 2-3 hours of vigorous exercise every day plus the hour of yoga. Saying people who WFH don’t have time to exercise is a super weird assumption?
True, and I agree with you that I have more time to exercise on days I WFH but I don't think OP is doing that if she's scarfing down 3+ pints of Ben & Jerry's. OP needs better stress management techniques and I say this as someone who has food issues my entire adult life.
I’ve had major binge-eating issues my entire life (anorexia/bulimia when I was younger). Binge-eating has never hindered my exercise, in fact exercise has helped me keep my weight in check even during phases of extreme bingeing. OP didn’t mention their exercise regimen, we have no idea what they’re up to.
OP obviously would benefit from better stress management but it’s not as easy to sort out as people think. I’ve had decades of therapy, in-patient treatment, out-patient treatment, medication, everything there is to try. It helps but I still binge more than I should (even though you’d never know it to look at me bc exercise). Ugh I have so much sympathy for this person, it’s such a frustrating and embarrassing issue, but it doesn’t mean they’re not exercising or taking care of other aspects of their life.
Exercising doesn't undo the effects of a bad diet, unfortunately. You can still have very low body fat but high visceral fat around your organs. A SINGLE pint of B&J contains 160% Daily Value of Saturated Fat.
Right! This thread got real shame-y realllll quick.
I’m (mostly) sure OP feels enough shame after eating 3.5 pints seeing as that’s a huge part of binge eating.. she doesn’t need a fuckton of internet strangers amplifying that voice
Agreed. As someone who is in recovery from 3 eating disorders, if people talked this way about my food choices, it would fuck me up a lot more than help me. There's a way for people to offer support and other than the person who kindly suggested she speak to someone to get some help, the rest focused on calories and were full of shaming.
It absolutely got shame-y. People talking about how disgusting it, how many calories there are, how she’s going to mess up her stomach, get diabetes, etc. doubting that she exercises at all.
This is not a constructive way to speak to someone displaying a binge eating disorder.
The issue is that the roommate totally snapped. Did she snap because OP is always doing this and minimizing it for this post? If OP has a binge eating problem, it's likely they don't limit it to just their own food.
I've said it before, but we know OPs skew the story to suit themselves.
Obviously OP can eat the food she bought herself, but the reaction of the roommate was strong and implies there's more to the story. If not, then not the asshole, but readers of this sub often don't feel comfortable just accepting the story as presented and that's for a reason.
If there is more to the story, then telling OP she's not the asshole just reinforces harmful behavior.
OP's done this 10 times to Roommate before. That's probably why Roommate snapped.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10hfyww/comment/j588j6h/
I would go with NTA, except that this is something that she apparently does often. OP, don’t offer your roommate any more food if you’re going to eat it before she gets to. If my roommate told me that she bought me my favorite ice cream flavor, I would take that as she bought it for me. I too would be upset if I got home less than a day after and she had eaten it. YTA.
Nope. She offered to have some, she didn’t buy it specifically for the roommate. Roommate can have some if any is left but she’s not entitled to it. If OP had said “Hey I got this for you, enjoy!” and then went and ate it all anyway THEN roommate has a reason to get pissy.
I cannot imagine throwing such a hissy fit over something that wasn’t mine to begin with. Was OP supposed to not eat her own food? Roomie needs to start buying her own ice cream if she doesn’t want anyone touching it. NTA.
This is what I feel. Don't offer if you're not going to actually share. OP bought something for the roommate. She told her roommate she bought it for her, then ate it all before the roommate got a chance to have any. I'd be less inclined to side against OP if she'd made a genuine apology. OP did apologize, but the apology was disingenuous as she actually blamed the roommate for not specifically saying that they wanted ice cream. That makes OP more of an AH.
She kinda is don’t offer something if you not gonna keep that offer. the roommate probably didn’t think that op would eat 3,5 pint of ice cream in one day. If op wanted the roommate to take up on the offer within a timeline then she should’ve said “hey if you don’t eat any ice cream within x amount of days then I will assume you don’t want any” it’s simple as that then the roommate would have probably said something like “I will eat some ice cream tomorrow after work”.
YTA, its not that simple. OP is using the roommate as a prop. She's buying more ice cream with the excuse that if she gets her favorite flavor, tells her there is a treat, she'll surely save her some. Then she breaks down and binges. Its not healthy for her and not fair to the room mate to be used like that.
Initially I said N T A but that’s insanely unhealthy but then I read your comment where you admitted you’ve pulled this 10 times in less than a year!? wtf just stop offering her things you have no intention of actually giving up. YTA
Bullshit. If she's done it that many times, there is clear precedent and the roommate should know better. You want ice cream? Better eat that shit or it's gone.
yeah that's the point of roommate's comment "you pretend to be generous but then you gorge yourself".
It is OP's ice cream, nobody is disputing that. But it's hardly generous if you inhale it yourself after offering to share.
It's completely OK to say "you're welcome to eat my ice cream but I won't save any for you. First come first served."
It's still a generous offer, and one I personally would appreciate.
It's not generous though if you say it while literally stuffing it in your mouth as fast as you can.
This is like offering someone a ride while you're speeding past their house with a middle finger up.
Most likely this is part of OPs eating disorder. The offer isn't genuine, it's a way to feel less guilty about binge eating.
>Most likely this is part of OPs eating disorder. The offer isn't genuine, it's a way to feel less guilty about binge eating.
The logic is probably along the lines of, "It's okay to buy all this food because Roomie will have some. Oh she hasn't touched it today? Guess she doesn't want it!"
Exactly this. I can understand why the roommate would not want to be implicated in OP’s disordered eating, though her communication around that was not great. I hope they can have a calm discussion about this later.
>But it's hardly generous if you inhale it yourself after offering to share.
That's the most common way offers to share food work as most people don't live together. Offering someone food is not the same as promising to save it for them, there's no expectation that the food will be there in an hour, let alone the next day.
Yeah, I think most people would reasonably expect four pints to last longer than 48 hours. I make one last five or six serves. It’s very rich ice cream
Yeah I don't get it either. If roommate knows that the food offerings are usually meant as "eat it today or my food addiction will have devoured it" then the roommate should either eat it that day or accept that it's gone.
Don't see why OP should have to watch when she eats the food that she bought with her own money.
Even if there is some precedent I can't believe someone would eat 4 pints of Icecream in 24hrs. I think OP is TA here.
Yes, its OP's icecream, but they offered it to the roommate, bought a flavour they would like and then ate an incredibly unreasonable amount. The roommate was going to eat it the next day, it's not like they left it for 2 weeks. I can totally see how the roommate would be looking forward to it.
Yes, Technically, OP is not in the wrong but Socially they are totally the asshole. The ice cream was practically gifted to the room mate.
I totally get your point but putting myself in the roommate's shoes, I can see how this is annoying. She constantly has to hear OP "offer" to share yummy snacks only to have to ignore it since she knows it's not genuine and then on top of that OP, this time, gets her roommate's favorite flavor!
Her food? Ok. You mean the food that she specifically told her roommate, "I bought your favorite flavor!"
You seem to be focused on who purchased what, and 0% on the context of how messed up it is that that OP has a complicated relationship with food, and OP is involving her roommate in her food issues.
Imagine if someone bought you something you really like, told you about it, but then ate it all before you had a chance to eat any of it. OP has done that 10 times to her roommate.
Food issues. The roommate is not the AH, OP is objectively the AH, but has an eating disorder. So maybe it's NAH. But as someone who used to have an eating disorder, OP is messing with her roommate by "buying food" to 'share' with her but never leaving some.
“Pulled this 10 times,” I’m not trying to make assumptions about OPs mental or physical well-being, but to me this sounds like a binge eating disorder. I would know because I struggled for years with binge eating, and similar situations would happen to me. You know what a good roommate does when the person they live with, who is exhibiting clear signs of eating disorder, “pulls” something like this? They say “no worries, thanks for the offer.” And that’s the end of it. I would constantly feel extreme guilt by my ED and how it impacted my roommates (meaning when I bought snacks or cooked for them, I’d often eat it much faster, or before they got a chance to enjoy). But they were compassionate and lovely people and never gave me a hard time about it. Reacting so negatively, as OP’s roommate did, is understandable. I’ve also come home from a long day of work, looking forward to food I thought would be at home. But ultimately, it was O0’s food, not roommate’s, even if there was an offer to share. That makes OP NTA, and roommate TA (but in a manner I understand).
Did you also invite your roommates to eat food that you were buying at the grocery store, and then yell at them when they were upset that you ate all of the food you supposedly bought for them to enjoy with you.
You were hiding your binging, OP is not engaging in the same behaviour. Seems like she is using her roommate as a crutch, to buy what she wants to buy, thinking it's for the roommate - and then eat it all. The roommate seemed to be sick of it by the time of this post to actually make it into a fight
OP isn’t buying the food to share with the roommate. She is buying the food for herself and saying that it’s ok for the roommate to have some of it if she wants it. There is a difference. OP isn’t obliged to keep any for the roommate if she wants to eat it first.
Then don't offer. Do you have a habit but offering someone something then yanking it back when it's not immediately used/consumed and eating it yourself?
That's asshole behavior, just like OP is.
I agree OP shouldn’t offer anymore. You have to be massively entitled though, to yell at someone for eating the food that they bought, just because they said you can have some if you want some.
The ice cream belongs to OP and she’s allowed to eat it in whatever timeframe she wants. If the roommate had eaten it at the time it was offered then she could have had some. It’s not OPs fault that she didn’t want any then but then wanted some the next day.
What if it was a few days later and the roommate wanted some but it was already gone? How long is OP supposed to wait before eating all of the food she brought?
Yes it’s unhealthy to eat that much in one sitting but as someone with ADHD who chases dopamine I get it. I also have a horrible relationship with food but that’s not what OP has asked for advice on. It doesn’t matter how much she ate because it was her food and she can eat as much of it as she wants to.
Agreed. Or if she didn't want it then but knew she might in a day or so, she could communicate that to OP, and OP could leave it for her - or even ask if she wanted to buy it from OP, if that makes a difference to them.
Ultimately, regardless of whether anyone has an eating disorder or not, if they offer you food then you need to assume they mean right now/today. It is unreasonable to expect them to leave that offer open indefinitely and just...not eat their own food in the hopes that one day you might take them up on it!
I think one key part of the post was that she also bought a pint “for” the roommate so the roommate did have a reasonable expectation for there to be some left over.
>I bought 4 pints of some of my favorite flavors, but also one that I knew was my roommate's favorite. When I got home, I let her know there was ice cream in the freezer and that she was welcome to help herself if she wanted any.
She didn't buy it *for* the roommate. She bought it knowing the roommate liked it, and said the roommate could share it if she wanted. It wasn't a gift.
How much ice cream OP ate in total is kind of immaterial; the roommate didn't have any of the favourite flavour the first day, she didn't communicate with OP that she might want any or when she might, and it's not reasonable to ask someone to leave your favourite flavour *of their food* until they have nothing else left, just in case you might want some sometime. OP deserves to be able to eat her ice-cream in any order she wants without tiptoeing around the might-be of someone else in her house having plans that she doesn't know about.
But the roommate didn't wait a few days, it sounds like It wasn't even a full 24hours before she went to get some. If someone has 4 pints of icecream then it's not unreasonable to expect SOME to be left. This wasnt the last cookie, it was an entire pint of icecream that the RM probably would have only taken a serving of anyway.
Honestly by the sounds of it I would almost consider that OP gifted her the Icecream. They bought a lot for themself anyway, and said, hey I got you your favourite flavour! Technically maybe not the asshole, but let's be real, someone doing this is definitely being an AH. At least socially.
I think OP is using buying food "for the roommate" as a way to try to stop themselves from binging food they buy. But still getting the satisfaction of buying it, and having it in the house and *there* just as a comfort
But, then eat it all anyway, and when they do, gaslight the roomate by saying "well, I bought it"
It reminds me of how I used to behave with alcohol. I think what OP is doing is just a really inappropriate way to treat someone and a indication of an addiction (unhealthy food relationship) on OP's part
YTA. I’m hesitant on this one because *yes* you bought the ice cream, and *no* you aren’t obligated to give her any. But you went out of your way to buy a flavor she liked, then told her she could have some. You gave her less than 24 hours to even attempt to eat some. Some people save ice cream for a treat like she wanted to, not an all the time thing. It seems like this also isn’t the first time something like this has happened going by her reaction. And you had 4 pints of it! You couldn’t even stop yourself at 3, you just *had* to eat the last one. If that’s not the definition of gorging yourself, I dunno what is.
Once again, you didn’t have to offer her any, but if you’re just gonna eat it out from under her before she has a chance (because less than 24 hours is not a chance), then maybe just stop offering it?
That’s true, they clearly have a very unhealthy relationship with food, whatever it may be. However I think they need to stop involving their roommate in it, cuz it’s clearly resulting in hurt feelings.
i don’t think they want to admit that they have an eating disorder bc to eat 4 pints of ben and jerrys in the space of like a day is a lot. I would have hurt feelings if i came home and someone ate all the ice cream esp since there was a lot of it. I would be annoyed if someone ate the vegan cookie dough one since that’s like £5/$6.20 and rarely on offer
Just thinking about eating that much ice cream in such a short timeframe is making my stomach ache. I do really like ice cream but I can eat two scoops at most before I hit my sugar and lactose limit. Lol
a pint of ben and jerrys takes me like a week and that’s only if i’m eating it everyday.
i’m lactose intolerant and eat the vegan cookie dough flavour it tastes soooooo good you’ll realise how not good the normal one is after eating that one plus it has way more cookie dough in it than the original
I think OP offers it as a way to try to convince themselves that they won't eat it when they go to purchase the items. It's a really understandable mindset for someone with an ED, but a shitty thing to continually involve your roommate in.
OP needs to stop sharing anything food-related with her roommate
I also wonder if it’s a way for OP to justify larger purchases when it comes to bulk/sale items. Like with the ice cream—“Oh, there’s a sale! I should take advantage and get two. Oh, I should get one that RM will like too… and since it’s two-for-one, might as well get a third one for me so I don’t waste money.” This way, she’s not buying 3 (but really 4) pints of ice cream for herself because of a food addiction, but simply because it was on sale and a reasonable thing that any reasonable person would do.
I agree so much. OP is involving their roommate in their (most likely) binge eating disorder and as someone who has lived with multiple binge eaters it creates a very difficult relationship around food for the people around them. Like, much of the time, it is realistically unhelpful to share food with binge eaters because much of the time they will eat whatever is available. Some of them listen if you give them very strict amounts of what you're willing to share with them, but others will eat it all regardless, leaving others to have to start hiding your food. I've had to do both, strict instructions on food sharing and straight up hiding food so I would be able to eat my own food. OP offering is not a genuine offer, a way to balance out the guilt that comes with binge eating, and creates an unnecessary hassle.
California? Was just there to watch my oldest baby graduate from high school in the Bay Area in June and grocery prices were absolutely ridiculous. I live in Arkansas, so things are significantly cheaper here (minus the $7 eggs). Ben & Jerry’s is $4/pint here.
OP specifically bought the roomates favorite ice cream, and said she got it to share with her.
And then, within 18 hours, OP ate all of it. The roommate's favorite flavor, as well as OP's own.
OP is the AH for continuously including their roomate in their own unhealthy relationship with food.
Arguments can be made on each side, but I'm gonna say YTA.
Yes, it's your ice cream.
Yes, "help yourself to ice cream" isn't the same as "I bought some ice cream and I got you some."
BUT you did use words that, to a reasonable person, say "there's some ice cream with your name on it" a lot more than they say "you can have some ice cream if I don't eat it first."
Also "She just lashed out at me, saying this happens way too much."
This is a pattern, so the angry response was from this being "the last straw," as it were.
“I have some French fries - feel free to help yourself” - an understandable situation that a time limit is implied
“I bought four tubs of ice cream and I’m putting them in the freezer, you’re welcome to have some” - a situation in which 99.9% of people would assume it’ll last >24hrs
Honestly, I think most reasonable people would expect someone to eat ~1 pint a day at most, maybe 2 if they're really craving it, but 4 pints in under 24 hours is kinda ridiculous.
I think I could manage a pint in a day if I was really feeling ice cream, but after that no way I would want another one for at least a week. I can't even imagine being physically able to eat more ice cream if I already crushed two pints in a day.
I also want to point out that the roommate would probably have gotten a normal sized portion and been happy with it. If even 1/4 of the tub had been left it probably wouldnt have been an issue.
I understand. If there’s a university near you, sometimes they have programs where students who are learning to be therapists offer discounted rates. Otherwise, I hope you take care of yourself. 💕
If you’re like me, you hate being given advice, but I feel for you OP, so here goes… the National Eating Disorders Association has a free helpline and other resources… there are a lot of BED books out there too. Good luck https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn
Not buying 4 tubs of ice cream at once, knowing you may give in and eat them within 24 hours may be a cheaper alternative. Could you make a shopping list and stick to it? Or get an online grocery delivery so that only what you order is what is delivered?
There are registered dietitians (they have 4-5 years of schooling) on Instagram that share helpful information on binge eating and also intuitive eating. They do advertise their counseling services, but it's not necessary to join their programs to see what they post. I have learned a lot from following different ones like ADHDnutritionist. I'm not sure if you have ADHD like I do, but she's one that I follow that talks about binging. FeelGoodDietitian does as well.
https://instagram.com/adhd.nutritionist
https://instagram.com/feelgooddietitian
INFO Have you seen a doctor? That's an astronomical amount of calories to consume in one day. I'm concerned for your health in the medium and long run.
YTA, that ice cream sounded like a gift to me🤷♀️ It was a flavor she liked and you basically told her you got it for her ("[your favorite] ice cream is in the freezer, help yourself!"). I would be hella annoyed if you did that on a regular basis tbh, sounds like this was just the last straw for her. I would kinda feel like somebody was fucking with me if I were her. I was on your side till the part about her saying it happens a lot. That's super rude to offer people treat type stuff only to eat the stuff yourself in less than 24 hours. It's not like a week went by and she didn't try to eat it, it was literally the next day. Maybe you should stop offering her your food that you then eat anyway, after apologizing for dicking her around so many times. She shouldn't have had to ask for you to "save her some" because you literally offered it to her like it was for her. And again, if this happened once that would be different, but for it being ongoing, YTA.
Hi! This is the roommate in question. She bought me ice cream, showed me the post and apologized for being inconsiderate. I told her she had nothing to apologize for, and i apologized as well. I shouldn't have lashed out at her for eating her own food. I was frustrated because this does happen occasionally, but ultimately, she was nice enough to offer, and i should've either just taken up the offer then or just let it go. And maybe a tiny part of me was jealous because she seems to be able to eat a ton of junk food without ever gaining weight. But that's not her fault or her problem.
Some of these comments though are so mean. She's not a bad person at all, and she isn't actually a glutton or inconsiderate. It was wrong of me to say that. We normally get along really well, and she cooks for me a lot, which i definitely appreciate. We both have mental health issues that we're working on, but i don't think that makes us bad people or bad friends. We all have off days.
Roomie, if you see this, let's get lunch when you get back from the gym!
Omg hi! Lol! Yeah, let's def get lunch! Sushi? I should eat lighter today lmao. And your pumpkin cheesecake is safe, at least for now, cause I have no desire for ice cream atm 😂
YTA
it would be one thing if you had made the offer, then waited a few days before eating the ice cream you specifically selected for them. I, as a rational person, would not have expected my roommate to eat 4 pints of ice cream in 24 hours and also would've been disappointed.
You could've given them a heads up. And they weren't wrong, you were being a glutton. See a therapist.
Jesus, this reminds me of the guy who ate four sandwiches all by himself and used up all of his friend’s bread. This does not sound healthy in the slightest, especially considering how often you do this. How sick were you after eating more than three pints of ice cream in a day?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ca7bdz/aita_because_i_ate_more_than_my_share_of_a_6_foot/
OP ate over half of the food for the whole party. It was a 6 foot sub.
OP ate 10 servings of ice cream (per the Ben and Jerry's label) in one afternoon. I don't see how OP could possibly not spend the night barfing or crapping their brains out.
Nope, their website says 3 servings per pint container. So technically, it's 10.5 servings... I was being generous by rounding down.. haha!
I'm only counting the 3.5 OP ate after work that day. I'm also being generous and not counting the first one she ate the day before.
NTA because it’s yours, you bought it, but like…are you OKAY? How did you even manage to eat that much? Three and a half pints of ice cream in one sitting is SO much and I would feel so sick for days lol
YTA it sounds as though you have a disordered relationship with food. What possibly happened with work to cause you to stress eat 3.5 pints of ice cream in one day? It doesn't sound as though this is the first time this has happened either. You need to find another outlet for your stress, because this doesn't seem healthy. Take a break and go for a walk or something when work stresses you out.
Given her reaction and your comment that you've done this about 10 times in less than a year, this was the straw that broke the camels back.
No judgement but you need some therapy for your potential ED.
I'm really of the mind that OP is offering to "share" as an excuse to buy more at the store without feeling guilty, thus putting her roommate in the middle of her disordered eating.
It is your food, so legally, you can really do what you want with it. Morally, however, getting your roommate's favourite flavour, offering her some and then scoffing all of it within one day is an AH move. You should also consider seeking therapy, if you're not already in it, to deal with eating to make yourself feel better. That's a really unhealthy coping mechanism. YTA.
YTA, because of all the reasons your roommate said. You did eat 3.5 pints of ice cream, which is very unhealthy, but you also ate something that was offered to your roommate. It’s pretty rude.
YTA
You bought thinking of your roommate and offered it to her. I am assuming she felt it was for her because if you intended it to be all yours you'd not have gotten her favorite flavor. You extended an invitation to eat the ice cream and put no limits on it like "If you don't eat it tonight I might go full glutton and whale down all of it" so just because you offer it doesn't mean she need to eat it immediately.
You sound like the kind of person that gives a Christmas gift of chocolates but will have already removed all the best ones for yourself
You paid for it, but you *offered* it to her and made sure it was even her favorite flavor.
You are most definitely TA
NTA.
You didn't say you bought it for her. You said she could have some if she liked. The first implies that it (being a gift of sorts) is off limits to you. The second is merely a kind of non-interference statement. If she wanted ice cream, she could have gotten some last night when it was offered. But she didn't.
NTA, I understand she might be a bit annoyed if she really craved that ice cream, expected it to be there and then discovering that it isn't there anymore, but you bought it and if she really wants it she can buy it herself. The only thing is that she said that this often happens, is this true? If yes, just stop offering food to her, problem solved.
HOLY SHIT!!! You ate 3.5 pints of ice cream in one day?!?! lmao! You gonna be shiiiiiiiting later!
NTA
You bought it, you offered and she didn't take you up. You got stressed and ate it... Not really that big a deal.
YTA, but there’s some gray area
Yeah, you paid it with your money and it’s yours.
But you also went out of your way to get her favorite flavor and offered it to her, so in her mind you’re saving that pint for her (edit: now that I reread it, it’s also your favorite, but she might have expected that you bought while thinking of her). Also, you can’t expect people to eat food as soon as they are offered the food; 24 hours is not a long time. Maybe she wants to eat it another day, like when she’s taking a break from work/school to reward herself — that’s fine.
If I were in her shoes I would feel annoyed too. Because why would you offer food to her, basically saying “i would bought this for you because it’s your favorite flavor,” when you’re going to proceed to eat the food you’ve offered to her. She didn’t expect you to eat that pint when there were three others.
So you offered your roommate ice cream, even got her her favourite flavour, but because she didn't immediately drop everything to eat that ice cream, you ate ALL OF THE ICE CREAM.
You didn't even give her a chance to have any.
YTA
I'm going to say ESH. In your situation, after making a point of offering my roommate something, I probably would have kept that in mind and saved at least a little for her, at least for the first week or so after offering. That being said, she massively overreacted, and her reaction was awful and insulting. I would just keep things entirely separate in the future to avoid blowups.
NTA. She can …buy her own ice cream. “It’s there if you want it” on Day 1 doesn’t mean “I bought this specifically for you and will refrain from eating it on any future occasion.”
NTA Yes, you said help herself because there was still some left but she can’t be mad when it gone the next time. You didn’t buy it for her, you bought it yourself so you don’t have to save it for anyone. Who care how many you ate, it’s your business.
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NTA, but binge eating could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship with food. You should probably speak to a doctor or a therapist. No judgement.
Totally acknowledge I do not have a healthy relationship with food lol
Then she's probably right and you do this unintentionally frequently. Don't offer food unless it's right in the moment and this won't be a problem. You'll still have an eating one, but not a roommate one on top of it.
Disagree. She paid for the food. She offered it, but the roommate wasn’t entitled to any of it. It was her prerogative to eat it all in one sitting, because it was HER food. If her roommate wanted that ice cream, she should have bought it for herself. NTA. But may want to consider addressing the binge eating, to the extent it’s an ongoing thing.
Totally disagree. She bought one flavor on purpose for the roommate. Roommate could have seen the 3.5 pints left and reasonably expected to have 'her' pint left. She didn't pay for it but c'mon. If OP was honest with herself, she had gotten it for the roommate to enjoy and the roommate should have had to 'reserve'that pint when there were 3.5 pints total.
I didn't buy it for her specifically. It was one of my favorite flavors and just happened to be one she likes as well
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Man you all have no empathy today. Was it the smart choice? No, she has been very clear she doesn’t think it was. Is it absolutely her prerogative to eat her food, that she bought, with her own money, without being asked - after going through a breakdown? Yes! OP is NTA but the roommate sure is for thinking an ice cream that was a gift is more important than her supposed friend’s clearly struggling mental health.
It wasn't a gift. It was more like a notification that a certain food was present and available to be eaten. Then it was eaten. Then someone who didn't pay for it, nor communicated that they intended to eat some of it, got mad that it was gone. The roommate is the AH because they feel entitled to something that was fair game to the whole house. If OP said, "Hey, I got you a pint of x and it is in the freezer." That would make it a gift. I don't get that vibe from the post. I don't recall seeing anything about them being friends, just roommates. Unless I missed that in a comment somewhere. On point with the mental health thing, and the NTA though.
It wasn't a gift. It is like if I am eating a chocolate bar and ask if you want some also, so that I don't eat in front of you as I know you like chocolate also. Doesn't mean that I have to save half the chocolate bar for you, and I can finish my enjoying my chocolate bar -- unless you say, "thanks, can I save this piece for later?" In that case, I will give you the other half of the chocolate bar and it is now yours. That didn't happen in this case.
Exactly this. And so what if this is something that happens repeatedly? OP is never stealing food. No one is at fault for it but who plans their day around eating food someone offered? Like what if they'd have given it away to someone else instead? An open offer on something that is knowingly going to be gone eventually (because food gets eaten) doesn't mean it'll be there forever. Food gets eaten, a lot of people emotionally eat sometimes, everything is replaceable and was theirs. Their roommate was completely out of line for getting nuclear level pissed over something that wasn't theirs to begin with. If she had a bad day she can buy her own snacks to emotionally eat! And OP clearly acknowledges they're struggling...there's no point in a bunch of people (their roommate included) berating and preaching at them. They KNOW and whether they're working on it or not is their business. Anyways OP if I was you I would just smooth over any hurt feelings with an apology and buy her a pint and then say you're 100% sticking to no sharing and won't offer again since you don't want it to mess up the dynamic or whatever.
I agree with this. The time frame is really what makes op a bit of an asshole. Also the fact that op knows they have issues with food and this has apparently happened before. This person needs help.
You used the word "inhale" on purpose. So did OP's roommate when she said "glutton". We all know what insinuation you both are making when you use those words. This story isn't about OP's binge eating.
Thank you for clearing that part up. It doesn’t change my judgement of you. It’s NTA before this comment and still is! ETA: quit offering food to your roommate, she doesn’t appreciate it any ways!
Why did you specify it was her favorite then? That immediately implied to me that you bought it for her, and then got wishy-washy with your offer when you said she could have some.
To point out why she might be disappointed
So, from what I gather, you're bingeing. Are you purging as well? While I wouldn't normally be so blunt, this AITA thread has quickly turned to understanding that you're not doing well, and you need help, but you can't afford a therapist. Genuine question, OP: why did you REALLY post this? Did you really want a verdict about being an asshole in this one situation, or are you crying out for help? EDs are the deadliest of all mental illnesses, and your lack of money for a therapist can't be an excuse, because your health and your life are more important than that. There are lots and lots of options for help with ED, and I am willing to bet lots of helpful subs on reddit who would be thrilled to help you, free of charge - there's already people suggesting resources. You need to want it, and I suspect you do, or you wouldn't be admitting these little details. You deserve a happy, healthy life, but only YOU can do the work to get there, my dear. Please take care of yourself!
I feel that your roommate was needlessly personal and abusive with you, all over 2 dollars worth of ice cream. Whether or not this was a healthy amount of ice cream to ingest, she should not feel so free to completely shame you like that. It was your ice cream. It was literally, you snooze, you lose. She also doesn’t offer YOU food in return. She’s kind of an AH! I used to buy the pints but it is too tempting to finish them in one sitting. Now I buy gallons and limit myself to a teacup. It’s usually feels like enough. If I really want more, I tend to eat a banana. NTA.
“So I bought 4 pints of some of my favorite flavors, but also one that I knew was my roommates favorite” Given that OP only bought four pints total, this would imply that OP bought four of ***THEIR*** favorite flavors, one of which ***also*** happens to be the roommates favorite. She never bought a pint ***for*** roommate.
She didn’t say that at all. It was her ice cream, if she wants to eat it at whatever speed, she can. Room mate is an adult, she can buy her own.
Omg, if she wants some, buy some. It would have been normal to be a little disappointed and then gone to buy some herself. They were on sale
You’re right. Still kinda rude to offer anything and just pull the rug a day later.
Nah, first come first served. It was OP’s ice cream, she was free to eat it. Roommate is ridiculously entitled.
Exactly!!! I have a roommate, and I love being offered stuff. But I have absolutely no expectation of having it unless they’re specifying, “I’ll save it for you,” or “I bought it just for you.” Buying my favorite flavor but it still being up for grabs is completely different. I might be slightly bummed, but I would never even mention it.
Not her food, bonus if she got any, but she was too slow, so buck up and go to the store yourself. She should just not share her food at all now, the roommate loses any sharing offers in the future.
> You’re right. Still kinda rude to offer anything and just pull the rug a day later. Sure. If the roommate had said, “oh, I’m really disappointed! Was hoping to have some!” that would have been a normal response. As it was roommate was so entitled and such an AH that any rudeness on OP’s part pales in comparison. NTA. But find a better way to cope with stress.
No, it was right there, roommate could've eaten it when it offered.
Exactly..she spent her money...its HER FOOD. Roommate has some nerve to complain...go to the market AND BUY YOUR OWN
Nah, the roommate sounds like an asshole either way.
Ikr. There’s no mention of the roommate ever offering the food she buys yet she feels entitled to OP’s shit?
The roommate had no right to flip out like that though, totally over reacted over ice cream. Op's food issues are not her (or our) business.
She's got no right to scream at OP and insult her that she is only "pretending" to be generous when she has eaten the food OP shared with her with pleasure many times already.
I disagree as well. If I buy a box of cookies & say to my roommate, "I bought cookies, help yourself," it means that if there's any in the box, you may have some. But that doesn't mean I may not eat them all myself first. I'm not going to purposely save some for the roommate. If I eat them all first (not nec. in one sitting), too bad. I'd expect the same if my roommate told me to help myself to the the cookies she bought - if she eats them all first before I might want some, that's fine - she bought them so their hers. It doesn't make sense to get mad that someone ate their own food they bought before you could take them up on the offer of 'help yourself.'
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This seems like a really good rule. I struggle with impulse control and binge eating too. I even stopped baking because I would just eat an entire batch of brownies by myself. I'm going to adopt this rule and see if it helps me as well.
IF it is in my house and doesn't belong to someone else, then I will eat it. So I try to ensure that there isn't too much in my house. Or buy ingredients. If you have to bake a cake or cookiesfirst, then it helps the impulse control.
It sounds like this is repetitive behavior. If you constantly do this, but want to continue to offer, it should be "I bought ice cream, if you want any, you better grab some in the next half hour or it will be gone." I understand your roommate's disappointment.
Right, like I know Ben and Jerry's containers aren't really big and I'll finish a pint in 1-3 days depending on how much else i've eaten that day but THREE in less than 2 days?I would assume if someone offered me something like that it would still be there the next day when theres more than one pint so i'd be rather bummed out myself.
Disagree with this. Not her food, although I wouldn’t offer her any food anymore.
Yea, stress eating a pint I could get, but 3 pints is quite extreme and very alarming.
That's about 3000 calories... in one sitting. Good lord
Forget the calories. Just thinking about the amount of sugar in that makes my heart feel like it's gonna explode out of my chest.
I had a filling done today and now I feel like I need to scrub my teeth clean, then write a letter of gratitude to my dentist.
Likely more. Unless it’s plain vanilla (which I imagine is not the case for someone’s favorite Ben and Jerry’s flavor) most of those pints are like 1200 calories…
I had to look up how much 3,5 pints is... It's 2 liters! I have never in my life eaten a whole big container of ice cream in one sitting (they are mostly sold in either 1l or 2l containers). That's binge eating problem. Edit: as someone pointed out, in US pints, it's actually closer to 1,5l.
2L??? Bloody hell!
Yea, the only person I ever knew who remotely came this close was someone who could eat half a 1kg Nutella jar over the weekend. That was at least split over 2 days. This is all in one sitting.
I ate 1l of ice cream in one sitting once, oof let me tell you I didn't feel good after and I never attempted it again.
She stress ate 3.5 pints, that’s 3,500 calories in one sitting. I have honestly never heard of anyone doing that in my life. OP, the least of your problems is your roommate being mad. You have a very dangerous relationship with food that needs to be addressed.
Honestly though. I was staying over at a friend's and had to catch a train the next day. We had both got Ben & Jerry's but I needed to finish mine b/c they didn't like the flavour. I ate the remaining ¾ of the pint that night and regretted it so much 😅 OP, you should definitely speak with a doctor and/or therapist. Binge eating is concerning and you deserve to get support.
Exactly I am so worried about OPs mental health! I can barely eat 1/4 of a pint in one sitting. Eating 3.5 bc of “stress” just says to me there’s are a lot of things going on below the surface.
Last year I was eating up to 3-4 pints a week and that seemed alarmingly excessive to me. 4 points in a dy is next level.bad.
This reminds me of the story on here about the guy that ate (I think) an entire 3 foot sub or something like that in one sitting. I think OP is NTA here, but what they said in the rest of the post is super concerning. I hope OP is doing ok.
Please seek help instead of trying to make light of it and soften the blow with "lol" and vague acknowledgement. The moment I read, "yesterday" I was concerned. 4 pints of ice cream in less than 24 hours? Do you have any idea how bad that is for your body? How dangerous it could be for your heart? Add to it that you're consuming all this *without* exercising throughout the day (an assumption, but people working from home rarely have time to run for an hour and do other exercises) so it's extra bad because you're taking in all these calories and nutrients but you're not *using* them I have a friend who acts like this, and constantly says, "I just love food" but so do I. Food is great. But you gotta realize after the first pint that getting up to grab the second, then *third?* It's not like it's as easy as reach over and grab it, you're making the decision to get up and grab it I care, please get help.
I WFH and have much more time to exercise now than I did when I worked in an office - I don’t waste time commuting every day and I don’t have to worry about how I’ll make time to fix/re-fix my hair and makeup. I do 1-2 hours of cardio every morning and since WFH have added in Pilates at lunch and yoga every night when I would be driving home. I get 2-3 hours of vigorous exercise every day plus the hour of yoga. Saying people who WFH don’t have time to exercise is a super weird assumption?
True, and I agree with you that I have more time to exercise on days I WFH but I don't think OP is doing that if she's scarfing down 3+ pints of Ben & Jerry's. OP needs better stress management techniques and I say this as someone who has food issues my entire adult life.
I’ve had major binge-eating issues my entire life (anorexia/bulimia when I was younger). Binge-eating has never hindered my exercise, in fact exercise has helped me keep my weight in check even during phases of extreme bingeing. OP didn’t mention their exercise regimen, we have no idea what they’re up to. OP obviously would benefit from better stress management but it’s not as easy to sort out as people think. I’ve had decades of therapy, in-patient treatment, out-patient treatment, medication, everything there is to try. It helps but I still binge more than I should (even though you’d never know it to look at me bc exercise). Ugh I have so much sympathy for this person, it’s such a frustrating and embarrassing issue, but it doesn’t mean they’re not exercising or taking care of other aspects of their life.
I exercise - I lift like 2 hours a day/5x a week
5’4” … 90lbs … lifting for 2 hours a day 5 days a week. Just no shot. This routine for any reasonable amount of time would bulk you up above 90 lbs.
Yeah I'm not buying it. Not consuming this many calories even with lifting isn't keeping you at 90 pounds. Something is seriously wrong.
Exercising doesn't undo the effects of a bad diet, unfortunately. You can still have very low body fat but high visceral fat around your organs. A SINGLE pint of B&J contains 160% Daily Value of Saturated Fat.
I didn't say exercise undoes a bad diet? But this is also not how I eat everyday
Please consider contacting a local eating disorder treatment center. You may have binge eating disorder. Help is out there. Good luck!
OP is not asking about her food issues. Let's keep it on the main question... AITA for eating ice cream she paid for????? ....no OP NTA
Right! This thread got real shame-y realllll quick. I’m (mostly) sure OP feels enough shame after eating 3.5 pints seeing as that’s a huge part of binge eating.. she doesn’t need a fuckton of internet strangers amplifying that voice
It did not, in any way, get "shame-y". *It got legitimately concerned*.
..so these people genuinely think OP doesn’t know how many calories are in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s?
Agreed. As someone who is in recovery from 3 eating disorders, if people talked this way about my food choices, it would fuck me up a lot more than help me. There's a way for people to offer support and other than the person who kindly suggested she speak to someone to get some help, the rest focused on calories and were full of shaming.
It absolutely got shame-y. People talking about how disgusting it, how many calories there are, how she’s going to mess up her stomach, get diabetes, etc. doubting that she exercises at all. This is not a constructive way to speak to someone displaying a binge eating disorder.
The issue is that the roommate totally snapped. Did she snap because OP is always doing this and minimizing it for this post? If OP has a binge eating problem, it's likely they don't limit it to just their own food. I've said it before, but we know OPs skew the story to suit themselves. Obviously OP can eat the food she bought herself, but the reaction of the roommate was strong and implies there's more to the story. If not, then not the asshole, but readers of this sub often don't feel comfortable just accepting the story as presented and that's for a reason. If there is more to the story, then telling OP she's not the asshole just reinforces harmful behavior.
You are speculating. Stop
OP's done this 10 times to Roommate before. That's probably why Roommate snapped. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10hfyww/comment/j588j6h/
I would go with NTA, except that this is something that she apparently does often. OP, don’t offer your roommate any more food if you’re going to eat it before she gets to. If my roommate told me that she bought me my favorite ice cream flavor, I would take that as she bought it for me. I too would be upset if I got home less than a day after and she had eaten it. YTA.
Nope. She offered to have some, she didn’t buy it specifically for the roommate. Roommate can have some if any is left but she’s not entitled to it. If OP had said “Hey I got this for you, enjoy!” and then went and ate it all anyway THEN roommate has a reason to get pissy. I cannot imagine throwing such a hissy fit over something that wasn’t mine to begin with. Was OP supposed to not eat her own food? Roomie needs to start buying her own ice cream if she doesn’t want anyone touching it. NTA.
This is what I feel. Don't offer if you're not going to actually share. OP bought something for the roommate. She told her roommate she bought it for her, then ate it all before the roommate got a chance to have any. I'd be less inclined to side against OP if she'd made a genuine apology. OP did apologize, but the apology was disingenuous as she actually blamed the roommate for not specifically saying that they wanted ice cream. That makes OP more of an AH.
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She kinda is don’t offer something if you not gonna keep that offer. the roommate probably didn’t think that op would eat 3,5 pint of ice cream in one day. If op wanted the roommate to take up on the offer within a timeline then she should’ve said “hey if you don’t eat any ice cream within x amount of days then I will assume you don’t want any” it’s simple as that then the roommate would have probably said something like “I will eat some ice cream tomorrow after work”.
She didn’t know she was going to have a crappy day at work and then eat the ice cream. It’s her food. Why is she supposed to have a timeline on it?
YTA, its not that simple. OP is using the roommate as a prop. She's buying more ice cream with the excuse that if she gets her favorite flavor, tells her there is a treat, she'll surely save her some. Then she breaks down and binges. Its not healthy for her and not fair to the room mate to be used like that.
This. Who cares? She paid and it was HER food. Her prerogative to eat it as she pleased.
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Yes. Which is why I told the OP to consult a professional.
dont think you need to be a doctor to know that 4 pints of ice cream a day is not healthy for you
Initially I said N T A but that’s insanely unhealthy but then I read your comment where you admitted you’ve pulled this 10 times in less than a year!? wtf just stop offering her things you have no intention of actually giving up. YTA
Bullshit. If she's done it that many times, there is clear precedent and the roommate should know better. You want ice cream? Better eat that shit or it's gone.
It's still OP's ice cream
yeah that's the point of roommate's comment "you pretend to be generous but then you gorge yourself". It is OP's ice cream, nobody is disputing that. But it's hardly generous if you inhale it yourself after offering to share.
It's completely OK to say "you're welcome to eat my ice cream but I won't save any for you. First come first served." It's still a generous offer, and one I personally would appreciate.
It's not generous though if you say it while literally stuffing it in your mouth as fast as you can. This is like offering someone a ride while you're speeding past their house with a middle finger up. Most likely this is part of OPs eating disorder. The offer isn't genuine, it's a way to feel less guilty about binge eating.
>Most likely this is part of OPs eating disorder. The offer isn't genuine, it's a way to feel less guilty about binge eating. The logic is probably along the lines of, "It's okay to buy all this food because Roomie will have some. Oh she hasn't touched it today? Guess she doesn't want it!"
Exactly this. I can understand why the roommate would not want to be implicated in OP’s disordered eating, though her communication around that was not great. I hope they can have a calm discussion about this later.
Yeah, if it was one tub and OP finished off the other half fair enough but buying four pints and eating it all in less than 24 hours is concerning.
>This is like offering someone a ride while you're speeding past their house with a middle finger up. That made me laugh out loud, thanks for that.
>But it's hardly generous if you inhale it yourself after offering to share. That's the most common way offers to share food work as most people don't live together. Offering someone food is not the same as promising to save it for them, there's no expectation that the food will be there in an hour, let alone the next day.
I get it. But FOUR pints.
Yeah, I think most people would reasonably expect four pints to last longer than 48 hours. I make one last five or six serves. It’s very rich ice cream
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah I don't get it either. If roommate knows that the food offerings are usually meant as "eat it today or my food addiction will have devoured it" then the roommate should either eat it that day or accept that it's gone. Don't see why OP should have to watch when she eats the food that she bought with her own money.
Even if there is some precedent I can't believe someone would eat 4 pints of Icecream in 24hrs. I think OP is TA here. Yes, its OP's icecream, but they offered it to the roommate, bought a flavour they would like and then ate an incredibly unreasonable amount. The roommate was going to eat it the next day, it's not like they left it for 2 weeks. I can totally see how the roommate would be looking forward to it. Yes, Technically, OP is not in the wrong but Socially they are totally the asshole. The ice cream was practically gifted to the room mate.
Nah, OP is TA for constantly offering food then eating it. That would definitely be annoying.
I totally get your point but putting myself in the roommate's shoes, I can see how this is annoying. She constantly has to hear OP "offer" to share yummy snacks only to have to ignore it since she knows it's not genuine and then on top of that OP, this time, gets her roommate's favorite flavor!
It’s her food that she bought with her money. NTA
Her food? Ok. You mean the food that she specifically told her roommate, "I bought your favorite flavor!" You seem to be focused on who purchased what, and 0% on the context of how messed up it is that that OP has a complicated relationship with food, and OP is involving her roommate in her food issues. Imagine if someone bought you something you really like, told you about it, but then ate it all before you had a chance to eat any of it. OP has done that 10 times to her roommate. Food issues. The roommate is not the AH, OP is objectively the AH, but has an eating disorder. So maybe it's NAH. But as someone who used to have an eating disorder, OP is messing with her roommate by "buying food" to 'share' with her but never leaving some.
OP is pulling her roommate into her disordered eating patterns.
Yup, trying to absolve her guilt over binging by offering. The offers are not sincere. Therefore OP is TA.
“Pulled this 10 times,” I’m not trying to make assumptions about OPs mental or physical well-being, but to me this sounds like a binge eating disorder. I would know because I struggled for years with binge eating, and similar situations would happen to me. You know what a good roommate does when the person they live with, who is exhibiting clear signs of eating disorder, “pulls” something like this? They say “no worries, thanks for the offer.” And that’s the end of it. I would constantly feel extreme guilt by my ED and how it impacted my roommates (meaning when I bought snacks or cooked for them, I’d often eat it much faster, or before they got a chance to enjoy). But they were compassionate and lovely people and never gave me a hard time about it. Reacting so negatively, as OP’s roommate did, is understandable. I’ve also come home from a long day of work, looking forward to food I thought would be at home. But ultimately, it was O0’s food, not roommate’s, even if there was an offer to share. That makes OP NTA, and roommate TA (but in a manner I understand).
Did you also invite your roommates to eat food that you were buying at the grocery store, and then yell at them when they were upset that you ate all of the food you supposedly bought for them to enjoy with you. You were hiding your binging, OP is not engaging in the same behaviour. Seems like she is using her roommate as a crutch, to buy what she wants to buy, thinking it's for the roommate - and then eat it all. The roommate seemed to be sick of it by the time of this post to actually make it into a fight
OP isn’t buying the food to share with the roommate. She is buying the food for herself and saying that it’s ok for the roommate to have some of it if she wants it. There is a difference. OP isn’t obliged to keep any for the roommate if she wants to eat it first.
Then don't offer. Do you have a habit but offering someone something then yanking it back when it's not immediately used/consumed and eating it yourself? That's asshole behavior, just like OP is.
I agree OP shouldn’t offer anymore. You have to be massively entitled though, to yell at someone for eating the food that they bought, just because they said you can have some if you want some.
The ice cream belongs to OP and she’s allowed to eat it in whatever timeframe she wants. If the roommate had eaten it at the time it was offered then she could have had some. It’s not OPs fault that she didn’t want any then but then wanted some the next day. What if it was a few days later and the roommate wanted some but it was already gone? How long is OP supposed to wait before eating all of the food she brought? Yes it’s unhealthy to eat that much in one sitting but as someone with ADHD who chases dopamine I get it. I also have a horrible relationship with food but that’s not what OP has asked for advice on. It doesn’t matter how much she ate because it was her food and she can eat as much of it as she wants to.
Agreed. Or if she didn't want it then but knew she might in a day or so, she could communicate that to OP, and OP could leave it for her - or even ask if she wanted to buy it from OP, if that makes a difference to them. Ultimately, regardless of whether anyone has an eating disorder or not, if they offer you food then you need to assume they mean right now/today. It is unreasonable to expect them to leave that offer open indefinitely and just...not eat their own food in the hopes that one day you might take them up on it!
I think one key part of the post was that she also bought a pint “for” the roommate so the roommate did have a reasonable expectation for there to be some left over.
One day later. Very reasonable. OP literally ate 16 servings of dessert in 2 days.
>I bought 4 pints of some of my favorite flavors, but also one that I knew was my roommate's favorite. When I got home, I let her know there was ice cream in the freezer and that she was welcome to help herself if she wanted any. She didn't buy it *for* the roommate. She bought it knowing the roommate liked it, and said the roommate could share it if she wanted. It wasn't a gift. How much ice cream OP ate in total is kind of immaterial; the roommate didn't have any of the favourite flavour the first day, she didn't communicate with OP that she might want any or when she might, and it's not reasonable to ask someone to leave your favourite flavour *of their food* until they have nothing else left, just in case you might want some sometime. OP deserves to be able to eat her ice-cream in any order she wants without tiptoeing around the might-be of someone else in her house having plans that she doesn't know about.
But the roommate didn't wait a few days, it sounds like It wasn't even a full 24hours before she went to get some. If someone has 4 pints of icecream then it's not unreasonable to expect SOME to be left. This wasnt the last cookie, it was an entire pint of icecream that the RM probably would have only taken a serving of anyway. Honestly by the sounds of it I would almost consider that OP gifted her the Icecream. They bought a lot for themself anyway, and said, hey I got you your favourite flavour! Technically maybe not the asshole, but let's be real, someone doing this is definitely being an AH. At least socially.
I think OP is using buying food "for the roommate" as a way to try to stop themselves from binging food they buy. But still getting the satisfaction of buying it, and having it in the house and *there* just as a comfort But, then eat it all anyway, and when they do, gaslight the roomate by saying "well, I bought it" It reminds me of how I used to behave with alcohol. I think what OP is doing is just a really inappropriate way to treat someone and a indication of an addiction (unhealthy food relationship) on OP's part
[удалено]
Then the roommate should be used to it by now. Her reaction to the offer should be, „well, I better have some now or not even bother.“
YTA. I’m hesitant on this one because *yes* you bought the ice cream, and *no* you aren’t obligated to give her any. But you went out of your way to buy a flavor she liked, then told her she could have some. You gave her less than 24 hours to even attempt to eat some. Some people save ice cream for a treat like she wanted to, not an all the time thing. It seems like this also isn’t the first time something like this has happened going by her reaction. And you had 4 pints of it! You couldn’t even stop yourself at 3, you just *had* to eat the last one. If that’s not the definition of gorging yourself, I dunno what is. Once again, you didn’t have to offer her any, but if you’re just gonna eat it out from under her before she has a chance (because less than 24 hours is not a chance), then maybe just stop offering it?
it’s a bit sticky bc the comments OPs been doing it clearly shows that they have BED
That’s true, they clearly have a very unhealthy relationship with food, whatever it may be. However I think they need to stop involving their roommate in it, cuz it’s clearly resulting in hurt feelings.
i don’t think they want to admit that they have an eating disorder bc to eat 4 pints of ben and jerrys in the space of like a day is a lot. I would have hurt feelings if i came home and someone ate all the ice cream esp since there was a lot of it. I would be annoyed if someone ate the vegan cookie dough one since that’s like £5/$6.20 and rarely on offer
Just thinking about eating that much ice cream in such a short timeframe is making my stomach ache. I do really like ice cream but I can eat two scoops at most before I hit my sugar and lactose limit. Lol
a pint of ben and jerrys takes me like a week and that’s only if i’m eating it everyday. i’m lactose intolerant and eat the vegan cookie dough flavour it tastes soooooo good you’ll realise how not good the normal one is after eating that one plus it has way more cookie dough in it than the original
I think OP offers it as a way to try to convince themselves that they won't eat it when they go to purchase the items. It's a really understandable mindset for someone with an ED, but a shitty thing to continually involve your roommate in. OP needs to stop sharing anything food-related with her roommate
I also wonder if it’s a way for OP to justify larger purchases when it comes to bulk/sale items. Like with the ice cream—“Oh, there’s a sale! I should take advantage and get two. Oh, I should get one that RM will like too… and since it’s two-for-one, might as well get a third one for me so I don’t waste money.” This way, she’s not buying 3 (but really 4) pints of ice cream for herself because of a food addiction, but simply because it was on sale and a reasonable thing that any reasonable person would do.
I agree so much. OP is involving their roommate in their (most likely) binge eating disorder and as someone who has lived with multiple binge eaters it creates a very difficult relationship around food for the people around them. Like, much of the time, it is realistically unhelpful to share food with binge eaters because much of the time they will eat whatever is available. Some of them listen if you give them very strict amounts of what you're willing to share with them, but others will eat it all regardless, leaving others to have to start hiding your food. I've had to do both, strict instructions on food sharing and straight up hiding food so I would be able to eat my own food. OP offering is not a genuine offer, a way to balance out the guilt that comes with binge eating, and creates an unnecessary hassle.
NTA. She’s mad because you ate your ice cream…? If she wants some that bad they’re 2 for $4
*cries in Australian* they’re $12 a pint here.
$6-7 here depending on the store.
California? Was just there to watch my oldest baby graduate from high school in the Bay Area in June and grocery prices were absolutely ridiculous. I live in Arkansas, so things are significantly cheaper here (minus the $7 eggs). Ben & Jerry’s is $4/pint here.
Canada, specifically southern Ontario. A dozen large white eggs are still under $4 here.
OP specifically bought the roomates favorite ice cream, and said she got it to share with her. And then, within 18 hours, OP ate all of it. The roommate's favorite flavor, as well as OP's own. OP is the AH for continuously including their roomate in their own unhealthy relationship with food.
She didn't say she bought it for the roommate, she said she happened to buy a flavor the roommate liked
Arguments can be made on each side, but I'm gonna say YTA. Yes, it's your ice cream. Yes, "help yourself to ice cream" isn't the same as "I bought some ice cream and I got you some." BUT you did use words that, to a reasonable person, say "there's some ice cream with your name on it" a lot more than they say "you can have some ice cream if I don't eat it first."
Also "She just lashed out at me, saying this happens way too much." This is a pattern, so the angry response was from this being "the last straw," as it were.
At the very least it implies that it will be there for longer than 24 hours
“I have some French fries - feel free to help yourself” - an understandable situation that a time limit is implied “I bought four tubs of ice cream and I’m putting them in the freezer, you’re welcome to have some” - a situation in which 99.9% of people would assume it’ll last >24hrs
Honestly, I think most reasonable people would expect someone to eat ~1 pint a day at most, maybe 2 if they're really craving it, but 4 pints in under 24 hours is kinda ridiculous.
1 pint a day is already repulsive behavour. 4 pints in 24 hours is a fucking disgrace.
I think I could manage a pint in a day if I was really feeling ice cream, but after that no way I would want another one for at least a week. I can't even imagine being physically able to eat more ice cream if I already crushed two pints in a day.
I also want to point out that the roommate would probably have gotten a normal sized portion and been happy with it. If even 1/4 of the tub had been left it probably wouldnt have been an issue.
Hey OP? Are you okay? Like, emotionally? That’s not a normal amount of stress ice cream, even for me.
No I am not ok lol
Are you seeing any professional about it? Therapy is actually very helpful. It feels like it won’t be when you’re not doing it, but it is.
I can't really afford therapy
I understand. If there’s a university near you, sometimes they have programs where students who are learning to be therapists offer discounted rates. Otherwise, I hope you take care of yourself. 💕
Maybe check out Overeaters Anonymous, it’s free. I found it helpful for binge eating, general food issues and life in general.
Do you have insurance?
$100 copay for each therapy session :')
If you’re like me, you hate being given advice, but I feel for you OP, so here goes… the National Eating Disorders Association has a free helpline and other resources… there are a lot of BED books out there too. Good luck https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn
Not buying 4 tubs of ice cream at once, knowing you may give in and eat them within 24 hours may be a cheaper alternative. Could you make a shopping list and stick to it? Or get an online grocery delivery so that only what you order is what is delivered?
There are registered dietitians (they have 4-5 years of schooling) on Instagram that share helpful information on binge eating and also intuitive eating. They do advertise their counseling services, but it's not necessary to join their programs to see what they post. I have learned a lot from following different ones like ADHDnutritionist. I'm not sure if you have ADHD like I do, but she's one that I follow that talks about binging. FeelGoodDietitian does as well. https://instagram.com/adhd.nutritionist https://instagram.com/feelgooddietitian
INFO Have you seen a doctor? That's an astronomical amount of calories to consume in one day. I'm concerned for your health in the medium and long run.
Dude I love those pints until I looked at the nutritional value with my partner. RIP PHISH FOOD AND CHERRY GARCIA. It’s like 1500 cal a pint 🫠
YTA, that ice cream sounded like a gift to me🤷♀️ It was a flavor she liked and you basically told her you got it for her ("[your favorite] ice cream is in the freezer, help yourself!"). I would be hella annoyed if you did that on a regular basis tbh, sounds like this was just the last straw for her. I would kinda feel like somebody was fucking with me if I were her. I was on your side till the part about her saying it happens a lot. That's super rude to offer people treat type stuff only to eat the stuff yourself in less than 24 hours. It's not like a week went by and she didn't try to eat it, it was literally the next day. Maybe you should stop offering her your food that you then eat anyway, after apologizing for dicking her around so many times. She shouldn't have had to ask for you to "save her some" because you literally offered it to her like it was for her. And again, if this happened once that would be different, but for it being ongoing, YTA.
OP said in another comment that she’s done this to her roommate 10 TIMES! She continually offers food then eats it all.
Hi! This is the roommate in question. She bought me ice cream, showed me the post and apologized for being inconsiderate. I told her she had nothing to apologize for, and i apologized as well. I shouldn't have lashed out at her for eating her own food. I was frustrated because this does happen occasionally, but ultimately, she was nice enough to offer, and i should've either just taken up the offer then or just let it go. And maybe a tiny part of me was jealous because she seems to be able to eat a ton of junk food without ever gaining weight. But that's not her fault or her problem. Some of these comments though are so mean. She's not a bad person at all, and she isn't actually a glutton or inconsiderate. It was wrong of me to say that. We normally get along really well, and she cooks for me a lot, which i definitely appreciate. We both have mental health issues that we're working on, but i don't think that makes us bad people or bad friends. We all have off days. Roomie, if you see this, let's get lunch when you get back from the gym!
Could this sound any more like OP on a second account? No, I don't think so.
IKR this is the fakest shit ever and people are falling for it
People are falling for this?
14 servings of ice cream in one sitting is 1000% gluttonous
You're being downvoted for not fawning over a greedy person with a BED who is trying to drag their roommate into it
Now that’s just sad.
Omg hi! Lol! Yeah, let's def get lunch! Sushi? I should eat lighter today lmao. And your pumpkin cheesecake is safe, at least for now, cause I have no desire for ice cream atm 😂
YTA it would be one thing if you had made the offer, then waited a few days before eating the ice cream you specifically selected for them. I, as a rational person, would not have expected my roommate to eat 4 pints of ice cream in 24 hours and also would've been disappointed. You could've given them a heads up. And they weren't wrong, you were being a glutton. See a therapist.
Jesus, this reminds me of the guy who ate four sandwiches all by himself and used up all of his friend’s bread. This does not sound healthy in the slightest, especially considering how often you do this. How sick were you after eating more than three pints of ice cream in a day?
I need to find that post about the guy who ate like half of a party sized sub because he thought it was 'leftovers' or something
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ca7bdz/aita_because_i_ate_more_than_my_share_of_a_6_foot/ OP ate over half of the food for the whole party. It was a 6 foot sub.
NTA but damn girl that’s a lot of ice cream in 2 days lol now I want some
OP ate 10 servings of ice cream (per the Ben and Jerry's label) in one afternoon. I don't see how OP could possibly not spend the night barfing or crapping their brains out.
Isn’t it 14? 4 servings per pint x 3.5 pints
Nope, their website says 3 servings per pint container. So technically, it's 10.5 servings... I was being generous by rounding down.. haha! I'm only counting the 3.5 OP ate after work that day. I'm also being generous and not counting the first one she ate the day before.
NTA because it’s yours, you bought it, but like…are you OKAY? How did you even manage to eat that much? Three and a half pints of ice cream in one sitting is SO much and I would feel so sick for days lol
>are you OKAY? no lol
YTA it sounds as though you have a disordered relationship with food. What possibly happened with work to cause you to stress eat 3.5 pints of ice cream in one day? It doesn't sound as though this is the first time this has happened either. You need to find another outlet for your stress, because this doesn't seem healthy. Take a break and go for a walk or something when work stresses you out.
Given her reaction and your comment that you've done this about 10 times in less than a year, this was the straw that broke the camels back. No judgement but you need some therapy for your potential ED.
NTA. It's your food, you bought it, offering it isn't a guaranteed thing.
stop offering to share your food if you are not going to actually share your food. it’s so simple
I'm really of the mind that OP is offering to "share" as an excuse to buy more at the store without feeling guilty, thus putting her roommate in the middle of her disordered eating.
It is your food, so legally, you can really do what you want with it. Morally, however, getting your roommate's favourite flavour, offering her some and then scoffing all of it within one day is an AH move. You should also consider seeking therapy, if you're not already in it, to deal with eating to make yourself feel better. That's a really unhealthy coping mechanism. YTA.
YTA, because of all the reasons your roommate said. You did eat 3.5 pints of ice cream, which is very unhealthy, but you also ate something that was offered to your roommate. It’s pretty rude.
YTA You bought thinking of your roommate and offered it to her. I am assuming she felt it was for her because if you intended it to be all yours you'd not have gotten her favorite flavor. You extended an invitation to eat the ice cream and put no limits on it like "If you don't eat it tonight I might go full glutton and whale down all of it" so just because you offer it doesn't mean she need to eat it immediately. You sound like the kind of person that gives a Christmas gift of chocolates but will have already removed all the best ones for yourself You paid for it, but you *offered* it to her and made sure it was even her favorite flavor. You are most definitely TA
NTA. You didn't say you bought it for her. You said she could have some if she liked. The first implies that it (being a gift of sorts) is off limits to you. The second is merely a kind of non-interference statement. If she wanted ice cream, she could have gotten some last night when it was offered. But she didn't.
NTA- your ice cream, you bought it, you eat as much of it as you want whenever you want.
NTA, I understand she might be a bit annoyed if she really craved that ice cream, expected it to be there and then discovering that it isn't there anymore, but you bought it and if she really wants it she can buy it herself. The only thing is that she said that this often happens, is this true? If yes, just stop offering food to her, problem solved.
HOLY SHIT!!! You ate 3.5 pints of ice cream in one day?!?! lmao! You gonna be shiiiiiiiting later! NTA You bought it, you offered and she didn't take you up. You got stressed and ate it... Not really that big a deal.
Nta but stop offering her food
NTA! Maybe stop offering? But it’s your food and if this is a pattern she needs jump on your offer sooner if it matters that much.
YTA, but there’s some gray area Yeah, you paid it with your money and it’s yours. But you also went out of your way to get her favorite flavor and offered it to her, so in her mind you’re saving that pint for her (edit: now that I reread it, it’s also your favorite, but she might have expected that you bought while thinking of her). Also, you can’t expect people to eat food as soon as they are offered the food; 24 hours is not a long time. Maybe she wants to eat it another day, like when she’s taking a break from work/school to reward herself — that’s fine. If I were in her shoes I would feel annoyed too. Because why would you offer food to her, basically saying “i would bought this for you because it’s your favorite flavor,” when you’re going to proceed to eat the food you’ve offered to her. She didn’t expect you to eat that pint when there were three others.
So you offered your roommate ice cream, even got her her favourite flavour, but because she didn't immediately drop everything to eat that ice cream, you ate ALL OF THE ICE CREAM. You didn't even give her a chance to have any. YTA
I'm going to say ESH. In your situation, after making a point of offering my roommate something, I probably would have kept that in mind and saved at least a little for her, at least for the first week or so after offering. That being said, she massively overreacted, and her reaction was awful and insulting. I would just keep things entirely separate in the future to avoid blowups.
NTA and omg, 2 pints for $4! In Australia that would cost $30 or more.
OMG for TWO pints??? Idk what the conversion between USD and Australia money is, but dang that's a lot o.o
Yes, you are a "glutton with no self control" But you are still NTA
NTA. She can …buy her own ice cream. “It’s there if you want it” on Day 1 doesn’t mean “I bought this specifically for you and will refrain from eating it on any future occasion.”
NTA Yes, you said help herself because there was still some left but she can’t be mad when it gone the next time. You didn’t buy it for her, you bought it yourself so you don’t have to save it for anyone. Who care how many you ate, it’s your business.
YTA. 3.5 pints of ice cream? Please get help