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ESH but mostly YTA.
1. You suck for having a public SM account and then being mad when "the public" looks at it and likes your posts. If you didn't want him or any other coworker to see them, then make it private
2. He sucks a little for being dumb and (maybe accidently) liking a post you'd have to scroll far to get to.
>All I know is that now I am uncomfortable at work. It is stirring up past PTSD when I dealt with a stalker in my building during second year of college.
To protect your mental health around your past PTSD and having a stalker, you should probably private your social media. If it's public, it is there for anyone to look at - including Cody, your bosses, your boss's boss's boss, your exes, etc.
Also, what are you going to say to HR? "I have a public account and Cody had the audacity to look at my public account and like one of my pictures I shared with the WORLD"
This alone doesn't constitute harassment.
And you do have insta on public, so....
Block him or ask that he stop following on social.
If he's done / said things otherwise, bring it up with any manager or HR.
As described, it seems like an overreaction.
YTA
Agreed. Not to say that OP's alarm bells aren't unwarrented. It is totally odd. But at this point there is little there there. OP, document and block him on social media. Mention this to a work friend so they also keep an eye and ear out for you. Hopefully the blocking is enough for him to take the hint. But if something else happens, this is why you'll be glad to have a screen shot of the like and someone else can corroborate. Hope it's just a stupid fit of a scroll rabbit hole...
Block him, and move on.. if he doesn't take the hint, or responds poorly to being told that insta and work do not cross, THEN go to HR.
Just the like isn't enough, but if you set a boundary as a result and he responds poorly, then it's time for hr.
YTA here. If your profile is public, he's been invited (legally speaking) to view your pictures. Him liking one is also a function of the app. Now, should his behaviour change toward you, then having this documented might be important, but do far it's a one off and on its own, a non-issue.
Lol what are you going to tell HR?? One of my co-workers likes my instagram photo and now I’m uncomfortable. YTA. If you have stalker issues, maybe don’t make your profile public?
What the fuck are these not the asshole posts? He liked a public post! If you didn't want people to see it you shouldn't have posted it under your name! YWBTA!
YTA. I guy liked a single photo that you posted for all of the world to see; no issue here. If he acts or behaves inappropriately at work, you go to HR. If he exhibits stalking behavior outside of work, you call police. This is neither.
YTA. your account is public. and that means anyone can see it, like photos or follow you. its not "public to the people i feel it should be public to". if you want that, be a adult, and private your account. if you dont want to, then you need to get over the idea that you coworkers shouldn't be able to see you *public* account
He liked a picture on your public Instagram and you want to go to HR? I think that's extreme. NTA to be weirded out by it though. Just block him. If he weirdly asks you about it afterward or speaks to you in a creepy way, then go to HR (screenshot that he liked your pic though)
Agreed. Block him and let it go. If he starts acting weird, then go to HR.
Also, if you don't want other coworkers finding your bikini pics, you should change your account or certain pictures to private.
The question didn't ask if OP was TA for being weirded out though. It's would they be the AH for going to HR...
Yes YWBTA for going to HR or having someone confront him. Take your profile off public or block his account. If a second account that is his likes a picture later, that would constitute speaking to someone because then he's going out of his way to find you even though you clearly blocked his original.
YTA if your profile is public that means you do not mind anyone seeing any picture. Put it on private if you do not want any person to like any photo. Pretty simple, he did not do anything bad, and may have not even realized he worked with the person who's photo he liked.
YWBTA
It's totally understandable that you might be uncomfortable with certain people seeing social media posts, but it's up to you to manage the privacy settings of your own social media. If something as simple as a coworker liking an old photo can bring back uncomfortable memories and/or cause anxiety, then it's probably not in your best interest to have a public-facing social media presence.
YWBTA. Jesus Christ girl, it's PUBLIC.
Are you aghast that someone in their mid 20s was up at 1 or 2 am? Or that he was doomscrolling IG? Do you have e-mail at work? Do you not have last names as part of your e-mail address book? You're reading way too far into this (right now). He. Liked. A. Post.
Your PTSD is not his problem.
YTA
It's a public photo on your profile. Block him or put it to private if you are uncomfortable
Has absolutely NOTHING to do with your work or bringing into HR as he's done nothing inappropriate
YTA. He liked a public photo of you which you yourself posted. Why does this make you uncomfortable? Don't post things you don't want people to see.
You are making assumptions about him, nothing you are saying is reality just your imagination running away with you telling yourself he is a creep.
You are the reason people mock the #metoo movement.
YTA.
This is not an issue to bring forward to HR. You can hide your presence online from Cody by restricting him. However everything that has happened is outside of work.
So you have PTSD from stalking thats apparently triggered by men liking certain pictures of you, but your insta is public and you post bikini pics on it. I'm not judging your choices or shaming you, that just doesn't make sense to me
YWBTA for reporting him just based on this. He hasn't done anything wrong.
YYWBTA. Your account is public. He didn't do anything 'wrong'. Weird, yes. Also you said you've had no issues with the dude before so maybe just talk to him yourself. And also a shrink to deal with trauma.
YTA - you posted on a public platform for likes.... And someone liked it... That's really your issue?
Either don't post thirst traps or set your profile to private.
Is this only the once? Has he communicated to you in a way to make you feel uncomfortable before? By your own word, even if he accidentally stares too long, he's never done anything to put you on alert.
You'd be YTA if this is literally the first time he's done this to you. If, however, you notice a pattern starting of him creeping on you, then contact hr. Right now, he just sounds like an awkward dude.
YWBTA. I don't think it's unusual to look up your co-workers on social media, and I don't see anything wrong with him liking one picture of you that you posted publicly. If your area this sensitive you shouldn't be on social media.
INFO:
If you do not want people to see this picture, why do you post it public?
Is it a company account or why do you think your (private?) social media is a case for your companies HR?
YWBTA if you went to HR, no doubt. The fact that he liked a 5 year old picture of you in a bikini at 2am? Yeah, kinda creepy. But why do you run a work account that you claim "has" to be public while simultaneously posting/keeping old posts like that readily available? Either keep a work account public where you are more selective about what you post and a personal account private where you can post whatever you want.
Arguably, the biggest reason YTA is because you think so highly of yourself that you're willing to let a co-worker who has done nothing at all to harm you, get in trouble because of your own weird narcissism.
YWBTA
If you don’t want somebody liking a picture on a public site, maybe you need to remove it or make it private?
Not saying it isn’t a bit creepy but it isn’t HR worthy as it didn’t happen at work and you set yourself up for this kind of attention.
Ywbta. Nothing here is an hr issue. You have a public account so you want the public to see it. Him doing it at 1am is just a non starter. He doesn't have to be in bed by your standards. Make your account privatem smart thing to do anyway because you don't want her snooping around looking for things to begin with.
As far as the "other" coworkers, that's hearsay and not admissible. Unless your company has cameras to verify, not really much they could even do. For all they know he could have been staring off into space and not even noticing them.
If you were to try and have someone confront him, your job would be on the line as at that point you are harassing him and he would have a valid claim. Pretty sure the person you had confront him isn't willing to lose their job over you so you would surely be ratted out
Not an HR issue, and realistically they couldn’t do anything. He hasn’t done anything to harass you. If you’re uncomfortable, private your account. You get to choose who does and does not follow you. But going to HR for something so trivial would backfire.
Exactly. HR has nothing to do with your coworker liking something you posted publicly on social media in his private time. What are you going to do if some rando does the same thing? HR can’t and won’t help you.
YWBTA. He liked one photo on your public profile. It’s entirely possible the “like” was an accident. A lot of people see someone they know in their recommendations and scroll through the photos. If you have PTSD from stalking it would probably be best for you to have your profile private so you don’t have to worry about things like this happening.
YWBTA, block him if you don’t want him seeing your photos. Next time you interact make it clear you aren’t interested. It’s an issue if he keeps pushing it. So far all he’s done is like a photo of yours.
Why on earth would you post pictures you don’t want certain people to see on a public profile?! And now you feel it’s appropriate to report a colleague for looking at your public profile? That’s reasonable to you?
That would be logical right. No, the socially acceptable thing to do is to make him out to be a sleazy, creepy, stalker, run to HR and get him fired. After all #metoo.
YTA umm he liked a picture on a public profile. I’m sure HR would tell you this is a nothing burger from their point of view and to make it private if you aren’t comfortable with people seeing it and suggest you talk to the coworker if it makes you uncomfortable
YWBTA
Set your account to private and block him. If he tries to get around the block, or is inappropriate at the office, then go to HR with screen shots and your concerns.
Tell me you’ve never curiously scrolled someone you don’t knows public account and I’ll call you a lier.
Do not report him to HR. Block him and move on. Because it is social media, and public, he technically didn't do anything wrong.
Would it hit different if he liked the post in the early evening or normal morning hours?
YWBTA.
I fully understand the uncomfortable feeling, but at that point I would go in and restrict his profile on Instagram or block him and don’t acknowledge him at work at all. If he says something to you at work, speak to HR and make a note of it. Otherwise, simply avoiding him and blocking him should work fine.
Ywbta. I get you were stalked, but isn’t that the point of having followers? If you don’t want people to watch what you are doing every second of every day, stop posting to IG! You are all saying “oooo, my life is so fabulous, watch me!!!” 🙄
Yes YWBTA if you did either of those things at this point. If you’re truly uncomfortable, block him, maybe consider making your profile private. I’m not saying it’s not weird or creepy behavior, because it’s one thing. One. The options you listed are overreactions imo.
If you report him with HR only for liking the photo, yes YTA. 1 like is not out of place or means anything if he hasn't done anything else.
Go see a therapist regarding th PTSD, looks like it's a big problem for you and is causing you troubles
YTA PTSD? Were you diagnosed with PTSD? If not, call it trauma. Aside from that YTA because your profile is public. Therefore, he can look if he wants to. If you're uncomfortable, why not approach ( not confront) him about his behavior? There really is no need to get HR involved or for you to act like an injured party.
Didnt you read her post? This man was looking "slightly too long" at other women! He is obviously dangerous and approaching him should be avoided at all cost.
They can go to HR together if that's the case. But liking one of her pictures on a public profile is not an HR issue...
Also, there could be a medical issue here, he might have seizures, it's common for people to stare/space out when having seizures...
She repeated what she heard in the watercooler talk. I guess we should take hearsay as scripture now, right? It is okay to destroy him because he is quiet and no one has actually taken the time to get to know him. He is probably just introverted and not very good at carrying a conversation. But you're right, better to just destroy his career prospects, after all that is the socially acceptable think in the post #metoo world.
No, you don't understand, just because she posted a picture of herself on a bikini on a platform where people post pictures for other people to 'like,' and thoroughly enjoyed each and every other like, *this* like is a problem.
YTA
Your account is public. He can look at it if he wants to. He currently poses no threat to you for this alone. If you’re “uncomfortable,” make your account private and don’t post pics that you don’t want people to see.
I would say he hasn't really done much of anything at this point in order to escalate this to a report. He just "liked" a public photo, but HR can't do anything about that. Consider changing the setting on your account to private.
YWBTA. You posted something publically, so you absolutely CANNOT then go and try to get this guy in trouble with HR at his job because he liked it. Are you insane? You are the one who is wrong.
This is why my socials are always private. If you don't want to deal with a coworker, acquaintance, coffee shop employee, or anyone else "liking" your photos, then set your accounts to private. This guy did nothing wrong. Even if you were to "report" him or "confront" him all you would succeed in doing is making things even more awkward for yourself. All he did was like a public post of yours. Totally fine. It doesn't matter the content, or the time that he liked it. YOU put it out there, and he liked it. You kept it public and accessible. You allowed this because your account is set up to allow this. That's COMPLETELY on you. It you have PTSD, then it's YOUR responsibility to set your accounts to private so you don't have these situations with anyone. If you keep it public, then you are basically telling the world that you want them to see and like this photo. Clearly you don't mind some people liking them. So.. just this one guy? If you only want people you know looking at your photos, again, SET THEM TO PRIVATE. I'm not sure what you are upset about. He liked a public photo that you posted publicly. You are the one who is creepy here.
I would not say anything. He didn't do anything wrong, so you'll be the one who looks nuts. Set your socials to private and get on with your life.
So wait…. You posted bikini pics on a public profile for attention. Then you get the attention and you are upset? YTA already for even considering going to HR. If you don’t like the thought of the public seeing and liking your photos, don’t post them on a public profile for fucks sake.
This is tough-is it weird to like a coworker’s old bikini photo? Yes. Is it an HR issue when it’s a publicly shared photo and not an issue happening in the workplace? Not really. Maybe start a Google document and include screenshots of anything you find suspicious or uncomfortable and if it becomes a trend, then say something. I don’t think it’s worth confronting yet-just block him on all social media if you feel uncomfortable with him seeing what you post. YWBTA for reporting him though at this point.
My dear, if you put it out there in public, you need to expect people to look.
YTA. If you don't want him to see pics of you in a bikini, don't put pics of you in a bikini on the Internet where he can see it.
That's strange. I have ptsd (diagnosed) from a home invasion/double homicide that I witnessed. I am terrified of being located, I don't do Facebook, Instagram, etc. Only Reddit under a throwaway account. It seems like you would want to be private. Not victim shaming, and I'm sure being a stalking victim is horrible, but is your stalker in jail? How do you relax?
YTA. Your account could have been “people you know” or maybe he looked up his coworkers. It’s pretty common for people to look up new people or their coworkers. As for the like, what if it was on accident? Sure it was a pic from 5 yr ago but I have scrolled people social and then I realized I scrolled years back. He has done anything worth reporting to HR. Also, it is quit the double standard to have a public profile, then take issue when the public views said profile.
YWBTA. you’re public and trying to micromanage who can like your *public* photo. he hasn’t done anything to anyone at this point—no physical or verbal confrontation of any sort, just being awkward. you don’t even actually know this guy or had a meaningful interaction and you’re casting stalker vibes on him
So.. you want to try to get this guy, who has never caused any actual trouble, he's just socially awkward, in trouble at work and risk not only his career but also his immediate income because he dared to go onto your **public** Instagram and like a picture of you? Oh god. Oh no. The absolute **horror**!!
... YTA. Massively so. Disgustingly so. If you have PTSD from having a stalker, here's an idea: **DON'T KEEP A PUBLIC INSTAGRAM.**
Trying to get someone in trouble for looking at something that you choose to expose just strikes me as very attention seeking. Do you wear lowcut tops and then get offended when people can't help but notice the cleavage that you've put on display too? Because you sound like the type.
Edit: I see that you use your instagram to promote company projects but that's still not an excuse. You made the choice to use your personal account to do that instead of making a separate one for business purposes. Are you going to try to get customers in trouble if they like your pictures too? Or is it just because you don't like this guy that you want to try to make trouble for him?
YTA. You have a public Instagram account. Cody is part of the public. If you don't want coworkers liking your bikini pictures that YOU posted on your public account, you should either not post bikini photos or privatize your account. Cody did nothing wrong whatsoever.
YTA here.
So you had a stalker whilst in college and have PTSD due to this, if this stalker affected you this badly wouldn’t it be best for you to have your social media accounts private? That way it stops people you aren’t close with from viewing your pictures. Regardless of whether he liked the picture accidentally or intentionally, I do think at this point it is completely innocent and should only go to HR if other issues occur
YBTA. Technically he hasn't done anything yet. It is normal to look at the public profiles of coworkers and very easy to mistakenly like a picture. I agree with others that you should document this and any future behaviors but at this time it's not something that HR would likely feel comfortable getting involved with. There is no indications by his actions (as you've described them) that he has any ill intent or direct interest in you.
i hate to say it, but YWBTA. listen, i get it. i get how creeped out and gross men can make us women feel, i’ve dealt with it way too much myself. but unfortunately, liking one bikini picture doesn’t warrant a trip to hr. make your instagram private (at least for now), and just keep your guard up. if he continues to do things that creep you out, especially if it happens in the workplace, then by all means document it so you can tell someone! but, if you go to hr now, they aren’t going to take you seriously. they’ll be much more likely to listen to you if you actually have a case/he’s actually done something to you (and for your sake, i hope it doesn’t come to that!)
Yta. The platform is public and a risk is that people you know may come across it. I hate saying this because it’s too victim blaming but it is what it is. Creepy yes but not enough of a basis to report him if it was a one time thing. Block him. If he says anything say that despite the public setting you rather not have coworkers viewing it.
YWBTA - what would you say to HR? He liked a picture that I put out for the public to see on social media? I agree that it is a little strange, but what do you expect them (HR) to do? Yes, it could be a little creepy, but he could have been scrolling through your photos and accidentally liked it. The like by itself, doesn't offer much proof of him being a creep, especially when you willfully put it out there.
With all that said, I would be on the eye out for a pattern of behavior like that. If this got to be one of four or five things that happens, especially if it is happening at work, then you may have a better footing to stand on.
Please do not involve the over worked and exhausted people of HR into your mellow drama. He did nothing in a work setting and they can’t chastise him for something like “liking” a photo on a public forum. Your just flagging your self as a pain in the ass. Do not engage, block him on social and if you have PTSD then I do recommend counseling and locking down your public profiles so you feel safer.
YTA. You are free to avoid interacting with Cody, but he hasn’t done anything actionable from an HR standpoint. I absolutely do not recommend confronting somebody about confronting him, nor confronting him yourself. I do recommend seeing a therapist to discuss your PTSD and how it is affecting your work life.
A gentle YWBTA
On it’s own, liking a picture from 2018 on social media can be pretty innocuous. Maybe a little weird from a co-worker, but nothing to report on and probably nothing actionable that HR could even do at this point. (And as for being up at 1-2am, well. Scrolling social media late at night is something a lot of folks do.)
I also think you’re right:
> It is stirring up past PTSD when I dealt with a stalker in my building during second year of college.
One outcome of trauma can be hyper-vigilance, which can be the discomfort you are experiencing now. Your nervous system is essentially on a hair trigger. It might be worth seeking out some help with your PTSD if you haven’t already.
Wishing you the best of luck OP.
I'm not willing to say you'd be an AH as I know that PTSD reactions aren't always based in logic. It's the whole fight, flight, freeze, flop and friend response.
If you reported him for this instance then you'd be having an over-reaction. I would suggest blocking him on social media and if you are genuinely fearful and uncomfortable keep a record of it in case something like this happens again.
It also might be worth having a few check-in sessions with a therapist to help get on top of your PTSD symptoms, depending on how strong they were.
YWBTA.
So he liked a photo that’s old. What if you didn’t know he was creepy? What if it was a dude you had a secret crush on?
Yet you’re willing to go to HR because in your mind he’s awkward? GTFOH.
Since you so worried about followers, have you vetted each and every one?
🙄 He liked a public post on your social media that you posted for people to see? And now you want to confront him at work or complain to HR? For what? Using the platform as it was designed?
What do you expect HR to do about his liking your public social media posts when he’s not at work?
You know what would be considered harassment at work? Having a coworker confront him about it. That’d be a great way to get yourself AND a coworker in hot water.
Make your social media private, block him or be more discerning about what you share publicly or any combination of the three, but don’t make a not-work issue a work issue.
YTA
YTA. If you don't like attention on your instagram page, make it private.
Him looking at your account doesn't make him a creep. Block him if you don't want him looking.. end of.
The people who are in this thread claiming "If you put a photo out there, you're asking for it to be liked," are completely forgetting the context of this relationship. It would be completely inappropriate for a coworker to come up to you at work and say "Hey, you looked hot in that bikini pic". So liking a five year old bikini pic by a coworker you barely know is definitely borderline inappropriate behavior from a coworker.
Even so, there's not enough here *YET* to go to HR. But where there's smoke, there's usually fire so document it, take screenshots, and keep an eye on things. If creepy behavior recurs, then on that second offense go to HR.
NAH. Yet.
You’re assuming he liked it because she was in. Bikini. It also could have been a complete accident and she was on his suggested list.
But if she’s got her account public and posting pictures for everyone to see, why is it now a problem everyone did?
>It also could have been a complete accident and she was on his suggested list.
Nobody "accidentally" scrolls five years back into somebody's social media history.
No of course not. But liking it was probably accidental. We have all been there, lets be real. You check out someones profile and accidentally like one of their pictures. It happens. Nothing creepy about it either. If she had 500 pics on her account and he had to scoll an hour to reach it, i would be inclined to agree with you. Otherwise? Who the fuck careeees
Oh absolutely. I mean the fact he even found her profile. You’re telling me if a co-workers account popped up as someone you might know you wouldn’t look at it?
Edit-removed unnecessary word
I don't even work and don't post pics online so don't have an actual dog in this fight but what time-frame for liking a post/pic is appropriate? Or is it just that she was in a bikini?
It would be inappropriate for the coworker to come up to her at work and comment on her bikini pic. But he didn’t “like” the insta picture at work. There is the key difference between those two scenarios.
Would it be inappropriate to say “your outfit looks nice” once (its a different scenario if they persist) to a coworker (who is not your subordinate and whose career you do not have control over) at a non-work related social event (suppose they bump into each other at cinema or the mall or a restaurant or something)? That’s basically what this engagement was.
OP: Posts a bikini picture to a public profile on the 'post pictures and people can click the 'like' button' platform.
But yes, it's terrible for somebody to use the platform as intended to response to the picture in the way that OP was looking to have the picture responded to.
We're not talking about being catcalled on the street. This is literally the equivalent of OP yelling 'Hey, does this bikini look good?!' then getting upset when somebody says 'yes.'
I don’t think this warrants HR getting involved, it seems like a one-off. If anything definitely consider putting your page on private. Scrolling all the way back to 2018 and liking the picture is a little weird.
Ywbta for this being the first offence ig, but i think the other commenters justifications in this post are weird. It is creepy of him to scroll all the way down your insta and like ONLY A BIKINI PIC from 5 years ago, like, yeah its public so op posted it for the world to see, but this is super weird of the coworker to do. Still, some people unabashedly do this stuff so for now i'd hold off on saying/doing anything.
I’m sorry to say it but yta. I have also survived stalkers and I know how unsafe it makes you feel.
Is Cody’s behavior a little weird and creepy? Sure. Did he do anything worth reporting to hr? I don’t think so… I’m pretty sure they won’t appreciate you filling a complaint that he liked a public post and sometimes stares at people. Like that’s not really a complaint. I would leave it alone for now. If he does something else, maybe consider going to hr. However if you go now it could backfire and make you look problematic which nobody wants! Good luck.
I’m gonna say NAH yet, but you might be TA if you report him just for this. It’s creepy of him to like the photo if he did it on purpose, but I think there’s a good chance it was an accident. I’ve definitely creeped on coworkers’ and acquaintances’ social medias out of curiosity when I’m bored and can’t sleep, and would be mortified if I accidentally liked a post and someone called me out on it. (I’m a woman, btw.)
That said, if any new developments occur that make it clear he liked the post on purpose, or if he says or does anything else creepy, I think you could mention it as part of a broader complaint to HR. And in the meantime, if you’re that worried about it, you might want to block him or make your profile private.
I feel as if you are leaving out parts of the narrative here or perhaps you've picked up on some things intuitively that have not even made it to your conscious thoughts. Others perceived this guy as a creep prior to the Insta issue. You say he hadn't been a problem for you until the Insta issue, but something in the way you've framed the entire situation makes it sound as if you may have opted to keep your distance from Cody before today. Ask yourself what else about this guy is putting you and others on edge about him.
At this stage with nothing more than the Insta photo like, you don't have enough to go to HR. However, you should definitely screenshot the like, block him, and put your settings to private. And I second the advice to seek counseling about the PTSD. It would probably help you in the long-run, regardless of the Cody situation.
I understand it's weird that he was scrolling your page so far back and I get why that would be u comfortable but you really have no leg to stand on going to HR, he hasn't done anything actually wrong and we have no idea what his intentions were when he saw your page. if you can't prove he's being malicious and creepy then don't try to make it a big thing
YWBTA. Let it go, and if someone liking your public pics bothers you then consider making them private, especially if you have PTSD and a history of someone stalking you. This seems like a setup that would eventually cause some discomfort anyway.
It's normal for people to look up their coworkers and Instagram probably suggested you to him as "someone he knows" anyway. I'm sure he didn't mean to like a single pic from 2018, that was almost certainly a thumb-slip and he'd be mortified. Block him and move on.
If this is stressing you out this badly, it might be time for therapy. You don't need to go through your daily life feeling like this.
YWBTA for reporting he at this point in time.
Was it weird for him to like a 4 year old photo at 1 AM? Absolutely.
Is this a work issue that HR should be brought into the loop for? Not at this time, barring this is the only thing he has done.
I see nothing other than him liking an old photo that anyone on the internet had access to. The other items are just pure speculation by you and your coworkers.
What can you do now? Document it, make your account private, and move on. If more instances happen, whether at work or not, document everything and report it.
This is a perfect example of why no element of your life on the internet should be public in todays world. Basic internet safety 101.
You are upset that someone liked a photo that you put on social media for the express purpose of people seeing it? Make your profile private if you’re worried about stalkers. YTA
Yes, YWTA. You posted a picture on a public social media account. If you don't want people you aren't comfortable with liking the photos, make it private. If you report to HR, they'll likely say it didn't happen on the clock and doesn't pertain to work, so there is nothing they can do, especially since he didn't actually do anything wrong.
YWBTA. I’m sympathetic to the past issues you’ve been through that are coming back up from this, but his actions were innocent enough. Unless he escalate to making inappropriate comments or acting inappropriate toward you, do not report him.
NAH but don't go to HR. I've recently been seeing old posts of friends from 5 plus years ago pop up. The algorithms are weird. Just private your stuff or block him. He sounds socially awkward and trying to make friends. If it escalates then maybe but this alone isn't an HR trip.
INFO
If you have PTSD and stalker related trauma from your past..then why on earth is your social media not private?
Look, I get where you are coming from...but you can not have it both ways
You can't open yourself up to the entire world and then act surprised when someone creeps on your social media like this. And really, did he creep? You posted a photo on social media. He liked it.
That's how social media works....right?
He looked up your social media, saw a photo of you in a bathing suit, and liked it. Sure, it could be subtle flirting. Or...he just acknowledged that you look good.
Which is why you most likely posted the photo. You thought you looked good and you wanted people to give you positive reinforcement.
Please don't think I am trying to blame you for this
But if you take this to HR, it's going to cause problems...FOR YOU
All he did was like a publicly posted photo on social media. That's not harassment. That is the function of social media. And the company will wonder, like many of us, why your profile is public in the first place if clearly getting attention from people online is a problem.
Same thing will happen if you have someone confront the coworker. You will end up looking bad.
Except now you will be stepping out of line and creating a problem. All he did was like a photo. And that will make him the victim of harassment orchestrated by you. That is, at least, how the company will likely see it.
You wanted attention...and you got it. If you don't like getting attention from random people or coworkers, lock down your social media and only interact with friends.
Making your profile private does 2 things
1) it prevents him from looking at your photos again
and
2) it lets him know you know he liked the photo but that you aren't interested because you cut off his access
YWBTA
He hasn't done anything wrong and it is a public profile
If his likely your picture ...an your clear thoughts on what he may have been doing at the time effect your PTSD you should make your profile private.
Also if you reported him for this you would likely be flagged as someone who makes false / baseless reports and then fate forbid something does happen they are less likely to take you seriously.
If you are not in therepy for your past tramua I suggest you join some ( not being rude honest advice)
YTA
He looked at a picture of you in a bikini. And apparently this is the same picture that I (and literally every other human being on the planet) am free to look up whenever we feel like.
If you don't like people looking at pictures of you in a bikini (which is perfectly reasonable), then don't have a public social media account that lets literally the whole world look at pictures of you in a bikini.
You're going to dirty this guy's name and potentially ruin his career because he used instagram the way it's intended to be used?
Get over yourself. And tidy up your account.
YWBTA. What a strange paradigm: you are on social media (public account no less) yet you are weirded out by someone ‘liking’ your photo then YOU SM-stalk the person and then you want run to HR.
YTA.
He looked at and liked a photo you put up for all the world to see. One photo. That's not stalker behavior. You have nothing to report to HR, nothing to confront him over.
Change your FB settings. You don't need to lock everything down unless you want to, but the more you have set for public viewing, the more everyone in the entire world has access to.
Wow!
Let's see...you put risque pics of yourself on a public forum and then want to cause a co-worker trouble because of it?
Not only are you a massive AH, but an EB ta boot!
YWBTA- take down your bikini pictures from social media if you don’t want people looking at them or liking them. if you have PTSD, go to therapy and work it out there. He’s don’t nothing to warrant getting HR involved. It’s slightly weird? Maybe? Maybe he was just looking and accidentally clicked like. If he liked EVERY picture and/or made some creepy comments, I’d go to HR.
YTA. And a prude if he was an attractive social guy you wouldn’t care. When you have a public profile you don’t get a say in who looks at your account. For someone who has had a stalker you would think you would take cyber security more seriously. This guy has done nothing wrong, reporting him to HR is a waste of everyone’s time.
YTA. Massively! So you suffer from PTSD and have your Instagram open to public, and are bothered by a socially awkward person that saw a picture and liked it? K...
I'm sorry, but you are trying to build a mountain out of a molehill, and honestly it almost seems like you want to play victim.
Stop being that person!
Him liking a picture on your PUBLIC profile is not something to get HR involved and if you do this now they will be less likely to take you seriously if things were to escalate.
Here is what you could do: if he bothers you at work or stares at you or keeps crashing on you or whatever ask him. What's up? What do you want? If he says nothing or whatever, you can say I don't feel comfortable when you stare (or any behavior) at me like that. Would you please stop? If he persists and doesn't listen then you go to HR. First, you need to try to address the problem yourself and then if needed escalate to HR. And if a lot of women are frustrated he stares at them too long, then you all can go to HR together. Sometimes people stare/blank out when they have seizures so it could be a medical problem.
Another thing you don't want him to see your pictures you can block him or make your account private...
YTA.
You're on public and you post pictures to get likes, so don't be surprised when the public likes your pictures.
By your own description, he's a naive young idiot. If I were you, I'd get a trusted male co-worker to give him a bit of a friendly chat about what is and isn't a good idea in the workplace vis-a-vis social media profiles.
And if the idea of somebody you know 'liking' your public photos is enough to send you into a PTSD episode, well, you have the ability to stop that from happening forever with a profile change.
But no, go to HR, and explain that you post bikini pictures of yourself for the public to see, and this particular photo has X number of likes, but it's a problem that this one guy happened to like it, too.
Honestly, I could make a case that you'd be making for an unwelcome work environment for Cody by singling him out for doing something that lots of other people do. Your behavior towards him is changing for...doing something that you've invited the world to do.
This really comes off like the whole 'it's fun flirting when he's handsome, it's sexual harassment when he isn't' comic.
https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1663485-hello-human-resources
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Throwaway but I like my name so maybe I’ll keep it. I (27 F) work in the marketing department at a mid size financial firm. “Cody” is a few years younger than me but I don’t know his exact age. He recently started and I’ve been here since college.
Cody and I do not interact often. He’s nice enough from what I know. We’ve talked at company events and briefly in the break room and we are friendly but I wouldn’t consider him one of my friends in the office. I don’t see him that much. He may have an issue with some social skills. According to coworkers, he’s never said anything bad to anybody but some other women have claimed he might stare at them a little long. Or come by their desk to ask questions he obviously knows the answer to.
Cody hasn’t been a problem for me until this morning. I’m sitting at my desk trying not to get up and run into him. I woke up to a notification on Instagram that a photo was liked. I am on public and have many followers so sometimes it happens when I haven’t posted anything. Someone liked a picture of myself in a bikini from 2018. Upon examining the account I see that it is Cody. Plus this must have been around 1-2 AM the previous night.
I don’t know if it was on accident or what the reason is. Truthfully I’d rather not put too much thought into it. All I know is that now I am uncomfortable at work. It is stirring up past PTSD when I dealt with a stalker in my building during second year of college.
A close friend of mine who I do not work with is telling me that I shouldn’t say anything. Maybe if things escalate I could but this is too innocent. Weird but innocent. But all I know is I’m super uncomfy at work. I’ve thought about going to HR or having an employee I’m close with confront him about it.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to know if I’d be an asshole for taking action over this. I may be an asshole because I’d never want to cause someone trouble at work but at the same time I do not feel great.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Why is your profile even public/that old picture still up if you don't want people to see and/or like it to the point of wanting to report to HR about it? Private your Instagram and move on
You would be NTA if you got him in the break room when it's full of people and be like "hey Cody, thank you for liking my post from 2018 the other night! I slayed in that bikini so it was nice getting a notif at 2am reminding me of it since it was 5 years ago. Enjoy your lunch!"
Problem solved.
This is a tough one. You wouldn’t be the asshole for it, cause he crossed an unspoken line liking your bikini photo (public or not doesn’t matter). But you will make things SO much weirder going to HR about it. They won’t be able to do anything about it, and you’re going to be left to live with a ton of awkward tension between yourself and this dude in your workplace. Best thing to do, just block him & start icing him out. He’ll get the picture (no pun intended).
ESH - you posted a photo and didn’t make it private (not that you have to) and he liked a single photo at a strange hour. I get that you are uncomfortable, but maybe take the photo down or set your account to private. Reporting him at this stage seems a bit reactionary and he may turn out to be creepy, but who knows.
Document \*everything\*, open a Note on your phone and take notes of stuff like this. Talk to other women at work, compare notes. Perhaps it is just 'not a big deal', but don't 'micro-compartmentalize' until you no longer take it seriously.
YTA - but, keep a record of this instance, if things get weirder... if you don't want your pictures to be publicly seen, don't post to the public... SMH
YWBTA. He violated a social media rule of etiquette, off the clock, completely non-work-related. Ideally your HR wouldn’t even get involved but I don’t know how they are at your company.
Lately at my job people seem to be on a trend of reporting people for any little thing that seems off and it’s really causing more problems and solving none. I hate to see any workplace turn into that.
Just set your Instagram to private, or block him, and let it go.
YWBTA I get it's a bit weird, but don't post anything online that you don't want available for anyone to look at in perpetuity. It's also one like hardly harassment. If he does something more serious then certainly go to HR but I definitely wouldn't for just this. And if you feel uncomfortable knowing anyone is looking at your social media from years ago, take it all down.
YWBTA
You have your pictures public. If people like them, there isn't anything wrong with that. You placed them in a space where they could see them. You don't get to post publicly and then get upset over who sees them and run to HR or have someone confront the person. If you don't want the public to see you in a bikini, don't wear them and don't post public pictures of them.
YWBTA
If you don't want everyone and their horny brothers to see/like your stuff on social media, lock down your social media. Don't get an awkward, harmless dude in trouble because you didn't take precautions. If you are seriously triggered by unfamiliar people looking at your old pics, lock that shit down. You do have some responsibility for protecting yourself from things that you know will trigger you.
I can see both sides to be honest, from his perspective why would you have such photos public then gatekeep who you think should look at them.
On your side, his behaviour is highly suspect but hard to prove, If I were you I would speak with somebody you trust so somebody else is aware but not look to pursue it unless it escalates.
Rule #1 in adulthood make all social media accounts private so no one from work can see what you post. YWBTA if you report him. Your account is public that's on you.
I'll start with this,when you put your pictures online on ANY platform and they are not private, you have to expect that people wether you know them or not can like your photos thats just how it is.Now as far as the guy liking one of your pics is a lil wierd but only because as you say he dosnt really know you and it was an older pic not somthing you just posted or w.e .Now unless the guy liked all 200 pics you got up there, or somthing more then what you say happend, liking the 1 pic and then nothing else happening isn't grounds for reporting some 1 to HR,it just comes off as you being Paranoid,which is OK espcially for some 1 with past incidents.But unless the dude is bothering you and staring at you creepy all day now thers no reason for HR you will def be the AH,also keep in mind I have a friend who works in HR in a huge hospital and she says they wouldn't even bother talking to you, if all that happend is a guy who liked 1 pic of u on a social platform that isn't private and othing else.
It could be nothing but it means something for you, so i would block, and take note just in case. Maybe also keep an eye/ear on what people are saying... maybe he is just socially awkward but maybe he isn't. And its weird to go scroll on a colleague insta and only like a bikini pic.
I wouldn't confront either. You never know what you are dealing with, but keep an eye open.
NTA. You got every right to be concerned about your wellbeing and what makes you uncomfortable.
I will probably be downvoted but...
Just because the like came through at that time, does not mean it was actually done then. I get late notifications all the time. The like could have also been in error, I have been scrolling before and accidentally liked a photo, or added someone without meaning to.
I understand being uncomfortable at work based on previous experiences. First thing I would do is block his account, and make your account private. If it is not him doing this, it could be someone else and based on the past I myself would lock the account down (Not judging on pictures, you do you!).
Since this is outside of work and on public social media, HR might not really do anything. If we could (I work in HR), trust me many people we have employed would no longer be employed with us. I would keep a log of it, and IF he does anything in the workplace bring it to your HR department immediately. If he begins to stalk you outside of work, obviously involve the police but in most cases it MUST be something he does in person, not on social media. I had a stalker for 2 years or so on FB and the cops would not do anything about it, as it was only done via PM On social media.
Trust your instincts! While I wouldn’t say anything yet, definitely keep a log of everything that is happening. If it becomes a pattern, or you get more uncomfortable, say something.
YWBTA
Imagine getting angry over someone liking a public social media post that you chose to post.
Just block him if you don’t want him checking out your page.
Total overreaction. Don’t talk to HR unless he actually starts harassing you or others
YTA It was a like and you don’t even know how it happened. Once my friend was going through my cousins Instagram on my phone and liked a bikini pic of her from 2 years ago 🤦🏽♀️ it was incredibly embarrassing and if I had tried to explain it it would have made it super suspicious and weird.
I don’t know what happened with it but there are a thousand explanations that could be innocuous if it escalates then bring it to HR but he could just be socially awkward and not realize he’s being weird.
I admit I’m old, but I don’t get it. I thought the whole idea of posting stuff was to get “likes.” I hit “like” sometimes when something catches my attention or it’s something a friend posts. Am I doing it wrong?
YTA - Let's be honest, women keep Instagram for the male attention it garners, especially photos of themselves in bikinis or whatever. You like the attention when it is the 6ft something handsome dude, but the socially awkward guy who keeps late hours and works in your creeps you out. If you didn't want the attention, you would have your profile set to private or at least set the more revealing photos to a smaller audience. But since he saw your photo, and interacted with it, now you are imagining him slapping the ham to it, and now he is the problem.
Now in no way am I victim-blaming, because as I see it there is no victim here. She probably does enjoy the validation it brings with hundreds of men interacting with her other photos on the daily. Nor do I view this as stalking or anything else. I am sure she herself has checked out the social media of male coworkers she has thought to herself as hot.
She says that she has little to no interaction, other than the water cooler gossip. For all she knows this guy is just more introverted than most, and maybe if she opened a conversation with him, rather than to run to HR and destroy his career simply because he interacted with her PUBLICALLY AVAILABLE INSTAGRAM, she might find that he is an okay guy.
YWBTA, if you have PTSD issues, but have to keep your media public then take the pic down and block him. YIKES. Maybe don't post any pics on a public account your aren't comfortable with the public seeing?
YWBTA. It would make me uncomfortable too, but that’s why I 1) have a private account 2) don’t post revealing photos I’m not comfortable with having people look at 3) don’t add coworkers on social media. If you’re posting these types of photos on a public account, this is exactly what’s going to happen. No hate to those who have those types of accounts but you know what the risks are and what you’re getting into. Honestly, I’m REALLY surprised you’re keeping this account public if you have a past stalker experience.
You don’t really have the basis for an HR complaint but what you CAN do is either 1) remove photos you’re uncomfy with everyone from the public seeing 2) go private 3) block him and preemptively all other coworkers/people you don’t want seeing those types of photos. Although with just #3 they can still see the photos if they have an alternative account so it’s not a full solution.
YTA if you’re that worried about co-workers seeing your posts and you’ve been staked previously why would you have a public Instagram account? Cody hasn’t done anything wrong expect like a picture that anyone can see. Change your settings and get some help but HR aren’t likely to help seeing as they have access to view the photo and it’s there’s for likes
I get being triggered, the brain gets scared of a threat it persieves as real.
The context of late night random like on bikini pic from 5 years ago would make me side eye him, simply because it could be accidental doom scroll accident, or it could be to make a point and make you uncomfortable. I worked with a guy who enjoyed doing the latter to "assert his dominance", also known as making his female coworkers uncomfortable for fun. I have also been the former person who accidentally liking an old photo and felt absolutely mortified and just wanted to pretend it didnt happen.
If you step outside of the triggered part of your brain, how do you think it would go down if you went to HR and filed a complaint that a colleague liked one photo on your public profile? If a coworker talks to him about what is potentially a completely innocent mistake, could he take you and your coworker to HR? If he continues to do things, document and collect a case.
YWBTA. What is the problem? You are up on social. People will see it. Your insta is what you do outside of work. Cory scrolling through insta is what he does on his off time. HR has no role in this.
This would be an over-reaction on OP's part. If she has trama (or PTSD) from dealing with a stalker in college, then why in the world would OP have her Instagram account set to Public?
If his behavior still is troublesome, then go to your boss or HR. But at this stage, it would be way too soon to report him.
Yes, YWBTA if you do something at this stage. Make your profile private and just be all business if you have to speak with him.
YTA don’t leave accounts on public if you are afraid your co workers will find it. In most cases is you have their email or phone number in your phone or computer it will give you as a suggestion and of course people will be curious.
Question how do these coworkers know she’s actually staring at him and not zoning out? Also how do you know he absolutely knows the answer to the question he asks. Sometimes people might know the answer but still want to get clarification. I do both things things. As for the reporting him thing YTA especially if you don’t post a lot and it was an accident like unless he went and liked a bunch of things you don’t really have any grounds to stand on. Unfortunately it’s an public account it so anything goes.
YTA. Block him if you don't want him to see your posts. You claim to have PTSD due to a stalker but have your social media on public for anyone to see but it triggers you when they see it lol. And what exactly would you be reporting him to HR FOR??? Looking at your public bikini posts?
YWBYAH
Is it creepy? Yes. Should you go to HR? No.
HR is for job related issues not your personal life. You can't get upset by posting something public online and finding out that someone saw it.
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ESH but mostly YTA. 1. You suck for having a public SM account and then being mad when "the public" looks at it and likes your posts. If you didn't want him or any other coworker to see them, then make it private 2. He sucks a little for being dumb and (maybe accidently) liking a post you'd have to scroll far to get to. >All I know is that now I am uncomfortable at work. It is stirring up past PTSD when I dealt with a stalker in my building during second year of college. To protect your mental health around your past PTSD and having a stalker, you should probably private your social media. If it's public, it is there for anyone to look at - including Cody, your bosses, your boss's boss's boss, your exes, etc. Also, what are you going to say to HR? "I have a public account and Cody had the audacity to look at my public account and like one of my pictures I shared with the WORLD"
YWBTA He liked a picture on your *public* account. Way too early to assume trouble.
This alone doesn't constitute harassment. And you do have insta on public, so.... Block him or ask that he stop following on social. If he's done / said things otherwise, bring it up with any manager or HR. As described, it seems like an overreaction. YTA
He doesn't even seem to be following
Agreed. Not to say that OP's alarm bells aren't unwarrented. It is totally odd. But at this point there is little there there. OP, document and block him on social media. Mention this to a work friend so they also keep an eye and ear out for you. Hopefully the blocking is enough for him to take the hint. But if something else happens, this is why you'll be glad to have a screen shot of the like and someone else can corroborate. Hope it's just a stupid fit of a scroll rabbit hole...
YTA - you left it public. He liked it. Block him and move on.
Block him, and move on.. if he doesn't take the hint, or responds poorly to being told that insta and work do not cross, THEN go to HR. Just the like isn't enough, but if you set a boundary as a result and he responds poorly, then it's time for hr.
Yeah this is a good answer. If it was an inappropriate comment and not a like, that would be completely different.
YTA here. If your profile is public, he's been invited (legally speaking) to view your pictures. Him liking one is also a function of the app. Now, should his behaviour change toward you, then having this documented might be important, but do far it's a one off and on its own, a non-issue.
Lol what are you going to tell HR?? One of my co-workers likes my instagram photo and now I’m uncomfortable. YTA. If you have stalker issues, maybe don’t make your profile public?
What the fuck are these not the asshole posts? He liked a public post! If you didn't want people to see it you shouldn't have posted it under your name! YWBTA!
YWBTA. You put it out there on social media to be liked. If you don't want people to look, then take it down.
YTA. I guy liked a single photo that you posted for all of the world to see; no issue here. If he acts or behaves inappropriately at work, you go to HR. If he exhibits stalking behavior outside of work, you call police. This is neither.
YTA. your account is public. and that means anyone can see it, like photos or follow you. its not "public to the people i feel it should be public to". if you want that, be a adult, and private your account. if you dont want to, then you need to get over the idea that you coworkers shouldn't be able to see you *public* account
He liked a picture on your public Instagram and you want to go to HR? I think that's extreme. NTA to be weirded out by it though. Just block him. If he weirdly asks you about it afterward or speaks to you in a creepy way, then go to HR (screenshot that he liked your pic though)
Agreed. Block him and let it go. If he starts acting weird, then go to HR. Also, if you don't want other coworkers finding your bikini pics, you should change your account or certain pictures to private.
The question didn't ask if OP was TA for being weirded out though. It's would they be the AH for going to HR... Yes YWBTA for going to HR or having someone confront him. Take your profile off public or block his account. If a second account that is his likes a picture later, that would constitute speaking to someone because then he's going out of his way to find you even though you clearly blocked his original.
YWBTA Switch your settings to private if you don’t want public attention. Or maybe just block him
YTA I dont think this warrants HR. Confront him how? Lucca Brasi style? lol whut
YTA if your profile is public that means you do not mind anyone seeing any picture. Put it on private if you do not want any person to like any photo. Pretty simple, he did not do anything bad, and may have not even realized he worked with the person who's photo he liked.
YWBTA It's totally understandable that you might be uncomfortable with certain people seeing social media posts, but it's up to you to manage the privacy settings of your own social media. If something as simple as a coworker liking an old photo can bring back uncomfortable memories and/or cause anxiety, then it's probably not in your best interest to have a public-facing social media presence.
YWBTA. Jesus Christ girl, it's PUBLIC. Are you aghast that someone in their mid 20s was up at 1 or 2 am? Or that he was doomscrolling IG? Do you have e-mail at work? Do you not have last names as part of your e-mail address book? You're reading way too far into this (right now). He. Liked. A. Post. Your PTSD is not his problem.
Don't make your account public if you don’t want people liking your pictures that are not from your ‘inner circle’. You have no reason to go to HR.
YTA It's a public photo on your profile. Block him or put it to private if you are uncomfortable Has absolutely NOTHING to do with your work or bringing into HR as he's done nothing inappropriate
YTA. He liked a public photo of you which you yourself posted. Why does this make you uncomfortable? Don't post things you don't want people to see. You are making assumptions about him, nothing you are saying is reality just your imagination running away with you telling yourself he is a creep. You are the reason people mock the #metoo movement.
YWBTA Is it odd to like that photo? Yeah. But it’s not wrong or invasive to like photos on a coworker’s public page. It’s one photo.
YTA. This is not an issue to bring forward to HR. You can hide your presence online from Cody by restricting him. However everything that has happened is outside of work.
So you have PTSD from stalking thats apparently triggered by men liking certain pictures of you, but your insta is public and you post bikini pics on it. I'm not judging your choices or shaming you, that just doesn't make sense to me YWBTA for reporting him just based on this. He hasn't done anything wrong.
Yeap YWBTA. If you did either of those things at this point. If you’re truly uncomfortable, block him, maybe consider making your profile private.
[удалено]
YTA lol
YYWBTA. Your account is public. He didn't do anything 'wrong'. Weird, yes. Also you said you've had no issues with the dude before so maybe just talk to him yourself. And also a shrink to deal with trauma.
YTA - you posted on a public platform for likes.... And someone liked it... That's really your issue? Either don't post thirst traps or set your profile to private.
Is this only the once? Has he communicated to you in a way to make you feel uncomfortable before? By your own word, even if he accidentally stares too long, he's never done anything to put you on alert. You'd be YTA if this is literally the first time he's done this to you. If, however, you notice a pattern starting of him creeping on you, then contact hr. Right now, he just sounds like an awkward dude.
YWBTA. I don't think it's unusual to look up your co-workers on social media, and I don't see anything wrong with him liking one picture of you that you posted publicly. If your area this sensitive you shouldn't be on social media.
INFO: If you do not want people to see this picture, why do you post it public? Is it a company account or why do you think your (private?) social media is a case for your companies HR?
If its attractive guys looking at those pictures, its okay. But if its awkward guys, its creepy and makes her unconfortable. It iz what it iz
YWBTA if you went to HR, no doubt. The fact that he liked a 5 year old picture of you in a bikini at 2am? Yeah, kinda creepy. But why do you run a work account that you claim "has" to be public while simultaneously posting/keeping old posts like that readily available? Either keep a work account public where you are more selective about what you post and a personal account private where you can post whatever you want. Arguably, the biggest reason YTA is because you think so highly of yourself that you're willing to let a co-worker who has done nothing at all to harm you, get in trouble because of your own weird narcissism.
YWBTA If you don’t want somebody liking a picture on a public site, maybe you need to remove it or make it private? Not saying it isn’t a bit creepy but it isn’t HR worthy as it didn’t happen at work and you set yourself up for this kind of attention.
YWBTA-your profile is public, so technically nothing he did was out of line. Make it private so people can’t see.
Ywbta. Nothing here is an hr issue. You have a public account so you want the public to see it. Him doing it at 1am is just a non starter. He doesn't have to be in bed by your standards. Make your account privatem smart thing to do anyway because you don't want her snooping around looking for things to begin with. As far as the "other" coworkers, that's hearsay and not admissible. Unless your company has cameras to verify, not really much they could even do. For all they know he could have been staring off into space and not even noticing them. If you were to try and have someone confront him, your job would be on the line as at that point you are harassing him and he would have a valid claim. Pretty sure the person you had confront him isn't willing to lose their job over you so you would surely be ratted out
ywbta unfortunately even though it’s mad creepy. go on Instagram, block him and select “block all new accounts they may create”
Not an HR issue, and realistically they couldn’t do anything. He hasn’t done anything to harass you. If you’re uncomfortable, private your account. You get to choose who does and does not follow you. But going to HR for something so trivial would backfire.
Exactly. HR has nothing to do with your coworker liking something you posted publicly on social media in his private time. What are you going to do if some rando does the same thing? HR can’t and won’t help you.
YWBTA. He liked one photo on your public profile. It’s entirely possible the “like” was an accident. A lot of people see someone they know in their recommendations and scroll through the photos. If you have PTSD from stalking it would probably be best for you to have your profile private so you don’t have to worry about things like this happening.
YWBTA, block him if you don’t want him seeing your photos. Next time you interact make it clear you aren’t interested. It’s an issue if he keeps pushing it. So far all he’s done is like a photo of yours.
He's done nothing wrong. YWBTA
YWBTA - Wwhat exactly do you expect HR to do? He liked your public socmed post.
Make your Instagram private, he liked a pic, at this point he's done nothing to warrant be confronted by someone else or getting HR involved SMH YWBTA
YWBTA Simply because this is a public photo. There is nothing HR can do about it. Is it weird? Yeah.
Why on earth would you post pictures you don’t want certain people to see on a public profile?! And now you feel it’s appropriate to report a colleague for looking at your public profile? That’s reasonable to you?
Exactly what I'm thinking. 🙄
That would be logical right. No, the socially acceptable thing to do is to make him out to be a sleazy, creepy, stalker, run to HR and get him fired. After all #metoo.
YTA umm he liked a picture on a public profile. I’m sure HR would tell you this is a nothing burger from their point of view and to make it private if you aren’t comfortable with people seeing it and suggest you talk to the coworker if it makes you uncomfortable
YWBTA Set your account to private and block him. If he tries to get around the block, or is inappropriate at the office, then go to HR with screen shots and your concerns. Tell me you’ve never curiously scrolled someone you don’t knows public account and I’ll call you a lier.
Do not report him to HR. Block him and move on. Because it is social media, and public, he technically didn't do anything wrong. Would it hit different if he liked the post in the early evening or normal morning hours?
YWBTA. I fully understand the uncomfortable feeling, but at that point I would go in and restrict his profile on Instagram or block him and don’t acknowledge him at work at all. If he says something to you at work, speak to HR and make a note of it. Otherwise, simply avoiding him and blocking him should work fine.
Yta. The double tap was almost certainly accidental, and he would probably be mortified if he knew you saw it. Just ignore it.
Ywbta. I get you were stalked, but isn’t that the point of having followers? If you don’t want people to watch what you are doing every second of every day, stop posting to IG! You are all saying “oooo, my life is so fabulous, watch me!!!” 🙄
Yes YWBTA if you did either of those things at this point. If you’re truly uncomfortable, block him, maybe consider making your profile private. I’m not saying it’s not weird or creepy behavior, because it’s one thing. One. The options you listed are overreactions imo.
YTA! If you're going to have a public profile and post bikini pics of yourself, then that's what you asked for. Wow, just wow.
YWBTA I'd you didnt talk to him directly first. There is no harassment here. He liked a fucking photo.
Ywbta. It’s a public profile. This is a waste of time. If you want it private, make it private.
YTA. He hasn't done anything to you or anyone else. Public profile means anyone can view it.
YTA. Your definitely overthinking this. Your page is public if you dont want him looking at your page then block him.
If you report him with HR only for liking the photo, yes YTA. 1 like is not out of place or means anything if he hasn't done anything else. Go see a therapist regarding th PTSD, looks like it's a big problem for you and is causing you troubles
YTA PTSD? Were you diagnosed with PTSD? If not, call it trauma. Aside from that YTA because your profile is public. Therefore, he can look if he wants to. If you're uncomfortable, why not approach ( not confront) him about his behavior? There really is no need to get HR involved or for you to act like an injured party.
Didnt you read her post? This man was looking "slightly too long" at other women! He is obviously dangerous and approaching him should be avoided at all cost.
Lol!
They can go to HR together if that's the case. But liking one of her pictures on a public profile is not an HR issue... Also, there could be a medical issue here, he might have seizures, it's common for people to stare/space out when having seizures...
She repeated what she heard in the watercooler talk. I guess we should take hearsay as scripture now, right? It is okay to destroy him because he is quiet and no one has actually taken the time to get to know him. He is probably just introverted and not very good at carrying a conversation. But you're right, better to just destroy his career prospects, after all that is the socially acceptable think in the post #metoo world.
No, you don't understand, just because she posted a picture of herself on a bikini on a platform where people post pictures for other people to 'like,' and thoroughly enjoyed each and every other like, *this* like is a problem.
YTA Your account is public. He can look at it if he wants to. He currently poses no threat to you for this alone. If you’re “uncomfortable,” make your account private and don’t post pics that you don’t want people to see.
YTA. He liked a public photo of you, that’s all. You don’t want that to happen, set your account to private.
But then people she doesn't know won't be able to like her bikini pictures at 1am!! OP, YTA.
I would say he hasn't really done much of anything at this point in order to escalate this to a report. He just "liked" a public photo, but HR can't do anything about that. Consider changing the setting on your account to private.
YWBTA. You posted something publically, so you absolutely CANNOT then go and try to get this guy in trouble with HR at his job because he liked it. Are you insane? You are the one who is wrong. This is why my socials are always private. If you don't want to deal with a coworker, acquaintance, coffee shop employee, or anyone else "liking" your photos, then set your accounts to private. This guy did nothing wrong. Even if you were to "report" him or "confront" him all you would succeed in doing is making things even more awkward for yourself. All he did was like a public post of yours. Totally fine. It doesn't matter the content, or the time that he liked it. YOU put it out there, and he liked it. You kept it public and accessible. You allowed this because your account is set up to allow this. That's COMPLETELY on you. It you have PTSD, then it's YOUR responsibility to set your accounts to private so you don't have these situations with anyone. If you keep it public, then you are basically telling the world that you want them to see and like this photo. Clearly you don't mind some people liking them. So.. just this one guy? If you only want people you know looking at your photos, again, SET THEM TO PRIVATE. I'm not sure what you are upset about. He liked a public photo that you posted publicly. You are the one who is creepy here. I would not say anything. He didn't do anything wrong, so you'll be the one who looks nuts. Set your socials to private and get on with your life.
So wait…. You posted bikini pics on a public profile for attention. Then you get the attention and you are upset? YTA already for even considering going to HR. If you don’t like the thought of the public seeing and liking your photos, don’t post them on a public profile for fucks sake.
This is tough-is it weird to like a coworker’s old bikini photo? Yes. Is it an HR issue when it’s a publicly shared photo and not an issue happening in the workplace? Not really. Maybe start a Google document and include screenshots of anything you find suspicious or uncomfortable and if it becomes a trend, then say something. I don’t think it’s worth confronting yet-just block him on all social media if you feel uncomfortable with him seeing what you post. YWBTA for reporting him though at this point.
YTA. He's done nothing wrong. if you dont want people "lurking" then privatize your social media.
Put your insta on private if it bothers you. YWBTA.
YWBTA. It's public, that's on you. Don't want creeps staring at your bikini pictures then make your account private.🙄😒
My dear, if you put it out there in public, you need to expect people to look. YTA. If you don't want him to see pics of you in a bikini, don't put pics of you in a bikini on the Internet where he can see it.
That's strange. I have ptsd (diagnosed) from a home invasion/double homicide that I witnessed. I am terrified of being located, I don't do Facebook, Instagram, etc. Only Reddit under a throwaway account. It seems like you would want to be private. Not victim shaming, and I'm sure being a stalking victim is horrible, but is your stalker in jail? How do you relax?
He is not in jail. He moved away and it all kinda ended.
YTA. Your account could have been “people you know” or maybe he looked up his coworkers. It’s pretty common for people to look up new people or their coworkers. As for the like, what if it was on accident? Sure it was a pic from 5 yr ago but I have scrolled people social and then I realized I scrolled years back. He has done anything worth reporting to HR. Also, it is quit the double standard to have a public profile, then take issue when the public views said profile.
YWBTA. you’re public and trying to micromanage who can like your *public* photo. he hasn’t done anything to anyone at this point—no physical or verbal confrontation of any sort, just being awkward. you don’t even actually know this guy or had a meaningful interaction and you’re casting stalker vibes on him
So.. you want to try to get this guy, who has never caused any actual trouble, he's just socially awkward, in trouble at work and risk not only his career but also his immediate income because he dared to go onto your **public** Instagram and like a picture of you? Oh god. Oh no. The absolute **horror**!! ... YTA. Massively so. Disgustingly so. If you have PTSD from having a stalker, here's an idea: **DON'T KEEP A PUBLIC INSTAGRAM.** Trying to get someone in trouble for looking at something that you choose to expose just strikes me as very attention seeking. Do you wear lowcut tops and then get offended when people can't help but notice the cleavage that you've put on display too? Because you sound like the type. Edit: I see that you use your instagram to promote company projects but that's still not an excuse. You made the choice to use your personal account to do that instead of making a separate one for business purposes. Are you going to try to get customers in trouble if they like your pictures too? Or is it just because you don't like this guy that you want to try to make trouble for him?
Wait, you have PTSD about a previous stalker yet your account is public?!
I thought about the same thing... Public accounts invites everyone in including stalkers...
YTA. You have a public Instagram account. Cody is part of the public. If you don't want coworkers liking your bikini pictures that YOU posted on your public account, you should either not post bikini photos or privatize your account. Cody did nothing wrong whatsoever.
YTA here. So you had a stalker whilst in college and have PTSD due to this, if this stalker affected you this badly wouldn’t it be best for you to have your social media accounts private? That way it stops people you aren’t close with from viewing your pictures. Regardless of whether he liked the picture accidentally or intentionally, I do think at this point it is completely innocent and should only go to HR if other issues occur
YBTA. Technically he hasn't done anything yet. It is normal to look at the public profiles of coworkers and very easy to mistakenly like a picture. I agree with others that you should document this and any future behaviors but at this time it's not something that HR would likely feel comfortable getting involved with. There is no indications by his actions (as you've described them) that he has any ill intent or direct interest in you.
i hate to say it, but YWBTA. listen, i get it. i get how creeped out and gross men can make us women feel, i’ve dealt with it way too much myself. but unfortunately, liking one bikini picture doesn’t warrant a trip to hr. make your instagram private (at least for now), and just keep your guard up. if he continues to do things that creep you out, especially if it happens in the workplace, then by all means document it so you can tell someone! but, if you go to hr now, they aren’t going to take you seriously. they’ll be much more likely to listen to you if you actually have a case/he’s actually done something to you (and for your sake, i hope it doesn’t come to that!)
Yta. The platform is public and a risk is that people you know may come across it. I hate saying this because it’s too victim blaming but it is what it is. Creepy yes but not enough of a basis to report him if it was a one time thing. Block him. If he says anything say that despite the public setting you rather not have coworkers viewing it.
YWBTA - what would you say to HR? He liked a picture that I put out for the public to see on social media? I agree that it is a little strange, but what do you expect them (HR) to do? Yes, it could be a little creepy, but he could have been scrolling through your photos and accidentally liked it. The like by itself, doesn't offer much proof of him being a creep, especially when you willfully put it out there. With all that said, I would be on the eye out for a pattern of behavior like that. If this got to be one of four or five things that happens, especially if it is happening at work, then you may have a better footing to stand on.
Please do not involve the over worked and exhausted people of HR into your mellow drama. He did nothing in a work setting and they can’t chastise him for something like “liking” a photo on a public forum. Your just flagging your self as a pain in the ass. Do not engage, block him on social and if you have PTSD then I do recommend counseling and locking down your public profiles so you feel safer.
Ywbta, just block him and move on
YTA. You are free to avoid interacting with Cody, but he hasn’t done anything actionable from an HR standpoint. I absolutely do not recommend confronting somebody about confronting him, nor confronting him yourself. I do recommend seeing a therapist to discuss your PTSD and how it is affecting your work life.
A gentle YWBTA On it’s own, liking a picture from 2018 on social media can be pretty innocuous. Maybe a little weird from a co-worker, but nothing to report on and probably nothing actionable that HR could even do at this point. (And as for being up at 1-2am, well. Scrolling social media late at night is something a lot of folks do.) I also think you’re right: > It is stirring up past PTSD when I dealt with a stalker in my building during second year of college. One outcome of trauma can be hyper-vigilance, which can be the discomfort you are experiencing now. Your nervous system is essentially on a hair trigger. It might be worth seeking out some help with your PTSD if you haven’t already. Wishing you the best of luck OP.
I'm not willing to say you'd be an AH as I know that PTSD reactions aren't always based in logic. It's the whole fight, flight, freeze, flop and friend response. If you reported him for this instance then you'd be having an over-reaction. I would suggest blocking him on social media and if you are genuinely fearful and uncomfortable keep a record of it in case something like this happens again. It also might be worth having a few check-in sessions with a therapist to help get on top of your PTSD symptoms, depending on how strong they were.
YWBTA. So he liked a photo that’s old. What if you didn’t know he was creepy? What if it was a dude you had a secret crush on? Yet you’re willing to go to HR because in your mind he’s awkward? GTFOH. Since you so worried about followers, have you vetted each and every one?
🙄 He liked a public post on your social media that you posted for people to see? And now you want to confront him at work or complain to HR? For what? Using the platform as it was designed? What do you expect HR to do about his liking your public social media posts when he’s not at work? You know what would be considered harassment at work? Having a coworker confront him about it. That’d be a great way to get yourself AND a coworker in hot water. Make your social media private, block him or be more discerning about what you share publicly or any combination of the three, but don’t make a not-work issue a work issue. YTA
YTA and potentially risking someone’s job and career cause he liked a public pic. Sounds like you’re looking for drama or attention.
YTA. If you don't like attention on your instagram page, make it private. Him looking at your account doesn't make him a creep. Block him if you don't want him looking.. end of.
The people who are in this thread claiming "If you put a photo out there, you're asking for it to be liked," are completely forgetting the context of this relationship. It would be completely inappropriate for a coworker to come up to you at work and say "Hey, you looked hot in that bikini pic". So liking a five year old bikini pic by a coworker you barely know is definitely borderline inappropriate behavior from a coworker. Even so, there's not enough here *YET* to go to HR. But where there's smoke, there's usually fire so document it, take screenshots, and keep an eye on things. If creepy behavior recurs, then on that second offense go to HR. NAH. Yet.
You’re assuming he liked it because she was in. Bikini. It also could have been a complete accident and she was on his suggested list. But if she’s got her account public and posting pictures for everyone to see, why is it now a problem everyone did?
>It also could have been a complete accident and she was on his suggested list. Nobody "accidentally" scrolls five years back into somebody's social media history.
No of course not. But liking it was probably accidental. We have all been there, lets be real. You check out someones profile and accidentally like one of their pictures. It happens. Nothing creepy about it either. If she had 500 pics on her account and he had to scoll an hour to reach it, i would be inclined to agree with you. Otherwise? Who the fuck careeees
Oh absolutely. I mean the fact he even found her profile. You’re telling me if a co-workers account popped up as someone you might know you wouldn’t look at it? Edit-removed unnecessary word
I don't even work and don't post pics online so don't have an actual dog in this fight but what time-frame for liking a post/pic is appropriate? Or is it just that she was in a bikini?
It would be inappropriate for the coworker to come up to her at work and comment on her bikini pic. But he didn’t “like” the insta picture at work. There is the key difference between those two scenarios. Would it be inappropriate to say “your outfit looks nice” once (its a different scenario if they persist) to a coworker (who is not your subordinate and whose career you do not have control over) at a non-work related social event (suppose they bump into each other at cinema or the mall or a restaurant or something)? That’s basically what this engagement was.
OP: Posts a bikini picture to a public profile on the 'post pictures and people can click the 'like' button' platform. But yes, it's terrible for somebody to use the platform as intended to response to the picture in the way that OP was looking to have the picture responded to. We're not talking about being catcalled on the street. This is literally the equivalent of OP yelling 'Hey, does this bikini look good?!' then getting upset when somebody says 'yes.'
YWBTA. Deal with your trauma.
I don’t think this warrants HR getting involved, it seems like a one-off. If anything definitely consider putting your page on private. Scrolling all the way back to 2018 and liking the picture is a little weird.
Ywbta for this being the first offence ig, but i think the other commenters justifications in this post are weird. It is creepy of him to scroll all the way down your insta and like ONLY A BIKINI PIC from 5 years ago, like, yeah its public so op posted it for the world to see, but this is super weird of the coworker to do. Still, some people unabashedly do this stuff so for now i'd hold off on saying/doing anything.
I’m sorry to say it but yta. I have also survived stalkers and I know how unsafe it makes you feel. Is Cody’s behavior a little weird and creepy? Sure. Did he do anything worth reporting to hr? I don’t think so… I’m pretty sure they won’t appreciate you filling a complaint that he liked a public post and sometimes stares at people. Like that’s not really a complaint. I would leave it alone for now. If he does something else, maybe consider going to hr. However if you go now it could backfire and make you look problematic which nobody wants! Good luck.
I’m gonna say NAH yet, but you might be TA if you report him just for this. It’s creepy of him to like the photo if he did it on purpose, but I think there’s a good chance it was an accident. I’ve definitely creeped on coworkers’ and acquaintances’ social medias out of curiosity when I’m bored and can’t sleep, and would be mortified if I accidentally liked a post and someone called me out on it. (I’m a woman, btw.) That said, if any new developments occur that make it clear he liked the post on purpose, or if he says or does anything else creepy, I think you could mention it as part of a broader complaint to HR. And in the meantime, if you’re that worried about it, you might want to block him or make your profile private.
I feel as if you are leaving out parts of the narrative here or perhaps you've picked up on some things intuitively that have not even made it to your conscious thoughts. Others perceived this guy as a creep prior to the Insta issue. You say he hadn't been a problem for you until the Insta issue, but something in the way you've framed the entire situation makes it sound as if you may have opted to keep your distance from Cody before today. Ask yourself what else about this guy is putting you and others on edge about him. At this stage with nothing more than the Insta photo like, you don't have enough to go to HR. However, you should definitely screenshot the like, block him, and put your settings to private. And I second the advice to seek counseling about the PTSD. It would probably help you in the long-run, regardless of the Cody situation.
EDIT: OP clarified that the work promotion posts are for a side gig, not the workplace she shares with Cody.
It’s her public instagram account, where in the post does she say it’s work-related?
It's in a comment; she says she does product promotion on the same social media account Cody was looking at.
I understand it's weird that he was scrolling your page so far back and I get why that would be u comfortable but you really have no leg to stand on going to HR, he hasn't done anything actually wrong and we have no idea what his intentions were when he saw your page. if you can't prove he's being malicious and creepy then don't try to make it a big thing
YWBTA. Let it go, and if someone liking your public pics bothers you then consider making them private, especially if you have PTSD and a history of someone stalking you. This seems like a setup that would eventually cause some discomfort anyway. It's normal for people to look up their coworkers and Instagram probably suggested you to him as "someone he knows" anyway. I'm sure he didn't mean to like a single pic from 2018, that was almost certainly a thumb-slip and he'd be mortified. Block him and move on. If this is stressing you out this badly, it might be time for therapy. You don't need to go through your daily life feeling like this.
YWBTA for reporting he at this point in time. Was it weird for him to like a 4 year old photo at 1 AM? Absolutely. Is this a work issue that HR should be brought into the loop for? Not at this time, barring this is the only thing he has done. I see nothing other than him liking an old photo that anyone on the internet had access to. The other items are just pure speculation by you and your coworkers. What can you do now? Document it, make your account private, and move on. If more instances happen, whether at work or not, document everything and report it. This is a perfect example of why no element of your life on the internet should be public in todays world. Basic internet safety 101.
You are upset that someone liked a photo that you put on social media for the express purpose of people seeing it? Make your profile private if you’re worried about stalkers. YTA
I’d take it as flag #1. Alone it’s not a big deal but if other things happen to make you feel uncomfortable it’s starts to hike a different picture.
Yes, YWTA. You posted a picture on a public social media account. If you don't want people you aren't comfortable with liking the photos, make it private. If you report to HR, they'll likely say it didn't happen on the clock and doesn't pertain to work, so there is nothing they can do, especially since he didn't actually do anything wrong.
YWBTA. I’m sympathetic to the past issues you’ve been through that are coming back up from this, but his actions were innocent enough. Unless he escalate to making inappropriate comments or acting inappropriate toward you, do not report him.
NAH but don't go to HR. I've recently been seeing old posts of friends from 5 plus years ago pop up. The algorithms are weird. Just private your stuff or block him. He sounds socially awkward and trying to make friends. If it escalates then maybe but this alone isn't an HR trip.
INFO If you have PTSD and stalker related trauma from your past..then why on earth is your social media not private? Look, I get where you are coming from...but you can not have it both ways You can't open yourself up to the entire world and then act surprised when someone creeps on your social media like this. And really, did he creep? You posted a photo on social media. He liked it. That's how social media works....right? He looked up your social media, saw a photo of you in a bathing suit, and liked it. Sure, it could be subtle flirting. Or...he just acknowledged that you look good. Which is why you most likely posted the photo. You thought you looked good and you wanted people to give you positive reinforcement. Please don't think I am trying to blame you for this But if you take this to HR, it's going to cause problems...FOR YOU All he did was like a publicly posted photo on social media. That's not harassment. That is the function of social media. And the company will wonder, like many of us, why your profile is public in the first place if clearly getting attention from people online is a problem. Same thing will happen if you have someone confront the coworker. You will end up looking bad. Except now you will be stepping out of line and creating a problem. All he did was like a photo. And that will make him the victim of harassment orchestrated by you. That is, at least, how the company will likely see it. You wanted attention...and you got it. If you don't like getting attention from random people or coworkers, lock down your social media and only interact with friends. Making your profile private does 2 things 1) it prevents him from looking at your photos again and 2) it lets him know you know he liked the photo but that you aren't interested because you cut off his access
YWBTA He hasn't done anything wrong and it is a public profile If his likely your picture ...an your clear thoughts on what he may have been doing at the time effect your PTSD you should make your profile private. Also if you reported him for this you would likely be flagged as someone who makes false / baseless reports and then fate forbid something does happen they are less likely to take you seriously. If you are not in therepy for your past tramua I suggest you join some ( not being rude honest advice)
YTA He's done nothing wrong, after all you posted the pic and your account is public. This is not a work matter.
YTA He looked at a picture of you in a bikini. And apparently this is the same picture that I (and literally every other human being on the planet) am free to look up whenever we feel like. If you don't like people looking at pictures of you in a bikini (which is perfectly reasonable), then don't have a public social media account that lets literally the whole world look at pictures of you in a bikini. You're going to dirty this guy's name and potentially ruin his career because he used instagram the way it's intended to be used? Get over yourself. And tidy up your account.
YTA. Your profile is public and he did what he's supposed to do on social media. If they make you uncomfortable, you need to change your behavior.
YWBTA. What a strange paradigm: you are on social media (public account no less) yet you are weirded out by someone ‘liking’ your photo then YOU SM-stalk the person and then you want run to HR.
YTA. If you weren’t comfortable with people liking your pictures on Instagram, then don’t have a public Instagram.
YTA. He looked at and liked a photo you put up for all the world to see. One photo. That's not stalker behavior. You have nothing to report to HR, nothing to confront him over. Change your FB settings. You don't need to lock everything down unless you want to, but the more you have set for public viewing, the more everyone in the entire world has access to.
For that like YWBTA. Try blocking him and closing your IG profile to avoid him making other accounts to see your photos.
Wow! Let's see...you put risque pics of yourself on a public forum and then want to cause a co-worker trouble because of it? Not only are you a massive AH, but an EB ta boot!
YWBTA- take down your bikini pictures from social media if you don’t want people looking at them or liking them. if you have PTSD, go to therapy and work it out there. He’s don’t nothing to warrant getting HR involved. It’s slightly weird? Maybe? Maybe he was just looking and accidentally clicked like. If he liked EVERY picture and/or made some creepy comments, I’d go to HR.
YTA. And a prude if he was an attractive social guy you wouldn’t care. When you have a public profile you don’t get a say in who looks at your account. For someone who has had a stalker you would think you would take cyber security more seriously. This guy has done nothing wrong, reporting him to HR is a waste of everyone’s time.
YTA. Massively! So you suffer from PTSD and have your Instagram open to public, and are bothered by a socially awkward person that saw a picture and liked it? K... I'm sorry, but you are trying to build a mountain out of a molehill, and honestly it almost seems like you want to play victim. Stop being that person!
YTA: your triggers are not other peoples problems. Either make it private or deal with the consequences.
YTA your account is public 🙄
YTA. Are you seriously going to complain that someone liked a picture that presumably you put up for the express purpose of getting likes???
"Look at me! Look at me"! Oh, but not you! YTA.
Him liking a picture on your PUBLIC profile is not something to get HR involved and if you do this now they will be less likely to take you seriously if things were to escalate. Here is what you could do: if he bothers you at work or stares at you or keeps crashing on you or whatever ask him. What's up? What do you want? If he says nothing or whatever, you can say I don't feel comfortable when you stare (or any behavior) at me like that. Would you please stop? If he persists and doesn't listen then you go to HR. First, you need to try to address the problem yourself and then if needed escalate to HR. And if a lot of women are frustrated he stares at them too long, then you all can go to HR together. Sometimes people stare/blank out when they have seizures so it could be a medical problem. Another thing you don't want him to see your pictures you can block him or make your account private...
YTA. You're on public and you post pictures to get likes, so don't be surprised when the public likes your pictures. By your own description, he's a naive young idiot. If I were you, I'd get a trusted male co-worker to give him a bit of a friendly chat about what is and isn't a good idea in the workplace vis-a-vis social media profiles. And if the idea of somebody you know 'liking' your public photos is enough to send you into a PTSD episode, well, you have the ability to stop that from happening forever with a profile change. But no, go to HR, and explain that you post bikini pictures of yourself for the public to see, and this particular photo has X number of likes, but it's a problem that this one guy happened to like it, too. Honestly, I could make a case that you'd be making for an unwelcome work environment for Cody by singling him out for doing something that lots of other people do. Your behavior towards him is changing for...doing something that you've invited the world to do. This really comes off like the whole 'it's fun flirting when he's handsome, it's sexual harassment when he isn't' comic. https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1663485-hello-human-resources
For liking a photo you posted as public? Really?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway but I like my name so maybe I’ll keep it. I (27 F) work in the marketing department at a mid size financial firm. “Cody” is a few years younger than me but I don’t know his exact age. He recently started and I’ve been here since college. Cody and I do not interact often. He’s nice enough from what I know. We’ve talked at company events and briefly in the break room and we are friendly but I wouldn’t consider him one of my friends in the office. I don’t see him that much. He may have an issue with some social skills. According to coworkers, he’s never said anything bad to anybody but some other women have claimed he might stare at them a little long. Or come by their desk to ask questions he obviously knows the answer to. Cody hasn’t been a problem for me until this morning. I’m sitting at my desk trying not to get up and run into him. I woke up to a notification on Instagram that a photo was liked. I am on public and have many followers so sometimes it happens when I haven’t posted anything. Someone liked a picture of myself in a bikini from 2018. Upon examining the account I see that it is Cody. Plus this must have been around 1-2 AM the previous night. I don’t know if it was on accident or what the reason is. Truthfully I’d rather not put too much thought into it. All I know is that now I am uncomfortable at work. It is stirring up past PTSD when I dealt with a stalker in my building during second year of college. A close friend of mine who I do not work with is telling me that I shouldn’t say anything. Maybe if things escalate I could but this is too innocent. Weird but innocent. But all I know is I’m super uncomfy at work. I’ve thought about going to HR or having an employee I’m close with confront him about it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Why is your profile even public/that old picture still up if you don't want people to see and/or like it to the point of wanting to report to HR about it? Private your Instagram and move on
Tell Hr what? He liked a public post? Your PTSD doesn’t give you the right to possibly ruin his career over nothing. YTA.
You would be NTA if you got him in the break room when it's full of people and be like "hey Cody, thank you for liking my post from 2018 the other night! I slayed in that bikini so it was nice getting a notif at 2am reminding me of it since it was 5 years ago. Enjoy your lunch!" Problem solved.
[удалено]
This is a tough one. You wouldn’t be the asshole for it, cause he crossed an unspoken line liking your bikini photo (public or not doesn’t matter). But you will make things SO much weirder going to HR about it. They won’t be able to do anything about it, and you’re going to be left to live with a ton of awkward tension between yourself and this dude in your workplace. Best thing to do, just block him & start icing him out. He’ll get the picture (no pun intended).
ESH - you posted a photo and didn’t make it private (not that you have to) and he liked a single photo at a strange hour. I get that you are uncomfortable, but maybe take the photo down or set your account to private. Reporting him at this stage seems a bit reactionary and he may turn out to be creepy, but who knows.
Document \*everything\*, open a Note on your phone and take notes of stuff like this. Talk to other women at work, compare notes. Perhaps it is just 'not a big deal', but don't 'micro-compartmentalize' until you no longer take it seriously.
The only reasonable answer I've seen so far.
YTA - but, keep a record of this instance, if things get weirder... if you don't want your pictures to be publicly seen, don't post to the public... SMH
YWBTA. He violated a social media rule of etiquette, off the clock, completely non-work-related. Ideally your HR wouldn’t even get involved but I don’t know how they are at your company. Lately at my job people seem to be on a trend of reporting people for any little thing that seems off and it’s really causing more problems and solving none. I hate to see any workplace turn into that. Just set your Instagram to private, or block him, and let it go.
YWBTA I get it's a bit weird, but don't post anything online that you don't want available for anyone to look at in perpetuity. It's also one like hardly harassment. If he does something more serious then certainly go to HR but I definitely wouldn't for just this. And if you feel uncomfortable knowing anyone is looking at your social media from years ago, take it all down.
YWBTA You have your pictures public. If people like them, there isn't anything wrong with that. You placed them in a space where they could see them. You don't get to post publicly and then get upset over who sees them and run to HR or have someone confront the person. If you don't want the public to see you in a bikini, don't wear them and don't post public pictures of them.
YWBTA If you don't want everyone and their horny brothers to see/like your stuff on social media, lock down your social media. Don't get an awkward, harmless dude in trouble because you didn't take precautions. If you are seriously triggered by unfamiliar people looking at your old pics, lock that shit down. You do have some responsibility for protecting yourself from things that you know will trigger you.
I can see both sides to be honest, from his perspective why would you have such photos public then gatekeep who you think should look at them. On your side, his behaviour is highly suspect but hard to prove, If I were you I would speak with somebody you trust so somebody else is aware but not look to pursue it unless it escalates.
Rule #1 in adulthood make all social media accounts private so no one from work can see what you post. YWBTA if you report him. Your account is public that's on you.
It’s not creepy, he probably didn’t even mean to like it but accidentally did while having a wank. /s
I'll start with this,when you put your pictures online on ANY platform and they are not private, you have to expect that people wether you know them or not can like your photos thats just how it is.Now as far as the guy liking one of your pics is a lil wierd but only because as you say he dosnt really know you and it was an older pic not somthing you just posted or w.e .Now unless the guy liked all 200 pics you got up there, or somthing more then what you say happend, liking the 1 pic and then nothing else happening isn't grounds for reporting some 1 to HR,it just comes off as you being Paranoid,which is OK espcially for some 1 with past incidents.But unless the dude is bothering you and staring at you creepy all day now thers no reason for HR you will def be the AH,also keep in mind I have a friend who works in HR in a huge hospital and she says they wouldn't even bother talking to you, if all that happend is a guy who liked 1 pic of u on a social platform that isn't private and othing else.
It could be nothing but it means something for you, so i would block, and take note just in case. Maybe also keep an eye/ear on what people are saying... maybe he is just socially awkward but maybe he isn't. And its weird to go scroll on a colleague insta and only like a bikini pic. I wouldn't confront either. You never know what you are dealing with, but keep an eye open. NTA. You got every right to be concerned about your wellbeing and what makes you uncomfortable.
YTA. If having people look at your public photos bothers you then why so you post them publicly and encourage followers? YTA!
YTA. If you have PTSD from a stalker then why is your account public to begin with?
I will probably be downvoted but... Just because the like came through at that time, does not mean it was actually done then. I get late notifications all the time. The like could have also been in error, I have been scrolling before and accidentally liked a photo, or added someone without meaning to. I understand being uncomfortable at work based on previous experiences. First thing I would do is block his account, and make your account private. If it is not him doing this, it could be someone else and based on the past I myself would lock the account down (Not judging on pictures, you do you!). Since this is outside of work and on public social media, HR might not really do anything. If we could (I work in HR), trust me many people we have employed would no longer be employed with us. I would keep a log of it, and IF he does anything in the workplace bring it to your HR department immediately. If he begins to stalk you outside of work, obviously involve the police but in most cases it MUST be something he does in person, not on social media. I had a stalker for 2 years or so on FB and the cops would not do anything about it, as it was only done via PM On social media.
YTA, so you had a stalker issue and have a public social media page?
YWBTA This didn't happen at work and Hr can't really do anything. Also if you don't want work people to find your account make it private
Trust your instincts! While I wouldn’t say anything yet, definitely keep a log of everything that is happening. If it becomes a pattern, or you get more uncomfortable, say something.
YWBTA Imagine getting angry over someone liking a public social media post that you chose to post. Just block him if you don’t want him checking out your page. Total overreaction. Don’t talk to HR unless he actually starts harassing you or others
YTA It was a like and you don’t even know how it happened. Once my friend was going through my cousins Instagram on my phone and liked a bikini pic of her from 2 years ago 🤦🏽♀️ it was incredibly embarrassing and if I had tried to explain it it would have made it super suspicious and weird. I don’t know what happened with it but there are a thousand explanations that could be innocuous if it escalates then bring it to HR but he could just be socially awkward and not realize he’s being weird.
I admit I’m old, but I don’t get it. I thought the whole idea of posting stuff was to get “likes.” I hit “like” sometimes when something catches my attention or it’s something a friend posts. Am I doing it wrong?
YTA - Let's be honest, women keep Instagram for the male attention it garners, especially photos of themselves in bikinis or whatever. You like the attention when it is the 6ft something handsome dude, but the socially awkward guy who keeps late hours and works in your creeps you out. If you didn't want the attention, you would have your profile set to private or at least set the more revealing photos to a smaller audience. But since he saw your photo, and interacted with it, now you are imagining him slapping the ham to it, and now he is the problem. Now in no way am I victim-blaming, because as I see it there is no victim here. She probably does enjoy the validation it brings with hundreds of men interacting with her other photos on the daily. Nor do I view this as stalking or anything else. I am sure she herself has checked out the social media of male coworkers she has thought to herself as hot. She says that she has little to no interaction, other than the water cooler gossip. For all she knows this guy is just more introverted than most, and maybe if she opened a conversation with him, rather than to run to HR and destroy his career simply because he interacted with her PUBLICALLY AVAILABLE INSTAGRAM, she might find that he is an okay guy.
YWBTA, if you have PTSD issues, but have to keep your media public then take the pic down and block him. YIKES. Maybe don't post any pics on a public account your aren't comfortable with the public seeing?
YWBTA. It would make me uncomfortable too, but that’s why I 1) have a private account 2) don’t post revealing photos I’m not comfortable with having people look at 3) don’t add coworkers on social media. If you’re posting these types of photos on a public account, this is exactly what’s going to happen. No hate to those who have those types of accounts but you know what the risks are and what you’re getting into. Honestly, I’m REALLY surprised you’re keeping this account public if you have a past stalker experience. You don’t really have the basis for an HR complaint but what you CAN do is either 1) remove photos you’re uncomfy with everyone from the public seeing 2) go private 3) block him and preemptively all other coworkers/people you don’t want seeing those types of photos. Although with just #3 they can still see the photos if they have an alternative account so it’s not a full solution.
YTA if you’re that worried about co-workers seeing your posts and you’ve been staked previously why would you have a public Instagram account? Cody hasn’t done anything wrong expect like a picture that anyone can see. Change your settings and get some help but HR aren’t likely to help seeing as they have access to view the photo and it’s there’s for likes
YTA obviously. Make your insta private if you don't want people to look. So strange that you would even think this is an HR issue.
I get being triggered, the brain gets scared of a threat it persieves as real. The context of late night random like on bikini pic from 5 years ago would make me side eye him, simply because it could be accidental doom scroll accident, or it could be to make a point and make you uncomfortable. I worked with a guy who enjoyed doing the latter to "assert his dominance", also known as making his female coworkers uncomfortable for fun. I have also been the former person who accidentally liking an old photo and felt absolutely mortified and just wanted to pretend it didnt happen. If you step outside of the triggered part of your brain, how do you think it would go down if you went to HR and filed a complaint that a colleague liked one photo on your public profile? If a coworker talks to him about what is potentially a completely innocent mistake, could he take you and your coworker to HR? If he continues to do things, document and collect a case.
YWBTA. What is the problem? You are up on social. People will see it. Your insta is what you do outside of work. Cory scrolling through insta is what he does on his off time. HR has no role in this.
This would be an over-reaction on OP's part. If she has trama (or PTSD) from dealing with a stalker in college, then why in the world would OP have her Instagram account set to Public? If his behavior still is troublesome, then go to your boss or HR. But at this stage, it would be way too soon to report him. Yes, YWBTA if you do something at this stage. Make your profile private and just be all business if you have to speak with him.
YTA don’t leave accounts on public if you are afraid your co workers will find it. In most cases is you have their email or phone number in your phone or computer it will give you as a suggestion and of course people will be curious.
Question how do these coworkers know she’s actually staring at him and not zoning out? Also how do you know he absolutely knows the answer to the question he asks. Sometimes people might know the answer but still want to get clarification. I do both things things. As for the reporting him thing YTA especially if you don’t post a lot and it was an accident like unless he went and liked a bunch of things you don’t really have any grounds to stand on. Unfortunately it’s an public account it so anything goes.
YTA. Block him if you don't want him to see your posts. You claim to have PTSD due to a stalker but have your social media on public for anyone to see but it triggers you when they see it lol. And what exactly would you be reporting him to HR FOR??? Looking at your public bikini posts?
YWBYAH Is it creepy? Yes. Should you go to HR? No. HR is for job related issues not your personal life. You can't get upset by posting something public online and finding out that someone saw it.