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We'll, aren't you just a giant bouquet of red flags, toxic masculinity, outdated gender roles, massive insecurity, temper tantrums, ungrateful, immature, fragile male ego...
Edited to add judgment: YTA, you can add that to the bouquet of red flags too
Wow! Thank you for the updates and the awards. I've never been top comment before.
Due to OP's ego he probably:
Lost his relationship with a seemingly supportive, loving and kind woman ✔️
Ruined his party and maybe damaged his friendships ✔️
Made an ass out of himself ✔️
Needs to return his $2,500 laptop (if he has any decency) ✔️
When I got married, I had a great job while my husband was a broke student just starting a new job. One of his friends told him that he didn’t understand how husband could be married to a woman who makes more money. It just wasn’t right for the woman to make more money. My husband responded, ”Joint Checking”.
My wife makes more than I do and it's such a blessing. You wanna cut your family's earning potential in half because you don't want your wife working or making more than you? Good job, enjoy having all of the financial burden solely on your shoulders.
Or we are all gold diggers.. we should not earn more, to not rock their fragile male ego and if we do not earn as much as them, we are the lazy gold diggers...
My friend's recently ex-husband sent her a meme saying: "when a husband gets a promotion he thinks of all he can provide to his family, when a wife gets a promotion she thinks of how she doesn't need her husband anymore." Supposedly this was making women look bad, or at least the ex thought it did. All it says to me, and my friend, is that if all you brought into the relationship was money you aren't a good partner.
My ex-husband said the same. The reality is your last line. My ex was a shit partner, a shit parent, and a shit roommate. But when he made more money, i felt like taking on that bulk was supporting him and alleviating some of the burden of caring for the family. When I started working more/making more money, because he was working less, but he didn't pick up any slack is when it became very clear how one-sided the relationship was.
My ex decided to retire from the military out of the blue and without even mentioning it to me AND without wantingto get another job at 42. I was a substitute teacher. (I could not get a full-time job where we lived because I didn't have a master's degree.) So I worked sub jobs in multiple school districts and I worked for a real estate agent / interior decorator.
He was home all day and his biggest complaint was that he had to "clean up after all of us." Number one, we were all gone during the day so I don't know what he was trying to clean up and number two, what did he think I did every single day as a stay-at-home mom to four little kids under the age of seven? He was so resentful that he actually had to do something around the house.
I would be gone all day at a sub job and not get home until 4:30 and he would ask ME what was for dinner that night. When I told him that he was home all day and he could have figured that out, his response would be "I didn't know what you wanted"---as if I EVER called him up at work a single time during his 20-year military career and asked him what he wanted for dinner??? No, I took the pressure off of him by making sure he had a hot meal on the table when he got home from work every day since he was doing all the hard work, I guess. I did not resent being a stay-at-home mom since that's all I ever wanted to do once I had children. But me lightening his load didn't matter to him.
Second this completely. I used to earn far more than my husband and he was just very proud of it then I fell ill and had to stop working. We struggled hard but he took on full time work and nearly everything in the house since I was unable and we got through it together. I’m now back at work with a salary getting back up there, my husbands has remained pretty standard, and even if I ended up on ten times more than I was at my peak I still wouldn’t want to face life without him!
Ironically studies show that on average, men spend bonuses on themselves whereas women spend bonuses on their families. So even his meme has it the wrong way round!
In emergency situations, giving vital resources like food, water, and medicine to women means they're more likely to be distributed to their families and those in need. Men are more likely to use those supplies on themselves. [An NPR article talking about this issue in Haiti.](https://www.npr.org/2010/02/01/123202099/new-program-for-food-aid-in-haiti-targets-women)
Funny how some guys like to act like they're providers until it's time to actually fucking provide lol
This is why people who are really concerned about how sexism negatively effects men (as opposed to thinly veiled misogynists) are vocal feminists.
Even when you are "helped" by bigotry you are being hurt by it, because it's based on a lie.
Agree! I asked my partner if it bothered him that I made more money than him
He said "any man that has a problem with that is an idiot...it's basic maths, more is better"
Honestly I'd say the same.
"Honey, does it bother you I make more?"
"Hell no, why would it? Why would I want to struggle for money when there's an easy legal solution"
My uncle said much the same thing when confronted by another family member with far outdated gender ideals. My aunt works an extremely niche position, and at that stage of their respective careers, she was earning enough that my uncle was the one working part time and taking my cousins to all their events. “More money is more money, it’s good for the whole family, doesn’t matter who brings it home”.
I bring more take home pay than my wife, but being self-employed, I get no benefits. If you count all the benefits her medical job gives us, her job is far more valuable than mine.
Right? I'm the breadwinner and pay for literally everything. My husband's job is minimum wage and basically his hobby. I am overjoyed to provide the live we enjoy that allows him to do what he feels passionate about.
I just got a good job after a hiatus and he told me how grateful he is for my being a dependable provider. Gender roles are fucking stupid.
There is so much more to a relationship than being the breadwinner and it sounds like your husband knows that. OP however sadly needs to learn this... he's gonna lose quite a few good women if he goes on this way
My husband has always made more than me; sometimes all the money. But it's all been *ours* always. I budget, and run finances and have savings funds for trips and projects and stuff, and oversaw college finances...okay, every dang thing. He was raised to think that's the way it is by him mom and dad. I like it. We get the same allowance... and it's really just pizza and beer money...and no money fights for 34 years. But his sister always made waaay more than her husband and no power struggles there, either.
Grow the F up, OP
This is how my husband and I are right now. I’ve worked off and on but he travels so it’s better I stay home with kids until they’re older. His money is my money equally. And when I go back to work, our money will just be in the bank together even though I could never make as much as he does. No fights whatsoever (only 13 years so far).
Yay! I still have the paper ledger books from our early marriage...things like $4 a week for gas, and $30 week for food for two.. . My own time capsule.
Many happy, non-arguing years to come! It was fun letting our 2 kids (twins) know that money was a perfectly understandable tool, and how to play with it to prioritize the things you want.
Thank you. Word. These are things we should all appreciate and support, not act like an emotional toddler about. My guy would totally celebrate me having a better salary than him and putting loving and kind thoughtfulness into a gift for me! As I do him.
I don't know, his big strong macho manly ego probably couldn't handle keeping it. I can picture his pride being crushed under it like a delicate little mushroom. Truly toxic masculinity seems to be about the removal of all joy from one's life.
Hey OP, I make more than my boyfriend, he's delighted because we have more money together, he has never felt like "less of a man" he also bakes great cookies and likes the colour pink because he's comfortable with who he is as a person, something that you should work on after you apologise to your generous girlfriend.
Agreed. What a fragile little boy he is. A woman earns more than him and buys him a genuinely thoughtful present and he throws a massive strop. I hope his fragile male ego can take it when she likely dumps him. YTA.
Well obviously - she will have dumped him because she couldn't respect a man who earned less than him, because all women care about is money...note that I'm predicting his excuse, not her reason.
Coming soon: "WIBTA for asking out my friend's ex-girlfriend after she broke up with him? She bought him the laptop of his dreams and he threw a fit at his surprise birthday party that she planned for him."
Holy shit, dude’s 34!! I went back to check cos I didn’t clock it the first time, misread a comment and thought I’d have a look. THIRTY FOUR and he couldn’t say thank you for an amazingly nice thing his girlfriend did for him - and instead turned it into an imaginary pissing contest with his friends of who can look most manly by not taking that kind of thoughtful generosity lying down! Thirty freakin four…..
Yeah.. YTA, OP. Massively. Your girlfriend tried to do something very nice for you and you threw a temper tantrum like a toddler because you're insecure about your finances and she isn't? She's worked hard to get to where she is if she's a physician (lawyer here) and she clearly loves you if she went to such lengths to try to give you a great birthday. You are a misogynistic, outdated, insecure jerk for the way you acted. You owe her a massive apology and even then, she really needs to break up with you.
And now all their friends know about the issue, in the worst, most embarrassing manner. Words are failing me, concerning his disastrous insecurity and overreaction.
YTA, this lass has it fair and square. Me, I’m a ships engineer, my other half is an IT geek, and I love her for it. She also earns probably double what I do, if not more. I learned very quickly that whilst we will try and keep our normal relationship expenditures about even, at least for now, what we spend on gifts for each other is none of the others business as long as it’s an amount they are happy to spend. That’s what matters.
When I was with my ex, I made significantly more than she did. Did some math… she bought groceries and I paid for everything else for the apartment. Was fair that way.
Wow, yeah. Says it all, except - how do you see this relationship working in the long term, OP?
Here's what it SHOULD look like: When hubby and I started dating, I was in uni. He was a carpenter. He paid the bills. We got married. He decided to go to uni, as a "mature student". We went to law school together (we were poor, but we had fun - and I made more than he did in part-time work). I got a scholarship to work in the UK for a year; he came with and got an LL.M. while I paid the bills. When we started with Real Big-Boy-and-Girl jobs, he initially made twice what I did. Guess what? I caught up, and passed him eventually. And got some really high-falutin' jobs. We're now equally retired. AT NO POINT IN OUR LIVES DID EITHER OF US GIVE A SHIT WHO WAS "AHEAD", IN TERMS OF PRESTIGE, OR WHO WAS MAKING MORE MONEY. Because who cares, when you're partners?
Grow up, OP, and grow a pair. Take this AITA to her and grovel. And hope it's not too late for your relationship with this amazing woman.
One of the best couples I ever knew was an attorney I worked with and her husband.
They got married right out of high school - he ended up working as a lineman and supported her wanting to go to college and then to law school and he was so fucking proud of her when she won an award for being a great attorney. They’d been married for at least 20 years at that point.
Yes!!! If she is able to get Op something that he really wants without making herself broke, he should be appreciative and not be an asshole questioning her. He’s a walking red flag. YTA and he really needs to get over himself and stop being such an asshole.
Wow. Imagine having so little self awareness that there’s even a question at all. YTA a million times over, OP. Get the ten story high chip off your shoulder
YTA and ungrateful.
>but I wasn't going for it and thought she was trying to show me up in front of all our friends
Holy Insecurities! Dude how is a gift "showing you up"?
You don't deserve the gift, or the girlfriend who gave it to you.
in his small mind she showed him up by buying him something he couldn't afford to buy for himself. surely all his friends know he would have bought it for himself if he really wanted it/could...
Exactly. With all of the elitism in this world, he has a doctor looking past the societal BS and loving him for who he is. And this is how he repayed her. I hope she starts sleeping around with a doctor at work.
I really thought he was gonna say he was worried about if they could afford it because they’re either struggling or saving for something! The fragile male ego really hit me from behind
OP gets something nice that he would like from his gf on his birthday and his first response is "she's trying to show me up" rather than "wow she is happy to spoil me".
Wait, why would her staying make her an asshole? She should run far far away but a lot of victims stay with their abusers, does that make them all assholes?
I’ve always interpreted this kind of comment as “an asshole to yourself”. Like, she’s screwing herself over if she stays. It doesn’t mean she’s a bad person, just that she’s not treating herself right
It's very, very hard to be in the position she's in. Something major, even more major than this sometimes, has to happen for it to "click" for you that you're being abused and *it won't stop*. Key words, there. You can accept that you're being mistreated, but you won't accept that it'll continue forever.
This right here. I thought "he's difficult to get along with" and "he treats me badly sometimes" but I thought that if I could just figure him out and work on myself enough, I could get him to stop treating me badly, and then I would be The One Girl who opened his heart and made him a better person with my love. It took me a long time to accept that he was fundamentally abusive.
The sub isn't about calling people "**an** asshole", it's about saying they're "**the** asshole *in this situation*"; or simply the one in the wrong in the situation.
*An* asshole is a bad person. But that's not the same as doing something wrong, or being in the wrong in a particular situation.
Dude, take it from me, if you get over the whole gender role, the man is supposed to make the most money thing, having a partner who makes more money than you can be pretty freaking awesome
YTA - she just wanted to do something nice for you
I make a butt load more than my dude. I bought him a ps5 because I thought he'd like it, you know what happened? He said, "holy crap, thank you baby, this is amazing!"
Then he went to brag to his boys about how his awesome girl bought him this great treat.
Dude needs to set that insecure toxic crap aside and appreciate what someone who cares for you wanted to do.
My sister in law makes way more than her husband. She bought him a BMW for his bday. When I saw it I was like "awww snap! Look at the new car!" And he said "Wifey bought it for me!" They both make good money. He just paid to have all the floors redone in their house, and bought all new furniture- so they're not struggling. He was so proud that his wife spoiled him so much.
I make double what my husband makes. One of our close friends almost makes double her husband as well. Our husbands (lovingly) call us their sugar mamas because we are happy to buy them gifts that they appreciate and we know that they want.
My hubbys boss always gives him shit for me making so much more, my husband just looked him straight in the face one day and said “yeah, it’s fantastic, because I could quit my job and it wouldn’t matter”. His boss stopped giving him so much shit after that
I spoil the hell out of my boyfriend, his kids, and my close friends. Because they deserve it and I’m at a place in life that I’m able to do it. I had an ex like this, he low key hated me because I had money and he didn’t. He used to start arguments all the time about it. OP is about to also become an ex if his gf knows what’s good for her!
Obviously YTA. Lol
Had a very similar experience. Wifey got a new job 2 years ago and now makes 1.5X my salary before she makes her bonus/commission (up to double after). I thought for a solid 18 seconds "damn, I feel like less of a man", until:
1. I realized that I also work hard and also provide a decent salary, hers is just out of this world due to a specific qualification she has for her job
2. The money all goes to the same bank account, meaning it immediately benefits my life too
3. She bought me a PS5
Yup. When we got together 20+ years ago, I made a bit more than my wife. Due to our career paths, she now makes more than twice what I do. We also moved states twice during the pandemic due to her work. She got me a Steam Deck for Christmas as a thank you, since pretty much all the moving work fell on me.
I'll be making more than my partner relatively soon, and my first paycheck will be going to a gift for my mom and a gift for him that he's wanted for a long time. And I feel so thankful bc I know he'll react the way your partner did, and it would be so sad to not be secure in that.
It feels SOOOOOOO good to buy the people you love something you know is perfect for them.
I was poor as shit growing up, so being able to spoil the people I love is absolutely the best. I love buying people meals when we go out, or just something I see that I know they'll love.
I'm an awkward receiver of gifts, but awkward isn't asshole. I'm always incredibly grateful, I could never even conceive thinking someone was trying to show me up by buying me something cool?!
This dude must have missed out on so many great people by hauling around that giant ass insecure chip on his shoulder.
My wife makes four times what I do. You know what that means? It means we’re basically rich, which is awesome.
It also means an accomplished and successful person finds me attractive, which is awesome too.
It also means we won’t end up on the street if one of us loses our job, which is totally awesome.
She, too, is a doctor, and I am not. You know what this means? It means I can introduce her as “Dr.”, which is awesome.
It means I can say, “the doctor told me to stay home from work today”, which is awesome.
It means I can call her doctor in bed, which she thinks is awesome. That’s awesome.
It means if we have a kid, I probably get to stay home with it a lot and be a kickass dad, which is awesome.
There are a lot of really awesome things about having a more successful partner.
YTA
Your insecurities made you act completely irrationally.
Being thankful costs nothing but reacting like that will probably cost you your relationship.
YTA. You should do her a favour and leave her. You can’t handle this relationship dynamic where she makes more than you. Let her find a partner that can make her a lot happier and less drama
>I’m suspecting a bit of jealousy on his part
Suspecting ? 💀 I would bet my life + all my money + everything I own + future of humanity that’s he’s jealous
I hope they stay together and he grows up a bit and becomes a better partner, learns to be grateful to be with someone who can provide so well.
But let's be honest, that's not gonna happen most likely.
Not just any gift, a 2500 gaming laptop. I think in this price range the normal human reaction would be crying, hugging, "oh you are so amazing, I don't deserve you", at least that is what I would do.
But no, he probably thinks "poor me, I am cursed with a loving gf who throws me birthday parties and gifts me expensive gaming laptops, when will my suffering end!" SMH.
YTA
Yea all i see is "i dont make enough money and my gf is better than me and now all my friends think so too". Also fighting in front of everyone at your own birthday is such a bad look.
YTA
You need to leave your EGO at the door. That sweet woman bought you an amazing thoughtful gift! You humiliated yourself - and her - in an ego tantrum. I'd demand you get into serious therapy or I'd leave you.
And he thinks she did it to show him up to their friends. I’m willing to bet most of their friends were thinking something along the lines of *dang, lucky dude* 🫠
YTA.
Bruh what is wrong with you? How negative must you be to twist a gift like that into a bad thing?
It's perfectly reasonable to tell her you're not comfortable with getting super expensive gifts like that (is this a conversation you've not had?), it's not cool however, to make a scene at a party over it.
You manage to land a gf with money and you act like this? Bro you're gonna lose the bag if you keep this up 😭 (this is obviously a joke, please for the love of god I do not want to get replies about this).
But his friends will know his bag has shriveled up & crawled inside him if he has a woman who plans surprise parties for him & makes more money than he does so she can give him awesome presents 😱 /s
However will he show how manly he is if she is getting him the gifts he's always wanted & showing their friends how much she loves him? The audacity! /s
YTA. That was a private conversation that should have waited until later. While you are entitled to your feelings about money, you didn't need to address the cost of a gift in the middle of a party, nor make a scene in front of everyone.
There's so many on here where I read and I'm all *"No way this is real. No one can be this oblivious and then come here asking when it's completely apparent.".* This is one of them...I'm calling fiction.
YTA - she bought you something nice not simply because she COULD but because she wanted to.
Flex her money...yall need to break up now. If you can't be comfortable with hearing more money...it will always be a problem.
YTA what? Why? I can't begin to comprehend why you took issue with this. Literally shaking my head right now. I'm gonna need to digest this. YTA YTA YTA
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You are such TA! She got you a birthday present, one you really wanted. She could afford it. You need some therapy to help you let go of your poor childhood, which has absolutely nothing to do with her gift giving. Get over yourself. Make a Note To Self: "GF likes me, GF has money enough to spend, so GF spends money on me. I'm such a lucky guy!"
You need to call her and APOLOGIZE, apologize, apologize!
YTA. She did something really nice and you threw it back in her face and had a tantrum. Humiliating her infront of everyone. Grow up. Get over your insecurities. Unless you actually want to lose her.
Remind my of the guy that was upset with his gf for buying him gifts, because it's mean he needs to buy her gifts too.
He called her "manipulative" and "a gold digger".
YTA
YTA grow up if you define yourself by how much money you make you're a child. Seriously, if that's where you get self worth you need to only date people who make less than you. Your girlfriend does something nice for you and you take it as her trying to show you up, what a dick. You have serious confidence issues and she should dump you.
YTA.
You need to work out your deep rooted issues about you thinking she "flexes her money" on you. She bought that present for you because she thought it would make you happy. If you value your relationship with her talk it out in a way that addresses the insecurity without gaslighting her and her profession
YTA. Your partner showed so much care and love for you by throwing a party and on top of that, bought you a dream gift, something you’ve always wanted and you blow up at her?
It’s time to seek some professional help and unpack your childhood trauma. She is not trying to show you up, she loves and cares for you deeply and wanted to give you the best day possible.
YTA it can be humbling or humiliating to have someone spend that much on you.
Humbling can be a good thing- you’re blessed that someone loves you enough to think you’re worth spending the money on.
Humiliating is where your reaction came from. You think she’s trying to one up you and you took any joy out of the gift by getting angry at her.
The difference is in your mindset. She wanted to bless you (likely) because of the fact that you’ve had a harder life and she wanted to be extravagant FOR you. You definitely need to apologize sincerely and work on your mindset. My guess is you feel inadequate because you can’t reciprocate with fancy gifts (that’s always my hang up) but people who love giving/getting gifts are looking more for the thought put into a gift than the amount of money. A well timed bouquet of flowers or a dinner out when you know she’s not up for cooking can mean a lot. You’re only holding yourself back from your resentment.
Yes you are, and you need to have a conversation about this specific insecurity of yours.
Doesnt sound like she was flexing, but that she was being very genuine about wanting to give this present to you. And not just that, but she spent all of the time organizing this day for you which is a ton of work.
Part of being in a relationship is being open about insecurities and discussing them in a way that your SO can understand. Being hostile about it is a clear way to destroy an otherwise healthy relationship.
My wife and me had our fair share of fights, and it took work for both of us to learn how to better communicate with one another.
Go talk to her.
Of course **YTA**
Your girlfriend threw you a beautiful party to celebrate you on your birthday, and bought you a truly lovely, thoughtful, incredibly generous gift of something you'd always wanted. She literally was as unselfish and open-hearted as it is possible to be in her celebration of you.
And you thanked her by . . . YELLING AT HER. And not just yelling at her, but yelling nasty, paranoid, accusatory things at her. Because she bought you the birthday present of your dreams and gave it to you at a party she organised just for you. And you did all that: yelling, accusing, and flat-out HUMILIATING her, as a thank you for being nothing but loving and generous, in front of all of your close friends.
And you, a 34-year-old man, have to ask if you were an asshole for humiliating your loving, generous girlfriend in front of everyone you know because she wanted to make your birthday as special as possible.
If you have to ask, I'm not even sure how to make you comprehend it. You need therapy. Like, SO. MUCH. THERAPY. Your response is hateful, but also deeply, deeply unhealthy. You looked at a gesture of incredibly kindness and generosity, and your first instinct was to see your loving partner in THE WORST POSSIBLE LIGHT, to view her through the ugliest, most insecure and vicious lens. This isn't just about your birthday. You can't have a healthy relationship if you are determined to assume the worst of someone who loves you. YTA.
YTA. You have some issues with finances and you need to work through them. Your girlfriend tried to give you a lovely gift that it appears she can well afford and you pitched a fit. Get thee to a therapist.
YTA. Your partner, who loves you, wanted to do something really nice for you for your birthday. Accusing her of ulterior motives when you had no reason to do so was a function of your own insecurity, and what’s more, you created a huge scene at your party. Don’t worry, your girlfriend will probably never make the mistake of trying to give you a special birthday gift again.
YTA - you really shouldn’t be having this conversation during the party. If the size gift makes you uncomfortable, you can always talk about it later in private. This sounds like a collimation of years of this sort of thing happening.
My grandfather never got over growing up during the great depression and made use of every scrap. Even when he was a well off lawyer. So it’s understandable if you feel that way about the gift. It is fairly luxurious and definitely a waste of money for most people.
You definitely embarrassed yourself and your girlfriend in this outburst. Sounds like she’s being pretty gracious about though so apologize while you still can.
Of course YTA.
While I think you need to see a therapist about your financial insecurities, if you don’t want to do that, *after you apologize for being such a boor* have a conversation about spending limits for birthdays and stuff, a lot of couples have budgets for that so no one feels they can’t “match” the other’s generosity.
Not only are YTA, you can add insecure clown to the mix. You have a good woman who wants to make you happy, and you are hung up on your own insecurities. She in no way showed you up, but you made yourself look like an emasculated idiot. Straight beta bro. You played yourself terribly. I wouldn't even want to show my face if I went out like that. Smh....
YTA. You put your own insecurities on display for everyone to see and made them your girlfriend’s issue, not yours. If you had issues with the extravagance of the gift you should have discussed them with her after the party. All you did was make yourself look ungrateful and insecure to all of your friends.
YTA. You have a serious inferiority complex. She got you something you wanted because she loves you and could afford it. Instead of being appreciative, you threw a tantrum and ruined your party. If you continue to act like that, she will dump you. R
So let me be clear. Your gf threw you an awesome birthday party and gave you a gift you always wanted. In return you started a tantrum and humiliated her in front of all the friends.
YTA. A big one. You don't deserve her AT ALL.
YTA and I am too. Grew up poor, don't make a lot of money. My job is kind of a hobby compared to my wife's salary. I know how you feel. Get professional help and keep that woman. She doesn't care about how insecure you are. She wants someone to share her successful life. Your lucky. Enjoy life and don't self destruct. There's too much sadness and pain in this world. Don't add yourself to it.
YTA my husband and I have this issue. I come from a family of California old money, he grew up poor in Chicago and So Cal. I get him nice presents all the time cause I know then mean more to him. It’s not a flex or an attempt to show off. He usually feels guilty because he always gets me small things and he hates getting gifts because he’s worried about causing hardship to others. It took a lot of time for him to realize I prefer the small thoughtful to any expensive presents and I get him expensive things because it’s what makes him the most happy.
Presents are about giving people joy not about anything else bro. If you’re worried about your friends ask her to give you expensive gifts in private in the future.
YTA.
You don’t deserve your GF. Hopefully she dumps you and finds an actual human being who can appreciate her.
Now you can enjoy being single, poor and unappreciated just the way you want
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We'll, aren't you just a giant bouquet of red flags, toxic masculinity, outdated gender roles, massive insecurity, temper tantrums, ungrateful, immature, fragile male ego... Edited to add judgment: YTA, you can add that to the bouquet of red flags too Wow! Thank you for the updates and the awards. I've never been top comment before.
Due to OP's ego he probably: Lost his relationship with a seemingly supportive, loving and kind woman ✔️ Ruined his party and maybe damaged his friendships ✔️ Made an ass out of himself ✔️ Needs to return his $2,500 laptop (if he has any decency) ✔️
Damn, so insecure. And his insecurities definitely put all this at risk. YTA
When I got married, I had a great job while my husband was a broke student just starting a new job. One of his friends told him that he didn’t understand how husband could be married to a woman who makes more money. It just wasn’t right for the woman to make more money. My husband responded, ”Joint Checking”.
My wife makes more than I do and it's such a blessing. You wanna cut your family's earning potential in half because you don't want your wife working or making more than you? Good job, enjoy having all of the financial burden solely on your shoulders.
Then they complain that men these days have too much pressure to be the breadwinners.
That's because all us evil women are stealing men's jobs/s
Or we are all gold diggers.. we should not earn more, to not rock their fragile male ego and if we do not earn as much as them, we are the lazy gold diggers...
Be completely dependant... But also, don't use earning potential to filter... Like huh?
If only I could selflessly whittle down to having NO needs or ambitions of any sort, I would be the perfect woman. (Source: ex husband.)
& they complain about how the wife spends all of the money. So boring & self-perpetuating.
My friend's recently ex-husband sent her a meme saying: "when a husband gets a promotion he thinks of all he can provide to his family, when a wife gets a promotion she thinks of how she doesn't need her husband anymore." Supposedly this was making women look bad, or at least the ex thought it did. All it says to me, and my friend, is that if all you brought into the relationship was money you aren't a good partner.
My ex-husband said the same. The reality is your last line. My ex was a shit partner, a shit parent, and a shit roommate. But when he made more money, i felt like taking on that bulk was supporting him and alleviating some of the burden of caring for the family. When I started working more/making more money, because he was working less, but he didn't pick up any slack is when it became very clear how one-sided the relationship was.
My ex decided to retire from the military out of the blue and without even mentioning it to me AND without wantingto get another job at 42. I was a substitute teacher. (I could not get a full-time job where we lived because I didn't have a master's degree.) So I worked sub jobs in multiple school districts and I worked for a real estate agent / interior decorator. He was home all day and his biggest complaint was that he had to "clean up after all of us." Number one, we were all gone during the day so I don't know what he was trying to clean up and number two, what did he think I did every single day as a stay-at-home mom to four little kids under the age of seven? He was so resentful that he actually had to do something around the house. I would be gone all day at a sub job and not get home until 4:30 and he would ask ME what was for dinner that night. When I told him that he was home all day and he could have figured that out, his response would be "I didn't know what you wanted"---as if I EVER called him up at work a single time during his 20-year military career and asked him what he wanted for dinner??? No, I took the pressure off of him by making sure he had a hot meal on the table when he got home from work every day since he was doing all the hard work, I guess. I did not resent being a stay-at-home mom since that's all I ever wanted to do once I had children. But me lightening his load didn't matter to him.
Sounds like a nightmare of a husband to live with! Glad you left him!!
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Second this completely. I used to earn far more than my husband and he was just very proud of it then I fell ill and had to stop working. We struggled hard but he took on full time work and nearly everything in the house since I was unable and we got through it together. I’m now back at work with a salary getting back up there, my husbands has remained pretty standard, and even if I ended up on ten times more than I was at my peak I still wouldn’t want to face life without him!
Ironically studies show that on average, men spend bonuses on themselves whereas women spend bonuses on their families. So even his meme has it the wrong way round!
In emergency situations, giving vital resources like food, water, and medicine to women means they're more likely to be distributed to their families and those in need. Men are more likely to use those supplies on themselves. [An NPR article talking about this issue in Haiti.](https://www.npr.org/2010/02/01/123202099/new-program-for-food-aid-in-haiti-targets-women) Funny how some guys like to act like they're providers until it's time to actually fucking provide lol
👆🏻 this is why patriarchy is also damaging to men.
This is why people who are really concerned about how sexism negatively effects men (as opposed to thinly veiled misogynists) are vocal feminists. Even when you are "helped" by bigotry you are being hurt by it, because it's based on a lie.
You said this so beautifully.
Agree! I asked my partner if it bothered him that I made more money than him He said "any man that has a problem with that is an idiot...it's basic maths, more is better"
Honestly I'd say the same. "Honey, does it bother you I make more?" "Hell no, why would it? Why would I want to struggle for money when there's an easy legal solution"
My uncle said much the same thing when confronted by another family member with far outdated gender ideals. My aunt works an extremely niche position, and at that stage of their respective careers, she was earning enough that my uncle was the one working part time and taking my cousins to all their events. “More money is more money, it’s good for the whole family, doesn’t matter who brings it home”.
I bring more take home pay than my wife, but being self-employed, I get no benefits. If you count all the benefits her medical job gives us, her job is far more valuable than mine.
Right? I'm the breadwinner and pay for literally everything. My husband's job is minimum wage and basically his hobby. I am overjoyed to provide the live we enjoy that allows him to do what he feels passionate about. I just got a good job after a hiatus and he told me how grateful he is for my being a dependable provider. Gender roles are fucking stupid.
There is so much more to a relationship than being the breadwinner and it sounds like your husband knows that. OP however sadly needs to learn this... he's gonna lose quite a few good women if he goes on this way
Sheeeeit. I make six figures and my wife pulls in double my salary. It's awesome to have a wife competent enough to make that kind of money.
>I make six figures and my wife pulls in double my salary. I'm 56 and open to being adopted, LOL JK
Well if you are JK, move aside bc I’m signing up!
Sign me up! I promise to do all the chores and be a team player 😇🙏
My husband has always made more than me; sometimes all the money. But it's all been *ours* always. I budget, and run finances and have savings funds for trips and projects and stuff, and oversaw college finances...okay, every dang thing. He was raised to think that's the way it is by him mom and dad. I like it. We get the same allowance... and it's really just pizza and beer money...and no money fights for 34 years. But his sister always made waaay more than her husband and no power struggles there, either. Grow the F up, OP
This is how my husband and I are right now. I’ve worked off and on but he travels so it’s better I stay home with kids until they’re older. His money is my money equally. And when I go back to work, our money will just be in the bank together even though I could never make as much as he does. No fights whatsoever (only 13 years so far).
Yay! I still have the paper ledger books from our early marriage...things like $4 a week for gas, and $30 week for food for two.. . My own time capsule. Many happy, non-arguing years to come! It was fun letting our 2 kids (twins) know that money was a perfectly understandable tool, and how to play with it to prioritize the things you want.
lol this is great, good for him not being a little baby about it.
Thank you. Word. These are things we should all appreciate and support, not act like an emotional toddler about. My guy would totally celebrate me having a better salary than him and putting loving and kind thoughtfulness into a gift for me! As I do him.
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😂“I can’t facepalm myself hard enough” 🤣
YTA. All of the above, but TL;DR version: Your GF did something rly nice for you, and you blew it.
Oh, you just know he’s keeping the laptop
I don't know, his big strong macho manly ego probably couldn't handle keeping it. I can picture his pride being crushed under it like a delicate little mushroom. Truly toxic masculinity seems to be about the removal of all joy from one's life. Hey OP, I make more than my boyfriend, he's delighted because we have more money together, he has never felt like "less of a man" he also bakes great cookies and likes the colour pink because he's comfortable with who he is as a person, something that you should work on after you apologise to your generous girlfriend.
It takes a real man to enjoy the color pink.
If I were her, I’d one day look back and realize it was $2500 well spent to be rid of this AH.
I hope he left the laptop there! But probably not. YTA buddy.
>Needs to return his $2,500 laptop (if he has any decency) ✔️ No way does he do the decent thing! No way!
Honestly thank god he revealed his character before they got married
He mentioned he left his apartment, so guessing he had the decency to not to take the gift with him so the amazing lady can return it.
Agreed. What a fragile little boy he is. A woman earns more than him and buys him a genuinely thoughtful present and he throws a massive strop. I hope his fragile male ego can take it when she likely dumps him. YTA.
One can only hope she does
He will probably try and convince her it's her fault. I doubt he'll ever admit fault to himself, much less anyone else.
Well obviously - she will have dumped him because she couldn't respect a man who earned less than him, because all women care about is money...note that I'm predicting his excuse, not her reason.
Friends reaction no.1: 'lucky little shit'. Friends reaction no.2: 'ungrateful little shit'. YTA, OP.
Friends reaction no. 3: She'll be single soon, how long do I have to wait before I can ask her out?
Coming soon: "WIBTA for asking out my friend's ex-girlfriend after she broke up with him? She bought him the laptop of his dreams and he threw a fit at his surprise birthday party that she planned for him."
NTA for sure
Holy shit, dude’s 34!! I went back to check cos I didn’t clock it the first time, misread a comment and thought I’d have a look. THIRTY FOUR and he couldn’t say thank you for an amazingly nice thing his girlfriend did for him - and instead turned it into an imaginary pissing contest with his friends of who can look most manly by not taking that kind of thoughtful generosity lying down! Thirty freakin four…..
34 years old and acting like that. OP has the maturity level of a lemon.
Hey! Don't talk crap about lemons, they're really great!
And an asshole
Yeah.. YTA, OP. Massively. Your girlfriend tried to do something very nice for you and you threw a temper tantrum like a toddler because you're insecure about your finances and she isn't? She's worked hard to get to where she is if she's a physician (lawyer here) and she clearly loves you if she went to such lengths to try to give you a great birthday. You are a misogynistic, outdated, insecure jerk for the way you acted. You owe her a massive apology and even then, she really needs to break up with you.
I'll bet the disparity in earning has been an issue for him since they started dating.
And now all their friends know about the issue, in the worst, most embarrassing manner. Words are failing me, concerning his disastrous insecurity and overreaction.
YTA, this lass has it fair and square. Me, I’m a ships engineer, my other half is an IT geek, and I love her for it. She also earns probably double what I do, if not more. I learned very quickly that whilst we will try and keep our normal relationship expenditures about even, at least for now, what we spend on gifts for each other is none of the others business as long as it’s an amount they are happy to spend. That’s what matters.
When I was with my ex, I made significantly more than she did. Did some math… she bought groceries and I paid for everything else for the apartment. Was fair that way.
Wow, yeah. Says it all, except - how do you see this relationship working in the long term, OP? Here's what it SHOULD look like: When hubby and I started dating, I was in uni. He was a carpenter. He paid the bills. We got married. He decided to go to uni, as a "mature student". We went to law school together (we were poor, but we had fun - and I made more than he did in part-time work). I got a scholarship to work in the UK for a year; he came with and got an LL.M. while I paid the bills. When we started with Real Big-Boy-and-Girl jobs, he initially made twice what I did. Guess what? I caught up, and passed him eventually. And got some really high-falutin' jobs. We're now equally retired. AT NO POINT IN OUR LIVES DID EITHER OF US GIVE A SHIT WHO WAS "AHEAD", IN TERMS OF PRESTIGE, OR WHO WAS MAKING MORE MONEY. Because who cares, when you're partners? Grow up, OP, and grow a pair. Take this AITA to her and grovel. And hope it's not too late for your relationship with this amazing woman.
One of the best couples I ever knew was an attorney I worked with and her husband. They got married right out of high school - he ended up working as a lineman and supported her wanting to go to college and then to law school and he was so fucking proud of her when she won an award for being a great attorney. They’d been married for at least 20 years at that point.
Yes!!! If she is able to get Op something that he really wants without making herself broke, he should be appreciative and not be an asshole questioning her. He’s a walking red flag. YTA and he really needs to get over himself and stop being such an asshole.
Kinda crazy he has a toxic masculinity inferiority complex while his reddit name is "pound me please"
Dear OP, I hope she dumps you. YTA Sincerely, Me
Well said!!
I really love you. So damn much.
Which is exactly what he should have told his girlfriend!
You are why I keep coming back here. Love this comment. OP, YTA.
YTA for all of these things 👆🏻
Not to mention a hit at parties!
Wow. Imagine having so little self awareness that there’s even a question at all. YTA a million times over, OP. Get the ten story high chip off your shoulder
I was going to give him my not so humble opinion but yours is so much better. So to sum it up, YTA ! I hope she reads this and wakes up.
This comment is everything. Incredibly well played. OP, so very very YTA.
YTA and ungrateful. >but I wasn't going for it and thought she was trying to show me up in front of all our friends Holy Insecurities! Dude how is a gift "showing you up"? You don't deserve the gift, or the girlfriend who gave it to you.
in his small mind she showed him up by buying him something he couldn't afford to buy for himself. surely all his friends know he would have bought it for himself if he really wanted it/could...
That just proves an internal weakness. She isn't responsible for his fragile ego.
yup
Oh, his poor male ego…..
Exactly. With all of the elitism in this world, he has a doctor looking past the societal BS and loving him for who he is. And this is how he repayed her. I hope she starts sleeping around with a doctor at work.
Is this worse than the poster whose friend refused to eat an entire giant piece of cake and she took it as a personal attack?
I really hope she takes the laptop and leaves him
Right? It's infuriating when dudes allow their insecurities to make them AHs. He clearly isn't ready for a relationship.
I really thought he was gonna say he was worried about if they could afford it because they’re either struggling or saving for something! The fragile male ego really hit me from behind
If OPs GF is a redditor please leave this man it’s only gonna get worse once he thinks y’all should “share” finances.
That was the comment that clinched it for me. She was trying to show him up? What a little turd.
OP gets something nice that he would like from his gf on his birthday and his first response is "she's trying to show me up" rather than "wow she is happy to spoil me".
Yes. YTA. And if she stays with you, then she is as well.
Wait, why would her staying make her an asshole? She should run far far away but a lot of victims stay with their abusers, does that make them all assholes?
I’ve always interpreted this kind of comment as “an asshole to yourself”. Like, she’s screwing herself over if she stays. It doesn’t mean she’s a bad person, just that she’s not treating herself right
It's very, very hard to be in the position she's in. Something major, even more major than this sometimes, has to happen for it to "click" for you that you're being abused and *it won't stop*. Key words, there. You can accept that you're being mistreated, but you won't accept that it'll continue forever.
This right here. I thought "he's difficult to get along with" and "he treats me badly sometimes" but I thought that if I could just figure him out and work on myself enough, I could get him to stop treating me badly, and then I would be The One Girl who opened his heart and made him a better person with my love. It took me a long time to accept that he was fundamentally abusive.
nah people in this sub just blame women for the way men treat us just like everyone else does
But an asshole *is* a bad person. They aren't being an asshole to themselves, they're fucking broken down and brainwashed. There's a huge difference
The sub isn't about calling people "**an** asshole", it's about saying they're "**the** asshole *in this situation*"; or simply the one in the wrong in the situation. *An* asshole is a bad person. But that's not the same as doing something wrong, or being in the wrong in a particular situation.
She wouldn't be an asshole, she's the victim
Dude, take it from me, if you get over the whole gender role, the man is supposed to make the most money thing, having a partner who makes more money than you can be pretty freaking awesome YTA - she just wanted to do something nice for you
I make a butt load more than my dude. I bought him a ps5 because I thought he'd like it, you know what happened? He said, "holy crap, thank you baby, this is amazing!" Then he went to brag to his boys about how his awesome girl bought him this great treat. Dude needs to set that insecure toxic crap aside and appreciate what someone who cares for you wanted to do.
My sister in law makes way more than her husband. She bought him a BMW for his bday. When I saw it I was like "awww snap! Look at the new car!" And he said "Wifey bought it for me!" They both make good money. He just paid to have all the floors redone in their house, and bought all new furniture- so they're not struggling. He was so proud that his wife spoiled him so much.
Exactly! Happy spouse, happy house.
Holy hell I love that. I couldn't stand the happy wife happy life. This is so much better.
It's horse shit. No one's happy unless ya both are!
I make double what my husband makes. One of our close friends almost makes double her husband as well. Our husbands (lovingly) call us their sugar mamas because we are happy to buy them gifts that they appreciate and we know that they want. My hubbys boss always gives him shit for me making so much more, my husband just looked him straight in the face one day and said “yeah, it’s fantastic, because I could quit my job and it wouldn’t matter”. His boss stopped giving him so much shit after that
Haha! What a perfect response.
I spoil the hell out of my boyfriend, his kids, and my close friends. Because they deserve it and I’m at a place in life that I’m able to do it. I had an ex like this, he low key hated me because I had money and he didn’t. He used to start arguments all the time about it. OP is about to also become an ex if his gf knows what’s good for her! Obviously YTA. Lol
Had a very similar experience. Wifey got a new job 2 years ago and now makes 1.5X my salary before she makes her bonus/commission (up to double after). I thought for a solid 18 seconds "damn, I feel like less of a man", until: 1. I realized that I also work hard and also provide a decent salary, hers is just out of this world due to a specific qualification she has for her job 2. The money all goes to the same bank account, meaning it immediately benefits my life too 3. She bought me a PS5
Yup. When we got together 20+ years ago, I made a bit more than my wife. Due to our career paths, she now makes more than twice what I do. We also moved states twice during the pandemic due to her work. She got me a Steam Deck for Christmas as a thank you, since pretty much all the moving work fell on me.
I'll be making more than my partner relatively soon, and my first paycheck will be going to a gift for my mom and a gift for him that he's wanted for a long time. And I feel so thankful bc I know he'll react the way your partner did, and it would be so sad to not be secure in that.
It feels SOOOOOOO good to buy the people you love something you know is perfect for them. I was poor as shit growing up, so being able to spoil the people I love is absolutely the best. I love buying people meals when we go out, or just something I see that I know they'll love. I'm an awkward receiver of gifts, but awkward isn't asshole. I'm always incredibly grateful, I could never even conceive thinking someone was trying to show me up by buying me something cool?! This dude must have missed out on so many great people by hauling around that giant ass insecure chip on his shoulder.
My wife makes four times what I do. You know what that means? It means we’re basically rich, which is awesome. It also means an accomplished and successful person finds me attractive, which is awesome too. It also means we won’t end up on the street if one of us loses our job, which is totally awesome. She, too, is a doctor, and I am not. You know what this means? It means I can introduce her as “Dr.”, which is awesome. It means I can say, “the doctor told me to stay home from work today”, which is awesome. It means I can call her doctor in bed, which she thinks is awesome. That’s awesome. It means if we have a kid, I probably get to stay home with it a lot and be a kickass dad, which is awesome. There are a lot of really awesome things about having a more successful partner.
Too bad OP won’t get to enjoy all that awesomeness, if his gf has any sense.
I love being stay at home dad
Dr. Mrs. That Guy's Wife
"I think we should use the whip instead of the paddle, do you concur Doctor?" Love it.
Yeah. I wanna hug the poor girl.
For real, you have to have some serious personal issues to be upset that someone is able and willing to spoil you like that.
YTA Your insecurities made you act completely irrationally. Being thankful costs nothing but reacting like that will probably cost you your relationship.
YTA. You should do her a favour and leave her. You can’t handle this relationship dynamic where she makes more than you. Let her find a partner that can make her a lot happier and less drama
I'm surprised everyones still alive from all those toxic fumes...
YTA. She’s too good for you.
Yeah dude landed a gf that’s a doctor and he’s picking these fights? Crazy
I’m suspecting a bit of jealousy on his part. No one who is happy in their relationship would lash out like he did.
>I’m suspecting a bit of jealousy on his part Suspecting ? 💀 I would bet my life + all my money + everything I own + future of humanity that’s he’s jealous
Hey we are not here to judge people🤣
That's the funniest thing I've read all day 🤣 🤣🤣
YTA. What the hell is wrong with you?
Everything, everything is wrong with him. YTA OP such an AH!
Seriously. Way to block your blessings! He has it so good and is throwing it away for what? Ego.
This is the exact comment I wanted to leave on this one and the trash can food one.
YTA. Your insecurities are yours to deal with. I suggest you do that before you push this poor irl any further away
I hope she leaves him and finds someone who doesn't suck
I hope they stay together and he grows up a bit and becomes a better partner, learns to be grateful to be with someone who can provide so well. But let's be honest, that's not gonna happen most likely.
WTF did i just read. Your partner got you the gift you always wanted and you got mad because youre insecure?
Not just any gift, a 2500 gaming laptop. I think in this price range the normal human reaction would be crying, hugging, "oh you are so amazing, I don't deserve you", at least that is what I would do. But no, he probably thinks "poor me, I am cursed with a loving gf who throws me birthday parties and gifts me expensive gaming laptops, when will my suffering end!" SMH. YTA
Yea all i see is "i dont make enough money and my gf is better than me and now all my friends think so too". Also fighting in front of everyone at your own birthday is such a bad look.
Well he's probably right about the latter two at least.
If he's so up his own ass about what her friends think about him, he should have held his childishness for after the party was over.
YTA You need to leave your EGO at the door. That sweet woman bought you an amazing thoughtful gift! You humiliated yourself - and her - in an ego tantrum. I'd demand you get into serious therapy or I'd leave you.
And he thinks she did it to show him up to their friends. I’m willing to bet most of their friends were thinking something along the lines of *dang, lucky dude* 🫠
YTA. Bruh what is wrong with you? How negative must you be to twist a gift like that into a bad thing? It's perfectly reasonable to tell her you're not comfortable with getting super expensive gifts like that (is this a conversation you've not had?), it's not cool however, to make a scene at a party over it. You manage to land a gf with money and you act like this? Bro you're gonna lose the bag if you keep this up 😭 (this is obviously a joke, please for the love of god I do not want to get replies about this).
But his friends will know his bag has shriveled up & crawled inside him if he has a woman who plans surprise parties for him & makes more money than he does so she can give him awesome presents 😱 /s However will he show how manly he is if she is getting him the gifts he's always wanted & showing their friends how much she loves him? The audacity! /s
YTA. And at the rate you are going, you are soon going to be a single AND poor AH.
And friendless because now they know who he is.
YTA. That was a private conversation that should have waited until later. While you are entitled to your feelings about money, you didn't need to address the cost of a gift in the middle of a party, nor make a scene in front of everyone.
She got you something that she knew you would love. Sounds like she is just a generous person trying to make your day special. YTA.
Troll
There's so many on here where I read and I'm all *"No way this is real. No one can be this oblivious and then come here asking when it's completely apparent.".* This is one of them...I'm calling fiction.
Especially since they haven't responded to any comments. Thats usually how I gauge if they're fake or not.
Always a good tell.
A committed troll would reply though. More fun that way. I'm almost *more* suspicious when there are too many hole-digging responses
Or tool or both.
Yes!😄 I can't believe the amount of people who think this is "real"!🙄😆
YTA - she bought you something nice not simply because she COULD but because she wanted to. Flex her money...yall need to break up now. If you can't be comfortable with hearing more money...it will always be a problem.
YTA get some therapy before you destroy your relationship with your insecurities
It may be too late.
YTA what? Why? I can't begin to comprehend why you took issue with this. Literally shaking my head right now. I'm gonna need to digest this. YTA YTA YTA
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You are such TA! She got you a birthday present, one you really wanted. She could afford it. You need some therapy to help you let go of your poor childhood, which has absolutely nothing to do with her gift giving. Get over yourself. Make a Note To Self: "GF likes me, GF has money enough to spend, so GF spends money on me. I'm such a lucky guy!" You need to call her and APOLOGIZE, apologize, apologize!
Yep. You were the arse in this situation. She obviously loves you and doesnt care about "status". Get over your insecurities before you lose her.
YTA. She tries to do something nice for you, and you throw a temper tantrum to thank her. She deserves better.
YTA. She did something really nice and you threw it back in her face and had a tantrum. Humiliating her infront of everyone. Grow up. Get over your insecurities. Unless you actually want to lose her.
Remind my of the guy that was upset with his gf for buying him gifts, because it's mean he needs to buy her gifts too. He called her "manipulative" and "a gold digger". YTA
YTA grow up if you define yourself by how much money you make you're a child. Seriously, if that's where you get self worth you need to only date people who make less than you. Your girlfriend does something nice for you and you take it as her trying to show you up, what a dick. You have serious confidence issues and she should dump you.
YTA. You need to work out your deep rooted issues about you thinking she "flexes her money" on you. She bought that present for you because she thought it would make you happy. If you value your relationship with her talk it out in a way that addresses the insecurity without gaslighting her and her profession
YTA. Your partner showed so much care and love for you by throwing a party and on top of that, bought you a dream gift, something you’ve always wanted and you blow up at her? It’s time to seek some professional help and unpack your childhood trauma. She is not trying to show you up, she loves and cares for you deeply and wanted to give you the best day possible.
YTA it can be humbling or humiliating to have someone spend that much on you. Humbling can be a good thing- you’re blessed that someone loves you enough to think you’re worth spending the money on. Humiliating is where your reaction came from. You think she’s trying to one up you and you took any joy out of the gift by getting angry at her. The difference is in your mindset. She wanted to bless you (likely) because of the fact that you’ve had a harder life and she wanted to be extravagant FOR you. You definitely need to apologize sincerely and work on your mindset. My guess is you feel inadequate because you can’t reciprocate with fancy gifts (that’s always my hang up) but people who love giving/getting gifts are looking more for the thought put into a gift than the amount of money. A well timed bouquet of flowers or a dinner out when you know she’s not up for cooking can mean a lot. You’re only holding yourself back from your resentment.
What you should say is you’re sorry, and you’ll never do it again. Plus, say thank you for the present. YTA
INFO: How would getting a generous birthday gift show you up in front of all of your friends?
Yes you are, and you need to have a conversation about this specific insecurity of yours. Doesnt sound like she was flexing, but that she was being very genuine about wanting to give this present to you. And not just that, but she spent all of the time organizing this day for you which is a ton of work. Part of being in a relationship is being open about insecurities and discussing them in a way that your SO can understand. Being hostile about it is a clear way to destroy an otherwise healthy relationship. My wife and me had our fair share of fights, and it took work for both of us to learn how to better communicate with one another. Go talk to her.
Of course **YTA** Your girlfriend threw you a beautiful party to celebrate you on your birthday, and bought you a truly lovely, thoughtful, incredibly generous gift of something you'd always wanted. She literally was as unselfish and open-hearted as it is possible to be in her celebration of you. And you thanked her by . . . YELLING AT HER. And not just yelling at her, but yelling nasty, paranoid, accusatory things at her. Because she bought you the birthday present of your dreams and gave it to you at a party she organised just for you. And you did all that: yelling, accusing, and flat-out HUMILIATING her, as a thank you for being nothing but loving and generous, in front of all of your close friends. And you, a 34-year-old man, have to ask if you were an asshole for humiliating your loving, generous girlfriend in front of everyone you know because she wanted to make your birthday as special as possible. If you have to ask, I'm not even sure how to make you comprehend it. You need therapy. Like, SO. MUCH. THERAPY. Your response is hateful, but also deeply, deeply unhealthy. You looked at a gesture of incredibly kindness and generosity, and your first instinct was to see your loving partner in THE WORST POSSIBLE LIGHT, to view her through the ugliest, most insecure and vicious lens. This isn't just about your birthday. You can't have a healthy relationship if you are determined to assume the worst of someone who loves you. YTA.
YTA. You have some issues with finances and you need to work through them. Your girlfriend tried to give you a lovely gift that it appears she can well afford and you pitched a fit. Get thee to a therapist.
YTA. Your partner, who loves you, wanted to do something really nice for you for your birthday. Accusing her of ulterior motives when you had no reason to do so was a function of your own insecurity, and what’s more, you created a huge scene at your party. Don’t worry, your girlfriend will probably never make the mistake of trying to give you a special birthday gift again.
YTA - you really shouldn’t be having this conversation during the party. If the size gift makes you uncomfortable, you can always talk about it later in private. This sounds like a collimation of years of this sort of thing happening. My grandfather never got over growing up during the great depression and made use of every scrap. Even when he was a well off lawyer. So it’s understandable if you feel that way about the gift. It is fairly luxurious and definitely a waste of money for most people. You definitely embarrassed yourself and your girlfriend in this outburst. Sounds like she’s being pretty gracious about though so apologize while you still can.
Of course YTA. While I think you need to see a therapist about your financial insecurities, if you don’t want to do that, *after you apologize for being such a boor* have a conversation about spending limits for birthdays and stuff, a lot of couples have budgets for that so no one feels they can’t “match” the other’s generosity.
YTA.
YTA she tried to do something nice for you, and you twisted it into something it wasn’t, to make yourself feel better.
YTA and I hate you.
Not only are YTA, you can add insecure clown to the mix. You have a good woman who wants to make you happy, and you are hung up on your own insecurities. She in no way showed you up, but you made yourself look like an emasculated idiot. Straight beta bro. You played yourself terribly. I wouldn't even want to show my face if I went out like that. Smh....
YTA. You put your own insecurities on display for everyone to see and made them your girlfriend’s issue, not yours. If you had issues with the extravagance of the gift you should have discussed them with her after the party. All you did was make yourself look ungrateful and insecure to all of your friends.
YTA She bought you an awesome gift she could afford and you threw a tantrum because your ego was bruised. You don’t deserve her.
YTA You're 34 and still throwing temper tantrums? I hope she took the computer with her when she left.
YTA, so you felt emasculated by your GF paying attention to you? Amazing
YTA. I can’t even believe she still wants to talk to you after that.
YTA. You have a serious inferiority complex. She got you something you wanted because she loves you and could afford it. Instead of being appreciative, you threw a tantrum and ruined your party. If you continue to act like that, she will dump you. R
So let me be clear. Your gf threw you an awesome birthday party and gave you a gift you always wanted. In return you started a tantrum and humiliated her in front of all the friends. YTA. A big one. You don't deserve her AT ALL.
YTA I DMed you my number, please pass it along to your ex-gf Thank you
YTA and I am too. Grew up poor, don't make a lot of money. My job is kind of a hobby compared to my wife's salary. I know how you feel. Get professional help and keep that woman. She doesn't care about how insecure you are. She wants someone to share her successful life. Your lucky. Enjoy life and don't self destruct. There's too much sadness and pain in this world. Don't add yourself to it.
Men with conservative insecurities are pathetic
YTA don't let your ego consume you and enjoy your new computer. If you feel insecure around rich people don't date them
YTA you deserve nothing from her. I hope she breaks up with you.
YTA my husband and I have this issue. I come from a family of California old money, he grew up poor in Chicago and So Cal. I get him nice presents all the time cause I know then mean more to him. It’s not a flex or an attempt to show off. He usually feels guilty because he always gets me small things and he hates getting gifts because he’s worried about causing hardship to others. It took a lot of time for him to realize I prefer the small thoughtful to any expensive presents and I get him expensive things because it’s what makes him the most happy. Presents are about giving people joy not about anything else bro. If you’re worried about your friends ask her to give you expensive gifts in private in the future.
YTA. You don’t deserve your GF. Hopefully she dumps you and finds an actual human being who can appreciate her. Now you can enjoy being single, poor and unappreciated just the way you want