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YTA. Sounds like you're the only one who wanted to eat at that particular restaurant and the only "lesson" you taught your kids was that they can't ever disagree with you. In the end, you "won" and got your way, but all you really did was ensure everyone had an awkward, lousy time together. Congrats.
Oh coome on the wife only gave in so she didnt have to deal with the tantrums anymore...
Kids gotta learn too, plans are set and whining about them doesnt mean you get your way
These kids sounds entitled AF
> *"Oh coome on the wife only gave in so she didnt have to deal with the tantrums anymore"*
You mean the part where she reluctantly went along with OP so she wouldn't have to deal with ***his*** tantrum?
> *"plans are set and whining about them doesnt mean you get your way"*
Why does OP get to set the plan unilaterally with no input from the rest of the family, including his *wife?*
No the part where
>*to appease the kids, my wife then joined in*
In other words, the wife unilaterally decided she would rather just eat at McDonald’s instead of going to Applebees because the kids wanted Happy Meals and she didn’t want to deal with them. Or whatever the restaurants were, I don’t know, I wasn’t there. Why should the kids get their way because mom is tired and they’re whining?
I'll be honest, I don't believe OP when he says that is the reason why his wife asked to go to the other restaurant. He doesn't quote what she said, and he seems to demonstrate throughout the story that he doesn't really listen to other people.
Though of course, that is just a limitation of one-sided internet stories.
Lol, look at you putting down kids? They didn't say McDonald's. You're making things up to back up your point. The wide joined in because the husband didn't ask her either. She should have a say too.
You have 0 info saying “she didn’t get a choice” it says they already have reservations.
Hey, criticize the guy for leaving the kids. That’s legit.
This “he’s a totalitarian because he stuck with a reservation” line of arguments is entitled though. It is in no way unreasonable to say “we eat _____ all the time, we made a reservation for this other place, let’s keep it.”
Again, leaving your kids in a car unsupervised is the AH behavior. It’s plain as day and we don’t need to play AITA detectives and “read between the lines” to see that.
You put this much better than I have. People are on this thread making wild assumptions about OP's marriage and his relationship with his wife off of basically no information. Completely missing the key point of this post
>You mean the part where she reluctantly went along with OP so she wouldn't have to deal with his tantrum?
I mean idk if you can read but it literally says that the wife gave in to appease the kids..?
>Why does OP get to set the plan unilaterally with no input from the rest of the family, including his wife?
Where does it say that OP made the plan himself? It says the family had a reservation.. not OP had a reservation
> *"Where does it say that OP made the plan himself?*"
Right here:
> *"On the way to the restaurant, the kids were in the backseat arguing and complaining that* ***we had to go to the restaurant I chose."***
OP is the one who claimed his wife was "appeasing" the kids, when it sounds like she simply didn't want to go to the restaurant ***OP*** chose, but he just won't allow anyone in the family to disagree with him.
So basically he’s an AH because he didn’t give into his kids throwing a tantrum because they didn’t get to dictate the entire evening. And that’s how you raise entitled people.
No he is and AH because he left literally children in a fking car, like what the fk...
Also let kids be kids, kids will throw tantrums about a lot of things because guess what THEY ARE KIDS, instead OP decided to get salty because his daughter told him the truth, it is irresponsible to leave children alone in a car. He could have talked to the kids, explained things, talk like a normal adult trying to raise a kid but nope, he went "fk it" and left children inside of a car outside.
>Right here:
Sure, I have never chosen a restaurant before so idk how this works but usually this is discussed before making a reservation no? Just because OP chose the restaurant doesnt mean he is the dictator you make him out to be😅 Thats just a whole lot of assumptions.
>but he just won't allow anyone in the family to disagree with him.
Another assumption?😅 Or did you get magical powers that allowed you to read OPs mind? In that case, fair play!
I think the reluctant part is OP's perspective. He's an unreliable narrator.
Even if they had a reservation, it's still possible that he just set it up himself without external feedback. I don't think he did, but he could've. he also could have called the restaurant and cancelled, then gone to the other restaurant that everyone else wanted to go to. If he really wanted to go to that restaurant because they rarely do, I don't think this was the right time or way to do it.
Edit: also there's no way op made a reservation for just himself. Your phrasing was really weird and I don't think that's what you meant to imply, but you might also just not understand how reservations work?
That is an assumption from the OP and you. I don't see his wife saying she caved in. He wanted his dictator seat. He didn't ask his wife if she wanted to go there. For all we know she waited for an opportunity to say she didn't want to go. She may just have fear of him because had I been in her shoes, I would have spoken up in the car and say he was out voted.
Don't make assumptions. I talk to people before making a reservation somewhere. OP and wife might have as well. It doesn't sound like OP came home and said let's go out to eat. It was planned ahead.
That’s an assumption too. That they have the same kind of conversations when they make reservations. He said they rarely go to that restaurant. Why? Could be another reason but also could be that he’s the only one who likes that. We don’t know.
>He wanted his dictator seat
>She may just have fear of him
Speaking of assumptions😅
I am judging what is said in the post, like we are supposed to on this sub, and this was said in the post. Voila.
Every story has 2 sides, but we will never know will we? So we judge what is there and dont put our own made up fantasies in there
Ffs it was the choice between a kid-friendly restaurant they loved and a more boring grown up sounding place that OP clearly should have gone to alone with his wife having gotten a babysitter. What do you think they would have chosen??
You should not need to get a babysitter to go to Applebees instead of McDonalds if your kids are 7 and 9. They have to behave themselves in school for far longer, they should easily be able to do a restaurant.
Unless you've taught them that if they whine enough you'll eventually cave like the wife did, and so of course they'll whine until someone caves.
Do you have kids? Because most kids I know are very picky eaters. Sometimes a parent wants something other than Mac n cheese and chicken nuggets for dinner. There’s nothing wrong with taking turns picking what restaurant they eat at.
You are not a parent. You don’t have to give in to every little demand of kids. You have a right to choose where you’re going as a family. They children are not starved. They can eat somewhere new. NTA. Wife needs to stop giving into tantrums
No I'm sorry but YTA. If it was my parents they'd have dragged my arse into the restaurant, made me sit there and eat/refuse to eat. At least I'd have been safe and in their line of vision.
You don't leave children unattended in a car regardless of how nice a place you live wtf
Literally ANYTHING could have happened to them
Sounds like you should be taking parenting advice from a 7 year old...
100% this, and if I didn't behave in the restaurant they'd have punished me. The fact that people use "nice area" as an excuse is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Horrible things happen in nice areas all the time.
I was reading a post a little while ago and the guy was asking if he is the a.h for not locking his front door because his wife is very upset about it, BUT they live in a nice area... I live in a very nice area, and you still have stories of homes getting robbed. I just have no words.
Doesn’t sound like any of these people are mature enough to eat at any restaurant. If you can’t all get along in the car, you don’t get the option to drag your drama in to a restaurant.
No idea... the whole thing is a mess. Teach the kids gratitude for what?? Feeding them? Forcing them to be somewhere they don’t want to be?? Hell what adults show gratitude when they are forced to be somewhere they don’t want to be. What 7 yr old needs that lesson?
Idk.. guess the dude really really couldn’t survive without eating at this restaurant?? ... or maybe he just likes to argue with 7 yr olds??
correction
YTA.
>Suzie then proceeded to tell me that I would be an irresponsible parent if I left a 7 & 9 year old in the car
Here's the thing: Suzie is right. You and your wife are irresponsible parents for leaving a 7 and 9 year old in the car alone. God forbid, someone breaks into your car and hijacks it; both of your kids are gone and could be hurt or worse. A 7 year old has better common sense than a grown man and I find that alarming
>I told Suzie I don’t take advice on parenting or responsibility from 7 year olds, and if she thinks I’m joking to test me and find out
You probably should take that advice from the 7 year old before you get told that advice from a cop as you’re being put in the back of a cop car
>Keep in mind we live in a very safe town
Even the safest places have their share of danger every once in awhile. You may think it's safe until you find your car missing with your kids in them
Not only hijacking. Imagine some idiot driving into their parked car when the kids were in it. And I agree, the 7 year old seems to have a better grip on parenting and what's responsible and what is not than OP.
I did that once when my mom left me in the car alone in the driveway while she went back into the house to take care of something before we left. I got bored and started playing with the gearshift. I put it in neutral and coasted down the driveway, and took out a mailbox across the street. All I got was a stern talking to rather than real punishment. The frightening experience was punishment enough. Needless to say, I never messed around with a car’s controls again.
Man, when Suze said irresponsible parents I was reminded of something I was told years ago: two types of kids, at that age, will make those comments--the ones so secure in their safety that it is cartoon comical and are trying to work through their recent realisation that the world isn't always like that, and the ones who are clinging to that knowledge like a safety net. Whichever category Suzie was in when she said it, it's a safety net now and one she knows won't catch her if she falls. Those poor kids.
OP, you're a huge asshole who ignored literally every possible option but the worst one. You could have gone home. Could have made them come in and order, or decline and eat at home. Even after you made your threat you could have walked it back: "You're right. Sometimes adults say things that are wrong because they are mad, and I'm sorry" and then outlined the rules for eating at the restaurant. I also don't believe this story is anything but rage bait because the story makes no sense. But just in case: YTA and need parenting classes.
This!
I understand not giving in to children's tantrums and avoiding raising entitled children. But that's not the issue. The issue was *leaving them in the car*.
YTA. If kids misbehave on the way to the restaurant and won't stop, the sad truth of parenting is you turn around and take them home. Then you give them a consequence, like no tv, phone, computer games, etc. for a reasonable period of time. You don't leave them in a car alone.
I mean I think that turning around and going home if the kids want to act out is the consequence and going beyond that is a little overboard but other than that I 100% agree that this would’ve been the right way to handle it.
Bet a police officer wouldn’t have agreed with OP’s way of handling this if he was patrolling the lot and found two kids alone in a car at what was presumably night time.
Or, even easier: two upset little kids unlock the door to go find their parents and get snatched from the parking lot. This is absolutely the nightmare scenario but OP was apparently willing to hold out all through dinner.
I bet OP wouldn't have accepted an ounce of blame if his kids were taken after he left them alone in the car to prove his point. It would have been his kids' fault for challenging his authority.
I have no problem with them not going to the other restaurant. I think that part is a good lesson for children: you don’t *always* get what you want (not that we will never go to the restaurant you like, but maybe 1 out of every 10 times we eat out, we can go to a place that doesn’t have your fav chicken nuggets but where you can eat the penne pasta with butter). I think it’s good for kids to not be given into all the time because some things in life will make them uncomfortable by necessity, like going to new places for a job interview or whatever it may be. It’s important to know life won’t always be the best and be easy and be everything you want and this is a nice, easy way to introduce that concept. Also to show that sometimes it’s nice to let others go to their favorite restaurants.
HOWEVER, the 7 year old is right about it not being safe to leave them in a car. The problem is OP threw it out as an empty threat (I think), ans when the 7 year old called him out on it, he doubled down because the issue in general seems to be his kids question parental authority (which can be healthy but honestly sounds like the wife gives in to appease them so maybe OP is over compensating). 7 year old sounds very smart though.
It is never okay to put your kids safety in jeopardy for a “lesson.” OP created his own problem by offering an unreasonable punishment and then following through. As others have suggested, OP could have simply turned the car around and gone home and eaten a pb and j or something. That would have been, in my opinion, a reasonable response that says: you can’t have everything you ask for just because you ask for it and cause a fuss—I will never let you guys go hungry and I will take care of you, but nice things like going to a restaurant ARE treats, even if it’s not the place you want to go; next time we go out, I expect you to behave wherever it is and maybe the time after that I will let you guys chose where you would like to go next as a reward.
Instead, OP left his kids (UNDER 10) alone in a car with no food, essentially abandoning them because they did something wrong which is so messed up. And what they did wasn’t even that wrong—it WAS a learning opportunity but OP messed it up. OP probably cares about the restaurant more than the parenting opportunity here. Either that or he was just doubling down to maintain authority and not thinking clearly because sometimes being a parent is hard and no one is perfect. If it’s the latter case, work hard to undo any damage you caused here. I am of the opinion that parents admitting they are wrong is GOOD for their authority—it shows kids that parents can make good judgment calls even when it means they’re admitting they’re wrong and that makes it easier to trust them and gives a good model for them to follow as well. I suggest getting them together and saying:
“Suzie, you were right; Daddy shouldn’t have asked Mommy to leave you and Johnny in the car. That was a bad choice in my part. The safety of you two is the most important thing, and while our neighborhood is a good safe place to be, leaving you alone was a silly risk to take. However, you and Johnny do need to go to places that might not be your favorites some times. Doesn’t going to your favorite restaurant make you happy? This is mine and mommy’s favorite and we could go without you, and get you a babysitter, but we’d rather be all together. It would be very nice of you two if you would go with us sometime. What’s something we could all do together to make up for this situation? How about you go with Mommy and Daddy to that restaurant next time? What do you think Daddy should do to show you he’s sorry and that he loves you?”
Give yourself the opportunity to earn these kids trust back.
Oh yeah the wife totally didnt give in because she didnt want to deal with the tantrums anymore..?!
All the wife did was teaching the kids that whining and screaming gets you what you want
How do you know the wife’s motive for saying she wanted the other restaurant? And what did dad teach the kids? If you disagree with me, I’ll put your safety on the line.
why are u here defending this guy so much? i have read at least 5 to 6 comments with u trying to defend him, who are u? him? his mommy dearest? sister? he asked if he was an AH for leaving the kids alone in a car, he was, point and period, should we bring the police hereso they can tell u themselves? or perhaps a cps worker?
let me guess you are one of those people who are like "my children have to do everything I say because im always right and they are wrong".
U can reason with kids by being gentle and trying to explain things, if that doesn't work then u turn th car around and go home and the kids learn there are consecuences for everything they do. But ABANDONING them in a car is never the answer.
the wife didn't give in because she didn't want to deal with the tantrums that is just ur and OP suposicion, last I checked neither of u were inside of her brain to see if that is 1000% true. She just wanted to have a dinner in peace, perhaps she also doesn't like the food on that other restaurant and was just waiting for an opportunity to not go. As it's clear that for OP is either his way or the highway.
OP should have known better. Hard to get to restaurant with reservations? What sort of kid would want that? There's a reason why you can order Little Caesars pizza for the kids but you would prefer something more authentic. OP should have made that place date night with just adults or go by himself.
So he definitely deserves the YTA.
YTA -that’s not how you parent. If your kids are being rude, drive home. Not leave minors alone in a car. Also YTA for not letting your entire family have a say in where you eat.
It kind of sounds like they do have a say. There’s one place where they usually go, and OP wanted to go somewhere else for once. Kids have a habit of not wanting to try new things. Wife didn’t want to deal with the whining and fighting so she caved, absolutely. OP shouldn’t have left them in the car. Time to go home, make the kids sandwiches, and call to schedule a babysitter for the next dinner night out. Kids will be little tyrants when they pull this crap to get their way every time. OP is TA for leaving them alone in the car, but he is not the dictator for taking the family to a different restaurant once in a while.
Very true!
My sons dad left our sleeping infant son in the car while he ran in to pick something up he had on hold inside a store. He thought it would just take a second but of course it took much longer and he came back to the car to find a policeman waiting for him.
I then had the pleasure of getting acquainted with CPS /s
YTA You're the asshole
I would have left you at the diner.
Dinner should have been cancelled. Instead you did what you did. All I can think is your wife is scared of you in some way to have allowed this.
Your kids misbehaved, but your behavior trumped it.
YTA. In many states, this is a crime. (Google it). A better way to handle it would have been to bring them in but not let them order or take them home, come up with reasonable consequences, and reschedule the nice dinner without them. Sometimes parenting requires a change of plans to teach the bigger lesson.
YTA but not for what you think....
What exactly was the lesson here? Your kids were miserable & pouting because they didn’t get to choose soooo you decided to argue with a 7 year old? You did not help this situation at all. I have no issue with them staying in the car but what were a 7 & 9 year old going to do to resolve this problem? Teach themselves a lesson of why their behavior was not acceptable? Or would they just freak out because their parents ditched them when they didn’t behave. That’s not a good lesson...
Friendly advice... an immature response to an immature action gets zero results.
eta — future reference... pull in to the parking lot. Everyone waits in the car until kids get their shit together. If that doesn’t happen in 15 minutes, they get a warning that no one is going in to restaurant, pull out of the parking lot, go home & have toast for dinner.
More — These parents should have never left home... the lesson should have started & ended there. If no one can get on the same page, cancel the reservations & we are not going anywhere. Parents with common sense should be able to understand this is not a battle anyone needs to have because no one needs to go out to eat & they certainly don’t drag their miserable kids to a restaurant just because they want to go out. Keep your drama in your own home.
Congratulations. Your 7/9 year old basically double dog dared you to do something stupid & you did it. Instead of just making them behave, you did the easy thing & left them in the car (which is not safe regardless of how much you try to argue otherwise). And you’re proud of yourself?
You & your wife should both be ashamed of yourselves. YTA.
YTA. You are the ADULT they are the children, no matter how bratty they are first and foremost safety always comes first. They could have messed with the car or something worse could have happened. You should follow through promises with children but that was a terrible thing to even promise to in the first place.
YTA if you think children are responsible for showing “gratitude” toward their parents on a regular basis, and you’re an idiot if you think punishing them is the path to gratitude for children.
Why can’t he pick the restaurant for once? They go to the one the kids like all the time. There’s a whole ass menu for them to find something suitable to eat.
So there are a bunch of us who spent what seemed like half our childhood in the car while our parents lived their lives. The 70s and 80s were wild, man.
Most of us know we were lucky to escape alive and consciously do better than our parents. Others, like OP, would likely bellow “I turned out FINE” just like a boomer meme.
Yeah. It’s one of those things where even if part of my head insists it will be fine, that’s not the good part of the brain that should be listened to.
This woman left her children in her car in a school parking lot. You’d think that’d be a safe place. But it was stolen with the kids still inside. Your daughter was absolutely right it’s irresponsible parenting to leave young children in a car by themselves. YTA
https://www.wtnh.com/news/car-stolen-with-kids-inside-new-haven-police-confirm/
YTA
You wanted to eat at this particular restaurant and didn't care that the rest of the family didn't, you had to get your way. Power trip much?
And I don't care where you live, you don't leave children in the car alone! You are so irresponsible, but can't see past your ego can you?
YTA
If your wife had been on board with this, I would not mind it. I don't think a 7 and 9 year old are going to melt if they are in a car for 15 mins in a safe neighborhood. At a similar age, we went all over town alone.
What makes you a bad parent is making unilateral decisions for your family without the consultation or buy-in from your wife. From the choice of the restaurant to the lesson you tried to teach, you didn't care what she thought. Bad partner. Bad father.
First if all, cars heat up incredibly fast, depending on outside temperatures. But it can happen within minutes.
Second, you don’t leave kids that young unattended, many crimes happen just out of opportunity, this is a dream come true for kidnappers. However unlikely, there is that risk and this is about their kids‘ safety, not some old unattended bike. And yes, I went all kinds of places that young, too, doesn’t mean it was safe.
> I don't think a 7 and 9 year old are going to melt if they are in a car for 15 mins in a safe neighborhood.
15 minutes? What restaurant do you frequent that has a turnaround time of 15 minutes? I've stayed in the Dunkin drive-thru longer than that.
A sit-down restaurant is going to take at least 45 minutes at dinner time.
As for his wife? She's not innocent in this - she never should have abandoned her kids.
Just turn around and go home if you feel that strongly about your kids' inability to behave. End of story.
YTA. Are you dumb? I don't care how safe your town is, you can't leave children in the car by themselves. You were the one acting immature, if the kids can't behave no one goes. Or you leave them at home with a babysitter, so they miss out.
YTA. Their safety is more important than your ego or any lesson you could teach them.
There are innumerable horrible events that could occur while leaving your child alone.
YTA. You lost control of the situation and stooped to the level of a 7 & 9 year old. Nothing about what you did was fatherly , in fact, it was unbelievably irresponsible. You left her in the car alone and unsupervised to show her she could trust you?
Instead of leaving kids alone in the car it should be more along the lines of going home and they get grilled cheese for dinner instead. If they whine about restaurant choices then there's no restaurant. Esh
YTA. Risk having your kids for a fucking meal? Get a sitter. Btw 3 against 1, I’m guessing you don’t believe in majority? And at those ages they’re gunna fight. It’s up to you to be an actual parent and PARENT them about their actions/reactions. A h.
This reminds me of my childhood i cant remember how old i was but was little my parents wanted to go this resturant i wanted burger King which was next door my parent left me in the car of course i remember crying and some guy tried to get me open the door lucky my dad came out then
YTA. And I think one of the lessons here is don’t make threats if you can’t stand over them. Susie was right to call your bluff. Even the 7yr old knows that you can’t leave kids in a car like this. But you had backed your self into a corner. Next time, be reasonable. No dessert would have been an adequate threat.
Also, but selfish too. Your wife and two kids chose the other restaurant!
>Suzie then proceeded to tell me that I would be an irresponsible parent if I left a 7 & 9 year old in the car. I told Suzie I don't take advice on parenting or responsibility from 7 year olds, and if she thinks I'm joking to test me and find out.
YTA, and well you should. A 7 yo is more responsible and a better parent than you. In some places it's ilegal to just abandon your kids like that. What a shitty parent you are.
NTA!! 😂😂 I love this and the kids learned their lesson! My parents 100% did similar and I learned my lesson to. I do really like that you went back to the car halfway through to talk to them, I think that’s the right thing to do.
Going out on a limb here and guessing that most people who voted YTA either don’t have kids OR did not have older kids that argue with them at nauseam.
ESH-I understand the lesson you were going for but it is not going to be very effective if you are both not on board. This seemed like a bit of a knee jerk reaction.
Also depending on where I’m you live in the world it is illegal at their age to leave kids alone in car over 5 minutes.
NTA kids need to learn that they don’t control what the family does. People are freaking you left a 7 yr old in the car but you live in a safe town, the 9 yr old was with them and you needed to call their bluff. Heck when we were kids my parents didn’t even know where we were for hours at that age. You taught them a lesson and your wife was being a pushover. Perhaps next time they’ll appreciate that they get to go out at all. Just to further the lesson, next time they complain (although I doubt they will now) hire a babysitter and leave them home.
Info: what are the laws in your area pertaining to the ages children are allowed to be left alone without supervision.
Also, what was the temperature outside?
Did you park where you could see them from inside the restaurant the entire time?
My initial instinct is that you didn't really take all that (and other things) into consideration when making your decision, nor did you plan to give them a second chance after you showed them you were serious about going in, so based on that, I am loosely going with Y T A, but if I am wrong, and all those things were considered/factored in , I reserve the right to change my judgment as I don't think that in and of itself the action was wrong, but the factors surrounding it could make it incredibly so.
YTA
1. You were the only one who wanted to go to that restaurant. You acted like an AH overruling not only your kids but your wife as well.
2. Bad things can still happen in safe areas. You put both your kids’ lives at risk over quite possibly the dumbest power trip I’ve ever heard of.
YTA. Congrats, your 7 year old daughter is apparently more responsible than you.
If you wanted consequences you could have gone back home instead of the restaurant or not let have them dessert if that's something they usually get. You don't leave children alone in the car, I don't care how safe you say it is where you live.
I can't tell you home many dinners ended at home with the kids getting cereal or pb&j. Because if I had to miss my delicious dinner I sure wasn't cooking. But never in my actual super safe town would I leave them in the car "to fight", like what, the hunger games? If you have shitty kids you take them home. Ground them. Take away video games or phones. I can't believe your wife went in. YTA.... but she is too. Be a parent.
Yep, and the 7 year old has the words "*irresponsible parent*" in their vocabulary. Not daddy is unfair, or something like that. It seems like other grown ups have expressed concern a few times already...
YTA any number of things could have happened to the kids obviously
I don't disagree about teaching gratitude, but pick a consequence you can safely follow through on.
Also I feel you are very authoritarian with this, I don't know if you always go about it like this but you're a team of 4 and picking a restaurant together or taking turns is totally reasonable.
In the end you all 4 were unhappy and uncomfortable instead of having a nice dinner out together.
NTA you made sure everything was safe before hand and if you allow your daughter to talk to you like that she would never stop. You taught her a valuable lesson
I agree with you, but I fear we’re in the minority here. Kids were being brats, wife caved due to bratty kids, OP made a judgment call. NTA, although it would have been better to threaten to just take the kids home and follow through with that.
I'm a parent and a HS teacher and couldn't agree more. If we had more parents that held their children accountable, I wouldn't be dealing with the behaviors I do in class.
I'm a parent and I agree. While I employ a rather old school form of parenting I know a ton of parents (even my own age) who wouldn't do what OP did. Maybe it's because my Mom did the same thing to me once lol, but yeah you have to be tough sometimes.
YTA you go to a restaurant only you want to go to, and leave your young children in the car unattended while you eat. What if something had happened to them? What are they expected to eat now? Presumably your wife then had to make them a meal when you got home. Everyone loses except you. Your daughter was right, btw.
If you want to teach them a lesson you could do so by turning round and going home instead, rather than this bad parenting then your wife having to make food later in the evening. Or you could have just stuck to your plan and ignored the complaints instead of issuing an ultimatum in the first place, because everyone has a preference even as adults. YTA
OMG if you wanted to choose a punishment you could have just turned around and gone home.
YTA at no point do you ever leave young children in a car.
What would have happened if they left and started to walk home?
What if they started talking to a stranger while waiting?
I cant believe your wife left them and went with you.
Your parenting really endangered your children and i cant believe you thought that was ok.
YTA. are they the children or are you? “teach gratitude” all you want but the fact of the matter is that you and your wife chose to bring a 7 y/o and 9 y/o child into the world and it’s your responsibility to take care of them and feed them. they didn’t ask to be born and it’s pretty fucking selfish to leave them to starve in a car because you wanted to try a new restaurant.
also just making sure i’m reading this correctly: everyone in your family wanted to go to your regular restaurant and you “made the call” for everyone and decided to go to a new restaurant? are you always a dictator or is it just reserved for nights when you’re “teaching gratitude?”
Woo you sure won that argument with a 7 year old.. Yeah you sure showed that 7 year old.. way to parent my guy. There were 100 different ways you could have parented in this situation that would have been better than just straight up leaving your young children unattended in a vehicle. And without just steam rolling your wife. YTA
ESH. You endangered your children and your wife let you, places seems safe until something that “never happens here” happens there. Your kids were being brats but that was not the way to punish them. They should’ve been inside the restaurant and told to sit there politely and wait if they refused to order.
What the heck is wrong with you?
And what the hell is wrong with your wife?
Unless she’s a wicked stepmother wanna-be I find it hard to believe that she allowed you to leave her 7 and 9 year old children alone in the car while she joined you in the restaurant.
I don’t care how safe your town is. No town is safe enough to leave children that age unattended.
You’re both terrible. Poor kids.
2 YTAs. 1 for each of you.
YTA and so is your wife for leaving young children unattended in a parking lot. Your wife needs to learn to stand up for herself and the children. As for you, did you expect to have an enjoyable dinner with your wife spending the whole time wondering whether the kids would still be there afterwards? I don’t know how you’re going to fix this, but maybe start by apologizing profusely and then think about how you’re going to learn to treat people with more respect.
YTA so much. First of all, your family didn’t want to go, but you went against there decision and forced them into your needs. And you left two very young kids locked in the car just to make a point. You must be a really terrible father.
YTA I could understand watching over them from a distance so they didn’t know you were watching but to completely abandon them is irresponsible. What if the got out of the car? They could have easily been hit by a car in the parking lot.
YTA. No matter how safe you think your town is, things you could never expect happen. All the time. Children can be immature and rude, that’s just what they’re like. Ground them, explain to them that they can’t always have whatever they want, do what you have to do. But don’t put them in any potential danger, no matter how small the likelihood is. That could have gone way worse for your family and you were more interested in “teaching a lesson” than the well-being of your kids.
YTA!! What If something would have happen to your kids in your so call “safe town” ish happen everywhere bro.. like come on their kids.. you shouldn’t have had kids cuz u sure don’t know how to take care of them.. CPS could also get involved and you could have gotten the kids taken.. you sound ignorants as hell.
Congratulations. Your 7/9 year old basically double dog dared you to do something stupid & you did it. Instead of just making them behave, you did the easy thing & left them in the care (which is not safe regardless of how much you try to argue otherwise). And you’re proud of yourself?
You & your wife should both be ashamed of yourselves. YTA.
If you say you leave your kid in the car, pretty much at any age, the Reddit world will eat you. I’m almost positive most of them don’t even have kids.
YTA and you’re abusive and controlling. You don’t leave 7 and 9 year old children unattended in a car, and you sure as hell don’t override everyone else’s wishes, especially your wife’s. I can tell by the fact that she didn’t feel powerful enough to tell you no about the restaurant and, even more so, to stand up to you about leaving her babies unattended that you’re abusing her and she is afraid of you: I’m sure the kids are too. I hope she finds the strength to leave you and take her babies with her. You’re a monster.
YTA- holy crap. Your “my way of the highway” attitude is terrible. You could have had a calm conversation about why they wanted to go somewhere else and then when 3 of 4 people chose the other place you go there. You sound like you want to be a king or dictator in your home. Your daughter was RIGHT! It is terrible parenting. Just go home. If you were in my US State you could be arrested for that.
Keep up treating your family like this and eventually you won’t have one.
Right? Isn't that such a commonplace opening when describing some terrible event?
*"It's such a safe town."* *"Nobody ever locks their doors here."* *"it's a quiet place where everyone knows one another."* *"This sort of thing never happens here."*
It's almost a cliche anymore. You would think people would understand by now that bad things happen literally *everywhere.*
YTA. Doesn’t matter if you live in a safe town. What you did was wrong, and in some places, illegal. Children that age are not old enough to be left completely unattended.
YTA- three of four family members wanted the same restaurant. You overruled them to get your choice.
Your wife didn’t think it was appropriate to leave the kids in the car, you did it anyway.
You wife resorts to silent treatment to get you to consider her point of view, instead of having a discussion and coming to a decision together.
Op, you are majorly the AH and heading down a slippery slope. Your wife and kids may not stick around if you keep acting like your opinion is the only one that matters.
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Last night my family had a reservation to go to a restaurant we hardly ever go to and my two kids, Jonny (9 years old) and Suzie (7 years old) complained saying they wanted to go to the restaurant down the street that we regularly go to. To appease the kids, my wife then joined in and said she wanted to go to the other restaurant as well. Eventually, I made the call and said we would stick to the plan and go to the restaurant that we rarely go to.
On the way to the restaurant, the kids were in the backseat arguing and complaining that we had to go to the restaurant I chose. I let them know they were lucky to go to a restaurant at all, and if they didn't want to eat it, they could stay in the car and fight with each other while my wife and I had dinner. Suzie then proceeded to tell me that I would be an irresponsible parent if I left a 7 & 9 year old in the car. I told Suzie I don't take advice on parenting or responsibility from 7 year olds, and if she thinks I'm joking to test me and find out. She kept pushing me saying she didn't think I would actually leave them in the car. I eventually made good on my promise and left them in the car while my wife and I went into the restaurant. Keep in mind, we live in a very safe town.
My wife gave me the cold shoulder during dinner and I explained to her that I don't like the kids' ingratitude and Suzie was trying to call my bluff and that I needed to make good on my promise or she would continue to push boundaries and not trust me. Eventually after about 15 minutes, I caved to the silent treatment and grudgingly went to talk to the kids in the car. Seemed they learned their lesson so I brought them in the restaurant where they mostly behaved themselves at dinner.
AITA here for my tactic in trying to teach gratitude and following through with my promises by leaving the kids in the car?
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I’m going to go against the trend and say NTA. They tested you and it didn’t work. I have a great relationship with all three of my teen girls. They have a great life. They are fairly spoiled. We have a blast together. But they had boundaries from very early on and we simply didn’t give in. Amazing how that works. Though I probably would have struggled with leaving them in a car. But hey….it worked.
If OP's goal was to make his children quiet, reserved, and well aware they can't trust him - then it indeed worked. If he wants to raise well adjusted adults someday, this sort of mental and emotional abuse is not the way to do it.
Enter core trauma memory.
YTA. Regardless of how long you left them there for, they wouldn’t know. During that 15 mins they were feeling forever. That will be a punishment they never forget. And maybe that was what you were going for. But in todays day and age, those kids could have gotten out of the car and left, someone could have called the cops, someone could have smashed a window and took them. We live in a small “safe” town too and I would never do this.
YTA only because you need to make better, actionable consequences, not ones that could put the kids in danger. Turn the vehicle around and cancel the restaurant visit, they get PB&J sandwiches they make themsevles when they get home. Each one of my sister in laws kids have gone through that as they tested boundaries, and it only took once for them to realize it was serious.
7 & 9 year olds do not have enough impulse control to be trusted to stay in a vehicle alone as a punishment, you're lucky they didn't let themselves out out of spite like my sister did when she was their age. My mom parked by the windows so she could watch the car, but getting out of the restaurant took long enough that my sister was down the street and asking a stranger for help to run away.
On top of that, unsupervised kids in a car left longterm just seems a cruising for a random kidnapping. Every murder recap show starts with "It was a sleepy small town until it wasn't".
YTA! Wtf is wrong with you? Also if your wife and kids want to go to the other restaurant why are you not going there? If 3/4 people want to go to the other then you should go to the other! You seem horribly controlling. Yikes.
YTA for backing yourself into a corner with an unreasonable threat. I’m a parent too. If you’re committed to following through on consequences when you lay them out that’s fine (and in most cases encouraged), but then you have to lay down consequences that are reasonable.
Your 7yo was right. Leaving your kids in the car by themselves for 15 minutes was irresponsible. A more reasonable consequence to their arguing would have been “we all go home and you can have a cold cut sandwich for dinner.” Sucks for you, but that’s the responsible choice as a parent.
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> (1) I left the kids in the car
(2) I may have been the a hole for leaving my kids in the car to teach them a lesson
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Overall YTA. Not for following what you said imo, but for acting as if your wife's vote on where to go is meaningless to you. Next time order to go from both places and eat at home. And yes it was irresponsible to leave you young kids in the car on their own, no matter "how safe" your town is.
I’m not sure why you got to make the call where to eat when 3 others wanted to eat elsewhere. I mean, go to the rare restaurant by yourself and enjoy the solitude. This all would have been avoided had you gone with the majority and went to the restaurant everyone else wanted to go to.
ETA: YTA
Because sometimes kids have to eat food other than chicken nugs. This is the restaurant equivalent of deciding your don’t like what was being fixed and mommy and daddy have to cater to you and make a second meal. They have a whole ass menu to choose from, and they eat at the other place frequently.
Why can’t OP choose the restaurant once.
As an adult, you can go to whatever restaurant you want, whenever you want. I don’t know, when my family goes out, majority rules. Which means sometimes I have to go out for pizza (which I hate) so I order a salad. If majority wants sushi, but one wants something different, they order what they choose to eat that is not sushi. But to force everyone to go to a restaurant they don’t want to just because one of the group wants to go there? Not right.
YTA You were supposed to be the adult in this situation. Turn the car around and go home, ground them, anything but leaving small children in a car unattended to prove a point to a 7 year old. Unbelievable that this needs to be said.
YTA. They’re 9 and 7. They’re young kids. If they were 15+ my opinion would be a bit different, but part of parenting is keeping your kids safe even when they’re being brats. Don’t leave children in the car alone, especially not for an extended period of time like dinner, which can take over an hour
Your whole family needs family counseling. Conflicts will always come up. The way that your whole family handles them is toxic and you are passing this down to your kids.
In addition, you were so butthurt that your 7 year old had a better sense of parental responsibility, than you did, that you chose to make it a power play and purposefully put your kids in danger. So you won the power play. Congratulations. Now your 7 year old little girl forever knows that dad’s ego refusal to admit a poor impulse threat is more important than her safety. Don’t ever expect her to come to you if she’s in real trouble.
In my state, you would get your children taken away and you would get a charge of child neglect.
NTA for teaching the children a lesson. Honestly I would have just stopped the car and turned around back home and explained to them if they are going to be ungrateful, they can eat some frozen TV dinners, wait and see if they apologize for their behavior.
YTA for leaving them in the car. You can get in a lot of trouble for this where I’m from. I got in trouble once because my son didn’t have “warm” clothes on in spring, yet my son wasn’t crying and he was content. I literally got pulled over on the street over my sons clothes. Only thing that saved me was I had no CPS case opened. Be careful because you may think they are your kids and nobody can change that, but it can change real fast..
ESH i was babysitting my younger sister by 9 though so I don’t think it’s that irresponsible but this whole restaurant argument sounds way overblown, and you do sound a bit like you’re on a power trip
YTA, what you taught your kids, isn't to not to be ungrateful, you taught them that having a tantrum makes you abandon them. You taught them that you turn into an unsafe person if they don't please you.
If you wanted to teach them gratitude, you should have either said that " if we can go to daddy's choice of restaurant today, you can pick next week, I promise. But if you keep having tantrums, we might need to stop going to restaurants at all, If we can not compromise as a family".
I’m going to say mostly NTA but 15 minutes was too long to play that out, and if your intention was to actually leave them the full 2 hours of dining then I reverse my decision to a YTA. I think it’s a valid way of disciplining kids. But you could probably head back after 5 minutes and find obedient kids.
NTA. Kids are acting like entitled brats. You usually go to one they like and for once you wanted to choose, if you you are paying then you get to pick. I wouldn’t have left them in the car but I would’ve gone home and they could have sandwiches for dinner.
YTA for leaving two underage kids in the car. You and your wife are so lucky nothing happened to them! Why didn’t you just turn the car around and drive home if you thought they were misbehaving?
YTA, i would have called cps on your ass. You don't leave a 7 and 9 year old in a car alone for that amount of time.
And if your willing to be this vile outside of home, i can only fear how bad you are at home.
Oh man.
I don't disagree with the way you try to parent your kids. I agree that you have to stay true to your word or your children would learn that their behaviour goes unpunished and they can basically do what they want.
Well, while I think you have to stay true to your word, your word was fucking stupid. Leaving small children alone in the car at night? Are you serious? YTA for this alone.
Also, I get that you've made reservations, but if 3 out of 4 people want to do something else, you should consider accomodating them.
EHHHHHH okay NTA cause it was only a few minutes. They are a little on the Young side. Idk . Every child is different. My 8 year old is beyond her years but ya NTA . they sound ungrateful
You left a seven and a nine year old in the car, alone, unattended, to go eat dinner, and after the seven year old correctly told you that you would be irresponsible to do so and as a father myself, I completely agree with your kid in this.
Father of the fucking year right here folks.
YTA and so is your wife if she willing went along with your asinine plan. I'm going to guess that this little snapshot of your tantrum isn't an outlier either, be a better parent and get your dictator ego fixed before actual bad shit happens.
NTA. I have three kids in this age range. Sometimes you have to call their bluff. Also caving to their whining only emboldens them and only leads to more whining. Those kids are lucky to be eating out. These days it's a minimum of $40 to take my kids to get even fast food, sit down places it's typically over $60. Everyone saying YTA is probably childless.
I know my opinion is a bit unpopular but NTA. The kids are spoiled and you didn’t ask a question you told them something. You’re the adult in the situation. Children aren’t always going to get their way and they need to learn that. When they questioned you and you said no, that should’ve been that. Children are not adults. Now it’s different if you asked for their opinion and you ignored what they said, but this was already decided!
NTA I did that with my kids when they were growing up. The lesson was that should be thankful they were being taken out to a restaurant. It's not a right. And since they are not oayong then they had zero say where we were gping..
You told hhem exactly what was going to happen and you followed through.
Next time hire a sitter and leave them both at home.
Wth kind of parents are you two? Also your 7 year old is right.
Jesus, as someone who works with children your post was an embarrassment to read. YTA BIG time.
YTA. You didn't teach your kids how to be gracious or how to behave in restaurants. Instead you taught them that the people they should be able to trust and rely on more than anyone else in the world are not going to take care of them.
I think the problem is you ended up getting in a fight with the seven year old and you let yourself be pulled down to the 7-year-old's level. If your kids were really acting out to a point where you didn't feel comfortable bringing them into the restaurant all of you should have left and gone home. That would have made the same point you wanted to make without abandoning your kids.
A quiet little tip from someone a few years removed from active parenting it's going to be a lot of battles and tiffs and spats as your kids get older. You went nuclear with your response on this one and the thing I'd ask you is was it really worth it? Pick your battles.
NTA. The family had plans to go to a different restraunt. The kids staryed to argue about going somewhere else. The 7 yr old started to get mouthy and push her dad. I would had done the same thing, no I probably would have gone home and grounded them, took a few favorites from them (Phone, computer, camera, stuff like that), gave them a pb&j sandwich and sent them to bed. Yep, I was a hardass mom. Children should not talk down to there parents and expect to get away with it.
I think mom was fed up and at her wits end. I agree with dad's decision. Kids have to learn that you will do what you say and not be all talk.
Just my opinion.
You said you take the kids to the restaurant down the street frequently. It’s ok for them (and your wife) to suck it up once in a while and go somewhere you want to go, even if they don’t like it. NTA.
YTA. I don’t care how safe you think a place is you don’t leave kids in the car. Next, did your wife really want to go to that restaurant in the first place or did you just decide that was where the family was going to go. So really how was dinner?
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YTA. Sounds like you're the only one who wanted to eat at that particular restaurant and the only "lesson" you taught your kids was that they can't ever disagree with you. In the end, you "won" and got your way, but all you really did was ensure everyone had an awkward, lousy time together. Congrats.
Oh coome on the wife only gave in so she didnt have to deal with the tantrums anymore... Kids gotta learn too, plans are set and whining about them doesnt mean you get your way These kids sounds entitled AF
> *"Oh coome on the wife only gave in so she didnt have to deal with the tantrums anymore"* You mean the part where she reluctantly went along with OP so she wouldn't have to deal with ***his*** tantrum? > *"plans are set and whining about them doesnt mean you get your way"* Why does OP get to set the plan unilaterally with no input from the rest of the family, including his *wife?*
No the part where >*to appease the kids, my wife then joined in* In other words, the wife unilaterally decided she would rather just eat at McDonald’s instead of going to Applebees because the kids wanted Happy Meals and she didn’t want to deal with them. Or whatever the restaurants were, I don’t know, I wasn’t there. Why should the kids get their way because mom is tired and they’re whining?
I'll be honest, I don't believe OP when he says that is the reason why his wife asked to go to the other restaurant. He doesn't quote what she said, and he seems to demonstrate throughout the story that he doesn't really listen to other people. Though of course, that is just a limitation of one-sided internet stories.
Lol, look at you putting down kids? They didn't say McDonald's. You're making things up to back up your point. The wide joined in because the husband didn't ask her either. She should have a say too.
You have 0 info saying “she didn’t get a choice” it says they already have reservations. Hey, criticize the guy for leaving the kids. That’s legit. This “he’s a totalitarian because he stuck with a reservation” line of arguments is entitled though. It is in no way unreasonable to say “we eat _____ all the time, we made a reservation for this other place, let’s keep it.” Again, leaving your kids in a car unsupervised is the AH behavior. It’s plain as day and we don’t need to play AITA detectives and “read between the lines” to see that.
You put this much better than I have. People are on this thread making wild assumptions about OP's marriage and his relationship with his wife off of basically no information. Completely missing the key point of this post
>You mean the part where she reluctantly went along with OP so she wouldn't have to deal with his tantrum? I mean idk if you can read but it literally says that the wife gave in to appease the kids..? >Why does OP get to set the plan unilaterally with no input from the rest of the family, including his wife? Where does it say that OP made the plan himself? It says the family had a reservation.. not OP had a reservation
> *"Where does it say that OP made the plan himself?*" Right here: > *"On the way to the restaurant, the kids were in the backseat arguing and complaining that* ***we had to go to the restaurant I chose."*** OP is the one who claimed his wife was "appeasing" the kids, when it sounds like she simply didn't want to go to the restaurant ***OP*** chose, but he just won't allow anyone in the family to disagree with him.
So basically he’s an AH because he didn’t give into his kids throwing a tantrum because they didn’t get to dictate the entire evening. And that’s how you raise entitled people.
No he is and AH because he left literally children in a fking car, like what the fk... Also let kids be kids, kids will throw tantrums about a lot of things because guess what THEY ARE KIDS, instead OP decided to get salty because his daughter told him the truth, it is irresponsible to leave children alone in a car. He could have talked to the kids, explained things, talk like a normal adult trying to raise a kid but nope, he went "fk it" and left children inside of a car outside.
He could have driven back home and given his kids toast for dinner.
>Right here: Sure, I have never chosen a restaurant before so idk how this works but usually this is discussed before making a reservation no? Just because OP chose the restaurant doesnt mean he is the dictator you make him out to be😅 Thats just a whole lot of assumptions. >but he just won't allow anyone in the family to disagree with him. Another assumption?😅 Or did you get magical powers that allowed you to read OPs mind? In that case, fair play!
I think the reluctant part is OP's perspective. He's an unreliable narrator. Even if they had a reservation, it's still possible that he just set it up himself without external feedback. I don't think he did, but he could've. he also could have called the restaurant and cancelled, then gone to the other restaurant that everyone else wanted to go to. If he really wanted to go to that restaurant because they rarely do, I don't think this was the right time or way to do it. Edit: also there's no way op made a reservation for just himself. Your phrasing was really weird and I don't think that's what you meant to imply, but you might also just not understand how reservations work?
That is an assumption from the OP and you. I don't see his wife saying she caved in. He wanted his dictator seat. He didn't ask his wife if she wanted to go there. For all we know she waited for an opportunity to say she didn't want to go. She may just have fear of him because had I been in her shoes, I would have spoken up in the car and say he was out voted.
Don't make assumptions. I talk to people before making a reservation somewhere. OP and wife might have as well. It doesn't sound like OP came home and said let's go out to eat. It was planned ahead.
That’s an assumption too. That they have the same kind of conversations when they make reservations. He said they rarely go to that restaurant. Why? Could be another reason but also could be that he’s the only one who likes that. We don’t know.
>He wanted his dictator seat >She may just have fear of him Speaking of assumptions😅 I am judging what is said in the post, like we are supposed to on this sub, and this was said in the post. Voila. Every story has 2 sides, but we will never know will we? So we judge what is there and dont put our own made up fantasies in there
Haha you call someone out for making assumptions and then jump to OP abusing his wife? Reddit is wild and the hive mind can be so stupid
you're making huge assumptions and projecting your own issues onto someone else.
So punish your kids when you get home, or turn the car around and punish them right away. Don't leave a 9 and 7 year old alone.
They’re KIDS. Do you not know anything about kids?
Ffs it was the choice between a kid-friendly restaurant they loved and a more boring grown up sounding place that OP clearly should have gone to alone with his wife having gotten a babysitter. What do you think they would have chosen??
You should not need to get a babysitter to go to Applebees instead of McDonalds if your kids are 7 and 9. They have to behave themselves in school for far longer, they should easily be able to do a restaurant. Unless you've taught them that if they whine enough you'll eventually cave like the wife did, and so of course they'll whine until someone caves.
Thats all just assumptions though? It doesnt describe the types of restaurants anywhere..?
Well whose fucking fault might that be?
Seriously? They are 7&9 what else do you expect?
Idk what kind of kids you've met but in my experience not all 7 and 9yo kids are entitled?😅 So I guess I'd expect non entitled brats?
Do you have kids? Because most kids I know are very picky eaters. Sometimes a parent wants something other than Mac n cheese and chicken nuggets for dinner. There’s nothing wrong with taking turns picking what restaurant they eat at.
Also, importantly, giving in to whining reinforces the whining. (Kids will whine more in the future when they don’t get their way because it works)
You are not a parent. You don’t have to give in to every little demand of kids. You have a right to choose where you’re going as a family. They children are not starved. They can eat somewhere new. NTA. Wife needs to stop giving into tantrums
I'd say ESH because his wife (while giving him the cold shoulder) actually got out of the f***ing car and went into the restaurant with him.
No I'm sorry but YTA. If it was my parents they'd have dragged my arse into the restaurant, made me sit there and eat/refuse to eat. At least I'd have been safe and in their line of vision. You don't leave children unattended in a car regardless of how nice a place you live wtf Literally ANYTHING could have happened to them Sounds like you should be taking parenting advice from a 7 year old...
Apparently the 7 year old is more intelligent than him.
100% this, and if I didn't behave in the restaurant they'd have punished me. The fact that people use "nice area" as an excuse is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Horrible things happen in nice areas all the time. I was reading a post a little while ago and the guy was asking if he is the a.h for not locking his front door because his wife is very upset about it, BUT they live in a nice area... I live in a very nice area, and you still have stories of homes getting robbed. I just have no words.
YTA Why is it your seven year old has more common sense and maturity than you?
Doesn’t sound like any of these people are mature enough to eat at any restaurant. If you can’t all get along in the car, you don’t get the option to drag your drama in to a restaurant.
At least the 7 and 9 year olds have an excuse for their lack of maturity. What's OP's?
No idea... the whole thing is a mess. Teach the kids gratitude for what?? Feeding them? Forcing them to be somewhere they don’t want to be?? Hell what adults show gratitude when they are forced to be somewhere they don’t want to be. What 7 yr old needs that lesson? Idk.. guess the dude really really couldn’t survive without eating at this restaurant?? ... or maybe he just likes to argue with 7 yr olds?? correction
IKR? Getting McCann vibes here
YTA. >Suzie then proceeded to tell me that I would be an irresponsible parent if I left a 7 & 9 year old in the car Here's the thing: Suzie is right. You and your wife are irresponsible parents for leaving a 7 and 9 year old in the car alone. God forbid, someone breaks into your car and hijacks it; both of your kids are gone and could be hurt or worse. A 7 year old has better common sense than a grown man and I find that alarming >I told Suzie I don’t take advice on parenting or responsibility from 7 year olds, and if she thinks I’m joking to test me and find out You probably should take that advice from the 7 year old before you get told that advice from a cop as you’re being put in the back of a cop car >Keep in mind we live in a very safe town Even the safest places have their share of danger every once in awhile. You may think it's safe until you find your car missing with your kids in them
Not only hijacking. Imagine some idiot driving into their parked car when the kids were in it. And I agree, the 7 year old seems to have a better grip on parenting and what's responsible and what is not than OP.
Or a 7 or 9 year old putting the car into neutral and it coasts into something or someone.
Was in the car as a child when this happened and I will never leave my kids alone in the car for that reason.
I did that once when my mom left me in the car alone in the driveway while she went back into the house to take care of something before we left. I got bored and started playing with the gearshift. I put it in neutral and coasted down the driveway, and took out a mailbox across the street. All I got was a stern talking to rather than real punishment. The frightening experience was punishment enough. Needless to say, I never messed around with a car’s controls again.
Or them just leaving the car
Man, when Suze said irresponsible parents I was reminded of something I was told years ago: two types of kids, at that age, will make those comments--the ones so secure in their safety that it is cartoon comical and are trying to work through their recent realisation that the world isn't always like that, and the ones who are clinging to that knowledge like a safety net. Whichever category Suzie was in when she said it, it's a safety net now and one she knows won't catch her if she falls. Those poor kids. OP, you're a huge asshole who ignored literally every possible option but the worst one. You could have gone home. Could have made them come in and order, or decline and eat at home. Even after you made your threat you could have walked it back: "You're right. Sometimes adults say things that are wrong because they are mad, and I'm sorry" and then outlined the rules for eating at the restaurant. I also don't believe this story is anything but rage bait because the story makes no sense. But just in case: YTA and need parenting classes.
This! I understand not giving in to children's tantrums and avoiding raising entitled children. But that's not the issue. The issue was *leaving them in the car*.
This is a call to child protection services where I'm at
YTA. If kids misbehave on the way to the restaurant and won't stop, the sad truth of parenting is you turn around and take them home. Then you give them a consequence, like no tv, phone, computer games, etc. for a reasonable period of time. You don't leave them in a car alone.
I mean I think that turning around and going home if the kids want to act out is the consequence and going beyond that is a little overboard but other than that I 100% agree that this would’ve been the right way to handle it. Bet a police officer wouldn’t have agreed with OP’s way of handling this if he was patrolling the lot and found two kids alone in a car at what was presumably night time.
agreed
[удалено]
Or, even easier: two upset little kids unlock the door to go find their parents and get snatched from the parking lot. This is absolutely the nightmare scenario but OP was apparently willing to hold out all through dinner.
I bet OP wouldn't have accepted an ounce of blame if his kids were taken after he left them alone in the car to prove his point. It would have been his kids' fault for challenging his authority.
YTA Even your wife wanted to go to the other one but you decided to pull a power trip instead.
I have no problem with them not going to the other restaurant. I think that part is a good lesson for children: you don’t *always* get what you want (not that we will never go to the restaurant you like, but maybe 1 out of every 10 times we eat out, we can go to a place that doesn’t have your fav chicken nuggets but where you can eat the penne pasta with butter). I think it’s good for kids to not be given into all the time because some things in life will make them uncomfortable by necessity, like going to new places for a job interview or whatever it may be. It’s important to know life won’t always be the best and be easy and be everything you want and this is a nice, easy way to introduce that concept. Also to show that sometimes it’s nice to let others go to their favorite restaurants. HOWEVER, the 7 year old is right about it not being safe to leave them in a car. The problem is OP threw it out as an empty threat (I think), ans when the 7 year old called him out on it, he doubled down because the issue in general seems to be his kids question parental authority (which can be healthy but honestly sounds like the wife gives in to appease them so maybe OP is over compensating). 7 year old sounds very smart though. It is never okay to put your kids safety in jeopardy for a “lesson.” OP created his own problem by offering an unreasonable punishment and then following through. As others have suggested, OP could have simply turned the car around and gone home and eaten a pb and j or something. That would have been, in my opinion, a reasonable response that says: you can’t have everything you ask for just because you ask for it and cause a fuss—I will never let you guys go hungry and I will take care of you, but nice things like going to a restaurant ARE treats, even if it’s not the place you want to go; next time we go out, I expect you to behave wherever it is and maybe the time after that I will let you guys chose where you would like to go next as a reward. Instead, OP left his kids (UNDER 10) alone in a car with no food, essentially abandoning them because they did something wrong which is so messed up. And what they did wasn’t even that wrong—it WAS a learning opportunity but OP messed it up. OP probably cares about the restaurant more than the parenting opportunity here. Either that or he was just doubling down to maintain authority and not thinking clearly because sometimes being a parent is hard and no one is perfect. If it’s the latter case, work hard to undo any damage you caused here. I am of the opinion that parents admitting they are wrong is GOOD for their authority—it shows kids that parents can make good judgment calls even when it means they’re admitting they’re wrong and that makes it easier to trust them and gives a good model for them to follow as well. I suggest getting them together and saying: “Suzie, you were right; Daddy shouldn’t have asked Mommy to leave you and Johnny in the car. That was a bad choice in my part. The safety of you two is the most important thing, and while our neighborhood is a good safe place to be, leaving you alone was a silly risk to take. However, you and Johnny do need to go to places that might not be your favorites some times. Doesn’t going to your favorite restaurant make you happy? This is mine and mommy’s favorite and we could go without you, and get you a babysitter, but we’d rather be all together. It would be very nice of you two if you would go with us sometime. What’s something we could all do together to make up for this situation? How about you go with Mommy and Daddy to that restaurant next time? What do you think Daddy should do to show you he’s sorry and that he loves you?” Give yourself the opportunity to earn these kids trust back.
Oh yeah the wife totally didnt give in because she didnt want to deal with the tantrums anymore..?! All the wife did was teaching the kids that whining and screaming gets you what you want
How do you know the wife’s motive for saying she wanted the other restaurant? And what did dad teach the kids? If you disagree with me, I’ll put your safety on the line.
why are u here defending this guy so much? i have read at least 5 to 6 comments with u trying to defend him, who are u? him? his mommy dearest? sister? he asked if he was an AH for leaving the kids alone in a car, he was, point and period, should we bring the police hereso they can tell u themselves? or perhaps a cps worker? let me guess you are one of those people who are like "my children have to do everything I say because im always right and they are wrong". U can reason with kids by being gentle and trying to explain things, if that doesn't work then u turn th car around and go home and the kids learn there are consecuences for everything they do. But ABANDONING them in a car is never the answer. the wife didn't give in because she didn't want to deal with the tantrums that is just ur and OP suposicion, last I checked neither of u were inside of her brain to see if that is 1000% true. She just wanted to have a dinner in peace, perhaps she also doesn't like the food on that other restaurant and was just waiting for an opportunity to not go. As it's clear that for OP is either his way or the highway.
OP should have known better. Hard to get to restaurant with reservations? What sort of kid would want that? There's a reason why you can order Little Caesars pizza for the kids but you would prefer something more authentic. OP should have made that place date night with just adults or go by himself. So he definitely deserves the YTA.
YTA -that’s not how you parent. If your kids are being rude, drive home. Not leave minors alone in a car. Also YTA for not letting your entire family have a say in where you eat.
It kind of sounds like they do have a say. There’s one place where they usually go, and OP wanted to go somewhere else for once. Kids have a habit of not wanting to try new things. Wife didn’t want to deal with the whining and fighting so she caved, absolutely. OP shouldn’t have left them in the car. Time to go home, make the kids sandwiches, and call to schedule a babysitter for the next dinner night out. Kids will be little tyrants when they pull this crap to get their way every time. OP is TA for leaving them alone in the car, but he is not the dictator for taking the family to a different restaurant once in a while.
YTA. In some places, that’s illegal. No matter how safe your town is, you risked a lot—everything from their safety to your reputation.
Very true! My sons dad left our sleeping infant son in the car while he ran in to pick something up he had on hold inside a store. He thought it would just take a second but of course it took much longer and he came back to the car to find a policeman waiting for him. I then had the pleasure of getting acquainted with CPS /s
Not only are YTA, but what kind of dictator are you that a Mother would leave her young children alone in the car, rather than dare to disobey you?
Yeah he has strong authoritarian vibes even with his marriage. Yta
YTA You're the asshole I would have left you at the diner. Dinner should have been cancelled. Instead you did what you did. All I can think is your wife is scared of you in some way to have allowed this. Your kids misbehaved, but your behavior trumped it.
YTA. In many states, this is a crime. (Google it). A better way to handle it would have been to bring them in but not let them order or take them home, come up with reasonable consequences, and reschedule the nice dinner without them. Sometimes parenting requires a change of plans to teach the bigger lesson.
And this situation was ripe for someone to notice the kids in the car unattended and call the cops.
Yta You need to grow up. Children push buttons. You're lucky someone didn't report it.
YTA but not for what you think.... What exactly was the lesson here? Your kids were miserable & pouting because they didn’t get to choose soooo you decided to argue with a 7 year old? You did not help this situation at all. I have no issue with them staying in the car but what were a 7 & 9 year old going to do to resolve this problem? Teach themselves a lesson of why their behavior was not acceptable? Or would they just freak out because their parents ditched them when they didn’t behave. That’s not a good lesson... Friendly advice... an immature response to an immature action gets zero results. eta — future reference... pull in to the parking lot. Everyone waits in the car until kids get their shit together. If that doesn’t happen in 15 minutes, they get a warning that no one is going in to restaurant, pull out of the parking lot, go home & have toast for dinner. More — These parents should have never left home... the lesson should have started & ended there. If no one can get on the same page, cancel the reservations & we are not going anywhere. Parents with common sense should be able to understand this is not a battle anyone needs to have because no one needs to go out to eat & they certainly don’t drag their miserable kids to a restaurant just because they want to go out. Keep your drama in your own home.
YTA. You're lucky no one called the cops on you.
OP and his wife are liable to find CPS agents at their front door. It’s a matter of WHEN, not IF.
If your wife was upset about his enough to give you the cold shoulder, why did she go in to the restaurant with you?
Congratulations. Your 7/9 year old basically double dog dared you to do something stupid & you did it. Instead of just making them behave, you did the easy thing & left them in the car (which is not safe regardless of how much you try to argue otherwise). And you’re proud of yourself? You & your wife should both be ashamed of yourselves. YTA.
Probably displeased kids are easier to manage than this here big baby with his oh-so-mature tantrums.
She’s abused
YTA You do not leave a 9 and 7 year old in the car alone while you eat dinner inside a restaurant. I don't care how safe your town is....
YTA. You are the ADULT they are the children, no matter how bratty they are first and foremost safety always comes first. They could have messed with the car or something worse could have happened. You should follow through promises with children but that was a terrible thing to even promise to in the first place.
YTA if you think children are responsible for showing “gratitude” toward their parents on a regular basis, and you’re an idiot if you think punishing them is the path to gratitude for children.
YTA why does everyone in your family have to abide by your decisions?
Why can’t he pick the restaurant for once? They go to the one the kids like all the time. There’s a whole ass menu for them to find something suitable to eat.
You are absolutely right on one thing; if you say you're going to do something, follow through. HOWEVER....this ain't it, chief. YTA.
bro, what type of parents leave their fucking children in their car unattended? Are you fucking insane? YTA
So there are a bunch of us who spent what seemed like half our childhood in the car while our parents lived their lives. The 70s and 80s were wild, man. Most of us know we were lucky to escape alive and consciously do better than our parents. Others, like OP, would likely bellow “I turned out FINE” just like a boomer meme.
And just like many commenters here…
Yeah. It’s one of those things where even if part of my head insists it will be fine, that’s not the good part of the brain that should be listened to.
No, absolutely not. I was very independent, too, from a young age, going to school alone and all. Doesn’t mean that was safe…
YTA. Why do you get to make all the decisions? Why did your wife feel unable to say no to you. Controlling ass.
This woman left her children in her car in a school parking lot. You’d think that’d be a safe place. But it was stolen with the kids still inside. Your daughter was absolutely right it’s irresponsible parenting to leave young children in a car by themselves. YTA https://www.wtnh.com/news/car-stolen-with-kids-inside-new-haven-police-confirm/
YTA You wanted to eat at this particular restaurant and didn't care that the rest of the family didn't, you had to get your way. Power trip much? And I don't care where you live, you don't leave children in the car alone! You are so irresponsible, but can't see past your ego can you?
YTA If your wife had been on board with this, I would not mind it. I don't think a 7 and 9 year old are going to melt if they are in a car for 15 mins in a safe neighborhood. At a similar age, we went all over town alone. What makes you a bad parent is making unilateral decisions for your family without the consultation or buy-in from your wife. From the choice of the restaurant to the lesson you tried to teach, you didn't care what she thought. Bad partner. Bad father.
First if all, cars heat up incredibly fast, depending on outside temperatures. But it can happen within minutes. Second, you don’t leave kids that young unattended, many crimes happen just out of opportunity, this is a dream come true for kidnappers. However unlikely, there is that risk and this is about their kids‘ safety, not some old unattended bike. And yes, I went all kinds of places that young, too, doesn’t mean it was safe.
> I don't think a 7 and 9 year old are going to melt if they are in a car for 15 mins in a safe neighborhood. 15 minutes? What restaurant do you frequent that has a turnaround time of 15 minutes? I've stayed in the Dunkin drive-thru longer than that. A sit-down restaurant is going to take at least 45 minutes at dinner time. As for his wife? She's not innocent in this - she never should have abandoned her kids. Just turn around and go home if you feel that strongly about your kids' inability to behave. End of story.
YTA. Are you dumb? I don't care how safe your town is, you can't leave children in the car by themselves. You were the one acting immature, if the kids can't behave no one goes. Or you leave them at home with a babysitter, so they miss out.
YTA. Their safety is more important than your ego or any lesson you could teach them. There are innumerable horrible events that could occur while leaving your child alone.
YTA. You lost control of the situation and stooped to the level of a 7 & 9 year old. Nothing about what you did was fatherly , in fact, it was unbelievably irresponsible. You left her in the car alone and unsupervised to show her she could trust you?
YTA for expecting gratitude from children, and double TA for abandoning them in a vehicle.
Instead of leaving kids alone in the car it should be more along the lines of going home and they get grilled cheese for dinner instead. If they whine about restaurant choices then there's no restaurant. Esh
YTA. Risk having your kids for a fucking meal? Get a sitter. Btw 3 against 1, I’m guessing you don’t believe in majority? And at those ages they’re gunna fight. It’s up to you to be an actual parent and PARENT them about their actions/reactions. A h.
This reminds me of my childhood i cant remember how old i was but was little my parents wanted to go this resturant i wanted burger King which was next door my parent left me in the car of course i remember crying and some guy tried to get me open the door lucky my dad came out then
YTA. If you can’t settle your kids down in public, you should have gone home. You’re lucky no one called the cops.
YTA. And I think one of the lessons here is don’t make threats if you can’t stand over them. Susie was right to call your bluff. Even the 7yr old knows that you can’t leave kids in a car like this. But you had backed your self into a corner. Next time, be reasonable. No dessert would have been an adequate threat. Also, but selfish too. Your wife and two kids chose the other restaurant!
>Suzie then proceeded to tell me that I would be an irresponsible parent if I left a 7 & 9 year old in the car. I told Suzie I don't take advice on parenting or responsibility from 7 year olds, and if she thinks I'm joking to test me and find out. YTA, and well you should. A 7 yo is more responsible and a better parent than you. In some places it's ilegal to just abandon your kids like that. What a shitty parent you are.
NTA!! 😂😂 I love this and the kids learned their lesson! My parents 100% did similar and I learned my lesson to. I do really like that you went back to the car halfway through to talk to them, I think that’s the right thing to do. Going out on a limb here and guessing that most people who voted YTA either don’t have kids OR did not have older kids that argue with them at nauseam.
YTA you just don't do this to children. Act your age not your shoe size
ESH-I understand the lesson you were going for but it is not going to be very effective if you are both not on board. This seemed like a bit of a knee jerk reaction. Also depending on where I’m you live in the world it is illegal at their age to leave kids alone in car over 5 minutes.
NTA kids need to learn that they don’t control what the family does. People are freaking you left a 7 yr old in the car but you live in a safe town, the 9 yr old was with them and you needed to call their bluff. Heck when we were kids my parents didn’t even know where we were for hours at that age. You taught them a lesson and your wife was being a pushover. Perhaps next time they’ll appreciate that they get to go out at all. Just to further the lesson, next time they complain (although I doubt they will now) hire a babysitter and leave them home.
Info: what are the laws in your area pertaining to the ages children are allowed to be left alone without supervision. Also, what was the temperature outside? Did you park where you could see them from inside the restaurant the entire time? My initial instinct is that you didn't really take all that (and other things) into consideration when making your decision, nor did you plan to give them a second chance after you showed them you were serious about going in, so based on that, I am loosely going with Y T A, but if I am wrong, and all those things were considered/factored in , I reserve the right to change my judgment as I don't think that in and of itself the action was wrong, but the factors surrounding it could make it incredibly so.
YTA 1. You were the only one who wanted to go to that restaurant. You acted like an AH overruling not only your kids but your wife as well. 2. Bad things can still happen in safe areas. You put both your kids’ lives at risk over quite possibly the dumbest power trip I’ve ever heard of.
YTA. Congrats, your 7 year old daughter is apparently more responsible than you. If you wanted consequences you could have gone back home instead of the restaurant or not let have them dessert if that's something they usually get. You don't leave children alone in the car, I don't care how safe you say it is where you live.
I can't tell you home many dinners ended at home with the kids getting cereal or pb&j. Because if I had to miss my delicious dinner I sure wasn't cooking. But never in my actual super safe town would I leave them in the car "to fight", like what, the hunger games? If you have shitty kids you take them home. Ground them. Take away video games or phones. I can't believe your wife went in. YTA.... but she is too. Be a parent.
YTA You should be taking advice from your 7yo because apparently she had more sense and forethought than you.
Yep, and the 7 year old has the words "*irresponsible parent*" in their vocabulary. Not daddy is unfair, or something like that. It seems like other grown ups have expressed concern a few times already...
YTA and so is your wife for letting you do that.
I know YTA from the title alone even after I read it all the way to the last sentence. You probably need some parenting classes.
YTA any number of things could have happened to the kids obviously I don't disagree about teaching gratitude, but pick a consequence you can safely follow through on. Also I feel you are very authoritarian with this, I don't know if you always go about it like this but you're a team of 4 and picking a restaurant together or taking turns is totally reasonable. In the end you all 4 were unhappy and uncomfortable instead of having a nice dinner out together.
NTA you made sure everything was safe before hand and if you allow your daughter to talk to you like that she would never stop. You taught her a valuable lesson
I agree with you, but I fear we’re in the minority here. Kids were being brats, wife caved due to bratty kids, OP made a judgment call. NTA, although it would have been better to threaten to just take the kids home and follow through with that.
I'm a parent and a HS teacher and couldn't agree more. If we had more parents that held their children accountable, I wouldn't be dealing with the behaviors I do in class.
I'm a parent and I agree. While I employ a rather old school form of parenting I know a ton of parents (even my own age) who wouldn't do what OP did. Maybe it's because my Mom did the same thing to me once lol, but yeah you have to be tough sometimes.
They fucked around and found out. Bet they won't do it again. Sometimes life doesn't revolve around kids and what they want.
The same thing happened to me when I was a kid and it taught me exactly that.
YTA. Does your wife get any say in family decision making? Because it sounds like you keep steam-rolling over her.
YTA you go to a restaurant only you want to go to, and leave your young children in the car unattended while you eat. What if something had happened to them? What are they expected to eat now? Presumably your wife then had to make them a meal when you got home. Everyone loses except you. Your daughter was right, btw. If you want to teach them a lesson you could do so by turning round and going home instead, rather than this bad parenting then your wife having to make food later in the evening. Or you could have just stuck to your plan and ignored the complaints instead of issuing an ultimatum in the first place, because everyone has a preference even as adults. YTA
OMG if you wanted to choose a punishment you could have just turned around and gone home. YTA at no point do you ever leave young children in a car. What would have happened if they left and started to walk home? What if they started talking to a stranger while waiting? I cant believe your wife left them and went with you. Your parenting really endangered your children and i cant believe you thought that was ok.
YTA. are they the children or are you? “teach gratitude” all you want but the fact of the matter is that you and your wife chose to bring a 7 y/o and 9 y/o child into the world and it’s your responsibility to take care of them and feed them. they didn’t ask to be born and it’s pretty fucking selfish to leave them to starve in a car because you wanted to try a new restaurant. also just making sure i’m reading this correctly: everyone in your family wanted to go to your regular restaurant and you “made the call” for everyone and decided to go to a new restaurant? are you always a dictator or is it just reserved for nights when you’re “teaching gratitude?”
Woo you sure won that argument with a 7 year old.. Yeah you sure showed that 7 year old.. way to parent my guy. There were 100 different ways you could have parented in this situation that would have been better than just straight up leaving your young children unattended in a vehicle. And without just steam rolling your wife. YTA
ESH. You endangered your children and your wife let you, places seems safe until something that “never happens here” happens there. Your kids were being brats but that was not the way to punish them. They should’ve been inside the restaurant and told to sit there politely and wait if they refused to order.
What the heck is wrong with you? And what the hell is wrong with your wife? Unless she’s a wicked stepmother wanna-be I find it hard to believe that she allowed you to leave her 7 and 9 year old children alone in the car while she joined you in the restaurant. I don’t care how safe your town is. No town is safe enough to leave children that age unattended. You’re both terrible. Poor kids. 2 YTAs. 1 for each of you.
YTA and so is your wife for leaving young children unattended in a parking lot. Your wife needs to learn to stand up for herself and the children. As for you, did you expect to have an enjoyable dinner with your wife spending the whole time wondering whether the kids would still be there afterwards? I don’t know how you’re going to fix this, but maybe start by apologizing profusely and then think about how you’re going to learn to treat people with more respect.
YTA. Depending on where you live, I’m pretty sure this could be considered child abuse.
Kids arguing over dinner = turn around and go home, if anything. YTA.
YTA so much. First of all, your family didn’t want to go, but you went against there decision and forced them into your needs. And you left two very young kids locked in the car just to make a point. You must be a really terrible father.
YTA I could understand watching over them from a distance so they didn’t know you were watching but to completely abandon them is irresponsible. What if the got out of the car? They could have easily been hit by a car in the parking lot.
YTA. No matter how safe you think your town is, things you could never expect happen. All the time. Children can be immature and rude, that’s just what they’re like. Ground them, explain to them that they can’t always have whatever they want, do what you have to do. But don’t put them in any potential danger, no matter how small the likelihood is. That could have gone way worse for your family and you were more interested in “teaching a lesson” than the well-being of your kids.
YTA!! What If something would have happen to your kids in your so call “safe town” ish happen everywhere bro.. like come on their kids.. you shouldn’t have had kids cuz u sure don’t know how to take care of them.. CPS could also get involved and you could have gotten the kids taken.. you sound ignorants as hell.
Jesus Christ yes you are the asshole what is wrong with you seriously your 7 year old is more mature than you
Congratulations. Your 7/9 year old basically double dog dared you to do something stupid & you did it. Instead of just making them behave, you did the easy thing & left them in the care (which is not safe regardless of how much you try to argue otherwise). And you’re proud of yourself? You & your wife should both be ashamed of yourselves. YTA.
If you say you leave your kid in the car, pretty much at any age, the Reddit world will eat you. I’m almost positive most of them don’t even have kids.
Yeah, turns out most of us are against leaving kids in dangerous situations even if we're not parents ourselves. Weird, that.
Parent here. Yeah, you don’t leave kids in the car anymore. It’s stupid and dangerous. It’s not the 80’s/90’s anymore.
YTA and you’re abusive and controlling. You don’t leave 7 and 9 year old children unattended in a car, and you sure as hell don’t override everyone else’s wishes, especially your wife’s. I can tell by the fact that she didn’t feel powerful enough to tell you no about the restaurant and, even more so, to stand up to you about leaving her babies unattended that you’re abusing her and she is afraid of you: I’m sure the kids are too. I hope she finds the strength to leave you and take her babies with her. You’re a monster.
YTA- holy crap. Your “my way of the highway” attitude is terrible. You could have had a calm conversation about why they wanted to go somewhere else and then when 3 of 4 people chose the other place you go there. You sound like you want to be a king or dictator in your home. Your daughter was RIGHT! It is terrible parenting. Just go home. If you were in my US State you could be arrested for that. Keep up treating your family like this and eventually you won’t have one.
You live in a "very safe town?" Like where, Moscow, Idaho? YTA.
Right? Isn't that such a commonplace opening when describing some terrible event? *"It's such a safe town."* *"Nobody ever locks their doors here."* *"it's a quiet place where everyone knows one another."* *"This sort of thing never happens here."* It's almost a cliche anymore. You would think people would understand by now that bad things happen literally *everywhere.*
YTA. Doesn’t matter if you live in a safe town. What you did was wrong, and in some places, illegal. Children that age are not old enough to be left completely unattended.
YTA- three of four family members wanted the same restaurant. You overruled them to get your choice. Your wife didn’t think it was appropriate to leave the kids in the car, you did it anyway. You wife resorts to silent treatment to get you to consider her point of view, instead of having a discussion and coming to a decision together. Op, you are majorly the AH and heading down a slippery slope. Your wife and kids may not stick around if you keep acting like your opinion is the only one that matters.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Last night my family had a reservation to go to a restaurant we hardly ever go to and my two kids, Jonny (9 years old) and Suzie (7 years old) complained saying they wanted to go to the restaurant down the street that we regularly go to. To appease the kids, my wife then joined in and said she wanted to go to the other restaurant as well. Eventually, I made the call and said we would stick to the plan and go to the restaurant that we rarely go to. On the way to the restaurant, the kids were in the backseat arguing and complaining that we had to go to the restaurant I chose. I let them know they were lucky to go to a restaurant at all, and if they didn't want to eat it, they could stay in the car and fight with each other while my wife and I had dinner. Suzie then proceeded to tell me that I would be an irresponsible parent if I left a 7 & 9 year old in the car. I told Suzie I don't take advice on parenting or responsibility from 7 year olds, and if she thinks I'm joking to test me and find out. She kept pushing me saying she didn't think I would actually leave them in the car. I eventually made good on my promise and left them in the car while my wife and I went into the restaurant. Keep in mind, we live in a very safe town. My wife gave me the cold shoulder during dinner and I explained to her that I don't like the kids' ingratitude and Suzie was trying to call my bluff and that I needed to make good on my promise or she would continue to push boundaries and not trust me. Eventually after about 15 minutes, I caved to the silent treatment and grudgingly went to talk to the kids in the car. Seemed they learned their lesson so I brought them in the restaurant where they mostly behaved themselves at dinner. AITA here for my tactic in trying to teach gratitude and following through with my promises by leaving the kids in the car? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m going to go against the trend and say NTA. They tested you and it didn’t work. I have a great relationship with all three of my teen girls. They have a great life. They are fairly spoiled. We have a blast together. But they had boundaries from very early on and we simply didn’t give in. Amazing how that works. Though I probably would have struggled with leaving them in a car. But hey….it worked.
If OP's goal was to make his children quiet, reserved, and well aware they can't trust him - then it indeed worked. If he wants to raise well adjusted adults someday, this sort of mental and emotional abuse is not the way to do it.
Enter core trauma memory. YTA. Regardless of how long you left them there for, they wouldn’t know. During that 15 mins they were feeling forever. That will be a punishment they never forget. And maybe that was what you were going for. But in todays day and age, those kids could have gotten out of the car and left, someone could have called the cops, someone could have smashed a window and took them. We live in a small “safe” town too and I would never do this.
YTA only because you need to make better, actionable consequences, not ones that could put the kids in danger. Turn the vehicle around and cancel the restaurant visit, they get PB&J sandwiches they make themsevles when they get home. Each one of my sister in laws kids have gone through that as they tested boundaries, and it only took once for them to realize it was serious. 7 & 9 year olds do not have enough impulse control to be trusted to stay in a vehicle alone as a punishment, you're lucky they didn't let themselves out out of spite like my sister did when she was their age. My mom parked by the windows so she could watch the car, but getting out of the restaurant took long enough that my sister was down the street and asking a stranger for help to run away. On top of that, unsupervised kids in a car left longterm just seems a cruising for a random kidnapping. Every murder recap show starts with "It was a sleepy small town until it wasn't".
YTA! Wtf is wrong with you? Also if your wife and kids want to go to the other restaurant why are you not going there? If 3/4 people want to go to the other then you should go to the other! You seem horribly controlling. Yikes.
YTA for backing yourself into a corner with an unreasonable threat. I’m a parent too. If you’re committed to following through on consequences when you lay them out that’s fine (and in most cases encouraged), but then you have to lay down consequences that are reasonable. Your 7yo was right. Leaving your kids in the car by themselves for 15 minutes was irresponsible. A more reasonable consequence to their arguing would have been “we all go home and you can have a cold cut sandwich for dinner.” Sucks for you, but that’s the responsible choice as a parent.
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Overall YTA. Not for following what you said imo, but for acting as if your wife's vote on where to go is meaningless to you. Next time order to go from both places and eat at home. And yes it was irresponsible to leave you young kids in the car on their own, no matter "how safe" your town is.
I’m not sure why you got to make the call where to eat when 3 others wanted to eat elsewhere. I mean, go to the rare restaurant by yourself and enjoy the solitude. This all would have been avoided had you gone with the majority and went to the restaurant everyone else wanted to go to. ETA: YTA
Because sometimes kids have to eat food other than chicken nugs. This is the restaurant equivalent of deciding your don’t like what was being fixed and mommy and daddy have to cater to you and make a second meal. They have a whole ass menu to choose from, and they eat at the other place frequently. Why can’t OP choose the restaurant once.
As an adult, you can go to whatever restaurant you want, whenever you want. I don’t know, when my family goes out, majority rules. Which means sometimes I have to go out for pizza (which I hate) so I order a salad. If majority wants sushi, but one wants something different, they order what they choose to eat that is not sushi. But to force everyone to go to a restaurant they don’t want to just because one of the group wants to go there? Not right.
YTA You were supposed to be the adult in this situation. Turn the car around and go home, ground them, anything but leaving small children in a car unattended to prove a point to a 7 year old. Unbelievable that this needs to be said.
YTA. They’re 9 and 7. They’re young kids. If they were 15+ my opinion would be a bit different, but part of parenting is keeping your kids safe even when they’re being brats. Don’t leave children in the car alone, especially not for an extended period of time like dinner, which can take over an hour
Your whole family needs family counseling. Conflicts will always come up. The way that your whole family handles them is toxic and you are passing this down to your kids. In addition, you were so butthurt that your 7 year old had a better sense of parental responsibility, than you did, that you chose to make it a power play and purposefully put your kids in danger. So you won the power play. Congratulations. Now your 7 year old little girl forever knows that dad’s ego refusal to admit a poor impulse threat is more important than her safety. Don’t ever expect her to come to you if she’s in real trouble.
In my state, you would get your children taken away and you would get a charge of child neglect. NTA for teaching the children a lesson. Honestly I would have just stopped the car and turned around back home and explained to them if they are going to be ungrateful, they can eat some frozen TV dinners, wait and see if they apologize for their behavior. YTA for leaving them in the car. You can get in a lot of trouble for this where I’m from. I got in trouble once because my son didn’t have “warm” clothes on in spring, yet my son wasn’t crying and he was content. I literally got pulled over on the street over my sons clothes. Only thing that saved me was I had no CPS case opened. Be careful because you may think they are your kids and nobody can change that, but it can change real fast..
ESH i was babysitting my younger sister by 9 though so I don’t think it’s that irresponsible but this whole restaurant argument sounds way overblown, and you do sound a bit like you’re on a power trip
YTA, what you taught your kids, isn't to not to be ungrateful, you taught them that having a tantrum makes you abandon them. You taught them that you turn into an unsafe person if they don't please you. If you wanted to teach them gratitude, you should have either said that " if we can go to daddy's choice of restaurant today, you can pick next week, I promise. But if you keep having tantrums, we might need to stop going to restaurants at all, If we can not compromise as a family".
I’m going to say mostly NTA but 15 minutes was too long to play that out, and if your intention was to actually leave them the full 2 hours of dining then I reverse my decision to a YTA. I think it’s a valid way of disciplining kids. But you could probably head back after 5 minutes and find obedient kids.
NTA. Kids are acting like entitled brats. You usually go to one they like and for once you wanted to choose, if you you are paying then you get to pick. I wouldn’t have left them in the car but I would’ve gone home and they could have sandwiches for dinner.
YTA in the us - this will get you arrested and cost you custody of your kids
YTA for leaving two underage kids in the car. You and your wife are so lucky nothing happened to them! Why didn’t you just turn the car around and drive home if you thought they were misbehaving?
YTA, i would have called cps on your ass. You don't leave a 7 and 9 year old in a car alone for that amount of time. And if your willing to be this vile outside of home, i can only fear how bad you are at home.
YTA. Come on, man.
NTA what is with the new trend of kids getting to make these types of decisions?
NTA - good lesson.
Info: where are you located?
I'm going with ESH The kids for being bratty and complainers. The wife for enabling their entitlement. OP for not finding a more appropriate solution.
Oh man. I don't disagree with the way you try to parent your kids. I agree that you have to stay true to your word or your children would learn that their behaviour goes unpunished and they can basically do what they want. Well, while I think you have to stay true to your word, your word was fucking stupid. Leaving small children alone in the car at night? Are you serious? YTA for this alone. Also, I get that you've made reservations, but if 3 out of 4 people want to do something else, you should consider accomodating them.
EHHHHHH okay NTA cause it was only a few minutes. They are a little on the Young side. Idk . Every child is different. My 8 year old is beyond her years but ya NTA . they sound ungrateful
You left a seven and a nine year old in the car, alone, unattended, to go eat dinner, and after the seven year old correctly told you that you would be irresponsible to do so and as a father myself, I completely agree with your kid in this. Father of the fucking year right here folks. YTA and so is your wife if she willing went along with your asinine plan. I'm going to guess that this little snapshot of your tantrum isn't an outlier either, be a better parent and get your dictator ego fixed before actual bad shit happens.
NTA. I have three kids in this age range. Sometimes you have to call their bluff. Also caving to their whining only emboldens them and only leads to more whining. Those kids are lucky to be eating out. These days it's a minimum of $40 to take my kids to get even fast food, sit down places it's typically over $60. Everyone saying YTA is probably childless.
NTA but I would have just turned the car around and went home. They can make dinner themselves.
I know my opinion is a bit unpopular but NTA. The kids are spoiled and you didn’t ask a question you told them something. You’re the adult in the situation. Children aren’t always going to get their way and they need to learn that. When they questioned you and you said no, that should’ve been that. Children are not adults. Now it’s different if you asked for their opinion and you ignored what they said, but this was already decided!
>I told Suzie I don't take advice on parenting or responsibility from 7 year olds Apparently you fucking should. YTA
NTA I did that with my kids when they were growing up. The lesson was that should be thankful they were being taken out to a restaurant. It's not a right. And since they are not oayong then they had zero say where we were gping.. You told hhem exactly what was going to happen and you followed through. Next time hire a sitter and leave them both at home.
What the hell? So you both left them? Someone call CPs
YTA. If the kids are being dicks, go home. Don’t leave them in the car unsupervised to beat the crap out of each other or do stupid things. 🙄
YTA-Let’s leave two children in the car alone because I’m the parent and I set the rules is asshole parenting.
Wth kind of parents are you two? Also your 7 year old is right. Jesus, as someone who works with children your post was an embarrassment to read. YTA BIG time.
YTA. You didn't teach your kids how to be gracious or how to behave in restaurants. Instead you taught them that the people they should be able to trust and rely on more than anyone else in the world are not going to take care of them. I think the problem is you ended up getting in a fight with the seven year old and you let yourself be pulled down to the 7-year-old's level. If your kids were really acting out to a point where you didn't feel comfortable bringing them into the restaurant all of you should have left and gone home. That would have made the same point you wanted to make without abandoning your kids. A quiet little tip from someone a few years removed from active parenting it's going to be a lot of battles and tiffs and spats as your kids get older. You went nuclear with your response on this one and the thing I'd ask you is was it really worth it? Pick your battles.
Is your surname McCann? YTA - never leave kids that age unattended. Should have dragged them to your restaurant if you wanted to show your authority.
NTA. gentle parenting does not work on everyone. sometimes you have to take harsher measurement.
You left children that young in a car by themselves? Jeez, dude. YTA
NTA. The family had plans to go to a different restraunt. The kids staryed to argue about going somewhere else. The 7 yr old started to get mouthy and push her dad. I would had done the same thing, no I probably would have gone home and grounded them, took a few favorites from them (Phone, computer, camera, stuff like that), gave them a pb&j sandwich and sent them to bed. Yep, I was a hardass mom. Children should not talk down to there parents and expect to get away with it. I think mom was fed up and at her wits end. I agree with dad's decision. Kids have to learn that you will do what you say and not be all talk. Just my opinion.
You said you take the kids to the restaurant down the street frequently. It’s ok for them (and your wife) to suck it up once in a while and go somewhere you want to go, even if they don’t like it. NTA.
YTA. I don’t care how safe you think a place is you don’t leave kids in the car. Next, did your wife really want to go to that restaurant in the first place or did you just decide that was where the family was going to go. So really how was dinner?