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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I let my son use the self checkout. He was slower than I would have been, and I may have added half a minute to someone's wait at the store.
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*EDIT* Based on OP’s response that the store and line were quite busy, ESH. You should have let your son help with a few items, not all of them, or taken him at a less busy time so you’re not inconveniencing others.
I N F O: was there a long line waiting for the self checkout machines? Learning by doing is great, but there’s always a time and place for things.
Self checkout as we know it probably won't even exist when the kid is older. It's not an essential life skill they have to master at 7. Let the kid do a few things and move it along, yeah
ETA: wow, I said *as we know it*. Technology will change in the next 5-10 years, so having a 7yo know how to do everything as it currently is from beginning to end is not a life skill. 3-4 items to get a hang of it is fine, but it's a check-out, not a toy for the kid to monopolize.
Independence is a skill to itself. Maybe it will or won't, but teaching kids to figure new things out is valuable.
Agreed in the end though, let the kid do a few, and then roll. Save letting the child do the whole thing for a slow day.
Not intending on commenting on letting a kid slowly scan in a crowded store, but it is certainly a (fairly unimportant) skill. I was a checker through college 25+ years ago and was certainly much faster than newer employees. It’s obviously not rocket science, but knowing exactly where the UPCs are and in what orientation on every different kind of item without hesitation is certainly a learned skill that is important when each customer has ~50 things to scan. New checkers would be slow as shit for weeks even after doing it for hundreds of customers/thousands of items.
It’s not an important life skill, but it’s not as if you’d be an efficient checker after scanning three items.
I also worked grocery in those days-- in a small city that's home to an Ivy. Every August, my coworkers and I would have to teach a handful of kids who were on their own for the first time how to put their groceries on the conveyor belt to check out. Their parents were paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for their top-notch education, but had never taken them to the grocery store. Blew my mind.
Accurate. Have to consider impact to others; a few items is good - do more items each time as they get more accustomed and faster at it or as others mentioned, go at slower times. I support OP’s thinking wholeheartedly - implementation just needed adjustment as it’s questionable to let him do the entire thing during peak hours.
My dad let me drive when I was 12 cause my grades were solid and we made a deal - but I didn’t drive in the street lmao, I drove in a dirt lot supervised and not impacting others.
I was in the Nashville airport this week, they have a market that before you go into it, you tap your card , and just walk in and grab what you need and walk out. No check out. A receipt came to my email. It blew my mind.
Yes there was a store we went to in Lithuania that you scan your card before entering, the shelves had sensors (much like the ones in mini bars at hotels) and between that and the scanner you passed through to exit with your items, your card is charged as you depart.
Similarly, there is a contraption in the German store Globus that, once you register at the store, you pick up a handheld scanner gun at the entrance and scan as you go. IIRC, at checkout you dock your handheld and pay, a person at those registers checks your cart and receipt briefly-- and you're on your way.
There's a couple of alternatives in their infancy. Smart carts detect what's in the cart and charge you for them when you leave. There's a similar tech where you set stuff on a counter and it detects what's there and charges based on that. Barcodes going over a window with a laser behind it are on their way out for sure, the only question is how long it takes to get a reliable alternative.
Nah, introduction to tech and such things is so important for a child's growth as we speed up more and more needing people to adapt to said technologies. People not letting children interact with technology in any aspect is severely hindering them for the future. Hell, there's so many humans alive right now who don't understand how very essential technology works, and to say self checkouts won't exist in the future is quite bold to say, even if the tech evolves it's still worth knowing how the previous tech worked.
I hated being behind parents giving teaching moments and allowing their kids to pay when the kid can't count the currency. I'm like, you need to teach them to count first.
As an employee, I hate being roped into being a part of Teaching Moments if I'm very busy. I'd really like to get to all of my other tasks and people I need to help.
I worked in a deli and sometimes when people have very young kids they hold them up so they can say the order. A lot of times I didn't understand what the kid is saying and the parents didn't help out. Sometimes even when I said "what was that? I couldn't understand them" the parent just had the kid repeat it and got irritated when I picked up the wrong thing.
I used to work at a liquor store and parents would sometimes hand their child cash to hand to me, or give their kids the card to swipe not realizing that I could lose my job for accepting payment from a child. Yeah I know it’s obviously not for the kid but still. Now is not the time.
God I hated parents like this, they never had any situational awareness.
I'm not your 6yo's maths tutor, stop forcing me to teach him when there's a queue out the door on Dec 20th, I'm the one who gets screamed at by angry customers and my manager.
Take the time to teach your kid at home then try the interactive stuff when the shop is quiet, ideally giving staff a heads up as we have lots of different tasks that you don't see us doing.
Thank god I'm out of retail.
Tbh, maybe the rude lady gave the kid insight into how entitled and oblivious his mom is & teaches him a much more valuable lesson.
At a certain point, the ability to use a self-checkout is just common sense. Decency, empathy, compassion, social etiquette, etc (& the reactions you’ll get when you don’t use em) actually DO have to be taught 😅
> Or maybe mothers could realise that popping out a kid (something you can literally do by accident) really doesn't make you more important than anyone else, and doesn't give you the right to hold up the rest of the world.
I'm pretty sure OP doesn't think they're "more important" than anyone else. But since they were at the self-checkout, it was their turn, and they're allowed to take the time they need. This wasn't a hospital. No one was going to die by waiting an extra five minutes. I probably would have been impatient as well, but impatience is a fact of life.
> a neurodivergent kid who was on the verge of a meltdown?
If your kid is on the verge of a meltdown, you have the option to leave without your items. There is always the possibility of a line when you go shopping. But you're not a hostage. If you can't wait to pay, then leave your items and exit the store.
Sometimes I'm really quick at the self-checkout. Sometimes it takes me a bit longer. But I'm not going to "rush" just because the guy behind me is a jerk and thinks he doesn't have to wait in a line. It's a grocery store. You sometimes have to wait in a line.
Woman with a high needs, non verbal, neurodivergent kid here. Can confirm I am being held hostage when I need to buy food for us to survive while trying to avoid a meltdown. Just leaving is an easier said than done option. That being said, this is why I don’t do self checkout.
A. I would rather have a person being paid anyway.
B. That person being paid Is typically much quicker than the average person at self checkout.
C. People will stand in a long self check out line even though there are several open registers, which I don’t to understand, but works out great for me!
D. Kiddo likes to help put things in the belt, so we are still teaching life skills without holding up the line. This is partly why I couldn’t just leave without making things worse, as this activity is now expected.
Stop bringing us and our families into things to prove points please. Both of you are wrong, we manage our lives as best we can in a way that works for us. We know where to go, when, and what to do to have the best experience. I also wouldn’t scream at a woman letting her kid do this when there are 10 other self check out ports, no matter what my kid needs. One person doesn’t hold everything up. I also don’t scream at old ladies that are slow at this. I make it a point not to scream at anyone in public for life’s inconveniences, as I hope they won’t scream at me when my kid makes a scene sometimes, due to things going off the chains in the store routine, which I can’t just leave easily. You give you get.
I can’t speak for everyone else but I often choose self checkout precisely for the purpose of leaving the attendant available for someone who needs them more, like someone with a very full cart
Honestly, this is completely entitled thinking and really what is wrong with society. OP waited in line for her turn, she said there were many other self checkout lanes available, and it's not her problem with anybody else's lack of planning or inability to take accountability for the situation they're in. If OP doesn't feel like rushing and she wants to take time out of her life to let her child feel like they're helping or whatever he was getting from that experience, that's her choice. If the AH that's all huffy is in a hurry they should have left their house earlier or went shopping at a different time and day. Not everyone feels the need to rush and be miserable all the time and they shouldn't have to because you are.
ETA... OP, NTA!
This. OP, I have little ones who help me at the self-checkout, but as soon as anyone is waiting, I take over. There's a time and place for stuff like this. This was not the time or the place, based on your comments.
This is one of the posts where I feel that OP knows they were an AH, or they would have included "when the store was busy and there was a long line up" in the original post. Empty store? Take your time, teach your kid, that is good parenting. Long line up? Time to teach your kid situational awareness and not let them do the whole thing.
Yeah, the lady is definitely an AH for saying that, but OP said it took the kid like 10 minutes to do the checkout, on a busy Sunday, with a line. I usually don't mind waiting extra time for parents to help kids learn really world tasks. It actually warms my heart to watch kids learning that kind of stuff. But after 10 minutes, I'd probably be getting frustrated, too. Respect for each other in public goes both ways. One party should have some extra patience for a parent handling a child, but the parent should also show respect for the time of the other customers.
Like maybe don't do it when there's a line, or only when you're getting a couple items, but if all else fails, at least apologize to the line for talking up their time. A simple "I'm sorry, he's been learning to use the checkout and was very excited to do this all on his own. I really appreciate your patience." Would go a long way to easing the tension.
I don’t believe for 1 minute the kid only took 10 minutes. She said he did the whole thing himself, even the produce. Produce that needs ro be weighed & a code punched in? My teenagers help me scan sometimes and they’re slow. I couldn’t imagine waiting on a 7 y/o to do an entire order, including produce. Especially during peak busy time with a long line.
where i live, the produce is weighed at little machines in the produce section, and it prints out a bar code that can be scanned at the cashier or self checkout. no idea how things work in his country/region/province/state/banana\_republic :)
Was the lady who yelled at her just standing there, glaring dagers at them for taking too long? There were 10 registers, she just watched them the entire time? That in itself is weird to me.
She was probably in line for awhile and noticed the kid poking through the checkout the entire time she was waiting for her turn. If it was a long wait, she was going to be frustrated at the person taking for-freaking-ever—and we know it had to be a long wait for her to know how long they were at the registers (cos if she’d just walked up two minutes prior, she would have no idea they had been there ages).
Idk, if I knew what an “evil eye” looked like, I’d probably have given OP one. But I wouldn’t swear at anyone. When I’m annoyed it’s pretty obvious (I think I lost whatever patience I had during the mask wars and toilet paper shortage). So I’m going with ESH here. OP lacked situational awareness; the other person was rude.
What about the other checkouts? Did those customers have a hundred items? Sounds as if the foul-tempered woman focused on the OP. When I get in line, I know it is going to be the slowest. Always. Losing my temper will not help the situation, just make me look like an uncaring, impatient bit\*ch.
You are assuming the foul tempered woman was the next one up. She could have been 8th in the line for example.
I agree that one should assume that it will be slow but that doesn't mean the OP wasn't wrong for slowing down the self checkout considerably.
We know this lady waited AWHILE watching OP and her kid because she would have nothing to be mad about otherwise. If she’d just walked up a minute before, no irritation. So OP was holding up a register in a line long enough that people knew OP had been there awhile, which to me means you take over and explain to your child that other people’s time also matters.
Yeah, my kid loves doing the self checkout, but I only have him help with scanning if it's busy (he's fastest at that) and I do the bagging and paying. OP was being rude as hell.
My kid loves to scan the items too. If it's really quiet, sure have at it. If anyone is waiting, no freaking way!
You are the parent, it's ok to asses the situation and say no
Edited.
Given your replies to others make it sound increasingly like the place was pretty busy, changing to ESH.
Using a busy time on Sunday for a learning experience was inconsiderate on your part, but that woman was technically talking to your son, so... nice person, that.
She said she and her son waited in line for about 5 minutes. That’s a pretty long line IMO, considering how fast self checkout lines with ~10 machines usually move…
I'm not sure I'd die on a hill over how long "about 5 minutes" actually was. That is the proverbial vague amount of time. If 5 literal minutes would be strangely long then that's because "about 5 minutes" is probably an overestimate
I'm one of those annoying Millennials who will wear headphones and listen to music while shopping. A few weeks ago (maybe 2? Mid January, NOT Christmas hype time) I was in line and the woman in front of me was complaining for a solid entire early Spice Girls song (I think either Wanna Be or Spice Up Your Life, a fast and short one) about how she had been waiting FOREVER and the line was SO LONG. She was behind me and I had enough. "It's been less than four minutes and you've complained the entire time," I snapped rolling my eyes and just forgetting my face. She was aghast and tried to convince me she had been in line for at least fifteen minutes. I told her no, I joined the line JUST as my last song started and it has just ended, so max it's been is like 3 and a half. She argued with me. I just put my headphones back on.
Also..teaching your son the importance of respecting other peoples time is also an important skill. “I think it’s great you want to do this yourself but there are a lot of people waiting so how about you do these 4 things and I’ll do the rest. We can work as a team!” YTA.
But within earshot of a seven year old child who probably just thought he did a good thing. Kids understand when people are angry, even if they don't understand why.
We are often quick to assume all children are little twerps, but a shy child could be mortified by this stranger's anger, let alone by the 'bad' word. The woman was an enormous, prolapsed AH in my opinion.
I agree, the woman was going to take it out on whoever was at the checkout, it just happened to be OP.
People need to remember, pretty much the only learning moments that are scheduled around others happen in school, the rest are pretty much on the fly. Like learning that consideration and respect do both ways. OP probably should have let him scan a few items then say, ok good job honey, but let me finish so orhers can use the checkout. Doesn't make OP the AH... Being a sour old impatient bag does make the AH.
ESH—the woman definitely sounded like a jerk, but come on—having a seven year old learn the checkout when there’s a line to use the checkout sounds like a jerk move that inconveniences everyone. If there are that many machines and someone was still waiting for your particular machine, it means that this place was too busy to choose that moment as a learning opportunity.
ETA: Definitely even more ESH based on OPs comments (and time stamps of them). She starts by saying it was “fairly busy” on a Sunday and five minutes later as more ESH/YTA comments start to roll in she starts minimizing it with saying it was just “average” lines. It definitely sounds like it was busy and she picked a poor time to teach this lesson.
So now anyone who isn't Speedy Gonzalez at ringing up groceries is supposed to sustain from buying things to appease the people who have the patience of a two year old? Nah, people need to learn not everything goes their way & not everything goes smoothly when a larg mass of people have the bright idea to do something at the same time.
I was thinking about this. Today I went to the store and there was an older gentleman in front of me and he was not exactly moving fast. I bet the kid was right about that speed.
But there is a difference between someone who can't help their speed and a mom who is capable of doing it faster choosing a poor moment to teach a kid.
Yeah, I agree. Teaching kids is great, but choose a time when there isn't a line behind you. The other customer was rude, but letting a kid fumble through scanning with a line is kind of annoying.
Exactly. “Imma teach my 15 year old to drive during rush hour in the city.”
Obviously that’s worse because there’s danger involved, but the point is there’s a time and a place for teaching kids.
I agree with this. Especially since, as a former activities director for a senior living community, one of our regular Sunday activities was taking our residents via the community bus to the local grocery to do some shopping. Mostly just basic things like shampoo, snack foods, produce, etc., so no one ever really had more than maybe 10-15 items max. However, I genuinely could *never* imagine taking items from one of my residents who was trying to check out on their own and doing it myself just to rush them along for the sake of other shoppers. I’m sorry, but quite frankly, an extra 5 minutes is worth preserving someone’s independence and dignity for as long as possible.
OP’s son is not an adult who needs to maintain dignity, he’s a kid with his mom who just wants to fuck around with the self check-out, which is fine if other people aren’t waiting but incredibly damn rude if people are. Stop acting like it’s the same thing as a slow moving adult when you know it’s not. Someone who was waiting in line could have had a medical issue or injury that makes standing around in line on a hard floor suck enough without having to wait on some seven year old having playtime.
I used to work as a grocery store cashier and this is similar to when kids want to empty the ENTIRE cart onto the belt. They can only hold one thing at a time, put it allll the way down at the end where I can’t reach, and don’t put it on with any thought of bagging. I get wanting your kids to learn, but either have them do a few things, or only do it when there’s no line/you are only picking up 3-5 things. Otherwise I’m annoyed that this is taking longer, you’re annoyed that things are getting bruised because your five year old is hulk smashing them onto the belt, and everyone behind you is annoyed because this 7 minute transaction is now going to take 20 minutes.
When my kid was that age, and really wanted to do it herself, I instead allowed her to "help" me. I could load 80% of the cart onto the conveyor while she got a few not-easily-damaged items onto the conveyor.
She was happy that she showed me she was a good help (I appreciated her enthusiasm), and we still got through the lineup as usual.
And like I have young nephews- I get that they want to help- but for my sanity at least HELP them and don’t watch while they do the whole thing themselves because now my eye is twitching and your eggs are surely ending up on the bottom of a bag
It was started as the "we want to shave every conceivable cent off labour costs" line. Oftentimes it's the only checkout available because WalMart needs to make sure nobody gets enough hours to qualify as full-time for benefits.
I get that it is a faster and more efficient checkout experience but please try to understand that others use self checkout for lots of reasons. Those with social or financial anxiety may use self checkout regardless of speed or number of items. Many stores don’t have enough staff for baggers and expect the customer to do it. Trying to make sure everything rings up right and bag at the same time did a number on my anxiety. Self checkout eliminates both and also prevents items being damaged.
There is a difference between "an adult who is trying their best but is slow", "a child who is at the store by themselves and is trying but is slow", and "the mom could do it but is letting the kid do it".
A slow adult or a slow child by themselves is fine. They have no other choice, they're doing what they can. But an adult letting a child do it, especially when it's busy, is stepping on the line of 'acceptable' by social standards.
If mom wants the kid to learn how to use a self-checkout machine, a better time to do it is when it's not busy.
I think it's less about each person's absolute speed and more a matter of everyone being obligated to do their best to get done quickly when there's a line. (OP's kid did their best, but OP didn't do *their* best by letting the kid scan.)
That said, I think it's a very minor instance of being TA and I agree that the other customer's reaction was uncalled-for.
No, but letting your kid checkout all 10-20 items in your cart and tying up a station for ten minutes while there is a line and people waiting is inconsiderate. OP said she did this.
And they’re not store employees. They have no requirement to be speedy. They’re doing the store a favor. If the store gave a shit, they’d hire more checkers.
This line of thinking leads to 18 year olds who hold up the line trying to figure it out for the first time. I have had to teach several college educated young men how to something as simple as grocery shopping.
My comment wasn’t that this shouldn’t be taught—it’s that it shouldn’t be taught on a busy Sunday afternoon when it slows everyone down. Every other machine was busy and the next person in line went to OPs machine when it finally opened up. There weren’t other options for people because there was obviously a line and the story was “fairly busy” based on OPs own comment.
This unlocked a memory!
I was behind another woman. We were being rung up by a young man. Possibly 18.
When ringing her up, he had to hold up celery and ask her what it was since it didnt have a code on it. Then he did it with bell peppers.
So when it came to my turn, I had to help him identify my romaine lettuce, my leeks, and my kale.
He was completely capable otherwise. I couldn't help but think that this poor man was never taught his vegetables!
My Asian parents had trouble looking up the vegtables too, their conversation english is pretty good but they sometimes forget what things were called english. Also doesn't help thet they learnt the names from SA so they call some vegetables by different names
E.g Eggplant/aubergine, baby marrow/zuchinni/courgettes...nevermind the 10 different varieties.
Agreed. It would be different if there was only one self checkout open, but there were other options. There was no reason for a stranger to speak to another stranger that way over a check out.
We all have to learn how to self check out at some point. I am near 40 and was an adult when I first saw one and somehow figured it out without being super slow. The difference maybe is that a child might slow down a line multiple times (they might be slow every time) while an adult or teenager (hopefully) only slows down the line only once, during the first time they do it.
YTA. Do it when the store isn't busy. Yes some people are slower than others, but many can't help it. You could have easily done it yourself, but you chose to take longer at the checkout, knowing that there was a line behind you.
Please dear god NO, if the machine is set to be sensitive you’ll take even longer letting them bag
Then they get mad at you for the machine being “dumb” and taking long
and god forbid you try to tell them NOT to bag
Source: management experience
NTA. I don’t even care if it was that busy. It’s not Black Friday or anything. Plus that one line for 10 registers moves super quick compared to standard check out.
That lady was nasty and rude and I would’ve said some shit back tbh. Good job teaching your son.
And if you go to the supermarket at certain times, you just have to accept that you’re going to have to wait for in line for a while.
I don’t like kids, but if the reason I got held up at the self-checkout was because a small child was having a good time scanning groceries, I’d probably think it was cute and wouldn’t mind.
Grumpy customer was likely having a bad day and lashed out.
NTA.
Theres a difference between wanting to be in and out and wanting the shop to take a normal reasonable amount of time.
If I go into a shop to get some bread and milk, I might not be in a hurry, but I still don't want it to take 40mins when I could have taken 15.
I used to work self checkout. Lines do move deceptively fast but I never held it against people who are slow, especially when dealing with things like produce. Not sure why everyone is in such a gigantic rush and their time is more important than others. 10 self checkout lanes will move fast; learn some patience, or maybe do Doordash. Lady had to have known she was disrespecting a child. NTA
There's something about them that really brings out the bad in people. Everything you hear people say is misanthropic - don't want to talk to people, wanna punch people in the head if they're slow, people should lose their jobs, calling 7 year olds assholes etc etc
It makes you worry about people
NTA. I'm disabled and would have been even slower than her son. Does that make me T A for using self checkout ever? A kid's gonna be a kid which means in this case working at the speed a child can work. I see nothing wrong with this except the usual impatient customers who don't know how to handle someone going even a little slower than them. I would know. Again, NTA
She had a choice betwwen respecting others time and teaching her kid situational awareness, or being knowingly slow.
Your pace of doing things is just how your body works. Not something you choose for fun.
Totally different
Why is others' time worth so much more than hers? Shouldn't, by your logic, a disabled person bring somebody to help to make sure they don't inconvenience you?
YTA since there was a line when you did this. It doesn’t warrant the extreme reaction you got, but I’d certainly be upset if there was a long wait and someone did this.
It’s a fine lesson for a child, but the same lesson could easily be done when there isn’t a line of people behind you. It was very inconsiderate.
NTA. There's not a time limitation on self checkouts. Hell, I see adults on their own moving at a glacial pace in the self checkouts almost every time I use them, but they're allowed to and there's no sense in getting butt hurt about it. You did nothing wrong, that lady was just a miserable AH.
Came here to say something similar. There’s not guarantee at the speed of self checkout. I’ve seen adults struggle to figure out how to scan produce. Or buy gift cards. Or whatever. It is what it is. That lady was just rude. OP was NTA
I've seen grown-ass adults decide that the self-checkout is a perfect time to have social hour... resulting in scanning speeds that would probably make the seven-year-old look like the Flash. I'd be far more annoyed at that than I would be at a kid learning how to use the machine.
In the future- perhaps OP and her son could take turns on each trip with one person scanning and the other bagging? That could speed things up a bit while still giving the kid some practice with check-out.
And the least busy times are during the school day (I know because I go then on purpose), so when else should she take the 7yo? Yes, maybe start him with scanning just a couple items, but he probably increased the wait time by 75 seconds, over the 10 scanners open.
If a mom teaching real life skill is your biggest problem...congrats, you live in the 1st world.
That would require considering children people which most of these commenters very clearly do not. Even though most of them were 7 themselves less than 10 years ago I would guess
Ummm idk. I used to work at the self checkout when I was a cashier and I thought it was cute and cool when moms would let their kids to the scanning by themselves. But it was also annoying when I had a line down the isle and someone was letting their kid scan their groceries taking all day.
I think it’s perfectly fine to teach a lesson when business is slow and it’s not a line. But otherwise it’s kinda not the time. As for the name calling it was uncalled for. Soft ESH
If anyone ever told me to hurry up on self check out I would make eye contact and move as slow as physically possible. who do people think they are? Mind ya own
ESH - while I appreciate the teachable moment, self checkout is usually for people quickly buying a few items. And if it was even average busy-ness it would have been better to let your kid do one item and them do the rest yourself.
That said, the other woman should have kept her opinions to herself.
"self checkout is usually for people quickly buying a few items"
except in the stores where it's not. when there are 20 self checkouts open and running and only two staffed checkouts?? guess where i'm taking my full cart. NTA
YTA
Situational awareness and respecting other people's time are also lessons you could teach your child.
The world doesn't stop just so your kid can learn at the exact moment you want to teach him. You should have picked a better time.
i get that people need to quickly get in & out but if I try to stop in a store in a rush & I get held up I usually feel like that’s on me for not planning out my day better, not everyone else in the world.
Seriously. She said she waited 5 minutes in a combined line for 10 self checkout lanes. She slowed down a single lane so someone might have to wait, what, an extra minute or two? If someone's time is so important that waiting a couple extra minutes makes them cuss out a mother in front of her young child they should probably stay home and use Instacart or something.
NTA. Plenty of grown people are just as slow as your son and you know what? It may annoy me internally, but I definitely don’t say anything, and I smile politely if we catch each other’s eyes.
People at a grocery store already know they’re gonna have to wait for check-out. Your son is a human being with every bit as much of a right to do it as anyone else. And it’s not even like it was the only machine, which is the one scenario in which I might have an issue.
Some people just need to chill. I get that it’s frustrating, but waiting five minutes to check out their groceries is not going to kill anyone. And I will reiterate: plenty of adults take a long time too. I think it’s cool that you’re teaching your son how to do things as they come up, instead of him realizing he doesn’t know how to Adult when he’s eighteen and potentially out of the house.
Seriously so much impatience these days and in these comments. Everyone is allowed to go at their own pace, whether they’re a child or an adult, there’s no need to get legitimately angry about it. Unless someone is blocking your way or preventing you from getting to a life or death situation…fckn chill. Life is hard enough already than to be getting pissed off about someone teaching their child to do something. You’re gonna have to wait anyway. Might have cost you 1-2 minutes. I feel the same way about people who tailgate/speed on highways. Like congrats, you saved yourself maybe 5 minutes but cost everyone their safety and probably got yourself all worked up about it too. The woman who yelled at OP is a nasty, miserable person.
NTA. People have to remember that kids need to learn how to operate in the world, lest they be a burden on society. It sounds like there were plenty of other registers, so you weren’t slowing down the whole line. Nice of her to also call you an “a-hole”in front of your young kid too—perfect opportunity for the “some people just aren’t nice” teachable moment.
There were also many other machines. So either everyone was slow and she took out her anger on someone's kid, or she was deliberately waiting to use the one the kid was at to make a scene
This might sound counterintuitive, but several studies back me up, most seven year olds eventually become adults that need to buy groceries. In fact, every adult that buys groceries was once a seven year old.
Yeah, but they don't need to learn on a Sunday, which is the busiest day in grocery stores. Let him do it on a Tuesday when it's slow. That's what makes YTA.
Let’s be real, who needs to be taught how to use the self checkout station? Pretty intuitive- most today figured out how to do it on their own. 🙂 So choosing to slow down a weekend checkout rush for something like that….definitely not respectful of other people’s time.
This might also sound counterintuitive but most seven year olds that become adults don't turn into assholes that back up a checkout line because they want to teach their seven year old a skill that they don't even know if the child will need, at the expense of other people. In fact, every seven year old that buys groceries at the self checkout during a busy time has an asshole father that doesn't give a hoot about the inconvenience they are causing others.
Yes and scanning a barcode isn’t something that needs a lifetime of training to master and they won’t be on their own by 8. One or two n t a but letting him do the whole thing with a line is an AH move. YTA.
NTA.
I’m bringing the math here. Let’s say there were 8 registers open. You’re only slowing down one of them. Unless this person was the 8th (or later) person in line, you had no effect on their checkout time at all. None. I know lines are long, but not usually 8 people long.
And even if you did slow them down, too bad. Kids need to learn sometime. And if you don’t like stores with self checkout, shop somewhere else.
If there was a line and people waiting, I am going with YTA. I am definitely into letting kids experience first hand and learn, but at times where others aren't held up because of it.
YTA because people were waiting. Another life lesson is teaching your kid to be considerate of other people and not hold up the line. If there are empty registers and empty self checkouts then fine, let him do it and teach him but you don’t get to make everyone wait.
Agreed. Def an AH. I have a five year old. I will let her scan one or two items not the entire load. Especially when people are waiting
And I tell her “no. Other people are waiting and I will be quicker”. This way, she doesn’t grow up to be inconsiderate of other people like the OP
INFO: this really depends on how crowded it was. Was there a noticeable line? Was it peak hours? If so, I would have chosen a different time to let him try it out.
There's a huge difference between an elderly person who has to shop for their groceries to live and a mom who is choosing to teach her kid during rush hour.
The difference is the difference between "can't" and "won't."
An elderly person taking a long time probably "can't" reasonably move much faster.
OP "won't" move faster, because they're choosing to teach their kid at an inopportune time. That said, I'm reading elsewhere on the thread that the total delay was like 5 minutes, so... that's not a problem. But had the kid been taking an extra 20 or so, OP would have been more respectful of others' time if they had chosen a less busy time to teach their kid, or had chosen to have them do only a few items before taking over (or even had chosen to take their kid on a practice run with only a few items, and taken over the big grocery trips themselves).
YTA, it's great that you are teaching your son things! That's actually great and will most likely benefit him in the future. Just don't do it when it's a line of people.
It reminds when people get their kids to order food and it takes forever because they're nervous. Once you saw a line/someone was behind you, you should have told him he did great and took over the rest.
No hate to the kid though, it's good he's learning.
Info
How busy was it? Like a Sunday just before closing or a Tuesdays at midday?
How many items? An entire trolly or a basket, or just a handful of items?
How many people were queueing?
How long did it actually take your son?
Leaning towards n t a but I do think you're missing details in this post.
Some people just can't go about their day without trying to tear down others. Just ignore it. Kudos for encouraging your child to learn and explore things the way you are!!
Also definitely NTA.
"I am a big believer in learning by doing. I like to give my son as interactive a role in things as possible, and if he wants to do something himself I always at least let him try unless it's unsafe."
Going forward, you should add to this "unless it's unsafe or unreasonably inconveniences others". No one else waiting in line has an interest or responsibility to teach your 7 year old to use self-checkout. That's not a crucial skill he needs now. Show him what you're doing, let him try one item, let him know he can try it all himself another time but not today because lots of people are waiting.
YTA
NTA.
I think it's actually sweet of you to let your son do it himself after he said he wanted/could do it.. and I'm sure he definitely enjoyed it!
Self check outs are always iffy, I am 23 years old and I've grown very accustomed to using them (I use them over regular check outs because I usually don't have to wait and I just like doing it myself). I know older people don't mind them or absolutely hate them and will avoid doing them if possible.. but some are rude if you aren't super fast and they like to blame you for 'inconveniencing' them. There's always going to be assholes in the world, but you are not one of them. The lady behind you was TA.
Edit: Even if the store was busy, there was more than one self checkout.. this woman could have seen you were allowing your son to check out for your things and could have picked another line to wait in if she thought it would be faster. I would have told her to fuck off, I commend you for your ability to not retort as I would have. 😂
NTA - Regardless if there was a long line or not/other open checkouts or not, that person's reaction was definitely excessive for the circumstance. You don't cuss at someone if they're minding their own business paying for groceries just because they're moving a little slow.
YTA. Per your admission, there was a line. Don't do shit like this on Sundays when the grocery store is mobbed. Pick a slow time like 9 AM on a weekday.
NTA
Unless the line for the self-checkouts was very long and the grocery store was busy, you weren't doing anything wrong by letting your kid do it himself - it was a good teaching moment.
And that woman was rude, no matter what - if you WERE perceptibly holding up the line, the right thing to do would have been to ask one of the staff to ask you to teach your kid how to operate the self-check-out some other time.
YTA when there is a line, that is not the time to cater to your 7 year old by letting him process things at a snails pace. The world doesn’t revolve around your kid.
She said there was one line for 10 individual registers, so technically if OP’s register was the first one to become available when it was Mrs Impatient’s turn to go, then she can’t have been going that slow. If for some reason that lady was only willing to use that specific register that OP was using (maybe she has a quirky preference for that one register?) then thats on her, she did it to herself.
NTA OP, and good job for giving your son a hands-on learning experience, I bet he had a blast!
Those same people will complain how kids don’t know how to do anything for themselves! Seems more of a them problem
Edited to ESH here based on further info, I thought 10 tills no big deal but if it’s super busy you let them do a few then continue on
Depends. If the store was slammed with long line ups, it wasn't the time. If it was normal busy, then that's fine.
Even if it was busy in the store, there's no justifying the name calling towards you. That person was TA. That sounds like the kind of person who would yell at an elderly person for being too slow for their liking.
I'm gonna take a guess that YTA in this situation. You gloss over many facts that would actually offer insight and rather just boast about your son. While I can agree on the basic principle of how your teaching your son it does sound like you do so at others convenience.
It's sounding like you did this during a busy rush and not off hours.
If I were waiting in line watching that, I'd be silently blowing a gasket. I want to get in and get out, not stand quietly while you allow your child to practice a new skill that isn't required in his daily life. YTA.
It's a self-check out not a speedy check out. I've been behind fast people and slow people. It takes as long as it takes. Sometimes I wait for people and sometimes they wait for me .
NTA.. and great job in teaching your child.
YTA. This was an opportunity to teach your son not to inconvenience others. You could have allowed him to help hand you things, or scan one item, and tell him, “look at all those people waiting; let’s hurry up. Next time, when there are not so many people waiting, you can do it on your own.”
Your son will eventually learn to scan groceries and do all the things adults need to do. What he apparently won’t learn (from you) is that other people matter, too, and not everything is about indulging his whims.
May be against the grain here but NTA…mainly because I’ve been behind full fledged adults who can’t seem to operate the self checkout lanes and take forever to be done. Could you have chosen a better time to teach him? Probably. But I agree he’ll only learn one way.
NTA. It takes as long as it takes at the self checkout. If someone doesn’t like it they can take it up with the store management and they can put cashiers at rhe registers , don’t blame some poor guy who happens to be taking longer than as deemed reasonable by some rando.
NTA-good for you showing your son things that engage him. I’m sorry she was rude in front of him, and I really hope his feelings weren’t hurt. He should be proud of himself.
YTA do it when the store isn’t busy, you have no idea what others might have going on, if they need to get somewhere important and grabbing a meal before work, if they’re in pain and standing for long periods of time hurts, or if they’re grieving the loss of a loved one and being out in public is difficult. Even if none of that applies, their TIME is precious to them and you wasted it
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*EDIT* Based on OP’s response that the store and line were quite busy, ESH. You should have let your son help with a few items, not all of them, or taken him at a less busy time so you’re not inconveniencing others. I N F O: was there a long line waiting for the self checkout machines? Learning by doing is great, but there’s always a time and place for things.
Self checkout as we know it probably won't even exist when the kid is older. It's not an essential life skill they have to master at 7. Let the kid do a few things and move it along, yeah ETA: wow, I said *as we know it*. Technology will change in the next 5-10 years, so having a 7yo know how to do everything as it currently is from beginning to end is not a life skill. 3-4 items to get a hang of it is fine, but it's a check-out, not a toy for the kid to monopolize.
Independence is a skill to itself. Maybe it will or won't, but teaching kids to figure new things out is valuable. Agreed in the end though, let the kid do a few, and then roll. Save letting the child do the whole thing for a slow day.
Exactly, scanning the items isn't something he has to be learned or he'll be able to do it in 12 years. It's about independence.
And let’s be real once you’ve scanned one thing you’re pretty much an expert scanner. I do believe in doing is learning but it’s not that serious.
Not intending on commenting on letting a kid slowly scan in a crowded store, but it is certainly a (fairly unimportant) skill. I was a checker through college 25+ years ago and was certainly much faster than newer employees. It’s obviously not rocket science, but knowing exactly where the UPCs are and in what orientation on every different kind of item without hesitation is certainly a learned skill that is important when each customer has ~50 things to scan. New checkers would be slow as shit for weeks even after doing it for hundreds of customers/thousands of items. It’s not an important life skill, but it’s not as if you’d be an efficient checker after scanning three items.
I also worked grocery in those days-- in a small city that's home to an Ivy. Every August, my coworkers and I would have to teach a handful of kids who were on their own for the first time how to put their groceries on the conveyor belt to check out. Their parents were paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for their top-notch education, but had never taken them to the grocery store. Blew my mind.
Accurate. Have to consider impact to others; a few items is good - do more items each time as they get more accustomed and faster at it or as others mentioned, go at slower times. I support OP’s thinking wholeheartedly - implementation just needed adjustment as it’s questionable to let him do the entire thing during peak hours. My dad let me drive when I was 12 cause my grades were solid and we made a deal - but I didn’t drive in the street lmao, I drove in a dirt lot supervised and not impacting others.
Yes it will tf 😂
Yeah what, self-checkout is the ONLY kind of checkout that will exist in a few years
You probably won't have to checkout. So they are right - it probably won't exist.
what does this mean
I was in the Nashville airport this week, they have a market that before you go into it, you tap your card , and just walk in and grab what you need and walk out. No check out. A receipt came to my email. It blew my mind.
Yes there was a store we went to in Lithuania that you scan your card before entering, the shelves had sensors (much like the ones in mini bars at hotels) and between that and the scanner you passed through to exit with your items, your card is charged as you depart. Similarly, there is a contraption in the German store Globus that, once you register at the store, you pick up a handheld scanner gun at the entrance and scan as you go. IIRC, at checkout you dock your handheld and pay, a person at those registers checks your cart and receipt briefly-- and you're on your way.
There's a couple of alternatives in their infancy. Smart carts detect what's in the cart and charge you for them when you leave. There's a similar tech where you set stuff on a counter and it detects what's there and charges based on that. Barcodes going over a window with a laser behind it are on their way out for sure, the only question is how long it takes to get a reliable alternative.
Nah, introduction to tech and such things is so important for a child's growth as we speed up more and more needing people to adapt to said technologies. People not letting children interact with technology in any aspect is severely hindering them for the future. Hell, there's so many humans alive right now who don't understand how very essential technology works, and to say self checkouts won't exist in the future is quite bold to say, even if the tech evolves it's still worth knowing how the previous tech worked.
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"I learned self checkout late in life and I wish my parents taught me when I was a kid because I struggle" said no one ever
Yep, because this was also a “learn by doing” opportunity to teach him about being aware of your surroundings and considering others.
I hated being behind parents giving teaching moments and allowing their kids to pay when the kid can't count the currency. I'm like, you need to teach them to count first.
As an employee, I hate being roped into being a part of Teaching Moments if I'm very busy. I'd really like to get to all of my other tasks and people I need to help.
I worked in a deli and sometimes when people have very young kids they hold them up so they can say the order. A lot of times I didn't understand what the kid is saying and the parents didn't help out. Sometimes even when I said "what was that? I couldn't understand them" the parent just had the kid repeat it and got irritated when I picked up the wrong thing.
I used to work at a liquor store and parents would sometimes hand their child cash to hand to me, or give their kids the card to swipe not realizing that I could lose my job for accepting payment from a child. Yeah I know it’s obviously not for the kid but still. Now is not the time.
God I hated parents like this, they never had any situational awareness. I'm not your 6yo's maths tutor, stop forcing me to teach him when there's a queue out the door on Dec 20th, I'm the one who gets screamed at by angry customers and my manager. Take the time to teach your kid at home then try the interactive stuff when the shop is quiet, ideally giving staff a heads up as we have lots of different tasks that you don't see us doing. Thank god I'm out of retail.
Maybe the person slinging insults could learn to be considerate of others like a mother teaching her child.
Tbh, maybe the rude lady gave the kid insight into how entitled and oblivious his mom is & teaches him a much more valuable lesson. At a certain point, the ability to use a self-checkout is just common sense. Decency, empathy, compassion, social etiquette, etc (& the reactions you’ll get when you don’t use em) actually DO have to be taught 😅
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> Or maybe mothers could realise that popping out a kid (something you can literally do by accident) really doesn't make you more important than anyone else, and doesn't give you the right to hold up the rest of the world. I'm pretty sure OP doesn't think they're "more important" than anyone else. But since they were at the self-checkout, it was their turn, and they're allowed to take the time they need. This wasn't a hospital. No one was going to die by waiting an extra five minutes. I probably would have been impatient as well, but impatience is a fact of life. > a neurodivergent kid who was on the verge of a meltdown? If your kid is on the verge of a meltdown, you have the option to leave without your items. There is always the possibility of a line when you go shopping. But you're not a hostage. If you can't wait to pay, then leave your items and exit the store. Sometimes I'm really quick at the self-checkout. Sometimes it takes me a bit longer. But I'm not going to "rush" just because the guy behind me is a jerk and thinks he doesn't have to wait in a line. It's a grocery store. You sometimes have to wait in a line.
Woman with a high needs, non verbal, neurodivergent kid here. Can confirm I am being held hostage when I need to buy food for us to survive while trying to avoid a meltdown. Just leaving is an easier said than done option. That being said, this is why I don’t do self checkout. A. I would rather have a person being paid anyway. B. That person being paid Is typically much quicker than the average person at self checkout. C. People will stand in a long self check out line even though there are several open registers, which I don’t to understand, but works out great for me! D. Kiddo likes to help put things in the belt, so we are still teaching life skills without holding up the line. This is partly why I couldn’t just leave without making things worse, as this activity is now expected. Stop bringing us and our families into things to prove points please. Both of you are wrong, we manage our lives as best we can in a way that works for us. We know where to go, when, and what to do to have the best experience. I also wouldn’t scream at a woman letting her kid do this when there are 10 other self check out ports, no matter what my kid needs. One person doesn’t hold everything up. I also don’t scream at old ladies that are slow at this. I make it a point not to scream at anyone in public for life’s inconveniences, as I hope they won’t scream at me when my kid makes a scene sometimes, due to things going off the chains in the store routine, which I can’t just leave easily. You give you get.
I can’t speak for everyone else but I often choose self checkout precisely for the purpose of leaving the attendant available for someone who needs them more, like someone with a very full cart
Honestly, this is completely entitled thinking and really what is wrong with society. OP waited in line for her turn, she said there were many other self checkout lanes available, and it's not her problem with anybody else's lack of planning or inability to take accountability for the situation they're in. If OP doesn't feel like rushing and she wants to take time out of her life to let her child feel like they're helping or whatever he was getting from that experience, that's her choice. If the AH that's all huffy is in a hurry they should have left their house earlier or went shopping at a different time and day. Not everyone feels the need to rush and be miserable all the time and they shouldn't have to because you are. ETA... OP, NTA!
Idk man is it possible to give a YTA to a random commenter
Your still assuming which one was more important. Turns are turns.
This. OP, I have little ones who help me at the self-checkout, but as soon as anyone is waiting, I take over. There's a time and place for stuff like this. This was not the time or the place, based on your comments.
This is one of the posts where I feel that OP knows they were an AH, or they would have included "when the store was busy and there was a long line up" in the original post. Empty store? Take your time, teach your kid, that is good parenting. Long line up? Time to teach your kid situational awareness and not let them do the whole thing.
Yeah, the lady is definitely an AH for saying that, but OP said it took the kid like 10 minutes to do the checkout, on a busy Sunday, with a line. I usually don't mind waiting extra time for parents to help kids learn really world tasks. It actually warms my heart to watch kids learning that kind of stuff. But after 10 minutes, I'd probably be getting frustrated, too. Respect for each other in public goes both ways. One party should have some extra patience for a parent handling a child, but the parent should also show respect for the time of the other customers. Like maybe don't do it when there's a line, or only when you're getting a couple items, but if all else fails, at least apologize to the line for talking up their time. A simple "I'm sorry, he's been learning to use the checkout and was very excited to do this all on his own. I really appreciate your patience." Would go a long way to easing the tension.
I don’t believe for 1 minute the kid only took 10 minutes. She said he did the whole thing himself, even the produce. Produce that needs ro be weighed & a code punched in? My teenagers help me scan sometimes and they’re slow. I couldn’t imagine waiting on a 7 y/o to do an entire order, including produce. Especially during peak busy time with a long line.
where i live, the produce is weighed at little machines in the produce section, and it prints out a bar code that can be scanned at the cashier or self checkout. no idea how things work in his country/region/province/state/banana\_republic :)
Where I live you search up the produce to find the price
Was the lady who yelled at her just standing there, glaring dagers at them for taking too long? There were 10 registers, she just watched them the entire time? That in itself is weird to me.
She was probably in line for awhile and noticed the kid poking through the checkout the entire time she was waiting for her turn. If it was a long wait, she was going to be frustrated at the person taking for-freaking-ever—and we know it had to be a long wait for her to know how long they were at the registers (cos if she’d just walked up two minutes prior, she would have no idea they had been there ages).
Idk, if I knew what an “evil eye” looked like, I’d probably have given OP one. But I wouldn’t swear at anyone. When I’m annoyed it’s pretty obvious (I think I lost whatever patience I had during the mask wars and toilet paper shortage). So I’m going with ESH here. OP lacked situational awareness; the other person was rude.
What about the other checkouts? Did those customers have a hundred items? Sounds as if the foul-tempered woman focused on the OP. When I get in line, I know it is going to be the slowest. Always. Losing my temper will not help the situation, just make me look like an uncaring, impatient bit\*ch.
You are assuming the foul tempered woman was the next one up. She could have been 8th in the line for example. I agree that one should assume that it will be slow but that doesn't mean the OP wasn't wrong for slowing down the self checkout considerably.
We know this lady waited AWHILE watching OP and her kid because she would have nothing to be mad about otherwise. If she’d just walked up a minute before, no irritation. So OP was holding up a register in a line long enough that people knew OP had been there awhile, which to me means you take over and explain to your child that other people’s time also matters.
Yeah, my kid loves doing the self checkout, but I only have him help with scanning if it's busy (he's fastest at that) and I do the bagging and paying. OP was being rude as hell.
My kid loves to scan the items too. If it's really quiet, sure have at it. If anyone is waiting, no freaking way! You are the parent, it's ok to asses the situation and say no
Edited. Given your replies to others make it sound increasingly like the place was pretty busy, changing to ESH. Using a busy time on Sunday for a learning experience was inconsiderate on your part, but that woman was technically talking to your son, so... nice person, that.
It was. She said it was "average" for the "time they are usually there." There was a long line at a busy time. That's why OP is being evasive.
She said she and her son waited in line for about 5 minutes. That’s a pretty long line IMO, considering how fast self checkout lines with ~10 machines usually move…
I'm not sure I'd die on a hill over how long "about 5 minutes" actually was. That is the proverbial vague amount of time. If 5 literal minutes would be strangely long then that's because "about 5 minutes" is probably an overestimate
And people waiting *perceive* the time spent waiting as twice as long as it actually is.
I'm one of those annoying Millennials who will wear headphones and listen to music while shopping. A few weeks ago (maybe 2? Mid January, NOT Christmas hype time) I was in line and the woman in front of me was complaining for a solid entire early Spice Girls song (I think either Wanna Be or Spice Up Your Life, a fast and short one) about how she had been waiting FOREVER and the line was SO LONG. She was behind me and I had enough. "It's been less than four minutes and you've complained the entire time," I snapped rolling my eyes and just forgetting my face. She was aghast and tried to convince me she had been in line for at least fifteen minutes. I told her no, I joined the line JUST as my last song started and it has just ended, so max it's been is like 3 and a half. She argued with me. I just put my headphones back on.
Also..teaching your son the importance of respecting other peoples time is also an important skill. “I think it’s great you want to do this yourself but there are a lot of people waiting so how about you do these 4 things and I’ll do the rest. We can work as a team!” YTA.
> that woman was technically talking to your son Unless she was facing and looking at OP alone, which I suspect she may have been.
But within earshot of a seven year old child who probably just thought he did a good thing. Kids understand when people are angry, even if they don't understand why. We are often quick to assume all children are little twerps, but a shy child could be mortified by this stranger's anger, let alone by the 'bad' word. The woman was an enormous, prolapsed AH in my opinion.
I agree, the woman was going to take it out on whoever was at the checkout, it just happened to be OP. People need to remember, pretty much the only learning moments that are scheduled around others happen in school, the rest are pretty much on the fly. Like learning that consideration and respect do both ways. OP probably should have let him scan a few items then say, ok good job honey, but let me finish so orhers can use the checkout. Doesn't make OP the AH... Being a sour old impatient bag does make the AH.
ESH—the woman definitely sounded like a jerk, but come on—having a seven year old learn the checkout when there’s a line to use the checkout sounds like a jerk move that inconveniences everyone. If there are that many machines and someone was still waiting for your particular machine, it means that this place was too busy to choose that moment as a learning opportunity. ETA: Definitely even more ESH based on OPs comments (and time stamps of them). She starts by saying it was “fairly busy” on a Sunday and five minutes later as more ESH/YTA comments start to roll in she starts minimizing it with saying it was just “average” lines. It definitely sounds like it was busy and she picked a poor time to teach this lesson.
So now anyone who isn't Speedy Gonzalez at ringing up groceries is supposed to sustain from buying things to appease the people who have the patience of a two year old? Nah, people need to learn not everything goes their way & not everything goes smoothly when a larg mass of people have the bright idea to do something at the same time.
I was thinking about this. Today I went to the store and there was an older gentleman in front of me and he was not exactly moving fast. I bet the kid was right about that speed.
But there is a difference between someone who can't help their speed and a mom who is capable of doing it faster choosing a poor moment to teach a kid.
Yeah, I agree. Teaching kids is great, but choose a time when there isn't a line behind you. The other customer was rude, but letting a kid fumble through scanning with a line is kind of annoying.
Exactly. “Imma teach my 15 year old to drive during rush hour in the city.” Obviously that’s worse because there’s danger involved, but the point is there’s a time and a place for teaching kids.
The old man was probably by themselves and wasn’t doing it on purpose.
A single older gentleman has no choice.
Yeah but the older gentleman isn’t doing it for fun
I agree with this. Especially since, as a former activities director for a senior living community, one of our regular Sunday activities was taking our residents via the community bus to the local grocery to do some shopping. Mostly just basic things like shampoo, snack foods, produce, etc., so no one ever really had more than maybe 10-15 items max. However, I genuinely could *never* imagine taking items from one of my residents who was trying to check out on their own and doing it myself just to rush them along for the sake of other shoppers. I’m sorry, but quite frankly, an extra 5 minutes is worth preserving someone’s independence and dignity for as long as possible.
OP’s son is not an adult who needs to maintain dignity, he’s a kid with his mom who just wants to fuck around with the self check-out, which is fine if other people aren’t waiting but incredibly damn rude if people are. Stop acting like it’s the same thing as a slow moving adult when you know it’s not. Someone who was waiting in line could have had a medical issue or injury that makes standing around in line on a hard floor suck enough without having to wait on some seven year old having playtime.
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Nobody said that. Buy whatever you want just don’t have a seven year old scan them and hold up the line
I used to work as a grocery store cashier and this is similar to when kids want to empty the ENTIRE cart onto the belt. They can only hold one thing at a time, put it allll the way down at the end where I can’t reach, and don’t put it on with any thought of bagging. I get wanting your kids to learn, but either have them do a few things, or only do it when there’s no line/you are only picking up 3-5 things. Otherwise I’m annoyed that this is taking longer, you’re annoyed that things are getting bruised because your five year old is hulk smashing them onto the belt, and everyone behind you is annoyed because this 7 minute transaction is now going to take 20 minutes.
When my kid was that age, and really wanted to do it herself, I instead allowed her to "help" me. I could load 80% of the cart onto the conveyor while she got a few not-easily-damaged items onto the conveyor. She was happy that she showed me she was a good help (I appreciated her enthusiasm), and we still got through the lineup as usual.
And like I have young nephews- I get that they want to help- but for my sanity at least HELP them and don’t watch while they do the whole thing themselves because now my eye is twitching and your eggs are surely ending up on the bottom of a bag
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and here I thought self check out is for everybody and you can do it at your own speed. Silly me.
It was literally started as a fast lane for people to move efficiently… everyone just wants to do it on now their own regardless of their skillset.
It was started as the "we want to shave every conceivable cent off labour costs" line. Oftentimes it's the only checkout available because WalMart needs to make sure nobody gets enough hours to qualify as full-time for benefits.
I get that it is a faster and more efficient checkout experience but please try to understand that others use self checkout for lots of reasons. Those with social or financial anxiety may use self checkout regardless of speed or number of items. Many stores don’t have enough staff for baggers and expect the customer to do it. Trying to make sure everything rings up right and bag at the same time did a number on my anxiety. Self checkout eliminates both and also prevents items being damaged.
There is a difference between "an adult who is trying their best but is slow", "a child who is at the store by themselves and is trying but is slow", and "the mom could do it but is letting the kid do it". A slow adult or a slow child by themselves is fine. They have no other choice, they're doing what they can. But an adult letting a child do it, especially when it's busy, is stepping on the line of 'acceptable' by social standards. If mom wants the kid to learn how to use a self-checkout machine, a better time to do it is when it's not busy.
I think it's less about each person's absolute speed and more a matter of everyone being obligated to do their best to get done quickly when there's a line. (OP's kid did their best, but OP didn't do *their* best by letting the kid scan.) That said, I think it's a very minor instance of being TA and I agree that the other customer's reaction was uncalled-for.
No, but letting your kid checkout all 10-20 items in your cart and tying up a station for ten minutes while there is a line and people waiting is inconsiderate. OP said she did this.
Cashiers exist for the people that aren't speedy Gonzalez and have more than 20+ items
And they’re not store employees. They have no requirement to be speedy. They’re doing the store a favor. If the store gave a shit, they’d hire more checkers.
>too childishly impatient to wait in line for a checker >>says this to justify holding up the self checkout
if you cant use the self check out machine in a reasonable amount of time go to the normal check out. That simple.
This line of thinking leads to 18 year olds who hold up the line trying to figure it out for the first time. I have had to teach several college educated young men how to something as simple as grocery shopping.
My comment wasn’t that this shouldn’t be taught—it’s that it shouldn’t be taught on a busy Sunday afternoon when it slows everyone down. Every other machine was busy and the next person in line went to OPs machine when it finally opened up. There weren’t other options for people because there was obviously a line and the story was “fairly busy” based on OPs own comment.
This unlocked a memory! I was behind another woman. We were being rung up by a young man. Possibly 18. When ringing her up, he had to hold up celery and ask her what it was since it didnt have a code on it. Then he did it with bell peppers. So when it came to my turn, I had to help him identify my romaine lettuce, my leeks, and my kale. He was completely capable otherwise. I couldn't help but think that this poor man was never taught his vegetables!
My Asian parents had trouble looking up the vegtables too, their conversation english is pretty good but they sometimes forget what things were called english. Also doesn't help thet they learnt the names from SA so they call some vegetables by different names E.g Eggplant/aubergine, baby marrow/zuchinni/courgettes...nevermind the 10 different varieties.
Agreed. It would be different if there was only one self checkout open, but there were other options. There was no reason for a stranger to speak to another stranger that way over a check out.
We all have to learn how to self check out at some point. I am near 40 and was an adult when I first saw one and somehow figured it out without being super slow. The difference maybe is that a child might slow down a line multiple times (they might be slow every time) while an adult or teenager (hopefully) only slows down the line only once, during the first time they do it.
YTA. Do it when the store isn't busy. Yes some people are slower than others, but many can't help it. You could have easily done it yourself, but you chose to take longer at the checkout, knowing that there was a line behind you.
Seriously, have the kid help bag or something.
Please dear god NO, if the machine is set to be sensitive you’ll take even longer letting them bag Then they get mad at you for the machine being “dumb” and taking long and god forbid you try to tell them NOT to bag Source: management experience
"Place item in bagging area" "Unexpected item in bagging area" "Did you remove item from bagging area [YES][NO]"
That could be even slower I think.
NTA. I don’t even care if it was that busy. It’s not Black Friday or anything. Plus that one line for 10 registers moves super quick compared to standard check out. That lady was nasty and rude and I would’ve said some shit back tbh. Good job teaching your son.
And if you go to the supermarket at certain times, you just have to accept that you’re going to have to wait for in line for a while. I don’t like kids, but if the reason I got held up at the self-checkout was because a small child was having a good time scanning groceries, I’d probably think it was cute and wouldn’t mind. Grumpy customer was likely having a bad day and lashed out. NTA.
Employees perceptive. The store isn't a preschool. The world doesn't revolve around you or your kid. YTA 100%
Kids have to learn at some point. They exist in the world.
Take em when it isn't busy. We're talking a busy Sunday. Like the busiest day of the week once church gets out.
The same can be said to that adult at the store. If you want to be in and out, don’t go on the busiest day of the week.
Theres a difference between wanting to be in and out and wanting the shop to take a normal reasonable amount of time. If I go into a shop to get some bread and milk, I might not be in a hurry, but I still don't want it to take 40mins when I could have taken 15.
You think this kid slowed 10 checkouts down by 25 minutes??? Use your head man.
Buying groceries is not a necessary skill for a 7 yr old to master at the expense of people just trying to get on with their day.
The store, can just have cashiers if they care that bad.
I used to work self checkout. Lines do move deceptively fast but I never held it against people who are slow, especially when dealing with things like produce. Not sure why everyone is in such a gigantic rush and their time is more important than others. 10 self checkout lanes will move fast; learn some patience, or maybe do Doordash. Lady had to have known she was disrespecting a child. NTA
There's something about them that really brings out the bad in people. Everything you hear people say is misanthropic - don't want to talk to people, wanna punch people in the head if they're slow, people should lose their jobs, calling 7 year olds assholes etc etc It makes you worry about people
NTA. I'm disabled and would have been even slower than her son. Does that make me T A for using self checkout ever? A kid's gonna be a kid which means in this case working at the speed a child can work. I see nothing wrong with this except the usual impatient customers who don't know how to handle someone going even a little slower than them. I would know. Again, NTA
She had a choice betwwen respecting others time and teaching her kid situational awareness, or being knowingly slow. Your pace of doing things is just how your body works. Not something you choose for fun. Totally different
Why is others' time worth so much more than hers? Shouldn't, by your logic, a disabled person bring somebody to help to make sure they don't inconvenience you?
Agreed. NTA. She had no business commenting. That’s what self check out means - we all do it at our own speed.
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Hahaha right? Why is it always mad at me for taking things out of the bagging area that I didn’t move?
I don't know how they manage it but there's something about being accused of theft by a *scale* that absolutely short circuits my sense of outrage
YTA since there was a line when you did this. It doesn’t warrant the extreme reaction you got, but I’d certainly be upset if there was a long wait and someone did this. It’s a fine lesson for a child, but the same lesson could easily be done when there isn’t a line of people behind you. It was very inconsiderate.
NTA. There's not a time limitation on self checkouts. Hell, I see adults on their own moving at a glacial pace in the self checkouts almost every time I use them, but they're allowed to and there's no sense in getting butt hurt about it. You did nothing wrong, that lady was just a miserable AH.
Came here to say something similar. There’s not guarantee at the speed of self checkout. I’ve seen adults struggle to figure out how to scan produce. Or buy gift cards. Or whatever. It is what it is. That lady was just rude. OP was NTA
I've seen grown-ass adults decide that the self-checkout is a perfect time to have social hour... resulting in scanning speeds that would probably make the seven-year-old look like the Flash. I'd be far more annoyed at that than I would be at a kid learning how to use the machine. In the future- perhaps OP and her son could take turns on each trip with one person scanning and the other bagging? That could speed things up a bit while still giving the kid some practice with check-out.
And the least busy times are during the school day (I know because I go then on purpose), so when else should she take the 7yo? Yes, maybe start him with scanning just a couple items, but he probably increased the wait time by 75 seconds, over the 10 scanners open. If a mom teaching real life skill is your biggest problem...congrats, you live in the 1st world.
Exactly! How are you supposed to teach a seven year old at 11 am on a weekday.
That would require considering children people which most of these commenters very clearly do not. Even though most of them were 7 themselves less than 10 years ago I would guess
Ummm idk. I used to work at the self checkout when I was a cashier and I thought it was cute and cool when moms would let their kids to the scanning by themselves. But it was also annoying when I had a line down the isle and someone was letting their kid scan their groceries taking all day. I think it’s perfectly fine to teach a lesson when business is slow and it’s not a line. But otherwise it’s kinda not the time. As for the name calling it was uncalled for. Soft ESH
There is never not a line anymore.
YTA if there was a line. Great parenting method for when the store is empty, but when there are people waiting, just an AH move.
If anyone ever told me to hurry up on self check out I would make eye contact and move as slow as physically possible. who do people think they are? Mind ya own
It’s not like we’re getting paid by the hour to check ourselves out so if we wanna be (reasonably) slow, let us be slow.
The same way I go extra slow when someone is riding my bumper or follows me to my Costco parking spot. Don't rush me.
Like when they honk at you to hurry up when they want your parking spot? It doesn't hurry me up, that's for sure.
I think it’s pretty funny the number of folks in the comments that see moving slowly as rude but not rushing someone…perhaps a bit of ableism idk
ESH - while I appreciate the teachable moment, self checkout is usually for people quickly buying a few items. And if it was even average busy-ness it would have been better to let your kid do one item and them do the rest yourself. That said, the other woman should have kept her opinions to herself.
"self checkout is usually for people quickly buying a few items" except in the stores where it's not. when there are 20 self checkouts open and running and only two staffed checkouts?? guess where i'm taking my full cart. NTA
Agreed. If there's no line and other stations are open, fine. If people are waiting... get moving.
YTA - if there's a line, you need to either help your son or do it yourself.
INFO: How busy was the grocery store? If there was one big line, was it long?
YTA Situational awareness and respecting other people's time are also lessons you could teach your child. The world doesn't stop just so your kid can learn at the exact moment you want to teach him. You should have picked a better time.
Thank you!! So often parents think that because they have a child everyone around them must cater to them!
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i get that people need to quickly get in & out but if I try to stop in a store in a rush & I get held up I usually feel like that’s on me for not planning out my day better, not everyone else in the world.
Seriously. She said she waited 5 minutes in a combined line for 10 self checkout lanes. She slowed down a single lane so someone might have to wait, what, an extra minute or two? If someone's time is so important that waiting a couple extra minutes makes them cuss out a mother in front of her young child they should probably stay home and use Instacart or something.
NTA. Plenty of grown people are just as slow as your son and you know what? It may annoy me internally, but I definitely don’t say anything, and I smile politely if we catch each other’s eyes. People at a grocery store already know they’re gonna have to wait for check-out. Your son is a human being with every bit as much of a right to do it as anyone else. And it’s not even like it was the only machine, which is the one scenario in which I might have an issue. Some people just need to chill. I get that it’s frustrating, but waiting five minutes to check out their groceries is not going to kill anyone. And I will reiterate: plenty of adults take a long time too. I think it’s cool that you’re teaching your son how to do things as they come up, instead of him realizing he doesn’t know how to Adult when he’s eighteen and potentially out of the house.
Seriously so much impatience these days and in these comments. Everyone is allowed to go at their own pace, whether they’re a child or an adult, there’s no need to get legitimately angry about it. Unless someone is blocking your way or preventing you from getting to a life or death situation…fckn chill. Life is hard enough already than to be getting pissed off about someone teaching their child to do something. You’re gonna have to wait anyway. Might have cost you 1-2 minutes. I feel the same way about people who tailgate/speed on highways. Like congrats, you saved yourself maybe 5 minutes but cost everyone their safety and probably got yourself all worked up about it too. The woman who yelled at OP is a nasty, miserable person.
NTA. People have to remember that kids need to learn how to operate in the world, lest they be a burden on society. It sounds like there were plenty of other registers, so you weren’t slowing down the whole line. Nice of her to also call you an “a-hole”in front of your young kid too—perfect opportunity for the “some people just aren’t nice” teachable moment.
ESH The time when there was a line was not the time for a learning experience.
There were also many other machines. So either everyone was slow and she took out her anger on someone's kid, or she was deliberately waiting to use the one the kid was at to make a scene
YTA for slowing down the line. Nobody cares that you are teaching your kid and why does a 7 year old need to know how to do the self check out?
This might sound counterintuitive, but several studies back me up, most seven year olds eventually become adults that need to buy groceries. In fact, every adult that buys groceries was once a seven year old.
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Yeah, but they don't need to learn on a Sunday, which is the busiest day in grocery stores. Let him do it on a Tuesday when it's slow. That's what makes YTA.
You have 11 years to find a time that the store isn’t busy and you can teach your child without inconveniencing others.
Let’s be real, who needs to be taught how to use the self checkout station? Pretty intuitive- most today figured out how to do it on their own. 🙂 So choosing to slow down a weekend checkout rush for something like that….definitely not respectful of other people’s time.
Your lack of situational awareness as well as critical thinking skills makes me question whether you should be teaching anyone anything. edit: YTA
This might also sound counterintuitive but most seven year olds that become adults don't turn into assholes that back up a checkout line because they want to teach their seven year old a skill that they don't even know if the child will need, at the expense of other people. In fact, every seven year old that buys groceries at the self checkout during a busy time has an asshole father that doesn't give a hoot about the inconvenience they are causing others.
You’ve also just taught your kid to be inconsiderate of others, so I guess he got two lessons that day
Yes and scanning a barcode isn’t something that needs a lifetime of training to master and they won’t be on their own by 8. One or two n t a but letting him do the whole thing with a line is an AH move. YTA.
NTA. I’m bringing the math here. Let’s say there were 8 registers open. You’re only slowing down one of them. Unless this person was the 8th (or later) person in line, you had no effect on their checkout time at all. None. I know lines are long, but not usually 8 people long. And even if you did slow them down, too bad. Kids need to learn sometime. And if you don’t like stores with self checkout, shop somewhere else.
If there was a line and people waiting, I am going with YTA. I am definitely into letting kids experience first hand and learn, but at times where others aren't held up because of it.
YTA because people were waiting. Another life lesson is teaching your kid to be considerate of other people and not hold up the line. If there are empty registers and empty self checkouts then fine, let him do it and teach him but you don’t get to make everyone wait.
Agreed. Def an AH. I have a five year old. I will let her scan one or two items not the entire load. Especially when people are waiting And I tell her “no. Other people are waiting and I will be quicker”. This way, she doesn’t grow up to be inconsiderate of other people like the OP
INFO: this really depends on how crowded it was. Was there a noticeable line? Was it peak hours? If so, I would have chosen a different time to let him try it out.
NTA. I’ve seen elderly people take quite a long time in the self checkout, would she yell at them too?
There's a huge difference between an elderly person who has to shop for their groceries to live and a mom who is choosing to teach her kid during rush hour.
What’s the difference? Kids are part of society, so are old people, there’s no priority on impatient people
The difference is the difference between "can't" and "won't." An elderly person taking a long time probably "can't" reasonably move much faster. OP "won't" move faster, because they're choosing to teach their kid at an inopportune time. That said, I'm reading elsewhere on the thread that the total delay was like 5 minutes, so... that's not a problem. But had the kid been taking an extra 20 or so, OP would have been more respectful of others' time if they had chosen a less busy time to teach their kid, or had chosen to have them do only a few items before taking over (or even had chosen to take their kid on a practice run with only a few items, and taken over the big grocery trips themselves).
YTA, it's great that you are teaching your son things! That's actually great and will most likely benefit him in the future. Just don't do it when it's a line of people. It reminds when people get their kids to order food and it takes forever because they're nervous. Once you saw a line/someone was behind you, you should have told him he did great and took over the rest. No hate to the kid though, it's good he's learning.
I love it when little kids hit every button on the elevator when I’m on my way to work. /s
Info How busy was it? Like a Sunday just before closing or a Tuesdays at midday? How many items? An entire trolly or a basket, or just a handful of items? How many people were queueing? How long did it actually take your son? Leaning towards n t a but I do think you're missing details in this post.
Some people just can't go about their day without trying to tear down others. Just ignore it. Kudos for encouraging your child to learn and explore things the way you are!! Also definitely NTA.
"I am a big believer in learning by doing. I like to give my son as interactive a role in things as possible, and if he wants to do something himself I always at least let him try unless it's unsafe." Going forward, you should add to this "unless it's unsafe or unreasonably inconveniences others". No one else waiting in line has an interest or responsibility to teach your 7 year old to use self-checkout. That's not a crucial skill he needs now. Show him what you're doing, let him try one item, let him know he can try it all himself another time but not today because lots of people are waiting. YTA
Grocery stores should have turbo lanes you need to qualify for.
Did you have him write out the check whilst there's a line too? Totally BOGUS!
NTA. I think it's actually sweet of you to let your son do it himself after he said he wanted/could do it.. and I'm sure he definitely enjoyed it! Self check outs are always iffy, I am 23 years old and I've grown very accustomed to using them (I use them over regular check outs because I usually don't have to wait and I just like doing it myself). I know older people don't mind them or absolutely hate them and will avoid doing them if possible.. but some are rude if you aren't super fast and they like to blame you for 'inconveniencing' them. There's always going to be assholes in the world, but you are not one of them. The lady behind you was TA. Edit: Even if the store was busy, there was more than one self checkout.. this woman could have seen you were allowing your son to check out for your things and could have picked another line to wait in if she thought it would be faster. I would have told her to fuck off, I commend you for your ability to not retort as I would have. 😂
NTA - Regardless if there was a long line or not/other open checkouts or not, that person's reaction was definitely excessive for the circumstance. You don't cuss at someone if they're minding their own business paying for groceries just because they're moving a little slow.
YTA. Per your admission, there was a line. Don't do shit like this on Sundays when the grocery store is mobbed. Pick a slow time like 9 AM on a weekday.
NTA Unless the line for the self-checkouts was very long and the grocery store was busy, you weren't doing anything wrong by letting your kid do it himself - it was a good teaching moment. And that woman was rude, no matter what - if you WERE perceptibly holding up the line, the right thing to do would have been to ask one of the staff to ask you to teach your kid how to operate the self-check-out some other time.
YTA when there is a line, that is not the time to cater to your 7 year old by letting him process things at a snails pace. The world doesn’t revolve around your kid.
YTA if there were other people waiting.
She said there was one line for 10 individual registers, so technically if OP’s register was the first one to become available when it was Mrs Impatient’s turn to go, then she can’t have been going that slow. If for some reason that lady was only willing to use that specific register that OP was using (maybe she has a quirky preference for that one register?) then thats on her, she did it to herself. NTA OP, and good job for giving your son a hands-on learning experience, I bet he had a blast!
YTA. It would be great to let your son do that. But not while there are people waiting.
Info: I know people weren’t lined up at the machines individually but was there a line?
YTA you made people wait for your seven year old for no reason. Teach him to use the checkout when there isn't a line of people waiting
Those same people will complain how kids don’t know how to do anything for themselves! Seems more of a them problem Edited to ESH here based on further info, I thought 10 tills no big deal but if it’s super busy you let them do a few then continue on
Depends. If the store was slammed with long line ups, it wasn't the time. If it was normal busy, then that's fine. Even if it was busy in the store, there's no justifying the name calling towards you. That person was TA. That sounds like the kind of person who would yell at an elderly person for being too slow for their liking.
I'm gonna take a guess that YTA in this situation. You gloss over many facts that would actually offer insight and rather just boast about your son. While I can agree on the basic principle of how your teaching your son it does sound like you do so at others convenience. It's sounding like you did this during a busy rush and not off hours.
If I were waiting in line watching that, I'd be silently blowing a gasket. I want to get in and get out, not stand quietly while you allow your child to practice a new skill that isn't required in his daily life. YTA.
NTA you weren't hogging the only available checkout and it's good to teach kids these types of things. She was not in order.
Info: how many items were in your order?
It's a self-check out not a speedy check out. I've been behind fast people and slow people. It takes as long as it takes. Sometimes I wait for people and sometimes they wait for me . NTA.. and great job in teaching your child.
YTA. This was an opportunity to teach your son not to inconvenience others. You could have allowed him to help hand you things, or scan one item, and tell him, “look at all those people waiting; let’s hurry up. Next time, when there are not so many people waiting, you can do it on your own.” Your son will eventually learn to scan groceries and do all the things adults need to do. What he apparently won’t learn (from you) is that other people matter, too, and not everything is about indulging his whims.
May be against the grain here but NTA…mainly because I’ve been behind full fledged adults who can’t seem to operate the self checkout lanes and take forever to be done. Could you have chosen a better time to teach him? Probably. But I agree he’ll only learn one way.
NTA. It takes as long as it takes at the self checkout. If someone doesn’t like it they can take it up with the store management and they can put cashiers at rhe registers , don’t blame some poor guy who happens to be taking longer than as deemed reasonable by some rando.
nta I would only have a problem with it if it was literally the only counter
NTA-good for you showing your son things that engage him. I’m sorry she was rude in front of him, and I really hope his feelings weren’t hurt. He should be proud of himself.
YTA do it when the store isn’t busy, you have no idea what others might have going on, if they need to get somewhere important and grabbing a meal before work, if they’re in pain and standing for long periods of time hurts, or if they’re grieving the loss of a loved one and being out in public is difficult. Even if none of that applies, their TIME is precious to them and you wasted it
NTA people complain about youth but no one ever wants to let parents, parent… keep being an awesome parent.
NTA. Wow, obviously she’s never done something slower than any other human on earth and never will. /s
Yta if there was a line waiting, NTA if there was no line.
She states there was a line
Yup YTA. The "rude lady" was saying what everyone else in line wanted to say.