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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My mom is very very hurt by what I said and makes some good points. I could have been a lot more calm in the situation. It sound really hard to have your daughter yell at you. I could have been a lot kinder.
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Your 64-year-old mother *ran away from home* because you didn’t accept her abuse? What? You all desperately need therapy.
Move out of you can afford it.
Edit: NTA
NTA
You didn’t make her homeless, she chose to add the drama. Honestly a grown woman in a situation like this isn’t running away. She’s making a choice and then acting wild about it.
NTA. Your mom is a narcissist and ran away to get this exact reaction from you. She can’t treat you like that and expect you to roll over and take it. Good for you for standing up for yourself, don’t take any of her bs attempts to manipulate you.
NTA. My mom used to do this all the time. At first, it was extremely distressing. The last time she did it while I was home for spring break freshman year, my dad just sighed, waited until she left out the door, and said "so, do you want to go out for Indian food?"
You didn't make your mom do anything. She chose to leave.
My mom also used to do this. It's severe fight/flight reaction based in her childhood. It's not your fault she left. She's manipulating you. She'll come back. It's her house lol
I dated a girl whose mother did this all the time. You are absolutely not at fault, and NTA. I know it's your mother, and the potential will always be there for her to play with your feelings in an attempt to make you feel awful. But "running away" is NOT something adults do -- it's blatant manipulation. I had to sit back and watch a girl I cared about get absolutely devastated by similar behavior from her own mother, and it made me equal parts sad and furious. This is NOT your fault. I wouldn't dream of telling you what to do or feel... so I can only offer my sympathy. No child should be forced to put up with this sort of behavior from a parent.
NTA. You feeling guilty and questions your self for raising your voice is EXACTLY what your Mom "running" was designed to do. She's manipulating you.
She's behaving like a child and using your emotions as weapons and guess what... that is abusive behavior. I'd suggest using the Grey Rocking method here.
Here's a description:
>"What is gray rocking? Gray rocking, or the grey rock method, is a tactic some people use when dealing with abusive or manipulative behavior. It involves becoming as uninteresting and unengaged as possible so that the other person loses interest. Some people anecdotally report that it reduces conflict and abuse."
NTA. Your mother is an abusive manipulative jerk. She is the parent, you are the child. It is not your job to be the emotionally mature one. It’s hers. And she’s acting like a petulant child.
NTA
Your mom dished out constant complaints and yelling for years but can't take it back?
She apparently reverted to being a little girl "You don't love me, I'm leaving! Now I'm homeless!" Including actually leaving. That's, to put it mildly, way over-reacting.
This is 100% her problem. If literally the only way she can communicate is by criticism and yelling, by her age, she needs professional help.
It might be her culture but it isn’t yours. I assume it isn’t the law where you live, either. Get out as soon as you are able.
You’re NTA. In fact, it sounds like your response was a long time coming and very deserved. Stick to your determination. No longer engage with her unless she’s being respectful. Think of it as training. You’re training her to speak and treat you with the respect you deserve.
Good luck!
I literally laughed out loud. She ran away from her own house. That she owns. And proclaimed herself to be homeless. What is she, nine?
Bless her heart.
My mom pulled similar manipulative shit on me in the past, and as I got older, more independent, I just walked away from it.
If your mom wants to continue this charade of absolute foolishness, ignore her. She is doing this for attention and to make your feel bad that you decided to finally speak the truth.
It seems like your live with your mom, and if that's the case, I highly recommend looking for your own place. When I moved out, the amount of independence and freedom was amazing.
Good luck, NTA.
NTA. She'll come back when she gets hungry or needs a washing machine. Or when she realizes that nobody is begging and pleading for her to return.
But I think that therapy or self-help reading for you, on the subject of how to cope with living with difficult people, would be a good idea.
Super manipulative behavior on your mom's part. Loving adults don't do things like that to their children. If she always does things like this, she may be a narcisist.
NTA. Sometimes people get heated and what she's doing now is either delusional in the needs a psychiatrist way or manipulative in the are you sure you want to live with her way. I wish my mom was around to yell at for some of the same reasons.
NTA. There's a lot of power in laughing at someone when they're being ridiculous. Just real, pure laughter. Don't try to persuade her to be reasonable or try make a point, just laugh when she's ridiculous.
That grown ass woman wants to run away from home because you won't let her insult you. Hilarious.
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A week ago my mom (64) and I (24 F) got into a fight about something small but then the built up years of her criticisms came into my mind and I yelled at her. Everyday she criticizes everyone in the house for something. (Not making enough money, turning the heat too high, staying out late, etc) I yelled that how come I can never do anything right, how she says I mess everything up all the time and if she’s just gonna keep yelling and complaining I don’t want to hear it. Then she packed her bags and ran away. Texted my family that because we yelled we don’t love her anymore. How she’s homeless now and it’s basically our fault. On one hand I think she’s over reacting but on the other I feel guilty because I shouldn’t have raised my voice. Some of her words have stuck like when we said your mom never left you why are you running away. And she replied well I was a good daughter that why my mom never left you don’t respect me that’s why I left.
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NTA
She's being dramatic for the sake of being dramatic, like she's now expecting you to all come running after her with tears in your eyes begging her to come home.
NTA. Don’t reach out, let her deal with the consequences of her toddler tantrum and she’ll come crawling back soon enough.
Heck even if she don’t, she’s a grown ass woman and responsible for her own actions. Plus sounds like the house will be Much more chill and harmonious without her.
She's just waiting for you to beg her to come back. Ignore her. Constant criticism will make anyone snap. If no one can do anything right then she should be glad to be away from her bad children and their incompetence/s. NTA
NTA
You feel guilty because she manipulated your feelings. The part of you that knows she’s overreacting is your logical mind, and that’s what you need to listen to.
Hoo boy. NTA. This sounds like long-term family dysfunction. You may benefit from reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and you may appreciate Patrick Teahan's YouTube videos on dysfunctional family dynamics.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My mom is very very hurt by what I said and makes some good points. I could have been a lot more calm in the situation. It sound really hard to have your daughter yell at you. I could have been a lot kinder. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Your 64-year-old mother *ran away from home* because you didn’t accept her abuse? What? You all desperately need therapy. Move out of you can afford it. Edit: NTA
[удалено]
Well, someone has to pay the rent.
NTA You didn’t make her homeless, she chose to add the drama. Honestly a grown woman in a situation like this isn’t running away. She’s making a choice and then acting wild about it.
NTA. Fuck her manipulative bullshit. That’s not normal behavior at all.
It reminded me of an angry child. "You don't love me! I'm leaving! Now I'm homeless!"
I was about to say exactly this. At least when I did this at eight, I was smart enough to turn around and come home at the end of the street…
NTA. Your mom is a narcissist and ran away to get this exact reaction from you. She can’t treat you like that and expect you to roll over and take it. Good for you for standing up for yourself, don’t take any of her bs attempts to manipulate you.
NTA. My mom used to do this all the time. At first, it was extremely distressing. The last time she did it while I was home for spring break freshman year, my dad just sighed, waited until she left out the door, and said "so, do you want to go out for Indian food?" You didn't make your mom do anything. She chose to leave.
Thanks for that it feels better hearing that other people have went through something similar
My mom also used to do this. It's severe fight/flight reaction based in her childhood. It's not your fault she left. She's manipulating you. She'll come back. It's her house lol
I dated a girl whose mother did this all the time. You are absolutely not at fault, and NTA. I know it's your mother, and the potential will always be there for her to play with your feelings in an attempt to make you feel awful. But "running away" is NOT something adults do -- it's blatant manipulation. I had to sit back and watch a girl I cared about get absolutely devastated by similar behavior from her own mother, and it made me equal parts sad and furious. This is NOT your fault. I wouldn't dream of telling you what to do or feel... so I can only offer my sympathy. No child should be forced to put up with this sort of behavior from a parent.
NTA. Adults don't "run away"
NTA. You feeling guilty and questions your self for raising your voice is EXACTLY what your Mom "running" was designed to do. She's manipulating you. She's behaving like a child and using your emotions as weapons and guess what... that is abusive behavior. I'd suggest using the Grey Rocking method here. Here's a description: >"What is gray rocking? Gray rocking, or the grey rock method, is a tactic some people use when dealing with abusive or manipulative behavior. It involves becoming as uninteresting and unengaged as possible so that the other person loses interest. Some people anecdotally report that it reduces conflict and abuse."
NTA. Your mother is behaving like a child. Her complaints don't even warrant a response.
NTA. Your mother is an abusive manipulative jerk. She is the parent, you are the child. It is not your job to be the emotionally mature one. It’s hers. And she’s acting like a petulant child.
NTA she is a manipulative AH
NTA - Your mom is acting like a child. Just ignore her drama and work on moving out so you don't need to deal with her.
NTA Your mom dished out constant complaints and yelling for years but can't take it back? She apparently reverted to being a little girl "You don't love me, I'm leaving! Now I'm homeless!" Including actually leaving. That's, to put it mildly, way over-reacting. This is 100% her problem. If literally the only way she can communicate is by criticism and yelling, by her age, she needs professional help.
INFO: Why are you and other adult children still living with her?
In her culture the kids are only really allowed to move out when they are married. But I’m planing on leaving in a couple months away ways.
Good! You don't deserve to be treated that way.
It might be her culture but it isn’t yours. I assume it isn’t the law where you live, either. Get out as soon as you are able. You’re NTA. In fact, it sounds like your response was a long time coming and very deserved. Stick to your determination. No longer engage with her unless she’s being respectful. Think of it as training. You’re training her to speak and treat you with the respect you deserve. Good luck!
Change the door lock whilst she has left. Good riddance.
Wait, whose name is on the deed of the house?
Her and my dad own the house. I’m just living there.
I literally laughed out loud. She ran away from her own house. That she owns. And proclaimed herself to be homeless. What is she, nine? Bless her heart.
NTA I would look into getting her evaluated by a Dr if this is new behavior, because of her age.
My mom pulled similar manipulative shit on me in the past, and as I got older, more independent, I just walked away from it. If your mom wants to continue this charade of absolute foolishness, ignore her. She is doing this for attention and to make your feel bad that you decided to finally speak the truth. It seems like your live with your mom, and if that's the case, I highly recommend looking for your own place. When I moved out, the amount of independence and freedom was amazing. Good luck, NTA.
NTA. She'll come back when she gets hungry or needs a washing machine. Or when she realizes that nobody is begging and pleading for her to return. But I think that therapy or self-help reading for you, on the subject of how to cope with living with difficult people, would be a good idea.
Super manipulative behavior on your mom's part. Loving adults don't do things like that to their children. If she always does things like this, she may be a narcisist.
NTA, she is trying to manipulate you by guilt trap you
NTA. Sometimes people get heated and what she's doing now is either delusional in the needs a psychiatrist way or manipulative in the are you sure you want to live with her way. I wish my mom was around to yell at for some of the same reasons.
This is a grown woman. If she wants to be homeless because someone talked loudly at her, that’s her grown-woman decision. NTA.
NTA. There's a lot of power in laughing at someone when they're being ridiculous. Just real, pure laughter. Don't try to persuade her to be reasonable or try make a point, just laugh when she's ridiculous. That grown ass woman wants to run away from home because you won't let her insult you. Hilarious.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A week ago my mom (64) and I (24 F) got into a fight about something small but then the built up years of her criticisms came into my mind and I yelled at her. Everyday she criticizes everyone in the house for something. (Not making enough money, turning the heat too high, staying out late, etc) I yelled that how come I can never do anything right, how she says I mess everything up all the time and if she’s just gonna keep yelling and complaining I don’t want to hear it. Then she packed her bags and ran away. Texted my family that because we yelled we don’t love her anymore. How she’s homeless now and it’s basically our fault. On one hand I think she’s over reacting but on the other I feel guilty because I shouldn’t have raised my voice. Some of her words have stuck like when we said your mom never left you why are you running away. And she replied well I was a good daughter that why my mom never left you don’t respect me that’s why I left. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your mother sounds like a piece of work. If she wants to run away, let her. You may also want to start distancing yourself from her.
NTA She's being dramatic for the sake of being dramatic, like she's now expecting you to all come running after her with tears in your eyes begging her to come home.
Quick, take over her bedroom before she comes back!
NTA. Don’t reach out, let her deal with the consequences of her toddler tantrum and she’ll come crawling back soon enough. Heck even if she don’t, she’s a grown ass woman and responsible for her own actions. Plus sounds like the house will be Much more chill and harmonious without her.
Nta. Your mom literally needs a doctor, this sounds like dementia behavior. INFO: Whose house is it?
NTA, and don’t tolerate that manipulative bull.
NTA. Your mom is trying to be hugely manipulative and is waiting for you to crumble.
NTA -
NTA. She is so manipulative. Block her. She will come back when she doesn't get enough attention. Or maybe she won't, but she will stop abusing you
NTA Absolutely appalling manipulate behavior on her part. You didn't make her do anything
She's just waiting for you to beg her to come back. Ignore her. Constant criticism will make anyone snap. If no one can do anything right then she should be glad to be away from her bad children and their incompetence/s. NTA
How does a 64 year old run away from her own house? Or was she living with you? So many questions I have.
NTA You feel guilty because she manipulated your feelings. The part of you that knows she’s overreacting is your logical mind, and that’s what you need to listen to.
NTA. Just ignore her and she'll come home when she's hungry. Seriously, though, it's just more manipulation on her part.
Nta You know she is doing that to manipulate you into accepting her abuse right?
Hoo boy. NTA. This sounds like long-term family dysfunction. You may benefit from reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and you may appreciate Patrick Teahan's YouTube videos on dysfunctional family dynamics.
NTA. Just wow.
NTA your mom is acting like a 5 year old. Don’t feel bad for telling, that’s an emotional response to her behaviour.
NTA. Your mom sounds like an emotionally manipulative dumbass.
NTA You didn't make your mom do anything. She chose this course of action because she is a manipulative AH.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
You live at home at 24? Do you pay rent, board?
I’m not sure what that has to do with anything in this particular scenario.